#anyway. i’m so over this <- girl who will never ever be over it
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
azzifuddslover · 2 days ago
Text
off the court
paige bueckers x azzi fudd
themes: angst, pining, light jealousy
word count: 3.6k
tw: swearing, talks of alcohol use
a/n: very proud of myself for finishing this as quick as i did. ngl i was so giddy writing this chapter, it might be my favorite so far! please lemme know how y’all are liking it, enjoy! 🩷
CHAPTER FOUR
Tumblr media
paige wakes up in her bed, in the same clothes as the night before. her pounding headache is evident, and her memory is foggy. she recalls drinking far too much, but there’s still a gap in her mind regarding the last few hours. how did she end up in her dorm?
she came to the conclusion that nika or aubrey had brought her back home. i mean, they did witness her drinking more than she should on a thursday night, so it’s a solid assumption.
paige reaches for her phone; there’s three missed calls from nika, two from aubrey, and one message from coach auriemma. fuck. she’s late for practice.
the memory of azzi rejecting her floods her mind, which makes paige contempt staying in her bed for the remainder of practice.
as paige scrambles to get dressed and head out, she’s physically off balanced, still dizzy from all the alcohol she had consumed. she grabs an advil and quickly shallows out before throwing her basketball bag on and rushing out the door.
heads turn to look at paige as she strides through the gym door, already out of breath.
nika is the first to pull paige aside; “girl, where were you? are you good?” she questions, concerned.
paige fakes a smile, “i’m good nik. i just overslept.”
“you sure you’re okay? you were drinking a lot yesterday.”
“really, i’m okay.”
nika gives paige a reassuring squeeze on her shoulders, “alright. if you say so.”
paige begins to walk to the lockers rooms, purposefully avoiding coach, who calls her over anyway.
“where were you?” he asks, clearly furious at paige’s absence.
“i’m sorry coach, i overslept.”
“you should know better, paige,” he says firmly, “everyone, run 10 laps.”
loud groans come from each of the players. coach auriemma’s eyes widen in challenge, “don’t like that? make it 20.”
paige’s lips curl; she receives dirty looks from her teammates, annoyance bouncing off them. she desperately wants to run away, go anywhere but here, yet she sets her bag down and runs with her team.
Tumblr media
practice is the slowest it’s ever been for paige. and the pounding headache she continues to have doesn’t help one bit. she remains out of sync, constantly missing easy layups and wide open 3 pointers. all she wants is for this damn practice to end so she can sleep the rest of the day away.
she’s been intentionally avoiding azzi, not meeting her eyes, building distance between the two, not even passing her the ball, regardless if she was open or not.
but when azzi throws a soft glance at paige does she meet her eye contact. azzi wears a concerned, light expression on her face, with an ounce of sadness in her gaze.
paige shoots a glare at the younger girl as she remembers the events of yesterday. azzi and paige’s bodies flush together. their lips inches apart. azzi’s rejection. azzi running away from her.
paige is first the break eye contact, going back to shooting. or atleast, attempting to shoot.
once practice comes to an end, everyone is eager to leave. it’s been a long day, and they all needed rest.
as azzi was about to exit out the gym door, paige pulls her into the locker room, quickly and swiftly.
“jesus, paige-“
paige places her hand on azzi’s forearm, “look, azzi. about yesterday,” she begins.
azzi’s cheeks flush, “paige-“
“listen, i was drunk out of my mind. i didn’t realize what i was doing or who i was doing it with. i hope you’d know i would never do that sober.”
pain hits azzi like a brick. she knew paige would regret it in the morning.
although azzi had been the one to pull away, it didn’t mean she didn’t want to kiss paige- she did. she desperately did. she still does.
“i.. okay,” azzi whispers, eyes flicking to the floor.
paige pulls her hand away from azzi’s arm, while continuing to look at the brunette.
“alright then,” she nods, “we good here?”
azzi opens her mouth, then shuts it and nods as well.
paige flings her bag over her shoulder and casually moves for the door. azzi’s not far behind her, placing her bag on her own shoulders and leaving the locker room.
the two girls walk in opposite directions, not bothering to glance back. paige closes her eyes as regret strikes her hard. she had lied to azzi. she wanted to kiss her yesterday, still wants to, but what else could she do? azzi pulled away. she pulled away. she had to at least try to act like it was a mistake.
Tumblr media
later that evening, paige is in bed, with her phone in her hand. ever since practice earlier in the day, she had been completely worn out, still suffering from a terrible headache.
paige scrolls on tiktok for while, before switching over to her favorite app, instagram. she views her teammates stories and likes a few posts. she sees caroline posted a photo dump, and as she scrolls through the photos, observing each one, she notices azzi in the last photo.
it was a picture of her and caroline in one of their dorm rooms, arms around each other, and azzi’s lips on carol’s cheek, in a friendly manner. it doesn’t settle the blinding jealousy paige feels, though. her fingers tighten in her hands, causing marks on her palms.
god, azzi looks so good in that photo. her hair was loose at her shoulders; she had on a bright pink hoodie paired with black leggings. paige never wished more to be someone else in this given moment.
paige clicks on caroline’s photo, causing azzi’s instagram page to pop up. she quickly hits it to reveal lots of posts from throughout the years.
she scrolls through all her posts, way back to 2015, and she’s reminded of USA basketball days. when azzi dmed her about accidentally liking an old photo of hers. red covers her cheeks in embarrassment.
she views azzi’s most recent photo dump; it was a few pictures of her playing basketball and some with their teammates.
with a slip of a finger, paige likes the photo. again.
“god fucking dammit!” paige exclaims, shifting up in a sitting position while nerves stir in her stomach.
she shuts her phone off and tosses it on the bed. paige covers her face with both hands, shaking it head at her stupidity.
her phone buzzes against her bed; paige already knows what it’s going to be. and as expected, it’s an instagram dm.
i’m getting deja vu, it read. paige’s lips tilt up, somewhat pleased that azzi still remembers their interaction from years prior.
would u believe me if i say it was another glitch? paige texts.
anxiously waiting for azzi’s respond, paige fiddles with her fingers, a nervous habit of hers.
i’d say these glitches are awfully convenient, aren’t they?
a soft giggle escapes the older girl’s lips, as she swiftly replies.
they most definitely are, she sends.
after a couple minutes, azzi finally replies: sooo watcha doing?
paige arches an eyebrow, surprised to find azzi continuing the conversation.
laying in bed, what about u? she types almost instantly.
yeah same, i’m so bored, azzi’s message read.
an idea arises in her mind: same. wanna maybe come over? dorka isn’t here rn.
minutes pass without a respond from azzi. was that too much? does azzi not want to hang out with her? does azzi still hate her?
and do what? azzi finally sent.
paige tilts her head- what would they do? she hadn’t thought that far ahead.
not really sure. we could watch a movie or something, whatever you want.
seconds later azzi responds. sounds good, i’ll be there in 5.
paige scurries off her bed, frantically trying to make her room look somewhat presentable for the younger girl. not that she wanted to make an impression, or anything.
she stuffs dirty clothes in her bed, throws away old water bottles and miscellaneous wrappers before lowering the lighting to appear slightly darker.
as she replaces her current hoodie for a cuter one, she hears a quiet knock at the door. her head whips in that direction while nerves erupt in her stomach.
she opens the door to reveal a smiling azzi. she has on a simple white sweatshirt, baggy black sweatpants, with a pair of nike slides.
“hey,” azzi says, looking into paige’s eyes.
“hi,” paige replies, holding eye contact, “come on in.”
paige moves to the side, allowing azzi to enter her dorm room, cautiously. azzi observes her room better than she previously had when they were first in here alone, taking in the posters, books, decorations. it was all so paige.
paige gently shuts the door before going to sit back on her bed.
“you played really well yesterday, you know,” paige compliments.
azzi’s smile grows, revealing her dimples that paige loves a little too much, “thank you. that means a lot.”
blush reaches paige’s face, “yeah, of course. but i’m sure you already knew that.”
azzi arches a brow, “what do you mean?”
“how coach compliments your game all the time. you’re the team’s princess, practically,” paige notes.
“well, i wouldn’t-“
“not that i can blame him, though. your skills are undeniable, az,” paige cuts her off, the tips of her lips lifting.
azzi brings a hand up to cover her wide grin at paige’s compliment and the use of her nickname.
“getting soft on me, bueckers?”
paige playfully rolls her eyes, “you wish.”
paige shifts over on the bed, making enough room for azzi to sit as well. “you can come sit, y’know.”
azzi is hesitant, but regardless, walks over to paige’s bed and sits alongside the older girl. their thighs brush against each other’s, sending butterflies to azzi’s stomach.
the two girls settle on a movie, the notebook, to watch for the evening.
“want something to drink?” paige offers.
“um, water is fine, thanks,” azzi answers.
paige simply nods and walks out the bedroom, out to the small kitchen her and dorka share. while she’s gone for a quick moment, azzi decides to get more comfortable, allowing herself to lay out in paige’s medium sized bed.
paige comes back to the room and brings herself to a halt. god. azzi laying on her bed was not one she’d imagine actually happening, but is damn grateful it is.
“thought i’d get more comfortable for the movie,” azzi says, like the answer is obvious.
“that makes sense,” paige replies, breathlessly. she sets down azzi’s requested water and her own on the bedside table, while she carefully crawls in bed next to azzi, laying out as well.
the two girls bodies’ are side by side, full on touching one another’s. and paige couldn’t be happier.
“y’know, you’re a really great player too, paige,” azzi whispers, a couple minutes into the romantic film.
“thank you,” paige begins, “i thought i’d never hear those words come out of your mouth.”
azzi snorts, “yeah, well, me either to be honest. i’ve always hated you.”
paige’s lips turn slightly downward, yet is unsurprised at azzi’s comment. she knew azzi had hated her, ever since USA basketball. she hated azzi, too. well, tried to hate her.
“i hated you, too,” paige lies right through her teeth.
azzi turns her body to face paige, “do you still hate me?”
paige scoffs, because how could she, or anyone for that matter, ever hate someone like azzi? paige shifts her body, facing the brunette’s; “i don’t know, my opinion on you changes everyday,” she teases.
azzi smiles- her brown eyes roam paige’s face, then drop to her pink lips. she knows better; paige literally said mere hours ago she would never kiss azzi sober.
“i’m kidding. i don’t. i could never hate you,” paige mutters, barely loud enough for azzi to hear.
just as azzi’s about to respond, exhaustion washes over her, causing her to drift to sleep. in paige’s dorm. in her bed.
Tumblr media
paige’s eyelids flutter open as the remnants of sleep faded. the warmth of her bed surrounds her as she was the first to wake. she glances at the body in front of her, taken aback at the sight of the curly headed brunette. her breathing is steady and peaceful, lips slightly ajar. paige lays motionless for a moment, listening to the gentle rhythm of her own heart, before carefully, slowly reaching around to grip her phone.
paige’s eyes widen as she views the current time- 3:01 am in the morning. they had been asleep for several hours at this point, right alongside of each other.
paige looks over at dorka’s empty bed and is surprised not to see her. she figures she’s staying at one of their teammates room.
paige sets her phone back on the bedside table, takes a swig of water, before returning to her laying position in front of azzi, who remains asleep. she slowly reaches her hand out to graze azzi’s cheek, then twirl a loose curl around her finger, careful not to wake the younger girl.
minutes later, with paige continuing to stare at azzi, her eyelids finally open. she stretches slightly, lets out a faint yawn, before making eye contact with the blonde.
“hi,” azzi whispers, still dazed from her long rest.
paige gently smirks, “hey.”
“we fell asleep?”
“guess so. i don’t think i watched past 10 minutes of the movie,” paige laughs.
“same,” azzi shares the laughter.
the two girls shift into a sitting position, not caring enough to move when they touch one another.
“pass me my water?” azzi asks.
paige nods, grabbing azzi’s water bottle, as well as her own.
“thanks,” azzi says once paige hands it to her. she downs the entire bottle as paige silently watches in admiration.
“thirsty?” paige teases.
“you have no idea,” azzi replies, out of breath, “can i have some of yours?”
paige’s eyebrows rise, kind of surprised at the question. “yeah, ‘course.”
she passes her water off the azzi, who gratefully takes it. she takes several sips.
“what time is it?” azzi questions the older girl.
“3 am,” paige replies.
azzi turns her head at paige in surprise, “are you joking? we slept for that long?”
“i know right,” paige says, equally as shocked.
“i should probably get going then,” azzi says, beginning to get off the bed.
paige turns her head to azzi, “what? you don’t have to. it’s the middle of the night, azzi.”
“you want me to stay?”
paige looks away, flustered, “um, i didn’t say that. i’m just saying you’re allowed to stay if you want to. dorka’s probably at one of the girls’ room, so we have enough space.”
“alright then,” azzi nods, “do you have a shirt i can borrow? i hate sleeping in sweatshirts.”
“didn’t seem to have a problem with it earlier,” paige notes, “but yeah, i do.”
the blonde rises off her bed, scrambles in her messy closet, blocking it with her body to avoid azzi seeing the clutter. she pulls out an old USA basketball t-shirt that she figures azzi would be fine with.
“this good?” paige questions.
glancing at the shirt, azzi’s lips turn up, “that’s great. thanks, paige.”
she throws the shirt to azzi, who also pushes herself off the bed, easily catching it. paige exits the room, going to get more waters for the two of them. azzi lifts off her sweatshirt, tosses it to the ground when paige quickly returns.
paige nearly drops the bottles of water at the sight of azzi’s bare back. her eyes widen, her breath hitches. she wasn’t wearing a bra this entire time?
azzi pulls on the t-shirt paige kindly let her borrow, before turning around, noticing paige staring at her with her jaw dropped.
“i- i’m sorry…” paige stammers, shaking her head at herself.
azzi’s heart is basically beating out of her goddamn chest. she smiles gently, “you’re fine.”
paige finally moves from her spot at the door and places the bottles down. she stares at azzi, wondering if they’d continue to share the bed or if one of them would move to dorka’s.
azzi stares back at the older girl, thinking the same think but not voicing it.
eventually, paige breaks the silence. “i can sleep on dorka’s bed.” she walks over to the empty, made bed, slightly disappointed azzi isn’t protesting against it.
panic soon sets in for azzi, “what? no, it’s your bed, paige. you should sleep it in.”
“really, it’s fine, i don’t mind,” she lowers herself on the bed.
“paige, cmon. i’m not making you sleep in a different bed,” azzi argues.
“okay then..” paige says, confusion setting in.
azzi plops back onto paige’s bed, moving over so there’s enough room for the older girl, “just come back over here.”
paige’s cheeks blush against her will, a smirk settling on her face. “if you insist.”
the two girls get comfortable on the bed, legs touching ever so slightly.
“night,” azzi whispers.
“night, az.”
Tumblr media
azzi, this time, is first to wake. paige is much, much closer to her than she had been when they first fell asleep. azzi suddenly feels an arm wrapped tightly around her waist that has her pulled practically flushed against paige’s body. paige’s hand is underneath azzi’s shirt, on her bare back. azzi allows herself to admire a sleeping paige for a quick moment.
she checks her phone- 8:30 in the morning. azzi carefully takes paige’s arm and places it gently on the bed, then crawls out of the warm bed, trying her best not to disturb the blonde.
with her phone in her hand, she glances back at paige, and exits the room.
Tumblr media
later that day, in the afternoon, the entire uconn women’s basketball team is scattered in paige and dorka’s room. there’s players on both beds, on the small couch, on the floor. azzi is planted against paige’s bed, while paige is seated on the couch.
the team had been chatting about a variety of things when kk comes up with an idea for the girls.
“guys, we should play spin the bottle!” kk announces, loudly.
“what are we, 10?” paige scoffs, rolling her eyes at the game idea.
“cmon, p, don’t be blame. plus, i’m so bored,” kk whines.
“i’m down,” nika agrees.
“same, why not,” jana says.
soon, each player agrees to a game of spin the bottle, even though paige is convinced it’s a stupid idea. they all sit in a circle, tight enough so they’re all touching, due to the size of the dorm. kk places a bottle in the middle of the circle and gives it a gentle spin.
it lands on aubrey and lou. nika lets out a soft chuckle, causing aubrey to laugh as well.
“pucker up, lou lou,” aubrey smiles before swiftly placing a kiss on lou’s lips, not lasting more than 2 seconds.
the bottle is once again spun, fast this time. it lands on nika and jana, who smirk and touch lips.
paige shifts in her seating, silently wondering if the bottle would ever land on her. she doubts it.
kk gives the bottle a good spin, making it travel faster than before. paige anxiously watches the bottle, fidgeting with her fingers as nerves take over her body.
the first spin lands on azzi. oh jesus. whoever this next spin lands on should consider themselves lucky, paige thinks. she then takes in account that azzi still is wearing her USA basketball shirt.
it’s azzi’s turn for nerves to overpower her. her heart quickens, palms begin to sweat in anticipation for whoever she’s about to kiss.
the next spin seems to last an eternity. paige swears it goes in slow motion. but eventually, it points directly at the blonde.
azzi’s eyes practically bulge out of socket. her jaw drops as she locks eyes with paige, who looks equally as surprised.
ignoring the o’s and ah’s she receives from her teammates, paige makes her way over to the curly headed brunette, careful not to show how nervous she is to kiss azzi.
the older girl settles comfortably in front of azzi. her gaze roams azzi’s flushed face, which causes paige to smirk knowingly.
there is a heavy silence, the air between them electric, both eager and tentative. slowly, paige places her hand on azzi’s hot cheek, and leans in. when their lips finally brush, it was gentle- hesitant at first- but the warmth between them quickly grew, the kiss only deepening as both hearts speed up. a soft, trembling sigh escapes azzi’s mouth while paige’s deepens the kiss even further. she slips her tongue into the younger girl’s mouth, swirling and testing the waters.
after what feels like forever but not nearly enough, paige pulls away, disconnecting their lips. she removes her hand off azzi’s waist- which uncontrollably moved there from her cheek- and crawls back to her original spot, besides dorka and jana.
she glances back at azzi, who’s lips are pluffy and a darker shade of pink, while her cheeks are a softer pink.
the room continued to buzz with energy, the laughter of her teammates echoing from the game, but all paige could hear is the steady of her own heart. her pulse quickens when azzi meets her gaze, heat and want in her lingering eyes. for a moment, the noise of their friends fade away, leaving only the weight of a shared silence between the two.
the blonde didn’t take her focus off azzi. she didn’t smile, didn’t do or say anything. just watched.
azzi clears her throat, trying to act as casual as possible, but her hands betray her, nervously fiddling in her lap. she quickly flicks her eyes to the ground, but not before noticing paige’s lips twitch softly, as she was fighting off a grin.
then, without a word, paige turns her attention back to the silly game her teammates were continuing to play, yet azzi couldn’t shake the warmth in her chest or the growing electricity still intensely present between them.
202 notes · View notes
sophsicle · 2 days ago
Note
haha so like who is jack hughes he’s all over my fyp
oh my god.
thank u so much 4 this ask.
lets talk about it.
let me paint u a scene.
SO. Jack Hughes. he is, first and foremost, a middle child. this, i feel, is important information. he also looks like a lil doll.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
WHICH. is a complicated thing 2 look like in hockey. because, on the one hand, u have mass appeal amongst teenage girls (boys and theys) but you automatically have the hatred of all old men who watch hockey and young men named some variation of Brayden who "would have made it if they didn't break their pinky finger in juniors" or whatever. and now they look at jack hughes who is both pretty and talented and they hate him. so sad 4 them. they should probs get over that tho. also he is 5'11. which he will tell you. agressively. is not small. but average. AVERAGE HEIGHT. SO. just - jot that right down, okay???????? (again, 4 context, anything below six ft. in hockey is small TM)
ANYWAY SO. Jack Hughes, pretty lil boi that he is, goes first overall in the draft in 2019 (i think) at age 18, because the nhl is a cradle robber, and, if u don't know how the draft works, the worse the team the earlier they get to pick, so he goes to one of the worst teams in the league (the new jersey devils) and in a SHOCKING turn of events this teenager does not manage to save this team immediately and therefore is attacked.
youtube
(sad jack hughes edits are my JAM i'm gonna be real)
HOWEVER, Jack Hughes's super power, and i say this with the utmost love and affection, is that he is. dumb. and he simply never once stops believing in himself. like truly, the dumber u are the less anxiety u have. one time. his team was not that great but they were winning games somehow and a reporter asked him about it and he was like "yeah we're just too stupid to lose. like we don't know we're bad so we don't know we're supposed to lose" which. tbh *inspiring*
being dumb also means he is unintentionally one of the funniest players in the nhl.
ALSO, idk how to explain this. but like. there's a whole thing where he didn't know how to cook broccoli one time, and it haunts him 2 this day and it makes me laugh.
BUT the most important thing to understand about Jack Hughes is that he loves his brothers. he has an older brother, Quinn, who is A GEM. a gift. the sweetest hockey play 2 ever hockey. and a younger brother Luke, who plays on his team. and these boys do nothing but support each other 24/7 it is truly HEART WARMING. and precioussss.
"my brothers are good hockey players, but they're better people" - Luke Hughes
Last, but not least. Jack Hughes is a member of the NHL boy band known as Trevor Zegras, Cole Caulfield and Jack Hughes. All pretty and very good players who were on the same juniors team and are now in the NHL
Tumblr media
AND THAT is Jack Hughes lore 101 I feel
29 notes · View notes
kendallroygf · 2 years ago
Text
the thing is. yeah kendall feels like his whole life now is worth nothing. the one thing he was always meant to do, since he was seven years old he now cannot do. he will never get to do it. so he might as well die, right? he might as well end it all but the thing is life is never that kind nor generous. so i think kendall will try and fail. and he’ll try again and again but the world will keep its grip on him and eventually he’ll just stop trying. and yeah maybe he’ll never be a whole person (we’re nothing) maybe he’ll take logan’s advice and collect sports cars or write a book or start a new company but either way he’ll be forced to start anew. kendall logan roy died it’s just kendall now. and this outcome in itself is generous in a way because circumstances out of his control have kind of forced him to hold some accountability for his own life finally instead of counting on broken promises his father made him at 7 years old. he’s actually being forced to Be instead of just living up to someone else’s name. and he actually has people around him who still undoubtedly care. he’s sick and horrible and twisted but he is still ultimately lovable. he is still a human being weeping on the dirty ground even though he has spent so long trying not to be. even though he recanted the very thing that made him Real. the world will simply not relinquish its hold on him! tragic but somewhat hopeful in a way
#like he’s never going to be happy. never ever. but being content or even ambivalent to your life is different than being happy and i truly#think kendall could get there at some point. something about the world forcing you to go on. i like how his last scene was surrounded by#earth and water. things that are Materially Real compared to kendall himself who is Not Real. like i think while some things can’t be#repaired it’s not too late for him to be a little bit involved in his kids lives. maybe a few years down the line. rava still cares about#him and offers him so much kindness even when she shouldn’t. he will have stewy forever like. stewy will love him forever. give roman a few#months. ultimately i think roman will push kendall away at first bc he spent this whole season maintaining his family out of Necessity and#i think kendall and roman have got to a place where it’s a bit sick. and roman will come around but he needs some time and so does kendall.#but ultimately they’ll be okay.#with shiv it’s like. well. god. like kendall will never ever be able to look tom in the eye ever. but i think they will not talk for years#maybe. but they’ll ache for each other a little bit. but also the resent and anger and hurt gets in the way. but i think give it like. 10#years or idk maybe even less but 10 seems good to me. and they’ll slowly start to let each other in again. i think the three of them will#grow old together like ultimately they’ll always be kids when they’re with each other ykwim.#but idk i think kenshiv will be okay in the end jus rn it’s bleak asf. i think at different times in the next few years they will Try with#each other but the other will be so resistant but there will be a time where they’re just both so Tired and when tom dies shiv will call#kendall first even though they maybe haven’t spoken for god knows how long and he will be with her on the phone. and when connor passes away#they will hold hands again and idk. they’ll be okay. broken but okay.#anyway. i’m so over this <- girl who will never ever be over it#kendall
11 notes · View notes
acebytaemin · 1 year ago
Text
the fucking shitshow i experienced today…
#i won’t even get into the details of it but my work is being undermined and i didn’t say anything about it bc i was so taken aback and in#absolute shock. i have literally never Ever experienced something of this sort im not being dramatic i went into my office and told my#coworker girls what happened and everyone was staring blankly like ‘they said that to YOU??????’ bc it’s genuinely fucking unbelievable#got told some out of pocket shit that i willllll notttttt let slide but i need to get my shit together and think up the best way to respond#bc this wasn’t just undermining my work it was borderline humiliating. all from this woman who is supposedly my PhD mentor who NEVER#fucking helped me with anything and now she’s trying to tell me something that is SO insanely unfounded and just insane truly#as if i didn’t take over the entire goddamned (multi million) project and played the role of *drumroll* two phd students three#collaborators and TWO mentors one of whom was supposed to be the project lead. all that did so well that our ceo STILL praises me in#meetings and he never fucking praises anyone. as if i wasn’t offered two job positions in two separate labs while in one of london’s top#universities. as if i haven’t published 8 papers and a scientific book chapter which I’m the first author of#all without her help and now she wants to play mentor by trying to talk shit. oh my god im so miserable right now you have no idea#i can’t fucking stand her and no one in the company likes her anyway lmao but like#when i get out of this fucking state of SHOCK she just put me in im about to tell her to fuck off forever so politely and so wonderfully#that she will not know what happened to her. doubting MY capabilities ohhhh as if. as IF.
22 notes · View notes
lottaham · 27 days ago
Text
Do not get the wrong idea… although my username and icon are lesbianusahana and I frequently talk about how gay I am I’d actually rather jump out a window on a several story tall building than come out to my family as a lesbian
#꒰🥀꒱ ❝ Tragic Prose ❞#RAZ LORE LIGHTNING ROUND for the new followers#don’t get the wrong idea! I love my mom. I’m very blessed to have such a tolerant and supportive mom#HOWEVER. just because she’s supportive doesn’t mean she’s normal. huge difference#she frequently gossips about her gay coworkers and despite pushing 50 is one of those Fandom Mom fujoshis who frequents AO3 religiously#I remember when I tried to initially ID as a lesbian I never came out. she found out by going on my Instagram profile and reading my carrd#fortunately she took it like a champ and was completely fine with it!#and honestly I would’ve been fine if she didn’t. y’know. make really uncomfortable jokes about lesbian sex to me#if I sound like I’m lying I promise I’m not. she’s just like that. she’s a walking talking Oppa Homeless Style kinda person#and don’t get me started on my dad. I wouldn’t say he’s bigoted per se I genuinely think he’s too stupid to actually be a bigot#years ago we went back to school shopping and I found this cute hat with a really small rainbow on it#and he was really hesitant on getting it because. he thought I’d be bullied. if kids thought I was gay.#and on the same shopping trip I showed him this Polaroid shirt I got with rainbow colors#and he said#(and I quote)#‘Oh because of gay rights?’#which is. uh. huh???#yeah I don’t think he has it in him to be bigoted but his little walnut sized brain would explode#fortunately my older sister is very cool. when I thought I was transmasc for a while she took it super well#so I don’t think she’ll care if I ever come out to her#see here’s the thing. my mom and sister technically know I’m gay#well. my explanation is ‘I’m bi but I prefer girls’ which they get. trying to tell them I’m a lesbian again is too risky a gamble#anyways. tangent over just was mulling over some stuff
4 notes · View notes
whirlinglikeaballet · 3 months ago
Text
.
#rant time#ok you know what im literally done bc if you’re going to act like my friend only when it’s convenient for you you’re not my friend!!!#like!!! hello??? do you realize how not ok it is to treat people that way??? to make comments that lift them up and make them feel like#they’re your best friend and then ignore them for the next two weeks or whatever??#seriously stop being so fake!!! you should’ve just been a mature person and told me that you don’t want to be my friend anymore instead of#whatever this is#like just tell me if i did something wrong to you and we can move on#because do you understand how terrible it makes me feel every time i’m in a class with you and all of your friends and you act like you’ve#never seen my face in your life??? and i’m just sitting there alone when years ago you would always sit by me when i was sitting alone#because you said you hated when people sat alone#yeah right ok girl i believe you!!!#of course you don’t understand that because you’ve never felt that way#you just ditch your friends every one or two years because there’s new people you like better#well guess what??? if you keep being a crappy friend those people will never be your real friends#like seriously who are you actually friends with??? you’re so fake!!! you constantly talk crap about all of your new friends!!! and then#the second they’re in the room with you you act like they’re your best friend for life#like no they’re not!!! not when you’ve said stuff like how mean and braggy they are and how you don’t want them to get leads over me!!!#well guess what if you want to ditch friends who are actually good people then you’re stuck with mean and braggy people so deal with it#and it’s not just me!!! i feel like you’ve treated everyone like this and it’s so not ok#so anyway i know I’ll say all this and then the next time you try to talk to me i’ll keep acting like it’s fine#but just so you know i think you’re the fakest friend I’ve ever had and i hope someday you get a taste of your own medicine#sorry for the rant lol#lav speaks
2 notes · View notes
kavehater · 8 months ago
Text
I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
2 notes · View notes
artificial-condition · 2 years ago
Text
Suchhhhhhh a good day
•lovely sunny weather but not too hot
•didn’t have work and don’t have work tomorrow
•took a shower in the morning and had my hair braided right after while still wet
•got bakery goods mmm
•made toffee and chopped some up which was really satisfying
•wore two different comfy cute outfits that I really enjoy and feel myself in
•blasted ridiculous songs on the way back from the bakery and looked ridiculous in a lovely way
•crocheted blanket I’m working on
•DIDNT GET A HEADACHE DIDNT GET A GLINT OF HEADACHE NOT EVEN AN INKLING OF PREHEADACHE
As far as getting things accomplished I didn’t do hardly anything but in the business of enjoying life I excelled today!
#my thoughts#one of the outfits was my carhartt overalls with ny light blue tank top#the other is an athletic tank top with athletic shorts but both actually fit me which I haven’t had any that really fit in years so woooo#oh and it’s a black tank top :) I love wearing black and I thought for a long time it was because wearing color made me anxious#but now that I’m pretty much over that I think I just really love wearing black#I feel sexy in it >:)#saying that as someone who literally never rarely ever feels or is compelled to feel “sexy#I think I’m experiencing something like gender euphoria of late#pardon me for using terms not really suited to my situation I don’t know how else to explain it#but basically I’ve never been enthusiastic really about myself and how I present in the world#being called a woman felt not good. felt like I was not a woman because a woman was supposed to be someone who looked and acted certain#“desirable ways#like I was not what society considered to be a woman. girl was fine I guess and I definitely wasn’t a guy. I just felt like woman was#an incredibly high standard to meet that I did not meet nor really wanted to meet. being called a woman made me internally cringe#I’ve known for a while there’s no right way to be a woman but I think I’ve finally internalized that and am at a point#where I truly love myself and accept myself. and now being a woman seems all right. so being a woman feels euphoric to me#and expressing myself in clothing and other presentations is incredibly fun and feels euphoric#I never really had much of an interest before. probably because I felt like there was some standard I had to meet that I couldn’t and didnt#want to meet. but now I’m discovering what I really like and doing things because it’s fun and silly and goofy and it’s so FUN#anyway. thanks for coming to my ted talk#playing around with gender is beneficial to everyone
6 notes · View notes
Text
Em Farrow (tentative last name for dhsab si…..) makes a point of attending a book club at a college they don’t attend, for at least the first part of the storyline. It’s how they established and maintain a small civ friendgroup while living in the city and working under the ELE.
It’s just generally assumed by the other members that Em is a student, but when asked directly (hey, what year are you, anyway? you’re not graduating, are you?) they’ll admit to being a dropout. (nah, I failed out, haha. But Samantha said it would be alright if I kept showing up to our meetings, everybody say thank you Sam) (pan, over a chorus of thaaank you Saaaams, to the quiet club treasurer everybody loves who is a little embarrassed by being singled out and certainly isn’t going to make a fuss and REVOKE an invitation even if she’s pretty sure she never offered one because that would be RUDE and make everything worse)
#they Are a villain after all. laughs#I still haven’t entirely nailed down the whole stupid timeline and figured out if Em ever actually went to college HERE#and relocated FOR college#or if they went to college in hometown and THEN relocated#leaning towards the former. simplicity#but I am still over here like. how OLD are we ANYWAY#They’re both older than me for sure and I am pleased and delighted by this. it just means that backstory stuff happens#when I’m a teeny bopper. so that I can have enough years in between backstory->movie and movie->selfship storyline#jfc it just makes penny Em’s gay awakening doesn’t it. the cute senior girl leaving for college in the fall#fuck that’s so funny. depending on how big I end up making the age gap that puts the future rivalry with bill into a kind of different ligh#em kinda plays the crush up as though they were older and actually had any semblance of a chance with Penny#and does not inform Bill that they were like. Just entering high school in the fall. still couldn’t drive.#literally waiting on those last baby molars to fall out so they could get braces. the works.#there would Need to be a group photo reveal scene where after being weird and sad about baby penny he’s like okay which one are you.#and Em has to go. um. the one with the really bad side swept bangs. towards the front#and Billy just goes :I ?#That’s a fetus.#and em NEVER hears the end of it#(penny remembers Em fondly from those days but has no clue there were crush feelings involved)#(and it’s a bit of a hurdle to get her to stop seeing em as That Junior Helper From The Daycare Back In The Day. Who Is A Villain Now)#lucky penny#whats up doc?
1 note · View note
tautozhone · 6 months ago
Text
cant believe i’m in a heated tense micro-argument with a teenager because she keeps saying she HATES shrek three cannot stand it but also by her own account has never seen it. she won’t say anything beyond “he hates being royal and hates being a dad big deal” and that it’s a poor quality movie. i accidentally started a whole thing because i mentioned if she wanted to watch shrek four then watching three made sense, at the very least if you’re going to shit on a movie you need to know what you’re talking about. we’re talking about shrek here though. what the fuck is happening
#tauto talks#it’s not even funny i fucking went downstairs to cry because shit was taking such a weird right turn#local child wants to watch shrek 4 and local adults living in the house keep trying to ask why she cannot stand the idea of watching#the third movie if she’s never seen it and then keeps talking about it like it is the worst movie ever#it became a whole thing her mom put the third one on and she would not pay attention and then it all got Worse#i wanted to make a point at least that you can’t really critique a media you haven’t seen surface level like this#but i keep feeling so fucking baffled at the fact this is all about shrek#because i genuinely like the shrek movies. all of them. like in order. and i think shrek 3 is underrated#gets overshadowed by shrek 2 being the best sequel in history and the first being The Classic and then shrek 4 being super cool#idk i got my feelings hurt because she joked about me needing to evaluate my work and i do Not understand why it was that serious#YOUVE NEVER SEEN IT#being mean to me “as a joke” over something you seem way too opinionated on for someone who has never seen it#what stupid youtube review bro got to you#communication error moment maybe i just can’t stop thinking about it because i hate conflict every time it happens ever#over SHREK of all things. christ#i hate it here#this post is cursed#i don’t know why it’s so serious to me (i guess it became serious when i was insulted but i’m genuinely trying to be like. normal and kind)#(she apologized but only after everyone had to be like. no girl that was rude. that was a low blow. why’d you make it that personal.)#i just think arthur is funny. he’s a silly guy. i think the story is nice and sweet and compelling and cheesy enough to enjoy#you can only like shrek 3 as an adult maybe#anyway yeah cursed post !!!!!
0 notes
steviescrystals · 7 months ago
Text
there is no feeling worse in the world than missing your grandma :/
#she died two months before my eighth birthday#and every time i realize i’ve lived well over half my life without her i go a little bit insane bc that just doesn’t feel right#like soooo many of my favorite memories are with her how is it possible she was only in my life for less than eight years#my grandpas on both sides died before i was born so all i’ve ever had is my grandmas#and there’s also the horrible guilt i feel all the time knowing my other grandma is still alive but i rarely ever see her#but when i was a kid she lived an hour and a half away from us and this grandma lived around the corner#so we saw her all the time and every christmas fourth of july etc that whole side of my extended family would all go to her house#she moved into that house when my mom was 2 years old and lived there for the rest of her life so 40 years#and when she went into hospice care her one request was to die in that house surrounded by her kids and grandkids so that’s what happened#my parents bought the house after she died but we lived there for less than 2 years before moving to arizona#they’re both from colorado but they met in arizona and me and my sisters were born here#and the main reason we moved back to colorado in the first place was to be near her#but when we moved again my parents sold the house to our neighbors who had two daughters that my sisters and i grew up with#and they’re still our family friends to this day and we used to go on trips to national parks together every summer#we didn’t see them for maybe five years but then two summers ago their older daughter got married and we went to her wedding#which got us talking about how long it had been since our last trip so we went on another one last summer#this has turned into a tangent but it just makes me so happy that they’re still in our lives#and this great family we’ve known almost my entire life is living in my grandma’s house#she had a pool in her backyard which is super common here in az but not so much in colorado#and she let us invite these girls over all the time to swim so they grew up spending almost as much time in that house as we did#last time we were in colorado we went to have dinner with them and swim and it was like being transported back to my childhood#that house is just so special to me and i felt so blessed to be able to go back there since this family bought it instead of strangers#in a perfect world everything would align in a way that would let me buy it when i’m older and have my own family there#i’ve never had a strong attachment to any other house we’ve lived in but that one will always be my grandma’s house in my mind#i just love and miss her so much she was the most amazing grandma i ever could have asked for#my mom still has a lot of her childhood friends on facebook and whenever she would post pictures of me and my sisters as kids#everyone would comment that i looked exactly like my grandma did when she was a kid and that makes me so so happy#anyway. idk. i just miss her sm she was an angel and i’m so happy she was such a big part of my childhood#lj.txt
0 notes
fingertipsmp3 · 1 year ago
Text
Last night I had a dream that me and my best friend were living together and it was super not going well lol
#in the dream she had an extra kid which was a 5 year old boy named sam. i feel fine saying his name because this is not a real child#this was in addition to her actual; real life child which is a toddler girl#i did not find the addition of sam to be in any way weird in the dream. it was like sam had been there the whole time#anyway so we were living together in this absolute dive of a house. i slept on the couch; she and both kids shared a twin bed together#and we had a roommate which was an elderly man who wasn’t related to either of us. he didn’t seem malicious exactly but he also didn’t care#about any of us. i specifically remember he never spoke to me but he would speak with her and seemingly entertain requests/favours from her#anyway so in the dream i was working for a failing takeaway business. i was specifically just answering the phones#and i bragged that i only ever got about 4 calls a night but they still had to pay me minimum wage for the whole night so it was basically#the easiest job i’d ever had. and my friend was like ‘i want to come work there too!’ so we somehow arranged this and they agreed to pay her#for a night’s work. doing what i don’t know. but as we were setting off i was like ‘so if you’re going to work… and i’m going to work…..#and our roommate is in there passed out drunk…… who’s in charge of the kids??’ and she was like ‘sam :)’#i was like ‘your five year old son sam?’ and she was like ‘yep :) they’ll just sleep anyway. they’ll be fine’#i was like uhhhh. i don’t think that’s right. but i couldn’t convince her to stay and i felt like i couldn’t cancel my shift for some reason#also worth mentioning: there was torrential rain happening. there was a strong possibility that our house would flood. i think the area#i slept in had actually already flooded? so that should’ve meant we couldn’t get to work anyway#but we were still planning on going for some reason. before we left she did go knock on our roommate’s door and was like ‘hey btw if the#kids do anything; you don’t have to sort them out but can you please call our landlord so he can come over and sit with them? thanks’#the roommate agreed. and it seemed like she had an agreement with the landlord. this is obviously ridiculous but my friend is soooo good#with people. i guarantee she’d manage to set up some absurd arrangement like this where her landlord would somehow be doing childcare#for her and still not adding to the rent#anyway the dream ended with us driving to work in a CONVERTIBLE (neither of us own one) that was slowly but surely filling up with rainwater#from the torrential storm. it was starting to resemble a capsizing boat#whole time my friend’s looking at me like that meme of pedro pascal grinning and driving#somehow simultaneously the most ridiculous dream ever and the most accurate depiction of what would happen if me and her ever lived together#i mean not the child endangerment. she would never. she ended an abusive relationship i never thought she’d end in order to protect that kid#and not the convertible. she exclusively drives vans. the rest though??? yeah#personal
0 notes
luveline · 5 months ago
Note
Jade can I please get a chatty af yapper sunshine girlfriend with Sirius?? Like May be someone tells her she talks a lot so she's super quiet around him cuz she's worried he'll get annoyed and break up with her but poor Sirius he misses his chatty girl and just angst with fluff
thank you for requesting! fem, 1.4k
James Potter means well. Honestly, you don’t think he has a mean bone in his body, so you try not to take it to heart. 
Unfortunately, your attempts to do so don’t work. They really, unquestionably don’t. By the time you’re outside of Sirius’ flat that afternoon, James’ small comment is all you can think of. 
“You’re so chatty I’m surprised you don’t run out of breath,” he’d said. Not without love. You’d bumped into him in Sainsbury’s and ended up talking for ages about one thing or another, you know him well, you’d even say you were friends, though he’s of course Sirius’ friend rather than your own. “But I’m the same. God, Sirius used to hate how much I talked, he’d be sick of me. I think I numbed him to it over the years.” 
You can’t imagine it. Sirius and James are best friends. With Remus, they’re the most in love threesome of friends you’ve ever met, and it’s nice; it makes you very proud to have a boyfriend who cares for others as deeply as Sirius cares for them. It’s like a constant demonstration of how he’s a good man. 
But you’d never stopped to consider that they weren’t always so seamless, and you’ve regrettably never considered that your constant talking is something that could put him off. 
You talk to Sirius about everything. There isn’t a word to describe the excitement of having someone waiting to listen to you every single night. You could tell him every detail of a day down to what colour socks you wore and you know he’ll sit there listening with his hand on the small of your back, or his fingers twined between yours. You’ve never felt so loved as to be able to just talk about everything and have him talk back. 
But… what if, this whole time, he’s been wishing for a little bit of quiet? 
What if eventually, the talking becomes too much? 
He must be with you for a reason. You aren’t holding the poor guy hostage, he acts like he’s mad for you ninety percent of the time (while the other ten percent is spent sleeping on your shoulder). 
Like now —you knock his door and you can hear him scrambling up from the sofa, the sound of a book dislodged or a remote hitting the rug, you’re not sure. The door yanks open and Sirius smiles at you, pulling you in through the gap with a familiar hand on your hip. 
“Hey,” Sirius says, tucking you against his side, “hey, did you get lovelier over the weekend?” He shoves the door closed and gives you a hug with one arm, pausing in the hall. “Sorry I couldn’t see you. I don’t think we should miss another weekend.” 
You have a lot to tell him. It’s been ages since you spent nearly three days apart, but James’ conversation stays at the front of your mind. 
You decide to be less overwhelming, but not less loving, curling your arm behind his head to pull his cheek down for a kiss. “I don’t think so, either.” 
Sirius tilts his head away from you in an invitation for more kissing. 
You’re at home in his flat. You take off your shoes and hang up your jacket. You change into a pair of jogging bottoms with loose legs and let him hoist you onto his bed for a few stolen kisses, though he isn’t propositioning you, and you end up laying across his bedspread with one of your legs in his lap as he tells you about his days without you, his thumb sliding with pressure down your calf. 
“Mostly I wished I’d asked you to come over anyways, even if it was just to sleep together at the end of the day. Maybe next time we can do that?” he asks. 
“Of course we can.” You smile at him indulgently. “I’d come over for twenty minutes if it was all I could get.” 
“Or I can come to you,” he says, “even if it’s just twenty minutes.” 
He smiles, a beaming thing, and leans down slowly for a soft kiss. 
“So,” he asks, his breath on your lips, “how was your weekend? Lonely?” 
“So lonely,” you tease lightly, eyes fluttering closed as he continues his massaging of your leg. “But it was okay. I missed you, really, and didn’t do much else.”
“No?” he asks. 
Your voice takes on a shine as he squeezes your knee, “Missed your hands.”  
“I missed your everything.” He grabs for your forearms and pulls you into a sitting position. “But everything was okay?” he asks more seriously. 
“Everything was fine.” 
He raises his eyebrows, but eventually lets them relax. “Well, okay. Good, sweetheart, I’m glad it was okay.” 
He persuades you into the kitchen to sit with him as he makes dinner, refusing to let you help, and yet insisting you be there in the same room, as though you’d like to be anywhere else. Sirius makes your favourite of his usual rotation, offering you spoonfuls for tasting, gaps of silence stretching as he struggles to find new conversation. You start answering his questions but remember time and time again that Sirius could become totally sick of you. He might already be. 
Sirius puts the food on a low heat and washes his hands. He wipes them dry, but when he takes your face, dampness lines the inside of his fingers. 
“I’d like for you to tell me what’s wrong,” he says gently, stroking at the line of your startled frown, “before it gets worse. Do you want to talk about it?” 
“Nothing’s wrong.” 
“Please don’t, lovely. If I’ve done something wrong, please tell me. I want us to last forever, and we can’t do that if you won’t tell me when I upset you.” 
“It wasn’t you,” you say instinctively, then regret it. 
“So someone has?” he asks, still so gentle as his hands coast down your neck like he’s sculpting you, coming to rest on the slopes leading to your shoulders. “You can tell me anything. You don’t have to keep it to yourself… please.” 
“Are you sure?” 
“Sweetheart.” He frowns deeply. Couldn’t look more upset. “Of course I’m sure. Why wouldn’t I be?” 
You chew it over, not wanting or willing to cause ructions between Sirius and his oldest friend. “Well, I saw James today at the shop, and… we were talking about you…” 
He waits. “And?” 
“And he told me you– you don’t like talking. That you didn’t like talking, that James used to make you sick of it. So I know I talk too much and you’ve never made me feel like I shouldn’t, but I guess I got into my head thinking you’d get sick of me, too.” 
“When we were younger I didn’t like much of anything.” He curls an arm behind your neck to hold you in place, but it’s not a dominant sort of movement, only protective as your noses inch together. “Did you ever read that poem by Bukwoski? Let It Enfold You?” 
“What?” 
“I’m not very good at explaining myself. I thought if you knew the poem, you’d–” He laughs near your cheek. “I hated everything. It wasn’t James’ fault. He did make me sick of it sometimes, but I just wanted to hide from everything.” He breathes out slowly. “I’ve never wanted to hide from you. I can’t get sick of you. Do you get that? I can’t get sick of you. Listening to you is the best part of my day, you’re my personal chatterbox.” 
“Chatterbox,” you repeat teasingly. 
“You could talk for Wales,” he says. “And I love it, I don’t want you to stop, because I’ll never be sick of it.”
“I don’t want it to be some secret resentment.”
“I don’t resent you for anything. I knew exactly who you were when we met and I love it.” He takes your face again. “I love it,” he repeats. 
You steal a little kiss against the corner of his lips. “What was the poem?” you ask. 
“I’ll find my book, and you can read it to me. What do you think?” He takes a slow kiss as you had in the same place, words like honey. “I miss your voice.” 
He’s basically pleading. It’s not like Sirius to plead, but you pull it out of him. 
“Can I have my dinner first?” 
“The one I made while you deprived me?” he asks. “Yes, if you must.” 
He takes another kiss, but you’re happy to give it. 
4K notes · View notes
spider-stark · 5 months ago
Text
Tumblr media
SWORN RIVALS
Benjicot Blackwood x Bracken!Reader
Summary - Taking up sparring with your sworn rival is likely never a good idea.
Warnings - barely edited, blood, implied fighting, suggestive language but no real smut, likely ooc given that the episode hasn't even aired yet lmao
Word Count - 1.1k
!MINORS DNI!
// masterlist // send me your thoughts // comments & reblogs appreciated! //
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Pain splinters throughout your hand as your knuckles collide with his jaw. He stumbles backwards—just barely managing to keep himself from falling right onto his ass. 
“You fight like a girl,” you jeer, purposefully antagonizing him. “Though I suppose that’s to be expected of a Blackwood.” 
A raspy laugh rumbles through Benjicot Blackwood’s chest—a bitter, deep sound that sets your toes curling. 
“You’ve got quite a mouth on you.” Forcing his chin high, he flashes his crimson-stained teeth in a wry grin, blood dribbling from the corner of his mouth. He muses, “But perhaps we should put it to better use, don’t you think?” 
You cut your eyes at the bawdy implication. “You’re disgusting, Ben.” 
Another chuckle as he wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, inadvertently smearing blood along his bottom lip. The sight is entrancing—in a morbid sort of way. It glistens like pomegranate juice and, for a mere breath, you wonder if it would taste half as sweet. 
“C’mon!” Ben’s teasing tone slices through your thoughts, forcing some sense back into you. “Don’t act like you’ve never thought of it before,” he says, waving a hand between you both, “the two of us–” 
You don’t let him finish his sentence, cutting him off with a sharp glare. “I haven’t,” you practically snarl, taking a half-step towards him. “And you shouldn’t either,” you add, “I’d much prefer to be left out of your…" you blow out an exasperated breath, "depraved fantasies!” 
“Oh, but you are my depraved fantasies, sweetheart.” Ben’s grin widens as you groan, shaking your head at him. “You're also a liar, Bracken,” he adds, “and a shitty one, at that!” 
“You can believe whatever you want, Blackwood—but that won't make it true.” 
“Just admit it,” he continues. Swinging one foot forward, he takes a lazy step towards you—then another. “That’s why you train with me, isn’t it? ‘Cause you’re so desperate for someone to put you in your place—and none of those pansies along the Red Fork are fit for the task, are they?” 
You grit your teeth, knowing that his words aren’t entirely false. 
Training with Ben hadn’t necessarily been a purposeful decision. It was something that just sort of happened. Yet, in spite of the rivalry between your families, you’re willing to admit that you do prefer training with him over the Tully or Roote boys. 
He fought you like a true opponent—unlike the others, who felt the need to pull their punches or slow their own strikes, forever treating you like a helpless maiden rather than an equal. 
In many ways, you found Ben to be more tolerable than any other boy in the Riverlands, anyway. He was fierce and tough and undeniably skilled with both blade and fists, making him your ideal sparring partner. 
You still despise him, though—if only because that is what’s expected of you by your father, the Head of House Bracken. 
“Big talk from the boy who hasn’t gotten a single hit in today,” you smugly remind him. “Perhaps if you spent as much time training as you do thinking with your cock, you might actually stand a chance at victory, Benji.” 
Less than a foot-or-so of space separates the two of you when he finally stops, his grin souring like rotted fruit. 
“Don’t call me that,” he chides, his bottom lip jutting slightly. Your brow furrows, trying to discern if he’s pouting or if it’s simply swelling from when you hit him. “Besides,” Ben continues, “have you ever considered that maybe I’m just going easy on you?” 
You don’t buy his weak attempt at goading you—though you do entertain it, asking, “And why would you do that?” 
His shoulder lifts into a languid shrug. “Maybe I like it when you push me around,” he drawls, teasing. 
Another step and he’s towering over you, his chest mere inches from yours. His scent—a blend of leather and rich sandalwood—floods your nostrils, stirring your senses and leaving you dizzy. 
“Although,” Ben’s smirk returns, laden with his usual mischief, “I think I’d like you even more if you were on your knees-” 
A scoff rips from your throat, cutting him off with a rough swat to his chest. “Oh, go fuck yourself, Blackwood!” 
“Only if you’ll watch, Bracken,” he croons, mocking you. 
Every inch of your body is suddenly humming to life, an unrelenting blaze of rage—or was it desire?—setting your nerves alight. Before you can muster a response, a comeback, his fingers have closed around one of your wrists. 
“Go on,” Ben murmurs, his voice tantalizingly low. Your breath hitches as he presses your hand to his chest, feeling his pulse beat beneath your palm. “Hit me,” he dares, louder now. “Push me.” 
You don’t speak—don’t move, as those storm-cloud eyes dip once again. “Fucking do it—” 
You cut him off, fingers curling around the scarlet fabric of his tunic—you should kill him for being so crude, for acting so utterly lascivious! 
And yet, despite all logic and reason, you tug him closer. Pulling him down to your level in one swift motion, crashing your lips together in a kiss that is anything but soft. 
On instinct, your other hand slips to the back of his neck, tangling your fingers in soft, brown hair. You feel his heartbeat stutter beneath your fist, still gripping his tunic. For no more than a breath, you worry you’ve fucked this whole thing up. 
This is wrong! You scream at yourself. Wrong wrong wrong! 
But then he moves—hooking an arm around your waist, his nails sinking into your hip in an effort to bring you closer—and you loathe just how right this feels. 
Your legs tremble as his tongue slides along your lower lip, a soft moan spilling into his mouth. You feel him grin against you—can taste the blood on his lips, the bitter sweetness dancing on your tongue as he utters, “Eager, are we?” 
Tightening your grip on his hair, he hiss slips from his teeth. “Shut up.” 
He obliges—his mouth drifting from your lips to your jaw, leaving a bloody trail of kisses in his wake. You try not to think as he finally reaches your neck, earning a soft whine as he nips at your flesh. You try to forget who he is—that you’re supposed to hate him—as he shoves his leg between yours, offering you the very friction you so desperately desired. 
“This changes nothing, Benji,” you pant. 
He bristles at the nickname, letting his teeth sink deeper into your flesh, a deep bruise already blooming along your neck. “Sure." His own breathing is frantic and uneven as he rasps, “Whatever you say..” 
Your hand falls from his chest to his breeches, fingers already fumbling with the laces when you choke out, “I still think you’re disgusting, Blackwood.”
His own touch disappears beneath your tunic, fingertips trailing along every inch of your skin until his palms finally skim along your bare breasts. He gives one a rough squeeze before flashing that stupid, bloody grin of his. 
“And you’re still a liar, Bracken.”
Tumblr media
a/n - writing fan fic for a character that hasn't even appeared on screen yet is wild. (hbo, this better be bloody ben or else I'll riot because this is perfect casting). anyway, I don't wanna be held accountable for how terrible, short, and rushed this is (I was bored and didn't feel like putting more effort into this than necessary rn) OR how wildly ooc this will likely prove to be come Sunday.
also---turns out that writing without actually knowing the character is hard! who'd have thunk, am I right?
3K notes · View notes
torubeth · 8 months ago
Text
degradation taken too far (mature content 18+)
context/warnings : it’s smut, so kids shoo! hell of a lot of degradation. they’re so mean i hate them. (swearing, words used : slut and slutty) angst to i have no idea what. pls do lmk if i missed any tws. and as always, its not proofread :p gojo ver.
ryomen sukuna ‘is that all you can do? all your yapping earlier about ridin’ me was just talks? answer me’ his sudden shift in demeanour has you feeling really small. sure he is a rude ass prick but not to you. never to you.
‘no- i can take it. i really can ryo’ tears sting at your eyes as you struggle to take in his full length. his hands giving your waist a small squeeze.
‘yeah and that’s all you’ve been saying for the past goddamn fifteen minutes. either you take it like a good girl or i’ll just have to find someone who will. trust me, i can’ he eyes held no remorse of the words he just spewed and that’s when you break.
correction, you shatter.
somewhere in the back of your head you knew he’ll never leave you but him wording it out makes it seem like it’s bound to happen.
and so tears stroll down your cheeks, your hands and legs giving out on you, your body going limp against his and you whisper the same thing over and over again.
‘don’t leave me ryo. i’m sorry. didn’t mean to upset you. i’m so sorry. don’t leave’
quickly his arms wrap around your body protectively, your face between his shoulder blade and neck, wetting the area with fresh batch of tears.
‘i could never leave you. you’re-’ you’re it for me. ‘you’re always the one that keeps me sane. there’s no way i’ll ever leave you. i’m sorry baby, forgive me. i didn’t mean a word of what i said’ he says.
when he didn’t get a response from you ‘look at me’ he whispers. slowly you leave the comfort of his neck and meet his eyes.
‘i didn’t mean it. you could leave me on deathbed and i still wouldn’t mean it’
‘i can’t leave you ryo. i love you way too much’ you sniffle, new tears threatening to spill so you go back to huddle against his neck.
god. he knows you mean it. and that’s what makes him feel like a dickhead.
‘me too, i- i lo-’ he struggles, just as your palm reaches up to cover his mouth.
‘i know ryo, i know’ you whisper, placing your forehead against his, both of you basking in the quietness of the surrounding.
geto suguru ‘fuckin-! ah shit! some insane grip you have on me baby. can’t move if you clench and lock me up like that’ he smirks against your neck.
‘and a bit quiet today ain’t ya? you sure had a lot to say to satoru earlier heh’ he remarks.
‘we were just catching up suguru, nothing-! nothing more’ you whine.
‘catching up you say? does catching up require smiles and touches? do they angel baby?’ he raises his eyebrows.
‘no..’ you avert your eyes away from his.
‘that’s what i thought. so for that, now you pay’ he pulls out suddenly, and pushes all the way back in making you yelp out loud.
‘sugu! ah fuck, i don’t think i can go another round baby. s’too much!’ the pressure was starting to get to you and you were starting to lose stability.
‘hah, i know you can baby, this slutty pussy’s all you’re good for anyway. fuck, doesn’t matter whose it is, as long as you’re filled. am i right?’ his words pierced straight through your heart.
since when did he-?
out of reflex, your hands reach out to touch his face to make sure that this was a dream nightmare. otherwise there’s no way he-
‘don’t touch me with those filthy hands’ he spits but makes no effort to push your hand off.
‘do you really think that’s all i’m good for?’ your voice is soft, filled with pain, and suddenly it’s like he’s broken out of his trance.
what the fuck am i doing, he thought.
slowly he pulls out, all whilst holding your hand against his cheek.
‘absolutely not. no. fuck, did not mean it angel. i promise. i- i don’t know what came over me-! didn’t mean it. please i’m sorry. next time if i ever lose my shit with you, i want you to take the nearest sharp object and plunge it into my chest’ he heaves out a guttural sigh.
‘you were really mean you know..’ you wipe your eyes.
‘i know baby, fuck. i didn’t mean it. i did not mean it. i’ll never do it again princess, ever’ he repeats.
his face lands on your chest, thanking all the gods and the stars out there for giving him another chance.
he’ll never screw up again and that’s a promise.
nanami kento ‘you really couldn’t wait for a few hours? just had to go and think with your cunt, right? have you no- ugh! no shame?’ his thrusts were sloppy as his hands were placed around your hips.
‘kento- slow down baby, i- i don’t think i can last’ you whine, hands clutching at the sheets.
‘no. you asked for this you little slut. so shut. the. fuck. up. and take it!’ each syllable was accompanied by a harsh thrust.
the usually composed, sweet and calm nanami was nowhere to be found. he’s never once called you a ‘slut’ and what caused this? you rubbing him through his pants and riling him up at his office dinner earlier tonight.
he warned you off multiple times but did you listen? no.
‘why are you so quiet now? i thought this is what you wanted’ his voice comes out raspy and cold.
a quiet but audible whimper escaped your lips, making him halt his actions.
slowly he pulled out, gently laying you on your back as your body shook with each sob.
‘sweetheart…? why are you…’
you look up at him, eyes puffy and swolllen ‘i’m sorry kento, it’s just that, you’re never home these days and i missed you so much’ a cry that’s sure to crack his heart leaves your lips.
‘i just wanted you all to myself for tonight but i didn’t mean to be a bother-’
his warm body hovers over yours, ‘you’re never a bother baby. always know that. you will always be at the top of every and any list i make. there’s nothing more i want than coming home to you everyday after work. and i didn’t mean to lash out at you. you didn’t deserve that, i’m sorry’ he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead.
‘you will always have me sweetheart, never forget that. now let me make it up to you yeah?’
7K notes · View notes
kavehater · 7 months ago
Text
AURGHH I KEEP FLASHBACKING TO THE AWKWARD SITUATION TODAY
#it feels unreal#gonna cry#I wish guys didn’t exist !!! that way I wouldn’t be so awkward around them !!!!#like it’s so mean to expect me to suddenly be okay with interacting with them when I’ve been shut out from them for most of my development#years#its like so unhealthy 🧍‍♀️#anyways I already have a tough time talking when I’m in a mildly stressful situation but …#like my words always get stuck in my throat / I just mumble random nonesense / I don’t know how to articulate my thoughts / stammering#I’m a rlly anxious person and it’s rlly debilitating 🧎‍♀️#who ever thinks stammering is cute can respectfully … idk IM JUST LIKE 😭😭😭 how’s stammering cute I am stressed beyond belief !!!#I hate socialisation#anyways ughhh that was so embarrassing pls like now I think I made him feel bad about himself …#I didn’t mean to I swear I would never 😭 he just misunderstood me is all 😭#Muslim Girls CANT TOUCH ANY GUY INCLUDING HANDSHAKES FISTBUMPS ETC#pls … why are guys trying to fist bump me I am not a bro 😔#I Ran out of the lab basically#my mum when I told her the story she was sympathising w him more than me and said I should get over it !!!!#girl … I cannot stand men … even the normal ones creep me out to some extent#I’ve been shut out from them for centuries everyone wants a token goody two shoes good girl#who doesn’t talk to boys until she’s thrust into said mixed environment and is expected to deal with it how about no …#dora daily#yeah I dislike every male idk they make me feel weird ? it’s hard to explain 😭#it wouldn’t be that deep if everyone didn’t slaughter malala for the handshake UGHHH ID RATHER JUST SHAKE HIS HAND WHY IS THIS AN ISSUE#like on one hand I could’ve said hey I’m not allowed in my religion but doesn’t that just sound like rlly bad ?#the only thing I managed to tell him was after I stared at him like a deer in headlights was “uh …. I … can’t”#and he was like wdym you can’t LIKE LOOKING UPSET 😭#I DONT DO WELL WITH MAKING PPL UPSET IM SOBBING#I hope he didn’t take it personally it’s just 😭😭😭#anyways time to shut up !!!
0 notes