#well guess what if you want to ditch friends who are actually good people then you’re stuck with mean and braggy people so deal with it

[whirlinglikeaballet]

.

[slasherscream]

He’s Just Not That Into You

pairing:  jordan li x reader

summary: a hopeless romantic, you keep looking for love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong guys. that is, until you meet jordan li, who takes pity on you and tries to help you learn when a guy just isn’t into you.

gif credit: artemidosgifs

“You good?”

"Huh?" Dazed and drifting, you look up from your incredibly important task of peeling off the label for the worst tasting artisanal beer ever created.

You quickly remember why you focused on the task in the first place. The lighting at this party sucks. It's mostly dim, to try and hide all the unsavory things happening in every corner of the house. The brightest bits of it are all flashing. Neon blue. Neon red. Neon green. As if anyone has ever looked good in neon green lighting. That plus the never-ending movement of people dancing is enough to make you sick.

"Are you good or are you starting to tweak?" Your eyes adjust enough to see who's talking and you sit up straighter. Jordan Li. Number #2.

She's wearing her ever present scowl that makes you study extra hard in Brink's class. You don't ever want to be in the position to have to ask for clarification on an assignment or further guidance. Brink's so busy being renowned that he's a pretty absent teacher, if you're not one of his favorites. Everything menial falls to Jordan.

"I'm good! Totally good. Just vibing, y'know."

Jordan stares down at you, looks back out onto the sea of partygoers, "What vibe do you think you're matching?"

“Excuse me?”

"You've been sitting here for almost twenty minutes. You've barely moved. Did you take something?"

"No! I.... I didn't take anything. I'm just enjoying the atmosphere."

Jordan rolls her eyes, takes the beer bottle from your hand, and then takes your hand itself. She pulls you to your feet, easy, despite the way you go limp at the last second to try and stay seated. Without a word she begins to pull you through the crowd. Bewildered, you follow.

She doesn't stop till you're outside on the porch. Surprisingly, no one else is lingering. But the air has a chill that's pretty biting for an early day in fall. You take a deep breath. You hadn't realized how loud the music really was. How overwhelming every smell. The itch that crawled across your skin with each jostle of a body coming too near.

"Yeah, you look like you were really enjoying the atmosphere." Jordan drawls, leaned up against the railing, observing you.

Your first instinct was to say 'fuck you' to that, obviously. But at the last second you remember she is your TA and is probably doing all the actual grading for every assignment you turn in.

You force a smile, "Thank you. Guess I was feeling pretty anxious."

"What are you even doing here?"

"Should... I mean, I was... invited? If that's what you're asking. Although I think crashing parties is pretty typical college stuff, even if I wasn't-" 

“Not what I meant.” Jordan interrupts, “I mean you don’t usually go to parties. I never see you at any of them.”

“Maybe we just run in different circles.”

“Not really. You’re in the top ten now. What did you jump to, number 6?”

“Seven, actually.”

“Really? Well, won’t be long. Number 6 is a dick. He’ll be easy to knock out with the type of stats you’re pulling this year.” 

Somehow, this compliment bewilders you more than anything. Jordan must see it on your face, because she rolls her eyes again. 

“I keep an eye on the competition. Even if you are just a sophomore.”

“Okay, Junior.” You narrow your eyes at her. She narrows hers back, which feels like overkill, because she was already glaring. 

“So, what are you doing here?” 

“Did they hire you to be the bouncer for this party?” 

“Jesus, ‘m just making conversation. You looked like you were gonna hurl in there. What? Did your friends drag you here then ditch you?” 

“My friends would never do that. That violates the party safety rule. Arrive together, leave together.”

“Oh of course.” She says, nodding in a way that feels sarcastic. 

“I actually came without my friends.” You say, standing up straighter. Proud of yourself for stepping out of your shell even if it ended on a sour note. 

“You did?” Jordan raises an eyebrow. You deflate a little at the shocked tone. Even your TA thinks you’re lame. 

“Well…. I was supposed to meet someone here. But they… I dunno, I must’ve missed them. Or whatever.”

“Who were you supposed to meet?” 

You hesitate for a second, but they impatiently gesture for you to go on. So, begrudgingly you admit to, “Uuuuh… Andre?” 

“Andre?” In the blink of an eye they shift, and take a step closer. As if he wants you to see the disbelief on his face as clearly as possible. “How do you know Andre?” 

“What happened to we run in the same circle?” You snap back. “Andre’s top ten.” 

“Andre’s a fucking nepo baby.” Jordan scoffs

“Aren’t you friends?” You frown.

“Andre barely shows up to class, he knows why he’s top ten, trust me.” Jordan says. “Andre invited you?”

“Yes, Andre invited me. We were at the club last week and you know…talked.”

“You were at the club? You’re changing it up like crazy this year, huh L/N?”

“Lot of good it’s doing me.” You sigh. You twist the sleeve of your top, wrinkling the fabric. You’d spent hours picking out the perfect outfit that looked like you weren’t trying too hard, but brought out all your best features.

Jordan’s face twists, you’d almost mistake it for sympathy, “Did you see Andre at all tonight?”  

“Did he come here with you?” 

“Would you like me to lie or tell you the truth?” 

You sigh, moving to sit down on the porch steps, emotionally and socially exhausted. “It’s okay, I already know the answer.”

A moment of silence before Jordan moves to sit beside you. He offers back up the beer he took from you earlier, “You look like you could use a drink.” 

“Eh, you have it. If you’re not a germaphobe. Thanks for rescuing me.”

Jordan shrugs, takes a sip and almost spits it right back out, “God it tastes like fucking piss.” 

“You weren’t very nice to me during the rescue, so you didn’t deserve a warning.” 

“Well fuck me, I guess.” He laughs, staring at you. He let’s out a sigh of his own, “So which line did he use?” 

“Huh?”

“What did Andre say to you?” 

“He didn’t use a line.” You protest. 

“Andre doesn’t know how to do anything but use a line. Wait! Lemme guess,” Jordan looks you up and down before glancing at a few rings on your hand. “Were you wearing those?” 

You stare back at him. 

“Well?”

“Yes, I was, why?” 

“Did he come up to you with one of them and ask if you dropped it?” 

“.....Maybe. I repeat, why?” You ask, stomach twisting.

“Cause he slipped it off your finger with his powers so he’d have an opening. It’s his go to for girls that look shy. Seen it a million times.” 

“Oh, well, that’s lovely, actually. Fuck me!” You groan, laying back against the steps and throwing your hands over your face. “You’re really good at comforting people, did you know that?” 

“I’ve been told to work on it.” 

“Clearly not enough.” 

“Just didn’t want you to fall for the bullshit any more than you already have.” 

You scrub your face harshly, trying to ignore the tightness in your throat. “Sorry. Do you like apples? I can put a nice shiny one on your desk Monday morning as a thank you for the solid.” 

“Are you about to cry?” Jordan asks, bewildered.

“No.” 

“Over Andre Anderson?”

“No!” You sit up, glaring at him. He glares back. “Not exactly. It’s just… I don’t put myself out there a lot. So it sucks. That I tried… and all I got was a guy who fed me a line he’s used a million different times on a million different girls, who then ditched me at a party he invited me to. I should’ve just fucking stayed home.” 

You sniffle and then remember who you’re actually talking to and how awkward it’s going to be to see their face Monday morning for class if you keep spilling your guts. You stand up abruptly, already planning on apologizing for whatever you said while you were “drunk” tonight. You’re opening your mouth to make your excuses, already taking steps away from the stairs when Jordan reaches out, grabbing you gently by the wrist. 

“Wait! I’m… sorry, I mean-”

“Why are you sorry?” You sniff, “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I could’ve… I could’ve been nicer. About telling you. About Andre.” Jordan pulls you to sitting back down beside him, slowly, so you can pull away if you really wanted to. 

“It’s okay. I should’ve known better.” You say quietly. 

“Hey, no. I made it sound like he’s super obvious about it but he’s honestly pretty smooth. His only hobbies are picking up girls and cocaine. He could make… fucking, I dunno, Ellen Ripley blush if he had the prep time! It’s really not your fault.” The comment surprises a wet laugh out of you and Jordan smiles, bumping your shoulders together. 

“Thanks, but he probably was obvious. I just… don’t see stuff like that coming very well.” You laugh bitterly.

“What do you mean?” 

“I apparently just can’t tell for shit when a guy is actually into me! Or just… entertaining himself.” You sigh. 

You and Jordan sit in silence for a second. You have no clue what’s going on in his head. You see him tapping his finger on the beer bottle, the sound of his rings the only noise for a moment. 

“I could help you.”

“Help me what?”

“I could teach you how to spot when a guy is just being an asshole or when he’s serious about you. So this doesn’t happen again.” Jordan shrugs, taking another swallow of the beer, flinching again at the taste. 

“Piss kink or short term memory loss?” 

“Offer retracted.” Jordan laughs.

“Why are you offering in the first place?” 

Jordan shrugs, looking out in the distance, “You’re… cool, y’know. Think of it as a welcome to the top ten gift. You’re only gonna get more and more attention now that you’re there. You’ll need to be able to sniff out bullshit or you’ll get eaten alive. No offense.”

“I’ve been in the top ten for the last six months.” You scowl. 

“Mazel tov.” 

“Dick.” You scoff, fighting back another laugh. You and Jordan make eye contact and both lose the battle, laughing together. 

You take a deep breath once the fit passes, “This isn’t a top ten humiliation ritual of initiation thing, right?”

“I’m way too busy to waste my time doing stupid shit like that.” Jordan says, familiar glare falling back onto his face.

“Sorry, rough night, had to ask.” You say sheepishly. “Offer still open?” You smile, extending your hand out for a handshake.

“Yeah, offers still open, L/N.” Jordan rolls his eyes, but he does shake your hand.

“So, number’s one pretty obvious but we have to establish the basics because you told me you were hopeless.” Jordan sips her chocolate milkshake. 

“Didn’t use the word hopeless, but sure.” You mutter, tossing a fry into your mouth and frowning at the lack of flavor. “Hit me.”

“If he calls off plans with you all the time he’s not interested. If he doesn’t give you as much heads up as humanly possible before he has to cancel a plan or bail then he might actually hate you.” 

“You’re exaggerating.” You scoff, shaking extra salt onto your fries.

Jordan reaches over, stealing one of your now delicious fries to dip it into her milkshake. “It’s a type of power play. Too many reasons to name why a guy might feel the need to pull something like that but we don’t wanna get too complicated. All you need to do is memorize the red flags and run when you see them.” 

“Okay…. follow up question, what would you consider to be ‘all the time’?”

“If you just started seeing each other and he cancels two dates in a row without desperately trying to make it up to you he doesn’t give a shit.” Jordan steals and dips another of your fries. 

“What about emergencies? Like… I dunno, a funeral? What if his Aunt died? So he cancels that one date. Then the next one he tries to plan his car breaks down or something, you know?” 

“He should call an uber and get to the fucking location of the date come hell or high water. That’s what a guy who likes you is gonna do. Don’t over complicate, L/N.”

“Oh and you don’t think you’re over-complicating the process of eating my fries?” You smack at her hand as it reaches for your plate for the umpteenth time during this lunch. “You could have ordered fries. Why didn’t you order fries?”

“Didn’t want any until I saw yours.” She tries again but you see the movement coming and block her hand, again. You did not notice the second, slightly sneakier hand that does successfully carry out the theft. 

“Did you just juke me over a fry? 

“Yeah, and I won.” 

You toss a fry at her and laugh when she manages to catch it with her mouth. Asshole.

You sit on the corner of Jordan’s desk, watching as he finishes up some last minute work that Brink asked him to do before heading out. You’d offered to meet back up later but he just shook his head and said it wouldn’t take long.

“What if he’s just a private person?” You ask, kicking your feet lightly. 

Jordan looks up from his laptop and frowns at you, “Why are you trying to invent exceptions to the rules? The rules are there to help you. Can you say that for me, L/N? Can you say the rules are there to help me?” 

“The rules are there to help me.” You repeat back, mocking their tone. 

“Thank you.” Jordan smirks at you, “Like I said, if he’s hiding your relationship from the world then he’s not serious about you. He should be introducing you to people. You should be on his social media. People should not be shocked you exist when meeting you. All that bullshit.” 

“And if they’re a private person?” You challenge.

Jordan pushes away his laptop, turning to face you. “Fuck me. The types of guys you’re gonna be around as a hero are all gonna be doing the same stuff as you. There’s gonna be a certain level of our life that’s always in the spotlight. Minimum of two posts a week if he’s constantly posting in general.” 

“I don’t post very much.” You counter.

“You should be posting more. Especially as a top ten. There’s no reason you shouldn’t be number 6 right now. You need to be more active on socials.” Jordan gives you a look before going back to typing. Two weeks ago that look would have put you on the verge of tears. Now you roll your eyes.

“I’ll think about it.” 

“It was an order as your TA, actually.” 

“Oh god, an order? I’m shaking in my boots.” You tease, playfully kicking his chair. 

“That just knocked your essay from a B- to a C, congratulations.” Jordan quips. 

“You were gonna mark my essay a B-, you dick? You know damn well I don’t turn in B- work. Who do you think-”

The rest of the afternoon is lost to playful outrage. The papers get graded late. Yours comes back an A+. No one besides you has gotten a grade of + anything since Jordan became TA. 

“Okay, so this is one with a grey area.” Jordan says.

“Oh no.”

“Shut up. If he never gets jealous that’s a red flag.” 

“But-” You sit up from where you’re laid out on the blanket you threw on the ground to better soak in the last warm rays of September sun. 

“I am not saying go out with some overly possessive fucking maniac.” Jordan cuts you off. 

“Be specific, Jordan. You can’t give me rules with built in exceptions. I’ll fail. Is that what you want? You want me to fail, Jordan? That’s messed up-”

“Shut up-” Jordan laughs, shaking her head. “Listen to me, if a guy never gets jealous he just doesn’t care at all. The most namaste, enlightened dude on the planet will get jealous in the right situation. I’m not saying tolerate anything crazy. It’s just good if he like… responds, when you say you’re going to study alone with another dude at 9pm, in the guy’s dorm... while his roommate is gone.”

“Is studying alone with another dude, in his dorm while his roommate is gone, okay as long as it ends before 9pm?”

Jordan rips out grass from the ground and tries to sprinkle it onto your face. You put up a force-field and laugh when she sticks her tongue out. 

“He’s gotta give you his full attention. When he’s with you, he’s with you. Everyone gets distracted. But if his head is always somewhere else, every time you see him, he just doesn’t like you.” Jordan swipes at your head, fast enough to be a challenge to dodge but not hard enough to hurt you had the hit connected. 

You go in for a kick yourself and he practically twirls out of the way. You try twice more, managing to evade his own hits just barely. 

Breathlessly, you gesture for a time out and Jordan sighs, “We gotta get you better at hand to hand.”

“That’s what my shields are for.” 

“The way you use your shields is really good. You’ve gotten a lot more creative this year. It’s why you’ve been jumping ranks so fast. You’re powerful.” 

The earnest tone he uses makes you lift up from the hunched over position of misery on your knees, “You think so?”

“Well…. yeah.” He clears his throat. “But you can’t get lazy. What if someone wears you out and you don’t have any energy left for them? No more shields. You need to be able to fight.”

“If I don’t have any energy left for my shields and my only option left is hand to hand combat, respectfully, it’s my time.” 

Jordan rolls his eyes, “Break’s over. Back in position, stay on your toes more so it’s easier to move, okay?” 

You’re about to get back into form when you hear calls of Jordan’s name from across the arena. You turn and see Luke and Cate coming over, wide grins on their faces. You give them a small wave and they both wave back, incredibly eager. 

You’ve always been friendly with one another but the strength of enthusiasm is… strange. Enough to make you blink in surprise.  

“Thought you said you were super booked up this week doing stuff for Brink? Absolutely no free time.” Cate asks, staring Jordan down. 

“This isn’t free time. I can’t slack on hand to hand combat training. It’s important.” Jordan stares Cate down even harder. 

“Why didn’t you ask me?” Luke asks casually. 

“Jordan saw my form in a video I just posted and apparently it was ‘despicable’ and ‘the most insane way he’d ever seen anyone do that before’. He rushed over to show me what the ‘right way to do it is’. Control freak.” You fake a cough as you say the last part.  

“You were gonna hurt your back!”

“Super healing.”

“Super herniated disc.” Jordan quips back and you scoff, shoving him. 

He shoves you back with an eye roll, fighting back a smile.

“How ungentlemanly of you.” You gasp. A shift, and she shoves you again making you laugh, “and unladylike!”

“You shoved me first!” 

“Children, please try and be civil we’re in public.” Luke cuts in and you almost jump at the sound of his voice. 

It’s easy to get lost in your own world when you’re with Jordan. You turn to be politely facing your classmates and not just Jordan, wearing a sheepish smile. 

“Stop teasing them. They’re cute.” Cate smiles.

“Anyways, you guys need something?” Jordan asks.

“We can’t just hang out? Are you trying to get rid of your best friends?” Luke asks.

“Yes.”

“Jordan!” You bump her with your elbow. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll leave you alone. Wanna grab lunch with us after though?” Cate asks, looping her arm through Luke’s.

“You feeling up to lunch, L/N?” Jordan looks over at you.

With three unexpected pairs of eyes on you, you fluster. “If you go easy on me for the rest of training, yes.”

“Not a chance.” Jordan snorts. “We’ll be there though. Now scram. L/N needs a lot of help.”

“No, I fucking do not!” You protest.

The two of you don’t notice Luke and Cate walking away trading looks.

“When you don’t know really know anything about him, it’s not a good sign.” Jordan tilts the bowl of popcorn towards you. 

“And what do you mean, specifically, by knowing anything about him?” You ask, taking some pieces and throwing them back.

“Has has ever shared his feelings? Talked about his personal life? If you don’t know anything besides the superficial stuff he doesn’t care about you.” Jordan states. “You also need to look out for him not knowing anything about you. Does he give you space to open up? Does he remember the shit you do tell him?”

“Got it, so just look out for the superficial surface level conversations if you never have any deeper moments.” You say.

“Exactly.” Jordan says before her eyes snap back to the screen suddenly. “Did they say they’re gonna try and make that house feel more ‘open concept’? What the fuck is their problem?” 

“Huh?” You look back to Jordan’s TV, which is playing Property Brothers. “You got a problem against open concept?” 

“I have a problem with every house being made to look the same, inside and out. It’s bad enough new houses don’t have unique floor plans. Now we’re taking houses that were unique and fucking them up till they’re boring! What ever happened to individuality? I bet they’ll paint the walls grey too. Fuck me.” She huffs, leaning back against the couch. 

“Are you really into this show or just really into design patterns?” You ask, charmed at her passion for something completely random. 

“A bit of both.” Jordan says. “I wanted to be an architect. Before I got my powers.” 

“Shut up! No, you did not.” 

“I did.” She laughs, “I used to draw up plans and torment my parents with them every hour of the day.”

You spend the rest of the afternoon talking about your hidden passions. 

You even get the honor of seeing a few of the sketches Jordan made years ago. They were crinkled at the edges, pencil markings dull with age in some places. You smiled down at the folder Jordan keeps the drawings in. When you look up, finally, to compliment them you notice a strange look on Jordan’s face. 

Thinking you’d made her self conscious with your long silence you wrapped an arm around her and told her she would have made a hell of an architect. And probably killed someone with the utter lack of load bearing beams in her structures. 

You expected her to shove you off playfully but she only leaned into you and smiled, flipping to the next page of the folder.

When you get back to your own dorm room, moon high in the sky, you have to stifle a laugh. The latest post on Jordan’s Instagram is a picture of you standing with your hands on your hips in the middle of their room, looking baffled. 

The caption: I handed her the remote and walked away for five minutes. We’ve been looking for almost an hour #jesus christ #banned from room 4ever. 

You step out into the hallway and call Jordan up, demanding they take down their character assassination attempt because you two only looked for 26 minutes, actually. 

They refuse. 

You’re so incensed by the exaggeration that you wind up back outside Jordan’s dorm room not ten minutes later. When she opens the door, and sees you standing there, she bursts into laughter. She drags you inside, and when you ask her when the ban got lifted she just throws you on the bed. You spend the rest of the night arguing semantics. 

You and Jordan were sitting in the ground floor of the school’s library where you were allowed to talk quietly. You were teaching them how to fold paper to make little stars while they were teaching you how to make the perfect paper airplane. 

“Are you filled with barely suppressed rage? Why is it so damn wrinkled?” You laugh at their mangled star.

Jordan grabs another piece of paper with a huff, pushing her bob back behind her ears. “You are shit at giving instructions. This is impossible. Do the steps slower again.” 

“I’m sorry, I’m actually not capable of slowing myself down times 3 like a Youtube video.” You tease.

“Fuck you.” Jordan kicks you under the table with her foot. “Again. Show me.”

“You start with this corner here, then you twist it over here, next you wanna-”

“Hey! Hey! What’s up people!” You and Jordan turn in perfect sync to hiss at the person to be quiet only to find that person to be Andre Anderson. 

You turn back towards the table, Jordan moves an arm to curl around the back of your chair. 

“Hey.” Jordan says flatly. You make some noise that you hope passes for a greeting.

“Sorry, too loud. So this is where the party is, huh? What’re you two doing?” Andre grabs a chair on the opposite side of the table and you frown, focusing intensely on the paper before you. 

“Don’t you have a class right now?” Jordan asks sharply.

“Blowing it off.” Andre grins back.

Jordan scoffs. You only notice your shoulders are practically up to your ears when Jordan puts her hand there and rubs. You relax, letting out a quiet breath you were holding. Jordan gives you a squeeze. 

“Awww, you making little stars? Cute. Wanna show me how, F/N?” Andre has the nerve to sound flirtatious. 

After ditching you without a word and radio silence to back it up. To really make sure there’s insult to match the injury. You clench your jaw. Keep moving your hands. Try to zone out. 

The hand on your shoulder gets bigger and so does the thigh that brushes against yours under the table. “Could you fuck off for a bit? We’re trying to relax after our exams this morning.”

“Ouch. Didn’t know you couldn’t relax with me around, man.” Andre bites back. “F/N, you want me to stay, don’t you?” 

You get up from the table abruptly. The sudden sting in your eyes doesn’t even allow you you to collect your things. Your chest feels tight. You have to just get out of here. You hope in a school of future superheroes no one will steal your stuff. You think you hear calls of your name from behind you. Some yelling. Your ears are ringing too much. You break into a sprint. 

You can’t even make it to your dorm. You have to settle for tucking yourself into the first patch of trees behind a building you can find. You try to fight back the tears. One breathe. Two. Three. Try to focus on the birds chirping somewhere above you. But the memories are all flooding in at once and you start to cry. Heaving, chest burning sobs.

“F/N. F/N. F/N, hey look at me.” You zone back into the world to Jordan pushing your hair away from your face and you sob.

“Fuck me, I’ll kill him. I’m sorry. I didn’t know you’d get so upset. You seemed like you didn’t care after that night… I-  I’ll fucking knock his teeth in.” Jordan hisses. You’d thought you’d seen them angry before. But their face has never looked like this.  

“What’s… are you having a panic attack?” Jordan asks, still petting your hair gently. You manage to nod. “Is touching you okay? Is it making it worse?” You push yourself into his hands and without another word he pulls you into his lap, tucking you against him. 

You notice absently he’s wearing his favorite jacket and try to shift, so that you’re not getting tears and snot onto the fabric. He pushes your head back against his shoulder, shushing you gently. You let yourself relax, letting out the rest of the tears. Letting the anxiety leave your body. You start your grounding techniques as your breathing evens. You can see the sharp cut of Jordan’s jaw. Hear his heartbeat. The birds chirping. Feel his hands as they rub soothing circles into your skin. Smell the cologne he wears. You tuck yourself closer, even though no more tears are coming. 

“Andre is a fucking loser.” Jordan says, quietly but vehemently, “You shouldn’t waste a second fucking thinking about him. He doesn’t care about anyone but himself. It’s not you. It’s just who he is.” 

“It’s not just Andre… It’s… it’s not even mostly Andre.” You say quietly. “I mean he’s a dick but… it just brings up memories.” 

“Memories?” Jordan echoes softly, and you know you don’t have to tell him anything but you want to. 

“When I was younger… I was even more of a wall flower than I am now. Shocker, I know.” You try to joke, Jordan only hums to let you know he’s listening, pulling you closer. “Even though I had powers I wasn’t popular or anything. I had trouble controlling them. Not enough to be dangerous… just enough to be… well, a loser, honestly. Because of my anxiety, and how loud my head gets my force-fields would just pop out whenever. I couldn’t stop it. If I was scared. If I got nervous. If I was feeling stupid, or ugly. All the time. People called me bubble girl.”

“I learned to just keep to myself but I was such an easy, fun target. Sneak up on the mouse and watch them jump and make a bubble! Fun!” You laugh bitterly. You think you feel Jordan kiss the top of your head, but you’re still out of it. “It made even getting out of bed to go to school hard. Administration wouldn’t take it serious as bullying because I was a supe: if I wanted it to stop I should defend myself.” 

“My parents felt the same way. Wouldn’t let me transfer. But I didn’t want to fight back. I didn’t want to turn myself into something I’m not just to be left alone! I didn’t want to hurt anyone. I thought eventually everyone would get bored, mature a little. But it just got worse and worse every fucking year. Senior year was… bad, though. I was getting better at controlling my powers so what kids would do to make me react was worse. But I just ignored it. I started just… pulling into myself. Whenever anyone would pour paint on my favorite outfit. Or cut my hair. Or hit me, I’d make the bubble in my head instead, and go there. Eventually, towards the end I thought people finally got bored, they stopped fucking with me as much. I thought I’d be able to graduate in peace.” 

“There was this one boy… he was popular. But he’d always been nice to me. He smiled at me in the hallways. Would help me up if people shoved me when he was around. He even gave me his sweater once, when someone cut up my shirt during gym. His friends were dicks but I thought he was different, I thought he was nice.”

“He suddenly started being even more nice to me. It felt… when he asked me to prom I just wanted to be normal for one second. I should have known. I probably did know. I just wanted to pretend, for five seconds, I wanted to pretend.” You trail off, lost in the memory.

“What happened?” Jordan asks, voice sounding hoarse. You try to pull back to see what’s wrong but he keeps you still. You realize he started rocking the both of you as you spoke. You didn’t realize how soothing it was. 

“It was a joke, obviously. We went to go shopping together, so we’d match, he told me. When we got to the shop he insisted we go to all his friends were waiting for us. Recording, of course. They all laughed at me. I still remember what one girl said, ‘you’re more crazy than we thought if you honestly ever believed someone like him would go out with a loser like you’.”

“F/N, those people were fucking assholes. They… god what the fuck is wrong with people. That’s not true.” Jordan makes you look at him, suddenly. You’re shocked that his eyes are red. “You’re not a fucking loser.”

“It’s okay, Jordan. I know they were just assholes. I always knew. It just hurts still. I’ve… I’ve avoided dating ever since, obviously. My first kiss wasn’t even romantic. It was just with a good friend that I knew wouldn’t make fun of me. So I could get it out of the way.”

“I’m sorry.” Jordan looks helpless, like he wants to do something but doesn’t know what. 

“You didn’t do anything, Jordan. No need to say sorry.”

“And then Andre went and fucking… fucking motherfucker I’ll kill him!” Jordan snaps, goes to stand up and then remembers he’s holding you halfway. He sits back down, grip a little tighter, but still gentle. 

“It’s okay. It wasn’t even a joke, what Andre did. He’s just… inconsiderate. And I happen to have a nasty experience that makes me blow everything out of proportion. I’ll have to get used to that kind of thing if I want to actually start dating.” 

Suddenly both of Jordan’s hands are on your face, holding you still so you have to look at him. “You’re not blowing anything out of proportion. And… and you don’t have to get used to shit, F/N. You’re fucking incredible. You don’t need to tolerate anything, from fucking anyone. You’re a fucking… you’re a fucking dream girl! You’re smart, and funny, and sweet, and strong, and beautiful. You’re the sweetest person I’ve ever met. You don’t have to settle for fucking anything. Okay?”

You stare up at him, shocked, he gives your head a gentle shake, “Okay?” You nod slowly.

He pulls you into another hug, the tightest one you’ve ever gotten. You don’t pull away until the sun dips so low you’re both draped in gold. 

“Fucking rank number fucking 5!” Jordan screams, arm wrapped around you tightly. A chorus of cheers from the rest of the group and people nearby. 

You cover your face, laughing helplessly. Jordan didn’t surprise you with this party, they knew that would only make you anxious, walking into a room full of people you weren’t expecting to see with (even if asked not to) cameras pointed at you. 

Jordan had texted you: I am throwing you a surprise party on Friday night to celebrate your new ranking. Please practice your surprised face. 

You had practiced. You’d done a very convincing gasp when you walked in. 

“I’m so fucking proud of you.” Jordan says, for the umpteenth time, looking at you. You feel your cheeks go hot.  

“Oh shut up. I’ll get a big head soon.” 

“You deserve it more than anyone. You’re fucking awesome.” Jordan had started heaping more praise onto you than you knew what to do with, most days. 

She claimed it was practically training. That you needed to get used to people complimenting you, with the level of fame you’re going to reach. That alone had made your stomach erupt into butterflies. Jordan believed in you. Really believed in you. 

“You’re the one who’s awesome… you’re a good mentor, Jordan.” You reach up to hold the hand that’s been wrapped around your shoulder all evening. 

“Are you saying that following my advice works?” Jordan pretends to gasp. You playfully dig your nails into her side and she jumps before grabbing the offending hand and holding onto it. She doesn’t let go. 

Her advice had worked. You posted on your social media more, at her insistence. You started to become a beast at hand to hand, thanks to Jordan’s brutal training regimen. You were socializing more, because as long as Jordan was there you felt safe. But you were even feeling confident enough to do things on your own that high school you would be shocked didn’t instantly send you to the grave. 

You’d done an interview, for God’s sake! All on your own. Although your eyes kept darting to Jordan right off camera, who smiled reassuringly the whole time.  

“I will not. Because then you’ll get a big head.” You tease, giving both her hands a squeeze. 

“Let’s get a drink.” Jordan says, tugging you towards the kitchen. 

It’s quieter in the kitchen. The drink table in the living room is still overflowing so no one’s had to start looking for leftovers yet. 

“How you feeling?” Jordan asks, helping you sit on the counter before going to the fridge. After a second he pulls out your favorite. He hid them in the far back, you can tell by how far he had to lean. 

“Good.” You smile as he pops your drink open before handing it to you. He leans against one of your knees. 

“Party isn’t too much, right?” He asks, for the third time tonight. 

Laughing you push a strand of unruly hair back from his face. He freezes at the touch, before a smile creeps onto his lips. 

“Party is perfect, Jordie. Thank you. For everything. For being so…” 

“Don’t thank me for treating you the way you should always be treated.” 

“You treat me like a princess! What if I get spoiled? You’ll have to deal with a monster.” You tease. “You won’t even be able to be mad at me, because you’ll be the reason.” 

“You’ll terrorize the world.” 

“Cause complete chaos.” 

“Devastation, even.” As Jordan speaks you realize you’d gotten closer. A lot closer. Your chest seizes up with anxiety as you wonder how long you’d been leaning in like this. You almost pull back, ready to apologize. But you’re frozen stiff now and realize the two of you are still getting closer. With a jolt you realize you both leaned in. 

Jordan has a hand on your thigh, you reach down, nervous, to hold his hand as reflex. It’s an every day comfort, lately. You give his hand a squeeze. He squeezes back. You don’t pull away as Jordan keeps leaning in. 

“Jordan! Come stop Luke from doing a keg stand, please!” Cate’s voice, typically pleasant sounds incredibly annoying at the moment. 

“Gimme a sec!” Jordan calls back, still looking you in the eye. You squeeze his hand tighter. He looks nervous. They’ve looked so nervous all night. Nervous you were having a good time. Nervous you were happy. Nervous… nervous to kiss you? Is he about to fucking kiss you?

“He has an interview tomorrow! Hustle please!” Cate calls back in a sing song tone. 

“Fuck me!” Jordan throws his head back, shifting, frustrated. “I’ll be right back, okay?” 

You nod, a little breathless from anxiety and excitement, and dread, and the full spectrum of human emotion. “Okay.” 

Jordan stomps out of the kitchen, probably going to rip Luke a new asshole from the sound of her boots on the floor. She sounds like her own stampede. You giggle, pressing your hands, still warm from holding Jordan’s into your face. You may be bad at signals but… 

You sit under the hideous fluorescent kitchen lighting feeling like something inside you is glowing. You kick your feet, nervous, waiting for Jordan to get back. Wondering what they’ll do. What they’ll say. If you’re delusional. You have to be delusional. You have to be. 

“Guard dog taking a walk?” In the doorway stands Andre, looking a little rougher than usual. His right eye is dark, like a black eye that’s started healing. There’s a small bandage over his nose. 

“What happened to you?” You gasp.

“Your guard dog.” Andre says, reaching into the fridge to pull out a bottle of spicy vodka. “Jordan’s number #2 for a reason. Congrats on making #5 by the way.” 

“Thanks.” You say. “When did Jordan do that?”

“A week ago. Would have probably gotten it earlier but apparently Cate talked them into waiting to see me until they were less pissed off. For which I’m eternally grateful.” He says, taking a sip straight from the bottle without chaser. 

You don’t really know what to say so you sit in silence. Legs still kicking, more from anxiety now, less from giddiness. 

“He gave me a busted lip too, but that healed pretty quickly. I also think he might have kicked a rib loose, been a little sore on the left side.” Andre says, he doesn’t seem to be angry but you don’t know why else he’d talk to you. 

“I didn’t ask Jordan to do that. If you’re wondering.” You say, slowly. 

“No! No! You’re way too sweet for that. This was just my shitty way of getting around to an apology. I’m sorry. I should’ve said sorry before Jordan kicked my ass but I promise Jordan kicking my ass isn’t why I’m saying sorry. The original plan was to ask you out again, make it up to you with dinner. Jordan just kicked my ass first.” 

“I hope to god you’re not working your way around to asking me on a pity date.” You narrow your eyes at him. 

“So Jordan could put me in a full body cast?” Andre laughs loudly, shocking you. “No offense, you’re really cute, but nothing’s worth that fucking beat down.” 

“Well, I guess I accept your-”

“You don’t have to forgive me. Jordan was pretty clear that I tore up some old wounds. I didn’t mean to, but I’m sorry. I can just be… a dick, sometimes. Often. All the time.” Andre jokes. 

“What did Jordan say exactly?” You ask nervously. 

“Nothing specific! I could barely pick out anything at all, really. The sound of her fist breaking my nose was pretty loud.” 

You laugh then try to cover it up by taking a sip. Andre grins and you relax, knowing it was his way of breaking the tension. 

“Can I ask you something?” Andre asks suddenly.

“You can ask, doesn’t mean I’ll answer.” You shrug.

“Fair enough.” Andre says, toying with the bottle. “Do you like Jordan?” 

“What?”

“Because Jordan sure likes you.” Andre states. 

“No, they don't.” It’s a reflex to deny the possibility of someone having feelings for you but the words feel wrong once you say them. Weren’t you just about to kiss? Wasn’t his hand just burning into your thigh like a brand? “Do they?” 

“Jordan would never do a fraction of the shit they’ve been doing for you if they didn’t care about you.” Andre takes another sip, then moves to saunter from the kitchen. He stops, a glance over the shoulder. “However you feel, tell Jordan. And soon. They’re looking a little desperate.” 

Then it’s just you and the sound of the party, and the cool marble you’re sitting on. And a lot to think about. 

“Your incessant leg jiggling is distracting me from how and why they intend to turn this beautiful victorian home into another soulless open concept millennial nightmare.” Jordan says, glancing from the TV to your leg which, yes, has been jiggling for awhile.

“I’ve got a question.”

“Obviously.” 

“How can you tell if a girl isn’t into you?” 

Jordan turns to face you, eyebrows furrowed, “what?”

You feel heat flood your cheeks, but keep your eyes firmly glued to the screen. “Are the rules the same? Or different?”

“You like girls?” Jordan blurts out.

“What?” The question is enough to make you look at her. And now you're trapped by societal standards of politeness to maintain the most anxiety inducing eye contact you've ever shared.

“You've never talked about… you've never said anything about liking girls.”

“You only offered up the help for the one gender. Didn't wanna get greedy.” You force a laugh.

“How long have you…. have you always liked girls?” Jordan asks and you hope to God you're not hallucinating that quick glance at your lips. 

“You follow me on Instagram!”

“What's that have to do with anything?”

“I literally have the pride flag in my bio?”

“I thought you were-”

“-Jordan Li, if you're about to tell me you thought I was an ally I'll beat you to death, and then jump off a cliff.” 

Jordan laughs, ducking her head, hair falling into her face slightly. You dig your fingers into your thigh to stop yourself from reaching out and tucking it behind her ear. 

“Is there a reason why you're asking… about how to tell when a girl isn't into you, all of a sudden?” Jordan looks up at you and the world narrows down to her brown eyes, and her nose, and her mouth. And the look in her eyes you hope you're not reading wrong.

You blink in confusion when amusement crosses over her face and for one awful second you think Jordan is laughing at you and you could throw up. But you realize you're suddenly looking at her from behind a force-field of light purple and feel queasy out of a different sense of embarrassment.

You can hear a smile in Jordan’s voice, but you refuse to unbury your face from your hands, “Never seen you not be able to control your powers before.” 

“Please kill me.”

“Can't. Your forcefield is still up, princess.” She teases, tapping at the bubble. 

With a groan of humiliation you drop your field and peek up at her through your fingers. 

“First the forcefield, now the hands. Still haven't answered my question though.” You almost snip at her that she should take a wild guess at your answer but there's something about Jordan’s expression. It's teetering between playful, guarded, and… something else. And you have to bank on whatever that something else is.

You take a deep breath in and move in closer, “You're not so awful a teacher that the lessons for a guy didn't stick, but considering you're a girl too who knows what incredibly important lesson you didn't know you had to teach me. The lesson… the girl lesson, that would have stopped me from misinterpreting what's been happening here. If I’m misinterpreting. All I know is… all I can really be sure of, is how I feel. And I, well-” You bite your lip, taking a shaky breath, and Jordan moves in closer, “I'm about halfway to being in love with you.”

The words are barely out of your mouth before her lips are on yours. Her hand curls at the base of your neck, pulling you in closer. A brush of her tongue against your bottom lip before you let her in with a breathless sigh. She moans against your lips, other hand moving to your waist to tug you into her lap. 

You lose your balance a little, fall into her in a way that is not at all seductive. You laugh, embarrassed and she chases the sound, using both hands to put you in her lap, holds you there firm and secure.

“You-” She kisses you, interrupting your sentence. “Haven’t-” Another kiss. “Told me-” She holds you tight this time, tilting her head to the side, sweeping her tongue against yours and gasping at your taste. You pull back with shaky hands, keeping her at a distance with a grip on her shoulders.

“Could we use our big girl words?” You ask, breathless and a little dizzy. 

“I’ve fucking only been in love with you for two years, thanks for fucking noticing.” She huffs, exasperated and smiling. 

“How on Earth was I supposed to interpret your seething stare of hate for being in love with me?” You’re already melting against her as she pulls you back in with the guiding grip on your hair. 

“Shoulda looked harder, baby.” She coos, and doesn’t let you up again anytime soon. 

A/N: my magnum opus of pining! if you enjoyed this fic consider reblogging, leaving a reply, or an anon! a writers fuel is engagement. xoxoxo

[veneerslipstick]

Can you make a veneer x reader where reader is supposedly assistant but actually a super famous model/popstar? Velvet and Veneer only realize that their assistant was no ordinary person, (Veneer notices it first) but a celebrity more popular than them (Velvet only realizes when they go to reader's concert that Veneer begged Velvet to go with him) :3 (also reader took the job because they wanted to try having "a normal job" for once and for the possibility of making friends with other popstars) and can we choose our stage names ourselves?

my first request, thank u!!! i love this plot omg…, absolutely >o<

F/S/N : first stage name

L/S/N : last stage name

┊┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ 　　° ┊┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚ 　　° ┊┊❁ཻུ۪۪♡ ͎. ｡˚

• falling for fame •

veneer x FEM!reader

• one shot

• fluff

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫ .・。

“goodnight, Velvet and Veneer.”

you closed the door to their dressing room and

dashed down the hall. you had just finished helping

Velvet and Veneer get un-ready from their

performance, which was absolutely spectacular.

every time you watch them perform you’re taken

away by how they control an audience and how their

aura beams across the room. being their assistant ,

you kind of have to say things like that for appeal, but

you really meant it 99% of the time.

the other the majority of that percentage was from

what you took by watching Venner, though.

whenever you watched him dance and sing and

seem so relaxed, you can’t help but feel the urge to

start moving too.

maybe he was your inspiration when you decided to become your own star.

now out of the building, you hurried down a small

trail behind the overly large structure which led to an

underground neighbourhood that was lightened up

by old bulbs hanging from trees and cheap

streetlights. this place didn’t really have any

meaning , well, of course until you showed up.

you had finally made it to another building , where

you dragged yourself to your own dressing room.

after running up many stairs, you let your huge work

tote bag down and started undressing, throwing your

robe on as you waited for someone.

knock knock

there she was.

“come in,” you called and the door opened. Georgia,

your own assistant , came through holding clothes in

her arms and lots of small bags. she smiles brightly

at you.

“oh, y/n, thank goodness. i almost thought you

ditched on all of us.” she jokes, putting the outfit

down on your mini sofa beside your vanity which you

sat at. Georgia was a sweet woman, who was a

mother to a small boy, Finn, you had met one or

twice. she was a dream assistant to anyone who

wanted one that didn’t bark or bitch.

“i would never abandon you, Gia. the siblings were

busy today, Velvet wanted extra touch ups and such.”

you explained while Georgia set up curling irons and

laid out makeup brushes. you seen her smile slyly at

you.

“oh, really? it wasn’t because you got caught up

staring holes in the back of her brothers head? huh,

how strange.” she teased you, and you fought back a

huge smile that threatened to take up your whole

face.

“sure, whatever helps you sleep at night.” you

murmur, trying to hide the embarrassment in your

voice, but obviously failing.

you sort of wished Veneer would show up, if only he

knew. you weren’t sure WHY he didn’t know,

Velvet either, considering you were popular enough

for plenty of people to know about.

you tried to shrug it off, but you still felt weird about

it. you guessed they had better things to worry

about, that wasn’t you.

( performance ref pictures for anyone that wants them, if not then imagine to your hearts content )

┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ ｡˚ ✧ ┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ ｡˚ ✧ ┊┊┊┊ ➶ ❁۪ ｡˚

Meanwhile…

“goodnight, Velvet and Veneer.”

you closed the door, and Veneer bit the inside of his

cheek.

“i wonder where she goes after her shifts.” he

wonders out loud, crossing his arms. Velvet looks at

him like he said something out of pocket, and she

scoffed.

“hm, well, i don’t really give a shit. she can do what

she wants, can’t she?” she said in a snarky tone,

gathering her things together and throwing her now

free hair into a loose ponytail. you did an amazing job

with being able to get all of the product out of their

hair , and Veneer only noticed how flawless it was

now.

Velvet headed towards the door and looked back at

Veneer.

“i’m heading home, Ven. you following ?” she asked,

raising an eyebrow. Veneer was still staring at the

door from when you walked out, but he looked at

Velvet and smiled.

“yeah, eventually. go on, i’ll get a ride later.” he

replied. Velvet kind of gave a side eye to a fake

camera and shrugged. “mkay.. ciao.” she closed the

door on her way out.

Veneer waited a second. two. three.

he scrambled, threw on a pullover hoodie and bolted

out the door, following after you.

he panicked half the time, hoping that he looked like

a janitor on his way home from his shift , and frankly

he did. he followed you out of the building and down

the strange path that he didn’t even knew existed,

but he tried not to question it.

he made sure not to get too close , but also not too

far away, not because he was afraid of losing sight of

you, but also to make sure you wouldn’t get hurt.

now he saw what he walked into, a beautiful

underground neighborhood that almost looked like a

child’s dream treehouse. he was so taken aback that

he lost sight of you and began to panic. you

vanished in thin air, and he almost turned around to

run. but then he started hearing music, from a stage

from the middle of the grounds.

“what…” he whispered. he began walking towards it.

it took him a few minutes to get there, and when he

did, loads of people started flooding the ground, and

he became afraid of people recognizing him. he

pulled the hood further up but made sure to keep his

eyes on the stage. but it just got worse from there.

he could’ve swore the ENTIRE neighborhood was

flooded with people; 3x the crowd that Veneer and

Velvet get. Veneer began to over think.

‘Vel wouldn’t be happy about this…’ he thought to

himself, and he was about to leave again, when all

the lights on stage went off. people began cheering

and screaming as the sound of footsteps tapped on

the stage. the lights came back on, and Veneer seen

a tall lady standing at the front of the stage in a suit

holding a microphone

“you’ve all been waiting long enough! please welcome our loved, F/S/N L/S/N to the stage!”

more cheering commenced and Veneer was getting

confused. he certainly didn’t know that name. that

was until the lady left the stage and someone else

took the lead behind her.

Veneer froze.

“oh my god.” he said out loud. you appeared at the

front of the stage, backup dancers behind you. you

posed with confidence and gazed the crowd like you

owned it. he stood and stared like that’s what he was

born to do.

it was a magnificent performance.

As much as he adored Velvet and everything

she did was better than what anyone else

could do, he couldn’t say the same thing

right now.

he gazed and was lost in a trance; at the

way you danced, sung like you were holding

in a voice of gold since you were born and

controlled the audience with every striking

belt. this was probably the best show

Veneer has ever seen, and his heart

squeezed, wondering how this girl he swore

he knew ended up being someone

completely different.

after your performance, Veneer felt as if something

apart of him bloomed. that was all he needed to see

to feel complete. his supposedly normal assistant

was actually a pop star that he casually never knew

about ?

he wanted to go see you. he wanted to run backstage

and ask a million questions, but he knew he couldn’t.

not right now. instead, he ran off somewhere where

people weren’t and pulled out his phone and dialled

Velvet. she picked up after a few rings.

“what Veneer.”

“hi sis, uhm, were you AWARE that y/n, our

ASSISTANT, is a pop star???”

there was silence.

“…what the hell are you talking about? also where are

you??”

“listen, vel, i….i followed y/n here. i was curious of

her outside life and i accidentally discovered that

she’s super famous , and i kid you not that she’s

almost as famous as WE ARE. i’m bringing you here

tomorrow.”

“uhm. sure.” she sounded unsure.

“okay. i’m coming home.” he hung up and looked at

the stage one last time before leaving.

the next day…

after a long day of Veneer struggling to hide the face

that he knew about your “secret” , the time finally

came for Veneer to bring Velvet to your show. he

stood anxiously in their dressing room, picking at his

hands and clearing his throat repetitively. Velvet

noticed this as she was packing her things.

“uhm, what’s up with that? you’re the one that

wanted to bring me to her in the first place.” she

questioned, putting a hand on her hip as she

examined her brothers anxious gestures.

Veneer looked at her and suddenly stopped, running

his fingers through his hair.

“i-i don’t know what you’re talking about. let’s go?”

he tried to change the conversation. Velvet would’ve

protested but she kind of wanted to get this over

with, but of course she had to throw in a remark.

“you like her.”

Veneers heart pumped furiously as the thought was

put in his head.

“no. well.. no! velvet.” he became embarrassed by her

comment and suddenly wanted to disappear. she

laughed.

“you’re really bad at hiding your feelings. i’m your

sister, i would know.” she smirked and opened the

door. “move it.”

he shook his head and went out the door, Velvet

closing it behind him.

Veneer guided his sister to the underground tunnel-

ish place and she grimaced with her voice.

“oh my god, it’s like, damp in here. ew.” she

complained, pulling at the sweater that she wore.

Veneer wasn’t really listening. he was eagerly looking

around, wondering if he would spot you out and

about, hoping to have a conversation before you

performed.

they made themselves to the pit of the arena,

ushering off to the side so people wouldn’t look at them.

“it’s off putting that no one has noticed us yet.

almost upsetting,” Velvet said.

“maybe it’s the fact we don’t have three tubs of gel in

our hair right now?” Veneer replied, not meaning to

sound like a hard-ass but coming off as it anyway.

Velvet scoffed. “shut it.”

that’s when the people started flooding in, and

Velvets face went shocked.

“holy shit,” she whispered , looking around

frantically.

“there’s no way this is for y/n. she has ten times more

people than we do! ugh!” she became upset and

veneer blew air in his cheeks.

“that’s..what i told you.” he whispered to himself and

looked to the stage.

when the hundreds of people finally stopped coming,

Veneer knew this was the time. he could barely wait.

he was basically shaking in his boots, eager to see

you. to see you dance and steal the shine of the

stars. he couldn’t help but see you as the moon.

then, the lights went off,and Veneer nearly shrieked.

he felt like a fanboy to his own assistant; and he

didn’t know how to feel about that.

the announcer came on again, and that’s when the

lights came back on and he could see you, there,

with a gorgeous outfit and stunning makeup that

made you seem intimidating. he could’ve cried at

how beautiful you were, his heart throbbed in his

chest as he just wanted to climb on stage and join

you; steal your own show but make you the main

attraction.

Veneer was getting caught up with his thoughts the

entire performance, and the look on his sister’s face

was priceless. he couldn’t really tell if it was jealousy,

admiration or a combination of both. but in this

moment, he didn’t care what she thought , all he

wanted to do was watch and admire you.

there was a split moment when you were near the

edge of the stage, singing effortlessly like you always

do, and made direct eye contact with veneer.

the whole world stopped for both of you. Veneer was

lost in your eyes, you were clueless of why he was

here, but that butterfly feeling started in the pit of

your chest. you kept singing , didn’t miss a single

word, and carried on.

Veneer felt his face flush as he continued to stare like

a fool.

after another ground breaking performance, the

applause roared across the entire plot and you gave a

bow, giving Veneer a final look and thanking

everyone in your mic. heading backstage , Veneer

held the urge to run back as well, but he looked to

Velvet.

she was already looking at him, and her expression

was…soft.

“go, Ven.” she said, motioning her head towards the

backstage entrance.

he smiled at her. “thank you vel.”

he ran to the backstage, being able to sneak past the

guards and past the red curtains.

he stopped to look around and saw you stepping off

the stage stairs. you looked at each other.

‘she’s so beautiful in the dark.’ he thought to

himself, walking towards you and your mouth parted.

“veneer,” you started, trying to get words out of your

mouth while shaking your head. “you..you knew?

how? you brought velvet ?? why…why?” so many

thoughts came blurting out and Veneer took your

hand.

“i always knew. i knew you pursued something,

you’re the type of girl to do that.” he looked at you

with kind eyes, and you swallowed with a dry mouth.

“i..” you stopped, taking a deep breath, looking away

and looking back. “thank you, for showing up. that meant more than you really know. i didn’t tell in fear of trying to out run you and Vel. i’m sorry,” you explained, a slight panic in your voice, but Veneer sealed your worries with a gentle kiss to your hand.

“let me support you y/n. i want this for both of us.”

his words had an effect on your heart and you smiled

warmly. you brought his and your hand to your heart.

“ yeah. just you and me. oh, well, Velvet too.” both of

you shared a laugh.

FLASH

a bright light came from the backstage entrance ,

and paparazzi and kid ritz stood there with shocked

expressions on their faces.

“oh.” you both said in unison.

ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦

a/n: AHHH IDK IF THIS WAS TOO LONG OR NOT IM CHARACTER FOR VENEER HELP 😞 i apologize if this sucks lol but i had fun making it 💗 tysm for the support lately i love all of you + my dms are always open if any of u need a friend ! requests are open always unless said otherwise <3

[zriasstuff]

Tutoring lessons pt.2 - Blaise Zabini x reader

Blaise, against his will, has to be tutored. However, what seemed like a painful way to spend time at first, gets more pleasant over time. Perhaps even extremely delightful.

fluff but who knows what can happen in the future (here’s pt.1 too) Hopefully i am somewhat feeding the little amount of Blaise fans with this, enjoy :))

Blaise came to you with the biggest grin on his face, as if he just learned how to smile.

“Guess what?”, he asks, as he’s seating himself opposite of you like always during your tutoring sessions.

“You found a million hidden gold galleons?” Given how happy he looked, you wouldn’t even be surprised if that was the case. He looked so energetic too with his big doe eyes and fidgety body movements, that it automatically made you cheerful.

“No, I’m afraid my news is not quite as amazing as that, but nonetheless still pretty awesome”. He inches closer to take a seat next to you.

“Geez, what is it?”

“I got my very first Outstanding on an assignment!”, he finally reveals. He even proudly holds up his paper, shoving it in your face.

“Blaise!”

“I’m so proud of you!”, you exclaim at his achievement. You know he worked so hard to better himself. The past weeks have truly been a statement to what he is capable of, if he just tried.

“Me too.” Just when you thought his smile couldn’t get any bigger, he revealed more of his perfect pearly whites to you. You’ve noticed his ridiculously good looking face before. Seeing him happy for once instead of in an incredibly stressed state made all the difference too.

“So how should we celebrate?”, you ask him. Celebrating his achievement should be good for his long term self esteem. And if it serves you too by allowing you to spend more time with him then so be it.

Not that you’d ever admit it, but being associated with him made you cooler. Not just amongst the people in your year, but younger and older students too. It never hurts to be seen with him, or have him talk you up to his popular friends.

Of course your friendship wasn’t just to improve your image. It was nice to spend time with him. There’s a good amount of similarities, but also differences that made conversations interesting.

He fumbles with his sleeves for a second, drawing your attention to his arms. Perfectly muscular arms. He thinks for a second before he says,

“I don’t know, you decide how we should celebrate.”

“I think I…” Before you remember what you wanted to say, your eyes go from looking him in the eyes to his lips. You don’t know what it was today, that you kept getting distracted. Did he do something different today?

“Seems like you’re the one having a hard time focusing today”

“What? I’m not staring”

“What?”, he shoots you a confused look.

You felt the physical need to facepalm yourself at this moment. What exactly happened? Not that he would he judging you, you think.

Suddenly you thought back to all your tutoring sessions with him. Him, as in the heartthrob of so many girls. And you alone got the privilege to spend so much one on one time with him. It felt weirdly powerful. He must like you. Not just because of the grades and all, but personally too. Right?

“Wait, I forgot I actually have something to attend to”, he sighs. His gaze averts yours for the first time in minutes.

Why did you feel so disappointed at that?

“Well today is your day. Do what you like”. The tone with which you said that probably suggested you were hurt, which is crazy. He didn’t even do anything wrong.

“Some other time though”, he said pushing himself up from his chair at the same time. “See you, and thanks a bunch really. Couldn’t have done this with you.”

Is that all he thought of you then? Just the girl who tutors him. At this point you needed to pump the brakes. Everything is as it always is and was with Blaise. Yet interacting with him today seemed so much more like a challenge. He didn’t ditch you, you tell yourself. He likes you. But what if there was more? Could there be more? Did you actually want more?

…

Dumbass Theodore Nott, Blaise thinks to himself on his way back to his dormitory. Just because he couldn’t keep it in his pants and has to keep banging girls in their shared room, Draco wants to hold a roommates meeting. Why couldn’t he just do it in the bathrooms like everyone else. And Draco was a pain in the ass too. When it’s his girls, it’s fine. But god forbid anyone disturbs his peace.

He grinds his teeth together when thinking about his missed opportunity with you. He could’ve been with you tonight, but no. Those two assholes we’re ruining everything. It’s not like he could just dip. They wanted to come up with a fresh set of rules to ensure a peaceful cohabitation, and of course he has to throw his two cents in. Otherwise it’d be pimp city.

It was the evening already, but god forbid he could’ve spent an hour or two with his cute and smart tutor.

[pinkydevil16]

can you write a jj maybank x reader enemies to lovers trope? where the reader is sarah’s best friend and sarah brings her to the chateau. everyone is nice to y/n but jj isn’t, you can think of the rest. <333

18+ smut

JJ didn't like Kooks, he couldn't stand them, Kie wasn't a kook, she'd never be one in his eyes and whilst everyone else seemed to warm up to Sarah JJ kept his distance. A Cameron with a pogue was wrong, his best friend had somehow gotten the Kook princess and he couldn't wrap his head around how quickly he turned on the pogues to defend her. Then another came, one who he genuinely didn't want to see, Y/n. She was Sarah's best friend, a fellow Kook who Sarah then dragged to meet them, and now he was sat watching all the pogues try to get to know her whilst he stewed in anger.

"So Y/n, what made you want to join the pogues?" John B asked, already knowing Sarah had dragged her along with no explanation. 

"Uhh...i didn't really, i don't really get this whole pogues vs kooks things if i'm honest. Just got dragged along i guess." Y/n shrugged, she didn't really care about who she hung out with as long as she didn't get ditched or end up in jail. JJ scoffed to himself, Kie giving him a look and nudging him before she gave Y/n a smile.

"Well it'll be good to have another girl, the testosterone gets a bit too much sometimes." Kie joked, nudging JJ as he let out a small laugh, Y/n awkwardly laughing and pushing back her hair before looking at her phone. 

"Are we boring you princess?" JJ spoke, Y/n looking up at him with an awkward smile and shook her head, putting her phone away as she went back to leaning against the wall. He kept his mind filled with annoyed thoughts but a few escaped and reminded him that she was pretty and the way she awkwardly smiled at him had made his neck warm.

"No, no, sorry. Just got a text from work asking me to come in tomorrow. Saving for a car so want to get some shifts in." JJ raised an eyebrow, inwardly thinking about how her parents would buy her one without denting their weekly income, he worked to pay for food and she took those hours off someone that probably relied on work to feed their kids. 

"Where do you work?" Pope asked, Y/n giving him a small smile as she turned towards him.

"I work at the golf club, cart girl. All the pervy men tip pretty well so it makes up for their comments, but it's a good place to work, they're actually looking for some guys to drive the carts and carry the clubs if any of you are interested? I can put in a good word, the owner really likes me." Pope's eyes lit up, sure he felt terrified of going back there after Rafe attacked him but he also knew how well they paid since he'd applied when he was younger and been rejected.

"That would be awesome, how many do they need?" Y/n gave him a smile and pulled out her phone.

"Give me 5." Y/n walked away, Pope slapping John B's leg as they grinned at each other, John B hadn't had a solid job since the summer started and Pope enjoyed working for his dad but he saw the struggle. JJ rolled his eyes, drinking his beer as his friends all whispered about their opinions on Y/n, and agreed they liked her which made him angry. They barely knew her, she appears out of nowhere and once again it was like Sarah, they were choosing another kook over the original pogues. Y/n came back a few moments later and sat down, putting her phone away and grinning at the pogues. That stupid grin once more made his body warm but he looked away ignoring her once more as he steeled his thoughts and pushed it to the back of his brain instead forcing more negative ones about her in their place.

"So originally he only needed one but i convinced him he needed more since it's the summer and people go off sick being hungover and what not. So if you guys want jobs you can come with me tomorrow and i'm pretty sure you'll walk out with a uniform. Only if you want to." Y/n was nervous, she'd really pressed her boss, wanting to be nice to the pogues since they'd let her stay so she wanted to show them she wasn't an asshole. JJ scoffed to himself as Pope and John B grinned, excited as they thanked Y/n and high fived each other, Sarah bragging that she'd brought the best new pogue ever. 

JJ didn't feel the same way, she was pushing her way in, making them work on figure 8, what was next? She was gonna start buying their attention? 

JJ's hatred spiralled as John B, Pope and Kie all started working at the golf club on figure 8, he'd refused to go even though he needed the money but it was the premise right? 

Instead he just tried to ignore her but everyone seemed to like her, dragging her to more and more pogue activities where she'd try to be nice to him. Each smile she sent his way made his body heat up and the urge to smile back was sickening to him. Offering him a drink or asking how he was, he would only grunt or hum before walking away leaving Y/n confused but she'd been told he didn't trust easily so she didn't think much of it. Then instead of asking she would just hand him a drink, or give him something else which he'd looked at but didn't have the cash, she'd also buy everyone else a drink or food but to him it felt like she was trying to buy him. Y/n didn't think of it like that, to her she knew she was privileged, so if she had the cash on her or her card then she'd spend whatever she wanted on whoever she wanted. It was all out of her own pocket anyway, her parents only gave her money if she asked which she rarely did. But JJ just saw her as flaunting rich parents, the card she had was probably filled to the brim from a trust fund and any cash she had was probably an allowance given to her to keep her happy, he didn't have that. He didn't have anyone handing out money to him for simply being alive and he resented all the kooks for it, but something about Y/n just made him tick in a way no one else did. Sure Sarah was probably the richest kook kid on the island, but she only really spent it on John B, sometimes buying them food so JJ didn't see it often but Y/n, she was constantly offering to get the pogues anything they wanted. 

The twinkie needs a new belt? She got a mechanic in within a day so the pogues could get places.

John B was behind on rent? She gave him an extra $200 and told him not to worry about paying her back. 

Pope's dad had a bad week with sales? She's reminding everyone at the golf club to place orders. 

Somehow she always helped them, JJ found it suspicious, everyone else thought she was just a nice person but JJ was usually right about people. So when he kept reminding John B not to trust her, or telling Pope he had a bad feeling the pogues all decided the best course of action was the same they'd used on Ki and Sarah. But how to get them both somewhere they couldn't escape? 

Now Y/n stood in the chateau, humming away as she made pancakes since Sarah had asked her to come over and bake with her but Sarah had been gone for a good 10 minutes now.

"John B? You in here?" JJ shouted as he threw his bag down, looking around as he walked into the kitchen, Y/n giving him a small smile and wave as he ignored her as usual which made her sigh. It took him another few minutes to realise it was just them, scowling as Y/n plated up the pancakes and added some syrup before placing them on the table. 

"Where is everyone?" Y/n looked up at JJ, looking around before shrugging, pushing a plate towards him.

"Do you want any fruit?" JJ ignored Y/n, moving to leave when he found the door locked, Y/n trying to phone Ki to see where everyone had gone as JJ began rushing around trying to get out but every exit was locked. 

"What the hell?" JJ shouted as he tried to kick down the door, Y/n's eyes widening as she rushed over to try to calm him down.

"Hey, hey. Chill man, it's just a door jeez." JJ turned to face her, pushing her back lightly until he could stand over her as she pressed her body against the door.

"Why the hell are we locked in L/N?" Y/n'e eyes widened as she moved her hand to try the lock, scowling as she finally turned her face away from him to aggressively try to open the door, looking back at him with a shrug.

"I don't know, i just came here to make pancakes alright? You don't always have to be on my dick Maybank." Y/n pushed him back, gently so he didn't feel threatened and went to walk past him but JJ was quicker, grabbing her arm and pushing her back against the door.

"What does that mean?" JJ glared at Y/n as she rolled her eyes, going to push him away harsher this time but he grabbed her wrists and pressed himself against her.

"It means you're always starting a fight with me, like now, for no damn reason JJ. I haven't done shit to you so let me go and stop with this bullshit." Y/n was now getting angry, she put up with a lot from JJ, the small comments, the undermining and ignoring but she wasn't going to be pushed around because he threw his toys out the pram. 

"You're so annoying you know that right? You come in, push your way into the group, get everyone jobs with you and rub it in our faces how much money you have." JJ ranted, Y/n having enough as she finally pushed him back, her hands on his shirt as she pushed him against the door mimicking how he'd held her there before.

"Do you hear yourself? I was invited, i thought i'd do something nice and help you guys out. I don't give a shit if you have a problem with my money, i earn it, i'll spend it on whoever and whatever i want. I get it, Kook Princess or whatever nickname you've given to me is infiltrating your family. But don't start on me for something i didn't even do." JJ's eyes hadn't left Y/n's face since she'd pushed him against the door, he wanted to feel angry, wanted to hate her but the way she pressed against him and the spark in her eyes was really not something he expected to turn him on so much. Instead JJ just let himself be impulsive, grabbing her neck and pulling her into a deep kiss as he pressed himself into her, Y/n freezing as he did until she found her wits pushing him off her.

"Are you fucking serious? You don't get to treat me like shit and then kiss me." Y/n scowled at JJ but he was too busy containing the urge to do it again, he wanted to push her against the door and fuck her until she didn't know her own name. He realised that all the comments, negativity had been him hiding the attraction to a kook, and whenever he'd looked at her with annoyance he'd been discreetly wishing she'd look over and notice him. Now she was noticing him just not the way he wanted, he wasn't used to being talked back to like that, not from a hot girl who he'd kissed at least. He'd unleashed her fury and he was ready to let her take it on him anyway she wanted as long as he could kiss her again. 

"You're really hot when you're mad." JJ blurted, not thinking as he grabbed her hips pulling her into him as she raised an eyebrow and dropped her eyes to where he held her against him.

"Are you bipolar or just deranged?" Y/n scoffed, moving to push JJ off her when he flipped their position, his hands pushing her hips into the door as he leaned over her.

"I mean it. I've always thought you're hot and i just didn't know how to act being attracted to a kook." Y/n almost laughed at how ridiculous he sounded, just shaking her head in disbelief with an odd smile that made JJ want to drop to his knees. 

"You're unbelievable dude." Y/n finally pushed him away, walking back to the kitchen where she began cleaning up, trying not to think about how good JJ felt against her and how she wanted to get out all her frustration by fucking him. JJ watched her before he slinked next to her, watching her closer as he leant against the sink, his hear invading her body as she washed up wanting to ignore how she could feel his eyes tearing her clothes off with each gaze.

"Come on, don't tell me you've never thought about it...late at night in your princess bed, silk sheets, silk pjs and pretty lace panties for your fingers to slip under." JJ got closer as he spoke, cornering her against the counter as he ran his hands gently along her hips and upper thighs, eyes searching hers as his voice dropped to a whisper. Y/n gulping as she dropped her eyes to her lips then back to his eyes, squeezing her thighs which he felt against his fingers making them dig in as he held himself back from hoisting her up and spreading her open for his breakfast. 

"Sounds like you've thought of it a lot JJ. But i'll let you in on a little secret, when i wear my silk pjs i don't wear panties." Y/n leant forward, pressing her chest against him as she whispered in his ear, a smirk on her face as she blew hot air onto his neck feeling him grip her tightly. JJ was quick once the words processed and in seconds Y/n's front was flush against the counter, his hands dragging her shorts down as she whined at the bruises she could feel forming where her hips connected to the wood.

"Fucking hell Princess, you should know better than to tease me." Y/n went to snap back at him but the words died in her throat as his fingers ran along her underwear, her hands gripping the counter as JJ teased her, pressing the fabric against her as he pushed her hair back and kissed her neck. 

"Cat got your tongue?" JJ teased as he waited for Y/n to go to speak again, pushing her underwear to the side and circling her clit as she choked on the words.

"You-fuck." Y/n gripped the counter as she dropped her head, JJ grinning as he moved at hand to hair and pulled her head back, leaning forward to whisper in her ear. Y/n shuddering as he spoke, his hand moving to push two fingers into her as she gasped.

"You look so pretty like this." Y/n whining as he pumped his fingers harder in and out of her, his hand tangling in her hair as he sucked a dark hickey under her ear. 

"If you're gonna fuck me JJ atleast make it worth my time." Y/n managed to spit out, her thighs shaking as she held in her moans, not able to stop herself from annoying him more since he'd spent months being a dick to her.

"Haha Princess, you're going to regret that." Y/n smirked as JJ ripped down her underwear, struggling with his shorts as he shook with anticipation, Y/n pushing her hips back into his hands as he groaned forcing his zipper opening.

"Are you sure you've done this before Maybank? You seem anxious." Y/n teased, feeling his hands on her hips before he lifted one and landed a harsh smack to her ass making her moan and jerk forward but JJ brought her straight back and pushed into her.

"Fuck." Y/n moaned, his hand moving from her hip to her back and upto hold her hair against as he pulled her back against his front, slinking his hand around to grasp her throat.

"Jesus Y/n, you're so fucking wet." JJ groaned, keeping his grip on her throat and hip as he thrust into her, one of her hands moving to hold the one on her throat as she moaned. JJ panting as he thrust deeper, feeling how her thighs shook and nails gripped his hand, digging in and leaving small crescents in their wake. Her moans encouraging him as he felt her squeeze him, his hand dropping to her shoulder as he left bites and kisses as he hit the perfect spot. Her hand now drawing blood as she squeeze him tightly, moaning his name as hand giving out as JJ let go of her throat. Her front dropping onto the counter as she cried out his name, the new angle making her orgasm spike, his hand in her hair as he went faster.

"J...JJ, can't." Y/n begged, slapping his hips as she teetered over the edge again, JJ throwing his head back as he tried to fight off his own orgasm but the way her pussy was clenching around him, drenching the base of cock so deliciously he was sure his shorts were soaked too. 

"You can baby, you can." JJ spoke, voice strained as he thrust harsher into her, Y/n whining as she came again, JJ shuddering and moaning her name as he came.

"Shit shit." JJ panicked, pulling out as he came over her, his cum dripping out her pussy and down her thighs aswell as where he'd half painted her ass.

"JJ." Y/n half moaned, out of breath as she turned her head, the blonde boy nodding as he cleaned her up slowly, careful of where his hand print now covered her butt making him grin to himself. Y/n finding the energy to push herself up, JJ pulling her underwear and shorts up as she turned to face him, his shorts half done up and boxers low on his hips as he pushed back his hair. 

"So...do you wanna have after sex pancakes?" JJ spoke, all the confidence he had was suddenly gone, replaced by an anxiety that he wasn't used to when talking to girls.

"I want something else first." Y/n didn't give him a chance to ask what, grabbing his shirt and pulling him into a kiss as he melted against her, grinning into the kiss as he held her face. The pair pulling back with matching looks before JJ took her hand and pulled her towards the pancakes, both joking and laughing about JJ's petty past months before the front door opened and the pogues all filtered in.

"So you guys didn't kill each other?" John B joked, looking around for JJ's dead body or signs of a fight instead found the pair eating pancaked with grins, turning to look at the other pogues.

"We worked it all out." Y/n spoke with a grin, JJ giving her a matching cheeky grin as they tried not to let everyone know what had happened. 

[lokh]

#maybe laios has to have his own awakening <-- I'd be very much interested in hearing what that might look like to you 👀 Shuro pining and stressing over it is the easiest thing to imagine, but I struggle a bit with imagining what Laios' perspective on romance is and his romantic interest in general

OK SO....... realistically i think his view on romance in canon is probably closer to how even though we know his passion is monsters we KNOW he wants to eat monsters So Fucking bad...... his favorite food is still cheesecake. yknow?????? but it's not his Passion.... he mentions having a fiance (somewhat as a point of pride iirc?) but having to break it off when he left his hometown. if he Does experience romantic/sexual attraction then it's kind of secondary to everything else going on with him (see also the succubus thing)... ive always kind of assumed that for him, at the very least before ditching town, that getting married was just a thing you did (were supposed to do) and while he wasn't opposed to it, maybe even interested in it, clearly he doesn't seem to care enough to seek it out afterwards. AS an aroace person i want to believe he's on the aroace spectrum adfvccvvbhb..... aro spec non ace laios is interesting too though.....

BASICALLY it's not a huge concern of his BUT. the question of marriage and succession WILL come up post canon. unfortunately he might not be able to take such a lackadaisical attitude about Who he gets with now that he's such a big deal.... but then again, he's got that rebellious streak and seems pretty good at making situations work in his favor. like who's Really gonna be able to stop him if he decides he wants to marry some guy from the eastern archipelago......

I think he might need an awakening in the sense that taking the view that he's kind of assumed that marriage is just a thing that'll happen to him at some point, he's probably never considered getting with a guy. it's just never crossed his mind. but we know he's open minded and willing to take on-board new ideas...... its less a huge awakening than an Oh! i see i get it moment wjnshdhxbx. actually i can imagine the idea being floated to him and he kinda goes hmmmmmm i don't really get it (for me) but ok i guess. then someone going (perhaps out of pity for an already pining shuro) ok but now imagine you and shuro being that close and him going AH! now I get it.

we know that laios cares deeply about the people close to him but it's hard for us to imagine him romantically and that's probably true for the people around him also tbh. i think no matter how you spin it (that he's aroace but decides to have a relationship anyway, or that he does experience any attraction) that perception will always hold and there might be the concern of does he Really get it though irt a relationship (in this case laishuro). I also think that if he does decide on a relationship with someone he cares about that he WILL care deeply he just might not show it in like. any overtly romantic way...

i will say that part of that perception of him being incapable of romance and sexual attraction, im concerned is because of him also being well. pretty autistic lmao. which is obviously not fair. but romance has never been a huge focal point in dungeon meshi much the same way it isn't really for laios, but it's still there nonetheless....

it's possible also that he has a bigger interest in romance and sex than is apparent but because of how Social it is that he simply won't pursue it. he's aware of his lack of social ability and is pretty insular with his social group (iirc this is kabrus perception of him?) so I dont think it's unreasonable to believe he might have decided it wasn't worth the effort to seek it out. but with someone who's Already a friend and you've already made all the possible social gaffes with and they haven't left despite that..........

[starry-nights-garden]

NCT Dream as the Demon hiding under your bed

✧ NCT Dream all members x gn!reader ✧ genre: humor, crack, fluff ✧ warnings: none

Mark:

the confused demon

does not know why he is here

one day wakes up under your bed, hits his head, crawls out and startles the shit out of you

he’s as clueless as you are as to what he’s doing here

laughs awkwardly, attempts to introduce himself and keeps switching back and forth between english and korean

????

maybe the awkwardness is the reason why you’re not scared of him when he explains that he’s a demon

“So I guess I’m supposed to take your soul?” - he figures someday

you just shrug it off and agree because ever since he suddenly moved in with you you two have become pretty good friends

also he’s very cute and seems clueless as to how a demon is supposed to behave, so you secretly don’t think he’d ever be able to take your soul

plus, you know he’s taken a liking to you and his soft spot for you won’t allow him to harm you

really you kinda just chill in your room all day and watch series or play games??

he’s more like a brother you get along with super well than a demon trying to kill you

however, when other demons find out that he’s not doing his job, they decide to do it for him

you can trust him to always hide you well and keep the other demons at a distance

he will do everything he can to protect you from them

Renjun:

the annoyed demon

has been living as a demon for so long that he’s kinda getting tired of it tbh

especially if he ends up choosing a person who doesn’t give up their soul so easily

unfortunately, you are one of those people

so when he realizes this, he just begins to dread the whole thing aksdjfölka

however, he takes his duties as a demon very seriously, and his pride won’t just let him ditch you - he has to see this through until the end

when he finally reveals himself to you, because you just will not give him any kind of opening to steal your soul otherwise, you are understandably scared at first

however, when he offers to grant you your biggest wish, you start to wonder if it’s worth making a deal with him, because surely he must want something in return?

you stay suspicious and start asking questions to figure out what exactly he is

and in the end this discussion is being dragged out so much that he simply lets out a deep sigh and admits everything lol

but since he already promised to grant you a wish, you decide to trick him and wish for him to be your loyal servant until the end of time

which, in your dictionary means he shouldn’t be able to take your soul in the first place, and in his eyes it means that he might still have a chance

so here he is, your own personal servant, who you also just made a pact with

you make him do stuff like bringing you snacks or doing your work for you at first, receiving death glares in exchange

however, at some point a weird tom-and-jerry like friendship starts between you two, and you actually start enjoying spending time with each other

he keeps joking about how he will simply murder you and take your soul while you’re sleeping at night whenever you annoy him in the slightest

but he says that with such an adoring smile on his face ???? 

technically he shouldn’t be able to do that, as it goes against what you wished for - he’s still Renjun tho, so you can never be too sure…

and no matter how well you get along in the end, he will still end up taking your soul one day

Jeno:

the soft-hearted demon

one night you wake up to him, looking all scary and threatening, on top of you, pinning you down to your bed so you can’t escape

you’re obviously scared and don’t know what’s going on

you try to scream, but no sound will come out when he covers your mouth with one hand

and then suddenly you see his features become very soft and the tension leaving his body

has a mental breakdown in the corner of your room because your eyes were wide with fear and you looked so scared and he just isn’t cut out for this whole demon lifestyle

disappears after that but realizes he’ll get in trouble if you reveal his identity, now that you know his face

so he returns one day, politely knocking on your window pane until you let him in :’)

you’re obviously suspicious and scared at first, but then he starts incoherently rambling about his worries

you understand nothing

he panics and eventually leaves again?????

he really is NOT cut out for this…

eventually he HAS to return to you though, because he’s in danger, and you’re also now in danger of being found by other demons

explains himself a bit more coherently this time and out of guilt he offers to protect you???

wasn’t he supposed to take your soul instead???

you’re not sure how this bundle of soft feelings and internal panic is supposed to protect you, but he also refuses to leave with a huge pout on his lips so you decide to let him stay for now

when other demons start swarming your home a bit after that, he makes sure to ward off every single one of them

you grow closer and you come to trust him eventually, feeling reassured that he can protect you

Haechan:

the troublesome demon

technically pretty smart, because he takes the time to observe and get to know about you first

however, when you can’t sleep and keep rolling around in bed and getting up and lying down again several times the very night he was planning on surprising you in your sleep to take your soul, he loses all patience

lets out a huge groan eventually and crawls out from under your bed, wordlessly goes to the kitchen to get chips while mumbling something about needing snacks to calm down, and then sits next to you to watch you fall asleep

obviously NOW you can’t fall asleep because there’s a stranger in your bedroom??? eating your snacks???

he does not explain anything, he just sits there grinning to himself while snacking away

only when you scream in terror that you’re going to call the police, he gets up

“Whoa there, no need to go that far.”

explains that he’s just some apparition and you’re actually already sleeping and you’re just having this hyperrealistic dream to process some kind of hidden worry??

decides that he could just have a bit of fun with you before doing his work, so he crawls out from his hideaway every other night to chat with you

eventually he also convinces you to play games with him and to cook midnight snacks together

he originally made this all a part of his plan to get you to trust him but actually?? spending time with you??? is a lot of fun??

also maybe he’s developing a little crush on you and he can’t decide if that makes it more dreadful or more fun to take your soul later on

he ends up getting really attached to you and clings to you all the time

that is until one night, another demon comes to take your soul and he protects you, ending up explaining everything to you

becomes your personal guardian and gaming buddy after that

Jaemin:

the responsible demon

one day he simply appears and starts telling you what to do??

nags you to do your homework and teaches you how to do taxes

gets really annoying when you don’t do your chores

“I cannot have you live like this.”

lists 74385723 reasons why you should keep your house clean and take care of yourself (literally who askeddddd???)

threatens you to take your soul on the spot if you don’t do what he says aksjdflka

actually very caring and means well, but just cannot watch you procrastinate on stuff that needs to be done eventually

at this point he doesn’t feel like an intruder anymore, so you just accept that there’s this supernatural being somehow supporting you in getting your life together

he also doesn’t really give you the time to figure out that maybe keeping him around could potentially be dangerous to you

either way, you actually come to appreciate his efforts in motivating you, and as he too gets more used to you and takes a liking to you, his words become more gentle

that doesn’t mean he will let you slack off and procrastinate on things that are just stressing you out unnecessarily because you keep not doing them

also has weirdly specific household tips and tricks for you??

if you attempt to cut into your sleep time by staying up too late, he will literally pull you to your bed and not let you get up again until morning kjsdflkas

forces you into taking good care of yourself, and he’s somehow both the nicest and the most annoying being you know

but as a responsible demon, he still has to do his job of taking your soul eventually

however, there’s still some time until then; after all he has to make sure you’re eating three healthy meals a day and that your tax return is filled out correctly

Chenle:

the melancholic demon

tells you in detail about how life on earth was 800 years ago

you think you’re having a fever dream when someone suddenly emerges from under your bed and starts off a conversation with “You know, back in my days…”

dude, you’re like 20, what are you talking about???

really, he’s been wandering this world for hundreds of years, not aging physically due to him being a demon

and now he’s here to take your soul - he doesn’t literally tell you that though

instead, he starts openly explaining how he’s taken the souls of many other people and how you can’t escape him anyway, due to his experience and knowledge of the human mind

basically he’s explaining to you in the most chill and unfazed way possible that he’s about to kill you, while throwing in some memories here and there, feeling nostalgic

you’re in for a very long night, because this guy just won’t stop talking and sharing his wisdom, and at times it seems like he doesn’t even care if you’re listening or not

at some point asks if you happen to have a good bottle of wine at home??? kind of like a last supper he wants to have with you??

what is wrong with him

eventually you join in on the conversation and he finds what you’re saying so interesting that he takes an instant interest in you

maybe he won’t take your soul right away?

you somehow end up talking until sunrise, and to your surprise he simply crawls back under your bed and disappears? you feel even more like you just had a very long fever dream now

however, the following night he returns to talk to you again, claiming that he had so much fun and for as long as you manage to entertain him he will spare you

obviously you feel very pressured now, maybe even so pressured that you fail to find something to talk about at all

rest assured though, he’s been in this for long enough to not let any chance to enjoy the small things in life slip away, so he always helps you out in finding a topic for a conversation

Jisung:

the awkward demon

has no clue what he’s doing

like that villain who always explains his grand plan of evil to you before actually executing it, except make it very awkward and also there is no actual execution of the plan that follows

he’s a shy bean and who even ever thought he’d do well as an entity designed entirely to take people’s souls???

and it’s his first time taking someone’s soul too, so he’s just very anxious, and what if he embarrasses himself??? (like that’s the part he should be most worried about???)

anyway, he has a super-foolproof plan (at least he thinks it’s foolproof), which already fails at step one

so one night you’re lying in your bed, about to fall asleep, when you hear something rustling under your bed

you don’t think much of it, but when you hear the noise again you decide to get up and take a look

you turn on the lights and find a person hiding there in plain sight, eyes squinting because it’s too bright and holding a huge bag of sweets in his arms

he’s very dumbfounded

eventually he holds out the sweets to you and goes “Let me take your soul in exchange for these treats!”

you start screaming, because there is a complete stranger under your bed and how did he even get there??? so he finally jumps out, slamming his hand over your mouth

“Shh!! What if someone hears us or finds out I’m here?”

eventually changes his bribe into you shutting up about him in exchange for the sweets, and also slips up somewhere in between, revealing that he is - in fact - a demon

now he feels so guilty for inconveniencing you that he’s unable to take your soul

therefore he simply surprises you every night with a new supply of sweets

he still has a lot to learn, sigh…

[simslegacy5083]

NSB (Straud Legacy) Gen 9 Ep 78: Awkwardness, Overcome

Luigi was so wrapped up in wrestling with responsibility and morality that just like with his father, he didn’t notice Noemi until she sat down next to him.

He looked up in confusion; desperately glad to see her but embarrassed to be in such poor shape. Her wince when she got a good look at his face didn’t help put him at ease. “You have quite the shiner there, friend. It’s not too late for us to bail if your family isn’t as friendly as you thought.”

Luigi gingerly reached up, grimacing as his fingers met the bruised and swollen skin encircling his right eye, all the while struggling to process that Noemi was really here and that she’d said us. “I guess I must look like the monster I really am right now, but even I’m not evil enough to ditch Dad tonight.”

“Evil!?” she asked. “Whatever gave you that idea?” Luigi explained about the fight with Leroy, Amaya's angry words, his father's disappointment, and his larger secret shame. “I really hurt Beau. Am I going to keep hurting people because I can’t control myself?”

Noemi shook her head “You are a lot of things, but evil certainly isn’t one of them. Just the fact that you feel so terrible about what happened with Beau proves that.” When his downtrodden expression didn’t shift, she gently squeezed his hand and decided to try a different approach.

Turning playful Noemi said in a sing song voice: “Ooo look out, I’m evil Luigi! I’ll defend my friends from your insults and then become your co-captain and maybe best friend on the team! I’m so mean I have tons of friends and… she looked meaningfully through the window at the dancing and laughing crowd inside … way too many relatives who want to party with me.”

She made vampire hands to snatch at the now bemused Luigi who was watching her tirade with a much more put upon, but much less pitiful, look.

Noemi smiled as Luigi chuckled, feeling much better after her lighthearted show. “Thank you for that. I guess you’re right, maybe I’m not evil, but I obviously have some work to do controlling this stupid temper and making a better habit of repairing relationships like I did with Beau.”

Luigi knew that making amends for bad behavior wasn't the same as not causing the trouble in the first place, but saying sorry to those he’d hurt was a step in the right direction. He resolved to reach out to Bryon on Social Bunny one day soon and apologize for that whole mess as well.

Noemi agreed “There’s always room for personal growth. That’s… actually why I decided to come here after all.”

Now serious she explained “Luigi, I’m so sorry. Social situations are so hard for me, and this big wedding is terrifying. After you left that night, I tried to tell myself it was for the best, but I couldn't get you out of my head. The silent apartment you left behind taunted me with every empty room.”

“I looked at the future I was headed for and I didn’t like it one bit. I don’t want to end up a recluse afraid of crowds, but most importantly I don’t want to end up without YOU. It took me forever to find the courage, but I decided to come here and get my boyfriend back. Assuming you’re still willing to introduce us to your family that way.”

Luigi’s expression morphed into an excited smile. “Are you kidding?! You show up, turn my misery into happiness once again, and offer everything I wished for! I’d like nothing better than to take my girlfriend inside and show her around.”

Rising Noemi took a deep breath, muttering nervously “Let’s get this over with.” Luigi leaped up to embrace her, grinning like a fool.

“I’ll be there for you every second, and if all those hours of Sims Forever have taught me anything, it’s how to come up with a story to explain away an unusual situation!” They walked inside hand in hand, shocking his parents with his transformed mood and even more unexpectedly altered date.

True to his word, Luigi spun truth and lies into a smooth explanation. Meeting and discovering they shared a major at Harvestfest, their friendship deepening over time, and the awkwardness Noemi felt about meeting everyone again causing them to keep it all a secret until now.

His elders took the whole thing in stride. Peachy joked “there’s nothing wrong with keeping it in the family!” while Valentina simply said, “its lovely to see you again dear”.

With that hurdle overcome at last, Luigi led his reclaimed lady to the dance floor. Just like before that fatefulHarvestfestdinner he was excited to take their relationship to the next level now that they were out of hiding and Noemi was finally free of the burdens of the past.

View The Full Story of My Not So Berry Challenge Here

[adoremexxs]

What if…Rui and Zohakuten both had a crush on the reader? Would they hold a sort of competition? One up each other? Would their friendship become strained? What would they think if they both confessed and reader liked them both, would they be willing to be in a poly relationship? Have a good day/night! :}

Rivalry

this was actually hard to think abt

no warnings besides curse words

.

.

.

Rui had liked you for a long, long time. In fact, ever since he first saw you.

That’s why he befriended you so fast, clinging onto your side and making Zohakuten extremely jealous.

He was mad that his best friend had his attention on someone else other than him! Who was this person and how did they get Rui to be so obsessive?!

He didn’t understand it until he started hanging out with you.

You were so sweet and patient with him. It made him sick. Your voice coaxing him to tell him what’s wrong and comforting him. Now he knows why Rui likes you so much.

Rui often hung out with you. He basically ditched Zohakuten for you.

It left Zohakuten in a depressed mood and made him despise you even more. He hated how you made him feel relaxed and vulnerable and he hated that you strained his and Rui’s relationship.

He could clearly see that Rui liked you. A lot.

Especially when Rui started to post pictures of you and him on social media. Just little hang out photos without him. It made Zohakuten want to puke. He felt…discarded.

Rui also started to comment under your social media posts, being all too friendly.

He was touchy with you in person. You and Rui were inseparable. Until he had to go on vacation. He tried to get you to come but ain’t no way your parents are going to let you go on vacation with some boy!

So you were stuck with Zohakuten. You felt bad that you guys just left him out.

Zohakuten wasn’t very pleased with you. He kept himself distant from you at first until he kinda warmed up.

He took you to the waterpark with him and you tried to drown him.

It backfired. You guys also got screamed at by the lifeguards.

Rui had texted you throughout his entire vacation but when you wouldn’t respond, he would get a bit upset. He expected your full attention always. What could possibly have you so busy that you can’t answer him?

Zohakuten was the answer.

You came to realize that Zohakuten was a lot more fun than Rui. He set off illegal fireworks with you, run around Walmart and troll people. All Rui wanted to do was talk and sleep and try to get you to hold his hand all the time

Zohakuten was entertaining. He opened up to you a bit, talked about his family which surprised you. Only Rui really knows about Zohakuten’s family issues but Zohakuten felt comfortable enough to tell you.

You were honored.

Whenever Rui came back, you left Zohakuten out again. Or well, he did. Rui got mad whenever Zohakuten would try and say something to you and say something snarky to him. Zohakuten would usually keep his mouth shut because it’s his best friend. He doesn’t want to lose him. Until one day…

.

.

.

Rui was clinging onto you and Zohakuten had said something about physical appearance and Rui made the nastiest comment out of sheer jealousy.

“(Y/N), (Y/N), aren’t Zohakuten’s purple veins weird? He’s like some kind of alien.”

You frowned as Rui giggled, pulling you closer to him. You felt bad for Zohakuten.

You went to say something but you got interrupted.

“Rui, what the FUCK?!” Zohakuten’s face was twisted into an angry expression, far angrier than what you have seen. “You are not one to be judging how I look! You’re being fucking rude just because you like (Y/N). Well, guess what? I like them too and you can’t just be an asshole because you like them. You pushed me away these past 3 months and discard me like I’m some kind of ragdoll. I have feelings too, Rui!”

Zohakuten had screamed at him and caused people to look in your direction. Wow! This was too much to handle! Both of your best guy friends like you and are fighting over you!

“Like bro, if you came to me and told me that you like them, I would have let you have them,” Zohakuten frowns, resisting the overwhelming urge to sock his best friend in the damn face, “You don’t have to make me LOOK BAD because you want to seem better than me.”

Rui was dumbfounded. “Zohakuten, (Y/N) clearly likes me more-“

“YOU JUST MISSED THE WHOLE POINT!” Zohakuten was furious. He gets humiliated and now Rui doesn’t pay attention to the key points of his scolding.

“Why don’t we just ask (Y/N) who she wants to date?” Rui shrugs. He obviously knew it was going to be him. He had treated you the kindest and Zohakuten was…well, not the kindest person people knew.

“Dude. Are you fucking for real?”

“Yeah. (Y/N), which one of us do you like more?” Rui turns to you, giving you a dashing smile. It was his attempt to win you over and Zohakuten just looks at you in disbelief.

Your eyes dart back and forth between the two.

Who will you choose?

[deadendtracks]

final response to this post by @divinekangaroo!

“some of these might be considered trauma responses but my preference is to think he is/was always going to be this way *somewhat*#because he is this way.the particular traumas he went through were able to be framed in ways that allowed him to continue…for a while Also curious about this -- what do you think are the characteristics he has that were "always going to be this way" The key ones:  - That he struggles with actually connecting deeply with people, reading sexual cues/flirtation, because he actually connects too deeply – he holds back to avoid embarrassment if he’s misread something. Some of this leads to an inclination to prefer sex that is openly a transaction (prostitutes) because it relieves any dialogue around intimacy or connection. He can treat sex as a physical need without having to think about the other.

I can see him possibly struggling to read sexual cues/flirtation as a young man though I don't actually think he has that problem at all as an adult, post-war. I think he's just very blunt about bringing things out in the open -- and can be awkward about it in his bluntness (or doesn't care if he's being awkward/borderline rude). His reasons for doing so (with May, for example) are interesting to dig into. He does not misread the cues that Mosley is giving him; but in this case he does *not* bring it into the open bluntly.

In May's case he absolutely knows she wants to fuck him, it's not in question. He's more about putting it out there on the table as something he doesn't want to dance around (since they're alone and there's no worry about propriety). There's a lot of class stuff going on there, I think; all the talk about working class cock from his brothers and from Ada. What he isn't sure about is *why* she wants to fuck him and what she wants to get out of it. Which is why he asks if he represents something to her.

I'm not sure about him struggling to deeply connect with other people as a young person pre-war. One of the ongoing themes of the series (especially in s1) is how drastically he's changed by the war, how unrecognizable he is to his family and the people who knew him before -- it suggests this inability to connect is a result of the war and not something that was present before. At the same time I can see him being more shy around people outside his family and friend circle as a kid/young man, so I don't fully disagree I guess! Maybe it's that whatever struggle he had before the war it became terribly compounded after when he couldn't really feel anything period, which puts up a barrier when trying to connect to people. The idea Knight and CM talk about Tommy "thawing" throughout the series comes to mind. He's so emotionally frozen (and the strength of this isn't consistent; he thaws a bit and refreezes in reaction to circumstances).

Part of his aversion to connecting to people this way has to do with this 'traumatic freezing' I think -- by s5-6 when he seems unable to prevent himself from thawing, the result is increasing instability, anxiety he can't control, moral injury he can't ignore, and spiralling mental illness. So the 'freezing' of the earlier seasons served as protection even as it kept him more isolated from connecting to people. He's not really able to connect well even after he starts 'thawing' because by then he's feeling totally out of control.

Sorry that was a digression, I think.

Either way I don't think he holds back out of fear of misreading something; I think he's quite good at reading people and situations and that doesn't seem like something that wouldn't have been present pre-war.

I do think the way he treats sex as a transaction was most likely not the case before the war.

- Deep connection is unrelated to sex, and that he’ll always look for deep connection with someone over the sex. If both, ok wonderful, but if the sex makes the connection complicated he’ll ditch the sex and find that elsewhere. (I really think of Alfie in this space.)

Yeah I think this could work both pre- and post- war.

- Connection comes before physical/sexual attraction. People are physically neutral to him until he feels something for them first. For example, he couldn’t be seduced by a hot woman into a vulnerability in the way, say, Arthur or John probably could?

Yeah, absolutely.

I think of both Grace and Tatiana here. With Tatiana and no or limited connection, he pretty much flips her attempted seduction on its head and notwithstanding the essentially of them having ‘sex for the cause’, his sexual participation instead forges that double (is it triple by this point?) cross with her instead for their mutual benefit, rather than her sexual seduction exposing vulnerabilities in him for her people to exploit. With Grace, the connection comes well before the sex and it’s connection which exposes him/makes him vulnerable, not the sex.

Yeah. Any potential subtext about sexual trauma aside, I do think it can be difficult to untangle how he may have been prior to the war from how he was after -- it's such a profound impact on him, including on his sexuality and his ability to connect to people.

[raayllum]

In regards to your last post, they did do that with Soren (ik ik you weren't talking about him) but his character has depth and a more satisfying arc (relating back to the vulnerability is strength theme) so I'm cool with him

Here's the thing about Soren though, honestly. He's just jerky and loyal enough to his father (and the fact that Viren asks him to kill the princes rather than Claudia in the first place) that in S1 it's more of a tossup, even if I do remember being more worried about Claudia / her skewed worldview in S1 than I was about Soren.

TDP also has more complex explorations of morality (if not in some ways just exploring actual morality) than most shows aimed at kids/young teens do.

In She-Ra, the war is mostly a backdrop conflict used to explore relationship conflict, so when characters do defect from like, a conquering empire, it's because they've realized they aren't 1) treated well there by their 'friends' or 2) would rather be someone's friend than enemy. That's fine as a show focus, but it is more shallow in the morality department; thus, even though I have issues with how Catra's redemption arc was executed, I still always absolutely knew it was coming. To be clear, there's nothing with a predictable character arc (I love good setup and subsequent payoff and would take that over a 'subversives surprise' any day) but it did make her less interesting / harder to watch her be continually terrible to the people around her, even when they just risked everything to save her from death.

In The Owl House, every antagonist besides the main villain is either just misunderstood, misguided, redeemed, or all three (hi Hunter, Amity, The Collector, Lilith). There are a few others - Boscha, Kikimora, Odalia - but they're all regulated to small episode conflicts (each get like maybe 2 eps as an antagonist at most) and it's just... they all want power. Okay, cool.

What I'm trying to say through these examples is that's not a lot of moral depth in their character arcs, and to me, that makes a redemption arc less interesting to watch. However, Soren is a very morally driven character and he struggles with the morality of his choices and of his father's. His redemption arc ties in many other important relationships in his life and develops them (Claudia, Viren, Callum, Ezran) all in different ways. Ezran is his king and becomes his new purpose; Callum is a second chance and also kind of a little brother and also kind of an emotionally unavailable best friend who doesn't entirely trust you; Claudia is his sister turned enemy; Viren is, well... We're gonna get into how complicated that is even more, I'm sure.

I guess that's also what it comes down to me, the sacrifice / inconvenience element of the character doing the redeeming. Soren had, and has, something to lose by staying on the side of the good guys. He defects for his safety, yes, but he leaves behind his little sister and his previous idealization of his father on his own terms through a series of events and his own realizations. He shows up on the good guys' doorstep with "We're doomed." Even in S4, he's still losing things and at least somewhat on the losing side, with his entire family on the other side of the line. (Compare and contrast to Amity, whose entire family - all four of them - unanimously ditch her crappy mother or Catra, who defects after realizing she's effectively worthless to the new #1 villain replacing her, etc. They lose nothing, really, in the end.)

And again, I think Soren's arc works because well... it's the only one that TDP has had in this way. Rayla defects immediately, so her redemption arc works a bit differently. Claudia is still in the middle of her "what if I got worse haha jk... unless?" arc. So they all work as his primary arc foils in a very nice way. Now Viren is going through a bit of Soren's S2 arc, which we'll have to see how that goes, but full fledged died and resurrected and dragged through the mud by his daughter's determination to keep him alive sad old sack of an evil man isn't an arc you see often, now is it?

Soren realizes he's wrong without 1) a mentor figure or 2) heroes pointing it out to him and offering him second chances (save Ez sparing both him and Claudia in 3x02, which had an impact for sure but like - think of how much more reaching out, comparatively, even someone like Zuko got from protag team). Part of this is also because Soren starts off in an interesting place for a 'redeemed character' which is that he starts off on the 'right side' (protecting the king) so he has more of a restoration/maturation arc than an outright redemption arc, in some ways.

So Soren's arc is unique within his story, it's very well paced, there's a depth of morality, and it's tethered to theme so so well. It's *chef's kiss* and refreshing for someone who honestly doesn't truthfully love redemption arcs most of the time (at least not the classical kind) so it's just. Nice, y'know? It's really nice

[lutawolf]

Between Us Episode 3 Commentary and Review

Previous episode reviews can be found here.

We start the series with Team playing basketball. He misses. In the book, he is actually a very good basketball player.

Yup, you stink, Team. Bet we have Team second guessing if Win really meant they were in a relationship. Remember, the UWMA Team needs reassurances. Why? Well Win is perceived by many to be a fuck boy. Is anybody surprised? Bisexuals are often perceived this way. It will be interesting if that actually is being kept. Guess I'll have to continue watching to see.

This is what I mean by the dominant Team. He isn't really, but he does feel the need to puff up. He is concerned with being seen as weak.

Look at that pissy Win. I know a lot of people have made comments that they feel Win is different. Remember, you were only seeing snippets of Win with Team, whom he is soft with. Outside of Team, he is tough. These coconuts.

Too late! Win has already eaten him alive! The slow mo! Love it, but I love Win waiting on Team even more! Did that dead ass actually run. 🤣🤣🤣 Is there really a product placement for iqiyi! ☠️ Team, you are so brave when it isn't Win. These lovely bunch of coconuts.

New nickname is drama king, and I'm not talking about the actor. The nickname fits. Look at him freaking out, then raising his hand.

Oh, T-rex, you risk losing your head. Look at that stare from Win and also him going Dom Daddy. Telling his friend not to talk about his man like that again. 🤟 I mean, he used the guise of him being a member of the club, but that's for Team's sake. Dean is coming in with words of honesty and humor. T-rex, seriously, you are trying to dye. Poor Win, though.

Fucking coconuts 🥥 Pince don't ditch your education! Bee is gone 🤣🤣🤣 Is he even gonna wash his hand. Okay, Team, I'm pretty sure you know why Win is concerned about you and not Bee. He might not be your daddy, but he is your Daddy.

I am dead. The ABC gang is making fun of Team. Rightfully so cause he damn sure not as brave as he talked. Love how Win just bluntly asks Team if he was avoiding him. Guys! Win's sad face is killing me. I'm gutted. He doesn't want to wait for Team.

Staaaaap, don't hurt me like this. Okay, I can't judge alcohol therapy. I've been there and done that. Get ready to embarrass yourself. The coconut gang really wants to help Team. Poor Win.

Why did you have to call him out on calling him Hai. It's their version of Daddy. Don't ruin it for us! Hell to the fucking yeah! Flashback, baby! Yup! They making Win a perceived fuck boy.

These fucking drunk white crayons are singing the abc song. I'm so dead. You fuckers really went to attention and dropped your friend. Niiiice. You assholes left him with the person he was just talking about!!! You white crayons have better read the room and know the situation. Otherwise you deserve an ass kick.

There is no time like the present for a conversation. Oh, you lucky that finger didn't get bit. That's straight up disrespectful. Don't put a finger in my face unless you are ready to fight. Fuck! I love their openess. Win wants to know why he has to report. Win explains he worries. That's what Team wants to hear. That arm on the shoulder is a signal of a wall coming down. He is still guarded, but he is listening. Who is Win to Team to worry. Win wants to know what title would allow him to be protective over Team.

They were so close to kissing, but Team pulls back. It's alright cause Win is starting to put two and two together, and he knows Team is still interested in him.

Win putting the helmet on Team, so cute. Getting on a bike drunk, though, is a recipe for disaster. Kids, don't try this at home. Yeah, we were really lucky he didn't fall off with being this drunk. Go take a shower!?!? You want him to drown! You are a brat, Team.

Parasomnia is a bitch. It can be caused by sleep apnea. So imagine your body has fought sleep so long that it's just fucking wore out, right. Then exactly what you're afraid of happens, the nightmare, but your brain is past exhausted. It locks you into place so you can't wake up. It often does take someone else.

Sub trio! Swimming makes you so hungry. Team, don't tease your friend! Nah, it's cute. Continue!

Open house! Poor Team. This is gonna kill me. Poor tired, baby. Win buying his basket. He's so worried. Ha! Daddy, husband, wifey! Just call him special. Ha! He bought him healthy food too.

Dean, leave my baby alone. I can't handle it. ABC gang are pretty good friends. Come on, brat, you gotta talk. Ah, see, that step towards Team. He was going to cage, but Team talks before he has to.

Yessss!!!! Take him to your room. To sleep. Baby needs it. Move closer. We've done more than this. 🤣🤣🤣 That's it. He does puff up like a cat! The care, though! Team how can you not see it!

There you go. It's better not to wake them up but sooth instead. Help them to find comfort while sleeping. Which Team does. Instinctively seeking comfort. Aww, he completely wrapped himself around Win. Pay back!

He kicked him off the bed and called him a squid!! This fucking brat. Dead. Team lies. Here is this Dom that has put up with being ignored, run from, bad mouthed, and kicked, but the instant Team doesn't talk or lies he goes Dom. And goes straight to caging.

See that smile at Team gonna wear his shirt. Me too, Win, me too. Did Win really grab Team's pillow to cuddle and sleep with. Cuteness overload. 😍

How did you forget! 🤣🤣🤣 The love. Damn. That kiss was so damn cute. They are so damn cute.

Hope you guys enjoy! 💜💜💜

[eriquin]

The Trolley Problem, Part 17

More Tommy and Carol and Steve, this time with an attempt at reconciliation. Things are both going to fast and not going fast enough.

(master post)

Part 17

Friday had Steve on edge. He didn’t sleep well. The nightmares had traveled into the past with him, and the stress of what he had to do this weekend was bringing them out in full force. Mom commented on how tired he looked, but he assured her that he was feeling fine. 

He got through his first few classes with no problems. People around him groaned about the amount of homework being assigned and chatted about weekend plans and he listened in half-heartedly. It was strange to not be pulled into the conversations. If he kept his head down and didn’t look directly at people, they assumed he was busy or annoyed or upset. This was familiar.

At lunch, there were no quiet corners of the cafeteria to take refuge in. He nearly went to join Eddie’s table because he wanted to finalize the last piece of the vague plan he had for Sunday, but the memory of Eddie’s private rebuke stopped him. He thought about going to eat in his car, or finding an empty classroom, but instead took an empty spot at a table with a bunch of the sophomore basketball players. 

If nothing changed in the future, these guys would lead a witch-hunt against his friends, turning the whole town against them. But right now they were awkward fifteen-year-olds who were excited that basketball was starting soon. They were falling over themselves to make room for him at their table, like they looked up to him. He listened to them talk up the team and the coach and the plans for that season, quietly agreeing that they had a chance at the championship with their lineup. Maybe there was a lot more that he could change, if things went right.

Steve was sorely tempted to skip the last couple of classes, but he didn’t because his plan to talk to Eddie involved catching him before Hellfire started. He was alone and pacing in the boy’s bathroom, figuring out what he wanted to say, when Tommy came in. They stared at each other for a second, and Tommy walked back out again. He was back in another moment with Carol. Steve groaned and shook his head in frustration.

“Wait, just hear us out,” Carol said. “Tommy was just making sure no one else was here.” 

“Finally figuring out that you shouldn’t be in the boy’s bathroom, Perkins?” Steve crossed his arms.

“No, I don’t give a shit about that,” she said. She looked around the bathroom. “It’s actually less gross in here than in the girl’s room near the cafeteria. Ugh, stop distracting me.”

“We’re trying to apologize,” Tommy said. Steve did a double take, and Tommy nodded. “Yeah, really. You’ve got shit going on, obviously, and we didn’t mean to be dicks about it.”

Steve waited a second. “... But?” 

“No buts,” Carol said. “We talked about it, and whatever freaky shit you’ve got going on... Well, that’s not our business, right?” 

Steve watched them both, trying to figure out what their game was. “Right,” he said warily. “So... What then?” 

Tommy shrugged. “That’s it. Carol just wanted to make sure we did this in private. Can’t have anyone in the school realize she’s capable of being wrong, you know?”

Carol hit him with the back of her hand. “You were wrong too, asshole,” she said. She turned back to Steve and pouted a little. “But yeah, that’s it. Can we be cool with each other again?” 

The whole interaction threw Steve for a loop. “Yeah,” he said, brushing his hair back. “I guess, yeah. Sorry I’ve been such a pill lately. I wish...” He stopped and rubbed his forehead. “Look, I’ll tell you what’s going on when I can, okay?” 

Tommy nodded. “You are joining the basketball team this year, right? I saw you talking it up with Carver and his crew at lunch.”

“Yeah, I am,” Steve said. He chuckled a little, biting back the ‘assuming I survive’ that threatened to spill from his lips. “Yeah, don’t worry about that. I’m not ditching the team.”

“Cool. Good,” Tommy said. He glanced at Carol. They both looked nervous.

“Hey, I like what you’ve been doing with your hair,” she said. She gestured at her own hair, and then at his. “You’ve parting it the other way, right? Looks good.” 

Steve touched his hair self-consciously. “Yeah, I... I dunno. Changed my routine a little.” 

“It works for you,” Carol said. She looked back at Tommy. Steve watched them have whatever silent conversation they had going on. 

Tommy sighed and resigned himself to using actual words. “Okay, so your parents are heading away on a trip, right?”

“That’s right.” 

“They’re leaving Sunday?” 

Steve frowned, knowing where this was going. “Yeah, Sunday morning.” He was prepared to tell them that no, he was not going to be throwing any parties at his big house while his parents were out, no matter what they expected.

Tommy nodded. “Cool. You want to stay at mine, then?” 

This threw Steve for a loop. “What?” 

“Come over for dinner, hang out, that kind of thing. Like we used to.” Tommy shrugged and tried to look casual about it. “Mom’s worried that you’re not going to cook for yourself, and just live off of pizza or something. She’s making a roast, like always.” 

A lump caught in Steve’s throat. He liked going over to the Hagan’s house for dinner. He hadn’t done that in... years, effectively. And he could tell that this was an olive branch from Tommy, something to get their friendship back on track after the weirdness of the past couple of weeks. He just wished that they hadn’t suggested Sunday.

“I could maybe do Monday night,” Steve said. “But not Sunday. I’m busy then.” 

Tommy and Carol glanced at each other. “Busy doing what?” Carol asked. 

“Just... Busy,” Steve said. He sighed and held up his hand to keep them from asking any more questions. “Look, we’ll catch up next week, okay?” 

Carol looked like she was going to say something else, but Tommy put his hand on her shoulder and shook his head. “Yeah, man. Plan on it.” He smiled but it looked tense. 

Steve pushed past them and left the bathroom. He stopped just outside the door and sighed. From inside, he hears Carol say something about how he hated staying home alone. She sounded suspicious. He sighed and walked off, shaking his head. Just a couple more days to get through, and then maybe he could figure out what the new version of normal was going to be.

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi Cas! I kinda needed a bit of advice so this is going to be a long rant

So last year there was a new girl at our school. I had just gotten over a crush, someone who I knew wouldn't like me back so I was pretty bored because what else can a queer teen girl do instead of fantasising about other girls. So when I saw her for the first time, she was reading a book. I thought she was new but I wasnt sure so I had to reconfirm. The next period turns out, she ended up in one of my language classes where she had to introduce herself.

Well, long story short (idk if ill survive) my best friend managed to make us sit together in another common class and that was the start of our friendship (i pined after her the WHOLE summer break because i was too shy to talk to her despite being an extrovert). We started texting and stuff So I established that i liked her and told her um one day before my besties birthday (pretty soon im excited) andddddddd guess whatttttttttttt. she rejected me. WEEEE

but one day in September i went to her art exhibition with my mom and our moms got to talking and i was still mad in love despite being rejected but anyway a day after that in school we had a small assembly about the lgbtqia+ community and how its okay to like girls, being in an all girls school so after that she texted me saying that she liked me and i FREAKED because i was so EXCITED welp. um. even tho she liked meeeeeeee we ended up in a situationship because she didnt wanna date and i was confused but didnt wanna force her

now my bestie has a theory which I directly quoted:

I think as a new girl, she wanted to make friends. And her best friend's nice, fine, whatever, but have you noticed that she rarely talks to your girlfriend once she's with her friends? Even your girlfriend must have. The point is, you were nice, kind, friendly. You wanted to be "friends" or so she first thought. It was a good friendship, and then you confessed. Our theory was that she didn't say that she liked you back then was because she didn't. Then you might've accidentally gone and done the thing where you avoid people, especially because you felt that you had ruined everything. So she confessed to not lose you. And then you ended up dating after whyever she didn't want to date was sorted out. She knew that you'd always treat her right and then she tried so it would be like a relationship. Then once you said you loved her, romantically, she knew you were going to be around. And then she eventually stopped trying. I think that she got attached to you at some point in time, and that's when the whole thing with the constant "I miss you"s started. The original basis of the theory was something we had discussed before, not you and me, but yeah, and I just elaborated with whatever information I've learnt today.

anyway most of my close friends disapproved of the relationship because she never reciprocated their efforts to get to know each other because both parties were going to be major parts of my life and never seemed to speak to me when they were around but i was blind and stupid and didnt listen to them and actually ended up ditching people to hangout with wonderful gf who said ok to dating 2 days after my bday

anyway so recently i been feeling like i wanna break up with her? so obv first person i go to is my best friend bc she's is the platonic loml and then she helps and we forget about it. mind you we're mid exams rn and like a few days ago i have had the nagging feeling i wanna breakup with her. bestie. my best friend makes me list out reasons and gets trauma dumped on.

basically I feel like we never have real conversations or communicate properly and it's always just kind of baby talk? even when it's serious, so like. yeah and then sometimes when i'm talking about my interests, she just goes "ew" and doesn't listen? and I help her when she fights with her best friend, but when I fight with mine she just replies "oh" and nothing else.

and the thing is we have very different schedules, but she always expects me to compromise on mine for hers like she stays up and I wake up early but she calls me late at night when i'm sleeping because "she missed me"??? she did this once on the day before a test and she knew that I wanted to get up early to revise. not to mention, she once also called my mom a psycho. yeah, so all of that and the fact that she never gave me gifts for our six month anniversary while I made her several boquets of paper flowers and shit I thought that maybe she didn't think we were doing that but I didn't get anything afterwards either. it's the same with gifts in general. and she doesn't really match my wild side or wants to do cliche coupley things that I want to do and I don't want to force her but I also really want to do them?

anyway i kinda got some shit going on in my life? and i kinda told gf that i may be emotionally unavailable but we'll talk about this after midterms. thing is. i may have told gf i wanna be friends but i dont actually now idk how to do damage control? But in my best friend's opinion it will just make shit more complicated and hurt both our feelings

idk what to do. everyone around me has biased opinions, so, yeah

Hi! <3

Okay, here's the thing. You're listening to everyone's opinion right now but your own. What do YOU want? Whatever you want, like really want, you need to decide that. And then you need to nicely tell your (ex)gf that. Because forcing your feelings for other peoples' benefit will only result in other people being hurt.

If you want to be with this girl, you need to communicate your feelings about her not being available enough. if you want space, you need to tell her that, too.

Either way, decide what YOU want, you know? Stop listening to others <3

naming you paper flower anon

[donnerpartyofone]

your posts about self esteem were really interesting. I hope you don't mind if I ask, but do you struggle with empathy? I've got friends in psychology who say self compassion is correlated to compassion for others, so often low empathy = poor self image. Social skills are often hampered by conditions like autism, and compassion is social.

Thank you for this provocative question, anon! I like that you say those posts were "interesting" instead of like, sad or delusional or something. I had to start blocking people who were compelled to tell me what to think or how to feel about myself, or who thought they were helping by denying the nature of what I was reporting. A few people recently had a more thoughtful or inquisitive reaction and I found that really refreshing.

Apologies in advance for this long dissertation on ME, but I'm glad you asked this specific question because it relates to something that came up recently that I think is important to talk about. More below the break so I don't ruin everyone's dash.

First of all I think I do not struggle with empathy; if anything I seem to have a hyperactive sensitivity to other people's moods and dispositions. One of the reasons parties are hard for me is that it takes a lot of energy to be immersed in other people's, uh, "vibes" or "auras"--please don't take anything mystical from my word choice, it's just hard to describe otherwise. I start syncing with other people to make myself less weird and off-putting (who knows how much I'm succeeding!), and then I need a lot of solitude to get back to my baseline. I'm very concerned with how other people feel, which is why I've been so good in hospitality-related jobs. But I'm sure this is related to the fact that I have major boundary issues, I get so hung up on how other people (seem to) feel that it can make it hard for me to assert myself until someone has pushed me way over the edge.

But I guess there's a limit re: the "reading social cues" bit. I *think* I read the room pretty well most of the time (I must! For my survival!), but I have a history of taking people at their word too much and not noticing that someone has bad intentions until it's too late. Maybe there's a certain amount of literalism going on. Like a really simple example is, I have a hard time with the concept of being "fashionably late"; if a party starts at 8, I will arrive anxiously right at 8, and there's a good chance that I will get there at like 7:57 and lurk on your front steps until the clock turns 8 BECAUSE YOU SAID 8, YOU MUST HAVE MEANT 8. I have finally learned that nobody really likes this unless they're my best friend or something, but I can't tell myself "Just relax and get there when you get there," that's too confusing, I have to say "We will now arrive at 8:20 because this is the secret code of party start times." That's a benign sort of dysfunction, but another version of that is, my boyfriend says he loves me and he doesn't want to break up. Actually he cheats on me all the time and screams at me and scares me, but because he like *technically* loves me and doesn't want to break up because that's what he literally said, my stupid brain thinks that's the rule and the other manifestations of his feelings must be anomalous, and then I'm in a really bad relationship for a long time because I just don't see the subtext until I'm really being beaten over the head with it. There have been a lot of times where I acted like I was legally obligated to come to an understanding of what someone else thinks and feels, when it would have been more rational to say, "This person is being an asshole, it doesn't matter why, I'm ditching."

I *think* this is related to your question about empathy, sorry if I'm being crazy.

So now for your question about self-compassion: I'm grateful for your prompt because I just had an argument about this with someone I love, and I don't think I did a good job of explaining it. I've also fielded some other feedback around these parts that was suggestive of the same idea, which is like: If I say that Behavior X is a crime when I do it, it must mean that Behavior X is an equally punishable crime when someone else does it, so therefore it is rude and inhumane of me to be mad at myself. This argument is missing a consideration of both context, and what exactly criminalizes Behavior X. The first note to make is that Behavior X is usually something that is NOT destructive when it happens just once in a while, innocently--but It becomes a big problem when it happens all the fucking time, like an infestation. If I "innocently" fumble something 50 times a day, that has a much more destructive effect than you making the same mistake just-sometimes. But let's say you DO make the same mistake a lot, so you still feel accused by my personal self-loathing. Now we get to the more important question of what or who is affected by the behavior. I feel sorry for people whose quirks and compulsions and such make their lives hard, obviously I relate! However, if those people came to my house and started doing their quirks and compulsions TO ME, then that's a different thing entirely.

Let's do some examples: If I complain about my weight, that's not the same as saying all fat people suck. What I'm really complaining about is the impact of weight on my own life, the negative effect on my social currency, my inability to find comfortable and attractive clothes, etc. I'm complaining about having to fight with doctors who think BMI gives them a free pass not to treat people, and also about genuine health problems I might struggle with. So my feeling about my own weight really has nothing to do with my feelings about other people's weight, I'm really reacting to my own personal discomfort, which is related to a whole complex of things, but none of those things is truly equivalent to complaining about fat people in general. Similarly, when I complain here about being stupid, I'm not assigning a moral quality to human stupidity, I'm really complaining about the effect of my personal stupidity on my own life. I do believe that there must be something cognitive or neurological going on with me so maybe I can't totally help what I'm like, but I find it impossible not to react to how my own stupidity makes it extremely hard to get through my day. It makes it scary to wake up in the morning. There are so many normal things that I either have to do over and over and over again, or that someone else actually has to do FOR me, which is humiliating and makes me feel hopeless (even though I'm glad for the help because what would I do without it?). Sometimes my life feels like fucking Groundhog Day, it feels like I'm achieving a fraction of what a normal person does in a lifetime, because everything takes me so many tries or is impossible to ever get past. I feel sorry for other people who go through the same stuff, but to me, that's totally separate from how I feel about myself. I hate myself NOT because I am a certain kind of person or because I did something that is objectively a sin, but because I, personally, am the reason I'm suffering and failing. This is not at all abstract or generalizing, it's something I'm forced to deal with, materially, every day. It's just too much to ask, for me to pity myself every single time I fuck myself over yet again. What can I say, I'm not a saint!

So I hope that sort of addresses your question! One of the reasons I get so upset when someone tries to make excuses for my behavior, or suggests that I am just exaggerating because I'm down on myself, is that if I can't have honesty about what goes on with me, then I can't ever get clarity about WHY this stuff is going on. If I agree to the premise that the 25 bad, destructive things I did today were "just because" I was distracted, or flustered, or overworked, or it was an innocent mistake, or it was someone else's fault, or it was a random coincidence, or an act of god, or I just need to learn the right way, or I just need to try harder, or I just have to have a better attitude, et al ad nauseum--that is, if I accept excuses instead of acknowledging a persistent pattern, then I might not ever get to the point of having a useful, explanatory diagnosis like ADHD or autism or...whatever is specifically going on with me. And I mean whatever happens, I WILL always try harder to improve myself, even if sometimes that feels like not learning from history. But it's becoming kind of obvious that a lot of the arguments I have with people could probably be cut off at the pass if I had a note from a doctor that said SEE? I'M REALLY JUST LIKE-THIS. I don't know what I'm going to do about that, with the Adderall shortage and what I'm told is the difficulty of getting an adult autism diagnosis. And like I'd hate to test for autism (or whatever) and have it come back ambiguous, it might make me feel like I'm "just fucking stupid" and I don't have a real problem, and it could also be problematic for these conversations I keep having with people who think I'm basically imagining the whole thing and just being "hard on myself". But I don't know, I think diagnosis may become a bigger focus for me in 2024.

Anyway. Thanks for reading this monstrosity if you did, and thanks for being thoughtful about my depression posting. It's refreshing.

[fantomette22]

By the way, I wanted to ask - what are the flaws / the worst traits of your Laurence would be? So far I've only seen him portrayed in your fanfic, when he was still so innocent.... And he is already a rather pleasant man. But also everything you post about him in your blog is rather flattering?

But like, what are his dark sides? What are his vices? I could expect them to start manifesting/developing in Healing Church era more specifically, but all will do! There are just unique things. Smug bastard overly-confident in his ever-rightness, fierce arrogant stubborn asshole, the fuckin manipulative self-vindicating narcissist being *delighted* with too many close people taking bullets for him, manic vain cuckoo clearly getting off at the awful things he "had" to do, etc etc... Like, yeah whereas the same character written, what are YOUR Laurence's 'focal' flaws and vices?

(P.S. It is okay if you did not actually plan anything like this and your Laurence simply descends by making more and more sacrifices. There could be at least one Laurence that WAS a good person x) )

Ah Laurence! Really interesting question about our fav Vicar (beast on fire) indeed!

First have this drawing of a darker side of Laurence i just draw too.

Yes, it’s true that in my fic for now he’s kinda in his baby era so far XD so he’s not at his worst at all yet (gonna detailed that later but yeah it really develop during healing church era & become even worst after the fishing Hamlet. Until MP calm him the fuck down but it was already too late to fix the mess 😭and with beasthood creeping it was not super great for him…) but I imagined he still have a couple of flaws at that time yes.

Well back at Byrgenwerth and afterwards he was overconfident, too proud and wanted to test lot of new things that the older scholars didn’t really approve of (even if he was right some experiment or research, he wanted to do were either kind of controversial or people found the results weren’t that great at first.) But he was proven right in the end about the old blood XD so yeah, he got kinda a big ego who grow more during the years/his life. He can be impulsive, reckless but will do anything if the ones he cares about are in danger.

(Just another idea I had too I think him and some people of Byrgenwerth staff could be ok with torturing people and enemies, and experiment on people O_O but he’s not the worst at all (like he just talk and ask question) but it’s more of an AU scenario I guess)

In contrary the more the years pass the more he start to loose empathy towards stranger he couldn’t save (but he’s a doctor too of course he got disconnect but sometimes it’s just too much) and even towards his friends after losing lots of them :/ He start to believe that « some sacrifice need to be done » and would continue what he started and still wanted to reach the great ones, at WHATEVER THE COST. Ready to take distance or ditch? the ones who didn’t follow and weren’t of any use to him and would just hold him back.

He became quite a bit absorb in religion too (but normal he’s a vicar you would say) he want to « strict to the code! » But his way, or the saint writings or smt but kinda his interpretation and what he learned. He helped people with religion and with the healing blood of course but some people start to almost veneered him, believed he was some kind of messenger of the gods etc. And that allowed him to changed people mind on lot of things (even if he didn’t plan too at first) That didn’t help so yeah god/messiah complex let’s go… Also, yeah kinda obsess with the great ones, ascension (the watchdogs and fire cough cough but I digress).

As well, after the church gained lots of influence, his life was on the line several time and he didn’t seems to realize it was THAT serious XD

« Hm smn got into my apartment, stole smt and re send it to me with a note saying I will get into trouble if I continue my work…Hm I don’t see the problem 🤔 They’re just trying to intimidate me.»

« Laurence you’re gonna freaking get assassinated!!!!! DO SOMETHING!!! »

Later, he did ask the assassins of the church to kill the « problematic peoples/enemies » too. As for the « preventive measures, aka go kill people before they become beast but are still human » I liked to thing it wasn’t from him perhaps but it become automatic after his death, or maybe it happened when they had huge doubts, but could be occasional and was generalized later on (after his death).

So yeah, for me he’s not the huge devil but not an angel either. He’s human, the best and worst of humanity. To resume, he wanted to do good things, had ambitions and just had a few flaws, then he become kinda an egocentric bastard & distance/dissociated from his friends and their suffering.

He cared about his friends for real but the trauma of losing some really changed him and he then he began to give an image of someone how is more bother by the administrative mess he got to deal with, because his close friends died/suffer/or are problematic than being sad for them/trying to help genuinely without waiting for smt in return. (actually, he is SAD! And want to help but he got responsibilities… and he decided that they pass before… (see what happen with Caryll/some members of the church/Maria/Gehrman/Ludwig/the Vilebloods vs executioners/Gehrman again lol/Old Yharnam burning etc) I think he didn’t really want the Cainhurst massacre /Old Yharnam burning to happen but he thought it was sadly the best/less worst thing to do and they didn’t have another choice. Especially with Cainhurst, I hc they got a Third of umbilical cord in the end SO…

 And after all deal with the blood moon he realized his mistake and tried to get thing to be better but… it was too late… he couldn’t just take back the blood like that or say it was too dangerous… you can’t risk a civil war and even so it’s in the wild, traffic would still happen… and the rest of the church would probably thing he’s crazy… I think at the end of his life he was really pitiful yes….

(Last mention to his incredible theme who make me see/imagined all his life (like gehrman’s). The glorious part as well as the decent to hell…)

In conclusion I think yeah, he was a grand man but kind of a bastard too…really a nuanced character. He wanted to help but ultimately failed… (still I think healing church maybe even worst after he passed away) Like the one before him (pthumerians) and the one after. And even if it wasn’t him maybe smn else would have done what he did. For me he’s one, if not THE MOST important character of Bloodborne lore, after all.

Hope I answer the question 🫡 I really have difficulty to explain him it feel so natural how I see him and his evolution in my head but I can’t tell and write everything yet. I hope to be able to.