#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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|| bill skarsgard, cismale, he/him || ( kazaran morozov ) is a ( 25 ) year old ( senior ) at rockport university studying ( business + literature [TA] ). people say they are ( ardent ) but also ( stoic ), and remind others of ( coffee rings on crisp paper, losing their sense of reality, hushed arguments ). bet they sure didn’t expect anyone to know about ( his plagiarizing to succeed and honor his terminally ill mother he killed ) but someone does, and ( kaz ) better cooperate if they plan to keep their lives. || james, 20, EST ||
hi i’m so sorry this took a long ass time to put out but im herE lmao here’s my baby
tw; murder, addiction/substance abuse, abuse mentions,
gen. info:
full name: kazaran nikolai morozov
nickname(s): kaz
b.o.d.: december 14th
label(s): the escapist, the academic, the fallen, the philanthropist, etc.
height: 6′4″
hometown: bangor, maine
sexuality: str...aigh...t ? question mark ?
biography:
born to a self-made businessman and a philanthropist with a penchant for odd names
his father’s a russian who moved to the u.s. in his childhood who still has many...unique, ties, to the country though none of those are important
his business involves military equipment and he works closely with the u.s.’s military (ahsdfghk conspiracies ?)
and his mother was a plain jane (literally--her name was jane) from a family of politicians; his uncle’s a senator
kaz is the eldest out of seven children (christ) and yes all of their names are just as excessive as ‘kazaran’
grew up with the pressure of the ‘golden child’ title; kaz had to be perfect at everything he did, from his grades to after school activities to manners and presentment
was always expected to follow in his father’s footsteps and like ?? partner with him once he was old enough?
which is fine and grand except kaz had never given a shit about his father’s business; his real passion had always been for the arts, particularly literature and even more particularly poetry
he found that the arts was probably the most...free, kaz could get, without actively rebelling against his father
b/c god . . . his father is a force to be reckon’d w/
very strict man, likes to be in control constantly, not the...best, emotionally towards his family. or verbally. sometimes physically. y’know.
this really only...amplified, kaz’s perfectionist attitude. it was mostly out of fear of repercussions than much else
kaz has, however, always loved his mother.
jane is the opposite of their father, a woman who loves the world and everybody in it with this...heart of gold, and best intentions in mind
the only problem was that she was horribly submissive to her husband
aNYWAys okay, kaz grew up fairly unscathed but only because he was so...conformist, y’know?
loves his siblings and would die for them, but god--he’d have to side with his father just for his own sake, which definitely strained his relationship with a few of ‘em
AnywAys again; was pretty well-known in his high school
for being like, intimidatingly tall but also was fairly popular? star of the track team, student gov president, in DECA or whatever.
went to rockport just because it wasn’t...too far from home, and partially because he wasn’t allowed to go out of state.
and he was fine w/ it, man
his mother got sick his freshmen year, however, it wasn’t...horrible, at first
it was concerning, yes, but the doctors said she was going to be fine
jane was pretty...adamant about not letting her condition effect her children, too, so she acted as if she was fine
kaz, being a dumbass, was like alright fine this is fine and went on w/ life
sophomore year he met his soulmate; a future veterinarian named freya
n i mean he just...fell for her immediately, y’know ?? n ig she felt similar enough b/c they started dating immediately
it was really...good, for him; especially as his mother’s heath had suddenly taken a turn for the worst
kaz wound up taking two years off of school to care for his mother; his father was gone more often than not, and he felt as if his younger siblings shouldn’t have been burdened with the task
and well...jane never got better, only worse
it was at the point where the doctors had sent her home, knowing that nothing else could be done--she was confined to her bed, and miserable. in pain, really.
one...day, as kaz was tending to jane, she broke down. i mean, just, a full on emotional breakdown, a complete episode, begging him to just...put her out of her misery.
and, god, kaz had never disobeyed his parents (minus his studies in literature but y’knw what. . . not important rn) but that was so ?? morally ?? conflicting ??
they cried together for a long time until y’know. deciding what to do.
as soon as she had fallen asleep, kaz put a pillow to her.
he was never...caught, tho that may have involved some bribery on his father’s end who knows
the day after the funeral, kaz proposed to freya and she agreed.
and it really should’ve been fine if kaz’s mental health didn’t rapidly deteriorate like...he was not handling it well
freya helped, yes, but she could only do so much
turned to drugs, particularly painkillers after a minor car crash and just...a mix of shit, y’know.
probably stole drugs from his fiance’s job tbh
got on antidepressants, which only worsened his shit b/c he started ?? occasionally hallucinating his dead mother ??
his creativity had also just. shat on itself. he couldn’t write, no matter how hard he tried
his mother had really wanted him to pursue his dreams, and god, he was too far in his degree to drop literature
so he started....plagiarizing, his works, b/c kaz is a whole ass idiot. but he hasn’t gotten caught yet, somehow
his fiance thought the cruise program would be a great way for kaz to possibly, recover, since she could see how bad he was doing so he weNt because of her
also yes at this point he had gone back to school; had even gotten a TA position because he used to be...one of the best in his class, y’know ?
anyways yeah im paraphrasing this all horribly but idc u get the point
drug addict, mercy-killed his mother, loves his fiancee, tortured soul, y’know all that
personality:
likes to pretend he’s much calmer than he actually is, y’know
likes the whole aloof and distant thing b/c it’s already so easy for him to be intimidating
he can b a lil snarky, a lil sarcastic, but he’s overall always been really well meaning?
can be extremely passionate about his hobbies, or his future wife, or really...anything he mildly likes, tho, y’know?
gOD is he always feeling so guilty, tho, it really weighs him down
but he’s also like...usually high, sometimes u can tell but more often than not u can’t ??
because he’s obsessed w/ seeming okay. and doing okay. and being that average dude next door, y’know?
he wants to be normal, to feel normal, but he’s got this wave of emotions crashing into his chest and he’s in sm pa i n constantly
like he’s got major anxiety but u won’t know unless u catch him in midst of a panic attack and like he’d rather die than somebody see that
probably journals as a way 2 like...cope, and keep himself calm
uuhh he’s like lowkey a huge softie. will cry at sad movies and won’t care tht he’s crying about it
takes teaching rly seriously but he’s also always concerned somebody’s going to figure out that he’s just. a fraud.
smart, with dumbass energy
like he just...sometimes doesn’t think ??
loves his fiancee a whole bunch but this distance thing is...sm harder than he thought it would be. she’s his anchor and he’s just ?? floating aimlessly now
but yeah he’s always acting like he’s okay, like he’s gucci.
uuuhhhh god i dont know what else to say tbh ?? he’s just. a mans. being a mans.
probably doesn’t sleep super often b/c not only is he a TA, but he’s got some mf nightmares man
wanted connections:
got a girl best friend but he needs a...dude best friend?
other friends in general, honestly
professors he’s got some sort of relationship with b/c he’s working for penelope rn
a flirty unrequited thing, where they keep tryn but kaz is like nO i am TAKEN look at this photo of my beAUTIFUL FIANCEE
ppl pissed at him for the grades he’s given them LMAO
people...concerned? for him?
bad mf influences who are like LET’S GET FUCKED UP
a dealer y’know. somebody on the ship who can give him what he wants which is a Lot
uuh let’s brainstorm together, bb
like srsly just. gimme a like, i’ll pop into ur dms w/ my messy tall son and be like let’s fuck him up !
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