#and I STILL can’t consistently keep up with brushing and flossing | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

cleverhottubmiracle · 13 days ago

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I take ushering in the new year very seriously. Not in the “new year, new me” kind of way, but holding space to reflect on the last 365 to prepare for the next. I prepared my vision board and journaled at length about what I want my 2025 to look like, and with that, I realized I have some physical goals as well as some mental ones. Enter: my beauty resolutions.In thinking about what I envision my 2025 self to look and feel like, I considered the practices I currently enjoy but wish I did more of—like journaling and taking Pilates classes. Then, there are things that I know I should be doing that I simply slack off on—like flossing and actually taking my daily multivitamin. Lastly are the beauty methodologies that have been discussed ad nauseam—from gua sha to dry brushing—that experts always claim worthwhile but which I have not yet given a proper try.Breaking it down in this way has made it simple to identify the gaps in my regimen, see which things are feasible additions, and determine which will leave the largest impact. Before the clock struck twelve on New Year’s Eve, I managed to nail down my 2025 beauty and wellness resolutions I'm prioritizing this year. Learn more about them below, and if you see my IRL, hold me accountable!Gua Sha Once Per WeekThe benefits of the gua sha are well-documented. “The literal gua sha Mandarin translation is ‘to scrape sand,’” Lin Chen, cofounder of Pink Moon previously told Vogue, The practice has been integral to Chinese holistic healing practices for 4,000 years; “traditionally used over the body to help aid in the movement of qi (which is energy flow), increase circulation, and release tension.” I’m most interested its ability to promote lymphatic drainage and relieve tense muscles—specifically my jaw and shoulders. With consistent and correct use, gua sha can effectively sculpt the face. (Don’t fret: there are plenty of TikTok tutorials to guide you.) This year, I want to gua sha at least once per week, and can’t wait to report back on my face and body changes.LanshinPro Gua Sha Jade Face MassagerDrink Immunity Ingestibles Before CoffeeThere are lots of conversations around when to drink coffee. It’s generally thought that around 90 minutes after waking up (to align with your body’s natural rhythm, supposedly); but, seemingly more important is what you should drink before the latte. Some say a glass of water is enough, some say you should add lemon to it. I’ve tried both methods and did genuinely feel a difference in my body—less jittery, improved digestion. Though recently, I’ve ditched the water all together for an immunity drink. I first got hooked on AG1’s greens powder—drinking it before coffee just felt inherently healthier and I like the idea of getting it out the way before my schedule gets too hectic. (If I don’t drink it in the morning I never will!) Lately, I’ve been obsessed with the Armra colostrum, whose benefits range from improved gut health to elevated mood and focus. Whichever I choose, my coffee sits better on my stomach. The jury’s still out if my method is expert-approved.Athletic GreensAG1 by Athletic Greens Travel PacksTake My Supplements DailyIn 2024, I wasn’t the most consistent with my supplement intake, especially while traveling. To change that in 2025, I'm timing my supplements with dinnertime in the best effort to hold myself accountable. I love Ritual’s lineup so much—its multivitamin and probiotic get shipped right to my doorstep which makes it easy to stay stocked with my essentials. I’m also currently taking its omega-3 supplement since learning that the fatty acid offers a host of benefits from reduced inflammation to improved heart health and better skin appearance. Expert also emphasize the importance of getting enough vitamin D, so I’ve been ordering Nature Made’s softgels on Amazon. And for when I’m not at my apartment to take my supplements, I keep my travel pill case handy.RitualEssential Multivitamin for Women 18+Optimize My Sleep RoutineI’ve recently come to terms with the fact that I’m not a good sleeper. I don’t have bad sleep per se, but I do not wake up feeling completely refreshed. Oftentimes, I end up with a random soreness on my back, a kink in my neck, or a less-than-desirable Oura ring score. In 2025, that changes! We’re optimizing my sleep routine. The aforementioned Oura ring is my current tracker of choice to keep me accountable and help me determine if any of my changes improve my sleep quality over time. To do this, I’m relying on my silk eye mask by Drowsy, mouth tape, and a few upgrades in the bedroom. I think my bed could be more comfortable so I’m in the market for new bedding, including plush, hotel-like pillows, a mattress topper (maybe memory foam?), and even new sheets. I already have a Hatch alarm clock, but I’m also going to go down a TikTok rabbit hole to maximize its uses. Currently, I only turn it on before bed to activate my favorite pink noise.HatchRestore 2 Sunrise Alarm ClockReimagine My Oral-Care RoutineIn writing an ode to my personal care essentials, I realized I’m on an oral-care kick right now. Once it clicked for me how much your oral health impacts your overall well-being, I’ve been determined to optimize my regimen. I’ve already upgraded to an electric toothbrush, and found a flossing device that works for me (thank you Flaus), but as the year goes on, I’m looking to try a few more oft-recommended solutions. I keep hearing about these Denti-Fresh tablets on TikTok from a host of dental hygienists—they’re made with xylitol which is said to help prevent cavities. Ayurvedic practitioners have claimed that oil pulling can reduce plaque, prevent gingivitis, and regulate bad breath per a 2014 Vogue article, and the practice remains relevant a decade later. I’m thinking of giving it a try, too, to see if I notice a difference.Journal More ConsistencyI’m a journal-er by nature, but when my schedule gets hectic, it’s one of the first habits to go. Though, when I really need to get my thoughts in order, I resort to a voice memo journal entry which while effective at the time, I rarely ever revisit. That said, I’m carving out dedicated time to journal even for five minutes at night before bed. And let’s be real: the chicer the notebook, the more likely I am to whip it out. These by Papier and Smythson are my favorite.Monogram Navy Leather NotebookSmythsonSoho Mara 2025 Croc-Effect Leather Diary with SlideKeep My Hair MoisturizedI have a bad habit of not moisturizing my hair properly while it’s in protective styles, and I’m on a mission to change that. I can’t strengthen and lengthen my strands if they’re dry, after all! For hair in need of hydration, I love using a hair serum (which delivers moisture directly to the scalp) or a lightweight milk or lotion in between wash days.Act+AcreCold Processed Stem Cell SerumTake Pilates Twice Per WeekThere is no workout that makes me feel better than Pilates. It lengthens and tones my body unlike any exercise I’ve ever tried, and I'm taking that to heart this year. I’m challenging myself to take 100 Pilates classes in 2025 which yields itself to about two sessions per week. And as I’m increasing my workout output, I’ll certainly need more activewear and gear. I can’t let the “what to wear?” question stop me! Source link

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norajworld · 13 days ago

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ellajme0 · 13 days ago

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chilimili212 · 13 days ago

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oliviajoyice21 · 13 days ago

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shiftylookingcrow · 4 years ago

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A (not comprehensive) List of Little Self Care Things I Do When Everything Feels Like Too Much:

Bathing

Wash just your body, or just your hair. You may not be completely clean, but you ARE cleaner

Still feels like too much? No problem!

Take off any jewelry from your hands/wrists and wash your hands up to your elbows, just taking your time

Then wash your arm pits and groin, those are the stinkiest parts of the body

If you're feeling up to it, wash your face too

Once you're done washing, take your favorite body lotion and massage it in anywhere you washed

Shaving

Shaving takes time and patience (especially if you prefer to be mostly hairless), but you don't have to go through the whole process every time

Wanna wear that cute tank top/crop top but don't feel comfortable with how hairy your pits are today?

JUST shave your arm pits then

Wanna wear shorts/capries/a skirt, but feel your legs are too fuzzy?

Where on your legs do the cuffs/hem sit? JUST shave from there down

Facial hair looking kinda scruffy? Got an electric shaver? It won't give you as close a shave as a razor, but it'll help neaten you up a bit

After any shaving, get back in there with your lotion and work it in well

Laundry

Don't have the energy to drag that big basket you've been avoiding down to the washing machine? Out of clothes but need something to wear tomorrow?

Wash ONLY what you'll need for the next 1 or 2 days. A smaller load means less to put away after

Need a bra/binder/mask/etc for tomorrow? Wash ONE, then hang it to dry with a fan blowing on it.

The air movement will help it dry faster, and while it may not be 100% dry by morning, it should be dry enough to wear comfortably

This can be done for underwear and socks as well

Dental

Mouth feeling like sandpaper, but you still can't find it in you to go through the whole tooth care routine?

JUST brush your teeth before bed. You can floss in the morning

No energy to get in there and really scrub like your dentist told you to? Even just a quick scrub is better than nothing

You know those little Gum brand toothpick things? With runber bristles on them? They can't replace proper flossing, but the CAN at least get the worst of the gunk from between your teeth

Food

Hungry but can't bring yourself to put together a whole meal? That's okay!

Get all the fixings for a sandwich (bread, spreads, cheese, meat, etc), put them on a plate and eat that. You're still eating a sandwich, it's just not an assembled sandwich

Want a smoothy, but don't want to fuss with the blender? Put it all together as a yogurt bowl instead

Want a salad? Grab a couple lettuce leaves, a stick of celery, half a tomato, or whatever else you'd have in there, and toss it on a plate. Grab some dressing (or not) and you've got a personal size veggie platter

Cut an orange in half and eat the pulp out with a spoon

Cut an apple in half, and eat JUST one half. You can save the other half for later, or eat it right after the first if you feel up to it

Cutting a banana in half and squeezing out the fruit means you don't have to worry about those gross stringy bits

Simple Smoothie Recipe:

1 banana

1 egg

1 tsp vanilla extract

1 tsp honey/sugar

Milk (dairy, soy, almond, whichever)

Berries, yogurt, chocolate chips, jam (optional)

Directions

Put all ingredients except milk in a blender (or 4 cup measure if using a hand mixer)

Pour in milk until ingredients are ALMOST covered. There should be about 1 inch/2.5 cm of solid ingredients visible

Blender/mix for 30-60 seconds, or until desired consistency. Pour into your favorite glass, or drink straight from the container

Simple baked potato:

Clean a medium to large potato and use a fork to stab holes down the sides and at each end. Depending on the size, you should have stab your potato somewhere around 9-12 times.

Place the potato in the microwave just off of center, one end facing the center of the spinning plate

Microwave for 15 minutes, flipping the potato end for end after every 5 minutes

Put the potato on a plate with some sour cream or ranch dressing, and dip it like a big ol' french fry

House Cleaning

Feel like there's too many dishes? Pick ONE place setting (bowl, plate, knife, fork, spoon, cup), and ONE pot/pan, and clean those. Do the same at the end of each meal, and while it might take a while, you'll eventually get things down to a manageable level

Dust bunnies breeding in the corners? Pick ONE room or hallway every couple days and just clean there. ONE clean room is better than NO clean rooms

Your room is so messy you don't know where to start? Every time you enter your room, put ONE thing back where it belongs. Every time you leave your room, take one thing that doesn't belong out with you and put it where it belongs.

Sink looking kind of gross? Give it a quick wipe down the next time you wash your hands

Toilet needs a clean? Pick a part (lid, seat, back or bowl) and just clean that bit. Even if you're just wiping some of the dust off the back.

Scum ring building up in the shower/bathtub? Give it a quick scrub next time you bathe. Maybe you don't get the whole thing, but you DID make a start.

Fitness

No energy for a full walk? If you can, walk around your house/apartment building. You might not have gone far, but you were UP and you were OUTSIDE.

Can't get out for whatever reason? Are there stairs in your house? In your apartment building? If you can, walk up and down those a few times.

Not really able to do stairs? Do some simple stretches instead.

Reach down and try to touch your toes, holding for 20 seconds. Reach up over your head as high as you can, holding for 20 seconds. Repeat 5 times

Sitting in a chair, reach your right hand across your body and over your left shoulder and try to grab the back of the chair without lifting your butt. Hold for 20 seconds. Do the same with your left arm, holding for 20 seconds. Repeat 5 times

Standing, or sitting on a chair, gently pull your head towards your shoulder (right hand, right shoulder; left hand, left shoulder), reaching the other hand down towards the ground. Hold for 20 seconds, then gently push your head upright again (lifting your head with just your neck muscles can cause them to seize after a stretch). Repeat 5 times

Miscellaneous

Need to trim your nails, but don't feel like sitting through both hands? Pick one finger on each hand, and just trim that nail. Do another nail on each hand tomorrow, and another the day after that. You don't have to do them all at once

Having trouble remembering to drink enough water? Find a water bottle/mug/glass that you like and try to keep it near you as much as possible. I find actually having a bottle with me helps me remember to keep sipping.

Still having trouble with your water intake? Fruit and veggies (specifically like apples, oranges, tomatoes, bell peppers and avocados to name a few) have high water content and can help keep you hydrated

Even if you can't get to sleep, lieing in bed with your eyes closed is more restful than trying to wear yourself out by reading or something

Alternatively, doing some mild stretches, or a few sit ups/push ups/jumping jacks can help wear you out without engaging your brain too much

You are aloud to say "no". You don't even need to give a reason. If everything feels like too much, taking on more responsibility will only make it worse, which will only make your output poorer as a result.

A reminder that this is by no means a complete list, just some things I've found helpful in my journey through adhd, depression, and anxiety. Not all tasks need to be done all at once. Maybe you can't do much, but that doesn't invalidate the some you did. Just because you take longer to do a task doesn't mean your bad at it, or that it isn't worth doing. You'll get there when you get there.

Please feel free to add to this post, I'd love to see what self care tricks other people are using!

#long post #mental health #self care tips #depression help #adhd help #anxiety help #autism help #there's probably others i can't think of right now #also i can't for the life of me figure out how to do a 'read more' on mobile #so i'm really sorry for this

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billionairebabes · 4 years ago

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Trophy Wife Aesthetics for Black Women

“Hi! What do you think are the non-negotiables of being a trophy wife? Aesthetically. For black women. I think white women have a different level up journey.”

I was asked this question in a chat but I wrote so much information that I figured I should share my response with you all as well. I’ll try to make this as concise as possible.

I’ll start by saying that aesthetically, Black women have to be more than cute. White women are considered beautiful just for being white, we don’t get that privilege, you know? However, being beautiful isn’t the end all be all. There are plenty of black trophy wives that aren’t naturally “beautiful” but they present well. Presentation is everything kind of like food. It may taste great but you may not even want to touch it if it’s presented poorly.

Here are my personal non-negotiables:

1. Keep your hair done. This doesn’t mean keep your hair in a weave or wig 24/7. You can be natural too. One of the more affluent men I dated actually preferred my natural hair over wigs. But make sure it’s well taken care of, always. Deep condition, moisturize, detangle etc. Use clips in if you need the extra volume. If you’re going to do weaves and wigs, make sure your closure is “undetectable”. Keep flyaways in order with an oil or mousse. Carry a brush and comb with everywhere to touch up every now and then but not in front of him if possible.

2. Your skin has to be pretty taken care of as well. If you’re his wife, you’re going to be waking up to him every morning. I don’t believe in waking up earlier than my man to put on light makeup and stuff. Men aren’t even worth that lol. But DO try to achieve great skin so that you still are pretty when you wake up. Doesn’t have to be perfect. Many people don’t have perfect skin. But make sure you’re washing, toning, moisturizing blah blah. I’m starting to follow the 10-step Korean skincare routine. It’s on my blog If you guys want to check it out. I’ve been investing a significant amount of time in learning what acids do what and how they can address my specific concerns. Good skin overall just makes you look wealthier too. So on “no-makeup” days, you can just do eyebrows, and lipgloss and mascara if you don’t have lash extensions and still look put together. Affluent men tend to enjoy outdoor activities, there will be times when you don’t wanna be in a full face but you can if you want to. The same goes for skin on the rest of your body as well. I shower about two times a day so I moisturize my body two times a day. To moisturize I use a mixture of oils, shea butter and regular lotion. I moisturize my hands every time I wash them too. Once or twice a week, I do a full-body exfoliation. I have a dry brush that I use and occasionally, I opt for a scrub instead.

3. Take care of your teeth - Straight white teeth against melanated skin is >>>>. Plus it makes you look prettier, more put together, and of course, wealthier. Straightening teeth is expensive but a worthy investment. If you can’t straighten now, just whiten and take good care of your teeth in the meanwhile. Brush twice daily, floss daily, and whiten throughout the week.

4. Keep your nails done. Can’t be too long or else we’re considered “ghetto” I usually go about medium length but a lot of blogs will suggest short. My man loved my medium length nails lol. I usually go for softer colors like baby pink, sometimes white. If I’m not able to go to the salon, I clean and file my nails down to an even length and paint them with a clear polish. It’s hard to make a mess of clear polish and my nails still look nice and shiny. I pop collagen pills to improve their strength because I naturally have weaker nails that break pretty easily.

5. Wardrobe. Try to build a timeless wardrobe with a lot of basics you can build on and mix and match. For example, blazers are a staple for me. I wear them with jeans but I can mix them with trousers too. Then I have hella basic bodysuits I can wear with either combo. An easy trick for me is to buy a ton of neutrals. I’m not a big color person so it’s easy for me to shop this way. However, do not let my preferences deter you. Black women own color, if this is your style, go for it full throttle but be tasteful. I usually go more colorful on vacations. There are tons of articles out there on how to build a good wardrobe though.

6. Stay in shape - I won’t say there’s a specific body type you need to have but take care of your body. I’m still working on working out consistently but because of skinny privilege I’ve been able to lack in that department and still be perceived as “fit”. Currently, I try to do flexibility stretching and exercise on Monday, Wednesday & Fridays. Stretch on weekends. If you get cosmetic surgery like a BBL, breast job etc. make sure it’s fitting for your frame.

7. Lastly, this doesn’t apply to aesthetics but I feel as though black women have to DO SOMETHING to be snatched up as trophy wives. We don’t get pulled into that position just for being pretty as often as white woman do. For example, Alexis O. Of Reddit wifed Serena Williams who is the best tennis player in the world. Not some random girl he thought was cute. Prince Harry wifed Megan Markle who was not only a successful actress but also had an outstanding educational background to match. Janet Jackson married billionaire businessman, Wissam Al Mana. Now of course, many of us aren’t that successful yet but hopefully you get the point. Men in positions of higher status want to know that you can fit into his lifestyle and don’t have beans for brains. Having something going for yourself also gives him something to invest in. Men like to feel needed or helpful but not used.

Additionally, owning a business or working in corporate greater increases your chances of mingling with men in positions to make you a trophy wife. There’s a reason why college sugar babies are so successful but for women past that stage, have a career, have a small business. Do SOMETHING. It also creates a safety net for you as well. Men can be unpredictable and can do horrible things. I read an article once about a man who hid his entire fortune in offshore shell companies when him and his wife were divorcing so that she wouldn’t be able to get anything. It took her lawyer literal years to untangle that web of shell accounts he spun. Running your own business or even having a solid set of skills saves you in the event of the worst of the worst. Your life shouldn’t crumble to pieces if this man decides to divorce you. Same goes for even being the spoiled girlfriend of a wealthy man. Having a wealthy boyfriend or husband is one thing, knowing how to use him as a resource is another. Girls who truly win at this game walk away from these relationships with more than a few handbags and a baby.

Good Luck Ladies! 🥂

#black spoiled girlfriend #Black trophy wife #hypergamy #aesthetics #wardrobe #shopping #BB Original

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rudjedet · 4 years ago

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Hi I saw the teeth brushing thing and I was wondering if you had any suggestions on how to get back into the habit of brushing teeth? As of right now I think I’ve probably brushed my teeth only once in the past month. I know I need to do it, I’m terrified of developing dental problems, and I can’t pinpoint any sensory issues I have with doing it but I’ve been consistently terrible at doing it regularly since childhood and it’s gotten exponentially worse over the past year or so. I feel like the answer is probably along the lines of “just start doing it” but you said it took you like 6 months after you gave birth so I thought maybe you figured out some strategies in there. Currently I’m planning on getting disposable brushes to keep in my room by my bed but that shouldn’t be my whole solution

I’ve also always been terrible at it, mostly because toothpaste hurts my mouth and makes me nauseous. I suspect I have an oral allergy to the anise components in most brands. As long as I can remember I’ve tried to brush my teeth as little as humanly possible while still avoiding getting cavities, which effectively means only brushing my teeth in the mornings, and then mostly because I was afraid of other people smelling bad breath on me. When you give birth in a pandemic, you... don’t see a lot of other people, so the main reason for brushing just disappeared and with it any sense of urgency I had. That urgency only returned after three months and I started actually seeing (and feeling, oh my god, terrible) the buildup of the tartar on my lower back teeth, but by then it’s a bit too late to do something about it yourself.

I tried to build my teeth care into my daughter’s bedtime routine, and that sort of worked for a few weeks. But then I started forgetting again because she wasn’t sleeping well and I got increasingly more exhausted. It then took me another three months to actually phone my cousin to book a cleaning appointment. I got lucky, because she’d just had a cancellation and could see me two days later. I used that appointment as my “okay, NOW we’re going to keep it up again” turning point. By this time C took a bath every evening, which gave me five guaranteed free minutes every day. This time it mostly worked, though I’m definitely still forgetting it every once in a while.

So for me, the first and biggest thing was finding out why I was struggling with brushing my teeth. Tthis could be as simple as being unable to form a habit - for me it’s also partly that, for an autistic i really suck at making habits out of things. But the biggest thing is the toothpaste. So I found a brand that doesn’t put anise in their pastes and lo and behold, that’s one barrier down.

Then it was a matter of finding workarounds for my lack of energy. This was the step where I had a lot of swings and misses. Eventually I just made sure I had a plan A through Z. Plan A was “brush my teeth when I’m doing something I already do every day and which I can’t NOT do” - in my case, daughter’s bed routine. Plan B was “if I can’t brush my teeth, I’ll use a chlorhexidine rinse”. Plan C was “I’ll just floss”. Plan D was “I’ll rub my teeth with a clean washcloth”. Etcetera.

So my two tips would definitely be to see if you can figure why you’re struggling with it, and then have a number of different options/workarounds based on that, in order of the amount of spoons they take. Those disposable brushes are a good one, I’d just add a few other options as well. For me that takes some of the pressure off and that made it easier to start building up the habit again. Also having a sort of turnaround moment, like a dental appointment, was really helpful for me.

Finally, if you can only brush your teeth once a day? Then you can only brush your teeth once a day. (Though if you do this, it’s best to chose the evenings, not the mornings like I did - but I’m lucky in the sense that my teeth are pretty solid and the only time I’ve had cavities was when I was on antidepressants.) If you only have to take that hurdle once a day, it might be easier, too. And maybe eventually you’ll go back to twice a day, who knows! but once a day is still better than none a day.

#anon asks #self care

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wireless-art · 5 years ago

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For the @gerrymichael-bigbang event.

(Click for best quality, this pic is big).

Adjacent to Human by @prentissed

It’s Michael who gets the idea, when they happen to pass by an old, inexplicably terrifying dentist advertisement on the road.

It stretches across a faded billboard, lone in the stretches of desert that surround them, featuring a gargantuan set of grinning teeth being poked and prodded by metal tools. Text overlaid above reads, ‘Every tooth has its end. Eckleburg & Co.’

“Oh, look at that,” says Michael, like he’s just seen a particularly cute cat picture. “I can’t remember the last time an actual doctor examined me.” He sighs. “I wonder how many teeth I have now.”

Gerry looks up briefly from the magazine he’d been peeling through to circle job offers. “Huh.” He wonders why an advertisement would deliberately make itself so existentially horrifying. “Well, I dunno, we could always take an x-ray of you or something. That’s not impossible, right?”

Michael makes an excited noise that briefly removes all sound from Gerry’s right ear. “It might be!”

So that’s how they get the idea to quote-unquote ‘borrow’ some medical equipment. It’s more simple than Gerry thinks it’ll be. Michael just pops them in and out of an empty lab and they take the x-rays before anyone notices. (And for the record, they aren’t careless. Gerry has a fair bit of medical knowledge, in fact, left over from the long-forgotten years when he’d been studying for a doctorate. He’d had dreams once.)

As Michael lies back on the examination table, twiddling his thumbs, Gerry asks, “Why’re you interested in this kind of thing, anyway? I thought you didn’t like having… knowledge about yourself.”

“I don’t,” he lilts, “but sometimes I get curious, you know? Anyone would. No one in the world knows how I work. Not even me.” One of his hands waves fingers just a touch too long. “Besides, there’s no guarantee this will even give that information. Or maybe it’ll be knowledge man wasn’t meant to know.”

“I see,” Gerry says flatly, starting up the machine. “Hold still for a sec.”

After all x-rays have been scanned (and equipment hastily abandoned at the startled screams of returning doctors) Gerry sits with Michael on the couch back in their apartment, rifling through the pictures they managed to snag.

Truth be told, he can’t help but be curious too. Whatever Michael’s insides look like, they definitely count as some sort of once-in-a-century medical anomaly… and maybe, maybe it bothers Gerry a bit that he doesn’t know what’s going on in there either. Don’t judge him. It’s his fucking boyfriend.

“Where do you wanna start?”

Michael hums from where his head is pillowed on Gerry’s lap. “In the spirit of Eckleburg, how about teeth?”

“I hope you’ve been flossing,” Gerry mutters.

The average person has 32 teeth, including incisors, canines, molars, and premolars. Michael has upwards of two hundred and forty-seven. No discernable categories between any— some are almost normal-looking, some are ingrown and nubby, others sharp as blades and spiraling out in jagged hooks, occasionally doubled up like emerging baby teeth. They’re jammed into the vague space where the mouth cavity should be.

“I hope it isn’t a turnoff.” Michael grins. In the flesh, he doesn’t have nearly that many. Well, sure, it’s more toothy than any human-adjacent thing has any right to be, but 247? Gerry counts and recounts. The number remains surprisingly consistent.

“No, no. You’re fine.” It’d be pretty hypocritical if Gerry went around judging someone for the state of their dental. He’s gotten a few knocked out himself— there are some gaps he’s never filling back in.

Besides, Gerry’s long since gotten used to Michael’s smiles. Even if he agrees with the general consensus that they look like “puncture wounds with molars”, they’re all part of Michael’s distinctly unnerving charm. He’s gotten used to a lot these past years.

“Okay, okay, what about the rest of my skull?” Michael claps his hands like a kid about to go on a roller coaster. “I wonder if I still have one.”

“You do,” Gerry confirms. “It’d be pretty wild if you didn’t and still had the capacity to carry teeth.” He squints as he pores over the pictures. “No eye holes, though. And you have a few more nose cavities than usual.”

“Of course, of course.”

Every human has 24 coupled ribs (12 pairs total). Michael appears to have missed the memo, because the x-ray of his torso displays something so distended and crooked it barely looks like a real extension of a creature’s anatomy.

Gerry loses count after around 20 and he’s not even halfway down the left side. Looks asymmetrical too.

Again, when he glances over at Michael’s torso, it really doesn’t look like all that twisted bone is in him. When one gets to know Michael (as much as that’s possible) it’s actually the normalcy of his appearance that becomes weird after a while. It’s easy to forget Michael doesn’t look monstrous to 90% of the general population.

But in a way it’s kind of nice too. When Michael sheds that skin around him, Gerry’s getting a look at something more real— not real, probably not even comprehensible, but truer.

“Let’s take a look at those hands…” Gerry flips the next picture over, does a triple take, and scoffs. “You’ve gotta be kidding me.”

“What? What?”

“These look normal.” Eight carpals, five metacarpals, fourteen phalanges; all lined up neatly in little rows. No unusual curves or even crookedness in the joints. It’s a perfectly ordinary, human-presenting hand.

Michael seems to find this one particularly amusing. He muffles his laughter into his fist, which Gerry glares annoyedly at— like a camera fading in and out of focus, it goes from regular to the inhumanly distended appendage he knows it is. Most people are lucky (or rather, profoundly unlucky) to get even a glimpse. Gerry suspects maybe it’s because he’s spent so much time around Michael; still, the cognitive dissonance gnaws at his brain the longer he looks at it. He doesn’t like his eyes lying to him.

As if to placate him, Michael reaches out and touches his wrist. Now this is a feeling Gerry really knows— something much larger than a hand, heavy, alternately soft and sharp, settling like a sack of stones into his grasp. The skin rasps against his. The texture is more akin to that of a sandbag. Now, that’s something uniquely Michael. It’s an oddity that has become a signature of their shared life between each other.

“Now come on,” Michael croons up to him, not unkindly. “You knew an X-ray couldn’t reveal everything, right? I have my secrets to keep after all.”

“Yeah. But I wanted to see you,” Gerry pouts, letting his face be held between too-large, too-scratchy, too-long hands. He runs his own fingers over one of them absentmindedly and Michael sighs. “Sometimes it just frustrates me that I can’t know you better.”

“There are things that you, nor humanity, aren’t meant to see. Besides,” he adds, nuzzling closer, “wouldn’t you say that knowing someone isn’t the same as understanding their anatomy? I could study textbook upon textbook and still never really grasp why you humans are the way you are.”

“Don’t get started on that,” Gerry rolls his eyes.

Michael gets insistently coy about these things, leveling little jabs implying humanity is some alien race to him when Gerry knows damn well he didn’t always used to be this way. He lets Michael have this because bringing it up tends to make him upset, and Gerry’s content letting him be a bit of a shithead if it makes him comfortable.

Still, though. Sometimes he’d like to ask what exactly’s so bad about being human. Maybe it’s perspective— there was never a time when Gerry wasn’t human, so how could he make that call?

“You know me well enough,” Michael says, smiling up at him softly with those wretched teeth. He takes one of Gerry’s wrists, one of his scarred and tattooed and utterly ordinary human limbs, and kisses his pulse point. “Be sated with this, darling. Don’t be like one of those Beholding folk, hungering for knowledge you can’t have.”

“But sometimes I like knowing things.” Gerry combs his free hand through Michael’s hair. It’s stiff and sharp at the edges, with the faint smell of straw. “Did you know there are over 7,000 nerve endings in the hand alone? Our fingers contain some of the densest areas of those endings in the body.” He watches Michael’s eyes slide shut. “Say what you will about us, but human beings have amazingly complex bodies. Like. It’s a wonder we’re here at all, with how easy it is for them to malfunction— and you have all that, compiled with the fact that it’s a statistical improbability for us to exist at all in the first place.”

He brushes his fingers over Michael’s cheek. “It’s terrifying being alive. The fact that we are alive is pretty astounding, though. That knowledge keeps me going sometimes.”

Michael has such a worn face. So close to human. Almost adjacent.

He sighs in Gerry’s lap. “Hm.” A pause. Then: “Gerry?”

“Yeah?”

“All that being said…” It’s not that Michael’s voice wavers, exactly, but the usual smile isn’t present in it. “Is there any part of this you would like to change if you could, then?”

“Nah,” Gerry decides, leaning down to kiss his forehead. “It’s all part of your charm.”

#gerrymichael #spirals and eyes #the magnus archives #tma #fanfiction #bigbang #pen and ink #traditional #gerard keay #michael distortion #gerrymichaelbigbang

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prozach27 · 4 years ago

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I keep wondering if my medication is working because I don’t suddenly feel ~stoked and happy~ after being on it for several weeks, but then I remember the fact that I do dishes now. I shower, I brush my teeth twice a day, I floss. I’ve begun a skin care routine. I don’t feel the need to drink or get high anymore — not because sobriety is something I’m struggling to achieve, but because the offers are available and they no longer interest me personally. I set up appointments. I show up to work on time and show up consistently. I no longer eat to experience emotion. I do dishes and clean my house without preparing for days to deal with the task.

Yeah, I’m an anxious mess at times still. Bureaucracy and small details still cause me trouble. But I feel the depression itself stepping back and not being as much of a problem anymore. My doctor said Wellbutrin won’t affect anxiety and so I guess that’s fair. He also sat me down last session and we went through some assessments. We have a final appointment on May 21st, but he said he’s pretty certain I have ADHD and we just need to do some final follow up testing at that appointment. From there he’s going to add a new medication to my schedule — Ritalin for adhd if he continues to believe thats part of my mental health struggles (and would then give me an official diagnosis), or some anti-anxiety medication if that’s not the case.

Idk how I feel about an adhd diagnosis since I don’t fit what a lot of the stereotypes I have in my head about it are, but my doc at UCLA had also said he thought I had it and it apparently has a high comorbidity rate with OCD, so I guess it makes sense and explains a lot of my issues. I just can’t imagine living in a world where I’m finally getting answers and treatments for my mental health problems. They got SO BAD when I hit 24-25. Like, full on mental breakdown that led to a drinking and drug spiral for years bad. But I think we’ve finally found an antidepressant that works and I feel like this upcoming diagnosis is the final missing piece of the puzzle that’s been bothering me for decades. I could finally be able to function normally.

But even if answers to everything else take ages, my antidepressants are working. I’m going to be okay.

#genuinely in such pure bliss from this #not a sad post at all #I really feel hope #delete later #pls do not reblog

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yvesdot · 4 years ago

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Favorite book you read this year?Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

Favorite book you read this year?

You can’t do this to me. Oh my God.

Well, there’s The Coldest Girl in Coldtown, which is my favorite book of all time. Of course I reread it this year.

A brief list of books which I read this year that changed me as a person, or my outlook, or my life: Interview With The Vampire, The Best of Me, the life-changing magic of tidying up, Wicked, Thinking Fast and Slow, and The Left Hand of Darkness. Lots of genres and styles, so there should be something for anyone who wants a rec from me!

If I had to pick one, it would be The Best of Me by David Sedaris. Not only was it actually published this year, but it had a very specific feeling to it that I can’t describe. I needed this book.

Did you keep any New Year’s Resolutions?

YES! In fact, I kept most-- I can’t even recall what they were, my goodness, because they’ve become habits. I managed to get my sleep schedule fixed (and then busted it again lately, but it’s alright, I’ll fix it again now that I know how), and I started brushing my teeth like a normal person.

Let this be the evidence: no matter how terrible you feel over some or another ‘normal thing’ you just can’t seem to do, not only are you not alone, but you’re not hopeless. I have such awful sensory issues with brushing teeth; I will not get into them here but just let me say they’re the level where one might think this was just it for them. But it wasn’t! I am finally flossing nightly and brushing twice a day, and it’s such a relief. Not to mention showering consistently, which, as all people with Mental Problems know, can be very difficult. It turns out I just needed the routine.

Still working on the one where I correct people when they misgender me. Some people just don’t seem to hear. Oh, well; another year to improve!

(And, yes, yves. the published author’s primary resolutions were very basic and health-related. You can do it, too!)

end of the year asks

#txt #ask games #recommendations #These were such fun questions too...#furiousfinnstan

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csacg · 4 years ago

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The title of this post is “Waiting To Fall Asleep.”

I’m in my bed. If I was Harry Styles, I would then sing “and you’re not here,” but I’m not so I am not planning on it :)

So I’m just in my bed then. My arms are a bit sore from working out with a good friend today. The gym was quite empty, and it was a good workout. Although my day started quite nicely after a long night of good sleep, I felt quite anxious this morning. It was good to workout early in the afternoon and blow off some steam. I’d had some leftover oatmeal with peanut butter for breakfast, so I wondered if the workout would make my stomach hurt, but it didn’t. We were on our feet for most of it, which probably helped with that too.

After the workout, my friend and I grabbed lunch. I ate light, which worked out to be just enough. After that I went back to my room and sat with my roommates for a bit before I headed to coffee with my RA/friend. We had a very nice chat where we both caught up and bonded over something that we had both been going through over the past few months. It was a talk I didn’t know that I needed to have. It felt good to connect on our shared struggle and know that we aren’t in this thing alone. Also, my coffee was very good. I put half of it in the fridge though so the caffiene wouldn’t keep me up too late. It’s not “too late” yet so I’m still hoping that sacrifice will have been worth it.

After the coffee, I came back to my room. My roommates were at practice. The sun was just starting the process of setting. I wasn’t quite sure what to do. I felt a little aimless. So I put on a record (Raised On Radio by Journey) and danced and sang while I did some ridding up. That was quite a nice time. When I was done, I went to heat up my dinner, and then brought it upstairs to eat while I watched a few episodes of Clone Wars. They were very good. I yelled at Anakin A LOT because he was being actually quite stupid for a moment there. But hey, he’s a little stupid so, what am I expecting from this guy? Anyways.

I’d finished eating, and was still watching the show when one of my roommates came back crying 🥺 I asked her how she was and she said she needed a few minutes. I felt that was a fair response considering her outward state. I turned off my show and just went back to where I was sitting while she moved around our room a bit and gathered some things for a shower. When she walked past again at a certain point, I told her that I was glad she’d been honest that she needs some space, and that if there came a moment where she did not need space, I was there for her. That seemed like it went over well with her, and she went on to take her shower. My other roommate came back shortly after that, but by this point, I was on Zoom with a dear friend group that can’t be together as we are all in very different places (2 of us on campus, 1 is two hours away, 1 is two hours away in a different direction, and 1 is in Chicago!). We had a very nice Zoom, but it was a bit awkward at a few moments as not all of us have talked recently. I mean, I’ve talked to everyone recently, but hey if the rest of them haven’t been as intentional, that’s on them. I love them all anyway.

The last part of my night was spent sitting in my living room while I wrote the news for tomorrow morning, one of my roommates read, and the other scrolled through her phone for a while. That was quite nice. My roomnates both went to bed pretty close together around 10, and I soon followed. I did my night routine which consists of brushing my teeth, water flossing, using the restroom, washing my face, applying my acne treatments and moisturizer, and applying chapstick. Tonight I decided not to follow that with time spent on my phone, but I usually do, and I’ve unfortunately being laying here for about an hour. Luckily, I can’t blame this on insomnia because my schedule is quite random due to a sheer lack of discipline, so I think my body just isn’t ready to be tired yet. But it has been a restful hour. I’ve stayed off my phone, though I’ve thought about getting on it a few times. I’ve been thinking about my friends, my habits, my jobs, my day, my body, my possessions, my faith, music, movies, sleep, and other things too.

I am hoping that I’ll fall asleep soon. My yawns are becoming more frequently, which is usually a good sign for me. I also think my body is used to me being on my phone before bed, so hopefully when I get off of here, that will have been helpful too. I’ve also been thinking about my cousin tonight. Among doing many other things tomorrow, I should shoot him a text and let him know I’m thinking of him. I love that man. I hope he understands that I think of him like a brother.

Okay, I think that’s enough for tonight. Good night, dear friends. I am grateful for you. Sleep tight all. E

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lovemesomesurveys · 4 years ago

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1. Do you like having your picture taken? No.

2. Have you ever done a photo shoot, professional or non? I’ve had pictures taken at photo studios and I have a cousin who’s a photographer that did my college graduation photos.

3. If you could go anywhere in the world where would you go and why? I mean, nowhere right now. BUT, there’s a lot of places I’d love to visit one day. Various countries and places here in the US. I just want to be able to travel a lot one day.

4. Who would you take with you on this little adventure? My family.

5. What would you say is the most daring thing to do in a lifetime? That’s going to be different for everyone of course, but basically something that pushes you out of your comfort zone. Conquering a fear.

6. Would you ever do that? I don’t know.

7. Have you ever done crossword puzzles? Yeah. I much prefer word searches, though.

8. Ever actually completed one? Yeah.

9. Pick up the closest book and write a sentence at random from it. There isn’t a book near me.

10. Do the same with a lyric from either a cd or the radio. Nah.

11. Have you ever tried to analyze your own dreams? Yeah, many times. I’ve tried to look up what some things symbolize and what it might mean for me.

12. Would you put up posters in your room? Yeah. I have some things hung up.

13. Can you sing? I can’t sing well at all. I wish.

14. Do you ever sing to yourself while doing everyday tasks? Yes.

15. What's your favorite color of post-it note? Pink.

16. How many cassette tapes do you own? Zero.

17. How many cd's do you own? I don’t have any CDs anymore.

18. Ever bought a cd for just one song? I probably have.

19. What would your perfect day consist of? Beach days are nice. Or since it’s winter, renting a cozy cabin in the snow sounds lovely.

20. Have you ever lied to get off the phone or out of talking to someone online? Yes.

21. Have you ever written a survey? Once. It was several years ago during the Xanga days. I wish I still had it saved.

22. How about a song? If so share it. No.

23. Or maybe a poem? If so share it or one of them. I dabbled with poetry when I was 16. I am definitely not sharing one, they’re super cringey.

24. Is your vcr flashing 12:00 all the time? I don’t have a VCR. Wow, cassette tapes and VCRs how old is this survey?

25. Do you read your horoscope? No.

26. If so, do you base your day on it? No, I’ve never been into astrology. I used to read it when I was younger like in an magazine, but it was always just for fun.

27. Would you rather chew gum or use mouthwash and why? Chew gum. Mouthwash is way too strong to me and I find it irritating for my mouth and yeah it’s just not a pleasant experience.

28. Do you floss? No. :X

29. Are you addicted to napster like me? Okay, now you’ve mentioned Napster so this survey is super old. Napster was like late 90s and early 2000s.

30. How many times a year about are you sick? I rarely get things like a cold, which I find interesting because I feel like my immune system is crap, but I feel sick and crappy often for other reasons.

31. Ever been in an airplane? Yes, a few times.

32. If so where were you flying to? Georgia and back and to Disneyland and back.

33. What radio station to you listen to most? It’s been a few years since I’ve listened to the radio.

34. What color are your shoes? I wear my black Adidas the most.

35. Was fuzzy wuzzy a bear? He was. He had no hair, though, so he wasn’t actually fuzzy.

36. Do you know how to play dominos? I’ve never really played.

37. Or do you think I just mean pizza by that? No, I know what dominos are.

38. Speaking of pizza, what's your favorite kind? (toppings and/or place to get it from) My favorite is from this local place. I like to get white sauce, feta and ricotta cheese, crumbled meatballs, garlic, spinach, and pesto and olive oil drizzles. I’ve been really craving that lately.

39. What color are your eyes? Brown.

40. How many surveys have you filled out this lifetime? Oh pffffft, I am not even going to attempt to figure that out. There’s no way I could. I’ve been doing surveys for so long and sadly so many of them are gone because they were done on Myspace and Xanga. :(

41. Describe your bedroom, include all details. Okay, you want details? Here we go...

It’s small and has way too much stuff. For one thing, there’s giraffe stuffed animals all over, including a 4 ft one in the corner. There’s a dresser by the window that has my TV and Christmas decorations on it. To the right of that is a 6-cube shelf with some of the aforementioned giraffe stuffed animals as well as giraffe knickknacks, some coloring books and coloring supplies, a mini Christmas tree on top, a few more giraffe stuffed animals, a nice picture frame with my dog, Brandie, who passed away, and my BB8 droid I made at Disneyland. Above the shelf is an I Love Lucy wall clock. My closest is nearby and is full of medical supplies, 3-drawer file thing with random stuff I insist on holding onto, my shoes, and all my jackets and sweatshirts. To the left of my dresser is my bookshelf with a lot of books and other figurines and knickknacks of various things I like and hey surprise, surprise, more giraffe stuffed animals! Across from the bookshelf and dresser is my bed, which is also my desk cause I keep my laptop on it, my chargers, my phone, a coloring book, a couple packs of colored pencils, my Bible study stuff, my remotes, and my Nintendo Switch. I have a pile of clothes, too, cause dresser and closet are too full. I have like 8 throw pillows, a body pillow, a back pillow, and a couple actual pillows. I have a few stuffed animals that sit on my bed as well, which are a huge squishmallow giraffe, a small squishmallow pug, a small squishmallow Dumbo, a small squishmallow Baby Yoda/Grogu, and a Baby Yoda/Grogu plushie. To the right of my bed is a TV tray that has my bottles of water, my medicine and pill crusher, a box of straws, a glass, a Starbucks Doubleshot energy drink, chapstick, my wallet, a Zip-loc bag with half a glazed donut and half a chocolate one, and a small bag of shortbread cookies. Behind the TV tray is my 3-drawer bedside table, which has a makeup storage thing on it that I plan on cleaning out and getting rid of cause I don’t wear makeup anymore and could use that space for something else, a bottle of lotion, a couple little room sprays from B&BW, and a jewelry tray. Hung up on my walls around the room are a few giraffe framed paintings, a couple beachy canvas paintings, two Alexander Skarsgard calendars, a bulletin board with various stuff pinned to it, and a marker board. There’s also a hamper in here, a floor lamp, a ceiling fan/light, two fans, and an ottoman.

42. Name one person your life is made better by. My mom. She’s my best friend.

44. How about someone else's? Huh?

45. Can you do math with ease? Ha, noooo. Me and math never got along.

46. What size is your computer screen? It’s 13.3 inches.

47. If you could only talk to one person online who would that be? Someone from the survey community on here.

48. Name your favorite type of music and why. I like a variety of music--various genres and decades.

49. Are you a vegetarian? No.

50. How about an aspiring actor/actress? Not at all.

51. What famous person dead or alive would you interview if you had the chance? Alexander Skarsgard.

52. Which movie can you watch and say the lines along with the actors? There’s a lot of movies I could do that with. I try not to cause it gets annoying, but it happens.

53. Name one of your passions in life. I don’t know. :/

54. What's your least favorite time of day? Evening time.

55. Who's your favorite member in a band, singer, guitarist, bassist, drummer, and why? The singer, typically.

56. Do you use hairspray or gel? I use neither.

57. Describe your favorite meal. Wingstop’s boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings. I also really enjoy my nightly bowl of ramen.

58. What color is the inside of your head when you close your eyes? Black.

59. Ever listen to classical music? Not typically, but it is nice.

60. Have you ever said lol in real life without thinking about it? No.

61. Do you find you use internet language when writing notes irl? I use “wtf, “wth”, “omg”, and “lol.”

62. What songs would be on your ideal cd? Like I said, I like variety, so a mix of songs.

63. Say one thing you've learned today. Nothing, really.

64. What is the best present you've ever given someone else? I don’t know.

65. What is the best present someone else has ever given to you? I’ve been given many nice gifts throughout my life. I’m appreciative of all the gifts I’ve received.

66. So hey, what's your full name? Stephanie is all you need to know.

67. Describe yourself while drunk. I was chatty and annoying.

68. How big are the windows in your house? Regular, common size? .

69. Do you wear a watch? Nope.

70. What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done with someone else? Nothing.

71. What's the largest age difference between you and someone you've dated? Just a year.

72. How many mirrors do you have? Just one in my room.

73. Write one sentence stating what you want people to say about you after you've passed on. I don’t know, man.

74. Have you ever sailed? Nope.

75. How fast can you run? I used to be able to go pretty fast, but not now. I don’t have the upper body strength or energy I used to have.

76. What do you believe in? I believe in God.

77. How long does it take you to get ready to go out? Not long at all. I just change clothes, quickly do something with my hair, brush my teeth, put on deodorant, put on my shoes, and then grab my bag and mask and go. And a coat if needed.

78. Do you shower daily? If not how often? No, I shower 3-4 times a week.

79. What one thing would you change in your life if you had the power to do so? I’d make it so I had good health.

80. Describe the ideal superpower and what you would do if you had it. Teleportation. I’d travel all over.

81. Are candles romantic or a fire hazard? They can be both.

82. Name something you've done in the last 24hrs no matter how big or small. I had coffee and donuts. Exciting stuff.

83. Do you wear necklaces, bracelets, anklets, earrings, rings? I haven’t worn any in awhile.

84. What colors are you wearing right now? Just black.

85. How often do you change the sheets on your bed? Twice a month.

86. Have you ever gotten lost? Not alone, thankfully, but yeah.

87. What's on your computer desk? I mentioned in the question about my room that my bed is also my desk and I listed the things on it.

88. How many folders are on your desktop at the present moment? Zero.

89. When your talking do you ever use your hands to do quotation marks in the air when saying certain words? Sometimes, if I find it necessary to do so.

90. Which landmark would you climb if you could? None.

91. Do you own or have you read, or thought of reading any self-help books? I read the Chicken Soup For The Soul books when I was younger but that's it. <<< Same.

92. Ever seriously questioned your sanity? Yes. 93. Can you breakdance? No.

94. What's in your fridge right now? Food and drinks. I’m tired from listing everything in that room description question lol.

95. How many people do you live with? I live with 3 people and a doggo.

96. Have you or would you ever do anything more than kiss in a public area? No.

97. What is the strangest thing you've ever done? Uhhh. I don’t know.

98. Name an instrument you've never played but would like to. Guitar.

99. Have you ever been on tv or the radio? Myself, as well as my story, was on TV after my accident happened.

100. What is the worst thing anyone could ever do to you? Physically hurt me.

101. Are you a fast typer? Yes.

102. How high have you counted before getting bored? I don’t know, but probably not very high. I probably would get to 100 and be over it.

103. Describe how you sleep. (ie. your position and/or how you fall asleep) I sleep slightly propped up and turned to my left side. I have indigestion and post-nasal drip issues, so I can’t sleep flat. I have a whole nighttime routine consists of scrolling through Tumblr, doing surveys, and listening to ASMR until I feel tired enough to fall asleep.

104. Are you straight, bi, gay? I’m straight.

105. Do you ever do something else while on the computer? If so what? Sometimes I’m watching TV.

106. What is the most expensive item you own? My MacBook Air.

107. How about the least expensive? My little knickknacks.

109. What do you do online? Check my social medias, watch YouTube, scroll through Tumblr, and do surveys.

110. Name some stores you've bought clothes in before. Boxlunch, Hot Topic, Kohl’s, JCP, Target, H&M, Macy’s, Forever 21... those are a few that come to mind.

111. Have you ever read a book and not understood it? If so which one? I struggled with mythology. I just couldn’t get into it, so that definitely didn’t help, and it was hard to follow.

112. Have you ever watched a movie and not understood it? If so which one? Yeah. Whenever that happens I jump on Google and read up on it afterwards.

113. Do people pick up your slang language more than you pick up theirs? I pick up lingo from others most often.

114. Are you easily influenced by other people, or current trends? No, I wouldn’t say that.

115. What makes you unique in your own opinion? I don’t feel very unique.

116. Name your worst quality. Where to start... .

117. Name your best. I like that I’m open-minded.

118. What would you like to do with your life? I need to get myself together and figure that out.

119. Do you blowdry your hair? Nah.

120. How many clocks are in your house? We have like 3 wall clocks and there’s digital clocks throughout the house on appliances and electronics.

121. Are they all set on the same time? The phones and electronics are. The others are a few minutes fast. My parents set their digital clock like 15 minutes fast.

122. Have you ever intentionally set a clock ahead or behind the actual time? Like I said, we set some of them a few minutes ahead.

123. What do you think about when you first wake up in the morning? "What time is it?"

124. Which browser do you use? Google Chrome.

125. Do you bite your nails? Ugh, I don’t bite them but I pick and clip at them with clippers constantly.

126. Would you ever leave little notes to your gf/bf? Sure, I think that’s cute.

127. Ever been to a farm? Yes.

128. Tell me about your dream last night. I don't remember. I rarely ever do. What typically happens is I’ll remember when I first get up, but then it like vanishes. My dreams are like Snapchat. If only there was an option to save or screenshot them like Snapchat.

129. Ever seen a shooting star? No, actually.

130. Say one thing about yourself you've never told anyone. Uhhhh. I’m so boring, I can’t think of something interesting to share.

131. Do your days fly by or seem to last forever? It often seems like the days go by slow, but then before I know it it’s already been a whole week again and I’m like wtf it was just Monday? That’s how the years tend to feel, too. There’s definitely some days that just really seem draaaaag, though. And there’s something about January that always feels super long.

132. Have you ever stayed in a fancy high class rich hotel? Yes. 133. Have you ever stayed in a rent-by-the-hour motel? No.

134. What in your opinion is the best advertising slogan out there? If they get stuck in your head then they’re doing something right. It’s gotta be catchy. Jingles work well.

135. When they start sending rockets to the moon for us civilians, will you be on the list to go? Noooo, absolutely not.

136. How are you feeling right now? Tired, kinda hungry, and lonely.

137. Have you ever written anything on your skin? Yeah.

138. If so what? Random stuff. That was something a lot of people seemed to do in like middle school and high school for some reason.

139. Which website do you frequent most often? Tumblr and YouTube.

140. What color are most of your clothes? Black.

141. Do you own any plants? Nope.

142. Are things as bad as they seem? They sure seem bad to me.

143. Describe the nicest thing anyone has ever done for you. My mom is amazing. She’s sacrificed so much. I’m 31 years old and require aid with some things and here she is still taking care of me and doing so much for me on top of working a full-time job, being a caregiver for a family friend as well, taking care of us as a family and of things at home, and she very rarely has anytime for herself. She’s spread very thin and works so hard and yeah I just could never thank her enough. She’s the absolute best and I would be so lost without her. I couldn’t keep going if it weren’t for her.

144. Ever looked directly at the sun? Yes.

145. Have you ever made a pin hole camera to watch the eclipse? No.

146. What's your favorite cereal? All the main sugary ones, ha.

147. Who do you miss? My loved ones who have passed away.

148. Name something you just can't forget no matter how hard you try. Uh, a lot of things. My mind doesn’t like me to forget things like that. It likes to remind me of them often. Things like that hit at random times as well, like my brain will be like, ‘hey remember when...’ and I’m like, ‘ugh, yes I remember you won’t let me forget.’

149. Describe the worst fight you've ever been in whether physical or verbal. I’ve never been in a physical fight, but there were some verbal ones. I don’t want to get into them right now.

150. Say something else about yourself you've never told anyone before. Noooo.

#personal #text #survey #surveys #150 questions

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rotationalsymmetry · 4 years ago

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On self diagnosis:

Can people please not reduce self diagnosis to “google”? Like yes, if you spent 5 minute googling your symptoms that is not enough to be confident in what you’ve got. 5 minute of google has a pretty consistent fail mode, and is only a starting point at best. I’m talking about hours and hours of tracking symptoms and trying to make sense of them, and more hours and hours of reading actual books and especially first hand accounts of other people with the condition, over a period of months or years. Often while you’re also trying to get an answer from doctors. Not five minute on google. Ffs.

Break for length, more beneath the cut.

And: professional diagnosis is often a shot in the dark based on, granted, a wide base of general medical knowledge but also about 5 minutes of hearing the actual patient’s symptoms, so relatively little knowledge about the specific patient. Professional diagnosis is often wrong. It is normal and acceptable to seek out a second opinion, or even just quietly go “ok, I got a professional opinion, but I’m still not buying it.” Or out loud going “are you sure? But what about...”

Medical professionals are experts, but they’re not omniscient, and it is OK to argue with them and/or refuse to take their advice.

(Side note: if you don’t brush or floss consistently just tell your dentist that. Don’t lie. Lying interferes with your dentist’s ability to figure out how to best reduce your chances if more cavities. You can tolerate a little bit of disapproval in service to the truth and your health. Only lie if the alternative is you can’t bring yourself to visit the dentist at all. In which case, visiting the dentist and lying is better than not seeing the dentist.)

You do not want to know the absolutely laughable process by which I got officially diagnosed with either CFS or depression I swear to god.

Here’s the thing: if there’s a lab test or some other diagnostic test that tends to give conclusive results, cool, by all means trust that. Lab tests are awesome. (Like when I was anemic — there was a definitive lab test for that.)

(Likewise, when I sprained both wrists and broke my elbow, and my doctor was “well, there’s this really specific fracture you might have in your wrists, and it might not show up on the x-ray, so you need to be really careful, here’s some wrist braces” — there’s some cases where it’s really good to have an expert’s opinion, y’know.)

But if it’s more squishy (as CFS is squishy, as depression is squishy) — if there isn’t a definitive diagnostic test — then sometimes doctors get it right and sometimes they don’t.

And a lot of what doctor base diagnosis on in those cases, is how well a patient responds to treatment that’s supposed to work for that condition. (More so for depression than CFS.) And non-doctors can take that approach too. Does depression self-help stuff ease my symptoms? Do ADHD life hacks make me more organized? Does pacing make my possibly-CFS symptoms better? If things that help the illness/condition/neuro-whatever help you, then “I probably have that illness” is a pretty solid working hypothesis and you should stick with it.

Even if your doctor disagrees.

Unless, of course, your doctor can offer a different explanation that fits better or leads to more effective treatment. If trying out your doctor’s working hypothesis means you might get better treatment, great! Sounds worth trying!

But if your doctor thinks there’s nothing wrong with you when there is definitely something wrong with you, something messing with your ability to live your life. Then either you need a different doctor or you’re back to self-diagnosis.

Personally, I haven’t sought out ADHD diagnosis. I don’t think I want medication or disability accommodations based on it, and I don’t want yet another highly stigmatized diagnosis interfering with my ability to get a doctor who takes my other medical issues seriously. So, professional diagnosis wouldn’t get me much and might harm me. But, as a working hypothesis, thinking I might have ADHD means I can watch YouTube videos and read books and try out random stuff I run across on social media, with the expectation that it might help me because I might have ADHD. It helps me understand why I seem to be more emotional than most people. It helps me understand why I have so much trouble being on time or not putting things off to the last moment or keeping on top of my mail. Self diagnosis has tangible benefits for me. Even with the question mark hanging around.

(And: people with an official diagnosis have access to all of that plus meds. I really hope this doesn’t come across as anti professional diagnosis, that would be weird.)

And I can’t help but assume that criticism of self diagnosis is tied to the idea that the only effective way to handle a medicinal condition is by medication or something else prescribed by a doctor, and that self-help/lifestyle stuff is always strictly less useful if it had any value at all.

Just because, y’know, people shouldn’t DIY their cancer treatment, or get all conspiracy theory ish about the coronavirus, doesn’t mean that ALL situations are doctors-first situations. There’s some situations in which doctor stuff is strictly less useful than the DIY/community support approach. (And other situations where a combination approach is best.) And it can vary a lot from person to person: not just what the condition is but also how their condition manifests, how much of a barrier there is to getting treatment through official channels, etc.

I’m sorry but the official route with CFS has been not terribly helpful for me. (With the exception of the PT, who was pretty cool for a while.) In spite of the fact that I got to see a specialist, and there are very very few CFS specialists and all of them have extremely long waiting lists. I’ve had to go the self help approach because that’s the only thing that helps. And, while I am officially diagnosed, I was self diagnosed first, and the stuff I’ve found that helped (including the PT, my doc hadn’t given me a diagnosis yet) I got from self diagnosis. So, if I didn’t believe in self diagnosis, and moreover if I looked to doctors as the only conceivable source of help, I might still be having frequent days where I can’t so much as sit up straight, like how I was when I was like “fuck it, this seems like it’s probably CFS, I’m going to learn as much as I can.”

Or I might be dead. There was an awfully long period where I wasn’t comfortable telling a doctor that I had suicidal thoughts, but I was willing to read self help books. I mean, in retrospect I don’t think I was all that close to actually doing it. But who knows really. At least, accessing self help books (written by professionals or by people talking about their own experience) meant I got to reduce some of my suffering, and that is a good thing.

#commenting on without reblogging #self diagnosis #cfs/me #rant #long post #cw suicide mention

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malandi · 4 years ago

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2020

Yes this year was fucking awful for everyone. Even me! ^_^

It started promising. I was thriving in college! Maybe not so much academically. But socially, mentally and physically, I was doing very well. I got a lot of exercise done weekly. I spent a lot of my time surrounded by good people. I got along well with my schoolmates and my roommates, I was comfortable with my life. On my birthday we had a blast together and I was really thankful for my new friends. I had some problems with my health and got surgery (scared shitless but I did well) but in the big picture, that health problem was more of consistent discomfort instead of something huge.

I was happy!

Covid started. My dad came home with us and it all went downhill from there. Despite online classes and pressured to take an online course in harvard, I was expected to do most of the chores and paid some of the bills while my siblings did nothing. I tried to delegate but was met with resistance from my own mom and dismissal from my dad. My dad was abusive towards all of us, overly controlling and nitpicking and losing his shit over the slightest things that living at home was walking on eggshells. He insulted us, gaslit us, accused us of terrible things and tried his best to make us feel like worthless, bad people. Because I was so active in helping out at home, my mom and I took the brunt of most of his rage.

I missed my friends dearly. I don't like social media much, unless anonymity is guaranteed like on tumblr. I never liked chatting, so the transition to online was difficult for me. For a time, all I had was an abusive dad, an enabler mom, siblings who abandoned me to deal with them without realizing. I couldn't tell them what I was going through because I had a hard time communicating.

Online classes were also difficult. I was only able to keep up for two weeks and the after that I didnt attend synchronized classes anymore. A lot of my friends held my hand which I felt guilty for. Even if I cheated, I insisted on learning which took thrice as much time and effort as it usually took me, and I'm not usually a fast learner.

Moving became hard to do. Between school and family problems, I had trouble taking care of myself. I would wake up but stay in bed for hours. If I heard people eating downstairs, I'd wait for them to finish even if i was super hungry just so I could eat alone. I didn't floss a lot even if I had to because I wear braces. Sometimes I didn't brush my teeth at night.

The news affected me. A lot of shit happened in my country. The pandemic poorly handled, in a way that's clear that the people especially the lower class are not prioritized. It was politicised. Frontliners were disregarded at the cost of their lives. The lower class were criminalized to disregard their concerns about starvation and unemployment. The killer of a trans woman was pardoned. Two devastating typhoons hit our country in succession. There were too many terrible things to name that happened. I cried a lot over it, over how helpless I feel.

I miss being a normal kid surrounded by kind people. I miss being in college where we got work done for our country, where we can make a big difference through donations, charity drives, protests and other forms of action. I miss being outside, walking across rivers and grassy areas and applying lotion that wards off mosquitos. I miss petting stray animals. I miss quiet moments with strangers when I eat out or commute and were cordial because we got stuck with each other.

I didnt feel like doing anything anymore. Didn't feel like learning, didn't feel like helping out at home, didn't feel like taking care of myself.

I did emotional self harm by intentionally consuming content that triggered me. Before I sleep at night I'd think of stuff that would hurt me and it easily makes me feel physical pains in my chest. Up to now i still do it, I still make myself cry before I sleep and it feels good. It feels great even when i can't breathe.

But somehow I pulled through. Maybe it's my siblings. Maybe it's my friends. Maybe it's me. It's probably all of us. But we saved me, and I'm still here. And I'm not as happy as before but I'm hoping I'll be happy again. For now it's enough to be alive. I can work on the rest later. I'll work towards being okay.

I'm hoping the same for everyone else. I want everyone to be happy and safe and comfortable. I know a new year coming doesn't really change things. But it can give us the push to change ourselves. It always feels like a second chance. Everyday is a second chance, really, but the start of a new year seems like the best time to do it, right? I hope it gives us the hope and strength to keep holding on. Maybe to make a drastic change. Drop out of a course or quit a job that's depressing you. Move away from your abuser. Pursue an interest you were previously too scared to do. A new year makes people braver. I hope it makes us all brave enough to be kind to ourselves.

Goodbye 2020!

#ᜇᜎ᜔ᜇᜎ᜔

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