#i was not expecting 20 minutes of emotional conversation

[pimento-playing-hopscotch]

I love this show and it means a lot to me,

and I feel disappointed and a little bit misled tbh by the choices they have made-

These are two thoughts that can coexist btw

[whimsiwitchy]

I hear the secrets that you keep (series) 

chapter seven: k.

Pedro Pascal x plus size F!reader 

series masterlist

series summary: 24 year old y/n is an insecure and struggling actress in Los Angeles until she finally books a leading role in a big Hollywood movie next to her leading male, Pedro Pascal. A spark of friendship flickers between the two and slowly begins to blossom into something more. As y/n is navigating a new found fame and a new found romance, she fears that a lie she has been sitting on might ruin everything.

Warnings: plus size afab reader, she/her pronouns, use of y/n, swearing, age gap (24/14 years), descriptions of the female body, use of the word fat, descriptions of a bigger body (stretch marks, cellulite, rolls, etc.), descriptions of nudity, sexual themes. 

Please let me know if I missed anything! Warnings may change as the story progresses. 

chapter summary: conversations and intimacy training. 

authors note: Y’all this took me way longer to write than expected. I had something else planned for this chapter but it ended up coming out like this. I really like the first half but I feel like it goes downhill towards the end. This idea is way more complicated to write for than I thought it would be lol. I still hope you enjoy!

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“It never made sense for you to love me.”- Twilight New Moon

Love wasn’t what Pedro and you had- you understood that- but the consistent pain in your chest was telling you otherwise. In your short lifetime, you had never felt such strong emotions towards someone like you have towards Pedro, it was easy with him. He was so respectful and sweet- his charisma and it was all beginning to piss you off. Why couldn’t he just let you do your job and leave you alone? You were grateful for the friendship he had initiated because it meant your on set experience would be easier, but now that everything has gotten out of hand, you honestly wish the line between professional and personal was never crossed.

It's been a short 24 hours since your conversation with Pedro and after your intense two hour cry sesh the night prior, you felt numb. Not numb in a painful way but numb in a sense that you'd accepted what had happened and were trying your best to move forward in a reasonable manner. When you woke up this morning, you spent 20 minutes sitting on your toilet holding two icy spoons to your puffy eyes trying to reduce the swelling as much as you could, trying to hide any evidence of the pain that sat deep in your chest. It didn’t help. 

Keeping yourself busy seemed like the only way to keep your mind occupied on anything other than Pedro. At first, you found it best to read over your upcoming scenes but after about 30 minutes, your head was hurting. Your mind wandered back into the forbidden territory, flashes of Pedro’s award winning smile appeared every time you would read over one of his lines. Seeing his face in your head reminded you of the hurt in his voice and the look of disappointment he had given you. Everything you did brought your thoughts right back to him. You closed your script abruptly and picked up a book instead. You’d been rereading the Twilight series and were currently nearing the end of New Moon. You hoped that Pedro and yourself would have a similar ending, that you two would be brought back together and realize that you needed each other, that you couldn’t live without each other. It was dramatic and cliche but you didn’t care. All of your common sense left your body when it came to him. Thinking wasn’t something you needed to do with him, you just had to feel. You finished a single chapter before shutting the book and giving into the inevitable thoughts that clouded your mind. 

Letting out a sigh, you let your mind begin the analyzing it had been begging to do. The next time you would see Pedro would be in two days. The two of you have intimacy training early that morning and you'd film those scenes later in the afternoon. Having fake sex in front of a room of people isn’t exactly ideal for the first time you’d be seeing him again. Maybe you should reach out to him beforehand, talk things over, but you being the one to reach out first wasn’t something you wanted to do. It didn’t seem like the right thing to do. You had absolutely no clue as to how Pedro was feeling right now. He said he wasn’t mad but the tone of his voice and his body language said otherwise. You didn’t want to upset him more by bothering him before he even had time to process everything. He was at the forefront of your mind and you were praying that he wasn’t as hurt as you were. You couldn’t imagine that he was. 

It never made sense, the connection, the spark, the comfort. It was all too confusing and quick. But you let it happen without much thought and looking back, you wish you hadn't been so stupid. It has never bugged you so much, losing someone, no one ever mattered enough. All Pedro had to do was actually be nice to you and you were a puddle at his feet. It was a little pathetic- but he said he liked you too, so maybe it wasn’t that pathetic. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─

The next two days passed by way too fast, leaving you in the studio parking lot trying to find the will to leave your car. Your body was filled with anxiety from the thought of seeing Pedro- and from being late. You waited until the very last moment to get out of your car, being late this one time was something you were willing to do to avoid any early interactions with him. With slow strides, you made your way towards the studio doors, to the reception desk, and to the room where intimacy training would take place. 

When you entered the room, Pedro was already there surrounded by a few other people. His eyes quickly met yours before he looked away just as fast. 

“Sorry I'm late…traffic.” You muttered out before sitting in an empty chair across the room, praying that no one saw that you actually pulled into the parking lot 30 minutes prior, sitting in your car staring down at the steering wheel for longer than you'd care to admit. 

As soon as you sat down, a woman immediately grabbed the attention of the room. She introduced herself as Elise, a trained intimacy coordinator. She briefly went over how the training would go, letting us know that we would go through some safety procedures before starting. Elise spoke for about 40 minutes on how important it is to feel comfortable with your co-star and the proper way to go about doing these types of scenes without incident. As she introduced the other crew members in the room, you stole a glance at Pedro. It’s as if he could feel your eyes on him, because he turned around, once again his eyes leaving yours just as quick as they met them. 

“Okay, so before we get started, I'm going to have the two of you do a check-in. Let each other know what you’re feeling and if there's any boundaries that need to be set.” She takes a seat and is talking to one of the other people in the room. Pedro doesn’t move, so you take that as a sign to walk over to him. You were hoping he’d at least be mature enough to work with you without dragging anything personal into it. 

“Good morning.” You took a moment to look at him. He was wearing a pair of charcoal gray cotton shorts with a random graphic tee. You thought he looked divine, drool worthy even.

“Morning.” He still doesn’t look at you. 

You take initiative to start the check-in, letting him know where you’re at today and that you’re ready to go, no boundaries. When he responds, his voice is very mundane and his eyes continue to avoid you. You awkwardly let out a brief ‘cool’ to acknowledge that you had heard  what he had said. There was a silence between you two, leaving the only noise coming from the light conversation from the group of crew members across the room. 

“So, are you guys ready to get started?” Elise asked with excitement in her voice. She was way too cheery for the uncomfortable mood that lingered in the air. However, you decided to match her energy as best as you could to make the day easier on yourself. 

“Of course!” You let out accompanied by a smile that didn’t quite match your tone of voice. 

Everyone in the room was then instructed to make their way to the set. You walked closer to the group of crew members, while Pedro walked slower leaving a good six feet between you guys. The set wasn’t anything too crazy. Just a cliche 70s themed bedroom, filled with orange, red, and brown. A king size bed sat in the middle of one of the makeshift walls with two night stands on either side. There was a funky pattern that lined the walls and a shag rug on the floor that matched. Everyone took a seat at some chairs that sat behind a white taped line that ran across the floor behind a bunch of expensive looking equipment, leaving Elise, Pedro, and yourself standing. 

“Okay, so we’re going to start by giving you a quick rundown of what you’ll be learning today.” She’s opening a binder that she had been holding and starts to spew the details of the scene. 

“So this scene follows Daniel admitting to Janet that he has feelings for her ,this is going to be a very passionate and steamy shot.” She turns towards the set and instructs the two of you to do the same. 

“To start, you’ll both bust through the door into the room. Daniel will be leading the makeout session, slowly pushing Janet towards the bed, but stopping right at the red tape that’s on the floor.” She’s pointing across the room with her pen as she speaks and looks back every few words to make sure Pedro and yourself are listening. 

“Once you’re there, you’ll have a moment to show the love between the characters. At this mark, you’ll both be removing some clothing and Daniel will push Janet onto the bed to crawl above her, leading into sex. Any questions?” She turns to look at the both of you. Pedro shakes his head and you follow. 

“Cool. Okay we’re going to run through it, stopping a few times along the way to choreograph each touch between the characters.” 

This whole process was so fucking awkward. You were trying your best to be professional, but nothing was ever professional when it came to Pedro. Every time the intimacy coach placed his hand on you or vice versa, you felt your body tingle. It had only been a few days but you had already forgotten how good it felt to feel Pedro’s skin on your fingertips. He still hadn’t looked at you, avoiding your eyes when you had to be face to face. 

“For the push, it doesn’t need to be a harsh push. We want it to be more of a sexy playful push rather than a dominant one.” She's speaking directly to Pedro but turns to you right after. 

“When you fall, try to land with your arms propping you up on the bed. Your forearms should be touching the bed, like this. If it’s uncomfortable at all, we can change it up.” She falls back onto the bed to show you her vision. You give her a thumbs up and stand at the red mark on the floor. 

“When you’re on the bed and he starts to climb over you, you’re going to crawl backwards, using your arms as leverage. Let’s have you guys try that out real quick.” Elise steps off of the set and stands past the cameras where the other crew have been sitting. 

She yells a quick ‘action’ and Pedro is pushing you onto the bed. When you land onto the bed, you look up at his face to see that he’s already looking at you with an intense stare. He starts to lean onto the bed to crawl over you and you’re moving backwards as instructed. Once your head hits a pillow, Pedro is fully hovering over you. The two of you never break eye contact and you could feel your heart beating out of your chest, your breath wavering. You could feel the temperature of your body rising rapidly and a slight pulse hit your core. Having Pedro completely over your body like this was torture. His hands were on either side of your head and if you looked down towards his lower body, you could see the weight of his- 

“Perfect!” Elise lets out with an excited squeal, making you snap out of the trance you were under. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─

Elise had you guys run the full choreography three more times in full, minus the kissing and getting naked part. Once she and the other crew members were satisfied, everyone was sent on an hour and a half break before you all had to come back to actually film. You were feeling extremely hot and bothered. Pedro’s touch was intoxicating and the way he looked at you when he was on top of you made you feel feral. 

You desperately needed to talk to him. You scanned the room and saw him walking out of two large doors that led to the parking lot. Following him, your eyes sweep over the large parking lot as quickly as possible, hoping you’d be able to catch him before he was gone. 

“Pedro!” You called out the moment you found him. He was reaching for his car door but abruptly stopped when he heard his name. 

“Can we please talk? Just give me five minutes. Please.” You knew you were probably the last person he wanted to talk to, but you really needed to clear some of the tension between you two. 

“Okay.” He stands there for a minute before motioning for you to get into his car. When you sit down, you can feel all of the emotions from the last time you were in this seat still lingering in the air. 

“How are you?” You asked genuinely with a hint of awkwardness. 

“Fine.” He huffs out. 

“Pedro please don’t be like that.” You practically begged. You were hoping for a productive conversation but this wasn’t going to do any good if he wasn’t willing to actually talk to you. 

“Like what y/n?” He finally looks at you and he looks pissed. You let out a sigh. 

“Look…I know that you’re mad at me or whatever but I don’t know what else to do here P. I didn’t mean to lie to you and I told you the truth before anything furthered between us. If you can’t forgive me then at least be professional and work with me as a costar. Please?” Your voice began to waver but you held it together. You see his eyes soften slightly. 

“I told you I’m not mad at you.” His voice is soft. 

“Then what are you feeling? You’ve left me in the dark P. I’ve given you space and I understand if you want nothing to do with me, but can we at least talk this out? Let me know how you feel so I’m not jumping to conclusions in my own head?” The car goes quiet, no sound other than the light thumping coming from your nails tapping the center console. 

“You’re so young…” He practically whispers. “You have a whole life ahead of you, I'd only be holding you back baby.” 

Your heart flutters at the endearment. 

“And with how the world works, no one would approve of us. You can’t start out your career like that, having people judge you because of me. You deserve someone your age, someone you can have fun with.” 

“Were we not having fun before I told you my real age? How does that change anything?” You could feel the frustration rising in you. You absolutely hated when people tried to tell you what was right for you. Pedro just struck a nerve he didn’t even know you had. 

“Yea but it’s different-” You cut him off before he can finish. 

“How exactly is it different P…hm?” There's a slight hint of anger in your voice, the patience you once had completely dissolving. 

“You're just a kid.” 

If it were physically possible, you would have steam shooting out of your ears from how angry you are right now. Looking away, you take a deep breath and think over your thoughts before your mouth spews words you’ll later regret. 

“I understand that the age difference between us is way more than you bargained for but I’m not a kid. I am fully capable of making my own decisions and deciding what’s best for me and my career. I appreciate the concern but it’s not your place to think for me. If this whole thing is too much to handle then that’s fine. We can just be friends, or not even friends.. I don’t know P. I just can’t do whatever we’re doing now.” Your irritation falls off towards the end, feeling more hopeless than anything. 

“I don’t want to be your friend.” 

Ouch. 

You’re searching his eyes trying to find any hint that he’s being mean to make this ‘breakup’ easier and not just being mean because it’s the truth. 

“Okay…we can just be coworkers then.” You turn your head forward. All you can feel is the same pain that you had felt that night, but this time it felt final. There wasn’t more guessing Pedro’s feelings, no more maybes. This was it. 

“Y/n…I don’t think you understand.” His hand reaches out for yours but you're moving it away before he has the chance to grab it. 

“Then make me understand P… I’ve been trying to understand.” 

“I can’t be your friend because I won’t be able to be close to you without longing for you every second. It’s been so long since I felt what I feel with you and it’s been eating me alive, sweetheart. All I want to do is be near you, hold you, be with you, but fuck y/n, I shouldn’t want you the way I do. I can’t have you the way I want you.” His eyes were on yours the entire time, showing you the sincerity behind every word.

You don’t know if it’s his confession or the pent of horniness you'd been harboring for the past two hours that made you jump at him but before he, or even yourself really, had a chance to process what was happening, you were leaning across the center console, lips moving with his. All of the tension in your body melted away as Pedro softly grabbed your face with his hands. This kiss was soft and full of passion, like you were making up for lost time. It was nothing short of perfect. When you pull back, you’re smiling. When you open your eyes to see the look on Pedro’s face, your smile drops.

“Y/n we can't do this.” He says giving you a pitiful look and pain tucked behind his eyes.

“K.” 

You’re getting out of the car before he could protest, you needed to get away from him. Slamming the passenger door, maybe a little too hard, you’re practically stomping back to the studio. You decided to get your hair and makeup early to calm your brain down a little bit before you were surrounded by people again. God you were being so childish right now but why would he kiss you back if he still didn’t want you. 

─ ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─── ♡ ─── ⋅ ⋅ ⋅ ─

You were zoned out the entire time you were sitting in the dressing room getting dolled up for the cameras, only speaking when one of the stylists asked a question. Your brain was working overtime right now, trying to calm your emotions while also trying to focus on the scene you'd have to film in just a few minutes. 

Over the past hour, you’ve been trying to create some sort of plan to get Pedro to change his mind. You didn’t want to lose him, he was too good of a man to fumble, so you decided that you wouldn’t stop pursuing him until he told you to your face that he didn’t want you. What you were planning wasn’t ethical at all and broke all kinds of work relationship rules but your relationship with Pedro had already crossed that line the first day you had met. 

Walking over to the set, you could feel the nerves rising. You wanted to seduce Pedro as best as you could. He was obviously attracted to you and you were going to abuse that. You were hoping that him seeing your naked body for the first time would send him spirling, leaving him no other choice than to want you enough to take the chance and be with you. 

“Quiet on set! Can we get Daniel and Janet on set please? Thank you.” 

You step onto the small platform that separated the set floor from the studio floor and walk over to Elise. Pedro stands next to you, ignoring your presence once again. 

“Are you guys ready to run it?” Elise is asking with a big smile. You could see Pedro nod his head and you do the same. 

“Okay, just make sure you’re doing exactly what we rehearsed. If anything feels uncomfortable let us know and we’ll stop rolling and fix the issue. You guys got this!” Elise raises her hands to give you both a high five and she's walking to sit next to the director. 

“Places!” 

You're both walking over to the door that you'd be bursting through in a few moments. Pedro places his hands on you, preparing for them to yell “action”. You’re looking into his eyes, getting into character and he’s doing the same. 

“Ready baby?” You ask him with a smirk, wanting to fuck with his head as much as you could. His eyes go wide but before he can say anything the director's voice booms over the space. 

“Action!” 

He gives you a nod before diving down to kiss you. He's pushing you into the door that flings open as you walk backwards, lips still attached. When you reach the red mark on the floor, you pull apart from him. Looking into each other's eyes with the love and passion you so badly wanted from him outside of this scene. You’re reaching down to grab the hem of his shirt and lift it, just as rehearsed. He pulls the rest off by himself, leaving you to marvel at his chest for a moment before he’s reaching for your own shirt. You're looking at his eyes but he is trained down onto your cleavage, which is pushed up slightly by your bra. 

When he looks back at your face, you could feel your core pulse in excitement. He had this hungry look in his eyes and you were confident that it wasn’t because he was acting. You grab his face to pull him back into you, continuing to clash tongues and teeth. Pedro reaches behind you to grab your ass, pulling you closer to him in the process. You let out an involuntary whimper. He slides his hands up the sides of your body, trailing his hands to the clasp of your bra. He pulls back and pulls each strap down your arms, letting it fall onto the floor, leaving your chest exposed to him. 

“fuck ..” He lets out but it’s barely audible and it definitely wasn’t scripted. 

He’s pushing you back onto the bed and the two of you began the crawl that you had practiced many times before, never breaking eye contact. Once you were laying down, Pedro hoving over you once again, you started to feel exposed and slightly insecure. Before you can think further, Pedro is pulling down your pants, leaving you in nothing but the lacy black thong that had extra lining that matched your skin tone. He takes a moment removing his own pants, leaving him in a pair of tighty whities. Even with the protective sock he wore for actor protection, you could still see the outline of his dick. 

He crawls back over you, his eyes dark. You reach up to kiss him again and you begin the ‘grinding’ into him. All that was going through your head were the events of the night in your trailer. How he felt against you. Another weak moan slips past your lips and his hands are reaching down, removing the black thong and leaving the skin tone underwear that sat under it. 

This was feeling way too real and you were soaked. You knew that whoever was in charge of cleaning costumes would hate their life when your soaked underwear made their way to them. Your mind refocuses to see Pedro’s own underwear had been removed, leaving him in his own weird skin toned thing, sock thingy. He looks down, pretending to grab his dick and ‘enters’ it into you. You let out a breathy moan, not entirely fake as you imagine how it would really feel. Pedro lets out a grunt and starts to rock his hips forwards onto you. The pressure of his heavy cock was rubbing you a little too good. There definitely wasn’t enough protection between the two of you and if you hadn’t had such a strong attraction towards Pedro, you’d definitely feel uncomfortable right now. He’s kissing you again but all you can do is let out tiny breathy moans into his mouth, trying your best to focus on acting. He’s giving you a nod, signaling to start the big finish. You’re both letting out boasting moans, his head falling into your neck as your hands are clawing at his back. Both breathing heavily, he gives your neck a small kiss. 

You can’t help but let your mind freak out. That kiss wasn’t for the camera, it was out of view. That kiss was just for you. 

“Cut!” 

Pedro makes his way off of you, grabbing a robe that is being handed to him. You slowly got up, feeling dizzy and confused. You wrapped the robe that was offered to you and listened to whatever was being said by whoever was talking. You couldn’t focus even if you had tried. 

You sat in the corner as everyone watched the footage, making sure it was good before releasing the team. Once the director gave the thumbs up, you were rushing back to your dressing room to get undone. 

“You guys were amazing out there, the chemistry was insane. Everything looked so real! I guess that’s why you guys get paid the big bucks huh?” One of the girls in the room gushed about the performance. You simply let out a small thanks to show your appreciation. 

You wanted nothing more than to go home and wallow in self pity over a man that doesn’t want you. You still planned on not giving up but you really needed a breather and a break. 

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Thank you for reading <3

series tag list: @nuetralcolorsenthusiast, @kungfucapslock, @hansilandgretel, @ashleyfilm, @titabel, @fifitheragertot, @maryfanson, @ktluvsmen, @eldauvs, @dionneroyal49, @godlypresley, @bloody-bunni666, @beautiflybybri, @a-beautiful-but-sassy-world, @amo-nix

[delicatebarness]

the manuscript | chapter five

Summary: A meeting with your brother doesn't go to plan.

Warnings: Age Gap. (Dr Barnes: late 40s & Reader: early 20s). Russian language.

Word Count: 1596

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A/N: What do you mean, Dr Barnes? What do you mean?. - Please feel free to leave feedback or let me know where and how you want the story to continue, this is just as much yours as it is mine. - B

Series: @mostlymarvelgirl | @mrsnikstan | @angelbabyyy99 | @kaithesimps-blog | @julvrs

Everything: @hallecarey1 | @pattiemac1 | @uhmellamoanna | @scraftsku35 | @ozwriterchick

Feeling a whirlwind of emotions, Dr. Barnes’ cryptic words and steady gaze haunted your thoughts as you returned to the library. A mix of fear and desire intoxicated your mind. Peter was sat where you had left him, immersed in his textbook, unaware of the turmoil inside you. You tried to focus on the material in front of you as you settled back into your seat.

Your eyes drifted to the door every few minutes, you half expected Dr. Barnes to appear. Peter noticed your distraction, placing a comforting hand on your bouncing thigh. “Are you okay?” he asked softly. 

Turning to face him, you forced a smile. “Yeah, just… a lot on my mind.” 

He returned the smile, giving your thigh a reassuring squeeze. “I’m here if you need to talk about it.” 

You nodded. “I know,” you replied, you reached up to cup his cheek before placing a soft kiss against his lips. “Thank you.” 

The library began to empty as the hours passed in a blur, the sky outside turning a deep shade of indigo as evening approached. “Ready to call it a night?” Peter asked as he stretched and yawned, closing his textbook.

Packing your things, you nodded. Peter walked you to your dorm, you leaned into his familiar warmth as he placed his arm around your shoulders. Approaching the entrance of your dorm, he cleared his throat. “Hey, um… yeah, I hate to do this, but I need to get back to the house tonight.”

You smiled reassuringly, “No worries, I get it.” Despite the events of the day, you had hoped to spend more time with him. “Duty calls, right?”

“Yeah, exactly,” he replied, relieved by your understanding. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.” He gave you a quick kiss before turning toward the way to the fraternity house. “I love you.” 

“Love you too,” you said with a grin, waving before he disappeared into the evening shadows. Taking a deep breath, you pushed open the door. 

Inside your room, you changed into something more comfortable and sat on your bed. The urge to email Dr. Barnes was overwhelming as you started at your phone, yet you hesitated. What would you say? What would he say? Would he even reply?

You pondered with your internal struggle for a few minutes before ultimately deciding to send a simple message: “Thank you for the advice today.” 

Fidgeting with the edges of your phone case, your leg bounced. It wasn’t long before a reply appeared in your inbox: “You’re welcome, Miss Spector. I look forward to seeing how you apply it.” 

Your heart pounded at his words, the promise hanging in the air. Putting your phone down, you tried to calm yourself. 

~

The next day, you decided to visit your older brother, Marc– or Steven, or Jake, whichever one of them was in control. Steven was also known as, Dr. Steven Grant and was also a lecturer. He’d always been a source of support for you, and you hoped talking to him might help clear your mind. 

When you reached his door, it was slightly ajar. Knocking lightly, you pushed it open. “Hey, can I talk to one of–” You stood there for a moment, the sight before you catching you off guard. “You?” Dr. Barnes’ presence was unexpected, he sat across from your brother in deep conversation, his eyebrow raised with a steady gaze on you. 

“Ah, Miss Spector,” he said smoothly, amusement hinted in his eyes. “What a pleasant surprise.” 

Steven gave you a warm smile, though concern filled his eyes. “Hey, what’s up? Come in.”

Stepping further inside, a sudden rush of nervousness coursed through you under Dr. Barnes’ gaze. “I, uh, just wanted to talk to you about something, if you have a moment?” 

He nodded, gesturing to an empty chair beside his colleague. “Of course, we were just finishing up here. Please, sit.” 

Dr. Barnes’ piercing gaze didn’t go unnoticed as you took your seat, following your every move. The air thickened with unspoken tension, the walls of the room seemingly closing in on you.

“Is everything alright?” Steven asked, his tone gentle. 

Briefly, you glanced at Dr. Barnes before focusing on your brother. “I’ve been struggling to focus, it’s been a bit… overwhelming lately. I was hoping to get some advice.” 

Dr. Barnes leaned back slightly. “Sometimes a shift in perspective can help. New challenges or seeking different… experiences, might be what you need.” 

Steven nodded in agreement. “That’s a great point. Have you thought about starting a new project?” 

“I’ve been considering that,” you picked at a loose thread on your skirt, glancing toward Dr. Barnes for a second. “I just need something to ground me, channel my energy into.” 

Dr. Barnes’ eyes sparkled with intrigue. “And, what kind of project would provide such focus?” 

You glanced at him again, the weight of his attention heavy. “I was hoping to get some advice on that too.” 

Steven beamed, his tone encouraging. “You’ve always had a knack for languages. Maybe explore one of them further?” 

A hint of a smirk played on Dr. Barnes’ lips as his eyebrow raised toward you. “Immersing yourself in language studies can be incredibly rewarding. Which language would you be considering?” 

For a moment you hesitated. “I’m currently taking Romanoff’s Russian class,” you replied, despite the butterflies in your stomach, your voice remained steady. “I’ve been studying it for some time now.” 

His reaction was immediate, eyes darkening slightly, and his jaw tensed. “Russian,” he repeated, his voice lower, as he gave a slight nod. “A complex yet fascinating language.” 

You nodded, as Steven replied. “She’s always been drawn to its history and intricate grammar. Plus, it opens up a lot of opportunities in various fields for her.” 

He nodded in agreement with Steven as he leaned closer to you, his interest clearly piqued. “Have you found Romanoff’s class to be challenging?” 

“Yes,” you said, offering him a smile. “In a a good way. It’s demanding, but I’ve learned so much.” 

His eyes never left yours, as he seemed to consider this choice of words. “Russian can be quite challenging. If you ever need any assistance, don’t hesitate to ask, I do have experience in Russian.” 

“Thank you, Dr. Barnes,” you smiled at him, crossing your leg over the other. “I appreciate that.” 

“Sounds like you’re on the right track,” Steve continued his encouraging tone, oblivious to the undercurrents in the room. “Maybe focusing deeper into your Russian can help you.” 

You nodded, trying to appear as casual as possible. Steven glanced at his watch, then back between you and Dr. Barnes. “Oh, I have a lecture to prepare for, but I’m glad you came by. Let’s catch up more soon, alright?” 

“Absolutely,” you said, standing up as you watched him rush his paperwork into his bag. “Thank you, bro, and of course, to you, Dr. Barnes.” 

With a final nod, you exited the room, closing the door softly behind you. The tension you once felt under his gaze began to dissipate as you walked away from Steven’s office.

~

Later in the afternoon, you found yourself wandering back through the library, each step increased the anticipation. Before you knew it, you were outside of Dr. Barnes’ office once more. Hesitating for a moment, your hand hovered over the door handle. Unsure if you should enter. Your longing proved too strong to resist as you took a deep breath before opening the door and stepping inside. 

Looking up at his desk, his expression was unreadable as he fixed his tie. The air charged instantly with unspoken tension. “Miss Spector,” he said in a low and controlled voice. “I see we’ve lost our manners?” he questioned, gesturing to the door. 

“I can’t stop thinking,” you admitted, a tremble in your voice. 

He stood, his gaze meeting yours as he walked around the desk. “Is that so?” he murmured, his lone laced with a hint of amusement as he swirled the liquid in his glass. “And what exactly have you been thinking about?” 

“You,” you confessed, your cheeks flushed. Excitement mixed with embarrassment. “The way you look at me, the way you make me feel… I want more.” 

He placed his glass down on his desk as a smirk spread across his lips, pushing against the desk he closed the distance between you. “You want more?” he reached out to gently caress your cheek. “Well, I do believe we can arrange that.” 

Your breath hitched as he glanced down at your lips, his gaze was appreciative. His eyes lingered as he noticed the subtle nervous habit of your bottom lip catching between your teeth. Your skin prickled with anticipation as the room grew warmer. Nerve endings tingled as the magnetic pull intensified.

The heat between your thighs surged, and you swallowed hard as your pulse raced in your ears. You struggled to maintain composure. 

Leaning down slightly, he growled low in his throat. “I want to hear you beg for it.” 

A shiver ran through you as you realized he intended to make you earn it. “Please, Dr. Barnes,” you pleased, your voice quivered. Opening your mouth to continue, you were interrupted by his hand covering your mouth. 

“In Russian,” he demanded, his voice a husky whisper against your ear, as he slowly moved his hand back to your cheek. 

“Пожалуйста, ты мне нужен.” 

He smirked, pleased with your response. “Нет.” 

Disappointment and confusion flickered across your face. “No?” you echoed his reply softly in English as you tried to conceal the surprise. 

---

Series Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[roxxie-wolf]

𝒩𝑒𝓌 𝒪𝓇𝓁𝑒𝒶𝓃𝓈 𝐿𝑜𝓋𝑒

Pairing: Human!Alastor x Fem!Reader

Summary: Your parents want you to marry someone of their choice, but you already have eyes on someone else. Will you follow what your parents think is best for you or will you go with what your heart desires.

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: human!alastor x fem!reader, slow burn, this story may contain mature sexual content. Your in your late 20's, Alastor is in his early 30's, you still live with your parents idk. If I forgot anything else please let me know.

Note: I know this is taking a while, but we will get there eventually. Im sorry 😭

𝒞𝒽𝒶𝓅𝓉𝑒𝓇 𝟩

The morning air was crisp, carrying the promise of a new day as you walked through the town. The thought of seeing Alastor again sent a mix of anticipation and nerves through you. Each step, each cafe and store you entered, was with the hope of catching a glimpse of him, of confirming that the connection you felt was not just a figment of your imagination.

And then, there he was, engaged in conversation with another man. You froze, your gaze locked onto Alastor, tracking his every move as he and the man made their way to a nearby cafe. A part of you wanted to turn away, to respect his privacy, but the pull was too strong. You followed at a distance, questioning your own actions. *Am I becoming obsessed with him? Am I stalking him?* The thoughts were unsettling, yet you couldn't deny the draw he had on you.

With a deep breath, you entered the cafe, your eyes scanning the room until they found Alastor. He was seated, still deep in conversation, unaware of your presence. You chose a table further away, a silent observer to the scene unfolding before you.

Minutes passed, and a woman entered, her confident stride taking her straight to Alastor's table. The way she greeted him, the familiarity of their interaction, sparked a surprising pang of jealousy within you. It was an emotion you hadn't expected to feel, especially so soon, and it left you questioning the intensity of your feelings.

From your secluded spot, you watched, a tumult of emotions swirling within you. The desire to approach warred with the need to maintain a respectful distance. For now, you remained seated, a silent witness to the life of a man who had, in a short time, become an enigma you were desperate to understand.

Alastor's departure from his company seemed almost cinematic, the way his gaze swept across the cafe before finding you. His smile, wide and unguarded.

"Excuse me for a moment," he said to his companions, his voice carrying just enough to reach your ears. There was a grace to his movements, a confidence that came from knowing exactly where he wanted to be.

As Alastor navigated through the maze of tables, his smile never wavered. You pretended to be engrossed in the world outside the window, the bustling street providing a convenient distraction. But you could feel his approach, the air seemed to charge with an electric anticipation.

“Hello, it’s a pleasure to see you again darling”you heard his soothing voice, your heart immediately started to race in your chest. The way he always calls you dear or darling making your cheeks flushed. You turn to look at him “Hello, Alastor I didn't see you there," your voice steadier than you felt. "It's been a while."

“Indeed, it has. I must say, I've missed our little encounters my dear." You couldn't help but smile, despite the fluttering in your chest.

He pulled out the chair next to you, the scrape of wood against tile breaking the hush of whispered conversations. "May I?" You nodded, and he sat down, close enough that you could catch the faint scent of his cologne.

"What brings you to this side of town?" you inquired, genuinely curious.

Alastor leaned forward, his eyes twinkling with a hint of mischief behind his glasses. "I was in search of something, but it seems I've found something even more intriguing," gesturing subtly towards you. You smiled rolling your eyes playfully.

“Well I was wondering if you wanted to come to my home sometime for dinner” The invitation hung in the air between you, a delicate offer that could tilt the balance of your relationship with Alastor. His eyes, bright with that ever-present mischief, softened slightly.

"Your home?" he echoed, the words laced with a playful curiosity. “Now, that is an intriguing proposition, ma cherie."

You met his gaze squarely, the playful roll of your eyes replaced by a look of earnest. "Yes, my home. I think it's time we moved past these chance encounters in cafes and streets."

Alastor's expression turned thoughtful, a rare moment of vulnerability flashing across his features before he masked it with a grin. "I would be honored to accept your invitation" his voice carrying a warmth that made your heart skip a beat.

"Shall we say this weekend?" you ventured, the idea of hosting Alastor both exciting and nerve-wracking.

He nodded, "This weekend it is dear. I'll bring some food, I’ll prepare it myself," he declared, the twinkle returning to his eyes.

"Oh no, it's okay, don't trouble yourself, Alastor," you insisted, the thought of him going to such lengths for you stirring a warmth within.

"I'll prepare some food," determined to take care of the details yourself. It was the least you could do after all the thoughts he had occupied in your mind.

“Well in that case, I’ll help you, darling," his eyes locking onto yours with an intensity that spoke volumes.

“Alright then, that sounds great," the excitement evident in your voice. The thought of working side by side with him, sharing tasks and laughter, made the prospect of the weekend all the more thrilling. The kitchen would become your canvas, and Alastor's offer to help was the brushstroke that completed the picture.

The moment lingered, a comfortable silence falling between you as he leaned forward, his eyes locking with yours. "Would you like me to walk you home, darling?" The term of endearment sending a familiar warmth through you.

You paused, the image of your parents at home flashing through your mind. "No, it’s ok, I’ll go on my own," not ready to introduce Alastor into that part of your life just yet.

Alastor nodded, understanding without needing further explanation. "Alright then, I won’t pressure you, dear, but please do be careful," his voice low, laced with a hint of concern.

"Thank you, I’ll be alright. See you on the weekend, Alastor," you smiled, a mix of gratitude and fondness in your farewell. You stood, the movement marking the end of one encounter and the beginning of the sweet wait for another.

As you parted ways that day, the echo of his voice was a gentle caress and the promise of the weekend hung like a melody in your mind, a tune you couldn't wait to explore.

——————————————

The sight of your father on the porch was a familiar one, a scene that spoke of quiet evenings and gentle conversations. "Hello, father," you greeted, the smile on your face a reflection of the day's pleasant memories.

"How was your day?" his voice carrying the weight of simple parental concern.

"It was great," the word 'great' feeling like an understatement for the rollercoaster of emotions you had experienced. But you weren't ready to share the details of your encounter with Alastor, not yet.

"Where's mom?" you inquired, looking around for the familiar figure of your mother.

"Oh, she's speaking with the neighbors," your father responded, his gaze fixed on some distant point, a sign that his thoughts were elsewhere.

You nodded, understanding the unspoken words that hung in the air. Your father was a man of few words, but his presence was a steady comfort. With a final glance at the peaceful street, you stepped inside, the warmth of home enveloping you.

The decision to cook now or wait for your mother weighing on your mind. “Hey dad, are you hungry?” stepping outside to where your father sat.

He looked up at you, his nod a silent answer. “Are you going to wait for your mother?” his voice carrying the calm of the evening.

You considered his question for a moment. “Well, if you’re hungry, I can cook now,” you offered, the gentle tone of your voice mingling with the sounds of the settling evening.

“It’s ok, I can wait for your mother. How about you?” a gentle smile spreading across his face. You thought for a moment. “I think I’ll wait and I can help her with dinner?”, your voice barely above a whisper, as if to not disturb the peace.

Your father’s eyes crinkled at the corners as he smiled, a silent acknowledgment of your words. And so, you waited, the two of you sitting side by side, watching the sky change colors as the day gave way to night. The air was filled with the chirping of crickets and the occasional rustle of leaves.

The night unfolded with a gentle rhythm, the arrival of your mother adding the final note to the day's melody. Her hurried steps and apologetic words were met with the calm understanding of your father, his smile a silent reassurance that all was well. “I’m so sorry I got carried away and stayed far too long.” Your mother had a worried expression on her face.

"It's ok sweetheart, we were just waiting for you," the affection in his voice wrapping around her like a comforting embrace.

"Well, let's all go inside then," your mother suggested, her actions swift as she stepped into the house, the worry on her face melting away with each familiar step.

You did the same your father followed, the door closing behind your dad with a soft click, a signal that the outside world was left behind for now. Your father took his place in the living room, a quiet sentinel as the sounds of dinner preparation began to fill the house.

Together, you and your mother moved in the kitchen's dance, the clatter of pots and pans, the sizzle of onions in the pan, the fragrant steam rising from boiling pots. The kitchen was alive with the symphony of dinner preparations, a duet performed by you and your mother.

The meal's conclusion brought a comfortable silence, a testament to the satisfaction and contentment that comes from a shared family dinner. You moved with practiced ease, clearing the table and washing the dishes, the warm water a soothing end to the day's activities.

As the last plate was dried and put away, the kitchen restored to its pre-dinner calm, you could feel the gentle closure of the evening's familial ritual. With everything clean and in its place, you had a moment to yourself, a quiet end to a day.

You headed upstairs to your room and took a shower. Refreshed from the shower and dressed in the comfort of your familiar clothes, you felt a sense of calm settle over you. The fabric against your skin was a gentle reminder of the day's transition from the unexpected excitement to the soothing routine of home life.

Now, in the soft embrace of the night, you had the space to breathe and the time to prepare for the rest of the night. Whether it was to read a book, or simply sit with your thoughts, the quiet hours ahead were yours to shape as you pleased.

🌸𝒫𝓇𝑒𝓋𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈🌸 🌸𝒩𝑒𝓍𝓉🌸

Let me know if you want to be added to the tag list so you be updated every time.^^ I do try to proofread but if I missed something please let me know.

Also I sometimes tend to make minor changes to the chapters.

Thank you! For reading I hope you enjoyed it.💖

TAGLIST: @magictoebean @little-slyvixen @bitchywitchygardener @diffidentphantom @catticora

[imobsessivesometimes]

Eazy-Duz-It // Logan Howlett x Reader

PT 2

a/n wazzuh gang btw this story is EXTREMELY slow burn, hope y'all brought your reading glasses and patience

Everyone but Charles Xavier and Ororo (I finally learned their names) left the room. When Professor Xavier said he had an issue he thought I could solve, I was not expecting a teaching position. In the few minutes we talked to each other, it felt like he had known me for most of my life. He knew I went to college for music, he knew I was in-between jobs (aka unemployed,) and that I was essentially homeless, living out of my car. I didn't know it was that obvious. "I'm a telepath, Y/n. You're quite clean considering your circumstances." Charles' soothing words failed to make me feel any less embarrassed. Ororo had a kind smile that continued to help me through this awkward conversation. "I would like for you to consider teaching music here. We've had trouble lately with getting the kids to express themselves in ways that don't involve violence or resorting to their mutations. I believe it's healthy to have a balance in the ways one expresses their emotions."

"Yeah! Yeah, I agree. I actually wanted to be a choir teacher when I was in my first year of college. I just don't know how good I'd be at it. I don't have any teaching experience; I don't have any experience in helping people like the x-men do." I said, toying with the hem of my shirt. It was the worst shirt to wear in this situation. A stupid graphic-T I found at my favorite Goodwill. I was surrounded by well-dressed people; I really did look homeless.

"What I think the kids need is someone on the outside! You don't really know a lot about the mutant world despite being one, I think you're a perfect fit. You can teach music however you want to; we don't have strict, organized curriculums here." Ororo assured. They looked at me expectingly, hoping that their phrasing made it sound like an offer I'd be an idiot to pass up.

"Ok, I'll do it."

----------

"A music teacher?" Logan removed the cigar he was chewing on, "Didn't know we had the budget for one of those,"

"I think it's great! Sometimes the mansion is too quiet," Kitty Pryde sounded. She was one of the few x-men that thought it was a good addition. Most hoped that they wouldn't be forced to participate or that this new teacher was going to be going on missions with them.

"Did Professor make her an x-man?" Jean turned to Ororo, asking.

"No, but he did say that he would put her in some training. I think it'll be good for the kids to have some creativity in their lives," Ororo continued off of what Kitty was saying. Jean was skeptical. Nobody knew anything about this new mutant. She wasn't school aged, already having graduated college as a normal, non-mutant appearing individual. What exactly was she providing being here? Jean knew she was the one who invited Y/n to the mansion, she thought Charles was just going to ask questions about ReinTec, not a teaching position. She wasn't even aware of the 'therapy issue' at the school. She had been gone with Logan and Scott the week it was going on.

"C'mon Jean, be a little positive. This could be good for everyone," Scott said even though he, too, was hesitant to the addition.

"Didn't know you were on board for this," Jean playfully pushed Scott with her folded arms. "I'll give her a chance."

----------

Ororo accompanied me to get my car that held all my belongings. The trunk was filled to the brim with clothes that held the mystery of being clean or not, the backseat was decked out with blankets, and the passenger seat had an assortment of papers and old work uniforms. When Ororo caught sight of my car her jaw dropped, appalled at the state it was in. My dust green 64' Impala stood in all its glory underneath a 'No Parking' sign in an empty business park 20 miles away from the school. It was shiny, as every car should be. It has a few scratches I didn't bother fixing. A couple of indents here and there on the backseat doors. Not too shabby in my opinion. Not in Ororo's, I guess.

"How old is this thing?" she asked.

"Few decades," I stated proudly. She gave me a weird look as in to ask why the hell would I have such an old car, "My dad gave it to me when he died, said in his will that it was every rappers dream to have a 64'. Too bad I'm not a rapper, also I don't think that's true. But he used to tell me my mutation would help me make it big as a musician like my ma."

"Your mother was a mutant, too?" Ororo held a pity in her eyes, like she knew both of my parents weren't here anymore. She wasn't wrong, but I hated that pity in her expression.

"Yeah, she taught me a lot of ways to use mine. She died when I was younger though, that's why I'm out on the street and not living it big in Los Angeles or something," I laughed. Ororo pursed her lips, thinking hard of what to say. "You don't have to say anything, I'm ok." I said earnestly, but her expression didn't change.

"Well, you have somewhere to live now. You can even keep your car," she finally said, smiling, "Maybe Logan or Scott can help fix it up?"

"You think my baby needs that?" I fake pouted. Ororo was one of the few people that was accepting of me in the mansion. You'd think a place full of mutants would welcome another one with open arms, but a vast majority seemed hesitant. They thought I was an unnecessary addition, not worth it, a waste of money and housing. Some think the idea of music therapy is ridiculous. They think counseling just won't work with the students. I can't tell them they're right or wrong, I don't know myself if it'll work. I didn't take this job for selfish reasons. I was perfectly fine sleeping in my car, taking odd jobs, living like I was. But, if the headmaster thought I was important, then I must be. I just have to prove him right to prove everyone else wrong. I just hope I can do that.

We made it back to the school before the sun started to set. Ororo said she had training scheduled with a student soon and that someone will be around to show me where I'll be sleeping.

"Light packer?" the familiar gruff voice of Logan sounded to my right. He motioned with his head down to my two duffel bags, his arms too busy being folded to do it.

"Yeah, living out of your car will do that to ya," I shrugged. Logan furrowed his brows, clearly not expecting that. Thankfully, his face cracked into a barely detectable smirk after a few seconds. He shook his head playfully as he walked over to grab my bags.

"C'mon, we're neighbors." he beckoned, dropping the smirk as quickly as it showed. I followed Logan as he trudged up the stairs. The wood creaked under his feet, even dipping down slightly as he pushed off it. Leaving the stairwell, we traversed down to the end of a hallway, stopping at the door second to last. Logan took a step back so I could open the door, his hands busy with my bags. He entered first and tossed the bags on the plain bed. The room had beige walls with light flower decal, the bottom half bordered by wood paneling. The bed was placed in the middle of the room with nightstands on either side, each adorned with a simple lamp. There was a dresser, mirror, and a door assumingly to a bathroom.

"Thank you, you really didn't need to carry my stuff." I quickly said, hustling to the haphazardly placed bags.

"No problem, see you around," he muttered as he started to leave.

"Oh!" I started unintentionally, he turned around with an eyebrow cocked, "Uh, which door are you? Just in case, uhm, yeah, just, just in case…" I tried recovering. Logan dropped his eyebrows; he seemed relieved that I had only asked a basic question.

"Last one." he answered. He waited a second more to see if I had another question before turning around and leaving.

There was something off about him. I know nothing about him, but there was something in the way he carried himself that told me something's wrong. The air around him was disgruntled. Was it because he's against me being here? Before, it seemed like he didn't have an opinion. He seemed more focused on ReinTec than my presence. Maybe it's a good thing I'm not on his radar. He has a commanding aura to, a natural-born-leader kind of vibe. It would suck if he were to hate me.

[jisungsbff01]

.like i need you.4.

…pairing…Chan x reader …w.c…2.4k …genre…slice-of-life, college au! …warnings…swearing, …characters…Y/N, (OC) Lilith, (OC) June …synopsis…No one ever really knows what they wanna do in their 20s, but Y/N has always known what she was going to do. So, she began the journey to her dream and is so close to reaching it with no distractions at all. Until she is thrown into a project with Hyunjin, a fellow senior in college, and he introduces her to a few of his friends…connecting with one in particular…

Her whole plan is soon thrown off the track she’s had it on for 21 years….

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

“Shhh, you’re gonna wake them up, pabo.” “Well with your loud feet, it’ll be you first.” “Ooh, go get Lilith, she’d kill to see this.” “She’s sleeping, leave her alone, I already took a picture.” “Okay, prev.”

“Han, Hyunjin, if you two don’t get out of my room, you can find somewhere else to sleep tonight. She’s still asleep and I’d like to keep it that way.” I feel Chris’ chest vibrate slightly as he threatens his two best friends.

I was too embarrassed to open my eyes and look at the man who held me while I cried for 45 minutes last night, so I keep my eyes screwed shut as I heard shuffling down the hallway. I feel a comforting weight on my hip, leading to my back and feel him pull me closer to his body. I stir slightly and he tenses up briefly and his breathing isn’t as deep as it was, but I hear the rhythmic beat inside of his chest speed up to a quick tempo. I knew that I couldn’t stay here much longer, so I weakly opened my eyes and glanced at him through my lashes.

We lay there in a silent understanding, what happened last night wasn’t going to be mentioned…he knew I was embarrassed by the sudden show of emotion I sprung on him. He pauses as he begins to pull away from me, looking as if he’s having a fight-or-flight response. For a heartbeat, he embraces me properly and plants a kiss to my temple. Feather-soft and so quick I feel as if I imagined it, “I’ll be here to catch you at your lowest.”

So quiet I barely hear it…am I still drunk? Swiftly he pulls away and gets up from his position on the bed, leaving me feeling cold. He slips out the cracked door and I begin to get up as well, knowing I need to brush my teeth,

----------

“Y/N, you know we are both not going to stop bothering you about this. What happened last night…and this morning?” June begged for me to reveal what I’ve kept from them since we left the apartment. She was right, I knew I was not going to stop hearing about this unless I talked to them about it. So, I turned around as we were approaching our dorm door, “I’ll tell you if you tell me. Where did you and Felix run off to last night?” My eyebrow so high, it was probably found orbiting the planet.

We all shuffled into our living area and they sit down, ready for a de-brief. Before I continue the conversation, I pull out a few mugs and begin to make us all coffee, knowing we each had a massive hangover and were in desparate need of caffeine. The aroma of the dark roast wafts through the kitchen and makes it’s way into the open living room.

The two of them scatter to the hot mugs that made their homes on the counter, waiting to be picked up and the contents customized. “So, in the time that you two managed to sneak out and the hour you were gone, what did you even do?” June is prodding much more than I would expect out of her.

I shrug in response, “Like I told Lils last night, we just walked to get food. I hadn’t eaten all day and he offered to go with me.”

Lilith takes a break from drinking her coffee and peers at the two of us over the rim of her purple Kuromi mug, “Both of you have a lot of explaining to do, that’s for damn sure. First, you- Miss Innocent,” she eyes June, my own finding hers as she laughs nervously, “I know Fefe over there definitely has a thing for you - I mean who wouldn’t, look at you…and you can cook. You’re like every traditional guy’s walking wet dream.”

The three of us laugh briefly before June speaks, “Honestly, Felix and I just talked, kind of just got to know each other a little better. You know, he told me he bakes as a hobby. He makes brownie batches for the rest of the kids pretty frequently.”

“Ohh yes, and they are divine!” I answer excitedly “what? Hyunjin brought some to practice once…they’re so melt-in-your-mouth good. You should convince him to make you some one day.”

We silently continue to drink our coffee and I can tell Lilith has finished hers by the way she looks back at me, “Now you, ma’am have explaining to do for the two of us. Chris?”

I shrug and slightly zone-out, focusing on a light that reflected off the coffee table in front of me, “I already told you what happen-”

“But how did you end up in his bed this morning?” Lilith interrupts me.

This time I sigh, “After everyone fell asleep, I couldn’t get comfortable and had to go to the bathroom then we ran into each other in the hall. We talked for a little and he offered me his bed because I told him I was on the couch and…” my cheeks grew warm remembering how open I was being with him.

“And…?” June was literally at the edge of her seat.

“We talked about family…how I missed mine and how he missed his-let’s just say the night ended with me crying in this man’s bed and telling him how bad of a daughter I felt like I was and how Jeongin reminded me of my little brother.”

“Definetly not the turn I thought that was going to take, but so cute for sure.I give it a month.” Lilith suggests.

I still don’t get why people keep saying things like that, “What’s that about?”

“You’ll see.”

We leave the subject as is and socialize about our finals that we have to finish taking today and tomorrow. I had three left total, my project with Hyunjin due in three days-the project I was definitely the most stressed about. June seemed to have her recipe down, just a few tweaks in the presentation of it and she’ll ace it. As for Lilith, she’s got everything on lock-down, she wants us to see it when it’s ready. All I have heard about the project has been from Chris and all I could get out of him was that it was going to be “the cutest thing ever”. Based on his hesitence to tell be and the way he told me, I really don’t believe the man.

June breaks the silence by announcing that she has to get dressed and bathed so she can go to class to take one of her other finals. As soon as she leaves the room a practically jump on Lilith and rush out a quick sentence, “Now we have to find out how to get them together, they would be so cute oh my gosh.”

Her eyes widen, “Bitchhh I was just about to say the same thing! Couple of the year type-shit.”

“Okay,game plan…”

------

Sitting in a quiet room…deafening kind of quiet is the one thing that can drive me to the brink of insanity. I always hated taking tests, not because of the pressure, but because I am unable to focus on anything but what is going on in my brain. With how quiet the room is, I feel like I can hear all the electricity moving in my brain at the moment. I put all my focus into remembering the answer of the simple question in front of me. It is literally the last question of the test and I have 30 minutes left to finish. Once I make my final choice, I to a quick double-take on all my answers and make sure everything is the way I need it before taking it back up to the professor and she reminds me that I am free to leave since I am finished. She wishes me to be safe and that she would see me next week for our last class of the semester.

As I walk out the door of the room, I hear my phone ping with a text.

H: Meet me at the studio ASAP

M: On my way now

Luckily the studio isn’t that far from the class I just left, so I begin the short trek there as I ponder on how I did on the test. I’ve been stressing this test the most, but I knew by the study guides that most of the questions had a “two choice answer” giving you a second best to trip you up.

I walk through the corridor of the university’s study section, seeing many familiar faces. Once I get to the desk, the receptionist immediately recognises me and simply says, “Studio 8.” and hands me the keycard to the door. Before I could get to the door, Hyunjin calls me.

“Y/Nnie, before you get here, could you pick up a few drinks?”

“Hyun, I’m already here…” I open the door, absolutely expecting to see this fool holding his phone against his face.

“How are you already here?” Instead I am met with a face I’ve quickly become fond of. From the other side of the room, the man speaks, “Y/N, how did you-”

“I think the receptionist may have mistaken me for someone else. So sorry, Chris.” And I just leave the room, extremely confused.

On the other end of the phone I hear Hyunjin ask, “Y/Nnie? I meant the dance studio, I probably should’ve specified.”

“You think so, dumbass?” I hang up and fumble to put my phone in my hoodie pocket, nearly being hit by the door behind me.

“Oh, Y/N I’m sorry, I didn’t think you’d be-” “No, no, Chris, you’re good, I shouldn’t have been standing so close to the door to begin with.”

A smile made it’s way to his face, “I was just finishing up, actually, did you need to use the studio?”

I shake my hand in a decline, “No, not yet, Hyunjin just forgot to specify which studio to meet him at and I guess the receptionist just got a bit mixed up with who was in each studio…I was actually headed to the dance studio.”

He scratched the back of his neck slightly, “Would you want a ride there? I’ve nothing to do basically the rest of the day and before you say ‘no’, the studio isn’t very far from the apartment any way.”

I give in probably a little too quickly, but the shuttle traffic around this time is dreadful. I give him a little warning that Hyunjin asked for drinks, which he obliged to easily.

------------

I don’t know who his mother is but she raised a man, that’s for sure…and I mean a man. As we approached his car, he opened the door for me repeated his actions of the previous time he picked me up…only that time we had the girls with us. I don’t know what came over me, but as he drove, he kept one hand on the wheel and the other on the center console between us and I couldn’t help but eye them. The human body, in a way, was such a beautiful thing. The Greeks were right to make all the art they did based off human anatomy. Which is what I couldn’t help but compare him to right now…from his veinous hands to his broad shoulders that I could still see a proper outline of through his thick hoodie, and finally to his neck. I could see his steady pulse beat at the base of it, just where his hoodie began and I knew it wasn’t polite to stare, not in the slightest but something just drew me to him. Suddenly, he turned on his blinker and stopped the car, indicating we arrived at the convenience store just a block away from our destination.

The two of us got out of the car and properly greeted the store owner once inside. I searched for the drink I knew Hyunjin always asked for when we bought from here and once found, I grabbed my a few of them. I grabbed a drink of my own as well as a snack for the two of us, Chris following me in silence the whole way. Approaching the counter, she gave me the total and before I could even pull out my wallet, he’s already inserting his into the card reader.

My head swivels to his figure and I begin to open my mouth he shushes me, “Too late, already paid for.”

“Well, thank you…you know you didn’t have to, right?” I spout.

He grabs the bag off the counter and thanks the owner and leads me back to the car, “Yes, but I wanted to.”

The bag is placed in the back floorboard and we head back on our way to the studio. The trip was short, of course…and something in me wished for it to be longer. Once he found proper parking and we both got out, I offered to carry the bag and he declined…several times. He leads us to the front door, letting me punch in the code before I lead us to the room where Hyunjin was.

The energy inside was definitely high, our song going in the back. I open the door and was greeted with a oud scream from no one else but Han Jisung, “Well look what we have here! Hyung I have tried to find you for a few hours! Now,” his voice lowers now that the music has lowered and that the pair of us were a lot closer, “ I see where you have been.”

Hyunjin snagged the bag from Chris and thanks him breathlessly. Hyunjin and I begin getting caught up in our own conversation as Jisung and Chris get caught up in their own mini-heated argument.

My dark-haired friend begins downing his first drink before he starts teasing me about walking in with Chris, which is exactly what I expected from him. “So has he kissed you, yet?” he asked me with wide eyes. “Hwang Hyunjin, we are just friends.” I hit him on the shoulder, heating up in the face slightly.

“Well, no one seems to have told him that yet. Cue the heart eyes.” He states bluntly and he begins to take another drink. Only, as he does so, I squeeze the bottom of his bottle that isn’t covered by his large hand and he sputters and chokes slightly from the intrusion of liquid that goes up his nose.

“Thanks for that…”

--------------

Thank you for reading, let me know what you all thought!

[builtaworldwithyourlove]

I Forget Where We Were

2.3k/ joel miller x f!reader / MINORS DNI 

summary: life with Joel from the start. Be kind please- this is my first piece and has taken 6 months of courage🤍

Chapter Four: In Dreams

Always a thing of wonder, the way we come to be

what to expect: you experience feelings of anxiety with the sudden new relationship. Joel is patient and teaches you to embrace this. 

warnings: bad language i guess idk?😂fluff, dad!joel,lover boy joel, no specific physical description of reader, female reader (please let me know if there is anything I’m missing, I will elaborate as the series goes on) no outbreak, age gap (reader is mid 20s and Joel is mid 40s), kinda cheesy joel, previous hurt and potential trauma for reader, emotionally intelligent baby boy, intense emotions, anxiety,angst but happy ending(i got you), parental loss, parental estrangement, Tommy being a wind up, vivid description of m/f sex and foreplay, unprotected piv (stay safe pls), 

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

‘Morning baby’ Joel shouted down the phone. You winced as you answered the phone call, which wasn’t entirely welcome at 6:30am on a Saturday.

‘Hey doll, I miss you. Wish I could wake up next to you again’ you whispered. 

‘I’ll come by to pick you up later for dinner, if you want, Sarah wants to see your big girl house’ Joel chuckled.

You heard your heart beat in your ears and every pulse point in your body jumping through your skin.

‘Erh… it’s fine. I’ll make my own way. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea’ you instantly regretted your choice of words, and felt guilty for almost shunning Sarah.

‘Baby, what’s going on?’ Joel panicked, digging into the source of your sudden change of heart.

‘I just can’t deal with this first thing in the morning, I’ll speak to you later.’ you hung up, tears forming in your eyes and dread washing over you, replacing the colour in your face. You cried and eventually fell back to sleep.

30 minutes later you woke back up, remembering your outburst, you felt like the coldest bitch in the world. You checked your phone: 

Joel- ‘I’m on my way x’ 

Sent 15 minutes ago.

You sighed, partly with relief, partly with anxiety of facing up to your skewed view of love.

The intercom buzzed, and you answered Joel, and headed to the balcony to wave him in.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

He looked even more handsome than he did the day you met. Joel pulled your frame into his chest, and stroked your hair, as you breathed in his comforting scent. You stroked the side of his face, and he lifted you up and kissed you. 

‘Let’s go talk’ he held your hand, and playfully smacked your ass as you walked with him into the living room.

You grabbed the coffee mugs from the side and handed one to Joel. He patted his thigh as you sat next to him and draped your legs across his lap. He rubbed his calloused hands up and down your legs, and intently watched you as you gazed at him lovingly.

‘What’s going on baby?’ he asked. 

‘I’m scared. I can’t stop thinking that this is too good to be true and it’ll just end in broken hearts. I don’t want to let you down, I don’t want to let Sarah down. I can’t even start to believe that I’m worthy of you’ your chin wobbled as you admitted your fears.

He sighed and pulled you closer, ‘I’m not going to hurt you. From the minute I laid eyes on you, I knew you would be everything to me. I know it’s overwhelming baby, I really do. I know having Sarah is scary, as it’s an extra person to take into account, but she’ll love you. You’ll love her. You’re all we’ve ever wanted.’

‘You really mean that? I’m just not used to this. Anyone else would have punished me for how I feel.’ you held his hand tightly, and he squeezed your hand back.

‘My heart is yours baby. Come tonight, come see Sarah. She’s eager to meet you. For an 8 year old, she’s too intelligent for her own good. Hasn’t stopped asking since she heard the conversation about you between me and her uncle Tommy. We’ll look after you, if it’s too much, you can go. I mean it though. I want you in my life forever.’ A weight lifted and you smiled at him, through wet lashes and the debris of the walls that started to crumble down. 

‘I’ll see you both later’ you kissed him and hugged him goodbye, and started to clean the apartment before leaving for the evening.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You spent the afternoon  sunning yourself on the balcony, taking in the texan heat.

You showered, did your hair and makeup, and went with a white summer dress and a matching white bow to clip your curled hair back,

Your sprayed yourself with your favourite perfume, grabbed the beers you bought for Joel and the basket of princess themed snacks and magazines for Sarah, and made your way to the truck where Joel and Sarah waited for you.

Joel stood leaning against his truck with a bunch of roses in hand. Sarah escaped the back seat and ran towards you, much to Joel’s surprise and to your pure delight. You kneeled down to scoop Sarah into your arms as she dived into you for a cuddle. Joel followed and gave you a hug and a kiss to your forehead.

‘She’s pretty Daddy, you and Uncle Tommy were right’ she giggled and held your face between two tiny hands.

‘Not as pretty as you, Princess Sarah’ you winked ‘should we get going, missy?’

Joel watched with pride as you juggled your gifts and Sarah, and strapped her into the car seat.

You sat in the passenger seat, your pinky finger laced around Joel’s finger. 

You all erupted into fits of laughter with Sarah mispronouncing words and asking you all sorts of questions about Disney and being a ‘big girl’ as she says.

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

You all made it home, and Sarah dragged you by the hand to the end of the garden to show you ‘where the fairies lived.’ Everything shone brighter with Sarah narrating the way she saw the world. All the anxiety melted away, and you felt an instinct to love and cherish this baby forever.

Joel called you after setting up to cook, and gave you a glass of merlot. You reached up on your tip toes, kissed him and whispered ‘I think I’m in love with you.’ 

His world stood still as he stared at you with his mouth open and your hand in his. You winked, smiled and waltzed off to see Sarah again. His life was complete and he felt euphoric. He knew he was in love with you.

Joel tried to get back to Earth and  cooked dinner. He went outside to find you, where he heard you and Sarah in deep conversation. 

You were sat cross legged on the sun lounger, with Sarah crouched opposite you whilst you coloured in together. Joel sat by the patio door on the step, mentally capturing every second so he’d have this memory for eternity.

‘I can’t believe you’re a real life princess’ Sarah said. ‘Is your Mommy a princess too?

‘I don’t have a Mommy, my darling. She died when I was very little’ you held your breath for Sarah’s reaction. 

‘I don’t have a Mommy either- Daddy loves and looks after me enough for two’ Sarah giggled, her innocence cracking your heart and forming a lump in your throat.

Joel had to clear his throat to stop him crying. This information was new to him, and he saw you as the most fragile china doll.

‘Dinner’s ready, girls’ Joel called, coughing as his voice cracked through tears. 

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · · 

Joel sat opposite you, and you played with his feet through his socks with your bare toes under the table. His jaw ticked as he tried to keep his composure, watching you smile with Sarah and ask them both about their days and what they loved about it.

‘I’m done Daddy, can I go and watch Moana?’ Sarah yawned.

‘30 minutes baby, then it’s bath time.’

Sarah nodded and skipped through to the living room. You picked up the plates and began to clear up the mess. 

‘Did I say you could leave the table?’ Joel teased.

You rolled your eyes and walked over to Joel and whispered in his ear, ‘Thank you for dinner, Daddy.’

Joel’s face turned to stone and a bead of sweat appeared on his forehead. He grabbed your wrist and pulled him into you, ‘I’ll deal with you later’ he growled, as he bit onto your bottom lip.

You giggled and cleaned the kitchen for Joel, after much deliberation and arguing about if this was acceptable.

    · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Sarah was tucked up in bed, and you and Joel sat on the porch drinking wine and laughing about life. 

‘I know I love you’ Joel declared.

‘Me too’ you replied ‘Me too baby.’

‘Sarah seems to love you too.’

‘I would do anything for that girl.’

Joel held your hand, and you moved to sit on his lap.

‘You feeling okay?’he asked as he kissed across your collarbone.

‘I’ve never been happier, my love’ you smiled, as you kissed his dark lips.

‘Get a damn room,’ Tommy yelled as he walked up the drive.

You jumped out of your skin and gave him the finger, suddenly feeling like you’d known this man and his ways all your life. You got up and went to cuddle him as he picked you up and twirled him. 

‘Now I might take you home for myself’ Tommy drawled, nodding at Joel who laughed and stood up.

‘Get fucked’ Joel said, as he got Tommy in a headlock and dragged him inside.

‘Want a beer, Tom?’ Joel called from the kitchen.

‘Yeah go on then brother’ Tommy responded.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

Tommy and Joel laughed til they cried, sharing stories and tales with you. You laughed til your stomach hurt,and continued to feel lighter and lighter as you realised this was where you were meant to be.

‘Well you finally made it big brother,’ Tommy slapped his thighs and stood up, getting ready to leave. 

‘I told you she’d be mine’ Joel shrugged.

‘I’ll see you out, Tommy’ you said as Joel went to grab you more wine and Tommy said his goodbyes.

You got to the front door, and hugged Tommy goodbye. ‘Don’t be a stranger.’ 

‘Joel’s pretty certain on keeping you around, don’t think you can avoid me’ Tommy winked, just like his brother, and left.

   · · ────── ·𖥸· ────── · ·

The sun had set, and the crickets were chirping. You started to yawn, and tried to tell Joel you had to make your way home.

‘Stay here, baby’ he persuaded.

‘You can wear an old shirt to bed, and I’m sure we can find some toiletries’

‘You don’t have to ask me twice’ you kissed Joel on the cheek, and he scooped you up in his arms to carry you to bed.

His bedroom was exactly how you imagined. Dark wood furniture, black bedsheets and tobacco and oud scented candles. Flannel shirts sprawled on a rocking chair, and framed pictures of Sarah on a feature wall.

He layed on his back, arms folded behind his head, and you walked to the foot of his bed and you slowly crawled between his spread legs up toward his chest and kissed the top of his head. He kissed your chest, spilling out of your dress, and unzipped the back of it. 

You sat up, knees either side of his hips. Joel traced a finger down your sternum, towards the navel piercing you had and down towards the hem of your white lace underwear.

You felt his bulge grow beneath you, as you threw your head back and grinded against his jeans.

Joel wrapped his arms round you and flipped you over onto your back. You pawed at his bulge with your toes and he stripped down to his boxers.

‘Now you see what happens when you call me Daddy’ he growled into your ear. 

You gulped and whimpered. ‘That’s okay baby, I’m going to look after you.’he cooed.

He nibbled at your earlobe, breathing in your amber perfume and vanilla scented hair.

Joel delicately placed kisses on your neck, and covered the whole of your torso with his love.

‘I need you, Joel’ you begged.

The carnal urge took over and he tore your underwear off as he savoured your the wet between your legs. He held your hands as he drew circles on your clit with his tongue before adding two fingers inside you and drew an orgasm out of you. Your body shook as you legs tensed over his shoulders. He licked his lips and sucked his fingers vulgarly. He kissed you deeply ‘There’s my good girl. Can I fuck you yet?’

Your eyes rolled back from the pure filth coming from his mouth. You nodded. His cock was now coated in the mess from your orgasm, and he thrusted deep inside you, forcing you to sit up and wrap your arms round his neck. You bit down onto his shoulder and he fucked you hard and fast, propped on his knees and your legs wrapped round his waist, suspended in the air supported by his strength. 

You moaned in his ear and he moaned back ‘I love you.’

He pressed his lips to yours and your tongues tangoed around eachother. Messy, and urgent. He laid you down and slowed his pace as he brushed some hair out of your face.

‘I’d give anything to look at you like this every day for the rest or my life’ Joel struggled to get his breath back.

‘Make me yours’ you wriggled down the bed to get Joel’s full length deep inside you.

He moaned your name and began to fuck you hard again. He came and you were now bonded to him in the most intimate way.

Joel lifted your legs off his shoulders and kissed the soles of your feet as he got off the bed to grab a warm flannel, a glass of water and an old t-shirt.

You turned on your side, propped up by your elbow and faced Joel, ‘Thank you for making life so beautiful.’

He smiled ‘You’ve answered my prayers darling.’

Joel patted his chest and you rested your head upon him. ‘Sweet dreams angel baby’

For once, your world felt at peace.

Previous Chapter

Next Chapter

[callsignmarz]

‼️MDNI‼️ - Ghost x Y/N | Fem :“A Night With A Player.”

Being single certainly had its days.

There were countless nights you spent, swiping on dating apps, in search for someone relatively close to Prince Charming. However, over time, each new face seemed to blend in with the next, leaving you in disillusionment.

Whenever you got a match, it seemed there was lack of any genuine connection.

The small talks fizzled into abrupt silence.

Every conversation started to sound the same.

Slowly becoming immune to the repetitive compliments.

What a fucking bore...

You want something different yet, so familiar. Something that could easily light up just a little bit of excitement in your dull and very sexless life.

As you were brushing your teeth, the soft glow of your phone illuminates from your bathroom counter accompanied by the sharp ping of a text, suddenly seizing your attention. Your eyes peek at the aesthetically appealing home screen, taking a glance at the time instead.

10:46 pm

1 new text message

Any text this late at night was always presumed unimportant. So, shrugging it off and go about your nighttime routine.

Moments later another text chimes through the air.

"Who the fuck is texting me?" You say in an exasperated huff, fluttering your eyelids with exhaustive annoyance.

Why was it so hard for someone to simply find the patience to wait?

Snatching up your phone, you expect someone reasonable so you so don't act on one of your very many creative ideas. Suspicion arouses in your chest when you see the text messages that came in were from an unknown number. For a minute or so, you re-read the cryptic words on the screen.

Miss me, Love?

Hope you're not ignorin' me, y/n...

Raising a brow, your thumbs taps your screen, typing up your response, feeling intrigued as you piece together who this person is. All the serious ex-boyfriends are currently blocked—unless one of them got a new phone number. Then again, could it be that one fine ass doctor who flaked out when you were supposed to meet up for coffee, what was his name? Leon? Leroy?

The thought of playing 20 questions felt childish, and yet, you couldn't resist a good game of cat and mouse.

Do I have a reason to?

It was a simple question.

Nothing more and nothing less.

Satisfied with your response, you confidently press the send button and swiftly make your way to the bedroom, ready to crawl into the comfort of your safe haven. As you were settling down, it wasn't long before you got another text. Your lips fought back the devious smirk that toyed at the corners. Then the habitual urge to wait a few minutes before you responded, kicked into play. Counting the minutes down to a T, you went through the motions until you allowed yourself to eagerly grab ahold of your phone.

I'm goin' to take that as you don't remember me then...Shame, really.

You pause, staring at the mysterious text with your thumbs hovering over your keyboard in hesitation.

Despite the warning bells ringing through your head, you were drawn in, almost obligated to keep it the conversation flirtatious and flowing, your stomach whirls in temptation and your veins pumped with adrenaline. "Y/N... you're literally just asking for it at this point." You depressingly tell yourself, while you await the unknown.

Shame? So, why don't you remind me then?

In a matter of seconds and with amped up urgency ricocheting in the air, your phone chimes 3 times.

You never cease to amaze me, y/n.

It's Simon.

I'm only in town for a few days.

Ahh..That explains a lot...

Tipping your head back and like a film to a movie, the past emotions you had suppressed a long time ago begins to resurface. You knew all too well that Simon was the kind of person who just wanted to get his dick wet, and yet, here you are...

And I should care why..?

A wry smirk tugged on Simon's cheeks, you were the same y/n as he remembered.

In his eyes, you reminded him of a coconut.

A fruitful woman who sought out love with a tough, hardened exterior, protecting the delicate and delicious center. Given just the right amount of pressure, the shell would crack, exposing the soft interior.

And Simon knew exactly how to break through.

Don't act like you don't have flashbacks of how I made your legs shake with just two of my fingers.

A bit cocky today, aren't you?

Willin' to find out?

Rekindling anything with Simon would be a waste of time and energy. It was going to lead you down a path that held nothing but short-lived highs and hallow, empty promises.

Even with the nostalgic scenes from the past manifesting, the mere act of conversing with Simon reignites an extinguished flame that quickly spreads throughout your body.

You could also use the good fucking.

Maybe.

And there it was.

It was a crumb, but to Simon, it was an entry ticket. He was quite impressed with himself that he didn't even have to do much convincing this time around.

Absolutely fuckin' beautiful...

Still live on Downer?

How cute, you remembered.

Of course, I remembered. Why wouldn't I?

There were plenty of fucking reasons.

Not only did Simon lead you on, believing there was a chance to a sustainable future with him, you had also caught him in several lies.

Like the one time you went through his phone and saw 3 different women, actively pursuing a relationship and none of them aware about one other. At least you had the heart to send them the screenshots, right? But once again, the impulsive nature to be a total bitch trended on the horizon.

Honestly? I thought you would've forgotten.

It's been a while.

Simon hums with satisfaction stroking his ego.

He had you right where he wanted you.

Just a little bit more...

How can I forgot about the one that got away?

Out of all the shit we went through, I still admire you. I crave a woman that is independent and strong willed. Besides, we had a lot of fun together.

Like a siren's song, you found yourself unable to resist him.

All the blood in your body rushed to your most sensitive areas, shivering with agonizing need. Taking the edge off, your left hand glides down the gap of your tits, passing your navel and resting between the heat of your thighs, massaging your throbbing clit through your shorts, greedily rocking your hips into your fingers.

So, when did you want to come over?

Fuck, what am I doing..?

This was a bad idea, but the longing feel for connection overshadowed the rational voice in your head.

The intoxicating chemistry between you and Simon was undeniable, your fingers swirl circles, your breathing shallowing with more dirty thoughts from the past come flooding back. The soft glow from your phone captures your attention, stunting you from reaching your climax.

Reading the last of his words, your heart flutters and you do as Simon says.

Quit touching yourself.

I'll be over in 15.

[heaven5own]

we need to stay strong, brothers.

genre fluff, college student au, beomgyu is down pathetic

brief desc beomgyus just so in love he needs to mentally choke himself so he wont vomit all the worlds poems about beauty and light to you

made this for my creative writing class and my lecturer shared my opening line to the class!! i wasn’t expecting validation so i was vv obviously unprepared when she asked me to talk ab this rrr… also ofc the version i submitted did not have beomgyu (characters were nameless and pov was 3rd person)

word count: 381 listening to — paris by taylor swift

Love confessions threatened to spill out of his mouth, but he was quick enough to wrap the imaginary red string of fate around his neck before humiliation marked his existence forever. Beomgyu promised himself just two more months—if, in those two months, he finally sees that you look at him the way he does, then he’ll say it. Men need to be strong. Keep your emotions at bay was what his dad used to say. He didn’t really get it, but he’ll do it because his refusal to vocalise his feelings for you isn’t cowardice… It really isn’t!

Blissfully unaware of the inner turmoil going on inside the man to your left, you ignored the two clenched fists in front of his face and continued wiping the strawberry-pink stains from his sleeve. He struggled to keep his face away from yours when his dad’s voice echoed through the bustling cafeteria only for him to hear.

Men need to be strong.

Stiff as a board, Beomgyu sat there trying to focus on the ugly, neon lights their faculty put up for Christmas. Your hands paused for a moment to process a question some guy on the table threw at you—something about the group’s plan to visit the zoo next week? He directed his eyes towards the hands he kept clenched in front of him as some sort of emotional support. You didn’t seem to mind anyway, so might as well just keep it there for his sanity.

Why you had been wiping his sleeve for 20 minutes now (it was 5 seconds) was something he couldn’t answer, but it’s fine, he could take it. Until you discovered that fruit jam was particularly hard to remove from a shirt and pulled his arm close to see better.

Men something something strong something something.

Every centimetre lost between you two drove him closer to slamming his face on the table and forever changing the trajectory of the cafeteria’s lives.

Beomgyu had almost finished calculating the cost of raising three kids and a dog when you stopped wiping. You turned your head to the rest of the table, continuing the conversation about that animal farm your friends wanted to visit. One squeeze of your hand around his and suddenly the invisible string around Beomgyu’s neck comes undone.

[boogiewrites]

Hindsight's Always 19/84 - Pt 1

Single Dad Eddie / Reader AU

You left Hawkins in 1984. You had no intentions of ever coming back. But life had other plans. You grew sick of the fake people and conversations, the classism and nauseating academic personalities of your past life. You craved life with its highs and lows, its triumphs and heartbreak over the beige monotony of white-collar progress. Now divorced and happy to be, you move back home. You run into an old friend, Eddie Munson. He was a memory that had haunted you for years. You haven't been the only one whose life has changed drastically. He's working two jobs and taking care of his son alone. You came back to Hawkins to find a new path, but you're faced with your younger self instead. Will you finally give her the answers she's always needed? Are you brave enough to say the things you couldn't before you left? With the growing connection between two broken adults, it looks like you never should've left.

You know what they say, Hindsight's always 20/20.

You walked down the stairs from your apartment onto the street. The sunset painted the town in nostalgia. Muted colors like looking back into your memories surrounded you. It all felt different and somehow exactly the same. You’d been back for about a month now. But with the exception of holidays, you haven't spent any time in Hawkins for over a decade. You didn’t even go to your 10-year high school reunion. You’d had no expectations of coming back here. Certainly not without an exit date firmly scheduled prior. But life is funny that way. You never expect to get divorced when you get married. You never expect to quit what once was your dream job. You never expect to move back to your hometown in some potentially pathetic, you hadn't decided yet, attempt to find yourself. Along with a lot of other lessons you were finally learning, expecting the unexpected was one being driven into your life hard.

So when you wandered the towns Main Street and saw the old record store you hadn't expected, but maybe you should have, the man standing behind the counter to be the boy who helped form most of those happy memories you’d come back home to revisit.

“We close in like 5 minutes. I can check you out if you know what you want but at 9 you’re getting kicked out.” He didn’t look up from the book of numbers he was staring at on the checkout desk.

“Oh shit. I didn’t look at your hours on the door. Sorry. I’ll leave.” You rush out, not even looking at the guy, his hair hiding his face as he leaned on the counter. You’d barely taken in the familiar space before feeling like a burden.

But then you hear your name called to your back as your hand sits on the door handle. That voice. You hadn’t heard your name said like that in so long. Not just from him but in a way that made it sound like someone was genuinely happy to see you.

“Eddie?” It leaves your slightly parted lips before you even verify the owner of the now much deeper, voice. It’s still cracked and popped when you heard it last. A young man with his training wheels freshly off was now grown before you. He looked so different. And just like the town… somehow exactly the same.

“Holy shit it is you!” his face lit up, it was a wonderful sight. Eddie was always a big emoter, being absolute shit at hiding how he felt on his face. And right now he was happy to see you. Your face was a bit more hesitant, only for the heavy smack of memories you were drowning in as you shared a silent smile, eyes very boldly meeting one another's.

“It’s me.” you held out your hands in a jazzy presentation of yourself that made him laugh.

“What are you doing here? Oh shit, is everyone okay?” His face went from curious to concerned in a flash.

“Oh yeah, the family’s fine.” you finally stepped forward and dismissed his concern with a wave of your hand. “I moved back.” he could see the way your jaw tensed when you said it. Last he’d heard you were married and working some white-collar job and doing just fine. He certainly hadn’t expected you to walk into his shop on a random Tuesday. He wanted to ask a hundred questions that had all poured into his brain but withheld.

“How long have you been back?” he got away with looking at your hands, checking for a wedding band as they ran through your hair nervously. There wasn’t one. That gave him plenty of answers to sate his intrusive tendencies. Little did he know you’d already looked at his ring finger to see the same.

“A few weeks. Not long. Just got settled into the apartment on 3rd street. Pure luck it opened up when I was looking.”

“An apartment?” he had a playful smile as he quirked his brow. “Would’ve pinned you for a house sorta girl.”

“Needed a change.” you wrinkled your nose, vague answers meant you weren’t ready to talk about it. Which he understood.

“I heard they re-did those recently.”

“Yeah, it’s way nicer than I expected. Overlooks the park which is very cute. And is a hell of a lot cheaper than my mortgage was.” a genuine smile graced your face, and the sense of relief wasn’t missed by him in your voice.

“Tell me about it.” he groaned and slapped the open book in front of him.

“Oh, doing the books?” you leaned forward curiously, intimately familiar with the layout of the paper before him. “Wait. Why are you doing the accounting?” you didn’t hide the confusion on your face as you looked back up at a smirking Eddie. His hair was the same save for the lack of bangs, a change with the times. He had a past 5 o clock shadow and light circles under his eyes. You knew you also had signs of wear and age on your face.

“Because I own the place?” he tilted his head to the side and chuckled. “You don’t have to look SO surprised.” he then broke into a laugh.

“Sorry! I just. Wow.” you shook your head.

“Give me a little credit. I’ve grown up since you last knew me.” a playful defensiveness was apparent in his shaking curls as he challenged your slack jaw at the news.

“I’m sure you have. Sorry. I didn’t mean to -”

“Shut up. I’m fucking with you.” the deepness of his voice bloomed out of a laughing chest. “I do own it but I agree I didn’t scream responsible business owner at 18.” he grinned. “I started working here shortly after you left and ten years later Mr. Orison wanted to retire and well…” he motioned to the room then let his arms slap to his sides.

“Good for you. Seriously. Running a business is fucking hard. People don’t realize it.”

“Yeah neither did I when I bought it.” he bent over and ran his hand through his hair, elbows to the countertop.

“I used to crunch numbers all day for a living so I get it. I’ll leave you to it. It’s past 9 anyway, I think you’re supposed to kick me out.” you smiled brightly, and you felt the strain in your cheeks. It’d been a long, long time since you’d smiled so big.

“You get to be an exception to the rule. You can wander around if you want. I don’t care.”

“No, no. I know you need to focus. I’ll get out of your hair.” you take a few steps back. “I could come back when you aren’t busy?” you offered, a raise of one shoulder to your chin.

“Yeah! Yes.” he cleared his throat and nodded enthusiastically, spooling out some blank receipt paper. “Since you’re back-back we should catch up.” he dabbed the pen to his tongue to get it to work, and a few shakes and grunts later he was writing his number down. “And I don’t mean in that fake reunion - oh my god let’s get coffee sometime kinda way.” he looked up, hang dancing over his papers as a fuller face than you recalled smiled at you.

“Glad we’re on the same page. I need some friends. Not gonna lie.” you chuckle nervously and give a purposely strained smile.

“Lucky for you, we are built-in friends.” he holds out the paper as you step back toward him.

“Good,” you say softly, ripping part of the paper and writing down your own information. “You’re busier than me right now so feel free to call me whenever and we can go not get coffee.” you joke and he accepts it heartily.

“You drink?”

“Not as well as I used to.” you laugh.

“That’sthefuckintruth.” he grumbled. “I’ll hit you up and we’ll go to the old Hideout. We’ll be two old schmo’s reminiscing just like the people we used to make fun of.”

“Sounds perfect.” the relief of something casual and easy flooded you. There was no pretentious pretext, no formalwear to buy, or people to schmooze. Beers, a dive bar, and an old friend sounded close to heaven after the way you’d spent the last decade. “See ya soon.” you wiggle your fingers in a wave before Eddie watches you walk down the street and out of sight, locking the door behind you.

“Well, shit.” he didn’t have to hide his smile now, chuckling to himself, rubbing his face as he walked back to the counter. “She’s back.” he talked to himself, no one else was around, and being alone was a rarity for him these days. He gathered up his books and looked at the mirror in the hall on the way to the back office. “And single,” he said to his reflection before looking over it and frowning at the sight. He looked fucking tired. In all fairness he was. “And you’re a struggling single dad with two jobs.” he sighed and looked away from the mirror. A reality check he needed was cashed to himself. He wasn’t exactly relationship material at the moment with barely any time for himself let alone dating someone. You were used to money and the city and some fancy-pants professor was your ex-husband. What’s a small-town mechanic with a sob story, a kid, and a treading water business going to offer you? He groaned, his annoyance clear on his face as he plopped into the old creaky leather chair. Little did he know, that craving a slice of real life, something raw and passionate, full of imperfections was exactly why you’d left your husband and old life behind. He had more to offer than old romantic nostalgia. He just didn’t know it yet.

Eddie arrived at the trailer he was pleased to call home. A double wide with a room for him and his son and for Wayne when he wanted to stay over. He didn’t live far from his uncle and he didn’t want to be away from him, truth be told. He’d landscaped the place, out in the field away from the clusters of other trailers, a little fence, and a bricked-in foundation. He was proud of what he’d been able to create for his little family.

Eddie was happy to admit now that the calling from his kid as soon as he noticed him walking into the door made every bit of worry fade away for a few minutes.

“Daddy!” a very active toddler ran and stumbled toward him, falling and ignoring the failure to get swept up in his dad's arms.

“Hey little man!” he tossed him into the air, a favorite pastime of his since he was tiny. “I see we had spaghetti for dinner.” Eddie laughed, grabbing a noddle from his shirt and eating it noisily to make him laugh.

“He’s as stubborn as you.” Wayne chuckled, a grunt as he raised from the couch. “Refused anything else. Remember when you’d only eat pickles and ranch with butter noodles for dinner for a while?”

“It’s still good.” Eddie grinned, shifting the kid to his hip.

“Your taste has always been questionable.” Wayne teased. It was always with love.

“It’s a point of pride.” Eddie smiled and shoved a fork into the pot of noodles left on the stove.

“We were about to get settled for bed. Someone had a long nap today and messed up his routine.”

“Did not!” a very adamant and incorrect claim came from the small version of Eddie.

“Terrible two’s.” Wayne glared and wagged his finger as he hunched toward the kid before grabbing his side to tickle him and make him scream.

“How about we go play sea monster?” Eddie suggested, the kid's eyes lighting up.

“YEAH!” his little fists clenched.

“You handle the bath I’ll clean up.” Wayne pats his adopted son’s arm.

Eddie was elbow-deep in bubbles, soap in his mouth, and water in his eyes as his boy thrashed in the water. A rouge rubber dinosaur bonked Eddie in the head.

“Asteroid!” he shouted, slapping Eddie with a wet ball in the face before slapping his hands into the water full of floating dinosaurs.

“I thought we were playing sea monsters?” Eddie asked, a washcloth rubbing behind his son's ears.

“Monster rock! Gahhh!” the little gremlin growled and slapped the ball down again.

“Ya know what? Fair.” Eddie nodded, a resigned purse of his lips as he scrubbed away at his slippery like an eel, arms. “You remember this one’s name?” he picked up a plastic dinosaur.

“Robert!” Eddie bent his head down and laughed, soaping the boy's hair into a little mohawk.

“He’s called a T Rex. Remember their science names?”

“Robert! Ahhh!” he slapped the toy out of Edie’s hand as he kept laughing. He was a bit biased but he thought his kid could be the funniest person to ever exist. He was aware that him having his DNA did make the chances of them having a similar sense of humor high but… he could make Eddie laugh harder than anyone else.

“So we’re choosing chaos over learning tonight.” Eddie nodded, accepting that his attempts to be a good dad who taught his kid things at every available opportunity were going to fall onto bubble covered ears tonight.

“Chay ossssss” he made a grumpy face, doing his attempts at a metal scream, having heard the word growled many times in Eddie’s music choices.

“Oh, it’s gonna be that kinda night, huh?” Eddie perked up. “You wanna sing Metallica?” He asked, soaked hands slapping out a beat on the side of the tub.

“BUM BUM BUM!” he banged his little head, mimicking his father.

“Sanitarium!” Eddie had never held back with his music and his little man. He seemed to love it.

“Leave me be!” he clapped.

“Sanitarium!”

“LEAVE ME ‘LONE!” his little chin jutted up as he declared it to the ceiling with the rage only a small child could deliver.

Sure Eddie’s parenting wasn’t exactly orthodox. But then again who in their right mind would’ve expected it to be?

After a very messy round of monsters in the tub, rubber toys are everywhere, and towels and washcloths are strewn and slapped to the plastic walls of the shower tub. Bubbles floated and faded, clumps in Eddie’s hair. He wrangled his son into his pajamas, reading him to sleep with Lord of the Rings, doing the voices, and living his DM memories in his performance. Soon he was sound asleep, worn out and content. Eddie dimmed the light, ruffling the dark soft curls that resembled his own before a kiss on his baby lotion-smelling cheek.

He came into the kitchen with a loud yawn, stretching before hitting the fridge for a beer.

“He had a good day today.” Wayne nodded, sitting at the kitchen table.

“Good.” Eddie sighed with a sip.

“How about my other baby? What day did he have?” Wayne smirked, sipping his mug of coffee.

“You’ll never guess who’s back in town.” Eddie shoved a fork full of leftover spaghetti in his mouth that Wayne had set out for him.

“Rude to leave me hangin’.”

“Remember that girl I used to run around with back in high school?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Seriously? You didn’t need any other information?” Eddie laughed, mouth full of spaghetti.

“No offense son, but you weren’t exactly surrounded by girls back then.”

“Harsh.” Eddie grinned. “But true.” he nodded. “She’s back in town.” he muffled out in bites.

“Her folks okay? I always liked ‘em I’d hate to hear something bad happened to ‘em.”

“That’s what I asked her.” Eddie smiled, being made more aware of Wayne’s influence on him every day since his son was born. “She said her family’s fine.”

“Oh, you talked to her?” Wayne said impressed.

“Walked right into the shop.” Eddie held out a hand in a surprised shrug.

“She married who? A teacher?”

“Professor of English.” Eddie rolled his eyes. “But!” Eddie’s eyes lit up in a way Wayne hadn’t seen in a long while. “She wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.”

“So you looked, huh?”

“I’m no homewrecker.” Wayne’s shoulder shook with a laugh at Eddie’s defensiveness.

“Since when?” he smirked.

“She didn’t say anything. Just said she moved back. But we swapped numbers and she wants to catch up.”

“Well, that couldn’t have gone any better for you could it?” Wayne said supportively. He’d always liked you. You were a bit wild, sure, but so was Edddie and he knew he was still a good kid.

“I mean it could have.” Eddie gave a little snicker and his cheeks turned a bit pink as Wayne snorted and threw a napkin at him.

“What’d she think of you? Business owner, two jobs, a kid. Big difference from when she knew you last.”

“She was surprised by the business. But that’s all I shared.”

“Ed…” Wayne chastised him.

“I know. I’ll tell her, obviously, I just didn’t wanna do that thing I do where I start talking and don’t stop. And next thing I know I’ve told her too much and she’s backing away.”

“Did she have any kids?”

“Don’t know. She didn’t say anything either. I don’t remember hearing that she did.” Eddie shrugged, shoveling the rest of the food into his mouth, bowl tilted up.

“Odd for a woman her age to not have a kid.” Wayne’s brow creased.

“C’mon Wayne. You’re more progressive than that.” Eddie grumbled.

“You know I’m all for people making their own choices, but she was married for a long time. Call me curious.”

“I’ll tell you everything when I talk to her.”

“When’s that gonna be?”

“When can you babysit again?” He smirked.

You were surprised but pleasantly that it took Eddie only two days to call you. You suppose he wasn’t lying about wanting to be friends again. Why wouldn’t he? You were thick as thieves in your teens. You got on like a house fire when you were together. You were hoping that you hadn’t changed so much that he’d find you boring now. You were still in the midst of figuring out who you actually were and how much beige you had unwillingly absorbed from your previous life path. Eddie was still spunky and lively with his alternative clothes and hair, free flow of swears as sentence enhancers without care behind it, and a heart that seemed to still be pinned to his sleeve. You envied that. You hoped it rubbed off on you.

You wore an outfit your ex-husband would hate out to the bar that evening. You’d been making a habit of doing things he hated. It was your new favorite pastime.

So it meant that much more when Edie greeted you with his full attention, pulling out a chair and giving you a charming smile that people took classes to learn how to do in the city. While he was naturally gifted and wholesome and genuine.

“Hopefully it’s okay for me to say this. If not- feel free to twist my ear- but you look really pretty tonight.” It was the wholesome version of what he was thinking. The maxi skirt was made out of some flimsy material that his fingertips itched to touch. It had some Asian-inspired dragons on the bottom, and a tank top matching the color of the trim of the skirt was paired with it. Some chunky sandals that made you almost as tall as him were hidden under the skirt. Little maroon-painted toes peeped out as you sat. He noticed they match your nails and lipstick. You hadn’t been so put together when you were younger. Jeans, the same beat-up sneakers, and a t-shirt were the rotation of choice. You never presented as particularly feminine, not like this anyway. He thought you looked great, but it made him wonder what else had changed.

“Thanks. I really liked this outfit.” Your smile was soft and sweet as you accepted his chivalry of pushing your chair in.

“The dragons are badass.” He gave an approving nod as he sat across from you.

“They’re really trendy right now.”

“Trendy?” He smirked.

“There’s currently an uptick of Asian-inspired ornamental detail right in teen fashion design. related to the rise in popularity of Japanese influence in youth counter-culture.” Eddie blinked a bit befuddled at the sentence that came out of your mouth. You could see it in his very readable face. You’d lost him. You wore the same look around your ex’s colleagues as they discussed the literature of old white men like it was written by God. you’d always been lost and you hated that you’d just done the same to Eddie. “Sorry.” You wrinkle your nose, frowning and Eddie leans in to give you an apologetic look. “We’re gonna be friends right?” Not the smoothest starting point but it’s what came out.

“Uhm. Yeah? I hoped so.” His eyes squinted, uncertain.

“Then I’ll start with being as transparent as possible with you.” You splayed your hands out on the tabletop. “I’m used to talking to people that demand that you constantly impress them with intelligence. It’s awful and I fucking hated it.” Eddie cracked a smile as he watched your face start to give over to emotion. “It’s a habit to say things in a way that’s unnecessary and academic sounding instead of talking like a normal person. I’m trying to break the habit. So sorry if I sound like I have my head up my ass when I talk sometimes.” Eddie was still for a moment, meeting your tired eyes before laughing.

“You did sound very smart.” He consoled you.

“Thank you. I hate sounding elitist. you don’t need to know how to cite references to be smart.”

“I don’t even know what that means.” He gave you a cheesy grin.

“Perfect. You’re exactly who I wanna talk to then.” You reached out to touch his hand before withdrawing it. “I should’ve said yes, dragons are badass. Having them on a skirt makes me feel cool.” You chuckled and tucked your hair behind your ear nervously.

“You still into that stuff? Fantasy? Dragons and Knights and Damsels?”

“I’ve always liked the aesthetic. I haven’t read much since I left here.”

“That’s a shame. You used to read all the time. I still do.”

“I started to hate it after I married someone who did nothing but read. And base their entire existence on it. Sucks all the fun out of it. He was very good at doing that with anything.”

“So… ex… husband then?” He boldly asked, motioning a finger to your naked ring finger.

“Very much ex. Excommunicated I wish.” You smiled. “Exterminated. Expelled. Ex…plodded.” You laughed.

“That what brought you back here?”

“Is it that obvious? I’m just some cliche of a woman now. Coming back home to find herself after leaving a bad man.” You put the back of your hand to your forehead playfully.

“Nothing wrong with leaving a bad relationship.”

“Thanks.” You say quietly. “So now you know I left my old life and moved back here. What’s your story?”

“I’ve been up to plenty.” He turned to laugh nervously. “You started with the biggest thing so-“ he grunted and shifted to pull his wallet out of his back pocket. “Here’s my biggest thing.” He pulled out a photo and handed it to you. It was a photo of Eddie holding a baby. “That’s my little Teddy bear.” He smiled proudly. Your hand shot out to grab his forearm.

“Ohmygod… you have a baby??” Your face lit up and relief washed over him in a chill. “Look at him! Babies usually look like little potatoes but he’s so fucking cute Eddie.” You whined, holding the photo in both hands as if you were cradling it.

“I know I’m biased but I think he’s the cutest baby to ever exist.” he took great pleasure in the fact that Teddy was part him. His sweet dimpled smile made that obvious.

“He could be. A front-runner for sure. He looks like he fell right out of your ass.” You laughed and touched the photo lightly. “I bet mom hates that, huh? All that work and he comes out looking just like you.”

You saw his demeanor shift, the brightness fading ever so slightly. You’d said something wrong.

“She’s not really uh-around.” His eyes wandered the tabletop for a moment.

“Oh sorry. My big mouth.” You wince and hand him back the photo.

“No, no. It’s just… I don’t ever talk about it since it’s a small town and everyone knows already. It’s a real fuckin buzzkill but it’s just facts and you shared with me so I’ll share with you.”

“You don’t have to if-“

“No, it’s fine. Me and Teddy are doing great now. She just uh- she had a heart defect that no one knew about and having Teddy well… it gave out on her.”

“Holy shit.” You let slip out on accident. “Sorry I don’t mean to be so crude about it I’m just surprised. I mean that’s… the worst.”

“We were together but not like-“ his nose twitched and he got the feeling he was about to overshare.

“I’ll answer any question you have if you want. But you don’t have to share with me unless you want to.” It was a heartfelt offer he appreciated.

“I do. We wanted to catch up so this is getting you up to speed.” He shrugged. “It’s been years ago now. Teddy wasn’t planned, we weren’t together when she got pregnant. But she wanted a baby and you know me, I wasn’t going to not be there for the kid after the upbringing I had so I did the right thing and proposed but she didn’t want to get married until after the baby but… yeah. So it could be a lot worse I guess? Is that bad to say? Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve talked about it. “He shook his head and laughed awkwardly. “Teddy’s none the wiser. I named him Theodore because that’s what she wanted to name him. So Theodore is his middle name and I went with what I wanted, which was Ronald. Well, I wanted Ronnie but Wayne wouldn’t have me naming the kid a nickname. So his official name is Ronald Theodore Munson. But Teddy ended up being what stuck. He’s an affectionate little guy. Also a lot of hair like his parents.” he added with a sad chuckle.”He’ll probably get tired of it when he grows up and go by Ronnie, I figure.” You were gazing at him with a soft smile, seeing him talk about his kid.

“Eddie and Teddy. It’s too cute.” You sighed out, a short-lived giggle making Eddie’s cheeks flush for some reason. “Please tell me you named him Ronnie after THE Ronnie James Dio.”

“Yeah.” He admitted and looked away before you burst out laughing and reaching out again for his arm. He really liked that you touched him so much. It made him feel a weird hopefulness that didn’t exactly have a target goal he was willing to admit yet.

“God that’s perfect. I love that. No sarcasm. It’s fantastic. A+ name choice. Highly approve.” You gave him a small clap. “I think you should name your kids something fun and interesting. I love that you did that.”

“You have any kids?”

“Nope.” You shook your head. “I never tried. Never wanted to with Chris.”

“So that’s the wet blankets name.” He smirked.

“Yes, it is. And a perfect description.” You commended him. “He’d be a terrible dad. I didn’t want a kid that looked like or acted like him.”

“If you don’t mind me asking. If you hated this guy so much why’d you marry him in the first place?” You gave him an out-of-place smile, grateful for real questions.

“Honestly? He was safe.” You shrug and sigh. “He had a plan and was smart and good with money. Well connected, good family, all that horse shit.” Your eyes shot to Eddie as he let out a chuckle. “I partied my first year and almost flunked out, realized I had to actually try to do well in college. I was having your standard identity crisis and met him. He seemed like he had his shit together. So I hitched myself to that wagon and rode it all the way to a degree and a life I didn’t really want.”

“So that’s why you never came back.”

“Yeah. I was being indoctrinated by WASP’s.” You grumbled. “Made me hate this place and look down on it. Which isn’t right at all. This place is more real than anything they have in their gated communities.”

“So money really can’t buy you happiness?” He lightened the conversation.

“Turns out it’s true. But man it helps.” You laughed. “I was able to deny how unhappy I was for years because of money. But it only lasted so long.”

“What made you finally leave?”

“It wasn’t really one thing that did it. It’s whatever the last straw happened to be. And… it’s stupid.” You looked down and huffed out a laugh.

“It’s you, I know it’s not stupid.” The earnestness in his words made you look away for a moment before a nervous smile appeared.

“He made fun of a book I bought.” you admitted with a monotone delivery.

“Not normally grounds for divorce but a dick move.” A playful judgment was in his nod as he side eyed you. “So he made fun of it but what was the actual reason?”

“You’re still perceptive.” You give him the same smirk.

“A blessing and a curse.” He put a hand to his chest.

“It was one of those cheesy romance novels. A bodice ripper. The guy with the long hair in the wind on the cover and his shirts half open and the woman has fainted in his arms and they’re on a mountain top or some shit.” Eddie laughed and nodded. “I wanted something to enjoy. Have a good time reading it and maybe get a little thrill or something in the meantime. And so we’re in bed and he’s got his notebook and whatever he’s reading and he notices I have a book, which was different and he asks me what it is and I tell him and he does this little face I hate where he’s pretending to be interested like he’s in a fucking infomercial all ‘hmmm interesting yes’” You rub your chin and nod exaggeratedly and it makes Eddie laugh. “Who’s the author? He asked, I tell him. What else have they written? I don’t know. ‘You picked up a random book and bought it?’ Yeah, it looked fun. And he LAUGHS. And this man doesn’t laugh. He asks if any of their work would’ve had articles written about it by his peers and I just snapped.”

“He was doing that shit on purpose.” Eddie poked a finger at the worn tabletop.

“Thank you!” You slapped the table.“He’s got all these stupid questions and I just wanted to hit him over the head with the book. The next morning I went to my lawyer.”

“You work fast.” Eddie sputtered out, surprised.

“I realized that was going to be every interaction for the rest of my life with him when I showed interest in something that wasn’t up to his standard. And I fucking had it. I was done.”

“Good for you.” He says back and raised a hand to the bartender. “I’m buying you a drink on behalf of real readers everywhere.”

“Thanks.” You smile and settle into your seat, calming yourself back down. The wound was still very fresh.

“The fact that you said you went to your lawyer has thrown me for a fuckin loop though.” He grinned. “Never thought I’d hear something like that coming from you. Unless it was for a DUI or something.” He teased.

“When you make money you realize the work that goes into keeping it and turning it into more money and that means lawyers and banks and reps and accountants and specialists and brokers and-“ you groan.

“What the hell kind of work did you do?”

“White collar business. Numbers. Money.” You nod. “The only good thing that came from that relationship was I learned how rich people use their money and I protected myself. Everything was kept separate and since he only had a part-time professor gig since he was on a never-ending quest for more degrees his folks paid some of the bills.”

“Oh god, a trust fund baby? Really?” He cringed. “You knew better than that.”

“I know I know.” You roll your eyes. “But you also understand how scary the world is when you don’t have money. And just a taste was enough to make me sell out. I’m not proud of it. But I’m proud of where I am now.” You sat up straighter. “In a small studio apartment in my hometown. Unemployed, single, and totally fucking winging it.”

Two long necks appear at the table and he raises a toast.

“Here’s to totally fucking winging it.” You happily clinked your bottles together. “Ever since Teddy came earth side and my tentative plans went all to hell with becoming a dad I feel like totally winging it is an understatement.” He sighs. “I worked at the record store forever then suddenly I owned it. I’ve got a loan and very little business knowledge and a new baby and I’m a future spouse short on support and income. And now I’m working days at the body shop in town and holding my breath.”

“I’m not gonna lie that’s a lot.” you gave him a sympathetic pout. “For anyone. Do you need like- help or anything? I mean I did help people run businesses in a past life.”

“Honey, you do not deserve to be dragged into my bullshit circus of a life.” the way he spoke reminded you so much of Wayne.

“Maybe I wanna be?” You shrugged and let the offer hang in the air. “I mean I don’t have a job, you’d be doing me a favor. I can look over your stuff and give you some advice and if you like it you can put me on retainer.”

“I don’t think I could afford you.” He smirked at the underlying double meaning to which your snorted at.

“Friends and family discount.” You nodded. “Or I can just… I don’t know… you need someone to watch Teddy?”

“You’d do that?” He seemed genuinely surprised and it shocked you.

“Yeah. Childcare is ridiculously expensive. I could cut a day or two off a week for you. Use him for ransom so you have to hang with me again?”

His face lit up and he wiped his smiling mouth with the back of his hand after taking another drink.

“Or just ask like a normal person.” He snorted.

“Sounds boring.” You muttered before taking a sip and sending him into another laugh.

“You sure you wanna get mixed up with me? You just got back, you’re dealing with your own stuff I don’t wanna add to it.” He offered you a chance to withdraw. You weren’t interested.

“I’ll come clean, Eddie.” You began and took a deep breath after a deeper swig of beer. “Coming back here, I had a few hopes. And being able to reconnect with you was one of those to be perfectly honest. It’s this new thing I’m trying.” He gave you a crooked smile, a dimple deepening in his cheek that lured your gaze to it. “And the fact that you’re willing and want anything to do with me after I left is more than I could hope for. I came back here to be around real people with real lives. I would love to help you with your business too. I’ll do it for free, I don’t give a shit. Because you’re a real person with consequences for your actions. Not some numbered entity of an LLC bought off a drunk golf game bet.” You took a deep breath and saw his face warm and open, shoulders a little slouched. “So short version- yes. I want to be involved in your bullshit.“

“Good.” A simple answer with a complicated proposition. “I want to be involved with your bullshit too.”

You’d been to six different businesses today. Your feet were tired, having not been accustomed to being in heels all day for months. Your suit felt stiff despite how much you knew the fabric cost. You’d found a few leads but mostly the role of bookkeeper was locked down by someone who should’ve already retired. Change was vital to business survival and these people didn’t seem to care if their taxes had been done the same way for the last 20 years. Small towns, man.

A whistle breaks your grumpy demeanor you weren’t trying to hide anymore since exiting the back office of the noisy Chuck E. Cheese. You blinked, head snapping to the sound of sucking teeth before seeing the playful lit up face of Eddie as the source.

“Sorry sugar, thought you were someone else. You’re clearly a business lady, my mistake.” he wheezed and coughed with his laugh, splayed out in a red vinyl chair among the scattered groupings of parents and kids.

“Fuck off.” you laughed, hissing it at him quietly to not become the witch in a witch hunt the barking of the word fuck in a place like Chuck E. Cheese would surely start. He pulls out the empty chair next to him and slaps the cushion.

“Take a load off fancy business pants.” he grinned deep, smile lines siking farther into his face than they used to. “Your feet have got to be killing you in those shoes. Christ, woman. What are you wearing those torture devices for?”

“Old habit.” you groan, wrinkling your nose as you plop down, crossing your leg over your knee toward him.

“Why are you in a kid’s pizza place in a suit?”

“Been going around cold calling about work today.”

“Old school.” he nodded in approval. “Any luck?”

“Some bites. Nothing concrete. Franchises like this have to get everything approved by corporate before they can even move around where the napkin holders are let alone hire someone.”

“Sounds like a ring of hell to me.” he muttered, leaning in toward you, his face facing the play area.

“Are you here with Teddy or out hunting for single moms?” you snort.

“I can do both.” he laughed, your chests moving the jabs at each other. “I was actually out hoping to bag a lady who can make me look even more like a deadbeat dad than I already do by simply sitting next to me.” he looked you up and down to sell the joke before you understood he was talking about you. “You look like you’re here to supervise a custody visit, man. What is this?” he tugged at the collar of your suit jacket.

“It’s call professionalism.” you sat up and wobbled your head. “But it is overkill in Hawkins.” you sighed and took off the suit jacket, hanging it and your purse on the back of the chair. “I look like I gather “protection” money.” you go ahead and roast yourself. “Do I look less like a narc?” you ask, fluffing your hair and in a button-up shirt with no stuffy jacket with a single button undone. “That better?” you slouched back into the chair, hands crossed on your stomach.

“Depends on the connotations of what you’re applying the word better to.” He didn’t look at you when he said it but the smirk was audible in his voice. Your head is noticeably tilted as you lean in toward him, shifting in the seat.

“You’re gonna give me war flashbacks to fundraising dinners talking like that.” you chuckled, looking out to the smattering of kids, seeing if you could pick out which was his. There wasn’t one screaming or chewing through the ropes so that theory was out. “Although they weren’t nearly as flirty as you, you scamp.” you snorted and watch his grin beam across his stubbled face.

“My main outlet for flirting is with women at the shop,” he admitted, turning his head back toward you. “And don’t get me wrong, it’s fun. A bit awkward with how heavy they’re willing to lay it on, man. You’d be shocked at the people that have offered to pay in other ways.” he wiggled his brows.

“You get rid of me and suddenly you’re swimming in p-” you stop yourself and look around with wide eyes, remembering where you are as Eddie cackles loudly and slaps your leg. “I’m not used to being around family-friendly environments.” you purposely wince and watch his laugh take over his entire demeanor. People turned to look at him but he still didn’t care. It was comforting to know that hadn’t changed.

“I’m no pro at it myself. Don’t worry. When we’re not in public you won’t have to hold your tongue so much. The first time Teddy swore I almost hyperventilated I laughed so hard.”

“Speaking of, where is he? Can I meet him?” Eddie turned to find your eyes bright, brows high and hopeful. “Or maybe not. Is that too soon? I should ask permission first, right? I don’t know how kids work, sorry.” Again, that now deep, gravelly laugh gritted out, the years of cigarettes still in his throat as he pat and rubbed your shoulder.

“You remind me of me when I first got him home. What do I do with this thing?” he mimicked fear and holding a baby awkwardly. “He needs to take a break and get a drink anyway.” he sat up, cracking his back and groaning. “Teddy Monster?” He shouted hands clasped to his mouth, startling the other restaurantgoers.

A small screechy roar is heard, a section of ball pit busting up into the air and a curly mop-haired little cherub-faced cutie pie flopped over the barrier with a cackle much like his dad’s. He rolled out onto the foam playmat-covered floor and stumbled a bit before finding his footing and booking it toward Eddie who was running at him full speed, hunched over, hands clawed both growling at each other. He yanked him up as he lept at him fearlessly, tossing him in the air, before pretending to eat his stomach, holding him sideways, raspberrying his tummy before so easily tossing him into one arm and plopping him down on his knee at the table.

You took in the funniest little gasp of air when you realized you hadn’t breathed the entire time you’d watched him. Gulping and regaining your senses, shocked at yourself. Your eyes dilated at the sight of Eddie with his kid. Oh god, your inner voice groaned. Was the biological clock thing actually real? Was this what that was? Did you just ovulate at the sight of your high school crush simply playing with his kid? Should you be ashamed? Because you sure didn’t feel ashamed.

“Get a drink, bud.” Eddie brought the plastic cup to Teddys grabbing hands. “You having fun?” he kissed his impossibly soft curls, slightly damp from sweat.

“Mnfg- yuh- mmffpptt” he spluttered trying to answer and gulp at the same time, he gained a chuckle from you and both the dark-eyed boys turned to look at you in unison.

“Hi!” he said with a wet face and a smile that looked so much like his father's it made your chest hurt.

“This is Daddy’s friend.” Eddie put his hand on your shoulder as he introduced you.

“Hi Miss.” he nodded and waved with one hand, the other still grasping the cup Eddie was balancing for him.

“He calls all the ladies at the daycare Miss.” Eddie explained.

“So polite.” You couldn’t help how you cooed at him. Eddie noticed. “I’m excited to meet you Teddy. Maybe me and you can be friends like me and your daddy are?” With wide eyes, he nodded in agreement.

“He’s super friendly. Never met a stranger. Didn’t get it from me.”

“Dad.” He gasped, raising his t-shirt to wipe his face. A habit he surely picked up from Eddie. “Can she play?”

“Ask her.” He chuckled, smoothing down his waves.

“Wanna play?” He perked up, leaning to put his hands on your knee.

“I absolutely do!” You couldn’t figure out how Eddie ever said no to that face. You reached down to slip off your shoes and a smile Eddie purposely held back on started to grow. “You like the ball pit? It’s my favorite.”

“Me too!” He clapped his hand together and started wriggling out of Eddie’s hold. You pulled your hair back again and gave Eddie a nod. “I’m gonna hurt myself so don’t make fun of me.” You said quietly before standing.

“I’d never.” He put his hand to his chest defensively.

“Come ON!” Teddy’s squatted form growls like a professional metal frontman as he stood waiting for you to catch up.

Eddie sat back, leg bent over his other, hands laced together to fit behind his head. He watched you get tugged mercilessly by his son into the ball pit in a suit that probably cost so much Teddy couldn’t even fathom a number that high yet. You looked expensive but it was clear you were priceless. You slid headfirst into the concerningly sticky ball pit. You were caught up in the cutest kid you’d ever seems energy and found yourself forgetting you hadn’t played in 20-something years and you’d be feeling the ache tomorrow. Eddie couldn’t take his eyes off you, getting jumped on by Teddy, mashed into the pit, and pelted and screamed at. Other kids joined in, happy an adult was getting on their level. Eddie was known to crawl around the tubes on the play area from time to time but got dirty looks from the other parents. Aware that his own reputation now affected someone besides himself he’d pulled back on the public displays of feral behavior.

As he watched he let himself hope for a moment. Seeing a best-case scenario play out in front of him, his worries that you’d be averted in some way from him because he had a kid we’re floating away, replaced with a shameful optimism it could be a pro instead of a con. He’d be a blatant liar to himself if he tried to say as soon as he saw you walk into his shop the thought of being with you again hasn’t popped into his head. However, sex at 17 is a lot less complicated than sex in your 30s, at least for him. Eddie had big feelings. Especially when It came to you. He had a kid and jobs and a life he’d worked so hard to create that bringing someone in without immense forethought wasn’t something he was willing to do. Sure he’d banged his way through some women in Hawkins to pass the time but he had no intentions of being with you physically unless that also came with the emotions attached. There was no you for him without emotion attached. And watching you with the most important piece of his life, slotting into their dynamic with ease made him let out a deep sigh. With the worry of you approving of being in his life in any capacity in relation to Teddy aside. It let the gates open for many other far deeper running concerns.

You had a good run, laughing as you hopped out of the ball pit and stumbled falling flat on your ass, the kids all pointing and laughing. A very sweet little girl came over to help you up but you were also too busy laughing at the situation. Your cheeks hurt from smiling, your knees ached from crawling along the bottom of the pit after a very rambunctious Teddy who really seemed to like hiding and popping out at you as you stalked him through the large rectangle space. Your muscle was awake with freshly pumped blood, cheeks rosy, and hair a mess, half out of its scrunchie as you tugged the rest out before dramatically collapsing into the chair next to Eddie.

“How?” You panted out, still smiling.

“How what?”

“Two things.” You hold up your fingers and steal a drink from his cup. “One, you must be in incredible shape to play with him like that. That’s crazy. And two-“ you took another drink, finishing it off and meeting Eddie’s brightly amused face. “We need to isolate what gives them that level of energy and sell it.”

“Ain’t that the truth.” Eddie chuckled, half muttered and reminding you of his uncle. “A real answer, I don’t keep up.” He admitted willingly. “A true but more boastful answer is work keeps me in better shape than I’d be in otherwise. So that helps. And he slowly got bigger so it’s not like I could throw him around overnight. I’m figuring out what that dad strength people talk about is.”

“Man I’d like some of that if it made my arms look like that.” You blurted out the specific compliment without much thought, happy on endorphins from exercise. You and Eddie were always playful and flirty but you didn’t know where the line was between you now. Or where the line even was within yourself. Did you want to flirt with him? I mean really purposely flirt with bitten lips and side eyes and hushed tones? Because there were levels to this now. It wasn’t heh I like your Metallica shirt let’s make out in the back of your van about it anymore. You kinda wish it was though. Man, you had some good times in the back of his van.

“Oh you bought a ticket I see.” He said with no notion he was joking, rolling up one of his sleeves.

“What?” You blurted out with no flirt to be found in your scrunched face.

“To the gun show?” He asked as if you were stupid as he flexed and you groaned and threw your head back. You were split between two moments in time for a second. You were two obnoxious teens in the diner being loud and completely oblivious that anyone else was around again. He cackled and you slugged his defined arm. More tattoos than you left him with covered the planes that shifted as he ran his hand through his still unruly waves. You felt young again. There were more seen and unseen scars now, permanent tiredness under your eyes, more wrinkles, and less graceful bodies but something felt youthful about being around him. And Teddy now. There was some addictive spark they lit in you. They were the sort of people your ex and his lot would’ve mercilessly insulted and looked down on. And they were exactly the sort of people who seemed to be able to remind you that yes, you could feel happy and have fun. You weren’t broken. There was nothing wrong with you. You simply hadn’t been in the right place with the right people. And now- somehow in Hawkins- a place you’d been so dead set on leaving forever turned out to be that place. Maybe it wasn’t so much the where but the who.

“I can’t even insult you now by saying you tell dad jokes. Any joke you tell is a dad joke now!”

“Oh no she’s figured out my superpower!” He laughed and raised his hands like a cartoon villain.

“Oh no! He’s too powerful!” You coward back in your chair with raised hands as if to block a magic spell cast. He shoved your thigh and almost made you fall out of the chair which only made you laugh harder together. it felt right. You both knew it. It was almost malleable in the air between you as you sighed and wheezed coming down from the interaction. You were so caught up in the moment, cheeks flush and boldly gazing at each other, wondering which questionable thing to say aloud next you didn’t even see Teddy also noticing the chemistry.

“Is she your best friend?” Teddy asked with a tilted head, as calm as you’d ever seen him gazing up at your dad in a similar way that you were. “Cause me ‘n Wes. We do that.” Such an astute observation for the little man. He was observant and clever just like his dad.

“I’m not your best friend?” Eddie pouted and reached down to bring him into his lap.

“Duh.” His little eyes rolled and you held in a snort at the display of attitude. “At daycare dad!”

“Oh of course.” Eddie relented to his miniatures putting him in his place. “You’re my best friend, Ted, you know that.” He kissed his cheek and the kid pushed him away, making you grin.

“More than one bes friend.” He held his dad's stubble-covered cheeks and spoke to him as if explaining something to well… a child.

“You can have more than one best friend?” Eddie raised his brows.

“Yes!” Teddy said annoyed. “Tell dad.” he looked over at you with his demands and you wanted to do whatever he asked.

“You can have more than one best friend.” You gave him the same attitude his son was and he chuckled, his cheeks mushed by tiny hands.

“No!” A slap to his thighs. “Tell dad you’re bes friends!”

“Oh sh-nap.” You muttered in surprise. “You’re my best friend Eddie.” You said with no hesitation. And honestly… it was the truth.

“You’re my best friend too.” You held eye contact for a moment before Teddy moved his dad's face back to face him.

“Good job!” He pat his cheek and you wanted to puke it was so cute. “Love you!” He chirped and planted a kiss on his face.

“Love you too.” You knew I’d you could feel the truth in his words that Teddy could too. “Are you about ready to go?”

“Aw, man.” He slouched and pouted and you swear it sounded just like Eddie used to.

“We don’t have to go yet. Do you need to go potty or want more pizza?”

“No.” He shook his head hard. “Gonna play.” He stuck his little Tongue out in concentration as he dismounted Eddie’s long legs and went back at it.

“Have fun.” Eddie shrugged as he was left without so much as a second glance. “He’s getting so good at talking now it blows my mind. He’s so smart.”

“Of course he is.” Your tone clearly told him to not say what he was about to. “I’ve heard reading to them helps a lot. And I’d bet you do plenty of that.”

“Yeah.” A closed-mouth smile grew from his pride. “Almost every night.”

“He’s yours of course he’s going to be the smartest little gremlin. He looks just like you, he might as well act that way too.”

“He acts like Wayne sometimes and it’s hilarious. Old man stuck in a baby’s body.”

“You act like Wayne sometimes too.”

“Shit, don’t I know it. More now than ever.”

“I’d you’re gonna act like someone he is definitely one of the better choices.” Eddie nodded in agreement. “How is he by the way?”

“Still kickin’. He retired. He’s still in the park, not far from us. He watches him a lot. Too much. He’s taking away all his retirement but he insists it’s better he watch him than leave him at daycare.”

“Grandpa Wayne.” You smiled contently and watched the kids for a moment. “He’s always had papaw energy.”

“He oozes papaw energy.” Eddie chuckled.

“The offers still open to watch your hellspawn by the way.” You smirked. “Give Wayne a much-deserved day off from time to time. I could pick him up if driving him over is out of the way. I’d like to see Wayne actually.”

“He’d love to see you.” Eddie gave you a soft smile.

“Really?”

“He asked me 50 questions when I told him you were back.” He paused and glanced away for a moment. “He always liked you, you know.”

“I always liked him.” You added supportively. “I got you out of your room and out of his hair of course he liked me.”

“We spent plenty of time in my room when he wasn’t home.” It almost came out as a murmur, he didn’t dedicate himself to letting the small reminder of your past put into the current timeline. He’d toed past the line of friendly Flirting and had brought a slice of nostalgia into the conversation that hadn’t been breached yet. It had to happen eventually. You couldn’t act like you hadn’t spent a chunk of your time inside each other in the past. But saying hey remember how we used to fuck had seemed a bit heavy-handed.

He watched you huff out a laugh, almost embarrassed as you looked down and smiled, mouth opening and closing to figure out your response. Weighing what was appropriate and what would be best for two old friends with heavy lore.

“Yeah.” Your lips twitch and you let out a giggle he’s never heard before. You missed how soft his face got when he watched you hide your face. “Yes, we did.” A slight blush filled your cheeks as you smiled.

“Do you remember… back then?” His voice was quiet, soft as if tip towing around it might make it feel less in your chest. He held his arms crossed over his front like it might shield him from the consequences of his question.

“I do.” Your voice also fell to an almost whisper, unlike you both to be subtle or timid with one another. A smile that tightened your lips, almost a purse appeared, eyes still not meeting his that was far too forward for you to meet just yet. “Do you?” you asked with a jutted-out chin. You weren’t really trying to hide the way his stare made you uncomfortable. You were too busy trying to analyze why it was. His soft laugh answered you before he did with his words. Oh yeah. He remembered.

“Oh! Hey!” you heard feet head your way and were startled. Eddie cleared his throat and shifted in his chair, the tension of the moment broken. “What was your last name again? They couldn’t find you in the database?”

“Oh right.” You said to the person you’d spoken with in the office. “Recently divorced. Might not be updated yet.” You explained and handed them two business cards. “Here’s both versions.” Eddie side eyed the worker, unnoticed a bit miffed she’d brought up your ex. Way to totally kill the mood.

“Thanks! You’ll hear from me soon.” They said rather convincingly.

“Let me see one of those.” He asked with a nod and a wiggle of his fingers.

“You want one?” You gave him a kind smile and handed him a lovely embossed rectangle. He smiled softly, crow's feet deepening at the edges of his eyes, just visible past the fluff of waves.

“It’s got your name on it.”

“No shit. It’s a business card.” You whispered and he snorted out a laugh.

“I mean your real name.” He said with conviction. “You changed it fast.”

“Not legally yet but I wanted to separate myself from his name as fast as possible.”

“I like this version better.” He said with a nod, flicking the card. “I’d hire this lady, I wouldn’t hire the other.”

“Does that mean I’m gonna get all up in your books?” You grin and nudge his foot with yours, still bare.

“Do you have to put it that way?” He snorted out a laugh.

“Yes! I get unrestricted access to Eddie Munson.” You pinched his knee and he kicked you in response. “I’ll need bank statements and your monthly, and yearly records as far back as you’ve got them and your tax returns.” He could see the excitement in your eyes.

“I take it back you’re way too into this.” He pushed your chair away with his boot and you scoot it back again with a playful back and forth.

“I’m in my element, man. And I’m dealing with you, not some rich asshole!” You both giggled as you quickly lowered your voice and hunched over from the looks thrown your way.

“We aren’t meeting here next time you’re gonna get me banned from Charles Pizzaria. Fine Italian Dining.” He pinched his fingers together and did a horrifying attempt at an Italian accent.

“God you still suck at that.”

“You suck.” He bit back and kicked your chair. Another flicker of a time jump, both snorting and laughing in his van, high as hell, shoving each other with insults thrown that never had any malicious intention.

“You wish.” Your 17-year-old self came out of the woodwork. You’d said it so many times in response to his poorly thought-out jab. It’s always ended in more shoves, which led to rolling around and wrestling which led to Eddie on top of you which led to a cocky remark which led to… you could guess. Your ears ran hot at the memory. “I guess I shouldn’t say that to someone I’m working for.” You let yourself snort and shake with a laugh.

“Extremely unprofessional.” He tsked.

“You gonna leave me a bad review?”

“Horrible.” he smirked.

“Can I earn a good review or have I ruined my chances?”

“Make me a millionaire and I’ll consider it.”

“I mean I know a guy. Recently divorced. Millionaire family. He would suck Hemmingway’s dick for SURE so I mean you might stand a chance.” you both sputter out a laugh.

“Oh, tell me more.” Eddie crossed his legs and put his hand to his chin.

“He only has three topics of conversation, you know, like a pull-string doll. He’s only had sex in two positions so you know - consistency right? And he does whatever his parents tell him to!”

“Who would leave a catch like that?” Eddie wiped the beginnings of a tear from his eye.

“Some dumb bitch.” you leaned in and whispered, sending you into another shared laugh.

“I don’t know I think she’s really smart. Whoever she is. Especially for leaving him.” his eyes were sincere, but the smile still weighed heavily on the spectrum of giving you shit about marrying such a douche.

“She’s made a handful of good decisions in her life.” you nodded, a more thoughtful smile falling into place. “More as of late. Maybe she’s getting less dumb.” you shrugged.

“I don’t know.” he shared the same subtle shoulder movement. “I think she made a few good decisions in the past.” A lump in your throat grew and you quickly swallowed it down.

“Yeah?” you tucked your hair behind your ear and felt so hopelessly obvious. “Maybe…one… or two.” Your words sunk to nearly a mumble. You looked the same to him in these fleeting moments he got under your skin, in your head. He knew it was selfish to want to hear it from you that you remembered who you two used to be. Especially so soon. But the memories were still so strongly imprinted on him that he had to know if you’d thought of him as often as he’d thought of you over the years.

“That’s a short list. Must’ve been something really important.” he leaned in so subtly, slowly, smoothly. His elbows to his knees, long fingers, still in rings just like he was still 17, laced together. You stuttered like a fool under his gaze. His eyes were even prettier than you’d recalled. Molten chocolate, honey, and caramel. Just as sinfully tempting and potentially bad for you as the sweets. Your lashes felt heavy and obvious as you slowly blinked, licking your lips, finding yourself as short on words now as you ever had been when he directed his attention solely on you.

As children always have, Teddy decides that now is the best time to get his foot caught in a rope net, interrupting the precious moment. A squawk and scream, unsure if it was pain or amusement carried across the brightly colored space.

“Oh, Jesus Christ.” Eddie muttered as you both bolted toward the little monkey hanging upside down.

The brief scare had triggered his neediness, refusing to be looked at or held by anyone but his dad after he slipped his ankle out of the soft braided thread. Eddie prayed no one cared that Teddy was attached to his front as he drove home. A little snore and blub from time to time as Eddie kept his large hand on the child’s back, rubbing it soothingly as he drove.

“C’mon Teddy Bear.” a name he used when he was feeling particularly soft for the wild little creature he’d helped create. A small grunt of disapproval was released as he was lifted and brought into the dark house. Eddie didn’t bother turning on the overhead light, a lamp would suffice. “You wanna wake up? Get ready for bed? We could do a bubble bath? You want a story?” he offered things to the smushed face with barely open eyes adamantly shaking his head, refusing to lift his head from Eddie’s chest. “You want daddy to hold you and you sleep on me?”

“Yeah.” the first nod of the nap. With a resigned sigh Eddie managed to kick his boots off and get his jeans on the floor, left in unevenly slouched socks, boxers, and a t-shirt. He switched on the radio, a quit afterthought as he took Teddy’s ensemble off piece by piece, having purposely chosen every piece. With a new set of matching jammies, a dinosaur print that he’d nearly had a meltdown over when he saw them in the store. Eddie set his notebook and the book he was currently reading on the nightstand. He sank into the small bed, propping himself up with the pillows, setting an alarm on the clock radio just in case. Teddy still clutched to his chest, already back asleep. A lazy hand pat to the beat of a fading song on his butt, the other with Eddie’s fingers in his mop of curls, mouth, and nose nestled into the nest and taking a deep inhale. His eyes looked out the window, the sky was navy, a calm sky, and a slight sway to his shoulders, not purposely, as he rocked Teddy back and forth.

“And next we have a hit from the year 1984. She just came out with another album but this one from her 1983 release of She’s So Unusual is still one of her biggest hits. This one brings back some great memories for me, maybe it will to other listeners out there tonight. Here’s Cyndi Lauper with, Time and Time.” the typical radio announcer's voice echoed in the small room with the slightly crooked wallpaper Eddie had hung himself. He let out a sigh, not needing to hide it from anyone, the back of his head against the headboard covered in stickers and markers. The year 1984 haunted him for plenty of reasons. The first time he failed senior year. The main one on his mind tonight was that it was the year you’d left Hawkins. You’d said you’d hated the school dance fodder songs as much as he did. Which couldn’t have been true because neither of you actually did. He thought Cyndi Lauper was weird and hot. Much like you were. The song was catchy, heartfelt, and now a nostalgia bomb of memories. You in a second-hand prom dress, dancing with him. You both swore you hated it. Again. Not true. The way you’d looked at each other was proof of that. The way you’d scrapped together enough money for a dress was even more proof. You were just as soft and terrified as he was. A smile crosses his face, feeling a warmth in his chest at the thought of the full-cheeked and big-haired you in your youth. Flashes of smiles, of fights, and long nights running away from your lives together. The memories had kept him company often through the years. He’d thought about you a lot. Wondering if you were okay. If you’d felt the same way he had. He’d go back and kick his own ass for not telling you how he felt before you left if he could. But those thoughts, that anger was pointless now. Learning to live with the choices you make when you didn’t know any better was something Eddie had to quickly learn to accept. His smile deepened at the prospect of knowing you now. Of getting that second chance of closure. It was a messy can of worms to want to open. Sometimes memories were viewed with rose-colored glasses and weren’t as they truly were at the time. But bless Eddie’s soft heart he couldn’t help himself. He’d never been one for making smart decisions.

PART 2

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Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire is... my favorite Godzilla movie?

Or: how the MonsterVerse changed my mind after 10 years.

I hate to be that person in a fandom who's constantly saying things like "the old stuff was great, but the new stuff sucks!" however, when it comes to the kaiju genre... for a time, I unfortunately got pretty close to that. I once rolled my eyes at the notion of the "Kaiju Renaissance," and how between Legendary and Toho it had "something for everyone" and thought that for me, that was only really true if you counted some of the IDW comics, the 12-minute Godzilla vs. Megalon short film, and the renewed availability/merchandising for the originals - which means I've recently seen about 20 classic films I never had before, including some of my new favorites, so in that sense, it sort of did feel like a Renaissance. It just wasn't feeling, at the time, like the newer movies had much to offer for me personally.

It isn't that I had a great many negative things to say about the MonsterVerse films, I just... didn't have a lot of positive things to say either. Due to a number of things I can now look back on as mostly minor nitpicks, there was a sense that they didn't even belong to the fandom I loved at all, and Toho's offerings as of late... had felt pretty much the same. Now, I'll have you know I do in fact love the heck out of Godzilla: Minus One, and in a way, that film feels like a great "part one" of my change in attitude toward the new kaiju boom, but in the end, I like it more because it's an excellent film overall than specifically because it's a kaiju film.

The Godzilla solo films, or films where kaiju are presented exclusively or almost exclusively as an antagonistic force, are *in theory* some of my least favorites of the bunch. I end up holding quite a few of them very highly on their own merits as movies, but what I'm mainly looking for in these films actually started with the original Mothra film in 1961 - the expansion of the genre from disaster film into urban/contemporary fantasy, and the treatment of giant monsters as spiritual, cultural, supernatural forces that can represent a whole slew of things other than a threat or crisis.

Now, if that just sounds like a fancy way of saying "giant monsters beating the crap out of each other" then you're not entirely wrong. I do love a good hero story, and it informs a lot of which films end up being my favorites. But there are other factors I find exceptionally strong in many of the classic films - personal resonance with the human element, the interaction of the human and monster elements, the overall uniqueness and earnestness of the story being told - that I just wasn't finding with the MonsterVerse.

...Until now

GXK SPOILERS AHEAD!

I went in not expecting too much from this movie. From all the hype surrounding it, I was prepared for a monster brawl I could sit back and have a good time watching, and that was about it. I thought the opening Hollow Earth scenes were cool (if a little gory), I laughed out loud in the theater at Doug's appearance, and since I was already spoiled on Scylla's death, I didn't take it too badly (she was my favorite of the MV original Titans, but since I wasn't that invested, it was easy enough to switch back into "oh, we were never supposed to care about them" mode).

Things changed as we got introduced (mainly re-introduced) to the human cast. It was specifically the car scene, with Ilene picking Jia up from school and the short conversation they have in sign, that resonated especially well and gave me the sudden hope that this film was, in fact, going to have a very strong emotional core. It sets both of them up for deeper, more personal character arcs than they had in their previous appearance in Godzilla vs. Kong, and that only continued as we got more scenes with them, and then added Bernie into the cast.

There's something I really love about the Ilene and Bernie scene - Bernie is, in a sense, a meme character, in that his laser-focused self-interest is continually played for laughs, but then we put him in a scene with an increasingly emotional and desperate Ilene. The contrast between the two of them cuts deep at the appeal to underlying humanity that we see play out with this cast, in small moments, across the rest of the movie. Jia was already the best character in the MonsterVerse, but she has an even stronger pull when we've been introduced to a deep emotional angst looming in the background of all her scenes. Ilene's worries about her strained relationship with her daughter are carried through and don't ever feel like they've been left behind for the sake of expediency. Bernie has always had a few serious notes to his character, but even though the jokes continue, his insecurity around being hounded by skeptics is eventually played seriously and he becomes much more than the memes by the end of this film. Trapper doesn't feel quite like he gets a complete arc of his own, but as the new addition, he has a great vibe and acts as a supportive presence for everyone else's arcs.

GxK is very much a "quirky people in a situation have decided to support each other" movie, reminding me very strongly of Ebirah, Horror of the Deep (1966), which previously held the title of my personal favorite Godzilla movie. And yet, given this specific cast of characters, both in literal dynamic parallels and how enjoyable they are to watch, I can't help but also draw favorable comparisons to the Heisei era Gamera films - which I hold in their own, higher tier that eclipses anything that's come out of the Godzilla franchise. I'd specifically mention Gamera: Guardian of the Universe (1995) as probably the closest comparison, both in character and overall tone. Both of those movies are already in my top ten, along with a few other comparable films like Ghidorah, the Three Headed Monster (1964), which also has similar vibes in the human cast but far more direct parallels on the monster side.

As for the tone - great. GxK has one kaiju sex joke and one Skull Island style death, in something that feels like a "last hurrah" for the MonserVerse's previous sense of humor, but after that, it takes on a certain Showa-style earnestness for even the fantastical story being told. When there is humor, it has more to do with the characters' personalities playing off one another, and IMO, it works very well (I still think it could do with less green/yellow blood splatter and monster gore in general, but most of that is also kept to the beginning of the movie). Overall, the film doesn't feel like it's making fun of itself or the genre it's in, or if it does, it's doing so more tastefully than some previous entries.

It's probably well known by now that Godzilla himself isn't in this movie all that much, mainly relegated to Kong's backup - which is fine by me, as that's actually more or less my exact favorite use of Godzilla. He doesn't need to be the main character, or a significant narrative focus, he doesn't even need to be an outright hero, he just needs to be convenient. Godzilla showing up in all his glory, to make a situation at least slightly better for someone I care about, so I can cheer him on. That's all I ask, and this film finally delivers that. The best I can figure, the previous MV films either made him too brutal/vengeful or made his enemies too sympathetic, or some combination of the two, such that he never felt like he had that big hero moment I was looking for until now. But Scar King is just enough of a love-to-hate villain that it easily tilts the moral compass in Godzilla's favor, and this film even does make a point of having a few moments where Godzilla chooses to set his rage aside and spare a former enemy (Scylla and Tiamat notwithstanding. RIP to them, I guess).

Now, as for Kong - I've never been a Kong fan. I don't have much interest in watching previous Kong movies outside of Toho's versions and sometimes the 2005 film. The classic take on the character, with the kidnapping elements and inevitable tragedy, just doesn't appeal to me, but even when I wasn't quite sold on the MonsterVerse, one of the things I did acknowledge was that it was actually starting to make me like Kong. This film cements that, and I have zero problems that it's more of Kong's movie over Godzilla's (and for as much of the movie as the trailers spoiled, I'm really glad they managed to hide almost everything to do with Suko. His story has so much more depth than "Kong adopts a cute baby ape," it's actually wonderful).

(I could also gush at length about Mothra, but most if it would probably be incomprehensible. Just know that despite her small role and short screentime, she's at some of her very best here).

So yes, a MonsterVerse film has, as far as I can tell, somehow topped my list of favorite Godzilla films, and is now up there competing with Heisei Gamera and the third Rebirth of Mothra movie for my top pick in the genre. But the next question is, did one good movie actually change my mind about the whole MonsterVerse?

...Kind of, yeah. With as much as GxK made me love Ilene, Jia, and Bernie, I now immensely enjoy Godzilla vs. Kong (2021) and I've found myself rewatching it many, many times just to see more of them, not to mention also appreciating it a lot more as Kong's film. Mothra and especially the focus on Monarch as an organization also brings me back to Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019), whose characters I've since reevaluated and found that I also quite enjoy. Kong: Skull Island (2017) remains an enjoyable popcorn movie for me, also elevated slightly for being a Kong film and having Skull Island and Iwi lore, and Godzilla (2014)... is also part of the continuity, I guess. I do enjoy a lot of what it has to offer, but it's probably my least favorite.

To get serious for a moment, these days every new release, in any fandom I'm in, makes me feel like it might be the last one I get to enjoy, if not the last one period. And if that ends up being true about this movie, then at least I'd be able to say that as far as I'm concerned, the kaiju genre, if not human media in general, has gone out on a high note.

I'm not in a place where I can concern myself at all with sequels or spinoffs, anything we might get in the future. But for now, this is a good movie, and I'm going to be enjoying the heck out of it. I've seen it in theaters three times and counting. I bought the novelization audiobook and have listened to it twice so far. I'm writing a fanfic. I keep impulse-buying the playmates toys. I started learning sign language. I'm choosing to be not at all normal about this movie and if the world ended with it being my entire personality, maybe at least in some sense I'd die happy.

So from me, a classic kaiju film snob who could talk at length about how Japanese films from as early as the 1950s and 60s have more progressive values and better storytelling than modern Hollywood, Godzilla x Kong: The New Empire gets an absolutely GLOWING recommendation. Somehow.

...and in case I don't see you, so long and that's a lot of fish.

[leighsartworks216]

Biological Malfunctions

Data x AFAB!reader

I rewrote this and then did not proofread it so have fun!!

Warnings: THIS IS A PERIOD FIC. THERE IS TALK ABOUT MENSTRUATION. PLEASE DON'T READ IF THAT MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE. Reader is described as having a uterus, but no other explicit descriptions of their gender is made. Can be read as platonic or romantic (like, the beginnings of a crush)

Word Count: 2003

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Data entered his room as he had over a thousand times before. He stepped in, making sure Spot was not by the door waiting to rush out and scamper down the hallways, and- He stopped in the middle of the room, hardly two steps in the door. Something was different. The lights were dimmed.

Data only changed the light setting in his room during Alpha shift, a ship-wide nighttime when he was usually put in charge of the Bridge, as he did not require sleep like the others. By doing so, he simulated a day/night cycle for his beloved feline friend. However, Alpha shift would not start until approximately 2 hours, 37 minutes, and 15 seconds. Also unusual, the lights were dimmed to 20%, a setting he himself never used.

Now the question was why?

Truth be told, he was momentarily titillated by this mystery. He considered, briefly, donning his Sherlock Holmes outfit to investigate. Alas, the mystery did not last long enough for a costume change.

“Data?” a voice called from the bed-area of his quarters. “Are you back?”

The android followed the voice, as did Spot, to a figure curled under his Starfleet regulation blankets. The fabric shifted, and a face peeked out from the edge, squinting up at him. He recognized the voice, but seeing the face it belonged to absolutely confirmed it.

“Lieutenant Y/N, I did not expect to find you in my quarters.”

“Sorry,” you yawned. The blankets were warm, and clean from lack of use. They drew you in deeper, coaxing you into curling further within the cascades of fabric, warm and safe. Spot climbed on top of you and began lovingly making biscuits into your side. Data was briefly fascinated by the strange exhibition of behavior. “I needed to see Spot,” you admitted. “I hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all. Your presence was unexpected, but you are always welcome here.” He met your tired little smile with a sort of grin of his own. “May I ask why you needed to see Spot? Has she done something wrong?”

You chuckled airily at the question. “No, she’s a good kitty.”

Data nodded, agreeing without hesitation, as the cat in question snuggled into a ball atop you and began purring contently.

In a softer, less comfortable tone than before, you murmured, “I needed the comfort.”

“Comfort?”

“Mhm. I’m…” A deep-rooted tree of shame ached in your chest at the thought of confessing your problems. You couldn’t help it, really. All your life since middle school, the biological issues - whether physical, mental, or emotional - you faced were heavily enforced as your problems. Even further, the most enforced rule of all was to never disclose them to men.

You would think, in the 24th century, these silly little laws of society would die.

When you did not respond after a moment (approximately 37 seconds), he understood that you may not wish to tell him. A prolonged silence in humans often reflected a sense of unease or discomfort, especially relating to conversation topics they were uncomfortable with. Your voice stopped him before he could retreat back to his computer.

The branch squeezing around your heart, pumping guilt through every channel of your body, won out over all.

“I’m going through some, uh, biological malfunctions.”

Data’s eyebrows raised, surprised by this new information. He kneeled down, positioning himself in a better position to speak with you face-to-face. “If you are feeling unwell, I suggest going to sickbay for an examination. Doctor Crusher is well-suited to a wide variety of biological issues. If you would prefer, I could ask her to visit you here.”

You nearly startled at the suggestion, speaking in a rush. “No, no, no, no. Really, Data, I’m okay. I just have to wait it out. I’ll be fine by the time you go back on shift, and then I’ll be out of your hair, promise.”

Confusion replaced his surprise. You seemed to panic at the subject of Doctor Crusher, yet you have shown no previous signs of anxiety relating to anything medical. Not to mention your strange phrase. “Lieutenant, you are not in my hair.” You found yourself relaxing once again as he rambled on about the logistics of being in his hair, a small smile finding your face once more. “A single hair is roughly 80,000 to 100,000 nanometers wide, while the average adult male is approximately 2 billion nanometers tall. To fit in my hair, you would need to shrink down to 25 times the size you are now. Alternatively, you would need to increase the size of a hair by 25 times in order to fit inside it at the height you currently stand.”

His sweet naivety reminded you of how you so easily fell into a friendship with the android. You could discuss niche topics in varying detail for hours on end and never get tired. He helped you feel like you belonged when you were just an ensign, fresh from the Academy and unsure in every step. Even now, without even trying, he grounded you and gently pushed away all of your anxieties.

Only once he was finished did you speak. “It’s an expression, Data. It just means that I won’t be in your space, or causing you any problems.”

His head tilted, cataloging the new phrase within an ever-growing list of human figures of speech. “Ah, I see. You are not ‘in my hair’, Lieutenant. If you would like, you are welcome to stay once I leave for Alpha shift. I do not mind.”

“I appreciate it.” You breathed in deeply, closing your eyes to revel in the dim light, surrounded by your best friend and his cat. The quiet sound of machinery beeping and Spot purring made it feel like home. This was not your room. “But I really should get back.”

“Would you like me to escort you to your quarters?”

You hummed, considering. “Maybe.” Data’s bed was unused, soft, and clean. It was much nicer than yours, which had a pronounced divot in the mattress after sleeping in it so long. But, you reminded yourself, you had barged into his room and made yourself comfortable in his bed, without any form of permission to be had. You were trespassing, despite Data’s all-too-welcoming attitude. Still… He was giving you a chance to stay for a bit longer. “I don’t want to take advantage of your hospitality,” you opened your eyes to study his pale face, “but I don’t really want to leave right now.”

“No advantage taken. I even find your presence quite…” he paused to ensure he had the right word, “enjoyable.”

You smiled gratefully at the android. Now, more at ease than ever, your eyes slid shut and you welcomed the exhaustion that tickled the back of your mind. You pulled the blankets slightly to tuck them snugly under your chin, and even curled the blanket around your feet, effectively trapping in the warm air and sealing out the colder air beyond your cocoon.

Data watched your actions with interest. He wasn’t exactly privy to how humans slept, nor did he find the topic as fascinating as sneezing or hiccuping. The act of sleeping itself, that it. Dreams were another topic entirely. Now, though, as he watched you curl into a fetal ball, nuzzling your nose into his pillow, he wondered why he had not been interested before. For a brief moment, you curled in tighter, holding your breath. A grimace twisted your features. And then you breathed out slowly, uncurling a little.

“Lieutenant,” he pried, continuing even when you did not look at him, “your actions suggest you are in some form of discomfort. If you tell me what your symptoms are, I can look up methods to ease them.”

The branch of guilt and shame coiled like a snack around your heart once more. It was illogical to be ashamed, especially when you were talking to Data who would never be offended by anything as natural as bodily functions. The years and years of having your femininity shamed only brought you anxiety and a vague feeling of nausea. He wouldn’t care. He wouldn’t be disgusted.

“I’m menstruating.” For such a small admission, you wanted to crawl within yourself and die surrounded by your shame. You kept your eyes firmly shut, pressing your face into the pillow, in hopes that, perhaps, this was all just a dream. “I’m just having really bad cramps right now.”

His head tilted, though you refused to open your eyes and see it. “Am I correct in thinking that you are uncomfortable with this topic?”

You huffed a strained laugh. “Yeah, you’re right.”

“Menstruation is a natural occurrence among biologically female humans. I do not understand your discomfort.”

“It’s just… not really something humans are comfortable talking about, especially in mixed company.” Before he could ask your meaning, you added, “With males. Biological functions make people uncomfortable.”

His eyes lit up. “Fascinating.” He opened his mouth, ready to ask more questions about why, but stopped himself as you curled up tight once more. Right, he said he would help with your symptoms.

“There are a wide variety of methods said to reduce menstrual cramping. Methods include holding a heat compress to your lower abdomen, taking a hot bath, eating anti-inflammatory foods such as berries, tomatoes, pineapple, almonds, walnuts and salmon, or holistic treatments such as acupuncture or acupressure. Other methods such as exercise or abdominal massages are also said to relieve discomfort.”

You huffed out a frustrated breath, body curling in on itself as a second wave of pain ripped through your body. You curled in as tight as you possibly could, and yet the pain stayed. Your constant movement disturbed Spot, who finally had enough of laying on top of you, and jumped down. Data followed her movements as she found another, solitary, surface to sleep on.

As the wave ebbed away, it left behind aggravation and irritated tears that pricked at the corners of your eyes. You didn’t want food, you didn’t want to move, and you definitely didn’t want to get poked or prodded. You just wanted the pain to end. Spot had been acting as a sort of heated compress before, one that purred and had soft fur. Now, though, you had nothing to help.

Unless…

“Are you doing anything important right now?”

Data was confused by the odd question. It was entirely subjective. “I am kneeling here, talking to you. Is that not important?”

You may have been touched by the simple sweetness of his words, in the naivety he carried to find something as simple as talking to you important in the over-simplified, highly-literal way he saw the world, if you weren’t busy scrubbing the wetness from your eyes and gathering every ounce of dignity you had left. “Will you cuddle with me?”

“Inquiry: ‘cuddle’?”

“Just… lay with me and hold me?”

Data, confused but willing, nodded. As he got up from the floor, you scooted to make more room for him on the bed, while at the same time opening up your cocoon for him. In smooth, albeit unsure, motions, he joined you in the bed. Laying on his back, you threw the covers over him and helped to guide him in a rough lesson to cuddling. With no resistance, you were able to pick up his arm and wrap it around you as you settled down into the nook it created. He watched as you pressed yourself against his side and rested your cheek on his chest. You were close enough to hear the soft whirring of his inner mechanisms.

“Is this cuddling?”

Your cheek shifted against his uniform as you nodded. You appeared more at ease now. He… enjoyed seeing you like this.

“Yes, Data, this is cuddling.” After a brief moment of hesitation, you found his hand resting loosely behind you and guided it to rest over your waist. And as everything stilled, you were finally at peace.

[prototypesteve]

Late thaw.

⚠️CW: I spend some time here, processing my complicated and raw feelings of resentment for the early-life developmental effects of undiagnosed neurodivergences and undiscovered asexuality & aromanticism. Skip this post if you sometimes (even secretly) don’t like who you are because of what you are.⚠️

So… thanks to a toxic mix of late-diagnosed autism, ADHD, and a pair of stoic parents (British and Japanese) I didn’t even begin to learn to express my feelings until my mid 20s, and until my early 30s I was able to talk about my feelings at a level you’d expect from someone in their early teens.

Now, that would probably be kind of cute in a “quirky shy nerdy guy” way if I weren’t also aromantic and asexual without knowing I was aromantic or asexual because I didn’t know anything that serious about myself because I didn’t have the emotional development to even know that I ought to know things like that about myself by my mid-20s.

That’s the background/context for the next bit.

The first book I read about asexuality was Ace by Angela Chen. I had pieced together that I was aromantic and asexual a few months prior, and everyone was (at the time) hyping Ace and Loveless as the two best “starter” books. Ace was a straightforward read. The only hard bit came when she discussed the complexities racialized aces faced, but I pushed through and finished it feeling like I had a good foundation to start having conversations, etc. so, naturally I grabbed the Audible copy of Loveless, as my summer road-trip vacation read. (This was back in 2023.)

I had to pull my car over and scream and have a cathartic cry every few chapters. Not just because the book was such a beautiful depiction of asexual self-discovery, but because oh my fucking God, it hurt so much to see such beautiful examples of people able to have grown up conversations about their feelings, and express their feelings to one another, and fuck, it hurt realizing I didn’t have that until well after some of the most tumultuous years of my life.

I felt like I missed every important conversation I was supposed to have while I was growing up.

I felt doubly robbed. Here I was going through the acceptance that love was for me, like Georgia put it in the novel, a mirage. And on top of that I felt robbed of years of ordinary emotional closeness with friends because of my fucking neurodivergences.

I haven’t talked about this, and honestly maybe this isn’t something to talk about, because it might dig up some feelings in other people like me, but I’m just tired of not talking about it. There really are days where I feel like the mix of my neurodivergences and my orientations robbed me of the kinds of friendships I see in Oseman’s novels.

[I’m not saying this next bit to show off. I’m saying this next bit because it leaves me feeling conflicted about having the audacity to feel bad about missing out on a richer emotional life:] I’ve had a phenomenal life. I have amazing friends. My emotional underdevelopment probably gave me the extra bandwidth to become very, very good at my career and my hobbies, and my apparent distance probably also made me a convenient “safe” everyday friend for most people I know. Meanwhile, for my present-day friends, my late development probably made me seem like someone who hasn’t grown emotionally distant with age. I’m not saying my neurodivergences or orientations wrecked my life. They gave me lots of amazing experiences and material perks. I’m blessed. But despite all that, I still just wish I had the ability to talk to people back when I really, really needed to talk to people.

I don’t know where I’m going with this. I should probably have reworked it five times over before posting it, but I’m binging Heartstopper seasons 1 & 2 before season 3 drops, and having to pause each episode every ten minutes to silently have a five second meltdown, remembering things that could have gone better.

Feels good to get that out.

[chewing-drywall]

SKIWSGAAR HEADCANNONS

-secretly prefers they them pronouns, very occasionally she her but otherwise he's just disconnected from what even gender is outside of what he's being told he is (thinks *they* is cool in like a God way, it's sort of an ego thing)

-autistic, music and guitar being his special interest, I could go ON AND ON about this but I won't for this post

-at this point he just has as much sex as he does to keep up his image, he's pretty bored of it honestly, you do even the best things enough times and it becomes mundane

-nipple piercings, dry heaved and almost passed out from the pain cause his dumbass forgot to eat beforehand

-wants a dick piercing for the aesthetic but he pussys out every time there's an opportunity for him to get a piercing

-he canonically fucked 400 chicks in the course two weeks, that's about 28 people a DAY, give or take, and he said he wasn't even trying so god bless if he DID try

-more tattoos than canon

-mostly hairless, gets it lasered and NO chest hair, arm Nad leg hair super fine and pale

- so used to every person expecting the best experience of their life he actually isn't usually on the receiving end for stuff, it's pretty shitty honestly

-he honestly is so disconnected from actual, real intimacy that things like hugs and cuddling without sexual/flirting intent is foreign

-mommy kink, doesn't know WHAT it is but having some hot curvy women act all dominant makes him fold like paper

-sort of plays into his gilf thing, having some hot older women calling him sweetie while ordering him to do something gets him hot under the collar

-vaugly addicted to stimulants, he likes the productivity it brings but not the paranoia (not including the meth bender)

-has A LOT of stds, like he actually has a really restrictive medical schedule for everything he needs to take and what he has to do to keep everything in check. Who knew having casual sex with an incredible amount of strangers over the course of your life would cause this. Shocker.

-cannot parallel park. I mean he never drives himself anyways but still it's so embarrassing, 20 minutes in he's sweaty and flushed, people are side eyeing him and is STILL crooked holding up traffic

-he's like. Beautiful. Sort classically handsome but very pretty features thrown onto a more masculine frame, think grave yard angel

-as he ages he's noticing how his face is getting more gaunt and sunken in, not quite in a unsettling way yet but it really sharpens his features to an extreme extent

-it's because he's so fucking iron deficient his skin would be totally fine if he took a few supplements and STOPPED IT with the fear of sun, getting a little tan never hurt nobody dude GOD. Your not gonna get skin cancer from 20 minutes in the sun girly your so pale your REFLECTIVE

-related topic; at the beach he wears the HUGEST most RIDICULOUSLY large floppy sunhat, the borders of it goes past his shoulders and he always gets roasted for wears it by the band

-has the best skincare and haircare routine out of the band, used to get bullied for it by the guys but he usually just ruthlessly points out every dermal flaw he can find on them BOOM problem fixed

-INSANE calluses, he just doesn't have sensation in his fingertips anymore from the amount of blisters and split fingertips over the years, otherwise very soft hands

-perfect punctuation and spelling over text, no idea why in some fics his accent carrys over into his writing?? Types very deliberately to make sure what he's trying to communicate makes grammatical sense, actually prefers having emotional conversations over text because he can get what he's trying to say across easier sometimes

-doesn't actually let a lot of people touch his hair, and it's uncomfortable when people try and play with his hair without asking

-SKIWSGAAR IN THOSE 80s MOM HAIRCURLERS

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not wanting to talk to my exes anymore? It's been two months and I'm still thinking about this. I (22nb) was in a semi-platonic/semi-romantic relationship with two people (both 20+) I thought were really genuinely lovely. There were communication issues but we're all three traumatized and have massive issues with confrontation so I sort of let a lot of it slide. A lot of it was them just... not telling me things? they'd go to each other for support when they were having bad times but never me. Nor would they ever tell me what was going on - both would just vanish and not respond for like 3 to 6 hours every evening with no warning. I did ask at one point if one of them could at least just... drop us a message and be like "talk later, having a hard time". Which I feel like isn't unreasonable? It apparently was though.

So February into March this year was really tough. I was in my final year (technically the final two months!!) of my undergrad and coping with some abuse in therapy, so I was a bit more all over the place. One of them started really just.... not talking to me and the other started being really off. Like if I spoke to them, it was in dms and never as a group until they wanted to call and play something in the evening.

In March, I had a massive mental health crisis personally and due to some really unfortunate circumstances, ended up unmedicated. This resulted in a psychotic episode (that I identified and informed them about). During this, one of them suggested that if I was having such a hard time with them, if breaking up would be better. And I sort of lost it? I wasn't mean, but I was really stressing that my paranoia and erraticness wasn't about them - I was having a psychotic episode and was incredibly mentally unwell.

It ended up with them both being angry at me and not speaking to me for a day. Everything proceeded far more awkwardly from there. I got back on my medication and somewhat recovered, but ended up needing to move back in with my parents during the exam season (I was a danger to myself). The night I got home, they broke up with me specifically. Because it "didn't feel like we were partners anymore" and I was "unhelpful and uncommunicative". They wanted to continue being friends though.

And I tried to be friends for the next month. I really tried. But it just felt... hollow. And then when I tried to inform one of them of something, they started lecturing me on my behavior.

So I decided... I didn't want to talk to them at that time. And I said as much, in private.

To which they took screenshots of personal conversations and posted them to a group server to prove they weren't the bad guys to mutual friends.

There were a lot of other little things. Like they'd talk to each other constantly but only one would talk to me consistently and this was framed as a "you're bad at communicating" thing to me. I tried consistently to reach out and show both I cared and ended up just.. being ignored or getting one word answers. Me expressing boundaries such as "can we have serious conversations when I'm level headed and not immediately (like not an hour after, I mean Directly, 2 seconds later "hey anon here's a boundary I never told you" after) after I've had a depressive breakdown or me asking to take ten minutes to settle my emotions when being told things were both sort of dismissed. Or even just... they always Expected I'd be there for group gaming sessions with their friends/did gaming sessions without me but got wildly upset when I spent an evening calling/gaming with a friend of mine who lives in a different country (to the point of being petty enough to make another server without me with a couple people and game/call Only There for like a week).

I just got... fed up with being treated like the bad guy? I wasn't always nice, but neither were they. I tried consistently to communicate/be as reasonable as I could and just felt like I was hitting brick walls. Communicating how I wanted the relationship to look always turned into me mimicking an abusive ex or something (seriously - one of them said that something I asked for was what their wildly abusive ex did and therefore wasn't okay).

I'll also note - I only ever shared parts of the breakup with close friends in DMs or in private conversation. Never publicly, and with minimal screenshots. Nothing I said was in a public space at all.

So Tumblr - AITA for not wanting to continue the friendship?

What are these acronyms?

[chasetriesagain]

I have been watching and enjoying Agatha All Along. I think it's been pretty good so far, not quite as engaging as WandaVision, but the most recent episode and the plot thread it pulls is probably some of the best character work in the MCU (both from writer and actor). SPOILERS BELOW THE CUT.

I watched this week's episode 20 minutes ago so my thoughts aren't concrete, but Lilia's story just blows me away. It was all there, right? Like not subtle.

It was clear she was having some sort of out-of-sync-with-time shenanigans happening that would become important at some point.

It was clear that she had some trauma regarding all the death she had seen in her long life, and at some point she would have to confront that more directly.

And then they just tie it together so neatly and so beautifully. They let Patti LuPone do Patti LuPone things and center the action of this episode on three conversations. It felt so emotionally grounded. Hope and tragedy intertwined.

I honestly didn't expect even the better MCU material to be able to handle "old woman confronts her fear of death and her life of regret" so well. It's the kind of thing I wish I'd written.

Also, for the record, while I think LuPone's performance and her ability to bridge camp and drama in a single character is a huge part of why this worked, I would also love to see this story in text, in prose where it can really breath, where the writer can really take the time and drag the reader over the emotional coals. God. Good stuff.