#so now I am in a queer relationship
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Anyway the movie ends with lesbians and a kelpie puppy so 10/10 five stars no notes. 🌈
#Runt#so last year my partner came out as trans#so now I am in a queer relationship#I've never identified as queer in any way because I've only been in one relationship and for 12 years it was with a man#it felt like stolen valour to label myself something that seemed outwardly incorrect#and I'm a very private person anyway so it was like whatever it doesn't matter#plus I've always been an ally anyway#but now things are different#I've always used the word partner but now I also use she/her pronouns when talking about my partner#so the whole way I navigate conversations with strangers etc is different#and I also now feel like I can lean away from heteronormativity even more#not that my partner and I were heteronormative anyway#but idk things are different now#so anyway I most identify with the word pansexual since I've always had crushes on people regardless of gender#and that's my gay story ✌️
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does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship
#supernatural#dean winchester#spn#destiel#castiel#deancas#misha collins#im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars#this is crazy#i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay)#for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional#i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose#they knew what they were doing#but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like#if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS#like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say#there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel#im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock#ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part#everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ?#im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused#like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything#and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years#that doesnt count as queer baiting ?#someone smart explain this to me 🙏
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One thing I truly adore about Palia is the polyamory and general queerness. It's so nice that we can romance everyone so we don't miss any plots or items, but also its nice as a poly-queer person to see some representation in a game.
There is no jealousy. There is no hateful or painful breakups (as I understand it, if you break-up it is not mentioned and you restart the romance plot-line). No one makes negative comments about two pins or switching out pins.
It's so nice to see positive rep in a game and honestly such a breath of fresh air.
#palia#palia game#palia mmo#queer representation#poly representation#like I love Stardew don't get me wrong and that can be queer as well#but if you date more than one the obviously monogamous npcs get upset which is also fine!!#but in Palia I can imagine those conversations of a poly relationship#plus it makes me feel I have more control over my OC's true character#my OC is demisexual and very queer and nonbinary#so their relationship to Reth is different than Jel and yes Hodari will soon be joining that polycule and I can know in comfort that#there ARE conversations happening!! even if just in my head!#its just nice to see some good positive rep and I am so happy about it#now excuse me while I spend some more money on this great game cause I want it to stick around for as long as possible
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The thing I love about fanfiction that focuses on “irredeemable” characters is that most of the time it says, “you are forgivable, you are lovable, you are important.” It says that you are capable of growth and that you can overcome your past. And I think seeing that as a teenager saved me. I thought I was unlovable and then I got older and started understanding the world through my own eyes rather than my parents’ and I started recognizing my mistakes and I thought I was unforgivable. But fanfiction told me, “you can change and you can be wanted and you can be loved,” and that gave me the space to forgive myself and love myself.
#fanfiction#fandom#the first thing that did this for me was drarry for sure#like the enemies to lovers aspect of drarry always appealed to me for this exact reason and that’s why i was so attached to it#but i’ve found other things since then that appeal in the same way#tlt#aftg#captive prince#not just#drarry#andreil and kevjean are like this#like they say you were wrong you were bad you were cruel and you did harm#but that doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be loved to be given the chance to grow and change#fanfic taught me that i could be wanted#and it was where i found the queer relationships i most wanted to emulate when i was first figuring myself out#and it still informs my desire for relationships now#fic made me comfortable with my sexuality but also sex as a whole#in many ways i would not be who i am today without fanfiction#lamen#andreil#kevjean
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My blog better not get flamed for this istg I just want to love this short girlking in peace
I love how when Naoto came out as a girl she was just met with thunderous applause. Like. I wish most coming out stories went this way. Most of the time kids just bully people like her. And yet the Yasogami kids were like “she’s a girl? AWESOME!” and didn’t condemn her masculinity. She wins a beauty pageant that she doesn’t attend half of because her peers, especially her fellow girls, thought her being GNC was Very Cool, Actually.
#I remember someone said they felt p4 was queer coded when I talked about Rise and her relationship with theater#and I agree Persona 4 (and 2) are pretty queer (I mean hell Yukiko and Kanji are bisexual)#but I was so confused because I wasn’t talking about it??#but I’m throwing that person a bone because Naoto’s arc SCREAMED trans girl to me#there’s some uh logistical inconsistencies (unless she went on E like five seconds later I have no idea how her chest grew that fast)#I do find it funny that she Teddie and Yu really are out here making people realize they’re bisexual. good for them#Naoto Shirogane#on other news I love her social link#I am writing about that so you’ll see that in like a while from now
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questioning sexuality is so exhausting
#(edit: sorry for the rant in the tags and i just. i want someone to talk to me)#i keep on doing it for no apparent reason#someone was talking about lust yesterday and i realised today that.#even tho id thought i don't experience it. i possibly do. but exclusively towards women.#i hate it here!#for a multitude of reasons i will never have a relationship with a woman but! i may be incapable of having a relationship with a man!#at some point in the last few months i have abruptly pivoted from definitely wanting marriage and kids to being ambivalent on marriage#and not wanting kids. that's such an outlier in my life that it might just be a mental health thing tho idk#but at the same time i. want to be loved.#i don't know what i want anymore and im tired of questioning myself#i definitely overthink it but idk how to stop it#and i hate hate hate how the moral obsessions have bee lately#this isn't entirely related but it kind of is#like Am i a terrible morally bankrupt person for having certain thoughts or is it just religious ocd go brrrr?? am i overthinking it?#i don't know. i don't know!#for a while labelling myself as arospec ace kinda calmed that down but. i don't know#i do't want to be attracted to women. i don't want to have to look away so often. i don't want any of that.#but i don't know how to stop it.#i don't even know if i'm attracted to men at all.#this is a cry for help and encouragement and prayers no matter what your views on these matters are#queer stuff tag#i nearly fessed up to my friend yesterday about same sex attraction and i might've except that it would have probably outed me as#the person who anonymously sent in a question several months ago about the side b movement to a church thing#ive only told one person at church about any of that sort of stuff and it was very vaguely worded#also see: this friend is the mother of the boy i?? i don't even know how i feel about him#i increasingly think it wasn't romantic at all. but i don't know#i would love any encouragement you got. anything at all.#i don't know how much this stuff is affected by the fact that i consider myself unloveable and think it highly unlikely any boy will ever#care for me#now im rambling. sorry
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im so infinitely stressed rn i need to get off here
#camera talks#fuckkk#sighhhghsghg#sorry yall im like. on the verge of tears#this is genuinely like. the start of like 'the rest of my life' year and its. not looking like a good 4 years at all#i have to change my gender marker on my license back (safety. my states not red but its not Good either) and like.#i was already planning to at this point but its hitting me how much it meant to me to have that piece of me be like. known ? ig??#and i feel lucky that my name is already legally changed and its a fairly neutral to masc name so i think im fine#but like. do i really have to go into my job field like this? will i have to not be trans for the first 'real' steps of my life?#im fucking. upset#and im so so angry#i dont feel like i can look to HRT or surgery in my future rn#and i Know we're going to get through this#but like. im so tired of being unknown and hidden but its not like i can do anything about it now or ever anyways#like im already misgendered all the time so it doesn't Matter i guess#and very little people know of my relationships in the grand scheme of things so i guess im just going to keep keeping those hidden ish#but i dont Want to ! i want to be proudly queer and in love because i Am !! so like augh i dont know#im just so so upset#being queer is Me and i hate having to hide this part of myself for so fucking long#no wonder i related to old queers writing and stuff. augh. im thinking about them a lot. lots of them got through this#lots of them had lives they were proud of for the most part and i just hope i get that too#and im not even good at passing as cis or straight i dont think#like. im not going to try to that badly but as much as i dont pass for transsexual im easy to clock as weird gender#and fucked up mentally ill and aughghh#i dont even want to think about not getting mental health and disability resources#okay whatever im logging off or at least shutting down tumblr now#im just scared and worried i guess. i dont know#fuck
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having big feelings about being aroace rn 🥺
#I’ve been talking to myself like a madman all morning#one day I will subject you all to my crazy bi -> heteroromantic/bisexual -> aromantic/bisexual -> aroace lesbian pipeline story#but rn I will just say that I am so fucking happy to know that I’m aroace-spec#I associate that label now with so much relief and pride and joy#and just this sense that I’m actually becoming human/starting to know myself?#I just think it’s shaped my perspective on human relationships and connections in such a healthy way#and I love being so in touch with my (queer)platonic feelings <3#idk man I’m just having a moment#velvetrambles
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said to my counsellor that i wasnt built for friendship because everyone always eventually just. stops speaking to me and she went “ok why do you think that is?” and then when i finished my dumb sad list she went “ok so maybe you aren’t good at friendship” and i. have never regretted spending £50 more in my life lol
#A RANT IN THE TAGS MY GOD I DIDNT EVEN REALISE I AM WRITING THIS WARNING RETROSPECTIVELY#£50 to feel like never trying to speak to anyone again or forge any connections THANKS RUTH#Ruth remember when I said that every friendship I’ve had I’ve never truly known if it’s a friendship or if it’s one sided#remember when I told you that my friend groups always had people who had a favourite and I was never the favourite#remember when I told you that several friend groups have disbanded but not really they actually just made new spaces without me?#remember that? remember my trauma? remember?#because I DO!!!#I was not born to have friends I don’t think#I can’t even make friends with other autistic people or other weird people or other queer people#I don’t even think I could make friends with a clone of myself#this is so guy wrenchingly isolating lol#like girl what do you want from me? keep everyone at arms length like I used to?#try not to let myself get attached to people in case they decide they don’t want to be close to me anymore?#please it is not great advice Ruth#THE WORAT PART is that I literally was like ‘I don’t message too much because I’m overbearing’#and she asked where the proof was#and all I had was the complete dissolving of any relationship where I tried or tried too hard#so now I’m left in this confusing space of do I message too much or not enough because I have no happy medium#and she knows SHE KNOWS I also have energy issues and executive dysfunction stuff going on#and I know she is just trying to help and get me to think about this stuff#but it was just not the time lmao#finnie shouts into the void
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hard to explain how therapy makes me feel these days
#it's like#things in my life are generally pretty good#and that is due in HUGE part to therapy and my therapist who i've been seeing since 2018#but BECAUSE things in my life are generally pretty good i'm having an increasingly hard time coming up with like#things i want to talk about#i try to share my successes when i can and like times i've used what i've learned from her to get through certain situations#& i discovered a while back that there's only so much she can say abt the more consistent issues i'm having (the loneliness etc)#like there's not much more she can recommend about that than what she has already which is just. getting out more lmao.#and i am trying to do that#i think the issue is maybe that she specializes in queer sexuality & has extensive history (both personal and professional)#in dealing with loved ones with alcoholism#both of which obviously made her invaluable to me as an asexual person when i was still in a relationship with an alcoholic#but now it's like. i finally think i understand my sexuality as much as i can at least at this point in my life#i am (thank god) no longer in a relationship with an alcoholic#& idk it kind of feels like until such time that i get into another committed relationship (which like. may never even happen lol)#we just simply don't have much to talk about#which is a shame bc i love my therapist#but i'm also kind of like. is this worth $220 a month. u kno.#idk
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Not to get deep here or anything but i really think i dont want to have a relationship with my sister anymore and ive been reflecting on that a lot. like sure she didnt abuse me or really do anything to directly traumatize me, but she voted against me having human rights because im queer, as well as voting for a party that wants to harm first nations people despite both of us being first nations i just.... i dont think i can forgive her for that. weve had laughs and good times together but i find myself unable to forgive her for her politics. i wouldn't tolerate bigotry from anyone else, i shouldnt tolerate it from someone just cause theyre family.
#can anyone provide me guidance on this? ill bring it up with my therapist but i dont see her for another week#anyways im making myself cry late at night whats new lol ive been processing a lot this week#ok eta: and theyll always make you feel bad for this!!!!!#theyll be like ''ok so everyone has to bend to your commie regime to have a relationship with you 🙄''#like yeah actually you do#if you really loved me like you claim to you wouldnt be FUCKING VOTING FOR THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO TAKE MY RIGHTS AWAY#yes you do have to respect my rights if you want to have a relationship with me that is completely reasonable#whats ACTUALLY unreasonable is you asking me to ''just get over'' the fact that yall support people who think i shouldnt have human rights#right wingers will try to gaslight you into believing basic human decency is an unattainable and torturous request#then when you get upset theyll be like ''god the left is so emotional 🙄''#like yeah. i am. and you should be emotional too about human rights violations. the fact that youre not is pure evil.#anyways ill go cry myself to sleep like a faggot now#it just breaks my heart that i dont have any immediate family members who dont blatantly hate me for being queer/first nations
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kinda wild how many people still correlate gender and sexuality, I’ve been asked three separate times (one being like… a gen z person) if I’m only into girls now
#which is wild bc while I am bi. I’ve only ever dated men 😭#anyway I am into girls and boys but also I have decided to only date other queer people#so not cishet women#and ofc one of these people was saying I shouldn’t transition I should just be a lesbian#which like. I want to fuck men. am I allowed to transition now?#it’s so…… dumb lol#into girls and boys and people outside of those labels. I don’t really have any gender preference just relationship dynamic preferences
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My older sister is having a gender crisis, adding another trans child to my mother’s legacy lmfao
#rambling#I’ve gotten the vibes that she may be nonbinary or genderqueer but now she’s actually like. actually thinking about it#and deconstructing what being a Woman even means for herself#and we love to see it LMFAO#my sister: yes I am your biological father—you’re my boy.#also my sister: wait do I have a complex relationship with my OWN gender? O:?#also my mother is so powerful all her children are queer & 2/3s are gender fucky in the very least#(and tbh. my oldest sister may be too. LMFAOO)
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Someday you will find a fraction (or more!!) of what dnp have!! It might be a weird road but you will get there!! I met my fiancée during the pandemic at uni in the oddest way.
We were both assigned to a dorm that has shared bathrooms and the school moved us both over to the apartment-ones instead. THEN I got moved from my original room to the dorm with her ex. THEN some dumbass thought it would be smart to deep-fry an egg in the shell (idk lmao). She started a fire, we all evacuated, and fiancée and I met in the parking lot. Went back home and told her ex that “I want that one” and she helped orchestrate us hanging out. And now we’ve been living together for 4 years!
Life may throw love at you in the strangest of circumstances but it will come around :))
Aww thank you so much for the kind words! I know amazing & happy relationships are out there for me and it's just a matter of time ☺️ I know I'm young and there's plenty of life to live so I'm hopeful. my post was more just about how- idk, emotional? dan and phil make me lol been watching them since I was like 10/11/12 and seeing them grow and watching them Now, clearly very happy with their lives and with each other just makes me wish I had that type of domestic bliss with another man Already, but alas I'll have to wait and find someone to build that with 😔✊
#asks#enjolbear#my asks#dnp#dan and phil#also something about watching queer men older than me be Happy and having gotten through the hell that is being a young queer....#it just fills me with hope yk?#seeing anyone in our community but especially gay and/or trans men so happy and content makes me all warm and fuzzy i guess giggle#also im just fucking insane about dan and phil LMAO im a phannie first queer second ✊#theyre like the epitome of relationships queer or not#anyways.#not to get all weepy and faggy on main and on you 🙈#ty for the sweet words tho they really brightened my day 🥰#OH ALSO THATS SUCH A CUTE STORY !!!!#ur fiancees ex/ur roommate is such a real one tho and isn't that just queer culture right there 🫶#also clarification about my other tag (not necessarily for u enjol just in general)#i am NOT calling dnp Old im just saying they are older than ME i know they are only in their 30s and im well aware that isnt Old#<- can u tell ive had 30 yr olds in my mentions before about misunderstanding how im using the word old 😭#okay now im done with tags sorry im a bit of a tag talker 🙊#love and relationships
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My partner is so unbelievably wonderful and we've been talking a lot about the future. It feels so easy with them. They make these things seem doable, like I can actually get there and be happy. I love the way he talks about our future home, too. He and I are so dedicated to making a home out of wherever we end up, but he's especially excited to get a place with a yard for a garden and a dog and our future kids to play in. Late night fire pits and cozy summer hammocks. I love the world they're creating with me. I wouldn't ask for anyone else to paint it with.
#lgbtq#queer#nblnb#lovecore#cottagecore#nature#fairycore#nonbinary#gay#gay relationship#bug tag#<3#future musings#basil babbles#we're going to have such a beautiful life together#the garden and the animals and home we're going to care for#the meals we're going to cook and the books we'll read by the fire#can summer come any sooner?#i cannot express how excited i am to keep building this life with them#they're so beautiful and kind and he's doing great things already#i'm just so happy with where we are now and where we're headed. i never thought it was possible to feel like this.
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#honestly#it is really fucked up that I never really got close to my brothers and I still can't now#bc everyone hates our mother so much no one wants to be around#okay fair#but why do I still lose#I would cry so hard as a kid when they would have to leave after visiting that I wouldn't be able to say bye#and that emptiness never left#I still feel it when we get together and I have to say bye now#and it doesn't even matter!!! bc I am so much younger!!! there is so much distance that it would never be want I wanted!!!#I am so badly adjusted that I will always be the little kid sister and I will never have normal relationships with them#but even if I did!!! I'm queer and agnostic and everything that puts me outside of it all#no wonder my core belief is that everyone just barely tolerates me
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