#no wonder my core belief is that everyone just barely tolerates me
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#honestly#it is really fucked up that I never really got close to my brothers and I still can't now#bc everyone hates our mother so much no one wants to be around#okay fair#but why do I still lose#I would cry so hard as a kid when they would have to leave after visiting that I wouldn't be able to say bye#and that emptiness never left#I still feel it when we get together and I have to say bye now#and it doesn't even matter!!! bc I am so much younger!!! there is so much distance that it would never be want I wanted!!!#I am so badly adjusted that I will always be the little kid sister and I will never have normal relationships with them#but even if I did!!! I'm queer and agnostic and everything that puts me outside of it all#no wonder my core belief is that everyone just barely tolerates me
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