#but why do I still lose
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#honestly#it is really fucked up that I never really got close to my brothers and I still can't now#bc everyone hates our mother so much no one wants to be around#okay fair#but why do I still lose#I would cry so hard as a kid when they would have to leave after visiting that I wouldn't be able to say bye#and that emptiness never left#I still feel it when we get together and I have to say bye now#and it doesn't even matter!!! bc I am so much younger!!! there is so much distance that it would never be want I wanted!!!#I am so badly adjusted that I will always be the little kid sister and I will never have normal relationships with them#but even if I did!!! I'm queer and agnostic and everything that puts me outside of it all#no wonder my core belief is that everyone just barely tolerates me
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"Why did I do that?"
close up
#transformers one#transformers#megatron#bumblebee#b 127#maccadam#megatron the terrible and his son B127#geniunly it would be so horrible if megatron ends up being the one to rip out bees voice box#like HES the one who found him in sub level 50#he knows#why would he do that to him#its geniunly so sad that they gave bee this backstory and that hes going to lose his voice#especially since they were once friends#well#i mean dee was bees best friend but bee was just the yellow thing dee tolerated LOOL#but still#it makes me so sad to think about#i would like to think that the smallest part of megatron cares even a little#not enough though
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Trapped in a vicious cycle of pining? Try gay sex! (More things to learn over at Tiger Tiger!)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#remy bonnaire#Arno#through a series of unfortunate events I will be posting this after the update will be out so my timing will be more so:#“Alternate take on how that scene played out” Rather than my funnier “My prediction for how it will go down”#I truly think Remy would rather admit to crimes he didn't commit than confess he has a thing for men.#It would be funny! It would be so funny if this is how Jamis found out. Alas...Not yet...Not yet...#I do love the idea that Jamis completely overlooked the all the elder god horror to get right down to the question of 'HOW DO YOU KNOW HIM'#Remy knows him. Knows him carnally. Wouldn't you like to also know your captain better? In spirit and body and mind?#Jealousy looks good on Jamis. Now he just has to do something about it.#Poor Remy though...He love Jamis so much he'd do anything to prevent losing him.#Which entails never giving Jamis a chance of rejecting or accepting his feelings!#Meanwhile...Jamis is a bisexual disaster man who is at his *limit*.#(For the MDZS fans looking at this Tigers comic who still have no context:#This is like Lan Xichen finding out Jin Guangyao hooked up with Nie Mingjue after LXC spent all that time thinking JGY was straight.#Better yet. This is like WWX just starting to realize his crush on LWJ and then finding out he and JC hooked up in the time skip.#'Nice to know you're into men but why did I have to find out like this' moment.)#((Yes I am trying to bridge the gap between the fandoms I am in. Yes I am still on my propaganda train. Choo Choo!!!))
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my text disappeared here when i posted. what happened
#annyways whats the deal with the panicau. im not talking about like popularity or anythin g#why does n have the evil triangle solver and uzi is a ghost thats evil but also not and theres teeth??? in visor??????#i dont understand anything about it but the artstyle looks cool so i can ignore that#havent drawn this large in a while but i needed to do it for the pc screen to not be Totally crushed#a little crushing is ok. as a treat#i think i took this idea from a post i saw once but i cannot find it again for the life of me#and very intelligent prior me decided not to link it to myself so. lost media#still trying to figure out how i want to draw drone heads slash visors and have been since i started drawing md stuff#losing it#spent like an hour trying to draw something else before giving up and doing this instead#if youre lucky ill actually do it eventually#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#do i even tag mdpanic?? does this count???#constantly afraid ill mess up tagging#which is something you can do and i might be doing#and also thats a joke. hopefully
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HELLO HANTENGU NATION (5 people)
I'VE MADE AN [unofficial] HEIGHT CHART FOR MYSELF
Hantengu: 5"5 (166cm) Sekido: 5"9 (175cm) Karaku: 5"9 (175cm) Urogi: 5"9 (175cm) Aizetsu: 5"9 (174cm) Zohakuten: 5"3 (160cm) Urami: 8"5 (257cm)
[little aftermath under the cut]
they're so annoying. peace is nonexistent... they're the best ever.
#null rot#cw blood#demon slayer amount of blood??#hantengu#hantengu clones#sekido#karaku#urogi#aizetsu#zohakuten#urami#demon slayer#kny#kimetsu no yaiba#FUCK WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OF THEM#DO YOU SEE MY VISION?? THEY'RE SO ANNOYING IN MY MIND BUT ARE SO HOT GUY CODED.........#LIKE SHUT THE FUCK UP PRETTY BOY#EVEN THE OLD ONE. i KNOW HE'S MAKING THE ELDERLY AND GILF HUNTERS ACT UP#OH MY GOD I NEED TO KEEP DRAWING THEY'RE LIKE SO FAMILY TO ME#BRO DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST EVERYTHING IS GOING TO GET FUCKED OVER IF YOU ADD YOURSELF TO THE PICTURE??????#OH MY GOD JUST. JUST GIVE ME A FEW DAYS OF MY FUCK#also ignore how i posted on my 'cleaner' blog. that was a fuck up. ill be posting everything here#ANYWAY MY REASONING FOR MAKING AIZETSU SHORTER BUT A CENTIMETER IS CAUSE I BELIEVE HES THE HANTENGU THAT WAS STILL GROWING + ZO#ALSO APPARENTLY YOU LOSE AN INCH EVERY DECADE AFTER FOURTY??? SO HANTENGU IS TINY.... AND HUNCHED IN MY MIND#AND URAMI IS GARGANTUAN DID YOU EVEN SEE HIM NEXT TO TANJIRO BRO? HANTENGU IS TALLER THAN THAT KID BY AN INCH IM P SURE HES IM THE 8FT RANG#the three caballeros are his at prime time height cause they look like theyd be in their prime yk??#i used a converter for the cm so if something is fucked. no its not. trust me bro
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dude I just saw someone say that Stobotnik is queer baiting when Stone is literally like this for all three movies
#rain talks#shut up rain#Idk why it pissed me off so bad#Like how the do you get queerbating from “I can't lose you again”#That is a literal line from a slash fanfiction#Stobotnik#agent stone#jimbotnik#Like bro#If anything it's queer coded#Obviously they can't straight up make them kiss or whatever#I don't even think that would make sense for the characters#But still. There is nothing straight about that ending bro#sonic the hedgehog#Sonic 3#Kinda
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they're baaaaaack
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 6 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 6 spoilers#<- are we still tagging those? i don't know where en is#tagging basically just because it's college ortho#anyway HOLY CRAP THEY'RE BACK#TSUMSUTE 2: THE STACKENING#the disappointment at the lack of episode 7 news is tempered by my glee at the return of the most delightfully stupid event of all time#sometimes i think about how the characters were canonically visited by tiny stackable toy versions of themselves from another dimension#twice now!#it doesn't get any better than this#eyes#itty bitty little ominous eyes#look i know it's going to just be more charming shenanigans until the tsums abruptly ascend back to heaven(?) until they're needed again#but if they decided to do like. a tsum slasher flick parody. i would lose my entire goddamn mind#that's why we have fanart i guess
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sellllllll it's meeeeee. hehehehehehehehehhehe
so for ur writing exercises.... deku + light? please? pretty please?
:3c
heheh heheh hehe niku. this will be the death of me. me writing izuku for the first time 🥲 i will only do this for you </3
contains: established relationship, spoilers for the end of the manga, aged up deku but sometime in between the final outcome (he doesn't get the h*** s*** from bakugo yet), mentions of sex and scars
deku + light
izuku only sleeps with the lights off.
it isn't uncommon; many people you know can't sleep with even just a sliver of light turned on somewhere in the room. but the difference with izuku, you learn, is not that he's unable to stand the light―it's that he refuses to.
you quickly pick up on it the first few times he sleeps over.
he fidgets in bed, pretty badly, actually. the nightlight you sleep with glows a warm yellow, illuminating the side of your face and coating him in its afterglow. you chalk it up to nerves, how he pulls at his sleeves and adjusts his position constantly; he is, after all, one of the most anxious people you know.
and this relationship―it's new. heck, even you feel a little jittery with his arm wrapped around you.
the rhythmic tapping on your hip only increases pace. you don't think he realizes it, so your hand gently reaches for his, intertwining your fingers as you turn around in his arms.
he's close, nearly touching you nose-to-nose; the proximity leaves you fuzzy, a little ticklish, so you giggle, a soft "oops," as the freckles dusting his face almost glisten under the warm light.
"hi," you whisper, meeting his eyes; they stare back at you wide in surprise, "can't sleep?"
he looks almost guilty at your question, as if you’ve caught him with the one thing he's been trying to keep from you.
"just—" his voice comes out louder than intended, prompting him to chuckle nervously as he readjusts his volume, "just winding down, sorry."
you inch closer, nuzzling his nose lightly, "it's okay."
"did i wake you?" he asks, cheeks flushing pink as his eyebrows furrow in immediate concern. his expression is something caught between stifling a grin and feeling sorry.
you shake your head against the pillow you share, strands of your hair tangling with his. "just winding down," you tease, watching as his gaze turns softer, eyelids drooping heavier.
sometimes, you think, izuku holds the world in his eyes―a deep, dark green, the color of life. most times, they look at you with wonderment, bright and alive; photos from inko tell you they're the eyes of his inner child.
on nights like this one, however, they hide a depth in them weighted by what you can only assume is time, and all that has happened to him in such a short span of it.
you try your best to understand what lies beneath them, knowing full well he'll never tell you outright what truly bothers him.
"is it the light?" you bring up, some time after laying in silence.
"hm?" he clarifies.
"do you have a hard time sleeping with the nightlight?"
his eyes widen briefly once more, as if shocked that you've caught him again. these split second reactions are ones you've learned to be attentive to when it comes to izuku.
"no," he tries to lie, but you know better as you turn to your nightstand and reach for its switch, "you don't–"
"it was hurting my eyes," you quickly make up an excuse, tucking yourself closer under his chin as you cut off his attempt to deny it again.
finding out that the light was the problem was the easy part—
you'd begun to notice much earlier on that izuku was barely rested on the nights he'd spend at your place. it was only when your old nightlight broke that you began to notice him waking up much later than you did, groggily rousing from a deep sleep.
—what was hard, was figuring out why.
at first, you suspected it was his scars.
"s-sorry, it's not—" he'd warned you, right as your hands gripped the hem of his shirt the first time you were about to have sex, "—it's not nice."
you didn't care though; you still don't care, and you've made that abundantly clear to him since. you love izuku and all his parts―all the nicks and jaggedy pieces of skin that make up who he is.
when you eventually ask him about it, with a request that he be honest with you for once, he tells you that it is and it isn't―the reason why he exclusively sleeps with the lights off, that is.
it's an odd, comforting relationship he has with his body—that he is simultaneously grateful and sorry for how its become a canvas, both painted and marred to symbolize japan’s historic last stand.
you find out the real reason when you catch him staring at his hands.
he does it often, when he thinks you aren't looking—his fists bunched up in the same way he used to watch the power of one for all course through his fingertips; the same way he used to prepare them in battle.
there’s a faraway look in his eyes that lingers, you notice—a little wistful if anything.
“do you miss it?” you finally ask. he gives you the same shocked look he does every time, as if he’s been caught with a secret he’s been trying to hide.
he’s learned a fair bit about you now, too, though—lying to you is futile when you’ve perfected reading his truth. he stares at his fists again as you take a seat beside him, moving to give you space. you rest your head on his shoulder gently, waiting.
“sometimes,” he admits, but you know it’s an understatement.
“i think about the vestiges a lot. i miss them the most, i think,” he continues, clenching his fists tightly, “i always try to reach out to them, but i guess it doesn’t work that way.”
“i… i try to replicate the right conditions every night, but…” then he lets go, stretching his fingers out wide. the scars on the surface ripple through his skin, telling its own story.
you hum, acknowledging what he means. silence sits with the two of you as you take his hand in yours, slowly unfurling his fingers until his palm reveals itself to you. it’s rough to the touch, seasoned with hard work and all that he’s been through.
“is that why you prefer the dark?” you ask softly, after some time.
it's not often that you stay up later than izuku does. when you do though, you catch him shifting in bed, moving from side-to-side. you pretend you aren't awake, but you hear him mumble their names, dwindling in volume as he dozes off to sleep.
he stares at his palm for a moment before he admits quietly, "yeah." his brows furrow as if contemplating whether to say more, but he shakes his head, dark green strands swaying to the beat of his embarrassed chuckle, "nevermind, it's silly."
"it's not."
you intertwine your fingers, sandwiching his hand between yours. a slight sheen glosses over his eyes as he tilts his head up to look at you. he draws in a breath, before it spills over.
"it's..." he finds the words, and you squeeze his hand in comfort, "it's easier to believe it was all real when the lights are out, and that maybe it can happen again."
#deku x reader#izuku x reader#midoriya x reader#bnha x reader#shotorus.workbook#it is here ! the first time ive ever written izuku ! i hope u like it niku !#idt i'll ever feel like anything i write of him will be enough but i tried !#SPOILERS FOR MANGA ENDING PLS DONT READ AHEAD#some stuff abt the blurb: i see this happening in the time between him losing ofa and before getting the suit from bakugo#so somewhere between when hes teaching#and i think its a lot of complex feelings ― he's happy he did what he had to do but is also mourning the loss of something he once had#i don't think i can ever convey that feeling fully but i hope i at least managed to touch on it here with him !#i see this as like . the period in his life where he's transitioning out of something he once knew into smth else entirely#i also hc reader to be his colleague (like a teacher or smth) but anyone closely related to the job would work !#really just someone who has a base level understanding of what he went through but doesnt know everything#which is why they're still trying to learn all these things abt him and read him better#and also why he tries to hide a lot of things from them still / is hesitant to share in fear of scaring them away smth like that !#thats all i can think of for now but ill let u know if i have other thoughts on this later on ! hehe#hope u enjoy niku !#ask#rep#ask game answered#most nervewracking experience of my LIFE writing him#stellamancer#niku.🥩
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Some past fiddlestan? (Like Ford just went through the portal. He gone now. Past. Yk?)
The mystery misery yaoi
#the angst potential is so juicy#I understand why it might not be everyone's cup of tea but I like the idea of them being so 'toxic' for each other (after the portal#incident. if they met before I think they'd be pretty healthy and wholesome)#like. Fidds is already kinda losing it because of the memory gun and Stan is grieving. they're not in a mental state for a relationship#Stan would hit him with his car by accident and then try to gaslight him that 'no that never happened you're imagining things'#and Fidds would be pretending that Stan is actually Ford or trying to use the memory gun on Stan to make him believe he IS Ford#or. my favorite yet. the one I have as 'canon' in my head. they end up in a messy relationship but Fidds thinks Stan is Ford#and in tge end Stan can't keep pretending and he ends things or something#there's also the more 'happy' versions. where Fidds is still sane enough to help Stan work on the portal. I'll make some fanart of it#at least of Fiddleford tending to his burn wound or something. for now take this little doodle (I thought it was funny but what do I know)#ask#not anon#gravity falls#stanley pines#stan pines#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#fiddlestan#young fiddleford#young stan pines#young stanley pines#art#fanart#traditional art#misery yaoi#ignore all that it's late I'm tired I don't know what I'm writing
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heeyyy gaaanggg
the pose and the background of the album version (left) are based on oingo boingos only a lad album art. not cause i think he has anything to do with it but just cause ive been wantin to draw that pose for like. weeks and i didnt know who to put there. so why not my latest bug man.
#my art#digital art#digital painting#fanart#resident evil 7#ethan winters#goddd PLEAAASEEEE#i havent known if i was gonna post this or not multiple times in the process of drawin this. but ultimately i spent too much time on it to#NOT post it. embarrassment be damned#but at the same time what am i even doin yknow. what is this what is goin on pleaaseee PLEASEEEEE#I DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT RESIDENT EVIL!!! I DONT KNOW N O T H I NG I KNOW LESS THAN NOTHING#HOW?? HOW DID I GET HERE??? WHY DID THIS HAPPEN???? i know exactly the answer to all those questions but it still boggles me how fast this#happened. usually it takes WEEKS if not MONTHS for me to start makin fanart. this was faaasttttt TOO FAST and im like. genuinely constantly#thinkin about this game. im ALWAYS thinkin about this game. part of why this took me so long to do is cause i always wanna play re7 or thin#about re7 in a strange and deranged way. ive actually genuinely been SICK WHAT HAPPENEDDDDDD#im losing it!! anyways this took me a looonggg ass time and i redrew it soo many timmmessss#i did like. 3 lineart passes. the album version i did 3 shading passes. i really struggled!! and ultimately i dont know how i feel about it#like i kinda resent it. for takin so long and makin me suffer so much#never again. never again will i spend that much time on a drawing. i HATE when drawins take a long time. i HATE that. it makes me madddd#ive been insane. ive been so insane. and im not gettin better like i cant sleep sometimes cause im thinkin about this game and this guy and#that gal like i think about them!! so! so much!! oh my god!!#in the time it took me to finish this ive done like 10 sketches for other pieces like. and ive had like 3 ideas ive written down.#and like 50 that i havent written or sketched.#IVE WRITTEN POETRY!! P O E T R Y !!!#i write the occasional poem when im feelin some kinda profound emotion but i NEVER write poetry about media SOBBING#anyways thats the post i think this is the beginnin of the end so lets hold hands and pray. ugh sorry if i get sick. im shakin.
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special operatives (silly interaction beneath read more)
[ID: Digital Art in color of Trigun Maximum, characters included are Wolfwood, Elendira, and Legato in a casual meeting situation. The piece consists of orangey yellow lighting and purple shadows. Wolfwood sits on the left side, facing Elendira who’s on the right. He’s seated on a plain wooden chair with one knee up and he’s holding the strap to his Punisher in his left hand while his right sits against his thigh, He has an irritated expression as he speaks to Elendira. Elendira is sitting in a fancier seat, her right arm rests against Wolfwood’s propped up knee, her left hand holds her suitcase. She’s sitting cross legged with an amused expression. Legato can be seen in the back at the center of the image in his mobile body case, one of his eyes shown to be glaring at Wolfwood. End ID]
[ID: Sketch, uncolored comic. Elendira says to Wolfwood, “I’m not telling you to dedicate yourself to him, but just accept the situation at hand. We could get along better if we were on the same page.” Wolfwood responds, “Don’t peg me me for an optimist. I’m not dumb. But, I’m also not going to just live in resignation. Plus, I don’t have any interest in getting along with ya.” Elendira coos, “Aw, you sure? I have a wonderful shoulder to cry on when the weak people you’re trying to protect eventually dies in the coming months. Though, I guess it’s fine. Someone like you might just die before then anyway...” She snickers in her hand while Wolfwood is speechless and just glares. Legato is faintly drawn in the back, glaring at Wolfwood, muttering “worthless” repetitively. End ID]
#trigun#trigun maximum#nicholas d wolfwood#elendira the crimsonnail#legato bluesummers#YES they were together in scene canonically for only 1 Measly chapter. Yes legato dipped like 2 seconds later but listen#trigun has such a fun cast and such a vague sense of time that i love to just throw in whatever Chances of the gung hos meeting outside of#canonic time... i mentioned before but i do think ww just runs into them on occasion from town to town#this illust would have to take place after the remembrance of july though ofc since that was when ww first saw elendira... which is still#the funniest ww ever bc he was so Shocked. LIKE AGHAST... BC IT WAS ELENDIRA THE CRIMSONAIL. he was starstruckk it was so cute#elendira of all people deserve that kind of reaction though im glad that they hyped it up with ww of all people. bc its like wow even ww is#kind of intimidated! even though he gained his grips like 5 seconds later to talk back to her. which is why i think theyd have a funny#dynamic. and legato is just there. he does not care about them but he also hates them and it's fun to think about how that'd extend to#wolfwood after knives specifically left the gung hos up to him and then explicitly didnt say shit after giving ww a special little mission#it also is just like. legato is pretty passive in trimax until someone is actively betraying knives or when its vash#and ww also does not give a shit about legato bc he also is like. vaguely aware he'd lose in a fight. so all i make them do is stare at each#other passive aggressively. TRISTAMP on the otherhand is ridiculously insane for making legato genuinely hold enough aggression towards ww#to literally activate his character arc in the season sgmkdsgm cannot wait for final phase where legato not only deeply detest vash but also#bears a similar aggression towards ww. actually im not sure whether i should be Excited for that or not but it would be an interesting#ruporas art
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posting my incorrect opinions @ night when nobody can see them
#my art#nightmare sans#dream sans#dreamtale#utmv#abuse tw#i think these r their internal dialogues i think this aspect of tgem coexists with their evil visage & good visage#like the mental equivalent of taking a bra off when u get home#theyre evil/good to others then theyre alone or comfy & they fall apart#i dont. fully belife that tho. i still have to oeel them apart & also revisit their lore#this is judt what i think theyd do based on daydreaming abour them fir. 6 years. & inevitably losing the plot a little#be so super niceys to me olease ibwill literaly cry & curbstomp u if u dont#also. forfot to elaborate on nm seeking means to an end of his life & how it afects his ‘work’. more on that later#boy why you so kaywhyess
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"Deep inside, Wilson believes that if he cares enough, he'll never have to die."
What the fuck were the House writers on
#how am i supposed to live laugh love in these conditions#this quote is attempted murder#i cant live like this#This also puts the scene were Wilson tells House he wishes he was more of an asshole into perspective#“i wish i had been more a selfish jerk” “youd still have cancer” “atleast id feel like i deserved it”#because wilson spent his whole life helping people because some part of him genuinely believed that he would live a very long good life#as long as he was doing good and helping people#but in the end none of it mattered and in his mind he wasted his entire life being overly good when he couldve just lived how he wanted#because in the end it didnt make any difference#brb sobbing#thats why when people act like wilson is the devil for saying that to house i lose 5 years of my life#house md#house#greg house#james wilson#gregory house#hilson#hate crimes md#hatecrimes md#wilson#housemd
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Quick re-do of a 4 year old piece
#to test my abilities... no jk#I mean kind of lol#I WANTED To test my abilities but then I couldnt think of anything#so then I just redid an older piece#I remembered the old one started black and white and then I did effects over it so I did that again#cause I just wanted to play around with lighting#and I think its pretty obvious how much I've improved#I also only spent like an hour on the second one#wasnt trying to make anything amazing here#just trying t make something that reminds myself how growth can look and feel#important stuff to do as an artist#I'm still sick btw lol#I love how when youre losing your voice everyone goes 'wow you sound terrible'#I get why. I sound terrible. but its so fucking funny like. culturally#like holy shit what the fuck is wrong with you !#but its polite and empathetic#I havent been getting work done on account of is sick#actually not entirely true#I did a good bit of work for we were legion and some for TTA too#but it was just no drawing work#all writing work#which theres just a lot more of to for wwl than for tta#anyways#we were legion#zagan#art redo#art improvement#spent easily twice as long on the original thats a skill upgrade roight there
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The World-Ender; Alternate Lad
🩸 bloodied version 👇
#my art#doodle#nier replicant#brother nier#nier#ニーア#ニーアレプリカント#ニーア リィンカーネーション#quick alternate lad nier from today#man#most the endings for Nier are rough in one way or another#but ofc endings a/b/c/d are especially rough for nier#lost weiss. lost kainé. lost emil (for 6 years while he rebuilds) and yonah succumbs to her kidney failure shortly after end game :(#i adore that they expanded on this tho for the alternate costumes. he’s definitely gone a bit insane#one could say it’s karma. very bitter#that he in turn loses all that he loves#this is why ending e will always make me feel a little better cause at least him kainé and emil have each other until#until the two of them die of old age / are killed. (and that leaves poor emil… gosh.. emil)#but even than ending e is BITTER bitter with a DASH of sweet. there’s no winning in the end#and i doubt them living out their remaining human lives was puppies and rainbows#shades are still rampant and everyone is relapsing around them#so really…#this game hurts me why do i brainrot for it idk
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Everlasting trio, I think that's the ship name.
anyway, my attempt at drawing them something other than a meme or simple style. it's not the best, but definitely not the worst. so, yeah.
#danny phantom#art#my fanart#fanart#danny fenton#sam manson#tucker foley#still don't know how to art#oh well#everlasting trio#slowly losing my mind#took literal hours#days even#but i had to post it now#or i never would have 'finished' it#had to edit it because i forgot sam's green lines#i do this every time#why#why am i like this#why do i do this to myself
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