#so i can defend it with My Life

[of-apollo]

i saw this absolute shitbox of a car earlier and went with my whole heart ‘i want that’ and my mother was like what the fuck is wrong with you

like. when i pass my driving test i probably wont get a car because if i move for uni next year i likely wont Need it but. if my car isnt giving michael mell. stiles stilinski even. then whats the point

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[bricreative]

Just fell to my knees in the kitchen

(The bear/ line cook AU)

[passwordb3am]

Every fucking year consistently as soon as shit hits the fan, I go back to watch Saiki k again because y’know. Comfort show. But I have this disease called Obsessed With Characters That Are Horrible People ™️ that makes it so my autistic ass looks at Reita Toritsuka every time and goes “yeah. I’m going to hyperfixate on this bitch so hard for the next four months.”

Every time. Every fucking time. I swear it is becoming a problem. Someone please tell me I am not the only one who’s like this. Every goddamn year. He is in my brain like a parasite. Why did it have to be HIM

[that0nebird]

I feel like people rarely talk about how Yoosung WAS being gaslit about Rika’s death when he knew something was wrong and everyone consistently said he was paranoid when he WASN’T. He was never allowed the chance to properly grieve and air out his (correct) issues with V and the shit surrounding Rika’s “death” until MC joins the RFA.

[loganswdc]

hi y’all !! i’m getting to my inbox messages , i promise , but i saw that it's been confirmed that logan and j*mes aren't on speaking terms , and that's genuinely insane to me . and yes i will be censoring his name from now on because i am pissed off !!!

especially considering how chipper j*mes has been recently , piping up on logan's radio as often as he can to tell him how wonderful he's doing after that article . i'm not saying it isn't true ; it's been confirmed by marcus ericsson on the swedish podcast viaplay F1 .

i personally find it ridiculous to see that a team principal is no longer speaking with his own driver . that , for whatever reason , he dislikes logan so much that it's lead to this . and the mistreatment of logan will continue . just wait until we find out in two weeks that alex's new teammate isn't logan , and better yet logan might even be replaced after the summer break . it's absolute heinous for him to be continuously treated this way , and it's absolutely infuriating . to see logan continue to be treated like this makes my blood boil . i genuinely am beginning to believe that they only kept logan on the team because of the fanbase and american sponsors he brought in . and to think that could be true is actually insane . it's incredible to me that a team principal can be so conceited that this is what his relationship looks like with a driver . that he only speaks to him and is kind for pr reasons , as we've clearly seen . and it makes me both so sad and so pissed off for logan . he genuinely deserves SO MUCH better .

the quote from the podcast , as has been translated to english , is as follows:

"I was also told this weekend by some American friends who know Sargeant that it is... He doesn't have fun in that team either. He thinks it's really hard and apparently so are he and James Vowles. They don't even talk to each other, it's hardly that they greet each other. There has been a complete disconnection between them."

please excuse any errors that may have transpired through translation ; i don't know swedish and had to use an online translator !

here is a link to a twitter post where the quote above is said (again , in swedish): https://x.com/F1_Tracktion/status/1815802308208254998

if anyone speaks swedish and can better translate the quote , please do ! it would be greatly appreciated so i can update the translation and i'll be sure to credit you for it !!💓

[severinaprince]

u kno, I don’t think that people consider enough the possibility (and very high probability) that Snape wasn’t mean to student’s because he wanted to, but more so because he had to. Not saying they he was nice. That man sure as hell wasn’t nice, especially when reading from Harry’s point of view.

But let’s consider for a moment the objective circumstances: Severus Snape was a past Death Eater, who at 21-ish years old changed sides (something only Dumbledore knew to which extent and the reasons), and knew of the possibility of the Dark Lord coming back because Dumbledore told him, and anyone who listened honestly, that he didn’t believe Voldemort to be truly gone.

Now, Severus Snape knows that Harry Potter, this child who is the Dark Lord’s undoing, is alive and is coming to the school, as probably most of his contemporary schoolmate’s kids are also going, have been there a while and will come for various years after. Snape is still bound to Dumbledore by his promise to be a spy, and is bound to Voldemort by brand. And Dumbledore is highly suspicious shit is about to go down (which u kno, he was rights ‘cause even from the first year lil Harry started Going Through It™️).

Having that background: Severus Snape, Head of Slytherin, and presumed Death Eater (‘cause u kno, spy), who was never known to be openly warm nor kind, who was fiercely bullied and he retaliated when felt necessary, is supposed to seem impartial and nice to all of his students?

Morally, should he had been? Heck yeah. Any decent teacher and adult should.

Realistically, should he had been? Well, if he wanted his cover blown, sure. If he wanted all of the Death Eaters who had children in school questioning the hell out of him, yeah. If he wanted Voldemort suspicious of his alliance and current belief system (which would have been at odds with the Death Eater ideals), uh-huh. But that would have made for a lousy spy at best and disastrous war changing consequences at worst.

And let’s be really honest here: Dumbledore gave him the position as teacher, primarily because he wanted to use Snape as a spy. That was Dumbledore’s priority, not the teaching. Which is a little wild to think coming from a school headmaster, truly.

This theory (which personally extends from theory to canon, because that’s how being a spy works) does not excuse him from how his prejudice blinded him from seeing Harry for Harry and not James (but the case could be made that neither did Sirius, but that’s another topic). That was wild. However, at the same time, he looked out for Harry’s life.

Again, I’m not saying Severus was warm and nice and he certainly acted mean and cruel at moments, particularly with kids from the other three houses. I just think that was part of the tragedy. He had a role to play, he played it perfectly, getting himself branded as a coward and a traitor by the people closest to him. And because of him, they won the war.

[the-good-ol-art-corner]

I know a couple of people have already redrawn that one panel, but fuck it we ball-

This is roughly how I thought Norman would look in canon (and Buddy <3) but uh, yeah that dream is squashed ig fml

Reblogs > Likes, Thank You!

[marimbles]

i miss carpisuns sometimes </3

[aetsiv]

The absolute hatred I feel whenever people make fun of and joke about Jesper for mistaking Kuwei for Wylan. Like his ass just told his father the truth about his gambling addiction, he just went through an actual, truthful conversation that went fucking terribly. Jesper was looking for a distraction, he wasn't in a good and proper state of mind when he kissed Kuwei and you expect him to be able to notice the small details that set Kuwei and Wylan apart?! You expect him to tell the difference between two people who are tailored so perfectly that to the average person they might as well be identical?! When he's feeling so awful?! I will never understand how people can blame him for that while knowing the context. I am so fucking angry on Jesper's behalf.

Sorry if this is kinda incoherent.

[buddiebitch]

okay so then maybe you just hate when gay men express sexual desires </3

no actually i hate when people joke about someone else’s trauma <3

great guess though!

anyways imagine riding this hard for a man who basically said “you having daddy issues is good and fun for me actually” like?? do you hear yourself

third date and the man is joking about how he can personally gain from your trauma, i’d call the police

plus that’s just such a weird assumption to make, that daddy issues=daddy kink

your man is sexualizing Bucks trauma hours after his father figure nearly died and i’m the weird one for being uncomfortable?

and can i remind you how dismissive he was being leading up to that joke? Buck called Bobby the father he never had and the ONLY thing he can say is “but your father is alive” dude read the fucking room

the man he considers to be a father almost dies and as he’s expressing how scared he was the best Tommy can come up with is reminding him that, actually, his shitty dad is still alive. and on top of that then he goes on to make it about himself (can’t remember the wording but that ‘i’m jealous because my dad sucked and so did my captain’) like dude can Buck talk about anything serious for ten seconds without Tommy being dismissive, downplaying, making it about himself, or making a joke out of it? (hint:the answer is no)

this conversation was less than a minute long and Tommy managed to downplay his feelings, distract from the point, make it about himself, AND make a distasteful joke sexualizing his trauma

it astounds me that this is the man y’all defend so hard

anyways thanks for the message anon <3 it turns out i had a lot more to say about this

[thorough-witness-enjoyer]

thoughts on nezarec .....

Greetings!!! I need him to keep his freaky hand feet away from me, I am so disturbed by them☺️!!!

But thank you for the message!!

To be completely honest, I think about Nezarec 24/7 just because of how intriguing the concept of his character is! Not only do I find his design to be very interesting and eye catching (I’m free tonight Nezarec), I’m forever in a perpetual state of hunger for lore about him!

You‘re telling me the Final God of Pain is a disciple of an entity who wishes to end all pain because he wants the „fullest gamut of existence“? How did he even get into the Witness‘ clutches and how did it justify having such a sadist as a disciple? What was the relationship between the two like?

He‘s from an unknown species, but can never truly die and was remade by the Witness‘ hands? Tell me more!! How does he possess such powers?!

I am so starved for Nezarec lore and I cannot WAIT to receive more once we start dealing with Misraaks‘ situation, hopefully getting his origins like we did Rhulk. I completely understand that he was not the main focus in Lightfall, but I’m climbing my walls at the fact that Bungie would release such a long awaited and theorized character just for us to have to wait so long for a follow up!!

Bungie drop more Collapse lore that focuses on Nezarec being killed and the Witness losing the Veil and my life is yours, I’m so hungry.

As for his personality, what a guy!!! I have a plethora of headcanons about him, but I like to imagine just how far his tendency to be a sadistic nuisance can go! I make him torture the Witness‘ patience in my head as karma for all it has done and I often wonder if he has an underlying philosophy to his actions! Maybe his love of pain and mastery of nightmares is related to the species he comes from, who knows!

Overall, freaky guy who should be even freakier and is in dire need of more lore! I love you Nezarec, stay freaky, and never improve as a person because you are so funny as is!

Also a little headcanon drop, I think Nez would be very fond of goats as I imagine he finds their horns to be charming (like his) and he often gets them as sacrifices from his human acolytes! In my head, he has a pet goat he treats as his baby (much to the dismay of the Witness who finds his sentimentality towards the thing frivolous)! I love making that guy do silly things.

Love the glasses and gold chain by the way.

[deus-ex-mona]

favourite stupid relationship dynamic: idiots who would immediately protect and defend the other but never themself

[cupiidzbow]

i have zero respect to people who don’t like her . they’re always weirdly misogynistic abt her too like y’all say you want mean women and you can’t even handle ca.ndy k.ong 😒😒😒😒😒

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

The whole discourse about the privacy/secrecy/support thing has been sitting with me for a few days (I mean other than it always does to a certain degree) thanks to all the excellent discussion happening and I know I'm not saying anything that hasn't been said a million times before, but I think what we're seeing and what we're going to learn (e.g. from TTPD) is that it wasn't just the support issue, but how it was shown/handled.

We've all gone out of our way to show that introversion =/= lack of support. Someone can be shy, reserved, etc. and still show up for their partner, whether in public or at home. To chalk any of the differences up to the clash between introversion and extroversion is unfair to folks who count themselves among either tbh.

@thisisctrying said something the other day that hit the nail on the head about how if that support had been offered in private, there very well may not have been a Joever to begin with, or at least not at this point in time. (Sorry for loosely paraphrasing, and for namedropping you! Long time listener, first time poster.)

If this were a case where the "shy" partner said, "I am really uncomfortable with the spotlight personally and do not want to court it, but I will support you in your ambitions and offer you whatever you need to make them happen and make the glare bearable," I suspect that would have gone a long way to making Taylor feel seen and comfortable in pursuing her goals in the way that she now has. Again, that might have been more akin to the balance that seemed to have been struck around 2019 from what we can see, but even speaking in a general sense, there are lots of couples out there, celebrity or not, that have similar approaches where there are highly driven people and busy careers involved.

(A famous example being Dolly Parton's marriage. Tbh I know next to nothing about her and Carl, but she's always heralded as an example in this regard, because her husband is famously uncomfortable with the spotlight and hasn't accompanied her to public events in decades, but she's said that she never minded that because that was always work to her, and what was important was that he supported her in pursuing all her career goals and basically ensured she had a place to call home to return to at the end of the day.)

We're kind of in a brave new world with her current relationship because it felt like, at least at the start, we were maybe watching her figure out her boundaries in real time as to what she was comfortable with or not and adjust accordingly. Like so many have said, I fully believe the extreme privacy thing was initially driven by herself and her experiences in 2016, and she needed that quiet time to recover from all of the things and figure out how to exist in the world again.

Stating the obvious, it seemed like eventually privacy was equated with secrecy, turning the relationship and the celebrity into the elephant in the room and something to never be spoken of to the outside world. People are free to choose whatever works best for themselves and their relationships, and for some the separate public lives might work, but the “kept me like a secret but I kept you like an oath” theme is all over her work and it’s clear that it’s a sore spot for her, because she’s been made to feel shame just for the life she leads so many times in the past.

What I’m trying to say is that it’s pretty obvious something Not Great was happening behind the scenes, which didn’t just amount to “she wanted to be a public celebrity and he wanted to be a private hermit.” (Also, in case anyone forgot, this is a person who also chose a public-facing career who also has to engage in press for it, but I digress.) As her career reached new heights post-folklore, if she had the support at home to do all the things without judgment and with encouragement, and in turn offer the same support to her partner, she may have very well lived just fine with that, not unlike Dolly Parton’s case.

By reading between the lines in all the press since, as well as comments on tour and general ~vibes~ with TTPD teasers, it seems like one of the issues was that that was likely not the case. There was all the stuff that we saw — the reticence to acknowledge each other in the media (particularly on one side), the lack of public support even at events at which they were both in attendance for their respective jobs, the great lengths they went to not to be photographed together at events they attended yet no problem taking pictures with other friends and coworkers, the jobs that separated them, the withdrawing from the public even for work accomplishments, etc. Which could all be manageable if a couple chooses to do so together and are not inherently a sign of trouble in themselves.

But what we’re seeing now I think is a reflection of the things we weren’t seeing then, and it seems to indicate some very deep hurt. (I know, call me Captain Obvious.) And like so many have been saying, it feels likely that that part of that hurt is rooted in that very lack of private support where a person would expect it from their partner. Obviously as a Taylor fan blog I’m going to be more inclined to understand her side of a story, but tbh, it’s also because… this is sooooooo common, and something I’ve experienced in my friend group. (@taylortruther is right when she says most breakups are the same one way or another lol.)

One partner is resentful of the other’s success, or resentful that the other’s priorities begin to evolve as new experiences unlock new goals, or feels the other’s ambitions are not worthy of pursuit, and coupled with perhaps their own struggles in the same domain, it’s easy to see where that can chip away at the other partner’s morale and faith in the relationship. I know I’m just speculating here, but I also don’t think it’s totally unfounded. (Again, because a) I’m picking up what she’s putting down and b) it happens to sooooooo many women even among us dull normals.)

With all the pointed mentions about how much Taylor feels supported in her current relationship and how she in turn loves to offer the same show of support to not only her partner but other loved ones, how she’s stepped out more in the last year to a whole host of events, how she’s mentioned feeling like she locked herself away for years and she’s just proud of her partner and happy she can show up for him even if the chaos around it is unsettling, it paints a picture of what perhaps was happening before last year.

To feel like you’re all alone in carrying the weight of the relationship (or burden of it), of twisting yourself into knots to accommodate the other person’s boundaries (or insecurities) but not feeling reciprocity for your own has to be so painful. (The idea that it may have been even darker and to have a partner not only be unreceptive to your own needs but even perhaps resentful/dismissive/belittling of them is even more painful to think of. I guess we’ll find out when TTPD comes out if that was the case, too.)

At a certain point, that lack of acknowledgement will force your hand to be able to reclaim yourself. And it feels like the further removed Taylor in particular is from it, the more she moves from being sad about the life she felt she gave up by leaving, to angry at the life she felt she was giving up by staying. Especially being in a relationship now where it seems like everything comes much easier, where she can be open about the person she’s with and show up for them, all the stuff that seemed as challenging as climbing Mount Everest in her past is nothing more than a molehill at best in her current life.

TL;DR: I don’t think it’s privacy that inherently spells doom for a celebrity relationship like this; it’s the mutual support and respect that does. If Taylor had felt that in the later years of her previous relationship, I think we could be seeing a different, though not necessarily unfulfilled, person right now in 2024, who’d be happy on tour but whose personal life would look a little different. But it seems like by losing that support she lost parts of herself, and we’ve seen her reclaim that in spades in the last year, and perhaps to degrees she didn’t even realize she could from before all the Bad Stuff started happening in her young adulthood.

I know this was extremely long-winded and unnecessary, especially about total strangers we only know through scraps fed through the media, but I just always bristle at this idea that issues like these boil down to “personality differences,” as though one person wants to live in a city and the other on a remote island, or some shit like that. The whole support (and gender tbh) issue is one that’s just very close to my heart because again, I have seen it play out with so many of my friends in long term relationships and marriages and I just think people in relationships (and women in particular in some circles) deserve better than to feel like they’re being, well, tolerated.