#so far im just more anxious and thats it | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

waterfallofspace · 10 months ago

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A Word-Filled Update

that no one's asking forrrr~

Sooooo, hiya~ ^^

Realized I kinda dropped out without much word, and wanted to give a lil update to anyone who may care, (and specifically to all the unfilled requests that have been sat in my inbox for months now T~T)

Dropping it under a cut because it gets quite long~ but I'll also TL;DR it with: been a bit burnt out, trying to get back into this, I apologize for all the unanswered asks, and I will be trying to get to the ones I can, but I'll be focusing more on trying to enjoy the process of making content~ Thank you to anyone who's stuck around <3

(Tw for brief mention of mental health/neurodivergencies~ nothing in depth or dark, but just incase anyone wants to avoid that <3)

Nothing serious has been going on, mostly just burn out and a bit of drama in main friend group, combined with free time just being a lot more limited recently~ (not a bad thing, most of it is because I'm getting to talk more with friends I've gotten closer to this past year~)

That said, I've been trying to get back into content, making it, reblogging it, etc, without letting it become all-consuming. I find, with the way my brain works, mostly to do to some wonderful neurodivergent tendencies, I tend to fall heavily into 'all of nothing' mentality.

This shows up in my day to day life, (ie: can't wash the dishes for weeks until I suddenly do them all in one day) and I've definitely noticed it with content creation. Need to write and finish a story in one go, record a wav as fast as possible, always afraid I'll lose that motivation.

But honestly? I love making content on here! And I'm not a huge blog, nor do I care if I am (at least trying not to, if I'm being painfully honest~) but I genuinely love making content. Whether it's just for me, a request that I am hoping one specific person will enjoy, or a story I write with a community in mind, I just love creating~

So, I'm trying to ease my way back into this! Bit by bit, let it be fun, and enjoyable, with less internal pressure to produce as much as I can, as fast as I can, and make it be perfect.

I won't lie and say 'numbers don't matter to me', if I'm honest, they do. But I'm learning more and more how to let it be about the content, and to just enjoy the process~ (and if people like it, that'll be a wonderful bonus!~)

Wooo this is getting so long, I apologize sincerely! Last thing, something I've mentioned a few times previously but never really let myself get into... requests~

I'm so honoured that people care about my content enough to have asked for things, and getting any ask, request, praise, ask lists, heck even just a 'hi!' is honestly the best part of this blog for me!

Buuuut, I definitely worked myself into burn-out before with a "every request needs to be filled and fast" mentality, that led to just... not filling any.

So! I'm going back through my inbox, and deleting some older ones that I don't have a clear vision/motivation for. I apologize to anyone who requested them, though by now it's possible they're long gone~ But I think this will help me not only start enjoying the creation process without feeling so overwhelmed, but also start actually getting more content made~

There are definitely a bunch that I still adore, and am thrilled to get to test out, but if there's one you remember sending, and you really want to see it completed, please feel free to send another ask saying what it is you want done, and I'll see if I can get that going <3

And if you've stuck it out to the end here- uh hi! ^^ I'm sorry this is so long, I'm such a words person, but I appreciate you so much, not just for any support you've offered, but just bothering to read this <3 I genuinely didn't expect most to make it this far, so thank you so deeply <3 and I hope to see you guys around as I start reblogging stuff more!~

#waterfalltalks #waterfallrambles #more like waterfallparagraphs im so sorry hahaha #been thinking about making this for awhile- but always felt so anxious???#idk why specifically... maybe cause i cant be short to save my life #or maybe because it feels like ive left it too long?? been promising so much and never fulfilling #but i am gonna try!! not to fulfill everything but- to start enjoying it again #i worry this comes off like i have an ego... i really dont haha~ i dont expect anyone to really interact with my blog or care #it was always meant to be for ME- and i just hoped to create things ID enjoy and that #if anyone else enjoyed it too that i could start giving back to the community thats given me so much content ive adored #anyways this is a LONNNGGG post and so are these tags hahaha~#using this blog as a journal again i think! but its mine! so okay! im gonna let myself!#gonna add here too that i might be reblogging with shorter tags for a bit- i promise its not cause im not excited!!!#just trying to make it the least overwhelming situation so i can start really getting back into ENJOYING it~#thank you to anyone who read this far and a huge thank you to all my friends from here and anyone who stuck around <3 #i appreciate and love you all so dearly <333 #not snz

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bitegore · 26 days ago

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getting mental healthcare is really cool, its like asking someone to take a sledgehammer to your self-interest and then saying thank you after because it makes your life moderately easier even though you have to deal with this shit now

#red rambles #my psychiatrist wants to put me on anxiety medication to help me sleep because she thinks the issue with me sleeping and stuff is ptsd rela #related and I CANT REALLY ARGUE??? i dont think it is and as far as im concerned i dont feel anxiety at all but like I CANT REALLY ARGUE. i #keep thinking about it because to be completely honest this pisses me off more than i can express in words and ive been gnashing my teeth #about it all afternoon and like i dont think 'i have to play loud and abrasive music at night or else i jerk awake at every sound and can't #convince myself it was nothing and also have auditory hallucina #oh fuck. lmfao i forgot to mention that.#she was even talking about how auditory hallucinations are a lot more significant and i do just kind of have low grade auditory hallucinati #all the fucking time i just dont pay attention to them because i play music and ignore it. hashtag mentally healthy and sound #like im fine the last time i heard a coherent Voice telling me to coherent Do Things i was like 17 lmfao #but i sure do hear footsteps that aren't and breaking glass that isnt and indistinct human voice murmuring sounds that arent all the time #........ fucking i dont feel like emailing her to be like hi i forgot to mention this because i am so good at tuning it all out.#if its that big a deal it'll start mattering for realsies and if its not ill just let it lie until next appointment #ANYWAY THAT DOES KIND OF SOUND LIKE THE BEHAVIORS OF AN ANXIOUS PERSON. A LITTLE.#the jerking awake if there are noises and making up noises to jerk awake to bit. specifically #but also like it doesnt scare me it just makes me wake up and then i am awake and going 'what??? bhuh???' and then im mad im awake but #im not scared very often. it takes a lot. ignore that the last time i got significantly capital s scared was like two weeks ago i thought m #friend's house was on fire and they were about to go to sleep and die. thats a reasonable situation to be freaked out in #ANYWAY THIS PISSES ME OFF REALLY BAD. I DONT LIEK IT.

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anotherpapercut · 1 year ago

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people acting like there isn't still very much an active stigma against cannibas and cannibas users is going to be my joker origin story

when i go to the doctor they still put cannibas use under the tab "substance abuse". not even just substance use. it is fully assumed that people who use cannabis, even as a prescription medication, are abusing it. just because you're friends with a couple of dumbass stoners doesn't mean that we've abandoned the idea as a culture that weed is a bad and scary and dangerous and highly addictive drug that will ruin your life if you use it once

#idk what its like in other countries but in the us and especially in red states fear mongering about weed is alive and well #'it ruins lives' -direct quote from a library board member making it so we can be fired for testing positive even w a prescription #i just take umbrage with posts about addiction that go out of their way to mention weed which we all learned in 6th grade is addictive #but dont also mention that this true of all prescription drugs and that a person can be dependant on a drug for health reasons???#yeah i get anxious and cant go a day without weed. because i use it to treat my anxiety and pain. i also get anxious without my wellbutrin #but people arent lining up to make posts about it?? and like you CAN obviously become addicted to prescription drugs its super common!#so i kind of feel like it would be far more useful to say 'this is true of ALL drugs. including weed caffeine and prescriptions'#you should always research ANY drug you take. prescription or not. find out about addictiveness + side effects + other drug interactions #and you should talk to someone if you feel anxious about your relationship to drugs. prescription or not #there have been many times where i was prescribed way too many drugs at once and it made me feel anxious and uncomfortable #so i talked to my doctors and consolidated several and it actually made them work a lot better #locked reblogs because i KNOW people are going to read this is 'so you should never ever talk about negative consequences of weed'#and im pretty sure the people who follow me will be able to understand thats obviously not what im saying #but as soon as it leaves my blog whos to say. but anyway like. I think we should talk more about addiction to all substances #and not just the ones that were already covered in DARE #I feel like at this point everybody has heard all of the negative possibilities with weed use at least once #and that's not necessarily true of caffeine and even like. benadryl lmfao #I might delete this in 10 minutes if I psych myself out akbdjznsjf

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year ago

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...

#theres a special kind of agony in tryinf to find an apartment in an college town with a housing shortage #everythings expensive as fuck and im sure its frustrating for everyone but i feel like its especially frustrating for me #bc it takes me so much fucking time to understand the information right in front of me and then i doubt myself so i have to check and check #and double check and triple check that im on the right website. that im inputting the right info #and its like. what if theres a better place i could b looking? like i found a management place to apply to thats expensive but less #expensive than another place but the building looks like its kinda on the edge of town like 15min drive from school #which i hate bc im an anxious freak and its gonna b worse than driving here bc itll get icey as fuck there #like proper inches of snow all winter. negative negative cold. so its like. do i take a nice apartment thats kinda far away #or a slightly more expensive apartment thats like 10min from school and more in town #and then theres the application stuff. and i cant fill anything out without having a full on like sobbing breakdown #but im that way abt everything. i do that all the time when i have to buy plane tickets #its exhausting. and i cant plan my exit until i know when i can move into a place. whatever. it doesnt help that my hormones r fucked rn #or i hope its the hormones. ive been so tired. so so tired. like sleeping 9hrs and still tired when usually im wired after only 7hrs sleep #i hate it. and super brain foggy. and this week i have to finish taking measurements for the last time #so i gotta decide if im gonna go in tomorrow or Monday to start it. its gonna suck so bad bc im gonna try to do it in 6 days. which will b #agony. but after that ill never have to do it ever again. ugh. im just so tired and i dont wanna limp my way into a new project feeling #like damaged goods. which is exactly what it feels like now. ive just done a very good job of making my job difficult #cant go into the lab without feeling physically ill. drained away all my joy. now theres only a sad distant recognition of how far ive #allowed myself to fall. i kno ill feel better once i have a place to stay and i can quit my job just getting there is taking an eternity #unrelated

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tansypansydandy · 2 years ago

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u ever look at an autism post as an audher n be like "well shit that doesnt apply to me fuck what if im not autistic" bc same

#at least my therapist and psychologist are more openminded and understanding towards my self diagnosis #but i do still get imposter syndrome a lot bc its like im not the kind of autism #like noise is fucky but like i can get used to volume its more the complexity i can be in a loud room and b uncomfy but not meltdown #bc i adapt n stuff #or like my smell is on and off a lot of the times #or seeking physical affection even though touch can make me uncomfy #and ig the worst one for me is i kind of understand social cues n small talk n that makes me doubt a lot #i can engage in small talk ik the routine and ik what questions to ask based on what a person says #though maybe thats just script writing on the fly??? like the adhd part????#not to say i dont Struggle still (i hate silence after small talk it makes me so anxious n uncomfy)#but s not as hard n i feel like that somehow invalidates me as a possibly autistic person #or like i can do cognitive empathy rlly good!!!! logically i know Why people feel like they do i get the triggers n the reactions!!!!#emotional empathy though? FUCKKK THAT #unless i have experienced a very similar situation emotional empathy is almost impossible #idk maybe im overthinking bc like tbf i studied body language and read into it way to much in midde school #as well as psychology and emotionally distancing myself by viewing people as case studies and analyzing their behaviors #IDK #also if u read this far props 2 u man #the tags r jus a diary to me

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mrfoox · 2 years ago

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Talking with Fabian and whooooooooo boy that was an conversation and a half...

#miranda talking shit #Uuuh i was kinda rightfully anxious? I told him about how i am a little freak and i basically am down to date 90% of my friends #But i got told by Oliver that it could be i act that way bc i dont want to be abandoned/left so im willing to compromise however they want #Me to... So talked about that with him and yep. We finally got into the whole... 'what are we' business. Or well kinda not directly #He said he didn't want to bring it up but we basically are on the subject so... And how hes worried that i will think too much about him #'i worry the more time we spend together the more your life will revolve around me and you'll value me so much more than i do you'#'it doesnt seem fair to you so ive occasionally not talked with you because i worry about that. You're a great friend but I know how much #You think about people. And im worried if you think about me too much you'll develop feelings or I'll mean more to you than before' i... He #Isnt wrong? Thats kinda how i work. The more people prioritize me the more ill value them and cherish them? But also... Idk if he understod #That i dont actively think about kissing or dating my friends? Its just a thing i know that if anyone asked I'd be down for it. But i dont #Daydream about it or anything. But then again he said some cryptic fabian shit like 'i dont have anyone else to compare with so i assume #What we have is normal. I sometimes want to cross the line to see where i still stand with you after doing it' like bro... Im so sorry i am #I am so far from 'normal' and him having me as his biggest both friend and female/woman in his life is probably such a mess i am crying #Me: ok then cross the line and see how you feel. 'but thats the problem. You dont have a line you're so open and down with everything you #Dont really react badly' I know i... Probably am making things hard for him sometimes but this was an holy shit moment /: hes worried to #Spend too much time with me bc of how i can potentially feel? Meanwhile I'm basically 80%+ of all his social interactions 😭 at one hand i #Appreciate him thinking of me and worry i guess but... Yeah. I told him: listen Fabian. My life does not revolve around you and youre not #The only one i think about. You are safe.' his and mine relationship is my favorite but also i definitely worry bc i know how much what we #Have or talk about or act is his... Only reference for girls basically. I mean outside his mom. He's not had any other girl friends and no #Actual girlfriend. So his reference to whats... Okay and appropriate is basically dictated by me and im seeing that very clear now im kinda #Afraid. Like... Im not normal on any level. If he's basing his view on women on me hes going to have an awful time truly... Idk if i should #Be offended or flattered that he thinks he's the center of my world 😭 like hes not completely wrong. I talk with him multiple times per #Week. But i can also say hes not all i think about at all waking hours lol. I obviously love him and care so much about him but im not #In love with him. Not as far as i know anyway. I dont think of him how i do people i have crushes on for example so yeaah. It bothers me #More that he couldn't just say 'im not into you' bc thats fine. He added the whole element of 'im not sure' like buddy now im going to be #Anxious about that in the future. I guess he have no reference to crushes so he cant tell but like... How do you want me to act so you can #Tell? I want an solid answer putting in an maybe is cruel even to me. This is funny bc tbh i dont even know if i would be able to date him #Even if he said he wanted to. Bc i know his biggest wish is to be a dad and i have nog fully embraced that idea even /: 'i can feel how ego #Centered i am. Assuming im the center of your world like that' at least youre self aware sweetie. Sounded like he was at peace with all we #Said and im here like... Binch there's so much to think about i wish i could read your mind i need more information to understand all this

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zemnarihah · 2 years ago

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#dude i feel like fucking nauseous literally all the time lately? and i also have been more anxious which like idk is maybe related?? but th #other day i gagged on a pen. i had the end of it like between my front teeth it was NOT like far in my mouth or anything. it made me gag.#and i cant even brush my tongue when im brushing my teeth w/o gagging #i havent thrown up or anything but idk its just. i really hate it its so constant.#i dont think im sick bc its just been like this constant mild nausea and nothing else #its literally awful though like i urgh. its just thing where im constantly mildly aware of it and it wont go away its so incredibly #frustrating #and its making it hard to eat too which i know is um absolutely affecting the rest of my mood bc i have low energy from not eating enough #idk i just like. dont know what to do bc is that like a thing. like should i tell a doctor like heyyyy i feel kinda sick all the time.#idk i guess probably thats exactly what i should do.#uuuugghhh.....#i mean i guess ill wait a little bit. and see if it goes away.

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burning-sol · 9 months ago

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I know more additions will be made to the post later but for now everything is transcribed under the cut. Sorry if I made any errors! (If someone wants to tag me when new additions are made I'll do my best to transcribe everything!! I know this isn't a lot but I hope it's somewhat helpful.)

The DMs:

edenfenixblogs: Hello friend! In the interest of Jewish Muslim solidarity, I want to try an experiment! Would you be interested in participating with me? It's ok if not! I can definitely still do the experiment alone, but I would like to highlight Islamophobia as well as antisemitism. So I thought I'd ask if you're up for it. I just made a post with this exact text: I am experiencing a lot of antisemitism due to the ongoing conflict and I would like it to stop, please. And the tags: antisemitism #leftist antisemitism #i/p #i/p conflict #israel #palestine In one week, I would like to check my replies/reblogs/tags/notes and see what kind of messages I have received. My hypothesis is that I will receive some hate and some support and relatively low engagement. If you would be willing, I'd like to see what happens if you posted this exact text: (Only if it is true to your experience and you feel uncomfortable of course!!!) I am experiencing a lot of Islamophobia due to the ongoing conflict and I would like it to stop, please. And the tags: #islamophobia #i/p #i/p conflict #israel #palestine My hypotheosis is that you will receive more engagement and more support but probably more hatred. I want to be very clear: I do not want to ask anything of you that is uncomfortable with any aspect of this, please do not feel pressured in any way to say yes if you feel this would be inappropriate or generally upsetting to your mental health. If you'd like to participate, but are worried about the toll it would take on your mental health, you could make the post and immediately mute any notifications about it.

thatmuslimlady: Sure, I could do that

edenfenixblogs: My goal with this post is to highlight both knee jerk reactions from bigots as well as levels of support and apathy that diasporic Jews and worldwide Muslims are experiencing. For the whole week, I would ignore any replies or reblogs or tags or clearly related asks I get. At the end of the week I would screenshot all of the replies and post them in a reblog of my original post. Then I plan to discuss how apathy, violent support, and virulent hatred on all sides is hampering peace. I just want to talk about how to be a goood ally. You're a hero!!!!!! I would do the same for your post btw. I don't want to burden you at all or ask anything of you other than to make the post. 💜💜💜💜

thatmuslimlady: No problem!! You're a really cool person so I figured I'd do it 👍

edenfenixblogs: You're the coolest person on this whole site! It's 3am so imma sleep. Salaam aleikum!!!!!!!

thatmuslimlady: Aww thank you! It's four am for me lol. I just woke up like five minutes ago

edenfenixblogs: Hi friend! I'm planning on making the post about our little experiment later tonight. I've been monitoring your post itself for Islamophobic reactions, so I don't need you to look at that at all if you don't want! But as of the moment I'm sending this message, I have not seen anything but support on yours, which makes me very happy indeed. Have you received any hate messages in your inbox since last week? Any support messages?

thatmuslimlady: I've received support thankfully, no hate so far

edenfenixblogs: 💜

thatmuslimlady's post interactions:

reply 1: ooof that really sucks. unfortunately i don't know if there's any substantial way i can help but sending emotional support <3

reply 2: I am so sorry that you are dealing with that. I pray for peace and safety for you and your community.

reply 3: Shit sucks so bad. <3

reply 4: My heart is with you.

reply 5: I hope you have support to get through this

reply 6: We need more Jewish-Muslim solidarity. It's so messed up that lots of us (both Jewish and Muslim) are just minding our own business trying to exist in the diaspora and getting harassed by (mostly) white Christians. I've have so many convos w Muslims friends about how the majority of the people making our lives hard are not even adjacent to the I/P conflict. I have a friend who has stopped wearing a hijab and my sister took down her mezuzah. We are all living in fear.

reblog 1: #let me know if i am using islamophobic language

reblog 2: #fuck islamophobia #Muslims and Jews are cousins

reblog 3: #i can go in the notes of the offender and talk mad shit if that is needed

reblog 4: We gotta stand together!

reblog 5: Seconded! Leave Muslims alone. They're not to blame for this conflict and they've been through enough. if you blame someone for a crime because they're the same religion you're a bigot. #end of story. #leave Muslims alone #islamophobia

reblog 6: #op I am hugging you #please let me know if you'd ever like back-up #especially if this is coming from Jews - I am not afraid to issue some tochecha 👍 #< prev tag #but I whole heartedly agree

reblog 7: @ thatmuslimlady I'm here if you need asses kicked. I should mention my work shoes are steel toes.

reblog 8: #i dont reblog enough about this. #i've been reblogging about antisemitism #but islamophobia is also incredibly prevelent right now and im sure its really bad in the usa rn as well #sending all my love to muslims suffering…

reblog 9: Actually no, this belongs in the maintext: OP and any other Muslim followers, if you need back up, let me know. This is not okay and you should know that I am ready and happy to show up for you. This goes double for if this is coming from Jews or people claiming to be our allies - Islamophobia is not the answer to antisemitism, it's not helping us, and I will gladly inform anyone who needs to hear it of that. 🙂

reblog 10: ^^ What [redacted] said, feel free to message me as well

reblog 11: #islamophobia #don't be awful to each other

reblog 12: #yeah neither Islamophobia or anti-semitism is ever a solution to anything #nor should it happen in the first place! #solidarity forever

reblog 13: #islamophobia #i will deadass fight anyone actually #let us know and we'll pull up #and on a serious note op i am sending you strength and courage to deal with the bigots <3 #(not to say my offer to fight isn't serious. lmk who…

Reply from @ arabian-knight: Zionist blow your brains out

Reblog 2: The Jewish Experience

screenshot 1: #i/p #leftist antisemitism #antisemitism #jumbler #I've stopped talking about my feelings with ayone #because I'm so afraid it will push my friends away #at first I talked about it a lot but after a while I felt like I was bothering them by harping on it too much #idk if I actually was because my friends are really understanding #but it *felt* like I was #so I've basically just been pretending I'm completely fine ever since #and I'm really really not

screenshot 2: Leftist antisemitism is so insidious It is intentionally constructed so people cannot acknowledge that it is in fact antisemitism It dresses up decades-to-millennia old anti-Jewish propaganda and conspiracies in progressive language It does not allowed Jewish people to define antisemitism It leaves no room for nuance where nuance is vital It reduces complex history and an even more complex geopolitical conflict into a litmus test It sorts Jews into "Good Jew" and "Bad Jew" It denies Jews equal access to public life and equal accommodations It turns harassing and hating Jews into praxis while claiming to love Jewish people, you don't hate Jews you just hate [vital aspect of Jewish identity] and believe it must be eradicated

screenshot 3: I feel disgusted with everything I read, hear and watch I can never trust hundreds of content creators who I watched and read and liked art of It's gotten to the point I refuse to check social media for content creators I like because they might be cheering for my death I feel guilty listening to any music not in Hebrew because I don't know what the artists have said and I don't want to look I'm scared of finding any new people or shows to watch Everyday I block yet another creator who prided themselves on inclusivity and progressivism and yet doesn't offer that to Jews or Israelis I've left so many forums and discords and deleted so much social media how will I ever return from this? Will I ever be able to watch YouTube, or read books, or listen to music or read webcomics ever again without thinking about potential horrible things the creators have said?

screenshot 4: There are a million other ways that it is harmful, it's terrifying looking at the people who claim to care about the marginalized and the oppressed and knowing the majority will never actually care about you and your people when it really counts

screenshot 5: listening to people whose countries either killed jews, expelled jews, or refused to allow jewish refugees entry then go on to have very loud opinions about where jews ought to live and how it's the evil jews' fault a lot of jews began to cling to an ideology that sustains itself on the idea jews cannot be safe anywhere but in their own state. Well it's a lot, bro. it's a lot #there's another word for it 😒

screenshot 6: i don't know dude i'd think some of these antizionists who are not antisemitic would have like. acknowledged that attacking the berlin synagogue, synagogue in tunis, synagogue in melilla etc. was not exactly a le epic act of decolonization. was kinda under the impression that's where those pesky israelis were supposed to return to ?

screenshot 7: Based on my mentions the only protest to the Israeli govt that would be sufficient for some of you would be a protest suicide. The only good Jew is a dead Jew

screenshot 8: #prev tags are so real #actually you just wish that all Jews were all perfect dead victims instead of a vibrant living people #because dead victims can't object to you usually their murder as symbolism for literally whatever you want it to mean

screenshot 9: Your Jewish friends aren't upset that you're speaking out about Palestinian deaths. We are upset that you were silent until there were Palestinian deaths. Because Jews don't count. And now we know that as your friends, we don't count.

screenshot 10: #antisemitism #literally from the days after October 7th #where many marches had iconography of parachuters #and apparently no one at those marches had a problem with it… #a lot of people I thought I trusted didn't seem to see a problem with it #why the fuck would I feel safe around any of you

screenshot 11: #to be clear: yes it's very possible to support Palestinian self-determination without being antisemitic #lots of Jews in fact do this! #it's super possible and you should try it today! #all you have to do is care about Jews like you would any other marginalized group #this is apparently a startlingly tall order for some people #but it's completely doable if you aren't an antisemite 🙂 #hope this helps

I am experiencing a lot of antisemitism due to the ongoing conflict and I would like it to stop, please.

#i was messaged by op and they've explained things to me how my tags were inappropriately worded #using the word zionist in the first place opens the doors to bad faith people who feel safe condeming 'zionists'#but being specific with your wording draws more good faith people and creates more nuance in the discussion #it also clumps together the people like those of screenshot 5 with ultranationalists which i should have internalised far more than i did #'it's the evil jews' fault a lot of jews began to cling to an ideology that sustains itself on the idea jews cannot be safe #anywhere but in their own state'#this explanation is short but hopefully it gets things across #original tags ->#or idk im fairly anxious but if u wanna dm the other screenshots id be happy to transcribe them 4 u b4 u post them #this conflict is so frustrating i wanna bite the throats of zionists but ppl r using this as an opportunity to capitalise on antisemitism #and thats fucking disgusting.#i hadnt even heard of the attacks on the synagogues what the fuck is wrong with people #harassing jews will not fix any of this you're just outting yourself as a bigot

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taintedcigs · 8 months ago

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— if you're feeling lucky

pairing: fwb!eddie munson x f!reader

summary: friends with benefit never ends well... or does it? based on this prompt by @dumplingsjinson (wc: 1.2k+)

warnings: just absolute fluff, maybe tiny angst, and a kiss, and thats it, oh and my shitty writing.

author's note: ignore the corny summary im lazy. the title has no meaning i just luv that song omfg. not proofread. based on this lovely request i got from angel @voyeurmunson i hope i did it justice i am so very rusty!!!! and the ending is rushed i AM SORRY

pleaseeee reblog to support me. ty!! mwah.

You knew this would eventually happen. You agreed to this stupid "arrangement" knowing that this would be the outcome.

Just because you couldn't keep your feelings in check. Just because the two of you kissed hazily one night, minds filled with each other and the cheap weed Eddie provided. Like a knot that had been waiting to be undone, unraveling, so quickly, fading just as much—if not more quicker.

You should've seen it coming.

From the way your last rendezvous ended, when you accidentally kissed him goodbye on his way home. It was a simple, honest mistake.

Or was it?

The two of you had a set of rules; fucking with no feelings attached, make sure none of it got in the way of your friendship. It was supposed to be simple.

But that goodbye kiss was intimate, more than just fucking, and much more than your stupid friendship.

His cheeks burned a salmon pink, your plushy lips tainting his with something he had never experienced before; pure affection. Making him splutter, almost tripping on his way out of your house.

You barely registered what you did when he finally left, too enamored to even notice. Your son-of-a-bitch subconscious playing its tricks on you, feelings acting out before your logic can even kick in.

Stress ate away at you, but you assumed he wouldn't make a big deal of it. That this wouldn't ruin anything. He would forget this by Monday.

By the time he ignores your fifth call, and even goes as far as to avoid you in town, you start to blame your poor assumption skills. Try to ignore the insecure feelings that churn in your stomach.

Anger replaces those thoughts in an instant, because how could he just fucking end things without even talking to you?

Did he not even like you as a friend anymore?

Did one kiss really disgust him this much?

A lump sits in your throat at the unanswered questions, anxiety seeping through your skin, eating away at your organs, consuming you.

And after hours of endless anxious thoughts rummaging through your mind—and a long talk with your girlfriends where they urged you to talk to him, you end up at his door, arms crossed against your chest, wearing a scowl.

He opens the door with a bewildered gaze, your name falling softly from his lips, like a prayer, devoid of the lewdness it held than the last time you saw him. Much more affectionate, shattering your heart in every way possible.

"What is your problem?" You don't mean to go all out on him, especially when looks this good, bittersweet gaze meeting yours, tousled curly hair framing his face just in the way that has your heart skipping a beat.

"W—what?" He splutters.

You brush past him in a fury, "do you hate me now or something?" Your anger doesn't hold the same weight anymore, tone now laced with insecurity, a sadness that finds its way into your skin.

You don't let him talk, "do you realize how fucking childish this is? Ignoring my calls? Avoiding me?" He watches the way your brows quirk when you explain yourself, teeth pulling on your bottom lip worry, he wants to kiss it, your thoughts, worries away.

"That's not—"

"You could've just talked to me if—if you had any problem, ignoring me is fucked up."

Plushy lips open to speak, to explain himself, but you don't let him, fluttering your thick lashes at him, rambling on and getting more and more upset each time you spoke, tugging at his heartstrings, making him want to slap himself for being the source of your worries.

"We could've just talked this out, you know? W—we could've set up clearer boundaries and uh—" You were growing more and more frustrated, words getting mashed together with how emotional you were being.

"Will you let me—"

Again, you didn't let him speak, wanting to get it all out, knowing that this might've been the last time you spoke to him. Ever.

Your lip wobbled at the thought. "I—I just... 'm sorry, I broke the rules, okay? I—I swear it won't happen again, I don't want our friendship to be—"

"I can't be friends with you anymore!" He breathed, tone loud enough to startle you, the weight of his words taking a while to sink in.

You gulped, physically, mind too hazy to register what he said, that horrible feeling caging your chest, eating up the words that are unable to leave your lips. "Oh... uh—uhm, o—okay." You nervously nip at your nails, not knowing what to do.

"I can't do this anymore, either." He adds, pointing toward the space between the two of you, and you're unable to meet his gaze, too scared. The tears begging to be let out.

"Why—" You take a deep breath before you continue, prying your gaze from his stupid wooden floors, and back into those swirly caramel hues, now big enough to hypnotize you. Softening you in seconds. "Why not?"

"Fuck..." He mumbles, this time he's the nervous one, cheeks flushed with the prettiest pink all over. Fingertips trace against your features, settling on your cheekbones, and you let him. "Because I'm starting to get greedy, sweetheart."

Hope gnaws at your insides, the way something flashes in his gaze has you healing all over, the hold both of you have over each other is strong enough to gravitate you, yet both of you are too dumb to see it, notice it.

Until now.

"I can't just have that and be okay with it... I want—fuck that, I need more," He grumbles, desperate, a silent plea. Your mouth grows dry, lashes fluttering heavily to process it, the world stops spinning on its axis at the implication of his words.

"I need you." You can't help the way your gaze turns mellow, melting into his touch, everything you craved, and more, right in front of you.

A little taste of heaven.

Rolling your eyes playfully, plushy lips stretching into the prettiest smile, followed by a giggle—a heavenly sound he decides he can't fucking live without. "You absolute idiot," you breathe with a shake of your head.

"You didn't think to tell me that? Were you just gonna pull away? Bury your feelings away?"

He mocks a thinking face, "I'd write a few songs about it too, probably." Grin growing wider the more he looks at you, barely registering what the fuck is going on. That you even showed up at his door. That you're even entertaining the idea of being with him.

He's at the palm of your hand, and you don't even know it.

"Idiot."

Pushing a palm over his chest dramatically, he tilts his head in a manner that has you wanting to squeeze his cheeks. "An idiot you like back?"

"Unfortunately." His lips downturn, an exaggerated pout that has your smile stretching.

"An idiot I like too much that it's embarrassing," you add with a scrunch of your nose, a gesture Eddie wants to worship, want to leave open-mouthed kisses all over your face.

"I'll take embarrassing," he whispers, licking his lips before leaning in. You stare at his parted lips a millisecond longer, before pulling him by his stupid Hellfire shirt, pressing your lips hotly against his.

Eddie only freezes for a second before his instincts take over, a groan rumbling in the back of his throat, deepening the kiss, lips parting to taste you, fully, completely.

Only breaking the kiss once you consumed him, lazy smirk sitting on his lips, “Told ya we couldn’t be friends anymore,” he teases, that pretty dimple sitting on his cheeks. “Shut up,” you reply with a giggle, interrupting him before he can observe your features and try to drown you in compliments, fisting his shirt once again and pressing your plushy lips against his.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson blurbs #eddie munson drabbles #eddie munson fluff

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honeytonedhottie · 2 months ago

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dealing with stress⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎀📔

in this post i'll be talking about how i deal and manage my stress in ways that work for me, and how i soothe myself…💬🎀

AFFIRM ;

if ur an anxious manifestor, affirming will be ur best friend. affirm what u know to be true until it soothes you. if ur not into the law of assumption then thats fine too, affirming can still help you. affirming to urself that everything is going to be okay really helps.

some things that i like to affirm when im going through a lot of stress are ->

♡ ik that i am in control

♡ everything is going to work out fine

♡ i am at ease because everything is working out for me

♡ everything is coming together so beautifully for me

♡ i am totally in control, this is MY reality

REGULATING NERVOUS SYSTEM ;

so we have this thing in our bodies called the vagus nerve. it regulates ur heart rate, digestion, speaking and stimulating it helps anxiety and stress. to stimulate it you can ->

♡ hum or sing

♡ gargling

the reason behind these two points so far is that because ur using ur vocal chords it stimulates the vagus nerve (see chart above)

♡ exhale for longer than u inhale (DEEP BREATHSS)

TAKE SOME TIME OFF ;

you deserve to take a break from the world sometimes. take a day or two off of school if u can, or take a day or two off of ur work if ur able to and just get it together. do some meditation, take a nice long shower and a soothing nap. some more things to do while taking some time off/time to urself are

♡ meditate

♡ journalling

something that i do when i have a lot of stress is a healing journal "dump page" so i go into my healing journal and dump whatever has been on my mind, like literally everything and just get everything out of my system…💬🎀

♡ take a nice long shower

♡ take a nap

take the shower BEFORE u take the nap. i promise it feels so good to be clean and in fresh clothes and just bury yourself under ur blankets and RESTTT…💬🎀

♡ do some yoga

♡ do some breath control

♡ talk to yourself (it actually rly helps)

RELIEVE ;

relieve the tension and stress that u feel by doing things that are strenuous. like working out or something. just find ways in which to relieve the stress and tension from your days through doing something. that way it can become a habit and it can cue ur body to know when its time to relax.

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chuuya-kisser · 7 months ago

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THEORY TIME THEORY TIME

ok. so. first of all FYODOR FCKIN DOSTOEVSKY I LIKE U AND ALL BUT???? REMAIN DEAD??? U JESUS FR??

ANYWAYS ignoring that

so bc i adore skk to hell and back obviously im gonna explore their dynamic first

what kills me is how familiar they are with each other. they arent insulting each other in every sentence, which is still alright. and what struck me the most is how much dazai seems to trust chuuya. more so than anyone.

so far we know that dazai isn't exactly the most open person around. his entire cheerful joking persona is a facade, a fake. what you see is usually only what he wants to show you. his real emotions? ive only seen them very rarely, if at all. now look at these

the way chuuya says what he does implies that he is already used to this habit of dazai's, which is only possible if dazai did this in his mafia days, AND even then, he was open and willing enough to let chuuya see it and know that dazai was anxious. which means that even before mersault, before dazai left the mafia, he and chuuya atleast were that close that the usually closed-off, know-everything demon prodigy could show his worry to his partner, multiple times.

i think that over here, dazai really isnt hiding his emotions. you can see the shock and worry on his face and in his eyes clearly as he puts the pieces together. not only that, hes also laying out parts of his plan to chuuya, in addition to his theories. which he rarely does unless im wrong about that (its possible). he isnt worried about chuuya using his emotions and weaknesses against him, because he trusts him enough, although i think the trust between them was already shown when both of them fake-killed each other.

its easy to see the panic in his eyes, and personally i feel that this is him showing a bit of weakness, which is perfectly alright. the thing is that again, hes letting chuuya see this. I very much doubt that he would have let down his facade enough to show this to absolutely anyone else.

also the poor guy literally looks so stressed out here give him a goddamn break asagiri

aaaaand now chuuya.

now what strikes me is that even in the last chapter/s, chuuya has multiple times tried to reassure dazai that fyodor is indeed dead to try and calm down dazai's worries. this can also be him also wanting a damn break but anyways.

and these panels. while many ppl are agreeing that hes just sitting there being a pretty boy while dazai tows through helicopter debris (and i agree), and definitely chuuyas sadistic streak when it comes to dazai is showing itself clearly, its often been seen in both the official arts and animanga that whenever working together, chuuya always covers dazai's blind spots.

think about it. dazai has his back turned towards everything. if someone launched a surprise attack on him at this moment, the chances of him dodging, finding out abt it in time is pretty low. chuuya is directly behind dazai. i got this idea from another post i saw, but what if this is also chuuya covering for dazai yet again? protecting him?

anyways thats it folks maybe ill make another post on jesus- i meant fyodor soon

#bungou stray dogs #bsd chuuya #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #nakahara chuuya #soukoku #bsd #bsd spoilers #bsd 114 #bsd manga #bsd 114 spoilers #bsd ch 114 #skk

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two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat · 1 year ago

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Its probably a combination of things. Also I think we just hear about it more often now with the internet.

It feels like having a dog has gotten way complicated and hard in recent years, posts talking about reactive unsocialized and untrained dogs everywhere but the thing is, was anybody intentionally socializing their dogs before the past couple decades? Are humans just way more isolated? Is it the thing about how you should adopt a rescue instead of buying?

#i never realized how little people actually pay attention to dogs social cues before i got chewby #like chewby is a very anxious dog. shes very uncomfortable with people she doesnt know touching her. it took 2 weeks of her living with me #before she let me pet her. and i respected her space. i let her come to me. and now we snuggle on the couch and rough house and #shes my buddy. but that took time and patience. and so many people in my dads family #who have owned dogs longer than ive been alive. just do not get that they need to give her space. even after being told that they need #to give her space. they ignore all of the cues she gives off to show shes uncomfortable (including growling like wtf guys that is an #extremely clear communication) like. just pretend she isnt there. shes chill if you just let her do her own thing. we usually sit #back kinda far away from everyone else at family things anyway cuz my autistic ass is easily overwhelmed if im stuck in the middle #of everything. i mean it really shouldnt surprise me that theyre this bad at this. theyve never been good about giving ME space #either. but like. goddamn. you HAVE DOGS. YOUVE HAD A LOT OF DOGS.#on the other hand my moms dad is slowly getting chewby warmed up to him. we dont take her over there very often so its taking awhile #also i feel like her previous owner (WHO HAS BRED DOGS FOR YEARS) also just didnt pay much attention to her when she was around #people. cuz he had no idea how nervous she is around people she doesnt know. but he also just let her free roam off least wherever #he went so that checks out. she also had a lot more control over her situation then cuz if she got too overwhelmed she could just leave #but now shes leashed and probably feels less in control. but thats why its good to have someone holding her leash that can pay attention #to her and remove her from the situation if she starts getting too overwhelmed when we take her places (usually me)#chewby is technically a pandemic puppy (pretty sure she was born at the end of 2020) but she does have more experience #being in situations just cuz mike is a social guy and didnt social distance a whole lot so while shes nervous around people she does #know how to act around people as long as theyre not getting in her face and trying to pet her #the only people shes totally chill with (besides the people she knows) are little kids. shes very good with little kids

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spyder-junkie · 1 year ago

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EARTH-24 MILES MORALES X FEM! READER

warning: cursing, drugs, angst

‘Yo?’

“Miles?”

“Where are you???”

“Are you serious Miles….?”

You shut your phone off with a huff just after pressing send on your 6th text of the hour. You were waiting at the restaurant Miles agreed to meet you at, only he was an hour and a half late, and his phone was on dnd.

Its not like this was the first time either, Miles was habitually late to important things and you were starting to become fed up with it.

Suddenly you huffed in frustration, getting up from the booth and striding out of the restaurant. Miles promised he’d treat you to dinner to celebrate an internship you received, AND to make up for the last date he was three hours late to.

“Im not sitting in that damn booth for three hours.” You mumbled, beginning the walk back to your house. You thought back to a couple days before when the two of you were planning the event.

“Im gonna do it right this time, Mami. I wont let you down, I promise.” You mocked, rolling your eyes as your pace increased.

You flinched as your phone buzzed.

‘im otw.’

That simple text somehow angered you even more.

‘dont bother. I left.” You replied just before fumbling for the keys to your flat.

You stomp into the empty apartment, throwing down your bag and taking off the new outfit you bought just for the date.

Your grip was rough as you pulled a box from your bedside table. You grated, rolled, and sealed your first blunt so aggressively that you almost dropped it.

Then you took a deep breath. You were laying in bed in your bra and some pajama shorts, hair and makeup done, about to smoke your frustrations away when you should have been celebrating with your boyfriend. It was almost laughable.

So thats what you did, placing the blunt to your lips and lighting it while letting out a deep chuckle.

____

Miles stared down at his phone before letting out a low sigh. He had just gotten back to the garage, he was pulling his suit off while simultaneously texting you that he was on the way. He wasn’t surprised that your response was quick, but he was surprised at what it said.

He knew you were upset, he would be if he was you, but he just couldnt tell you what was going on.

He was too afraid to lose you, but he was starting to think he’d lose you anyway.

He took another deep sigh, saying bye to Aaron and beginning to walk to your apartment. And when he got there, he climbed the fire escape, peering into your bedroom.

The air in the room was foggy, you were smoking, something he knew you only did when you were stressed or anxious.

He lifted the window slowly, stepping in and closing it behind himself.

He watched as your eyes flew open, looking at him for a moment before closing again. You were laying on your back, one hand behind your head and the hand holding the blunt resting on her forehead.

“I missed you, mi corazon.” Miles mumbled, trying to ease the tension. The smell of weed was heavy in the air as you took a slow drag from the blunt, eyes still closed.

“Cool.” You replied, smoke falling out of your mouth as you spoke.

“The date thing was my fault, something came up, you know how that shit is.” He said. He was waiting for the yelling and the angry frustrated tears, but they didnt come, and he couldn’t tell if that was good or not.

“Maybe I should make marijuana my new boyfriend.” You said, taking another hit and letting it trail out your nose.

“Its always there when I need it to be.” Your eyes were still closed, chest rising and falling calmly.

“Mi vida, You know Im sorry-“

“mhm.” You hummed.

“Its not gonna happen again I swear-“

“right.”

“Imma make it up to you I swear.”

He watched as you took a hit from the blunt once again. Eyes opening this time, watching the far wall.

“Miles…” She blew the smoke.

“Get out.”

Miles’ eyes widened a bit.

“Hermosa, I-“

“If I have this conversation with you right now, Im going to break up with you. I suggest you leave my room.” You say calmly.

Miles felt an immediate pain in his chest, his hands beginning to shake. He was silent as he walked back to the window, opening it and pushing his leg through.

“I love you, y/n.” He said, pausing for a moment.

“I know you do.” You reply, tapping the ash off your blunt.

#earth 42 miles morales x reader #miles morales #earth 42 miles x reader #miles morales x reader #miles x reader #spider man: across the spider verse #across the spiderverse

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