#cause hopefully ill be more clearly masculine

[cockworms]

so I work two jobs, at an auto parts store and a cafe and I've noticed that people at the parts place think im a dude and the cafe customers assume im a girl its so interesting to see

[murdereraisuha]

screaming about chapter 5 but more coherently this time

This is gonna cover 1. the recent update’s events in comparison to my previous theories & expectations, 2. the winner of the VDC and Vil’s character development 3. Kalim & Jamil’s character development, and 4. the main story moving forward

Spoilers for everything up to 5-67. Word count: 2117

So, in my “Jamil is Snow White” theory post, I used the events of the original Snow White to try and guess how TWST chapter 5 would correlate to it and what characters would fill what roles (Snow White, huntsman, prince, etc.) in the story.

Originally, I kind of assumed the beginning of chapter 5 would line up to either the beginning of the movie or halfway through when the Queen is already hatching her plan to get Snow White with the poison apple. However, it seems like the movie events have actually been compacted into 5-57 to 5-67.

After the NRC rehearsal, Vil becomes the most beautiful, corresponding to the beginning of the movie when the Queen is still the most beautiful. Then, Neige, out of his natural cuteness rather than hard work and practice like Vil, usurps him, representing the point Snow White becomes the fairest in the land. The next part with the apple juice and Rook coming to the rescue is a mix of the next part of the movie, when the huntsman tells Snow White to run, and the part of the movie with the poison apple. Then, the MC and the rest of the dance team kind of act like the dwarves by fighting the Queen/Vil. However, other than that, everyone follows their corresponding role: Neige is Snow White and Rook is the huntsman.

I think the story as it has played out makes sense. I was initially startled by Vil suddenly going murder mode, but. To work so hard on this song and choreography and training up your team, only to have the media love your lifetime rival who’s only brought an arrange of a kid’s song with clumsy singing and dancing to the table, potentially crushing your plan for victory here... I understand Vil’s feelings here and the sudden, desperate decision to curse Neige.

Rook’s actions after that don’t seem too out of line with what we know about his personality and his unconventional beliefs/actions regarding beauty and Vil’s beauty. Seriously though, wtf please don’t just drink poison. Anyway, I really enjoyed Kalim coming in then. The way he noticed Vil’s face being like Jamil’s before his overblot? The part when he tried to remind Vil that no one drank the juice so Vil hasn’t hurt anyone yet? Good stuff right there.

However, the way things played out also disappointed me somewhat. Though we had a Kalim & Jamil interaction, we still haven’t had a good resolution to their character/relationship development, so hopefully that’s in the final part of chapter 5. Furthermore, though Kalim did slap the apple juice away, I really felt like he and Jamil would have had more involvement with poison/curses in this part considering all the stuff in this chapter about Kalim being poisoned in the past.

There’s also the fact that all Jamil did was evacuate the area, it was Kalim and Rook who were around when Vil overblotted. The pattern of the previous overblot causing the next has kind of been broken. It could mean that the pattern was actually the dorm leader causes the next overblot?? Anyway, I’m hoping that Jamil will have his time in the spotlight in the next part.

-----

So that kind of brings me to the future. First off, who will win the VDC? Personally, I think that it will be NRC. With everyone so enthusiastically proclaiming in 5-67 that they’re going to win the championship, it would feel off for them to fail. From things that Vil has said this chapter, like in 5-37 when he admonishes Deuce that effort isn’t enough to succeed, it seems like the bad route/worst case scenario of Vil’s outlook is to lose hope that his efforts will ever give him success or a happy end. Therefore, the good route would be for him to keep hope, to keep the belief that he can get his happy end, and I think winning the VDC would be the thing that would support this belief. I do not think he would learn much from losing; if he has already lost and got relegated to the role of villain so many times before, one more time would not mean much to him. 

Other people have said that Vil also needs to learn to chill and stop holding people to such high standards, which is something I agree with. Though Epel’s beliefs on masculinity and power were pretty harmful, Vil’s methods of trying to correct those beliefs were also harmful. Vil’s treatment of Epel at the end of Epel’s ceremony robes story seriously left a bad taste in my mouth. The thing is, something or someone would need to prompt a change in Vil’s beliefs for a change to occur. After Deuce and Epel’s  outing, they seem to be pretty chill with Vil, so there aren’t any conflicts in the group. I can’t think of anyone in the team other than Kalim and maybe Ace who would have a strong enough opinion on not pushing yourself too hard that they would try and give that opinion to Vil, and Kalim’s already had a big interaction with Vil in 5-62.

So, I feel like any further Vil character development this chapter would come from an interaction with Neige. Going back to the debate of who will win VDC, we know that Vil resents Neige for always being the hero. If Neige won yet again, would Vil take what he says to heart? However, if Vil won, that would be a new situation. I think that the first things he hears from a Neige that has finally lost would be impactful to him.

I’m not sure though of all this though because of this line in 5-66:

Vil’s saying that throwing a tantrum and taking it out on other people was awful of him. Though it obviously refers to his attempts to murder before and during his overblot, it could also point to an overall shift in mindset regarding how he treats others. His attempts to mold Epel into a poison apple, for example, stemmed from his own ambitions and frustration at Neige, which you could interpret as a sort of tantrum that he then took out on Epel. Vil may have already learned to relax on pushing his high standards on others.

Regardless of if that’s true or not, I personally think that Vil and Neige still have a lot that they could learn from each other, assuming my perception of Neige as being innocent rather than a white lotus is correct. Vil’s team’s performance had a lot of cohesion and rehearsal put into it, but it was very competitive focused. On the other hand, Neige and the dwarves obviously had a lot of fun with their performance. However, it was clumsy and they were ill prepared. Therefore, Vil could teach Neige more discipline and planning while Neige could teach Vil about how to not lose sight of finding joy in your work.

-----

As I have already said, I’m hoping for more Kalim & Jamil stuff in the final part of chapter 5. I originally theorized that something would happen to one of them, probably Kalim, and that would lead to some sort of reveal about their feelings and the chapter would end with them clearly on the trajectory to repair their relationship and really become friends. 

Since nothing happened yet and neither got poisoned/cursed, I think then that the event that sparks the finale of their character development would probably relate directly to the VDC. First off for our possibilities, we have the two’s families watching as Jamil takes the spotlight as a main vocal while Kalim is in the back. Given what we know, I don’t think Kalim’s family would be too happy about that. The conflict from that definitely seems like it could result not only in some sort of understanding between Kalim and Jamil, but also maybe even a change in Jamil or his family’s status. For a less dramatic possibility, we also know from 5-47 that Jamil’s sister will be coming to watch. If she makes an appearance, perhaps she will have some unexpected insight to say that would lead to a discussion & development between Jamil and Kalim.

Finally, my Jamil becomes the most beautiful theory might still be partially true, though idk if that’s just me not wanting to give up on it cause of how funny it would be. Basically, the theory was that, after the VDC performances, the internet/media become super interested in Jamil due to how talented and handsome he is. I originally thought that could serve as a factor for Vil overblot, but now I think it could prompt some discussion & development between Jamil and Kalim due to it serving as a clear example of Jamil finally showing his true ability and by how much Jamil was letting Kalim win. Furthermore, Vil might be affected by an event like that. Though the overblot’s already happened, perhaps something happening with Jamil specifically would lead to something happening between him and Vil, fulfilling the pattern of the previous overblot doing stuff with the next. I’m out of ideas for the Scarabia boys, so let’s continue.

-----

Honestly, I don’t think anything will happen with Idia and Ortho outside of a quick teaser at the very end of the chapter. Considering that we still have to cover all the stuff with the VDC performance and its results and the aftermath of the results, Idia’s presentation thingy might not even happen until chapter 6.  ?

Idk, rn I’m more concerned about the overarching plot with Mickey Mouse than I am about chapter 6 Ignihyde shenanigans. So, we had a little flash of the Queen/Hag during the day, and also we finally discovered that Malleus is Malleus. So things are picking up a bit. I’m not sure if something unexpectedly big this chapter will happen though. I’ve seen people saying that the boss was surprisingly easy so there might be another big battle coming up. I don’t actually play the game so I don’t know anything about that, is it intentional or is it just that the chapter took so long to update that y’all had tons of time to beef up your boys? For me, it did feel like the Vil overblot was the climax of the chapter. With all the other stuff like the VDC results and the Scarabia boys’ character development, I don’t know if there’s any more room. There could be some big new info with Mickey Mouse or Grim’s bad eating habit, but I can’t picture something happening that would warrant another boss battle.

I do have some thoughts on Mickey Mouse, but I think I’ll save my memey ones for another post and wait for the end of chapter 5 before getting my serious thoughts together. Anyway, now a little talk on chapter 6. So, we have 4 options: chapter 6 will be something regarding Idia’s presentation, something regarding Deuce borrowing the magical wheel, something combining those two plot points, or something else entirely. 

Well, for something combining those two, Riddle was the one wanting Idia to go do the presentation in person, right? So, Idia probably doesn’t like Riddle that much. Maybe he wants to make some sort of plan to get back at Riddle. What can he use? 

Uh I just looked back at 5-39 to figure out what exactly is up and one translation says Deuce forcefully borrowed the magical wheel and another says he borrowed it as a huge favor??? The original says 無理言って借りてきた, deepL translates it as forcibly borrowed, 無理を言って means asking for something unreasonable. What exactly are the circumstances here?

Okay whatever, look, Deuce is in some sort of debt to Ignihyde. Idia could use him since he and Riddle are in the same dorm. Idk my train of thought got wrecked by the translation confusion.

But anyway so we know Deuce is probably gonna be Meg. I’ve never watched Hercules and I don’t know anything about it aside from what I’ve just read on wikipedia. The summary there says that Hercules kills a bunch of monsters and becomes famous then Hades holds Meg hostage in exchange for Hercule’s powers and Hercules accepts the trade but then “Hades reveals that Meg was working for Hades all along” ??? And then in the end though “ Hercules chooses to remain on Earth with Meg”. So what happens, is Meg good or what? Alright it might be better to at least wait for whatever sneak peek of chapter 6 we get at the end of chapter 5 before speculating. Let’s end this here before it gets any longer.

[calleo-bricriu]

Well, the book is finally getting into the title’s namesake, even if the definition of “pervert” so far is pretty tame.

This book, if you’ve missed it so far.

Oh, and even though I didn’t bother getting into chapter 13, I did skim the first page and had one of those, “Well, there it is, what he’s been hinting at the entire time with the descriptions of Mizpra.”:  “Her maternal and reproductive instincts had been starved and enfeebled by a life of wrong training and misdirected study, augmented by the unphysiologic life of the disappointed femme sole, and environed by the false and unhealthy ideas of the New England women suffragists."

So, Mizpra, basically:

Anyway, on to the chapters I did force myself through.

Chapter 10!

Three week time skip where Leigh had himself locked away in what amounts to a drunk tank despite the fact that he hadn't gone out drinking.

Also, he apparently didn't eat OR drink (anything) for those three weeks which is one of those sorts of things that, if you tried to do it, you would actually die.

Alas, I'm not so lucky. Leigh is still alive to bore us for a few hundred more pages.

No surprise he's having wild ass mood swings, not eating or drinking or sleeping for three weeks. Surprised he remembers his name is Leigh at this point. Thankfully, the author has remembered and rambled on for a good ten or so pages about how we should all feel sorry for the tortured genius of Leigh.

I realised another reason I dislike Leigh: He smokes cigars, and I just hate the smell of cigar smoke so not only do I have to hear this moron pretend he's a genius philosopher in my own head as I read this book, I can now also smell him while he's doing it.

Anyway, skipping the dozens of pages that have nothing to do with the plot and are Leigh going on about how he thinks religious people are stupid and why he's so smart and so burdened under the weight of all of his absolute genius.

A genius wouldn't name their kid Mops, as an aside.

Skipping more pages of an irrelevant exchange between some guy outside trying to sneak some guy inside some alcohol.

Now we're up to some thing about a Catholic woman who's gone off the rails, is fully nude because that's a relevant thing to bring up you creep, and is very clearly mentally ill and is locked up. Of course they want Dr. Bell and Leigh (who, I might remind everyone at this point, is still technically inpatient at this place) to see her because geniuses or something.

Don't care, not relevant to the plot. We get it, Leigh, you're a genius.

"She then uttered a string of filthy pornographic oaths that would have put Emulphus to shame." and the author isn't going to share a single one with us.

So, Leigh the genius, declares this naked raving woman perfectly fine and says she--just needs a cold bath. Okay.

So that's the end of chapter ten.

Chapter 11:

Leigh is back home and his wife is not concerned abou tany of this, only "exceedingly interested" in hearing about his struggle with his "other self".

This makes her, in the author's judgement, reasonable.

Obera is, however, getting really antsy to get Mizpra killed, so there's that.

Rev. Bell comes to visit and as part of his groveling hello, "I have heard your pæans shouted from the housetops, and have been anxious to meet such a well-known man." I already dislike him.

Also, sin is the root cause of all illness. Of course Leigh had to go on and on about that so he could be sure it was still clear that he is, in fact, a genius in every way.

10 pages and he's still talking about that.

All right, so Leigh finally said one reasonable thing: "The words 'insanity' and 'insane' should disappear from our scientific vernacular, as they carry with them an atomsphere of medieval superstition and prejudice. There should be no distinction drawn between a person ill with typhoid fever, consumption, or any other physical disease and one ill from disease of the brain; it is only a difference of the organ affected."

Probably the only reasonable thing he'll say.

So, he finally shuts up and Rev. Bald tries to ask him to hang out outside of the house sometime and gets immediately shut down by Obera going with, "Dr. Newcomber prefers his home and books," and he just sort of parrots that back as well.

Obera asks Leigh what he thought of Rev. Bald and gets, "He is an ecclesiastical bunco steerer," and she tells him he's not allowed to hang out with the guy because of--the thing with Mizpra trying to straight up murder Mops.

He tells Obera not to blame Mizpra because "she is not morally responsible" due to being mentally ill, which is all good and well, but she did try to murder a child and should maybe be made to take a tiny bit of responsibility for that.

His solution is to send Obera and Mops away. Cool.

Dr. Bell visits the next morning to tell him the hysterical naked woman ran off with "our big Swede, Andersen. He was a mere animal. We kept him under control by giving him the furnaces to attend".

Turns out, the naked raving woman was relevant as it was Leigh's sister, Marcia and he's not--at all concerned by any of this, just, "Eh, oh yeah, I forgot to mention, she's my sister and she's fucking bonkers, it's no big deal."

And that's chapter 11.

Back to Mizpra for Chapter 12.

"To stand upon the wreck of her brothers and sisters, offering them enough assistance to prolong their misery, was her ambition." Settle down a little Mizpra.

She decides they should all go to Chicago to look at real estate instead of to California, then sort of goes on for awhile about how real estate agents are all crooks.

Long rambling introspection to determine that her mother's side of the family "suffered from weak arteries in advanced years" (like everyone else?) which made her prone to having a stroke or three and that she's arthritic.

So the switch to going to Chicago was to "keep her mother in a low altitude for a few days, then rush her rapidly up the Rockies" hoping to trigger a stroke that would HOPEFULLY not be fatal and if she did die, oh well, can't murder someone by stroke, so she'd not be arrested.

"She must witness torture and cause pain. This was her life." That's the intro for a good few pages of Mizpra thinking over all sorts of torture scenes from mythology which I'm sure are meant to be shocking but the author is what the author is and there's not much for detail. You'd get more detail reading the actual myths.

At the end of that she decides not to throw diphtheria infected toys at Mops anymore and she's going to aim straight at Obera with some method she'd seen but we're not told yet.

Great.

Oh, it's just anthrax.

I was hoping for something a little more creative than more small scale biological warfare.

Trying to murder people by sending disease via post seems to be some sort of fetish for Mizpra.

By now Burke is getting kind of annoyed that Mizpra is treating him like a secretary and errand boy but, honestly Burke, she basically told you that was the arrangement from the start, why are you surprised?

"Burke Wood was one of those unfortunate bipeds whom men despise, women hate, and the females of pervasive instincts employ as useful adjuncts to their much-scorned skirts." Well, we all know what the author thinks of Burke now. Also, all we’ve seen from Burke so far is that he’s a genuinely decent guy who adores Mizpra.

So mom comes in and asks Mizpra if she thinks she's treating that poor idiot Burke correctly and we find out that she somehow made this man with no training her LAWYER not just her secretary. Anyway, her mother reminds her if she keeps being nasty to him he's probably just going to leave her.

Then it just gets weird with her mom trying to not so subtly hint she needs to start with the sex where Burke is concerned and reminds Mizpra that she has "sex instincts".

Not the sort of conversation I'd want to have with my mother and, apparently, Mizpra doesn't want to have it with hers either. She brushes it off and tries to change the topic but this is what mother wants to talk about tonight so here we go.

"I preferred to see you enthusiastic over the dissection of a cat rather than playing with feminine foibles," what is this family even? Well, she regrets doing that now because apparently she's even noticing that Mizpra has some--interesting--obsessions.

Now even her mother is remarking on Mizpra's big, coarse, bony, manly hands. No wonder Mizpra has bizarre anger issues.

Mother figures out, finally, that Mizpra doesn't love Burke and isn't even remotely attracted to him like everyone but her and Burke figured that out at the wedding.

What mom's concerned about is that Mizpra doesn't want to fuck Burke; mom needs to mind her business, and this is not her business.

The problem, of course, is that Mizpra has had TOO MUCH education not that all we've seen of her is everyone else going on about how ugly and mannish she is.

I don't really want to read this old woman lecturing Mizpra on how she needs to fuck more then maybe she'd be happier.

So Burke interrupts them as Mizpra sent him to pick out some books she might like to read and pack the rest, and he interrupted to ask about one and we find out that if the "History of Flagellation does not meet with your approval, then it is because you do not understand the degredation of the woman of the past and my efforts for her enthronment in the future."

She then orders him to sit down then just kind of jerks his head back (with those big ol' coarse, manly hands of hers) and STARES at him before kind of sarcastically asking if he sees "anything but love" in her eyes then gives some, "Sorry if I've been cruel, I'm worried about my mother."

...then she tries to hypnotise him to sleep only she does it...loudly. While holding his eyes shut with her fingers.

To test some of that, she takes her scarf pin (which was holding together her, of course, “masculine necktie”) and jabs him in the forehead with it, then pierces his ears with it, then opened one eye and just jabbed her finger onto it so apparently holding someone's eyes shut then loudly commanding them to--be hypnotised works.

On Burke, at least.

She could have given him earrings or something.

Anyway, she then stabs the pin through his entire cheek then decided this is all making her way too horny and runs off to the sink to dunk her entire head into cold water.

So Mizpra's got a fetish.

For stabbing sleeping men with scarf pins.

I'm going to just stop here.

[nottskyler]

A Broken Down Car

A parable for why I have no issue with the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints even though they teach some wrong doctrine.

You have a car and it breaks down. You have to get it fixed and find out it is the transmission and while they can make it run again, the transmission is never going to function properly again because of how it related to the car. But the car still drives and there isn’t a better car in this imaginary world. What do you do? You keep the car. You might warn friends before purchasing the car that it has a sucky transmission. You don’t blame people for downgrading to a different car to not have to deal with the car sputtering every time it changes gears because it makes them nervous. You use the car because it works and, hopefully, the next model of the car will fix this issue.

I’ve seen a lot of queer people who cannot fathom believing in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints because of its stance on LGBT topics, especially ones who were brought up in the Church. However, being a trans man, this really isn’t something I’ve struggled with (belief-wise, social aspects are much harder to handle). There are many reasons for this.

You need to first understand that I’m an American. I’ve never encountered anything about trans or being trans until the bathroom law. As an American, I also am of the culture that unless it is strictly forbidden, it’s allowed/legal. This means that since I wasn’t told that being trans is a sin, I don’t see it as a sin. I understand the doctrine of the physical body related to roles and why they discourage surgeries that purposefully make you infertile (however I do understand that it is necessary for certain types of dysphoria and I don’t think a trans person is wrong to get those surgeries if they need it to be whole). Basically being brought up in the Church wasn’t keeping me from being trans. It was feminism that was keeping me from being trans (beyond the general fear and knowledge that I will never reach the ideal in this life).

Feminism. I feel like a universal experience of a trans person is seeing your identified gender, knowing subconsciously that you are supposed to be treated that way, and then having an issue with how you aren’t being treated that way. For men born women, the obvious place to go to find people who feel the same way is to join feminism and discuss the discrepancies there. It was a no-brainer that I would learn as much as I could about it and stand with them. Unfortunately, there is a large amount of suppression based on reproductive abilities and due to this, they had very narrow definitions of womanhood. They also recognized that feminine traits are looked down on whether they were in a woman or a man. They also recognized that there were predatory trans individuals.

A uniquely trans masculine experience is knowing that you will be perceived as turning against feminism or becoming what you are supposed to hate when you go from being perceived as a woman to being the man you were meant to be. Part of this comes because the whole experience of being trans is about reconciling the fact that no matter what hormones and surgeries you undergo, you will never be the true form you know you really should be. Feminism pointed to that difference and claimed that you will always be whatever you were born as. They also pointed to gender norms being the reason people transition and claimed that if people would have the courage to be themselves while staying the gender they were born with that we would have less of an issue with gender stereotypes. They also pointed to crimes done by some trans individuals to claim that trans people are suffering from perversion and not an illness. These were the beliefs that were keeping me from being trans.

I’ll start with the last one and move forward. There are trans individuals who commit crimes. There are trans individuals who use their access to places to harm others. They do not represent all trans people. There are Bishops who commit crimes and use their access to places to harm others. Anyone who harms another person should face consequences for that action, but an entire group should not be denied rights because of the actions of a few. Being trans is not a perversion, it is a cure to gender dysphoria.

While acknowledging that something was off with my gender, I came to realize that trans individuals face the same type of discrimination as gender non-conforming individuals, if not worse because they are questioned about transitioning when clearly they more fully fill the gender stereotypes of their gender assigned at birth. Gender stereotypes are harmful and prevent people from being themselves, but trans individuals aren’t making it worse by transitioning. Trans individuals are trying to stay alive and then thrive by transitioning. They actually can help because they understand what it is like to be told you are what you aren’t and can set the example on how to be true to yourself even when it requires fighting against the status quo.

Then, the hardest part for any trans person to struggle with, the reconciliation that being born in a body that does not match what you know you are inside and that no matter what you do that you will never change what you have into what you are. While people who don’t understand the trans experience use this to silence us or tell us we aren’t who we are, the hardest part is still coming to grips with the fact that we have to accept “something next to normal...close enough to normal to get by.” It’s where we lose hope and fall into depression with sometimes a fatal outcome. I will be honest that the principles of the Gospel really help with this because it’s truly the “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” embodied to an entirely new level. I will do everything I can here in this life to make my ability to live life as a man possible, but I will never make it all the way in this life. I will need the miracle of the resurrection to get the male body that matches my spirit.

Anyway, just because we can’t become who we were meant to be in this life doesn’t mean that it isn’t worth trying and that our lives won’t be more fulfilling as we try. We deserve the ability to preserve our lives through hormones and surgery and being recognized for who we really are instead of what we were born. That being said, there are limitations that have to be acknowledged and understood. Trans women won’t be able to give birth until some major scientific discovery is made, but they need to stand with cis women in the fight for reproductive rights and not get in their way because it fills them with dysphoria. At the same, feminists need to realize the trans women are just like them but in different bodies. There is a balance and both sides need to accept the other. Trans individuals can’t blame others for giving them dysphoria when the crime is living their cis life, but cis individuals should give respect by using the right name and pronouns.

Anyway, this long list of how I reconciled these feminist beliefs that told me that being trans is bad is to show that incorrect beliefs within a community built on beliefs do not make everything they say false. The clacking of heels made a difference in the blind auditions of orchestras even though feminists believe that trans people are giving in to gender pressure to transition. The falsehood of one statement does not make the other less true. I’m still a feminist even though they have beliefs that contradict my existence.

I know the major struggle gays have with the Church is different than the struggle I had with the Church, but that is why I compared it with my struggle with feminism. Feminism was actively keeping me from realizing I was trans, it actively kept me in denial until I could no longer deny what Gd was telling me. While the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is currently denying access to basic blessings to gays when the gays should simply be waiting for the time when gay sealings are reinstated, that doesn’t make the truth that it is Christ’s restored Church any less true. Even though feminism has false beliefs, it still is doing good and is worth supporting and helping. Even though the Church has false beliefs, it is still worth supporting and helping because I know that Gd will not let His Church be steered in the wrong direction longer than it must to respect agency, but He needs us to be righteous in order to bless us with the greater truth.

The Church is the broken down car. We’ve had our crisis of faith at various points of our journeys and had to reconcile the truth with the imperfections of reality. We need to keep the car, even if we don’t choose to drive it (or can’t because we are recovering from the accident the failing transmission caused). We need to keep our faith and obedience to the Gospel of Jesus Christ even if we don’t go to Church. If we return the car, the car company will be unable to turn enough profit to develop the improved model. If we rebel against the Church and its teachings, there will not be enough righteousness in the world to bless us with the revelation that will open the doors of the Temple to queer individuals. If we do better and be better, Gd will not be able to hold back His revelation about exactly how we fit in His plan just as He was not able to stay concealed due to the brother of Jared’s faith.

I write this as much for myself as anybody because I do fear what will happen to my status in Christ’s restored Church when it becomes common knowledge that I am trans. As long as my car still drives, I will drive it. I always admired the faith of the black individuals who still joined and attended Church even though the blessings of the temple were withheld from them. I guess Gd is trying my faith to see if I can be as faithful as them. I hope I am strong enough for the task.