#she could have fixed this years ago
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She had that stupid bullshit of “if you disagree with us you must die” but the people who are dying are not cis straight people, it’s lgbtq+ people. It’s the cis people murdering trans people, it’s the straight people murdering gay people, rarely do you see it be the other way around. If anything, Death Eaters were more of a warning against cis straight men than anyone in the lgbtq+ community.
Who does she think she is? Does she think she’s a bringer of the good word? Someone to warn us all about the dangerous people here to steal our genders?
All she is is a bigot who pretends to be a feminist.
She ain't even subtle anymore lmao
#stupid stupid stupid#/neg#jk rowling#the hole just keeps getting deeper#she could have fixed this years ago#i genuinley do not think she was warning us against anything#in harry potter#she just likes to talk#and alter her books#because she is not a good writer
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sometimes I think about how when I went to college for a year before I dropped out (basically failed out,) the counselors/dean told me they can't help me at all or give any accommodations unless I have an official autism/adhd diagnosis. that might sound logical at first, but when you think about it more, it's actually quite fucked up. if someone is struggling really bad, what's the harm in helping them? why do they require a paper to get even the smallest amount of help? people who don't need help aren't going to be failing miserably without help! even NTs could benefit from some adjustments to the horrible school system! (but changing the entire system is a whole other conversation that the school system isnt ready for)
but even if you do agree to jump through their hoops, you realize it's even more fucked up that the diagnosis process requires YEARS in most cases (in my case it took 4 or 5 years, can't recall exactly now, for autism/adhd diagnosis, which would have meant i finished school before getting it if i managed to mot fail out, or i wait that long before going back, which is a whole struggle itself) and they also tried billing me for THOUSANDS of dollars because of insurance issues!!
so you put a ton of time and money into this, and then get told the only accommodation they are willing to give you for autism and adhd is "a little extra time on tests"
....
my test scores were the best part of my whole class experience. that was NOT what I struggled with!!!!! those tests were all online and could be done in the comfort of your home where you can accommodate yourself and have plenty of time left over when you finish them because you are comfy in your own space, (and also, no one was stopping you from having your notes/books/google open to find the answers,) and you don't even need a time consuming, expensive diagnosis for that!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT!!!!!!!
#mind you this was over 10 years ago now. it *could* have gotten better but id be extremely shocked if it has#autistic#autism#actually autistic#adhd#neurodivergent#audhd#school#school problems#yes i know theres rules or maybe even laws for this and its why they are like this but its bad and should change#if they offered smaller classes with less sensory overloading bullshit and other things i needed it would be great!#but they refuse to accommodate your actual needs and make up useless accommodations to legally say they help disabilities#ND people (not just audhd) and other disabled people that graduate with no useful accommodations are so strong and cool. proud of you!#ones who had to drop you youre also cool for not dealing with their bullshit snd allowing yourself to not suffer for a sheet of paper!#(though i know it can feel bad when everyone around you makes you feel bad for needed to drop out or failing out and not going back)#i completely stopped going to my psychology class because i started a week late due to scheduling issues and#suddenly we are told theres a paper due in 3 days and need to hse the textbook i didnt have yet as the source for it all#and it was in the syllabus i didnt get because i was a week late and didnt know we got one. the professor didnt notice me out of#the 100 other students in that large lecture hall. that room was also a sensory nightmare hellscape#too many students made things noisy and distracting. multiple fluorescent lights were flickering constantly and never fixed#the professor used a mic to speak to us and it had a constant horrible loud buzzing. it did that loud mic screech noise randomly#without warning. all the time. the quality of the sound was horrible so it was hard to understand her. on top of that she had a very thick#accent i wasnt familiar with so that on top of the horrible buzzing mkc quality that also cut her out constantly was auditory processing#disorder HELL. I dont know how ANYONE survived thst class but i seemed to be the only one struggling. everyone else turned in their papers#and i gave up and stopped going. was too late to drop the class to get my money back so i wasted probably a few thousand dollars#and THATS what i mean by give me reasonable and useful accommodation. test time would NOT make that class better at all#fix the mic and light issues at least or give me a smaller class with more attentive professor or something!#offer smaller classes for struggling disabled people! if the issue is not knowing who needs them then offer a switch to those struggling!#i got called onto a dean/counselor meeting because a professor noticed my horrible grades and stuff so its possible to catch us and help!#THESE SCHOOLS JUST NEED TO START BEING WILLING TO. dont make us do all the work to accommodate ourselves and expect to do well in school!
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man, i just want to see if there's any threads about silent hill 2 remake breaking so hard it doesn't even boot up anymore but all i find are people being evil about women on the internet
#happy halloween i guess#the real frights (besides all of the beautiful women skittering along the walls with their many legs)#were the men we found complaining on the internet that 'they made the women ugly and that's censorship' along the way#that prison level sure can is scary#so scary that it fucking broke my entire game lmao#gonna reinstall and see if that fixes it but was hoping i would not have to do that on my shitty rental internet 😩#i will say that this game runs like ass to anyone who is considering it#i'm running it on medium graphics with specs above the recommended and she still do chug when there's more than one thing happening#and let me say there are often several things happening#probably things i could tweak to make it run better but god as soon as i have to tweak a game to get it to you know. run well. i'm gone.#i just miss my wife my beautiful wife#too bad she died three years ago of that damn disease and no sooner than that by any other means or et cetera#i'm sure these thematically loaded ladies who keep hurting me from behind corners hold no particular significance#just a regular trip to my special place that is now the dead wife hell dimension where a large man is hunting me for sport#a large man who is the embodiment of sexually charged masculine violence#which i'm sure means nothing#and is hunting me to mete out specific and thematically hamfisted judgment#for some wrongdoing or another#which could honestly be anything#shoutout to the one guy on steam who is like um was i supposed to get what happened on a first playthrough?#and like. well. yes. because it literally and directly tells you. so yes. sorry.#i will also say that if it destroyed my save in the process#well. i would not like that very much.#but i suppose the real problem is that they made the women ugly. because of woke. the DEI ghouls are taking everything from us.#[picture of average skinny white woman]
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#is it ridiculous that somehow it suddenly feels like the world matters that much less?#it doesn’t feel whole without her in it#it feels wrong#she was here just hours ago#she slept on my chest#i have so so so many memories that feel so recent#and at the same time I feel like I hardly saw her at all these past four years#I know this was what was best for her#I know we were holding on for our sake not for hers#it breaks me that I can’t remember the last time I saw her tail really wag#she just didn’t have the muscle left below her hips to move it#she was so thin#she didn’t want food anymore#it was time it was time it was time#I would destroy time if I could#she should still be here#it like Tanya and John all over again#that sense of wrongness#like I wasn’t supposed to know a world without them#like the world wasn’t supposed to be like this and something broke#and I’m waiting for it to fix itself#because it can’t be like this#it can’t#I miss her so much#so fucking much#I want to go back I want to go back I want to go back#I don’t know what to do with myself#nothing is the same#personal
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my mom's trauma dumping about her childhood again and i'm fucking tired of this
#i usually hate this expression#but shes been telling me the same stories over and over again since i was like 10#it always kinda feels like she tries to make me feel guilty for not being grateful enough that shes better than her mother#and also she keeps blaming her for everything that went wrong in her life#and to a point thats valid#but also#shes an adult woman in her 40s#some of these thing could have been fixed 20+ years ago if she tried#but she wont even go to a therapist bc she “doesnt believe in that”#well sorry mom#but i cant fucking fix you#✩‧₊˚
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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It really hurts when it feels like a friend you considered family gives up on you and the relationship
Like, we could have talked about it, we could have found a solution together, we were each others family remember?! But instead you chose to just give up and cut me out
#and in like#about five messages too!#that were pretty accusatory#like apologizing peofusely bc youre afraid that karma wikl fuck u up for hurting le#doesnt really make up for accusing me of what you did#there are so many more compassionate ways you could have said that!#I'm so so sorry but you suck and i can't take it anymore goodbye#WTF#is this the goodbye seven years of friendship is worth??#we went through thick and thin#and yeah i have not been too well lately and i was pretty depressed two years ago#you asked me to share my problems with you and when i do i am too much and you drop me like hot metal instead of talking about it?#and that goodbye was so rushed it felt like i was chasing her just to get a little closure#you said you would always be there#even with our lives being so different I still believed it was possible#and you kept ignoring me!#i shared good stuff too and you didn't even respond! you said you were too busy and didn't make time for me#so when I stop sharing that good things happen to me too bc I'm frustrated with being ignored all the time you say I'm toxic for only#and drop me? instead of having a talk about it or taking a break?#like#i thought we were each others family but it seems like I was the more loyal one who cared the most and got burned yet again#is it so hard to talk and try to adjust?#i thought we were the real ones for each other yanno but clearly thing were different for you with all your toxic ass family and all your#jobs and friends#she's always had more than me#doesn't mean I'm alone tho#i have friend who can talk to me and try to adjust and fix the relationship and is a true loyal friend#it's not the end of my world that you're gone#even if you were a big part of it#how can I loose when I was so loyal and true and honest
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god can you imagine being rory williams???
#your at your bachelors party & your drunk probably & you think everythigs fine! youre getting married to the girl you love tomorrow!! what#could be wrong?#but then her raggedy doctor from two years ago pops out of your cake and he says that you have to talk about her#he says that she tried to kiss him that it happens when youre caught up in the moment or -whatever#he says he can fix it says he’ll take you somewhere you can talk. he takes you to your fiance who you saw earlier who saw You earlier#she’s different. theres a new spark in her eyes you think. theres something changed about her. shes closer to this man then she possibly#could be considering he was Gone for 2 years. he takes you to i#to italy in the 1580s. there are vampires#dw#theo.txt
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uhh any umineko fans im mutuals with interested in a slightly damaged maria figure.
#shitpost#these figures have like. an issue where the studs on their feet get damaged#so like. they get stuck in the stand#so uh. my maria just had both of hers break#my jessica already had one broken years ago#but i may buy myself a replacement maria because of this#and id rather not just toss the damaged figure. one o the studs i was able to get out of the stand#so this could be fixed with glue#but my repair to jessica didn't go well so i dont really want to repair another#so uh. if anyone wants a maria. id feel bad just throwing her away#id send her to you for free once i buy myself a replacement#i still have her original box and everything#uh hmu if interested#if you can repair the stud or figure out a way to have her stand the damage will NOT be visible#so shes in good shape still
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my best friend has been very distant w me lately and i asked today if she wanted to hang out and she said she probably couldn't bc it's her brothers birthday but she would let me know if she could and i have her location and i just looked and she's at her boyfriends house rn....
#we have it bc we're roomates so we started sharing locations when we first moved in like in case someone doesn't come home at night or smth#she recently told me that she wants to move out bc she has always wanted to live alone and she can finally afford it. and i asked her#directly like is there an issue because she is so non confrontational so she has never ever mentioned me doing anything that bothers her#and i said please tell me if there's something wrong because it would really suck if there was and i never got a chance to fix it because#you never told me. and she said no it has nothing to do with that i really just feel like it's time for me to live on my own. and a couple#days ago she was like okay i'm next in line for my apartment i'll probably move out in april. and i try to get her to hang out still and#she always has something else going on and i swear every night this week she's been at her boyfriends.#and if i see her around our apartment and try to make conversation at all she's so like short about it and barely responds like will only#give one word answers. i feel like it kind of started when i started dating e but i realized that i was spending less time with her and i#didn't want to be the girl that loses all my friends bc of a boyfriend so i started specifically reaching out to hang out with her and she#says no most of the time and never asks me. like i don't know what else i can do.#i'm like maybe it's bc of her boyfriend? bc they've been on again off again for a long time and previously when they were together it was#really distant with her like i barely saw her EVER. and they were mostly broken up for the past couple years and have been together i think#for a while again... but she knows i don't approve of that relationship and so she would like not say when they were talking again. so maybe#since lately they've been hanging out or dating or WHATEVER she doesn't fucking tell me what's going on with him. maybe that's why.#i literally like try to think of ways it could be my fault and maybe i'm being crazy but i cannot even think to blame myself for more than a#fleeting second bc i'm like. i have ASKED HER directly if there is an issue or something i do that bothers her and she says no. so even if#i'm somehow pissing her off would i ever know to change anything?? i just feel so frustrated bc it's like she's an entirely different person#to me. like this is not the person i know. and i don't know what else i could possibly do like i feel like we need to sit down and have a#conversation about it but what good does that do if she just acts like nothing is wrong. but i don't want to lose my friend i have such a#hard time making friends. i've known her since i was 14 like i can't imagine my life without her. we were the only two in our whole friend#group in high school to get out of the church i still love those other girls but we have so little in common now.
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oh my god u know the hrt is working when u get genuinely white girl drunk
#ive never been this drunk before this is crazy. the gender euphoria of not having any tolerance despite being able to drink 4 drinks a year#ago#like its that or someone Did something to this drink but it was from a housemate's stash. oh my god i wanted more of this im so glad im in#bed rn i could have made so many bad decisions#im like this close to posting one of the thirst(?) pics i took on my sideblog that i havent touched in a month#oh my god im fucking up so many words . gang im not pretending here i drank like 2 shots tops and its Fucking me somehow#WAIT I CAN EDIT TAGS#typos fixed :sunglasses:#genuinely crazy how much im feeling it tho ive literally Never felt it this much. id ask if ibuprofen or spiro interact w alcohol but i#think there was a decent amount of time between when i took both#yeah like i took spiro ~10:57 and then uh drank after. 11 hm ok this isnt as spaced out as i expected#i dont think im going to alcohol jail tho. im being responsible im In Bed im not gonna go do anything stupid (altho i do. want to ask#someone downstairs to do something stupid. but maybe thats the alcohol talking)#also shileas is downstairs and shes a bitch and i dont want to be cringy in front of her#i dont know if shes trans or just a really masc lesbian btw . shes cool but she also has some bad takes sometimes and i dont think she#likes me#im writng so many tags <3 but thats what love is. if anyones read this far idk like the post or something#you know the one post where the person puts an egg in their mouth. and then people share the tags. this is that#i was gonna be typing this out on a discord server but i thought no. this deserves to have everyone see it#man also if i went down and asked like if anyone wants to fuck like who would say yes . shileas is a super senior maeve is in a relationshi#p#i dont like riley and . man idk about griffin. but i think im a lesbian. maybe im just desperate.#bUT IM NOT GONNA. im not gonna.#i dont want to sleep tho i want to have fun :(( but my roommate is asleep#& its not like anyones gonna fuck me on this bed . with like my lovies (thats what i call my stuffed animals) and shit .#i genuinely didnt expect that i could get this drunk and whats crazy is i know i could be more drunk#can u imagine if someone reads this and goes 'well shes clearly sober and faking it' no </3 im simply very eloquent i was neglected as#a child so i read alot lol#whoops *a lot not alot#wasnt there a limit of like 26 tags. when do i hit that
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oh it's real depression hours
#giant hole in my ceiling from a leak from 3 years ago that restarted#and knowing the speed at which it got fixed last time shit's gonna be weeks#got a fucking bowl on the floor and everything and it's dripping water and bits of plaster so that's cool and great#cat's slowed down on eating even with the syringe assist#lab said it'll be 14 days before they have results#but if it's FIP that could be half of the time she has left#and there's a treatment that has an 85% success rate but it's not approved in a lot of countries so i'd have to get it myself#and it's the bones of a grand for the meds before even accounting for the syringes#and it's 84 days of injections which - this is the cat who won't even let me pill her so#but i can't even think of starting that until i know what it is for sure#and so i'm just gonna sit here and watch her die over the next two weeks#and most of that time is going to be spent trying to force her to eat and watching her growing to hate and avoid me#i literally just want to fucking scream 1% of cats ever get this why is it my best little friend in the world?#6 weeks ago she was the healthiest 12 year old you ever saw in your life#i've only got 60/195g of food into her today and that's taken hours and hours#this is torture for both of us idk what to do
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this year so far
#tw death#once again saying things into the void on here bc i dont know where else to say it#went on a trip for a couple days for my moms birthday a couple weeks ago now#they called to tell us my dads dialysis had pretty much stopped working shortly after we were got there#insurance gave us 4 days notice to find somewhere for him to go (2 of which we were 1200 miles from home)#also was told by the place I work at i am not needed until further notice the same day#so I have no source of income until they get the necessary machine fixed and even then I am skeptical they will say to come back#since dialysis stopped working he had to be moved to hospice#which was a week ago now#so he has very little time left#my half brother and his wife came to visit him a couple days ago#now his brother is here from another state#and we took them to eat at the place they’ve always gone when they are here for as long as I can remember#on the way there we were told my grandmother was taken to the hospital in an ambulance#they don’t know what is wrong with her yet but she is 94 so her being not ok either is very plausible#we are only like 3 weeks into the year and I’ve already been soft laid off my grandmother could be dying and my dad is dying#I feel like I have been seconds away from having a complete panic attack for a week#packing up and cleaning out the assisted living (he only ended up being at 3 months) felt so wrong#it was his coffee mug and green cup of all things that got to me most#he always had them#and knowing he would never use them again#I bought his dog a new name tag today#so it has a tag when we give it to them to put in the casket with him#and i almost cried in a fucking petsmart#and now I’m here over sharing on the internet about it bc if I do not keep myself distracted I will just get more nauseous and cry more#delete later
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#no because my parents have always been so weird to me from a medical standpoint#or abusive? neglectful. I don't know what i could possibly call this but#my Nystagmus. barely doing any research WHEN THEY ARE DOCTORS it's not like they don't know how to look stuff up#barely giving me any information on it. which crashed badly a few years ago when the dude at one of those glasses shops got scared by not#being able to give me full vision which promoted my parents into bullying me about possibly going blind and trying to twist it into being#my phone's usage fault. when low and behold! we go to an actual doctor. my vision didn't increase or decrease much and she says that#Nystagmus cannot be 20/20 THEN MY MOM STILL TRIES TO PROVE IT'S THE PHONE'S FAULT#also how they treated my Lyme Disease when i was little but I'm not. talking about that publicly.#and the fact that they were completely obsessed with the idea that I'd have a speech impediment back in the day#which was probably caused by the fact my sibling was Learns Very Early How To Talk And Does It Really Well flavour of autistic and I was#Barely Talks Very Late And Badly flavour of autistic#which meant they would force speech classes down my throat and when the teachers would go 'Nothing actually wrong with this kid' they'd#send me somewhere else#also the constant 'If you don't learn to talk correctly everybody will think you're stupid and they won't talk to you' which ok. ableist.#anyway the 'speech impediment' was your average 4 y o cannot pronounce r which i got over and they were still turning my life into hell#over it years down the line which meant i was in middle school convinced i had a speech impediment which at that point#WOULD HAVE BEEN A HEALTH ISSUE BUT WE DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT DO WE MOM/DAD#and i realised I don't only because my best friend went 'girl tf no you don't'#that is without to mention my father tried to ask me if i wanted surgery for my (inexistent) speech problem because he heard it fixed#someone else's kid problem#also in middle school i had some blood tests and they supposedly came back saying I'm anemic + i had strep but they didn't do anything#about that and at most blamed my anemia on my period which. i should probably get myself some bloodtests as an adult lol#then there is the one time they forced me to go to school with a mcfucking fever lol lmao#oh and also i would try to talk to them about these weird head tremors/seizures i have and they once again tried to blame it on my phone#only for my mom to see me having one recently and go 'oh yea lol i have them too it's normal' yes thank you /s#and they generally don't listen to me trying to sound the alarm about possible health issues i have unless my brother points them out...#aaaaand there is the entire shitshow they did to me when i was diagnosed with depression and put on pills#at least they are currently nicer about me saying i have autism but they didn't take me seriously at first neither...#egg.txt#vent
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my total admiration for nurses and caretakers. I’ve spent a couple of days taking care of my grandma because my aunt and mom are on holidays and I ended up crying out of frustration
#like i take care of her sometimes but not usually the heavy stuff like hospital admitions and stuff#it’s just so much work? and I’m physically and emotionally exhausted#she’s old and i adore her because she basically raised me#but fuck it’s hard to deal with someone who doesn’t listen and want things exactly the way she wants them and won’t accept other options#I’m just really frustrated right now after spending 1 hours between calls because she touched something on the tv and it didn’t work#i ended up sobbing and with a little mealtdown and my cousin managed to fix the issue via phone call#i feel weak and a failure but i mentally need a break agter yesterday#it breaks my heart but I can’t spent more than a few hours with my grandparents without ending up being very very frustrated#which makes me feel like I’m an ungrateful bitch#anyway i don’t have any more energy today and it’s not even 1pm#i wish i could call someone to give me a hug and hold me while i cry for a bit#but i feel guilty about bothering the few friends i have so yeah#im gonna pour my feelings in a tumblr post like i used to do 10 years ago lmao
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I cant believe i have been stuck trying to get to work the most basic shit ever and Im gonna fail at everything because Im too dumb to realize what's not working 🙃
#AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA#this should have been fixed days ago!!! weeks!!!!!#im so stupid. the deadline is gonna catch up to me#its gonna be that day and im gonna have this stupid thing that doesnt work and its going to be the most embarrasing thing ever#im so scared i cant fail this early#i keep checking and rechecking the code and nothing seems wrong!!! i dont know why its not working!!!#i want to cry so bad!!!!!!!#i want help!!!!! but theres no one i can ask for help :)#i left some comments to my professors about what i was having trouble with and what i guessed might be the problem#but of course i received no answer. i never do!!!!!#im being stupid i dont even know how they could help me even if they wanted to#guess the earliest i accept im nothing but an idiot and im gonna have to waste another year to try and do my thesis#the earliest i will be able to start feeling better#for real i am amazed at how amazingly STUPID i am compared to everyone else. god. this is so embarrasing#and then this is just going to be another argument for 'oh...she's an idiot...' that everyone i know is gonna realize at some point#i dont want people i like to realize how dumb i actually am :(#it feels like lately my head has gotten dumber and dumber i wish i at least knew what is causing it#haunted.txt
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