#i literally just want to fucking scream 1% of cats ever get this why is it my best little friend in the world?

[queen-mabs-revenge]

oh it's real depression hours

[katiemcgrathhh]

So after watching Agatha all along and just rewatching. Can we just talk about how much Rio LOVEDDD Agatha.

Like not even taking into account that she gave Nicky 6 years to live when he shouldn’t have even lived?? Or when he said “my mother needs me” not mama which he called Agatha. Or the fact that she basically just took the chance to destroy the imbalance of the universe just for her wife, my love, her m‘lady what ever you want to call them. Ex wives, ex-toxic lover (which is a whole different story) her savior ?!? If you read ff it’s a conclusion. To let her keep their son for as long as she could allow before taking him. The fact that she let Nicky say goodbye we all know HE KNEW it was his time and he was ready because he just knew his mother would take care of him.

Fast forward to the cat and mouse game they played, the hiding behind the darkhold, to the being stuck in the hex. In the first episode of Rio and Agatha meeting. You can just clearly see the way Rio is 1. Playing the role she has to for “Agnes” and 2. The way she responded to everything Agnes said. They way she clenched her jaw, her hands, her stuttered blinks. She knows this isn’t her Agatha but she loves her enough to play into it when even tho it’ll hurt her in the long run. She stayed off topics she KNEW weren’t approachable to save her love the confusion.

And when she got on the road. She tried to keep Agatha from another heartbreak. Agatha not letting her get close to rio and not wanting to leave behind that grief or even talking about it as a family. To her playing it off to the cons that Agatha pulled so Rio would have her bodies.

Rio saying she had the emotional scar because she had to take Nicky from them and she’s hurt the only person she ever allowed herself to love. Agatha.

She talked back to Evanora Harkness not just cause she hates ghost but just because it’s her wifes mother who hated her child.. Someone who treated her poorly. Rio wouldn’t stand for it. Their has to be history behind that.

To the betrayal of Agatha hiding Billy because to Agatha it was another Nicky situation even if she knew who he was. To Rio being betrayed because Agatha was purposely hiding him like she tried to do Nicky with all the witches Agatha killed back then. The fact that Agatha didn’t trust her. Or the fact that Rio knew that once again it was her purpose as death to do what she had to do and Agatha wouldn’t understand. No matter how many times she could say it.

The fact that when it all came around when Rio was screaming “why don’t you want me” because no matter what she did for Agatha. Agatha was driven by grief for their child. Their Nicky. It was way ultimately (I think) Agatha finally realized in that moment when teen said “is this what you did to Nicky” and she reached up for her necklace to to finally come to terms to realize it wasn’t Rio that took him on purpose. It wasn’t rios choice, it was just his time. His death. And who is death? Rio, his mother. Someone who also losses someone

Which led us to the kiss of death. Literally. But the fact that Rio loved Agatha so much and when she realized what it was she still gave all her love that she had for Agatha into that kiss. She wouldn’t let her wife go without letting her know how much she loved her and probably how much she’ll always love her. Heart fucking breaking.

[dykeomania]

ellie williams deserves to go to a pride parade,

a run-on-sentence-ramble it's corny liiike i'm not even writing i'm just daydreaming and giggling oh my god i love queer joy we oooouuutsssiiiiiiiiiideeeee

and to wear the ugliest fucking adam-sandler-ass-outfit that the world has literally ever seen. i'm talking like.. reebok club c's. nike socks, rolled all the way up. oakley sunglasses on her head that she stole from that one abby bitch who rows crew. jorts, with a carabiner, looped on her outermost left belt buckle (a big ass contradiction if ykwim because mind you, she's also wearing an oversized ass t-shirt that reads in the largest lettering known to man: quote, I LET FEMMES TOP ME!, end quote). she deserves to be grumpy while riley takes forever to get ready (she's like almost done, she's just doing her edges) and to vehemently protest against cat who promises that she won't draw a dick on ellie's face but that she just really really wants to put glitter on her cheeks 'cause she thinks it'll look cute. she deserves to have her eyes light up at the sight of her lover, and sit up straighter from the comfort of her manspread once she realizes that she's coming this way. deserves to reel her in by her matching carabiner (also on the left side -- someone's llyiiinnnggg), and tell her that she looks cute. deserves to grin up at her and coyly ask her if she looks stupid. deserves to have her face cupped, her nose softly nudged against, and to have a small ..mmnnn..nnyyyeah murmured against her lips. deserves to tell her lover to shut the fuck up through a snicker and to -- amidst the disgust of the audience behind y'all -- take a second to just swim in the remnants of jello shots left behind on each other's tongues -- the ones you both took earlier (at like.. 11?am?) that left hers, red, and yours, orange.

she deserves to be the first one of your group to begin walking backwards down the beginning of the parade. nevermind the seemingly infinite spawn of white gay twinks and fashion choices that are somehow.. worse! than hers -- she's facing her friends. she's giving them a look. her arm is outstretched, and her hand is holding that of her girl's who she thinks, this time, she might actually really love. she deserves to hold some $5 lemonade above her head while annoyingly shuffling her shoulders to rain on me by lady gaga, and to be clowned (mercilessly) because 1) she's catching no beat, not one and 2) i thought you didn't even wanna come, what happened? deserves to shrug her shoulders at y'all because.. well, she doesn't know. there's something about it all -- being outside, being surrounded by the energy and screams of pure happiness down the streets -- like maaaybbeee.. it warrants a change of heart. she deserves to struggle to twirl her girl over and underneath her shoulder. deserves to kiss the question clean off your cheek, and to have her chuckles blend in with your giggles while she grits the lyrics, off-key as ever and this time, directly in your ear.

she deserves to make the hike all the way to the greenery that holds drag shows, free stickers, face painting, educational pamphlets on lgbtq+ sex education, free food, outnumbered preachers, fucking larpers?!, you name it -- deserves it all. deserves to venture towards it with something cheshire on her face. with her friends by her side, and her girl against her ribcage. deserves to wonder why she is so fucking into it now. maybe she's just tipsy, or sundrunk. maybe it's the exhaust in the air, or the vibes in the streets, whatever. but honestly? maybe she's smiling so fucking hard because this is just, plain and simple, right where she's supposed to be.

:)

[randy-jester]

My Imaginary Ride The Cyclone Hybrid Live-Action and Animation Feature Film that only exists in my head: Part 2

Here's the link to Part 1!

Apologies for splitting it into 2 parts. Tumblr literally wouldn't let me post it as one big chunk. 😭

Continuing on:

To refresh: This would be a hybrid film that combines both live action and animated segments. The majority of the movie would be shot in live-action under a sepia filter, but all of the choir member's songs would be animated with different art styles. "What The World Needs" is in CGI Disney style, "Noel's Lament" is black-and-white 2D animation, "This Song is Awesome" is stylized graffiti, and "Talia" is in watercolor.

Of course, "Space Age Bachelor Man" will use an art style resembling Silver Age comics (which, fun fact, is around the time Silver Surfer was introduced). The song sequence will actually show most of the events Ricky details in his fantasies (ie., him getting abducted to Planet Zolar, laying with the sexy cat women, stopping the war between K-9 and Zolar, etc.).

Side Note: We don't actually see Ricky get freaky on screen. But we do see him and the kitties in snippets of suggestive action accompanied by on-screen sound bubbles every time Ricky says "Meow!". (This movie is already getting an R-rating for every time Noel says "Fucked Up Girl".)

Another side note: I know that in the 2018 version of RTC, Constance plays the "Zolarian Queen". But because this is MY movie concept, I get to do what I want. And I say Jane Doe is the Zolarian Queen instead (SpaceDolls 4 Ever! <3).

"Ballad of Jane Doe" will be in stop motion (either using paper or puppets). In the first half, we see her recount the accident. She looks like how she does now (with the doll head). She hits the ground right before "And from the ground beneath my feet", and her head falls off. We see her laying headless on the ground for a some time while other carnival patrons are screaming and getting away from her. On "Just John and Me" she stumbles back to her feet. And on "Forever Eternally Jane Doe" she screws her head back on.

In the next verse, we see Jane try to reach out to the other carnival goers, essentially trying to identify her family and friends. When she finds none, Jane boards the rollercoaster again on "Time eats all his children in the end"

Essentially, the idea is that because it's her only memory, Jane is forced re-live the accident over and over again through her song sequence. She desperately wants to find out who she is and what her past was. But the only memory she has to dig through is that of the accident.

She falls to the ground again on "Forever Eternally Jane Doe". Then gets dragged onto the ride a third time by carnies. She looks tired like she doesn't even want to do this anymore. On "Like John I'll be eternally a forgotten name, some lost refrain" we see her fly and float through the air (like how the other choir kids did during Uranium suite). But this time she never hits the ground. Instead, at the end of the song, she just reappears in the warehouse.

Constance's song, "Sugar Cloud", is the only individual segment that isn't animated. Instead, it's shot in live-action, but in full technicolor! Think like how vibrant Barbieland looked in the Barbie movie. Like that. The reason why "Sugar Cloud" is in live-action is because Constance is romanticizing her life as it was, rather than what it could have been.

Constance begins her first verses, still in sepia, at the warehouse. But when she goes "Let me take you away", she struts forward and the scenery changes behind her to that bright technicolor look. And instead of being at the warehouse, they're back at the carnival. But everything is bright and sunny and idealistic.

During Constance's recorder solo, the choir gets new outfits that reflect each of their personalities. The outfits magically poof on out of thin air. The choir members keep these new outfits for the duration of the song, then go back to their school uniforms after the sequence is over.

When Jane Doe is chosen to live again, her body fades away, leaving behind a roll of film. Ricky slides this film into a projector, and the choir watches the reel of Penny Lamb’s life together.

After Karnak’s death, we see the sepia filter lift off from the film. Along with it, we finally get to see how much decay and disrepair has taken over the warehouse. The choir members have a spiritual glow around their bodies.

The choir members perform the last song, “It’s Not A Game/It’s Just a Ride” inside the warehouse. As the sun rises, their bodies fade away.

Title card rolls at the sound of crashing metal.

[sbk-zgvlt]

oooh more yuu meets sebek first please!!!

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS FAST??? BOOK 1 LETS GOO

Ace breaks into Ramshackle expecting NO ONE only to find a random guy, a cat, and a Diasomnia student

He faints/lh

When he wakes up Sebek and Yuu are arguing over him on whether or not they should let him stay

...both of him want him gone theyre just arguing over HOW they kick him out

"Is the collar a...weird kink thing?? Whats wrong with him" "WHAT THE HELL IS A KINK"

Ace tells them that he'll BEG them to let him stay ("Then beg :/"" - Sebek)

He ends up staying anyway. Loser

They find out WHY he got collared and both of them think "desurb"

They all head off to classes and everyone thinks thats the end of it!!!!

...Ace overhears that the housewarden's been extra pissy ever since he collared Ace, and hears that his roomie got dragged into it too

He bonded with roomie and now he feels bad but he wont admit it

Decides to ask Trey if theres a way where he can. Get the stupid collar off of him

"Bake a tart w me" "...what"

While making the tart Trey reveals why Riddle's the way he is to him. Ace calls him out for his bullshit amen

Meanwhile Sebek and Yuu are attending their own classes 🔥🔥🔥 When Yuu notices one of their classmates looks worse for wear

its Deuce!!! He's been given a lot of responsibilities for this upcoming unbirthday party. He says it might be because his roommate pissed off his housewarden because of a tart (Yuu flashbacks to Ace)

Feeling bad for the guy Yuu offers to help him and they get to Heartslabyul. Cater makes them paint roses w him 🔥🔥🔥

They figure out a way to appease Riddle by thinking of replacing the tart. Yuu asks Deuce why he's trying to a find a solution to a problem Ace caused. Deuce said he felt bad for him (You see, the Adeuce connection will always be universal. In this essay I will-)

So, TWO people are baking fucking tarts. Yippee.

Since Trey isnt available to help the gang with a tart since he's with Ace, they try to do it themselves (they fail lawl)

First, where the FUCK can they go. They dont have a kitchen. Yuu finds Sebek and asks him fi they can use Diasomnia's. Sebek says "HOW DARE YOU TRY TO USE MY DORMS OWN KITCHEN" (He lets them use his dorm's kitchen)

It makes for a funny sight. The loud, loyal freshman of Draconia ordering around a Heartslabyul guy and the Ramshackle prefect with their fire-vreathing cat.

Lilia tries to help them and Yuu, Deuce and Grim are almost fooled until literally HALF of the Diasomnia student body shout at him to NOT enter the kitchen- Sebek included

Sebek actually read through the Queen of Hearts' rules lawl. So theyre making a STRAWBERRY tart. Everyone say thank you Sebek

The whole time theyre making a tart Sebek looks...hopeful, that he'll see someone appear in the dorm. Deuce notices, but Grim is the only one who mentions it

Sebek just sighs and says that he was expecting for someone to be in the dorm. Theyre not. He looks a bit sad before screaming at Deuce that he's MESSING UP THE TART WHAT ARE YOU DOING

(They do not forget the sadness in his voice.)

TART IS READY 🔥🔥🔥 THEY HEAD TO HEARTSLABYUL

Just in time to see Ace presenting the tart to Riddle, who is absolutely FURIOUS

When they enter, all eyes go on the group, meaning Riddle sees THEIR tart as well. Sebek realizes with dawning horror that having TWO tarts that are not made with the same ingredients in an unbirthday party is breaking one of the Queen of Hearts' rules

Riddle is MORE pissed. Adeuce challenging Riddle for position of housewarden doesnt happen here because Riddle acts up much faster

He says that he cant believe that its just the first week and he has TWO incompetent freshmen already, questioning how they got into Night Raven College in the first place

Ace is okay with the shit talk towards him (He's not) but to DEUCE???? Fuck no (He punches Riddle lawl)

OVERBLOT 🔥🔥🔥

They...do not deliver the final blow to Riddle through a powerful magic spell

Yuu and Sebek rush to the front, both holding the plate with the strawberry tart and present it to him. Originally just for a distraction so the others could pull off the powerful magic spell

Riddle flashbacks to Trey and Chenya presenting him his own strawberry tart. And bawls. (DEFEATED WITH THE POWER OF COMFORT FOOD AND NOSTALGIA LETS FUCKING GOOO) (When i said canon divergent i really meant it)

I have no fucking idea how Yuu's thing with the whole. Seeing overblotee's tragic backstories goes BUT im going to play around with that and say that if someone's touching them, they also get sucked in

Guess who's touching Yuu's hand while holding the plate

HAHA CANON DIVERGENT BABY (Sebek and Yuu see through Riddle's memories)

Blot stone UNFORTUNATELY gets eaten by Grim this time. Sebek still tries to do the Heimlich maneuver on him

Everything goes the same, Ace doesnt accept Riddles apology and says that he has to make a tart and redo the unbirthday party, etc etc

Except Yuu doesnt know Sebek got sucked into Riddle's memories as well

...and the fact Sebek is there in the first place

Ace confronts Deuce about why the FUCK he had a tart with him, and Sebek reveals what Deuce was trying to do. Adeuce bonding 🫶

All is well. Everyone goes back to their dorms

...Sebek got locked out again (Yuu lets him stay over again)

Book 2 coming MAYBE 🔥🔥🔥🔥

[radio-ghost-cooks]

LIVEBLOGGING MY ONE PIECE BINGE: EP 11

spoilers for one piece ep 11 below

oh right. Luffy's KOd right now

damn. boy who cried wolf fr.

no but in all honesty i feel so bad for Usopp my boy just wants to have fun and keep his home safe

oh god Usopp don't make it worse on urself. don't go tell her. she won't believe you and it'll just HURT

Luffy, from down below: *SNOOOOORE*

HOLY SHIT WAIT I WAS RIGHT?????? HE DEADASS FELL ASLEEP

oh god i might have to fast forward this part. the way im about to implode if Usopp actually tries to tell her

Usopp. god dammit Usopp.

PLEASE HE'S TRYING SO FUCKING HARD TO GET EVERYONE HE LOVES TO BELIEVE HIM AUGH

"we have to stock up on meat!" Luffy you autistic dumbass. i get meat is ur #1 food ever but Zoro's right. we have Bigger Problems

AUGH THE GOLDFISH STORY

please Usopp is genuinely trying to save you he's literally screaming for you to get out of there. Kaya please.

HE WOULDN'T BE DOING ALL THIS IF HE WAS LYING NOW PLEASE JUST LISTEN

my biggest pet peeve with these kinds of stories is that at a certain point it becomes clear that the liar isn't lying anymore. and nobody else seems to know that.

THE MUSIC TOOK ME OUTTTTT WHAT IN THE TV DRAMA????

yeah no shit why won't anyone believe you!!! THIS IS A TOTALLY DIFFERENT LEVEL THAN USOPP'S NORMAL LIES SO MAYBE HE'S TELLING THE FUCKING TRUTH???? MAYBE?? IDIOTS

im actually crying he cares so much abt all of them and yet. they can't even tell when he's in genuine distress.

oh my god they're cat themed

Usopp (:[

(actual footage of me watching Usopp pretend everything's fine and he hasn't been shot so his crew won't follow him)

he lies and he's a jerk. he doesn't lie and he's a jerk. someone give him a fucking break please.

he's willing to fight for a village that actively hates him at this point and im fucking crying

ough he's so emotional. i love him.

i swear to fucking god if this ends with him leaving the island without anyone knowing he was telling the truth im gonna throw a chair out the window.

[vemaro]

under these circumstances

[PART 2]

Here’s a link to PART 1 if you haven’t read it!

Pairing: Astarion x Tav (female Tav) // also minor Karlach x Dammon

Word count: ~2900

Notes: Sorry this one’s a bit longer. Couldn’t find a good spot to end it so I just left it as is. Man, I am soft for how Astarion approves of you helping children in Act 3. So soft. And in this house we stan Dammon!

Enjoy!

…

Astarion got roped in by the tieflings to come and see their former leader. And by roped in, Karlach literally dragged him up from the Underdark. Against his will. It’s not that he doesn’t want to see Tav. Of course he wants to see her. He wishes she never left his sight. Astarion just has absolutely no desire to see the woman he’s madly in love with living a lavish life with someone else . Sure, he understands it’s his own fault. The vampire made no shortage of mistakes along the way; holding her at dagger point upon introduction, plotting to seduce and manipulate her, telling her he hoped she died screaming because she stopped him from completing the ascension ritual, the list goes on. His biggest mistake, however, was not confessing when he still had a chance. That or screwing up his manipulation plan so spectacularly he ended up developing feelings in the first place.

On second thought, both mistakes are equally stupid on his part.

Tav irrevocably changed Astarion’s life and his worldview. She made him a better person, a better man, an upstanding citizen of society who’s willing to help others without a second thought (sometimes). If not for her, he might’ve ended up dead, still under the control of his now dead master, or, worse yet, he could’ve turned into Cazador. For as long as he’ll live, no one will ever mean more to him than that kind hearted woman. Which is why it hurts to see her here and now. She’s married with a child, albeit an adopted child and the marriage was for purely political reasons.

To add salt to his wound, there’s also the matter of said child, Callum himself. Astarion is not immune to the boy’s charm. He’s actually quite fond of him. Hells, he would kill for Callum. By some cosmic fluke, the boy seems to share the sentiment (just to be clear, the fondness, not the killing). He can’t help wondering if Callum gets this excited seeing Tav’s husband. It would be rather uncouth to ask, right?

Astarion smirks, perfectly masking all of the rampant thoughts clouding his mind. “I was wondering when you’d notice me,” he says. “I was starting to feel neglected.”

Callum charges at Astarion like a horse wearing blinders, who then scoops him up with practiced ease. The vampire gets a small poke from the sword for his troubles. “Ah, do mind the blade of your weapon, Mr. Monster Slayer,” he tuts. “This monster is on your side and won’t require any slaying, thank you very much.”

The little boy gasps. “You’re not a monster, Asty! You’re so nice!” He throws his little arms and hides in the man’s neck, ironically on the side with the bite marks. “I love you!”

Astarion isn’t too proud to admit he’s grown to have a soft spot for children (and cats), but Callum has him wrapped around his little finger. That doesn't make the unprompted proclamation any less nerve racking. Gods below, he is so much like his mother, ready to befriend almost anyone. If they were alone, he would’ve waxed poetic about his odd friendship with Callum, but today there is an audience, a very particular audience. “Thank you. I … I love you too, Callum,” he says back, refusing to make contact with anyone but the boy. For fuck’s sake, he has a reputation.

Karlach takes this prime opportunity to tease the vampire. “Awe, is that a faint blush coloring big bad Astarion’s cheeks?”

“No,” he’s quick to say. Too quick. Even if he really was blushing, he knows the callout would’ve caused more blood to rush his face and ears. But he is not blushing. Curse Karlach for bringing him here. “For your information, I haven’t fed in a while so that’s not possible.”

Tav, amazing and kind and sometimes alarmingly generous Tav, frowns. The crinkle in her brow oozes concern and it makes his undead heart ache. “Oh no, are you okay, Astarion? Later I could let you …” She lets her words trail off, but the implication is obvious. No one’s hidden the fact that he’s a vampire from Callum. They do tend to spare the gorier details for good measure.

He shakes his head. “Thank you, dear, but I simply couldn’t.” She’s only offering because her husband isn’t around. He’s also aware of Astarion’s condition and gets this pinched look on his face whenever Tav invites through the front door. Or perhaps he’s aware Astarion is in love with his wife. Who’s to say?

“Yes, you can, Astarion, because I’m offering.”

“I’m afraid I’ll have to decline.”

“But I insist.” He wants to accept, not only to be close to her again, but he’s genuinely thirsty. Most of the blood that crosses his path these days goes to the many ravenous spawn who followed him and siblings after the fall of Cazador.

Karlach snorts. “It’s either her or me, Fangs.”

Astarion blanches at the tiefling. “Er, no. I’ll have to pass, Karlach. Despite fixing your overheating problem ages ago, your blood is still much too spicy for my taste.” It’s the equivalent of biting directly into an Altheian chili pepper. Walking directly into the sun would burn less than stomaching her blood.

Tav shrugs. She puts on an airs of nonchalance since she thinks she’s won this argument. “That only leaves you one choice then, doesn’t it?”

He has a comeback though. “Ah ah, incorrect, my sweet. I also have the choice of not eating at all.”

Callum jerks back suddenly, a devastated expression on his face. “You have to eat, Asty. You have to. Food is good for you.”

Tav has crossed the room so she’s standing on his opposite side. Fantastic. Now he has both mother and son staring him down. “Exactly, Callum’s right. You need to feed.”

And, of course, Karlach, the loud mouth, has to throw her two gold pieces in. “Yeah, Fangs. We can’t have you starve to death.”

His eyes nearly roll to the back of his head. “That literally can’t happen—” Which all the adults in the room are fully aware of. Fuck you, Cazador. Burn in whatever level of the Hells he got shoved into. “—but alright, fine. Later.”

Relieved, Tav smiles and places a hand on his free shoulder. “Thank you.”

Astarion scoffs. “You’re thanking me? You’re the one offering bl—” A quick glance to the child makes him remember to rethink his words. “Food . You’re offering me food when you absolutely don’t have to. Thank you, Tav, you stubborn, selfless woman.”

Her hand slides from his shoulder to his back, finding the space between his shoulder blades. She rubs soothing circles there. “Of course. You’re one of my best friends. I worry about you.”

The contact sends goosebumps all over his body. Hold it together, Ancunin. “The concern is appreciated, darling, but I can handle myself.”

“I know, Astarion,” she says. “But still. That’s what friends do. We look after one another.”

He both loves and hates the title. It causes his stomach to do a somersault and also drop like a heavy stone.

“You’re my best friend, Asty!”

A better distraction couldn’t have come along. “Am I now? Well, I feel honored.” He tosses a cheeky grin at his competition. “Hear that? I’m his best friend.”

Karlach’s jaw drops. The next few minutes are about to get interesting. “I thought I was your best friend, Callum.”

The little boy taps his chin in deep thought and points between them respectively. “Um, Asty’s my best friend. And Karlach’s my best friend. And Dammon’s my best friend.”

The blacksmith shrugs. “That’s fair. Though I’m just happy to be included.”

Astarion swivels so Callum’s back is to the rest of them. “Yes, of course, we’re all your best friends. How sweet and diplomatic. But I’m your favorite, right?”

Karlach rushes over, and is it suddenly a little warmer than it was a second ago? “I’m his favorite.” She tries to place herself in Callum’s line of sight, but Astarion swivels away again. And again. And again.

At this point he’s spinning in a circle. “Excuse me, you saw how utterly delighted he was when he saw me.”

Never one to back down from a challenge, Karlach starts walking in a circle too, following Astarion and Callum’s rotation. It’s officially a game of keep away with Tav’s son. “What? He didn’t even notice you at first, you said so yourself.”

He waves her off. “It’s hard to miss the large, exuberant, bright red tiefling smack dab in the middle of the kitchen.”

She sticks her tongue out. “Whatever makes you feel better, Fangs.”

Who cares if she could throw him and Callum over her shoulder like it’s nothing; he’s going to throttle her. “If you don’t believe me, ask him.” Astarion abruptly stops, grabs the boy under the arms, and holds him out. “Callum, dear sweet and so very brave, Callum. Tell that wretched Karlach I’m your favorite best friend. Also, you’re very adorable. And a great swordsman.”

Karlach elbows the man none too gently. “No, Callum. Tell yucky, stinky Asty I am your favorite.”

Meanwhile, Tav and Dammon stand back, amused and entertained. “How is my four year old more mature than these two full grown adults?”

“Baffles me as well,” he says. “Still love them though, right?”

Tav has to look away, hoping he doesn’t notice the blood rushing to her face. “Mhmm. Still love them.”

“Callum.”

“Callum.”

“Callum!”

“Tell him, Callum!”

“Stop,” Callum shouts, shocking both of them. He points his sword to the side. “I love you both. But … Mama’s my favorite.”

Dammon barks out a laugh at the plot twist. Tav glides in and takes her son into her arms, even does a little twirl. “Awe. You’re my favorite too, Callum.” She pulls him in for a big kiss on his chubby little cheek. “I love you.”

“I love you too, Mama.” Tav peppers a dozen more kisses all over his face, resulting in a fit of giggles and squeals.

Astarion averts his eyes, trying so hard to ignore the roil of yearning churning in his gut. Is he really jealous of a toddler? Pathetic. Someone clears their throat, making him look back up. Karlach is staring at him, hard, and she flicks her eyebrows. What’s this about? He narrows his eyes trying to discern her intentions, to which she smiles knowingly then looks back at Tav. She makes eye contact again then silently mouths tell her now.

As if it’s as easy as that! As if Astarion could just walk up to Tav and just tell her he loves her with every fiber of his being. He’s fucked up way too many times for that to ever happen. He’s fucked up too many times for her to ever return his love. And even if by some miracle she did love him back, she’s in a publicly favored marriage. (To be honest, he’d be perfectly content as the mistress, but he would never put her in that position.)

Karlach’s support, however well-intentioned, is ultimately pointless. The pale elf and the sunny druid are not meant to be, much to his chagrin. Because he apparently can’t help it, his gaze drifts towards Tav again. Mother and son glow with love, affection, and warmth, something he was forced to leave behind when they’d finally rid themselves of the parasites. It’s too much for his heart to take. Without a word, Astarion turns on his heel and heads for the front door. Best to commiserate in solitude, maybe back in his fortress in the Underdark, but …

“Asty? Where are you going?”

Shit. So much for being a stealthy rogue. Now to have a go at persuasion. “Just stepping out for a moment, little bird.”

Callum pouts in the most irritatingly precious way. “You’re leaving?”

Great, now he feels bad. He really is wrapped around the boy’s finger. “No. I was in need of some fresh air, is all. I’ll be right back.”

The boy wiggles until Tav places him down. Then he runs over and grabs Astarion’s hand. “I’ll go with you. I’ll protect you from the scary monsters.” He punctuates the statement with a slash of his new sword.

Tav can sense something is wrong, though she has no idea exactly what it is. “Um, Callum, perhaps you should wait here with me.”

Right on cue, the dramatic, overconfident facade slips back into place. “But what if there’s a monster, dear? You would leave poor little me defenseless? Now who’s the monster?”

As always, she sees right through it. “Are you sure?”

He keeps at it. “Absolutely, darling. He’ll have me back within the hour.”

“Okay.” Tav has that wrinkle in her brow again and she crosses her arms. He is in for an interrogation later. “Be safe. Both of you.”

“Bye, Mama!”

She waves back. “Bye.”

Astarion catches her eye and gives a playful wink before speaking to Callum. “Let’s go, Mr. Monster Slayer. I think I saw a vendor in need of saving on our way in. He might give you some sweet treats as a reward.”

“Yay!”

The pair leaves as Astarion goes into some tall tale of his adventures since he’d visited last. Tav is left trying to calm her rapidly beating heart. They’re friends. Tav and Astarion are friends, nothing more. He made it abundantly clear in the past that he has no romantic interest in her. And she insisted they be friends. Not to mention she’s married now. To a widely known public figure. It can never happen. Never ever. As much as she wished it could.

And yet the druid can’t rid herself of the image of Callum’s face when he laid eyes on Astarion. He doesn’t even get that excited when Terrick, the man raising him, returns from his business trips. Not that she can blame her son. She definitely prefers the company of the vampire over her husband. She prefers any of her friends’ company over her pretentious husband.

Not that she’s ever voice that out loud.

She roughly has half an hour to get herself under control. When they return, she’ll send Dammon, Karlach, and Callum outside for the ‘sparring session.’ Inside, she’ll allow Astarion to feed then question him about whatever seems to be a bother. She won’t be able to focus properly if she’s too busy staring lovingly into his beautiful ruby red eyes or imagining herself dragging her fingers through his soft hair or—no, stop it. Stop it.

It’s been years. Get over it. Focus.

Tav suddenly claps her hands together, starling her remaining guests. “Okay. While you get settled in a guest room, I’ll put together some snacks. Dinner won’t be ready for another hour or so.”

Karlach opens her mouth to say something, but Dammon grabs her by the hand and starts pulling her out of the room. “Sounds perfect, Tav. Thank you for letting us stay the night.”

She’s too preoccupied with forcing herself to compartmentalize her feelings to realize she missed something. “You’re welcome.”

In their room, Dammon shuts the door and looks at his partner disapprovingly. He’s got his arms crossed and one foot tapping a steady rhythm on the rug. Karlach hates it. “What?” she whisper-yells.

“You know what.”

She begins to pace because she is not a fan of standing still. “They’re my best friends, Dammon! And they’re totally oblivious to each other's feelings.”

“I know, but it’s not your place.”

She smirks, hoping to lighten the mood. “Isn’t it?”

He pinches the ridge of his nose and sighs. “No, love, it’s not.”

She pouts. “Why not?”

He rolls his eyes. “Because they’re both adults. If they wanted to express how they felt for one another, they could do it themselves.”

Karlach throws her arms out, but keeps her voice at a whisper. “But they won’t express how they feel because they both think the other thinks of them as just a friend because of all the shit that happened when we had worms in our heads.” Miscommunication, manipulation, and misinformation. It was truly a mess back then. Still is, apparently.

Dammon sits down on the bed and leans forward with his elbows on his knees. “That may be true, but it’s still not your place to speak on behalf of either of them.” He cocks an eyebrow. “Need I remind you that Tav is currently married.”

It’s her turn to roll her eyes. “She doesn’t love that soggy sponge, Terrick. She only did it so she could help the city. Bloody hells, she held her wedding outside, at night just so Astarion could attend.”

She makes a fair point. “I know, I know.”

The big red tiefling sits down next to him. “I want them to be happy, Dammon. They’re not happy.”

“Under these circumstances, they can’t be together.” Karlach lets out a frustrated growl. “Things can change though. Circumstances can change. There’s hope that one day those two will finally wake up and see what’s right in front of them with no obstacles in the way.”

“You really believe that?”

He straightens up and reaches for her hand again, this time meshing their fingers together. “That’s what I want to believe, love.”

She huffs. “Me too.”

He gives her hand a squeeze. “Promise to leave them be during our stay?”

And there’s that pout again. “Ugh, yes. Promise,” she grumbles.

“Thank you.” Dammon tilts towards her and places a light kiss on her cheek. Their tails intertwine behind them. “Now come on. She may not be happy, but I think having friends around makes things better.”

“I think so too.” They both stand up and head for the kitchen again. Just before opening the door, Karlach blocks it and grins wickedly at her partner. “But I know what would make her even happier .”

“Karlach.”

She relents. “Gods, kidding. Just kidding, Dammon.” Mostly.

…

Thank you so much for reading!

[carmenized-onions]

this chapter . babe you have outdone yourself once again.

firstly, carmen baby - wtf actually wtf pls stop I NEED YOU TO STOP YOU ARE RUINING IT

secondly, richie defending chip from creepy exec you loveeeee to see it these are my besties

also love how you worked the richie carmen argument into this fic because it needed to happen so badly but obviously it couldn’t because of how chip was introduced (i’ve also decided im calling her chip its my fav of the nicknames)

carmen proving everyone’s point that he can’t let good things happen to him LOL (not lol actually very very bad)

her and sydney are my favourites, this plaster motif is so flipping cute

carmys people princess insult was kind of good BUT I NEED TO KNOW WHAT INSULT CHIP WAS HOLDING BACK - i feel like this will help me understand what she was like with mikey, like their roasting personalities.

pls don’t call me chippy - WHAT, i need an explanation of this name, denny’s pls come soon

thankyou for resolving between chip and richie!!!!! i said i needed it and you sure as hell gave it to me. i think richie x syd x chip is squad i love them

also who doesn’t love richie and uncle jimmy beef teehee teehee

sorry this is the most chaotic response ever but i had to get it all out

I have. So much to say, babe. Let me plug in my laptop hold on. let me fucking

lock in.

First of all, thank you so much. I was honestly worried this last chapter was a mess and terrible. Could anyone tell I thought that. I thought that so much. IMPASTA SYNDROME!!!

I loved writing Richie this whole chapter. I think it was just nice to write the way he'd act if he had someone to protect at The Bear. Like, those Girl Dad instincts don't just leave you, when you're at work. he STAYS LOCKED IN!!! And also writing a softer landing for him out of that fucking freezer fight, that was yknow, that was a little treat for me. cats can have a little slami.

I had to look up what the fuck plaster meant. BRITIS HPEOPLE CALL BANDAIDS PLASTERS??!?!?!?1 dramatic. Love it. It might just be the ADHD/Autism diagnosis in me but there's something about the ruffly texture a bandaid on the finger has, that I couldn't stop describing, every time Syd and Chip came in contact.

the holding back is the thing i wanted to talk about

So. There was no specific insult in mind, when it came to him saying 'you're excused', but essentially, I'd been plotting out this fight scene since I literally came up with the series. Like we always planned the roadtrip to lead to here, there was just a lot of different ways it could've gone--

It's actually why I did that Fight/Flight/Freeze/Fawn poll, a few weeks back, if y'all remember. I think the result we got was Freeze? I went with a blend of Freeze and Fawn with a flight escape plan, I feel. Like, sorrysorrysorry here's everything i can do to help also brain is utterly numb and now i will make haste.

But if Fight had gotten the majority? And also just the way I was plotting it in my head, initially?

Tony would've straight up swung on him i'm so fr

There were a lot of routes, there was screaming match, there was swinging on him (it would've been an immediate response to the Mikey line), there was actually a completely different scene that would've taken fucking FOREVER but essentially, she would've gone full numb Job Mode and went to serve the Exec, and it would've gotten fucking weird so fast It was gonna be very like Meeting The Wizard behind the curtain type vibe but the Wizard is a fucking bitch and he also thinks you're hot

But the thing is, as I wrote more chapters and got a better idea of Tony's character, it just wouldn't be in her character to do anything that could embarrass Carmen, so she just opted to leave. Oof.

But if we're just going roasting personalities, the immediate comebacks i can think without getting creative

Who died and put you in charge? ...oh yeah!!!

IF I'M FUCKIN' PRINCESS DIANA ARE YOU KING CHARLES YOU BALDING BITCH!!!! And what's fun about this is that he uses her rosemary water, so that's a layer

The real 'liferuiners' though? All Mikey related. 100% all Mikey Related. She would've busted out the board game 'Who Knows Your Brother on a Genuine Personal Level' and he would've fucking lost. And that would've been..... shattering

There was also a world where Carmen actually brought up the fuckin' photos, and essentially would've implied she was..... A believe the chicago term is a 'runner'? And THAT would've really had some fuckin' motor mouths running. Very much so 'Am I supposed to apologize for being likable???' AOHGH

It'd essentially be exactly what Carmen did. Picking on exact pain points, in the other. So Carmen's insecurities about his relationship w/ Mikey, and the almost competitive nature he gains around Tony being 'less sharp'. I guess to summarize, Tony's fighting/roasting style, if it's not to fawn, is to match energy

I love doing callbacks-- I feel almost certain Dennys is never gonna happen. But I also don't know what I'm doing, past chapter 15. So. I guess in theory anything is possible. I think we'll probably wrap up not long after that, though. Maybe a Dennys epilogue? Who's to say.

THE RICHIE CHIP SYD SQUAD IS FUN FOR ME. I enjoy having two characters that objectively alone together wouldn't get along but once they have the glue there, they're pretty good.

Anyways, thank you thank you thank you I LOVED HEARING YOUR THOUGHTS IF YOU HAVE THOUGHTS ON MY THOUGHTS YOU CAN ALWAYS ATTACK

[hurtmionedanger]

Hey bestie don't be shy

top 5 favorite podcast characters and why

YOU EXPECT ME TO PICK???? PICK BETWEEN MY BELOVED GUYS???????

I am going to try to diversify beyond the magnus archives, mostly because dbd has had me in a death choke recently

With that being said, in no particular order

1. The Obituary writer from Death by Dying

Hes such an icon, normal guy and yet so so so very weird, his best friend is the angel of death, his other best friend is in his freezer and her still beating heart is on his desk, everyone thinks he’s going to kill someone one of these days based on looks alone, he has a questionable taste in fashion, hes bisexual, he has three man eating cats, he solves murders just like as a hobby, he is the most sopping wet pathetic wet cat of a man you could ever hope to meet, he is silly, what more could you possibly want from a man?

2. Jonathan Jarchivist, see prior post about this man he is so ridiculous, mf ACCIDENTALLY STARTED THE APOCALYPSE, He has been kidnapped more then princess peach, he is the eyes special little boy, hes ASEXUAL LIKE ME FRFR, he has a boyfriend who loves him very much, he likes good cows, hot singles in his area want to hunt him for sport, hes the saddest little meow meow there could possibly be.

3. Timothy stoker, managed to convey he was wearing a hawaiian shirt by voice alone, also THIS MAN IS THE ARCHIVES BRAINCELL, THE SLUTTY BISEXUAL IS THE BRAINCELL HERE WHAT DOES THAT SAY ABOUT THE ARCHIVES, BECAUSE SASHA VERY MUCH IS NOT THE BRAINCELL SHE FOLLOWED A DEFINITELY NOT HUMAN GUY TO A RANDOM GRAVEYARD WITH VERY LITTLE FOLLOW UP AS TO WHY SHE NEEDED TO GO, AND JON DOESNT HAVE IT FOR PREVIOUSLY STATED REASONS, AND MARTIN IS MARTIN, MEANING TIM IS THE ONLY BRAINCELL HERE. Also as my boyfriend can attest, i have a thing for angry men in hawaiian shirts, i think theyre hot

4. Not technically a Guy persay, but the beloved michael distortion for having a sick ass voice and an even sicker statement, shows up and just stabs the archivist just because he can, he is literally the embodiment of gaslighting gatekeeping and girlbossing and his design is very cool really regardless of how people draw him but ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY DRAW HIM WITH LIKE SUPER DISTORTED JOINTS AND MULTIPLE FACES AND SHIT LIKE MMMMMMMMM, he gets bonus points for having excellent hair and not being a who but a what

Number five hhhh how do i pick between all of my beloved podcast guys, leaving out martin because i already screamed about Why i love Martin Knife Blackwood Already

5. Georgie Barker I think has to go here, maybe alongside helen and Melanie, i love them all for very different reasons but they are just such girlbosses, georgie just doesn’t feel fear, had an existential crisis so hard her brain stopped processing it, she is the girl ever, also shes jons ex, automatically getting her more points, she had a skin clown break into her apartment and fuck with her lights and the only reason she was upset was because it meant she had to replace all her lightbulbs, Also georgie has a podcast where she talks about ghosts, which is really funny to me, and i would absolutely listen to her podcast

Honorable mentions:

Helen for season 5 shenanigans of showing up whenever JMart were fighting because she wanted the Tea

Gerry Keay for his defining trait mentioned by every single statement giver who saw him being “Really shittily dyed hair” like imagine that being your legacy

[mswhich]

20 questions for fic writers!

Thanks to @whimsicalmeerkat for the tag! I think a lot of my mutuals have done this already so I'll just say to tag yourself if you want to do this!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

52, but one is still unrevealed for an upcoming exchange.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

609,172

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Lots. My top fandom is Original Work (technically not a fandom! But I have twice as many works in it as in my next-most-populated fandom). Also very actively writing in Formula 1 RPF, and I have a WIP for 2001: a Space Odyssey. I also occasionally write in Teen Wolf, Taskmaster, and Harry Potter. (Used to be my main fandom, and I still have a few WIPs I dream of finishing someday.)

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Unforced Error (Harry Potter, Snape/Hermione), 3529 kudos.

Forged in Flames (Harry Potter, Snape/Hermione), 3526 kudos.

No Secrets (Teen Wolf, Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski), 2331 kudos. (I would fucking love it if this surpassed my HP works at some point, just putting that out there.)

Bondmate (Original Work, Alien with no concept of consent/His human neighbor), 1135 kudos.

The Frontier Spirit (Original Work, Ship AI/Lone Crew Member), 1041 kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try. I'm not always great about hitting every single one.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't know about angsty, but most horrifying ending is probably A Scream is a Wish Your Heart Makes, my I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream fic. If you're familiar with the canon, you can probably guess why the ending is bleak.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I write a lot of happy endings, but the one that makes me personally turn into a cat with heart eyes emoji is probably Stripped as you are.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Not really, surprisingly enough for an unapologetically problematic author! I think the worst I've had on AO3 was a bookmark comment that said one of my fics was mid.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. The smutty kind. No but seriously, my smut tends to be kinky and very explicit. (Is there non-explicit smut? I don't know, but if there is, I'm not writing it.)

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I have not written a crossover, but I wouldn't rule it out in the future.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

More than once. Usually I notice because a friendly reader lets me know in the comments. A couple of times it's been on AO3, and AO3 took it down after the fic was reporter, and once it was on Wattpad, which also got taken down.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Many times.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not exactly, but I did a Teen Wolf Big Bang in which @midmorning-bomb did the art for my fic No Secrets (linked above), which was a fantastic collaboration.

14. What’s your all time favourite ship?

Jeez, I don't know. I feel like I ship everything that moves. Honestly, maybe Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski, just because it ticks so many boxes for me: power dynamics, smartass characters, age gap, angst, superpowers, etc.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I have most of a whole-ass novel written about a post-War Ginny Weasley/Severus Snape fic. The premise is that she's sort of kicking around at loose ends at Grimmauld Place after the War is over, while Harry goes off doing Auror stuff and being a hero. Snape gets kicked out of Hogwarts for the summer for renovations and ends up having to move in as a boarder with Ginny. After some initial friction, they start talking to each other, and he realizes she's less vapid than he'd thought, and she realizes he's slightly less of an ass. There's also a mystery plot involving the moving portraits and a loose Death Eater, and part of it's set in Chicago. Literally 85% of it is written, and I just don't know if I'm ever going to finish it, partially because I've moved on from the fandom and partially because of the fandom's creator. So I don't know.

16. What are your writing strengths?

God, I don't know. You tell me. Kinky smut, maybe? I feel like I'm good at writing dialogue for some characters; less good at others.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Too repetitive within scenes; overuse of em dashes and other quirky punctuation; too reliant on what you might call "route 1" plotting.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

Only very minimally, and preferably with lots of cognates so people can at least get the gist even if they don't speak it.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Harry Potter. The first fic I ever wrote is actually the one with the 2nd-most kudos. (1st-most until very recently.)

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Crown of Neon Lights, a Mafia story about an uncle and his orphaned niece.

[synthetickitsune]

hi!! out of all the idols you stan, who would you date, fuck and marry 😋 and why! hi hi just a lil fun question im curious about

Hey~, anon - and, uh, I love you?? Thanks for asking, I spent too much time thinking abou this, and I love thinking about stuff!! I literally made excel spreadsheet for it lmao

Also I'm switching fuck for ~spicy cuddles~ (free to interpretation) because of my ace ass lol

tl;dr comprehensive version:

Date: Yonghoon (Onewe) - this is not a want, this is a need just ult things </3

Spicy cuddles: Jaeyoon (SF9) - this

Marry: Jun (Seventeen) - I can't pretend I'm normal about him anymore

Full version with all the groups under the cut because it got too long~ (and F for the groups that didn't make it in anyway)

(Also why am I never marrying my biases??? lmao...)

Ateez

Date: Yeosang - all the members keep saying he’s really innocent and ??? that’s very appealing? also I want someone who’ll make gummy bears concerts with me </3

Spicy cuddles: Seonghwa - maybe I wanna get as close to fucking a jedi master as I can or maybe I just think Hwa would be so gentle when cuddling that it makes me wanna cry, who knows

Marry: San - I just love him, ok? and he seems like a really gentle, nice guy, he's so funny and caring, and I love his cat so much tbh

EXO

Date: Chanyeol - I love him but I think he’s too high energy for me lmao and I’d feel bad I’m not as sporty + he gives me the vibes of dating for a while and then realizing it’s better to be best friends for some reason, lmao, idk but it’s very wholesome in my mind

Spicy cuddles: Lay - he’s so cute fml, also my man needs some break and we could nap together afterwards 

Marry: Baekhyun - look, I saw one vid of him being super calm and soft and making pottery and some ‘ㅋ’ cup and I’ve loved him ever since okay? also I want the fucking cup

Monsta X

Date: Hyungwon - he's besties with Jeonghan and I'll trust Hannie's judgment of character lmao

Spicy cuddles: Kihyun - look at the man, he's got me on my knees I love him and think he'd be so comfy to cuddle with?? he'd give the best headpats and backrubs??

Marry: I.M - something about his vibe makes me cry, I wanna be lonely with him </3

Oneus

Date: Leedo - a gentle giant pt. 1, and as much as I don't like kids, seeing him so soft with children makes my brain go haywire 

Spicy cuddles: Hwanwoong - he's really fun, y'know?

Marry: Seoho - he's good at everything he does and hella smart, I need a man like that lol

Onewe

Date: Yonghoon - look I've thought about this unholy amount of time and it's breaking my heart, honestly, but like Hoonie strikes me as a pretty realistic guy and idk how that would work out but I just wanna try it to make sure lmao 😭

Spicy cuddles: Harin - a gentle giant pt. 2, and I'd feel safe with him 

Marry: Kanghyun - he's just like me for real and I need someone to talk about books and space with </3

Seventeen

Date: Jeonghan - I'm very soft for this man and I love him so much but also I'd flinch every time he'd hit the stove or the door lmao

Spicy cuddles: Joshua - gentleman (? 🤨), his tiddies and arms would make me feel safe

Marry: Jun - no thoughts, head empty, kicking, screaming, crying just one chance, pls mr. wen 🥲

SF9

Date: Inseong - nothing as attractive as a smart fox-like man who's also cute and chaotic 

Spicy cuddles: Jaeyoon - look at the man I'm a firm believer in human heater Jaeyoon agenda and you know this pic? I want that 

Marry: Zuho - his cats, his gentle nature, his squishy cheeks, his cute smile... him 🤧 (Hwiyoung was a candidate n.2 but after all the clips of him talking about his family and having a family of his own, I don't think I could handle seeing a healthy and functioning family or create one T-T)

Stray Kids

Date: Han - he's cute and I just know he's the sweetest, also makes the best sad love songs

Spicy cuddles: Lee Know - make it regular cuddles and invite the cats in I just want a kitty

Marry: Bang Chan - duh. he's already got 7 kids, he can handle one more

Victon

Date: Hanse - I think he'd be a really interesting person to hang out with?? me and my weirdass vibes again, but two friends fucking around and finding out it's not working after all?

Spicy cuddles: Seungsik - look, I just think he looks like a polar bear and I want him to crush me with his love

Marry: Sejun - I can't live with the possibility he eats cereal like that and I guess the ring would add some more power to my influence lmao, also he's just neat and I love him

[sincelastsession]

I literally just want to run away and I'm a grown adult

I feel like a hurt child right now and all I want to do is go home but there is no home to go home to

It hurts so much

And I feel like I'm going insane because everybody outside is so fucking loud everything is overwhelming and loud and I don't want to deal with it anymore

And this is the time of year everything gets worse for me bubecause I start to have more anxiety and panic and other issues this time of year and my parents know that this happens every year until about my birthday or thanksgiving time

But they don't care

Their heads are so stuck up their own asses it's ridiculous and then they bitch at me about how I don't know what's going on in their life well they don't fucking tell me about it how am I supposed to know otherwise

It's complete madness and I hate this because it makes me feel like no one believes me

There have been so many times where my dad has threatened to call the coroner and lie to the coroner just so he can put me away in the hospital as punishment

Why was it swept under the rug that he and my sister attacked me and that he attacked me twice Before this while I was in my 30s still

Does he know that my nose is crooked because he fucking broke it I can't afford surgery to fix it hey broke it and I wasn't allowed to call the cops

I was not allowed I was told that if I called the cops on him or if anybody did he would lose his job and I would lose my insurance and I would lose everything and we would lose the house and that was the threat that I got in the scare tactics I got that kept me from calling for help

That was never okay

And one time he told me that if I called the cops he was gonna beat the fuck out of me Before they got there After he had already hit me

I don't know what to do Joshua

How am I supposed to communicate with my father about me getting things together and understanding what he wants me to do with my phone plan and other things and he wants to control when I'm financially stable and all this other crap when I've told him that you are doing my treatment plan and it is not his treatment plan to do with me

I lay down boundaries real ones not just I dislike your behavior so I'm gonna give you a boundary no real boundaries like you are hurting me please stop hurting me and he just comes over and hurts me more

How do I get him psychological help

Because I'm too old to call CPS

I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore

I never wanted to be financially dependent on my parents and I can't seem to get to a point where I can be away from that and working on things on my own

He wants me to take one of the cats the other cat that was friends with the 1 that I had to put down because he and my sister abused her with neglect

How am I supposed to pay for and take care of my sister's cat that she doesn't even care about that she terrorized as a child and the other 2 cats that belong to her and my father are now hurting this cat

Everybody's going to get mad at me even though he told me to come get the cat

This is my therapy cat's brother littermate

I don't know what I'm supposed to do about that I'd really rather not have to rehome him he's terrified of everything and he knows who I am and I know that I'm not going to be screaming and causing him any sort of stress and he's a good cat

And I try to talk to my dad again and then he just starts piling information on me and completely overwhelming me and then getting mad at me when I have a symptomatic reaction to his behavior

I am tired of being so stressed out that I can't even sleep because I started communication with him again because you said it was okay

It's not okay

I don't know what else to say about any of it I just keep repeating myself I get fucking stop repeating myself

Like I don't know how to get people to understand what I go through and it is agonizing

All I have ever wanted my entire life was to be loved

I have been abused by pedophiles I have been raped I have been molested by family members I have seen people die I have been assaulted by people my own age I have been held at gunpoint I can't even continue to list everything that's happened to me because it's just so much I can't even tell you how many traumas I have from my parents because it's Something that happened every day and the days that it didn't happen I was terrified

And I had to go through all these doctors and all these therapists and get missed diagnosed and thrown on medication that did not help me

That maybe possibly damaged my brain

But I don't know because my current psychiatrist doesn't seem to care I don't know I don't really understand him I just know that he thinks if it aint broke don't fix it and so he keeps me on the medicine that works for me but then he complains about how I can't be on it forever even though I've been on it for a very long time and I haven't had to really fuck with my dosage that much and it has not caused me memory issues the memory issues are complete disassociative issues

When I'm not stressed out what I'm calm when I'm collected when I'm not having people abuse me I'm completely different person

And the thing is I could bring Travis back to session and Travis can tell you exactly how full of shit my father is because he's seen it and he's read other messages and other nasty things my father has said to me he didn't say it in the text messages that I showed you but he said some really awful shit to me before

My own father has told me to go die

My own father has told my last EMDR therapist that he didn't want to ne my dad then left the room and came back a different person and said he loved me....

She told me that both my parents resent me and will not ever change.

She understood that I'm not trying to control them I wish I could have kept seeing her but she had personal problems and had to quit her job

I understand my circle of control however it is very frustrating when there's not much you can control in your circle of control because everybody else is trying to control it

I don't know if I have ever felt like my own person I don't know if I've ever been myself and I don't know how to explain to you that I don't even feel like a person or a human being because of the abuse that I have gone through

I don't know how to explain the symptoms I have from my diagnosis because it's not like everybody else and I don't understand I wish we'd never had that conversation about the stupid DSM or whatever the fuck acronym it is the diagnosis book

The psychiatrist that diagnosed me in the coroner that diagnosed me and the VA Doctor that was in another state that diagnosed me with complex PTSD and all the other issues I have they did not go by the book they went by symptoms and then decided that since I wasn't responding to any medications and I didn't have the full checklist of things that this is what I had the the list of things that I am diagnosed that's it That is it

And I shouldn't have to explain those things to people but when people don't understand me I don't know what I'm supposed to do

I know I can't make them do anything and I'm not really trying to and I wish people would really really really really really fucking understand that

I am not consciously trying to fuck with anybody's lives I could if I wanted to but I don't do that I'm not fucked up in the head and evil

And I and I just I don't know what to do anymore I don't know what to do anymore I wish I could just run away

Because right now all I feel like doing is fighting or running but I can't really do either

There are lots of things that are intrusive thoughts right now that if I said them would win me a trip to grippy sock hotel from hell

And I don't want to play medication roulette because it's not a medication issue

I just want to be happy and live my life and enjoy my life and no one really ever taught me about how to do anything I was passive neglectful parented that is what my lasked EMDR therapist told mate I really wish you could get her files she was furious with how I was treated she saw all of it my parents acted out in front of her

And you said I could be angry and it wouldn't hurt your feelings and so I am but I am sorry if it is hurting your feelings but I still am mad

And I will try my best to work on all the things I fuck up at because I'm such a fuck up

Everybody has to tell me about everything I do wrong nobody ever tells me anything positive about myself

When people say they're proud of me I don't believe them

Because my parents would say they were proud of me but then they would just yell at me and tell me how much of a stupid worthless inconvenient bitch an awful person I was in every way that you could imagine

The recordings I have set you are What it's like to try and just talk to my parents normally There's the lowest form of abuse but it still abuse and it still hurts and the other things are worse like he could have been in my face he could have had his hands-on me but my mother was there and she would have called the police

Or maybe she wouldn't because then he wouldn't be able to pay my rent and she doesn't want to put forth any effort to help me because she's so far up her own ass about her feet problems and her diabetes and her victim mentality

I know what my mother has gone through I as a child had to bring her juice constantly to bring her blood sugar up because she wasn't taking very good care of herself I had to learn to draw up insulin and where I was supposed to give her the insulin if she needed it when I was a kid and she denies this but it happened

It seems like neither of them can remember anything that they have done to me and if they do remember it they lie and then I catch them in the lie and they have giant tantrums

All the logic and all the books in the entire world that I have ever read and practiced to deal with my parents have not helped

Because my parents figure out some sort of way to fuck with me over and over and over

Because they figure out what I've learned and then they use it against me they use therapy against me

My mom says she loves me and she cares and she's trying but then she fucks up majorly and treats me like shit just like my dad

I do think that she has PTSD and is in need of seeing a therapist very badly but she keeps making excuses not to do so

There is nothing I can do about that there is nothing I can do about my father abusing me because I need to be in contact with him for various Things. Even if he didn't have to pay for anything he would still treat me like shit

I mean why can't he just tell me that he hates me and doesn't like me and doesn't like me and doesn't want to be my dad because he's already said it once but then how can you love somebody and treat them like garbage

I'm not playing games with them I'm masking as best I can and trying to act normal and please them and then I'm mirroring their behavior and they don't like it but I don't know how to be a person unless I figure out how somebody is acting and I mirror it to try and be on the same level is them but nobody like under stamps that and I've tried to explain it and they basically both told me to shut up and they would read about it when they had time and it just they don't care they don't fucking care and they say oh well if I didn't care then why would I show up to your therapy appointment blah blah blah blah blah

Then they try to make me look bad like I'm the bad person

Okay so I'm the bad person let's say I'm the bad person let's say I'm the evil bad daughter

What in the fuck do I have to gain from that

I don't want their fucking money anymore I don't want to have to deal with it

I should have never gotten to this point

And I have to rely on them because I can't calm down and get it together and make money under-the-table because my parents forced me into SSI and I have 0 safety net if I just wanted to get off of it and try something new

If I wanted to try to make extra money I couldn't because I'm going to get caught and I'm going of getting caught and getting in trouble even though I'm not even doing anything wrong

I'm not even trying to sell my artwork I'm not even making artwork to sell I can't even concentrate to function I can't even fucking get my apartment clean like it used to be because everything has gotten worse sinyes I have been continuously abused well into my late 30s

And they don't understand that it's like a huge fucking trauma that happened to me in January and they're just they don't get that it hurt and that was a trauma and that was their fault

And saying sorry doesn't cut it they should be in anger management classes like court ordered

But I wasn't allowed to call the police because they were going to manipulate the coroner and if I called the cops on just my sister or just my father they would band together to fuck me over I know how they think

His apology wasn't sincere or he wouldn't be abusing me and having me this worked up about it

He has 0 intention of helping me unless it's for his benefit

You know I had a Doctor once that told me that she would have jumped off the fucking Mississippi bridge by now because she met my father and she heard the way he spoke to me on the phone one time and it probably wasn't very good of her to say to me because I thought about it but I don't really like the idea of jumping into a large nasty body of water that goes into a larger nasty body of water in the gulf no thank you

And I have had countless other doctors that are like oh my fucking God by just meeting him and hearing how he spoke to me before they even walked into the room

I have been told to just go find a man that I can tolerate and marry him and get away from my family

As if eligible well off bachelors that want to deal with a physically disabled woman just grow on trees

My dad told me to just close my eyes and let Travis fuck meJust date him he's nice he'll take care of you just close your eyes

That's fucking insane

And my mother who has apologized countless times for this but it is still hurting me very badly told me that no one would ever want to marry me she laughed and this was after her asking what my dream life looked like which was very simple it was like I just want to be financially stable and have a partner or a husband and live in a modest home and have a garden and a 1/2 maybe a dog or a cat and just be happy like other people I know And she laughed at me and she fucking told me that no one was ever going to want to marry me because I had too many health problems

And then I've had people who are no longer my friends tell me the same thing

And everybody tells me I'm so negative well you know if you go through as much shit as I've gone through it's really hard to see anything positive anymore

Like I would love to have some sort of imaging done to see how much of my brain actually works and How much is damaged.

Because I don't know if I will ever be able to get better even though I'm very badly want to but I also don't know what I'm getting better from anymore but cause it seems like just complaints from everyone else

I haven't gotten to explore who I am ever

I don't feel like I have autonomy right now other than just the same autonomy someone would have in their own bedroom with some privacy

Because everything I do that my parents find out about comes under fire

I'm almost 40 it shouldn't be like this

I should not be having the intrusive thoughts that I'm having

I bought so much healthy food to cook myself and take care of myself and I fucki got help I had to ask for help but I asked Travis for help and he helped me with things around my apartment today and going to the grocery store and I hated having to ask for help

I feel pathetic I feel like a fucking loser I feel like shit

I don't feel like anybody on this Earth actually really wants me I don't even think my partner would want me if he met me in person

My heart has been broken for a very long time and my grief is overflowing

I am so angry and so sad and so tired

I don't even know what my self is so I can't even tell you if I feel like myself

I don't know what feeling better feels like unless it's getting better from a nasty cold or a virus

The only times that I don't feel pain is if I decide to drink a lot or if I smoke myself stupid with my medical marijuana which I really don't enjoy doing either And I'm not really a drinker it happens only about every 4 months just one time and then I regret it and I don't do it for another 4 months or longer

And then the medical marijuana is all I have for pain and the other pain medication that I still have my prescriptions for that I could take makes me act really weird and I don't like how it makes me feel and it really doesn't help the pain that I need it to help and my Doctor's freak out when they find out that I've taken like half a dose

And I don't know why I'm treated worse than like an addict because I've never had any sort of addiction issues I've never had any sort of breathing issues or complications I have surprisingly very good lungs

I know my body I've had to know my body because doctors Mistake noticed me so many God damn times that I had to start doing the research and learning so I could correct the Doctor so I could get the care that I needed so I wouldn't die or suffer

And then at some point I guess when I was really little and I got into my mom's medical books medical became my special interest and I wish it never had become my special interest though it has only caused me problems with doctors thinking that I'm hypochondriac which I'm not

But if I sit there in a Doctor appointment and I act stupid it doesn't really help the process of getting me diagnosed and getting me the treatment I need for whatever problem I'm experiencing so I have to teach myself and I have to learn in order to protect myself from faulty diagnosis

I was mistagnosed with borderline personality disorder and that is such an overdiagnosed umbrella diagnosis and I don't check all the boxes for that at all I do not act like that I do not even fit the description and I don't understand how I even got that diagnosis

And it took years and A va Doctor to point out that I didn't have that

I fucking hate it here

I wish I was happier I wish I had cool things to tell you but I don't right now

I mean I had a nice time at the farmer's market I came home and there was a whole bunch of glitter in the pool which was hilarious but now there's a whole bunch of loud people in the pool and that's not been fun and I spoke to the new lady in the office about the problems with apartment 60 because they are continuously being trashy and awful towards me

And Travis helped me and we went and got groceries anone of that was terrible except for the fact that the shopping cart hit my foot and broke my fucking toe and now I have to tape it to everywhere and I don't know if my toenail is going to fall off or not but I guess I'll find out

And I don't know how to calm down anymore I've been trying for hours to calm down

I want to talk to my partner I want attention from my partner I want to be loved by my partner but he is busy and I don't know when he is not going to be busy and I am sad

But I'm also scared that he has some sort of misunderstanding about me and who I am as a person even though he is lovely and says the most wonderful things to me and he's understanding of my situation is pretty apt but you know like you said no one can ever fully know you

And I miss Matthew and I hate that I do and because he hurt me so bad

And I miss my ex-boyfriend but he also hurt me and he has not made up for that and all I got was a bunch of I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm new and he never really did anything I see him getting sober and doing good things for himself now but fuck me I guess

And yes I'm jealous that my used to be friends are on vacation with my ex best friand who is going to be getting married soon and I'm going to have to see all of that all over social media and it makes me want to crawl in a hole and perish

And then another friend of mine I believe I told you as pregnant and that hurts too because medically I would have never been able to have a child due to my uterus tilt and the health conditions I have I would have never had a healthy child or carried to full term I most likely would have miscarried or had a premature very sick child so I did the most responsible thing I could do I harassed my OB-GYN from the time I was 16 till the time I was like 22 or older and he finally tied my tubes after I signed a document saying I wouldn't Sue him

And this was well before the rover's Wade rulaying and so was the uterine ablation

So I can't have my own kids I never liked the idea of carrying my own kids but it makes me sad because I wish I could have my own kids or I wish I was stable enough to adopt but I'm not and I have to live with that if it hurtsSo I can't have my own kids I never liked the idea of carrying my own kids but it makes me sad because I wish I could have my own kids or I wish I was stable enough to adopt but I'm not and I have to live with that if it hurts

Everything I have ever been through hurts so much and everything I have ever loved dearly has either died or been taken away from me

I don't know how to fix my brain

I can see the issues I just don't know what to do and I don't know how to do it successfully

Because I've been trying since I was 12 years old since I fixed myself because I was told I was broken and then I became more broken and more broken and I became but target and people use me and abuse me and raped me and it hurt me and it just replaced in my head all the time and I wish I could have laid going to war instead and that would have been my only trauma it's just being an active war

Cause it sounds a lot less shitty than this

I would probably make a excellent spy II would be a very good asset to our government I could be I don't care if that sounds fucking delusional I got one of the highest scores at Woodlawn on 1 of the military tests and they would not leave me alone for weeks until I had my uncle call them and tell them that I was disabled because he was part of the military

Because I told them I have all these medical issues I would love to do an intelligent job but I can't

And I get so mad sometimes because I have all these physical and mental issues

Because there's so many things that I want to do that I know I just can't do

I know that it's just something I wouldn't get hired for

[shdwtouch]

Whats aomething your pet(s) do? Are they smart?

so, I have a cat, my emotional support animal, Gambit ! and then we / my mom has dogs, siblings Bruin and Sedona, and a corgi named Sir Ulrich von Lichtenstein. my sister also has cats, Purrlock Holmes and Meowdame Leota. I'm just gonna list off some facts about all of them, because I love all of them. XD

facts about Leota !

she adores her brother, Purrlock. she literally has a shrine dedicated to him under my sisters desk. like. his old collars, his favorite toys, a little drawing of him (I'm not fucking joking, it's a drawing on a wine cork my sister got at an art faire).

she is the sweetest, quietest, most polite cat I have ever met

facts about Purrlock !

he looks like a little cow. he eats like one too XD

he would sell you to satan for one (1) treat

facts about Ulrich !

he is the BIGGEST diva. sometimes he refuses to eat unless he is spoon fed. he refuses to jump down from locations he jumped onto and acts like he can't get down without help. thinks hes bigger than he is and tries to act like it. he sometimes refuses to climb the back stairs and must be carried indoors like a baby. he is also very judgmental.

he is terrified of Leota, but fine with the other cats XD

one time he got stuck on our porch because his way was blocked and he couldn't back up. after saving his sorry little butt, he did it again.

facts about Sedona !

she hates my guts. why ? because she doesn't like leashes, medication, or going places she does not want to go... and I was responsible for doing all that. now my sister handles it, thankfully. I love the dog, she just hates me. :c

acts stupid, is actually very smart

she would sell you to satan for one (1) ear rub

gassy. poor baby has some digestion issues unfortunately :c but we do what we can for her. we can always tell she isn't feeling good because she gets grumpy, but then I get grumpy too when my stomach doesn't feel good so.

facts about Bruin !

my favoritest boy (don't tell Gambit XD)

he is the sweetest, most stupid dog you will ever meet. we live in the country and are surrounded by cow fields. one time, when he was still pretty young, he got out and came back with a gash in his head. vet says a cow most likely kicked him. :c even though he was already pretty sweet and derpy before that, I like to joke that everything changed after "the accident". poor guy.

he thinks cows are his friends. "cows" is his trigger word I s2g. you say cows and his ears perk up, he gets so excited, its adorable. he just sits outside and watches them. also ? every day, around 6 pm, he goes out to the side yard and barks at the cows in our neighbors field. idk why, I think that's when they get fed so they move to that side of the field ? but without fail, he's out there barking.

he has excited tail syndrome. the kind of dog that wags their tail and their whole body just starts wiggling and shaking. he's adorable.

facts about Gambit !

is literally screaming at me right now

only drinks cold water, but he does not like ice

a cuddle baby. he's literally such a loving baby boy, I love him.

thinks hes tough. is not actually tough.

thinks he's gonna inherit my stuff when I die, so he keeps trying to kill me (joking)

thinks he's cute (he is cute) but he needs to be constantly reminded

does NOT !! like kisses

is in a situationship with Purrlock, thinks its Leota

and now to answer the "are they smart" portion of this question. Sedona and Ulrich ? they act stupid but we know they are smart. Bruin is as dumb as they come, unfortunately, but he makes up for it by being incredibly sweet. Purrlock and Gambit have a single brain cell each, and fight over the third to make fire. Leota has all the cat brain cells but dedicates them solely to loving on her brother.

[mobbu-min]

☆ Pretty Boy ☆

(ft. the first years + cater, floyd & silver)

requested by anon: I just read your headcanons of reader calling the housewardens pretty and was wondering if you could do it for the vice housewardens or maybe first years?

Ok I adore the pretty boy hcs!!!! Cld I request the same concept with the remaining students? @f4ngt4stic

a/n: idk what i was on while writing these, but these definitely came out...a little different??? just a psa, drink responsibly. floyds and jacks came out kinda poopy tbh :/ can't figure out how to write them

!tw! insecurities, grammar mistakes, once again my poor attempt at a southern accent, ummmm im forgetting something but idk

want more? check these out!

⋆ pretty boy: 1, 2

⋆ cat, kitty, cat! 1, 2, 3

Ace Trappola <3

⋆ Way too smug for a guy that passed out.

⋆ Brags about it to anyone that will listen, no scratch that, he’s screaming all across campus. Everyone knows No ones exempt.. This bitch wrote an entire essay on it and fills every box with ‘prefect this im pretty’ and ‘haha, fuck you deuce’.

⋆ This is a big win for him. So big that he makes a toast to it in the next unbirthday party, so big that you’re permanently embarrassed and quickly regretting ever saying anything and Ace is sitting all pretty with a collar around his neck. But hey, at least he gets to sit next to you.

⋆ Ace teases the hell out of you. Anytime you scold him, he’ll give you puppy dog eyes and pout and say ‘dont be mawd, pwefect, aren’t I your pwetty boi???’ and shit like that. It’s annoying, but great sevens does it work everytime.

⋆ Until the time it gets you in trouble during class and placed in detention, and you quickly find yourself and Cater looking up Ace’s old magicam posts as blackmail and it’s juicy, (probably posted stuff from musically(or would it be called magically?) and his name was probably like @/swaggyboi420)

⋆ Ace is so insufferable that he practically gives himself away. There’s been too many times where he unknowingly admits to how much he likes you. And with the luck of the Shroud brothers, you’ve managed to get it all on tape/recorded.

⋆ He may be an ass, but he’s a pure dumbass, remember that.

"I don’t know why you said my name so confidently, Prefect. It’s like you haven’t looked in the mirror, pssh~ …why are you smiling like that? …Huh?...I-i didn’t mean it like that! No way! Hey! Stop looking at me that way!"

Deuce Spade <3

⋆ A complete spluttering mess. 

⋆ No amount of consoling will allow Deuce to calm the red that has now made its home on his face. Trey is incredibly worried, instantly taking out a thermometer and making soup. Cater is magicamming it, obvi, Ace is a pain in the ass and already knows what’s going on (will not admit that he’s jealous as hell) and Riddle is regretting ever becoming the housewarden. 

⋆ Deuce is so shy about it, so flustered and embarrassed that he literally squeaks the next time you make eye contact with him. The last person to call him pretty was his mom. His mom. 

⋆ So it's safe to say, Deuce isn’t being called pretty very often (up until he meets me and that’s all he ever hears coming out of my big ass mouth)

⋆ It’s different. The meanings behind when his mom called him pretty and you is like water and oil, fire and ice, Riddle and Leona. Completely opposite. 

⋆ On one hand, he’s bashfully annoyed when his mom coos at how pretty he is, littering his soft cheeks with a flurry of kisses. A type of love only able to be felt by a mother such as his. He’s content, satisfied that his mom loves him so much despite his shortcomings, incredibly grateful. 

⋆ And on the other hand, he’s a nervous mess. Sweat accumulating at his brows and pretty pink lips pursed into a taunt frown to stop his lips from melting into a sweet, lovesick smile. The feeling he feels isn’t familiar, it’s different. It feels like he’s been hit by a bus and instead of feeling pure and utter pain, he feels himself exploding into a billion butterflies. 

⋆ At least that’s what he feels like on the inside, on the outside he’s a blushing stuttering mess holding a shaky bouquet of red and pink roses up in your face. 

⋆ Please, be easy on him. 

“Umm….I know I’m not the best with words and I really can’t afford to mess this up, but I need you to know that I think you're pretty too!!! Almost as pretty as these flow-wait! No! I-i mean even more pretty! Yeah! Like 1000000000000000x prettier!...sorry, I wanted this to smoo-huh? You’re laughing? Hehehe, I guess it was pretty funny!”

Cater Diamond <3

⋆ No longer is he @/caycay anymore but he’s upgraded! Everyone add him @/prettycaycay instead!

⋆ So happy, sososo very happy. Instantly glops you in a hug and exclaims it's all in the skincare. Cater wants to twirl you around and give you a big ol’ kiss on your lips. But alas, he needs to have more class!

⋆ Cater’s used to being called pretty, but from you, it’s a totally different thing. To him it means more, there's so much more meaning behind your words and hits him totally different. It builds up his confidence. 

⋆ I like to think, Cater’s secretly self conscious when it comes to his relationship with you. You’re surrounded by great and powerful mages every single day, not to mention down right attractive. That he feels a little insignificant in the great schemes of things. He want to be the person that sweeps you off your feet, he wants to be the person that instantly catches your eyes, he want to be the last person you think about the moment you close your eyes and first when you awake. 

⋆ Cater wants to be your person. 

⋆ And he is. 

⋆ And Cater’s never been so happy.

"Heya, Prefect! Wanna go slay another photoshoot with me?...(sigh) I can’t say that, that’s tots lame! Oh, (name), the things you do poor little me."

Jack Howl <3

⋆ He wants to be offended, but the stupid wagging of his tail betrays him. For once, he’s annoyed at being a beastman. 

⋆ Jack is a little weird about it. Never in his entire existence (ooo 16 years, wooowww soo looong) has he been called pretty. PReTTY?! No way in hell. 

⋆ Does he prefer if you called him something else, like idk, handsome? Ruggedly attractive? A total beefcake? (not really, but really) yes, of course.

⋆ But yet again, this is you that we’re talking about and everything applies differently to you. 

⋆ Jack finds himself taking extra care in his appearance, as in hair and skin routine. Making sure he doesn’t smell bad or clothes looks stanky. Jack even went to Vil for tips and tricks. You found him pretty, so Jack went to the prettiest person he knows (besides you ofc) to make sure he stays that way. 

⋆ Everytime, he sees you, his tail is wagging so fast that you’re afraid he might start flying away. 

⋆ He’s clueless about everything romance, so please, everyone, send your thoughts and money to Jack’s ‘Help him find love’ gofundme page. 

"Ah, I didn’t expect to see you so soon. But I’m glad you're here, I was hoping you’d help me? I need help watering- excuse me, I can’t really control my tail right now."

Floyd Leech <3

⋆ Run and never look back!

⋆ Jk, but really you should really look into some health insurance. 

⋆ Over the moon about, might go super tuna on you, shrimpy. 

⋆ Loves to know that he’s your pretty boy. When he’s having a bad day, he hears your voice in his head and instantly calms down and gets to squishing people with a warm smile. (how cute)

⋆ Does use it against you and doesn’t care if you get embarrassed, if anything that fuels him to up the teasing. Floyd doesn’t mind calling you pretty back, if anything, your little compliment gives him the boost to make sure you know that he’s yours and your his. 

⋆ He’s lowkey possessive, so he does bite you. Like your hand, fyi, to show others that he called dibs. Encourages you to bite him back, and will proudly display his mark. 

⋆ Writes ‘Pretty Shrimpy’ on your bite and ‘Pretty boy’ on his. 

⋆ It’s so romantic, isn’t it???

"Why are you swatting me away??? I just wanna be held by my Pretty Shrimpy~ Don’t deny your loving Pretty boy~ I just wanna squeeze all my love into you!”

Epel Felmier <3

⋆ HOW DARES SOMEONE CALL THEE EPEL FELIMER, THE ROUGHEST, TOUGHEST COUNTRY BOY TO EVER EXIST A ‘PRETTY BOY’!?!!?!?!??!?!?!?

⋆ (bingbing bingbing) excuse me, as I take this call…yeah, it’s me…uh-huh…mhmm…i see…okay, i’ll tell him, thank you…yup, see you soon, love ya..(cling-clack) ahem, EPEL!!!!! YOU BETTER OPEN YOUR DAMN EYES!!! YOUR NOT GONNA BELIEVE WHO JUST SAID IT! Um, why do you have a pitchfork?

⋆ Instantly falls down and cries. Anyone that passes by is incredibly confused and concerned. He too is incredibly confused.

⋆ Should he be sad? Mad? Incredibly grateful? Should he call his meemaw next? What should he do!?!??!?!?!??!?

⋆ The person he likes just called him pretty. Again, you just called him pretty. 

⋆ Vil told him that is one of the highest compliments he can get, but that’s coming from Vil’s mouth, so it holds little value to him. Epel wants to be handsome in your eyes! Not pretty!

⋆ Epel, actually, talks about it to Leona, surprisingly enough. Who, for once in his life, gives some really good advice. Leona doesn't really know what to say, but Vil’s protege came to him and Leonas not about to miss this once and a lifetime opportunity. 

⋆ Now is the advice useful? Ya, but is it good? …it’s questionable at best.

⋆ You're basically shoved against the wall and a good ol’ classic kadobon is used! Basically securing your attention. 

⋆ Now again, it’s useful, but also not good. Surprisingly, Epel is pretty strong, afterall helping around the farm isn’t easy work (this is coming from someone forced to help around the farm, yes I am from the country, but not the country you're thinking of…probably) and this is where the problem arises. 

⋆ Epel may have shoved and I mean shoved, like running from a distance and just body slamming you into the wall and now half of your allowance is now going to patch up the dent in the wall. 

⋆ Epel thought he killed you. You thought you died and Grim’s worried about who’s gonna feed him! See the problems that arise when taking advice from Leona! 

⋆ Either way, Epel does get a date with you, if you count a date being an injured prefect and a sad farmer boy eating pb&j sandwiches in the infirmary room. (and yes, grim’s there and won’t shut up about it)

“(munch munch munch) Ya know, these ain’t too bad. (munch munch munch) Ermmm, ahem, I hope this ain’t too soon, but ya real pretty too….um, I’ll get some fancy ointment from Vil for ya-er..bump? Bruise? (awkward munching) Do you want some juice?”

Silver <3

⋆ Takes a moment to process what exactly you just said. He blinks, lets out a little yawn, rubs his eyes and then….BAM!!!!

⋆ His pretty auroral eyes are wide with shock. Pretty snow white lashes flutter as softly as a butterfly flutters its wings. A gradient of pinks and red dusts his ears, checks and nose  Pretty rose pink lips agape in shock letting the softest of gasps leave his lips.

⋆ Ugh, pretty pretty boy who's somehow shocked he's considered pretty???? Like, hunny, you're literally considered the prettiest boy in the whole school???? Like make it makes sense.

⋆ Silver is so bashful about it. Shyly meeting your gaze the next time you meet. It’s adorable, that you're the one blushing. 

⋆ It reminds of the romance stories Lilia used to tell him. The girl overheard the boy confessing his feelings for him and growing flustered and falling deeper in love. But instead, he’s the girl, who’s falling deeper and deeper in love with you and a flustered mess, and instead of a confession, you just said that you found him to be the prettiest boy in the whole world. 

⋆ It’s a little different, but Silver’s a mess either way. 

“I know I’m not the best company. I know I fall asleep constantly or am always attending to Malleus, however, I hope you understand that your company is the highlight of my day. Is it selfish, if I ask for more?”

Sebek Zigvolt <3

⋆ HUMAN!? HOW DARE YOU NOT SAY WAKA-SAMA!!! ARE YOU BLIND?!?!?!?!?!?!?

⋆ Literally takes him a whole ass day to realize that you said him. He’s so caught up that you didn’t say ‘Oh Great Lord Malleus Draconia’. He is truly the biggest simp you’ve ever known.

⋆ But when his mind finally catches up, man’s a whole ass tomato. Steams coming from his ears and he lets out the loudest, most inhumane, scream known to man, (if you’ve read pt 1, it’s more terrifying than idia’s because it sounds straight from some horror movie and if you haven’t read it, what are you doing here! Go read it bestie!)

⋆ Oh, Sebek, poor little Sebek. You are truly the densest person ever. He’s in full denial. Because one, how could you say him instead of Waka-sama, two, why did you say him!? And three, why does his heart feel like it's about to burst?\

⋆ He goes to Lilia, because Sebek does not know how to deal with it himself. And Lilia, being the great mentor he is, says you’ve cursed him and the best way to break the curse is to spend the week following after you and treating you like royalty!

⋆ And while Sebek really doesn’t (and I mean really doesn’t) want to leave his duties, it must be done! If he dies early, then who will protect Malleus and who will make sure you’re not surrounded by morons all the time?!

⋆ So for the next week, you're followed by a red-faced Sebek like a little puppy. You're confused, but eventually forget about it because it’s not the weirdest thing that has happened. And as for Sebek, this boy is going through it!

⋆ His poor heart can’t handle another hit from your sweet laughter or soft smiles. His face feels like it’s permanently been hit by the sun. He really doesn’t understand what’s wrong and by the end of the week, when the curse was supposed to be ‘broken’ Sebek explodes. He literally feeling vomited all over you. Saying how could you off all people make his heart swoon and face red. How you keep him up at night, how he looks forward to seeing you. And omg, how he misses you! He’s a mess, this is a mess, and the poor baby really just doesn’t understand.

⋆ Be gentle, Sebek does care for you, he’s just too much of an idiot to admit and realize it.

“PREFECT! I DO NOT UNDERSTAND THIS FEELING THAT ARISES WHENEVER YOU ARE NEAR! IT’S AS IF MY HEART DOES NOT KNOW HOW TO BEHAVE! I LOSE ALL FOCUS WHEN YOU’RE NEAR! TELL ME, HAVE YOU BEWITCHED ME!”

[fantastic-nonsense]

so my general almost non-spoilerish review for The Batman:

best depiction of Batman we've ever gotten on screen; he actually acted like a real detective and had a fantastic character arc. Some of the fight scenes were a bit awkward, but that was also clearly a purposeful choice made to highlight the fact that this is Year Two Batman, who's still figuring things out

It was extremely clear which comics Reeves took inspiration from. The movie is very clearly a love letter to Batman, the fans, and the comics people have spent decades reading, and you can tell. If anyone's interested, the most obvious inspirations were Year One, Long Halloween, Ego, and Zero Year, with some elements from Batman: Earth One thrown in as well.

I personally thought the core themes were woven through the main plotline well. There were a couple of instances of clunky dialogue, but overall, it was fairly effective at getting across the points it wanted to

Bruce's opening/closing narrations were A+

the opening scene (y'all know the one) was excessively long. That shit could have been effectively told in 2 minutes tops and it went on for 5-6. There were a couple of other scenes that felt like they needed editing down too, but that was the most obvious one

Generally, I wish Pattinson had emoted a bit more (both as Bruce and as Batman). He had some fantastic moments, but I just wanted more from him. I understand that it was a deliberate acting choice that he didn't and I understand why Reeves and Rob made that character choice, but there were several points throughout the movie (particularly during his talk with Falcone and a few of his scenes with Selina) where I was just like "come on Rob...give me something here!"

Submit the hospital and Arkham interrogation scenes to the Oscars for Pattinson's Best Actor nom. That's all.

Reeves made some interesting choices for Selina and I actually really liked most of them. I enjoyed how she was clearly the pathos and conscience of the movie, which we rarely get outside of Selina-focused comics

This is the funniest depiction of Bruce and Gordon's relationship we've ever gotten, and I'm actually obsessed with it

I'm ultimately still not happy with the Riddler. He was effective. He was smart. He had his riddles and his question marks and his obsession with Batman. Like Pattinson's emotions, I understand why Reeves did what he did. Dano's particular interpretation of Eddie just didn't work for me.

I can't believe some critics are calling this movie humorless. I was stifling laughs every time Penguin was on-screen, and there were some just Grade A-level puns baked into the script. I guess maybe they didn't like that it was tasteful, smart humor and wasn't just quippy one-liners every 5 minutes?

the soundtrack: A++++. Batman's theme was appropriately forbidding and it feels like you're watching a Big Cat stalking his prey every time it plays

if this movie doesn't scream "Harvey Dent will co-star in Batman 2" I simply don't know what movie you watched, but it wasn't the same one I did. Whether he'll appear as Two-Face or not idk, but Batman 1 was literally the perfect set up for Harvey's appearance and that's WAY more than I expected to get

Finally, fuck the critics who were like 'the third act is weak.' No, the third act was NOT weak, that was peak Batman cinema you cowards. The flare scene, my beloved...................

Basically, I have some issues with it, but overall, an absolutely solid movie. Absolutely thrilled to see where Reeves goes with Batman 2.

Also...get this absolute disaster of a man a Robin!!! If there's ever been a live-action Batman who desperately needs a Robin, it's DEFINITELY Battinson.

[huge-enthusiast]

MIRACULOUS FIC RECOMENDATIONS!! (Part 2)

You can find part 1 here.

The first one was really popular! So I decided to make a second part.

The rules are the same:

All of the fics will be rated Teen and up audiences or lower. Also if I don’t put the author’s tumblr is because they didn’t put it in the fic or/and I couldn’t find it.

The only thing that changes is that I would be putting the pairing in the description of the fic.

Without further ado...

Written in the Stars by Boogum (@botherkupo here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and Adrienette.

He was the god of destruction. She was a princess whose kingdom had been prophesied to fall. To save her people, she became his wife. To save him, she would have to do the impossible. The castle has secrets, the gods are watching, and time is running out.

Chapters: 37/37

TW for mild violence.

Arrange marriage, God AU. While I'm making this list, I still haven't finished the fic, but I had to recommend it because is THAT good. The way I gasped out loud while reading some of the plot twists. The worldbuilding is so good, and even if you aren't into AUs that deviate a lot from cannon like me, I 100% reccomend it.

Need a Lift? again by Boogum.

Pairing: DJWifi

Getting stranded on a foreign planet sucked. Luckily for Nino, his rival was willing to give him a lift home. Unluckily for Nino, she was beautiful and funny and he might just be in love with her.

Chapters: 1/1

Space Bounty Hunter AU! Really sweet and funny. If you are into flustered!Nino then this fic is for you.

hey, you by peachcitt (@peachcitt here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

“Have you ever had a dream about someone that changes the way you think of them?”

or Adrien has a dream about Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

Okay so, peachcitt is one of my favorite ml writers. Everything that they write is sooo good y'all, and i'm already a sucker for adrienette, so I cannot recommend this fic (or any of theirs) enough.

double dare again by peachcitt (I told ya!)

Pairing: Ladrien (with lots of sided ladynoir)

“Don’t ever do that again,” Marinette says, maybe a little too emphatically, and Adrien looks at her, his expression quiet. His cheeks, Marinette notices, are a little red.

“But I wanted to save you,” he says.

or Ladybug and Adrien can't seem to stop running into each other. (whether that is on accident or on purpose is nobody's business but their own, of course).

Chapters: 30/30

This was a ladrien june fic! Every chapter corresponds to the day's prompts but it also continues a story. If that doesn't make you want to read it then I don't know what it will. I fear fanfic writers, they're insane.

(not) so much by therentyoupay (@therentyoupayfanfiction here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Marichat and adrienette

(The claws are sharp, but the host of Destruction—for all of his loudmouth chaos and lack of reserve—is paradoxically careful.)

Chapters: 1/1

In which Chat Noir pays a visit not long after Marinette has made a pretty difficult decision, and they accidentally make a routine.

Prompt: Marinette gives Chat a hickey. Adrien has a suspiciously similar looking hickey the next day at school...

Gotta be honest with y'all, I did not expect this fic to be as good as it is. The adrienette has everything a stablished!Marichat should have. Marinette conflicted with her feelings? Check. Adrien being a hot mess bc That's My Girlfriend But She Doesn't Know That? Check. Them being absolute idiots? Check. It's good!

Doctor, Doctor, Give Me The News (Your Lips Is The Only Cure I Could Use) by BreG21.

Pairing: Adrienette

Rainwater sloshed up from the pools they had made on the sidewalk and coated his jean pants with every step he took. He couldn't bring himself to care.

He sniffed away some of the water that dribbled down his matted head. "Yeah?"

He paused as if to consider his words while Adrien stared down at him, so lost. "You weren't wrong when you thought you knew. A part of you wanted it to be her, but it was too perfect, you let the illusion fool you because how would you get that lucky. But trust me, Adrien. You weren't wrong."

He wasn't wrong? What was he not wrong about?

You weren't wrong. You want it to be her.

And it finally clicked as a small gasp wisped past his lips. He wasn't wrong.

In which, Plagg falls ill, and with Fu gone and Ladybug being the guardian now, has to go find her civilian self-even with the knowledge that she might not like that-is shocked to realize that even with having the kwami that was supposed to embodied the very being of bad luck, Adrien could conclude the very opposite of what he had thought for so long.

He was so very lucky.

Chapters: 1/1

I screamed so hard while reading this fic. It's just one of those who gets the characters right. Do you like a good reveal? Go read this now.

Operation Mega Sleepover by InTheWild (@smellerbeee here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

When Alya and Nino drop out of their long awaited mega-sleepover at the last minute, it leaves Marinette and Adrien alone together for the night. An Adrinette one-shot with lots of fluff and sleepover shenanigans.

Chapters: 1/1

I just,,, I love adrienette fluff so much,,, I love them,,,

You, Me & A Little Bit Of The Future by joonapeach.

Pairing: this is a fortunate case of all lovesquare shenanigans™

Marinette expects some disaster on her first outing alone with Adrien.

She just doesn't expect that disaster to be her future self passing off a baby for her to take care of with Adrien.

(Alternatively... two idiots obliviously in love cooing over their daughter while acting like they have no idea whose kid this is.)

Chapters: 1/1

I think the description says anything that it needs to be said. It's really sweet and funny and I love how they just change their minds so quickly and get emo for literally nothing. Peak shakesperean dumbasery.

The entire Marry That Girl series by Miraculous_Max (Maximilian_Alexander).

Pairing: Adrienette

Let’s say Marinette has a special sketchbook. This sketchbook is filled with drawings of their future house, of Adrien as an adult in multiple occupational settings, of Marinette and Adrien’s wedding, and most importantly, their future children.

Let's say Adrien found this sketchbook.

Works: 8 (All are 1/1 chapters)

Just realized how this list exposes me as number 1 adrienette sucker... oh well. I love how Adrien doesn't feel weirded out by the intensity of Marinette's crush. He likes it! He's as weird and romantic as her! That's one of the reasons I love the lovesquare so much and it makes me happy to see that everyone is in the same boat with me.

Strenght by 11JJ11.

Pairing: Adrienette

Marinette knew she was much stronger than she looked thanks to being a hero. So when her class had an arm wrestling contest she knew that she could beat all of them with ease, but she wasn't expecting anyone else to come close.

Chapters: 1/1

Good ol' accidental reveal feat. the entire class shenanigans. I, once again, screamed for an adrienette fic. Who could've thought.

Super Fan by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

It was a good thing Alya was holding the phone and not her, because it would have slipped from her fingers and shattered. How had she not noticed? She had been there, and somehow she’d missed her crush looking at her like she was an angel sent from heaven.

Forget the perfume ad. This picture was going to be her new desktop.

(In which Marinette realizes that she and Adrien might both be obsessive fans.)

Chapters: 1/1

Canon divergent from after Gorizilla. They're so dumb. That's my opinion on this fic.

How to Kiss Your Crush in Five Minutes or Less also by Taliax.

Pairing: Ladrien

He just needed to know if Ladybug needed Chat Noir. He didn't expect to learn just how much she wanted Adrien.

This would be the best five minutes of his life, if he didn't expect her to forget it.

Chapters: 1/1

CW for making out.

Set during Desperada. I promise there's a happy ending. Also Luka is there for some reason, felt really bad for him.

Laying Down the Rules: The Gabriel Agreste Clauses by LadyKae

Gen

Adrien leaves the manor on a dark and stormy night and seeks sanctuary at the only place he feels safe: The Home of the Dupain-Cheng Family. When Sabine learns why her dear boy is fleeing to her home in the middle of the night, she makes a personal visit to one Gabriel Agreste.

There's more rules in play, but not for Adrien and Marinette.

Chapters: 1/1

This is just Sabine going to beat the fuck out of Gabriel and it's really satifying ngl

4am. by hannieks

Pairing: post-reveal lovesquare

In which Adrien has the cat tendency to wake up their owners at stupid o'clock, and Marinette just wants to sleep. Cuteness ensues.

Chapters: 1/1

Really short but really sweet. If you like Adrien acting like a cat then you would like this.

Can I Date You(r Character)? by midnightstarlightwrites (@midnightstarlightwrites here on tumblr!)

Pairing: Adrienette

Adrien turned to her, something unreadable in his gaze. “Are you ok with this?” he asked.

And what a loaded question that was. Was she ok with it? Was she ok with the one guy she couldn’t seem to get over in real life kissing her in a game of Dungeons and Dragons? When she put it like that, it seemed a bit silly to get so worked up.

It was just a game...right?

She was ok with it, right?

“Sure,” she lied. “I’m ok with it.”

When Adrien's character falls in love with Marinette's, they decided to date in-game. What could go wrong?

Chapters: 7/?

THIS ONE IS SO CUTE. You want to scream??? Read this.

two idiots and a hamster by Boogum (again) and carpisuns (@carpisuns here on tumblr)

Pairing: Adrienette

How do you hide your superhero identity from your roommate? (spoiler alert: badly)

Chapters: 5/?

Once @anna-scribbles described this fic as "is literally the closest i’ve ever seen a fic come to matching the energy of canon", and I couldn't have described it better.

And that's all for now! Next time I will probably make an only DJWifi list since I've been treating them so dirty lol.