#seriously why did I write these

[g00seg1rl]

Outtakes Tuesday

It unfortunately or fortunately happens to be that sometimes sentences or paragraphs become a tad too bizarre to make the very low bar to enter my fics 🤭

Below are just random small snippets without much context that didn’t make the cut or I needed to get outta my brain and into words to torture you all with me; solidarity, right? 💗

Next Week 💗

Azriel whined, high and somehow still needy as he came almost violently, shooting stripes like a murkily filled water gun and covered the window like he’d been paid to take it out. It appeared someone also paid him to try and take out Eris’s dick, the vice grip he had on him felt lethal.

Eris’s chocolate starfish felt as constricting as a Chinese finger trap on its extension. Azriel pulled his hips back, withdrawing his blunt and girthy water rifle before slamming it back inside Eris’s gummy walls.

Eris’s nails anchored in the toned, tan flesh of Azriel’s back, raking up and down as Azriel moved, creating bloody strips as a memento of their coitus.

“Oh, yes, just about there bucko, that’s a lad.”

”Ah, Ah, Ah, Shut Up Eris, fruity Brit.”

His fleshy cucumber pierced her velvety channel, the pulsing heat stole a guttural moan from his lips. She felt fantabulous, glorious, too good to be legal- it was though, for all records.

She was so tight it seemed like she was trying to skin his dick, he’d already been circumcised and figured he’d opt out, pulling back out till only his top remained and pouring lube on the exposed part of his dick to slick the gripping way.

Who to tag and slightly but affectionally jumpscare.. @the-darkestminds @astro-h0e-4azris @nus4y @jules-writes-stories @fourteentrout @mistandmemories @fingerpoppingood @pippsmcgee @mudandmire @queercontrarian @makinglongwordsslutty @iftheshoef1tz @chunkypossum I hope you all enjoyed/your therapy bills get lost in the mail 😘

[all-my-ocs-are-evil]

[insert poetic title here]

fun fact: this did not start out as isat fanart

(rambling in tags)

[gothamite-rambler]

While Batman and his kids were in the middle of an investigation in the afternoon, the cheerful jingle of an ice cream truck filled the air. The sons and daughter of Batman turned to see the truck passing by, and Damian was the first to take off after it.

Damian: Stop! Stop! I want ice cream, I've never been this fortunate! Come back!

Tim (running beside him): We can catch up to it!

Jason: I have money… I want ice cream! I can try to shoot the tires out!

As Jason followed his brother, Dick slipped away to join them, leaving Batman to analyze the weapon left behind by the perp.

Dick: I want the Spongebob pop with the gumball eyes!

The ice cream truck driver noticed the four heroes racing after his truck and perked up, stopping abruptly.

Driver: And my mom said ice cream delivery trucks in Gotham were dead!

As the Batboys rushed to buy their treats, Batman realized everyone but Cass was missing. He spotted her standing aside, waving, her mask-covered face hiding a smile.

Batman sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose in exhaustion.

Batman: Alright, guess we can take a break. Come on, Orphan; I'll buy you a strawberry cone.

Cass clapped happily as she and her father walked over to the truck, ready to join the fun.

[typhoonquixol]

What do you mean they can see everything?

Tim: Jason. You have your tumblr profile set to public. People can see who you follow, and what you've liked.

Jason: No.

Tim: Yes.

Jason: So then everyone can see...?

Tim: Yes.

Jason: How many people know about my account.

Tim (smiling wickedly): Enough.

Jason: How to I make it private?

Tim: Why would I tell you that?

Jason glares at Tim with the hatred of a thousand suns.

Jason: Even if I deleted the account you'd recreate it by hand wouldn't you?

Tim: yep.

Jason, hands clasped together, leaning forward: I will pay you.

Tim: I could take over Wayne and Queen industries in a week if I wanted to, money doesn't matter to me.

Jason: Then what do you want?

Tim reaches behind the couch and picks up a black motorcycle helmet. He'd planned this interaction. Sonofa-

Jason: No.

Tim: no? Alright... Damien is going to love scrolling through so many-

Jason: FINE. Fine. Fine. You can use my bike.

Jason digs into one of his dozen breast pockets, pulls out his keys, and tosses it to Tim.

Tim: Cool. I'll give it back Friday night after I take Bernard out. You have until then to delete the account or set it to private.

Jason: Can't you just... hack the likes away?

Tim: That many? Not a chance. So either suck it up or delete it.

Tim walks away, satisfied and looking forward to driving the infamous Red Hoods bike into a brick wall.

Jason watches him go with pure hatred and respect. He opens his phone and checks. Sure enough he can see other peoples likes. He flicks back to his page and scrolls through his likes. 10,000 in just one month. How long had he stared at his phone on patrol?

He was never going to understand technology again was he...

Tim walks Bernard out of his apartment, promising him something really special. They finally get outside to the curb and Tim dramatically points to... nothing.

Bernard: Uh, cool. So are we walking to the surprise?

Tim: I left it right there what hap- I need to check Tumblr.

Bernard: Tumblr?

Tim: Yes.

Tim opens his phone and looks at Jason's page. He's posted a photo of himself driving in the middle of the street laughing like a maniac.

It is then followed by re-posts of several cutesy photos of animals hugging each other. Specifically of wolfs curled around their cubs, carrying them by their scruffs, and so on. Damian has already commented on seventeen, demanding why Todd would hide this from him.

Tim: That petty little...

Bernard: So what was the plan?

Tim: I blackmailed my brother into giving me his bike but he chose to expose the himself rather than let me use it.

Bernard: You mean that brother?

The six foot tall brick house that is Jason Todd appears behind Tim and slaps his brothers shoulder.

Jason: I said you could use my bike little bro. Not which one.

Jason sweeps his arm towards a vintage 1983 Honda Shadow he'd parked a few spots down.

Tim: Your kidding.

Jason: I'm not

Jason, leaning in closely to whisper: Because I know you wouldn't dare crash this one.

Jason, loudly chuckling: Have fun on your date. See you Bernard

Bernard: See you Jay.

Jason walks off cackling. He gets a ping on his phone. It's Grayson.

Grayson: Why didn't you tell me you liked wolves??? I could have been sending you wolf memes daily.

This is then followed by a tidal wave of adorable wolves.

Grayson: See? See i can give you memes. Jason let me make you happy!!!

Jason already regrets his decision.

[newrochellechallenger2019]

Nursing handjob blurb PLEASEEEEEEE I'm on my knees I'm begging all I've ever needed

ask and you shall receive...47 days later

he comes home late from tennis practice and is immediately curling into your lap, worn out and even a little sweaty.

'bad practice?' you croon sympathetically, stroking your fingers through his blonde curls.

he nuzzles into your further, his lips pressing light kisses on your neck 'mhm serving too slow.' and you could practically hear the pout in his voice.

'oh baby' you croon sympathetically, lifting his flushed face up to meet yours. 'you want mommy to make it all go away?' you say softly and his puppy dog eyes impossibly wide and he nods fervently, burrowing into your chest with a ferocious need.

this whole thing had been all too easy, how just a few weeks in your relationship when art accidentally let 'mommy' slip as he ate you out, to now, nearly a year later with lactation pills sitting on the kitchen counter when you'd come home from work a couple of days ago and now you were essentially 'art's mommy' whenever the two of you were at home, and he was your 'baby'.

art tugs at your shirt gently, a sign of his growing impatience and you roll your eyes. 'i'm doing it.' he shuffles around on your lap so his upper body was lying on your lap, his muscled legs taking up the rest of the couch as he lies down. you take your shirt off and reveal your chest, nipples perking as the air hits them, you didn't wear a bra in the house, never felt the need to and especially now. art's eyes widen like he's just seen the gates of heaven, an undeniable lust in his eyes and you're certain you hear soft whimpers building in the back of his throat. 'mommy...' he whines, lips parting already.

'oh you're so obedient' you coo, watching him squirm in anticipation, noting the semi that was already grown in his tennis shorts. he whines harder, and you debate teasing him a little longer before lifting his head up to let him know he could latch on. art lets out a soft squeak of excitement as his tongue lavishes your nipples before his mouth covers it, sucking on the bud eagerly.

'good boy' you breathe as you shudder, no matter how many times the two of you did this, it felt euphoric and you pressed your thighs closer together, a not so subtle sign of how pleasurable this was for you too. art's eyes light up as he feels the first drop of breastmilk hits his tongue and lets out a soft moan, suckling even more eagerly, teeth grazing your nipple, his hard cock straining his gym shorts, desperate for release.

your hands slips down his toned stomach and pushes down his gym shorts, and his whimpering intensfies, and you feel him sucking more ferverently. you swiftly pull his gym shorts and boxers down in one practiced movement, freeing his twitching cock and art grunts around your nipple. you bring your hand up back up his thighs, deliberately brushing your fingers against his ball and art trembles, nearly choking on your boob. your fingertips slide up his shaft, taunting him, slipping over his tip and feeling the wetness starting to accumulate there. art moans low, hips bucking, desperate for more stimulation.

you hand moves down from the tip of his cock to the base in a slow steady motion and you swear you can see his eyes roll into the back of his head. you pump him slowly, hand gripping his dick and sliding up and down as he continues to suckle on your tit. you increase your pace and his moans grow, muffled 'yes' over and over against your nipple.

his body starts to tense up, a sign of his impending orgasm and your hand slows and he whines, looking up at you with pleading, glassy eyes. you press your thumb into his tip and he jerks, cum spilling out without permission, dribbling down his thick cock. you press down harder, milking every last drop from him as his body continues to jerk, mouth still attached to you.

'did you cum without permission?' you coo, fingers still stroking his twitching tip and he nods, looking suddenly crestfallen over his not only ruined orgasm, but an illegal one at that. you start to pump him again and he squirms, trying to free himself. 'i know' you croon, knowing he can take one more orgasm even when he pretends he can't. 'this is what naughty boys get' and he whines around your nipple, sucking more fervently, a source of comfort as you continue to grip his cock.

you increase your pace and art squirms even more, lips detaching from your nipple to whisper 'can't- need-' dazily, lost in the sensation of your hand. he licks the breastmilk off his lips and rests his head against your chest, each pump of his cock, causing him to moan 'mommy-'. his body starts to twitch then, 'didn't take long huh' you taunt and he whines, 'please mommy- please mommy- please mommy' and suddenly he's shooting ropes of hot white cum onto his stomach with a shuddering moan, gasping for air as he cums and cums, unable to stop. you take your hand off his dick and stroke his hair instead, 'good boy- doing so well for mommy' and art manages a small smile, still dazed. he whimpers and you let him latch back on to your nipple, draining the last few drops of milk from your tits, both of you milked dry.

[nyssasatelier]

Odysseus: HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE HELPLESS? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO KNOW PAIN? [stabs Poseidon in the chest]

Poseidon: [screams in agony]

Odysseus: I WATCHED MY FRIENDS DIE IN HORROR, CRYING AS THEY WERE ALL SLAIN! [stabs Poseidon in the chest]

Poseidon: [screams in agony]

Odysseus: I HEARD THEIR FINAL MOMENTS, CALLING THEIR CAPTAIN IN VAIN! LOOK WHAT YOU TURNED ME INTO! [stabs Poseidon somewhere else]

Poseidon: [screams an octave higher]

Omg what he'd never do that to another guy-

He's a guys guy, a real bro, a - to be honest he probably would I just didn't feel like drawing a god's crotch lmao

[katerinaaqu]

Latest trend: What if Odysseus sold himself to Zeus to save his men?

Me: ...

Me: Bitch, you mean what he did with CIRCE?!

[silver-embersss]

"this is canon!!" "that's only fanon!!"- WHO GIVES A FUCKKKK CANON IS A SOUP BABES. AND IM THROWING IT OUT OF THE WINDOW. THE ONLY THING THATS CANON IS THE BROKEN WINDOW WHERE I THREW OUT THE SOUP.

[thelostgirl21]

So, you are telling me that Jaskier used to wear outfits the color of the sea in Season 1...

That he constantly complains about his feet hurting, or struggling with keeping his footing while having to wear boots (is the problem his actual boots or a lack of early practice in life?!)...

That he got all excited at the thought that Geralt might catch him a fish to eat...

That a huge part of his identity and the pride he takes in himself is tied to his singing voice and abilities...

That his songs have been described as having the power to sing a king off his clothes...

That helping his best friend in the whole wide world bathe after rubbing soothing chamomile onto his lovely bottom is typical friendship behavior to him...

That he vulnerably asked for Geralt to get away for a while with him, and head to the (west?) coast, in the hopes that he might be able to prove himself a worthy [travel] companion (works whether you interpret the interest as romantic or queerplatonic).

And then he basically implied that (returning home with Geralt?) might be what would please him most.

That the very first thing he did after Geralt returned to him and got him out of his cell in Season 2, is take off his top and jump into the freaking nearest body of water!

That he's hypersensitive to the way people on land start stinking after a while (including himself), and will openly suggest they should bathe (or downright bathe them himself)!

That he talks with animals...

That you had him fall in love with a human prince in Season 3...

... then had him sing a song about a human prince that falls in love with a siren to Ciri right before you had him go meet with said prince, share his first kiss with him, and make love to him in a woodshed!

... only to show a clip from "Sirens of the Deep" revealing that the Netflix version of Jaskier is from

Bremervoord

a.k.a. The vassal state of Cidaris and one of the places that goes the furthest west into the sea on the Continent!

Bremervoord, with an economy running primarily on pearls fishing.

Bremervoord, the place where the story of Jaskier's Season 3 song, "A Little Sacrifice" takes place...

A place where a prince (though I think it's a duke in the actual short story) meets a siren, falls in love with her, and willingly leaves his human life behind to follow her at sea.*

*according to the song, at least! And I'm not sure it ends well for the prince of the song, because that part about him sinking to darkest night sounds a bit ominous if you ask me... The book's short story has a different conclusion.

You're basically telling me that Jaskier comes from a place on the coast that goes far into the sea to the west, a place where merpeople and humans occasionally interact, and that he didn't really feel like talking about where he's from, because he felt like the only way for him to ever be able to "become himself" was to leave his home behind...

... AND YOU EXPECT ME NOT TO LATCH ONTO THAT POPULAR MERMAN!JASKIER THEORY?!

OR INSTINCTIVELY START DEVELOPING A BUNCH OF HEADCANONS ABOUT IT?

For example :

What if Jaskier keeps repeating that "he's just a bard" not because he's actually dismissing how good, influential, or powerful he is...

... but because he chose to give up his tail to permanently become a human, and he doesn't like to be reminded that he doesn't quite "fully belong" with humanity, because there's something a bit different and "unique" about his singing.

What if, growing up as a merboy, he'd kept feeling like he was born in the wrong body and with the wrong species given his brethren's attitude about singing as an artform.

What if when merpeople sing, they typically rely on pure melodies without lyrics, and argue that only humans and other species of the land - with their inferior vocal capabilities - must rely on something as primitive as words and lyrics to inspire emotions and make ideas take root into other people's minds.

What if they do have a singing speech pattern, but when it comes to artistic expression, the songs are purely melodic.

But Jaskier, after listening to some of the folk songs that the local bards enjoy singing by the fire at the beach, often accompanied by a lute or other instruments, fell in love with the way the words of those songs flow and sound.

Perhaps he revealed himself to Essi then, and that, instead of being scared of him, she agreed to show him how to play the lute, speak her language, and sing the way humans do.

And when he did fully grasp the beauty and the power of using verbal poetry into songs, he knew he could never look back.

What if Essi was the first person to ever really see him for who he was and treat him as family, hence why he loves her like a little sister.

Maybe "the Lettenhoves" are basically a group of merpeople with no actual blood relation, that lost their own families and were rejected by them when they chose to make the full transition from merperson to human.

By pretending to be blood relatives, they've managed, however, to realistically pass as a large human noble family, acquire a bunch of lands and estates over the years that is passed to each new generation that wants them, and each new member is given a certain amount of money when they become one of the Lettenhoves to begin their new life on land!

They aren't extremely close, because they each have their own lives and personal ventures (very few go into singing careers), but they are still people that understand what being a human born at sea feels like, and that will be there to offer each other help and support if need be!

And so, Jaskier was able to go study at the University of Oxenfurt and learn as much of the human world and its arts as he could!

But, while his voice remains a bit more powerful and influential than most humans that were born on land, that influence comes with a "curse"...

Most people that instinctively fall under the charm of his melodies (note: Jaskier can use his voice to make an audience more susceptible to anger and annoyance when he sings, too. An especially useful skill to have when you're relying on food being thrown at you to eat... Hence why Geralt's lack of emotional response to his singing when they met was so intriguing!) will typically only care about how they make them feel, rather than how Jaskier himself was feeling when he wrote his songs.

Geralt, Yennefer and Ciri are all immune to his siren charms - and dwarves appear to be more resistant as well - but, while his songs inspire people, and hearing him sing them "live" with his actual voice tends to make people become instantly infatuated with him (or immediately hate him, should Jaskier wish to repel rather than attract them)...

... they rarely ever see him or seemingly attempt to connect with him on an intimate, emotional level, like they would with another human being.

And so, every time Jaskier is reminded of how much influence he appears to have over how people see the world when he uses his voice, Jaskier's tendency to remind them that he's "just a bard" is because he wishes people would connect with his humanity, too, rather than what he can do.

Regardless of him being able to pass as someone that was born on land and started his life in a fully human body, he knows that his voice will always carry some remnant of his siren abilities.

And that this difference appears to be preventing him from emotionally and physically connecting with other human beings that weren't born at sea like him, the way he wishes he could.

And so, that's why he was initially hesitant to sing for Radovid, and he kept insisting that he wasn't in a "singing mood" that day.

Because he knew that, the moment Radovid heard his singing voice, he might stop listening to him and trying to connect.

But there was something in the way Radovid insisted - while asking for Jaskier to pick his favorite song and showing a sincere curiosity about listening to what pleased him most - that made Jaskier ultimately choose to risk it.

And, while Radovid was obviously affected by the sound of his voice (to the point where he felt the need to pretend his speechlessness was caused by drunkenness), it was also very clear that he'd been listening.

Not only was his gaze very sharp and his eyes clear and bright while Jaskier was singing - seemingly attempting to analyse every note and word - but, for once, the things Radovid was complimenting him about weren't related to his ability to make people feel and experience things...

For once, what Radovid was claiming made Jaskier so special wasn't the beauty or power of his voice, or how catchy the melodies of the songs he'd sang to him were.

It wasn't even about how Jaskier's lyrics had made him feel.

He'd told Jaskier that what made him so special was his ability to see people for who they really are rather than who they pretend to be.

He'd essentially told him that his ability to truly comprehend those around him was his gift - that he had a unique ability to connect with them at the core... the very thing Jaskier had always felt that he was lacking.

And when Jaskier pushed him for more, all Radovid told him was that he didn't know yet, but was determined to figure it out.

"You connect strongly with others and my desire is to understand and connect with you."

That is what Radovid had taken away from who he was, even after having heard him sing, and Jaskier couldn't help but feel like he'd found a kindred spirit in that human.

Someone stuck in a world and a birth family that simply couldn't understand and accept him as he was - constantly hiding parts of himself to survive.

Radovid had then agreed to help him with the whole situation with Rience - despite the fact that Jaskier hadn't used any song to attempt to suggest he should, just genuinely asked for his help.

And - if that hadn't been enough - that prince had gone one step even further by asking him if Geralt knew how lucky he was to have him, after Jaskier had been singing about his self-worth issues when it came to relationships and his fear of never being good enough - or human enough - for a fellow human (or mutated human) partner.

He'd been listening to him.

He might have been born on land, and he might not have been immune to Jaskier's siren abilities, but Radovid still hadn't lost sight of who he was, nor been tempted to start obsessing about owning him or treating him like a prized possession.

And so, Jaskier tentatively begins to allow himself to hope...

Until Radovid does something truly unexpected that none of his prior human, elven or dwarven suitors or lovers had ever done before...

Learn his song.

Sirens are typically immune to the power that another siren's voices carry... until they fall in love.

One of the ways to know if a fellow merperson is alterously or romantically drawn to you is to sing back one of their own melodies to them, and see how they will respond.

Should they feel that instinctive, near irresistible pull towards the melody, and vice versa, then the two sirens will often start trying to discover and explore different ways they can learn to harmonize and use their voices to complement each other's, and create new shared melodies that will resound through the sea.

And, for the very first time in his life, Jaskier finally understands how people feel when they listen to him sing.

Despite the fact that the "siren's melody" being sung back to him is a human song he wrote, with human lyrics, accompanied by human instruments...

Despite the fact that Radovid himself is most definitely not a siren but very much human - fumbling a bit with Jaskier's lute, visibly nervous, too shy to allow his voice to rise above a whisper...

To Jaskier, it's the most beautifully mesmerizing "siren's melody" he's ever heard in his existence! It's filled with warmth, love, understanding, a promise of unconditional acceptance and safety...

It's absolutely intoxicating, he can barely breathe, feels like he's on the very edge of losing his sanity, and it takes all the power he has to avoid launching himself right at him!

And if a human can make him feel this way singing back to him a song filled with poetry and lyrics - rather than a classic, traditional siren's melody - then maybe there's never been anything wrong with Jaskier or the way he's always preferred to sing!

His people made him feel unwanted, but the sea never did! It probably would have been welcoming to a lute-playing merman singing like a bard, if his people hadn't been such close-minded arses!

Jaskier feels at home on land and has never once regretted his choice, but maybe he still has a right to also be a child of the sea, regardless of him having ultimately chosen a pair of legs over his fins!

And maybe Radovid would love to see parts of his old home some day - even if they can only access the surface of it, rather than go explore everything hidden in the water's depths (unless Yennefer has a spell that would allow Radovid to breathe under water as he does. Because Jaskier would never trust a sea witch with Radovid's life!).

And if Jaskier himself can be mesmerized by Radovid's song and feel like he would let that man lead him anywhere and do whatever he wants with him, without any desire to own and control him; maybe he'd simply been trying to connect with the wrong people.

Radovid is the first person he's ever met that seems to be able to connect with both the human and the siren part of him. And when Jaskier offers to help him work on his lute playing and singing, what he's truly saying is that he wants them to learn to harmonize their voices together and create their own melodies...

It's an intimate need Jaskier still has, and he's finally found himself a mate that appears to fully get him, and be able to fulfil those needs.

Of course, then the whole mess with Cirilla happens, and for a moment there Jaskier loses faith that any of it was ever real!

Who was he kidding!? The Redanian Intelligence kept insisting that they knew everything about everyone! Maybe they'd figured out Jaskier used to be a merman, done their research, noticed that Jaskier "fancied" the prince, and instructed him to surprise him and trick him into lowering his defenses, by courting him the way a fellow merman would!

He really should have known!

But then, when he finds Radovid alone, lost, and hiding, he realizes that Radovid had never meant to trick or hurt him.

Radovid had just been genuinely afraid, and trying to deal with the threat of a looming war as best he could by seeking Ciri's help.

And now, the war he'd attempted preventing from happening had begun, he'd clearly internalized Jaskier's earlier blame, and that spoon of a man was sufficiently bonded to him by now that he might just allow himself to be captured and killed if he doesn't do something about it!

And then, Jaskier himself might end up symbolically 'washing ashore' somewhere and letting himself die of heartbreak, for fuck's sake!

Because merpeople are dramatic as fuck and they feel the loss of friends and family in a way that's devastatingly sharp. Being rejected by a queerplatonic or romantic partner - or having them die on them - is the worst type of injury one could inflict upon them!

When he'd sung about having also survived, no thanks to Geralt, he'd fully meant it! That loss had nearly killed him!

If he wants to survive this, he needs to figure out a way to keep Radovid safe, and then make sure that Geralt and the rest of his family are safe also, because he doesn't know how he'd manage to continue to live in this world if the war ends up taking everything from him in a way where all hope would be lost of ever getting any of them back!

[luminique]

Can we get big brother Lighter protecting little sister reader and keeping it secret how he's an Undefeated Champion to not worry her about what he had been doing

OH MY GOD ANON THIS WAS PRE-RELEASE AND SOMEHOW YOU PREDICTED THE FUTURE A LITTLE BIT ????

considering how lighter barely tells anyone about his plans, i believe that he’d do the same with his beloved little sister. he didn’t want her to be worried over him, even if he was bleeding away in some dingy corner of the ring.

he’d come back home with a new bruise, a new scar. but he still had that smile on his face, his calloused hands ruffling through your hair. he placed your favorite food on the table, something that you both could only eat every now and then.

as you both dig in, he’d constantly place more food on your plate. “you can only become as strong as me if you eat well,” his voice filled with pride as he watched you. he barely got a few bites in, believing that his empty stomach would go away as long as you were eating. he tried to keep the conversations between you two rather short, so as to not alarm you with how he was supporting the both of you.

if he wasn’t home for dinner, he’d try his best to be back before you’re asleep. he recalled the last time you stayed up waiting for him and he was only back in the early morning. seeing you asleep on the couch, probably watching the clock until your eyelids felt heavy. he carried you back to bed, your sleepy nonsensical scolding filled his ears. but he couldn’t forget how you called out his name as he was about to leave again for another match.

“will you be back for dinner?” you were as sweet as ever, only caring about his return.

“i’ll try to. don’t worry,” he reassured you, a gentle smile on his face as he pushed up his sunglasses.

your head perked up a little from the pillow, watching him turn his back towards you to face the door. “promise?”

“promise.” his voice faltered just a little, unnoticeable to you but he knew the truth. it hurts to have to lie to you about it, he wished he worked an honest job.

another opponent, another 0 added to the end of his earnings, another bruise, just another day. it was difficult to keep living like this, bad thoughts infiltrating his mind. as he slumped over the front door, he could hear you running up to the door, probably the soft jingling of his keys alerted you of his arrival. you opened the door, a wide smile on your face that was then replaced with horror upon seeing him.

there was blood running down the side of his face, an injury that he ignored in order to get back home in time. that look, that expression, the way you moved back a couple of steps as if you had just seen an ethereal. that was what made him realize that he should care for himself more too. seeing your fear shattered him more than he could imagine. he had already lost so much, he couldn’t bear to lose you all because of his own recklessness.

he walked up to you, removing his shades before falling to his knees. he rarely showed this side to you. his arms reached out for you, hugging you close to him. he didn’t want you to see this side of him. how weak he truly was, how much of a scaredy cat he was, how he had been lying to you this whole time to keep you happy. your hands ruffled through his dark teal hair, just like how he did with yours. if being the undefeated champion meant that you’d look at him like he was monster, then was he any different to one? apologies came out of him, tears welled up in his eyes.

after a moment of silence, you finally spoke up. “promise me, that you’ll be home safe tomorrow.” just tomorrow? that seems possible, he just had to win his next match cleanly.

“promise. i’ll be back here safely,” his voice was still shaky from the tears. he tried to muster up as much courage as he could but this time he couldn’t lie to you. he’ll try his best, to fulfill this promise he had made with you. even if it’s just tomorrow, he knows you want him to return in one piece every day but you both know that he can’t promise that. so you decide to take it one day at a time, one tomorrow after another. a new promise everyday, kept between the both of you.

[houseshousewife]

Watching House, you just have to accept that sometimes the writers will make him act gross and slightly out of character.

1; because of the times, and 2; likely because the writers have their own weird fetish about it 🙄🙄

[raiiny-bay]

the kids released a new album

[byoldervine]

so is there a reason you dont respond to dms orrrrrr

Okay you probably didn’t mean to open the floodgates but I need to VENT about this and an anon ask is there perfect excuse to do that without calling any particular individual out, which I do not intend to do

I have exactly one person in my DMs that isn’t someone asking me to commission them, and we only had a brief exchange a few months ago. For the most part I don’t respond since it always seems to follow a formula

Pretty much all my DMs start with someone saying “Hi” with no further context or elaboration, and from that alone I know where this is going but also don’t want to just make an assumption and come off as rude, so I respond in kind. The response is usually “How are you” or something like that; a pleasantry that doesn’t really do much to explain what’s up. So again, I just respond in kind. About 95% of the time they just respond with an “I’m good thanks” and, once again, nothing else

I don’t know how common this is outside of people asking you to commission them, but I honestly don’t like when people DM you but still somehow expect you to make the effort to start the conversation. I don’t know why you’re here, you came to me; what do you want me to say at this point? Maybe I’m just too antisocial to realise this isn’t abnormal behaviour and I’m just being rude, but it really winds me up tbh

And more annoying, when done in this context at least, is when they start asking further questions and trying to start a conversation - still without explaining why they’re actually messaging. Not because I don’t want that, but because, when it’s done to get commissions, it feels kinda manipulative to me, but at the same time it always makes me doubt myself; on the off chance this actually is someone wanting to talk and be friends, I don’t want to shut them down and be rude about it. So I’ll usually answer a question or two to see if it actually goes anywhere, but it of course never does

I end up asking “Is there any particular reason you wanted to DM me?” and the response still never gets straight into it; it’s almost always something like “Do you like art?” or “I see you like drawing” or things like that, like they’re looking for a prompt to continue. Again, no clue why this is. At this point I’m just dreading it because I know what’s coming but at the same time I think stuff like “What if they’re just wanting tips? What if they’re just a bit awkward? What if I assume and it’s wrong and I look like a presumptuous asshat?”, so I usually just go “Yeah?” instead

And THEN they finally mention that they do commissions, and I’m pissed off at myself for getting to this point again. I end up saying something like “Thank you, but I really enjoy creating my own artwork and so I’m not looking to commission others for it. Best of luck though”

The best response I can hope for is just a “No worries” or something, or even to just get no response at all. But the vast majority of the time, it’s something like “Oh, okay then…” or “Are you sure? I do X Y Z, you should look at my posts” or even “That’s fine I guess, I just wasn’t making enough money off of commissions this month so I needed to go around and ask”. Things that feel a little bit passive-aggressive or pushy to me. Though I also get ‘lovely’ messages like “I see you’re drawing X, I can help make it better”, which even I can’t excuse as anything but

So at this point, I don’t typically respond to DMs that don’t explain why they’re messaging. I’m more than happy to chat with people and make friends, but too many people do it just to get the commissions and then ghost when I don’t bite. It really upset me the first few times because I thought I was about to make some artist/writer friends, only to find out that they only wanted business from me and they weren’t going to talk again if I didn’t give them that

Please don’t let this deter anyone from reaching out and DMing with the intention of just having a chat; I would be more than happy for it. I just wanna know upfront what you’re looking for rather than getting a sinking feeling when I see that dreaded “Hi” pop up again

[unlucky-leek]

Dante: Oh hey Lady, how's it going. Something seems different about you.

Lady Mary: Well fucking look who it fucking is, I'm fucking fine thank you very fucking much, why did you fucking even fucking ask.

Dante: ...Did you cut your hair?

[grayintogreen]

Respectfully, but a character can be and SHOULD BE allowed to be more than one thing without it being considered "contradictory", "retconning," or "negative character development."

[moggiem]

Dude's trying to hit a word count