#see the thing about having a scholarship is

[transgenderer]

Give me your Islam trutherism stance. Lay out the whole position. I think I've asked about this before but I forgot. I'm kind of an Islam head. Islam is the only Abrahamic religion I give a shit about. I think the other ones are bullshit. Academically I think critical scholarship on Islam is like just getting off the ground so we barely know anything about it yet. Anyway drop the trutherism. Mohammad was a girl... Mohammad was actually a beautiful anime woman...

well see the thing is. mohammad was almost certainly a real guy, who was some sort of leader of a group of people. POSSIBLY he never lead a large group, and the large group didnt form until afterwards. but it seems like he led at least a large-ish group. he probably had some sort of religious teaching, altho its unclear if he had any original doctrine or was just a passionate judeo-christian monotheist. oh and yknow, he lived and did stuff around arabia (well. some people say syria. probably not syria).

and that's...sort of all we can say for sure about the real muhammad! there's all sorts of other stuff that MIGHT be true about muhammad, especially after they got to medina. but his early life is a blank to us, the same way jesus' life before his ministry is a blank to us. who knows! but people who confidently tell you "mohammad lived in a city of pagans and converted them all" are exceedingly credulous. we have no good evidence that happened

one interesting thing the shwepisode talks about: so, obviously the islamic conquests "happened". in the sense that there wasn't a state there, and then there started being a large state there. but we dont see them archeologically! which is not crazy, they allowed people to surrender. they didnt just raze everything to the ground. but it's unfortunate, it would be nice if we could use archeology to say stuff about early islam. in part, we cant use archeology re: early islam because a huge number of artifacts were destroyed, there's a weirdly small amount of surviving stuff that could tell us about early islam. but it's not clear! posssibly even the *stories* about uthman destroying a whole bunch of alternate qurans aren't true!

its a very weird field. something that is clearly very important to a huge number of people, and yet is in some ways even more poorly evidence than the early history of the christian church, which we have a large number of texts from (i mean, starting in the early 2nd century. but christianity grew much more slowly, so "early christianity" lasted much longer than "early islam")

[crooked-wasteland]

I've seen your tweet which criticizes the worldbuilding in Helluva Boss and how the Goetias feel like "Hollywood with royal titles" rather than true aristocracy, and I would like you to elaborate on that, if that's OK.

Thank you so much for this ask as I never got to expand on this point at the time. For those not in the know, the user is referencing this exchange on Twitter.

As much as the elites of our world would like to disperse the truth, the reality is that all societies are constructed around power. Who has power, how and why. That is the fundamental basis of every social dynamic from children on a playground to the politicians in our governments. So the very first thing we should even approach in regards to the narrative is how does power work in this universe?

So when I responded to Elcee in the tweet being referenced, I am evaluating power and power structures. Mainly there are two wholly different constructs of power between something like the aristocracy and celebrities.

The closest thing to an aristocracy we have in our modern day are the financial oligarchs of Capitalism. Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, etc. They have control everything from how our political parties engage with us to how we think based on the wealth they were born into. They curate our lives behind the scenes in ways that sound worthy of a tinfoil hat, but isn't a conspiracy. The wealthy were threatened in the 1970s by an educated proletariate. In response to our questioning the Vietnam war, the higher education that was once free or at least extremely affordable suddenly became prohibitively expensive.

So much so that only the financial aristocracy could access it. Whereas working class individuals are forced to jump through hoops and prove themselves suitably subservient to the existing power of the oligarchy in the form of scholarship applications, teacher recommendations and application letters before being granted access. This is not a mistake or how it's always been, this is by design.

Meanwhile, Celebrities are not elites. While we think of celebrities as being overpaid and living in luxury, it only takes a glance over at Chappell Roan to see the difference. When Jeff Bezos or Elon Musk or any large corporate CEO walks the red carpet, they are treated as royalty. When celebrities walk the red carpet, they are commodities.

Celebrity is the modern day face of the American Dream. Gone are the days of a single family home and a white picket fence. The boom of content over art, luxury over practicality, and excess over comfort is directly the result of selling to the world the idea of capitalistic success, which just amounts to perpetuating the system of turning humans into money. And for as much money as these celebrities make, it has been proven over and over again that they are just as susceptible to poverty as any other working class individual.

Celebrities are products we buy, and when we stop buying them, they vanish.

Meanwhile the aristocracy, the financial oligarchy, thrives in obscurity.

The difference in power is about who still has it when we no longer see them. And the more invisible and pervasive it is, the more real it is. However one as an individual thinks about the celebrity class, they are simple a different type of specialized tool to the true power behind the scenes.

With that differential in mind, the Goetia function more like celebrities rather than CEOs, and while Elcee fails to see the bigger picture, that subliminally tells the audience that someone with the title of prince, with armies sworn to his allegiance and infinite cosmic power, is no different than a working class joe.

This isn't intentional propaganda, however. It's not her trying to further the agendas of Jeff Bezos intentionally. Just like my other post covering how Medrano tries to excuse cheating, not realizing the only time one can argue such a blanket concept of forgiveness for such a betrayal can only happen when the option of choice is non-existent (ie Divorce is not on the table for reasons outside of the characters’ choices), this is the danger of not engaging with media with your mind turned on. You will innately, no matter how careful someone tries to be, engage with the material through the eyes of the creator.

Celebrities and average people are the same: commodities in the face of real power. But Medrano cannot tell the difference between someone like Elon Musk and his employees. She sees the aristocracy, the ones who were born into a legacy of wealth, as “hardworking average folks”. And if you aren't thinking, you might find yourself implicitly believing that too. Deeper entrenching the power they have over you as an individual and society as a whole.

How we got to where we are in our real lives is mirrored in the media we consume. And that isn't an accident.

[xechu]

a/n: A bit of a long post, but I thought I'd share some character notes I have of Sukuna from my au 'Cross My Heart'. I don't foresee myself writing anything that is related to Sukuna's past before him meeting reader, which is why I thought it would be nice to release some notes just to give him some more depth. This will have some little fun facts about Jin as well since they're twins. As you might be able to tell, I'm a bit invested in this au right now. But I am trying to work on my other fics, so you might not see anything else come out for CMH this upcoming week. x

tw: 18+ mdni, suggestive themes, mature themes, complicated family dynamics, death

cmh!sukuna - growing up & teen years

Their mother has always been out of the picture so it was just Wasuke, Jin, and Sukuna. Wasuke never mentioned much about their mother, it always seemed to be a sore topic. All they know is she's no longer alive.

Sukuna had always been kind of troubled as a kid and well into his teens. Finance has been tight growing up, so Jin and Sukuna had to work odd jobs since they were 13 until they were of legal working age, which then they would be on an actual payroll working minimum wage jobs.

Uraume knew both Jin and Sukuna since elementary school, but they have always been a little closer with Sukuna. They didn't attend the same high school as they attended another school in a different district, but they were still in contact with Sukuna.

In high school, Jin was the nerd, and Sukuna was just an edgelord that all the girls found very mysterious and alluring. Sukuna's height skyrocketed during this time as well, so he just naturally stood out. He was popular not because he aspired or tried to be - it just happened.

Given his physique, some teachers would also try to recruit him into sport teams, but Sukuna said no, because he had to work part-time after school.

Jin and Sukuna never talked to each other much. Even though they were in the same high school. People didn't even realize they were related because of how different they looked, until graduation when some students saw them taking pictures together with Wasuke.

Sukuna looks a lot like Wasuke, and Jin looks a lot like their mother.

There was a bit of resentment between the two brothers growing up, because Sukuna thought Jin was spineless, whereas Jin thought Sukuna was selfish.

To be honest, both Sukuna and Jin had a difficult time expressing their thoughts and feelings because Wasuke was pretty harsh on the boys growing up, but he also had a lot on his plate as a single father. Given Wasuke's curt nature, he didn't really know how to nurture children and did only what he thought was right.

Sukuna was easily agitated and explosive, versus Jin who bottled everything up and could be a bit reclused when things got too overwhelming.

Kaori and Jin were high school sweethearts. They met in the debate club during Jin's sophomore year. Kaori is one year older than Jin. Jin was not the argumentative type, but he decided to step out of his comfort zone, and try something new. Seeing how Jin is now, it's hard to believe he was incredibly shy in high school. Kaori had a lot to do with him being more expressive with his feelings and really getting him out of his shell.

cmh!sukuna - college days

Left home shortly after high school graduation. He got into a huge fight with Wasuke, because Sukuna wanted to go into trades instead of university. Jin was accepted into a prestigious ivy league university on full scholarship.

Wasuke had found Sukuna's acceptance letter to the same university in the bin, after Sukuna lied and said he didn't get accepted. Wasuke went into an explosive fit - he couldn't understand why his son was settling for 'less' and told him with that mentality he will amount to nothing.

Though Sukuna left home at 18 and seemingly hated his brother, he never changed his telephone number just in case one day Jin needed him.

College was when Sukuna really began to let loose and felt the full experience of freedom.

Lost his virginity to some random TA in his college, he couldn't even remember her name or face, until she approached him one day out of the blue and thought she was pregnant. They went to a health clinic and it turned out to be a false alarm. The TA wanted to continue the relationship on the down-low, but Sukuna dropped it.

Sukuna met Yorozu during his first year of college. Her band was prepping for a college event - they did a cover of ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ by The Killers, which initially piqued Sukuna’s interest

Yorozu and Sukuna hit it off quite well, it had a lot to do with their approach to life, and to be honest they were both kind of troubled at the time.

Toji and Shiu came into the picture shortly after, they met Yorozu during an elective course they all shared, and somehow the four of them all came together as a group even though they were from vastly different fields of studies. Toji and Shiu have known each other for a long time.

Yorozu's area of study - music (4 year), Shiu's area of study - international business (4 year), Toji's area of study - exercise science (3 year), Sukuna's area of study - automotive technician (apprenticeship program, 2 years)

cmh!sukuna - 20's, up to when he went to jail

When Sukuna was 21, he received a phone call from Jin. Wasuke passed away very abruptly. He came home from work one night and said that he had a headache, went to bed early and never woke up.

After going through Wasuke's stuff, they accidentally broke one of Wasuke's picture frames. The framed photo was from their high school graduation. Sukuna never saw the photo before, but Wasuke wore a big smile, one that Sukuna had never seen growing up. And when he looked closely, he could see that his father's gaze was actually on him in that photo.

On the back of the photo, Wasuke wrote a note to his late wife. "They grew up well. I tried my best though it would have been better if you were around, but they still managed to pave a path for themselves despite my shortcomings as their father. Jin is very much like you, while Ryomen reminds me much of myself. They are truly both our children. I am proud of them. I miss you, but the three of us are doing fine."

That revelation with the photo really fucked Sukuna up. That's when he also patched things up with Jin.

Jin graduated at 22 from an ivy league business school, and had this ambition of becoming an entrepreneur. At this point, Sukuna had already been working as a full-time mechanic for two years. Jin approached Sukuna with the idea and that's when they kickstarted their garage business.

The first year was quite difficult, but then afterwards it started picking up, eventually by their fifth year, business was booming. Jin was able to get married to Kaori, and bought a house to start their family. Sukuna bought two condos, and continued living his life of work hard, play hard, and just enjoying a commitment-free life.

Patching up his relationship with Jin and starting a business really saved Sukuna's life - and that's why he has so much respect for Jin and the business. It definitely curbed down his edginess and he felt less troubled, but he's far from a saint and knows there's still a lot he needs to work on.

A few months later, the altercation with the bad business deal happened and Sukuna went to jail for two and a half years.

Toji, Shiu, and Yorozu would occasionally visit him in jail

Jin and Kaori would visit Sukuna too, but Sukuna was the one to tell Jin and Kaori not to visit when they found out she was pregnant. "Don't worry about me, take care of the kid. I don't want a pregnant woman coming in and out of jail like that. I'll see you both and the kid when I'm out."

Writing © xechu - please do not redistribute, translate, or repost any of my works.

[da-extroverted-introvert]

Are we even friends? (tasm!Peter Parker x reader)

Fandom: The Amazing Spider-Man, Marvel

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

Word count: 2.66k

Warnings: angst, death mention, grief

So I had a burst of inspiration and wrote this. I haven't seen the Andrew Garfield Spiderman movies in a hot minute so things may not be entirely accurate but please just roll with it. Working on a part 2 already, hope you enjoy. Please leave feedback!

Dividers by @lavendergalactic

Despite the gnawing feeling deep in your gut, you bring yourself to unbuckle your seat belt and walk out of the car.

You sit in the car and take a few deep breaths. You clutch the bouquet of flowers in your hand, trying to will yourself to step foot out of the car. Even after three months, this is hard to do. It’s like the first time all over again. The grief hits you just as hard as the day of the funeral.

You walk through the long, long aisle of headstones and grave markers. A bunch of people long gone who you’ll never know. It breaks your heart to know that to other people visiting loved ones, Gwen Stacy is just another headstone. Another person nobody will know again.

You finally make it up to Gwen’s grave. You kneel down and gently set down the bouquet. You stay kneeling there, just staring at your best friend’s name.

You take a deep breath before you start speaking.

“Hey. It’s me again.”

You pause for a moment, almost as if you’re expecting a response, even though there hasn’t been a single response throughout the many times you’ve been here.

“My grades are doing really good now. Applied for a few scholarships, and I actually think I might get into an Ivy League.”

You smile gently, knowing Gwen would be so proud of you. Whenever you doubted yourself, she would always encourage you. You remember the countless nights of her helping you with homework, telling you how much you’ve improved. She even said she was positive you’d get into the same school, becoming roommates and actually living together. Like sisters.

“Everyone in school misses you. They still talk about how amazing you were. How smart and how nice.”

Just yesterday you were walking down the hall past Gwen’s locker. There’s still plenty of pictures and decorations commemorating her. It gives you hope that Gwen will not be forgotten for a long time.

But you also think about the looks you get when you walk by. The sad, pitiful looks. You hate those looks. You also think some of those odd expressions are looks of confusion, as it was so weird to see you without Gwen Stacy right in front of you. You’ve always been Gwen Stacy’s best friend. People don’t know how to react seeing you without her.

“Uhmm…Peter misses you.”

You always choke up a bit at this part.

“We all do, of course, but especially Peter. I try to visit him every day. He doesn’t really talk to me though.”

Not that he talked to you too much before Gwen died, but you still felt like mentioning it.

“He just kind of sits in his room all the time. He hasn’t been in school much.”

The few times he has shown up in school, he just kind of ignores everyone. He must be getting tired of those pitiful looks in the hallways too.

“I’ve tried looking out for him. Like…like you would’ve wanted.”

God, you hate this. You really hate this.

“He just won’t let me in. I know he’s not going out as Spider-Man anymore, but he’s just not doing anything. He just sits in his room all the time. Not talking to anyone. Not even May.”

If he isn’t even talking to May, why would he talk to you?

You take a deep breath and finally stand up fully, your legs aching from kneeling on the hard ground for too long.

“I’m actually headed to his place now. I know he probably won’t talk to me, but I’ll still try. For you.”

You try to keep the tears back.

“Even if he doesn’t talk to me, May still lets me hang out. You know she makes the best food.”

You stare at her name again, not wanting to say goodbye again. But you know you have to.

“Anyway, that’s all. Thought I’d keep you updated. I’ll visit same time next week.”

You can almost hear her say goodbye to you. But you know it’s in your head. So you finally turn around and go back to your car, preparing for yet another uneventful visit to the Parker residence.

You knock on the door, preparing to put on a happy face in front of May. She’s such a sweet lady, you don’t want her to worry too much about you. She already has to worry about Peter, and you don’t want to put any extra stress on her shoulders.

Sure enough, May answers the front door with her signature sweet smile.

“Hey there, sweetie! Come on in, I just put on a pot of coffee, you must be freezing out here.”

She ushers you in and you revel in the warm atmosphere of the home.

“Thanks, May. I appreciate it.”

She dismisses your statement with a wave.

“Think nothing of it, hun.”

You sit down at the coffee table while May gets the coffee ready. While she does, you look around the home, which you’ve done countless times at this point.

Your favorite thing to look at is the picture on the wall of Peter. He must’ve been young, maybe sixth grade. In the picture, he’s at a science fair, holding up a nice red ribbon with “1st Place” written on it. May and Ben are standing proudly behind him as he smiles brightly at the camera. It makes you smile, seeing him so happy. But you also get sad, wishing he had some of that childlike joy back in his life.

May brings comes back in the room with two cups of coffee in her hand.

“Here you go, should warm you right up.”

You accept the cup with a smile, embracing the warm feeling on your hands. The warmth spreads when you take a sip. The coffee is nothing special, just as generic as any cup of coffee, but knowing that May made it for you and how happy she was to see you makes it taste better.

“Peter’s in his room if you want to say hi.”

She didn’t need to tell you where he was. You knew.

“Okay, I’ll go see him.”

You take a final sip of coffee and walk to Peter’s room.

You contemplate knocking on his door. You know if you knock that he probably won’t answer you, but if you just walk in, he still won’t talk to you. So, knowing the answer will be the same either way, you just walk in.

It looks like Peter hasn’t moved an inch since your last visit. He’s just laying on his bed, covered in blankets, head turned away from you. You know he’s awake though, you can tell by the way his body slightly tensed at the door opening.

“Hey, Pete.”

You speak gently, almost like you were afraid to scare him off. You close the door as softly as you can behind you.

“Missed you at school. I had the teachers give me your assignments so I can give them to you.”

No response. As usual.

You don’t know how to speak to him. You never really did. Neither of you really spoke to each other before he started dating Gwen, and when they did start dating, there was only small interactions between you. But still, you liked those small interactions. They were nice. Made you feel like you were sort of friends. But now that Gwen is gone, you don’t know where you stand.

Even so, you still try. You know that’s what Gwen would want. She wouldn’t want the love of her life wasting away like this.

“Have you eaten at all today?”

No answer.

“I know you’re, like, superhuman and all, but even so, you need to have some food in your body.”

You lick your lips and sigh, getting a little bit frustrated. It’s the same thing every day. You talk, he lays there, then you go home. You don’t feel like your presence is helping him that much, but if you don’t make an effort, you know you’ll feel guilty.

“How about some pizza? I can order one and it’ll be delivered in no time.”

As expected, no response. God, this boy is so infuriating sometimes.

“I know you hear me. Your spidey-senses kind of force you to.”

It’s still weird that Peter’s Spider-Man. You only found out about his secret by accident. You just walked into Gwen’s room, without knocking of course, as best friends do, and there you saw a surprised Gwen and Peter in his suit, mask in hand. That was a few weeks before the accident.

“Come on, Peter. You need to eat something. We can’t have you wasting away in here.”

“Why do you care?”

Even though his voice is raspy and not at all loud, you still flinch. That’s the most you’ve gotten out of him in three months.

“I, uh, what do you mean? Of course I care.”

“Why?”

His voice is a little louder this time.

“Because, we’re friends, Peter. I care about you.”

He sits up in his bed and faces you. You can finally get a good look at him. His once bright eyes, full of joy and mischief are dull and bloodshot.

“Since when? I mean, we barely talk.”

You don’t really know what to say, because it is true, you never talked with Peter as much as you would’ve liked to, but you still kind of thought those small interactions amounted to a friendship.

Just as you try to speak again, he talks some more.

“We both know the only reason we ever hung out was because of Gwen. And she’s not here now. So, please, just…”

He moves his arms around, trying to get his frustration across.

“Leave me alone.”

When he says this, he looks dead into your eyes, which are slowly but surely filling up with tears. You try not to let them fall.

You’ve been wishing for Peter to say something to you for months now, and now that it’s happened, you just want to curl into a ball on the ground.

Not wanting to be in the room with him any longer, you turn around and face the door. You put your hand on the doorknob but before you twist it, you turn your head towards Peter.

“I know you never really thought of me as a friend, Peter. A part of me always knew you just putting up with me for Gwen’s sake. But I always respected you, Pete. You were kind, funny, cool. Never mean.”

A couple of tears drops fall despite yourself.

“I remember when there was that Homecoming dance. You and Gwen were going together but I didn’t have a date. I was fine staying home, but you felt bad and invited me to come with you guys. You didn’t have to, nobody was forcing you, you just offered. Gwen didn’t even have to ask you to, you just did it.”

You wipe your cheek for a moment, still trying to keep eye contact with the boy in front of you.

“It was small things like that that made me like you. You’re such a good person Peter. I mean, you’re fucking Spider-Man, of course you’re a good person.”

You take one final big breath.

“So, you may not consider me a friend, Peter Parker, but you are mine. You are my friend. And I don’t have many of those, so, I’ve got to look after you.”

You finally twist the doorknob and open the door.

“It’s what Gwen would’ve wanted.”

With that final sentiment, you walk out of his room and speed past May, who is clearly worried about the tears on your face, eager to leave this house and go home to cry.

You spend the rest of your night watching movies in your room. You’re laying on your bed in your pajamas, bowl of popcorn in your lap. You glance at the opposite side of the bed. The side Gwen would sit as she laughed at the movies with you.

You try to focus on the movie, trying not to think about Gwen so much, and also trying not to think about your fight with Peter.

Was it even a fight? Neither of you yelled, but he did make you cry. He said some hurtful things. Things that were partially true. But you still didn’t want to see him. Seeing him hurt you a lot. All you can think about was the way he looked at you, with annoyance, frustration, anger. You felt bad for him, you know he’s grieving too, but he just made your blood boil and your eyes well up with tears.

Despite this, you know you’ll still visit him tomorrow. Because Gwen would want you to. Because that’s what friends do.

You hear a knock on your bedroom door.

“Come in!”

Instead of your mom or dad like you expected, none other than Peter Parker walks through your door.

He’s actually dressed in New clothes, as opposed to the weeks old clothes you saw him wear earlier. His eyes look like they’re filled with guilt.

“Hey.”

You’re not used to seeing Peter Parker in your room. He only showed up a few times when he crashed yours and Gwen’s movie nights.

“Hey.”

Peter looks at the ground nervously, hand reaching to scratch the back of his head.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. I have been an absolute jerk to you and you don’t deserve that.”

You nod slowly, processing his words.

“You’re grieving. I get it. It’s okay.”

He quickly shakes his head.

“No, no, it’s not okay. I know I’m grieving, but you are too. I’ve just been shutting you out when all you want to do is help. It’s not right.”

You have no words. You certainly weren’t expecting this, but maybe you should have. It is Peter, after all. He’s a superhero. Always trying to make things right.

“You have always been nice to me, and you never gave up on me, even when I completely shutting you out. I haven’t been a good friend to you, and I want that to change.”

Hearing him actual say that he wants to be your friend warms your heart more than it should.

You give him a slight smile.

“You can start being a good friend and have a movie night with me?”

At first, Peter looks shocked that you’re willing to just forgive him so quickly. But then the expression on his face soon turns jovial as you shoot over on the bed, allowing him to sit next to you.

You smile as you press play on the movie you were watching. You can feel Peter’s eyes on the side of your face, but you ignore it until you know he’s watching the movie. Both of you just sit and watch, hands leisurely grabbing popcorn from the bowl between you. It almost feels normal, natural.

It actually feels like you have a friend again. Not that he can ever replace Gwen. And you know you could never replace Gwen in Peter’s eyes either. But both of you are filling the space that Gwen’s death left. It makes things easier for the both of you. It’s nice knowing that you have each other during this difficult time.

After a while, when all is calm between you and Peter and the movie is almost over, you turn to look over at Peter.

“You know, I visited Gwen’s grave today. I visit every week. You could come with me if you want.”

Peter is still for a moment, eyes locked on the screen in front of you. You wish you didn’t bring it up, knowing that Peter is just now starting to talk about Gwen’s death, and now you may have pushed too far too fast.

But then he looks over at you, a sad but gentle smile on his face.

“Yeah. I think that’d be nice.”

[pogues4lifeee]

𓊝 boat day - jj 𓊝

summary: you’re john b’s younger sister and are also best friends with the pogues, but you’ve always had a deeper relationship with jj. you want to confess your feelings to him but you’re not sure if he feels the same. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“hurry up y/n! everyone’s waiting for you downstairs!” I heard my brother, john b yell. “I just need to grab a couple things first!” I yelled back to john b. “you have 5 minutes or else we’re leaving without you!” he responded from downstairs.

 I quickly put on a ribbed tank top  and shorts over my white floral bikini and slipped on some sandals that were next to my bed. the pogues were having a boat day and you did not want to miss it since there was a storm the day before and the fishing would be amazing, even though you didn’t really like fishing. I grabbed my phone and sunglasses and ran down the stairs into the living room. 

“took you long enough!” my brother said when he finally saw I was downstairs. “shut up bird.” I responded, using mine and dad’s nickname for him. dad had died almost 5 months ago now, and I could tell john b was doing much better, which was good. he was a wreck for the first couple months and it was nice to see him returning to his normal self. “let’s roll!” said jj, and with that, we all headed out towards the boat. you met jj around the same time your brother did almost 10 years ago, when you were 6 and your brother was 8. what you didn’t want to admit to anyone was that you’ve had a crush on jj since you were in eighth grade, but you didn’t want to tell him, as he’s become a second brother to you at this point. the only people who know about it are kie and sarah. they keep trying to get you to just tell him, but you always refuse. john b and pope got on first, followed by kie and sarah. jj got on next. “welcome on board y/n” jj said, holding out his hand to help you on the boat. you took his hand and hopped on, and with that, you were off to the marsh.

☼

“no way!” you laugh at pope’s story about his scholarship interview. “anyone want another beer?” jj asked as he headed back to the cooler. “i’ll take one.” i replied. jj smirked as he took two beers out of the cooler. “here you go princess,” he said, handing me the bottle. i took it from his hand and took a sip. once he walked away, kie scooted closer and gave me a nudge. “he obviously likes you too y/n!” she whispers to you. “you need to tell him!” sarah whispered to you, sitting next to you on the other side. i was about to say no when i heard a splash. I looked over my shoulder to see it was jj. he had jumped in the water and started to swim around the boat. i looked at john b confused. “we dared him jump in and swim a couple laps so we could ask you what’s going on between the two of you.” he tells you with a small grin on his face. “what are you talking about JB?” I ask, acting as if nothing was going on. “come on y/n/n, we all know you have a crush on jj!” pope exclaimed. my cheeks turned red. i didn’t want jj to hear us. “ok, fine! i have a crush on jj!” i admit, slightly louder than i wanted to. “i knew it!!!” exclaimed pope. “for how long?!” jb asked excitedly. “since eighth grade…” i replied. “but please don’t tell jj, i don’t know how he will react. as far as he knows, i see him as my other brother and he sees me as his little sister.” “ok, fine y/n. we won’t tell him. promise.” jb said, smirking. 

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JJ pov:

“ok, fine! i have a crush on jj!” I overhear y/n say. jb and pope dared me to jump in the water and swim around to where y/n is. i didn’t know why until i heard them go up to her and ask her what’s up. i couldn’t believe my ears. i decided to keep listening. “for how long?!” john b asked y/n. “since eighth grade…” i heard her reply. i froze. no one knew, but he also has had a crush on y/n since he was a sophomore, the same year she started liking him. “but please don’t tell jj, i don’t know how he will react. as far as he knows, i see him as my other brother and he sees me as his little sister.” she continued. “ok, fine y/n. we won’t tell him. Promise.” jb said. i could hear the smirk in his voice. he had wanted me to hear this. he had wanted me to find out about y/n’s crush on me. i swam back around to where i dove off the boat, trying to be as quiet as possible so that y/n wouldn’t hear me. I got back up on the boat. “Whoo! That water was cold!” i said heading to the cooler to get another beer. i decided not to say anything until we got back to the chateau. for the time being, i would act like this is any normal pogue boating day.

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Y/N pov:

the rest of the day went like any other day on the hms pogue, except jb and pope kept looking at jj dependently, as if they were waiting for him to say something. i figured they wanted him to say if he liked me or not based on their ‘shocking’ discovery today. the sun was starting to set. “let’s head back to the chateau, it’s getting late.” i say, checking the time on my phone. “alright m’lady” jb says in an awful british accent, turning the boat around and driving back to our humble abode. once we docked, i headed to my room to change out of my bikini. I changed into one of my brother’s shirts and leggings. just then, i heard a knock on my bedroom door. i opened it to find jj standing in the doorway.

“hey can we talk?” he asked. i nodded and moved out of the doorway so that he could step inside. i shut the door behind him. “so what’s up?” i ask, confused as to why he wanted to talk when today was like any other day. “do you like me y/n?” he asked me. i start to reply. “of course i like you, you’re like a broth-” “no, y/n. do you… have a crush on me?” he interrupts. I stood there in shock for a second. how would he know? “jj, why would you think that?” i asked. “i overheard you and the pogues on the boat.” John b told me to stop where you were. i heard it all.” he said. shit. “yeah jayj, i do. i’ve liked you since eighth grade.” i admitted. “how come you never told me?” he asked me. “i guess i never told you because I knew you thought of me as a little sister, not as a girlfriend.” i replied. i could feel the tears start to form in my eyes.

 “i like you too y/n. since sophomore year, i’ve liked you. i love the way you take care of others, i love the way you can pull off any colour of clothing, the way you’re always the first one to answer any of the pogues calls, the way you’re the one who takes care of me after my dad gets to me, everything. i love you y/n.” jj gushed. i looked up at him, a tear escaping my eyes. “hey, why are you crying?” he asked, stepping closer to me. i reached up, wrapping my arms around his neck, and stood on my tiptoes to get as close to his height as possible, and kissed him. “i’ve been waiting to do that for a long time.” i say after lifting my lips away from his. “me too.” he responds. we exchange one more kiss before we go downstairs holding hands. 

we enter the living room to see pizza and beer on the table, the pogues eating away. “what’s up guys, jb asks, putting a slice of pizza on his plate and looking up to see us holding hands and smiling at each other. it seems the other pogues realized at the same time he did. they all jumped off the couch and ran up to us. “fucking finally!” says kie, coming up to hug me. “let’s go dude!” says pope, giving jj a woogity woogity. jb runs over and picks me up into a hug. once the excitement had died down, me and jj went to get some pizza and watch the movie that the others had chosen. once i sat down with my pizza and beer, i saw pope and my brother give each other the official pogue handshake and smiled at each other. the dots immediately connected in my head. they told jj to stop swimming so he could hear me. clever bitches.

[hoziersong]

gonna get personal in the tags. venting time babeyyy

[celorangeine]

Christy and dawgs 😛

[fellhellion]

looking up video essays analysing the queer themes of persona 4 has been such an Experience. You will ping pong between white men condescending to u that there’s absolutely no way to read queer subtext (LET ALONE TEXT!) and tiny channels made by queer fans passionately explaining their readings of this game.

[oxymoronicdumbass]

if i’m not constantly stressed and busy, then i’m lazy and wasting valuable time, but if i am constantly stressed and busy then i am constantly stressed and busy

[carbonateddelusion]

sits here. my mood has been swinging back and forth like a pendulum lately

[give-grian-rights]

YOOOOOO I'VE SEEN SOME OF MY MUTUALS AND PEOPLE i FOLLOW REBLOG YOU, BUT I DIDN'T YOU WERE PART OF A FRC TEAM LETS GOOOOOO

YEAHHHHH im trying to get back into mentoring this year but college has me girlrotting. i love competitions i love FRC i love robots i love Dean Kamen i love the spirit i want to be buried in the pits

even if sometimes i remember that there's teams literally sponsored by NASA and i want to put my head into a wall. like CONGRATULATIONS. IM VERY HAPPY FOR YOU. but on the otherhand jeez ain't it great that you have several hundred thousand dollars and NASA engineers volunteering for you. thats very ethical

like obviously they cant just bar NASA engineers and other highly skilled individuals from volunteering because its GREAT that they want to be involved but also its just funny.

[realnielsbohr]

i hate being stressed about like. things that are actually stressful. normally i could be like "all is well 😌it will be ok no matter what" or whatever but i genuinely cant do that here. if i dont get this sorted out im genuinely fucked

[al-mayriti]

i swear to god predoc scholarships will be the fucking end of me oh god i almost lost it completely for a bit, i think i need a defribilator

[void-tiger]

What do I want? I want to be seen as a peer.

[stellerssong]

i am sending you a star for the heians fic. what did i miss. please gush about the heians.

did you miss anything in the heians fic? i don't think you missed anything in the heians fic. or if you did miss anything in the heians fic i don't know if it is anything that is necessarily of interest to anyone but me? y'all, i went in way too hard on this fic. the amount of research i did would infuriate and dismay you. and in all fairness i was being metaphorically swung around by the ankles and thwacked against a wall at work at the time of writing it, so i kind of had nothing else to do but get a little annoying about historical references, but. y'know. @ me maybe make it about samurai next time or like something people care about.

oh, here's a thing i guess—i kind of liked my rendering of the one historical poem presented in full in this fic, Michitsuna no Haha's poem of the barred gate. in Edward Seidensticker's translation:

Do you know how slow the dawn can be when you have to wait alone?

and in Sonja Arntzen's (superior) rendition:

Sorrow, sorrowing when one sleeps alone the time until night opens into day, how long it is perhaps you now know it too.

like DAMN Sonja. that hits DIFFERENT. but at the same time having decided to not commit to the 5-7-5-7-7 meter throughout because i'm too fucking lazy i wanted to keep the flow of the poetic exchanges less formalized and more conversational as they would have felt in real heians time, i wanted to compress the feeling Arntzen captured into something a little pithier like Seidensticker's version. (but less stupidly phrased. "how slow the dawn can be"? like my mans, surely "how slow the coming of the dawn" makes more fucking sense.) hence:

How long and chill the night when one must sleep alone—perhaps you understand it now!

and yes, i lost the "opening" imagery that plays on the barred gate, and yes, maybe i added in some meteorological allusions that weren't in the original, and no, i still don't speak any japanese and am just going on vibes, SORRY I KNOW THAT MAKES ME JUST LIKE ARTHUR WALEY WHICH IS DISGUSTING OF ME, but idk. all things considered, at the very least i think mine reads a leetle nicer than Ed's.

and additionally, here's a secret: i kinda fucked up my shinden-zukuri architecture in the first section frankly. there's no real reason why the lady of the house would be hanging out in the hisashi alone in the middle of the night while her ladies-in-waiting are asleep in the moya. i guess you could handwave it like "ohh she stayed up waiting for Kaneie ohhh she couldn't stay in the inner room with all those people ohh Desire was simply doing some fuckshit" but like. get real. be serious. why would she have a brazier out there? why would she call it "my rooms"? (i guess there's an argument to be made that by "my rooms" she's referring to her entire wing of the house but still.) she's practically NAKED hanging out out there fully dressed in multiple layers with the screen slightly cracked. UNACCEPTABLY whorish behavior.

fucking intolerable. i'm humiliated. this is worse than the poems not scanning in a language i have never studied and do not speak. Sonja Arntzen is en route to my house to visit unspeakable horrors upon my person at this very moment. and it's like noooo, Sonja, please, i'm not even a heians scholar, spare me and i'll help you hunt down Royall Tyler instead!! but she doesn't care. she just. doesn't. care.

[dudeshusband]

obviously, i fully intend to leave this s/i my age