#quote a fic

[jjk4isen]

super annoying gojo satoru when a girl comes up to you and asks you if he's your brother even after clearly seeing him grabbing your ass and saying super cheesy lines to you to make you only roll your eyes at him.

and you're stuck dumbfounded because it's not rocket science to figure out that you two are a thing just by looking at the both of you because the clingy bastard is quite literally stuck to you everywhere you go, whining and pleading for yet another kiss after stealing several from you.

and it's the same clinginess that prompts him to answer in your stead "yes actually. we're siblings" he beams a smile at you and you scowl, why the hell is he feeding onto this random girl's delusions like that? can't he take the hint?

you're not done scrutinising him when he grabs your chin with his big ass hands and smashes his lips onto yours, tugging and devouring your mouth into an extra sloppy kiss for the girl to take a hint.

he pulls away, a smirk on his lips as he licks his lips where yours had been a second ago. "is that obvious enough?" he chuckles, eyes never leaving yours as you see the girl storm off in the corner of your eye.

[foerchen]

Next fic: bodyswap

Jason: *in Dick‘s body*

Jason: I feel awful. What is wrong with your body???

Tim: *absolutely obliterating a punching bag in Jason‘s body*

Dick: *looks affronted at Jason in his body*

Dick: My body is fine! What do you mean??? You aren‘t the one who needs to consume an unholy amount of caffeine to function!

Jason: I feel like someone is about to push me off a fucking cliff, Dickhead.

Dick: *grins suddenly*

Dick: Ohhhh. Lemme fix that for you, Little Wing.

Dick: *walks up to Jason and hugs him tightly*

Jason: *relaxes before tensing up*

Jason: WAIT. YOU NEED HUGS TO FUNCTION?!?!

(Next fic is in the works! o7 It isn’t the one I had originally planned cuz my brain went brrr. Have a good one, my lovely birdwatchers! <3)

((Edit: https://archiveofourown.org/works/59545189/chapters/151862587 ))

[soulless-bex]

cue everyone shuddering in distaste. Bruce was really lacking in the creativity department

edit: link to the fic

[everwalldigan]

(Dick coming to collect Jason after he’s been “wrongfully” captured by the justice league while Batman is off world:)

Dick: Listen, Hood might be a criminal, but he’s one of Gotham’s. And he’s my brother.

JL: he killed 80 people in two days.

Dick: …he’s adopted?

Jason, glaring while bound to a chair: SO ARE YOU???

[gothamite-rambler]

"Weird Questions from a Weird City: Batfamily Edition

Duke Thomas: What’s your biggest fear?

Jason Todd: That I’ll never be good enough for anyone.

Tim Drake: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.

Dick Grayson: Vampires.

Jason Todd: ...

Tim Drake: ...

Dick Grayson: I got turned into one once and nearly killed peoples. It's a bloodlust, you never know when you'll be fully quenched and every non-vampire is a succulent vessel... But I'm not a vampire anymore and that is in my past.

Dick eats his apple after that.

*silence*

Duke Thomas: Holy crap stick, Batman.

Tim: Can I change my option to Dick Grayson?

Jason: Same.

[secretidentie]

*Brucie Wayne on a tangent during an interview*: .... without dick there's very little to live for yk.

Interviewer: ....you mean your son?

Bruce : ........sure

[arunneronthird]

did u know 9 year old damian was canonly exactly like this

[my-castles-crumbling]

Falling asleep in the dorms…

“Sirius?”

“Yeah?”

“I don’t think I like Evans anymore.”

“Shit mate, took you long enough.”

“Heh. Yeah.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Yeah, Prongs?”

“I might like boys. Also. Like as well as girls.”

“Join the club, Prongs. Just stay the fuck away from Moony.”

“Noted.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Yeah, mate?”

“What if I like a particular bloke?”

“…it’s not me, is it? Because Moony would probably kill you.”

“No.”

….

“Sirius?”

“Yes, Prongs?”

“It’s your brother.”

“I know.”

“You know?”

“Yeah, I was just fucking with you before.”

“Right.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Yes Prongs?”

“That’s…it’s okay?”

“Yes, James. I’d rather it be you than anyone else, to be honest.”

“Alright.”

…

“Sirius?”

“Go the fuck to sleep, Prongs. We’ll come up with a plan to woo him tomorrow.”

“Alright.”

….

“James?”

“What’s up, Padfoot?”

“Take care of him, alright?”

“…..yeah. Yeah, of course.”

[rewrittenwrongs]

Tim starts a Tumblr account and posts ‘incorrect quotes’ for all the bats, only they’re not incorrect they’re all actual conversations/sentences they’ve had, and he gains a huge following super quick because every line is pure gold. Barbara is the first to find out and agrees to help keep the secret, then it’s Stephanie who either gains access to the account or starts writing fanfic abt the batfam that includes all these details that line up a bit too perfectly with the truth because it’s hilarious, then Duke who thinks it’s genius and either still makes them buy his silence or starts drafting posts for Tim that he said with/to civilians and/or alone on patrol. Then Dick finds out because one of the Titans shows him this funny blog they found and he recognises almost every post, so he starts looking into it just as Tim starts posting Young Justice and Teen Titans ‘incorrect’ quotes too, and they have to blackmail him into silence.

When Bruce finds out he demands Tim delete the account, and instead Tim posts the entire conversation.

[thatskindarough]

“‘I just…I thought you might like to come back, one day,’ Crowley said very quietly. Aziraphale’s foot pressed against his again, and Crowley drew in a sudden breath, as if he hadn’t been breathing properly since Aziraphale had stopped touching him.”

This piece was a commission from the lovely @fellshish for their lovely friend, @alphacentaurinebula ‘s fic What Are You Doing Here? This fic is cute, funny, heartwarming, and incredibly spicy, and I’m very much looking forward to finishing it! Thank you Fells for being wonderful to work with, and happy (belated) birthday to you Alphacentauri, I’m very happy I could do this for you!

[ao3-crack]

(x)

[eternalslover]

Bullet train incorrect quotes:

Y/n: Hey I’m about to get in the shower. You wanna join me?

Tangerine: There’s a pistol taped underneath the island in the kitchen. If I ever say no to that question, I want you to shoot me. Aim for the head, don’t stop until I’m dead.

[theaceofarrows]

Welcome to the family

[Dick on the phone with Wally, while walking up the manors driveway]

Dick: I still can't believe that he got another kid! I'm gone for a few weeks, and suddenly, he gets empty nest syndrome, unbelievable

Wally: Yeah, definitely didn't see that one coming. So, have you met the kid yet?

Dick: [groans] I'm about to, not that I'm overly thrilled about this

Wally: I get it, dude. Just make sure not to take it out on the kid too much

Dick: Yeah, yeah, I'm not going to be a complete jerk. After all this mess isn't the kids fault

Dick: Ugh, I just hope this kid doesn't act like Bruce hung the starts or something-

Dick: [opens the front door]

Jason: -you really like the Frankenstein movie more than the book?! B, how STUPID can you be?!

Wally: [still on the other end of the line] What was that?

Dick: ...I'm gonna have to call you back, Wally

-

[Later]

Dick: [holding back laughter] And then, after he threw the tire iron he said- he said "Try and catch me you big boob!"

Wally: No way! He did not say that to Batman!

Dick: HE DID!

[hysterically laughing]

[everwalldigan]

Bruce: *waking up in a hospital that he drove himself to after having a heart attack and telling absolutely nobody* hey…

The entirety of the batclan looking over him with Dick in the centre, an absolute terrifying grin on his face:

Dick: hello Bruce, nice evening isn’t it? Got something to share with us?

Edit: the fic is now out on ao3! https://archiveofourown.org/works/57780508

[here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can]

being a marauders fan is a red flag.

it’s also an orange flag.

and a yellow flag. and a green, a blue and a purple one.

you’re gay.

[crestapex]

Price: What kind of girl do you prefer?

Ghost: My wife.

Price: Now what kind of girl do you prefer?

Soap: Ghost’s wife.