#poor brucie
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p1nkshield · 1 year ago
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Superman: Hey Batman congratulations on adopting your son! My mom insisted I bring you this… are you okay?
Batman, looking especially bedraggled, dragging a hand down his face: huh? Yes. I’m fine. I it’s just that I can’t find him.
Superman: What? do you mean you LOST HIM?
Batman: shhh, be quiet
*scuttling from above*
Batman, squinting: he’s in the rafters.
Superman: the wHAT!?
Batman: what did you bring?
Superman looking up frantically: the rafters?!?- I brought pie but why are you asking me tha-
Batman: ROBIN COME, PIE!
*scuttling stops, then rapidly moves closer*
Robin!dick: please give me some pie please
Batman: come down here first. If you try to eat upside down you’ll choke.
Robin!dick: not true I’ve been practicing!
Superman: 0_0
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millie-with-a-y · 4 months ago
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a reporter: mr wayne, hasn't batman been seen exiting your property on multiple occasions?
another, smarter reporter, whispering furiously: he doesn't know that! are you going to reveal to brucie wayne, total sweetheart, that his boyfriend is secretly batman????
Funniest possible stance for Brucie Wayne to publically take is a firmly-rooted belief that Batman doesn't exist.
"I've never once been rescued by this so-called hero and I've been kidnapped 14 times already this year."
"Why would the police summon him with a giant lantern? Wouldn't that make more sense for Mothman?"
"I know what you can do with Photoshop, these doctored pictures can't fool me! Tim's a whiz with photos, have you seen his latest exhibit..?"
"Vigilantism is illegal, you can't do that."
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pinklotushere · 1 month ago
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Ok I had this rotting in my mind for days now
Bruce *going live as brucie Wayne because he saw a tweet about him saying he was acting weirdly (it was actually damian shit posting) and paranoid abt his identity he decides to up the brucie effect to 100* : and then he winked at moi! Like, can you believe itttt~
Dick *kicks the door open, bursting into the room full on sobbing* : bruuuceee
Bruce *immediately stops what he was saying and gets up to comfort him* : what's wrong chum?
Tim, steph and duke *run into the room in various levels of crying*
Bruce *actually starts to panic* : kids?
Damian and cass *walk in sniffing* : baba! (Just dami lmao)
Bruce *pale and looks about ready to cry himself* : what's wrong?who was it? Give me names,descriptions, anything-
Jason-youre-not-my-dad-i-dont-live-here-fuck-you-mothefucking-todd *walks in red-faced and barely keeping it together*: dad..
Okay, picture this we've got Bruce pale and sweaty, holding a still sobbing dick and and surrounded by steph,cass,duke and picking damian up all quietly crying and/or sniffing and we've got tim pressing his face to Bruce side, shoulders chaking and then jason of all people starts sniffing and Bruce literally goes even paler (of that's even possibe) and pulls him in
Bruce : What's wrong? Talk to me, sweetheart
Dick : it-it's they- * Starts wailling*
Bruce : they? Who's they? Did you get their names?adresss? Social security number?
Steph : n-no it's not- *hiccups and buries her face on him, you can hear her crying*
Jason :..I don't think I'll ever be the same
Bruce : from what? What is it?
Barbara * Wheeling in, popcorn in hand, eyes red and sniffing:
Bruce : Barbara?
Babs: hey b
*Que lots of sniffing*
Bruce : what's going on?
Babs:Oh, we watched a movie
Bruce: excuse me?
Babs: Yeah, grave of the fireflies, man that was heartbreaking
*higher crying*
Bruce:
The next day
Headlines go like this :
*brucie Wayne secretly just a loving father*
*brucie Wayne threatens whoever hurts his children*
*Wayne children being dependent on their dad no matter how old they get*
Social media similarly is bursting with :
"I love how he was ready to commit murder for them lmaooo"
"Is it just me or did brucie just get 10 times hotter*
"Man, dick grayson crying is something I didn't know I needed, that man is such a pretty crier"
"Damn, I love how tim drake and Stephanie brown just buried themselves in their dad"
"My God I always thought damian wayne was bratty but he's actually really cute?"
*God brucie holding damian, dick and still hugging all his other children is so hot"
"Hold on, isn't jason todd dead?"
(And no, this isn't me projecting. grave of the fireflies did not emotionally destroy me. What?)
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the-bat-bros · 1 month ago
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Dick Grayson, my heart and soul, only you could take a tender moment with your father figure and make a joke like this 🤣
From: The Latest Chapter of Wayne Family Adventures
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
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mylifeingotham · 9 months ago
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Rewatching Gotham at the moment and Alfred is just so tortured by young Bruce
Alfred: Get off the roof, how many times have I told you to stop doing that??
Bruce: 😞
Commissioner Gordon: 😳
~
Alfred: Bruce just eat your food please
Bruce holding a newspaper: Anyways
~
Alfred: Where the heck did you get the files from your parents murder??
Bruce: It was pretty easy
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fandomloverangel · 1 year ago
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Even better if it's Danny Phantom. Who, in human form, even LOOKS like a Wayne kid. So now all the bats are trying to figure this out and how they didn't notice a whole new sibling.
Brucie Wayne gets interviewed and the question who, expect Batman, is his favorite Gotham hero.
After some awkward moments of silence, he blurts out that it’s Spoiler. Since she is the only one from the main active team that isn’t his kid and this way he avoids picking a favorite.
Meanwhile, the group chats explodes into chaos instantly.
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nanenna · 11 months ago
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Title: The Parent Trap Fandoms: Batman (DC Comics) and Danny Phantom Ships: None AUs: Demon Twins Warnings: Character injury, discussions of death.
Summary: It was just an ordinary night on patrol until...
“We need an evac,” Dick said, cutting the chatter off, “bird down.”
“Spoiler, you’re the closest to the cave. Nightwing, who’s with you?” Barb asked, “And how bad is the injury?”
“Robin,” Dick replied with some confusion before adding on with confidence, “a leg injury, we’re pretty sure it’s broken.”
“Robin?” Tim couldn’t help blurting out, looking over at Damian next to him, perched on his bike in full Robin costume. “But here’s right here, with me.”
---
Damian had been acting strange for the week or so. Rather, Robin had been acting strange for the last week. Not many people actually lived full time in the manor anymore, but everyone agreed that during the day he was his usual self. During patrols, however, he was simply a little… off. Like tonight for instance: Batman was away from Gotham on official Justice League business and Nightwing had agreed to cover his usual patrol route; normally Robin would tag along with Nightwing, giving the excuse that he needed to make sure Dick did the route correctly while everyone knew the demon brat really just wanted to spend more time with his favorite brother. But tonight…
“I will be joining you on your case, Drake.”
“You will?” Tim asked skeptically. Dick had already suited up and left, yet instead of scrambling to go catch up here Damian was, already all suited up, demanding to join Tim of all people.
“You are doing a stake out for street racers, correct? What will you do when they inevitably split to lose you?”
He sadly had a point, having someone else there would help. “Are you going to stab me?”
Robin didn't say anything, simply stood there and stared Tim down.
After standing there for a full minute, Tim sighed and headed for the vehicle bay, Robin hot on his heels. Without another word they donned helmets and slung legs over their bikes. Weird, but not unheard of, just another thing that was a little off. Not that Tim was entirely unhappy, he wanted a chance to observe Damian’s behavior. Even if he thought Dick was more likely to get Damian to open up.
And Tim was bored. The first half of patrol was quiet and uneventful, the street racers hadn’t shown up at their usual time/place yet, and Damian hadn’t said a damn thing the whole night. It’d just been the two of them riding around, not finding anything that needed their attention, and just being… normal. At least the usual chatter from the others was there to keep him company.
“We need an evac,” Dick said, cutting the chatter off, “bird down.”
There was a moment of silence.
“Spoiler, you’re the closest to the cave. Nightwing, who’s with you?” Barb asked, “And how bad is the injury?”
“Robin,” Dick replied with some confusion before adding on with confidence, “a leg injury, we’re pretty sure it’s broken.”
“Robin?” Tim couldn’t help blurting out, looking over at Damian next to him, perched on his bike in full Robin costume. “But here’s right here, with me.” The shadows around them grew deeper, seemed to sharpen.
“What? No, I’m looking right at him.”
“Well so am I!” 
“I’ve got your cams up and… well shit,” Barb murmured.
“Oracle,” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? said into the quiet comms, a hand up to his helmet, “send me Nightwing’s location.”
“Robin,” Oracle started, only to be interrupted.
“We’re in sector 36,” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? replied, going so far as to give longitude and latitude coordinates and a description of the building roof they’re on.
“Copy that,” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? said before revving his bike’s engine and taking off.
Tim would never admit to nearly losing him due to sheer shock. Too busy screaming “What the fuck” in his own head to remember he needed to follow, but follow he did. This… this might explain Damian’s strange behavior over the past couple weeks. If there was an imposter running around with them, but they would have surely noticed, right?
“We can’t have everyone abandoning their patrols!” Barb said in clear frustration. Heard clearly because the chatter was still gone, nothing but dead silence. You would think everyone would be demanding answers, peppering the Robins with non-stop questions. Hell, Tim wanted to, but he was too busy keeping his bike under him as he chased after his Robin.
“Red Robin and I are on motorcycles,” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? told Barb, “which means we have the small vehicle first aid kits, including analgesics, splints, and extra bandages.”
“We could use the splints,” Dick said faintly.
“And doing first aid before evac arrives means less time faffing about once Spoiler arrives.”
Tim nearly crashed, barely righting his bike. To hear Damian’s voice say “faffing about” was just… weird. Does that mean Tim’s Robin was the imposter?
“You all are faffing about right now,” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? grumbled before hissing.
“Stay still,” Dick chided.
Okay, so maybe “faffing” was a phrase Damian had recently learned from a classmate or something, Tim sure didn’t know. And oh thank god, they must have arrived. Damian? Robin? Some imposter? was parked on the sidewalk, helmet already off and just pulling the field kit from the bike’s storage. He didn’t even spare Tim a glance, simply looked up at the very tall building, looked down at his grapple, shrugged, put the grapple away, and then lifted off the ground and into the air.
“Shit,” Tim said softly but with feeling.
“What?” Barb asked, clearly very tense.
“I think my Robin was the imposter, he just flew up the building. Like Kryptonian flew.” Is this Jon? Were he and Damian pulling a Bruce and Clark? Except it couldn’t be, Jon had started packing on muscles while Damian was still in the lanky growing-taller-before-filling-out stage.
“Really, akhi?” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? asked in exasperation.
“Hey, the jig is well and truly up at this point,” Damian? Robin? Some imposter? replied.
Okay, that was really weird to hear in Damian’s voice. And oh wait, maybe Tim should get up there too.
“Oh shit, there really is two of them!” Dick said in shock. “Uh… hello there… other Robin?”
“Hello Nightwing, I brought the kit. I…” Damian paused, then sighed into the comm, “akhi, what did you do?”
Damian tsked, “Nothing for you to worry about.”
“Your leg is broken!” Damian yelled.
“Did you see that with your x-ray vision?” Damian asked.
“Contrary to popular belief, I’m not Kryptonian,” Damian replied. “I don’t have x-ray vision.”
“Sure sound Kryptonian,” Tim muttered under his breath. The Robin that flew had slipped into a faint Midwestern drawl that reminded him of Clark.
“Can you just give me the kit?” Dick asked both warily and wearily.
“Right, yes. Here.” 
Tim had made it onto the roof by that point, just in time to watch one of the Robins hand over the kit to Nightwing before kneeling next to the other Robin, who had his leg stretched out in front of him while he sat half propped up on his elbows. The laying down Robin (the real one? The one that hasn’t shown any meta powers yet, anyway. Is one of them the real Robin or were they both imposters?) let himself fall fully on his back and held a hand out. The meta(?) Robin kneeled next to him and took his hand. “You’re going to be okay.”
“I am more worried about you, you’re not used to this.”
“Yeah, normally I’m the only one getting hurt, and I usually don’t have bones when that happens.” Imposter Robin laughed at that.
“What the fuck?” Tim said under his breath, what does that mean?
“Focus,” Dick chided as Tim came to join him in tending to Damian’s(?) injury.
“Batcopter ETA five minutes,” Barb said. “Agent A has the medbay prepped.”
Imposter Robin flinched at that. Odd.
“Focus,” Dick hissed. “Save the mystery for after we get our downed bird home.”
Tim almost pointed out they couldn't be sure either Robin was even the real one, but a scathing look from Dick that burned even through the domino white outs had Tim snapping his mouth shut. Instead he nodded and set about helping Dick set and splint Robin's leg.
Steph arrived right on time, between Dick, imposter Robin, and Tim they got the real(?) Robin loaded onto the batcopter. Then the imposter pulled something from his costume and tossed it at Dick.
“Keys?” Dick asked.
“We gotta get Robin's bike back to the cave somehow.” He hopped into the batcopter and settled next to the injured Robin.
Dick held out the keys, “And as Robin shouldn’t-”
“No,” the imposter interrupted. “I’m not leaving him.”
Seems it was Tim’s turn to be the voice of reason. He put a hand on Dick’s shoulder, “Robin trusts him, we’ll meet them back at the cave in a minute.” If the injured Robin even was the real Damian, if the imposter didn’t use his unknown powers to escape, if any slew of unpredictable situations. Holy hell, Tim could see why Bruce was so paranoid about knowing everything about everyone. He’d be in the middle of three panic attacks and an existential crisis on top of a heart attack if he were here right now. But he wasn’t, thankfully. Instead Tim pulled Dick away from the batcopter so Steph could take back off and head to the cave.
Soon Dick and Tim were on their respective bikes, Nightwing looking ridiculous on Robin’s candy apple red paint job, and were zooming through the streets at a pace that was while fast still gave Tim time to actually think. He went back over everything the two Robins had said since Nightwing had called in for an evac. And then it hit him.
“Akhi.”
“What about it?” Dick asked.
“It’s what they called each other.”
“Brother,” Cass added in her soft voice.
“Right, in Arabic. They called each other brother. And recently Robin told us about his twin brother.”
“Are you telling us that Robin’s twin brother came back from the dead and decided to just… join us on patrol?” Dick asked in disbelief.
“He told us several weeks ago, and has been acting odd on patrol for nearly two weeks now. If when he told us was when he found out, or at least started planning this, then they had a few weeks for Robin to give his twin a crash course on us before pulling this stunt.”
There was muffled laughter in the comms, but Tim wasn’t sure who.
“But why?” Oracle asked.
“A prank?” Dick asked.
“A test of some kind,” Tim said in a monotone. There was a double tap on the comm, Cass’s form of nonverbal agreement.
“The batcopter has arrived back at the cave,” Oracle informed them. Everyone else grew quiet, waiting for whatever was about to happen to happen.
“... -nk went too far,” Damian (or his twin?) was saying into the comm.
“TT, it did not,” Damian replied.
“You couldn’t taste their emotions,” okay that was the twin, and what a weird way to phrase that, “they were really scared.”
“You like the taste of fear.”
Wow, Damian, really not helping with how creepy your long dead twin is being.
“Well yeah, obviously, it’s delicious. That doesn’t mean it’s okay to go around purposefully scaring your family.”
Fear is delicious?!
“What does it matter? As you said, ‘the jig is up’ and the prank is over. We will have to explain ourselves when the others arrive.”
“Others like me?” Steph asked cheerfully.
“Great, time for the great bat interrogation,” the twin said with exactly zero enthusiasm.
“Not until Master Damian has been seen to,” Alfred said. Tim could just see the raised eyebrow.
Tim tuned the rest out as those actually in the cave set about the logistics of getting Damian moved to the medbay.
“He can taste fear?” Tim asked incredulously.
“You know as much as the rest of us,” Dick said back.
“Does that make him an empath? He said he’s not Kryptonian, would that make his power suite closer to a Marian? Wait, neither Talia nor Bruce have the meta gene, how’d he even get powers?”
“Maybe he got them from the Lazarus Pits?”
There was a snort in the comms, “Then why didn’t I get powers?”
“Hood? What’re you doing on our comms?” Dick sounded far too delighted.
“I have an alert set up for whenever your chatter stops, it’s always a bad sign.”
“Fair enough, you heading to the cave to meet the demon brat’s long lost twin?”
There was a scoff from Jason, “Of course!”
“Everyone’s headed for the cave,” Oracle said with a tone of defeat.
“Stuck in ops?” Dick asked.
“Well someone has to keep an ear on things while the rest of you get to go have fun.”
“We’ll keep our comms on.”
“You don’t have a choice.”
Tim and Dick both laughed at that. Fortunately they arrived back at the cave at that point, quickly parking their bikes and all but running over to the medbay. Steph was standing just outside the door, clearly keeping an eye on things while Alfred and the twin fussed over Damian. Tim and Dick went to go join Steph at the door, none of them willing to risk Alfred’s wrath should they get in his way. Cass joined them shortly after, all four staring as Alfred finished up what he could do for Damian. The demon brat was laid out on a medical cot, his costume set to the side, down to just the thin layer worn under the armor, mask already removed.
“Leslie has been called, she’ll be here in the morning with the necessary supplies. I’m afraid you will have to remain here until then, Master Damian.”
Damian tsked, but otherwise said nothing.
“And now I do believe we are all owed an explanation.” Alfred turned ever so slightly as his attention turned to Damian’s twin.
Damian responded by struggling in his bed.
“What are you doing, akhi?” the twin asked, clearly exasperated.
“I will be sitting up for this,” Damian snarled.
Without a word Alfred handed Damian the bed’s controls, allowing him to slowly raise himself into a reclined sitting position. Alfred raised a brow as if to ask if that would do, Damian only glowered at the wall.
The twin started pulling his domino off. Damian tsked yet again and handed his twin a wipe to help pull the mask off. “Ancients,” the twin said, which Dick mouthed in confusion, “you lot sure do love your theming. And I thought the ghosts had it bad.”
“Ghosts?” Tim mouthed, exchanging quick, confused glances with Dick.
“So yeah, hi. I’m Danny, Damian’s long lost twin.” The twin, now known as Danny, said with a little wave after he got the domino off. And there was no denying that he was Damian’s twin, he had Damian’s face in every feature save his eyes. While Damian clearly had Talia’s eyes, Danny’s were all Bruce.
“Everyone, this is my brother, Danyal Al Ghul Wayne.”
“Legally not my name anymore.”
“Legally?” Tim asked.
“Yeah, I got adopted!” Danny grinned again, all sunshine and cheer that was so wrong when he had Damian’s face.
Tim snorted, Bruce’s kid had been adopted. Oh things just got complicated but the irony of Brucie being on the other end of a kid getting adopted was still a fun kind of irony. Or maybe Tim had gotten to the everything-is-hilarious stage of sleep depravation.
“So what is your legal name?” Dick asked.
“Um… I’m not sure I should tell you that.” Danny fidgeted nervously. “Not yet anyway. I mean, Bruce… uh… our father? Isn’t here and like… shouldn’t he be told? Too? Or first? Honestly I’d rather just be able to tell everyone at the same time rather than having to go over the whole thing every time someone new walks in the door.”
As if he had timed it to happen that way, Jason came roaring into the cave on his bike. There was a collective sigh as everyone crowding around the outside of the door knew they’d have to wait for Jason to get there before things could continue, even if he had been listening in along with Oracle on his way in.
Danny’s face lit up as Jason, still wearing his full Red Hood gear, came into view. He whooped and threw both hands in the air as he ran out the door, somehow not even touching any of the vigilantes crowded in the way.
Jason stopped dead, his own hands raised up halfway in front of him as if unsure what to do. Danny just slapped both of Jason’s with his own in a kind of low five, then bounced excitedly in place. “Undead solidarity, yeah!”
“Uh… what?” Jason’s modulated voice asked in its usual monotone.
“I’ve been dying to meet you!”
“Heh, have you? Were you dead set on meeting the best?”
Damian groaned, “Stop encouraging Danyal’s insipid sense of humor.”
“Yeah, you’re the best!” Danny continued as if Damian hadn’t said a thing, “My favorite new brother!”
Dick gasped and clutched his chest.
Jason pointed at him and laughed as he slung an arm over Danny’s shoulders. “I see you are a kid of taste. How do you feel about Jane Austen.”
Danny winced, “My dude, I’m a guy in high school.”
“And so was I once, but we can’t all have my impeccable taste.” He started walking Danny back over to the medbay. “Anyway, Bruce shouldn’t be back until tomorrow afternoon, we really going to wait that long for the whole story?”
Danny winced, then cursed quietly under his breath. “We’ll have to, something just came up.”
Everyone frowned at that, “What do you mean?” Damian asked.
“The real deal got into a fight and uh… they’re pretty strong. I think I’m gonna need to recombine.”
“What?” Jason said, it was hard to tell if the flatness was his own voice or the modulator.
“Oh uh… I’m a… what’s that word again… doppelganger! That’s it. The main body’s back home and,” he winced again, a bruise blooming across his cheek in real time. No, in double time, it was like watching a time lapse of a bruise blooming and slowly starting to heal. “Look, having my attention and powers split like this is normally fine, a good way to keep my powers in check for fighting normal humans actually. But uh… let’s see… I think I’m fighting Plasmius?”
“We don’t know who that is,” Damian said with a sigh. “He keeps saying names of people or things like I’ll know what it means.”
“It means I can’t afford to have my attention and powers split over two bodies, so I’m about to poof. Sorry. But I’ll be back tomorrow, summon me after school Dami?”
“Summon?” Everyone but the twins asked in confusion.
“Of course, Danyal. Good luck fighting your rogue.”
“I think the fruit loop counts as my arch nemesis, unfortunately. But I gotta sorta slide back, can’t have all of tonight’s memories and my half of the power hit me all at once. This might look a little freaky, but it’s normal and I’m fine I promise.”
Jason unslung his arm from Danny’s shoulder and took a step to the side. They all gawked as Danny closed his eyes and breathed out slowly, his breath frosting in what should be warm air. His face, the only part of him not covered by the Robin costume, started to go invisible at the same time his skin and hair started to gray. Then he was gone and the costume was left behind, slumping to the floor in a pile.
Everyone stood there for a moment, staring at the colorful pile of armor, then they all turned to look at Damian.
“TT, don’t ask me. I still don’t have a full list of everything he can do.”
---
Tim, along with everyone else, was at the manor the next afternoon. And he did mean everyone, even Kate, Harper, and Cullen were there. Hell, even Jason was there, on time no less. Damian had put “17:30 sharp” in the family (minus Bruce) chat and they knew he meant it. They were crowded into one of the larger sitting rooms, every chair filled save a chaise lounge that had been reserved for Damian. The boy of the hour arrived right on time, with five minutes leeway to set everything up.
“So tell me again who you want to introduce us to, chum?” Bruce asked as he followed behind Damian. Alfred brought up the rear, a plate of fresh cookies in hand.
“I haven't told you yet, Father. Have some patience, it will all make sense soon.” Damian settled on the lounge, setting his crutches to lean against it before pulling something out of his pocket. It was a small metal container, he popped it open and pulled out what appeared to be a bright green handkerchief. Very bright green, possible letting off light, neon toxic green. Duke made a soft surprised sound. Damian spread the cloth out on the coffee table in front of him and smoothed it out.
“Damian,” Bruce said carefully, “what is that?”
“A summoning circle, obviously.”
Wait, Danny was serious about being summoned?
“Can… can you even summon living people?” Dick leaned over from where he was perched on the couch’s arm to whisper to Cass, who was perched behind Tim on the couch’s back. Tim and Cass both shrugged.
“Damian, dealing with the occult is very dangerous.”
“It’s quite safe, Father.” Damian pointed down at the white markings on the handkerchief, “Since all the sigils are on here permanently there is no chance of making a mistake drawing them by hand. This group here is his name, this circle can summon one person and one person only. The rest of these are for protection. And this spot here,” Damian tapped on a small circle within the outer ring, “is to activate it. It does require a single drop of blood, it was the safest way to make the circle.”
“Blood?” Bruce asked flatly.
“It will make sense when I call him, do you trust me?”
“I’m not sure I trust whoever this “him” is,” Bruce grumbled.
“But do you trust me, Father?”
Bruce sighed, “You promise whoever this is means us no harm?”
“Of course, I promise.”
“I met the young man last night,” Alfred said as he placed the plate of cookies in the circle. “I found him to be polite and sincere.”
“So this is to do with whatever happened last night that I can’t get any of you to tell me about?”
“We want to explain it ourselves,” Damian said firmly. Then he pulled out a batarang and carefully poked a finger. “Blood of my blood, I call forth the spirit of my brother, Danyal.” He touched the drop of blood to the handkerchief, which lit up as the air around them shifted. 
A figure began floating up from the circle, glowing white hair that waved as if they were under water, ashen skin, glowing Lazarus green eyes, a wide smile filled with sharp fangs. This… this wasn’t Danny, was this? The figure seemed to be wearing some kind of black jumpsuit, white gloves picking up the plate of cookies as they passed through the plate. They had no legs, after the belt the body just continued in a long tapering tail that ended like whisps of smoke. They were glowing, they were slightly see through! What was going on?
This wasn’t the boy they’d met last night.
“Father, my brother. Danyal, our father.” Damian paused, then added on, “And the rest of our family.”
“Hi,” the figure chirped, then seemed to shrink into himself as he looked around. “I uh… prefer to be called Danny. The only people who full name me are usually trying to kill me. Or send me to detention.”
That was Damian’s, or rather Danny’s voice alright. Even still had the faint midwestern drawal.
“Why do you look so different?” Dick asked in shock.
“It’s… a long story. Which I’m supposed to tell everyone.” Danny shrunk further into himself, looking miserable. “Please stop being so scared.”
“They are simply adjusting to your unfamiliar form, they will get over it,” Damian said firmly, glaring at everyone in the room.
“It’s not just fear, Dami, they’re horrified.”
“Sit down, eat your cookies. Alfred worked hard on those.” Damian patted the empty space next to him on the chaise lounge. 
Danny turned and spun in place to sit down, looked down at where his tail was curled up under him, made a sour face, then the tail was suddenly replaced by a pair of legs tucked under him. He shoved a cookie into his mouth, now sporting normal teeth from what little Tim could see. “S’good,” Danny slurred, glancing over at Alfred who merely nodded his approval.
“Some time ago,” Damian started, as if that wasn’t the most vague way to start, “I summoned Danyal the first time. I am aware it was foolish, I will not hear about it.”
“I called him dumb already,” Danny added in. “I mean, I had to go find someone to explain how the circles work and what makes them safe or dangerous first, but yeah, I called him dumb. Then I had some friends help me make this,” Danny reached over and tapped the handkerchief, “then I went to three trusted uh… mentors? I guess I’d call them? And made sure with each of them this thing is legit before giving it to Dami.”
Bruce hadn’t moved, still standing in front of the coffee table, slack jawed, staring blankly down at Danny and Damian.
“Is he okay?” Danny stage whispered to Damian.
“Perhaps keeping it a surprise was not the optimal option.”
That seemed to snap Bruce out of it, “I think I need to sit down.”
Dick hopped up to guide Bruce to the nearest open seat, which happened to be the chaise lounge. Danny quickly flew up and moved to float cross legged in the air just on the other side of Damian, as if he were sitting in some invisible chair. He munched another cookie before offering the plate to Damian, who took a cookie for himself.
Once Bruce and Dick had settled back down, Damian decided to continue the story. “More recently I needed to do a covert investigation, but I couldn’t allow any of you know.”
“You what?” Bruce asked, clearly upset.
“I know, he still hasn’t even told me what it was. And I had to cover for him!” Danny sounded so offended.
“I had Danyal take my place in patrol while I was away.”
“When?” Bruce asked, voice dipping down as he leveled a steely glare at Damian.
“You never noticed, I think that speaks for itself. So as a test-”
Cass and Tim bumped fists.
“-Danyal has been joining us on patrols for the last twelve days.”
“Almost made it the full two weeks too,” Danny said airily. “That reminds me, you owe me fifty bucks.”
“What? No!” Damian shot back angrily. “They found out before the two weeks were up, clearly I won that bet and you owe me!”
“They didn’t figure it out, that part of the bet is a draw at best for you. No, the fifty is because you’re the reason they found out. It seems awfully suspicious you got into some kind of accident right before the deadline, how did you break your leg again?”
“I did not break my leg on purpose just to win a meaningless bet!”
“Okay, both of you need to calm down,” Bruce said, looking unsure if he needed to step between the two squabbling boys. “You… had a bet?”
“I bet fifty bucks I wouldn’t give myself away before the two weeks were up, Damian bet fifty bucks you’d figure me out before two weeks. And they didn’t figure it out.” Danny turned to glare at Damian as he said that last part.
“Fine,” Damian conceded with a pout. “I shall venmo you your winnings.”
The ghost floating in front of them has a venmo. The ghost floating in front of them has a use for US currency. What is going on? Is Tim hallucinating?
Damian’s pout deepened, “I am still disappointed in you all for not noticing a whole extra person joining our patrols.”
“In my defense, I don’t patrol with you guys,” Duke joked.
“In our defense, we were suspicious,” Tim added.
Bruce sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “Damian, we had no way of even expecting you to switch places with your long lost dead twin.” Bruce paused, then looked over at Danny. “How did you pull that off? No offense Danny, but you are very easy to tell apart right now.”
“Oh, that’s because I can do this.” A bright flash of light washed over Danny, changing him back to the boy Tim had met the night before, only wearing baggy casual clothes instead of brightly colored armor.
Duke yelped and covered his eyes, “A little more warning next time? Damn, that was bright!”
“Oops, sorry.”
“Oh thank god, I was so worried,” Steph murmured from next to Tim.
“Well that was flashy,” Dick said.
Bruce seemed broken again, staring at the now living, black haired, blue eyed boy sitting cross legged in the air next to Damian.
“Okay, so what the fuck was all that?” Jason asked, motioning to Danny. “Are you dead or aren’t you? Because you don’t look dead right now.”
“Neither do you,” Danny snarked back.
“I’m not dead though.”
“You sure?”
“Not anymore,” Jason said stubbornly.
“No one ever comes all the way back, not anyone who was dead dead.”
“Please stop,” Bruce begged. Dick whimpered in agreement.
Danny ducked into his shoulders again, grinning sheepishly. “Sorry.”
“Since it would be inconvenient for Robin to be missing at the same time I have a broken leg,” Damian said as a clear subject change, “and we have a perfect stand in who’s already proven himself in the field, Danyal has kindly offered to cover for me for the next few nights.”
“I managed to soup Plasmius last night, so that gives me two, three days max of not having to worry about his schemes. My friends can cover for me during the night so long as I’m still back home during the day. Unless a rabid ancient show up, anyway.”
“What does any of that even mean?” Tim begged.
“We could use some context,” Dick added.
“Right, I guess this is when the life story portion starts,” Danny said with a sigh.
“Perhaps you would prefer to talk over dinner?” Alfred asked from the room’s doorway.
“Dinner sounds great!” Danny cheered as he hopped to his feet, now firmly on the floor. “I’m not sure talking about dying and coming back is the best dinner conversation though,” Danny said absently as he and Bruce helped Damian to his feet.
“Alfred usually has a strict no work talk at the dinner table rule,” Tim teased.
“I think he can make an exception for someone’s life story,” Duke laughed. There were several murmurs of agreement.
“Alright, well I guess we can start with the first time I died,” Danny said as the group slowly filed out of the sitting room and towards the dining room.
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brucewaynehater101 · 10 months ago
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How often does someone try to admit Brucie Wayne into rehab, have an intervention, or try to get him into AA?
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ofavalanches · 1 year ago
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and when you're scared, so scared, fear becomes your home and your heart; fear is the homeless you house in your chest all night.
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azuree1733 · 1 year ago
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I THOUGHT THIS WAS A HAPPY SILLY LITTLE FLASHBACK COMIC AND THEY END IT WITH THIS PAGE
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twasbrillig71 · 1 year ago
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if u've been reading my tags u'd know that i harbor just the slightest itsy bitsiest teeny tiniest grudge against the tnba redesigns (with few exceptions)
i finished it a while ago but i can't stop thinking of Ice Blue Eyes bruce so i'm channeling my sorrow into memes
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p1nkshield · 2 years ago
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I saw a post where everyone in the batfam had adopted the airhead Brucie Wayne cover except for Damian and of course Alfred. So I wanted to add to the pile. :)
All of them are sitting in a restaurant
Brucie: … wait this has a little label for vegetarian on it but it doesn’t have any meat in it. I think you forgot to label it vegan!
Waiter: … this has whipped cream, eggs and milk in it sir.
Dick: Wait whipped cream isn’t vegan?!?
Jason: No, I’m pretty sure it is.
Dick: well if it isn’t I messed up my vegan challenge week and nobody told me!
Tim: can’t we just pay someone to find out if whipped cream is vegan?
Brucie: Good idea! [Takes out $100 bill and hands it to the waiter] Is whipped cream vegan?
Waiter: uhh
Damian: PLEASE STOP! NONE OF YOU HAVE DIETARY RESTRICTIONS! WHY DID THIS BECOME A DEBATE?
Dick: that’s not true I’m a pescatarian now! I really miss eating fish but it’s worth it!
Damian with head in hands: that’s not what- ugh forget it!
The waiter now confirms to everyone that they come across that Damian Wayne is indeed the holder of the Wayne Family Braincell.
Tabloids dub this conversation the dessert debate. It becomes a trend to ask what Bruce thinks is vegan during interviews.
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brucie-wayne-official · 1 year ago
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What do you think of tumblr so far?
It's very nice! :-)
I like that people seem so kind here!
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Bruce can protect him from outside threats.
He never said he could protect Dick from himself.
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PRAYER CIRCLE FOR BRUCE WAYNE TO SURVIVE RAISING THE MOST PERFECT CHILD EVER
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the-bat-bros · 1 month ago
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Some of the DC end of the year superlatives are wild and I adore it
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Anyways, go vote here loves:
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mylifeingotham · 10 months ago
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