#plurality implied
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My answers under cut
1. when did you find out you are a dragon? I'd say roughly around when I was 9 yrs old.
2. what kind of dragon are you? A brightly colored, furred and feathered, shapeshifting, dream dragon. We are occasionally a star dragon as well. And maybe rarely somewhat of a sacred beast dragon?
3. when did you join the dragonkin/alterhuman community? Around 2019
4. what are some unique features of your dragon self? can be related to your body, your powers or your behavior. I am a different color in every major body parts, and can shapeshift. Sometimes behavior and mindset change here and there due to a form shift. We are made of stardust and other nebulae matters and can create solar systems or destroy it.
5. what do you think of the representation of dragons on earth? There are many and varied in mythology, folklore, and various media. The problem I have is people tend to forget. Damn DnD.
6. do you have memories of being a dragon in a past life or concurrent life? Just a vision or two, that's my kardiatype though, a white jade eastern dragon. Got nothing to do with my current selves.
7. what do your shifts look like, if you have any? I usually have phantom, sometimes maybe astral shift. I do get dream shifts, but they are uncommon. Mental shift is a weird one. I tend to be perma shifted. I rarely get envisage shift, and in occasion have berserk shift.
8. what does your species' diet? Don't know, probably dream matter, and our starry self may eat stardust? My kardiatype does eat fish and seafood though.
9. do you have a breath weapon? if yes, which one? Not us. Our vaguetype does breath starfire. I think the flicker spit element in general?
10. do you know your dragon body's size? I'm varied due to being shapeshifter. Star dragon is as well according to lore. Don't know what size the flicker or kardiatype is.
11. do you hoard? Kinda? It's hard to tell if this is "draconic instinct" or just "regular hoarding"
12. how does your draconity influence you irl? Behavior, largely. And preference to things. Sometimes thinking.
13. do you feel species dysphoria sometimes? Yep.
14. what did/would your habitat look like? My hearthome! Once I finish drawing it. Also ocean, deep under the sea~ And maybe amongst the stars.
15. are you territorial? can be a place(s) or other beings. Definitely, I know I'm territorial over my people. And my corner of spaces I claimed as mine (in my head).
16. what do you think about the dragonkin/alterhuman community? Errr, dragonkin or alterhuman? You can't say both as if they are the same. Alterhuman community is great, really awesome, the places I frequent and find myself in are welcoming, accepting, kind and understanding. That doesn't mean anyone can just go and stir up trouble though.
I didn't have the best impression of the dragonkin community. It wasn't till a year after I found the alterhuman community that I finally tried again. There's just quite an issue with dragonkind community here and there, you either know what I'm talking about, or you haven't encountered it, or you see it but don't realize it, maybe you are part of the issue, or maybe you just don't get affected by it. I'm not going to spell it out here.
17. do you use a special vocabulary related to your draconity? Not really I think. Well, not myself. I use fun lingo that my pocket communities came up with.
18. does your species have a special language or alphabet? Uhhhh, I'm telepathic. Not sure what star dragon uses. Kardiatype was Japanese. No idea about the flicker.
19. do you have a pack/clan or are you on your own? I have my circles that I call my own,
20. where do you spend the most time? outside in nature or in your cave (at home)? At home >.>
21. what is your favorite dragon media? is it a book series, a show, a video game or something else? I think the game Flight Rising. But beyond that, I do enjoy Spirited Away, Pokemon, and Digimon, though these aren't dragon-focused.
22. have you ever met a dragon like you or similar to you? Yup, fluff dragon unite! And I have met sourcemate :3 And also ones that are like my kardiatype.
23. do you consider your identity spiritual, psychological or something else? do you use these labels at all? All of the above and neither. The nonbinary of it all. These labels are not useful, plus there are metaphysical, philosophical, artistic, and others that people always forget beyond spiritual and psychological. I could grumble about this all day.
24. do you have any other identities beside being a dragon? Yup. I got a fictohearttype, a paratype linked hearttype, and I mentioned my kardiatype and the flicker which are body dragon but not me, plus three archetrope.
25. do you own any gear (tails, horns, jewelry etc.) related to your draconity? I got a smol tail, I have some jewelry except I don't wear jewelry, so who knows where they are. Oh, and pins!
26. how does your species communicate primarily? do you use speech, sounds/vocals and/or body language? Oops, answered too early, but telepathy. No idea how the other draconic type communicate.
27. is your dragon self animalistic/feral or sapient? I'm like a Mew, I'm a critter, sapient and maybe animalistic. Star dragon is sapient. Flicker is sapient me think.
28. do you have a visual description of yourself or something that looks similar to your dragon body? Yup. Orange furred, with lightly fuzzed red belly, bright yellow horns and gentle yellow mane, white feathered wings, pearlescent eyes with black sclera, three straight and sharp digits on each paw.
The others can be seen here.
29. do you have any body modifications (tattoos, implants etc.)? Nope.
30. are there any dragons/other dragonkin who inspire you? Yes, lots of them.
31. free space Awarararar!
dragonkin ask game
hey there! since this year, the year of the dragon, is getting to its end, i decided to come up with some questions for dragonkin and other draconic beings in the alterhuman and plural community. these can be used for personal use in blogs and are free to use for "draconic question of the week" pings on discord, for example. i will explain the reason for those and what i plan to do with them below the questions after the cut. i hope you will have fun with those.
questions under the cut
1. when did you find out you are a dragon?
2. what kind of dragon are you?
3. when did you join the dragonkin/alterhuman community?
4. what are some unique features of your dragon self? can be related to your body, your powers or your behavior.
5. what do you think of the representation of dragons on earth?
6. do you have memories of being a dragon in a past life or concurrent life?
7. what do your shifts look like, if you have any?
8. what does your species' diet?
9. do you have a breath weapon? if yes, which one?
10. do you know your dragon body's size?
11. do you hoard?
12. how does your draconity influence you irl?
13. do you feel species dysphoria sometimes?
14. what did/would your habitat look like?
15. are you territorial? can be a place(s) or other beings.
16. what do you think about the dragonkin/alterhuman community?
17. do you use a special vocabulary related to your draconity?
18. does your species have a special language or alphabet?
19. do you have a pack/clan or are you on your own?
20. where do you spend the most time? outside in nature or in your cave (at home)?
21. what is your favorite dragon media? is it a book series, a show, a video game or something else?
22. have you ever met a dragon like you or similar to you?
23. do you consider your identity spiritual, psychological or something else? do you use these labels at all?
24. do you have any other identities beside being a dragon?
25. do you own any gear (tails, horns, jewelry etc.) related to your draconity?
26. how does your species communicate primarily? do you use speech, sounds/vocals and/or body language?
27. is your dragon self animalistic/feral or sapient?
28. do you have a visual description of yourself or something that looks similar to your dragon body?
29. do you have any body modifications (tattoos, implants etc.)?
30. are there any dragons/other dragonkin who inspire you?
31. free space
the reason i made this ask game is because i will try to answer every one of the questions during the last month of the year of the dragon. this is a sort of "dragonkin ask game/challenge", and you can try it too, if you want.
thank you for taking a look <3
#alterhuman#ask game#otherkin#draconity#otherhearted#nonhuman#hearthome mention#plurality implied#draconic alterhuman
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I’ve seen some art with the line “the future is plural!”
I hope it isn’t.
More systems means more abused kids.
#actually traumagenic#traumagenic system#anti endo#did osdd#osddid#actually did#did art#vent art#tw gun#tw cigarettes#tw alcohol#tw implied abuse#shatteredsys#the future is plural
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on NFTs, i think dirk would be like 'this is stupid' immediately but then dave would convince him its a good idea like a pyramid scheme and then dirk will later realize dave scammed him but then he wouldn't be able to own up to that so he'd be forced to defend it with his life through gritted teeth
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Gonna do it all in a short of writing info format, as if prompted. And people can do an Ask for further detail.
Numbers of Alterhuman ‘Type I have
I have, depending on how you count flickers, 8 identitype. And a couple hearthomes tied to the ‘types.
1 kintype, 1 hearttype, 1 kardiatype, 1 collectively linked vaguetype, 1 para-linked hearttype, 1 vagueflicker, 2 archetrope (1 paratrope, basically paratype + archetrope).
Awakening When
The “when” of awakening is always a weird one. I had always on some level know myself to be nonhuman identifying. But I learn the word dragon before 10 years old, learned what sort of dragon I am roughly a near decade after, and then have more discovery for new forms as a shapeshifter. My “awakening” of the kintype self is gradual. For my other identities, they all happened during my years within the alterhuman community, so within the recent 5 or so years.
The Sources
For myself, I’m not found within known media, or myth or folklore.
My hearttype is from fiction, as well as me and my headmate’s collective vaguetype. My flicker and the paratrope as well.
My kardiatype, that’s a tough one. The perception of realness lies within individuals. And to me, that was very real, in a way. I guess spiritually metaphysical folklore would fit.
My linked hearttype is from myth, more commonly tied to symbolic heraldry.
My other archetrope is also arguable, potentially historical, but it is a role.
Enjoyment of Alterhumanity
I very much enjoyed all the experience and exploration I had with my various identitype. It made life interesting, and contemplating existence is but a natural course of being. To put simply, I enjoy being a alterhuman.
Origin Theory
I don’t usually bother with identifying what or how or where my identitype came from. Nearly, if not all, of them are tied to one another, which also influenced their origin in a way. What do you say about a paratype that seem solely psychological, when it was based off of a metaphysical ‘type? All of my identitype are spiritual, psychological, metaphysical, and whatever other origin theory people use, there’s probably some paralell for me to draw as well.
Belief and Faith
This is yet another tricky one. I think on some level I’m a bit agnostic, but also I do believe in a lot of stuff. I’m brought up with buddhism, and some other folklore and beliefs that may have influence from taoism and shintoism. I believe in alternative universe amd multiversal world, and I do believe in magic and ghosts. I do not know if my belief has any bearing on my identities.
Queering the Queerness
I’m nonbinary solarian maverique.
I’m demipan, unsure the romance or sexual composition. I have inclination towards enbian, and I guess I’m diamoric.
I say I’m ambiamorous.
I don’t know most of my identitype’s gender or attraction type, though it seem like my kardiatype is somewhat masculine-neutral in a nonhuman way. My fictohearttype, I align with the idea of them being genderfluid, even if canon says man. Besides my archetrope, which is also masc-aligned but human way, the rest are vague nonhuman, if there even is gender involve for them. I don’t really bother feeling out the attraction.
Gearing Up
The only item that I can call gear, is my fuzzy fur tail that’s my(kintype) tail.
Gosh, must I write kintype as if it’s something separate from me every time??
I want to get more stuff in the future. I really want a Uzushio whirlpool forehead protector.
Queer Community
Heck yeah I’m lgbtq+! Kinda answered that up above, oops.
The Shifting
I experience many type of shifts, most often phantom shift. I’ve had mental—berserk shift, dream shift. Donno if I have had envisage or sensory shift, and I think I have had astral shift, but that is so confusing.
Alterhumanity Slice-Of-Life
On the daily, I am a near perma-shifted dragon. I don’t really know what it’s like to not live as I am, because I grew up with my draconity as a very constant thing, sometimes my family have inside joke about me being a dragon. Usually I’m even more creature-like when interacting with my partner, and occasionally have a hard time not growling or make creature noises outside. There is certain thrill with acceleration in a vehicle, especially with the windows down, or while being stealthy. Ocean draws me in, and despite occasional nightmare and potential added exhaustion, I always loved having lucid dreams. Not sure if that’s tied to my alterhumanity or not.
I donno, it’s hard to clearly see what is attributed from my alterhumanity, and what isn’t. Is my love of birds a paratype feeling? Is my penchant for stealth game due to my archetrope? I mean, my love for orange everything is definitely kinity related.
Early Bird or Night Owl
No idea. Many of my identitype operate outside this society or this reality. Even the human hearttype, I have no idea of their internal clock.
The Knowledge of Self, A Chronology
Since I can remember, I’ve always been a dragon. So roughly 3 decades.
For knowing about my kardiatype, I’d say roughly for 16 some years.
As for the rest, roughly within the 5-6 years.
Otherborn, a Discourse
Because of my kardiatype, I’m really uncertain if I may be born with my draconity and later realized, or not born with my draconity but had enlightened to the fact, aka awakened to my draconity. That’s a silly debate and only a source of insanity.
The rest of other identitype I’m not sure about. There has been seeds for some of them before I have the terms provided by the alterhuman community, but it’s hard to tell. I know I said the “awakening” to be recent, but I count the “naming the feelings” to be a sort of awakening. In actuality, regarding ninja, hearttype, which in turn is tied to the paratype feeling of kitsune, all these I’m uncertain if they had been there before I’m aware of them this life.
Dietary Preferences
I believe my love for seafood, especially raw fish/sashimi, is due to my kardiatype. My love for the Japanese cuisine could partly be attributed to the kardiatype, potentially my hearttype, and where my archetrope came from.
Friendship is Magic
I have alterhuman friends that later become irl friends. But majority of them are online. Tis the unfortunate thing.
Home is Where the Heart Belongs
As a dream dragon, my natural territory is the place between the awake and unconcious mind.
My kardiatype came from the ocean, and I felt drawn to the ocean because of that. So did possibly my hearttype. The two are also tied to the land of the rising sun.
Our vaguetype belongs to the star and cosmos.
My para-heartlink and paratrope feels more your typical “mystical creature in the woods” vibe, so perhaps that is their natural habitat.
“Here we are again” 🎶
When folks talk about “being a animal”, you have to assume they are talking about animality, because otherwise, human is also by definition, an animal.
But I’m a bit spiteful (or a lot) towards these sort of question that can be unintentionally exclusionary.
Simply, I am not, and a couple of my identitype are not, some are. My hearttype is. My kardiatype isn’t. My para-heartlink is, kind of. My paratrope isn’t, my archetrope is. Our vaguetype isn’t. Really not sure how to categorize my vague-flicker.
If you know the respective ‘type (hint, they are on my profile description), you will understand my cheekiness.
Alex's alterhuman ask game!
Reblog this post to let others ask you question(s)!
I tried to make this accesible to all alterhumans.
🌈 - how many _types do you have?
🌌 - when was your awakening?
👾 - is your _type real or fictional?
👽 - do you enjoy being a […] (therian, otherkin, ect. Just put your label here)
🧷 - what's the reason of your identity? You can say that you don't know. (Ex. "My theriantrophy is spiritual)
💚 - what are your beliefs? Does it affect your identity?
⚧️ - does your _type have a different gender/sex than you? Do you even know your _type's gender?
🧤 - do you own any gear? If yes, what is it?
🏳️🌈 - are you also a part of the LGBT+ community?
🌚 - do you experience shifts? If yes, what kind of shifts do you experience most often?
🌝 - how does your identity affect your everyday life?
💊 - is your _type more nocturnal or does it prefer daytime?
🤖 - for how long do you know about your identity?
🍁 - do you think that you were born with your identity or has it "started" during your life?
🧸 - does your _type affect your diet?
🛍️ - do you have alterhuman friends? If yes, in real life or in the internet?
🍂 - what is your _type's natural territory/home?
😺 - is your _type an animal?
That's all byeeee :3
#alterhuman#ask game#I’m gonna fill these out and people can send ask in regards to stuff on here#otherkin#dragonkin#draconity#otherhearted#othervague#otherlink#paratype#archetrope#fictomere#therian#nonhuman#flicker#hearthome mention#plurality implied#long post#a bit rambly
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Hey, I did not post anything, I was on vacation with the body's dad. I just wanted to warn you about someone. It is @astrothetherian . TW: (implied) SA, anti-endo
They said on one of my posts that they were going to touch me. They did that because I am endogenic. First of all: under any circumstances, do not say that to anybody. Second of all: what the fuck. The body is a minor, it is literally written on my intro. Third of all: even if I am an adult, I want all interaction to be SFW. And last of all: alterhuman is a pro-endo term so remove it from your bio, and PSTD is a trauma based disorder, not DID, OSDD, UDD or more who are DISSOCIATION based disorders.
Also, breaking your own DNI is faking hilarious.
#endo safe#pluralgang#pro endo#sysmate personal blog#endogenic#anti radqueer#plural system#actually plural#tw sa implied#tw anti endo#this is so fucked up#i cant believe ive actually read that#bro#im a protector that can bite hard#and i still know that making implied sa comments#is so fucked up#wtf is wrong with you#seriously#blocklist#ig
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If you're thinking of willingly forming an alter to fulfill a certain role not specifically related to innerworld or internal system maintenance, you should know this: 👇
The influence each alter can exercise on the front doesn't depend exclusively on their will.
What I'm trying to say is...
One of our headmates, Isis (love you btw 🤭) has a very strong personality and is a foodie. Keep in mind that neither she, nor anyone else in our system was willingly created. Recently, I was co-con with her and she would always go grab a snack and eat a lot overall, the whole day, which is great for us. But yesterday she was co-con with someone else in the morning and couldn't get to front (or at least, not exert enough control) to go eat breakfast, or make them go.
Most of us hype her up to take the front whenever she can and help us with eating, but unfortunately her desires can't override our disordered lack of appetite (coupled with fronting with an alter who wanna harm us), so depending on our mood and who's fronting/co-con, she can't just force her way.
I have to admit we don't fight for our food intake as much as we need to and have failed to give Isis the support she needs. We need to help her so she can help us.
Sometimes she can only chime in to say "we should eat something" which unfortunately has never worked for us as motivation even before her forming. 😔
So, if you wanna form an alter to help you study or control fronting, for example, it may take a long time until they can actually do their job when they need to, or they may never be able to as long as your problem is caused by a disorder (and it's not being managed). If you have headmates who try to harm you, expect them trying to sabotage the extra help.
Focus on working on your current system and body before forming anyone else! If you do proceed on alter creation, be very patient and make sure that most, if not all, of the system will help them. I wish you good luck! /gen 😉
#sysblr#plural system#actually plural#pluralgang#system things#endo safe#pro endo#willogenic#tulpamancy#tulpa safe#build a headmate#build an alter#endogenic safe#pro endogenic#tw eating issues#tw ed implied#cw ed
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anti endos are kinda goofy cause wdym you hate endogenetic systems,,,and then they say something like
“cause they harm us “““REAL””” systems!!!!!”
what endo beat you up like is it that serious
#quotations used because im opposed to implying endos arent plural and/or systems even when mocking#pro endo#endo safe#endogenic#endo friendly#no dni#alienz#anti endos are goofy
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The pain in-system relationships bring
I have a lover inside. I have an in-system relationship and I love my boyfriend to the death. There are pros and cons to every relationship type, let it be up-close far distance or in-system, I don't think it is fair to compare them but our mind still does. And it still hurts. I used to think I overcame that, but due to a recent turn of events I realized how much we don't get to have. Every single day I am reminded of just the sheer amount of how much we can't have.
When I am on the bus and I see a couple holding hands, whispering things to each other, giggling together... People asking them, them just being at places together, holding hands, people acknowledging their relatitonship. Them going on dates, or just living in their life as usual, doing chores and playing games competitively, or just casual bantering, showering together.
Or the concept of sex itself. One can argue you can do all or some those with your in-sys partner too, but, it is not the same way. It is not to the same extent. It does not feel the same, It feels less to me. I know it shouldn't, maybe, but we cannot control our feelings. It is different, it is valid, yes, and I tear up as I speak but I cannot for the life of me get this painful throbbing heart to stop thinking every moment of "what if my boyfriend had an external body".
I grieve, I am yet to finish grieving. We are on our 2nd year of dating and I am still grieving with stops and breaks in-between. How long will this grief last?
I think to myself, and my boyfriend too, he says to me; yes, we will never be able to physically hold each other. Yes, we will never have sex like other people, ours may just stay as an imitation and imposition of sorts and that's it. Yes, that may not be enough for our bodily needs and that is something we can resolve with other things. The important thing is we will resolve. It is okay to grieve. It is okay to wish for the impossible. But time will heal it.
It has to heal it.
We can focus on what we do have. An endless possibility of dates to be scheduled, our real bodies (not the human ones!) being inside and being able to interact with each other. Always having each other close, so up close that you can even read other's mind sometimes. Arguments almost never being a thing because you know how they feel the way they breathe the way they talk. Loving yourself means loving him, too.
I think to myself, this heart I have beats for people more than one. It beats the same time for both me and him. It beats, beats, beats, until we die. Until we both draw our last breath. When we live we will always be together and live together, when we die we will die together.
Thinking of what could've been possible if I had him physically is a tunnel with no light at the end of it. The only light that is possible is the light of death.
Maybe, just maybe after all those, there is an afterlife where we get to have our own seperate bodies and live our love to the fullest. I never believe in spirituality, but I wish to be proven wrong so badly on this. I hope some deity hears my plea and gives me just one chance, one singular chance to hug my beloved and inhale his scent all the way.
Maybe we love hard enough in this life, it can exceed physical realm's chains and feel each other more than anyone else.
I stay in this relationship because our love exceeds the enormous amount of pain it brings. And I don't regret any moment of that.
#endo safe#plurality#plural#plural system#actually plural#system#pro endo#pluralgang#multigenic#plural community#plural stuff#plural vent#tw vent#in sys relationship#in system relationships#imposition#tw sui implied
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I realise and recognise that it's my job specifically to look after the body but GOD, do I hate eating
#our safe foods specifically suck.#it's horrible when /no one else/ will front to eat.#currently bribing myself into eating the steak by having a blueberry after eat mouthful.#because blueberries are good.#the steak is not.#but I /will/ look after and maintain this body even if it kills me#(I will not be allowed to get that far. dw)#tw food#tw ed implied#system stuff#sys blog#sysblr#plural system#pluralpunk#plural stuff#anti anti
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Psychotic System Culture is...
"<current fronter>, stop swatting at nothing! It's not real, and your mother keeps staring at us like we're crazy!"
#psychotic system culture is#actually psychotic#psychosis#psychotic#psychotic disorders#psychotic spectrum#psychotic symptoms#psychotic system#psychotic plural#psychotic collective#actually plural#plural#plural system#plurality#endo friendly#endo safe#<-w->#hallucinations#auditory hallucinations#visual hallucinations#implied saneism#tw saneism#tc psc
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doom eternal being so obsessed with face reveals they forget the captivating mystic of leaving the helmet/hood on and letting people fill in the gaps with their imagination
#its been what 4 years now it still pisses me off#samur didnt NEED a face reveal it was more interesting with his hood up#maykrs already are a hivemind but the seraphim (plural) take that to another level#remaining to be enrobed in shadow they are their duty first and foremost and nothing else#which made samur step away from that somehow. and implied created the body samuel hayden himself. mwah#but who fucking cares about that we have to flex how many polygons those luscious human lips are but it is also an armor face plate#whatever. whatever#do not get me started with doom slayer and his awful skins and his actual in game story face reveal was flattened zero impact#bc of all the stupid skins taking off his helmet#why i think doom slayer n samuel have fascinating parallels#their duties seem to define and shape them. but they are still their own individuals#theyre just a bit fucked up and put themselves on the frontlines
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Reason: With the power of the Chaos emeralds, Sonic can take on a new version of himself, who is sometimes portrayed as having his own personality (e.g. the Fleetway comics). Described in the movies as being "no longer the Sonic [his friends] once knew". Extra/headcanons: Most people who headcanon this interpret Super Sonic and Dark Sonic as alters.
#are they plural#sonic the hedgehog#sth#sonic#plural headcanons#system headcanon#mod commentary: this is another one i see as a singlet with cptsd just because All The Shit happened after his identity would develop#(e.g. implied torture; bodily mutilation; years of life-threatening nonsense)#however i will very rarely say 'i can't see it' to a plural headcanon and this is no exception. i <3 projecting
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Shiro from Deadman Wonderland (she is also canonically a system and her alter is a fictive!)
!!
Rating: Canon Plurality !!
( though reading through some of the lore; it does look like she fuses with her headmate? which is interesting !! )
#as close to canon without directly saying it btw ! bc it doesnt look like it was Directly Said but definitely on that line of#so heavily implied its basically canon thing#(again like mizuki being trans in pjsk#thats so heavily implied its basically canon)#plural rating#didosdd#did#osdd#osdd system#endos dni#anti endo#plural#plurality#plural system#did system#actually dissociative#complex dissociative disorder#dissociative identity disorder#mod 🦉#osddid#actually osdd
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OC lore
#tw puppets#tw possession#demon oc#kakko#fox#fox fursona#fox furry#fursona#artist#digital artist#commisions open#artist on kofi#artists on tumblr#my art#artwork#art#digital art#furry art#sfw furry#furry oc#yes the demon oc is called kakko#good alt text#system art#system stuff#plural system#tw abuse implied#should i trauma dump in the tags?#nooooooo#bad idea foxi
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being plural/being a system is really nice, i love us
#hot take: anti-endo-ness is repurposed homo/transphobia#“being a system isnt an identity you can pick and choose with”#unlike being queer? you think queerness is a choice? because thats certainly what it sounds like you're implying.#people are picking the labels they think fit best describe their life and experiences.#sometimes its the standard ones (bisexual‚ he/him‚ trans ‚traumagenic‚ etc)#and sometimes its the more specific ones not everyone is all that familiar with (orchidsexual‚ fae/faer‚ catgender‚ catharigenic‚ etc)#and yeah. some people do make choices. and theres nothing wrong with them for doing so.#idk why im rambling like this people are just here for shitposts not to see me reading too much into things#but seeing “plurality is nothing like queerness” when the two are both such intrinsic and interwoven parts of my/our identity.#it honestly kinda upsets me.#lol.exe#blackout poetry#pro endo#endo safe#endo friendly#anti rq#radqueers fuck off
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A long time ago, as a toddler, I screamed in my head for someone, anyone to help me. To make it stop hurting. To let me be free.
A man with wings like lambskin, large clawed hands, deep gray skin, and eyes like nothing I had ever seen in my couple of years stood in front of me inside of my head - what I didn't yet know was the headspace - took my small frame into his arms and said "you'll need to toughen up". That scared me more than anything.
"I don't want to be tough. I want to be small and fragile and naïve. I'm supposed to be that right now, I think. I think I would like to be soft forever."
"Okay," he said, amazing me by being a man respecting my no "then I will be tough for you."
Without hesitation, he took the form of someone my age and he lives my life for me, allowing me safety inside of the head with the alters I know are safe to be around. No more outside interaction I don't explicity choose - and he tells me if it's safe or not when I do decide to.
He has taken the risk out of people. He has allowed me the privilege of love and interaction without giving up security or the childish belief that the world can be good.
I'll never, ever say thank you enough times even if I used the breath of the entire world for the next million years.
My host saved my life, my sanity, and maybe even saved the system some trauma by being better at handling the situation, sure.
But most importantly, he saved my innocence. And he didn't even know me yet.
So dear host, when I say I love you and you are the best "brother" I could ever ask for, please don't look at me with those confused eyes. Don't shrug away and hide your demonic wings from me because they are the same ones that you wrapped around me when I was broken and believed I was beyond repair.
Your claws have never ever scratched my skin because unlike every other man, you have always been careful not to hurt me, yet you make it seem effortless. You make me wonder how careless everyone else must have been if you so easily avoid causing any harm at all.
You don't have to be embarrassed of the smell of fire in your breath or your "unnatural" eyes. These have been my comforts for as long as I have had any. That firey smell filled my lungs as you breathed life into a husk of a girl; a tattered doll. Those eyes showed me love larger than any cruelty I had experienced, as impossible as that seemed.
My dear brother, you may be a demon but you are ten times the good any man on Earth could ever be.
I did not know a man could hold me without thoughts and hands and other things under my clothes. I did not know I could feel loved by a man in an entirely platonic and familial way without being in denial of their true thoughts. I did not know safety and a man could exist in the same room.
These things that make you "evil" are the only good I know. The pieces of you that you hate are the exact parts that made you different enough to trust.
Please don't hurt yourself in the process of making yourself appear small and human for me. Human is exactly what I was afraid of. What you think will make me run and hide are the only reasons I didn't back then.
I would never, ever want you to hide even a single one of them.
Be yourself as you are, my gentle host, because that is the version of you that saved me. To me, that is the best of you.
But whoever you are, I love you and am grateful to you and those run deeper than any hurt I have ever experienced. Thank you for showing me something could be larger than the pain.
-B
#system relationships#system stuff#plural system#system#did stuff#actually did#did system#did osdd#did#sysblr#previous host#system roles#demon alter#demonkin#tw csa implied#tw csa mention#system vent#found family#osdd system#osdd 1a#osdd 1b#osdd stuff#osddid#osdd#nonhuman alter#mibingo#mibingo vent#mibingo did
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