#parent jokes

[skankhunt44]

I actually feel beside the grey hair comment these little assholes are spot on.

[dadsjokeshop]

[dudedidujust]

The daily planet runs a front page article calling superman the light of mankind

Cue the batfam launching a counter campaign in support of Signal,  the real Light of Mankind.

It starts as a joke but quickly derails into an all out war.

[kensatou]

tou-san said “boy, you’d better werk”. anyway, please watch kinou nani tabeta

[inkskinned]

having good & true friends will literally save and protect you in a million unfathomable ways. like okay we have written so many times about lovers. but the way a platonic friend laughs and cries with you. the way they hold your hand at 14 years old and at 34. the way they keep a little silver tie to you, touching base over and over and over. how you can go years without talking, only to re-meet and discover: oh shit! you're still cool!

there are people who have been in my life for more than half of it, and i have loved every version of them. do you know how fucking beautiful that is. yeah love will save the world. but the way friends love you is gonna save the you.

[hyperblue]

one thing that will always be funny to me about batfam is that jason is forever convinced that dick is bruce's favorite child while all of his siblings know for sure that bruce's favorite child is actually jason

some random reporter: who's your favorite child?

bruce: how DARE YOU imply that i play favorites, i love ALL of my children equally

dick, without missing a bit: oh he absolutely plays favorites, it was jason

tim: rest in peace

[noodles-and-tea]

also what about an inverse twins in time au where ford went back to the 60's and stan stayed in the 80's?

Oh this is super interesting

[kyri45]

Last panel is 100% in my top 5 favourite.

Shadowpeach Bio Parent AU (PREV / FIRST /NEXT )

Also yeah I had to find a reason why mr. Six eared doesn't actually uses his six ears to know the future-past-present in the show. Like- why my man? Is there a particular reason why you don't use them??? Perhaps one time you heard too much or not what you were supposed to learn? Thus this scene was born

[wileycap]

AITA for striking my (M43) son (M20) when he rejected me as his father?

I understand that the title might have you thinking the worst, but please hear me out.

I didn't have a relationship with my son for basically all his life. This was due to my circumstances at the time: I went through a major personal tragedy and was severely injured, to the point of being on life support. To this day I have a lot of issues with my health.

I recently reconnected with my son. I immediately invited him to meet my boss (M92), in hopes that I could set him up with a job opportunity. I feel that this is significant. As far as I know, my son has been working in menial jobs in agriculture, but then apparently chose to leave that life and - to my shock - join a criminal syndicate.

I felt as if getting a good government job would be a way to turn over a new leaf in his life, especially given his past. However, he immediately became combative. I attempted to give him some guidance in managing his emotions, but he rejected that as well.

I'm sad to say that the argument became physical. Some blows were exchanged, but in the end, I was angry enough to strike him. I immediately felt very bad, and decided to offer him the government job on the spot. He rejected me again, and chose to leave very abruptly. I haven't had any contact with him since.

So, AITA?

Edit: Yes, I admit that to call it striking him was an understatement. To clarify, I cut off his hand.

Edit: However, I feel like it should be stated that I myself am a quadruple amputee and we have excellent healthcare.

Edit: I did not immediately identify myself as his father when we met. I think this was my mistake. I think he would have been much more receptive of my message had I done so. As it stands I only told him of our relationship after I had struck him.

Edit: My wife is not in the picture. To my knowledge she passed before his birth.

[tiger-grace]

Tim: momma ain’t raise a quitter

Jason: well, actually, momma ain’t raise nobody

Tim: …

[bryonyashaw]

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[ottosbigtop]

Big D the man that you are

[dadsjokeshop]

Parenting be like

[lunameimei]

Some wise advice for you~ ✨

and separately!

[wurstigdurstig]

Cazador Stand-Up show when?

[egophiliac]

What do you think riddle's dad is like? He was so randomly dropped lol are they divorced? Unhappy couple? Off getting milk with Ruggie's dad????

I swear he talks about his dad at some point? (I thought it was one of the birthday cards, but I just skimmed through them all and didn't see it, I am at a loss as to where else it might be). assuming I didn't just make it up, his parents are still together, but they don't actually get along very well and his dad mostly just...avoids interacting with them both. just in case you were worried for a second that Riddle might have one non-sucky parent! 👍

honestly is it any wonder that Trey spent thirty seconds with him and immediately was like