#ocd girl

[jvnkyardogz]

[walkerrenee]

sometimes i randomly remember how insane maggie stiefvater was for making ronan lynch—a man that can create reality—a man of god, when he himself is a god of a man. then to take this man and have him be not only in love with, but a literal soulmate of a man named adam. parrish. adam parrish. who, mind you, lives above ronan's very own place of worship. and is the namesake of the first of mankind that the bible says god made from the literal dust of the ground (adam parrish: comes from nothing, hair "dusty" in color) and appoints him to care for the garden of eden (adam parrish: sacrifices himself to ronan's sentient forest). then has adam viewing ronan as a god and ronan saying "maybe he dreamt (created)" adam???? like who just fucking writes that and goes about their life?

[inkskinned]

even 2 years ago people still said autism with a whisper. it was also how people sometimes whisper lesbian, like they're afraid of uttering a slur. autistic was either an insult or it was something terrible, a horrible burden only select people endure. "select people" were usually 9 year old boys and skinny white men.

they are not hispanic young adults with a dog and a life and friends. i can make (sustained, calculated, painful) eye contact. with certain people, i don't even have to count how many seconds i am holding their vision - i can just look at them. i can wear clothes that bother me, i will just have a worse day than usual. i might cry about any changes to my schedule - but change is scary! this is normal!

when i was 16 it was OCD. i mean that was the thing everyone said. i totally have ocd. they would arrange 6 colors of gel pen in rainbow order (no worry for indigo feeling left out) and they'd be "so ocd" about it.

if you struggle with intrusive thoughts, be careful at this next paragraph, but. at 16 i developed a compulsion that involved self-harm. my ocd was convinced i was simply forgetting that i'd hurt someone terribly - a thought that persisted for no clear or delineated reason.

at some point i will probably write about how the idea of "morally pure thoughts" was hell for me and others with ocd, but this was the odd dichotomy for many of us: they liked our "aesthetic", but were genuinely repulsed by our lived experience. "intrusive thoughts" now means "cutting your hair in the sink" instead of talking yourself down from believing horrible things. "so ocd" is a label without any true understanding.

it's something i've talked about before - in multiplicity - but i firmly believe in the veracity and necessity of self-diagnosis. i think it saves lives and it saves tragedies from occurring. as someone raised in a house that wasn't safe, self-diagnosis was, for many years, the only viable option. 15 and honestly googling: am i depressed or are there demons affecting my behavior.

but it is not genuine self-diagnosis anymore, most of the time. it is a strange, blanched version of that whispered word autism. now certain traits are constantly seen as "autistic" - any passing intense interest. any flubbed social interaction. people say it while laughing - a touch of the 'tism.

and i like the acceptance! i do. i like that people are talking about it. i like that if i self-identify, more people speak up and say me too, bitch. but there is something-else quietly happening, the way it happened to OCD. the quirky, "fun" parts have been washed and sanitized and removed of all suffering. now it is just something that makes you "a little bit silly."

it took me 27 years on this planet before i learned to make friends. something about me just seems incredibly odd, i guess, some kind of radiation monitoring. someone once (in a way that was almost friendly) told me i am doing the right things, but in a way that's off-putting. i have scoured myself raw attempting to be charming.

someone on tiktok does a deep dive into their particular passion. the top comment says "what kind of autism is this lol". like we are a breed of animal. like it has no influence on our experience. like our life is a fresh breeze, an open meadow.

more often for me, life was a drowning.

[viveela]

I'd been wanting to do this redesign for a while now

[edlucavalden]

Doooodllesssssss again.(ill edit kabru alil lol)

[ed-recoverry]

Self harm is when you are sad, numb, overwhelmed, and or want attention so you…

Purposefully cut your skin.

Purposefully punch, scratch, burn, hit, or disfigure your skin.

Self harm is ALSO when you are sad, overwhelmed, numb, and or want attention so you…

Drink for the sole purpose of getting drunk.

Take drugs (especially for the sole purpose of getting high).

Drive while intoxicated.

Swim while intoxicated.

Speed while driving.

Purposefully put yourself in danger.

Sabotage your relationships.

Purposefully have unsafe sex (choosing no condoms, not testing, etc).

Get in physical altercations.

Pull your hair.

Pull your hair out.

Pick at your nails till they bleed.

Reopen scabs.

Gamble a lot of money.

Starve yourself.

Eat so much that you throw up.

Eat uncontrollably.

Self harm is any behavior that causes physical and or mental harm to cope. Whether physical scars are left behind makes no difference. Anyone who copes with harmful behaviors in response to negative emotions needs and deserves help. You deserve help.

[did-sm1-say-catfish]

yknow, i usually disagree with the trope of "this girl gets in the way of my mlm ship so im gonna make her an asshole and a villain" but with sam from house md?? fuck her man. she made fun of my disorder and ever since then i have been holding myself back from throwing a shoe at the screen every time shes on.

[jiraisupportgroup]

[ashen-angel]

you know what i find very contradictory about myself?

i want to live in an imaginary world where everything is in order, cute, and clean

and yet, i struggle to do even the most basic things. i find it hard to keep my room clean, cute, and organized because the mess in my head is reflected in the mess in the spaces i live in.

so, just as there is chaos in my head, there is chaos in my room

i hate this so much

[yogorlhilanne]

I like the fact Sunday canonically has OCD but unfortunately, most people have probably forgotten that trait about him.

While OCD and being a perfectionist are really two different things, I think both of those traits fit Sunday.

Listen.

(OCD) Sunday does EVERYTHING in his power to keep things in HIS control and I think the obsessive mindset to having everything in his control triggers his compulsiveness to do what he thinks is "right" to meet that certain obsession or else some bad will happen (EX: Penacony being destroyed or Robin will die)

(Perfectionist) If Sunday doesn't meet his goals or fuel his obsessions, then he thinks he's failing the legacy of the Oak Family/Penacony. And if he fails, he is wasting what Gopher Wood had told him that will bring joy to the Family and Penacony. Which then TRIGGERS his obsession more and then causes his impulsive actions more until he is officially satisfied with the result.

And it's just a repeating cycle of doing his best, not being enough to reach or fuel that obsession/goal, and doing more until he is actually satisfied.

And with the fanfics on ao3 that have that tag that says "Sunday has OCD" but don't even put actual effort on show he has OCD is so saddening.

I really recommend finding videos on YT about OCD, they're really helpful and give quite a big picture on what OCD actually is and how it affects people IRL.

Also condone your own research about OCD too!

[trickstersaint]

core // september 26 2024

[sklnnylittlebitch]

I’m going to sleep now

[texaschainsawmascara]

based on my experience with ocd

The Years - Virginia Woolf / Girl, Interrupted / Come with Me Now - KONGOS / Unwell - Matchbox Twenty / The Walking Dead / Sharp Objects / ‘Notes' from The Underground - Fyodor Dostoevsky / Franz Kafka / Overdrive - Katy Rose / Obsessions - MARINA / Pi (1998) / Ride - Lana Del Rey / Empty - Olivia O’Brien / Let You Down - NF / Every Single Night - Fiona Apple / Spring Breakers / Saturn - SZA / Heavy - Linkin Park, Kiiara / Holding On To You - twenty one pilots / Thinking Bout You - Ariana Grande / Hurricane - MS MR / Teen Wolf 3x14 / The Monster - Eminem, Rihanna / My House - PVRIS / Sick - Cassie Steele / Teen Wolf 3x18 / Winona Ryder / The Monster - Eminem, Rihanna / Oh My God - The Pretty Reckless / Jujutsu Kaisen (x) / Where Is My Mind? - Pixies / Afraid - The Neighbourhood / Sickman - Alice In Chains

[fella-lovin-fella]

the thing about mental disorders is after you're diagnosed with more than 2 people stop taking you seriously

[2008saw]

2008

[everyone-is-emptyy]