#not anyone else in the system and theyre not me but I feel like these are the only things that define me thatt isnt just trauma and mental

[screams-for-three-hours-straight]

*smacks my brain with a stick* BE NICE *bonk* UR FRIENDS CARE ABOUT U *bonk* ITS OKAY IF UR A LITTLE ANNOYING *bonk* PPL WHO TRULY CARE ABT U STILL LOVE U IF UR ANNOYING *bonk* YOU HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS NOW *bonk* IF SOMETHING WAS WRONG THEY'D TELL U *bonk* NOBODY IS LEAVING U OR PULLING AWAY FROM U *bonk* U ARE JUST PARANOID BC UR A TRAUMATIZED MEOWMEOW *bonk* U ARE NOT LESS VALUABLE THAN OTHERS *bonk* U ARE WORTHY OF THE LOVE AND KINDNESS UR FRIENDS GIVE U *bonk* U DONT HAVE TO EARN LOVE *bonk* U DONT HAVE TO BE PERFECT FOR PPL TO VALUE U *bonk* U DONT HAVE TO PRETEND TO BE PERFECT AND OKAY WITH UR OWN SUFFERING *bonk* ITS NOT WEAKNESS TO LET PPL IN *bonk* THERE IS NO PIN U MUST WAIT ON TO DROP, UR FRIENDS DONT SECRETLY HATE U *bonk* U ARE VALUED AND LOVED U DUMB BITCH *bonk* U JUST NEED A SNACK AND SOME SLEEP *bonk bonk bonk* SMOKE SOME WEED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[transmascutena]

saw a post tht said anthy's cowardice makes her complicit in her abuse & i was speechless for a bit... & how abusive systems are held not only by abusers but also by ppl who are hurt by it who refuse to try... i'm living in abusive environment myself so this ticked me off lol. i mean... abuse and grooming will condition the victim to accept the suffering theyre subject to than taking a chance at an escape. abuse and grooming make a victim a coward. to say anthy's cowardice makes her complicit in her hurt is victim blaming. many ppl don't know how deep the psychological impacts of abuse are... i'm not infantilizing. these are facts. we victims may die trying to even have hope... we need some help too. we can't do it on our own. we know there are better things than abuse but the mere uncertainty is enough to scare us off. we cling to familiarity. self sabotage. sorry for the rant this is just something so personal to me

it is a deeply annoying post (as are all the others from that person) because they're acting like they're analyzing depth to anthy's character that nobody else ever talks about (untrue) but they just. aren't. like even if it is technically true that anthy is a coward who is complicit in perpetuating this cycle of abuse, you can't just end the conversation there. you gotta ask why this is. why is she so afraid of change? why is it so impossible for her to see an alternative to the way things are? you gotta look at the context of it all. the fact that she is a child, and that you can't hold her to the expectation of breaking this entire system by herself (even though, in a way, she does). and perhaps most importantly, that the main person anthy is hurting with her complicity is... herself. it is deeply unserious to say that anthy "faces no consequences" for her actions when consequences are all she ever gets. like what else do you want to happen to her?? why do you feel like she deserves to suffer, and how would it help anyone? anthy's suffering is precisely what keeps her complicit in the first place, and literally what the entire system is built on. you can't be like "wow she did all that and she just gets to walk away at the end??" when her leaving is the biggest step to making things right both for herself and for the people she hurt/helped akio hurt. do you really think the point should have been that she needs to stay in her coffin forever and, what, repent for her sins?? and just the idea that a narrative needs to punish every single action someone makes accordingly (what does that even mean) is very silly. that is not how the world works. people don't always get what they "deserve" and what they deserve is, clearly, very subjective anyway. whatever, i'm just rambling too now.

[moonlit-imagines]

warnings:

a/n: ERICAAA IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG AND ITS NOT A ONESHOT. i burned out. also, for anyone reading (and this will eventually be an official announcement but red hood fic readers heard it first), (DONT BE MAD) oneshots wont be requestable anymore :// i feel like ppl will be mad abt it but theyre SO hard to execute right. gif imagines just work better. this one is kinda long tho!!

requested by @sweetjedi

It’d been a few years since you’d lost Jason, and life had taken a few turns since then. Namely, you lost faith in the system and Batman. The reason they gave you for Jason’s death just didn’t feel like it added up, but there was simply no place to start to try to get answers. What you could do was try to make sure no one else would suffer the fate of an early death.

You were by no means a vigilante—Batman and Robin could do whatever it is they wanted all night, but you’d stick to a quiet lurk with a little bit of stalking, report what stuck out to you. It wasn’t anything noble or heroic, just something that felt right. Something that made you feel closer to Jason somehow.

One night you stumbled into the wrong warehouse, the sight of a man with a red helmet threatening a group of people—heads of various crime organization—with a gun pointed at them. You didn’t want to stick around much longer, but the fear of witnessing a gruesome crime like that shook you, you were just taking information to report a few drug dealer and now there was a guy a hundred yards from you talking about blowing these people’s heads off.

You must not have been very stealthy in your escape because the man in the red helmet had found you before you’d even left the lot, he had you by the shoulder and spun you around, and just as he was about to spout off a sly remark as he mistook you for a drug dealer, he saw your face and loosened his grip. “I-I, uh, didn’t see anything, I was just going home. I don’t want any trouble.” You were shaking at the expressionless mask in front of you, tears in your eyes, wondering why he wasn’t doing anything until he reached for his mask and pulled it off. “Wha—no? No!”

“Y/N? Y/N, I’m sorry I scared you, I didn’t know it was you.” Jason softened for the first time since he’d crawled from the Lazarus Pit, feeling regret and remorse like a brand new person. “It’s me! It’s Jason!” He tried to explain.

“I went to your funeral, we buried you. How is this possible?” You took a step back. “It it really you?”

“It’s me. I swear. I know it’s���unbelievable, but there’s an explanation. I’m just…so glad to see a familiar face.” A wave of relief rushed over you, and for a moment you ignored what you’d just seen—it was extreme, but you heard his plan and you knew he had a better Gotham in mind. You stepped towards him and gave him a hug. “Thank you. You don’t know how much I needed that.”

taglist: @captainshazamerica // @cipheress-to-k-pop // @the-did-i-ask // @azazel-nyx // @summersimmerus // @deanzboyfriend // @zoeyserpentluck // @mr-mxyzptlk-1940 // @volturi-stuff // @stilestotherescue //

[sydneys-sinner]

Hcs on Sysdney? How many alters do you think they have? What would they be like outside of pure and corrupt Sydney?

just from observing in game text, sydney appears to be a three person system at the moment: pure sydney, corrupt sydney, and a secret third sydney that seems even worse* than corrupt syd.

this phenomenon happens with a pure syd:

but in this next screenshot (courtesy of visualnovellover), corrupt sydney experiences the same thing:

so, to me, it feels like this possible third alter is the more violent type, which doesn't align with how corrupt syd usually acts. there's a scene you can get in the cafeteria if you sit with a corrupt syd, a student will come by and attempt to break their glasses. If PC bought them their current pair, they will fight the student. Immediately after, they say something along the line of "I don't like it when I get like that."

(Here's a screenshot of the full event via sydney's events wiki page)

They don't like it when they get violent, even if it's to protect themself or someone else, so the possibility of Sydney enjoying hurting someone, especially someone they love, is extremely low. Ergo, i think that behavior would likely be better suited for a third alter.

sysdney headcanons yippee

-based on personal experience, sydney would definitely believe they were being possessed and try to pray it away. sydney sobbing to jordan about how they think something's wrong with them and/or god is punishing them, with jordan trying to calm them down with that tune they like.

-sydney is not diagnosed but sirris knows there's something off about them, like sometimes theyre completely out of character for themself.

-sydney doesnt remember their trauma, but i believe it has something to do with sydneys other parent depending on how young they were when whatever happened... happened. the asylum definitely traumatized them too, but it's not the initial trauma that caused their consciousness to fracture.

-pure sydney: host, ANP. caretaker potential - corrupt sydney: sexual protector TBH. perhaps another EP-aligned role - third sydney: ???. not a persecutor, their anger is directed more outwards.

-sydney dissociates a lot while they're praying, that's why they pray for so long

sydney is so fucking traumatized oh my god. there's whatever happened with their other parent, idk if a lot of people have played through the asylum content but definitely some sexual trauma along with the medical trauma. maybe sprinkle some religious trauma in there too?

thats all i can think of at the moment but if anyone wants to add anything or send asks i will always always always be down to talk about sys!sydney they are my beloved

[lotties-ashwagandha]

how the yellowjackets would react to you being sick (headcanons)

i wrote these forever ago when i had the flu and they got lost in my drafts enjoyyyy gender neutral reader i think but taissa does reference her partner as her wife. also if the pics on this don’t format right (theyre supposed to be 3 in a row and then the header) pls tell me sometimes it fucks up :(

SHAUNA

sees you sneeze once and runs to the store for cold medicine with the fervor of middle aged preppers fist fighting for toilet paper in 2020

she would do or get absolutely anything you wanted, would go and buy takeout food from your favorite restaurants or make sure you’re comfortable wherever you’re situated

will make sure you’re taking whatever medicine you need, whether it’s just over the counter cough medicine or it’s something prescribed by a doctor. you can’t put up a fight with her about it bc you’ll never win. she gets so intense about it but it’s ultimately for your good and you know that

also just likes to hold you. she cancels whatever plans she has and you lay and watch movies together — she might not like everything you pick to watch but she’ll put up with anything to make you feel a bit better. as for the close proximity of holding you, she doesn’t care if she gets sick because she knows you’ll take care of her once you’re better in the same way she cared for you. plus i’d imagine her immune system is of fucking steel after having a baby in the wilderness???? no germs are getting on this woman ok and ykw that probs goes for all of them they probably have some fucked up forest girl immunity or smthn idk im not a doctor don’t come at me

LOTTIE

she’ll never admit it ever but at first she gets kind of excited because she’s been waiting for someone to fall ill so she can try out a new herbal remedy

but then she sees how upset you are and how much discomfort you’re in and feels guilty

anyway rich girl lottie is averse to germs and when you first get sick she handles you a bit like you’re a giant jellyfish someone’s trying to throw at her , she wants to help you but girl has a whole wellness center to run she is not getting sick

until she caves and you’re cuddled in bed together watching movies because she can’t keep away from you

she lets you watch whatever you want while you’re sick , but she does get a bit bored sometimes when you’re asleep so she flips the channel to nature documentaries. she’ll flip it back to whatever you were watching immediately after you wake up tho, and yes of course she was watching your horror movies instead of bird watching shows go back to sleep

she also cooks for you while you’re sick — probably not very well, but she won’t allow anyone else cooking for you because she wants to make sure you’re eating quality food that will help you get better and not just anything you could pick up

she gets very protective over you and over your health in general and won’t allow anyone to come bother you, if you work outside the wellness center she makes sure your bosses aren’t being bitches about you being sick and she ensures everything’s in order to her standards

TAISSA

panics because she has absolutely no idea what to do when you get sick, probably googles “what to do when your wife is sick” and follows the wikihow

she’ll take a few days off work for once to look after you, it doesn’t seem like a big deal but it is to you because she hardly ever takes time off from the campaign

she’s very stereotypical in the way she takes care of you — she’ll make you chicken noodle soup, get you blankets, everything she knows is the “standard” of taking care of someone with a cold but she works so hard to make sure everything’s perfect for you

she knows you’re miserable so she’ll try to make you laugh when you’re sick. telling you stupid jokes, funny stories from work, anything she can think of. your body is down but she won’t let your mental health go down with it especially if you already struggle with mental health

might offer you some dirt and a spot in her tree if you’re lucky

VAN

knows you’re sick before you do it’s some psychic ass shit she just KNOWS

you sneeze once and she’s like “oh I bought you some cold medicine earlier” like ??? girl ok whatever

she usually loves to make you watch her old dvds and tapes but when you’re feeling bad she puts on a marathon of your favorite movies

she buys you a lot of sweets. she’d be one of those “chocolate fixes everything” girls and whenever she would go out to buy you something she would come back with some sort of treat for you

she lets your rant about being sick if you’re one of those people who get grumpy when you get sick, she wants you to trust her and feel safe enough to express your distress

NATALIE

i think we all know natalie isn’t the best person in health and wellness situations but she does make it fun to be sick at least !

raids the vending machine for you

will probably google how to take care of you like taissa , but thinks the instructions are too long and gives up

will probably call misty and make her bring over whatever medicine you’d need because she knows she’ll fuck it up picking it out herself

she’s silent on the bed for an hour and then announces “i made you a spotify playlist” out of the blue. it has like 5 songs on it but they’re all very very very meticulously selected and she’s so proud of it, she knows it cant help you get better physically but hopes it will make you happy

warns you not to get her sick as if it’s something you can control. looks at you so sternly and goes “don’t. don’t get me sick.” it makes you roll your eyes

MISTY

she’s been waiting for this day her whole life tbh not in a creepy way but in a loving “i want to take care of you” way

will do absolutely everything to make sure you’re comfortable when you’re sick, she would kill for you (she would anyway but especially when you’re not feeling well)

knows a bunch of get better health hacks from all the reddit forums she’s stalked over the years and only half of them work but it shows that she cares

tries to search amazon to see if there’s a little covid mask she can get caligula “just in case”

she makes you watch true crime documentaries with her and narrates every episode and then gives you all her hot takes afterwards. you can’t escape and she takes advantage of it

[psychhound]

an in depth look at spiritkeep archetypes

okay brief delay but howdy everyone!! today we're gonna talk about two archetypes (the playbooks of Spiritkeep): the lonesome, and the minder! those were the archetypes that won this poll here (since second place had a three way tie, i had someone roll a d3 for me to determine the other archetype to talk about)

as a brief overview, archetypes are kind of like the classes of Spiritkeep while paragons are the subclasses, but overall they work closer to pbta playbooks than something like a d&d class

archetypes and paragons are based off of role-selves and healing fantasies. theyre meant to be storybook tropes that dig at the personas we became to endure trauma and the stories we tell ourselves for the better person we'll be one day

so … lets get to our examples

the lonesome

the lonesome works through themes of isolation and lack of power. for various reasons, these characters feel as though there is no one else they can or should rely on to support or know them. these characters have the power to sense insecurities in others - probably because they feel overwhelmed by their own

the lonesome comes with three paragons: the damsel, the urchin, and the wayfarer

the damsel is a character who has learned to be helpless. they've been told that they are not safe in the world or not capable of navigating it on their own. they've been made to rely on others but without true emotional support and connection. they're particularly capable of spotting loopholes and flaws in logic - but do they have the confidence and experience to use that to their advantage?

the urchin is a young character who does not have a typical support system. orphaned, abandoned, or a runaway, the urchin has learned through experience that safety is conditional and the world is not as stable as most people think. used to relying only on themself, the urchin starts with extra resources at the beginning of each arc

the wayfarer has never let themself settle down. they travel from place to place, not staying in anyone's lives for long - more of a collection of stories than a person. they may be a quiet observer or the life of the party, but, either way, they don't let anyone truly get to know them. the wayfarer has an uncanny knack for always finding their way - even out of dangerous situations

the minder

the minder is an archetype about serving others. to the minder, they will never be the most important person in the room. whether through choice or circumstance, there are others to look after, and the minder is the one to do that. the minder has tapped into the magic of the world in order to heal the people around them

the minder is split into three paragons: the caretaker, the guardian, and the shepherd

the caretaker thinks other people are more important than they are. they have to be prepared and available to take care of anyone who might need it at any time. whether this drains them, or whether they resent it, is not a factor worth consideration. why would they ever need care back? the caretaker has the ability to connect their emotions with another, though they grow more exhausted with each attempt

the guardian has been tasked with looking after someone. whether their own child, a sibling, a friend, or someone else, they have dedicated themself to another person who they see as more vulnerable and in need than they could ever be. the guardian can tap into their own strength to bolster that of another - lending other characters their big dice for better rolls

the shepherd looks after their flock - whether that be animals, children, or spirits. the most important thing about the shepherd is that they're a guide for others and people know they can be relied on. whether anyone really understands them in return is not nearly so important. the shepherd has tapped into magic that allows them to teleport themself and others short distances. anything to keep the flock safe and together

next time i'll be talking about the worldbuilding in Spiritkeep!!

also, i'm still itchfunding for early costs of development!! you can find the sale for art and consultants here and the sale for certified therapeutic gm training here :D with yalls help i've been able to lock in my first two commissions for promo art!! thanks!!

[systematic-breakdown]

polyfrag/cdd things that suck ass cus some of yall need a reminder that this shit is not just a disorder but literally an extension of cptsd. kept it to a small handful because the list would go on forever if there wasnt a limit. this intro is your cw/tw

if you wont/cant read the rest, at least read this:

i love system positivity and its great how much of it theres been. but we need to let both comfort and anguish exist in the same space with equal voices. to wallow in despair is to ignore the light. to cover it up is to invalidate the foundation. we need the yin and the yang.

if youre too fixated on the darker realities, take a moment to look at the brighter ones. if youre too fixated on the good sides, do your part to validate the ugly. you will do yourself, your system, and this community a service.

- never truly feeling complete. the ever-present sense that something inside of you is missing and youll just never know what it is. feeling “fragmented” in a very literal sense

- suddenly hating a food youve always loved and not being able to explain the indifferent grief that comes with losing one of the few things that made you you. also applies to activities, shows/movies, books, music, interests, etc.

- dissociating at the smallest stressor. wdym i no longer feel present/like a person just because vibes were a little off while hanging out with a friend. oh, we’re splitting because of it now? and its another group? ok man sure why the fuck not

- having a conversation with someone and slowly going from “i like/am familiar with this person!” to “if you asked me their name and what they were just talking about i could not tell you”. the transition was too slow to notice until youre suddenly Different from before. you want to “go back”, but it wasnt you. youve lost your reference and all you have left is an ache for something you cant pinpoint and a conversation with a stranger you now have to manage

- trying so hard to remember something that you KNOW happened but its just. gone. its on the tip of your tongue, you used to know the details intimately, you can recall vague colors or feelings but theyre off somehow. like it never happened. or it did and youre getting it wrong. you will forget this recall attempt. and the next. and the one after that too. until you stop trying to recall it. a lot of the time, “it” isnt even about trauma

- fear. exhaustion. exhaustion from what? nothing. nothing that you know of. why are you tired? why are you so tense? why can’t you fall sleep? why won’t you go to the doctors? to school? to a friends place? home? why does the thought of doing anything light your skin up like thorned fire? why does the thought of seeing anyone make you want to run until no one can find you? why does the thought of getting out from under your blanket only make you burrow more? sometimes you know why, sometimes you dont

- amnesia again. forgetting that you forgot. amnesia again. if you forget this, it’s over. if you forget this, then theres no point. if you cant even remember that you forget, you no longer qualify as sick. you are so sick that you wrap around to being normal and doesnt that sting? amnesia again. the word “normal” on you is like wearing an outfit that you loved in the morning and hated by noon. you want to look normal, sound normal, feel normal, be normal but that all just feels so wrong. you changed clothes. you changed. that’s what people tell you, at least. you take what people tell you as the truth. it’s not like you know what you did. people don’t like when you don’t remember so it’s easier to just pretend you do. does this make you “normal” yet?

- major control issues. wonder where that comes from. couldnt possibly be the fact that you are never in control of yourself (the one thing everyone else is capable of doing) /s. you cant even control others to make up for it... do you want to control others? doesnt that make you a bad person? but so-and-so did it and theyre not a bad person, right? the rules are different for you. and now you feel guilty for controlling others (something you didnt do) (but you feel like you did so you overcompensate by baring your neck more than usual) (and then you get angry for exposing yourself like that) (and the cycle repeats)

- it feels like something is touching you. sometimes it feels good, like warmth radiating from your heart or a well timed hug when youre feeling lonely. sometimes its little things, like shifting your arm to pick up a different color crayon or moving you to a different section of the grocery store. sometimes its the holy spirit in your bones, helping you do things without having to think about it. but its not always so passive and nice. sometimes it touches you in places you dont want to be touched. it moves you into positions you dont want to be in. it makes you hurt the way it hurts. there are so many "body feelings" and each of them is significant and distinct. you wonder if this is how they feel. then you berate yourself for personifying it, implying something happened to you at all

- constantly being triggered by people who seem "powerful" or have some semblance of "status" on the hierarchy you've learned to keep memorized. parents, bosses, pastors/priests, old people, anyone who is "above" you suddenly feels like a threat. that mixed with having extremely low self esteem means everyone is a threat. you were always given some lenience when you were "good" so you lower yourself further and teach yourself to depend on them. let them do what they want and youll stop feeling it eventually

- small, confined spaces feeling like a prison and a safe haven all at once. this is as close to peace as you can get

[viablemess]

Does anyone else feel like the miraculous characters should be older than they are? Like, maturity wise, time passage wise, etc. I imagine they are 16-18. And I'm from the U.S. so I'm not super well versed in how French school systems work, and maybe it's just bc I'm older that the "immaturity" of the show still feels applicable to someone in their late teens (maybe also someone who was a bit sheltered). All of the mlb kids, to me, fit that description with their affluence and lack of on screen monetary issues while still being involved in politics and they all know what they want to do with their lives, are relatively independent, etc. Theyre doing it, theyre doing the life thing, extremely well for the on-screen age of, what? 13? I more so imagine it as a kids show with almost-adults than a kids show with kids bc otherwise someone needs to get then emotionally regulated before continuing to give them all this responsibility sheeeesh

And I know I know they wanna match who they wrongly thought their target audience is but STILL here me out

[psiionic]

i have been non stop thinking about schizophrenic latula again. of course i could always repeat the same things i always say, latuda is a mood stablizer and it doesn't make sense that a pyrope would become anxious out of nowhere because their family line never implies that pyropes ever have a "shy" phase and are entirely more likely to fall down the line of obsession and depression and spiralling over minor things. but i was talking to my friend about the alternian economic system and we came to the realization that alternia is likely a much more scripted planet than we initially assumed, since it's essentially a planet that focuses on pumping out child soldiers i believe that their economic system is almost completely falsified by the HIC and higher powers, each caste is set up with a projected job, a certain amount of money, a specific living situation and lusus to groom them into the perfect position they'll take as an adult once exiled from the planet and gaining their title. ive already spoken about how i believe that the beforan trolls are all essentially encouraged to pick a persona to "brand" themselves as in a show of personal expression that is expected of them by the government, but it got me thinking about how these two things interact with eachother. flarping is such a popular game on alternia specifically because all the kids are, essentially, larping as their projected adult counterparts until they leave planet. thats why there doesn't seem to be any ACTUAL job structure, the janitors are all kids pretending to be janitors until they leave planet, and highbloods commission people with their government allotted money, which funds the economy as well. there are mentions that if you don't "play your role right" you'll be culled and its because they figured out a system to learn who is willing to play the right role and who isnt BEFORE they have the power to actually harm the empire, which is NOT ON THE PLANET. drones kill anyone who steps out of line and its called culling because theyre still little kids. its like taking out the "bad actors" in a play, they arent needed, itll stall the progress of the machine. all of the characters essentially have a pre-determined role and persona they can fall into, and if they refuse to play along or start to look at the fact that theyre in a roleplaying game for too long they'll be culled.

anyways. this leads me to believe that because beforus is a planet without the exiling system, that means it's likely a system where no one ever stops playing "pretend." due to there being no expansion, the only thing that matters is appearance. It doesn't exactly matter how good you are at something, culling doesn't need to mean killing, it just means you lose your right on how to present yourself. You were clearly unable to play your part because you were too dumb or too pitiable and need someone else to ensure youre able to be presentable as the persona they choose for you.

this leads me back to latula. i believe that as a knight of mind, latula likely was able to see right through the pretend games that they were all playing extremely fast, but due to a knights innate questioning of themselves and their own thoughts, she was likely easily convinced that the problem was not the system but HER actually, for scrutinizing the system. calling people fake or invalid or implying they aren't what they actually are i'd imagine is a very strong offense in a society exclusively centered around always wearing masks. i also feel like this is exactly why all of the dancestors show that they are deeply disconnected from who they truly are, with mituna being the only one who couldn't keep up appearance and therefor had to have his autonomy stripped not just by beforus but by the narrative itself, disconnecting him from who he used to be by force. latula likely takes medication not for social anxiety but because she quite literally ruminates too much, i can see her being anxious in a paranoid and pointed way specifically at forces that be, especially considering how mind players act, but i cannot for the life of me ever see latula being the shy socially anxious fluttershy type i constantly see (or at least SAW) her be portrayed as. while this doesn't specifically point to schizophrenia, due to what latuda actually treats, it's my favorite headcanon to apply to her.

[phightingheadcanons]

HEY ITS ME

ahem anyways have some playgrounders theyre my favorite <3

Boombox Coil and Skateboard are all three best friends idc if boombox and coil haven't interacted yet in canon you cant change my mind on this.

Coil has a fuck ton of just. random skills. Like hes pretty good at engineering/wtvr field of science the crystals require but he can also just. do a bunch of shit. he has bad adhd so he doesnt usually stick w smth long enough to become super proficient but still.

Coil is also!! an avid fanfiction writer and reader!! He has stayed up wayyy to kate writing and or reading a random fic several times. Am I projecting??? Yes quite a bit. Live laugh love projecting on my favorite phighter anyways

Skateboard is constantly begging Coil for a speed boost! Like the playgrounders (+ Sling) will be going somewhere and Skateboard is just like "Hey man this could be so much faster if i has a speed boost" and Coil just. Grudgingly obliges (/silly)

Shuriken and Coil are absolutely besties. Like idk if i ship them (no hate to anyone who does its an awesome ship) but even if theyre not romantically involved they get along so well.

Coil Skateboard and Boomboc all talk with the most frat boy language like "DUUUUDE YOO WASSUP" "NOTHING MUCH BRO" like that sort of thing.

Skateboard started going out a lot less when Coil started living with him, he didn't notice bc he and Coil ended up hanging out a lot but everyone else was like "??? did smth happen to Skateboard why is he isolating so much????"

Also shout out to the purple anon i love the bb+bio thing and i feel like Coil saw this happening and was so fucking confused.

This mostly ended up being Coil hcs oops... </3 (/silly)

-⛓️‍💥🐺 Cerberus anon!!

dw, I love Coil hc posts. Might indoctrinate some of yours into my belief system

and yes, shout out to purple anon. I will happily consume more bb+bio hcs, thank you very much.

[ultrakill-confessions]

i wanna give my own take on how it feels to have wings preened/pet as a being with wings (system bullshit for anyone confused)

lucky for me i have many wonderful amazing beautiful stunning lovely partners that love petting my wings and i love them petting my wings. (if im willing in the first place) its a very soothing sensation. i cant ascribe it to a temperature but if i could describe it as a texture itd be fuzzy and soft. depending on where im touched it can be more intense. the further out the less sensation. right in the middle on my back is the good shit. makes me feel like those doves that just sit there and coo happily. my brain goes entirely silent and everything else is drowned out. just go fully limp. it can be a bit overwhelming bc of how all consuming it is but it feeling really fucking good makes up for it. tho if someone touches my wings without consent theyre getting bitch slapped. these bitches are sensitive and shouldnt be touched without warning.

probably not the same for everyone so this is just my experience

anyway. use this for evil. we know what youre thinking of.

- manic anon

-

[serpenndragon]

Ok hear me out on this idea qsmp skephaloers I'm talking to you

I've had this fic idea for YEARS. like. actual years since the dsmp days and I'm obsessed

Ok so. I am in awe I havent really seen content of this idea at all but the TLDR is that one day the CCs wake up as their characters, on the island, eggs (which are baby dragons) and all And I don't just mean "woah omg the qsmp is real we're our characters" I mean like. Shock. Body Horror. Parental responsibilities put on these people they never expected to have, forms features and instincts they have to get used to. Phil, Quackity, Baghera, Jaiden? Hva eto get used to having feathers and other birdisms, but they have the easiest out of all the members who werent just mostly humanoid, Bad, Bagi, and Foolish for example? Have newly aqquired teeth claws strange anatomy and all sorts of other wackadoodle stuff O_o

This fic would be verrrrryyy skephalo centric, Skeppy is at his motel with Jr and eventually Puffy, that must have been a shocker lmao

I've actually sketched out a lot for this idea (specifically Bad's pov waking up and a bit of Skeppy's pov) hold on

blurgg as you can see very roug but hopefully it makes sense kinda ??? maybe ????

More ideas for this I rambled about:

I feel like bad and the other islanders would be working on stuff/trying to figure shit out while Puffy and Skeppy (and jr) were all trying to find if anyone else they knew was around Bad would claim he somehow "felt" Skeppy was somewhere (which is his demon soulbond he has with Skeppy, it's not just a normal feeling cough cough) and Skeppy would be convinced Bad HAD to be around also because Jr and Puffy were there, they were their characters, the fictional kid he had with Bad was with him so he just had to be Quackity and the other admins would ofc not be the gatekeeping overlords of the island and actively work to figure shit out, including using the train system and seeing if anyone else they knew was around I have an idea that they'd send people out from the island, (like maybe group members who havent met skeppy before) who find Skeppy/jr/puffy, and realize who they are Bad would have stayed on the island because of his protectiveness over the eggs (thanks demon instincts) and couldnt leave them, and they figured he'd be the best bet to keep them safe anyways, + he was losing hope that his "feeling" that skeppy was around was real and just delusion that is UNTIL the other islanders come back with a new few people ermmm shocked teary reunion when

Aaaaaand I actually sketches this out too woah (this is one I wanna clean up for SURE bc omg

ANYWAYSSS you gotta get on board with this one I'm sooo so normal abt it

aughh more ideas:

- the other islanders dont know what skeppy and bad's deal is LOL half of them think theyre boyfriends (and for drama purposes, in this they are not officially yet but by god are they obvious) - Bad semi flipping the FUDGE out because his demon features are a LOT to get used to and he has instincts he has to repress and just lots of silly stuff. like why is he so pissed Skeppy's taking food from somebody else? Why does he feel like Dapper and the other eggs need to stay close to him at all times/ride on his back? Instead of his regular nervous bbh sounds he makes inhuman garbles and growls which is new, not to menation the mountainload of other things like his anatomy and going from a warm to cold blooded creature LOL his eyesight is also different and he's sensitive to light - Skeppy and Bad have like. actual children now which is a huge fucking deal hello??? They gotta navigate and talk that shit out because jr is like a 5 year old and Dapper + the other eggs while still being the admins are baby dragons O_o They went through crazy changes as well, being a baby animal comes with having baby behavior despite their intelligence - Besides ALL THAT after being overjoyed with seeing eachother again, Skep and Bad have like a little argument over Bad refusing to see skeppy as frequently as he promised to which Bad is like "are u rlly worried about that right now look around you" ermmm a little beef there but they figure it out dw

- hmmm idea what if everyone realizes that the code entity is not an admin, and is a real thing tryuing to kill them maybe (?) omg maybe - Skeppy gets to meet all teh babies!!! I have a feeling he'd get along with the eggs great but also maybe have a small rivalry with a few of them?? lol in a silly way - Islanders find more about themselves and the things they can do yay! Like ppl with wings learn to fly, ppl learn their weapons, magic users start to learn magic and they all decided to learn asl for the eggs - lotssss of angst these motherfuckers are still so confused and miss their regular lives despite the incredible and odd situation theyre in - islanders are still confused on what skeppy and bad's deal is like. they have kids they live together and dont leave eachother's sides prettymuch and go to eachother for comfort primarily - Bad and Skeppy disregard remarks and questions about their relationship THIS IS THEM CENTRIC ALWAYS N FOREVER… - skephalo need to have "the talk", bad needs to face his insecurities and skeppy needs to face his sexuality crisis

silly dads with their silly kids (real) this sketch is kinda old but I wanna clean it up sometime maybe and it fits with this idea very much WRITERS HIII If someone with qsmp knowledge is interested in maybe collabing with me to bring this idea to life please do hmu

IM GOING TO EXPLODE SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME U GET ME WITH THIS ONE aughh also I want to yap about this so bad

PLEASE ask any questions u have, my response box is open and you're welcome to in the comments to!! Or dms idc

AND TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK!! am I crazy or no

If you've read this far you are a real one anyways live laugh love skephalo

[wiihtigo]

11, 16, 22, 25, 31 HE NEEDS CASEY BITES TO LIVE

ask game

11. How do they cope with confusion (seek clarification, pretend they understand, etc)?

haha (imagines casey confused and scared pretending she understands whats happening when she doesnt) ahh....

but yes she would 100% lie and nod along pretending she gets whats going on. and then i think she'd try to just brush it off and forget about it rather than try to piece things together and figure anything out. she doesnt mind living in blissful ignorance..its blissful

16. What makes their stomach turn?

hmmmm...shes not weak to bugs or rodents (she wouldnt go out of her way to play with rats but she wouldnt gaf about picking up a dead mouse to throw it outside if she found one), and i think she has a pretty good tolerance for movie-gore and body horror, but hmmm. real life injury i suppose, shes not good with pain. she hates pain! this is not a unique trait since ..everyone hates pain. but its true. heights make her stomach hurt too lol. so if you want to make her throw up, dangle her over a deep pit and punch her in the stomach 10000 times

22. How does jealousy manifest itself in them (they become possessive, they become aloof, etc)?

(smiles) possessive ..which is CRAZYYY cuz if you ask casey if she even cares about nell she'd say helll no and she'd mean it..i think its not so much that shes actually afraid nell is going to leave her for another girl, its just annoyance seeing anyone else cozy up to HER bodyguard. its kind of cute to me that her internal opinion of nell goes up when shes using her to show off to other people. even though its insulting to nell.

on most days: nell is an evil jerk who cut off my ubereats privileges after i tried telling the same place the food never came for a refund 3 times and got banned

if any hussy breathes near ladybug: my handsome and brave superhero roommate who i live with and who protects me from everything and we're best friends and you should be jealous i know her secret identity and you dont kyahhhh~~

shes a difficult person

25. What are their thoughts on marriage?

she doesnt want to get married and she doesnt plan on dating anyone

its extremely low on her list of priorities not even for any forced "i have to focus on my goals" repression, it just coincidentally coincides with what she already feels, that she doesnt care about romance and stuff like that.

casey operates on a system where if there are enough pros to a situation that outweigh the cons to justify something she doesnt like or doesnt want to do, she'll do it. there are way too many cons to the idea of dating and marriage 1. she doesnt gaf in the first place so she doesnt see a point 2. she doesnt want children 3. she doesnt want the added financial burden of another person in her life 4. she doesnt want to spend her entire life forcing herself to make small talk with someone inside her house that just lives there forever now 5. she wants to focus on her goals of becoming a super awesome famous actor and the pros are............. 1. ?????

obviously her tune changes in new york ending where casey and nell get married because there are more nell specific pros and less cons. and even though she pulls out 'im literally your girlfriend!!!!!!" when its funny or convenient i think she mostly doesnt even see it that shes 'dating' nell, she just wants to be with her forever and nell can never date anyone or be in love with anyone but her for the rest of their lives

its cute though, when they do get married she does cozy up to the concept of being nells WIFE very quickly. you cant throw that shoe at me im your wiiiiiiiifeuhhhhhh eueueuuueee (crying ugly)

she also realizes the value of her wedding ring when she learns she can use it to instantly get out of any social obligation. hm no i cant go to drinks after work my partner doesnt like me being out so late. yes theyre a real BITCH haha you know how it is

31. Who are they the most glad to have met?

oh you....YOU KNOW WHO!!!!!!!

of course its nell bishop aka ladybug

she doesnt KNOW how happy she is to have nell in her life until way later because shes a stupid stupid girl, but nell is without a doubt the best and worst thing to ever happen to her

for 1, shes the most fulfilled and happiest and most alive she has ever felt with nell, but for 2, she fucking dies and it hurts her more than she ever thought something could emotionally effect her. so she hates nell for making her feel like that when one of the things she was so proud of herself for was her ability to trudge through anything and come out okay, to always get up and keep moving no matter the rejection or failure. but she is sooooooo so sad when nell dies it just puts a stop to her heart totally. and she HATES HER FOR IT!

this answer is kind of double edged because if she was asked if shed just prefer that she never met nell at all to avoid all this, she'd answer yes instantly, but deep inside that thought is really upsetting and scary.

the memory of nell doesnt make her a stronger or better person. she doesnt get up in the morning because nell would want her to take care of herself. she doesnt 'do it for her' or do anything kind or charitable in her memory. nells deaths caused nothing but negatives and she hates her so much for fucking up the direction of her life but if there was a button that would magically bring her back to life completely ok she'd break her finger spam pressing it

[water-mellie-seeds]

I think it's gone on long enough. I'm being told by our system to stop trying to make nice and trying to keep it a secret.

I've hopefully cooled down long enough to say this civilly. I can handle whatever bullshit death threats I get sent, they're a lot better than the way things are now.

A lot more people with conflicting views are following and even though it's complicated, but... longtime followers know; I ....AM honestly not comfortable with endogenic systems. Especially not the ones who view plurality as fun and Cool and something you can do whenever (Willogenics especially make me wildly uncomfortable.) I used to have it as a hard DNI, but DNIs don't work. Everyone knows that. So, I took it out on all our accounts to avoid conflict. I deleted all my posts about it prior, deleted any trace that I held a belief that was conflicting so that I wouldn't get harassed or threatened into believing something i didn't all the time.

I try to keep my time on the internet discourse-free, but there's been a steady decline in my comfortability every time someone like that comes around here. I try to coexist with it, like you would anything else but it's harming me. Its opening doors I don't want open. See, when you adjust your boundaries for one person, you end up welcoming more and more of what you don't want in. I don't want to be friends or mutuals or whatever sort of bond theyre trying to form with me. I respect that they walk life differently than me, and I'm not saying everyone should feel the way I do, but I can't keep lying.

So, with that information, I'll be blocking everyone in my followers list who identifies as endogenic. It's not right to lead anyone on, especially when its been going on for months now.

If this stance is a dealbreaker, you're welcome to leave. No matter how much you said you liked me, no matter how long you've been following. I won't ask, I won't be mad.

That said, do NOT dm me about this, I'll ignore it like I do most dms. It's not something I want to discuss.

[fictionkinfessions]

Earlier (and by arlier i mean like 30minutes ago) i just made a bunch of pluralkit bots and started talking to myself, but it doesnt really feel like im talkignt o myself yk? Idk. I thought (and still think) that i was fictionkin but. Like- something similar had happened like this a while ago, where i would want to use certain pronouns- but ONLY in the context of me being the character. Ive done alot of reaserch on DID, OSDD, & the like and i was pretty sure that i was a singlet, bit idontthink that just based off of this ill be able to know if im plural or not but yea (sorry to any systems/ more educated people than me who are reading this if im spreading misinformation please tell me! I do NOT want to be purposely spreading misinfo)

I have other things that could be read as symptoms of DID/OSDD, though they can be explained away by other conditions i have. Like memory gaps/ not remembering what happened but knowing that something happened (this can be explained by adhd), and intense mood swings- like ill be super happy one moment, then ill get a moment of silence and just. Sit there. In the silence. Or ill get really fucking mad out of nowhere over small things. (This could again be due to adhd, autism, smth else, or just me being a teen so my homomones are doing whatever theyre doing, and the last one could be a trauma response to things) another kind of mood swings but id still count it as seprate is, doing something, really drastic, but being fully in the moment, id act- crazy isnt the right word, but i cant think of another decriptor, but then id come back into being, like id become aware of my actions and just.

Like- sit there? Thinking and asking myself why i did that. (Yea idk why this happens sometimes, not as often recently but its been like that for a while)

Sometimes things i dont remember watchign will show up as watched (but that could be a youtube glitch or an adhd memory issue)

Ill have periods of time (sometimes but usually after a traumatic/stressful event) where ill grow severely attatched to characters, ill animorph into them kinda but then after a while it just. Goes away. Sometimes i still miss the friends or family of said character but not always.

Idk if this stuff is normal, i just wanna know if this lines up w/ the experiences of snyone and if they could tell me what this means?

Sorry in advance if this isnt ok to post mpc

(I also apologize for my spelling mistakes to anyone who has a difficult time reading, ill try to do better next time if i submit another ask)

party note this is supposed to be an open question so if anyone would like to reply, please feel free!

[cybercritterinyourcomputer]

writing this on a whim because my brain is torturing me about it for some reason and i figured what better place to go than tumblr [this is somewhat sarcasm]. i do not particularly know why i am writing/asking this but im chucking it out there to ease the thoughts so i can go to sleep

to any systems or whatever or really anyone reading who found this through the tags i put here, how did you know you were a system. or plural or how did you start questioning it how did you figure it out. bear with me its past 2 am my writing is atrocious . how did you know if you never knew before?

i dont think im plural, but something wormed its way into my brain today or yesterday and i dont know why or when and and its not the first time this has popped into my brain i think. the thought of what if what if what if but im me. its my me it there its me its my thoughts and there is no other people in my brain just me myself and i. its not quiet it never is but it is just me

i think a clearer question i want to ask is: how can you tell if something is just dpdr[because i fear i may have that, unfortunately it is very likely] or this? this as in osdd or did or whatever

it would appear simple but unfortunately for a lot of my life my sense of self has been so broken and so messy because. fuck all everything happening i guess but its just me, truly. i talk to myself, i draw different versions of myself together, i split myself into many parts to cope with things, to highlight the different parts of me, variants. the wolf, the puppy, the robot, the hermit, the hollow, the dragon, and whatever the Me is i dont know who or what i am when im so many things and nothing at the same time. i didnt completely think about this but also how heavily i relate to certain characters in media but this may just be a nonhuman thing. i see so much of myself in certain characters and so much of them in me sometimes to the point where i dont know where i start and they end. but again i think that is just a nonhuman thing or a coping thing. because its still just me here

where does the age regression and nonhumanity start and where does it end when i rely on my creations of myself to keep me afloat. i only talk to myself through thinking and drawing, i dont talk to anybody else in my head, its all me. and unfortunately theres a pattern where i learn of something and i think about it and i go, "oh, no, no no, that is absolutely not me, never would dream of it! even thinking that i could be that is a crime to all the ones that truly have that!" and then it ends up being too true. the depression, the adhd, the age regression, the therianthropy, the hard denial of abuse, the hard denial of possible autism. my friends speculate i have ptsd or cptsd. i dont want to go down that line of thinking with this, i *know* i dont have it, but the fear

its annoying because ive never really been here present in my body im never really here and the horrors dont end and theres always been something wrong with me but i know its other things. i wont share the details, but the situation ive been in the past 8? months has been horrible horrid no good on my brain i hate being awake. and it feels like someone else took the reins but im still feeling the hurt i still have the memories but they dont feel like mine. my memories have never felt like my own but theyre mine and i have to write everything down or i will forget. i go to work i listen to family shit on me i go to work i do something all day but its not me im still in my room playing a game in my pjs but that was almost a year ago but im still there but i went to work but it wasnt me

because my mind is empty, its just me. it really truly is just me. i think im just lonely. and hoping someone could take me away from everything im always going through or for someone to be there. in my head

there was never anything to make me think this before, a couple times i have but years ago, for no reason, im quite sure its just me. i had imaginary friends as a kid which is normal for kids. i still kind of do but its just me talking to me, im saying two things. i think i just have a lot of possible trauma[i dont believe im traumatized but my friends are quite firm that my entire life has been a shitshow since i was born] and a lot of coping mechanisms plus the fact that i have to pretend for my family and me being trans and me being nonhuman and me so its mostly just that

i dont really know what exactly im even asking. i think im just throwing out a bone and praying for someone to go "yeah dude thats normal youre fine, youre normal" and for my brain to stop ruminating and its annoying. or for someone to ease my curiosity and fear and dread. im throwing out a bone, im begging for someone to glance my way, im begging for someone to tell me its okay. not the begging to be okay but to say that my brain is okay and that my life is okay