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fakescenariosbeforesleepblog · 6 months ago

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A forbidden love.

König x Fem reader.

A colonel arrives at your house to live with you and your husband's family, you weren't expecting to fall for the man who imprisoned him.

«You and I. We'll see each other again mein Engel, you will see me but not as a soldier, you will not even recognize me and you will be a new woman, a different person»

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters nor do I claim to own them. I do not own any of the images used nor do I claim to own them.

Warning: image is not mine, spelling and grammatical errors, it is not so long and I admit it's not so good.

You met your husband a few years ago, your parents were the kind of people who believe in marriage alliances, at a very young age you forgot about any possibility to find someone else and fall in love like normal people do.

When you married you went to live with your new husband and his family, to be more precise, his mother, an arrogant woman, it was a silent battle between you and her, your parents died and their business passed to your husband, you never asked what he was into, until one night during his business trips, he didn't come back.

You saw his face on tv, wearing an orange suit, he was in prison, money, drugs and weapons traffic plus some other dark things.

They found your husband thanks to a private military group, he was in a hotel room unconscious because of all the drugs in his system, all his security staff died.

Thanks to that, now you will receive the visit of one of those soldiers, you will share your house with him, your mother in law told you he was an enemy, you needed to be at your husband's side, you wouldn't be allowed to talk to him or be in the same room as him.

- He's here, look at my Y/N, you're not allowed to talk to him, do you understand?

- Yes.

You muttered, As soon as your mother in law opened the door, a giant black shadow filled the doorframe. He's tall, wearing black clothes and combat boots, blue eyes, that's the only thing you can see of his face, he hides himself under a black mask. His voice is actually very kind and calmed.

- Good morning ladies, I'm König, i will try not to bother you.

You were going to say something but then you remembered what you promised, so you simply nodded and stayed closing the door while your mother in law showed him his provisional room.

During dinner you and your mother in law were gossiping, you still weren't understanding what he was doing there.

- So... König will stay... For how long?

- Don't call him by his name! (She yelled at you, a few minutes of uncomfortable silence later she continued speaking) ...Until they can find something else to blame your poor husband or until he finds if we're involved in his business.

He did what he promised, you rarely see him and today is one of those few times. You were carrying some boxes full of clothes and stuff you're not planning to use anymore, they're heavy and some help would be great but no, you can't.

König sees you and goes to offer his help which clearly you ignore it.

- Excuse me, Can I help you? I have to check those boxes anyways.

No response.

- You can say no, miss.

You continue your way to the car, putting the boxes in the backseat and go back inside the house. The same afternoon, while you're in the garden reading, you see him again. He approaches you, and offers you a cigarette, you neglect with your head, you think that will be enough and he will leave you but he starts to talk.

- I usually am the one who applies the treatment silence, I understand if you hate me.

- I don't hate you.

You muttered, your voice is almost a whisper, thank god König has a good ear.

- Can I take a seat?

He points at the empty space at your side, you agree.

- you say you don't hate me, but your attitude says something else.

- My husband's mother... She almost puts a gun in my head, I'm not allowed to talk to you, but I don't hate you.

- Well, she's not here right now, feel free to talk, I'm here doing my job but that doesn't mean I'm YOUR enemy, just your husband's enemy.

You laugh at his joke, for the first time in years you laugh, and for König is beautiful, the most beautiful sound. How can someone like you have a husband like that man he captured.

- Are you married, König?

- I was, then she left me.

- I'm sorry, at least she let you go, my husband keeps me here and now he is in prison while I have to live under his mother's eye.

- Why are you married to that man?

- My parents. It was an alliance between them and him, he now is in charge of my parents business, I don't owe nothing of this.

You talked for hours, discovering all the chemistry between you and him, the secret conversations turned into something essential in your day by day with him, but secrets cannot be hidden forever.

Your mother in law told you, she noticed the way you blush when he's around, the small smiles you send him, she will not allow it, you will not abandon her son.

- The only thing I expect from you is to be loyal!

-But I am!

- You are a friend of our enemy! How can you talk to him knowing well he was the one who... Sent your husband to that prison! When I see him I would like to put a bullet in his skull!

You've been loyal, you don't want problems so the wall between you and him goes back, until one day when you go to the room where könig spends almost his entire time, you're curious about his investigations.

Papers, pictures, files, you started to think about how stupid it was to go and spy on him until one of the files with your name catches your attention.

Talk about your and your husband's family, marriage and then... A small text about another woman, apparently your husband has another wife and children. You felt betrayed, you had a big discussion with your mother in law, she tried to justify her son but nothing worked, finally there was a reason to leave, to not be loyal anymore.

- I refuse to be in this marriage any longer! I will not stay here to support a husband who never loved me and never showed me the minimum affection!

- YOU DON'T HAVE WHERE TO GO Y/N! YOU'RE NOTHING! LESS THAN NOTHING WITHOUT MY SON!

König heard the discussion, he wanted to hold you, tell you how important you are, show you how sweet and amazing you are, but he can't interfere and mix his work and his feelings.

The same night he was in his room finishing some paperwork when you knocked on his door wearing a nightgown, puffy eyes, plump lips and red cheeks, you quickly jumped on his arms hiding your face in the crook of his neck, at first he hesitated but quickly forgot the rules, fuck the job, fuck everybody else, it's just you and him, he quit his mask and you saw him, the scars, his lips, his jaw. He was gentle, he treated you softly but at the same time showed you how does it feel to be desired by someone.

For the first time in life you felt love, passion, desire, you became addicted to him, his perfume, his lips, his eyes on you, his hands and arms around you at every opportunity you had, both fell in this passional frenzy and the fear of losing him grew inside you, because, eventually he would leave and you wouldn't see him again.

- What's wrong, Meine Liebe?

- You will leave and what will happen to me?

König doesn't say anything, he just hugs you tightly, he loves you, of course he does but... He thinks you deserve better, a better life that he probably can't give you, at least that's his way to think since his ex-wife abandoned him with that excuse «I deserve a life that you can't give me» .

You've been thinking about a way to help König, you want your freedom, leave your husband, you don't want money, you simply want to leave him and live your own life, you were cleaning your closet when a small hidden door is behind one of your drawers, there's a bunch of documents and passwords, you read them quickly and indeed was information that could sentence to years of prison not only your husband but his mother too.

It worked, König found a way to help you, his testimony and reports about what he saw during those weeks with you were enough to get witness protection programs for you, you would go to live in a new country with a new identity, a chance to start again. For him there wasn't a better way to demonstrate how much he loved you.

You were in the airport with him, waiting for your flight, it was a bitter goodbye, you were sniffing, sobbing and crying, why does he not understand your life wouldn't be complete without him?.

- Will I ever see you again?

- Oh Mein süßes Mädchen (my sweet girl) you deserve a better life, a better man and a better love.

He was holding you, caressing your hair, you were crying and pleading him to stay with you.

- I don't want no one else but you, why don't you understand that? We can keep this in secret!

«Flight 150 with destiny to...»

- Es tut mir Leid (sorry) it is time to go, mein Engel.

- I love you König, I really do.

You look up at him, his blue eyes seem tired and sad, you understand the fact that he can't risk his credibility and his job, but you can't understand why he can't accept you want to stay at his side, it could be a secret, there's no need to tell someone about it. After a long hug you decide to part, you were walking to the entrance of the tunnel where your flight awaits when he called your name.

- Y/N, wait!

You were expecting he reconsidered your situation, he approached you and hugged you again pressing his forehead against yours, whispering.

- You and I. We'll see each other again mein Engel, you will see me but not as a soldier, you will not even recognize me and you will be a new woman, a different person. Ich liebe dich, y/n.

Months passed by and you, indeed, became a new person, there's a new woman inside you, but you still think about him, in the middle of the night when there's nobody at your side to hug you, when you need the warmth and the touch of someone, you think about him every time you observe the blue grey skies at rainy days, you wonder if he still remember you, if he's okay.

König still thinks about you, he keeps an eye on you not only because it's his job it's because he also cares about you, he knows you opened a small flower shop, your new address, you're single, you're not dating no one, he knows for you it's okay in the day because you're busy but the problem it's at night, the lights of your bedroom are on until the first hours of the morning, you sit in front of the window for hours observing the sky, he knows that feeling, the emptiness inside you it is the same he experimented too.

It's a torture for him to see you like that and is also a pain in his chest to be far from you, incapable to kiss you, hug you, taste you, love you. He never felt so weak and powerless, he needed you.

He took the closest flight to your new country, he doesn't care anymore if people know he's going to see you, he just wants you back.

You were closing your store when you heard a voice, the voice you could recognize anywhere.

- Excuse me, I would like to buy flowers for the woman I love.

You turned to look at the person behind you, there he is, that brown soft hair, his blue eyes, the prominent and straight nose, the scars on his face, his jaw, the neck that one day was your safe place.

He's nervously smiling at you, his eyes scream how much he begs you to forgive him.

Your eyes are full of tears while you smile, both are in front of each other, after months living in pure torture, both are finally there, he was right, you both would see each other again.

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crazybiscuit · 3 months ago

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Plot Twist

Pairing: Barbara Gordon x Reader Summary: Your plans to charm and comfort your girlfriend quickly fall apart much to your dismay… Warnings: Fluff but there are mild spoilers for The Babadook movie. Word Count: 740 Credits: @sweetmelodygraphics thank you for the divider! A/N: Let's pretend I'm not late by a few days… Anyways, I hope everyone enjoys and I will be using the storm as a reason to write up a few more fics!

“I would rather fight Condiment King than watch Scream again,” Barbara stated plainly, not looking up from her book. That was a bit of a harsh ranking in your opinion but the sentiment was understandable.

You let out a soft laugh, “Okay… Fair enough. How about The Babadook? I’ve never actually had the chance to watch it and I’ve heard it’s scary.”

Babs considered it for a moment as she set aside her novel, “I actually haven’t seen it either but I’ve been meaning to watch it.”

“Great,” you exclaimed, kissing her softly before standing up, “I’ll go grab us some snacks–”

She gave you a sweet grin and began setting up the movie as you left the living room. By the time you came back with a variety of candies, drinks and fresh popcorn, you saw that she had pirated the movie much to your surprise.

“Quick question,” you began with an amused look, glancing at the redhead sitting on the couch as you set the snacks down on the coffee table next to her, “Didn’t Dick give you the password to his Max account? I mean, you might as well take advantage of the fact that you’re friends with billionaires.”

“And? I don’t like streaming services. Not secure enough,” Barb said jokingly, finally beginning the movie.

Your expectations for the movie were not very high since you usually didn’t scare easily. You assumed this horror movie would’ve been the perfect excuse to cuddle up to your gorgeous girlfriend and comfort her, but you had clearly forgotten how unphased she was to the genre and underestimated the movie.

The first half hour had been rather uneventful as you both commented and joked about the movie but the fun quickly began to dwindle as you became hyper aware of the shadows in the dark living room.

“That book is really unsettling,” you stated, trying to focus on talking instead of the feeling of anxiety building in the pit of your stomach. Babs hummed as she sat next to you, leaning on the couch’s armrest.

“Am I crazy or is this child not acting in a relatively normal way for a neglected child..?” Babs said not at all disturbed by the movie, instead seemingly analyzing the characters behaviors.

“I don’t really care much about the kid’s behavior, the mom is starting to freak me out…,” you mumbled, “His magic tricks are sick though for a first grader.”

Barbara chuckled slightly at your comment, “Yeah, he is also pretty craftsy for a six year old.”

The red head glances at your expression and body language, finally noticing this movie was getting to you. She luckily didn’t feel the need to call you out or tease you, instead gently grabbing your hand to comfort you. You used this move as a sign to scoot closer to your girlfriend.

“Oh my God-,” you whispered anxiously as you watched the mother quickly began to spiral and lose control. You buried your face into Barbara’s hair, unable to keep focusing on the screen as the woman on screen picks up the knife while yelling at her son. Barb gave you a small apologetic smile as she ran her fingers up and down your arm. The movie went on and you could feel your anxiety rise with every second the camera panned to shadows or focused on wide shots.

You clutched the blanket closer to your frame as you tried cuddling up closer to Barbara, seeking a sense of security. Once the credits finally rolled around, you still clinged onto your poor girlfriend’s arm, lifting your head up slightly in embarrassment, “This isn’t how I envisioned tonight going…”

The woman next to you lifted her brow in curiosity as she glanced at you, “What exactly were you planning, Silly?”

You pouted in feign annoyances, cheeks hot from embarrassment as you lifted your head off her shoulder, “I thought I would be the one comforting you…”

She laughed, seeing your shy expression, “Well, maybe next time. I think you looked very cute clinging onto me.”

You let out a small huff, hiding your face in her hair once more. After a few seconds, you eventually mumbled something against her, “Do you think I could stay the night? I don’t think I’m going to sleep if I go home.”

She let out a loud laugh, eventually nodding as she softly kissed the top of your head, “Of course, Love.”

#barbara gordon x reader #barbara gordon x you #oracle x reader #oracle #barbara gordon #x reader #fluff #domestic fluff #halloween fic #october #october fic

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osarina · 6 months ago

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oh carina have you read the manga oyasumi punpun? it’s terribly depressing imo and it reminded me a lot of dazai. i kept thinking of him and reader as punpun and aiko, if you’ve read it ykwim. though not the exact same plot because a lot of shit went down and it got pretty dark tbh. but i keep thinking of him and reader both being in elementary school and having miserable home lives like the characters, and then meeting when reader transferred to his class and it would be love at absolute first sight for him, and they’d grow closer and so on…in my little au they run away together and everything ends up fine which the characters didn’t actually get to do. have you ever thought of writing a childhood friends au for dazai where we get to see his relationship with reader through the years because that would be absolutely adorable. i’ve been imagining him and reader both belonging to wealthy families in a town on the outskirts of tokyo, since it’s kinda hinted that bsd dazai is from the countryside like the real author was. they’re like 11 or something and attend school together in the same class and reader is well liked and popular with their peers, but not him since he is perceived as odd by others due to his reclusive and quiet nature, this gloomy personality of his having been largely shaped by his neglectful and bad home life, yet he cannot help but silently admire reader. one day after school there is a thunderstorm and the rain is pouring, and all the other kids get picked up by their parents, except for reader and dazai. their parents being busy doing rich people stuff or whatever, leaves them without anyone to pick them up, so now they’re the only people left in the school. this leads to reader approaching him and them talking while waiting out the rainstorm together. the next day, reader stays behind after school instead of heading home with the others, since dazai usually takes a while to pack being in no hurry to get home, and asks if he wants to walk home together. and so it begins. they become very close, him especially becoming immensely attached to reader, her being the sole good thing in his life and his very reason for breathing. but then at 14 yo, news come from his parents that his poor old grandfather is sick back in yokohama and that they’re gonna visit since it’s so close. well, poor old grandfather turns out to be a mafia boss and dazai is promptly abandoned by his parents at the hands of the old man, and separated from reader. three years later, he’s on an important mission to take out a dangerous member of a rival organization and is watching through binoculars as his assassins are attempting to get a clear shot of the member, a woman getting out of a car, but just as they’re about to pull the trigger, she turns around, and his heart drops and his blood runs cold, abruptly yelling sharp orders for them to cease the operation at once. the rival member would live to see another day, and many more if he could help it, because she turned out to be none other than reader, having somehow made her way into the criminal underworld as well.

OH MY GODDDDDDDD NONNIEEEEE UR BRAIN - i've actually been really wanting to do a TRUE childhood friends to strangers to lovers fic w dazai, set before he meets mori and then they meet again later on BUT YOUR BRAIN ?? MAKING HER PART OF AN ENEMY ORGANIZATION ??? THAT'S SO GOOD WHAT

no but can we pls talk about childhood friends with dazai :') growing up with him. dazai being the youngest kid of a wealthy family, often neglected by the rest of his family and left to his own devices. he's so lonely and sad all of the time and people in school think he's weird or are maybe jealous of his family's wealth so they exclude him from everything. and then you come in, transfer midway through the year and there's only one open seat left in class and it's next to dazai. the other kids obviously make comments about it, calling him weird and telling u to come sit over at their table for lunch so dazai thinks it's just going to be more of the same. sits alone at lunch like always, picks at his food, but then you come to sit next to him and the rest is history :') UGHHHHH CHILDHOOD FRIENDS MY BELOVED

#ᡣ𐭩 carina’s love letters #ᡣ𐭩 from user: secret admirer #ᡣ𐭩 into the dazaiverse: childhood friendzai

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scrumptiousstuffs · 1 year ago

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Only Friends Episode 4 - Emergency Contact

Where very much needed conversations between most of the casts are done. And the water becomes murkier with even more messy connections and entangled characters. This is me again just trying to process what I saw and keeping my thoughts straight before the next episode

Mew and Ray

Well, we learn more about Ray and why he is fixated with Mew. I feel like he has put Mew up in this pedestal of a perfect man/friend. Ray seems to have an obsessive personality and he has the need to be taken care of, which Mew has done so far as his closest friend, bar from one aspect - the one as a lover, and now with Top in the picture, he feels neglected somehow. It doesn’t help his poor self-esteem or his lonely soul.

Khaotung as usual nailed it with his opening performance of someone who was (may still be?) suicidal, using prescription pills and alcohol to numb his sorrows and loneliness. Mew being his emergency contact because he truly has nobody in his corner - no other close friends (maybe Chuem? certainly not Boston), an absent father and a dead mom (who we also learn probably don’t love him when she was alive, and Ray blaming himself for her death 🥲). And so, when Mew saved Ray that night, fiercely reminding him “I’ll always be in your corner. I love you, all our friends love you”, I don’t blame Ray for ditching Sand that night (he could have explain and handle it better but Ray as we now know is a disaster muffin 😫).

In some way, Ray is immature. He loves wholeheartedly but also selfishly, which in turn means he sometimes makes questionable decisions. Like him kissing Mew without consent? - a big 🚫🙅🏾‍♀️.

And I’m glad Mew called him out for it. It was a needed scene. Khao and Book handled the scene impeccably (both the aftermath and Ray’s subsequent sincere apology to Mew in the latter apartment). Similarly, I’m glad Mew made it clear to Ray while he will always think Ray as his dearest friend, that’s all they will ever be - yes it’s heartbreaking for Ray, but it’s a step for Ray to hopefully move forward, although I doubt he will be able to forget Mew as his first love/crush quickly, and my worry is as the episodes progresses and we see RaySand blossoming while TopMew in crisis - Mew calling Ray for help, the latter may again drop Sand (unintentionally or not) like a hot coal 🙃….

Ray and Sand

Which brings us to my bias couple 😅….Sand was absolutely in his rights to ignore Ray’s messages after being ditch like that on the night. He has enough self-awareness about his burgeoning feelings for Ray but knows Ray is not ready for it (he may not know about Mew (yet),but Ray’s immaturity and selfish nature means Sand is wary to start anything deeper).

But well, we all know Ray is a persistent gremlin and he is a sweet charmer when he wants to be. Paired that with his effective puppy eyes (gawd…I think we have seen it in effect 3-4 times now!!!), and Sand fold each time (I don’t blame you sir! 😂)

My favourite scenes from this episode (which I’m sure hold true for most SandRay bias) will have to be the guitar 🎸 shop and music record store scenes. The whole conversation between Sand and Ray in the guitar shop was 👌👌👌- Sand making it clear he is uncomfortable with Ray throwing money around, bluntly saying friendship and love cannot be bought and Sand advising Ray should be mindful of other people’s feelings. But we are again reminded how low Ray’s self-esteem is that he asked Sand to yell at him as a “burden to the society”, thinking it will make Sand forgive him. And when Sand does the opposite, I think there is a genuine surprise from Ray, which brought upon the soft scene of which we see Ray admits he cares about Sand feelings, wanting to make amend…

And then we penned to the music store scene where further much needed conversation between these 2 happen - that whole conversation about fav band and music was 🫶. As a metaphor of Ray being stuck and living the past, never taking the opportunity to embrace the future or open up to his present (with Sand again gently but firmly pointing it to him).

Plus the whole scene of them listening to the music record, sneaking glances at each other and their fingers gradually drifting closer while eventually intertwining 🥰🥰🥰(First killed it with his yearning and soft eyes in this episode, and Khao’s genuine smile light up his whole face - I’m a goner for these 2 🫠)

We finished this episode with Ray now focusing all his energy in wooing Sand (do I think it means he has forgotten Mew as his first love?Not really, and I think that will be a contentious matter once Sand finds out, and I still think Ray alcoholism +/- drug habits will also rear its ugly head soon. Because as we can see, Ray has no interest at present to change or confront his trauma. For now, he is using Sand as a substitute (if I can put it this way? To run away from his problem and loneliness). But I have faith these 2 will hopefully come out relatively unscathed 🤞

Mew and Top

Sigh…these 2 are so sweet together with Top always so attentive towards Mew. And I do feel he genuinely likes Mew. And Mew likes Top (he said it himself to Ray, Top is the first person his heart beat faster for). But urghhhh, Top’s lies are piling up. Not only did he betray Mew with Boston (and yes he regret it, but he didn’t come clean about the incident, even after finding out MewRay had done nothing more than 1 kiss TWO years ago). He also lied about Beam and his drug habits until Mew pressed it out of him. And yeah, I wasn’t a fan of the whole Top saying he wants a reward if he gave up his drug habits, suggestively indicating to Mew what he truly wanted was the sexual relationship he desired and up until recently being denied. And even when Mew said “no penetration”, he sneakily then volunteer another tidbit about his ex, trying to persuade Mew not to worry about the past.

You know, Mew’s list of what he thinks make a good partner/BF - I don’t think Top filled any of it (he doesn’t get along will ALL of Mew’s friend - Ray being the prime example and Mew knows this, he can see the tension and snide comments whenever these 2 interacts, he doesn’t respect Mew and he had lied countless of times 😩😣).

But I guess, love is blind and Mew may think he can change Top’s behaviour? (Kudos to Force and Book though, their actings were also amazing to watch! Can’t believe a sweetie like Force acting so arrogantly on screen that it made me want to throw my remote to the TV👌)

Top and Boston

Which then comes to Top and his strenuous relationship with Boston. If anything, I’m at least glad Top expressed his regret about his lapse of judgment - having that ill-advised encounter with Boston. And I’m so glad he finally confronted Boston in the lift, putting a stop on Boston frankly disgusting behaviour (isn’t it twice now he sexually harassed Top? Once in the shower cubicle when he said No as well). No means No and Boston doesn’t seem to have learn his lesson (which frankly worries me about his other sexual conquests, are they all consensus??? And now we learn his father is into politics, so a scandal of any sorts by Boston will be a disaster; plus him taking pictures/videos without consent, like what he did with RayMew and using it to spin a web of lies on Top - yeah this guy is a massive red flag 🚩)

Boston and Nick

Another big sigh from me. Nick is now realising how much of an asshole Boston can be, but I guess Boston has never really hid his intention. He has bluntly told Nick that he is not looking for a relationship - at most, FWB and I don’t think he promise exclusivity as well. Boston is promiscous and proud of it - his friends know it, and even Sand as an outsider has heard of his reputation.

But what I’m truly devastated for Nick is that how manipulative Boston can be. He knows how to twist words and sweet talk to placate Nick (not that Nick is trying hard to go against him because he loves Boston even if everyone of us here can agree he deserves better 😣). Boston gives false sense of hope to Nick, in order to basically have someone at his back to fulfill his sexual needs. Does that mean Boston stop his other “relationship?” I don’t think so, in fact, I won’t be surprised if he had other sexual partners (other than Nick) going on at the same time.

We can also agree Nick is not truly innocent in all of this mess - his obsessive love for Boston is spiraling out of control and bringing the worst in him. Him bugging Boston’s car? (A big 🙅🏾‍♀️), and then snooping on Boston’s phone (also not good behaviour). Plus, him listening to the sound of TopBoston going at it in his room (yeah..that’s a worrying sign 😫)…

(Again kudos to Neo and Mark, they played their roles 🫡🫡🫡 that I’m cursing everytime Boston opened his mouth and shaking my head whenever these 2 are on screen 😅)

Nick and Top

Which brings to the scene of Nick confronting Top, asking Top to stop meeting Boston. And when Top clarified and say, it has always been Boston who did the chasing despite Top being uninterested, well…you can see Nick face fell.

And Top giving some advice on how Nick should be careful with Boston as he is truly a piece of work (well, it’s warranted but it’s like the pot calling kettle black, yeah?)

However, I think it’s truly sad (and quite ominous) when Nick calmly say he knows how nasty Boston can be, because he is nasty too (is that a foreshadow that Nick will seek revenge and destroy Boston’s future? esp now we know Boston dislikes getting his pictures taken with Nick for the fear of the scandal ruining his dad’s political aspiration??)

Top and Sand

It’s alluded in previous episodes that these 2 had a connection. And now we know, Top seduced (Is that the right word for it?) Sand’s ex. Sand is obviously still bitter about it but I’m thinking if your ex dump you for someone like Top, Sand is better off without him (just saying 💁‍♀️). But I am curious if the ex will come crawling back to Sand and cause havoc in SandRay newly blossoming relationship??? Or even to TopMew? - Esp with Top finally informing Mew about Boeing (seriously what’s with Thai’s nickname??? I snorted when Top said this out loud), an ex who gave him the plane model, which Top reassure Mew is no longer of consequence (if he is not that important, why did Top keep the plane? I might be wrong but I do think Boeing is the ex of both Sand and Ray??)

Sand and Nick

Ahhhhh, finally with all the headaches and mess from the rest of the characters, I’m glad to see some friendly, brotherhood like relationship between at least 2 of the characters 🥹🥹🥹🥹

I love their easy banter and the way they tease each other about their crushes (although said crushes are essentially disastrous in different ways). In a way, both Sand and Nick are also lonely individuals (or at the very least, we don’t see much outside of Sand/Nick working in their respective jobs and uni (presumably). So, having a genuine friendship that is not complicated - 🙌 I am super glad for them!!!

(Also, I’m still petitioning for Sand at some stage to go all protective bear on Nick and use the baseball bat that we saw in the pilot trailer to destroy Boston +/- Top’s car(s)?)

03/09/2023

(This episode was I think a pivotal one, where we are starting to see everyone’s motivation and character development - be it good or bad…as usual, I can’t wait for the next episode…is it Saturday yet?)

#only friends the series #episode 4 #khaotung thanawat #first kanaphan #firstkhao #firstkhaotung #sandray #force jiratchapong #book kasidet #mark pakin #Neo trai #just me gathering my thoughts and trying to put it in a coherent manner so that i can keep it straight for next episode!!

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gl0omur4ai · 1 month ago

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♥︎ || Snow Innocence : Reboot || ♡

Chapter 1 : A cat surrounded by prey

Warnings : Poor writing, Out of character characters, MENTIONS OF NEGLECT AND ABUSE, let me know if I missed any heh

Word count :

Alkni fun fact : She loves peaches heh

Pervious : Here

Next chapter : Here

Masterlist : Here

The cold, harsh streets was all the white haired child knew for the past two years. 'Oh, poor baby' is what she often heard from people passing by, although they never so much as stopped to even check if she was alive.

At only the age of five, a little girl, whom used to sparkle as bright as sun itself, sat alone in the streets, a soft scarf to keep her warm through the winters wrapped around her neck, the last thing she had to her name. Watching people pass by was all she ever did, watching as families happily enjoyed the cold winter season, something rare for her small town.

'I just.... I just wanna go home....'

The child would mutter every so often, her voice as soft as the snow that would greet her outside. Yet there was no home for her to return to.

"FLOYD???"

The sliver haired man exclaimed as he watched Floyd, much to his utter dismay, attempt to squeeze a customer. The poor unfortunate soul whom Floyd had set his eyes on quickly tried to break out upon Azul calling to the wild dude, only causing Floyd to attempt to squeeze him harder.

"Floyd, I only asked you to make sure my customers were going through on their end of the deal ! Not to..."

Azul started, yet paused as he heard a soft rustle coming from his VIP room, making the octoperson to turn around in confusion after a brief moment. There was no way someone could've snuck behind him and broke into the VIP room in such a short amount of time, and much less be stupid enough to make a sound like that if they did manage to sneak past.

The sound even caught Floyd's attention, who seemed to be interested in what caused the sound, completely forgetting about what he was just doing. "Which'a fishy broke in this time~" Floyd cooed playfully as he happily began to skip towards the VIP lounge, the customer long forgotten about in favor of something more 'fun'.

A soft yawn escaped the young girls mouth, as she snuggled in deeper into her soft white scarf, a gentle warmth she hadn't felt since the day her life fell apart filling her senses.

Warmth....

Shooting upwards, the little dusty black haired girl frantically looked around at her surroundings, not being able to comprehend how she felt warm.

Having lived on the streets for two years, she had grown used to the cold in the winters and the heat in the summers. With nothing to protect her against the elements, she was used to feeling only the extremes of weather. So, it was incredibly odd to her little mind how it suddenly felt like she was back at home.

Rubbing her little ruby red eyes, Alkni glanced around her surroundings, her mind still being slightly clouded by sleep. The room was nothing like what she was used to. Yeah, while she had been well off before the incident money wise, wherever she seemed to be right now, seemed more fancy then she could comprehend.

"A... A kid....?"

A voice broke the child out of her trance as she looked up to see two young men. Alkni flinched, assuming she was about to get in trouble for being somewhere she wasn't supposed to be.

"H-How'd you get here...?"

The sliver haired man asked, looking at her like she was a unicorn who just jumped out of a tv screen. Alkni, albeit confused, shrugged her shoulders before tensing, looking down to the ground. Every time she used to shrug her shoulders, terrible things would happen. Most of the time, she'd be slapped across the face for 'lying', and sometimes, if she was lucky, she'd be yelled at. She had long since left that life, although unwillingly, and she didn't want to go back.

"Thats quite strange.... It isn't supposed to be easy to get into this school, especially much less for a child" A second voice spoke up from behind the two others. "New fishy to play with !" One of what appeared to be two clones cheered happily as he rushed over to the child, grabbing her in his arms and squeezing her tightly.

Alkni froze as she felt the strange dude who seemed to be around the age of her brother the last time she saw him, squeeze her. When was the last time she felt such love, such warmth, from others. The last time it happened, she was left alone. Ditched on the side of the road like trash left behind for pick up day.

'L... let go of me ! I... I wanna be alone !"

The child suddenly yelled, tears brimming her soft red eyes. She didn't want to trust such warm and happy feelings again. She didn't want to be left in the dirt again. She was much happier by herself than when she was with her family. She had spent two years convincing herself of that and it wasn't going to go to waste.

"Woah ! This ricefishy is feisty !"

Floyd chuckled, making Alkni panic. Quickly pushing herself out of Floyd's grasp, she quickly turned to run towards the door, only to end up stumbling, her little legs failing her as she had been so used to sitting in one spot that her legs had grown weak.

"Here, it's okay"

Said the other clone softly, walking towards her to pick her up. Seeing someone's hand reaching out to her, she felt all the fear she had been bottling up for her entire life fill her sense. Without so much as missing a heartbeat, she lurched towards the unknown mans hand, biting it as hard as possible. She wasn't going to be hurt again. She didn't want to scolded again. She didn't want to go back.

'Fishy.... taste...?" She thought to herself, pausing mid-bite to look up at him. Her family would sometimes bring seafood home for dinner if they had made enough money that week for dinner, and would toss her some random leftovers sometimes if they were feeling charitable, and this man tasted so much like food that she couldn't help the urge but to try and nibble away at him.

Jade flinched back in shock, his usually calm demeanor faltering for a moment as he watched this random child try to eat him alive. Floyd, who found this whole situation amusing, couldn't hold back a laugh as he watched the interaction go on.

Suddenly, a pair of gentle hands lifted her small body off the floor, pulling her away from Jade. Jade quickly wiped his now slightly wet hand on his shirt, before standing next to Azul, who held the small child in his arms. "Shes so.... thin?" Azul whispered to Jade, while Floyd, who had already gotten bored of the entire situation walked off.

"Hey, how about I bring you something to eat and we can talk about how you ended up here, hm?" Azul said softly to the child, needing to know how she broke into such a palce.

A/N : Whoooieeee... First chapter doneze ! Uhm, honestly, my writing has improved A LOT since December of last year, and since my old Tumblr accounts 1 year ani was like 4 days ago, I thought I might as well rewrite this !

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heartslobbf · 1 year ago

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i watched heartstopper s2 because i was an avid osemanverse enjoyer in my early teen years (back when alice oseman still had anons on rip) and owe some of my aspec self-discovery to their writing. i knew they had written an aroace storyline into this series and wanted to see it because whilst i knew as an aroallo lesbian i wouldn’t totally resonate and might be a bit cheesed off by aspects of it, i enjoy aromantic crumbs, and i enjoy discussing aspec Stuff even more. it was……. an interesting experience? has certainly given me a lot to think about. gushy rant below the cut :)

i will say, i think that the amatonormativity is still strong, and rigid in this show. it’s like, isaac is the exception to the rule and his true love is books, and he gets to yell at his friends for all being so damn couple-y and romance-obsessed but there’s no resolution to that. is that realistic? yeah, sure, allo friends can fucking suck, but heartstopper is the kind of show aiming to do certain things for queer kids where id expect a dialogue about this. you know, charlie & co coming to understand aspec identities and becoming more conscious of how amatonormativity affects them, interrogating it in such a way that these queer couples can also be liberated from its trappings. juicy shit like that. didnt happen tho. isaac gets a book about asexuality (no mention of aromanticism on its cover!!! the word is used by the artist who vaguely explains both terms to isaac, but there is a much greater focus on asexuality, so much so that this morning i saw pink fucking news celebrating isaac’s asexual storyline without a mention of his aromanticism) and that’s it.

a lot of that criticism is arguably coloured by my experience as an aroallo person, because i just want aromanticism to be engaged with as aromanticism. you know aroaces we are besties in arms solidarity and all that, and im so fucking happy you got some great asexual rep that frequently used the word asexual, as well as your flag and iconography. like fuck yeah!!!!!! let’s go!!!!!! however, aromanticism is not a subset of asexuality, is not an ‘extreme form’ of asexuality, does not necessarily have anything to do with asexuality. im sure the aspec folks know this, but allo fuckers dont and that means that this canonically aromantic character who was emotionally affecting to me is one that im gonna be barred from resonating with again and again.

you know, moments of isaac’s story were so profound and moving for me. i cried at the kiss scene in episode 5, it was probably the single most relatable moment of tv (related to my experiences with sexuality) that ive ever seen. its certainly not my favourite tv moment of all time lol, relatability ≠ quality, but when youre part of a marginalised group and experience a lot of loneliness and alienation surrounding your identity it is great to see it reflected. i honestly loved that shit!!!!! ive been there!!!! that’s me!!!!!! the wanting and the not wanting!!! the jealousy and confusion and alienation, the longing to be able to feel what you can’t just so you don’t have to be so lonely, the knowledge that you’re just not that person…… oh it was great. it was fucking great. so you can maybe appreciate how upsetting it is for other people to neglect the aromantic facets of this canonically aromantic character, when we dont get shit.

having said that, asexuals also dont get shit; my issue is absolutely not with isaac being aroace, but rather with how mainstream understanding of aspec identities is still so piss poor that people neglect the aromantic aspect of that identity. i found isaac to be a relatable character and i enjoyed and appreciated that about him; i wish more people would talk about him being both asexual and aromantic, because aromanticism does not get talked about enough as anything other than an ‘extension’ of asexuality, an idea which only diminishes the complexity and vastness of both (fucking awesome and beautiful) identities. love and light and solidarity forever with all other aspec folk <3

#im not tagging this as anythjng lol this was just for me hence the cut #i am once again riddled with osemanverse opinions #shut up daisy

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can-ya-guess-my-curent-obsession · 2 years ago

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Y- Year: /Do they remember anniversarys or important things like that/

WRITERS NOTES: Requests are open so feel free to put in a request- This is a bit short cuz my head is being weird.

Edited: nooooot yet

All art on this post is mine

This is apart of my Crack alphabet

TW: Curssing, drinking, alcoholism, gaslighting, implied trama, Murdoc's hc get's weirdly angsty, I think it's toxic, mean voices in head, smoking, neglect, uhhh I think thats it if not tell me and I'll add it

(Update: Murdocs shity behavior is not ok, its's abuse, I am nto tryingto indorse it!)

Characters:

/Gorillaz/

Russel

- y e s

-It's not like Russel's over the top, its just he has it marked on a calendar, which he did that from the beginning unlike the others

-There's usually a lot on his mind so he will forget- but like I said Russel uses a calendar as a reminder

-And the day of the anniversary/special occasion so the day of he will remember

-And he usually clears out his schedule and tell the others before hand, so the others won't bother him and his S/O nor will his work get in the way

-But if Russel forgets something every once in a while cut this poor boi some slack he has a lot on his plate

-And due to his work or just him not haveing the energy to go out- anniversarys are often more chill, less fancy

-But they are more sentimental as Rus is just that kind of person, he values memories and all that sappy crap despite him not showing it often

-All of this applies to all phases but phase 7 Russel, because he becomes to atched to that TV and the idea of the promise land that he neglects his relationship with his S/O a loooot.... he doesn't even mean to do it on purpose half the time

Noodle

- s o m e t i m e s ?

-It's complicated ok...

-Noodle has an impeccable memory, but if she gets distracted by somthing- it's easy for things to slip her mind

-Noodle is the kind of person to have a anniversary for everything

-And she tries to remember them and did the first couple of times

-But over time she just forgets

-Also older Noodle(phase 7) doesn't try to remember the other anniversaries anymore, just the main one, lifes just too all over the place for that

-But when she was a young adult she was all over that shit

-But much like Russel, work and the others in the band can get in the way

-So she does tend to start preparations/plans for it but gets wraped up in something else

-And from there its a 25% - 75% chance of remembering, and the percentage in which she remembers and forgets switchs almost every time

-If/When she forgets, and when she eventually remembers the anniversary she gets very disappointed in herself

-But you two still enjoy a lovely together- because Noodle is a queen who knows how to organize the best dates

-But if its not a anniversary or something relevant to her- she will most likely forget them-

Murdoc

- n o . . . k i n d a

-In earlier phases Murdoc just drank way to much to remember and really didn't care for sentimental things he just wasn't raised like that

-And if you don't say anything, he'll just go about his day like any other till Noodle says "Hey- Murdoc I'm surprised to see you still in the house... considering its yours and S/O's anniversary"... he spat out his his drink so fast he almost choked as he yells "FUCK" poor 2D was started so bad

-He ran to his S/O so fast

-If his S/O is fine with him forgetting or his S/O forgot too- he'll sigh in relief- and you two decide to just chill in Murdoc's love shack on wheels Winnebago and chill cuddle with each other and watch movies

-Buuuuut if his S/O is genuinely not happy Murdoc will get pissy for a while then start drinking- because he can't stand when his S/O is genuinely upset with him- then he druckenly begs for forgiveness

-And he may even try and gaslight his S/O saying it's all their fault- and he's innocent because his S/O didn't tell him or remind him(even if they did remind him a coupleof days prior) , so it's all on them- but if that hurts his S/O, he just kind walks away hoping it will all go away

-And if you sit him down and tell Murdoc that he upset you but still love him it's really awkward... then the night can go on relatively well

-But if not ah... it will either lead to a fight or you two pretend it didn't happen

-In later phases and earlier in the relationship he'll forget because he's not as invested in that kind of stuff

-But the longer he's with his S/O the more he is likely to remember AKA he gets a alarm or something to remind him

-He can do something fancy- but he's not gonna have any manners so its best if you stick to something simple

-Murdoc always remembered his and his S/O's anniversary when he was on plastic beach, and would even talk/mention it on pirate radio

- y e s - i s h

-Listen- as much as I love 2D... he couldn't find his way out of a paper bag

-But he is also very determined

-Determind to remember his and his S/O's anniversary

-This counts in any phase

-He really wants to remember soooo bad

-He has reminders every where- and I mean EVERY WHERE

-But in the end he still forgot

-And 2D gets really depressed when he does, especially if he's been in a relationship with his S/O for a while

-Even if his S/O says its ok and comforts him, in the back of his head, a little voice is lampooning him

-The day before the anniversary he gets really giddy, like he can't stop smiling, I mean he even smokes a bit less

-Though before the couple of days before the anniversary he smokes more because he's anxious he's gonna forget

-And the day of and a few day's after the anniversary he smokes more due to his feeling like shit for forgetting

-He's also upset because he had a whole day pland and now his plans ruined because he only remembered/got reminded of the anniversary half way through the day

-With any other special event 2D will try to remember it- emphasis on the try

-He's not as determined as he is with anniversaries but he tries his best

========================

Tree- I spent 30 minutes trying to confirm that Russel was looking for that promise land and not some other shit- and i ended up goinng down a fucking rabbit hole and got completely distracted, and in the end all I had to do is watch that fucking murdoc talks about some crap and recaps lore and shit which took me like 2 minutes- Fucking ADHD how you pain my writing flow

#2d x reader #gorillaz x reader #noodle x reader #stuart pot x reader #russel hobbs x reader #russel x reader #murdoc x reader

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aquietwritingcorner · 1 year ago

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I've Got a Head Full of Chemicals; Mouth Full of Ridicule

Title: I’ve Got a Head Full of Chemicals; Mouth Full of Ridicule Day: Whumptober 2023, Day 24 Prompt: “I’ve got a head full of chemicals; mouth full of ridicule” Goodbye Note/Neglect/ “I thought they were with you” Fandom: TMNT 2012 Word Count: 7053 Author: aquietwritingcorner/realitybreakgirl Rating: T Characters: Donatello, Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo, Splinter Warning: suicide (But not really. Just some assumptions made), drugging (accidental) Summary: Donnie is more than excited to examine a new chemical that they stole from the Kraang. But when his ventilation system fails without him noticing, the chemicals mess with his mind. Now missing and having left behind worrying and concerning notes, his family races to find Donnie—and to cope with some realizations about their resident genius Notes: Wow I hope this doesn’t come off as too much of a “poor 12 Donnie” fic and more of a reasonable route. This one got away from me boys, I’ll admit that much! AO3 || ff.net

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I’ve Got a Head Full of Chemicals; Mouth Full of Ridicule

“Where is he!”

“I don’t know!”

“How did he leave!”

“I don’t know!”

“Why didn’t anyone see him leave!”

“I thought he was with you!”

Mikey watched from the couch as his older brothers yelled at each other as they tore apart the lair, looking for Donatello. He’d been super excited about some new chemical or something that they’d found on a raid of a Kraang warehouse and had practically locked himself into his lab, giddy. That hadn’t been anything too unusual, but after three days of not seeing his brother, Mikey had gone to check on him.

He hadn’t expected to find a lab full of fumes, scattered scribblings on the walls, and papers and books scattered everywhere. The fumes had been enough to send him reeling, and Leo and Raph had pulled him out of there, depositing them on the couch before the dove back in to find Donnie. Mikey had dizzily watched, his father by his side as they stood ready to help.

Raph and Leo had emerged without Donnie, although they had turned on the fans that Donnie kept in there. It had become obvious, though, that the fans were part of the problem. Instead of sending the fumes out, it was like they just stirred them around. Mike had watched as the rest of his family had quickly closed the lab door, before getting some other fans and using them to clear out the fumes. Then they had started looking for Donnie.

That had been an hour ago, and the fumes were pretty much gone at this point. A little bit lingered, but Mikey, no longer dizzy, figured it was safe enough to go in. After all, no one was having luck finding him in the lair or the sewers. April and Casey were looking for him topside, and Karai was keeping an eye out, but so far there had been no sign of him. Mikey figured that there might be some clues in the lab itself.

“I’m going to check the lab,” Mikey said, sitting up and, interrupting his brothers.

“Are you sure you feel good enough for that?” Leo asked.

“Don’s not in there,” Raph said flatly. “We’ve already looked.”

Mikey looked at his brothers, more than a little irritated at them. “I know Donnie’s not in there,” he said, “but maybe there are some clues in all of the writing and stuff. And my head feels fine.”

Well, maybe his head didn’t feel fine, but it felt good enough, and Mikey had a feeling that there was something important in those notes.

“Just come right out if you start feeling bad,” Leo said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Mikey said, heading for the lab doors.

The faint smell of the chemical that had filled the lab lingered in the air, but it wasn’t enough to bother Mikey as he stepped further into the lab. It was more of a mess than he thought it had been, with papers everywhere and what looked like marker or grease pencil or something on the walls, the floors, the tables.

Mikey stared at the sloppy and hastily written words on the walls, decorating them along with equations of formulas Mikey couldn’t make sense of: faster, more, again, over, I can’t, work harder, no time, it doesn’t exists, keep pushing, make it happen, fool, idiot, not good enough, ugly, mutant. The words stretched over things, and Mikey’s brow furrowed. He didn’t like the way those words were here. Something about them struck Mikey as wrong, deeply wrong, and they made him uneasy.

The papers, notebooks, and books scattered everywhere made him uneasy, too. Some of the papers Mikey recognized as schematics and theories of Donnie’s although there were scribbles on some of them that didn’t look like his usual notes. Other papers he didn’t recognize at a glance, but he knew that it was Donnie’s handwriting. The books Mikey had seen on Donnie’s shelves before and had even flipped through a few. Some of the notebooks looked familiar, but there were some brown bound ones that Mikey couldn’t recall having seen before. It looked like Donnie had torn pages out of them, and Mikey wondered why.

He bent down, starting to pick up the papers and notebooks, stacking the books neatly. He scanned the writing as he tried to sort the other items for Donnie and look for clues. After a few papers and at part of one journal, though, Mikey ditched that idea, frantically searching through the papers for certain ones. He scanned them, reading them rapidly, and feeling his panic increase as he did. Finally, he couldn’t take it anymore. He gathered as many of them to himself as he could and yelled for his family.

“Sensei!” he cried out. “Raph! Leo!”

He heard their footsteps approaching, practically running as they came to the lab.

“Mikey?”

“Michelangelo?”

“Mike?”

Mikey whirled on them, his arms full of papers and journals, and his face full of distress. “Read them!” he said, thrusting it all towards his family.

“Mikey, what—” Raph started.

“Read! Them!” Mikey insisted. “Read them now!”

Raph and Leo exchanged a look, but Splinter reached out for one of the papers, silently reading it. Distress bloomed on his face, and at that, Raph and Leo exchanged a look. They reached out and grabbed some of the papers from Mikey’s arms as well, reading them over. Almost immediately emotion bloomed on their faces too. Shock, confusion, distress, anger, it was all there. Mikey all but shoved the journal into Leo’s hands, and dropped to the floor, continuing his look through the papers.

“This… this can’t be right,” Raph said, looking up from his bundle of papers. “He—he can’t really think that—”

“Whether he really thinks it or not, he’s thinking it now,” Leo said, staring at the paper in his hand.

“We must find him,” Splinter said firmly. “If not then I fear what these thoughts might lead him too.”

Mikey suddenly made a noise that they’d never heard him make before, and their attention switched to him. Panicked and tearing up, Mikey shoved a piece of paper into Splinter’s hands, before turning to cling to his brothers. They held him, confused as they watched Splinter read the paper.

Splinter sucked in a breath, and paled.

“Sensei?” Leo asked.

“What does it say?” Raph demanded.

“It says—” Splinter’s voice trembled. “It says ‘Maybe someone will find this. Maybe not. Does it matter? I don’t know why I exist. I shouldn’t exist. I don’t know why I’m here. I can’t do what’s needed. I can’t save anyone. I can’t help anyone. I can’t fix things. Anything I do, someone else could have done. Maybe I shouldn’t be here. I have instructions for everything ready. You will be able to go on without me, if I’m not here. I shouldn’t be here. I hope you loved me as much as I love you. Goodbye. I need to move on.’ And… and that is where it ends.”

Leo and Raph stared at Splinter in horror as Mike sobbed on them.

“Is… is he…” Raph said.

“We must find Donatello,” Splinter said, clutching the piece of paper in his hand. “Now!”

Mikey sniffed and pulled himself back together. “I’ll—I’ll call April and Casey,” he said, pulling out his t-phone.

“I’ll call the Mutanimals. Maybe Rockwell can find him,” Raph said.

“I’ll call Karai and Shinigami,” Leo said. “We have to find him. Before it’s too late.”

Donnie stumbled through sewers. He wasn’t sure where he was going, but he knew that he needed to leave. He winced as his head pulsed again, and he shook it. When had he eaten last? When had he had anything to drink?

…When had anyone bothered to check on him?

Maybe it wasn’t important for them to remind him to eat and drink. After all, if he was already not a good enough ninja when he did remember to eat and drink, then why waste food on him? Food was hard to get anyway, right? And… and didn’t animals sometimes push out the weak ones? Yeah, they did. He was just taking himself out of the equation before they could. Yeah, that made sense.

But where was he going to go? Donnie wasn’t sure, but this way seemed right.

He stumbled on, his head still hurting, and scratching at his itching, itching skin.

Raph had gone to the Mutanimals with a sample of the chemical Donnie had been working with. Rockwell had taken it and started analyzing it immediately. Now, a day later, he had contacted them, wanting to come to their home to get samples from all of them and explain what he had learned.

“It is a power chemical, one with psychotropic effects,” Rockwell explained. “I don’t think that is the main purpose of it, but it is one of the side effects that can happen if someone is exposed to it for too long or in intense doses.”

“What happens when that happens?” Leo asked.

“That’s what I’m trying to determine. However, I think that it will affect different species differently. The intensity and type of effects would be different in a human than, say, in a mutant turtle. If this has affected Donatello’s mind, then I would like to work on an antidote. To do that, I’ll need blood samples from all of you.” Rockwell opened a sample case and pulled out a syringe.

“Wait—why can’t you just get a sample from Sp—Slash?” Raph asked. “He’s a turtle too!”

“Yes, but he mutated from mutant turtle DNA. You and your brothers, however, mutated from human DNA. While Slash will have some of that, I would prefer to have something far more similar.” He held up the syringe again. “Now, who’s first?”

The three brothers looked at Splinter, and Splinter nodded. Leo stepped forward first, offering Rockwell his arm.

“You said that this chemical might affect different species differently,” Splinter said to Rockwell. “Do you know what those effects might be?”

“Not precisely,” Rockwell said. “I have theories, but without something to test them on, I can only make guesses as to the state of mind it might have put Donatello into.” He glanced at them. “There’s something you’re not telling me,” he said.

“Bro. Can’t you just, like, read our minds and find out?” Mikey asked as Rockwell drew blood from him.

“Yes,” Rockwell said, “but out of respect for your Sensei, I refrain from that around him.” Rockwell moved on to Raph. “Now what aren’t you telling me?”

None of the brothers said anything but looked to Splinter instead. Splinter took a breath. “We know how this is affecting him. Negatively. Come.”

Splinter led the way to the lab, Rockwell following as soon as he finished drawing Raph’s blood. Splinter opened the lab, and Rockwell moved inside.

“Oh,” he said, looking at the scribblings on the wall. “Negatively. Yes, I see.”

“And… this,” Splinter said, handing Rockwell the note that they had laid on the table.

Rockwell grew grim. “We will do all we can to find him, and find him soon,” he said. “I promise you.”

What a lousy, useless person he was. He couldn’t even figure out where to go. He hadn’t even packed himself any supplies. He’d managed to get a blanket, as he walked through an abandoned building, before he was chased out. He wore that around himself now as he stumbled along. It was harder to think than before, but maybe that was just because he was thirsty. It had rained, though, so he could find water. Maybe if he found water it would help.

Maybe he could be useful that way, even if it was just to himself.

Donnie stumbled, falling to his hands and knees, and his head spun. Where was he? Oh, right. There were buildings. And the sky. It looked gray. It was probably going to rain again. Rain meant water, though. That was important.

There was a puddle of water in front of him, sitting on the ground. Donnie pulled himself towards it and lowered his face down. He drank. This was good right? He was doing something right. If he could do this, maybe he could be good enough one day. He just had to… to… figure something out. Yes. He had to figure out how to be good enough, and then he could go back.

…Maybe this time, he would be good enough forever.

Mikey stared at the papers. Most of them had been torn from those journals they had found. A lot of the pages in those journals were unreadable now, but Mikey couldn’t help but wonder why Donnie had pulled these pages out, and just destroyed the others.

These pages had parts of them that were blacked out, and parts that weren’t. Something about them, though, looked deliberate, but Mikey couldn’t figure out what. Two days since Donnie went missing, no one had been able to find him. Not even April or Rockwell. What that meant worried Mikey, but it also made him want to try harder to find any clues to where Donnie might have gone.

Mikey rotated the papers around in his hands, and blinked in surprise when he realized that if he slid them just right, the parts that were left unmarked seemed to match up. Curious, Mikey went through the papers, seeing if any other parts matched up. He quickly started laying out the papers, spreading them out on the floor of the lab.

Raph walked by, and then backtracked, looking in. “Mikey? What are you doing? We’re about to look go look for Donnie again. You can’t keep playing with those papers, man. It’s not healthy.”

“There’s something here!” Mikey said. “Just give me a minute.”

“Mikey…” Raph started.

Mikey ignored him, instead setting the papers down, seeing the ways that the lines flowed together and connected. Leo soon joined Raph at the door to the lab, and Splinter came up behind them. Within about five minutes, Mikey had them all laid out and stared at them. So did his family.

Most of the sheets were blacked out, but what wasn’t stood out, bold and white. In big letters that stretched across all the sheets of paper, there was a single message.

WHY AM I NOT ENOUGH?

Donnie’s head was pounding. His skin itched and he couldn’t stop scratching it. His eyes felt dry, and he seemed to have trouble catching his breath. Was he getting sick? Was that what was happening? No, no, he couldn’t get sick. If he got sick, then how could he prove that he was good enough?

Wait—what if he did something none of them could do? What if he took out their enemies? That would mean that he was enough, wouldn’t it? It would prove it! He just had to find their enemies. That wasn’t too hard, though. It didn’t take him long to find some Purple Dragons. It was even easier to follow them.

And then, it was just a matter of taking down their headquarters.

He had a plan. He absolutely had a plan. He clutched his blanket around him. He’d be able to take them down. He just needed to do something about their defenses first. But that was child’s play, even if his head was pounding and he felt like he couldn’t walk without falling over. Maybe that food from the garbage hadn’t been good after all.

He easily figured out how to cut the power to their building. And then he went in. They didn’t like him being there, but that was okay. They weren’t supposed to like it. But maybe this had been a bad idea, because suddenly there was fire, and then Donnie had to escape out the back way. There wasn’t much room between the back of the building at the drainage culvert, though.

But he could do it. He absolutely could do it. And then, when he did it, he’d be enough. He’d finally be enough.

Donnie’s head swam, his limbs felt like jello, and his skin itched. Suddenly, staying out of the culvert wasn’t as easy as he thought it would be, and he stumbled. But this time when he stumbled, he didn’t stop stumbling, not until a very hard stop at the bottom.

He guessed he wasn’t enough.

Three days later, Slash called Raph’s t-phone. They had found him in the culvert behind a burned down Purple Dragon warehouse. Their family had been nearby, Splinter included, and they all rushed to the area.

When Raph got his first glimpse of Donnie, though, he had been sure that he was looking at his brother’s corpse. Covered in trash and debris, and an old blanket, pale and not moving, it had scared the whole family.

“He’s alive,” Slash said. “But he ain’t doing so good.”

Splinter knelt next to Donnie, reaching out a hand to him. “But he is alive,” he said. “And that is more than I had feared.”

Raph felt like weeping in relief.

“We will take him home,” Splinter said. “And attend to his injuries there.”

“I’ll call Rockwell,” Slash said. “Send him that way. I… I hope that Donatello will be okay.”

“Thanks, Slash,” Raph managed to get out, as Splinter carefully examined Donnie, and then picked him up.

“Casey’s bringing the party wagon around,” Leo said. “We can use that to get him home.”

“We will meet him,” Splinter said, and the small family made their way out of the drainage culvert, and to the road.

Enough. Not enough. Enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough.

I failed. I’m not enough. I’ll never be enough.

But I won’t stop trying. Maybe one day I’ll be enough somewhere.

“He’s dehydrated, so we’re putting an IV in for hydration. The lacerations on his skin look as if he scratched himself that deeply. They’ve been, of course, cleaned and bandaged. I’ve also administered the antidote that I developed, thanks to the samples.”

Leo listened as Rockwell explained what he was doing and why he was doing it. He couldn’t help but stare at Donnie even as Rockwell talked. His brother was in such bad shape.

“He has cracked ribs, and more than likely a concussion. His shoulder is definitely bruised. Those are all likely from the fall into the culvert. Hopefully, with the right care and the antidote, he will recover quickly.”

Rockwell paused, and looked at the small family, April and Casey with them. “At least… physically.”

“And mentally?” Leo asked. “Emotionally?”

Rockwell shook his head. “That, I cannot comment on. You’ll just have to wait until he wakes up to see. However, given the… state… of his mind beforehand I would suggest a twenty-four-hour watch on him, as a precaution.

Leo’s breath caught in his throat. A twenty-four-hour watch on him? A round the clock watch on Donnie, just to make sure that he wasn’t left alone, so that he couldn’t act on any dark thoughts.

It twisted Leo up inside.

“Thank you, Dr. Rockwell,” Splinter said. “I assume that we can call on you if anything changes?”

“Yes, please do. I would like to stay informed.”

“I’ll take first watch,” Leo said. “I… I want to.”

Splinter nodded. “Very well, my son.” He put a hand on Leonardo’s shoulder, and then left the room with Rockwell, the others following behind after a moment.

Leo let out a sigh, and at down in the rolling chair next to Donnie’s cot. For a few moments, he just stared at Donnie, trying to understand just what had happened. He couldn’t.

Mike had gathered up all of the papers again and had left them sitting in a neat stack not too far from the cot. Maybe he shouldn’t have, but Leo reached over and snagged them. He wanted to see just what was on these papers that Don had pulled out of those journals. He rifled through them, looking for entries that he could read, even if he sometimes had to squint through whatever Donnie had blacked out parts with. He found several that were somewhat readable, but one struck him more than any of the others.

“I try so hard. So hard! I do everything that’s asked of me! I keep this home running! I repair things when they break! I build the vehicles and machines! I take care of the appliances! On top of that, I’m trying to understand extra-dimensional alien technology that I have no frame of reference for! I’m trying to understand the complicated bio-molecular make-up of the mutagen and the anatomical and physiological effects it has on people! I am trying to wrap my head around so much, forgoing sleep and forgetting meals and what am I told when I fail? Work harder! As if I’m not already working myself to the bone! Work harder! Maybe he’ll be happy when I work myself in to the grave! Maybe then it’ll be enough!”

Leo put the papers down, taking in a deep breath. Had his brother really thought about working himself to death? Leo looked over at Donnie, still unconscious, still showing no signs of waking.

“I’m sorry, Donnie. I’m sorry. I—I should have realized how hard you were working. I should never have said that.”

The guilt ate at him, as he stared at his brother, slowly sifting through the papers until Raph came to relieve him.

Raph glared at the papers as he kept vigil at Don’s bedside. Leo shouldn’t have been reading them. He shouldn’t have. But he was, and there was something in them that had affected the turtle in blue deeply. But Raph wasn’t going to give into that urge. He wasn’t going to read those papers like Leo had. He wasn’t—

Oh, who was he kidding? He absolutely was.

Just like Leo, he had to rely a lot on piecing things together, and he was just about to give up out of frustration, when he realized that there was an entry he could read clearly. Eager to finally find something coherent, Raph pulled it towards him.

“B-team. Weakest ninja. Stupid genius. I feel like the insults come all of the time. Not to mention the slaps, the hits the whacks. And that’s not counting all of the times he’s mocked me for liking April. But if we tease him or throw something back in his face, then it’s as if we’ve committed a cardinal sin! Maybe if I had hours to commit to weightlifting or training then I could be as good a ninja as he is. Maybe if he’d give my plans half a chance before deciding they’re stupid and take too long, they’d actually work. Maybe if he’d just listen to me for once, instead of cutting me off, he’d learn something! But I’m sure he’d like the silence that would come with my absence more.”

Raph practically dropped the stack of papers, staring at them horrified before he vaulted his way to Don’s bedside. “I won’t do any of that no more, alright?” he said, desperate. “I—I won’t ridicule you, or call you weak, or hit you, even in fun! I don’t want silence from you! I just want you! Please, Donnie! Please!”

Raph stayed there, like that, until Mikey came to take his turn.

Mikey had no compunctions about reading the papers. He had already glanced at and read so much that he knew he was just going to keep reading the rest. So, as soon as Raph was gone, and Mikey was settled in, he picked up the stack of papers and began to read through them.

“Sometimes I feel a little guilty, because I know that he’s just lonely and he wants to spend time with someone, and our older brothers are too wrapped up in themselves to bother to pay attention to him. But at the same time, all I want is for him to listen to me and leave my things alone! I don’t care if he wants to use my headphones or get on a spare laptop to play a game. But I work so, so hard on my experiments and my inventions, and then he just waltzes in here and messes them up. Hours, maybe even days or months of research and preparations gone within seconds! The ingredients, ruined, used up, gone. It isn’t like I can just go to the store and get more. Heck, even if I were human, I couldn’t do that with most of these. I bet when I’m gone, he’ll just run rampant in here and destroy everything.

Mikey teared up, and put the journal down, reaching over to hold Donnie’s hand. He hadn’t been expecting that. “I won’t touch anything without your permission ever again, bro! I don’t want your stuff! It was never about wanting your stuff! I just wanted to spend time with you! But I didn’t show you that very well, did I?”

Mikey spent the rest of his shift with Donnie talking about all of the things he wanted to do with his brother, and how he’d do the best he could to not mess up any of Donnie’s experiments. By the time April came to sit with Donnie, Mikey had just about talked himself hoarse.

April had insisted on taking a turn. They were family to her, all of them, and she wasn’t about to not be there for them. She had heard about the words on the wall, and about the papers, but she hadn’t expected to see them. Curiosity got the better of her, and she picked them up, looking for anything readable.

“I’ll never be good enough. I know that. How can I be? She’s a beautiful girl who will no doubt grow up to be a beautiful woman. I’m just a mutant that lives in the sewers. I can’t offer her anything. Even when she does give me little signs of encouragement back, deep down I know that nothing will ever happen. She’ll grow up, move off, and forget about me. And who can blame her? Even if she doesn’t love me, I had hoped to be able to keep her friendship, at least. But I don’t even think that’ll be possible. If she moves away from here, far away from mutants and aliens and danger, I wouldn’t blame her. She’ll be better off without me, even if she’ll always have my heart.”

April was openly crying as she put down the papers. “I never—I never meant to lead you on! I just didn’t know what to do or how to react. I—” a sob escaped her, and she clutched the journal to her. “You’ll never lose my friendship, Donnie! I’m sorry! I’m sorry for all those times I was mean to you or blamed you. It wasn’t fair of me! But I’ve learned! I promise, you’ll never lose my friendship, Donnie!”

She was still crying slow tears when Casey came to check in and sent her on to take a break. Casey knew that he and Donnie had their issues. But he honestly liked the turtle, even if they did have more of a rivalry than anything. That whole thing with the Demon Car had proven that they could get along if they wanted to. He just wasn’t sure how to do that here.

He was curious, though, as to the papers that April had been holding, and he picked them up, quickly realizing what they were. He knew he should put them down, but somehow, he just couldn’t.

“He acts like he’s soooo much better than me. All he’s got going for him is that he’s human! That’s it! That’s the only advantage he has over me! Even if it’s a really big one. The biggest one, in fact. Big enough that it eclipses pretty much everything else about me. I mean, even he could give her a better life than I could. So maybe he has a reason to act like he’s better than me—because he is. In every way that matters in this life, he’s better than me. I’m sure he’d like it if I just disappeared. Then he wouldn’t have to waste his time putting down a mutant like me, when really, he shouldn’t even have to waste his time doing it.”

“Donnie, no!” Casey dropped the papers on the ground, sitting upright from his slouch. “No, I don’t think I’m better than you, I just—” he ran a hand through his hair. “I’m jealous of you, man. You’re smart, you’re skilled, you figure things out so fast. I’m the one that shouldn’t stand a chance here, not you. I—look. Look, if you come back from this, I promise I’ll tone down the rivalry, okay? And—and maybe we can do some stuff together, like work on the Shellraiser or the Party Wagon. I know we don’t always get along, but you’re my friend, too, Donnie. I’ll let you know that better.”

At least, he’d try. Needing to keep his hands busy, Casey pulled out the sketchbook he had, and began doodling. By the time Splinter arrived, startling Casey, he had ideas for half a dozen different vehicles drawn up that he and Donnie could work on together.

Splinter had desperately wanted to be at his son’s side, but he had, instead, let the others go, and used that time to reach out to April’s father. He had informed the man of what had happened and had asked for his advice going forward. It was good advice, and Splinter could only hope that it did not come too late.

He saw the papers lying on the ground and reached out to pick them up. He knew that it would be an invasion of his son’s privacy if he read them, but at the same time, if there was something in it that would help him understand how his son was feeling, then Splinter wanted that.

“I can’t measure up. I can’t be good enough. Nothing I do is or ever will be good enough, I see that now. No matter what I invent, no matter how much I make our lives more comfortable, no matter how much I try to train, I’ll never be good enough to please him. I’ll always fall short of the mark. I’ll never be a good enough ninja. I’ll never spend enough time training. I’ll never live up to the Hamato name. My inventions and accomplishments are meaningless. He doesn’t care about them. He never does. He never will. All he cares about is how good of a ninja I am, and I never make that mark. And if I can’t do that? Then why should I even be here?

Splinter took a deep breath in, feeling like he had just spend five hours in non-stop training. “Oh, my son. Oh, my dear, dear son.” He sat the papers aside and knelt at Donnie’s bedside. “I cannot express my grief that I made you feel that way. You are enough. You have always been enough. Your wonderful inventions and accomplishments fill me with pride, as I know those are things that most people cannot even begin to conceive of. I should have told you more. I will tell you more. I promise.”

Donnie came to slowly. His head was pounding, and he felt awful. He felt like he had been sick, been poisoned, and pulled a week’s worth of all-nighters all at once. He groaned, wanting nothing more than to go back to sleep until he felt better. But something wouldn’t let him. There were… voices? There was pain. Wait… what had happened to him?

His eyes felt scratchy and dry, but he pried his eyelids open anyway. It took him a bit to focus, but when he did, he could make out his brothers, his father, April, Casey, and Rockwell all gathered around him. He looked at them, confused.

“whhhh…”

He could barely get a whisper out, his throat felt so dry. Leo knelt next to his bedside, a mug in his hand with a straw in it. “Easy, Donnie,” he said, putting the straw in Donnie’s mouth. “Just take it easy. Don’t drink too fast or too much.”

“If that settles, I’ll get you some soup later,” Mikey promised. “Some chicken broth! None of my special touches!”

“How are you feeling, Donnie,” Raph asked, his voice unusually soft as he adjusted the blanket.

Donnie stared at his brothers, confused. He glanced at the others. April looked like she was about to cry, and Casey looked like he was one push away from some sort of emotion. Splinter looked down at him with more worry and compassion than Donnie had seen in a long time. What was going on?

“You were suffering from altered brain chemistry,” Rockwell said, and for once, Donnie was glad he could read his mind. “And it’s good to know you finally see the usefulness of me reading your mind.” No, never mind, Donnie took it back. “Regardless of how you feel about that, though, allow me to explain your situation,” Rockwell continued.

“You were working with some chemicals, when your ventilation system failed. Because of that, the chemicals you breathed in got into your bloodstream. They altered your brain chemistry enough that it muddled your thinking and brought out negative emotions. You, apparently, vandalized your own lab and ran off, with no one seeing you. We found you three days later, where you had passed out in a drainage culvert. It’s been four days since then. You’ve been unconscious. However, I managed to find the right combination to neutralize the effects of the chemical. You should be on the path to recovery.” Rockwell looked smug. “You may thank me now, even if it’s just in your head.”

Donnie did not have the energy to deal with that at the moment. Instead, he just looked at his loved ones, closed his dry, dry eyes, and fell back asleep.

The chemical took time to get out of Donnie’s system, and it took time for him to recover, too. His family was unusually attentive, although it did take a few days for Donnie to catch on to it. They were almost beside themselves making sure he ate, he drank, he got enough sleep, he was comfortable, that he knew they loved him. They made sure that he was helped up and down, that he didn’t scratch at his bandages as the chemical wore off, and that if he felt dizzy at all he was raced to a seat or a bed. They never left him alone. There was always someone nearby. Their behavior stumped him, and finally, one day, when April and Casey were over and fussing over him too, he just asked.

“Okay—what’s up with all of you?” he said.

“What do you mean?” Raph asked.

“I mean all of this,” Donnie said, sweeping his hand around. “We’ve not spent this much time together, well, ever, I think. I can’t turn around without someone being there. And you all seem insistent on both watching me like a hawk and making sure that my every need is met. Which is… weird. So. What. Is. Going. On?”

The tension in the room increased, and Splinter sighed, reaching into his robe and pulling out one of the journals and the loose papers. “Donatello, my son, we need to talk.”

Donnie looked at the journal and then back up at his father. “Talk?” he repeated.

“Yeah,” Mikey said. “Because, like, you know it’s all not true, right? You know that we do love you and stuff, right?”

“And that we want you here with us. No matter what,” Leo said.

“We’d never want to lose you, Donnie.” Raph added.

Donnie waved his hands in the air. “Wait, wait, wait, hold on, time out. What are you talking about?”

Splinter reached back into his robe and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “We found this note you left for us, Donatello.”

Donnie took the note with confusion, unfolding it and reading it over. “I… I think I remember writing this?” he said. “Or at least, something like this.” He looked up at his family, still confused. “But I don’t understand.”

“My son, we…” Splinter hesitated, and Donnie watched his father struggle for words. “You are important,” he finally said. “Not because of the things you can do, or the things you can’t do, but because you are my son, their brother, and if you were to… to take your own life… nothing could fill the hole that you left behind.”

Donnie blinked at his father. Then he blinked at his brothers, and his friends. And then he looked back at the paper. “Wait. Wait, wait, wait. You—you thought I was suicidal!?”

“Donnie, it’s okay,” Leo said, “It’s not something that you have to hide from us.”

“Yeah, we’re here to help you,” Raph said.

“We’re going to be right by your side,” Mikey said, “And make sure that you know how much you’re loved, bro.”

“We’re not going to abandon you,” April said firmly.

“We want you here,” Casey added on.

“You see, my son,” Splinter said. “No matter what you are feeling or going through, we are going to be here for you.”

“And we’re going to do a much better job of letting you know just how much we love you and appreciate everything you do,” Leo said.

“Wait, wait, wait,” Donnie said again. “Not that I don’t appreciate all of that, because I do, but I am not suicidal.”

Raph looked startled. “But the note—”

“The note was written when I wasn’t in my right mind,” Donnie said. “But aside from that, I never meant to kill myself. That much I remember clearly. I did meant to leave, though. That much is true.”

“Wait—but then what about the papers?” April said.

“The papers?” Donnie repeated.

“The ones from the journal,” Mikey clarified.

“From the journal?” Donnie repeated, obviously confused.

“These,” Splinter said, handing the journal and the papers over to his son.

Donnie took the, and flipped through the papers and the journal, understanding growing on his face. He groaned. “Oh, man, okay, I can see why you’d be concerned. No one was supposed to see these. They were for me only.” He frowned. “I admit that sometimes there’s more truth in the entries then I would ever want to admit to you—well, before now, I suppose—but these were like… like overflow.”

“Overflow?” Splinter asked.

Donnie nodded. “When Raph gets frustrated and has too many emotions, he takes it out on his punching bag, letting the overflow of emotions out that way. Leo trains, letting his emotions slide away with the concentration. Mikey creates. Food, art, projects, whatever it is, he creates. But those methods don’t work for me. I need to think through my emotions, or they just clog up. But sometimes what’s riding at the top of my emotions is too much to get past. So, I let it overflow into writing and into words. That usually takes the top off so that I can deal with the emotions—or at least suppress them.”

“So, the stuff in there isn’t true?” Casey asked. “It’s not how you feel?”

Donnie frowned. “I won’t say that. I still feel overworked. I still feel unappreciated a lot. I still don’t like being called the worst ninja. I still don’t like my things being messed with. I still feel upset at the thought of being left behind. I still feel like I’m not good enough more often than I want to admit.” He raised his head enough to look at Splinter, even if it was just for a few seconds. “I still feel like I won’t measure up, and I feel like no one cares about what I’m interested in most of the time.” He looked down at the journal. “I still feel alone sometimes.”

He lifted his eyes. “But—I have never once thought that killing myself would be the right answer. This,” he tapped the journal, “is my version of Raph’s punching bag. There’s truths in there. But that doesn’t mean that they’re as intense as it reads.”

There seemed to be a collective sigh of relief at that, and some of the tension bled out of the room.

“I am pleased to hear that, Donatello,” Splinter said. “Although it is clear that there are still things we need to address.”

“My father can help with that,” April said. “I know he’d be happy to.”

Donnie nodded his head. “Yeah,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “Look, I’m… I’m sorry, guys,” He looked at them. “I never meant to make you think I was suicidal. But I guess my head was just too full of chemicals to think clearly.”

“Yes,” Splinter said. “But that does not mean that our mouths did not give you unintentional ridicule.” Splinter stood, and came closer to Donnie, laying his hands on his son’s shoulders. “We have neglected our care for you, and even if it is not as extreme as we feared, we can do better.” He looked at the children in the room. “We can all do better with each other.”

“Great,” Raph asked. “I’m game. But how?”

Splinter was quiet for a moment. “We can being by taking some of the burden off of Donatello. I’m sure there are household repairs that we can learn to do. And from there, we will practice better ways to use our words.” He squeezed Donatello’s shoulders. “None of us should feel less than, chemicals in our brains or not.”

Donnie smiled up at his father, and then glanced at the rest of his family. “Thanks, Sensei,” he said. “Thanks guys.”

“Just never do this again, okay?” Raph said.

Donnie laughed. “Believe me, I don’t plan on it. In fact, I think I know what the first project you guys can help me out with will be.”

“A pizza making machine?” Mikey asked.

“Revamping my exhaust system in the lab,” Don said. “That way we never do have to worry about this happening again.”

“That,” Leo said with a smile, “Sounds like a good plan.”

#whumptober 2023 #no.24 #lyric #TMNT #TMNT 2012 #Fanfic #tmnt donatello #tmnt leonardo #tmnt raphael #tmnt michelangelo #tmnt splinter

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dullahandyke · 1 year ago

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Wait ok bcos i metisposted. I realised u guys might not have all the eimear lore. So here is the main stuff off the top of my head

Bugs in him - every so often I spam reblog an audio line from kingdom hearts recoded. Mickey its riku they put bugs in him. Actually don't worry about it stay unaware

That one time I tried to move blogs after a six month hiatus and then gave up lol. My alt still exists (@tissyfits if u wanna go for it) but I never like. Log in or use it. So

Materfred - important and vital. Ship between Manfred von karma from ace attorney and mater from cars. I wrote several fics. I reskinned the entirety of my immortal for them. I made a carrd for them (materfred.carrd.co). They are somewhat known because my tags abt them on a post got screenshotted and then the OP of that post blocked me (entirely fair it was a plague upon their notes)

The metis cykes obsession - metis cykes is a minor character in the fifth ace attorney game who has been dead for 7 years by the time the story starts and she has no dialogue. There are seven pictures of her in existence and two of those are of her corpse. I loved her I LOOOOVED her it was like spiritual, I've kinned for fun on and off but I was LITERALLY her IRL for like 6 months. To this day my feelings on aurametis are staunch like stone

The lamp blog - I used to have a huuuge hateboner for clay terran as a symbol of fandom latching onto background men instead of woman characters, and, spurred on by my friend group at the time, I made a blog called yourfavehasfewerficsthanthislamp where I just compared the number of fics XYZ character had next to the number of fics terran had. It was an obsessive hate-cycle which did nothing to actually uplift female characters and the methodology was intensely flawed (shoutout to the 'neopets has fewer fics than terran' submission - I mean, yeah, but I feel like you can't use that to say he is more popular than fuckin neopets. Or that neopets is a poor neglected soul that needs more fanfiction written about it) but hey at least I got reposted to Twitter

Yelling emernally - my old talk tag <3 back before I made yis read all my thoughts unfiltered, back when I spelt my name 'emer'. Given the pronounication of my name, it is a pun that only kind of worked, and it confused most people who came across it. Tag is still up if u wanna read my 2020 thoughts but also like. Dont

Not so much a bullet point but if u were around before I was calling myself dullahandame u are legally my cousin. I dont even remember all URLs what I had back then, only they all had my name in them. Emer-bottomtext, emer-ald-isle, et cetera. Fun times

#self indulgent post yayyyy knowledge #eimear fans am i forgetting anything... thr answer is probably Yes

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mostlikelytofangirl · 1 year ago

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Look at this mess. The reason it's difficult to translate NMJ accurately to a modern au is because his actions would be just abusive. Honestly if I were NHS I'd never forgive NMJ for destroying my things. NHS is scared. Look at him, poor thing. As much as I love NMJ he needs a reality check

Let me just.

Aahhhh ok. Here's the thing.

Is this objectively abusive? Yes.

Is this happing in a vaccum? No.

Idk man. I'm thinking that maybe you haven't come across a good modern AU featuring NMJ bc I have enjoyed me plently a great and in-character and delightful modern!NMJ.

This happening right there is not a staple of his entire character. If anything it IS a way to show how much he had degraded and spiralled into qi deviation. He did need a reality check, you are right, but that's bc he is getting progressively disconnected from reality and wrapped in his own biased perception.

You know what this reads like to me? Triton and Ariel.

Dude was fed up with his daughter not only disobeying and neglecting responsibilities, but doing stuff he knew for a fact were dangerous. He was trying to protect her. What he did in the cave, destroying all her stuff, was awful and unexcusable, but can we really call it abusive? Or claim that he didn't love her and was a matter of time before he got violent?

In NMJ's case, dude knows he's dying, he's going to leave NHS alone and in charge of the sect in a world where JGS is pretty much unmatched and he had been trying for so long to get his brother and only heir to actually give a damn about that. Throughout the years, he had yelled and nagged, but how different is that from a strict parent? Dude had to be a parent after losing his and becoming a sect leader at what? 16? I think we can cut him some slack in terms of not being the most wholesome guardian. AND YET not once was he ever mentioned to get physical with his brother, neither would NHS be his happy-go-lucky, lazy self for all their life together if he knew there were actual weight to his brother's threats. Or was JC also abusive towards JL in this regard?

Mxtx herself confirmed in an interview that despite being only half-siblings, the Nie's relationship was good. This here is an outlier situation, an ooc moment for NMJ bc my guy was reaching the point of no return. And the fact that NHS not only forgave him, but enacted a ten years long revenge for him goes to show that he either came to understand the circunstances in which this happened, or the love and good moments he spent with his brother greatly outweighted this sad episode.

I'm sorry, but this is extremely realistic to me in terms of family and interpersonal relationships in general. No one can have a fully wholesome and unproblematic dynamic with another person, much less a close one. You are going to do shit to hurt each other, you are going to be pissed off or even scared when the other person blows up when they are in a very bad place. That doesn't mean that all your time together is now invalid or that that person is "toxic", especially when it's pretty obvious that this is not normal behavior for them.

You are fully valid in not liking this, of course, I just don't think it fully fair to pass judgment on how other characters should feel about him when NMJ is quite literally going through his worst moment right before he freaking dies a painful and untimely end.

#replies #mdzs #listen I am hearing what you say #but I also see that we are seeing these events from different places lol

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nagichi-boop · 2 years ago

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What's your opinion about "rise turtles are same",what you like/dislike the most about their writing for them?

Hey there! I sincerely apologise but I don't fully understand your ask. I will try and answer it anyways though!

If you're asking me to compare the Rise version of the turtles compared to the other iterations, I'm afraid I can't answer that. I haven't watched anything other than Rise.

As for how I feel about how they're written, I don't think I have anything that I hate about any of them. Even moments that could be said to be out of character for the brothers never felt like it to me. Let me list a couple examples.

Mikey is generally the caring, aloof brother, but very rarely does he show a lack of concern for others. In fact, he is arguably the brother who is most empathetic and thoughtful. Even when he is stressed, he tries his best to keep everyone on the same page. One example of this is him blocking Raph from Leo in the movie when they fight. He is also the one to lecture Donnie when he is having issues with Sheldon and was the only one who believed in given Draxum a second chance.

There are times, however, where he is arguably out of character. One is the Mystic Library where Mikey impulsively yells despite knowing he is supposed to be quiet. This could be seen as OOC because Mikey usually approaches situations with a level of thought and caution and only really fails to do this if he doesn't grasp the situation. In those cases, it's unintentional. The other example (and the bigger one) that comes to mind is in Man VS Sewer. Throughout the whole episode, Mikey is especially chaotic and carefree despite Raph being missing and Leo's reminders at how desperate the situation is. But in my eyes, neither of these to me feel OOC.

In my eyes, the reason Mikey often falls into the role of the family's emotional glue is simply because he feels he has to. While Splinter's way of parenting can be understood by his past, I think it's safe to say that he isn't the most emotionally supportive. It's not explicitly stated, but we catch glimpses of it either through his actions or things that are said. In the Late Fee, we see just how excited and desperate the boys are to return their father's dvd because they are desperate to receive a hug from him. Sure, we do see them hug their dad outside of this example, but based on how determined to return the dvd in the episode, it seems to me that this is isn't something that their dad does often and is possibly only given under certain conditions. It's also hinted a few times by Donnie that Splinter isn't quick to give praise as on many occasions, Donnie becomes ecstatic when receiving compliments from adult figures. He also becomes overjoyed when Splinter asks to spend time with Donnie, which implies that he often doesn't spend one to one time with them (or arguably more upsettingly, he just neglects Donnie). This way of parenting causes Raph, Leo and Donnie to all be poor communicators for their emotions, especially because they feel a degree of responsibility for caring for the family, especially Mikey.

Because Mikey is the youngest, he doesn't necessarily have to push down his feelings. Raph does so because as the oldest, he feels he needs to be a source of emotional stability for the family. Leo and Donnie both hide their feelings due to a sense of inferiority - neither wants to appear weak and so they tend to overcompensate with a somewhat arrogant attitude. As the youngest, Mikey was perhaps more sheltered by his brothers which allowed him to be more emotionally expressive. That coupled with his adhd (which is almost canon?), I figure Mikey has heightened empathy and so when his brothers are upset, he feels it too and strives to make his brothers happy.

So how does this all relate back to the examples I mentioned earlier? Well, despite his seeming emotional maturity, he is still only 13 years old and the youngest of four siblings, That coupled with potential adhd means that of course there will be times where Mikey lets his impulsivity get the better of him. In Mystic Library, he sees an opportunity to do something fun and takes it. I really don't see Mikey as someone who is able to sit still and be quiet for too long - he always seems to be fidgeting in one way or another.

As for Man VS Sewer, I believe it's a similar situation. He was expecting to have a fun day with his brothers and so became more hyperactive. Even after Raph was missing, he couldn't just turn that feeling off, so he kept making jokes and comments that could make it seem like he didn't care. I also believe, though, that Mikey has his moments where he perhaps gets annoyed at Raph and perhaps this was one of those times, causing him to act a little more 'careless' for lack of a better word. As the eldest, Raph is often seen to baby Mikey. The most apparent example is in Hot Soup The Game, Raph is the only sibling that is against Mikey going on a solo mission to retrieve the game. Once Leo and Donnie agree that Mikey can go on his own, he hugs them and then teases Raph triumphantly. Raph is also the one to suggest that Donnie spy on Mikey and then later to go back Mikey up. When they arrive, Mikey is infuriated at Raph's lack of faith in him.

I've also heard that there was a scrapped episode that explored Mikey and Raph becoming more distant as siblings? I can't comment much on it since it doesn't exist, but assuming this is an episode that was actually planned, it would further explain Mikey's behaviour in Man VS Sewer. While he still loves Raph, I imagine he is the sibling Mikey would get upset at the most and so sometimes gets upset at him to the point of seeming uncaring, even though that's not actually how he feels.

So even in the episodes where Mikey seems more chaotic and ignorant to the feelings of others, I still don't think it is OOC. He, as the youngest sibling, just sometimes gets swept away in his own excitement sometimes and is probably used to a degree of flexibility and pampering as the youngest because he is not expected to be as responsible as the others, even though his behaviour most of the time is quite mature when considering his age.

The other character who is likely to be accused of being OOC at times is Leo. I'll mostly be talking about how he is portrayed in the movie, so please skip this part if you don't want spoilers for that.

At the start of the film, Leo showboats a little too much and ends up causing the team to fail their mission to retrieve the key. At this point, they don't actually know what the key is for, so in a way it's a little understandable that he seems somewhat carefree. After all, most of their failed missions don't turn out to be a problem they can't solve later. The main point of contention at this point is Raph's anger towards Leo's attitude. Despite now being the leader of the team, Leo often acts on his own in missions and cares more about his ability to flaunt rather than working as a team. He ignores Raph's complaints, which results in them arguing. I'm sure that this isn't a new issue between the brothers, however. We have seen glimpses of their struggles before throughout the series. In Shell in the Cell, Leo once again displays a carefree attitude towards something and infuriates Raph. Sure, this wasn't them failing a mission, but it shows that Leo's attitude is something that has caused contention before, and it can be assumed that offscreen between season 2 and the movie, this was a topic of argument many times. While some people might view Leo as a jerk for how he acts, I actually believe his behaviour comes from a place of insecurity. Him becoming the leader is a powershift I'm sure not everyone agreed with. Perhaps his brothers had expressed their concerns with him being the leader. Leo's insistence on doing things his way could therefore be explained as him trying to prove his competence to the others. If he wasn't the one making the plans and being more than just a face man, then what worth did he really have as a leader? In his mind, he had to be the one front and center because that was what it meant to be a leader. If it was his team making the plans and saving the day, then he wouldn't be needed as a leader.

Leo's attitude shifts from nonchalant arrogance to angered desperation when it is discovered that the key is more important than they thought. He rushes for the key despite the others insisting he flee, which results in Raph getting injured and captured. Even after returning home, his determination to prove his worth and competence as a leader grows and causes him to push the team to follow his orders, despite the others expressing concern. This leads to Donnie and Mikey almost being crushed and it's only thanks to Casey's wake up call that Leo is able to take a step back and reconsider his plans. He starts listening to the others and distributes the workload to the others.

In the final portion of the movie, Leo makes the incredible sacrifice of sealing himself away from the Krang. It's possible he expected to be locked there for the rest of his life or even for an eternity, but he didn't care. All that mattered to him is keeping everyone safe. This wasn't some attempt to show off - he just did what he thought was the best option. He could've tried to fight the Krang to prove himself, but he instead offered to sacrifice himself to protect those he loved. His being motionless after makes me believe that moreso. He didn't gloat to the Krang outside of his portal-chopping joke. He didn't fight back. He accepted his fate, and with a smile was content that he fulfilled his role as a leader and protected his brothers. Sure, he made the joke when he saw the portal Mikey made, but I think he was just trying to hide what had happened to him. Again, he wasn't arrogant, he was just happy to see his family. I assume he expected to be stuck there for a while anyway - if not, why didn't he fight off the Krang? Why let himself be defencelessly attacked if he expected to be leaving soon?

Sooo I guess in summary what I'm saying is, I think the turtles are written excellently. I guess the only character I can say I dislike the writing of is Splinter? His character seems to flip flop a lot between neglectful and compassionate. But I don't really mind it that much. Splinter was just an actor who suddenly became a father of four. He spent his life trying to avoid his responsibilities because he didn't want to become like his mother or grandfather. I suppose his emotional neglect could in part be because he didn't want his children to be close to him in the event he wasn't around anymore, much like how he lost his mother. And again, I don't think Splinter was ever mentally ready to suddenly become a father, much less having to give up his entire lifestyle becuase of them and his now mutated body. I'm not saying I am excusing the way he is, but I at least get where it may come from. He hasn't had an easy life by any means and becoming a parent wasn't his choice. We see that later on he at least comes to terms with his responsibilities and tries to make amends.

Anyways uhh...I think I'll leave it there, especially since I have no idea if this is what you were asking. I'm super sorry if I've misunderstood oop-

#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt #character analysis #analysis #nagichi asks

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