#my love letter to s1
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I miss season 1 of the bear.
I miss the grunginess, the messiness of the beef, with its busted appliances and claustrophobic chaos, but also so much love. I miss the slowly unraveling mystery of Michael, the tragic ghost haunting the narrative. I miss seeing a rowdy bunch of cooks becoming greater and greater at their craft, growing to respect themselves and others.
I miss season 1 carmy, the incredible premise of a most excellent fine dining chef coming back to work at the struggling family business that rejected him. Season 1 Carmy, riddled with anxiety and grief and anger issues, but also a real desire to be good. To be better, kinder. I miss seeing Carmy’s beautiful monologue for the first time, after spending the whole season trying to piece together what made him like this. Just watching him in awe.
There is nothing quite like season 1 of the bear.
#carmy berzatto#the bear#carmen berzatto#jeremy allen white#the bear fx#the bear Hulu#was talking abt s1 with my roommate the other day and i was like omfg I miss it#s1 supremacy for me personally……….. it’s just the best#I MISS MY WIFE TAILS#blabbing#my love letter to s1#that’s why all my fics take place in s1 lol
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happy pride month from the s1 archives crew <3
just lines version under the cut!
#tma#the magnus archives#s1 archives crew#polyarchives#polychives#sasha james#martin blackwood#jon sims#jonathan sims#tim stoker#timothy stoker#I feel weird putting so many tags after my last couple pieces#this is a love letter to tma fandom for helping me realize that I’m genderfluid#aimfall art#undescribed
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The Uncertainty of Love and its Torment
As my Bridgerton rewatch continues, I’ve made it to season 2, episode 6: the failed wedding episode.
Love is in the air as Anthony and Edwina face the day of their nuptials. Yet, as we know, it is not the bride and groom that share this love- it is Anthony and Kate that long for each other. It is Eloise and Theo, unsure of their mutual attraction. And, for those of us with a keen eye, it is Penelope and Colin’s love blossoming in the palace courtyard.
While Anthony and Kate fight their love for each other- the feelings between Eloise and Theo & Penelope and Colin remain uncertain in their reciprocation.
Eloise says something important about her relationship with Theo to Penelope- that she is uncertain of his feelings and the “thought exercise” of questioning said feelings is a “thrilling kind of torment”.
(And, during this scene, we can see Pen look longingly at Colin)
While Anthony and Kate’s torment is that they do love each other, it is the torment of the unknown that plague Eloise and Penelope’s infatuations.
Eloise, because she is not used to feeling attraction and is unsure what to call it. Penelope, because she has longed so long for Colin, and his friendship with her has left her confused about his affections.
While Eloise’s attraction was new and exciting, Penelope had been living in her state of torment for years. Both a kind of uncertainty that brought each their own torment. This starts laying an excellent foundation for season 3.
And what tortuous moment can we look to in season 3?
Colin’s first confession of feelings in the carriage.
As Colin himself says, his feelings for Penelope are a “[torture] that [he] cannot, will not, [does] not want to, give up”.
Here, Colin, in a way, reiterates the sentiment Eloise shared last season. However, unlike Eloise, he, himself, is certain of his own feelings. He’s had the experience with Marina to show him the difference between fleeting attraction and love. He knows what it was like to lose Marina and to have his feelings unreciprocated- which is wholly different than his love for Penelope.
But since their kiss and as of this moment in the carriage, Colin truly does not know Penelope’s feelings towards him. The uncertainty of it haunts him as we can see with Luke’s facial acting.
Eloise’s “torment” comment, along with the struggle of Anthony and Kate from season 2 add to the context surrounding Colin and Pen’s love declarations and makes this past season that much more special.
From the first carriage scene confession from Colin, to Penelope’s admission in the church scene, these two have been through their own torments to get to each other- ones that span all the way from season 1 to season 3.
#bridgerton rewatch#bridgerton#my Bridgerton series rewatch#my bridgerton rewatch#Bridgerton series rewatch#Bridgerton 2x06#Bridgerton season 2#bridgerton season 3#Bridgerton parallels#I’m still in my Polin brainrot era#2x06#Bridgerton s2#Bridgerton s3#everything is polin#Polin#eloise bridgerton#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#bridgerton analysis#Abitcaughtinthemiddle#this show is so good y’all#this rewatch is just a love letter to season 3 tbh#season 3 was so fucking good in how it tied together themes and used the foundations laid by s1 and s2#honestly the more I think about it the better it gets#I love this show#polinweek
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2x21 "crisis" really is a perfect episode
#mash#i cannot BELIEVE the plot of this episode was really it's cold and we need to snuggle for warmth#the supply line got cut off so we need communal sleepovers for Morale Reasons#it's PERFECT!#i just know frank is that kid who's like 'can we please be quiet and go to sleep'#frank thinks they're gonna get in trouble if they're too loud#i'm going to finish s2 today and i really enjoyed it overall!#i think it's stronger than s1 (understandably) and the episodes have more rewatchability#however on the other hand there episodes like for want of a boot and as you were that feel like all set up and no payoff#similarly dear dad 3 didn't really feel committed to the epistolary format and didn't do anything interesting or meaningful with it#also bc i am a person who loves spoilers and context i know what happens to henry so every passing episode i am filled with dread#that's my DAD what do you MEAN he's gonna get shot down over the sea of japan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#also mclean stevenson is giving possibly my favourite performance. he's just Saying things by accident#not one word in his mouth has ever been there on purpose he is possessed by the spirit of your dumbest uncle#i'm still lukewarm on trapper. the vulture instinct i feel on account of him looking like buddy the elf has settled#i no longer want to tear that man to shreds out of primal rage i only wish he'd get his own plot & a more distinct personality#those are all my thoughts rn#i have to bribe myself with the Very Special Gay Episode so i can finish this cover letter#id in alt text
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is anybody else out there still creating twdg fanworks 😭📢 where is everyone please dont say reddit i cant go back there
#im gods bravest little soldier for following fandom tags but its rough in there#guess i should specifically say where are the twdg fans who didnt hate violet#sometimes i remember how homophobic (and racist?? in the lee and clem game??) people were during s4 (and still are on reddit/yt) and think:#maybe i should stop looking and just let the cool people find me#go knocking on enough doors and the devil may answer#but i want to see fanart 🥺#was only Slightly surprised by the misogyny because this is clems game series but hoo boy the misogyny towards violet......#ive gotten used to how quiet it is i gotta remind myself a dead fandom is better than an annoying one 💀burning shores reminded me of that#so hard being a wlw in video game spaces please where are my other wlw video game enjoyers i need to find u 😭#gotta draw some more ellie to lure them in like an angler fish#im honestly surprised how dead twdg seems to be esp with the way the final season ended?? its set up so well for fanworks??#theres a lot of unaccounted for time even before clem got to the school. and its set up that their lives could be anything now#is it just because people were burned so hard by seasons 2 and 3 that a lot of people just didnt even play 4??#or maybe they didnt even know s4 was un-cancelled??#because i know theres a lot of people who stopped after 3#but 4 is such a return to form. its like the other side of the coin to s1 for me. like if s1 was more hopeful instead of dreadful#it is Such a love letter to s1 honestly. imagine if telltale didnt shut down in the middle of production and they got a full budget.....#sometimes i imagine it... s4 with a full 5 episodes??? in my dreams. literally.#oof this turned into a ramble im just fandom lonely#twdg#it speaks
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My video "A LAWYER'S EVIDENCE that Mike and Will become a romantic pair in Stranger Things" is out!
youtube
Many of you have followed me ( @teambyler ) or read my essays analyzing Byler (I've linked some of the most-shared ones below). I am actually also a LAWYER who has a YouTube channel called RONALD OFF THE RECORD, and I just released my big video on Byler! (I also have another YouTube channel with 45K subscribers that I mention in the video)
I'm prepared to put my professional reputation as a lawyer on the line to comment on a piece of science fiction, because goddammit this is important to me! It is not "delusional" to think Will and Mike will become a couple, and there is nothing wrong with you if want it to happen! This is a video essay I've been planning for at least SIX MONTHS, and I put a lot of work into it. Please share, and please leave comments. Enjoy! =D
0:00 Why this video 1:38 Hate for Byler on the internet 10:16 Case for Mileven 15:21 Case for Byler: Starting premises 17:56 If Will were a girl… 25:30 The evidence! 29:05 EXHIBIT A: The Snow Ball 31:34 B: Mike's reactions to El and Will being upset 34:21 C: Season 3 ending montage 39:16 D: Airport reunion 47:51 E: Rink-O-Mania argument 51:28 F: Heteronormativity, audience expectations 58:25 G: Throwing away the letter 59:55 H: 2nd heart-to-heart scene 1:05:43 I: Mike can't say he loves El 1:13:27 J: Platonic reunion 1:15:12 K: Will's role convincing Mike to say "I love you" 1:20:08 L: Effect of the "love confession" on El 1:39:54 M: The Painting Lie 1:43:22 Honorable mentions 1:45:27 Non-diegetic evidence 2:01:23 Actor statements 2:10:34 NOT how you write an unrequited love story 2:16:07 Why Byler SHOULD happen (queerbaiting, etc.) 2:28:21 A more powerful story 2:35:45 A personal note
I'm now making this my new pinned post, so I'll list a few of my posts here for people to check out.
ADDITIONS: -28:00 On "We should normalize same-sex friends being affectionate, they don't have to be gay," I should have been clearer. HOMOPHOBIA is the reason for that stigma. Straight friends feeling like they can be affectionate in our society HAS to include normalizing LGBT+ people. -1:16:55 I should've said this more clearly: Will reminded Mike that who HE is, HIS unique qualities, make him worthy of love and make El love him, not dumb luck. And Will of course could convey that because Will loves the actual nerd MIke and everything he is. -1:17:06 Mike making El "not feel like a mistake" doesn't fit El, because she says that Mike looks at her "like I'm a monster, too". Nor did she "push you away because she was afraid of losing you". That's Will, not El. Mike felt love because Will was describing himself. -1:52:36 I forgot to mention that, in the original Nina opera, Nina's lover is ALIVE and DOES return. The Duffers changed the story so that Nina's lover does NOT return, to further suggest Mike won't return! -2:35:22 I'm kicking myself for not being more specific about Mike and Will being heroes in more than one way: I think the theme of bullying from s1 will return, with Will (and also Mike) having to face bullying for being boyfriends in Hawkins.
EDIT: I hit 1000 subs, only to discover THIS VIDEO CANNOT BE MONETIZED. ='( I think I put over 100 hours of work in this video, and this isn't sustainable for me unless I get support. This also means I can't make public videos with the same quality -- using show clips and music makes a stronger impact. I've considered deleting and reposting an edit, but that would losing all the wonderful comments and CUTTING OUT THE LAST SCENE. ='( ='( ='( NO. FUCKING. WAY.
So this is what'll happen: future videos NOT use clips and music to the same extent, except versions I post on my Patreon. And I need Patrons because I don't make money as a social-justice lawyer, and rely on that plus YouTube ads. Here's the Patreon link! (Any future video will be clipped, with the full version on Patreon) https://www.patreon.com/c/theruleslawyer
Some other @teambyler posts:
Mike was saying "I love you" to Will
Questions to ask if ever you have Byler doubt
How the Duffers have set Will up to have a happy ending in Season 5
The most heartbreaking way Byler can culminate (and how I predict it will) (I know this is less likely than an "escape from Camazotz" possession scenario, but I still want this to happen =D )
How the Duffers likely will make the general audience AWARE of Byler and CHEER for Byler
-teambyler
#byler#teambyler#video#lawyer's evidence#stranger things#st5 speculation#byler theory#byler analysis#Youtube
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Violet to Colin: "You're one of my most sensitive children."
The fandom: "How can she say that! Anthony, Benedict bla, bla bla..."
Colin is ONE of her most sensitive children. ONE, just ONE of them. And she's right.
ONE OF HER MOST SENSITIVE CHILDREN
He was the only one who indulged Violet and let her introduce him to debutantes in s1, while Anthony fucked his mistress and Ben went to orgies.
He was a complete gentleman with Marina. AND defended her when Anthony implied something about her.
And when he learned the truth, he confessed that he would have married her if she had told him the truth. 🥹
He danced with Pen after Cressida bullied her.
He wrote dozens of letters that his family of 8 could not care to respond to often. There are 8 of them!
He worried about Ben in s2 and supported him on his application to the Academy.
He learned the truth of Jack Featherington and instead of simply leaving, he did something about it. Not only did he help the Featherington family, but he saved other lords from being scammed.
He apologized to Will, explained why he acted rudely AND made amends to repair the damage by bringing men to Will's club.
He returned with gifts for everyone, but he seemed particularly thoughtful to his sisters and mother. A perfume for Hyacinth, music for Francesca, and a book for Eloise 🥹. Violet was so moved by his gift and here we have a lovely headcanon on the watch:
Then with Pen...
He runs after Pen, despite other men wanting to know about his adventures.
He acknowledges his mistake and immediately tries to apologize to Pen in the Four Seasons Ball.
The next day, he comes back with a heartfelt apology.
Then, he offers her help, despite the risk of scandal and embarrassment for him. He knows Pen has no one else.
He goes to see Pen at night to make sure she's ok. And when she asks him for a kiss, he does it so sweetly.
He is brave enough to leave the men who just want to know about his sexual life.
HE WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO ASK, as soon as he put himself together and understood his feelings. He didn't play jealousy games like others, he went and put his heart on the table. He didn't even know about Pen's feelings and he risked it!
Some extracts from Colin's journals show that his family is always in his thoughts.
You can see why Violet, as the good mother that she is, can tell how sensitive he is.
Colin travels during the summer and comes back during the season to be with his family. It angers me that people think he's selfish for this when Benedict also abandons the family to fuck.
And yet, both Colin and Ben are sensitive. BOTH OF THEM, Francesca too. I wouldn't call Hyacinth or Gregory sensitive right now, and before s3, I wouldn't include Eloise either.
Anyway, I needed to get this out because I am so fucking tired of Kanthonies and Benophies making tantrums about this line.
I'm sure when s4 comes, we are going to see a moment between Violet and Ben where she acknowledges how amazing he is and everything he has done for the family. But not now, because this is COLIN'S SEASON.
(NOTE: If you are thinking of reblogging this post with the tag #Colin is the most sensitive, kindly fuck off. I made this post to fight the Kanthonies and Benophie that are attacking Colin, not to validate your own need to make Colin superior to other characters. HE IS ONE OF THE MOST SENSITIVE CHILDREN, ONE)
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stains
glimpses through fem!reader and Spencer’s relationship, through four instances of spills.
word count: 3.5k ish
a/n: i love the idea that for some of us, our personalities are made up all the things we like about the people we know and see. the idea that we’re all little bits and pieces of the things we love, and our experiences. this sort of explores that. (also this was mildly self indulgent because much like reader i’m a klutz!) <3
warnings/tags: 18+ for implied intimacy and canon typical violence for cm, pet names up the wazoo, reader is lowkey clumsy, Derek Morgan being himself, reader gets injured but she’s fine, who’s Maeve?, anxious love confession, Spencer adores reader so so much, S1 and S6 (ish) Spencer, Spencer in and post prison, love letters, marriage, kids, and briefly mentioned pregnancy, girl dad!Spencer Reid my beloved
- ✩ -
coffee - the first stain
To be honest, at first, he’s appalled.
The mug you set down on his desk isn’t his, so God knows whose mouth was on it last. You - somewhat carelessly - plopped it down on the file he’s working on, grinning that thousand watt smile he’s secretly become fond of. You’re wearing a sweater he noticed that brings out your eyes - a berry colored wool garment that he wishes you’d wear more.
“Hey! Morgan said you were exhausted. Thought I’d make you coffee.”
You pick it up, and set it down again, for emphasis, and a few drops make their way down the side and onto his case file, surely creating a cinnamon toned half circle that Hotch will not love. You don’t notice, watching his face.
“I made it with a bunch of sugar. Just how you like it, right?”
Suddenly, he realizes he’s been staring up at you, and then his mouth is moving faster than his brain.
“Yeah, I uh, I am pretty tired, now that you say it. Didn’t sleep well, long night, you know?”
You nod, sipping your own coffee, fingers wrapped around the ceramic.
“I get that. Goes with the job, right?”
“Oh, absolutely, yeah, I- wait, Morgan said that? Did he— what else did he tell you?”
You grin, coffee mug to lips again.
Stop staring, Reid.
“Nothing, really. Just said you needed a boost. Thought I’d provide.”
Titling your head a tad, you look down, a mild panic crossing your face when you see you’ve stained his file.
“Oh my God - Reid, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-“
He’s quick to shake his head, hands coming up to reassure, his eyes wide.
“No no no, it’s okay, truly, I-I made a mistake on that one anyways. I’ll need to have a new copy printed, honest.”
Frowning, you look him over, searching for a tell, something to let you know whether he’s lying or not.
“Are you sure? I can do it, I’m not that behind on mine, I could—“
Before he thinks - you’d assume, with all his brains, he would - his hand grabs your arm, that gorgeous sweater under his finger tips, his eyes locked with yours. He says your name, once, his tone more serious than he’d like.
“It’s okay. Thanks for the coffee.”
You blink, and then a slow grin takes over your face.
“You’re welcome. Let me know if you need more.”
For a moment, neither of you move, the heat of his hand burning through the wool on your arm, until he lets go like you’re the one scorching his skin, like he’s just realized that he’s touching you. You laugh a little, awkwardly, and he grins with the same level of unpracticed nerves, and you head back to your desk.
He picks up the mug, and sips slowly, closing his eyes for a moment - it does have a mountain of sweetness, the saccharine liquid coating his mouth but soothing his senses. When he sets it down again, it’s on a part of his workspace not occupied by case work. Just as predicted, the file that once housed the beverage now bears a semi circle of dried java. His pointer finger traces the stain, clockwise and then counter, for a moment, before he glances up in horror to see Morgan, of all people, signature smirk in place.
“‘Thanks for the coffee’. I don’t what’s sweeter, that coffee you just got or-“
“Shut up.”
He mumbles, face flushed, small smile on his face despite the teasing. He traces the coffee stain one last time before he hastily tucks the soiled paper away in a drawer.
blood - the second stain
“What do you mean you aren’t getting a response from her on comms?”
He’s so scared, he can’t even stop to think just how breathless and afraid he sounds, as he turns to Hotch, who fixes him with a look that clearly says, Calm down, Reid.
“It could just be non-functional, or got knocked off, or caught.”
Hotch says calmly, almost maddeningly so. Spencer swallows back the protests, the arguments that swell up in his throat like bile.
They’d created, and given the profile, and once Penelope had narrowed down the couple possible properties their potential unsub owned, you, Morgan, and Prentiss had headed into an abandoned storage facility, silent and careful.
Perhaps not careful enough.
The voice in his head reminds him, almost sadly, and he grits his teeth inside tightly drawn and chapped lips. Shaky hands smooth over his slacks, again and again, as his eyes stay fixed on Hotch.
“Ask-ask Morgan again. If she’ll respond.”
He’s given a frown, dark brows pulling together in a very typical Hotch-like manner.
“Is there a specific reason you’re asking about her, Reid?”
Is there? God, he doesn’t know. You bring him coffee nearly every morning, but perhaps that’s just kindness. Then there’s the chocolate sprinkled donuts that start his work day from time to time - maybe you just enjoy pastry treats, and think of him, when you buy one. Oh, and heaven forbid he forget the way you’ll come by his desk, and ask for clarification on a piece of paperwork or a procedure - that you probably could’ve asked Hotch or Prentiss about. You listen, active listening too, eye contact, body still - when his explanations turn into rambles about statistics about this type of criminal, your eyes watching his face, your own voice quiet.
Is he deluding himself? Seeing phantom romance where there’s maybe merely nothing but platonic affection? Blinking, once, he shakes his head in response to his Unit Chief’s question.
“No Hotch. I’m just worried, she-well, she hasn’t responded, and Morgan has, and Prentiss has, and I—“
Speak of the devil, Morgan’s voice comes through, demanding and tense.
“I need a medic. Prentiss and I secured the unsub, but, not before—“
Oh God. Not before that bastard got to you with a baseball bat, to the back of the head, you unaware before your face met the concrete below. Spencer’s not even asking for permission, snatching the keys to an SUV off the desk nearby and flooring the gas pedal.
You can’t die. Not before I—
Driving there is like hell - his lungs burn like there’s smoke and ash polluting them, and fear feels like too tame a word to describe the overwhelming panic that seizes his heart the more he drives.
I’m a fool, he thinks wildly, as his knuckles grip the steering wheel like a vice. A damn fool if I don’t tell her-
He’s barely got the thing in park before he’s scrambling out the driver’s side door, Converse immediately coated from the dusty ground outside the facility.
When he finds Morgan, and you, head lolled to the side, eyes closed, face pale as his must be, he falls to his knees with little regard for his own pain or discomfort. Morgan watches, careful, his voice gentle when he speaks, trying to calm his terrified friend.
“She’s still out, Reid. Just a nasty whack to the back of her head, okay? Easy.”
Trembling thumbs trace and hold your face, like it’s made of paper, as he swallows hard to keep the ache behind his eyes from becoming tear tracks down his face. He spots the gash, trickling crimson down your ashy skin, onto his shaking hand, but doesn’t move from holding your face. A deep contusion, furious and violet-toned, on the back of your head, makes the air leave his chest like he’s been choked.
Beautiful girl, I couldn’t stop this.
He could sob, and he nearly does, until you make some sort of confused noise and force open your eyes. Light rushes through his heart, rekindled warmth as he meets your eyes, and yet, he finds himself almost frozen.
“Spencer? What, I thought-“
“Listen to me.”
He forces himself to speak - he has too. What if he doesn’t get the chance, and all he ever gets to associate you with is caffeine, sprinkles, and a listening ear? No, that won’t do. Not in the slightest.
You meet his eyes, hazy, but listening. Morgan’s brows furrow, as he protests,
“God, man, she just woke up, let her-“
Ignored, as Spencer often finds himself doing when there’s more pressing matters than banter, than propriety.
“You need to know. That I-care about you.”
Blinking, you swallow, and suddenly, the throbbing pain in the back of your skull is slightly dimmed.
“That I can’t let another sunrise or sunset go by where you don’t know that I’d give you the stars if you’d let me. Where I can’t touch you, where I can’t make sure you understand that I’ll protect the light you have inside you until I’m burnt from it. You absolute angel, I-“
He shudders, almost afraid of his own earnest, and says your name like it’s a prayer.
“I love you. Even if you don’t return it, my heart is yours.”
Morgan’s grin is wide, and he shakes his head, almost in amazement. Your own face is flushed, as you hear sirens and medics, your voice crackly and rough from pain, but still, that smile he’s grown to associate with his heart fluttering graces your face.
“My heart is yours, Spencer. Glad you’re finally realizing how absolutely in love I am with you, you goose, even if it took all this.”
He laughs a little, almost deliriously, and smooths his trembling hand over your face.
“Guess the doughnuts weren’t enough, huh?”
You manage, and he shakes his head, quick to push back.
“They were. You’re always enough for me, no matter what you do.”
Could he sound any more smitten?
Procedure says he can’t go in the ambulance with you - there’s no need, you’re just getting stitches and some ice and he can visit you at the hospital, okay? But as he heads back to the - oh dear, still running, he really was in a hurry, wasn’t he? - car, Morgan glances sideways at him, signature smirk in place.
“Pretty boy, I didn’t know you had it in you.”
Spencer stares down at his hands in his lap. They’re stained, and a grimace floods his face when he realizes it’s not dirt, but your blood, coating his fingertips. A soft sigh escapes his lips, and he bites back a nastier retort than his friend deserves.
“I guess I did. I can’t believe it took-“
Morgan sighs, stopping Spencer’s inevitable incoming guilt filled rambles.
“Hush. You told her. That’s what matters.”
Glancing down at Spencer’s fidgeting hands in his lap, he presses on the gas.
“Let’s get there, so you can get that off you. I’m shocked you got all dirty, with your germ thing.”
Spencer shrugs, looking out the window.
“For her? I’d-I think I’d do anything. No matter what it stained.”
Soap finds his hands at the hospital, but he finds you soon after, unable to stop the gentle press of his lips to your forehead, or the soft murmurs that follow as he tries to remind himself that much more of your blood didn’t spill.
ink - the third stain
Emily has to physically hold you back in the court room, when they take him out, his eyes fixed on you, and the team, almost hopeless.
“Then your client is a flight risk.”
You’re quite literally fighting her, suddenly terrified in a whole new way for your boyfriend, tears staining your face.
“Bail is denied.”
She’s got both arms wrapped around you, her soft, ‘I know’s, and ‘I’m sorry’s barely heard over your own pleas for her to let you go.
“Defendant will be remanded to federal custody pending trial.”
You hear someone sobbing - angry, fear-filled wailing - and until Emily has you turned around, your face in her shoulder, comes the realization that it’s you.
“He’s-Emily, what are we going to do, he’s not going to be okay, I-I can’t—“
The days that follow are dark. Going to the BAU without Spencer, let alone waking up without him beside you, is enough to send you into a spiral. You try to remind yourself that he’s worse off, that whatever hell he’s experiencing is ten times worse than your quiet fear and loneliness. So, to try to combat the weight that squashes your heart, you write him letters. Daily letters.
Spencer -
We have a case in Florida. Emily says it’ll be quick, but the Florida ones never are. We’d solve it ten times faster with you, you know? Geographical profiles are much harder alone, that’s for sure. The plane ride is quieter without you, and no one’s saying anything - you’d be saying something if you were here. Maybe that’s why we’re quiet. ♡
Every day. You don’t relent. If you can’t mail them in whatever town you get stuck in for work, you mail them in one big envelope when you get back home.
Spencer -
That case was rough. I cried twice - once when I spent over two hours staring at the map at the precinct and couldn’t find anything new, and once when Rossi accidentally snapped at me. He said he was sorry, that he’s ‘on edge’ right now - but aren’t we all? Emily’s working really hard to try to get you home. I wish I could come see you. I hope you’re safe. I love you. ♡
When you learn that he didn’t put you on the list of people who can visit him in that concrete hell, you almost lose what’s left your nerve, breaking down in Emily’s office, shaking. You don’t know whether you’re furious, in despair, or numb to it all.
“Emily, why? Why doesn’t he want me to come see him? If it was me, I’d want to see him every day, I wouldn’t want him to leave!”
She sighs, her face tight. Twisting your hands in your lap, you search her face for answers. Nausea claws at your throat.
“Honestly, my guess is it’s just that. He knows that if you come, he won’t want you to leave. It’ll hurt too much.”
“But Tara, and you, and his mother, and-
Spencer -
I think I understand. Sort of. I feel like there’s this pressure in my chest, and I can’t ever fully breathe. Not since you’ve been away. The weight on my heart never goes away. Missing you more every hour. ♡
Despite the slew of handwritten letters that reach him, you only get one back, after you and the team search his apartment - you keep it in your purse pocket, folded safe, and read it whenever your throat feels tight and your eyes burn. His untidy scrawl is enough to make you feel like a part of him is actually inside this letter - like he’s reading it himself to you, interwoven in the fibers of the paper.
Angel -
I wanted you to know I’m in solitary now - I made sure of it. I know you want me safe, almost more than I do. I love you beyond what I can say, my beautiful girl.
Yours, Spencer.
One night, you’re curled up in Spencer’s apartment, writing him a letter, as is your nightly routine. The ink stains the side of your hand now - an ever-present reminder of the fact that your heart constantly feels ripped out of your body. After addressing the letter to him, your phone buzzes - Emily.
Oh God.
“Hey. We figured out that- oh, you don’t care about all that. He’s coming home.”
She doesn’t need to tell you twice. Paper and ink pen tumble to the floor as you shove your feet in shoes and snatch your jacket off the coat tree. Tension is coiled in your body the entire way there. Ink still stains the side of your hand, a permanent reminder that every time you needed to just tell him something - you had to pick up pen and paper.
Heart in your throat, you push open the door with shaking hand. There he stands, your Spencer. He’s still him, you think, although his face is tight, and sleep clearly hasn’t been something he’s seen much of.
Three months.
You walk in slowly, body trembling. One hand reaches up, runs through the curls that have grown so long.
“Your hair.”
You breathe out, voice barely audible. He nods, his face almost impassive. Tentativel fingers trail down his cheek, make a path to hold his face. He nods, and then, you notice his eyes are misty.
“My angel.” He murmurs, almost in awe, and takes you in his arms with a fervor. Crushed against him, face buried in the cool fabric of his shirt, you bite back a sob, arms threaded around him.
“No. Cry, my darling girl, I’m— I’m tired of doing it alone.”
How could you refuse him? Just hearing his voice, let alone the relief you feel at being touched by him again, is enough to satisfy you for days, you think. For a bit, all that’s heard is uneven breaths, until he speaks, his voice rough and shaky.
“I need to see your face.”
He pulls back, face shining with tears, and you swallow back the lump that just won’t leave your throat.
Calloused hands - less soft than you remember - take yours, and then he frowns.
“Your hand.”
Your right hand is held up, inspected, like the blue on the inner side of it is red instead. You smile, laughing a little, still breathless.
“Ink, baby. Just ink. I was writing you a letter.”
He shakes his head, rubbing at the navy stain with his thumb, as if that will remove it.
“I would’ve kept writing. Never given up. You’d be sick of letters from me.”
“Never, sweet girl. There is no part of me who could ever find himself sick of you.”
After you’ve home, he wastes no time in pressing less than tender kisses to your mouth and jawline and the column of your throat. It’s not until he’s reacquainted himself with your contours and the dip of your hipbones and the soft way you gasp out his name when he does that, that has you next to him, so he can see your face.
He needs to see your face.
Hand in his, still faintly stained from ink, he examines it, and then, softly, hesitantly, he meets your eyes.
“You know ink poisoning is actually rare? Pens we use are designed with non-toxic ink, to decrease any chances of fatal ingestion.”
You never mind his information sharing, but your eyebrows furrow tiredly at his timing.
“Spence, I’m not saying I don’t care, but we just— you just—”
“Please. Let me look at the woman I love and pretend for a few moments that my damn eidetic memory won’t play back the last three months of my life like some wretched tape.”
You let him, as he holds your cobalt-colored hand and your eyes droop, his soft voice telling you that rubbing alcohol will probably get that stain out. It almost feels normal.
Almost.
paint - the final stain
“Spence! Can you get paint water out of carpet with any amount of ease?”
You call your husband, turning back to your mildly sheepish five year old, whose water color adventure on the coffee table has quickly done south.
In walks Spencer, not even noticing the overturned hard plastic cup or purpley-blue spill, eyes going straight to his daughter’s nearly finished picture.
“Beautiful, Penny. Looks incredible.”
He murmurs, bending to be eye level with a beaming Penelope, hand on her arm, before turning to you, mild tension and stress lining your face. His smile is gentle. It’ll wash out.
“Rubbling alcohol, angel.”
You nod, tension easing from your shoulders.
“We’ll go get it - we always clean our messes up, right lovely?”
He asks your daughter, lifting her with practiced care. She giggles, nodding, as they head from the room, letting you take a breath and set up the paints and picture in a new location - the kitchen table, with some newspaper tucked underneath because she’s five, and you of all people know spills happen.
Once she’s set up again - she really is so quiet when she’s engrossed in something - you find yourself curled up with Spencer on the couch, head on his shoulder, watching her paint and sing-song to herself.
“Think she’s lonely?”
Spencer asks, turning to you, his grin wide.
Troublemaker.
“Hmm. I think you just like me pregnant.”
He chuckles, pressing a kiss to your hair.
“Maybe. Maybe I don’t want Penny to be sad, ever.”
Silence, then, for a bit.
“She’s so much like you.”
Spencer muses, his fingers drawing patterns on the side of your sweater. You smile, fondly.
“You say that because I’m clumsy. She was dancing around with that paintbrush, that cup of paint water stood no chance.”
“No, I say that because she shines like you. No matter what tries to dim her.”
That night, when you peek in your daughter’s door to see Spencer reading her A Little Princess, she’s propped up against him, hazel eyes barely open. Affection swells in your chest as his voice carries on, even though she’s clearly almost in dreamland. In you walk, pressing a kiss first to her forehead, then Spencer’s. He smiles gentle up at you - this is his favorite time of the day - and keeps reading.
“Perhaps there is a language which is not made of words, and everything in the world understands it.”
Once you’re back in the living room, you check on the earlier spill from today. All that’s left is a barely visible blue spot, no bigger than a quarter.
“No one will see it but you.”
Steadying, warm arms wrap around your ribs, and soft lips press against the side of your neck, washing away any insecurity about the state of your carpet.
“Besides, stains aren’t bad, sweet girl. They’re little reminders that things happened, good things, or bad things that brought us together. Memories, attached to splotches, attached to wounds, to paper, to skin. How convenient, to carry our most impactful moments like heaven-sent tattoos.”
#spencer reid fanfiction#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfiction#spencer reid angst#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid x you#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid smut
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I need to ramble about the wedding breakfast dance.
That is Colin and Penelope's "Stare into my eyes. (s1) / Just keep looking at me, no one else matters. (s2) / Keep your eyes on me. There is no one here but us (QC)" iconic couple dance scene except no word is exchanged the whole time.
Instead, we get a visual representation of that feeling as the room empties, and only them remain. Albeit the editing did not let us savour that long enough, where's the full footage in HD Netflix???
And I think it's a core aspect of a friends to lovers story and Polin's that is so under-appreciated, this silent understanding between the characters. They've known each other for years, they've always been comfortable when together, so in that moment, no word of reassurance is needed because they already know! They have always been each other's safe space, even before friendship turned into romantic love. After all, they just need one look and a nod, just like at their wedding, to be secure in the other's love. No one else matters indeed.
Furthermore, unlike the other couples who were scrutinised by the Ton at some point or another because of their match, with the unfortunate pressure that comes with it, Penelope and Colin were always more of the outcasts, gossiping on the side of balls and no one truly paid them any attention until very recently as they both forced themselves to take part in society (Penelope to seek a husband, Colin to be taken seriously). Their season is the first time the Queen (or Lady Danbury) does not meddle with the main couple! (I would add Violet to the list who was more withdrawn than in previous seasons and mostly focused on Francesca this season, but she did nudge Colin a little.)
As soon as they get together, they stopped caring about others' judgement, because why should they? The Ton did not care before, after all. Colin and Penelope dancing in broad daylight at their wedding breakfast was breaking some unspoken society rule, but even before that, dancing at the church (also in broad daylight), at the Mondrich ball as they break the dance routine to add a twirl. They simply do not care. In fact, they never truly respected propriety rules, have they? Calling each other by their given names (even a nickname on Colin's part), the letters, the many unchaperoned encounters (one of which they got caught by Portia and Jack and yet nothing happened), Colin refusing a dance with Cressida to dance with Penelope instead... it just never brought a scandal because, well, the Ton constantly overlooked them, so now Penelope and Colin return the favour by overlooking the Ton.
And it is so significant that despite the Whistledown issue still hanging over their head, it does not change the fact they have chosen each other, that they will keep being their most authentic selves with each other and act like the whole world around them does not exist because they have each other, and as long as they do, everything will be alright.
After all, it is Colin loving and supporting Penelope that will give her the courage to step into the light and face the Queen as Whistledown, and it is Penelope loving and supporting Colin that will inspire him to write and publish, and make him feel like he finally belongs.
Oh also shout out to Albion Finch, best brother-in-law, always delighted to see Penelope thriving <3
And credit to this post I saw on twitter that prompted me to write this.
#bridgerton#bridgerton thoughts#polin#colin bridgerton#penelope featherington#colin x penelope#friends to lovers excellence#star.txt#penelope bridgerton
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(obligatory preface I am very Joel Smallishbeans and Lizzie Shadowlady biased :P)
I recommend “Strangers” by WhyB: still in-progress look at post-canon Mezalea and the Ocean Empire, with a focus on Joel and Lizzie :D
a bit sad (okay maybe very sad) but definitely fascinating worldbuilding! it gets into social classes and what’s left over when your entire kingdom cracks in half
Lizzie also gets to scavenge and scam to her (amnesiac) heart’s delight :D
My second rec is the “Of the Empires” series by Dynames2308: written as if by an in-universe academic looking at the various empires around the land. Empires covered include the Codlands, Mezalea, and the Ocean Empire :D
you know what I’m in a really REALLY specific mood, does anyone have some good empires season one fic recs? preferably ones with cool worldbuilding. I have found myself in an e1 mood and wish to sate it.
#empires smp#fic recs#also dropping this one in the notes because it’s mine but#‘A Love Letter To Mezalea’ (by eosofthedawn) has some of my personal Mezalea headcanons#it doesn't get into the politics at all though lol#there was a really good pixandria one that I read a while ago#but I cannot for the life of me remember what it was#so ig anyone who has good s1 pix fics hmu lol
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so, you've heard shows be recommended because they had gay characters. you don't really know what they're actually about though, and don't know if they'd be something you'd be into and are worried about spoilers. here's spoiler free plot summaries of em!
The Owl House
The Owl House starts out as a typical teenage girl goes into a fantasy realm story, but with a twist. Actions have consequences. The protagonist is a girl named Luz Noceda, who was being sent to a camp to make her behave normally by her mother after causing too much trouble at school. She ends up finding a place she's always dreamed of: a fantasy world. A world where everyone's so much weirder than she is. And she thinks, maybe if I don't belong out there, maybe people will like me here. Maybe I can be special here.
It's a story about found family, propaganda, erased history, living with disability, religious trauma, and neurodivergence. It's fundamentally a show about people who's brains work differently finding each other and making a family that treats them right. Definitely my favorite of the ones on this list. It's about people who've been oppressed being pissed about it and about finding yourself again after giving up on everyone around you for so long. It's basically a show about being a minority and trying to be understood and to understand yourself in the process. It's about growing up neurodivergent and how isolating it feels and figuring yourself out. It's about repairing broken relationships and parents who fuck up. And it's just. Such a love letter to anyone who was the weird kid in school. It's sad and heartbreaking and also so hopeful, and it's wonderful.
Content warnings: Abuse, Death, Grief, Animal Death, Suicidal thoughts, Vague suicide attempts, Depression, blink and you'll miss it s/h, body horror, religious trauma
She Ra and the Princesses Of Power
Adora was raised in the Horde since she was a baby, being fed propaganda about how cruel the princesses were. After learning how the horde actually was, though, she defects. But there's one problem. Her best friend, Catra, stays behind. Adora finds a sword that can transform her into She Ra, and might be the key to figuring out who she really is, while Catra takes her place as force captain.
It's a story about abuse, at the end of the day. Adora and Catra were stuck in a golden child and scapegoat dynamic, despite how much they care about each other. This leads to them knowing everything about each other but not understanding it. There's a fundamental disconnect between them, because both of their traumas are completely different. They have complete misconceptions about each other. Even in their initial split, they both have completely different perceptions of what's going on and why the other is upset. It's not a story about magic princesses, it's about the cycle of abuse and what makes it so complicated. Does it have flaws? Yeah. But ultimately I really really enjoy it, and when it does something right it does something RIGHT. Get through season one, it starts kids show-y but it gets very good during later s1.
Content warnings: Abuse (obviously), body horror, gaslighting (and I mean actual gaslighting, not what the Internet thinks gaslighting is), suicide, depression, flashing lights and eyestrain during the finale
Steven Universe
Steven Universe is a sins of the father story. Steven is the son of the leader of the rebel group The Crystal Gems, who's name was Rose Quartz. He navigates the confusion of being half gem and half human, as well as trying to figure out the mess of the rebellion and what his mother left behind. He's constantly in her shadow, for better or for worse.
It's a story about grief. How it impacts relationships, how it taints history, how it impacts family. It has some definite flaws, but ultimately it's about very flawed people who have lost so many people in their life trying to cope with it. Trying to handle what they lost and trying to adjust to life without them. It's about how expectations fuck a kid up and about agency and just a show about complicated relationships in general, at the end of the day. Also, it has some FANTASTIC music.
Content warnings: Grief, Abuse, body horror, very creepy people I don't know how to tag, heavy allegories for homophobia
Nimona
Nimona is a story about a guy who gets framed for murder. His name is Ballister Boldheart, a commoner who hoped to become a knight. It seemed everyone was waiting to watch him fail, so it was no surprise when he was the immediate target. Heavily injured and away from the man he loves, he's left alone trying to figure out a way to prove his innocence- until a strange kid comes into his life. This kids name is Nimona, and while he is intent on proving his innocence, she gave up on being anything but a villain a long time ago.
It's about deconstructing the model minority myth, trans rage, propaganda, and with a healthy dose of "FUCK the police".
Content warnings: Heavy injury, on screen suicide attempt, flashing lights
feel free to add more shows! just remember to keep the summaries as spoiler free as you can and add content warnings!
#show recommendations#movie recommendation#the owl house#toh#owl house#steven universe#shera#she ra#spop#nimona#queer#gay#lesbian#bisexual#trans#transgender#queer shows
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I have gone down this rabbit hole now and I'm afraid I'm never getting out. I hope I give justice to this. And sorry if this is long.
I've seen a lot of the Colin and Marina vs. Colin and Penelope analyses in here and I want to raise this parallel as to how the Butterfly ball was such a powerful move for both Penelope and Colin. We all have our issues with how they handled Pen and Colin finding their way back to each other but let me add this perspective and hope it helps us understand how real they handled the issue of LW and pushed the character development for them both.
The scene on the left is from S01e06 (Swish) and the right is S03e08 (Into the Light)
S1 scene - Violet is still in her dressing gown, obviously distraught having just read something from LW. She hears someone come down and finds Colin.
S3 scene - Violet is dressed for the morning and her face looks a combination of surprise and confusion after reading a letter. She turns around when she hears someone coming down the stairs.
In both scenes, we see Colin coming down the stairs.
S1 - we only see Colin's back. We're in suspense on what emotional state he is in but we do know that he's on his way to elope with Marina.
In S3 - we see Colin's face immediately looking determined and ready. We see Violet calling his name quite urgently.
S1 - Colin sees his mother's face looking like a combination of disappointment and anger. He asks what's happening. She doesn't say anything but just looks at Colin with a sadness that only a mother can give.
S3 - Violet pointedly says that she received a letter from Colin's wife (I love this line so much) that sounds awfully like "I need you to explain what's happening right now."
S1 - Violet hands Colin LW without saying anything and just looks so so so sad. Colin is shocked to his core because we learn that LW (Pen) exposes Marina's pregnancy and that she has been pregnant from the beginning of the season.
S3 - Colin determinedly faces his mother telling her that they had better sit. And I'm guessing that Colin tells her everything.
Where am I going with this? (Gosh, doing an analysis is hard 😂)
The first time Colin fell in love (thought he fell in love), he was blindsided. But I believe the pain he felt at that time was made deeper because his family had to save him from the situation (Anthony explaining that his actions in the scandal will affect his sisters' prospects as well). To think that it was his mother who first learned of the situation added salt to the wound because we all know that he is a mama's boy and that the one person he dislikes letting down is his mother.
The second (and last time) Colin falls in love, he once again feels betrayed. But he's fallen in love so deeply that he can't imagine his life without Pen. The struggle he goes through in understanding his emotions was very hard to watch and it's because the issue goes beyond his and Pen's relationship. It extends to his family.
Colin's hero complex goes beyond feeling worthy of Pen's love but also worthy of the Bridgerton name. We see it several times in S3 when he mentions it in his confrontation with Portia (" I advise you not to sully our Bridgerton name...") and when Pen tells him that Cressida discovered her secret ("It will besmirch our Bridgerton name. The entire family").
The whole sequence in the study is now more significant because of what Pen addresses in their conversation-- Colin's family ("Your family... the one you so kindly shared with me, they are too good").
Pen's "sacrifice" ("But I can no longer conceal the biggest piece of information I have. My identity."), I believe, was to save the Bridgerton family (once again) and she asks Colin to stand by her as she formulates and executes this plan.
It was very important that Pen wrote a letter to Violet directly and that Colin was there right after she's read it to explain everything. From this point on, they were a team. From this point on, Colin moves in parallel with Pen instead of against it. Colin finally sees that version of Pen that she's always been even while she was LW-- the person who was always determined to save his family just as much as he does.
From this point on, their goals were aligned.
10 rewatches after, I finally see how Colin found his way back to Pen. It wasn't very obvious to me how he got over the feelings of betrayal after he discovered Pen was LW. Of course, him reading the letters help but the events leading up to the Butterfly ball, helped him see her as both Pen and Lady Whistledown and the overflowing pride we see on his face was heart-melting to watch.
From this point on, they finally see each other eye to eye. From this point on, they finally accept this version of each other.
If you got to the end, thanks for reading my humble musings.
*Editing to add this: The Butterfly Ball deep dive series
#Butterfly ball#analysis#gosh this was hard to write#polin#bridgerton#nicola coughlan#netflix#luke newton#bridgerton seaosn 3#bridgerton season three#netflix bridgerton#bridgerton s3#bridgerton season 3#peterpanbutterflyball
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mike wheeler is actually so gay. thinking about this on my s1 rewatch today. things between him & el weren't even remotely romantic until lucas brought it up. everything he knows about girls or a romantic relationship with a girl doesn't come naturally to him & he basically has to ask for advice whenever he has relationship issues.
in st4 he didn't even sign the letters "love, mike" which is absolutely crazy how we just brushed over that. it's not like he's el & might not know to sign letters with "love" yet he doesn't do it anyway. legit writing "love, [name]" was the first way i ever learned to sign a letter. & adding onto that EL EVEN KNOWS TO SIGN WITH "LOVE". ???
it baffles me how people like,,,, don't pick up on all this. legitimately. ALL of the other couples in stranger things paired together normally or had the relationship come normally, & when there's issues between the two, they can solve it without outsourcing for help all the time. because they truly understand the other person as well as the type of relationship they are in.
max & lucas? fell in love pretty naturally in a way that flowed & didn't feel forced. they are also portrayed in s3 to have "more" issues than el & mike, yet lucas always wins max back, & knows exactly how to. jonathan & nancy? not forced at all, came together naturally. when they have relationship issues, they understand each other enough & trust each other enough to get through it.
mike & el aren't the same way. they get along just fine, until they relationship turns romantic in some way. think about it--when el dumped mike's ass, sure they didn't talk for awhile, but they seemed to share a genuine connection of friendship. when they are in a relationship, everything seems strained.
i think i talked about maybe a year back about how el & mike were even showcased to be actively bringing out the worst in each other, especially in s3. this can be seen in s4 as well at rink-o-mania especially, when el portrays her whole life in california as a lie. they always seem to work better together when there isn't a romantic connotation on their relationship (all of the beginning of s1, until the bathtub).
all this to say that byler endgame, cause i was sitting last night listening to sad mgmt songs & trying not to think about the election & i just kept thinking about how mike & will were built for each other, like it would be so cruel for him to be friendzoned by the person he's loved for years, & yelled for whenever he was in the upside down. breaks my heart.
since that's such a shitty ending for him, & we know that will DOES have a happy ending, i don't see how in anyway byler doesn't end up together.
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Hi lullabyes, would u mind sharing your take on the flashback with young Silco, Vander, and Felicia? :O
It's adorable. It's touching. It's sweet. It's a serene moment of intimacy and family (or polycule) bonding in an otherwise deeply frenetic season.
It's also so surreal it may as well be a fever dream.
I should note, at this stage I've shut off my cognitive reasoning about Arcane and begun approaching this as if it's a series of exquisitely crafted, animated short films that are all about to collide into a beautiful disaster.
Because that's what it is.
S2 has thrown a lot of the intelligent plotting out the window to embrace the chaos. Whether due to time constraints, intellectual fatigue, or creative indulgence, I feel like we have a show that's now just hurtling breakneck towards the finish line. Previous story threads that once held weight and were the driving force behind character arcs and subplots, have since been abandoned. Nuanced motivations and character growth are being tossed to the wayside for the sake of action, montages, music videos, and a cavalier, anything-goes approach to world-building.
And yet, it's still such an incredible spectacle to behold.
@ravenkinnie delightfully noted that she is now watching this show with her pussy.
I agree 100%. S2 is a full-body experience, and one I find myself wholly consumed by. It's like a one-night stand you weren't expecting to be so fucking good. And when the sun comes up, you know it's going to hurt to say goodbye, and there'll be no follow-up call.
But damn, you enjoyed the shit out of that experience.
So yeah, the flashback was fucking adorable. I love the genuine emotion and closeness between the three characters. I adore the idea of Felicia, Silco and Vander being childhood friends (or, again, a very messy polycule) and both men sort of falling apart without her Manic Pixie Dream Girl presence in their lives. It's a nice little character arc.
However.
I cannot reconcile this scene with the rest of S1. It feels completely disconnected from the reality of the show and the world around them. The flashback has absolutely no impact on the current events, nor does it have any foreshadowing. The flashback exists solely to provide us with a glimpse into the past, with sweet little parallels to serve as bonbons that make us coo and sigh. It completely glosses over Silco's deeply, blackly visceral hatred of Vi in S1, reduces the class struggle culminating in the Day of Ash to "Oh, Silco. If only you've protested for your basic civil rights in a peaceful manner instead of tossing a molotov cocktail, you'd still have your family, a place in the community, not to mention your eye," does not really explain why Benzo reacted to Silco's appearance by calling him an animal, and, most importantly, gives the lie to the entire dynamic between Silco and Jinx.
We were led to believe that Felicia's death was the catalyst for Silco and Vander's falling out. That if Silco had found Vander's letter in their little Brokeback bunk, they would've worked out their differences and found peace together. That they'd have raised Felicia's anklebiters side-by-side as the Zaundads of the revolution.
Except Silco is also the man selling Evil Anime PCP (Shimmer) as an economic cheat-code to earn respect for his people, and Vander is basically Captain Centrist and traumatized by war, and there is NO WAY they would've seen eye-to-eye on their respective methods. There's no way they would've come to any sort of accord. And there's no way Silco would've forgiven the man who mutilated and left him possibly sheared of half his lifespan, any more than Felicia's children would forgive the man who killed their mother.
It's such an incongruous narrative beat.
Which brings me to the other point:
Silco and Jinx.
imo, while I love the idea of Silco carrying either a secret torch for Felicia, or seeing her as a sister he'll always love, and while I absolutely treasure the idea of Jinx being a daily reminder of what he's fighting for - "I'm doing this for us, Jinx." - it sort of cheapens the key connection between them. In S1, Silco and Jinx's arc is, in my eyes, one of the best things about the series, and so incredibly well-written and executed. Silco is a monster, yes, but his monstrosity is the product of systemic and individual trauma, and the inextricable bleedthrough between the two. Finding this little girl and bringing her up under his wing, he has the chance to be the steadying hand and safe harbor he lost after Vander's betrayal. His monstrousness is not something he inflicts on her; it is something that, rather, grows on JInx like a kudzu vine, as the terrain of her damaged mind is already fertile for his worldview and methods to take root and thrive.
He is, perhaps, the best example of nurture triumphing over nature, even if his nurturing is rather, uh, extreme.
But if their bond is predicated on Felicia, rather than two strangers finding each other in the wilderness of heartbreak and learning to let their black hearts beat, messily entwined, as one family unit, and if Silco's obsession with Jinx is merely a projection of his guilt for killing her mother, and, by extension, a projection of his love for Felicia onto her daughter...
It's just.
Do y'all remember those uncomfortable frames that the showrunners admitted were deliberate, despite the evidence in the written text suggesting a familial bond? The subtext that, all the way into S2, carries the implication of a romantic relationship between a father and his daughter?
Well.
The implications now threaten to melt into explicit text, and the uncomfortable frames have turned into Unfortunate Implications, and I am not sure how I feel about this.
It's not giving Lily and Snape; it's giving Sansa and Baelish.
It's giving the showrunners a big, fat "YEESH" rating from CPS.
And it's giving us the same, old, tired trope of a monstrous man unable to form an attachment unless it's through the lens of prior attachments, that whole 'You remind me so much of her' and the like.
(I also admit I am the world's biggest hypocrite as the entire premise of Forward but Never Forget/XOXO is that the core foursome of Vander, Silco, Lika and Sevika knew each other, and that those ghosts haunt the machinery of the present day. But I try my damnedest to make plain there's politics buffeting all these relationships, and despite all their efforts to claw at self-sovereignty, reinvention and a new order, the past is a stubborn bitch that refuses to let go.)
(Also in FnF, Silco is triggered by Lika rather than into her in any affectionate or romantic way, because they're so similar: pragmatic survivors who aren't above rule-bending to get their way, and at their core just want a smoke break, a stiff drink, and a nap. It's a mutual respect rather than an affection, which is why she bestows on him the dubious honor of mercy killing her if she's too wounded on the Day of Ash to continue on.)
(He's the one person who could, and would, do her the service. It's kinship, and Jinx is the bright torch of their shared ambitions and ingenuity given both wing and voice.)
But anyway.
The flashback is a fever-dream. The kind you have when you're high on cold meds and can't think straight, and the world is a blur of sensations and memories that seem vivid in the moment but melt away into madness when you're better. It's a scene meant to be savored rather than interrogated. And I think if the showrunners had the time and inclination, we would've gotten a second episode solely dedicated to the flashback, rather than shoehorning it in. But since they're clearly trying to tie everything up with a neat bow before the finale, I don't blame them for having to skim past it and focus on the vibes/emotional resonance rather than the substance of a meaningfully written scene.
But hey.
Fanfic writers will have a field day with the open-ended dynamic and the fandom will never fucking stop, so that's nice.
Also we got loads of fantastic gifs of Young Silco. Bless.
<3
tl;dr: I've switched my critical brain off and decided to just enjoy the ride. It's so fucking epic.
Also, Felicia was delightful and I hope her brotherhood/polycule/whatever with Silco and Vander gets its own spinoff, a la Road to El Dorado (or Zaun.)
#arcane#arcane league of legends#arcane silco#silco#forward but never forget/xoxo#asks#forward (never forget)/xoxo#arcane jinx#jinx#arcane vander#vander#arcane zaundads#zaundads#vanco#silco x vander#arcane warwick#arcane felicia#arcane vi#vi#arcane benzo#benzo
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"it's the tradition", feat. viktor.
summary: it's christmas in runeterra and couples are sharing kisses under the mistletoe.
word count: 1.000. (yes! exactly 1k im happy with it :]
content warning: just fluff as always! :DD (written with s1 viktor in mind!!!
author notes: ITS 5AM AND IVE WRITTEN 2 FICS IN A DAY, maybe im going to die but fuck it we ball. love viktor and love xmas, i wish i could use sweaters but in brazil december is sooo hot but yeah, here it is a lil something for the holidays. hope u like it!! :)))
whenever some holiday approaches, piltover academy is adorned in it's colour by students. it's december and the halls are decorated with reds and greens all the way, bringing joy to those who look up and see the fairy lights blinking slowly to them. christmas is coming, and so is winter.
everyone is using their thickest coats, but there's still some people who are cold, even if they are holding hot drinks to warm up both their hands and their body, or if they are rubbing their arms, creating some friction that could maybe help it, or sharing kisses under the mistletoe meticulously placed on the tree near the entrance of the academy, which have all kind of things hanging on it. some letters addressed to santa, little brilliant baubles made in all type of materials you could think of, red bows and colorful lights, all made by it's students.
you wanted to spend your day like this, enjoying over your partner's warmth under the mistletoe. well, life isn't fair. he was already working and you needed to work too, but maybe you could bring him some sweet milk and cookies on your lunch break, right?
so once the clock hitted midday, you walked to the cafeteria, the same one you and viktor got out on your first date, and ordered enough cookies for both of you. the women on the other side of the counter packed them to you, putting the little bag on your right hand, while you carried the cup of sweet milk on the other. finally, you got out, hands full, hoping that you could bring him some of the christmas spirit when leaving those in the lab.
when you made it to the academy again, it was even more crowded than earlier, students going in and out, chatting and joking around, throwing snowballs at each other and playing in the snow. and again, the couples kissing under the mistletoe. and all you could think of was him. oh, how you missed his kisses. so you hurried up, the flashy holiday themed colors in the halls blending together in an indistinguishable blur.
once you reached his lab, you knocked on the door, anxiously waiting for an answer. you could feel how your heart thumped against your ribs, maybe it's the nervousness or just because you runned all the way to come here in time. “come in,” was all you could hear from inside.
you turned the door knob, pushing it so you could enter the lab. he was hunched over his desk, but once he looked past his shoulder, realizing you were the one who got in, his golden eyes immediately lighted up, just like the fairy lights, but shined even brighter when he seemed the baked goods you carried, then turning again to his work, “just wait a bit, i will finish this, ehh- hopefully soon.”
you came from behind him, leaving both the bag and the cup over his desk, “i know these are your favorites,” you put your hand on his shoulder, “and it's my break now, but soon i need to get back to work,” his hand stopped, no longer making calculations. he looked up at you, then at the papers in front of him, thinking if he should or not give in.
sighing, he let the pencil over the papers. you knew he would keep working if you didn't say it. “i guess i could give myself a break, then,” the corners of his mouth quirking up while he reached for the bag, opening it and letting the smell of the cookies bathe the place, bringing coziness alongside it. he shoved his hand on the bag, picking one up and biting onto it, humming softly when it melted on his tongue, then bringing the almost half cookie to your lips, only to put away and eat it himself.
he was laughing loudly, keeping a hand over his mouth, to prevent any crumbs from coming out. “you ain't fair,” you huffed, crossing your arms over your chest. you knew he was just joking, but you wanted to eat too, “i brought those so we both could eat. together!”
“i know, i know!”, he said, getting the cup of sweet milk and taking a sip of it, “but it's fun to tease you. can't help it,” he shrugged, looking at your pouty expression turning into one of anger. picking another cookie, he proceeded to feed you first, your frown immediately disappearing. he was trying to not laugh again, but he couldn't contain it, as he did so, soon the frown came back to your face.
“stop making fun of me and let me eat, for jannas's sake,” you also couldn't keep your smile from growing, it was such a good atmosphere that, even if you were mad at him for stealing your cookie and laughing at you, you couldn't be mad for longer than thirty seconds.
you were laughing with him, happy with how your lunch was going, eating and talking, so busy with everything that you didn't see him fidgeting, looking for something inside his jacket pocket. once there was no more food nor milk, he cleaned his hands, bringing one over you both, holding something up. a mistletoe.
you scoffed, running your hand over your face, “really, viktor?”, you were astonished, he truly got one of those just he could have an excuse to kiss you?
“well, it's the tradition, isn't it?”, he grinned, placing his free hand on your waist, bringing you closer, “any person who's under the mistletoe must kiss, it's correct?”
“yes, absolutely correct,” you put both hands on each side of his face, kissing his lips softly, tasting the sugar on his mouth. “but you taste like milk and cookies,” you kissed him again, just to make sure you got it right, “maybe next year i will bring you more of these, so we could kiss under the mistletoe again.”
“oh, christmas may be my favorite holiday now.”
#—swe writes#arcane x reader#viktor x reader#viktor arcane#ok! im sleep deprived but oh well i finished it before the end of christmas :D#it's 5am i want to sleep so bad oh gods#but i will prob still play some league before actuality going to bed hehe#originally i thought abt making hot chocolate with vik#but i love so much the mistletoe tradition to just not write it#and he is so.#arrrgh love him love him#oh and its rare that i happened to write 2 things in the same day#it was only bcs i promised i would make smth for steb and for christmas too#but couldn't write an xmas fic if i was already working on the steb one#so i started and finished both on the same say :)#im going to die oh well oh fu k#but whatever!! life is an amazing experience and im living it fully ((not sleeping properly ;)
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✧ mastering academic email etiquette (1/20) (S1) ✧
(The Academic Weapon Series - by mindy @glowettee)
hi loves! mindy here <3 let's talk about something that literally no one teaches us but is so important - how to email your professors/teachers and academic advisors like a pro. if you couldn't tell this is a brand new series and instead of just having a certain amount of posts (which for this series its 20) i'm actually going to have SEASONS as well. so this is season 1, each season will have an amount of 20 posts each. i'm still continuing the manifestation series and almost done with the 'preparing for next semester series' as well, but this is a new one i'm so excited for!
your email presence is part of your academic reputation, so let's make it absolutely perfect:
subject line formula:
course code + brief topic
example: "eng101 - research paper consultation request"
keep it clear and specific
no vague "quick question" subjects!
email structure:
greeting
"dear professor/teacher [name]" (always)
never "hey" or "hi" alone
introduction
who you are
which class/section
when you meet
main content
one main topic per email
clear + concise
specific questions/requests
closing
thank them for their time
your full name
student ID if relevant
pro tips that changed my email game:
email during business hours
proofread twice, send once
no emotional language
wait 24 hours before follow-up
keep a professional email signature
things to absolutely avoid:
demanding immediate responses
writing walls of text
using slang or emojis
sending multiple emails about the same thing
asking questions answered in the syllabus
bonus tip: save email templates for common situations like:
office hours scheduling
assignment clarification
absence notifications
extension requests
recommendation letters
remember: professors get hundreds of emails! make yours stand out by being professional, clear, and respectful.
xoxo, mindy 🤍
#romanticizeyourlife#softlife#selfcaretips#glowupjourney#aestheticlist#self improvement#study tips#it girl energy#pink#girl blogger#that girl#glow up#glow up era#becoming that girl#it girl#dream girl#dream girl tips#dream girl guide#wonyoungism#clean girl#dream girl vibes#dream girl journey#pink pilates princess#just girly things#girlblogger#gentle reminder#girljournal#pink pilates girl#self care#self love
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