#my life really is just a cycle of
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wanna write frat boy Zack soooooo bad
#but not in the way you’d expect#Zelda talks#also hi I’m alive 💕#I’ll get to my DMs soon. I feel like shit rn and I just don’t have the spoons :/#anyway. rewatching Greek rn#my life really is just a cycle of#consume media -> make a new au of said media -> get a million ideas and start a new project#-> consume media
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("Always. Continuously. With increasing apprehension, and decreasing hope. I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday. I will love you as a corpse loves the beak of the vulture. I will love you no matter what happens to you, and no matter how I discover what happens to you, and no matter what happens to me as I discover this." -- paraphrased from The Beatrice Letters, Lemony Snicket)
#svsss#bingqiu#luo binghe#shen qingqiu#lbh#sqq#i've been working through the series of unfortunate events and somehow that series has paired really nicely with svsss#the themes of cycling violence and what's justified and what isn't and what can possibly be done differently#and how trying to bring love and honour into the midst of it really changes nothing but also changes everything#it's just *chef's kiss*#i don't know how i can quite do my thoughts justice but i've spent the past few weeks quietly going between the two series (and mdzs and tg#as well if we're being honest they all hit similar questions and themes) and just reveling in the pain and ambiguity of it#everything is interconnected and it means you can never know what trauma and pain and necessity has shaped a person#each story goes too far back to ever ever EVER possibly see the full extent of it#at that level even communication itself is nearly impossible.#and because of that it's almost impossible to change anything. beat yourself apart and the outcome is the same#and yet ATTEMPTING to change things ATTEMPTING to do the kind thing the honourable thing is absolutely critical#because while you can change nothing you also have the capacity to change EVERYTHING#aaaaaaah i don't even know what i'm saying#but i read the beatrice letters today and the love letter just. killed me.#(obviously i cherrypicked some lines because it's three pages long but those ones felt right)#''i love you like a corpse loves a vulture's beak'' i just. can't get over that line.#to be completely changed. altered. destroyed. redeemed. purified. desecrated. reduced to nothing yet entirely necessary for another's life.#what a FUCKING line#anyway i was either going to blow up from thinking about it or else i had to exorcise it via art from an entirely different series#i've already done svsss and discworld why not throw a series of unfortunate events into the mix#i'll be honest folks i did not expect svsss to be the mxtx series that would fuck me up the most about the main ship#bingqiu is something else. i don't even know how to begin to approach my feelings on it. impossibility and necessity all at once#bizarre#my art
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Bakugou asks you to join him during one of his photoshoots for a pro hero campaign. he doesn’t understand the point of it, nor why he has to only be in his underwear, but he doesn’t mind it much when he gets to look over to your shy little face.
you’re propped up in a corner on an old couch, laptop perched in your lap, its glare bright despite the way you never really look at it. you’re supposed to be catching up on some work, but you’ve been distracted by the glorious sight that is the love of your life.
when he looks at you, do you duck down, eyes suddenly focused on your screen again. it only makes him smile a little, step away from the assistant of the photographer who comes up to him, calls out your name.
“Huh?” your head whips up with a quickness neither of you expect, goes to show just how invested you really were with your work. but Bakugou only grins at you now, jerking his chin over to you as he grabs the bottle of oil the assistant was trying to pour over him.
“C’mere and gimme a hand, won’t ya?” he asks you, boyish smile gracing his face as he tilts his head at you. immediately, your face warms as you put together the request that’s suddenly dropped in your lap. everyone in the studio looks at you, with both envious and excited gazes, and it only makes you shrink in on yourself.
“I hate you.” you mutter under your breath when you finally rise up from your place on the couch, which he somehow hears. but Bakugou only laughs at you, grabs you by the waist when you’re close enough to kiss you breathless in front of everybody, before he’s handing off the oil to you.
“Such an attention whore,” you whisper when you’re close, the air between the two of you thick. everyone tries to look away, give you guys a bit of privacy, but it’s hard when such a soft and amused look passes over the usually rough and hardened hero’s face.
“Only for your attention.” he grunts back to you, holding his arms out for you to start dripping the oil down his skin. it’s a sensual gesture, the softness between you two sliding into something more, something that you only ever reserve for the bedroom.
you tip the bottle over his shoulders until it drips down his chest, massaging it all in with your hands in crude, circular motions. you can see the way he bites his lip, ignore the way he looks at you down the bridge of his nose lest you two create a scene not meant for the public eye. you gather more oil, warm it between your palms, kneeling in front of him to help massage it into the defined muscles of his stomach.
you ignore the twitch in front of you, swallowing thickly, glancing up to Bakugou who hasn’t taken his eyes off of you yet. you mouth at him to behave, but he only grins, something feral.
“We only need it above the waistband.” the photographer suddenly calls out, snapping you back to attention. you stand on shaky knees, nodding with your eyes casted low, ashamed, that your freak of a man had you doing something so…so—
“Go wait in my dressing room, yeah?” Bakugou asks you, pulling you in close to peck at the corner of your mouth. “Gonna wrap this shit up.” he promises you, and you can only nod silently, mind going a mile a minute. but before you go, you remember to grab the oil. just in case.
#I hope this makes sense and sorry that it’s This.#I’m sleepy and having an allergic reaction and it’s HELL!!!!!!!#and I’m also coming on my cycle life just won’t stop beating my ass#on the other hand I really enjoyed my schoolwork this week which was a nice relief#I have a week left and I’m so happy bc I’ll finally have more time to write what I want again!!!#bakugou treats! 🍬#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#also I’ve talked about model bkg before but I can never get enough of him I fear#him as a model or even just modeling in general does something to me#mr pretty face with such a terrible attitude and such a brat bc he wants only you for everything#I need him terribly so
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Linktober Day 8. Tunic
#linktober#linktober 2024#the legend of zelda#wind waker#ocarina of time#loz#loz ww#loz oot#link#josh art tag#had a lot of fun with this one despite how annoying it was to draw#oot link was at a difficult angle and i also just could not shade this for the life of me. restarted the shading like 3 times#i think im reaching that point in the cycle i typically go thru with my artstylr where ive grown tired of my shading style#to the point that i forget how to do it and it never quite looks right#so if my next post features changes to my artstyle thats why lol#but i enjoyed making this despite that cuz i like the ideas behind it!#i normally wouldve redesigned ww!link's outfit but i purposefully drew it accurately#to highlight how its more like a costume. cuz thats kinda what it was! and its modeled after the hero of times clothes#but is pretty innacurate. which i think is cool.. shows how much time has passed and how the view of the hero of time has warped#so i also purposefully made oot link wearing my redesigned outfit for him (even if you cant see much of it at this angle)#to further emphasize how ww!link's outfit is not only essentially a costume but is also quite innacurate#i like having ww!link ditch the costume for something else to show how he stops being some kid in oot!link's shadow#and grows into a true hero of his own#hence my ww!link redesign where i put him back in the lobster shirt. but i do keep some green and something similar to the hat#to have him fit in with the other links while still being unique#look i have a lot of feelings about ww!link and oot!link#i wish zelda would do more stuff like this... i think having oot relate to wind waker makes the story more interesting#and makes ww!link more interesting! cuz he cant be the hero of time they want. but he does become the real hero they need#the oot ww tp trio is so good... and they all work great as standalone games but their connections do really add something
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one of the things that fascinate me about thawne: yes, he CAN be normal with kids! surprisingly normal!
((not at all times, though. his mental illness still spills through and as usual he, in trying to manipulate or hurt others, spits out at them the exact stuff that would hurt him (or have in his childhood/barry's rejection interpretation) the most in the first place lmao))
but at the same time. his like second instinct when doing his bullshit is FUCK THEM (as) KIDS
(and, well. whatever this classifies as)
#whats wrong with him. seriously. he loves picking fights with literal children So Much#AND NONE OF THEM WITH WALLY ON THE MATTER OF BEING THE BIGGEST FLASH FAN. HOW DID THAT NEVER HAPPEN#about the middle page. honestly i DIDNT remember he is a Jerk in that way too until i checked his interactions with bart for this post#this man officially should not be allowed near children as a mentor.#just straight up drops ALL his insecurities on a poor kid in trying to make him feel ashamed. NO breaking the abuse cycle for this bad boy#the only thing he doesnt say is the direct 'you are a disappointment' altho the message is still the same 💀💀💀💀💀💀#AND I BET HES HELLA PROUD OF THAT. I MEAN CONSIDERING THIS FACT IG HE DOES TRY TO BE BETTER THAN HIS PARENTS. SOMEWHAT.#and omg he formulates his point like in problem based learning (leading the child to making the correct conclusion themselves)#im dying. professor to the fucking core.#and the way he feels the need to bring up flash facts in his appeal?? EO YOURE SO HOPELESS. THIS IS 100% HOW BART SAW HIM THROUGH#and god knows what he told thad promising to get him out of the speed force if he fought barry there and whether he was going to fulfill it#and do you even IMAGINE how FUCKED barry's mental condition would be growing up if thawne fulfilled his button threat#and i really REALLY wonder about the tornado twins and their relationship with 'uncle eobard' but that will be a separate post#he doesnt know any other way tho. and he might be actually mad at bart for not supporting his every action as The Flash#like. he tries to play family but the second they question he just goes WHATEVER. I DONT NEED IT. FLASH OF MY VISION RUNS ALONE#his problem is that he just wants attention. he doesnt see family/heroing for what 'its really about' or downsides that may come with them#everything is so idealized in his head. and the moment he faces reality with its complications the concept immediately gets antagonized.#and then he reconsiders and changes the conditions but fails each time never realizing the problem is his mindset and not everything else#black white at its finest yall#and man. RELATABLE.#also WHY is he standing LIKE A STATUE when appearing in front of bart????😭😭😭😭#poor museum rat has no idea what heroes in real life stand like#eobard thawne#professor zoom#reverse flash#the reverse flash#bart allen#the flash#dc
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I’m gonna be thinking about that “Like me” for days. Shin wants power, but I think she wants an equal, too. I am going insane over her questions about the Jedi Temple and the Order. All these stories Baylan has probably told her about being a Jedi led up to that flicker of excitement in her eyes when he first ordered her to go to Lothal. Shin wanted to see another apprentice. Even with her Master, I imagine she still feels alone. She wants to connect to the history that shaped her training. She wants to connect to the only other people in the galaxy she can relate to, even if they’re supposed to be her enemies. Ugh, god I am thriving in the nuance of these characters
#ahsoka series#ahsoka spoilers#shin hati#baylan skoll#these are just immediate thoughts I need to watch it again and again#but I had an inkling that Baylan didn’t really care about Thrawn. he just needed to get where he was going.#he isn’t evil he’s just Tired of the cycle of destruction in the galaxy#he mourns the Jedi but has moved on and let idea of the Order go#WHERE HAVE THESE CHARACTERS BEEN ALL MY LIFE!!!!!!
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nothing like a 12 am spiral over religious trauma lol
#over the past year i've been struggling a lot with my beliefs and how i was raised#i am still part of the church and i want to pull away from it so badly#but i am not in a safe place to do that at the moment#so i am stuck in this vicious cycle#and at times i feel very trapped#and i'm not quite sure what to do or how to get myself out of it#it's really hard when it's all you've ever known#and you feel like a heretic and like you're sinning for questioning god and his existence#there are just things i cannot reconcile#and it's especially difficult when you've always been the 'good girl' and you know it would rock everyone's world if you came out and said#you didn't believe what you've been taught your whole life#don't even get me started on if i ever came out as queer to anyone in my life lmao#anyway ignore me i'm just having a moment#tw religious trauma
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TW!mentioned pet death, very briefly mentioned current war in Ukraine
So. I had a cat. Like, we actually had multiple cats in the family, but the previous ones were when I was too little to remember, and then as I was like around 12 I think mum allowed to have a new kitten. Her name was Шуша (Shushah) like an alien little critter from Kir Bulychev's books (a big soviet sci-fi writer). She was a Russian Blue cat, but a little mixed, so she was grey but with yellow eyes. I would write more about her but I can't really handle it rn. She was a lovely kitty.
Cancer took her July 10th last year. She was a few months short from being 10 yo. I don't give any fucks whether it's long or short for a cat.
Here's a thing I wrote the day she went on, I'm not translating it into English but if you wanna learn a few things about her, you can copy paste it in google translator.
Сегодня умерла моя кошка Шуша. Её звали в честь зверька из книг Кира Булычёва, хотя она не умела включать мультики, и я её очень сильно люблю. Она любила яичницу с помидорами, кукурузу из банки, круассаны и вонючую кошачью еду, а ещё гоняла по полу соломинки для коктейлей и боялась трясогузок. Ещё она любила лечь прямо поверх рук, когда я занимался уроками, а последнее время - когда её чухали за животик, обязательно приговаривая вслух "чуха-чуха", иначе ей не нравилось. Ещё она любила пение горбатых китов, скрипку и некоторую тяжёлую электронику, никогда толком не кусала еду, просто слизывая её с тарелки, и один раз прошлась по клавиатуре компьютера моей сестры так, что открыла код какого-то закрытого, почти секретного американского сайта. Я нарисовал её не в полную длину, потому что когда она делала потягушечки как следует, она могла занять целую кровать, а так мне оставалась хотя бы одна треть. Вы её не знали, но если вдруг вы сегодня будете есть что-то из её любимой еды, пожелайте ей хорошо добраться, на коленях доброго бога её уже ж��ут, чтобы почесать за ушком.
My dad is living in Yerevan now, because he had to leave our country to avoid the obligatory draft cuz of course he is not going to kill Ukrainian people, that's literally half of our family. So. Yerevan is a very stray anmals filled city. Mostly dogs, but cats too.
And just now dad sent into our family group chat some vids and pics of a stray cat that snuck into his apartment and is currently snacking on some cat food dad has since my last visit to him (I was feeding stray animals cuz it was winter).
My point is, that kitty that has occupied dad's dingy apartment, is grey with yellow eyes.
#i literally cannot think calmly about Shusha till this day#i am very bad with grief and i had only a few close beings (pets or people) die and i haven't gotten over any of those losses#but this just fucked me up on a whole another level#because i don't know if that's our kitty that decided to come back to us for another life#or just a coincidence#or maybe the pictures don't even show her fur and eye colour right#all i know is i am fucking bawling my eyes out just as much as the day my cat moved on in the great cycle#sometimes i don't really know what's the point in going on if she's not here#in this family which i don't even have a bad family but i'm just not really fitting in#in this family she was the closest one i had#i fucking miss her#juju's grumbles
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Me flipping through the DSM-V attempting to diagnose the lynch brothers
#I’ve definitively diagnosed declan even tho it’s not something the APA has technically approved for the DSM-V#but I can’t just wait around for them to approve it yknow life must go on#and I’ve got like 2 top contenders for matty#but even tho we have the most info about ronan he’s the hardest to diagnose#he has symptoms of a lot of different disorders and could be categorized in a variety of ways#so he might take some time#NO I’m not a psychologist BUT I’m really mentally ill does that count#also my psychologist said I need to stop diagnosing my friends and family so I’m just doing it to fictional characters now#trc#the Raven cycle#tdt#the dreamer trilogy#declan lynch#ronan lynch#Matthew lynch
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if you read trc and came away hating adam parrish i have no choice but to assume you’re extremely unsympathetic to poor people in general and i do Not trust you
#like for him to even be friends with gansey when gansey’s that rich is insane to me i don’t know how he did it#nothing against gansey really cause that’s just how he is#but if i was adam and my friend who owned entire buildings at the age of 16 tried to have an opinion on my life#i would never speak to them again and i sincerely mean that#and i’m lucky cause i grew up in an area where a lot of my friends were also poor#but to go to private boarding school and be that alienated oh i would have been much worse than him#adam parrish#the raven cycle#trc
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Some mild existential dread in the house today
#im just feeling reeeeally really drained#works taking a LOT out of me#like. it feels less intense day to day? or maybe im reacting less? but its still very much piling up#and im just feeling very...idk. like im still waiting for permission to live my life#except now the permission osnt coming from any one person its. having the money to docit#and the time and the energy#and i guess thats just what adult life is? waiting#and hoping#and along the way losing sight of what i even wanted in the first place because im so *tired*#idk. i definitely need a project of some kind but im struggling to settle on something and then organise it#i have stuff to do today anyway. alfie had a lil bit of emergency cash saved so i need to go shopping#and i need to tidy the kitchen and do some dishes#and have a bath and shave at some point#i also want to draw but again. struggling ti pick something and idk if ill have the executive function spare#AND i want to try and be more social and talk to folks but thats its own kind of difficult#part of me would like a disc server that just has all of my friends in it bc i find it easier to dip in and out of conversarions#but i imagine that would be weird for folks who dont know each other#idk. lot goin through my mind when all i really want is sleep#which also hasnt been...greeeeat lately#mainly because Alfie wakes me up in the mornings bc they dont like being alone but also have a very different sleep schedule to me#and can take multiple smaller naps over a day whereas i really need a solid 8 or so hours or i just. dont fully switch on#but theyre also struggling atm (mentally and also they got an injury at work AND seperately broke their foot ffs)#so they need me more and its just#this never ending cycle of SOMETHING needs my attention#and its fucking exhausting asfghfkd#but!!! we keep goin!!!!! been applying for a bunch of jobs and havent heard anything positive yet but. we keep tryin huh
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#tko_art#hahah wrong eye shape#hers is more droopy and less awakey#wow colors suck#really hard#but i've noticed it doesn't feel like my brain is going to explode everytime I try to determine color and values#i kind of got too tired and wanted to giv eup so no tear drop#which made me sad because i did want to try that#but back hurts#gotta go to bed to fight god tomorrow/today#i love rendering skin tones#they're so much fun#lovely love#I have accidentally locked in#suddenly every single moment of time that i'm not spending to do art is unappealing and so damaging#i'm psyching myself out of doing things I know will give me instant gratification and will make me pretty happy for whattttttttt#it's kinda depressing#If i think about it too hard it's just a constant cycle of oh god this is it for the rest of my life#so no thinking it is!#blegh this seems so silly and trivial#i hope nobody reads this shit#i'd have to kill myself or something#im never gonna stop thinking about how i didnt say i loved you back#and it haunts me#and i cant stop thinking about what u said to me#and even tho u didnt say it harshly i cant stop my mind from running away from me#and theres something horribly wrong with me that i need to gouge out#i hope u never read this#i didnt want to be (x) how fucked up is that#i wish i wasnt like this i wish i didnt have to learn how to live with trauma i wish i was normal
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2 years to the date that all of my hard work paid off and i was able to buy a home for myself and finally, at long long long long last, able to escape my abusive parents house. not just a house, but a home, and that difference has always been important to me. i feel mostly astounded by how quickly the years have passed since then, but also proud. not just of the achievement but also the way that i've been able to get to know myself, develop my identity, and figure out who i am in that short period of time. it's amazing the way you get to flourish in a world with stability (and not just in the material sense but that too!) when you're not spending every second running from and avoiding life altering trauma. i have some really exciting opportunities coming up to better help me work towards that very soon and hopefully the trajectory continues. it was such a difficult 24 years in getting there a couple of years ago and i really didn't think i'd even make it at times but my god it was so worth waiting for.
#mine#24/10/2022#home#and i say develop my identity because i've had to learn to do so many things that i wasn't able to before#most notably: establish boundaries and stop giving a fuck what others think#and stop letting others use me/treat me badly#and in part a lot of that was my responsibility that i didn't uphold. i don't like being a victim.#and calling people out on their bullshit and getting rid of the ones who are awful is just as important as them not doing it to begin with#i still have a long way to go here and in other areas too of course#but the growth ive had in these 2 years has been exponentially more than the amount of growing i did in the 24 before that#but beyond that like#being able to actually leave the house and do things#taught me so much about who i am and what i like and what i want for my life#i thought i knew but i really had no idea#and a lot of that has been reflected through stylistic/physical changes#but ive really gotten a better understanding of the actual person i am#which has in turn impacted my confidence (which took a horrible hit about this time last year i wont lie)#which then cycles back into the assertiveness
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hi do you think sam is normal about the fact that matt died (on what was supposed to be his watch. by the way) and then came back as a fucking catholic priest. like. this guy watched his community get torn apart by a religious leader. aforementioned religious leader told him to kill a guy, got really pissed when he didn't, and threw him and his mom and their entire community under the bus when the beast came to take back its stolen power. he doesn't trust religion. he definitely doesn't trust religious authorities.
and now, you know. his quasi-father died (very nearly by the sword sam was given. by the way.) and came back as a religious authority. he actively works in the catholic church. he's a priest. that has to be uniquely shitty for sam. your dad figure is back from the dead (that you probably should have been there to save him from in the first place) and he's not a lawyer anymore but a guy in the exact same position of authority as the one you became blindspot to work against. the one that tried to make you into a murderer. the one that got your mom killed. oh and he doesn't remember you. crazy.
#I guess I what I'm saying is#they should really put sam in the current daredevil run#because the potential for some absolutely crazy awkward pseudofamily dynamics is crazy.#plus what if matt remembers.#“oh shit I told this kid to go live his life and then tried to kill myself with the sword he'd been carrying for like years.”#the sheer amount of guilt#what do you Do after that#look I'm sorry I just. stop chucking sam into the canon void they're fascinating foils okay!#you can't just give daredevil an apprentice#jack him up with religious trauma#kill daredevil in the spot the apprentice was supposed to be guarding#have him come back as an amnesiac catholic priest#and NOT COME BACK TO THE APPRENTICE#also chip zdarsky is a coward and should have let matt kill himself with the sword stick gave sam#the twisted cycle of apprentice and master coming. well not full circle but a wonky little spiral.#sorry elektra your whole fight scene was badass but you are not as conducive to devasting narrative symmetry in this particular instance#i forgot where i was going with this#uh yeah. free my guy he did all of it and it was excellent literary foiling.#sam chung#blindspot#matt murdock#daredevil#kili is rambling again
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what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that
#at this point I’m begging people to see the overlap with adhd too bc anecdotally it seems like everyone I know also has that#and the overlap with bpd and hpd but I think the main difference is. being stuck in that high energy state. even when the energy turns sad#and bitter and hopeless. it’s essentially just overstimulation from your own brain. gets stuck overstimulating itself to cope maybe?#like i know people say it’s not triggered by life events but they sometimes can trigger it. but imho depression is gonna trigger it too#eventually. anything where everything is Too Much can start the positive feedback loop that’s almost impossible to turn off#which if you don’t know what a positive feedback loop is. means smth triggers smth which goes back and triggers its original trigger#thus getting bigger and bigger in magnitude. it’s like the chicken and the egg. egg makes chicken and chicken makes egg. more egg more#chicken and more chicken more egg. as opposed to a negative feedback loop which by the time there gets enough of smth it stops triggering#making more of it. your body relies on negative feedback loops for smth called homeostasis which is basically keeping everything stable#so obv positive feedback loops are gonna do the opposite of stable. in this case for your energy and your mood#most people are able to sleep better when they’re tired. my hypothesis of hypomania is when being tired makes you less able to rest#and that obviously spirals in on itself. mania would just be an extension of that I guess? but in some people it does happen really fast so#I get the narrative that it’s a chemical imbalance bc it is. but the specific imbalance being the tendency to a positive feedback loop make#more sense to me too. and can be why predictability and external cycles to ground yourself to are so important#there’s also never a 0% chance of you ever having a manic episode btw. anyones brain can theoretically get into this loop it’s just that if#you’re genetically predisposed to bipolar you’re much more likely to! and that’s okay. you can manage it with meds and lifestyle#but it makes sense why lowering stress (which can trigger this cycle) is such an important part of treatment and management#anyway. hopefully I’m not like. horribly horribly wrong or smth. in the end I can only speak for my experience so lmk if I’m missing smth#bipolar awareness#bipolar 2#hypomania#personal mental health tag#neurodivergence#would you believe I was reminiscing about a concert I went to once. and it made me think of all this
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Prayers please
Trying to help a chronically ill friend understand that she CAN say no to things that are too much for her,
and that she absolutely needs to do something Right Now about the fact that she's somehow let herself end up working 40 hour weeks late into the night (11:30 PM), while doing school,
when she lives at home and doesn't technically need the money and the main reason she's working at all is that she wants to be independent one day and hasn't yet accepted that she has to scale her efforts to what SHE is capable of not what "normal" people are capable of
#I've known her for years#though I only see her in person a few times a year#but she's gotten really honest with me and trusts me a lot with how hard her life is now#and she and I both know I can't demand anything of her and won't try#but this is not ok of her to be doing to herself based on my information#I don't think she's going to die from it or anything she's just turning her life into a weekly cycle of immense suffering much of which she#could avoid#IF SHE JUST ACCEPTED HER LIMITATIONS EVEN A LITTLE BIT MORE#*noises of loving frustration*#pray for her please she's been learning#she's just not to the application stage of not running herself into the ground physically and mentally
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