#anyway. hopefully I’m not like. horribly horribly wrong or smth. in the end I can only speak for my experience so lmk if I’m missing smth

[faithfromanewperspective]

what’s there not to understand about hypomania? you know when you get overtired, and like a toddler, you get all hyperactive and also want to cry or do Every Fun Thing you can think of and it actually becomes harder to sleep? like as a result of too much overwhelm or being so emotionally exhausted that’s how your body makes you able to cope, the aftereffects of too much adrenaline? just imagine being stuck like that. and every day it triggers itself more, overload of emotional whiplash and energy and you’ve lost all ability to think rationally and you can do anything at this point, because why not? you’ve got nothing left in you to hold back on any idea that could be exciting and stop you from falling into the void where the wiredness you feel has nothing to latch onto to burn off that nervous energy in a positive way, emotionally. for days or weeks or months on end. you don’t need to have ever experienced this fully to extrapolate and be like. yeah. I can see how it would suck eventually to get stuck like that

[guqwrvte]

hello! if the quite game is still on, can i request smth for "its always my fault" and like, it begins really really angsty but ends in fluff? thank u so much for your time on this! i hope u have a great week💕

⨽ pairing: jimin x reader

⨽ genre: fluff , angst

⨽ warnings: strong language (one swear word i think) , crying (guys, is crying a warning??) y/n feels at fault ( :/ ) , uhh there are mean people with mean comments (?)

.

"Really? y/n, again?" Ari asked, pausing the music. "Why can't you get it right?" she asked again.

"We've been stuck on the same part for the past three practices! Three fucking practices! And it's all because of you," she yelled, causing you to flinch.

"Have you even been practising? I thought I asked you to go over it at home so that we won't have to waste time during practice. But here we are, wasting, yet again." she mumbled the last part.

"Let's finish here for today. We'll continue tomorrow. Hopefully, y/n will get this part right so we can move on."

"I really don't understand you. Why'd you even join the dance club? You can barely stay on your feet," Jae snickered. "Right? How do you have the courage to keeping here? Do you enjoy embarrassing yourself?" Nari said. "Just quit and find something else to do. It's your fault we're stuck on this part anyway. Showing yourself out would do us a real favour," she whispered before walking out.

You stood there with your head hung low. You could hear the whispers of the other girls. Some were laughing at you, as usual, while others were whispering encouraging words, telling you it was okay.

Once everyone had left the practice room, you fell to the floor, letting the tears you were struggling to hold back fall. Anyone could come back into the practice room and witness you in this horrible state, but you didn't care.

You were tired of getting scolded in front of all members. You were tired of feeling as if everything was your fault.

"Why'd you even join the dance club? You can barely stay on your feet."

You recalled Jae's words. She was right, you weren't the best dancer, and you knew that, but you kept coming to practice in the hope that you'd improve and become a better dancer. But were you really improving? You kept making mistakes and messing up the choreography.

You were slowing down the others in the process.

Maybe everything was your fault.

"I heard that you're in here- y/n?" you looked in the mirror to see your boyfriend standing at the door. "y/n, y/n, baby, what's wrong? Why are you crying?" Jimin asked, rushing towards and sitting next to you.

You sobbed into your hands. "I keep making the same mistakes over and over again, Jimin," you said. "It's okay to make mistakes. I'm sure the others are making mistakes too," he said, pulling you into his embrace, stroking your head as you cried into his shoulder.

"But it's not the same. Their mistakes don't stop us from continuing the choreography. Mine do," you said. "It's my fault that we're stuck on this part. Whenever we're stuck on a specific part in the choreography, it's always my fault, Jimin. It's always my fault," you whispered the last part, and Jimin let out a sigh.

Jimin placed his hand on your head and lifted your head from his shoulder. You started at your hands, and Jimin softly smiled. "Look at me y/n," he said, placing both his hands on your cheeks.

Your eyes met with his, and he smiled, wiping your tears. "It's not your fault, y/n," he said. "It's not your fault, baby. You just need more practice than the others, and that's totally okay. Everyone moves at their own pace," he said.

"How about this. I'll help you practice, hm? Show me where you're stuck, and I'll help you get it right. No matter how many times you mess up, I'll help you until you get it right," he said, giving you a soft smile. "Okay?" he asked, and you nodded. "Okay."

.

You showed Jimin a video of the choreography you and your members were learning. You pointed out all the parts you were struggling to get right, and he went over each one with you.

"Don't worry, you've almost got it." "There you go. You're getting the hang of it." He'd say, encouraging you to continue each time you felt like giving up.

You were so grateful to have someone as supportive as Jimin.

You danced and danced for hours, perfecting each and every move. Jimin stayed and danced with you, not leaving you alone for a minute.

"y/n..." Jimin said, stopping you. You looked at him through the mirror, afraid you made a mistake again. "You did it, baby," he said, flashing you the biggest smile. Your eyes widened. "I did?" you asked, and he nodded.

"You did it, and you've seemed to master the whole routine too! You're going to be ahead of the others now," he said, and you couldn't help but smile.

You ran into his arms, catching him by surprise. "Thank you so much for helping me, baby." You thanked, tightly wrapping your arms around him. "You don't have to thank me, I was more than happy to help-" you cut him off by placing your lips on his.

Jimin tightened his hold around your waist. He slowly closed his eyes and hummed in response, enjoying the feeling of your soft lips against his.

"Thank you," you said once you pulled away from the kiss. "I'm just... I'm so happy that I got it right. And it's all thanks to you," you said.

Jimin sheepishly smiled. "No, it's not," he whispered before lowering your body to the ground.

"Would you like to go over the choreography one more time?" he asked, and you shook your head. "I'll go over it tomorrow before practice. Right now, all I want to do is go to your apartment and spend the night with you. Doing whatever you want, since you spent so much time helping me with this. Would you like that?" you asked.

Jimin nodded before placing his lips on yours.

.

high sorry if this isn't angsty, i'm not the best at writing angst :(

i think this is the most detailed request i’ve gotten so far lol

.

part of quote game , submit request here

[advernia]

hi hi!!! ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ mmm… i try not to expect something out of an unreleased route (bc most of the time i am horribly betrayed lmao) but there are loads of stuff i hope to see! forgive me for being rambly tho haha!  

mousse. i actually have no idea what to expect from his route but what i do know is that his current position as a diplomat bothers me in a lot of ways lmao! but anyway… naturally we should be getting details on why he left the red army in the first place, so maybe on that side i do wish we’d get more insight on the workings of the red army, i guess? not that i’m expecting something super detailed or anything (tho it would be great if cybird feeds us with details), but for starters, maybe something more concerning the chosen bloodline - for instance, how did it come to be that for the red army, those thirteen certain families are the only ones strictly allowed to fill in that one position in the chosen ranks??? do relatives or family branch members count??? additionally, is mousse the first case of someone stepping down / refusing to take over their designated rank??? i’d like to think that he isn’t, but then again i maybe wrong???

alternatively… maybe mousse’s route could fill in some bit of cradle lore too? lmao i mean he is a diplomat and alice is a ‘visitor’, so he’s the best suitor to fit in the role of a tour guide. maybe a little more idea on how cradle works as an actual country, bc god i can’t even imagine how it functions properly. who knows, maybe he actually knows about that abandoned building in the forbidden forest + why it’s there in the first place. maybe he can actually elaborate the background of the goddamn 500 year conflict. if he actually does, bless my soul.

on relationships… while mousse is neutral but a former red, i imagine we’ll be seeing more of the ra guys rather than the ba, maybe… that’s fine with me since i’m interested in learning more about his relationship with lancelot, and maybe how he interacts with kyle + edgar since we already have a general idea of how he is around jonah + zero. but since the neutral faction has increased now, i’d like it if most of his interactions would involve more of his fellow neutrals. they need more screentime.

and finally, romantically… man, that ‘love at first sight… or is it?’ bit on his profile really gets me. oh, i will be ridiculously happy if that whole ‘love at first sight’ thing is interpreted as just sheer interest on mousse’s part. he’s in love with the visitor from the land of reason, with alice the second who hails from the same land as the first alice. he’s in love with the thought of her, a person who lives in a world so different from his own…but has he ever seen alice the second as the woman she is, as another human being??? this is probably unlikely to happen as mousse doesn’t seem too cold as a character but OOOOHHHHH I’D LOVE TO HAVE A TWIST（○□○）

tl;dr: a focus on red army history / more expository stuff on cradle. a toss between mousse interacting with the ra + neutrals, preferrably more of the latter. if cybird pulls a surprising twist / interpretation on mousse’s ‘love at first sight’ for alice, then i will LIVE.

dean. for starters, i’d like a little more understanding on how the boarding school he works in operates haha… i get it’s open to all regardless of status (red/black, noble/commoner maybe?), but what type of school is it, is it a regular one or a military academy of sorts??? if it’s a military type, to what extent are the students trained - basic combat/magic or are there advanced classes or all that shebang??? from what age are you able to enroll in it??? who runs it??? probably someone from the neutral faction / government itself but seriously speaking, is this the only school available in cradle??? if you’re wondering why i think that, i just find it odd that two different factions that have been in constant conflict still send their kids to study in that one school where anyone and everyone is accepted… i’d imagine the red side isn’t so happy about this more than the black side is, but maaaybe it’s a government-mandated / treaty / pact thing??? tbh i’m still on the fence on those ideas since there’s a lot more questions that would arise from that but… yeah. just… details, pls _(:3」∠)_ oh, more bonus points if we get more info about the day everything went dark!

anyway… dean being a professor appears underwhelming but it’s pretty interesting to take into account that he probably trained all(?) of them army suitors so… personally i’d be interested if there’s your teacher vs. student(s) fight scenes lmao. preferrably with dean still able to hold his own. bonus points if he taunts his opponent in the process with words like ‘i see you’ve forgotten your fundamentals’ or something haha! even more bonus points if we get dean/alice fighting the forces of evil magic disciples together!!! oh, that would be so good.

it would be fun if dean’s the type to subtly poke his former students with their dark history past mistakes when he sees them / needs them to settle down or smth. maybe he has dirt on someone like luka (and no, it isn’t about him feeding birds on the rooftop lmao). maybe he’s the only one who can make sirius & lancelot feel nervous easily, holy shit. but again, as dean’s a neutral, i’d prefer his interactions to involve more of his fellow neutrals. especially dalim. though that might be a given considering their relationship. i will greatly appreciate seeing more of the tweedle twins dynamic. even more if it turns out that the main conflict/antagonist of their individual routes happens not to be amon, but their other half and it’s not because of alice. AHHHHHH ( ･ᴗ･̥̥̥ )

idk what dynamic they’re gonna shoot for with dean & alice, but i do hope it doesn’t give off your ‘teacher-student’ vibes aha…… considering how dean’s personality appears so far though, i’d like to think that a slow burn would be fitting for them…? maybe something similar to lancelot’s where the conflict is given more focus than the romance itself.

tl;dr: background on the school + the day everything went dark. teacher vs. student(s) fight scenes + dean/alice fighting duo. dean being lolz evulz to his former students. tweedle twins drama, bless. if dean/alice gives off the teacher-student dynamic, well… can’t say i didn’t see that coming.

dalim. oh boy, while i’m trying hard not to expect anything for now, i can’t help but pray for something good with dalim. i think he has the best potential among the new three since he’s only (or first) suitor in an actual antagonistic position - he knows it, he accepts it, and he’s still going with it. if cybird handwaves a redemption arc for him thru the flimsy power of kira-kira labu (or friendship), i will be very, very, very disappointed. seriously.

anyway, there’s a lot of question marks surrounding him that i want answered but of course, more dirt on the magic tower. perhaps whatever details about the tower that they failed to address in harr’s route they can add + elaborate here, though i really wouldn’t mind knowing more nitty gritty on the human experimentation bit. then there’s the matter about the regression magic he developed. though maybe all before that detailed stuff, maybe some background about how dalim came to be a magic disciple would be good. and how and why he manages a pub on the side. origin stories are a must.

not gonna lie though - i’m more interested in his social life, his relationship with amon the first priority. how long has he known amon, did he approach amon or was it the other way around, when did he start serving amon, do amon and he have similar goals, how ‘loyal’ is he to amon, was he already amon’s subordinate when amon killed his father, did he help amon kill his father, why does he even serve such a guy in the first place... yeah, all that and more. hopefully those are going to be addressed. then there’s dean... if dalim’s goals + ambitions are purely for the sake of his older twin, i’m gonna cry a river. even moreso if his determination is so strong that he still chooses dean over his kira-kira labu for alice. now if cybird really does pull that off, consider me IMPRESSED. HOT DAMN.

them aside, in general his relationship tree seems complicated... he has strained relationships with harr + zero + loki + oliver, though it seems that he and harr still can seem to hold ‘conversations’ with each other... lancelot + seth don’t like him... idk if he was already involved in the day everything went dark operation, but if he was then ray + fenrir would definitely knock him down... lmao that’s a lot of hostility there, and that’s as dalim. as dum, zero + ray + fenrir + oliver are still wary of him haha! well, i hope his interactions with the rest of the cast will fare better / some of those relationships may not be as strained as they seem???

and the romance... since dalim’s human experimentation is a step farther and darker than edgar’s history of murder, there is no way you are going to make me swallow the possibility that he could go down the same route and be pardoned by cradle through trial. or in any way going to be redeemed + forgiven / set free quickly. no, i won’t accept it either if amon does something similar to a claudius and suddenly decides to say that he pulled dalim along for the ride (rather, i’d be furious). ends i’ll accept are dalim himself demanding for or receiving proper judgement for his actions. the feelings between dalim and alice are there & acknowledged, sure, but sadly regardless of what ending they physically cannot be together.

too angsty??? maybe it is, since i personally feel that his situation has the potential to feel more... well, military/war-fitting than the other suitors. i’m not hoping for that scenario simply because i want that extreme angst + drama, but rather because it somehow doesn’t sit right with me that someone so goal-focused, someone who seems to have walked down the wrong path of his own volition, who stated himself that he isn’t human and won’t let ethics stand in his way (zero’s route), would allow himself to be easily forgiven for all that he had done. it’s like a disservice. believe me, i like redemption arcs. but for something severe like what dalim dabbled in for what seemed like years... redemption almost sounds too kind.

i hope whatever they have planned for dalim would appear reasonable and satisfying, both to how they will portray his character and to the plot of his route as a whole.

tl;dr: more magic tower info. his history with amon. tweedle twins drama, bless. more insight into his relationship tree. cybird, dalim/alice’s foe yay has potential, pls don’t mess it up.....

[zacfaq]

PLEASE DON’T SEND ME “PASS IT ON” MESSAGES !! as sweet as some of they are they can be really annoying. i don’t check my PMs here! if you need to get ahold of me either send me an ask, or email me.

apparently necessary reminder: google exists! i’m not a know-it-all source, honestly i shouldn’t even be your second plan after google unless it’s a question specifically based on me or something relating to me

i try to avoid fandom drama as much as possible and keep a generally positive space, so please don’t come and ask me about stuff like that. thanks. 

if you want to commission me please send an email to zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com. do not email me through this address if your intentions are purely social and not work related

-what do you use to record and edit your speedpaints?

i use OBS to record, and edit in sony vegas

-what do you use to draw?

huion gt-191 and clip studio paint

-what are your pen settings?

just the default settings. all my custom stuff/things i’ve downloaded from CSP assets are just things i think look neat but probably never end up using. 

-a blog called papersans is claiming to be you! are they a thief?

that’s literally me, i use it to archive my art so i can find stuff easier without having to hunt through my tag. also available for people who just want to see my art n not my other posts

-when is your birthday?

february 6th!

-what is your sexuality?

gay. i like men.

-how long does it take you to draw?

idk like. awhile? sometimes 45 minutes sometimes four hours sometimes a week. 

-can i draw you/your ocs?

of course! pls show me after it would make me very happy !!!!! 

-favourite band/singer/musician?

i don’t know a damn thing about myself here’s a spotify playlist

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0Zk5o5g7nMnGt0vrJVEcDq?si=7cd248a0b64046ee

-will you do art for cheap/free?

nah. art is currently the only job/income i have, if ur interested in commissioning me you can either find my prices on like, any of my pages, but if not ur more than welcome to email me @ zacharyjackbaron@gmail.com and i can give you prices there !! -(venting or something involving abuse, suicidal thoughts, self harm, bullying, eating disorders, or other similar things in real life situations. even in fiction i’m iffy.)

i hate to sound rude or not be of help, but please don’t send these messages to me. they send me into horrible anxiety  for several personal reasons. if you’re having such negative thoughts i implore you to speak to someone you trust without an anonymous mask, or do your best to seek help from a professional. i have my own things to worry about and as much as i’d like to help, i simply can’t.

-(asking for advice that isn’t related to art)

i would love to help but i’m not an ~all knowing source~. i can’t give you tips for school. i can’t give you tips for life. not only will i probably not know a solution for you but there’s likely a chance i’m in just as bad a situation as you/going through the same problem, as silent as i am about my personal life. also don’t use ‘asking for advice’ as an excuse to vent about things or to send me a paragraph describing in depth something listed above/that’s potentially triggering. thank you.

even if you’re looking fr art tips i’m not a great source i’m still learning, ur best bet is looking for already existing sources and reading through those bc i don’t preach the word of Art God. i’m also awful at explaining things

-why didn’t you answer my ask?

Main reason is i’m just really really bad at socializing, so it’s not anything on u. i’m almost always low on energy and when i do talk to people it wears me out really quick. i’m also just. not gr8 at talking in general so if i can’t think of a reply i tend to just leave things n then end up forgetting about them

-how do you draw [blank]?

honestly my art style is such a fucked up thing that’s so personalized to my own use i can’t do or make tutorials. the best i can do is direct you to my youtube.

-can we do an art trade?

sorry, i’ll have to say no. i’m not necessarily busy but i get stressed very easily, so i try to keep my art to either personal stuff or work ! if you would like art from me, please considering commissioning me! mutuals and friends may be the exceptions here if they catch me at a good time or we make plans well ahead to do smth when we’re both free to work on stuff

-can we be friends?

please don’t ask this. i’m awful enough at socialization as is and i just don’t fit well with most personality types. not to mention this is just overall a bad question. it backs the person being asked into a corner where they either have to say “yes” and end up in a friendship that actually isn’t working out and is maybe only good for one side bc they’re getting any and all of the benefits, and if they say “no” they look like a total dick bag and come across as an ass. don’t ask this question. it’s not how socializing works. it’s not how friendships work. thanks. -can you tag [blank]? unfortunately i’ve been a real bad place in terms of memory so i can’t tag tons and tons of things. i try and tag more general/basic things but i’m sorry i’ll have to pass on specifics. if i post or reblog things that trigger u or harm you it might be best to unfollow for ur own safety!! very sorry

if it’s specific words you’d like tagged please consider blacklisting the word itself. 

-how tall are you?

i’m 5'11".

-can you promo me?

i’d rather not, doesn’t sit well with me. if you have a commission post you want me to reblog i’m happy to! but i won’t just do text based handouts, y’know? not a fan of being used for visibility for no reason, and chances are if i do it for one person it’ll happen with hundreds of others and i don’t want my blog to turn into a free advertisement zone that just floods peoples’ feeds with promotions.

-you reblogged something from someone extremely problematic/unsafe

thank you for letting me know! tell me what it is they did, even better offer proof on it. i’ll likely delete the post and blacklist their url to hopefully prevent their name popping up on my blog in the future. i won’t publish these asks mostly to avoid discourse or in the event false information is provided. sorta just safety precaution i guess

-you’ve done something bad

again, thank you for letting me know! if i post or say something questionable please feel free to message me and i’ll try my best to address the issue and adjust accordingly. i’m aiming to grow as a person so critique is welcome, both on me and my artwork. don’t just come up and call me an asshole or a prick or something, actually point out the errors and explain why they’re wrong so i can better understand and it doesn’t just turn into a defensive round of who’s worse, because i tend to be a very defensive person.

-i think someone is stealing/reposting your art!

thank you very much for telling me! don’t message them right off the bat, come to me first and i will deal with it. i’ve dealt with this shit tons of times and it’s tiring as fuck but i’d rather repeat the same stupid civil message over and over again than start a giant calamity over something and end up with someone getting hurt. if you do get involved please stay polite about it don’t throw insults just a simple “hey this art was done by princeofmints/tv-headache/zachary jack/dirtypip/(etc my other account names) and he doesn’t want his art reposted, please take this down or add proper credit.”

-can i use your art as an icon?

sure man. only on places like instagram, tumblr, or twitter though, and proper credit in an easy to see place must be given. if a piece of art is of my ocs or especially vent art though never use it for icons. thank you.

-can i repost your art?

the answer is “no” but i know you’re going to do it anyways. easy to see credit is mandatory. if you see somebody reposting my art please let me know and i’ll talk to them. if you want to use my art in things like image edits, i don’t allow that. want to use my art in a video? if it’s something like an AMV sure fine just credit me and inform me beforehand, if it’s something like a cringe/comparison video. no. i don’t want any association with work like that whatsoever. you may not use my artwork for fanfic covers.

-can i colour/finish one of your sketches?

no. even if you don’t intend on posting it. 

-what is [insert some form of media/fandom]

https://www.google.ca/

-why do you have an entirely separate blog for your FAQ? you know you can make blog pages, right?

i’m well aware of that and originally my faq WAS set up on a blog page, but unfortunately many folks proved to be either lazy or just couldn’t figure out how to get to a blog page on mobile so i had to set it up this way for accessibility purposes.

-tons of your videos are gone, what happened to them? will they come back? can you repost them?

i set old videos on private for my own sake, i don’t like having my old content available bc it just looks old and stale and i don’t like it. there’s nothing deep about it, i just don’t want people interacting with my old stuff. as deep is it gets is i just deleted videos related to fandoms i’m sick of bc the association is fuckin annoying. these videos will not come back into public. i do keep them posted for my own reflection sake, but that’s it. don’t ask me to bring them back. don’t whine about me not putting shit back out just bc ur a little sad n gonna cry. guilting people is gross, reevaluate yourself.

if you want a song from an old video, just ask me! I’ll happily let you know what the music is in case u liked ‘em and can’t remember the titles or artists. i’ve also got a playlist full of the music i listen to so u can comb through there n see if the songs u want are there

[leahlodestone-blog]

4x09 spoilers. A long but maybe somewhat important rant

So... Raven is losing her mind. Thus going into space.

Jasper & Co are partying while they wait for death.

Um... I dunno how to say this right, but... THESE ARE FUCKING SUICIDES.

S-U-I-C-I-D-E.

Not that it’s a new thing on this show.

Not that we don’t see death, murder, torture–whatever–like every episode anyway.

But again. Suicide.

I’m not exactly ok with how this is portrayed. Because give or take a few days a year ago I was suicidal. And that was not fun.

Now the circumstances were very different... I am aware this is a fictional TV show. With fictional characters. Who have fictional problems.

But these shows do have an affect on real people. In real life.

Raven. I am scared of losing my mind one day. It is one of the worst things that could happen to a person. And it does happen. So, it’s not that hard to understand why Raven would choose death in a situation like that. Why she’d want to spacewalk for one last time. Almost poetic. Beautiful. Almost.

The problem is suicide is never beautiful. What’s happening to this character is horrible. What we see happen to her is terrifying. Is this truly it? Is this is how Raven’s gonna go? I dunno, to me it’s incredibly sad and devastating.

Then again, I’m still not over the Mount Weather storyline. That was one of the most fucked up things I’ve ever seen. I get it, it happened, and we’re past that. I guess, this show likes these types of horrible moral dilemmas. Or smth. Which is... interesting. And maybe I’m just a weirdo who takes things too seriously. Could be it, not gonna deny.

Jasper. The Mount Weather, huh... We saw it all with this character. Some ended up annoyed with his whiny ass. Some (me me me) found him to be incredibly relatable. His mental state, his grief, his tragedy... I get it, Jasper. I understand why you are doing what you are doing. And I understand why death would be his choice. Is it a right choice? I would argue that... no. He has a right to make his own decisions. But once again we have a storyline, a character arc that’s devastating and tragic. This character needs/needed professional help that he was not provided with. Someone who’s suicidal tends to see their options as if in a box. Limited. Very. And while they can make their own decisions, they might not realize they do have a choice.

You can’t save someone who doesn’t want to be saved. That is very true. And it is still worth trying. For as long as you are not putting your own health in danger. So, I’m very thankful for Monty, but I hope he’ll go to the bunker when the time comes.

Harper. Now, she didn’t have as much screen time, but I still grew attached to this character. I knew she was one of those expendable characters... I knew they’d kill her off at some point most likely. But this still feels... wrong. And it is. And again, Monty saves the day. He stayed. It’s her choice, but she’s allowed to change her mind. And now she has someone there for her if she does. Which is great, and hopefully they ride off into the sunset go to the bunker together.

Sometimes you wish to die... but not really. You wish the pain to end. You want your problems solved. But you don’t know how... and you are tired. So so tired. It’s hard to think, to see outside the box. And sometimes you can’t unless someone shows you how. I wanted to die. But not really. And that’s my problem with the depiction of suicide. You cannot know. You cannot know what’s truly in their heads. Suicide is not beautiful, it’s not peaceful. And it’s never a solution.

I’m not judging those who have committed suicide. I’m not blaming people around them for not saving them. I’m not, I want to make it clear. I feel incredibly sorry for everyone who has been affected by a suicide of their relative, a friend, an acquaintance. I’m sorry and I wish you to find the strength to live if you are suicidal. Are you? If you are, please, contact someone. Anyone. Even me. Boy, am I fucked up in the head. But I’m here for you if you need.

It takes strength to take your own life, but I’d rather you found strength to live another day. And another. And then another. It’s hard. It is. Life is unpredictable, good things do happen out of nowhere. You can never know.