#my guess is the AuDHD

[derpkind]

I want to play videogames and then I DONT

What gives!?

[thatadhdfeel]

when the social event doesn’t end when they said it would

[coldflash-corner]

"Barry is a total idiot" literature is a classic and a staple in Coldflash culture, and never would I beg the creators who produce it to cease doing so nor would I ever dare say anyone is writing them wrong- just catering to their own preferences

However, my preference is

"Barry acts impulsively, and has to use his big smart brain to think himself out of the situations he put himself in, and is pretty good at the second part when not having a panic attack"

With a helping of

"Sometimes Barry doesn't get certain social cues, but figures everything out pretty quickly one someone tells him the thing he missed"

[angelbeast111]

Meet the fan Pikmin that haunts my dreams thanks to my partner (/hj)

He started as a joke cause my bf likes to do silly voices in various scenarios to mess with me and make me laugh and one day he did like a stereotypical basement dweller Redditor-type voice but with Pikmin noises. Here we are now after fleshing him out! He needed to become Real.

[wanderingmind867]

I'm not a very optimistic person, but I feel like I'm decently hopeful. If you're wondering how those two things can coexist, well... I just sort of figured that out myself. You see, I'm incredibly pessimistic. I'm always complaining, almost always angry or sad or stressed out about something (seriously, for being 19, my stress level is probably pretty bad some days). But I'm also someone who hates sadness. I hate sad movies, I hate death in fiction and tragic stories. I want stories that'll make me happy; ones that'll make me feel some hope and escapism.

That's why I like characters like Superman, I think. I might be sad and angry and miserable most of the time, but I'm never someone who enjoys darkness and edgy stories. I'm actually still scared of total darkness, honestly. I can't sleep without a tv on and some light and quiet noise coming from it. I'm neurotic, nervous, shy and lonely and extremely temperamental. A character like Superman is precisely what I need to feel better about myself. He's like an embodiment of what I need to feel better. Hope, happiness, the common and universal good of helping people. He's a light. And since I'm not that optimistic, I guess his hopeful nature just appeals to me.

In a way, it's like opposites. I'm not optimistic, so you'd think I'd like Batman more. And while Batman's slightly relatable to me, albeit for some of the wrong reasons (like his severe paranoia and loneliness and clear signs of never fully recovering from a tragedy he suffered early in life), he's relatable in ways that make me feel worse. He reminds me of some of my worse attributes, and of my many mood issues. Whereas Superman is encouraging, and his presence helps take that feeling of depression away. His colour scheme is even perfect. The blue of a beautiful afternoon sky... it's perfect.

[sprixyn]

hello future us … or future me. (i hope not. i hope you aren't alone again.) i had some questions, i guess. you don't have to answer them, but… please, would you? i'd love to get a letter back. i'm so lonely right now.

do you have a cat? i hope we have a cat.

do you still have those dreams where you meet someone who finally understands, who makes you feel safe and trusted? and who you trust back? all the way, not just mostly. and it's not one of us, not just someone inside your head, not someone you can convince yourself isn't real. and you just feel safe.

and do you still wake up from them with tears streaming down your cheeks?

or the ones where they're still alive, where it was all just some kinda fucked up joke? or even the ones that tell you that we need to tell someone that we love them? or stop isolating ourselves so much?

and do you still spend the day after feeling like you're being held down by a hundred river stones?

do you still climb trees? and ask them things? and can you still hear their answers if you listen long enough?

did you make it out of here?

do you still flinch when someone touches you? especially from behind? or when a door slams, or something falls, or a voice is raised, i guess. do you still feel sick and frozen and helpless then?

do you still feel trapped in hugs? and do you still turn the door handle so slowly, and pull it open so gently, making sure the hinges don't make a sound?

do you still feel a pit in your stomach when you wake up sometimes? like some sort of black oozing ball of grief. a bit like the one inside that dragon from that movie that we really like.

do you still like playing in the rain? i like playing in the rain.

i like to go outside naked. they used to call it "nature's shower" and make jokes about how we needed a shower, since we didn't usually do it for ourselves.

do those kinds of jokes still hurt you a little bit? not enough to make a big fuss, or cry, or get angry like you wanted, since you knew it would just make them sad again. and you don't want to make them sad again.

just a little pang in your chest, y'know? do you still get those?

do you still make them sad a lot? the others keep telling me it's not my fault. but i know better. because it always has been, hasn't it?

…hasn't it?

are you better at saying "no"? even softly, and apologetically, because you know it might hurt them for you to care that much about yourself

do you still apologize too much? kind of just for existing or taking up space. you know the ones i'm talking about. it's annoying, you know. people won't take your actual apologies seriously if you do it too much. you should really stop that.

do you still let it all build up until it explodes in your face? because letting it out, even in tiny bits, hurts too much to bear. or it would hurt others. or maybe you just think it will? or… maybe. maybe you're just scared.

…do you still miss him?

i miss him so much. i hope you don't. it hurts like a motherfucker.

do you still shame yourself for loving the things you love and the way you love them?

do you still sing and play and draw all the time? i know you're probably pretty busy by now, but you should still take some time for it, y'know? it's kind of all that's keeping me here right now.

ha. i guess it's what's keeping you here, too, then. or why you even exist at all, if you do. holy shit, what if i'm talking to a ghost right now. or like… all my bereaved loved ones. or some kid 100 years from now, if the earth can still sustain human life.

uh… if that's the case, hi guys. sorry about all the melodrama in this one. please don't read it out at my funeral or something, that'd be sad. you should be listening to something fun and dancing instead. that's what i'd want.

i think i'm just gonna proceed assuming there's some kind of actual future me reading this. that was a weird side tangent.

do you have new friends? old friends? you should check in with some of them. i want to know how they're doing, too. …are they still around? i hope they're still around. at least for a decent amount of years. they deserve that.

do you still fight for what you think is right, even when it feels like the whole world is against you? are you still stubborn like that? i hope you didn't give up hope and become complacent like all the others. i hope you still think we can make things better, even just a little bit. even just by making stupid poems.

do you still cry in public, even though we got really good at hiding it? this is gonna be hypocritical, but you don't have to be embarrassed about that kind of stuff, you know. we're just a person. and a bit of a fucked up one at that.

do you… nevermind. this is getting too long. nobody's gonna read it if i write more, especially not you, knowing our attention span. ha. actually, did you un-fuck that up? that would be cool.

i know i'm pretty young. you don't have to listen to me. not a lot of people do. but maybe i have some wisdom to share, too, right?

people are always saying that, aren't they? "listen to your inner child".

would you please listen to me? please don't tune me out. i think you're the one person who's really supposed to listen and really might hear me

[goodartitude]

i've been thinking about unmasking and letting yourself be comfortable a lot, and you know what? It makes me so mad that when you google things like "i don't want to look other people in the eye", you immediately get "tips" like "how to overcome struggles with maintaining eye contact"

what if i don't want to overcome that? what if i want to beat my feelings of guilt over not looking people in the eye because doing that causes me So Much Discomfort? what if I just want to accept myself instead of forcing myself to perform for the sake of someone else's approval?

i HATE how we don't get advice on how to accept ourselves and show ourselves compassion and gentleness. it pains me how everyone is always expected to conform to other people's expectations which are literally so irrational. the weight of those expectations is difficult enough to deal with, but when paired with your own feelings of guilt over not fitting in? it's the worst

so a friendly reminder to everyone: you don't need to look other people in the eye, hide your stimming, sit with your back perfectly straight, wear that uncomfortable shirt... the list goes on

your needs and experiences are valid, and you can be you, because you're awesome <33

[chronicsymptomsyndrome]

Gender is insane what does it even mean the dictionaries don’t even know. Its all made-up nonsense. I’m too autistic for this. Gender is canceled and silliness will take its place there is no more gender only silliness.

[etherealspacejelly]

some words just sound better in other languages

when im putting the subtitles on for a video or tv show i usually say to myself "I need the sous-titres"

if i drop something or make a sudden mistake i usually instinctively say sheiße instead of shit

me and my mum often say to each other "wo ist die katze?" when we are looking for the cat

I will often say "Qu-est que ç'est?" instead of what is that

me and my dad have an inside joke where we deliberately pronounce common French phrases with strong northern British accents, just because it sounds funny (similar to the way David Tennant says "allons-y" in Doctor Who, but with an even stronger and sillier accent)

i often comment "il pleut" when it is raining, or just say "he rains" in english even though that is the incorrect grammar, because i think it's funny to say things in english with grammar from other languages

I am English, both of my parents are English, I was born in England and have lived here all my life. I just studied three languages in high school like a fucking nerd (and im autistic, that might have something to do with it)

[cherub014]

i couldn't draw all day OTL

[jazzy-dreamer]

Is it just me or do psychiatrists (or I guess whoever is in charge of diagnosing?) never like to be straight forward with their answers. They never say “I can confirm, you have X” or “You’re X”

They always seem to say something like “You definitely display traits of X” or “You have symptoms of X”

I’ve looked this question up and apparently this is on purpose because they want the patients(?) to be able to decide for themselves what they want to do, and to not let a diagnosis completely dictate their mindset or actions or something along those lines. Which is like- understandable!!! But!!!!!! This doesn’t help with my imposter syndrome???????????

When tryna get diagnosed with ADHD a couple months ago, I was told that tho I definitely had traits and stuff, it would be difficult to explicitly say if I had ADHD or not because I’m autistic and have anxiety, which can cause many overlaps in symptoms and whatnot which makes everything a billion times more confusing. But despite that, they still prescribed me ADHD medication (YIPPEE :D) but I’m so confused fjdgkfhfj

CAN I say I have ADHD then?? Or just “traits”? It’s when I got diagnosed with OCD all over again fjdgkfhfj. DO I REALLY HAVE OCD???? LIKE YEAH I HAVE ALL THE SYMPTOMS OF OCD AND IT NEGATIVELY IMPACTS MY LIFE EVERY SINGLE DAY ALL DAY BUT WHAT IF I DON’T ACTUALLY HAVE IT???

Fun fact, one common thing with OCD is self doubt, the need for constant reassurance and ironically enough imposter syndrome fjdgkfhfj

Kay but like what if I don’t actually have ADHD or OCD- What if I’m just looking for reasons so I don’t feel lazy or delusional- What if I just want an excuse for why I’m extremely anxious and overwhelmed by everything all the time-

I keep wanting to ask my parents the same question “Are you sure I was properly diagnosed and I’m okay to say I have X?” even tho I WAS THE ONE THAT DID ALL THE RESEARCH AND WAS THE ONE TO EVEN ASK ABOUT LOOKING INTO A DIAGNOSIS ANYWAY. Every single time I say “I have OCD” or “I have ADHD” I feel like a frickin liar for some reason

I love my scrambled eggs of a brain and it’s disorganised and imbalance of funky hormones and funky chemicals <3

[techiekittie]

I think I may have autism

I malfunction when my routine is interrupted

I get overwhelmed by pretty much everything

I have hyperfixations (short obsessions) that become special interests? (Less obsessive but long lasting)

I cry. A lot. Over nothing.

I can’t tell what people are feeling (my default assumption is anger!!)

I just told a guy that I loved tetanus while trying to make conversation (it’s so fucking cool like ppl think it comes from rusty nails but it’s a soil bacteria and soil is usually moist causing rust and it’s usually nails bc it goes deep into the skin so it gets infected while a shallow cut won’t as easily (emphasis on easily bc you can still get infected so be careful) bc it’s exposed to air and the bacteria can’t grow in the presence of oxygen!!! Anyways it used to be called lockjaw bc it affects your jaw first by contracting all your muscles, and it’s usually fatal when it makes your respiratory system contract and can’t relax to breathe properly so you die of not enough oxygen, pretty creepy but kinda cool!!!)

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

all the robotniks have autism I think. it’s not even a genetic thing half of them are adopted they’re just all autistic

[minnieposting]

Uugghhhhhhhhhhhh why do autism evaluations have to be so complicated

[wanderingmind867]

I feel like lately i've been getting more used to my posts not getting as much attention. Shockingly, I seem to be tolerating the fact that my posts haven't had as much attention lately with more patience. Usually I'd have made five vent posts about not seeing my posts get attention, but i only made one post about it within the week. So that's pretty good for me, and i'm taking it as a sign that i'm more capable of tolerating my posts not getting much attention nowadays. Well, it's either that or i've just been so stressed by the idea of company coming over that i've had no chance to vent about my posts not getting attention.

[autisticlee]

no one knows just how hard I work at things. how I have to work 1000000x more than the average person to compensate for being autistic and adhd and probably other things i'm working out with therapist, and having a sort of physical disability i've not received any help or treatment for. everyone assumes I don't try or give up too soon. they think I just started, need more practice. they think I expect everything handed to me immediately with no work or effort and don't acknowledge the multiple years i've put into things. they think I have no right to be upset about still failing to get where I want even after working my entire life to get there, while watching people around me surpass even my meager goals within a fraction of the time and work i've out into the same thing. constantly getting surpassed by everyone around me who seem to barely do any work to get there compared to me. it's all handed to them and falls into their lap so easily. all because they don't have the extra obstacles to overcome and work around that I do. while they go from point A to Z immediately with no major stops in between, I have to go through every single letter and then some, often getting sent back to the start. but it's always *my* fault, according to everyone. it's not the fault of those around me who ignore me, don't support me, don't help me, don't believe in me, etc. it's my fault they don't do those things. because doing the work of 10 people in one isn't enough, just because it's me. and not reaching Z as fast as everyone else means I don't deserve any of the support or help or anything else and means i'm not trying hard enough. it doesn't matter that I *need* to work harder than 100 "normal" people combined to get even half the result! Just because I can't reach what they do means i'm not trying hard enough! ugh.