#mental heath pride

[dead-orange-club]

Cluster A Personality Disorder userboxes

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Free to use!!

[op0ssumlord]

So I keep seeing these note challenges so I decided to do one:

100 Notes: I’ll start enforcing my boundaries more

200 Notes: I’ll start going to therapy more often

300 Notes: I’ll start reading more

400 Notes: I’ll delete the numbers of people who I no longer talk to

500 Notes: I’ll let myself just basically cry it all out

600 Notes: I’ll enforce my pronouns more

700 Notes: I’ll finish crocheting my blanket

800 Notes: I’ll try to visit my girlfriend

900 Notes: I’ll finish my animation

1000 Notes: I’ll clean my whole room

1500 Notes: I’ll get rid of everything that reminds me of my abusers

1600 Notes: I’ll get a job

1700 Notes: I will continue to do my Duolingo lessons

Rules:

Not to much spamming (max. 4 comments per user)

Encouragement appreciated

No hate

[psychotic-tbh]

What kind of support do y’all prefer?

Me personally I love when people don’t force physical contact or eye contact when I’m paranoid/hallucinating but they don’t leave me by myself (if I need them near)

I also appreciate when they don’t force me to use my voice when experiencing speech loss

[alexandraisyes]

What is the difference between sociopath and psychopath?

OH! OH OH OH I LOVE THIS QUESTION. Also this is a massive explanation that really goes in-depth about neurology so I'll do a read more.

The main difference is that a psychopath is born with ASPD. A sociopath develops it during early (we're talking starting off as young as 2) childhood due to severe long-term (several years) abuse and neglect (generally from main caretakers).

There are also some nuances in how a socio's brain works in comparison to a psycho's. But the major difference that really determines all of the minor differences is that a psychopath doesn't necessarily have trauma related to their ASPD, and tends to have a lot less comorbid disorders. A sociopath ALWAYS has trauma that directly caused their ASPD and a fucking CVS receipt of comorbid disorders the large majority of the time.

There are also more sociopaths than there are psychopaths. The physiology of ASPD is that the brain's structure is different from an empathetic person. Specifically in the prefrontal cortex and the amygdala, because there's not enough activity in those areas for someone with ASPD. The prefrontal cortex is involved in decision-making, impulse control, and regulation of social behavior, and the amygdala is involved in emotion processing and fear response. Abnormalities in the amygdala contribute to a lack of empathy and increased aggression (aggression does NOT equal violence in this case, but rather an increased and pervasive level of negative emotion that makes you more likely to act out). Genetics have been proven to play a factor in how likely someone who was born empathetic would develop ASPD.

The difference here is that a psychopath is born with reduced blood flow to those areas. No trauma needed, that's just how they work.

On the contrary, a sociopath develops reduced blood flow to those areas because if you live in an environment that fosters the growth of anti-social traits and behaviors you are not exercising those parts of your brain. I'll go into a deep dive about the neurological aspects of how formative trauma turns into ASPD.

Chronic stress from abuse can impair the development of the prefrontal cortex; reduced activity or structural abnormalities in this area can lead to increased impulsivity and difficulty regulating emotions. The amygdala becomes hyperactive due to repeated exposure to threatening situations. This results in heightened aggression and reduced ability to empathize with others. Abuse can lead to a smaller hippocampus, impairing the ability to process emotions and increasing vulnerability to stress.

Chronic abuse elevates cortisol levels (the stress hormone), which can alter brain function and structure. Persistent high cortisol levels can damage the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus, exacerbating emotional and behavioral regulation issues. Serotonin and dopamine neurotransmitters regulate mood and behavior. Abuse can disrupt their levels, contributing to aggression, impulsivity, and difficulty experiencing pleasure or reward.

The autonomic nervous system (ANS) becomes hyperactive, leading to a state of constant alertness and readiness for perceived threats. This can cause chronic anxiety, irritability, and aggressive responses. Conversely, some individuals may develop a blunted stress response, showing reduced physiological reactions to stress. This can lead to a lack of fear or concern for consequences. (These two may combine so that safe things trigger stress and unsafe things do not).

Abusive environments can impair the development of secure attachments, leading to difficulties in forming trusting relationships. This can foster detachment, manipulative behavior, and a lack of empathy. Inconsistent or abusive parenting can disrupt normal emotional development, making it difficult for individuals to manage their emotions and impulses. This can result in volatile behavior and poor emotional control. Abusive environments often model and reinforce antisocial behaviors. Children learn to cope with stress through aggression or manipulation, which can become ingrained patterns of behavior. Abusive environments can impede moral development, leading to difficulties in understanding and adhering to societal norms and rules. This can result in a disregard for others' rights and a propensity for criminal behavior.

Trauma and abuse can also alter gene expression through epigenetic changes, affecting the brain's development and function. These changes can increase the risk of developing ASPD by influencing genes involved in stress response, emotional regulation, and social behavior.

A lot of people who went through severe childhood abuse may experience anti-social symptoms without having full-blown ASPD. When I was younger I did a genetic test that led to some very fascinating results that now that I'm older and understand my disorder I understand how my ASPD ties directly into my genetic depression, or rather my genetic depression is caused by my ASPD.

I don't process/produce Vitamin B6, B9 (Folate), and B12. These vitamins are crucial for brain function and the production of neurotransmitters. Deficiencies lead to mood disorders, cognitive impairments, and other neurological issues. B vitamins are involved in synthesizing neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine, which regulate mood and behavior. These are neurotransmitters that act as natural painkillers and mood enhancers. B vitamins play a role in the metabolic pathways that produce endorphins. An inability to properly absorb, process, or produce B vitamins can disrupt these pathways, leading to lower endorphin levels, which can contribute to symptoms of depression and affect overall mental well-being.

Because of how specific my issue is I had to take a specialized blend of B Vitamins. Unfortunately once I turned 18 my parents stopped buying them for me and I haven't had the funds to purchase my own at all since I was cut off (which has led to my mental health tanking). I strongly suggest anyone who deals with anti-social traits in a way that is disruptive to their daily life to look into these. You can't generally find them at a drug store, but they're on Amazon for 25-ish USD for a month's worth bottle. Which is really good because when my parents were buying them two years ago or so they were 40$ a bottle.

I have been on all sorts of mood stabilizing medications, psychosis medications, anti-depressants, anxiety medication, etc. None of them worked because we didn't know what exactly was wrong with me. All it did was make it so I couldn't feel the negative emotions properly, so I was constantly numb. What the vitamins did for me is that they let me process passive endorphin exchange and metabolism for the first time in my life, which meant that there wasn't a drastic barrier between me and positive emotions.

I strongly suggest this for anyone who is also just dealing with mood instabilities/disorders because it helped immensely. I'm bipolar two and I wasn't dealing with any major manic episodes while I was on them for about two years, so it helped drastically in that aspect too.

I know this got a little off the rails, but sociopathy is such a hard disorder to deal with, and it's so demonized by the media. Just telling someone you're a clinical sociopath is enough for them to kick you out of their life, even though it has no reflection on your character and is just an outcome of a horrible, hell-like childhood. So I think it's important for ASPD voices to speak up about the disorder when they can and try to dispel some of the awful stigmatization.

[lemony-ink]

A very validating fact I learned recently is that you aren't being dramatic/faking when you unmask about your symptoms

If you're used to masking normally, it absolutely carries over to masking your physical ailments

Learning to unmask with your "invisible" disabilities is extremely difficult due in large part to the self fakeclaiming / denial

[befemininenow]

If you're struggling with the Election Day outcome, use these two resources for help. Please keep in mind that waiting times will be heavier than usual. If you need a few more resources, read below:

Trans Lifeline: For US, call (877) 565-8860. For Canada, call (877) 330-6366. Website is https://translifeline.org/

Rainbow Railroad: You can request help for safety if you live in a dangerous situation or a red state by reaching out to them at info@rainbowrailroad.org. This also applies to other LGBTQ+ people outside the US.

For those in Europe: UniSAFE is a helpful resource on finding protection against gender-based violence. This also includes resources for trans people. For more info, go to unisafe-gbv.eu and click on your country below.

As for the UK, reach out to Switchboard, MindLine Trans+, and Mindout.

For Switchboard, call 0800 0119 100 or send a message to hello@switchboard.lgbt. Due to the fact that it's a UK-only site, make sure you're not using a VPN or you will get an error page. For those outside the UK, use the alternative resources provided by Switchboard in the following link: https://international.switchboard.lgbt/

For MindLine Trans+, call 0300 330 5468. Unfortunately, this lifeline is only available on Fridays. To find out more about MindLine Trans+ such as volunteering, click on the following link: MindLine Trans+. For alternative numbers, call 01823 276 892 or 0800 138 1692

For Mindout, call 01273234839 or email them through info@mindout.org.uk. For more information, click the following page: mindout.org.uk

If you know any more resources that are either not listed or are better alternatives for LGBTQ+ people, please reblog and add more info.

Very special thanks to Reddit user anxious_honey_bee for letting me share their r/traaaans2 post here on Tumblr!

[fuck-everyone-is-hot]

It has been pride month for less than 48 hours and every time I see someone wishing people a happy pride, there are people in the comments saying men's mental health awareness month is more important. Men's mental health awareness is important, but when you put down other things such as pride month you are just fueling the problem that is "people don't care about men's mental health struggles unless it is being used to attack something else." Pride month is important to recognize the LGBTQ+, commemorate the stonewall riots and begin to make amends for the discrimination and crimes against the LGBTQ that has happened over centuries. Men's mental health awareness month is important because suicide rates are high in men and social norms and expectations for men can discourage them from seeking help. This is not an either/or thing. We should support each other, not tear each other down. Hate is not the solution when hate was the cause of the start of both of these things.

[francies-fold]

Top Surgery and DID 🏳️‍⚧️🧠⚧️

[sillyg0rl]

It’s not talked about enough. Men deserve more than they’re given. It may be pride month, but it’s also Men’s Mental Health Month. Thats forgotten a lot during this month. I will be celebrating my pride alongside advocating for mens mental health awareness. No one is more important than the other. At the end of the day we’re all just people 🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜🤎🖤🩶🤍

[op0ssumlord]

Yes, June is pride month, but it’s also men’s mental health month! Don’t get me wrong I’m thrilled for pride month but, men’s mental health has notoriously been ignored. This is not okay, check in with your guy friends and check on them! Yes this include cis, straight, white, males; but their mental health is important too! 2/3 of all s*ic*des are men, this is not okay! We can’t ignore men and their mental health struggles; EVERYONE DESERVES TO HAVE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT THEIR MENTAL HEALTH!

(ps men can absolutely cry, it’s normal and not “unmanly”)

[psychotic-tbh]

Shoutout to my fellow multiply ND psychotics / psychotics with comorbid disorders

We go through the stigma of several disorders and the confusion of overlap, and it’s not easy

To my siblings in neurodivergence, please be sure to take as good care of yourself as you can :)

[spoonie-on-wheels86]

I'm gonna start wearing a safety pin so everyone knows that I am a safe person.

[whats-a-human]

Tips on coping with homicidal ideation, no empathy necessary!

Unrelated to this blog's theme, but this is a very important topic. Everyone is welcome to interact. I wanted to post this long ago; it's hard to but I gotta help others and break the stigma around this too. I hope my wording is good enough.

I have struggled with homicidal ideation years ago, which you might call a type of intrusive thought. I rarely have any homicidal intrusive thoughts anymore and I've dealt with the underlying issue that caused them, so I believe I have overcome that problem.

So, here's a post to anyone struggling with this. Having a licensed therapist is better but I know that just like me, many of you can't have one.

Preparing for an episode

First of all, be neutral about your ideation: you aren't a horrible person and you aren't going to actually murder someone just because of it. Now, and that's really important too: do not normalize those thoughts. You aren't evil for having an illness, but it's still an illness that hurts you above all else, and can hurt others too. I learned this from an acquaintance and that was really helpful.

Now, have a support network. Friends, mental health groups, anything. You should have a safe space to talk about your experiences but you don't need to be "out" to everyone! You can just tell a friend something like "hey, sometimes my mental illnesses act up and I have episodes, when that happens I'll give you a heads up and we could do X" (like talking about a comfort topic, having you/your friend talk about your/their day, etc.) Find a safe way to avoid isolation!

Think of your triggers, make a list so you can avoid them and prepare for when you get triggered. Also list things that soothe you and things that give you a sense of power and control but don't harm you/others. The options are endless, like painting your nails, giving your hair a trim, customizing your phone/blog/etc, cooking, going for a walk, hobbies etc.

2. During an episode

The goal here would be averting your attention to something else, but that can't be forced.

So, you can always talk facts with your brain. If you did act on your urges, you'd be arrested, period. Minor or not. And as a mentally ill person, your time there and after prison would be double hell... compared to just not acting on the thought. If you've been arrested before I doubt you'd want to years on end there (or years on end again). What I also told myself was, "going to prison because of such lowly people isn't worth it". I was right and extra based.

Also why waste your time with murder plans when you can be thinking about Pokemon. Or anything else that brings you joy. Yes, thinking of Pokemon instead of murder plans is part of recovery and based as hell. Like, even if you aren't a fan, some of those critters are cute, right? And just like that, you're slowly averting your attention and the urges are quieting down.

3. Other important things

The biggest victim of my intrusive thoughts was me. Those I wanted to kill were my abusers and I didn't want to have those thoughts, even during episodes I hated that a part of me was into it.

But I would never accept a murderer as a part of myself. I refused to ever accept such path as a valid future for me. Those thoughts were a part of me, but they didn't need to be part of me FOREVER. And I proved myself right. I focused my strength and intelligence on RECOVERING and it was the right choice.

You may feel powerless just like I was. Then, give yourself a haircut, cook something, make art, customize your phone, watch a movie, go do anything that reassures you that YOU are in control of your life, not your abusers. Some things may not appear productive but they are nonetheless carving the way to a beautiful and FREE life. Your episodes will slowly become less and less frequent, and less intense.

Of course recovery isn't linear, it's not always pleasant or easy and you'll still have really bad times, but deciding to thread the path of recovery is a huge step of power in itself. Stay determined.

I still live with my abusers but I have worked so much with myself and whatever I could do within my reach, that the power I consider them to have over me is much, much smaller and that did wonders to me.

An extra reminder: some triggering things may feel kinda good or addictive, like doomscrolling or something that personally entertains your homicidal ideation instead of directing you away from it. For example, directing your violence towards fiction can be helpful but if engaging with/producing violent media entertains these thoughts about real life actions instead of being cathartic, that's a form of self-harm. I know it's addictive but try to look for alternatives! You can do it 💪

Once again, huge virtual hug for everyone 🫂 stay safe!

[she-karev]

Intervention (Marina Angst with a Happy Ending Imagine)

Previous Part Here

Age Rating: 12+

Chapters: Three of Three

Fandom: Grey’s Anatomy

Characters: Carina DeLuca, Andrew DeLuca and Maya Bishop

Canon Episode: Season 17 Episode 1

AN: Hey guys so Station 19 ended sadness but it’s up to us to keep the epic romance alive. I will post another Marina story next week and it’s gonna be funny and surprising. Stay tuned.

Mental Health Resources: https://www.nami.org/, https://www.aacap.org/, https://www.dbsalliance.org/, https://afsp.org/

Summary: Carina drives Andrew to the treatment center and along the way he expresses guilt and shame for how he treated everybody, most of all Amber. Carina returns home to Maya who comforts her.

Words: 3213

Carina drives down the road in her car about twenty minutes away from the residential facility in Bellevue. Andrew is next to her in the passenger side alarmingly calm even as he looks out the window in a foreboding way telling her there is an inner conflict going on. Carina looks at Andrew in pity before looking back at the road. She figures out what to say to make him feel better about the journey ahead.

“I know your scared but this is one of the best treatment centers in the state I checked.” Andrew is still looking out the window, “It’s 30 days to get you on the right meds, talk to therapists and monitor you. I will visit you every Saturday so I can see how you’re doing and tell you all that you are missing. I know it’s hard but you’ll get better and that’s the goal, that is what is going to separate you from papa. He is not strong enough to do this but you are, I know you are.”

Carina stops at a stoplight, looks over and sees Andrew rubbing his tired eyes, “I know your trying to help and I appreciate that I do and I am gonna do this I am I just…I can’t undo all that I did when I was being a stubborn idiot.” Carina sighs, “Opal got away with Erin because I made a scene, I was so far out of stability I didn’t do things rationally and calmly instead I looked like a crazy man and that girl ended up back in that monster’s clutches.”

“And she got free.” Carina reminds him to no avail as he shakes his head.

“What if she didn’t?” Andrew asks in a broken voice, “If she didn’t, she would have been tortured and raped for years and it would be because I was unstable and untrustworthy.”

“Andrea the Chief didn’t believe you and she allowed Opal to walk away because she didn’t consider the possibility that you were right.”

“You didn’t believe me either.” Andrew coldly reminds her, “Nobody did and honestly I do not blame them, if papa did that a year ago, I would have thought he was crazy too.”

Carina looks down the road sad for him, “You can’t blame yourself for what happened to Erin, if you do it’s just gonna hold you back and you won’t look forward. She’s safe and she’s with her family that is what’s important here, focus on that not on how you reacted while you were having a mental breakdown you didn’t ask for.”

“I ruined- no I single handedly destroyed the best relationship I ever had because I didn’t see what everybody else did.” Andrew sniffles as tears form around his eyes, “I did to her exactly what our father did to mama and I am never gonna forgive myself for that. She’s never gonna forgive me for doing this to her, for being another name in her list of crazy people that scarred her for life.”

“You didn’t mean to hurt her it was the mania that said and did all of those things not you.” Carina tells him from observation, “I’ve seen you with her for two years and those are two different people.”

“I told her she would end up like her father.” Andrew tells her in a regretful tone, “She was trying to help me see there was something wrong and my response was telling her that without me around she would end up like her father. Her junkie father who abandoned her after beating her, I told her she would end up like that man she hates more than anyone. And after that I compared her to her schizo mom who neglected her before screaming at her to get out of my apartment because I didn’t need her or want her. God I am the cruelest person in the world, I did that to a woman who has had more than enough crazy and pain to last a lifetime. I did that and nothing you say is gonna make that okay so don’t try.” Andrew takes a deep breath rubbing his face before continuing in a tearful voice, “I love her so much, I miss her so much, why didn’t I listen to her before I destroyed her why?”

Carina sniffles and wipes a stray tear away knowing how much her brother loves Amber and sees that love again for the first time in months. She only wishes Amber was here to see it so she can see at least one person in her life feels bad for the pain their mental illness put her through.

“You listened now.” Carina tells him, “You’re doing the work and she will see that. When she sees your getting better for yourself and her, she will forgive you and take you back.”

“It’s too late, way too late.”

Carina shakes her head, “She loves you and she’s hurt but I think if she knows you feel bad for the way you treated her, she will-”

“What did she say when you asked her to come to the intervention?”

Carina pauses at that sudden question and tries to lie, “I didn’t ask her.”

Andrew chuckles bitterly, “You always were a terrible liar. Just tell me word for word so I know how bad I messed this up and how much I need to do to make up for it.”

Carina sighs and relents, “She said she didn’t want to be a sitting duck for your verbal abuse again and that she’s learned from her mom, brother and now you to walk away from a bazooka pointing at her.”

Andrew grins slightly at Amber’s feisty nature, “That’s my girl, taking hits and never pulling her punches.”

“She’s upset Andrea you need to give her time to cool down.”

“We could live for thousands of years and the temperature in that woman wouldn’t go down a single digit.” Andrew takes out his phone to play a familiar voice mail, “If you don’t believe me listen to this voicemail, she left me after I ignored her calls.”

Carina listens to the voicemail that plays while she is driving with Andrew keeping a straight face after hearing this message too many times only now feeling anguished instead of anger as Amber’s slurring words fill the small car space, “Hi, it’s me again of course you didn’t answer, I guess it’s because you think I’m gonna point out what’s wrong with you and tell you I’m here for you to use as your own verbal punching bag. Yeah, that’s not gonna happen because I’m done Andrew, I am done caring about you because you clearly don’t care about me! Your sister made that obvious when she told me about you calling her and answering your phone when she calls while I have been here wondering where you are or if you’re dead!” Carina winces at that reminder of the day she accidentally told Amber Andrew was taking her calls.

Andrew continues holding the phone out, “You know what I’m not pissed anymore I am glad that you showed me what I should’ve seen two years ago at that awful bar. A man who is turning into a carbon copy of his father, you think I’m like my parents well let me tell you exactly what your dad would do. He would walk into your life acting all sweet and getting you to open your life to him but really he looks for weak spots to tear down like the cold manipulative son of a bitch you accuse him of being. That is exactly what you did to me you bastard.” Andrew closes his eyes at that feeling more tormented at soiling the loving and blissful relationship he and Amber established over two years.

“You got me to open my life to you, you let me feel safe enough to trust you and break my walls down that I put up after what my family did to me. And you know what you did Andrea Vincenzo DeLuca? You broke me! You made the pain you’ve caused so much worse by forcing me to let my guard down so you can twist the knife you put in my back. You are not the man I love, right now you are a carbon copy of your father who I hope ends up dead in a ditch because then you would know exactly how you made me feel you cruel, arrogant, crazy, selfish motherfucker!”

The voicemail ends and the car is filled with silence again as Carina processes that very vulgar message while Andrew looks down the road brooding over the voicemail his ex-girlfriend left when she was rightfully angry.

Carina exhales and takes a beat, “She’s very colorful with her words.”

Andrew nods still frowning, “Yeah and not afraid to make her point across. Do you still think she’s ready to forgive me, marry me and have my babies like none of it ever happened?”

Carina sighs, “I think you put her through a lot and you both need space to heal. The only thing you need to do now is take care of yourself, rest and learn how to establish a routine for yourself so you can be the man she loves again. If she ever decides to forgive you that is up to her and I think it might go better once she sees you are getting ahead of this. I will tell her where you are and how you are doing because I know no matter how angry she was at you she was still worried when you didn’t show up for work the next day. But for now, we’re gonna get you checked in, non aver paura.” Carina grips his hand to keep him calm as they stop outside the check in gate. Carina turns to the security guard, “I’m checking in my brother, Andrew DeLuca.”

“You need to drive around. You say goodbye there; he goes in on foot.” The drop arm in front of them pulls up and Carina drives around as instructed before putting the car in park. They both exit the car before taking his suitcase out of the trunk full of clothes and amenities for the month. Andrew takes an uneasy breath as he puts the suitcase on the ground ready to roll it inside the center.

He and Carina stand there for a moment looking at each other solemnly knowing the journey ahead is what he needs but not one that’s gonna be easy. Carina gives him a reassuring grin before putting her hands on his shoulders while he looks at her with guilt over how he treated her too after his breakdown. Carina has that far from her mind as the only thing that matters to her is that her baby brother knows he will always have her at his side through the worst times of his life like she always does.

“It’s going to be okay,” she says. “I know it doesn’t feel like it right now, but it is. You’re nothing like Papa. He wouldn’t do this, he wouldn’t accept help, even in the worst times. That makes you better than him. It makes you stronger and more brave.”

Andrew nods and she takes it as a sign that he is taking in what she is saying.

“I love you, il mio fratellino. And I’m going to be right here to pick you up in four weeks, okay?” Andrew nods knowing this is what he needs and looks at his sister with gratitude for putting up with him at his worst and never giving up on him even when he wanted her to. He resolves from then on to make amends for his mistakes by being his best possible self. And he knows the first step to do that is to head inside so his sister’s efforts aren’t for nothing.

“Thank you,” Andrew says quietly.

It is all she needs to hear, and Carina feels her chest swell. She pulls him in for a hug, holding on to him for as long as she can. Andrew wraps his arms around her pulling her in tight as both an apology and a thank you. They stand there for a minute hugging like they did when their mama died, it was the worst moment of their lives. Despite that they knew then what they know now, that they’re in each other’s corners through the good and bad.

Andrew pulls back feeling calmer and rolls his suitcase behind him walking up the sidewalk to enter the large building. Carina looks on with pride for her brother’s bravery and heartache for his unfair inheritance. As soon as he’s inside the building Carina finally lets the tears fall that she has been holding in since they started the drive. Carina takes a deep breath, wipes her face and heads back inside the car to drive back home.

Later

Carina enters her apartment exhausted despite the sun still being up and walks to the kitchen for her secret junk food stash. Instead of an empty kitchen she finds Maya kneeling down looking in her bottom drawers and pulling out a deep glass baking dish. Maya stands up and smiles at Carina.

“Hey.”

“Hi.” Carina greets back pleasantly surprised by Maya in her apartment.

“I know I should have called first after last time, but I didn’t want to call at a bad time. I figured you and your brother needed to do this without intrusion and-”

Carina interrupts Maya with a kiss that takes the blonde firefighter’s breath away. Maya is conscious enough to put the glass on the counter, so she doesn’t drop it. She puts her hands on Carina’s firm waist sinking into this passionate embrace. After a few blissful moments Carina pulls back and leans her head forward against Maya’s looking deep into her blue eyes that look into her brown eyes with such love and conviction.

“I’m glad you’re here, I really needed to see you after.”

Maya rubs Carina’s back soothingly, “I’m here now, it didn’t go okay?”

Carina groans slightly, “He was hesitant at first there were tears and a lot of slamming doors…but eventually he agreed to let us help him. I called in and got him into a treatment center at Bellevue.”

“And the drive up?”

Carina sighs, “He told me how guilty he feels about Erin and Amber. He told me that he regrets hurting a woman that he loves repeatedly when she was trying to help. I told him that it would be okay that she might forgive him but honestly…I don’t know if she is.”

“I hurt you too, I lashed out and I did a very stupid and awful thing to you and you still forgave me. If we can do that then I think they can too.”

Carina chuckles bitterly, “You don’t know Amber Karev she is…she is angry and rightfully so and she has had enough people hurting her when they had a mental breakdown. I don’t know if she can forgive him and love him again. He loves her so much, what am I supposed to do if she rejects him and he is heartbroken without the love of his life there with him?”

Maya looks at her in thought, “…You could get him a dog.” Carina laughs at that suggestion causing Maya to smile, “I had to do something to make you smile. He’ll be okay I don’t know him but if he’s like you then he will bounce back and move on. As long as he still has you, he’ll be okay.”

“Okay.” Carina holds Maya’s hip. “And when he’s better, I’m going to make sure he gets to know you properly. I want him to know you, Maya.”

Maya smiles, her cheeks blushing pink. She is not normally the kind of person that someone wants to introduce to their family, and it used to be a red flag to her, but not this time. This time, she wants it. She wants to be all in with Carina and get to know her brother she loves so much hoping when the time comes, she gets his approval.

“I would like that.” Maya tells Carina who smiles, “I just hope he likes me.”

“He will.” Carina tells her with conviction, “If he doesn’t, he’ll just have to learn to get used to you or I will kick his bottom.” Maya laughs at that image and Carina looks at the pan with interest, “Why were you taking a pan out anyway? We’re you gonna make me something?”

Maya smiles and pulls away from Carina to grab the glass pan, “I remember you telling me that whenever you or your brother would get sad or scared you would go to the kitchen and make something together to cheer yourselves up. I thought we could do that since you need cheering up.”

Carina looks at Maya in awe over her remembering that story. She can still remember the day their mama yelled at papa and threw plates at him after he killed those four patients. She and Andrea would crawl under the covers and she would sing to him to calm him down. The next morning when their mama was in bed and their papa was at work, she took her brother to the kitchen and taught him how to make French toast. The process helped keep their minds off their parent’s breaking apart so every fight they overheard they would find a new recipe to try. It was their thing and it make Carina’s heart skip a beat at the thought of sharing that with Maya.

“You would do that for me?”

Maya nods, “I would do anything for you, I love you Carina.”

“Ti amo Maya.”

Maya smiles at the Italian words that she finds so sexy coming from Carina but focuses on the task at hand, “So do you want to start with the lasagna? I have been dying to know what your secret is.”

“Ah, ah, ah.” Carina teases, “You are not there yet bambina, we have start you off with something simple and then work our way up to my famous lasagna.”

Maya chuckles, “Oh really? Okay sexy Guy Fieri what’s level one of this cooking challenge?”

“Mmm.” Carina thinks with a grin, “Let’s start with something simple like spaghetti aglio e olio.”

“It sounds delicious what is it?”

“Spaghetti in garlic and oil sauce.” Carina explains.

Maya’s nose wrinkles at the concoction, “It sounds like a vampire’s worst nightmare.”

Carina chuckles, “Trust me bella you say that now but when we are done you will fall to your knees over my cooking skills.”

“News flash it doesn’t take you cooking for me to do that.” Maya tells her with a mischievous smile and Carina looks at her in amusement, “Okay what do you want me to do chef?”

“Chef? Wow I think I am going to love this.” Carina teases before they head to the pantry to pull out ingredients. Carina looks at Maya with love and admiration knowing that despite the day she and her brother had things were gonna be okay, she believed it.

[bizarreaizen]

happy pride month and happy men's mental health month! there's no arguing on which one is more important because both are equally important and we should celebrate both of them !! :D /gen

[hellomynameisbisexual]