#losing face destroyed me
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i could do a whole hour long analysis of this song and its meaning and how its so me coded and-
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*screams into the void*
#the way he like seems to be choking back a sob of emotions before he says this#he can't bear the fact that he's causing her pain#and that there's nothing he can do to stop it#even though talking openly would help her but he can't do that#because if he does he would have to be vulnerable and if he's vulnerable aelswith might think him weak#which is something he knows she abhors (even though she hates it because of her own feelings of being seen as weak and unworthy)#and he can't bear her rejection because he loves her and if she were to reject him it would destroy him#he can be this open with uhtred because its a manipulation tactic#he's using vulnerability to get uhtred to do what he wants and thats why he can be so open in this scene. he's doing it strategically#but to be open with aelswith leaves him (in his mind) open to losing her since he's caused her so much pain throughout their marriage#and he would have to face the fact that he's done that and she might not forgive him and he can't do that#aelswith is so upset in this scene because she thinks its his final way of saying to her “you aren't worthy” when really its a tactic#to help ensure that she and their children will be safe#but they literally cannot properly communicate with each other because of all of the painful history between them#I'm going insane#I love them so much#they are everything to me#literally everything#he loves her so much#like he could not survive losing her - just the way he clings to her all throughout s3 speaks to that#I really think that because of the similarities between uhtred and aelswith uhtred's betrayal makes him start to fear that he could lose he#and he just starts to cling to her for reassurance that she'll never leave and she won't stop believing in him#ok I'm done#for now#I'm crying#your honor I love them#they mean so much to me
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Guess Who? Global Series Panthers edition.
my favourite dynamic for dumb games that don't particularly matter is sore loser who's trying not to be a sore loser and man who acts like winning means he gets the keys to the city rather than just a participation sticker
#eetu luostarinen#niko mikkola#florida panthers#2425#the global series is a gift#if not because we get to make the finns sit down and do dumb stuff for us in the name of patriotism#im sorry pairing mikksy and luosty for content will always be funny#because of the way mikksy tries to downplay the irrational need of needing to completely destroy him (in competition) (but also-)#but also both of them choosing their fellow finns because god forbid they choose anyone else#you two are so predictable#“well ive got a 25% (to win) right now if i guess... (guesses despite the bad odds)”#the inherent need to destroy luosty calls to him because luosty is insufferable when he wins#but has mikksy considered hes worse when HE wins#TOOK THE 25% CHANCE TO BET ON LUOSTY BEING AN EGOISTICAL BASTARD SO WHO LOOKS BAD NOW#on par with “close your eyes for this part. what colour is mikkolas eyes”#[mikksy blocking the side of his face so if luosty cheats he cant win to which luosty doesnt cheat and still loses]#LUOSTY SMKRKING TOO OH HE KNEW#MIKKSY IS SO INSUFFERABLE WHEN HE WINS#THE SHARED LOOK OF GLEE WHEN HE REALISES ITS SASHA#“thats easy! thats too easy!! (sore loser)” “well try mine now (man who is literally set up luosty for success so he doesnt get sulky)”#“i mean... is it mo?” “(laughs of utter disbelief and a little concern)” LUOSTY YOU JUST ASKED THE ARE THEY CANADIAN QUESTION#AND MIKKSY SAID NO. WHAT DO YOU THINK PAUL IS?????#also this most likely being filmed after the “i think mikkola curses at me in finnish” saga MAKES ME CRY LUOSTY STOP TEASING MIKKSY#POOR MAN WAS SWEATING HAVING TO DENY IT AND SAY PAUL WAS JUST BEING FUNNY PLEASEEEE#“almost... lundy 😄” “of course it is” PLEASE#this just in the kitten has teeth now so hes on his way to being paul huh 😭😭😭😭#crying i love these two so much my emotional support finn pair
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Undertale yellow flowey embroidery
This took about 40 hours, give or take a few
#I can tell you one thing#Embroidering while having arthritis is really not a piece of cake. When you hand cramps just by holding it at an angle.#At least I can be grateful for my empty schedule#Makes embroidering till the sun rises back up so much easier#Insomnia also helps with this task#I was listening to the ost while working on it and… Live reaction#Occupied turf is so good actually !? Why wasn’t it shown more often !? IT’S FIRE !?#I forgot I only did a pacifist so I got so confused when neutral Flowey came out…#A mother’s love ? Should’ve called this “I’m gonna fuck you up”#The number of time I got my ass handed back to me in this fight is not even funny#The first time is great. The second I only discern my favorites and the sudden change in style. By the third loop I can’t recognize shit#my brain is melting and my eyes are on fire…#Advantages on doing it during daytime. Eyes hurt less. Good stupid tv to listen to in the background Disadvantages. People#Advantages on doing it at night. Alone. Personally work better at night#Disadvantages. No good TV. Time goes by slower…? I don’t know maybe I’m just loosing it with those freaking petals#For reference one petal took me about 3 and a half hours. So yeah… I thought it would never end… Took out almost all my yellow.#When the line tangles itself in the back and you realize only close to the end of it that half went missing#So you have to go backward to entangle it and loose 30 mins because damn it#Cats are not helpful in any of those scenarios#Why do I feel the need to make the back perfect when nobody else but me will know#This is the last time I do one so big without thinking it through#Note to self. Don’t do it standing up when the cats are awake. She just destroyed my stomach#I think i’m losing it#Back after a few weeks#God this white thread is doing my head in… I’m willing to bet my leg half the time I spent on the face was me untangling it.#I’m almost done. It’s finally over. Dark brown took exactly 4 h and 13 mins#undertale#undertale yellow#embroidery#I’m thinking of doing Boris the wolf next. Because I just found the perfect rendition to put on my wall
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Call me Jack Townsend because I'm drinking too much coffee and always getting injured
#alas my injuries are not as attractive as his#nothing hotter than losing a leg and getting your ribs slashed or your face punched#but losing a finger i would absolutely hate and it would destroy me with my OCD#losing an arm would also suck but with my crooked leg i already limp so whats one less leg at the least the chronic pain will be gone#however if i lost my one good leg id be pretty fucked now that i think about it#spencer please destroy my left leg and not rhe right xoxoxo#tales from a gas station#jack townsend
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me, a normie bitch doing normie bitch stuff:
remembering what armand said to lestat in blood communion: “I have loved you more than any being in all the world whom I’ve ever loved.”
me:
they make me physically ill
#it's so sad lmao it's such a raw scene and it's so important and it destroys me every time#i'm hormemotional and getting ready for class don't mind me 🤧#i love them so much and if you've read tvl/mtd/tva it's like okay armand we been knew but the fact that he said this to lestat's face#because he finally had nothing left to lose IT HURTS#armand/lestat#armand#lestat de lioncourt#vc#the vampire chronicles
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one minute youre having the time of your life laughing at silly early 2000s effects like the tiny nasty gollum doctor and david tennant hovering around in an energy cloud and the next youre sobbing your eyes out watching the most harrowing sequence of personal loss ever put to screen
#so much of 10s arc this season has been about the loneliness of being the last time lord#and how he will never have a normal life. his companions will always be lost or leave or grow too old and die#and he finally finds the master. and no matter what now he has someone who can stay with him forever. but he chooses to die instead#he literally says. now i have someone to care for. LITERALLY THE WORST CASE OF I CAN FIX HIM EVER MR DOCTOR 😖💔#and then jack. literally unkillable. will live (mostly) forever. come with me…… and he says no too.#then martha. he was in denial about losing rose and used her to distract himself but now she is leaving too and he has to face it. ALONE.#and on TOP OF THAT! her saying shes leaving because she loves him. ohhhhhh. fucka you. basard. (rtd)#because he loves people too much and they love him too much and it literally destroys them…..#him as john smith. saying the doctor didnt even think falling in love was an option? LITERALLY FUCK MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!#he literally does everything he does out of such deep love for earth and humanity but he thinks he can never have it in return#AND THE WORLD KEEPS PROVING HIM RIGHT. EVERYTHING IS SO FUCKED. ITS SO OVER#UGH. OKAY. literally 16 year old angst but idgaf its literally so incredibly devastating.#dw
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Sweetest, precious darling baby Tom Hulce as Artie Shoemaker - Those Lips, Those Eyes (dir. Michael Pressman, 1980)
#MY KING LET ME PROTECT YOU MY LIEGE#Tom Hulce#credited as Thomas Hulce aww Idk why I love that#now im thinking god i need to make a gifset with Artie & Trent from Lawn Dogs and omfg i am losing my fuckin mind my brain is shutting down#I swear to god askjadhlsjdkawd#i say baby tom hulce but he was like 27 at the time lmao look at him pls such a baby face#gif quality is shitty sorry but im saving up to buy dvds#I WOULD DIE FOR YOU MY KING#COMMAND ME TO BATTLE LET ME DESTROY THEM ALL IN YOUR NAME YOUR HIGNESS#I WILL FOLLOW YOU TO BATTLE ANYWHERE YOU LEAD MY LIEGE I WILL CARRY YOUR FLAG#I no longer have free will I decide not what to watch nor enjoy my king you command me#my queer king#artie shoemaker#those lips those eyes#those lips those eyes 1980#The ultimate twink of the 80s#queer actor#gay actor#80s movies#80 actors#Michael Pressman#thogop#Thomas Hulce
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tw ed in the tags !!
#im feeling sooo awful abt my body today its crazy#i dont wanna relapse but also i have prom and grad coming up so its very very tempting#silly side note but ive been friends w some moots on edtwt longer than I've known some of my irls and that's crazy to me#anyway i was looking at tweets of me being so majorly uber excited abt final hitting 45 kg T-T like man omfg#feb 23 me was the skinniest id ever been and i was thriving !!#and i highkey wanna be that again#was my hair thinning and did my face look so gaunt it scared me at times? yes#did i also feel my prettiest + have the most external validation from strangers etc ever? also yes !!#i feel fat and ugly rn but I'm also just very averagely weighted#but i have a naturally broader built but i feel like i look bigger even if I'm not ?? 9ufdkjhjs#anyway its scary looking through old tweets bc I'm talking abt skipping lunch like everyday and stuff like that's scary !! don't do that#but also it makes me wanna do it again like if i could look like that again... id genuinely kill myself for it#i was kinda also p healthy back then LOL only ate god food#cardio every evening + muscle training every morning#anyway teehee thats all i very much dislike my body rn and i hope i can lose a bit so i don't feel like dying <3#i have hope bc im only 5kg off what i used to be so !! shouldn't be too hard yaaya if i can just get back in the 40s ill be happy like a 47#i got this !! hopefully will not destroy myself in the process yay#tw ed
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realistically I do not think that anyone on cardassia would want garak in charge. I do not believe for a second that garak would want garak in charge. but perhaps that is what makes the idea of postwar castellan garak so funny to me. nobody refuses to budge an inch on their preferred candidate so they all collectively throw up their hands and choose the option that would make everyone equally unhappy
#dee s 9#camera zooms up to the half destroyed stands of the cardassian senate#to where garak and bashir have been watching the castelliary debates and narrating like the old men from the muppets#garaks face caught in a perfect moue of horror and surprise 😶#he always wanted to serve cardassia. but not like this. NEVER like this#natima lang like ha ha well bitchboy. try shooting me now while everyone’s watching huh. least we can keep an eye on you#garak is going to do his level best to be cardassia’s george washington just to spite every single other politician#reinvent himself into a benevolent wise sisko president. julian losing his shit at how funny this is
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after this
the chapter then ending on this
has me big time feeling like. this.
#speculation nation#fanny reads trigun#trigun spoilers/#HELP? ME???#face in my hands. i literally gasped when the wing first appeared#i was like 'thats GOTTA be vash right???' but it was like it was acting independently of him#only to be revealed that he was COMPLETELY losing it. nearly did the fucking angel arm shit again b4 crimson nails appeared#legato fucking sucks. rip sax man. zazie is my fav antagonist (nonbinary ICON). elendira is so fucking beautiful#poor fucking meryl getting caught up in all this. she's just an insurance girl and here she was trapped under an angel man#who very nearly set off his arm nuke for the THIRD. TIME.#he really is just a walking atomic bomb. one bad day away from killing another several hundred thousand people#him calling himself a murderer upon remembering what happened in july. that broke my fucking Heart#mr vash the stampede. eternal pacifist who refuses to kill even ppl actively trying to kill him. calling himself a murderer.#head in my hands. im utterly obsessed with his wings. im obsessed with all of this. holy fucking shit y'all#and then it ends with them being Losers once more. sometimes Loser4Loser is watching ur bf nearly set off his atomic bomb arm#and sometimes it's poking fun at one another and helping rebuild a town you were part of the destroying of#geeze. geeeeze. SO fucking much happened. jesus fucking christ#i knew it'd be a lot but i didnt know just how Much it'd be a lot. that tails image is just me rn for REAL
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Not gonna get super deep into it, but to those that have sent asks that I haven’t replied to yet, I do apologize, I will be getting to them soon. To be completely honest, I thought I knew what a bad day was until every day this past month turned into more and more of a waking nightmare 🙃 thank y’all for your patience ❤️
#personal#me#my life#tw#literally went from almost losing my car#to almost destroying my relationship#to losing my mom last week#due to medical malpractice#and now having to plan her service#while also taking her sick dog to the vet#while also also having to face seeing her urn for the first time#and have I mentioned this all happened 2 weeks before my 25th birthday
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I GAVE CRUSH A LISTEN AND IT’S SO JAMIL TO YOU
i will shove leona's staff up your arse
#moots — ♡#IM KIDDING I LOVE YOU SM#I DESEVRBE THIS AFTER MY ASMK HELP???!!!#the lyrics decked me in the face suckedj the soul out of my body destroyed all my bodily human cells so hatrd#CAN I TALK ABT THE LYRICS#look up the definition of unrequited love and crush pops up#omg the thought that jamil would be the victim og suchs feelings#YOU WILL SEE ME ON FOX NEWS TONGITH#omg and not to stir some heat but imagine if its because of kalim#LIKE HE GETS TO HAVE EVERYHTING#BUT JAMIL GETS NOTHING!!#AND HJE SO DESPERATELY DOESNT WANT TO LOSE THE PERSON HE CAN FINALLY CALL HIS#TO SHARE HIS HEART WITH
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My campaign is verified and added to the Gaza Donations page with number 192.
Thank you for documenting my campaign from the following accounts:
@sar-soor @heba-20 @el-shab-hussein @90-ghost @soon-palestine@ibtisams @marnota @riding-with-the-wild-hunt @i-am-aprl @northgazaupdates @fallahifag @fairuzfan
I love you all 🙏🙏♥️🌹
I am Mohammed Almanasra, 32 years old, married, and a father of three children: Abdulrahman, 6 years old, Sarah, 4 years old, and Lina, 3 years old.
My story began with the loss of my parents and four of my sisters, who were bombed and lost their lives along with their children after the events of October 7 and the severe war on Gaza. Now, I am facing a severe injury to my leg, which is at risk of amputation if I do not receive the necessary treatment. My wife, children, and I are displaced, without parents or siblings, and my wife is also suffering from uterine cancer.
Recently, I moved to the south of the Gaza Strip, fearing for the lives of my children. We left behind our memories and our new home, for which we had not finished paying the installments, in addition to losing my job. Currently, I live in a tent that does not protect me from the heat of summer or the cold of winter, and without the minimum necessary livinng basics including water, food medical care, clothe and even bedding .
I suffer from a chronic asthma and severe attacks from tightness and an extreme allergy in the ear and I need medicine that are not available, or very expensive .
Under these difficult circumstances, after five attempts at displacement and narrowly escaping death from the bombing, I am trying with all my might to protect my family, the most precious thing I have.
My dreams were shattered, and my house was destroyed, and I found myself living in a tent no larger than 4 square metres. My work turned from a tailor to a street vendor in order to barely buy a few crumbs of bread to feed my children.
Look at what happened to my children because of the intense heat and the insects that thrive in the summer season. Every day, I take them to the hospital to treat them due to poisonous insect bites. I implore every kind-hearted soul to help me protect my children.
My son, Abdul Rahman, has a deep passion for playing football and is a devoted fan of Real Madrid. He always dreamed of playing football at his school, but the war prevented this dream from coming true.
Where are you, Real Madrid fans ?
Help Abdul Rahman achieve his dream.
Every donation will make an enormous difference in helping me save my family.
I feel very sad and embarrassed to ask for help, but I have no other options left. I know that this request is difficult, but I also know that there is still humanity and living consciences and I believe in miracles.
Your support during this extremely difficult time will give us hope in the midst of devastation and despair.
If you have any inquiries or questions, feel free to ask me, please!
To everyone with a compassionate heart,
To all who understand the essence of humanity,
This is a message from my innocent children, who trust that their words will reach everyone who truly understands the meaning of childhood.
We cry out to you, asking you to feel our sorrow and pain, and to extend a helping hand to us in this time when we are in desperate need of your mercy and compassion.
My name is being repeatedly added to many public and private donation campaigns. Please, be a support for me in this difficult situation.
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/u/0/d/1yYkNp5U3ANwILl2MknJi9G7ArY4uVTEEQ1CVfzR8Ioo/htmlview
Sincere greetings & thanks
Mohammed & the family
#gofundme#palestinian genocide#free gaza#gaza strip#gaza#i stand with palestine 🇵🇸#free palestine 🇵🇸#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#palestine#gaza under attack#aid for gaza#palestine aid#support palestine#my posts#paypal#palestine news#please#war on gaza#🥭#follow 👑 share ❤️ enjoy 🍑#🇵🇸#save 🍉#palestine 🍉#much love 🫶#📍 pinned post.#sorry 😔#gaza solidarity encampment#gaza gofundme#palestine gfm#free palestine
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had this . one guy coming into work tn and . i didnt know what was in a baby guiness shot (its . not popular) and . the fucker made a joke that was smt hlike "so youll know whats in a vodka lime soda if i ask for one?" and i just . lost it im gonna be So Real
#like . i scrinched my face up and said 'ofc i kmow whats in a fuxking vodka kime soda. i know Basic drinks. im a bartender'#but it was so fucking snarky and rude and just ???? dude . what the fuck.#ive made One Baby Guiness in my Life .#ive only been baetending for 1.5yrs and 8mths od that has been Here .#like i know he was joking but . idk it was kinda fucminf iut of line in a way#n the fact that im . gking off memory n i cant rmb it entirely is not helping my case here either#exhibiting two different wounds bere wbat dk i do abt em .#fhck this i need a vacation i think . im gking to Lose It#anyway . i dont rlly rmb shots n cocmtials v well bc i dont Make Thm Often enough for me to#and im rlly notnfoijg out ifnmy way to learn them bc#i dont Care this isbt smth im gonna be doing#lingterm#idk what i wanna do while i figure iur how im gonna go to uni#but its not this i cant Do This#its Destroying me in so maby ways but irs sl subtly im fuckignfjgjgjggjg ok
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Before starting T, when I socially transitionned, I was surrounded by radical feminists who saw masculinity as gross and inherently evil, something to avoid, something to make fun of, something to destroy. The other transmascs in my friend group, sometimes, told me that they didn’t knew if they really were non-binary or if they just were scared shitless of saying “I am a man”. Because they saw this as a betrayal to their younger self who had been SAd and abused.
I saw many of my masc friends and trans men around me hate themselves, not outing themselves as men because it would imply so so much, it was like opening the Pandora Box. Even when we were just together, talking about our masculinity was always coated with bits like “I know we’re the privileged ones but…”, “I don’t want to sound like I have it bad but…”, “Women obviously have it worse, but last time…” and we were talking about terrible traumas we experienced while taking all the precautions in the world in the case the walls were a crowd of people in disguise waiting to get us if we didn’t downplay the violence we faced, or like crying and being upset and being traumatized and afraid and scared and to say it out loud would make us throw up the needles we were forced to swallow every second of every day living in our skin.
Most of us weren’t on T yet, some of us were catcalled every day and harassed in the streets or in abusive relationships nobody seemed to care to help them get out of because they were “strong enough” to do it by themselves.
I was using the gender swap face app and cried for ours when I saw my father looking back at me through the screen. The idea of transforming, of shedding into a body that would deprive me of love, tenderness, and safety, was absolutely terrifying. I knew I couldn’t stay in this body any longer because it wasn’t mine, but I also knew that if I was going to look like my dad, my brother, my abusers, it would be so much worse.
5 years later and I’m almost 2 years on T, and almost 2 months post top surgery.
I ditched my previous group of friends. I was bullied out of my local trans community. But let me tell you how free I am.
I was scared that T would break my singing voice: it made it sound more alive than ever.
I was scared that T would make me less attractive: it made me find myself hot for the first time in my life.
I was scared that T would make me gain weight: it did. But the weight I put on is not the weight I used to put on by binging and eating my body until I forgot that it even existed. It’s the weight of my body belonging to me, little by little. The wolf hunger for life.
I won’t tell you the same story I see everywhere, the one that goes “I started going to the gym 8 times a week, I put on some muscles, I started a diet and now I look like an action film actor”, in fact if you took pictures of me from 5 years ago vs now I’d just have more acne, I’d have longer hair and still look like I don’t know what to do with myself when I take selfies.
But the sparkle in my eyes, my smile, tell the whole story way better than this long ass stream of words could ever.
I want to say some things that I wish someone told me before starting medically transitionning.
It’s okay to take your time. It’s your body, it’s your journey, if you don’t feel comfortable taking full doses and want to go slow, the only voice you need to listen to is your own. Do what feels right.
If you feel overwhelmed, it’s okay to take a break, it’s okay to ask for support.
Trans people are holy. Everyone is. You didn’t lose your angel wings when you came out because you want to be masculine. You are not excluded from the joy of existence, from being proud of yourself, from being sad, from being scared, from being angry. The emotions and feelings you allowed yourself to feel while processing what you experienced when you grew up as a girl and was seen as a woman are still as valid as before. Nobody can take that from you. If someone tries to, don’t let them.
It’s perfectly normal to grieve some things you were and had before you started to transition, like your high soprano voice or even your chest. Hatching is painful. You can find comfort in things that don’t feel right, so making the decision to change can be incredibly scary and weird and you deserve to be heard and supported through this. Wanting top surgery doesn’t make the surgery less intense, less terrifying, less painful to recover from. When it becomes too much you have the right to take a break and take some deep breaths before going on.
You don’t have to have a radical, 180° change for your transition to be acceptable or valid or worthy of praise. Look at how far you’ve come already. It doesn’t have to show, you’re not made to be a spectacle, you’re human and it is your journey.
Oh, and last thing, you know when some people say “Oh this trans person has to grow out of the cringy phase where you think that you can write essays about being trans or transitionning or just their experience because it’s weird” ? If you ever hear this or see this online, remember all the people whose writing you read and, even if they were not professional writers, helped you more than any theorists did ? If you want to write, do it. It won’t be a waste. It can help people. Or it won’t, and even then, if it helped you, that’s enough.
Love every of my trans siblings, take care of yourselves. You deserve the world.
#ftm#ftx#genderqueer#transgender#lgbtqiaplus#lgbtqia#queer#trans#trans man#transmasc#trans masculinity#transmasculine#queer masculinty#trans men#trans writing#trans writers#trans pride#transblr#queer writers#queer artist#queer community#queer pride#lgbtq#non binary#genderfluid#lgbtq community#enby#enby pride#trans nonbinary#gor3sigil.txt
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