#to losing my mom last week

[youfreakinturltle]

Not gonna get super deep into it, but to those that have sent asks that I haven’t replied to yet, I do apologize, I will be getting to them soon. To be completely honest, I thought I knew what a bad day was until every day this past month turned into more and more of a waking nightmare 🙃 thank y’all for your patience ❤️

[moonkhao]

hi.

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[woundedheartwithin]

My mom’s patient care tech yesterday straight up could not believe I was 32. He asked me, “so how old are you, Caitlin” and he asked it like he thought he was talking to someone younger than him. And I looked at him like oh baby, no, you are the youngest person in this room rn and said “I am 32.” And he just stared at me and kept repeating it, then turned to my mom, who is high as hell on fentanyl, like “32?” And my mom giggled and said yeah, so he turned to my dad cuz clearly her loopy ass can’t be trusted, and my dad’s like yeah she’s 32. So he looked at me again and was like I never would have guessed you’re 32, you don’t look it at all. And I’m like yeah I get that a lot, how old are you? And he goes “…I’m 24” lmfao

[reflectionsofgalaxies]

this is my little girl 💖

she’s running low on time with us, and my dad has been saying things along the lines of ‘this is why I don’t like pets’, because he finds the grieving process so hard.

I don’t fault him for that, he just feels loss deeply and deals with it differently.

sometimes I even find myself falling briefly into the same thinking. ‘what if making a different choice all those years ago saved me and my family from this grief and this pain?’

but I also know there’s no way I would make a different decision. no amount of grief could outweigh the joy she’s brought us over these last fifteen years. the laughter, the comfort, the connection.

I think about hikes with my dad when she was tiny and able bodied and would race up ahead of us on the trails and then race back to check on us. I think about the first time she saw snow and she instantly turned into a tiny fluffy bunny rabbit, hopping through drifts that were ankle deep for us but nearly buried her, and the matted snowballs she came away with, looking like a tiny curly haired yeti.

I think of her interrupting GrammE and John’s wedding along with Sagie, confusion turning into laughter as they sped after each other across the backyard ceremony. I think of my mom, lonely on the island and isolated during covid, telling me that Ginger was her saving grace.

and these don’t even scratch the surface. fifteen years of love she’s given us.

so yeah. losing her is going to damn near break me and I know that. but I wouldn’t change it for the world.

[skeletalheartattack]

re: your recent tags about the gameboy sp! that boy's got headphone adapters i POMISE!!!

the magic of modern science. wow...

[a-high-femme]

..

[lunar-fey]

ohhhh my god. okay. so. my aunt does like, she buys random junk in bulk from retail wholesalers and then resells it on like, facebook marketplace and ebay and stuff. whatever. so my mom works for her. makes a flat $50 a day, regardless of the fact that shes disabled and doing hard labor for at least 8 hours a day, often 10+. and min wage here is $10 an hour but mom argued that $50 a day is still more than what she would make working the same hours at an actual job because of taxes...like girl that would be 50% taxes. you do not pay that fucking much. so thats already Bad.

but today mom shows me a video of a knife theyre gonna sell, and i watch 2 seconds and i realize its an automatic knife, and i tell her hey. thats illegal to possess in this state. let alone sell! and mom is like ohhh [aunt] knows what shes doing itll be fine.... we sell knives on there all the time she just doesnt put pictures and calls them something else on the listing to get around fb/ebays policies :)

LIKE. HELLO. THATS NOT BETTER. YOURE COMMITTING MULTIPLE CRIMES. *AS YOUR JOB.* and she was just like "its not a big deal she knows what shes doing." folks, this is the same aunt that, very illegally, paid me to sort through her clients confidential tax documents and bank records and stuff. because she works for a bank. and took the records home to sort them. i dont think she DOES know what shes doing, actually!

[an-incoherent-mess]

So I'm really into genealogy and have been for a few years now and I'm blessed with being really good with names and dates etc. So in conversation I can remember like a ridiculous amount of:

Jane Doe Smith Johnson

b. 1805 Tennessee d. 1879 Missouri

Married 1828 to John Patrick Johnson. Had five children. Died of TB

Etc etc

And that's cool enough apparently but I've mostly been using it for

A. Making up bullshit but real sounding names for stuff (i.e my name is Emily Stewart, Grace Kolár, etc). The point is that they're normal sounding and varied.

B. Having a bizarre frame of reference for historical events. Like "oh [small town],[state] 1942 had [random] event happen? My 1st cousin 4x removed got married there that year, small world!"

It's so dumb, like I'll read about some historical event from my area (where I've had family in the vicinity of since the 1840s) and I'll link up the time frame in my head and be like hmm... I wonder what 3rd great aunt Helen thought about that happening next door to her church.

[thecomet-and-themeteor]

My brain these past few days has just been "Watch Carousel Rewatch South Pacific Study for your exam finish your Maycois fic listen to those music recs" over and over and over again and then God said "Nuh"

[tittyinfinity]

roblox going on nearly two decades of having the worst customer service ever

[styck-figure]

In your fic “Online Friends”, Gold and Purple are well. Online friends, talking over discord (stickcord?)

How did they meet though? Or get in contact?

Purple was defending their mom on a stickfighting tourney discussion page and Gold was roasting her.

[drev-the-procrastinator]

love waking up to my mom giving me an ultimatum and ordering that i have to give up my (admittedly expensive) apartment 1n 2 weeks and move back home for good. i had stuff to do today but i guess being gripped by dread and anxiety works too

[eclipsedshadowk]

Si la société veut que j'ai la parfaite hygiène orale, pourquoi faire les dentifrices trop mentholé

[rxng]

"I'm not quite sure how this wasn't sent via my usual mail, but..."

"Goodness. Tracking for mortal mail is fascinating."

[kaladinstormsblessed]

on a less fun note, i leave for a memorial with my dad's side of the family tomorrow. i am, once again, three weeks out from my prelims and have a distinct sense of foreboding.