#my life

[strangerthanfictionlife]

Hey, it’s been a while since I’ve posted on here. So first one of the year

[jubrunaikovics]

[chrystal-ink]

I had a kinda shit day today and my local movie theater offers movies for $5 on Tuesdays so you bet your ass I'm seeing pookie tonight.

[djlatntinaboom]

-Bad Bunny's DtMF album playing on repeat-

[allthedesiredusernamesaretaken]

... sunset ...

📷 mine

[just-a-girl00]

Okay this is the selfie, the one i really like 🙈

There is a chance i will delete this post in the morning because that is just who i am😅

[thestuffedalligator]

I will never, ever, ever say because my sister knows of this blog and I know for a fact my brother in law follows me.

And if it turns out that he’s reading this right now: Don’t worry about it. You found it! The game’s over. Everything’s good. :)

I hid a thing in my sister’s house when she moved in 2021, I told her I hid something and that she’d know it when she saw it.

And during the holidays my sister told me that her husband has been actively and obsessively looking through their house, in every cupboard, every closet, on top of every cabinet and through the rafters, looking for this thing for the past three years.

Which is great, but what kills me is that they already found it. A couple months after I hid it I visited their house and the thing was out in the open, sorted with other things, and I went “Ah darn they found it ah well c’est la guerre” but apparently they didn’t know that it was the thing I hid in their house.

So while I thought the game was over and I completely forgot about it, my brother in law has been scouring through their house and checking the rafters going “Where the fuck is it what the fuck is it what did they leave in our house” which is the best possible way this could’ve ended.

[shera-dnd]

Alright it's been a week since I brought back my ko-fi, so I thought it would be a good time to have an honest conversation with everyone about my situation

No sales pitch, no begging for money, just an honest retelling of my 2024 and how I ended up in my current situation

So at the very beginning of 2024 I, against all odds, won the fucking lotery

Yeah, fucking insane. I didn't even know that actually happened to people

Anyways I got 5 out of 6 numbers right and so I won the incredible prize of 70k reais (or about 12k-ish dollars at the time), which you know what. Not a fucking millionaire amount, but who fucking cares, that's still a crazy amount of money

So I gave 60k of it away to my family to help pay for some repairs around the house, replacements for some broken stuff, and like help us get a new car, since we haven't had a car since 2011

So yeah that improved my quality of life by quite a crazy amount and still left me with 10k (1.5k dollars give or take) in the pocket, which I was gonna save up so I could fulfil the dream of meeting my friends in the US and FINALLY see snow in real life

Unfortunately for me, my intestines had a different plan

somehwere around february I was probably cursed by a bog witch into having constant chronic explosive diarrhea FOR MONTHS!

As you can imagine that made most activities risky if not impossible due to my bowels being in a constant state of emergency and my body being severely weakened from losing fluids so fast

On the bright side my country has universal health care, so in theory I could get myself checked and hopefully cured without spending anything

On the not so bright side, health care around where I live has been fucking gutted and the wait times sky rocketed

And after a few months of waiting on the public health care people to get their shit together, I decided to dip into my savings and use that to go through private health care instead

so after 4 months, 3 blood tests, 2 stool tests, a colonoscopy, a biopsy, and half my savings... they found out just about close to nothing and no one has any idea what the fuck is wrong and they keep redirecting me from one doctor to another to another

And like at this point my physical health is already fucked, I'm constantly exhausted, and I haven't been able to do anything with myself for almost half a year

I was also approaching the one year anyversary of... well the last time I was able to write anything whatsoever.

Like writing was such a dream job for me. I wanted nothing more than to keep writing for the rest of my life, and the fact that my writing had somehow been able to sustain me for so long was a genuine fucking blessing

So not being able to do it, not even for fun, for nearly a whole year was kinda messing with me. Like I knew I had severe burnout, but that was turning into guilt for not being able to deliver on the one thing I saw myself as good at, which turned into even more guilt over being unable to do even this when people had it so much worse than me, WHICH THEN mixed up with all the actual health issues and the fact I no longer had the money to take that trip I wanted. And in the end this whole mess left me feeling utterly hopeless and like a burden on everyone

That's when I deleted my original ko-fi. Why? Because it was part of me getting my affairs in order before I could... you get the idea

Suffice to say that I survived that (well duh) and was sent to the 24 hour mental health center nearby

They helped me get my shit together enough to not try anything drastic again and trippled my dose of anti depressants just to be sure

Since my mental health was (and let's be real STILL IS) extremely unstable, they scheduled me for several group activities to help me keep my mind off things, socialize, and reduce the risk of me hurting myself

About 2 months later I finally found out what was wrong with my bowels. Turns out one of the stool tests gave me a false negative and I had to take one of those horse dewormers from the pandemic. Lol lmao this could have been avoided with barely 60 reais (less than 10 bucks for you americans)

But well I was already most of the way through my savings, had already attempted suicide, and was spending 4 days a week at the mental health center

Aaaand that's pretty much how the situation continued. I still spend most of my days there, I still have lapses, and I still can't bring myself to fucking write

And honestly it's fucking despair inducing to say that. That I've been taking care of myself for over half a year only to still feel like I'm not getting anywhere

But fuck it I'm actually trying to heal here. And I know it's gonna take a fucking while, but I want to keep trying here

Unfortunately my savings have now run out and I'm now officially flat broke, which is why I decided to relaunch my kofi

So yeah it's been a whole year since I won the lottery and now I'm back to asking people for money on the internet, because life doesn't give a shit and my mental health is trash

And I'll be real with you, I know most people who reblog this are broke as shit too, and god knows tumblr is the most mentally unwell website on the planet

So like if you can't help, I fucking get you. I'm not trying to guilt anyone or make this a sob story so y'all will give me pity bucks

I just think that if I'm gonna do this whole song and dance of promoting my kofi

The least I can do is offer y'all some honesty as to why I'm doing this and how I got here in the first place

Anyways my kofi is my pinned post, drop some change there if you want

[not-terezi-pyrope]

Today I discovered that "bro visited his friend/the visiterrrrrrr" isn't necessarily a widely known meme outside of tumblr after I referenced it irl and seemingly came across as a complete maniac, ironically exactly creating the circumstances of the original meme

[dastardlywlw]

I couldn't get a good photo of it because of how bright out it was at the time, but here's the fat tits latte that Stan would absolutely know how to make.

Oh my god I wanna see Ford's latte art now. He's a very talented artist but I can imagine he'd take too long getting it Just Right that the coffee will be tepid by the time he's done and Bill gets mad at him for wasting coffee 😔

In unrelated news Stan would be like the barista who heard me talk about doing drag and drew a queen with fat tits on 'my' latte, only for it to not be my order and he had to hand it off to the old guy who actually ordered it. I wish I could send the picture through asks but alas...

oh, bill doesnt give a fuck what they do with the espresso

ford's a guy who learned how to make rosettas. fuck you youre getting a rosetta. it's going to have 15 tiers and be the most perfect, symmetrical thing you've ever seen. he looks like he wishes he was literally anywhere else on the planet as he pours them. he gets your name wrong when you call it out. "excuse me, is this half-caf?" "no, bill doesnt like how it tastes." "can i get a heart on my latte?" "no you can get a rosetta." "excuse me this isnt the right temp" "yes it is"

the thing that needs to be understood about ford in this au is that he does not want to work in a coffee shop. the coffee life chose him he did not choose the coffee life

stan on the other hand will spend like 5 whole minutes drawing shit on there with a toothpick and cinnamon dustings etc etc etc. he gets so many tips but the line gets SO long that he's never allowed to be on bar

[thestuffedalligator]

My brother-in-law has a Thing where he gives me increasingly rare copies of The Bee Movie and it’s long since gone from “Goofy running gag” to “I don’t know how much money he’s willing to commit to this bit and it Scares Me.”

Where the fuck can we go from here

[trek-tracks]

When a student copies an essay online instead of writing it and then painstakingly changes every word to a synonym until the text no longer makes any sense...

call that the Ship of Thesaurus

[artbyblastweave]

A few years ago, when Avengers: Endgame came out, I had a tutoring gig with elementary schoolers. And there was this one little girl who really, really wanted to spoil what happened in Avengers Endgame to me, but I hadn't made it out to see the movie yet, so, you know, I politely ask her not to, but she really wants to tell me what happened. So I tell her, tell you what, it's free time right now, so you draw me a picture of what it is you wanted to spoil for me so bad, and then after I see the movie I'll unfold it and look at it, is that a good compromise? And she's like, yeah, that'd work! So she draws a picture at and gives it to me. That weekend, I go see Endgame, and when I get back from the theatre, and true to my world I unfold the drawing, and it's a crayon, mommy-and-daddy-and-me-out-front-of-our-house-style depiction of Black Widow's lifeless corpse splayed out on the rocks of Vormir

[mercurialbadger]

And her counterpart "I am not human" seemingly most human girl.

Shapeless darkness with hints of mechanical parts and a piece of paper with a smile face drawn on it hovering somewhere around where their face might be: "I love being human, don't you?"

[allthedesiredusernamesaretaken]

... sunset ...

📷 mine