#like no fr how are they even alive?
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Sag5 being an absolute medical anomaly ft @its-a-me-mango
#smg4#astro vision au#smg4 au#sag5#other people's characters#like no fr how are they even alive?#they do not classify as a biological organism
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Kokichi, similar to Noritoshi in the sense that they're analytical and kinda tsun, but that's mostly it. This is another Megumi and Noritoshi situation where, on the surface, they appear to be very similar, but you squint and realize they're extremely different.
Whereas Noritoshi isn't as bold because he still holds remnants of pride, Kokichi is just shy about it since it's so new. He won't back down from it, just hesitate.
[Long ass rambles under the cut! + bonus doodles.]
When referring to shyness, Kokichi leans into the awkward and stiff type. There's always confusion and slight fear in his eyes when he's experiencing something new or romantic. He doesn't want to mess up, but if he does, he just hopes it works in his favor.
Being born in a body where he was under constant pain and stress, someone touching him was the last thing he wanted. He'd never known the loving touch of another because the heavens decided he wasn't allowed to.
After meeting you, that yearning to be next to you became too much. To hell with his restrictions. He'd to do whatever it takes to be able to be with you even if he had to sacrifice others to do it.
In retrospect, he feels like he should've done it sooner. Being touched or even grazed doesn't feel like his skin is falling off anymore.. Plus having both arms and working legs is always a good thing. It's new and odd, but not terrible. His mind never once wandered back and regretted those he's thrown under the bus because why would it?
Unfortunately, when his body was being healed, Mahito made him healthy.. and that's all. Knowing Mahito, he'd leave Kokichi to struggle with catching up to the rest of his peers by working for his own stamina, weight, and strength from square one. Though Kokichi isn't complaining much about it. He'd still take this rather than being stuck in that god forsaken tub for a second longer.
He used to hate being fussed over because of his illness. He prefers to do things on his own and now he can. Yet, Kokichi still gets pitiful looks on other's faces when he's too weak to carry something. It makes him want to spit at them, he can use Mechamaru to do his heavy lifting for now. He doesn't need a beefed up body to do it.
Unless you're the "beefed up" one fussing over him.. He doesn't mind it when it's you. In fact, Kokichi feels grateful when it's you, endeared even. He never feels belittled or pitiful when its you.. Only you.
Judging by how he treated panda for having the ability to interact with others in person despite being a cursed corpse, Kokichi has a number of insults and creative verbal abuse he's ready to spew out once someone tries getting a little too close to you. Scratch that, he's rude in general to those he isn't familiar with.
Kokichi has a lot of anger for those he deems ungrateful. What do you expect from someone who thought he was gonna rot in a bathtub for the rest of his life to do? Not harbor resentment? Luckily, he holds just as much, if not more, love for you who he's unbelievably grateful for!
Your affection is so odd to him, a new experience that he never knew he could grow to yearn for. It's not terrible, quite the opposite. It's so wonderful he can't get enough. Every time you're around, he wants to have at least one hand on you at all times. Doesn't matter where, just as long as he feels you're around. Safe to say, he's extremely touch starved.
Oh how Kokichi would drop everything for a walk with you. He'd use every Mechamaru he had just to make sure no one disturbs either of you. Murder is just a side effect if they get too persistent. He just wants to spend time with you!
Though he likes walks, he still gets out of breath easily. Walking is nice, but he still needs time to get used to it. Offering to help will only cause him to lean against you, it's not too difficult, he doesn't weigh much for better or worse. He loves when you lend him a hand, it's just another reason to get close to you.
When you part, it's only natural that Kokichi gifts you a little trinket he made. Rejecting it will only reward you with the most devastated frown, so just accept it. If you get rid of it when coming home, it somehow always finds its way back to you? Destroying it will lead to Kokichi giving you another one.
Yes, it follows and watches you, but it's just to keep you safe! Who knows what could happen. Whether or not the little trinkets are subtle, all depends on how you reacted to him asking if it was alright to know your location at all times when he's not around. Kokichi is understanding if you're not okay with it. He'll just make his gifts extra subtle so you wont know he's watching.
He just wants to be by your side constantly, even if he's not able to be there in person. Watching you through a screen gives him a sickly familiar feeling in the pit of his stomach, but it's better than not knowing what you're doing. He can even pick up little things about you this way for when he sees you next time! This is nothing but a win-win in his mind even if others beg to differ.
Kokichi never felt blessed. Not once since the day he was born, not until he found you. You who he feels is truly a gift from the heavens. You who he would give up everything to have. In a way, Kokichi is delusional. He sees you as the reason he got a heavenly restriction. It was as if other worldly forces tried to keep him at bay from pursuing you, but you're also the reason he broke his restrictions. He now has the body he wished for thanks to you, his drive, his motivation, his purpose, his love.
[extra shit]
Kokichi’s so fucking low key about being a chuunibyou. you're telling me he named his mech after an anime he watched. half his attacks have ultimate or ultra in the name.. HE MADE A FUCKING MECH. Your ass can't tell me he didn't watch anime while growing up and got inspired to make it a reality. He probably watched Evangelion or something.. Woah, anime dates with him where he makes your favorite creature and uses it to his advantage.. woah.
[Bonus Kokichi verbal abuse]
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#kokichi muta#muta kokichi#kokichi muta x reader#muta kokichi x reader#mechamaru#mechamaru x reader#jjk x reader#welcome mob kun to the cult.. im so sorry that you have to be our sacrificial lamb to these psycho's bullying#tl;dr kokichi is a little shy bc everythin is new but hes still open to everythin. hes just an obsessive freak for you ykyk#i love kokichi.......... dont you love him?? hes so good bro#can you see how hard im snorting copium to make up my au where hes alive#i had to put some yan into him BUT LISTEN TO ME IM NOT EVEN TRYING TO MAKE HIM A FREAK BRO#HES LITERALLY JUST LIKE THAT AND ITS SUCH A SHAME ITS NOT USED MORE#“there was someone who i loved. and i didnt care what happened to the world as long as i could be by her side and protect her”#“even if that girl didnt want me to be the one to protect her.”#HE WAS DOWN TO SACRIFICE THE WORLD?? MF HUH?? YOU WERE GONNA BETRAY EVERYONE BC YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD FIGHT. WIN. AND FIX IT??#AND YOU WOULD FR STILL BE THERE EVEN IF THE ONE YOU LOVED DIDNT LIKE YOU BACK???#DUDE?????#WHAT THE FCUK KOKICHI WHAT THE FUCKKKKK#ong idk if theres a handful of kokichi enjoyers out there or its one person asking for him specifically but i see you...#i'll feed you my starving cult member.....#THIS IS THE ONE I POSTED ON ACCIDENT SO SORRY FOR THE DELAY AND MISHAP ANON. I LOVE YOU.#shout out to salsamander who caught me slacking#im not sorry for the LowTierGod reference#null rot
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That ending was kind of shit...
#minors dni#arcane#arcane spoilers#im sorry but you cant kill off the best characters and expect me to enjoy that ending 💀#poor ekko#the only people to win here are cait and vi and not even vi truly won here. like yeah she got the girl. but she lost her sister to get her.#i know i love maddie (even more now she turned against cait) but jinx was the death to truly piss me off.#like maddie i thought she died when ambessa shot at her and cait- so i was like oh rip- oh wait shes still alive- oh rip again#but jinx dying after all this? horrible. like you really couldnt give that poor girl one chance at happiness#anyway im still living in the other dimension with powder and ekko. that shit was romantic af even for straight people#i didnt really care about the cait x vi sex scene?? im gonna be fr i only just remembered it. like yeah it was kind of hot but-#idk how to say this but cait and vi really dont do much for me as a pairing 😬 its like yassamy or luz amity-#like good for them i guess but theres nothing really to keep me interested? like oh they just end up happy... thats kind of boring. 😬#maybe its because im aromantic- i just dont get anything from seeing domestic happy relationships?? i like drama.#but at the same time i like powder x ekko so idk#arcane season 2#arcane season two
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A HEAARRRRT IS A HOUSE FOR LOOVE AND IVE LEARRNNED THAT IT DONT TAKE MUCH TO BREAK A HEAARTT
sorry I just had to get that out lol I love that damn movie. That film, the temptations film (Paul and Cornbread my loves) and the little richard biopic will always have Leon as one of my fav actors idc idcccc also it took me way too long to find out the five heartbeats weren't a real group 🤣
IS A HOUSE ! FOR LOVE !
And I've LEARNED ( ive leaarnnned!!) 🗣‼️‼️
NO NO, DONT SAY SRRY FOR HAVING GOOD TASTE. NEVER BE SRRY FOR HAVING GOOD TASTE !!!!
ALL ur takes are MWAH. Just MWAH.
PAUL AND CORNBREAD LOL!! THE LOVES!. OUR BEAUTIFUL LOVES!!!. UGH. UGH. IM SO OBSESSED WITH THESE MOVIES. BOTH!! OF THESE GROUPS ARE REAL AS LONG AS U BELIEVE!!!
& i know dresser ran to that limo once he heard Eddie begging for his job back (our poor softie gentleman baritone baby..) but i think somebody should be jt's moral compass bcs duck is just 😭 sick of him
Leon deserved SO MANY MORE major movie roles just by being beautiful and bitchy like . His 50 cent movie cameo was so fucking funny.. TY FOR SAYING THIS. GENUINELY. I AM SO GLAD SOMEONE ELSE LOVES THESE MOVIES TOO. The characters are hilarious and tragic and I am. Infatuated with them all. They all have their lil moments to solidify them as real or to reflect them being real and it's just. Mwah.
Eddie almost at rock bttm begging for his job back bcs he loves music. He Loves. Music. But he has trauma so much trauma but he's Trying. He's trying so hard and then he opens his coat to reveal he still has their old performance uniform but makes a funny noise:
JT:
#robert townsend just like me fr. obsessed with this diva leon#he was like ok hes playing this prettyboy role Too well.. LITTLE RICHARD MOVIE IS CALLING !!!#leon is such a pretty man. and now he is my cringe oldman wife like idc hes my everything still idc idc#and the 5 heartbeats are REAL!!!!!!!#i just seen them!!!!! dresser was telling me abt how hes an english teacher during the days off bcs he loves it#it's true i never lie#actually i am lying they cant be a real band bcs jt would probably be dead of aids im srry#manslut king partied too hard#speaking of king i love cornbread and paul's friendship so much in the movie#irl theyre friends too bcs paul dumped a bucket of mop water or smthing on cornbreadeddie & they fought#then ran away together to live their singing dreams after eddie stole his brothers car or smthing#but eddie irl started gravitating toward david even while paul was alive#but in the movie they were together forever until paul wasnt and thats just so sweet to me#cornbread is an unbothered cigarette boyboss. i like to think movie cornbread is lowkey just tired of david#but deals with him bcs hes the only other one who hates otis#the movie and the reality differs a lot cus it's otis'd say on things so it's like 2 dif worlds to me#but one remainder is paul is my favorite and he deserved so much better. so much more appreciation#a love i can see is my favorite song of the tempts and pointstop one of my favs. i love his singing voice. it's so energetic but full#of emotion#hes 🩵🩵🩵🩵 PAULLL!!!! ARGHH!! we are the second biggest paul fans aside from cornbread 🩵#pls feel free to tell me ALL ur thoughts on these movies / leon movies in general LOL ive seen like#allmost all of them i could like i could talk so much abt leon#one of my fav actors ever as well !!!! hes a cutiepatootie aaa!!! his obsession with jamaica...#ted asks#ted doodles#PLS. PLS GEEK OUT WITH ME ABT THESE MOVIES MAN. I AM SO STARVED#the temptations#the five heartbeats
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I don't care if the texts are about what you're eating for dinner, I'll take all the crumbs I can get !!
LMAO yeah okay here you go. And upon reading them this morning it wasn't that funny so idk why I was laughing almost hysterically last night about it ahskalslal
#not snz#he's so right i did sound insane lmao#i always manage to forget how weird i get when I'm overly tired ahskalsl#in my defense i was texting my fire coworkers like this too ahskalslal#six of them texted me to make sure i survived my drive home and a few texted me later in the evening to make sure i was still alive#i got progressively weirder the longer the day went on lmao#passed out at like 11pm which is unheard of for me#it's 10am now and honestly i still don't feel like i slept enough#vaguely headachy and still kinda tired#i know migraine hangovers are A Thing but I've never had one so maybe I'm just going crazy fr lmao#at least i don't have to do anything today#also several people i know said to drink caffeine??? like will that not make it worse?????#the most caffeine i consume is maybe a cup of black tea and that's not even everyday#it just makes me so tired lmao and doesn't caffeine make headaches worse#i think the coworkers are just trying to fuck with me idk#i am kinda hungry tho i barely ate yesterday bc i was nauseous af#maybe food will fix me#partner posting
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eight years in november and somehow i do not love him any less and i cannot imagine ever falling out of love either
#z.gen#i love him so much like its actually crazy#he is so easy to be with. i was dead tired and exhausted and it was still so easy to be with him in a loud cramped concert hall like.#he loves me so much too. made a joke about my throat hurting in the concert hall and he looked so worried and i was like ohh you love me#i learned today for the first time im the only person he lets touch his hair (he is black for context) and like. im going to chew him alive#like i LOVEEEEEE that man#he also accepts me so much but like. he really fr loves me hes so considerate of me for no reason at all i feel like kid around him#i just truly never get sick of him ever in my life like how can i still love you this much#i dont know how to explain it but i think describing it as luck is the most sensible thing i truly feel like i won the lottery#i love him so much i was i could show the mutuals him like show and tell like that one vid. that is the love of my life#it really is true about the ebbs and flows of a relationship bc we have been through tough ass shit lol but i like.#love him. like dffhkjsbhkfnsjsdkfd i love him so bad. i hang off of his every word and i want to eat him alive#even when we disagree or get moody with each other or whatever i simply Love Him So Much
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i literally can't think about life or the future for more than a few seconds without getting so distressed that i shut down. surely this is a good sign for things to come
#true about any aspect of those. personal life. local politics. world disasters etc#i can't focus on one and approach it first bc even that's already too much for me#i was genuinely truly literally not made to be alive. i am not built for this. i shouldn't have survived this long#i feel like an error in the book of fate. like i accidentally dodged the grim reaper for too long#there is too much of me inside my brain. if that makes sense. i am long overdue. etc etc#what is that even called is it still depression at this point 😭😭😭 it's like a whole new thing fr#seriously tho how the fuck does one even get over it. being in a state of mind like that means no therapist would even try working with me#(bc well if i don't think i should be alive how am i supposed to work to get better. esp when i don't see any reason to)#(kinda like a festering wound in a body part that should've been cut off ages ago)#everything feels pointless bc of how shitty the future will be no matter what. like there is truly no hope at all#this isn't pessimism it's just facts. there is no good ending here no matter what. unless you overhaul reality completely#vent#:/ i should probably try to sleep but i'm doing really bad#idk if i'll have nightmares or just a very sad dream like i had last night. i don't seem to have much else going on there in my brain#negative //#sorryyyyyy#i'd ask for help but idk what help to even ask for. what anyone could even offer. like there is no solution or a way to forget it#best i can do is distract myself all the time but that's really hard to do when a lot of what i have going on makes me feel bad too#. rambling in nonsensical ways atp sorry. brain is being mean and stupid
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taps glass. hello... is anyone in there... 👁️👄👁️
#✮─( ooc )─☄#(oh my tags still work)#(weird)#(not my deadname still being on here i'm cringing lowkey)#(hello hi wow is anyone even alive how is comics fandom doing in general)#(or am i just posting this for like 0 ppl)#(eternally glad i bound this url to an email i'd remember)#(because the amount of human sacrifices made for this url were too many to give it up)#(fr)#(anyway hi? gonna change that alias on the blog soon but )#(i go by Jane now)#(if... anyone cares... or is still alive........)
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Things I've thought about this morning:
-How buying one of the pieces of merch I've found from a creator I like might actually be an accurate shirt for me to wear in general (I've stretched for today, and the bones feel so Squishy, as reference to it w/out explaining more bc. I don't want to.)
-How I used to not fully understand why people w/arthritis were rather grumpy to outright mean in the morning (including patients at the clinic and also my grandparents.)
After all, my joints sucked even when I was a kid and it hurt constantly (likely undx'd juvenile arthritis, got mentioned once by my doc back then and then never tested for so who knows), but so what?
Surely all joints for everyone are like this and age doesn't affect that in any way, so there was no need to feel instantly grumpy once you're awake for the day (though I do want to say that you still shouldn't be like. Taking out that feeling on other people, the patients and my grandparents were in the wrong for that in my opinion, but I give them more grace re: that now.)
-Guys. Age affects it. It hurts so much worse. I stretched extra this morning purely bc I'd rather the bones and joints feel Squishy and slightly less Painful than just Painful and Sort of Squishy. The sounds I'm making when I get up are even louder than they used to be. I think the neighbours can hear me sometimes. I don't like that.
Idk what the point of this post was going to be aside from me whinging abt my joints, so let's call the moral of this post:
Maybe I should ask for that merch for Xmas from my family since all we're doing to celebrate this year apparently is buying gifts. Legit, Mum has no idea if they're even meeting up back in ND. Wild. But I digress; they don't know what else to get me so. Squishy Bones Shirt.
If you can safely stretch/yoga/something along those lines at some point in your day, do it. I did yoga more when I was younger and I never should have let myself lapse with it. I'm back to doing more of it but even then. The bones. The joints. Save your bones and joints and just stretch a little. That or join me in making noises such as 'OUaghh' and 'ARghhfuck' and occasionally 'woahlksjifhdsafhnj god I think I'm stuck here' whenever you need to get out of bed/up from the floor/out of a chair/sometimes while just like. Standing there doing dishes or queuing or staring blankly at a wall Blair Witch-style.
#text post#usual disclaimer that I am fine bc like I say the joints have been Angry since I was young but#even after stretching I'm making the Sounds today and that almost bothers me more than my knees feeling like they're gonna combust#and I needed to 'old man yells at cloud' about it#also some folks were in my inbox v kindly worried abt me going sort of quiet w/personal posts lately#so this is me showing I'm alive! I'm okay! Just dealing w/some mental and personal life shit#that involves several out of my control factors that I'm waiting to hear how they'll shake out#so the spoons have been low to do more than like. survey sites a chore a day some viddy game as a treat and trying to find a way to sit/lay#that my body won't instantly hate despite hating every other way I'm attempting to sit/lay#ayyyy I brought the tags back to my joints! mini circular tag essay thing; that's fun#unlike joint pain so fr. if u can safely stretch go do one now. for me. wherever you are. now. in traffic class wherever. NOW.
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just got to the stupid zaharas chapter and went through dimi and claude's conversation and my god
they really did not use a single quarter of a brain cell when putting that conversation into ag
"your issue is with the church, not with faerghus?" eh wot hootie tootie claude never had a problem with faerghus and hasn't been acting like it. makes it sound like they've been fighting each other (i.e. this is meant to fit gw but and they just copy/pasted the whole conversation bc it just makes no sense).
"we have nothing to gain by fighting you." yeah, you... haven't been and never said you were planning to.
"we could've been friends." and whhhhyyyy can't you? there is an entire zero bad blood between y'all and lorenz has already pretty much said this whole second half of the war thing has been proof of the friendship between the kingdom and alliance soooo...?
"had i joined with you" uh um but you literally did this has been ongoing for half the war now
additional funnies are claude just being so butthurt that dimitri is like this might endanger your life and claude is like aw shucks my life has been endangered since i was born i'm basically an endangered species!
also, dimitri saying it brings guilt to do the things claude would do bc he's been there. lel. claude had no guilt in gw tho (for killing rhea and all that shit).
but fr tho, it just seems like gw claude and dimi got warped into zaharas and the ag ones are just passed out in the normal world having the same yeehaw ass fever dream LIKE
this entire conversation legitimately makes worse than zero sense. i can only imagine how confused people were who played ag first and got this conversation bc it like, legitimately has no place in this route. this is like a fever dream on steroids that were laced with drugs.
i was lucky i was playing ag while simultaneously watching the other routes on youtube or i would have also been absolutely bonkers confused.
#DCB Three Hopes Run#FR THO LIKE. THAT ENTIRE CONV IS LIKE. WHAT JUST HAPPENED???#WHERE DID THIS ALL EVEN COME FROM??? MATTHIAS IS ALIVE YOU KNOW#CLAUDE GOT TO SEE FAERGHUS' LEGENDARY HOSPITALITY (he fucked the king)#at this point like. im just laughing bc. did they even NOTICE the context they copy/pasted into this route???#even if ag claude post war still wanted to fight rhea and yadda yadda hoo haa#half the conv still makes absolutely no sense at all and doesn't even follow the route#ag is aaaaallllmmmmoooost perfect but then like. the oversights are so bad lmfao#i still look at this and am like. how. no like literally HOW. how did they look at this and not be like#hmmm this makes... so much of no sense to this route that we should prob make a new conv for it#WAIT I GET IT NOW THIS IS WHY RODRIGUE DIES#HE SAW THE FUTURE AND WAS LIKE OHHHH HELL NAH#RODRIGUE SAW THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER AND IT KILLED HIM. BUT! IT WAS A DOUBLE KILL! RODRIGUE DEFEATED THE ZAHARAS CHAPTER!#HE SACRIFICED HIMSELF SO AG WOULDN'T HAVE THE BIGGEST MOMENT OF WTF IN FODLAN GAME HISTORY EVEN INCLUDING HEROES#RODRIGUE SAVED US ALL. HE COULDN'T BEAR TO LET US WITNESS IT#THAT'S WHY IF HE SURVIVES WE GET THE CHAPTER!!! BC HE DIDN'T REALIZE IT WOULD HAPPEN SO HE DIDN'T KILL IT!#AND SINCE HE DIDN'T KILL IT IT DIDN'T KILL HIM BACK. IT'S LIKE THE BARRIER THINGY IN RD'S FINAL CHAPTER#THAT PROTECTS ASHERA. IT DOES HALF THE DAMAGE TO YOU THAT YOU DO TO IT#SO IF YOU'RE NOT CAREFUL IT CAN ACTUALLY KILL YOU. THAT'S WHAT HAPPENED TO RODRIGUE#BUT THE DIFFERENCE IS THAT HE KNEW HE'D DIE BUT HE HAD TO DO IT TO EM#HE HAD TO DO IT TO SPARE EVERYONE THE WONKIEST FEVER DREAM KNOWN TO MAN AND DRAGONKIND
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lol
#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this#or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent#anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired#having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much#and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore#i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time#so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything#and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you#how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru#i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges#and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it#it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again#what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text#like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has#she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years#and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages#how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me#i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much#i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this#i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming#and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me#my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds#too painful to bandage them at the moment
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.
#apple babble 🍎#non fandom#i need life to give me a fucking break fr like?????#almost immediately after i finally crawled out of a major depressive episode#infected fucking dog bite from some asshole’s unleashed dog#major tooth abscess that literally has my entire left side of my face and head and neck throbbing with pain#can’t afford to get the damn thing pulled until a few more days#so my body is fighting 2 major infections rn and my heart rate is at a constant 100-115#can’t think straight can’t focus on anything#couldn’t walk priya today bc of how shitty i feel#had an EXTREMELY stressful anxiety ridden day with my client today which didn’t help anything#my work days have been so fucking long that i don’t have time to take care of my medical stuff before everything closes#i had to race to get my antibiotics WHILE i was working bc i knew i wouldn’t get there in time after work#bc my fucking client kept adding shit for me to do last minute#then was like ‘oh btw you only have an hour to make these 10 fucking stops bc my appt is soon’#give me a fucking break liKE COME THE FUCK ON#IM SO MAD AND ANNOYED#i didn’t even walk the dogs this morning#i just too them to a secluded place off the trail and fucking cried for an hour#i really hate things rn like i really hate how difficult and fucking expensive it is to stay alive#i fucking HATE IT#delete later#i guess idfk whatever
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... the other good thing about my family not following this blog is i can also uh. say things that are not terrible jokes
#talk tag#leo.txt#'oh but isnt everything you say a joke' common misconception actually! only most things are. hope this helps <3#like mayb 70-80% of things. 90% if im really feelin it#look its not my fault im just naturally funny and charming and handsome etc etc. what can u do <3#..anyway umm um. dont tell anyone but the touch starvation has been hitting real hard lately#like man a lot of the rest of this stuff i could like . deal with. like Yeah not being seen or heard sucks but at least theres#the goggles for that right#but theres not. like. touch goggles thatd be weird. idk how that would even work#and its like. i feel bad for complaining when donnie is working so hard to make me a body#and im HERE and my family can see and hear me again and like . i am grateful for that! i just#mannn idk. i miss touch </3#ok anyway enough cringe (aka emotions) posting for the night LMAO uummmm look over there- [disappears]#see. ghost joke#no fr though im good i just gotta yell into the (non separate dimensional) void sometimes. u know how it is#ok well. probably not really bc all of you are alive but like#... at least as far as i know. hey if any of you are ghosts you have to tell me or its entrapment. for legal reasons this is a joke
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it’s 2 am and all i can think about is insaneduo
#💬 one new message#i just love them so much#they mean everythign to me#you can’t see it but there are tears in my eyes#like look at them they’re so - gestures vaguely -#i’m fr always thinking about that one post which said forever and cellbit are two sides of the same coin#thinking about how despite everythign they trust each other the most out of everyine on the island#like even after everythign ghry went through in the divorce/betryal arc and now with the happy pills shit#like they both refuse to give up on each other and it makes me emotional#i’m quite insane so they way i think about them sort of is like how i think of desertduo in third life does anyone else see my vision#like “i trust you entirely i wouldn’t care if yiu killed me because it’s you and i love you”#“even if you betray me i couldn’t bring myself to hate you because i love you and i care about you and i know you inside and out”#like i have a very specific vision of them does anyone get it or am i just crazy and need to go to bed#- lays down face first on the floor - qinsaneduo is so good i hate them i hope they leave and never come back#you can tear them out of my cold dead hands i refuse to give them up#brain spinning around in circles thinking about qcellbit tearing up after pac and forever were given the antidote and just not getting a se#of rest. he only rested when he knew they were both safe. he brought oac home and then went to the ordo and stayed by forever side the enti#night. he didn’t even sleep he just watched his chest ride and fall reassuring himself that forever woudl be okay and they he was alive and#he would be back soon he just had to wait a little longer. maybe that’s when he finally cried just let himself feel and finally let it out#orrrgh#okay i’m done i m done rambling in tags i’m going to bed
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watching ror and i just have some thoughts
#ROUND TWO WAS UNACCEPTABLE PLS I WAS CRYING#adam’s line was so iconic it literally brought me to tears#“does any man alive need a good reason to want to protect his children?” and i was sobbing#full on sobbing i wasn’t even hiding it anymore it was so emotional and truly a good fight#ADAM ON TOP!! just thinking about that ep has me emotional again like i love adam fr#and i have just been so desperate for the humans to win so when i spoiled myself that humans were gonna win in the 3rd round i was so happy#BUT AT WHAT COST#i ended up becoming attached to poseidon out of all the characters lmfaoo 😭😭😭 i was cheering mr sushi on he is so cool and ugh i just#i could talk about this man for hours like he is the epitome of beauty and he’s so elegant HE DIDN’T DESERVE TO DIE 😭#but also i love sasaki and he’s so respectable n admirable that i really don’t know who i’m cheering for atp 😭 this animanga has me in#SHAMBLES! left me emotionally wrecked and so hyped at the same time#but so far my favorite fight would still be jack the ripper vs hercules like wait okay i could go on n on about how much#i love the detail that goes on in jack’s character n how genius it was that hilde chose him for that round ugh it was so good#i would say deep down adam vs zeus is my most fav fight or poseidon vs kojiro but the outcomes of those HURT i can’t not cry#I LOVE SHIVA TOO#can’t wait for qin shi huang vs hades roundd hnggrrr#bro i wanna write a poseidon fic so bad but for some reason i have been itching to write for jack like !! feef#nami [ rambles ]
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🧍🏻 girl help the blood tests came back and I do possibly have pre-hypothyroidism. They want me to come back in 3 months to do another panel just in case bc smth was apparently way way too high 😭 wtf !!
#I don’t know what they’ll do if it’s confirmed I mean. I mean they confirmed my levels are high but maybe it’s a fluke 😭 PLSS if that’s#actually fr a reason or contributing factor to my mental stuff I will lose it I don’t want another diagnosis I have enough shit wrong!!!#enoughhhhh like stoppp ittttt 😂 please. ☹️#I am also going to …book an appointment w a disability lawyer#I once again quit a job after 2 days 😔#but I’m alive! I survived a level 10 brain crisis . I can’t keep getting jobs and then having huge horrible week long meltdowns over them#it’s disability or bust!!!! if the lawyer tells me it’s not realistic and she doesn’t think I’ll get it idk 😭#but like. I’m not able to work rn. I can���t keep lying and downplaying it and then spending weeks recovering after meltdowns#it’s not sustainable!!!! it cannot continue!!!!#literally nervously admitted to my sister how bad it actually is and saying it out loud was so hard and embarrassing but…#I promised the crisis hotline lady I’d get help and tell my support system that I need help. I will not let her down 🫡 I will get help#if I have to drag myself. which I will .#lol…(pained) I rly hope the lawyer takes me seriously 😐#medical talk#sanchoyorambles#actually thyroid issues run in the family my grandma has thyroid issues!!! I’ve gone w her to a specialist that’s like 3 hours away!!!#maybe I shouldn’t be surprised but I genuinely am I am like wtf!! bro !!#I mean tbf I’ve had anxiety forever like even as a very small child so I don’t think that’s the ONLY reason but if it’s contributing…🔫#I don’t even kno how they’d treat that I will look it up I guess 🧍🏻
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