#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent
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#humungous trigger warning for the tags in the post#but i just need to vent somewhere and i don't want people irl to be in my business about this#or to get too worried and all...#tw: mentions of death and weapons and mental illness and suicide and sh-ing and abuse etc.#please feel free to ignore like i said i just need somewhere to vent#anyway i'm just so sick of being alive fr i've been so massively suicidal this past week and i'm so tired#having bpd AND bipolar AND depression AND ptsd and etc....#it really hurts so much#and my personal life is in fucking shambles like i just don't know what to do anymore#i feel so fucking alone all the goddamn time#so many friends don't give a fuck about anymore like they straight up just don't check up on me or anything#and my ex... i just. why can't you be more fucking understanding of what i'm fucking going through because of you#how the fuck did you turn my months-long depressive episode into me not caring about you cause i couldn't open about what i was going thru#i get you were fucking lonely but i was trying not to fucking die i was over here being talked off ledges#and then sending me a voice memo saying that you were lonely and trying to make an effort but i just didn't care about any of it#it's not fucking about you!!!! i didn't even let my own girlfriend or best friend in!!!! that's what fucking mental illness is!!!!!!#you promised that you'd be more understanding about my mental illnesses when we started talking again#what the fuck is this then?#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text#like... she's gone back to calling me by my name instead of calling me 'baby' like she always has#she hasn't called me by my name since we first started talking it's been literally fucking years#and not saying i love you to me anymore...#and how can you fucking promise to stay in my life and still be my 'friend' and then fucking ignore me and don't answer my text messages#how the fuck am i supposed to feel that you haven't responded to me in over 24 hours but you react to days old ig messages from me#i fucking hate having borderline for fucking real i hate that she's my fp it hurts so fucking much#i feel like a fucking child i can't deal with this#i literally woke up from my sleep at like 3 or 4 am this morning nearly screaming#and then my gf found me on the living room couch crying and cuts all over my arm and a kitchen knife next to me#my left arm has been stinging all day from the fresh wounds#too painful to bandage them at the moment
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I did see that you're getting a bit tired of TADC asks, so feel free to put this on the back burner or ignore it entirely. That said, the TADC cast w/ a reader who has anger issues. (The reader isn't mean or a jerk, they just have emotions that are difficult to control so they can be prone to lashing out.)
TADC cast x reader who has anger issues!
uuhuhuh! this post is mostly just a lot of the characters and the reader communicating and all that because we love a thriving relationship in this house!! so apologies if some of the segments come off as.... repeating.. written as neither romantic or platonic, up to you really
CAINE:
very good at taking you away from the situation thats making you angry; i mean the dude can teleport, so getting you away from somewhere is not an issue for him... however, if you would rather he make up some excuse so its less.. embarrassing..? (this goes for other instances of intense emotion/overstimulation! bro is a king!) he will make up a scenario where youre needed elsewhere so it naturally look like you.... have to be needed... you know? basically a "mom can you say no to this so i can say you said no because i dont want to do this social thing with someone?" energy. or maybe im weird... probably defends himself if you lash out at him, but he wont lash out back. just pushing that hes not the reason youre upset (of course if this is a scenario where hes innocent) he cares about you a lot and he doesnt like seeing you this way, so its likely that hes going to power through it and help you calm down and find a solution... though if you need alone time, youre going to have to tell him as he might not be able to pick up on your body language and hints
POMNI:
probably a little intimated when you get heated about something. should stress that shes not scared of you but you can get a little intense. tries to make a list of things to help you with regulating your emotions... though given that pomni seems to be more of an anxious person rather than an angry on, some of her stuff may not work... maybe? breathing exercises definitely work, as well as detaching yourself from the scene... actually, i think pomni might be pretty solid with calming you down. as for lashing out, i dont think she would be able to stop herself from getting at least a little bit offended, especially if shes just trying to help. please be sure to apologize to her and make it up to her, lashing out at innocent parties isnt okay. hell, lashing out at guilty parties isnt okay too sometimes (this is more of a case by case thing, obviously)
RAGATHA:
very patient but i dont think she would stand for you lashing out at her when shes trying to help. very careful about not pissing you off and stresses communication between the two of you and is able to read when you need some alone time. to the lashing out thing, if you (verbally) attack her for no reason its definitely going to hurt but she knows better than to respond with anger... maybe... really depends on how shes doing and what you said. will either anger you further or make you see youre kind of being an ass to an innocent party, you know?
thinks... pretty good if you need someone to rant or vent to, very open and always offers an ear to you. tries to come up with solutions so you can avoid situations where you become angry, as well as coming up with stress relieving activities to calm you down. 10/10 love ragatha
JAX:
honestly between all the characters hes going to be the one whos going to be pushing your buttons the most. sure he cares about you, but youre not totally immune to his bullshit, you know? like yeah hes less annoying when it comes to you, but he still acts like a douchebag most of the time and pranks you every now and then. i think thats an issue for another post, though, soooooo.... so basically you getting irritated and eventually totally pissed off with jax isnt that rare of an occurrence and since jax isnt the most emotionally mature hes probably going to make a joke of it until he kind of. realizes hes actually causing issues. then he finally drops it and leaves you be. smart enough to know that you need some time to cool off, will at least make an attempt to apologize or make it up to you. probably the worst out of the bunch to have as a partner since he hardly takes shit seriously or with care... this is all coming from someone who enjoys jax, buuuuuuuuuut yk?
KINGER:
honestly the king of comfort, and i think this still applies to non-sadness/anxiety emotions. would be taken aback when you lash out at him? yes, but he will try not to be offended. bros mind is clear when he notices youre so much as slightly upset and hes working on trying to find a solution. takes you to his pillow fort. i dont think he would ask for an apology if you lash out at him unless you say something truly horrible; feels as though you were vulnerable and werent in the right frame of mind... honestly really understanding about it because he cares about you a lot, you know? not much else to be said; tries to dethatch you from the thing thats setting you off, tries to calm you down, and takes verbal lashings with grace.. though i do think some of his patience may chip if its a constant thing. but i think thats a side thing because anyones patience and understanding can only go so far, and ultimately this is an issue the reader themselves is going to have to work on
ZOOBLE:
the most likely to argue back with you if you needlessly lash out at them. zooble takes no bullshit, and if theyre trying to help you and you get onto them for trying to be a good partner/friend then they arent going to be nice about it. like i think they would say some stuff back, before sulking off. this one is definitely going to need to take a lot of time. its not so much that zooble does bad with conflict in the case of "they shut down" its more a "they can possibly instigate it due to them getting caught in their own emotions" soooooo.... you BOTH are going to need to talk about this and smooth it over if you want the relationship to last. communication and shit is key, guys. obviously this can get very heated and drawn out if zooble was innocent and just trying to help, even more so than if zooble was actually the problem. because in that case, then zooble can understand that they did something wrong and at least deserved it a little... but if they actually did nothing and were just trying to help you? no, thats not going to slide with them...
GANGLE:
okay now gangle is the "freezes up and perhaps even flees" when there is conflict, so if you lash out at her shes probably going to get really upset (like sad and feel guilty) even if she knows that she has done nothing wrong and youre upset at something else. not so much as she SUCKS at offering a distraction or means of calming you down, but she.... isnt the best at calming down a really ticked off person.... might just wait for you to cool down... if you said something mean to her please remember to apologize because knowing gangle, shes not going to ask for one out of fear that she might be pushing, or she might outright believe she doesnt deserve one. though i think that might be self projection WHOOPSIE
#tadc x reader#the amazing digital circus x reader#digital circus x reader#caine x reader#pomni x reader#ragatha x reader#jax x reader#kinger x reader#zooble x reader#gangle x reader
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Personal Ramble/Rant.
Please feel free to ignore this. I need to get out some feelings somewhere because if I don't, I fear it'll just consume me from within, and Tumblr is the only place I have where no-one knows me personally so. Sorry.
Nothing I ever do seems right at the moment. I'm such a perfectionist that every time I think I've done something wrong, or if I think I've said something wrong, it's such a major blow to my self-esteem. For every step I take forward, I take double the amount backwards every time this happens, and I'm tired of it.
I know it's just the anxiety talking but I honestly feel so useless. I rarely get out of my house because I get so damned scared I end up in a panic attack; I have no friends, no job, no prospects in my near future because I allowed myself to get so ill; because I find it difficult to leave the house I'm stuck with my narcissistic father all day, and I'm really reaching my limit with that.
I feel stuck, I feel like a waste of space and I have no outlet for any of it. I know I should go back to therapy but I can't get to therapy. I know I should challenge myself more but I'm doing the best I can and it never feels like enough.
All my old school friends are in careers now, or married, or have children, and here I am. Fallen behind. Forgotten. Part of me doesn't care, because if I'm alone then I have no-one to disappoint, but part of me wants someone to care about me (other than my mum and my grandfather) so I have someone to care about in return.
Life isn't supposed to be wasted. It's supposed to be enjoyed. You're supposed to be able to feel alive, but I've only felt that once in the last 5 years. Will I ever feel it again? I know I will, but I don't believe I will. I don't believe in anything anymore because it can all just be taken from you in a split second anyway, so what's the point?
I'm just at a moment where I just want to scream. I'm tired of everything and I feel like I'm at my wit's end even though I know from experience that I'm far from it. But that doesn't help either because then I feel guilty for feeling it.
Anyway. Rant over. Sorry. I just needed to vent somewhere where no-one knows me. I don't need more pity or sympathy or pep talks. I just need to scream. Don't ever hate yourself, kids. It's a crappy road that spirals down and down and down.
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Struggling
This is kind of just me venting a bit, so please feel free to ignore. I will be okay, but god is it hard right now & I just need to post it somewhere. For the last year I've kind of been clawing my way out of a deep dark hole after the death of my parents. My life was really getting good- and then it went about as bad as it could go. But now, a year later- I can see the light, I'm finally surfacing, only to find that a lot of things are gone. I have no family I really talk to, and my community was hit hard by my absence. I've been working for two years to get a Live2D model done, but that too has been wrought with issues. I'm closer than I've ever been- but I feel like I'm preparing to debut and dance in a pile of ashes where my "home" used to be. There's an emptiness that wasn't there before, and I realize that I needed my community more than they needed me- but that won't stop me, I'm determined, and I know, if I work hard, many will return, and many more will find my scorched house, and we can build it again. I take responsability for being absent, I try to let my hatred of this new silence be what motivates me to do everything I'm doing, but today, I hit a bump in the road when someone jokingly said they only come to my streams when their partner is there. It was a joke, meant to be inoffensive- but it crippled me. I know if I get on a schedule, if I stick to that schedule, Live2D model or not, things will improve, and I want that so much- but I have, just a little, more to do- I'm so close, I can get 6 hours of sleep most nights, I'm getting things done that I need to. Streaming was the first thing I did beyond just "survive" after getting out of a horribly abusive relationship. It was 6 years ago now, and it became my everything. The experiences I've had as a streamer, the lives I've touched, and the support I've recieved- I never want to stop. This is just a rough patch, I will get through it, I will recover, and I won't give up. I'm stubborn as a cow after all- I just needed to write this, because keeping it all in was killing me. If you read this- embarrassing, but thanks for caring. I mostly wrote it for me, but, it means a lot that anyone cares. I'll be better soon, promise.
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I saw people venting and if your in the mental state for it, I really need some comfort... I'll be referring to myself as Bug
Recently, I had a doctor's appointment with my psychiatrist, let's call her T. I let Someone in sys bring up to T that I had headmates, a total of 46-ish other people who could front as they pleased. He said "I'm not Bug, I'm not the same person you talk to, there are about 46 of us."
She said, to his face (HUGE tw right here) "Your hallucinating. They aren't real because your aware of them."
We as a collective are very distraught and feel very invalidated. I live in a small Christian town and no other doctors are safe for me to visit. I have a therapist though (let's call her G) who believes me, and is trying to learn about my headmates and become acquainted with them and their negative triggers and likes, etc.
I'm super stressed out and don't know what to do and my headmate who was fronted for the whole ordeal is really upset about it...
Thank you if you read this, I just needed to get it off my chest, feel free to ignore<3 /platonic
Oh, Bug, I'm so sorry that happened to you and your system. I can see why you're distraught and discouraged.
Unfortunately, plurality is often dismissed, misdiagnosed, or in some cases, can cause outright hostility from some mental health professionals.
You and your headmate's feelings are both incredibly valid. Have you been able to reach him since this happened? Try to see if you can contact him to see how he's doing, and give him space to open up if he needs to.
As for some unsolicited comments/advice...
T has absolutely zero right to make that call without even asking you about your experiences and symptoms. That's extremely unprofessional and unethical, in my opinion. It's bad practice to not even talk to your patients on a one-to-one level of baseline respect, let alone make supposedly "informed" decisions about whatever is going on with them within a split-second of hearing about it. You have every right to be upset.
I know you said there's no other doctor for you to go to in your small town... is it a likely option for you (or someone you know) to drive to a doctor somewhere outside the town, but still close by? It may be worth looking into.
With that being said, I am very familiar with being unable to do that for various reasons, so there's 0 judgement if you have to continue seeing this psychiatrist.
If that's the case, though, it may be worth focusing on your relationship with G, since she seems to have a better connection to you all? She seems open, and if you think it's a good idea, I say go for it.
The point to all this is: I am so very sorry you're collectively going through this right now. It's an awful situation, and you did not deserve it. No one deserves to be mistreated, especially not from people who are in the mental health field. It's ok to be sad, or angry, or distrustful, or whatever else you may be feeling. There's no wrong way to process things.
As an aside, I also apologize for the late reply... even after I got back yesterday, it was quite busy IRL, and I didn't get a chance sit down to respond until now. I hope this still manages to bring you some new perspective or comfort.
Please don't forget how incredible you are, and feel free to send any follow-up messages, comments, concerns, etc., to our inbox.
We love you&, and we really sincerely wish you happiness and peace. ❤️
🖤💜💙💚💛
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Hi. Sorry for the following rant, but you're the only person I know who seems to be having a hate-love relationship with genshin. Please feel free to ignore this though if you want.
So I was doing Zhongli's first story quest, about Havria, and it's revealed that when she died there was backlash due to her godly powers. Now I don't remember for certain if this is canon or fanon, but I also thought that the reason Osial was imprisoned and not killed was due to the backlash. So how did Zhongli's "death" not get questioned then? Like Rex Lapis' death should have leveled at least half of Teyvat. And maybe sure, common citizens wouldn't have this information, but at least the Adepti should have known. Was it explained somewhere and I just missed it?
Like Liyue arc was so full of plot holes it's not even funny anymore. (And this is coming from someone who is willing to overlook a few plot holes). Is it so hard for Mihoyo to hire some competent writers, or at least keep track of all that's being said. Like I get that writing is hard, but if you strip it to the bare bones genshin is a simple story, and I think if they had kept that in mind they could have done so much better.
Again sorry for the long rant. i guess I just needed to vent a little bit.
Ah, you poor soul....
You made the classic mistake. When reading Genshin, you felt the hollowness of the storyline and the lack of any logic or explanation behind its events, so you instinctively tried to connect what was happening to other parts of the story. Your self-made explanation made sense, it felt good, so you assumed it was actually canon. But it's not.
There is no reason ever given for why Morax sealed his enemies instead of killing them. This is simply never discussed or mentioned. Same way there is no explanation for why the Traveler wants to see Morax's corpse so bad, or why we think a Guizhong Ballista will help us look for the cocogoat. We just do it because the plot needs us to do it.
In regard to gods exploding when they die, it seems to be something they can choose to control. The energy Andrius unleashed when he died (because, yeah, he's a ghost in present day) was actually beneficial to Mondstadt, since it change the previously frozen climate to something warmer. There's also no mention of Deshret or Rukkhadevata causing any big explosions with their deaths.
Take your personal pick of whether Havria was just taken too much by surprise to control it, was too weak and pathetic to control it, or if she decided to fuck up those bitches who shanked her on purpose.
In regard to why the adepti never question the whole "Rex Lapis was MURDERED" thing, it's because his supposed murder is just a plot device to have a cool sequence of events where the Traveler is a fugitive for some reason. After the end of Act 1, the entire concept of his death being caused by someone intentionally is largely dropped. EDIT: On replay, there's some mention from Keqing that the Qixing would nominally be the best suspects (though no explanation how they could have possibly achieved it), but that the adepti simply do not believe humans could have done it. On the other hand, they also never mention the adepti looking for any non-human culprit, so... do they think he just dropped dead from old age? This is never explained. At the end, the Qixing just tell the human populace that Morax failed a heavenly trialed and uh ascended or something.
At the most generous, you can say that "murder" was just Ningguang's kneejerk reaction and she sweeps it under the rug as quickly as possible once she realizes how stupid it is, and the adepti never took it that seriously. They're just mad in a generic way that Rex Lapis is dead, whatever the cause might be.
Honestly, Genshin's plot being stupid is like... it's bad. But it's made infinitely worse for me by that fact that the characters are worse. The characterization and (lack of) character arcs are just... I can't do this. Why does this """story""" even exist? It's so pointless.
....I mean, I know why it exists. GOTTA SELL THOSE ANIME WAIFUS
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some of the thoughts, feelings, and emotions ive been experiencing lately. merely needed a place to write this down and get it off my chest, so please feel free to scroll on
not fully sure exactly how to describe. depressive spiral? self-fulfilling prophecy? simply an unhinged, unhealthy person chattering away and scaring those close to them? something along those lines.
cant pinpoint where exactly it started either. i can give guesses, but its definitely something thats been building, rather than something that snapped.
im thinking somewhere in june. too good to be true, too much going right that i got suspicious. or maybe i was picking up on stuff i shouldve picked up on, did pick on earlier, and ignored.
it certainly started to crumble, starting with the trip. havent spoken to one of them since. its been 2 months. never really liked him though, and im quite assured in assuming the feeling's mutual.
then everyone got busy. and work got worse. and more busy. and even worse. hyperbolic, maybe a little. even still.
i dont push. i hate pushing. whenever i do even a little bit i hate myself for it. i take up other's offers gladly, but it gets further between. it feels less like friendship and more like im merely the person these people vent to every few weeks.
the one time (several times, i just stopped asking) i did ask, it got cancelled severely last minute with a half-assed apology. well, no. it was understandable. but still incredibly frustrating.
been spending more time with my family as a result. its familiar, in a tangy, bittersweet way that nostalgia is. we're closer than most, i know that, given the unique circumstances my and my sister grew up in. she knows me well.
everything took a turn when i quit though. on a whim (stressing all week and all day the day-of) setting my key down and leaving with head held high (shaking like a leaf and turning my music up too high on the drive home). combined with the stress of the previous day (shit going wrong with the house and my sister telling me she was probably minutes away from killing herself several years ago (something i already knew but somehow it hit harder (i can guess why))) it all just hurt
i also was with a friend. the day before i quit. kinda.
he helped me, sure. as in he helped with the house issue. but he didnt really talk to me. he tried to show me tiktoks on his phone (i spotted a groupchat with my friends without me in it (the old one with me hasnt been touched since june)) but they were all so. mindless.
we havent hung out since. he tried, twice. the first time i asked how many people he asked before me (its been a reoccurring problem, actually, where i am the last thought of) and he said i was the first. i didnt believe him. he tried again the next day, but i was actually looking forward to hanging out with my family so i declined.
he hasnt reached out since.
i sometimes think about how it makes me upset i cant be angry. im not really allowed to be. which is a weird thing to think about. what do i mean i cant be angry. but i think i mean it in a way like. my anger burns so deep and hot and fast, and its never good. its never for a good reason. being angry feels good, sometimes, but i cant revel in the feeling because i should not have been angry. i did things i regret.
i dunno. anger is a good emotion to have. i know that. it feels good, to feel your blood boiling just a bit and steam clouding your vision. its the one way i can really lose myself.
but its aimless. im usually angry at things i cant counteract or control or do literally anything against. it builds up. i cant release it. and when i do get angry at something i can do something about, well. it usually gets much more than deserved.
but how do you apologize for that. im not sorry for my anger, i was rightful to be angry. but my actions were maybe over the top. maybe i let out too much. maybe im not communicating at all. i dont know
how does one just. stop. not in a suicide way, but also not not in a suicide way.
i cant just go. not right now. my birthdays in 2 fucking days and i cant do that to my family. so maybe after. but we've got a vacation in 2 weeks and i dont want that to be canceled because its supposed to be the last family vacation we have.
but i cant last that long. im in limbo right now, and every single second is tearing at me and i just cant fucking feel anything anymore.
theres things i want to experience and be around for but the price of being a human being is just so fucking high that i cant fucking do it anymore. why do i exist on this miserable mortal coil and drag people down with me. why am i here
can it just stop, please
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hellooo! i was wondering if i could make a request for an modern au sbi x gn sibling reader where they’re around 17-19, and they’ve got depression. they’ve had to go away for a few weeks after a bad episode ended in an attempt and they were hospitalized and sent somewhere for rehabilitation and now they’re coming home and they’re all anxious and quiet and stuff- so the boys do their best to like comfort them and reassure them that they’re loved and they belong there? i’m sorry if that’s an awkward request, i was just recently discharged after a similar situation and honestly the comfort would be great. it’s totally your call if you chose to write it tho, i understand that this is a difficult and triggering subject and not everyone is comfortable with writing things like it. if you aren’t comfy please feel free to just ignore my ask! <3
you’re here, and that’s what matters.
TW: mentions of attempted suicide. please proceed with caution.
hey! i just wanted to let you know that i’ve been through a similar situation and understand how you feel (though my case was not as severe). i wish you a safe road to recovery.
note, i think you asked for their characters but it leant itself towards their rl versions. i have a feeling the dsmp versions would be too chaotic for this sensitive subject.
REQUESTS ARE OPEN!! please do not be afraid to send in an ask. ANON IS ON!!
Phil:
- phil was very scared about you being so gravely hurt, it kept him up for some nights. thankfully, you pulled through.
- he visited whenever he could. if he couldn’t, he was busy making sure coming home felt as comfortable for you as possible while also educating himself on how to take care of you.
- phil would listen to how you felt, and be understanding of your feelings.
- “You don’t have to tell me why you did it, I’m just glad you’re here,” pulling you in for a warm hug.
- when you got back home, he made sure he and the boys had prepared your favorite dinner and desserts.
It was the day you had just got home from rehabilitation, and you two were sitting on the couch. You hadn’t said much, you felt like you had nothing to say. Phil had asked for you to sit down so you two could talk, one on one.
You couldn’t meet his gaze. “I’m sorry,” your voice started to crack. “For making you guys worry about me.” Tears started to form from your eyes and you wept into your hands.
Phil immediately reached over to you to hug you, letting you cry on his shoulder. “We don’t blame you. We don’t blame anybody. I just want you to be here safe with us. Let it all out.” He pat and rubbed your back soothingly as you kept crying. But it was a good cry. He was just glad you came home.
Tommy:
- even though many see tommy as a loud and obnoxious boy with a general disregard for others, we all know deep down that’s a persona. he will go out of his way to make other comfortable in his presence if he truly cares for them. which he does, for you of course.
- he wants to make you happy! when the time is right, he’ll crack jokes and offer to play minecraft with you.
- would tone down the yelling. not because you asked, but he’s afraid of triggering you. treats you like glass. if you notice he’s being quieter than usual and you don’t care, you tell him you don’t.
- if you’re feeling it, he’ll take you out to fun places and to eat. nothing that’s too outlandish like a theme park, but just enough to have a reason to get out of bed that day instead of sleeping in.
It had been a week since you had gotten home and Phil had instructed you to maintain somewhat of a schedule to upkeep yourself. Right now was your nightly routine, washing yourself, brushing your teeth, and finally sliding under the covers. It felt nice. The blanket of sleep consumes you easily…
…
Until you bedroom door opens you’re being aggressively shaken awake. You groan, shying away, but they’re persistent.
“Ey, wake up, it’s morning!” Tommy shakes you again.
You realize you didn’t dream, but think nothing of it. “Tommy please, what do you want.”
Finally, Tommy pulled your warm sheets from over you, making you flinch. “I wanted to go out to the park today! Feed the ducks! Yeesss!”
You sighed. If you didn’t comply now, Tommy will refuse to stop nagging you for the rest of the day. You rolled out of bed and into the bathroom. You could very clearly hear Tommy’s cheers.
You two had gotten ready, eaten breakfast, and said goodbye to the rest of your family so you could head over to the park. It was close enough that it wasn’t unbearable to walk to. Even if you weren’t completely yourself yet, you were glad Tommy was.
After the short walk you two finally reached the park. Tommy immediately bolted toward the pond and you jogged behind. He had already started throwing the ducks some seeds, and even threw it on a duck. It didn’t seem too pleased.
You two sat at the edge of the pond as you watched the ducks eat. “Hey.” You hear Tommy call to you, and you turn your head to him.
“Can we talk about what happened? With you? Is it okay?” You could hear the uncertainty in his voice.
“Go ahead, what is it?”
���When Techno found out what happened to you, and told us the news, I was scared shitless.” He let out a sad huff. “I thought we were going to lose you.” Tommy kept his eyes fixed at the pond in front of him. “I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t have brought this up. I’m just glad you’re okay.” He sighed.
You put a hand on his shoulder. “Oh Tommy…” You started, “I’m sorry for making you worry. You shouldn’t have to feel like that because of my actions.”
Tommy was lost in thought for a moment, before finally speaking up, “No, please don’t apologize. It’s not anybody’s fault this happened, right?” You nodded.
Tommy stood up, dusting his pants off from the grass. “Come on now, let’s go get some ice cream!” He pulled you up from the ground.
“Last one to get to the shop has to pay!”
Immediately, Tommy bolts in the direction to the ice cream shop, and you catch up to him. No matter the circumstance is, he never seems to fail at putting a smile on your face.
Wilbur:
- i HC wilbur being the oldest, being older than techno by 3 years and older than tommy by 8, like IRL. :]
- i think out of all of your siblings, wilbur exudes the most “protective older brother” energy, yeah?
- remember when tommy lied about his mother being in trouble and how worried and anxious wilbur got? turn that up to 11 with what happened with you.
- with wilbur being the oldest, he of course had the responsibility of taking care of everyone. but somehow you and him didn’t spend as much 1 on 1 time as much as wilbur did with his other siblings
- wilbur definitely was going to change that, realizing that and not wanting to make that mistake again.
- he decided that finding a new hobby with you wouldn’t be such a bad idea.
You were sitting at the dinner table, being the last one there. You were poking at your food for the most part, and Wilbur got home late from… whatever Wilbur thing he was doing. Phil cooked pasta for dinner tonight. Wilbur put down his bags at the door connected to the garage. “I’m home! What’s for dinner?”
“Pasta.”
“Mmm, I love some good ol’ pasta.” He said, already taking a plate out to serve himself. “Also, hey, I bought something I wanted to build with you. Do you mind?”
You finally looked up from your very interesting pasta. “Build..?” You had no idea where this was going.
Wilbur placed his plate on the table and approached the bags of groceries, going through them to find the bag he was looking for. He pulled out a LEGO set. More specifically, a LEGO City set from the looks of the box? “Wilbur, how much was that?”
He blinked at you innocently. “It was only, like, £25. And look! It’s got a little submarine we can make with a rock and ugly sea monster—“
“But why?”
“Why not? It wouldn’t hurt for you to do something new, yeah?” He smiled at you, shaking the LEGO box in front of him to show it off. You sighed, but smiled. “Alright. But maybe you and I should eat this pasta first before we start building.” Wilbur nodded.
“Speaking of water, don’t you think I could teach you how to swim or something?”
“Oh, fuck off with that!”
Technoblade:
- i think out of everyone in the family, he understands you the most in terms of how you feel.
- not suicidal, but just generally having depressive episodes due to his ADHD.
- techno’s generally closed off, but started to really open up to you because he wanted to show he cares, even if it meant going out of his comfort zone.
- techno suggested journaling. once a day or once per week, it didn’t really matter. just as long as you could write down your feelings somewhere.
- he didn’t explicitly say it, but he also bought a book for himself so he could do it along with you. although, he more often than not just forgets to write in it until you mention your own journal.
- if you want to be sad and quiet, you can be sad and quiet with him. his room is a safe space for you if you ever need it and you’re always welcome to come in, just as long as you knock first.
With one hand on your mouse scrolling through the internet, and another resting your head on it, you were safe to admit you were utterly and completely bored. Honestly, you thought about taking another nap after your last one, but a knock on your door stopped you right before you pulled the covers over yourself. “Can I come in?”
You rose from your bed. “Come in. Oh hey Techno.”
He gave a simple wave and his signature “Halloo.” He walked right over to you and handed a journal and a ballpoint pen. “I got this. For you.” His stare was sharp but you could sort of tell he was nervous.
“What for?”
“I dunno. Writin’ your feelings down or drawin’ or somethin’. Whatever helps you vent.” He scratched the back of his neck.
“Oh Techno, thank you. That’s very sweet of you.” You gave a slight smile, but saw that he still had another journal in his hand. “You have two journals?”
Techno raised his eyebrow in confusion before looking down at his hand. “Oh this? It’s for me. So we could do it together, I guess.”
You let out a happy hum. “That’s nice. Say, why don’t we go to your room? I want to see your new lava lamp and stuff.”
Techno shrugged. “Sure. I’ve got more stationary too if you want.” He waved his hand before letting himself out the door, with you following not far behind.
hi hope u enjoyed reading as much as i did writing it. this format was new for me but very fun!
#dream smp x reader#tommyinnit x reader#wilbur x reader#philza x reader#technoblade x reader#dsmp x reader#dsmp x male reader#wilbur soot x reader#mcyt x you#mcyt x y/n#mcyt x reader#mcyt x platonic reader#sleepy bois x reader#sleepy bois family#sleepy bois fanfic#request#mcyt imagine#mcyt fluff
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Wasn't sure where to send this without it just being my closest friends, and I don't have any public social media so I'm going to put it here to just get it off my chest, feel free to delete this or not respond. But while following the whole Dream situation currently, the lengths some people have gone through to defend Dream and to weaponize traumatic experiences just to defend their favorite cc instead of accepting the most likely truth is so scary, and so so sickening. It's left me and some of my friends, all of us victims of grooming & CSA (including the dreaded r word), (albiet not Dream's victims, so I can't imagine how fucked up the victims themselves feel) shaking because of the whole precedent set of "believe all victims unless the abuser is someone we like/love and in that circumstance we'll pick apart everything and dissect your trauma infront of millions of people so we can call you a liar and an attention whore" ...
it's incredibly fucked up to see and while these people have chosen that stance of hyper-analysing solid proof for anything, even picking at the victim's reasonable emotional responses to such a situation, has left the "real victims of this genre of abuse" that they "defend" so violently terrified of speaking up, ever, even if it's not about Dream. I feel bad for the victims, if it was enough to make me and other victims who are removed from the situation scared and trembling, I can't imagine how bad it is for them. Not even mentioning how the legal justice system is so heavily skewered against SA victims that, even if it does go to court, the victims are more likely to be proven "wrong" and Dream will get off scot free.
Idk. Just wanted to get some brewing strong emotions out somewhere, feel free to delete or ignore this, I'd understand fully :) everyone please remember to do something unrelated to ccs that you love and find comforting, drink some water, eat some fruits and/or veggies, etc.
hey anon i did want to post and respond to this and just want to say thank you for sharing this with me that is not easy by any means and im so fucking sorry that happened to you and your friends. if this was not okay to respond to pls send me another anon and ill delete it. imma turn rbs off on this for now just to be safe.
thats why right now our rhetoric (not yours i mean the fandoms) is so fucking important. because the hyperfocus and analyzing Amanda and judging her emotional response because she doesnt fit what they think a victim of dream's should look like is abhorrent and it does shit like this, which is so traumitizing and awful for ppl like you and anyone else who has experiences with abuse/grooming/etc. I dont speak much about my own experiences and they are not the same by any means, but even i have been a bit triggered by this rhetoric bc of some things ive experienced in similar topics (i dont want to vent esp after you shared you experience so ill be vague).
I havent seen it on my dash but i have seen it on twitter and stuff especially. Be so careful how you talk about people who come forward about grooming/abuse/etc. Be careful how you scrutinize victims. because it has real fucking impact.
and as this lovely anon said please find comfort today and take care of yourselves srsly. even log off for a week if you need to. my heart is going out to everyone, especially amanda and any other victims.
Thanks again for this ask <3
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The Best Man
Pairing: Marcus Pike x F!Reader
Warnings: Angst, fluff, a few curse words
Word Count: 2,560
Author’s Note: A fun part about getting older is that all of my friends are married or engaged now, and sometimes weddings bring up some insecurities. A more than a bit of venting going on here. This is my first time writing for the love of my life Marcus Pike and I’m very nervous/excited.
Summary: When your best friend asks you to be the maid of honor at her wedding, you’re convinced that you’ll never find your own happy ending- until you meet a certain groomsman.
Taglist Form - Masterlist
You weren’t proud of the feelings of dread that washed over you as you sat in the parking lot of the wedding venue. You’d been sitting in your car for just a little longer than socially acceptable, given that the rest of the bridal party had likely already gathered inside. You just needed to make it through the next two days, and then you could go back to your apartment, wrap yourself in a blanket, and wallow in your feelings.
You thought you’d be better at ignoring the green-eyed monster that was currently threatening to ruin what was supposed to be a happy occasion.
You’d dutifully sat through dress fittings, gave thoughtful opinions on flower arrangements and centerpieces and invitations, and meticulously planned the bridal shower and bachelorette party. It was your job as the maid of honor to make sure that everything went off without a hitch on your best friend’s special day.
You were happy for her- so happy for her. You’d never seen her like this, and you knew that she and Greg were going to have the perfect lives together. A fairytale wedding, a beautiful home, a loving family with two-point-five kids and a golden retriever in the backyard. A cliche to be sure, but you couldn’t deny the pang of jealousy that Melissa had found her perfect match while you were still decidedly and hopelessly single. You buried those feelings down deep, enduring it all with a smile.
It would happen for you eventually.
Probably.
Well, you could hope, right?
When you finally made your way inside, Melissa had already worked herself into a panic. The best man, Marcus, was nowhere to be found.
Mellissa had told you a little about Greg’s best man. You knew that he worked for the FBI, that he and Greg had been in a band together in his younger days, and that he was flying in from Washington D.C. for the wedding. His flight was supposed to arrive an hour ago, and then he would take a cab from the airport to the venue.
Clearly, that plan had derailed at some point.
“Greg, we only have the rehearsal space for another twenty minutes-” Melissa reminded him impatiently.
“He’ll be here, Mel. I swear, the one time he’s late for anything…” Greg sighed, shaking his head. He pulled his phone from his pocket, presumably dialing the best man’s number again before holding the phone to his ear. The silence seemed to drag on forever as Mellissa glared daggers at her husband-to-be. “Damn it, Marcus, turn your phone on...”
You tried to deescalate the situation, placing a calming hand on Melissa’s shoulder and quietly reminding her to breathe. With patience wearing thin all around, the last thing you needed was for Bridezilla to make an appearance today.
“Why don’t we just run through the ceremony without him, and he can follow my lead tomorrow. All he really has to do is stand there and hand you the rings, right? Does that sound okay?” You looked back and forth between the couple hopefully, and they nodded in agreement.
“Good. Happy thoughts, you two. It’s going to be the most magical day of your lives, I promise.”
You’d woken the next morning with a tension headache from hell, and it had stuck with you all morning. As calm as you’d made yourself out to be earlier, the case of the missing groomsman was still bothering you.
As you and the other bridesmaids got into your places for the ceremony, you ran through your mental checklist. As long as Greg’s friend was standing up there at the altar when those doors opened, you had everything under control. You’d even managed to wrangle the flower girl, Greg’s rambunctious niece, into a somewhat poised state, promising her an extra piece of cake later if she would just keep it together during the ceremony and pictures.
On the other side of the doors, you heard the music start, and one by one, the bridesmaids shuffled through the doors. When it was finally your turn, you took a deep breath, smoothing your hair to the best of your ability with your bouquet-free hand and hoped for the best as you walked through the doorway. Three thoughts always stuck in your mind during these kinds of things:
One, you really, really hoped that you wouldn’t trip on the hem of the dress and bust ass in front of all of these people, effectively ruining the ceremony and humiliating yourself in the process.
Two, Am I taking too long? I’m taking too long. Oh fuck, all of these people are staring at me wondering why I won’t hurry up, aren’t they? This isn’t my wedding, I should just-
Three, you wonder what it might be like if it was. For a split second, your dress is white, your heart is fluttering, and the man of your dreams is waiting for you at the end of the aisle.
Your eyes go there without really meaning to. Greg is there, of course, sweating bullets. Idly, you wonder if the photographer can fix that in editing. God, you hope so. Poor Melissa.
Then your gaze moves slightly to the right, and the fluttering in your chest returns.
Whatever lingering annoyance you had with the best man and his lack of punctuality was out the window now, his warm brown eyes melting your resolve in an instant. He smiled, showing off the dimples in his cheeks and you felt yourself returning it before your brain had time to interfere. Reaching the altar and planting yourself in your designated space, your nervousness has morphed into something you can’t quite identify, but don’t have much time to linger on. The flower girl is already making her way down the aisle, distributing the petals in the way you hand practiced repeatedly last night, much to your relief, and your heart is still racing long after Melissa walks through the doors.
Time always passes strangely during these types of things. The ceremony begins after you almost miss your cue to take the bouquet from her, and she shoots you a confused look over when it passes into your hands. As the officiant drones on and on about the bigger meaning of what is taking place here today, you find your arms aching as you try to hold both bouquets still. You wonder if you would be sore later from holding your arms this way for so long, and silently hope that everyone remembers not to lock their knees as you all try to remain frozen in place for the better part of an hour.
Finally, the officiant arrives at the portion of the ceremony you’d all been waiting for, the vows. The words of love and commitment that made your insides all warm and fuzzy. The best part of any wedding, hands down. A guaranteed tear-jerker, and, more importantly, the signal that all of this would soon be over.
“I, Greg, take you, Melissa, to be my wedded wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, 'til death do us part.”
Oh, what you would give to have that... The thought brought a lump to your throat, the tears in your eyes somewhere between happy and sad. Longing. That was the word for it. You forced yourself to look away from the scene, giving yourself a moment of reprieve from your own insecurities.
You didn’t mean to make eye contact with Marcus at that moment, but you found him looking back at you. The space between his eyebrows creased slightly as he noticed the pain in your eyes.
Receptions always seemed to drag, especially when you were unlucky enough not to check the plus-one box on the invitation. The bridal party had gathered themselves at one long table for dinner, but the cake had been cut well over an hour ago and all that was left was smalltalk and dancing. Or, in your case, people-watching.
You sighed, your chin resting on your hand as you watched the couple sway to the music. They looked like they were lost in their own little world, their foreheads touching as they spoke in hushed whispers that no one could hear but them. You couldn’t remember the last time that someone had looked at you like that. Actually, you weren’t sure that anyone had ever looked at you like that.
“They seem happy, huh?” A voice said from beside you. You hadn’t noticed the chair being pulled out or the tall, tuxedo-clad body dropping into it, but you looked over your shoulder to find Marcus beside you. You hadn’t dared to speak a word after the ceremony or during photos, but you had spent a good portion of the evening mesmerized by the soothing sounds of his voice as he gave the speech for his toast. It was low and raspy and warm, like whiskey and honey, and it gave you goosebumps now that it was finally being directed towards you.
“I would hope so,” You agreed quietly. “They did just get married two hours ago.”
“Do you want to dance?” He asked, giving you an inviting, hopeful smile and holding his hand out to you. “No pressure, but I wouldn’t really be fulfilling my best man duties if I didn’t ask the maid of honor to dance.” You nodded gratefully, taking his hand and allowing him to help you up and lead you out towards the dance floor.
“Can I ask you something?” He wondered, his voice quiet at the pair of you swayed to the music. Marcus had, it seemed, become your unofficial dance partner for the evening. He danced like a dork during the fast songs, but the slow songs were where he really shined.
“Go ahead,” You nodded.
“Earlier you seemed kind of… down. Anything you want to talk about?”
“Was it that obvious?” You cringed. You hoped that Melissa and Greg hadn’t picked up on your moodiness.
“I’m pretty good at reading people. Comes with the job, you know? Are you not a big fan of weddings?”
“No, I love weddings,” You shook your head. “Sometimes it just feels like… You know that phrase, ‘always the bridesmaid, never the bride’? Well, that’s the unofficial title of my autobiography.”
A soft snort escaped his nose, and you narrowed your eyes at him playfully.
“Excuse me, are you laughing at my misfortune?”
He raised his hands in surrender, temporarily pausing your dancing, and you immediately felt the absence of the warmth from your waist and hand. “Not at all. I’m sort of in the same boat, actually.”
He took your hand once more, raising it above your head and spinning you before the pair of you returned to your swaying.
“The thing is, I’m happy for Melissa, I really am, but she’s never even wanted to get married. Not until she met Greg. But here she is, getting her fairytale wedding, while I couldn’t even find a date for tonight. I’ve always liked the idea of being married. The whole madly in love, growing old together, building a life with someone kind of thing. I know it’s stupid, but I really, really want it, and sometimes it feels like my life is always just going to be… this,” You explained, gesturing arbitrarily small corner of dance floor the two of you had cut out for yourselves. “Standing on the sidelines, watching everyone else find their soulmate and wondering what the hell is wrong with me.”
“I know the feeling. I once watched Greg give himself a concussion trying to smash a beer can on his head,” Marcus revealed. “Not exactly a catch, but I guess there’s someone out there for everyone.”
You laughed at that, the tension easing itself out of your shoulders. “A concussion?”
“I drove him to the hospital and everything,” He grinned, the corners of his eyes crinkling with the sound of your soft giggles. He gave your waist an encouraging squeeze, relieved that the sadness in your eyes had finally disappeared.
“Alright, so we’ve discussed my deepest, darkest secret. Isn’t it your turn to make an embarrassing confession?” You asked teasingly. You were having more fun than you’d expected to have this evening; Marcus’ presence seemed to eclipse everything around you.
He hummed thoughtfully, nodding. “Does it have to be embarrassing?”
“Maybe not embarrassing, but it can’t be boring,” You decided, your curiosity piqued.
“Okay,” He agreed. “I told Greg that I was working a case and that’s why I had to catch a red-eye this morning instead of getting in last night.”
“Mmm, I’ve gotta say. That is a bit boring,”
“Yeah? Well, it was a lie.”
“Oh? You’ve caught my interest. And what is your excuse for the stress-induced headache your tardiness caused me this morning?”
“I almost decided not to show up at all,” He admitted. “Made it all the way to the airport before I turned around and went home. Turned off my phone, completely unpacked… My fiancé left me for another man about a year ago, and I guess I still have some wedding-related issues of my own to work through. But Greg is one of my best friends, so… here I am.”
“Oh, I’m…” You fumbled, not quite prepared for the level of honesty that he’d given you in his answer. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know-”
“No, no,” He shook his head. “It’s okay. I just meant that… I get it. It’s like you said. A life, a home, a family… That’s everything I’ve ever wanted. I thought I did everything right and that clearly wasn’t enough, so I started thinking that maybe there was something wrong with me. But I think the truth is that she just wasn’t the right person.”
“Wow, Marcus… I know there’s an open bar, but I feel like I should buy you a drink after that. That’s horrible…”
He chuckled, shrugging. “I was pretty relieved when I saw I wasn’t the only one here counting down the hours until I could leave and go home.”
“So… do you still think the right person is out there, then?” You asked quietly.
“Oh, definitely,” Marcus said confidently, squeezing the hand that was still clasped in his. His eyes were molten as they looked into yours with an earnestness that set your heart racing. “Maybe they’re just running a little late.”
Melissa glanced over her shoulder to look at the maid of honor and best man, a smirk tugging at the corners of her lips as she turned back to her new husband.
“You don’t have your wallet on you, do you?” She asked, the I-told-you-so obvious in her tone.
“You don’t win the bet unless he asks her out,” Greg reminded her.
“Greg, get real. You see the way they’re looking at each other. I want my twenty bucks, babe.”
Greg glanced over at his friend, instantly recognizing Marcus’ lovestruck expression. He had to hand it to Melissa, she’s one of a hell of a matchmaker.
“Double or nothing,” He countered. “I’m guessing…. A wedding within the next… Two years?”
Melissa scoffed. “Bring it on. I’ll rig the bouquet toss and we’ll have that invitation taped to the fridge within the year.”
General Taglist:
@theravenreads @marshmallowtraver @computeringturtle @adikaofmandalore @pascalisthepunkest @supernaturalcat7 @maythxthirstbxwithyou
Pedro Character Taglist:
@coldlilheart
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Bad hair day
(Are you done part 2)
-> Read part 1
Summary: The pollen begins to affect you, but Bucky is immune. What will he do?
Pairing: Reader x Bucky Barnes
Warnings: Swearing, sex pollen, smut (18+), unprotected sex (wrap it before you tap it), nudity, angst
I hope this does the first part justice, I did my best. I personally really like this one, so let me know if you liked it x
‘Think i misheard you, what pollen?’ you asked, Bucky throwing himself at the door causing you to flinch. Not even a small dent. ‘Sex. Pollen’ he replied between breaths as he walked towards you. ‘I’m so sorry, doll, I don’t think I can get you out of here before you inhale it’ Bucky spoke to you apologetically, topped of with the nickname he only used for you when you had done something very right, or he had done something very wrong. But it’s not his fault he can’t get us out, you thought to yourself as you noticed his desperation and sadness as he tried to jump up and claw at the vent to no success.
As the foggy substance crept towards you at an alarming rate, you backed up into the wall once more, desperately trying to escape it. ‘What’s it gonna to do to us, Buck?’ your voice cracking from sheer terror as you looked between the gas taunting you and the concerned super soldier whom the gas had already reached. ‘It won’t affect me, only you. Super soldier serum stops that from working. They would use an enhanced version on us in Hydra as a means of...’ he trailed off, ‘But this isn’t the enhanced version. but I don’t...’ he repeated, his voice wavering at the end as he made eye contact with you and felt his heart break when he saw how terrified you were. Truth was, he had no idea how this was going to affect you, but he wasn’t planning on telling you that. Lie to her, he thought to himself as he felt the urge to do anything to make you feel better. ‘I don’t know exactly what this one will do, but it won’t hurt you, I promise’ a small rise in his tone told you he was lying, but you couldn’t question him as it was too late.
His last words were shortly followed by your vision turning cloudy as the gas encircled you, the oddly sweet substance seeping into your every pore as you inhaled it. It felt like your throat was on fire as you choked and coughed and fell to your hands and knees, Bucky by your side, concern in his voice. ‘Shit, please tell me you’re ok, y/n? Please just try to breath and stay calm, I think the gas is stopping’ you faintly heard Bucky’s voice say, but everything was echoing in and out of your ears as you regained your breath and tried to stand up, falling immediately as your legs gave away. Bucky caught you before you could fall, placing you down carefully against the wall and stepping back.
Thing is, the place on your waist where he had caught you was literally burning. Your whole body was burning with an intense feeling of...not quite pain. ‘I know when you lie, Bucky. You know exactly what I’m feeling’ you groaned as Bucky ran a hand down his face as he experienced conflicting emotions. ‘Don’t you?’ you asked firmly, looking up at him through hooded eyes as you felt your nipples harden at the sight of him. How had I never noticed how fucking hot this man is? The way his jacket is tight at the seams, filled out so well by his muscular form, his long hair framing his chiselled face perfectly. The ringing in your ears had stopped and you tried to clear your head, but all you could think about now was the pressure growing between your legs as you squeezed your thighs together to try to relieve it. ‘What’s happening, doll? Does it hurt?’ Bucky asked tenderly, knowing very well exactly what you were feeling and choosing to ignore your previous line of questioning, but when he said doll this time, you could almost feel the vibrations of his voice going to straight to your core as you let out a small whimper.
Sweat was now pooling between your tender breasts, as you unzipped the top of your suit to try to cool yourself down. You wanted to tell him. You wanted to tell him how every nerve of your being was screaming for him to be inside you right now. How never in your life had you wanted someone to fuck you so badly. That aroused didn’t even come close to the horniness you were feeling at the moment. ‘Bucky. Help me’ you commanded, looking at him with lust filled, pleading eyes. But he shook his head and backed away. ‘Your not thinking straight. It would be unfair on you, and I couldn’t do that to you. I didn’t want it to happen like this’ he replied as your hand flew to your thigh, grabbing at the fabric there to try and stop yourself from grabbing somewhere else. You were practically dripping now. ‘You mean...you would have wanted...this to happen?’ you were a bit taken back as you thought Bucky didn’t even like you that much. ‘Why do you think I have to keep my distance from you in missions? Your so...’ he gestured to your body ‘and amazing, but I had to control myself so I stayed distant’ Bucky’s mouth was moving but you could only think of one thing as the pressure built up to the point of pain.
You stood up, and pulled Bucky close to your face by the collar of his jacket ‘look Bucky, I have never felt the need for someone so much as I do now and if you don’t help me then you are the one causing me pain. I need you to make it stop. There is no chance in hell I will regret this, so please just fuck me already’ you were panting, faces inches away from each other as Bucky slipped his hand up to cup your face gently. ‘Are you sure?’ he asked seriously as you nodded furiously. Bucky’s tongue slipped out to wet his lips as his eyes trailed down over your exposed cleavage. ‘Anything for you, doll’
With that, he pulled you in by the waist, kissing you deeply. You pried his mouth open with your tongue, running your fingers through his soft hair. With your extremely heightened senses, the kiss was like torture, and you needed more. Bucky spun you around so you were against the wall, not once breaking the kiss. You moaned into his mouth as you felt his hands explore your body, leaving a trail of fire. Bucky leaned down to kiss your neck as he unzipped your leather suit all the way down. You shook off the suit, ravenously pulling down Bucky’s combat trousers and jumping up into his arms. You kissed him hungrily, but it wasn’t enough. ‘It hurts so bad Bucky’ you whined into his mouth as you tried to grind against his growing bulge to try and get any friction at all. Bucky pulled back and placed you down, leaning you against the wall as you could barley support your own weight.
You watched hungrily as he pulled down his boxers, letting his thick cock spring free, mouth watering at just the sight. He kissed you once more as he pulled you up by the thighs, your legs wrapping around his strong waist. He held you bum up with one hand, back pressed against the wall and breasts pressed against his chest. You were desperate for him, and he could sense it.
‘Last time I’m asking. Are you absolutely sure you want this?’ he asked as you felt him rub the tip of his leaking cock against your clit, making you shake and thank him in your head for not making you stand up on your own. ‘I want you inside of me Bucky’ you whispered, giving him the final permission he needed. With that he slipped himself inside of you slowly, at first just the tip. When you whined for him to stop teasing you, he slipped in further until he bottomed out. You bit his shoulder as your breathing stuttered, walls clenching down around his enormous cock, wanting to scream out. It felt so, so fucking good but the pollen only made you crave more. Bucky let go of his cock and supported your legs with both hands, slowly moving you up and down to allow you to adjust, getting deeper and deeper with each stroke. ‘So fucking wet’ he moaned into your ear, causing your eyes to roll back into your head as you felt the fire in your core rage. He sped up the pace, railing into you as you whined and moaned and felt yourself near the thing you so desperately need.
With each thrust, you felt the knot tighten and tighten until it was unbearable, and you were gripping his shoulders and burying your head in his neck as you finally called out ‘I’m...I’m gonna cum Buck’. He sped up his thrusts, kissing your neck and sucking to leave a trail of hickeys, and all the pleasure was building up and up. ‘Come undone for me, doll. All over my cock’ he groaned as you practically screamed. You felt the first wave if pleasure take a hold of your body, starting as a burning in your toes and finishing as euphoria burning through your veins. ‘oh my... fuck’ you called out as he worked you through your orgasm, his cock hitting you g spot perfectly every time. You felt your walls pulsate and clamp down on him for what felt like an hour, as he soon followed and you felt himself spill his warm seed inside of you as he thrusted one last time deep, deep inside of you.
You both stayed there for a moment, not wanting the moment to end. You finally felt the pain subside enough so that Bucky could place you down carefully and your legs could support your own weight (barley). Bucky pulled you in sweetly for a kiss, as you held onto his shoulders for dear life. You pulled back reluctantly, resting your forehead against his as you both tried to regain your breath. ‘Thank you’ you whispered to Bucky as you giggled, embarrassed that he had to do that. ‘Although it didn’t happen in the best possible way, I’m so happy we finally did that’ you finished, taking his metal fingers in your small ones, the cool metal feeling pleasant against your boiling hand. ‘You have no idea’ Bucky laughed as he pulled up his trousers and bent down to help you back into your suit. When you were almost zipped up and the effects of the pollen had basically worn off, you heard voices just outside.
‘Your saviour is here!’ You heard Tony call out from the other side of the door as he used some sort of laser technology in his suit to melt a hole through the door. Nat stood behind him, looking you both up and down, a small smirk capturing her lips. ‘Tony, do you notice anything ... different about them?’ she asked as you and Bucky gratefully stepped out of the room into the well - lit corridor. ‘What? No not really. That ones having a bad hair day, though’ he replied as he messed with some sort if control on his arm, gesturing to you. ‘Yeah, ran out of...hairbrushes’ you replied nervously, noticing Bucky raise an eyebrow as Nat sarcastically replied ‘that explains it all’.
#fanfic#bucky barnes#bucky#bucky barnes imagine#bucky x reader#bucky fluff#avengers fanfiction#the winter soldier#tony stark#natasha ramanoff#tfatws
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Feel free to ignore this but I know you'd understand, so...my inbox is filling with anons making fun of me and calling me a freak for mourning Eddie's death and invalidating my grief which frankly is hilarious because they're definitely in their Jason Carver era without even realizing it 😂 I blocked them all but holy shit, the toxic people have found me at last...
Sorry for the mini-rant, as I said, feel free to ignore but I needed to get this off my chest somewhere where I knew I wouldn't start another round of screaming-and-waving-pitchforks-at-me for grieving 😅
Anyways, thank you for listening and I hope you're having a lovely day/evening🖤
Kiki !!!!
I'm.... oh, what the fuck????
First, let me give you a biiiiiiiiiiig one'a these from Eddie:
Your grief is real. Your grief is valid. Your grief is yours and NO ONE should EVER tell you that your emotions are anything BUT. If grief is the price of love, then with Eddie it's a very high cost, but it's so worth it. Eddie is worth it. He may not be 'real' but the love you feel for him is, the grief is. The people in their Jason Carver eras are insecure in themselves, jealous of you for being so free and open with your emotions. They're just too immature and/or too up their own asses to be able to do the same, and they see you being yourself as a threat to their own selves, which.... says more about them than it does about you.
I'm so sorry, Kiki. You don't at ALL deserve any of this and I'm genuinely very angry on your behalf. These people better NOT call themselves fans of Eddie because he would actively DESPISE them and he would stay as far away from them as he could. They're all a bunch of assholes but YOU are a ray of sunshine. You're always so loving and kind and gentle and open and raw in your emotions and it's honestly inspiring. I wouldn't have found the courage to watch Stranger Things at ALL, let alone meet Eddie, without YOU answering my questions and coaxing me into it. We all know I took my sweet time.😂
Please please vent and rant and scream and cry; I'm here to listen to you and to anyone else. Your love is valid and real, so is the grief, so is the pain and the loss. It's all real and valid; our brains see Eddie, see his death, and grieve just like it's real, because it is real. I'm so proud of you for blocking them! It's horrible that there's even been one person, let alone so many.💔I'm here if you want to talk! You can DM me or send an ask or anything at all! (Been wanting to befriend you since the Laszlo Kriezler days but I am a shy noodle)
Let yourself grieve and love and feel - Eddie would tell you to. He would tell you to feel everything as you want to, to let yourself have this time to process, to express it however it comes to you, and to feel NO shame in it. He never does and it goes beautifully for him to live life with his arms wide open to anyone brave enough to get close.🥺💖 I hope YOU'RE gonna have a better day/evening, KIki!! I'm here if you want a comfort fic (though I've written a few already and I have one coming out tonightttt ~ , they're all Eddie!comfort so it probably wouldn't hit as well as reader!comfort🥺)
Big hugs & Eddie kissies to you!
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Hi! I loved the ship that you did, it was really well written and the moodboard was gorgeous! I was wondering if I could please get one as well? Please feel free to ignore this though! I'm a straight female, she/her and I'm 20!
I'm fairly introverted and it takes me a while to warm up to people. I love reading, my room is filled with stacks of books. I especially enjoy true crime, poetry and Russian literature! I adore adventures, witty and playful banter, joking around and having indepth discussions on anything and everything. I love helping out and I'm the therapist friend, people come to me to vent or for advice and comfort. I'd consider myself really smart and I'm very ambitious; I love being the best at everything I do. I daydream a lot and I'm a hopeless romantic, I love being in love! I enjoy all forms of art and I have quite a few creative hobbies! I'm 5'9 and I have long and curly dark brown hair and brown eyes. I dress mostly in relaxed suits, blazers and coats and I love the occasional dress or sweaters layered over a white button down!
Thank you very much! I'm sorry for the bother <3
Hey it's no bother! I enjoyed doing this, but sorry for the time it took me lmao, I'm very slow and it was a crazy week for me 🥲
The moment you said you love being in love I had to choose Steve.
I see him as someone who gives his all in a relationship and cherishes his partner as much as he can. He has learned a lot from a previous relationship we don't really talk about that shh so loving someone and having someone who loves him the same feels refreshing - but also scary.
And that's why you say you love him every single day of your lives together. Even if he doesn't say it, we know Steve needs a lil reassurance once in a while, so you make sure to show him your affection first thing in the morning.
I also see you being besties with Dustin and Steve jealous you stole his best friend. Dustin is very easy to trust and out of all the kids he's the sweetest to you.
Steve: "Hey where are you two idiots going?"
Dustin: "To Starcourt. We're gonna watch the goonies!"
Steve: "Without ME???????????"
I feel like you're the one planning dates. Like, steve loves to be the one to plan them but your dates are just more fun, like not just going to a restaurant, y'know?
He tries to get into poetry because he wants to see why you're so obssesed with all those books you won't shut up about, and poetry seemed like the easiest to get into. Plot twist, it wasn't
You definetly became friends through Robin. I think at first it'd be akward between you two because Steve used to be an asshole back in high school. But hey, he's a new man now and let's be honest, it's impossible not to fall face first in the ground for him.
He knows you're ambitious and wants great things for your future. So that's definitely something to talk about. He's ready to move to the other side of the globe for you, like c'mon, it's Steve we're talking about.
The 6 kids thing is definitely something to discuss about, but maybe we could leave that to a future conversation lmao.
A/n: anon, i hope you're there somewhere reading this, because it's been a while and I'm not sure you remember sending this ask to me lmao. Sorry, love u <3
The moodboard looks weird on my phone... i really need to fix my laptop help
#steve harrington x you#steve x reader#steve harrington fic#steve harrington#steve harrington x reader#steve harrington x y/n#steve harrington imagine#steve harrington fanfiction#steve harrington fanfic#stranger things#stranger things fanfiction#stranger things imagine#stranger things x reader#steve harrington moodboard#dustin henderson
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Mira's Fall
TW bad writing about injuries and some blood mention. idk anything else as usual lemme know if I should add any.
Mira's Fall
Mira was watching Corus from the vent above his desk. She was still weary about trusting the human and would frequently observe how he acted when she wasn’t obviously nearby. He’d continued to change behavior, almost no outbursts in the time since she agreed to interact with him. She was impressed, but she didn’t want to trust him yet. She was still nervous if his hands came too close, memories of those times in the walls fresh. He was far too interested in holding her too, always offering to carry her if they were talking and he had to leave the room. He had improved, but she wouldn’t put her life in his hands.
He left the room and she made to climb down. She wanted to talk to him about the garden in the back, there was damage that she couldn’t take care of. The damage was sadly making the plants not grow back, so she wanted to see if he could fix it. He wanted to help so she’d make use of it at least. Hanging her hook carefully from the vent grate she started to climb down. She’d been making more trips down from here; she never considered the strain it may be putting on her rope. She heard a snap and stared up, just out of reach the rope had started to split. She started to rush down only for her to hear the snap again entering a free fall.
She let out a short scream as she fell. She was more relieved than before that Corus chose to move his desk directly under the vent in case this ever happened. She landed hard on the desk surface, hitting her head and feeling her leg bend strangely. Everything went black.
Slowly Mira started to wake back up. She could barely tell where she was, it wasn’t the forest and she shouldn’t be in any human buildings. She had to get home before someone noticed she was missing. She tried to move her leg, pain shooting through her causing a shriek.
She felt human footsteps and panic gripped her. She was hurt, this could and probably would end badly. She tried to move her leg again causing sharp pain to shoot up her spine and spots in her vision. She quickly switched to crawling, trying her best to get to a hiding spot until she could find a way out. Her vision was blurry, she had no clue what happened before she woke up. She just needed to hide, sleep until her eyes cleared up and she could do something.
“Oh my god,” the human said. She kept trying to crawl away, moving away from the booming voice. The human rushed at her and she froze waiting for the hand to grab her. The voice sounded familiar, but that didn’t make sense. After a few seconds of not being touched she opened her eyes, fearfully staring at the human now looming over her. Their hands were held out, but hadn’t reached her yet.
“D-don’t touch me,” she choked out. She was in so much pain, this human would only make things worse. She needed to get away before they let their curiosity win.
“Mira, how can I help? Where are you hurt?” the human asked. The human shouldn’t know her name. She tried to remember why this human would know her, but the pain in her head only got worse. She felt tears fall from her eyes as the worst possibilities ran through her mind. Things weren’t making sense; she just wanted to go home where someone could help fix her up.
“Stay b-back. I-I’ll curse you,” her voice sounded weak. She couldn’t believe her own words; there's no way the human would. They must have caught her, that had to be how they knew her name. She didn’t want to think about what it meant with how injured she was. She heard the human sigh, her blood running cold.
“Mira, it’s me, it’s Corus,” the human sounded sad. “You know I'm not going to hurt you, just tell me what happened. I’m guessing you fell, do you know how far?”
She tried to understand what the human was asking. They said a name, Corus, but that didn’t sound familiar. She just wanted to go home. She needed to treat her leg and her head. Slowly moving her hand, she reached behind her head, pulling it away and in front of her. Blood, she was hoping that wouldn’t be what she found. She needed to get away from the human, there had to be others nearby who could get her out. She still couldn’t see clearly, but it didn’t stop her from noticing the head looming over her coming closer. She started to curl in on herself before pain gripped her again.
“Oh man, your head,” he breathed. “Oh no... Your head. Mira, what do you remember?”
She wouldn’t answer his questions. She told them to stay away, that was enough. If she didn’t answer and just focused on herself they might go away. She barely managed to sit up before she heard a muted gasp above her. She couldn’t focus on that now, her head was bleeding, but that was easy to handle, her leg was the big issue. It hurt to move it, looking at it now it was probably broken. If she didn’t set it then the others would have more trouble trying to get her out of here. She didn’t have her bag though, which was weird. She always had her bag of medical supplies on hand during training. Maybe she snuck out again, yeah that had to be it.
“All right, I’m going to go get the first aid kit, please try not to move too much,” the human said. They ran off quickly and she promptly ignored their request. She had to get somewhere safe until help came. She’d pulled herself a little closer to something that could hide her when the footsteps approached again. Fear gripped at her, would the human be mad she didn’t listen? She pushed that aside and focused on trying to hide still. She couldn’t let fear control her. She was supposed to be the best of her crew and she could deal with this. The human didn’t pause as they entered the room, she didn’t either.
“At least you didn’t jump off the table,” they said with a hint of humor in their voice. That made her stop. Of course she didn’t she wasn’t stupid. That would be a last resort, and only when her leg could handle it. They placed a huge box on the table she was on. They started pulling out a lot of things, some she recognized. The bandages would be useful, so would some of the tubes at least if she was right, her vision still wasn’t great. After they laid everything out they picked up some of the bandages and started unrolling them. They handed her the edge they unrolled. She just stared at it unsure how to use something so big.
“That’s what was missing,” they murmured. She watched the human look around settling on something above them. She held back a scream when they climbed up on something, a chair probably, to reach what they’d seen. She couldn’t tell what they were doing, but didn’t like seeing the already huge human even taller. They were off the chair quickly, the steps down vibrating through her even on this table. They held their hand out to her with something shiny on it. She looked up at them then slowly reached out. She couldn’t explain the need she felt to have whatever they held.
Once her hand was on it she pulled it close. She started to investigate it, was it the fish hook her mom brought her dad once? She wouldn’t take this, why was this here? She had to be wrong; it was just a hook that looked and felt similar. She looked at the human who held the bandage out to her again, still confused. She poked an edge on the hook, what must be her hook, and pulled away sticking her finger in her mouth. This would be sharp enough to cut the bandages. Maybe her dad had sharpened it for her outing? She pushed the questions aside and quickly got to work getting some reasonably sized bandages.
She barely noticed when the human let go of the bandages to start placing other things near her. One of the tubes which had to be the stuff for cuts, it was hard to get usually. They also put some wooden sticks near her, why were those in the box? He also brought some wet towels, leaving them close enough she could move an edge to clean her head easily. She was told humans weren’t kind. Why was this one so kind? She shouldn’t dwell on that, while they were kind she had to treat her injuries. She reached for a wet towel once she thought there were enough bandages and tried to clean her head. It wasn’t going well, unable to see the wound.
“Do you want some help?” they asked. She just froze. They gave her things for her injuries, but she didn’t want to be touched by them. She tried to shake her head, but the pain made her nauseous. “I don’t need to touch you, promise. Wait one second, if it doesn’t help, don't worry about it.”
The human left again quickly. She stared after them. She was told to be wary, not trust any human who offered kindness. They had stories of her kind and a lot created bad situations for the humans. This one wasn’t touching her and was giving her things to treat her wounds. She still wasn’t sure how she got them though. It didn’t seem like the human did it, but maybe they did drop her and cause it. She pushed that away, she wasn’t insane enough to let a human hold her. The human came back into the room holding a mirror, that wouldn’t really help her see the back of her head. They placed the mirror behind her carefully, far enough she wouldn’t touch it by accident.
“All right, we put this up behind you and...” they trailed off. They held a rectangle in front of her. After a second it lit up showing her sitting there with the reflection of her back shown too. Her vision was still sort of blurry, but she could manage. She was struggling to focus, seeing a reflection that seemed off. She didn’t look like what she expected, she looked older, thinner, just not like herself. Slowly she moved a hand watching as the person she saw mimicked the movement.
“That’s not me,” she said. She didn’t realize she spoke until she heard the human sigh above her. They put the rectangle down and moved so their face was even with her.
“I’m not sure what you remember,” their voice was quiet, almost calming. “That is you, I’m sure things don’t make a lot of sense right now, but we need to treat your head and leg. I’ll tell you everything I know after that. I don’t want to leave you alone here, but I’ll stay as far as possible once this is all taken care of all right?”
She gave a small nod and the human moved to hold the rectangle again. She still couldn’t connect with the person copying her movements, but she believed the human. This is her, so what on earth did she forget? She carefully used the wet towel to clean off the blood, the red standing out against the lavender. It was longer than she remembered, making cleaning the blood off a bit harder than she expected. Once it seemed clear of blood she reached a hand into the tube they’d placed nearby and put some of the goop on the wound as best she could. Carefully she wrapped the bandages around her head making sure to leave her eyes clear. Her hair wound up wrapped a little as she went around, but it wasn’t in the wound which was good enough.
Once she was satisfied she looked at her leg. This would hurt to move and she might pass out. The human would have free reign to do anything. She swallowed thickly before making her choice. She couldn’t stop the human awake or passed out, so she would just set her leg quickly and not care. She’d been taught to set broken bones before she was even allowed to leave the community; this was nothing new. She started to prepare herself, taking a deep breath and keeping her tongue from her teeth. She grabbed her leg and quickly snapped it back to a normal position. The pain was worse than she expected though a shriek leaving her as her vision went white.
“...-a…-ra..Mira!” a voice boomed around her. It was so loud, why was it so loud? She opened her eyes slowly, seeing the ceiling above her. She sat up with a groan. “Thank goodness you’re all right. You know we could have numbed your leg first right?!”
She looked at the voice and her memory caught up. The human was helping her, she didn’t look like she remembered, and she was hurt pretty badly. She chose to ignore the human again, reaching for one of the wooden sticks he’d put near her. It was a little out of reach, she flinched when they pushed them closer. She realized her vision had cleared up. She steeled herself to look at the human. Looking up she got a clear look at their face for the first time. The only thing she saw was concern, which made her willing to take a chance.
“C-can you hold this by my leg while I wrap it?” she asked. It took all her courage to look at them again. They had a warm smile, it made her feel safe. Why would a human’s smile make her feel safe? They nodded at her, then slowly brought their hand next to her. They held the stick straight and close to her leg, but didn’t do anything else. She tried to ignore the anxiety of their hand so close, as she wrapped her leg. Slowly she lost herself in the process. Thankfully it didn’t take long before their hand was pulled away and her leg was stabilized. Now she had to figure out a way to get home, but that was easier said than done.
The human started to put all the things back in the box. She still couldn’t understand why they were acting like this. She was confused and tired and her head was just pulsing in pain now. She shouldn’t sleep here, she knew that, but she couldn’t move much at least not for a while. Once the human left the room she gave in, laying back and closing her eyes. She didn’t notice when, but the human put some cloth behind her. It made things a lot more comfortable. She fell into a heavy sleep quickly, her body finally hitting empty after everything.
Corus was currently terrified. He had no idea how to properly take care of Mira, let alone how to convince her she was safe. She couldn’t even recognize herself. She seemed more vulnerable right now, too. He let out a heavy sigh, going to get some water and food to leave with her. She couldn’t keep going with what seems like a large portion of her life missing. He left the kitchen making his steps heavier, expecting her to be trying to hide or staring at him in fear. Instead she was asleep. He approached as quietly as he could, placing what he brought near her. He should leave, but he didn’t want to abandon her on his desk. He sat in his chair and placed his head on his arms, just waiting. He’d help as best he could, she didn’t trust him before this anyway.
Mira’s next few days were a blur. Every time she woke up the human was there, but they were still kind. She would drink some water and eat, but sleep would quickly take her again. She couldn’t make herself stay awake, although she tried to. It seemed like things would stay like this until she was healed. Then she’d finally find out what the human had planned for her. The human just always seemed kind of sad when she did wake up.
The first day she woke up, really woke up, things felt different. Corus had left a mirror on her desk. She looked in it and was surprised to see her head wrapped with bandages. She must have been out for a while after she fell. Corus must have helped her when he found her. She didn’t love the idea of him handling her while she was out, but she was grateful. If it had been left alone she’d have a much worse recovery time.
“Mira, are you awake?” Corus asked, quietly knocking on the door. He didn’t wait for a reply, opening the door slowly. She saw his face light up when he noticed her sitting up, he must have been worried. He flashed a warm smile. “Good morning, just have to grab some stuff then I’ll be out of your hair for most of the day.”
“It’s your room, you should just stay in here, I can probably make my way home at this point,” she said. Her voice cracked like she hadn’t spoken in days, but she couldn’t have been out that long. Shock quickly took over his features. He was on his knees in front of her faster than she could react. Humans had more speed than they used and she didn’t like that. He looked like he was about to cry, it shouldn’t be that shocking she said she’d go home. Resting for a day should get her enough strength to get back.
“Mira, you remember me?” his voice was almost too quiet for her.
“I doubt I could forget the human who basically begged me to give him a chance,” she couldn’t help the bit of snark. It wasn’t like she could just forget a human she’d agreed to give a chance. Why would Corus ask if she remembered him?
“How’s your head? Your leg? Do you really remember? It’s ok not to know me, you can leave when you feel up to it. Do you feel up to changing the bandages? Do you want to go somewhere--”
“Corus, I’ll be fine. I’ve broken my leg before. I should be fine to head back at this point.” She cut off his rambling. She appreciated the concern, but it wasn’t like this was the first time she got hurt.
Corus laid his head on the table, a relieved laugh leaving him. Slowly he explained the last few days, the things she didn’t remember. Threatening to curse him, looking terrified every time he entered the room. She treated him like a monster while he just tried to help her. She felt guilt well up inside her, this all happened because she’d been coming to get help. She opened her mouth to try and apologize, when he lifted his head. He looked so relieved, she didn’t know how to act.
“I’m really glad you remembered,” he said. She didn’t really understand, it would have been better if she forgot about him. Then he could have made her trust him without the background of his outbursts. She wouldn’t consider him violent anymore. He was happier that she still knew. Maybe he was different than she’d seen.
“A-actually, could I stay here until my leg heals more?” she asked. His eyes went wide and she regretted asking. That was stupid, she was stupid, she shouldn’t stay like this. She was ready to back track immediately.
“Honestly I was going to ask you to,” he said looking away. “Before you get upset, I know you can take care of yourself, but that was a pretty bad fall. I’d like to make sure you don’t have to make any injury worse. Are you all right if I work at this computer while you’re recovering?”
“Yeah, um, thank you,” she said. He gave her another large smile then moved to his desk chair rather than the ground. She considered this human with a violent streak who was terrified she’d hurt herself. He seemed to really care, maybe, just maybe, it was safe to trust him. She carefully laid back down, hearing him right next to her was shockingly calming. She had to be honest with herself at this point. She not only trusted this human, but believed he would keep her safe. She could maybe spend some more time with him.
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fear | paige dineen x fem!teen!reader
a/n: i’ve been rewatching Scorpion lately and couldn’t get this idea out of my head. this is based around 3x17. it’s a criminally underrated show and so original. also this is the first fic i’ve written in months so, sorry if it’s shit /lh
warnings: mentions of death/coma
word count: 3.1k
masterlist | navigation | request rules
reader is paige’s 18 year old daughter and sometimes helps out team scorpion but when she inadvertently inhales poisonous fumes, she soon finds herself on the brink of death, hallucinating her deepest darkest fear
i do not give you permission to repost or translate my fics on any platform - likes/reblogs are okay and are much appreciated
“Here.”
You said, placing a George Washington style hat on your younger brother’s head.
“Did you know that these are called tricorns and were referred to as-“
“Cocked hats? Yes, and they were worn not only by the aristocracy, but also as common civilian dress, and as part of military uniforms.”
You explained, interrupting Ralph as he stopped adjusting the hat and looked up at you with surprise.
“I was a history major, remember? You’re not the only one who knows things.” You joked, smiling when he did.
“So why am I wearing this tricorn?” Your genius brother asked.
“Well, you’ve got a history project due about Washington and what better way to understand his actions than by getting into his persona and pretending to be him?”
“You’ve been spending too much time around Toby.” Ralph smirked.
“Hey!”
You and your brother turned to face Happy and Toby who had just entered the garage.
“I’ll have you know that I’m a world-class behaviourist.”
“Shut it, doc.” Happy said, but there was no malice in her words.
“Where’s everyone?”
“Mum and Walter went out somewhere and Cabe’s with Allie at Sly’s desk because Sly’s asleep and drooling over himself.”
“Ew.” You said, replying to your brother.
As Happy and Toby left to find Cabe, you and Ralph continued discussing George Washington. You were both interrupted when you heard your mother’s voice.
“Morning!”
Yours and Ralph’s faces lit up when you saw she was holding a bag from Fro-Yo-Ma. Ever since Walter had got himself banned after a petty argument with the manager about a loyalty card which resulted in him having a black eye, you had all been unable to attend the establishment.
You smiled when an idea formed in your head and faced your brother once more,
“Hey, how about we sneak up to Mum whilst she’s distracted and grab our fro-yos?”
Ralph nodded in agreement and you both cautiously approached your mum who was busy telling the team that the frozen treats were for after lunch. As you both flanked your mother, you glanced over at Ralph and gave him a slight nod. Then you grabbed a tub each and began to sneak away as quietly as you came but your Mum looked at you both in confusion.
“Quick. Run, Ralph.”
Ignoring your mother’s laugh, you took a hold of Ralph’s free hand and ran back to the corner of garage you were studying in.
“I got to stop leaving them with you people.” Paige said.
Halfway through eating the frozen yogurt, you heard Cabe announce that Scorpion had a case.
Like your Mum, you weren’t a genius but you did help Scorpion anytime they were down a member, especially now since Toby had said he’d stay back to help Ralph with his project.
You were a little hurt that Ralph welcomed his help more-so than yours, despite you being the History expert, but nonetheless, you brushed it off and gathered your things to join the team’s trip to Greenland.
✧── ・ 。゚★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧
Arriving at the Granse World Seed Vault, you tugged at the lapels of your winter coat, trying to keep some of the warmth in you which was a large feat considering you were stuck in a blizzard in the middle of nowhere.
The winds, that could only be described as gusting, blew through your hair, further obstructing your view as you entered the building.
Moving the hair from your face, you shivered and looked up to see that the vault was desolate.
“Well, now we know why nobody ever comes out here.” Sly stated.
You all watched as Walter failed to use the key card resulting in Happy jump starting the generator using the battery from the snowcat you travelled in.
Then you all split up to go and complete your tasks.
Your Mum and Walter remained at the entrance whilst Happy started to repair the generator, Cabe went to the breakroom, Sly went to the server room and you went to find the operations centre to locate the power conduit which you needed to switch off and on again.
The dark hallway you were in suddenly brightened meaning Happy had managed to fix one of the power sources. You let out a breath of relief; you didn’t exactly welcome the idea of wandering around a pitch black vault alone where no one had been for almost a year.
You then began to cough as the vents let out some sort of yellow dust. The smell was putrid, almost making you heave.
“God, that smell is awful. So much for this being an antiseptic facility.” You groaned.
“Well, this facility self-purifies its air, but the system's been down for days, so the seeds have decayed a bit, the vents are just stirring up seed dust.” Walter said through your comms.
“Speaking of stirring up, I can only imagine what kind of trouble is being stirred up in the garage. I worry about his maturity level.”
“Mum, don’t worry. Ralph’s the most mature person I know.”
“Oh honey, I know. I was talking about Toby.”
You snickered to yourself and then stopped when you realised you’d found the Ops Centre.
“Guys, I figured out what caused the surge.”
You listened as Sly’s voice crackled through your comms.
After he had finished explaining, you spoke, “So the whole place went dark because the programmers forgot to synchronize their watches?”
“Right! But if I can get the operating system's clock lined up with Finland's, then I'll have this fixed.”
Sylvester paused for a brief moment and when he spoke again, his voice came out in a panicked whisper.
“Is anyone else getting a weird vibe? Like...like we're not alone?”
“Hey, Sly. It’s okay. Just breathe.” You said calmly before telling him to follow your breathing pattern to regulate his own.
“Good job, y/n. Sly, everything’s going to be fine. Fix the server’s clock and we’ll be out of here soon.”
You smiled at your mother’s praise and went to find the panel switch.
You enjoyed working with your Mum, loving the fact that you got to spend more time with her since starting University. But sometimes, you found yourself feeling...lonely because most of your Mum’s attention was focused on Ralph and the rest of the team.
You understood Ralph, in the broadest of terms, that was. You loved him as much as your mum and you knew her looking after Scorpion was her job but it still hurt you because you didn’t have anything in common with the rest of them.
THUD
You jumped when the door behind you slammed shut.
“Mum? I’m locked in.” You shouted out worryingly.
“It’s okay, sweetie. Our blast doors are locked too.” Your Mum said, her voice calming you with every word.
“The vault prioritizes keeping seeds safe so it must go into lockdown when it's most vulnerable, i.e. a reboot. So the doors will open in 40 minutes when the reboot is done. Everything is fine.”
Walter explained before you winced at the shriek that came through on your comms.
“Sly, what the hell?” You yelled, rubbing your ear, as if trying to sooth the pain.
“They’re in here. They’re in here.” The genius repeated as your brows furrowed in confusion.
“Sly, what’s going on?”
“Sylvester, do you copy?”
“Sly!”
You all started to shout in concern, scared for Sly’s safety, before stilling when the latter’s screams fell quiet.
“I was right. I’m not alone. It’s chickens!”
How the hell had chickens got into the seed vault? You thought to yourself.
“Hey guys. I didn’t want Sly to hear us.” Toby said.
You figured your Mum must have called him and patched him through to your comms.
You all listened as Toby explained how Sly was suffering from a psychotic break but when he commented on some yellow dust, he realised that you had all breathed in seed fungus that affected the fear centre in your brain.
You started to get even more concerned when it became apparent that Happy and Cabe were hallucinating but you were shamefully relieved that the ergot spores hadn’t affected you. You weren’t sure you wanted to experience your darkest fear, especially when you were surrounded by your Mum and the team.
“Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes, Mum. I’m not seeing or hearing anything.” You reassured her, hearing her sigh of relief.
“Okay, thank god. We’ll get you out soon enough, okay, sweetie?”
You blinked, turning around when you heard your mother’s voice behind you.
“Y/N?” Paige said through your comms.
But you just blinked again, because you could see your Mum in front of you and you couldn’t distinguish the look on her face.
“Mum, what’s wrong?” You said.
“What? Nothing’s wrong. Toby. Walt. What’s happening?” Paige said frantically.
“Y/N must have inhaled the ergot too and she’s now trapped in her false reality.” Toby explained.
“We got to get her out of there, Walter.”
Paige said, near tears, before falling silent as she watched you on the security camera. She saw you sit on a chair and converse with an imaginary Paige.
“Mum, what did I do? I’m sorry.” You said, tears forming in your eyes at your mother’s words.
“I told you, I don’t love you. Scorpion is my family. They’re geniuses and you’re not.”
“Mum, please.” Your voice broke, as you started to plead with her.
“I-I can’t watch this. I need to get her out of there. Y/N, listen to me. I am here!”
Paige ran up to the blast doors and started to bang on the reinforced steel. Her attempts, however, were futile, because she knew that the doors wouldn’t open until you, Cabe, Happy and Sly had completed your tasks.
“Paige, you have to keep it together.” Toby said.
“No, my daughter is living her worst fear and I can’t do anything to stop it.”
“I know. I want to help Happy too. But we can’t until we figure out what psychological baggage the fungus is unpacking.”
“And we might need to hurry because Sly is getting unsure of foot.”
Walter said as Paige returned to his side to see Sly having trouble keeping his balance.
“God, we need to get them out of there. The exposure seems extensive which means their blood vessels are being constricted, especially in the brain meaning-“
“Less blood flow. And less blood flow means less oxygen. And less oxygen means...coma.” Walter finished solemnly.
“We have to talk them lucid so they can finish their tasks. I’ll take Happy. Walt, you take Cabe. Ralph, you have your work cut out for you with Sly. And Paige-“
“I’ll help y/n. Y/N? Y/N, honey, if you can hear me, I need you to flip the switch on the panel next to you. Y/N?”
“Y/N!”
“I’m sorry, Mum. Please don’t yell. What did I do wrong?”
“I told you, you’re just not special so why should I waste my time with you?”
“Please, Mum. I’m sorry I’m not special enough. I’m sorry I’m not smart like everyone else. Please don’t send me away.”
Paige’s heart broke as she watched you cry on her screen.
“Y/N, I love you so much. You are special. I love you.” Paige cried, tears dropping down her face.
“Toby, it’s not working. I can’t get through to y/n!”
“Ralph and I may have come up with another idea. You need to go back to the point when these fears started and attack that seminal moment.”
“Okay, so she’s talking about not being smart enough. I can only guess that this started when I joined the team. Y/N? Baby, can you hear me?”
Paige’s voice softened as she spoke to you once more.
“Yes, Mum?” You replied, sniffling as your tears continued to fall down your face.
“Oh, honey. Just because you’re not a genius like the rest of these guys, doesn’t mean you’re not special.”
“But I’m not.”
“Y/N, yes, you are. You’ve been special since the moment you were born. Since the moment I first held you in my arms. You’re my baby, y/n. You are special in your own way.”
Your Mum grabbed your hand and held them to her heart.
“You feel that?”
“Y-Your heartbeat?” You asked, feeling the light repetitive beating under your palm.
“Yes. My heartbeat. More importantly, my heart. You are my heart, y/n. You have been for 18 years. I grew up with you. You made me into the person I am today. The person I am now. I love you so much.”
“Yes, you’re not as smart as Ralph or Walter or the rest of the team but neither am I. Y/N, you are bright, intelligent. You are twice the person I am. You care so much about everyone. Your heart is beautiful.”
Your mother gently dropped your hand in her lap and lifted her own to cradle your face.
“That’s what makes you special.” She moved to place a soft kiss on your forehead.
“Now, y/n. I’m already so proud of you but I need you to do one thing for me. I need you to turn the switch in front of you off and on again.”
Paige held her breath as she and Walter watched you slowly stand up on your shaky legs and walk over to the panel that had the power conduit switch attached to it.
“Done.” Your voice echoed on the security monitor.
“Good girl.”
“I’m kinda sleepy, Mum. I’m just going to take a quick nap.” Your voice quietened as you lay down on the floor.
“Uh, Toby. Y/N flipped the switch but she’s really sleepy and I can’t get her to wake up.”
“Oh god, Happy, Sly and Cabe are out too. They’re in comas. They need medical assistance stat or they will die.”
“Walter.” Paige whispered, unable to speak any louder due to fear of losing you.
“We can synthesize a treatment!”
Toby then explained the different seeds they needed to mix together to make the medicine whilst Ralph hacked the vault’s database to locate them.
Once Paige and Walter had manufactured oxygen tubes out of PVC pipes, they hastily made their way to the vault before stopping when they saw you unconscious on the ground.
Paige ran to your side, still holding her breath, and quickly checked for a pulse, relaxing slightly when she felt it, albeit it was weak, but it was still there. She ran her thumb against your cheek in a gentle caress and then followed Walter to the vault, passing the others, also unconscious, on their way.
Easily finding the required seeds, the duo made the medicine oil but when a chemical fire broke out, Walter stayed to put it out whilst Paige ran to give the oil to the rest of you.
She found Cabe first, then Happy and Sly. Once she had rendered them conscious, she ran off in pursuit of the Operations Centre where you were.
Carefully but quickly, she lifted your head to rest against her leg as she poured the oil beneath your tongue.
“Come on, sweetie. Wake up. Open your eyes. Please, God.” She murmured to herself.
You opened your eyes with some difficulty, wincing at the light above you.
“Mum? What happened?” You groaned, sitting up.
“Thank God, you’re okay. I thought I’d lost you.”
Ignoring your question, your Mum gathered you in her arms and hugged you tight against her.
“I love you so much, y/n.”
Hugging her back, you rested your head against the crook of her neck, “I love you too.”
“Guys, come on, we gotta go.”
You both looked up to see Happy standing at the door. With the help of your Mum, you stood up and she then grabbed your hand and you all ran back to the entrance.
✧── ・ 。゚★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧
You had all safely arrived back home and managed to make it in time for Sly’s debate.
You sat in the chair next to Happy, slowly falling asleep, exhausted from the ordeals of the day.
Soon after you’d left the Vault and were on your way home, the grogginess of the poisonous fungus had fully left your system, allowing you to remember your hallucination. You’d barely said more than two words on the plane ride home, unsure of the right words to say to your Mum who had undoubtedly heard your fear.
“Hey, sweetie. Stay awake for a little while longer. We’re going home. Sly’s going to look after Ralph tonight.”
Your mother said, resting her hand on your shoulder to rouse you. You nodded in response and got up, following her to her car.
Similar to the plane, the car ride was silent. Not necessarily an awkward silence, but it was far from comfortable. You felt the constant glances your Mum gave you as she drove on the quiet roads. You noticed her lips part a few times too, as if she was about to say something but then stopped herself at the last moment.
Arriving home, your Mum unlocked the door and you made a beeline to your bedroom to get changed into your nightie. As you laid in your bed, you heard a soft knock on your door.
Inviting your Mum in, you saw she had changed too. She sat on your bed, the lamp providing some light in the room.
“Honey, can we talk?”
Not waiting for an answer, she got into the bed beside you and rested against the headboard.
“I want to talk about what happened earlier.”
There was no need for her to clarify what she meant.
“Do we have to?”
“Yes, y/n, we do. It broke my heart to see you cry today. And it hurt even more to hear that I was the reason why. I’ve never ever wanted to cause you any pain and the fact that I was a part of your deepest fear just-“
When her voice faltered, you looked up to see quiet tears streaming down her cheeks.
“Mum, I’m sorry.”
“Baby, you have nothing to apologise for. I’m sorry that you felt like you weren’t special. But I meant what I said back there. You are special in your own way. Yes, I love you and Ralph in different ways but you mean so much to me. I’m surrounded by geniuses all the time, and frankly, it gets tiring. So I’m glad I have you. You bring me back down to Earth. You’re my heart and soul, y/n.”
Not knowing the right words to say, you simply lay your head against your mother’s chest and hugged her close.
“I love you, Mum.”
“I love you too, baby. I always have and I always will.”
Soon enough, both of your tears stopped and you fell asleep in her arms, her hands gently stroking your hair as she cradled you against her.
You may not have been a genius but you were smart enough to realise that no matter what, your Mum would always love you.
#scorpion#scorpion x reader#paige dineen#paige dineen x reader#happy quinn#happy quinn x reader#toby curtis#toby curtis x reader#sylvester dodd#sylvester dodd x reader#cabe gallo#cabe gallo x reader#ralph dineen#ralph dineen x reader#walter o'brien#walter o’brien x reader#katharine mcphee#jadyn wong#quintis#c: scorpion#c: paige dineen#s: mine#c: fear#c: paige dineen x d!r
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Letters From War (Ron Speirs x reader)
Here is Part 3 of my Eye Candy series! Yes, Eye Candy was supposed to be a one-shot but I’m having too much fun with their dynamics.
And because sometimes you just need some soft!Speirs in your life.
Warnings: Speirs being a secret softy and some jealousy, a couple swear words
Words: 3500
Eye Candy series masterlist
Tag List: @happyveday @evelynshelby @sydney-m and @softspeirs (because I mentioned this earlier to you)
Sunlight filtered through the lacy curtains, casting the hotel room in a soft glow. A subtle ticking of the clock was the loudest sound in the room. Laying there in the silky sheets felt divine. No one was screaming orders outside of the barracks as they ran their platoon. One of my fellow nurses was not shuffling around inside trying to be quiet but failing as they slammed their stuff on a cot or on the hard floor. No, it was blissfully quiet. Something I had not realized how much I missed until I started my training at Camp Toccoa and was constantly surrounded by others.
I rolled over onto my side, eyes bleary from having just woken up. Peeking at the clock on the far wall, I could see the little hand pointing at the eleven. Not what I was hoping to see. My weekend pass meant I did not have to be back to base until this evening but if I did not get up now, I might go AWOL just to lounge around in these sheets with the sunlight warming me.
I groaned quietly as I sat up, the soft sheets sliding down my naked body. There was a freeing feeling with sleeping naked. Not that I did it often. Or ever. But the few times I had...I could see the appeal of it being a regular occurrence. Especially with these sheets. Were they made from cherub’s wings? Nothing could be as soft and silky as these sheets. I promised myself after the war, if I made it, I would buy myself a set. Something to look forward to.
As quietly as I could, I slid my legs over the side of the bed, ready to stand up when a deep, gravelly voice stilled my movements.
"Where you think you're goin'?"
I smiled at how perturbed he sounded. Glancing over my shoulder, he still lay on his stomach, arms tucked under his pillow, face buried in it. It was amazing he did not accidentally suffocate himself. "Ron, it's eleven already."
He grumbled, words muffled by the pillow. "So?"
"We need to get up soon."
"You said that two hours ago when we woke up."
"And yet, we're still in bed."
"Mmm…" He tipped his head to the side so one of his half-lidded eyes could glare at me. "I don't see the problem."
"Well some of us can't be lazy like...Ahhh!!" I squealed when an arm snaked around my waist and pulled me back, moving far too fast for someone who just supposedly woke up. Abruptly, I found myself with my head back on the pillow and a broody Lieutenant hovering over me. His bare chest was only inches above mine; and although I could not see it, I could feel that he had not put his Army issued skivvy back on. Just that realization alone bloomed a warmth in my belly.
"You were saying?" He said with a smug look.
"We need to get up."
"Mmm…" He slowly inched his head down, meeting my eyes until his lips trailed down my neck, leaving butterfly kisses.
Without a conscious thought, I tilted my neck to the side, giving him better access. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him closer, loving being under his touch. A small part of my brain berated me for not getting up while I still could. There were things I had planned on doing with my day. But an open mouth kiss on my collarbone caused a moan to fall from my lips and all thoughts of escaping his hold to fly away.
"You were saying?" He repeated.
Through the slowly growing, lust-fuel haze in my mind, I tried to remember why it was so important to leave the bed. "Was I?"
He chuckled, the feeling of it reverberating in my chest. With a quick peck to my lips, he laid his head on my chest, half his body weight on me and an arm wrapped around my waist possessively. I started carding my fingers through his hair, humming softly as we lay there together. The sheets were rumpled around his waist, the only thing keeping me warm was his body. A peacefulness descended. Something very rare in preparation for war. It only encouraged neither one of us to leave the bed, else that peace vanish and reality sink back in. We laid there silently for some time, the only sounds being our breathing and the ticking of the clock.
My thoughts swirled in my mind about the coming weeks. So many unknowns lay before us, like a minefield that we had to walk through. We just had to keep moving forward.
"We leave on the train tomorrow." I stated, staring up at the ceiling. My fingers continued carding through his hair. I would never tell a soul but I knew the feeling immediately relaxed him. Whenever I started doing it, he would practically go limp on me and lay there like a cat sunbathing.
"Mmm."
"Do you know where we are going?"
"Yes."
I swatted him lightly on the shoulder. Of course, he knew. He had the uncanny ability to always be where information was being shared, even if it was not directly relevant to him. It would not surprise me if he snuck into the intelligence officers' offices at night and peeked through their papers. Though I would never tell him that. Plausible deniability is a glorious thing.
When he refused to answer, I swatted him again. Immediately, he growled and nipped at the valley between my breasts, making me squeak. Before I could incite or escape his further wrath, he settled himself back on top of me. When I made no further move, he roughly grabbed my hand and placed it back on the top of his head. I smirked up at the ceiling, and followed his silent order. Perhaps in a past life he had been a cat. It would explain some of the moodiness.
"Tell me." My fingers slipped through his hair, occasionally scraping his scalp, making him hum. "Please."
"I overheard Nixon talking to Sink." He tilted his head to look at me, those dark, piercing eyes meeting mine. "New York."
I connected the dots in my head. "Europe?"
He made no reply as he continued to stare at me, rubbing his thumb along my ribs.
"Can I write to you?"
I felt him stiffen slightly. We had never defined what was between us. Obviously there was attraction and passion, the bruises on my hips and the half-moon indents on his back attested to that. Yet there was also a peaceful companionship I think neither of us expected. He would listen to me ramble about things we learned in class and different techniques to use in the field or the silly things my friends and I had done. On the rare occasion he would vent about one of his men and their stupidity. But I knew he was trying not to make attachments. There was a solid steel wall around his heart he had raised as soon as he stepped foot in Camp Toccoa. He knew his superiors would die. His men would die. He could possibly die. It would be easier to not know their hopes and dreams, their stories and fears. There was one thing we both knew but never acknowledged.
Somehow, I was the exception to his rule.
As we laid there, I tried not to let his silence bother me. I knew it was a long shot to even ask him. I would not be entirely surprised if he said no. We were not even sure that our paths would cross again. I was to be stationed as a nurse for the paratroopers but it had not been finalized for which battalion.
Finally he spoke, looking just over my head the whole time he had been thinking. "Let me think about it."
"Um, ok… well if I meet some other fella who sweeps me off my feet and writes…"
He leaned up and kissed me soundly, interrupting my potential future plan.
"You can't just kiss me to keep me from talking. That's rude." I huffed when he finally allowed me to breathe again.
"No." He stated flatly.
"No? You don't want me writing to someone else, no? I've already had a few soldiers ask if they could write to me."
"No."
"Ron, that's not how this works. If you don't want me writing to you, that tells me you're done with me. I don't do one-night stands."
He quirked an eyebrow, stupid smirk on those kissable lips.
I blushed, swatting him again. "You know what I mean." This was not our first rendezvous together where we snuck away from others while on a weekend pass.
He sighed, dropping his head back on my chest. "And if something happens to me."
"Then I'll mourn but I'll keep doing my job. Who knows? I might even miss you."
He chuckled then lay quietly. I thought he had fallen asleep until he spoke up, so softly I almost did not catch it. "No one was supposed to miss me."
"Mmm," I hummed, tracing the muscles on his back with my finger. In a spur of the moment decision, I decided to be honest, my whisper hanging in the air above us. "Too late...I don't think I can help it now."
We lay there contently for a time, just basking in our own thoughts, the warmth of the morning sun and each other's body.
"Ron, we really need to get up…. stop ignoring me."
He grumbled then suddenly rolled fully on top of me, pressing open-mouth kisses on my neck and chest. "One more."
"How do you have the energy for one more? Christ! Is it possible to die from so many orgasms?"
He froze, slowly his eyes met mine. I knew that look.
"No...no, Ron, NO! That wasn't a challenge...please, oh, shit!"
As I tried to wiggle away from him, he pinned my hips down with his arm and with that dark, seductive look which sent my heart racing, he lowered his face to where I could feel myself throbbing for him.
Needless to say, we did not leave that bed until the afternoon.
*****
The train car rattled along the track, the forests and open fields of the East Coast passed by in a blur. Honestly, at this point I had no idea what state we were even in. Somewhere on our way to New York. Then troopship. Then England.
Soon war.
It was a weird feeling. We had been training and preparing for it. Gathering all the knowledge we could and practicing saving lives until our backs cramped from being bent over pretend bodies and our fingers almost bled from the constant chafing of bandages, syringes and textbooks against them. Yet now on the cusp of war, I felt wholly unprepared.
Pushing the thought away, I rubbed my tired eyes. I picked up my pencil, continuing to try and write a letter to my folks back home before one of the girls found me. I had been sitting in a train car with Lucy, Mary and Rebecca. After a while of listening to them gossip and talk amongst themselves and with the other nurses nearby, I decided to step away. I claimed I needed the quiet to write my letter. Truthfully, I just needed some quiet. I loved those ladies but Christ could they be LOUD.
Staring at the paper in my lap, words seemed to fail. How do I tell my family about everything I was preparing for? All my fears? All my hopes? All my worries? Do I lie and pretend everything is alright?
"Keep it simple." I muttered. With a sharp inhale, my pencil met the paper.
Dear Dad and Mom,
I hope everyone is doing well. I miss everyone. Sometimes I find myself thinking about home and wonder how soon it'll be till I see it. And you guys, of course.
My friends are doing well. Mary has been showing off a picture of her newest nephew to all the nurses. I don’t know how I would have survived all this training without them. They help keep my spirits up during this time. And do not worry, dad, no one has proposed yet. Well, this week at least. There will be no ring on my finger until the war is over.
Just last week we were learning about different types--
"This spot taken?" A rough, rasping voice asked, disturbing my concentration.
I looked up to see a paratrooper standing at the end of my bench seat. I was surprised but wondered if maybe he just needed a space away from his buddies. Most of the other benches and seats were filled up with paratroopers in this train car, a good amount of them sleeping, writing their own letters or gambling. The few voices eased into the background as I sat there, making me momentarily forget I was not actually alone.
"No, it's open." I slid further down, closer to the window. Across from me was a different paratrooper I thought I recognized from Fox Company. He had been in a deep sleep even before I sat across from him, if the small puddle of drool and soft snores said anything.
"Thank you, ma'am. It's damn near impossible to find a quiet spot on this train." He dropped down onto the bench, removing his garrison cap.
I hummed, returning my eyes to the letter. Maybe I should not mention the proposals, even if they were all in jest. Though thinking about them brought up images of a pair of intense, dark eyes and strong hands that had come to know my body almost as well as I did. A blush warmed my cheeks at the thought.
It had been several weeks since we first began seeing each other. In public, we continued in our separate roles. Ron was not one for public affection, even if he always glared a hole in the head of any man he caught talking with me. I had heard through the rumor mill that word spread- I was Speirs' girl, even if no one ever saw us interact in that way. If Speirs purposefully started the rumor or my friends did after seeing the hickeys he left on my neck the first time... either way, the flirting and catcalls involving me dropped to a minimum.
In private, when we could sneak away or secretly meet up...he had no problem showering physical affection on me until I was seeing stars and melted into a puddle in his arms.
I wondered where he was on the train. Before I got on, I caught a glimpse of him directing some of his men on the platform. There were so many unknowns for us. My own feelings for him had grown like weeds since he kissed me. Part of me knew it was trouble. We were heading into war where nothing was certain. Yet the other part of me craved him. He was like no man I had ever known before. With one glimpse of him, my heart practically beat out of my chest. In his arms was quickly becoming my favorite place to be. I loved how there was never a need to fill the silence while with him.
Was this love?
I shot that thought down before it could plant anywhere. Last time I talked to Ron, he never confirmed if I could even write to him. I knew being with me was not easy for him. Although he never explicitly said it, I wondered if he thought he was going to die during the war.
That rasping voice interrupted me once again. "I'm John Billings, Private first class, Baker Company."
"Nurse Y/L/N." I nodded, glancing at him. Short, cropped blond hair, vibrant blue eyes, dimple on one cheek and broad shoulders. If he was inclined, he looked like he could bench-press me. He was attractive...but I was not interested.
"Ah, come on, you not gonna tell me your first name?"
I shrugged, still keeping my gaze on my letter, hoping he would take the hint.
Apparently not.
"Any guesses on where we're heading? One of my buddies thinks Africa. I think we're headed to Italy or something like that. Either way, Nazis are gonna regret starting this thing when we come in and fucking finish it." He laughed. When I did not respond, he slid a little closer, legs spread wide like he owned the bench seat. "Where you from? You sound kinda like my ma."
"I don't think that's your business."
"Hey, doll, no reason to get upset. I'm just making small talk."
"Well, I'm trying to write a letter."
"Alright, I get it. I'll leave ya alone." He laid his arms on the back of the bench, on either side of him, staring towards the front of the train car. His hand lay right behind my shoulders, almost touching them.
I rolled my eyes.
Several more minutes went by and finally I finished my letter. Well, at least I could not think of anything else to write home about. I folded it up, stashing it and my pencil back into my satchel to mail once we reached New York. My last letter written in America. That thought scared me more than I cared to admit.
"Letter to a sweetheart?"
"No," I replied. "Letter home."
He nodded. "I need to do that myself or my ma will find me no matter where we are and spank me with her wooden spoon."
I could not help the giggle that bubble up at the image evoked. "That sounds like my grandmother. I swear even the devil is terrified of her."
He laughed loudly, throwing his head back, eyes crinkling.
We both stilled when our sleeping companion shifted in his seat, running a hand over his face. Just as soon as he began moving, he stopped once again, snores filling the air.
I looked back out the window, watching the countryside pass. How soon would it be before I saw America again after I left? Would I ever? How much longer could this war drag on for? How different would I be when I returned home? Would my family even recognize me?
"So, you gonna tell me your name yet, beautiful?" My other companion teased, sliding slightly closer.
Before I could open my mouth, a deep, husky voice spoke, sending shivers down my spine. "That's Nurse to you, Private."
I looked over to see Ron standing in the walkway, arms crossed. His signature glare aimed at the paratrooper next to me. Death in his eyes.
My companion froze under the intense look, like prey just waiting for the predator's jaws to rip them apart. "Yes...ah, yes, sir."
"I suggest you find yourself another seat."
The Private scrambled out of his seat without a backward glance at me, mumbling something at Ron before briskly walking away and finding a seat further up the train car.
"Awww…. I think you scared him away."
Ron stared at me for a moment before glancing around and settling into the seat just vacated. "Why aren't you with the other nurses?"
"Just needed some quiet for a minute so I could write a letter home."
He raised an eyebrow. That man could carry entire conversations with just his facial expressions.
"The Private came after I was already sitting." I explained, knowing that was what he wanted to know.
He seemed to think it over before taking my hand in his. Something he had never done in public before. A small smirk teased his lips as he entwined our fingers. "Did you write home about me?"
"No. Should I have?"
He sat there quietly, rubbing his thumb on the back of my hand.
"I thought about it." I admitted, looking at our hands. Though I could feel the heavy weight of his gaze on my face, I did not meet it. "But… I did not want… they would think then…"
"I want you to write me."
My head shot up, eyes wide and lips parted. "Really? Are you sure?"
He mock-glared at me.
"Will you write me back?"
To my endless surprise, he leaned over and pressed a chaste kiss to my lips, leaving me speechless. "I'll think about it." He winked before getting up and smoothing back out his impeccable Class A uniform. "I'll find you when we arrive."
"Ok." I answered meekly, my brain trying to understand what just happened.
With one more longing look, he nodded and started back down the train car, disappearing just as quickly as he appeared.
He wanted me to write him...and he would write back!
And he kissed me.
In public!
To anyone else it may seem insignificant but for me...this was monumental. He was claiming me as his girl. Not just rumors anymore. It was ridiculous how my heart swelled at the thought.
A softly spoken "damn" made my head whip round to see the Private who had been sleeping now staring at me with eyes as big as saucers and mouth hanging open slightly.
"Damn." I echoed back, touching my lips, still in shock.
I was such a goner for him. Though, I could not find it anywhere in myself to be upset about that.
#band of brothers#Band of Brothers fandom#band of brothers fanfic#band of brothers imagine#ronald speirs#ron speirs#ron speirs x reader#ronald speirs x reader#fluff#soft!speirs
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