#why am i breaking down every time that you ignore me or take forever to text

[elliesbelle]

lol

[chocoqtelle]

inner child pac reading

🦀 pile one,,

I know we're used to being super helpful, but it's good to help yourself too. you should always make sure you're okay first. It's important for us to be okay, even if other people don't think so. we should think so. things are gonna be okay for us. they always are. I want to do the things we like. I don't understand why you care about what people think now. I think we should try doing what we like more, even if it's embarrassing. it doesn't have to take a lot of time. it's just good to have fun sometimes. maybe you can get back into some of our old interests if you want?

it seems like this pile had to mature quickly and was overly generous in childhood. this likely led to some people pleaser habits. when the world said "be nice" and "care about others" you took it to heart, but it felt like you were the only one who did. you felt like you had to be the adult in your childhood and care for other people around you. for some of you, you may have had to care for a parental/older familiar figure or your siblings. you're used to changing your words and your personality to be more digestible and gentle because this strong fear of conflict. you were scared of people being mean to you, so you avoided making anyone mad. it was like you were always tiptoeing over eggshells. now, you don't have to, so there's no point in worrying about people who don't worry about you. you'd be doing yourself and your inner child a favor by doing what you want. it might feel wrong to be yourself, but at least try. I won't delve too much into this part, but I believe some people in this pile also dealt with being oversexualized or being hyper sexual at a young age. I think it's important to know you're more than what you can give others for this pile. please also take a break for the love of god.

🐸 pile two,,

It's hard to feel loved if nobody shows you. at the same time, i don't think I'd want to be loved. it seems weird and uncomfortable. I'm not used to it so it's scary. I still wish that someone would care at least. it feels like nobody else cares. I'm really tired of things being silent and boring all the time. I want to do something fun. I want friends but I want to be by myself. people think I'm weird, but I think they're the weird ones. they can avoid me but I wouldn't wanna be friends with them anyway. it doesn't matter if it's lonely, I don't feel less lonely around people anyway. some people think I'm mean. I don't think I'm mean. i heard I look mean or I act mean sometimes, but what if that's just who I am? I don't try to be mean to people. I just don't want people to hurt me.

holy neglect trauma... there's a lot to unpack here 😓 first off, I hope you're alright. it seems like this pile never really learned how to interact with people and is probably still a bit of a people hater. this pile has had to keep strong boundaries and walls on to protect themselves from unfamiliar experiences (being spoken to positively.) if you've never experienced something, it can be scary but you have to stop thinking every little thing is gonna go wrong in your life. it's fine. separate note but I think someone's ancestors are very present here, might want to connect with them if you don't already. you can try to shut down the feelings of loneliness and pretend connection won't help but it does. you're probably not connected with your inner child or you're ashamed of yourself for some reason. trying to be cold won't undo anything or save you from the feelings you're hiding. you'll have to acknowledge them at some point. escapism and forcing ignorance wont help forever. hopefully it'll be sooner than later, but that's your choice. it's okay to be soft, btw.

🐕 pile three,,

I know what I'm talking about. I'm serious. I wish people would take me more seriously. i get good grades, I study hard, I always prove how smart I am. for some reason, people still act like I'm too young and stupid to have opinions or that what I say is just silly, especially with emotions. they act like having emotions makes you a less rational person. some people look down on me for who I am, too. it's not something I can change. whether it's gender, age, or whatever, people always want an excuse to ignore how I feel or what I have to say. I know I'm right though. I don't want us to stop expressing ourselves. I wanna share how I feel to the world.

this pile is extremely opinionated and knows how to share their emotions. this pile is for the "bossy" kids who "should have been lawyers" or "a CEO" according to every adult around them. you were emotional as a child and it was always ignored or joked off as if your feelings were invalid. this pile is definitely natural-born leaders so if you aren't/never have been aspiration-driven or "extra" this pile probably isn't yours. the most healing thing you can do for yourself at this point is speak up. continue to speak about everything. share your opinion more, it's safe now and people will actually take you seriously. be emotional, be too much, be annoying, be talkative, be over-opinionated, be everything you feel like being and don't let anyone talk you out of it. lead your life how you want to. call everything out, even if it means being weird. I definitely feel like some people in this pile had the gifted kid experience or liked to read a lot when they were younger. there's also some unresolved anger that might need to be taken care of. I think speaking up more instead of bottling feelings up will definitely help that, though. you're not stupid or weak for being emotional. just be yourself unapologetically and that's the best thing you can do for your younger self.

[tinybrooms]

Our Last Day, or maybe the first?.. - Thomas Hewitt x fem. Reader

Summary: Is Thomas last day on the slaughterhouse and a pretty girl is going to help him today...or forever

Warning: Murders, Workplace Harassmen, hard vocabulary

NOTE: This is my second one shot and it's pretty long, maybe i am thinking about a second part so let me know if you want that, hope you like it, comments and feed back is always welcome.

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A few months had passed since your work at the slaughterhouse had started, you were one of the few people who had been able to access education and that had given you the opportunity to work as the supervisor's secretary.

Your days were longer than normal dealing with the male staff who looked at your body with desire and said rude comments every time you passed beside them, as did your boss who took the opportunity a couple of times to touch your ass "by accident'' and called you to his office for useless tasks that ended with indecent comments.

They were all idiots, all except Thomas, he just dedicated himself to his work and every time you said "good morning" he responded with a slight grunt while bowing his head a little, always a gentleman like his mama taught him.

-I see you're already packing - your supervisor looked at you from the door frame while you put your things in a cardboard box.

-Yes, I'm almost done - you looked at him smiling kindly trying to ignore the uncomfortable look he had on your butt that was visible in your pencil skirt.

-Leave that there for a moment, I need you to go down and tell Thomas that he has to go, the animal is still cutting meat and doesn't want to go home - the old man took off his glasses, wiping them on his shirt regardless of the worried expression on your face.

-Do I… should I go? sir, I think the best thing would be…

-It's an order, you still work here, that's why I didn't want to hire women, they're always so useless- the disgusting man laughed mockingly as he walked to his office - get off your ass and get down right now

Your gaze quickly fixed on the large window of what was your place from where you could clearly see Thomas hitting the pieces of meat with his sharp knife making a sound against the wooden table, it took you a few seconds to take a breath and pass saliva to get down, the aroma of raw meat disgusted you too much, just like the blood spread all over the place, that was what bothered you more than anything else.

-Hello..Hello Thomas - you smiled behind his back while your hands played nervously in front of you - well, I think they had already informed you that the slaughterhouse is going to close today and..- you sighed, adjusting your cat-eye glasses on your nose sighing holding on not to get dizzy with the intense aroma of meat - and well you must go home

Thomas paused a little but after a few seconds he hit the flesh again with such force that he made you jump on your heels.

-Thomas…please don't make this more difficult, I don't want them to come down and scold you like they always do- Your voice lowered a little, almost in a whisper, trying not to let your supervisor hear you and get you both in trouble, but Thomas just continued ignoring your advice

-Don't you listen to what she said you damn animal? You won't work here anymore, go home with your stupid family - your supervisor came down the stairs, standing halfway screaming in the distance, making the huge man turn around with his knife in his hand, squeezing it so hard that his knuckles seemed like they would break the skin from his hand

Your eyes looked with at the man with glasses and then at Thomas with fear that something would happen, after all you were in the middle and the tension of both collided with your small and fragile body, that was when your poor gaze weakened between you in the dark and humid environment, you could notice how Thomas's hand was shaking and his breathing was agitated making his chest rise and fall.

-Thomas..please - with fear your hand extended making the giant barely look at you through his long locks of hair - no…it's not worth it - with fear you took his hand, it was the first time Thomas felt the skin of a woman against his and despite the anger he felt, his breathing was not still agitated because of it, but because of the delicate way your skin felt against his - give me that, I'll put it here okay? -You looked at him slowly taking the knife, placing it on the table and you smiled shyly walking away a few steps slowly so that he wouldn't feel threatened.

-That's it damn idiot, I bet you've never felt that before, huh?, You'll get so hard with this bitch that you'll forget why you came here- The disgusting old man laughed as he returned to his office, leaving the two of you alone, tense and nervous.

Thomas just looked at the floor shyly, he knew he was right, no one had ever touched him even by accident and that made him feel vulnerable.

-It's okay Thomas, don't worry about what he says go home, I hope you and your family are okay - you smiled at him again, turning around in a hurry, almost running to the bathroom, you could feel a knot in your stomach because of all the vices and meat that were scattered on the tables, crossing the long corridor in a hurry until you reached the bathroom where as soon as you opened the door you vomited.

Your knees on the cold floor and your hands holding your own hair made it impossible for you to hear what was happening outside, retching made your eyes water and after a few minutes with shaky legs you stood up wiping your lips with the front of your hand.

You took a little longer looking at yourself in the mirror, fixing the lipstick that had been ruined with your fingers and carefully washing your hands, always taking care of your image as mom had taught you since you were a girl.

After that you went to your desk putting away the few things that were left, a couple of photographs and your notebooks with notes that maybe would no longer work at all but you still wanted to keep them, after all they were from your first job so with the box of cardboard full of your belongings under your arm you prepared to go say goodbye to your boss.

-I'm done sir, is there anything I can do… -your feet stopped dead looking at the completely destroyed office, the desk was broken in half and there we re objects thrown all over the place- sir? - You walked in fear towards what looked like a pair of destroyed legs under the wood of the table and as soon as you got closer you could notice the old man lying in a pool of blood with his head shattered.

The box under your arm slid hard, making it sound on the floor as it fell while your hands covered your face and a loud scream came from your throat and you took steps backwards trying to get out of the traumatic scene until your back collided with a firm figure making you spin fast.

There was Thomas, looking at you with his strong breathing and his dark eyes like you had never seen before while he held a chainsaw in his hand.

-Thom..Thomas-you looked at him scared, walking back again in fear looking at his hand-leave…leave that, leave it on the floor

Only a growl came out of his throat, answering you firmly and confusedly, but it was definitely a refusal to your request.

-Please…don't hurt me, I won't say anything, I promise -your wet eyes and your heavy breathing made him doubt, of course you were going to say something, but in the same way he didn't want to hurt you, you were always kind to him, you were the only person who noticed him when he arrived and who received him every morning wishing him a good day.

Your eyes and his were staring at each other, as if either of you were waiting for a movement from the other to attack or to scream, whoever acted first was going to react to the other, but the sound of a car interrupted making both of you look towards the front door which after a few seconds opened and they both could notice Officer Hoyt entering with the gun in his hand.

-It's the police…- you looked at him again, curious as to how they could find out about the crime - Thomas, they are going to arrest you, if they find you they will take you with them.

The big man looked at the floor confused, realizing what he had done and a fear began to grow in him, not knowing what to do to remedy the mistake he had made.

-Come with me - you approached with fear, careful not to make any movement that would make him believe that you were going to attack him or that you were going to run away and again your hand held his so delicately that once again Thomas felt special - I will get you out of here

You hurriedly pulled his hand, his huge body almost following you, looking behind you in fear of being discovered, but at the same time in his mind he kept having that curiosity about how you had decided to help him after what he did, he was a murderer and what he had done was wrong

-Come, here there is a door through which we entered, it is far from the main door, no one will notice - you looked at him to make sure that he remained calm and after a few minutes walking you let go of his hand to push the door with both hands and help him escape - no one will find you if you get home quickly

Thomas shook his head, approaching you again but this time extending his hand, offering it to you while his head remained down and his eyes avoided looking at yours.

-Do you…do you want me to go with you? -You looked at him curiously with a little fear and he just slowly shook his hand indicating that he wanted you to take it so you carefully approached taking his hand, following his step when he began to walk without bothering his chainsaw in the other hand

The road was silent at first, just the two of you both walking along the side of the road under the strong Texas sun, at no time letting go of the other's hand, which in the same way if you wanted to you couldn't do it, his hand was huge and strong making Yours will be hidden between his thick fingers.

-And…is anyone from your family at home right now? -You looked at him curiously, feeling stupid knowing that he wouldn't answer you but he just nodded with his head without taking his eyes off the front-Oh really?…is…your mother?

He denied and you continued asking trying to guess who was home, feeling stupid and insistent.

-Well, your uncle? -You looked at him, sighing in relief when he nodded, looking at you with a touch of innocence that was difficult for you to believe after knowing that he had ended your boss's life - oh really? That's good…I'm alone you know, my mom moved to Austin a week ago and I told her I would go with her as soon as I finished my work.

Thomas looked at you stopping his pace, his gaze was the same as always but his eyebrows furrowed with some sadness making you also look at him without knowing what was happening.

-Something happens? I said something wrong? Thomas, sorry, I didn't want to…- your free hand barely moved on your chest, trying to make him understand that you were sorry from the bottom of your heart, but he barely grunted denied and leaving your hand, his finger carefully touched the center of your chest and then touched himself pointing at him - you?…I don't understand

He again pointed at you and then at him almost desperately as if he wanted to let you know what he wanted to say but his words did not come out and your little understanding of him was almost impossible.

-You…do you want…me?…Do you want me to stay…with you? - Thomas nodded, taking your hand again walking without waiting for you to take a step, making you stumble - but, I can't…

His hand gave a strong squeeze to yours making you moan a little in surprise, an action that made him feel something strange, that was also something new that he had heard from a girl,

-I really would like to stay but I have to go with my mother- your eyes kept looking at the road trying not to trip again but then you fixed them on him when you didn't hear any grunt from him, at this point you had already understood that this was his way of communicating.

But the road became even quieter, only your footsteps could be heard on the asphalt and from time to time a sigh came out of your mouth due to the suffocating heat you felt on your forehead.

It was a couple of meters ahead when again the sound of a car behind you made you turn your head, feeling relief but worried when you noticed the police car stopping in the middle of the road.

-Hands up son, stay away from that poor girl - Officer Hoyt pointed at Thomas, cutting the cartridge from his gun.

Thomas knew what that sound meant, he had heard it many times when he saw Charlie and Monty hunting, so with his hand he pushed you a little away from him worried that something bad could happen to you.

It was your time to run away, you could run and get away until you lost sight of them but something made you stay there, watching as the policeman pointed his gun at Thomas and honestly inside you just felt scared that something could happen to him.

-Sir, he didn't do anything wrong to me, we were just walking…- you looked at him trying to fix the situation, believing that that would be enough for him to leave.

-I saw what he did in the slaughterhouse sweetheart, you should not protect this damn animal- Hoyt looked at you for a second to return his attention to the big man in front of him. -You murdered a man ya’know, you will go to prison for what ya’did

You could feel your breathing really hard, nervous and afraid that a bullet could come out and hurt Thomas, after all yes, he murdered a man but he did it to defend himself after all the bad things that they had been done to him and in the same way , it was not such an exemplary man who died, so it had not been a great loss

-We have a problem, sheriff - your attention quickly focused on an elderly man who was holding a shotgun and shot without thinking killing the officer, again your hands covered your face while you screamed in fear.

-Calm down your little girlfriend, Thomas - the man laughed, approaching the body and a pair of hands held your shoulders delicately, making your hands lower in fear, looking at the giant in front of you.

-I want this to stop, I don't want to see any more people die - you looked at him crying with fear - I don't want to be next, I've only been good to you, please don't hurt me.

-No one will hurt you darling- the old man laughed as he placed the sheriff's hat over his cap - This is the girl who's been making you hard for months uh Tommy? She is very pretty, of course we won't do anything bad to her right?

The fear inside you grew more and more, this man was even more disgusting than your boss was and it seemed that like Thomas, he had the idea that from today you would be part of the family and you would stay with them forever

Thomas looked at the man next to him, giving him a growl and standing in front of you looking at him threateningly.

-What? you're in love? - his laugh was louder this time - okay, I won't say anything to your little doll, now come here and put the sheriff in the trunk before he stink.

Thomas took a couple of steps and effortlessly took the officer's lifeless body and placed it in the trunk without difficulty, all in front of your disbelieving eyes.

-Come on honey get in the car, we have to go home with mama after all she has to meet her new girl

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Thanks for reading

Part 2 here!

[yanderehsr]

I really liked the "Veronica open the door!" So how about with Lyney,Tighnari, Freminet, and Neuvillette... maybe

Sure, hope you'll enjoy😆

Trigger Warning: Yandere, Obsessive behaviour, Possessive behaviour, Kidnapping

Lyney: Truly you are a fool if you think you can break up with him just like that, there will be no breaking up, not now and probably not ever, he really doesn't care what you think of this matter. When he sees you lock yourself behind a door to get away from him he grins, he loves playing games.

Lyney will act like he can't get in, being overdramatic over this whole thing, and suddenly the noises stop, you might look out the keyhole to see if he's still there, and then you feel him hugging you from behind, how did he even get in here.

"So silly of you, I thought you were smarter than this but it seems like I was wrong, we'll have to make sure this wont happen again, right love?"

Tighnari: There are bad break ups and then we have what happens if you break up with him, at first it doesn't even register with him, his mind trying to process every single word to try and make sense of it, he himself doesn't realise when the chase had started, not becomming fully aware of himself until he finds himself before the door you locked yourself behind.

You would hear Tighnari pound on the door, growling at you to come out, he just sounds so angry, so different from the normally calm and collected forest ranger that you came to know. The more times he strikes the door the more it starts going off it's hinges until the door completely beaks apart, what you see is something straight out of nightmares, he looks deranged and all his attention is on you.

"We will go back home now before I do something I will regret. When you wake up you will forget about trying to leaving me"

Freminet: He breaks down crying, begging for you to stay, he needs you, why can't you see that, Please don't leave. When he sees you try to walk away he tries to grab you and pull you back to him but you slip away and lock yourself behind a door, he'll act so sweet to try and lure you out.

Freminet says that he isn't mad, he just wants you to come out so you can talk about this, like a good couple does, when you ignore him he starts crying again and that is when he realises, you are stuck in there, you need to come out sooner or later at least to eat, he'll just wait here until you come out willingly, even if it takes days he wont move until you come out.

"Please, won't it just be easier to come with me, you must be starving in there, I can help you if you just unlock the door"

Neuvillette: A break up isn't even a word in his dictionary, he never considered something like this to happen, he will simply tell you no to that and continue on as normal, even after repeating your wants all that is earned is his annoyance, you know you messed up when he's starting to frown at you, walking up to you, yeah you dashed out of there as fast as possible.

Even when he sees you lock yourself behind that door Neuvillette is walking calmly, sighing and complaining like he is babysitting an annoying toddler, he simply blasts the door away with a simple wave of his hand and grabs you, did you really think you could get away from him... by hiding behind a door of all things.

"I am so dissapointed in you, I told you at the beginning of our relationship that this will be forever and then you try to pull this on me"

[me-and-my-3lovers]

First Time

Human!Sam x Alpha!Male!Reader

The world is split between ABO and normal humans. You are an alpha hunter with the Winchesters, and live in the bunker. This takes place around season 8, pre trials.

MINORS DNI, 18+ ONLY

Word Count: 2700

Warnings: Self loathing, slight Dub-con elements, Angst, A/B/O dynamics, foreplay, oral sex, male fingering, male-on-male sex, knotting, scenting, no proofread

Masterlist

--

You were warm and happy and wanted to stay in bed forever. Unfortunately, your alarm clock was screaming at you. It was only 9 AM, far too early to wake up, but, alas, you were awake. You rose from your nice and cozy bed and went to the kitchen. When you arrived, Dean was making coffee and Sam had his nose in a book. You greeted them as best you could before grabbing a bowl of cereal. The first bite was delicious, the cereal was still crunchy but not soggy, perfect.

"How does your rut work?" Dean asked while putting away the milk.

"Dean..." Sam warned from the bar stool.

You paused, a spoon of cereal halfway to your mouth, "You have the internet; look it up." You savored the taste of the cereal, eager for the conversation to end.

"But isn't that like expecting sex to be like a porno?" You stared at Dean, taken aback by his metaphor.

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, "Of course, you find a way to bring it back to porn, Dean."

You ignored Dean's question and took another bite of your cereal. Dean sat beside you, staring as you shoveled the rest of the cereal into your mouth. The silence was deafening. The three of you sat, ignoring each other before you decided to get up and put your bowl in the sink.

"Why do you even want to know about my rut?" You asked, breaking the silence.

"We've been hunting together for years, and now we're living in the bunker, and we walked in during it..." Dean started scratching the back of his head, trying to find the words to continue.

"Ok, and?" You prompted.

"We had to call Cas in to stop you from dying." Dean blurts out.

You tensed at Dean's words. It wasn't untrue that your rut almost killed you last time, but calling Cas was unnecessary. Sam stared between you and his brother, waiting for any sign of violence.

"That was unnecessary." You started to walk to your room, not wanting to be around Dean anymore.

"I didn't mean it like that," Dean grabbed your arm and spun you to face him. "I'm worried about you, we're worried about you."

You glanced between him and Sam for a few moments. "Then you'll let me handle my rut how I see fit." You resume the walk to the safety of your room.

"That doesn't explain why you had a fever of 107 and were coughing up blood." Dean follows after you. Sam stood up and followed close behind, not trusting the situation to die down.

"I mean, heats and ruts are a reproductive thing, alphas and omegas aren't meant to go through them alone." You stop at the door to your room and turn back toward Dean and Sam. "Listen, I've gone through every rut since I was seventeen by myself and survived. Now if you don't mind, leave."

Dean scoffed and rolled his eyes before stomping away.

Sam looked at you with those puppy dog eyes. "What if you weren’t alone?" Sam asked.

"No, I am not subjecting someone, anyone, to me on my rut." You turned around to open your room. "If you think Dean is insufferable about the Impala..." you whistle at the end of your sentence for emphasis. "Like I said," you jump on your bed and face Sam, your hands behind your head, "I've been doing this for twenty-one years, I'm good."

Sam sat at the foot of your bed, resting his hand on your ankle. "You were screaming in pain."

"Sam, drop it."

"No! We came home and found you half dead! I won't let you go through that again."

You sat up, staring Sam dead in the eyes. "You weren't supposed to see that..." You flopped back down onto your bed, staring at the ceiling.

"Well we did see it, and you have been suffering like that for twenty-one years?" Sam sighed and hung his head "I care about you, I- I've cared about you for a long time."

"This is more than caring, Sam. The only way you could help me through my rut is degrading."

"If you think two men having sex is degrading, then I have some harsh realities for you in the twenty-first century." Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes at your antics.

"It isn't just sex, it's..." You couldn't find the right word to describe it. "You can't describe the violence of being with an alpha during their rut, you'd be subjecting yourself to my worst parts. It's not-" Sam's lips met yours, silencing you. The kiss was fleeting, over before you could react. Sam rested his head against yours and brought your hand to his cheek.

"You don't have to be alone, I'm here for you, always." Sam kissed your palm.

"You don't get it, Sam," you whispered. "I can't let you help."

"Why not?" Sam brought his free hand to rest on your neck, "I want to do this, for you."

You leaned into Sam's touch, craving more. "You'll never be able to look at me the same way again, and I don't want to lose what we have."

"But if you don't let me help then I could lose you forever." Sam kissed you as hard as he could, "I don't want to lose you."

You closed your eyes, taking a deep breath in. When you opened your eyes again Sam had the best puppy dog eyes he could muster plastered on his face.

"You're trying to lay it on thick aren't you," you chuckle, knowing you couldn't say no to Sam's puppy dog eyes.

"Is it working?"

"If, and that is a big if. If I let you help me, can I call you Sammy?"

--

You'd been shifting your room around for hours, trying to make the perfect nest. You took a lot of Sam's shirts and blankets to place around your mattress on the floor, but it still didn't feel right.

"Not comfy enough... what makes... comfy?" you knelt in the middle of the nest contemplating.

"PILLOWS!!" San came barging in with what seemed to be all the pillows in the bunker.

"Pillows..." You nodded your head before taking the pillows from Sam and arranging them.

"This looks like a proper nest." Sam came up behind you and kissed your cheek. "I love it."

"Are you sure you wanna do this Sammy?" You asked, "You don't have to."

"I want to, I want to help." Sam moved to face you and kissed you.

You pulled Sam against you and lowered him into the nest.

"Your eyes, they're gold!" Sam said, bringing his hand to caress your cheek. You leaned into his touch.

"It's my rut, my wolf... it's trying to take over. I can make it go away, give me a moment." You closed your eyes and tried to focus on locking your wolf away.

"Don't, I like it." Sam leaned up to kiss you again, breaking your concentration.

Sam started moving his giant spider legs to wrap around your waist. You could his semi-hard boner through his jeans, as his ground up into you. You broke the kiss to rid Sam of his shirt and jeans. Once you and Sam were down to your underwear, you went back to attacking Sam's mouth with your own.

You kissed down his jaw, stopping at his neck, savoring the smell of Books and firewood coming off of him. It was intoxicating. You started sucking and nipping at Sam's neck, leaving deep purple marks behind.

"Ow!" Sam slapped you away, hard. "A little aggressive with the love bites," Sam grumbled.

"Sorry," You lifted your head to look him in the eye, "I can't help myself. An omega's mating gland is around their neck, alphas tend to fixate on that area." You tried to leave gentler kisses on his neck, moving down his body.

You gave a light suck to each of Sam's nipples, causing him to moan. You moved further south, nipping and licking at his stomach, making sure there wasn't a patch of skin that went untouched, stopping at the waistband of Sam's underwear. Catching your breath, Sam took that time to rid himself of his underwear. He was rock hard and leaking. You wasted no time sucking him down until you gagged. He fisted his hands in your hair, pushing your head down further. You sucked harder, using your tongue to circle the head of his dick. Sam tried thrusting up into your throat, but you pulled off him.

Flipping him onto his stomach, you separated his ass cheeks and licked a stripe from his balls to his asshole, causing Sam to shiver.

"Are you sure about this Sammy?"

"Yes!"

You dove straight in, pushing your tongue past the tight ring of muscle. Sam's moan was downright animalistic. You moved your hands to Sam’s hips, holding him in place while your tongue explored him. You worked your tongue deeper into his hole, getting him relaxed and used to the feeling.

"I'm ready for you, come fuck me, baby."

You withdrew from Sam's ass and flipped him on his back again. You moved up His body, trailing kisses from his stomach to his titties, sucking each nipple. When you got back up to Sam's mouth, you maneuvered both of you so you were sitting up and Sam was straddling you.

"What will it feel like when you... you know..." Sam made crude hand gestures to explain what he didn't say.

"When I knot you?" Sam nodded his head. "I don't know."

"How do you not know?!" Sam whisper-shouted. "Haven't any of your other partners described what it's like?"

Your body flushed under Sam's expectant gaze. "...I've never..." You try to look anywhere but Sam's eyes.

"Are you a virgin?" Sam asked, a teasing smile forming on his stupidly perfect face.

"NO! I just... typically, people aren't interested in..." 'Me' you wanted to say, "I've never knotted anyone," You mumbled, hiding your face in the crook of his neck. That familiar pang of rejection started festering in your chest. "If you don't want to do this, we don't have to. You can go now." You pulled away from Sam and turned over.

"No, no, no, I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"Go. Now." You growled out.

Sam grabbed his clothes and left your room without another word, leaving you alone as the pain of your oncoming rut and rejection radiated through your body. You could feel hot tears streaming down your face as you start tearing down the nest you made. You threw pillows and shirts out of the room, a dull ache settling in your chest. As more and more of the nest got thrown out, the pain became more distinguished. It festered in your heart. It was only when the last of Sam's scent was flung out of the room that the agony started. A dull throbbing in your heart turned into stabbing pain. You screamed, unable to hold it in anymore.

--

White-hot, searing pain ran through you, starting at your heart and radiating to your limbs. You felt like screaming, but the most you could muster at this point was a pained whimper, your vocal cords raw from the first few hours of screaming and crying. It felt like your heart was ripping itself apart while your body was attempting spontaneous combustion. You tried to rut against something, in a pitiful attempt to relieve some of the pain. Your body retaliated by sending another wave of pain through you.

'You deserve this,' you heard in the back of your mind, 'No one wants to be with a freak like you, a freak of nature. A sideshow attraction.' You whimpered again, the words cutting deep into your heart. You looked around the room; the scattered remnants of your nest stared back at you. 'It was stupid to think he wanted you,' the voice said again, 'All it brought you was pain and misery.' The voice was right; the rejection only made your rut more painful. As another wave of searing pain washed over you, you shut your eyes, and your mind curled into itself. Conciseness and thought gave way to animal instinct. 'A feral monster!'

A low, somber howl left your lips, one last cry for help, for a nonexistent mate to relieve the pain in your heart—the howl of a dying alpha.

"Shh, I'm here." Sam came into your room and crawled into the nest, pulling you closer to him. He kissed your forehead, "You're gonna be ok." Sam's hand petted your hair while he kept whispering assurances to you.

You stopped Sam's movements to kiss him. The kiss became more passionate and hungry when Sam didn't pull away. When you both had to pull away for air, you stared into his eyes. A whimper escaped your lips.

Sam shifted himself so that he was straddling you, "I got you." Sam affirmed, bending down to take your lips with his, grabbing the sides of your face and pulling you closer.

You bucked your hips against Sam's, causing both of you to moan. Sam started stroking your dick while stripping off his shirt and underwear. Very gingerly, Sam lowered himself onto you, hissing at the stretch. You sat up to rest your head against Sam's shoulder, mouth gently kissing the hickeys on his neck. Once Sam was fully seated your hands moved to rub circles on his thighs.

Sam took a minute to adjust before moving. He moved your hands to rest on his hips. You squeezed his hips harder as he bounced faster and faster. In a sudden bout of strength, you grabbed Sam and held him at the end of your dick. You stared into Sam's eyes before pulling him down to the knot.

"That's it alpha, come on baby," Sam whispered in your ear. Spurred on by Sam's words, you started trusting to match his bounces. Sam grabbed your hand and intertwined your fingers. Your knot began to swell and catch on his ass. "I feel it, so close." Sam tossed his head back in ecstasy as hot ropes of cum spattered on the both of you. While Sam got lost in his high, you slowed his bouncing until he was resting on your dick.

As Sam came down from his high, he looked at you, puzzled. "Why didn't you knot me?"

Your body started to hurt again when he asked that. You shook your head and whimpered.

"You need to knot me to feel better," Sam said, covering your hands on his hips.

You shook your head and whimpered again, trying to roll Sam over to lie down.

Sam held onto your shoulders and started bouncing again, trying to get you to knot him. "Come on baby, you need to knot me." You tried again to get Sam to lie down, but he was too strong. Once Sam had enough momentum he slammed himself down over your knot, causing you to cum. As your knot locked you in place you bit Sam at the junction of his neck and shoulder, trying to claim him.

Sam moved his hands to play with your hair as you lapped at the mark you made. "There you go, baby. You feel better now?"

You nodded and nuzzled into Sam's neck. Sam kissed your forehead and finally let you roll him over to lie down. "Goodnight my love."

--

You woke up surrounded by the scent of bacon and batter. You sat up; the heat from your body had subsided, and the searing pain had turned into a dull thud. Looking around, the room was cleaned up, and your nest was remade. You shifted in the nest, moving some things around when the door opened, Sam walked in carrying a tray of blueberry waffles, bacon, and orange juice. You stared silently as he walked closer, wondering why Sam was bringing you breakfast. He placed the tray in your lap and sat beside you, curling into your side.

"Dean made us some breakfast. He said it was a treat for 'being such a good boy last night' Can you believe him?" Sam scoffed.

You remained silent, staring down at the plate in front of you.

"The waffles are getting cold," Sam said after a minute, grabbing a waffle and eating it. You stared at him until he looked at you.

"What happened last night?"

"What do you mean 'what happened last night'?" Sam sat up and rubbed the crumbs from his fingers back onto the plate.

"I can't remember anything after you left."

[miss-sturn]

Snap out of it.

matthew sturniolo x reader.

summary: After Matt learns that y/n has been abandoned by Chris, he decides to take matters into his own hands...

warnings: angst, cursing, fighting, making out, fluff, part two suggestive...

a/n: there's something about basing my fics on AM songs.

What's been happening' in your world?

I glanced at y/n, who was resting her head ontop of her arms, staring out the window, in her own world.

For countless nights, I had prayed to be let into that world.

Her world.

I could do nothing to stop my leg bouncing in anticipation as I glanced over at her several times before I properly made up my mind.

Today would be the day I would tell her.

That I was the one who'd sent her that anonymous love letter.

Not Chris. Not my brother.

Me.

I heard that you fell in love,

Unfortunately, she'd assumed that it was from Chris, my arrogant asshole of a brother, and well, he just took it and ran with it.

Now they're together.

Or near enough.

He's a jerk who doesn't deserve her, I tell myself, my eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and she deserved to know the truth.

I gotta tell you the truth,

My eyes flick back over to y/n's back, watching her hair shimmer in the sunlight of the classroom.

Prom was coming up soon.

I didn't want to regret her not knowing that it was me who had sent those romantic letters, instead of Chris.

I was going to get there, before he did.

Just as I was about to reach forward and tap her on the shoulder, the bell rings to dismiss us from our chemistry lesson, and I jump in surprise, leaping up from my seat, my eyes glued on yn.

Why was she walking so fast?

Why had she been ignoring me, for the whole lesson?

Come to think of it, why had she been ignoring me for the past week?

My chest heaves with my heavy thoughts, and my head pounds as I question myself, 'What if I left it too late?'

I get the feelin' I left it too late, but baby

I speed my pace up, following her to her locker, which was coincidentally placed next to mine at the start of the year.

'y/n!' I call out, biting my cheek hard enough to draw blood.

I glance at the clock, willing time to move slower, so I could have all the time to talk to her before the next lesson.

She looked up momentarily, but with her hood over her head and her hair covering her face, I couldn't make out her expression.

Whether she was angry, happy, sad, frustrated, upset, etc, I had no idea.

Before I could even reach my locker, she spun round, books still in her hand, and stormed off towards the girls bathrooms.

I could've sworn that I'd heard a sob leaving her mouth.

I cock my head to the side, confused.

'I'll be here, y/n' I whisper under my breath.

I'll be here waitin' ever so patiently,

But as I hear Chris' tormenting cries, mocking y/n, my hands subconsciously curl into fists, and my jaw clenches as I spin around, frustration etched onto my face.

Of course It was him who'd broken her heart.

Forever isn't for everyone,

I knew it would end badly, I told myself.

Is forever for you?

Maybe she gave up with the whole relationship.

Chris had always been known as the 'heartbreaker' of the school.

It sounds like settling' down, or givin' up,

But y/n wasn't the type to give up, no.

But it don't sound much like you, girl

I storm up to Chris, who was with a group of jocks, and glared up at him, anger covering every inch of my face.

'Yo, what the fuck, dude?' He exclaims, disgust covering his features.

I attempt to lunge at him, but he just holds my shoulders back as I struggle against his iron grip.

'Get off of me bro,' He shrieks, shoving me off him.

'Did you break up with her?' I demand, shoving Chris back, square in the chest.

A crowd forms, their jeering fueling my burning hate towards Chris.

'None of your fucking business,' He scoffs, smirking at the group of jocks, almost knowingly.

'What the fuck is so funny then, huh?' I jab him in the chest, enjoying the way the crowd reacted.

Someone even jokingly yelled 'Sturniolo vs Sturniolo!'.

'What is fucking funny, is that you actually give a shit about her.'

Waitin' ever so patiently,

He was never going to understand.

For you to snap out of it

He'd fumbled her.

He laughs again, this time winking to one of the cheerleaders in the school's cheer team, who giggled and blushed pink.

'You're a dick.' I spit out, my face covered in disgust,

'I can't believe you're my brother, and that you'd dump someone who is ten times the person you are.'

The crowd practically falls apart at that, whooping and cheering as I turn on my heel, determined to get to y/n.

But when I hear a sob echo behind me, the crowd goes silent, and I don't hesitate to turn round when I see y/n with a look of twisted hatred on her face, facing Chris.

Darling, how could you be so blind?

It was me the whole time. Never Chris. He didn't deserve you. How couldn't you see that it was me the whole time?

The letters, catching me staring, being embarrassed when she came over; the whole lot.

I now know why she had been acting so cold.

She stood in front of Chris, her mascara running down her face as she looked up at him in disgust.

'Fuck you, Chris.' She says, with her teeth gritted, her voice hoarse.

'I've been waiting for you to snap out of it.'

Smack.

She waits there for a moment, chest heaving, almost shocked by what she'd just done.

Chris just stands there, dumbfounded and lost for words, his hand covering his cheek from where she had just smacked him.

Then she spoke, and to her credit, her voice was steady and confident.

'I'm not just some girl who's obsessed with you, Chris.'

She glances over at me with a small smile, and I grin at her, pushing past the crowd of people who stood watching, gaping.

I walk up to y/n, gently squeezing her shoulder with a reassuring smile.

'Oh, so you're fucking my brother now?' Chris says loudly, and I furrow my eyebrows, about to speak, but I was interrupted by y/n pulling my shirt.

I follow her lead when suddenly, she stops and yells at Chris 'Goodbye, asshole.' with a roll of her eyes before sticking the middle finger in the air and flipping him off.

I laugh, catching Chris' furious face before I'm pulled into a dark room.

I gaze around in the darkness, confused, and willing for my eyes to get used to the lack of light.

Suddenly I feel y/n's warm hands on my face, and I can just about make out her face, which was tilted up towards me, and her eyes, which were shining with admiration and...something else?

Was that- love?

'Thank you, Matt' She murmured, burying her head into my shoulder.

I circle my arms around her waist, trying my hardest to be respectful as she throws her own arms round my neck, pulling us closer as I suck in a breath.

We stood in the darkness for a while, in an embrace until my throat began to itch, and as hard as I tried to suppress the cough, the worse it became.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, stepping away a little bit, then regretting it every bit when she recoiled in surprise, then blushed, the shadowed room doing her a small favour.

I peer up towards the ceiling, spotting a bulb dangling dangerously low from the ceiling.

I wouldn't want to hit that later.

'Oh, right.' She says quickly, glad to avert the attention to something else, making her way over to the wall, flicking the light switch on.

As the lights are switched on, I blink in confusion, until I see y/n, her face radiant as she beams at me,

I grin, opening my arms into a hug once again. She leans into me, tightly wrapping her arms round my waist, pressing her face against her chest as I gently stroke her hair.

'I love you, Matt.' She murmurs into my chest.

My whole body seizes up in anticipation as she speaks the only words that I've ever wanted to hear from her for ages.

'You- love me?' I stutter, eyes widening in shock.

She pulls away slightly and I loosen my grip on her, looking into her eyes, as I process the words that just left her lips.

She nods, a tiny, shy smile appearing on her face as she looked up at me through her long eyelashes.

'Well, I love you too', I finally manage to say, my voice thick with emotion, my mind buzzing with anticipation.

Eight letters.

Three words.

One meaning.

The words I've been waiting to say to her the day I laid eyes on her.

I smile softly, hoping she understands everything I can't seem to say right now. She smiles back at me, her eyes full of understanding.

As we stand there, I notice her bag slightly open, a familiar piece of paper sticking out.

I reach out, looking at her for permission when she nods gently, a pink tinge to her cheeks.

I gently pull it out and unfold it, recognizing it immediately—one of the love letters I had sent her.

Years ago, by the looks of it, it was crumpling a little, curling at the edges.

"Is this...?" I start, and she nods, looking a bit embarrassed.

"I found it years ago, thinking it was Chris." she confesses.

"I took it everywhere. I didn't know what to think, but I only realized that it was you until it was...too late," she smiles sadly.

'I should've been clearer i guess.' I laugh, a bitter sound.

'Wrong triplet, eh? My bad.' I scoff bitterly, my thoughts wafting back to Chris and his...comments.

"I got it all wrong," she says, shaking her head, causing stray hair to fall from her bun.

My mind goes blank at this, causing the smirk to drop off my face.

Does she like me back?

Don't be stupid, of course she likes you back. She literally said that she loves you.

Yeah but, there's a difference between romantic love and platonic love, right? What if she just wants me as a friend-?

Pushing all of the thoughts to the back of my head, I act. Leaning slightly closer, I lift my hand toward her face and gently tilt her head up, towards me.

My eyes lock onto hers, and as I trail my thumb lightly across her jawline, causing her to visibly shudder.

'I'll be better.' I whisper, my voice barely audible.

'What?' She murmurs, eyes trailing down my face, taking in every feature, taking her time till she is staring straight at my lips.

I lift my hand to her face, wiping a stray tear from the corner of her eye before nervously running my fingers through my hair, waiting.

'I'd be a better boyfriend than him.' I inhale sharply, ready to confess.

Her breathing slows at this, her eyes widening as the realization of my words sinks in.

She stands still, almost as if she's frozen, processing everything. I take a deep breath, gathering the courage to continue.

Her lips purse as she takes a deep breath and a tentative step forward, 'Yeah?' She breathes, waiting.

I nod, prepared in any way to show her how much she deserves me.

'Then prove it.'

Without warning, she's up against the wall as I tower over her, my smirk evident.

She lets out a gasp of surprise as I tilt her chin towards my lips. I glance at her for approval as I lower my lips down before she nods ever so slightly.

My lips move down her jawline as I trail soft, gentle kisses down her neck. She gasps, her hands tightening around my shoulders as a soft moan escapes her lips.

The sound sends a shiver down my spine, fueling the fire that’s been smoldering inside me for so long.

I bite softly at the flesh of her neck, enjoying the gasps and sharp intakes of breaths from her.

'Fuck, Matt' She moans, slightly breathless. I straighten at the sound, my eyes widening as I look up at her.

Her eyes were shut as she rested her head against the wall, her mouth slightly falling open, and her chest heaved with every touch.

She looks like heaven.

I smile at her figure, feeling a mix of joy and mischief bubbling up inside me. I lean in again, but this time I playfully brush my lips near hers, teasing her.

My kisses land just beside her mouth, then along her cheek, slowly making their way back toward her lips but never quite reaching them.

She lets out a soft, frustrated sigh, her eyes fluttering shut as I continue my teasing. I can feel her anticipation growing, her breath hitching every time I get close but then pull away. Her fingers tighten in my hair, a silent plea for more.

"Matt," she whispers, her voice a mixture of need and amusement.

'Yes, darling?' I reply, leaning into her, pressing her against the wall once again. I continue my teasing, my lips ghosting over the corner of her mouth, so close yet so far.

Her eyes fly open at the nickname, cheeks darkening in colour as she stumbles to find words.

"Stop teasing," she breathes, her tone filled with a longing that makes my heart race even faster.

I chuckle softly, enjoying the effect I’m having on her. "What if I don't want to?" I tease once again, letting my lips hover just an inch from hers, feeling the warmth of her breath mingling with mine.

'Just kiss me, Matt.' She says, flustered.

I smirk as she lets out an impatient sound, 'Matthew...' she says with a warning voice.

'But I am kissing you, baby.' I say with a pout before I tilt her head back to kiss her neck teasingly.

'On my lips, jackass.' She rolls her eyes, a tiny smile, looking directly into my eyes, holding our gaze.

'Manners, princess, plus-' but before I can continue, she pulls back slightly, a twinkle of determination and playful frustration in her eyes.

Without warning, she grabs my face and crashes her lips onto mine in a kiss full of desire and urgency.

The sudden intensity takes me by surprise, but I quickly recover, wrapping my arms around her small waist, my hands fitting there perfectly and pulling her even closer.

Our lips move together hungrily, a perfect synchronization of pent-up emotions and raw passion.

The kiss deepens, and I can feel the heat radiating from her, matching my own. Her hands tangle in my hair, pulling me closer, as if she's afraid I might disappear if she lets go.

I respond with equal fervor, pouring all my feelings into the kiss, wanting her to feel everything I've kept inside for so long.

The world fades away, and all that exists is the intoxicating sensation of her lips against mine, the taste of her, the way she fits perfectly in my arms.

Their kiss deepened as my tongue lightly traced the seam of her lips, seeking entrance.

She responded, almost immediately parting her lips slightly, and our tongues met in a slow, sensual dance.

I pull y/n impossibly closer to me as I reach up again, hands cupping her face tenderly, pulling her closer, deepening the connection.

When we finally break apart, we're both breathless, our foreheads resting against each other. Her eyes are shining with the same mix of joy and desire I feel coursing through my veins.

"Darling...Will you be mine?"I ask, gently running my hands down her arms.

"Yes, Matt," she whispers, a smile spreading across her face. "In a heartbeat."

I grin widely, my lips curling upwards as my brain whirrs with thoughts coursing around my head.

"So, prom?" I ask, determined.

"Are you asking me to prom, Matthew?' She teases, tilting her head to one side, tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear, biting her lip.

"Maybe...Will you go to prom with me, y/n?" I fidget anxiously, avoiding eye contact, awaiting her response.

"We just made out, and confirmed our love for each other!" She laughs, cupping my face, "Of course, Matt." She beams up at me, wrapping her arms round me, pulling me into another embrace.

We stand there, wrapped in each other's arms, savoring the moment. I gently brush a strand of hair away from her face, my thumb tracing the curve of her cheek.

"I've waited so long for this," I confess, my voice soft and filled with emotion.

"Me too," she replies, her eyes locking onto mine. "And it was worth every second."

We stand in silence till both of our faces go serious. I study her face before I grab her hand, asking the question that was definitely on both of our minds.

"Wanna take this further? Back to mine?" I ask, fidgeting with the rings on my fingers again, locking my gaze with hers.

"Fuck yeah."

As we stumble out the dark room, my head bumps into the dangling lightbulb, making us both laugh.

a/n: Part 2 SMUT?? LMKK ♡

comment to be added to the taglist!!

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Ignorant Cruelty

HEADCANON

PAIRING: Mean!Chubby!Aegon ii Targaryen x fem!Wife!Reader

WORDS: 1,895.

SUMMARY [Requested by Anon]: “Omg can you do and mean chubby eagon plsss🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽❤️”

WARNINGS: cruel!Aegon ii, mentions of objectifying women, mentions of p in v sex, degradation kink, size kink, food play, breeding kink, lactation kink, humiliation kink, stomach/thigh riding, jealous/possessive!Aegon ii, swearing. 

A/N - my mind is a little all over the place, so sorry if I'm taking forever to do your requests, just too many horny thots in such little time. so I've got a few WIPs and trying to smash out all the "simpler" ones xxxxx I WILL eventually get to the requests sent, promise x 

Despite his social stance and political advantage in the realm, Aegon had a notorious reputation of being cruel and imposing.

As a young boy, he was quite the handsome kind, as his endearing Valyrian features accentuated a rare beauty unforeseen in the realm.

However, his unkept and gluttonous habits led the boy to grow in size: larger than his brothers combined respectively, many had grown a distaste for his appearance [although dared not to utter a word directly to his face, in fear of the Prince's wrath].

Aegon was either ignorant to his weight gain or simply was not phased by it, nor its implications. He found enjoyment in his food, and paid no mind to the judgement of others, as he gorged himself during feasts. 

Nonetheless, Aegon sought to the comfort of whores and ladies of the night, in which his wealth could grant him the company of multiple women at once. 

He developed the wicked habit as many inconsiderate men of the realm did, not viewing women as human counterparts, although rather objectifying them and their "assets": many argued the Prince did so, as means to raise his own ego and esteem.

Regardless, whoever his betrothed was to be, was often deemed as doomed: for many noble, highborn maidens of the realm, from powerful families, were reluctant to present themselves as candidates.

From gossip and whisper, it was told that Aegon himself, was hesitant to allow his family the authority to choose and rather, he himself, settle the decision.

That's when you came into his life. You were a meek, shy girl [only because the rumours of your husband to be, made you fearful of the man's capability].

Seeing Aegon in the flesh, did not help either... He was above average height [taller than yourself], wide and formidable, his waist line was extended and round, arms bulky and fleshy, his thighs were stocky and seemed sturdy.

You could not deny, a deeply rooted part of you inside was aroused by the sight of him.

Why he chose you, no one could explain. Whether it was based on pure attraction, you could not decipher either, for Aegon was demeaning, often belittling you and your family.

At first you assumed, it was his attempt at "small talk", misplacing his manners, and yet he remained consistent in his taunting jabs.

As taught by the Septas you'd grown with, you remained silent and obedient to his every word, through till the marriage, and the night of consummation.

Aegon pestered you with gruelling comments on how inexperienced and useless you would be in bed, unable to "satisfy him" like the whores he often pursued.

You'd reached breaking point and retaliated furiously, leaving Aegon stunned as you spat your venom.

"Mayhaps I am no whore that can sate your spoiled, fat cock, but I am a women of virtue. Do well to remember that, husband. Need I remind you, you chose me. You have no one else to blame for your inept decision making in a wife, than yourself."

His stoic, unmoving gaze remained fixated on you, and the fear began to stir inside, despite having initially felt relief with your abrupt confrontation.

Aegon slowly approached you, his stern gaze firmly fixated on you, like a predator hunting prey, until you were cornered between him and the bed frame.

Using his stronger, dominant mass, he'd shove you down onto the bed, as he pins your arms down, his heavy weight you could not find the almighty strength to break free from.

"Has my fat cock been on your mind? A woman of virtue ends tonight, once I fuck you senseless, you'll be begging for more, as the whores do... My very own obedient, little whore."

“You spoke beyond your limit, little one. I’m going to punish you for that.”

Aegon goes feral on you that night and for all the intimate nights to come: rarely speaking to you, other than to give commands and instructions when you fuck, he initially remains oblivious to your emotional needs. Until, he overhears a conversation between you and a fellow maid/sibling, regarding how lonesome you feel.

He understands that feeling all to well, and the guilt begins to stir, as much as he insists on denying it.

Thus, the poor attempts at small talk begins, and you find that he not only attempts to sate himself, however, you also in the process.

The size difference between you two, is incomparable. During the first few times, a maester was sent to tend to your aches and pains: Aegon being the one to send them up, which you liked to presume was his way of caring. 

Yet, as discrete as he may be, he relishes in the idea that he has tainted you so, and often comments on how pathetic and weak you are against him. Immensely fuelling his ego.

Food play to the max: he relishes in his two favourite things: you and desserts. Often arranging for the kitchen to bring up his favourite dishes and wine. Eating cake off your tits, dribbling honey on your ass cheeks and cunt as he licks it clean off you.

He tends to dismiss the power of his own strength, how strapping his grip can be on you, although he does not mean to intentionally inflict it: a whimper or hurt look on your face, he immediately refrains from hurting you further.

Nonetheless, he loves manhandling you: how effortlessly he can pick you up, carry you, swivel you around, until your in just the right position for him.

His cock, [as correct as you were that it was fat] was impressive: seeing it the first time and onwards, you could never acclimate, physically nor mentally. It's girthy circumference, the thick veins that travelled down its mass, gave it this hungry, eager look. Its tip blush red, often glistening with a white, clear film that would ooze fervently at the sight of you.

Undoubtedly, it hurt unlike anything else: yet it was a pleasurable, almost addictive sort of torment.

Aegon had long forgotten the sensation of a maiden's tight, contracting cunt, how your walls clenched for his cock, often commenting how "needy" you were for him.

"Who could sate you like I do? A lean knight, perhaps a slim nobleman, with a needle for a cock... Look at how desperate I've made you for me."

He also gets you to ride his thighs and stomach, always fantasising about it, he forces you to do so, which much to his pleasure, you get off of easily. 

Aegon had grown quite possessive of you, despite struggling to show his affections for you. You'd come to understand that it was his approach to appreciating you.

If he felt that a lord was greedily occupying your time in conversation, he'd lazily send for a servant to fetch you and have you hand-feed him treats and bites of his meal, even a pint of his wine.

He’d publicly scold and torture the culprit later, and punish you in the confinement of your private chambers. 

“Think you can get away with seducing other men like that in front of me, woman. I saw the way you’d laugh at their shit jokes, and what was it having to cop a feel of Lord Stark’s arm. Need I remind you, who the fuck I am. The Prince, the King to be. In fact, I ought to punish you till I’m certain you’ve learnt your fucking lesson, insolent girl...”

The only time he'd grant you the opportunity of any public displays of affection, came with an intent of showing you off as his, having you comfortably seated on his meaty, broad thighs [which you could not deny, was actually quite snug].

Once Aegon was crowned King, it became a habit to have you seated on his lap as he sat atop the Iron Throne. Publicly demeaning you in front of his liege and serving subjects, commenting on how clingy and deprived you were, unable to be without him.

Especially once King, he rather enjoys fucking you in public, risqué areas where a passerby may hear or witness the deed being done. Seeing the fear of humiliation stirring across your face [even though he knows no one will dare to argue against him, as King], he praises your innocence. 

“Terrified? Don’t want your fellow subjects to think the worst of their Queen, how aroused I make you, how easily you submit yourself to me? Look at you, a whimpering, wet mess. Shameful...What would they think of you now?”

You did not mind [despite encouraging Aegon to tone it down initially], for his promiscuous habits of seeking out to sneaky rendezvous with the eager prostitutes that filled the Street of Silk, had come to a long-awaited end.

You had not openly discussed it with him, however he began to notice the sadness in your eyes, at the sheer thought that whenever he left you in the night [even if it was to attend some late council meeting, or to fetch a midnight treat] that your mind pondered over awful, scandalous thoughts.

He would open the conversation one late night, before you'd drift off to sleep, after an exhausting, strenuous round of fucking: he made the promise to you, that his loyalty remained with you.

"I may not be able to erase the disgrace that haunts your mind from my actions, although I vow that you are the only one, Y/N... Since I made the decision, it was only ever you."  

As Aegon's waist line had grown noticeably, his infatuation with you had grown exponentially too.

The primal urge to to drench you in his cum, drowning in his hot, potent seed was a must whenever granted the chance.

"To see you swell as I have, with my babe in your belly. Tits full of sweet milk... Gods be good, we will populate the Red Keep if we must."

Once you do fall pregnant, best believe Aegon would be an absolute pest when it comes to your lactation: eager to taste you, he'd become addicted and persistent in asking to drink from your tit, seeing how sensitive and tense they get from the fullness, you have no choice although to trust in him relieving you.

Actually causes him to gain even more weight from the quality nutrition: milk dribbling from his plump lips, drooling down his soft, blurred jawline, as he becomes ‘milk drunk’ from you.

He loves the feeling of your swollen stomach against his soft, plush one: having you ride him one top, as he kneads at your breast, some milk oozing from your sensitive nipple, he'd lick it off his pudgy fingers.  

Aegon however remains vexed with utilising words to express his affections for you: often sought to spoiling you with opulent gifts from across the realm, rare gems and luscious silk gowns and intimacy between a man and his wife.

He whispers an “I love you” thinking you are dead asleep in the night, embraced in his warm, bulky arms, causing you to smile, hidden beneath the dark.  

Regardless, you are more in tune with your thoughts and words: often expressing your admiration for Aegon, which he savours, always eager for your attention.

Nonetheless, you are content with your lives together, ignorant to the judgement of others, you remain committed to each other. 

general taglist - @evenstaris @chompchompluke @fan-goddess @malfoytargaryen @ilikeitbetterangsty @bibli0thecary @m1ndbrand @connorsui @rafesbarbiegirl @elegantsplendour @randomdragonfires @sylas-the-grim @arcielee @s-we-e-t-t-ea​

Aegon ii taglist - @who-told-you-this-was-butter @f4ll-for-you @amiraisgoingthruit

[smittenmeraki]

Surprisingly not SBG related 😅

I just finsihed reading All For The Game and I am so hyperfixated and need to rant about it

Spoilers

1. People do not talk enough about how Neil told Kevin to get his pycho on a leash or he will and the forever after Andrew told him to never pull his leash again, they highlight his perfect memory all of the time and this is just another one of those moment but like Andrew knew that Neil was right when he said that. He does have a leash, and Kevin has pulled it a lot, whether he means to or not. But Neil has it too, but he doesnt use it the same, instead he holds tight and gives Andrew the choice, every time he give him the choice.

Like Andrew knows wholeheartedly Neil is his weak point even if he refuses to admit it but he has to say something about being emotionally manipulated, but I think it was more of a warning than a threat. He knows Neil has an upper hand, his 'dont pull my leash' seems more like 'you can make me do anything with a single word and that scares me' Neil is different to him and I think he is so entranced and terrfied of that realization, hints the 'its not a this' because if it was he could lose it. He has been pulled and pushed and dragged around for so long, he refuses to let the one person who asks him to do the same. Neil doesnt need to manipulate Andrew because Andrew is so willing to do anything he asks.

2. The whole please conversation broke me. I had to take a moment to calm down because it hit so horribly close to home. Andrew has been used and assulted and belittled for simply being there. He so desperately wants affection, who doesnt, but the memories of someone doing things to him against his will is so haunting. Thats why the yes or no is so important to him every single time, nevermind the always, he will ask anyway, because no one ever asked him. His 'no' was vetoed and his 'please' ignored. Neil didn't even need to know this to stop cold in his tracks the moment Andrew said to. Neil knows Andrew doesn't like to be touched and the breif moments when its allowed are barely okay, so he doesn’t push it because he doesn't want to lose those moments. He is willing to stand with time and wilter waiting for when its okay again. Yes sometimes he has reached out or crossed a line but several more times he reminded himself, he doesn't like to be touched. 'His hand froze a hair away' 'he remembered last second' and so many more times he forced himself not to because he has no right. Andrew sees this, sees how he is so willing to actively not hurt him. Neil disgards the times Andrew has crossed a line, has hurt his friends or got so angry he saw red because he undrestand how desperately Andrew is searching for control, of anything, he's never had it before. He could have killed Allison for slapping Aaron. He so tightly holds onto the few things he has. He won't let someone hurt or break or take anything he has left. Which is why I believe he hesitates when Neil says he's not going anywhere, because he has fought tooth and nail for all he has, to keep Aaron who wants to leave, to hold himself together after all he has been through. Neil is willing to stay by his side and asked Andrew to stop fighting for him. The simple 'no' followed by 'thats why' is all Neil needed to understand, Andrew wants Neil because he is willing to put himself aside. Because his 'no' means so much to Neil, and he would never break it.

I came so close to tear with these books 😭

[fourstarsoutofnine]

I’m back with more Swiftie propaganda. I love doing these. Sorry you’re all stuck with them too, these are just my musings. Content under the cut

Links as Taylor Swift Lyrics

ALL:

Please, I’ve been on my knees. Change the prophecy… who do I have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy? - The Prophecy.

I gave my blood sweat and tears for this. - you’re on your own, kid

Give me back my [child]hood it was mine first. - would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

OOT/majora’s mask:

“Who’s afraid of little old me?!” You should be. - who’s afraid of little old me

Time won’t fly, it’s like I’m paralyzed by it. I’d like to be my old self again, but I’m still trying to find it. - all too well

Take me to the lakes where all the poets went to die. - the lakes

Twilight Princess:

A greater woman stays cool, but I howl like a wolf at the moon. - the prophecy

Oh, what a valiant roar, What a bland goodbye. "I'll never leave… nevermind.” Our field of dreams, engulfed in fire. Your arson's match, your somber eyes. And I'll still see it until I die. You're the loss of my life. - loml

Sky:

I can go anywhere I want. Anywhere I want, just not home. - my tears ricochet

You can hear it in the silence, you can feel it on your way home. You can see it with the lights out. You are in love, true love. - you are in love

And I feel so high school every time I look at you. I wanna find you in a crowd just to hide from you. And in the blink of a crinkling eye, I’m sinking, our fingers intwined, cheeks pink in the twinkling lights. Tell me ‘bout the first time you saw me. - so high school

Wild/totk:

God rest my soul, I miss who I used to be. The tomb won’t close, stained glass windows in my mind. -would’ve, could’ve, should’ve

Am I allowed to cry? - guilty as sin.

I’ve never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try. - mirrorball

You drew stars around my scars. - cardigan

Maybe it’s the past that’s talking, screaming from the crypt. - the Great War

Wind:

I’m a real tough kid, I can handle my sh!t - I can do it with a broken heart

You’re on your own, kid. You always have been. - you’re on your own, kid

I was tame, I was gentle till the circus life made me mean. - who’s afraid of little old me?

Don’t call me “kid,” don’t call me “baby.” -illicit affairs

Wars:

All I did was bleed as I tried to be the bravest soldier, fighting in only your army, frontlines, don’t you ignore me. Im the best thing at this party. - you’re losing me

With you I serve, with you I fall down. - epiphany

I vowed not to cry anymore if we survived the Great War. - The Great War

Four:

Stole my tortured heart, left all these broken parts. Told me I’m better off, but I’m not. - my boy only breaks his favorite toys

Watch as my shattered edges glisten. - mirrorball

Never be so clever you forget to be kind. - Marjorie

I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you. - long live

Hyrule:

I’m ready for combat. I say I don’t want that, but what if I do? - the archer

Everything you lose is a step you take. - you’re on your own, kid.

So yeah, it’s a war. It’s the fiercest fight of my life and you started it. - Ivy

If you never bleed you’re never gonna grow. - the 1

Legend:

If the story’s over, why am I still writing pages? - death by a thousand cuts

Dreams of your hair, and your stare, and sense of belief. In the good in the world, you once believed in me. And I felt you, and I held you for a while, but I could still melt your world. Argumentative, antithetical dream girl. - Hits different

Help, I’m still at the restaurant, still sitting In the corner I haunt, cross legged in the dim light, they say “what a sad sight”… right where you left me… you left me no choice but to stay here forever. - right where you left me

The lips I used to call home, so scarlet it was maroon. - maroon

Splendidly selfish, charmingly helpless. Excellent fun till you get to know her. - the bolter

I knew you’d linger like a tattoo kiss, I knew you’d haunt all of my what-ifs. The smell of smoke would hang around this long, cause I knew everything when I was young. - cardigan

[dragonflylady77]

i got you a whole flower shop

A Harringrove Valentine's Day fic I wrote this afternoon

present for @shieldofiron and also @lovebillyhargrove

oh and it's on ao3

Steve walks into a florist shop on Valentine's Day but his plans change after he gets a text not meant for him and he finds himself faced with Billy freaking Hargrove looking like every wet dream Steve has ever had in the past fifteen years since he finished high school.

“Sorry, I’ll be right with you.”

Steve made a vague noise of acknowledgement, too busy staring at the message he’d opened as he’d stepped into the first flower shop he’d spotted.

“Can’t wait to see you tonight baby. I’ll tell Steve I have to work late. Love you x”

He blinked a few times but the words didn’t change. The text was clearly not meant for him. Or maybe it was, he rationalised. That was one way to break up with your boyfriend without having to have the conversation.

He ran a tired hand over his face and put his phone back in his pocket. He wouldn’t need flowers after all. He tried to remember how much stuff he’d left at Jamie’s place during the few months they’d been dating and wondered if there was anything he’d miss if he didn’t get it back.

“I am sorry but it turns out I don’t actually need flowers after all,” he said, his eyes floating over the various buckets of colourful blooms in front of him.

“Am I dreaming or is that you, Harrington?” The voice sounded surprised and familiar and Steve turned around to face its owner.

“Hargrove?” Steve said in shock, stepping closer to the counter. He hadn’t seen Billy Hargrove since graduation fifteen years ago. “What are you doing in Chicago? I always thought you went back to Cali…”

Billy shrugged and Steve took a moment to really look at him. He still had those light brown, almost golden, curls that Steve had always wanted to run his fingers through, piled high in a bun, his face fuzzy with scruff, blue eyes trained on Steve. That part at least was familiar. Steve let his eyes move down, taking in the white tee, tight across the front under the black apron with the shop’s logo on it, Billy’s biceps bulging when he crossed his arms over his chest. Steve’s mouth felt very dry all of a sudden and hoo, was it always this hot in this store?

Billy raised an eyebrow but said nothing. He did, however, run that tongue of his along his bottom lip, another familiar sight, one that resonated inside Steve’s chest, in a place he’d been ignoring for years.

“Um, sorry, didn’t mean to…” Steve fumbled, fidgeting with his fingers. Fuck. He was being so awkward for no reason. He was usually a little bit better at human interactions.

“It’s okay, pretty boy, I know my good looks can be distracting,” Billy replied with a chuckle and Steve felt his face heat up. “To answer your question, my car broke down outside of St Louis and I realised I’d been kidding myself. There was nothing in Cali for me anymore. And I couldn’t leave Max alone with Neil.”

“Ah. I-I heard about him but Max never said—”

“I told her to keep a secret. Couldn’t risk Neil finding out. I made it back to Indianapolis on the Greyhound. Met a nice lady on the bus who offered me a place to stay for a while. Worked my ass off in a bunch of different jobs. Mona and her partner kinda adopted me, so when they moved to Chicago, I followed.”

“That’s why Max went to college in Chicago, isn’t it? Because you were there too?” Steve asked, a few things making more sense now that he knew about Billy.

“Yep. Got her out of the dorms too. She loved it at Mona’s as much as I did.”

Steve smiled. He was glad that Billy and Max had gotten away from his asshole father. He had only managed it himself recently, after more than a decade of working for his dad, being belittled every time Richard Harrington was in the office, no matter how good Steve actually was at doing his job. He’d jumped at the chance when he’d seen that job listing in Chicago and he’d cherished forever the memory on his father’s face when he’d handed in his resignation.

“That’s great, Billy,” he finally replied, and meant it.

“What about you, princess? What brings you to the Windy City?” 

“Oh, I live here too. Been here about three years, I think. I don’t have to tell you how good it felt to be able to tell my dad I was leaving and he could shove it.”

“Ooooh, go Stevie! Always knew you had it in you.”

Steve laughed and shook his head. “Took me twelve years but I got there in the end…”

“That’s what matters.” Billy grinned. “So, what are you after? Roses for your girl, on account of the day? Or something more original?”

“Oh, um, I, um…” Steve sighed. “I was gonna get flowers for my boyfriend, but after the text I got before, I don’t think I will.”

“Boyfriend?” Billy was staring and Steve realised he probably needed to elaborate a little.

“Yeah… My best friend Robin helped me realise some important things about myself after high school. She made being queer in Hawkins a lot easier. We were flatmates for ages then she moved to Chicago to be with her girlfriend. You know her, actually, Heather? Holloway?”

“Oh. Wow. Yeah, I remember Heather. So you’re…”

“Bi. Yeah.”

“And you have a boyfriend.” The way Billy said it, it wasn’t a question.

It left a bad taste in Steve’s mouth. He got his phone out of his pocket again and sent Jamie a text saying they were over.

“I had a boyfriend.” Steve snorted. “Whoever he meant to text when he texted me can have his cheating ass.”

“You don’t seem too cut up about it,” Billy said, his eyes roaming over Steve and Steve found that he liked it. All at once, memories of basketball training and all the posturing and looks Billy would send him in the showers and hallways of Hawkins High took on a different flavour. All the pet names Billy used to call him when they were teenagers… the same ones he’d used a couple of times in the past ten minutes they’d been chatting.

“I’d only been seeing him for a couple of months, wasn’t anything serious.” Steve decided to take a chance. He crossed his arms and leaned forward on the counter. “It does mean I am now free tonight…”

Billy mirrored his actions, the smile on his face genuine and warm. “Is that so, pretty boy?”

“Uh huh… yanno, in case anyone was wondering.”

“That’s certainly pertinent information.”

“I thought so.” Steve leaned a little closer, smiling when Billy did too. “What time does this fine establishment close?”

“Right now,” Billy replied, without a glance at his watch as he removed his apron and set it on the counter next to them.

“Really? Won’t you get in trouble with your boss for closing early on Valentine’s Day?”

“I’m the boss and I have a hot date,” Billy said with that smirk that had always made Steve’s blood boil. Only now he could name that emotion for what it was: lust. There was something else in Billy’s eyes, something more magical and durable.

“Anyone I know?” Steve asked, his heart beating double time in his chest.

Billy didn’t reply, instead he rounded the counter and came to a stop in front of Steve with a grin. He cupped Steve’s face with both hands and breached the last inches separating them, bringing their mouths together. Steve moaned, his hands on Billy’s wrists to hold him there. He opened his lips to Billy’s questing tongue the second he felt it, pouring all that he was feeling into the kiss, and getting it back ten fold.

Steve let go of Billy’s wrists to grab his waist and dragged him closer. He couldn’t get enough of Billy, hands roaming up his back and down to cup that ass Steve had been dreaming about for months after high school, sparking his bi awakening.

“Fuck, Billy, I’m sorry it took me so long to find you again,” Steve said, breaking the kiss to catch his breath, resting his forehead against Billy’s.

“S’okay, Stevie, you’re here now,” Billy said, dipping his head for a quick kiss. He buried his fingers into Steve’s hair and locked eyes with him. “Never letting you go now I’ve got you, though, I hope you know that.”

“Fine with me,” Steve said as he wrapped his arms around Billy’s middle, delighted to feel Billy’s hard body against his. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Steve. I don't know what flowers you like yet, so I got you a whole flower shop.”

Steve laughed as Billy locked up for the night then they went up to the apartment Billy was renting above the shop where Billy cooked them dinner. Then they spent all night in bed, worshipping each other, and it was the best Valentine’s Day Steve had ever had.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for leaving my friend groups Discord server?

💐💐💐 So I can find this later. For context, I was in 2 servers that were friend groups, where my friends would all interact with each other, play & stream games, etc. However, recently we had a situation where someone, let's call her Sasha, would send many vent messages in the general channel, then delete said message before we could respond or even look at the messages, & get mad at us for not responding. She'd also complain about everything that happened in her life, school, in games, & she'd always repeat the same things, over & over again. In the end, we got tired of how she was forcing everyone to stop being as active in the server because of her behavior & actions, so we all made another server, without Sasha, so we could interact with peace without her interrupting conversations. This all happened 3-4 months ago. Then 3 of the people in our new server got a game on Roblox, Deepwoken. Another person, let's call him Kevin, already had the game for a while, so they all got the game & started playing all together. They were incredibly passionate about it, it would be the only thing talked about. One of them got me the currency to get Deepwoken, so I could play with them all. A while later, I got a hang of the game, then when I asked if any of them could play with me, one of them, let's call him Tim, would keep telling me that "Oh, you have to play the game alone to get the real experience, & to learn things better." every time I would ask. Sometimes, rarely, they'd answer some questions I had about the game that I didn't quite grasp yet, & a lot of the time i'd just, not receive any answer. After a while, I got tired of how they didn't respond to me at all, so I just stopped playing. Keep in mind, I don't have any other friends that have the game, so I didn't have anyone else to talk to about it. I love my friends but I felt ignored & was hurt, so I passed ownership to another friend of mine, & left. About a day after leaving, I ended up feeling extremely depressed & overwhelmed with schoolwork, eye appointments, a random limb & joint pain that I had no idea why I was having, & I accidentally unfriended Tim. With my being extremely overwhelmed, thinking it was a good idea at the time, I sent him a message saying "accidentally unfriended u mb. u could also not accep, that works too" Then another message after that one, "okay well um, im gonna assume that you arent going to accept it again so thank you for all youve done for me before you say that im making it sound like i gave up; i have given up i gave up a little while ago" After that, I got a message from him saying that I needed to calm down, that my friend request wasn't the most important thing in his mind right now, & that he's allowed to put it on hold for at least a day before I start telling him some "nvm shit". I sincerely apologized & told him that I needed to take a break, that I hope he's doing okay, & that I hope college goes well for him. I did indeed, take a break, for only 2 weeks because I felt extremely guilty, stupid & reckless. Those weeks felt like forever because that whole thing was on my mind 24/7. It was eating me alive. & No, I am not saying to gain pity. Just trying to explain what I felt. Tim answered, told me that I should grow & change as a person, & that he doesn't mean it in a condescending way, that the server was meant to be a safe space, that in order to make everyone comfortable, there's some things we need to just not say or some things we need to think about a lot before saying them. It's the reason Sasha got booted, & that we give as much as we get. I'm reading back on his messages, & I didn't say anything in the server to make everyone uncomfortable. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[obsessive-ego]

Slumber party panic

Reader x musical Beetlejuice

Nsft

Reader has a vagina

Fic where a bunch of teens summon beetlejuice moments before the two of you are intimate

This has been in my drafts forever

...

It's been a long hard week, coworkers have been calling in sick back to back to back, leaving you to cover, so that ment longer shifts, and rougher days but such was retail, you tried not to let it get to you, and kept telling yourself the you'll treat yourself on payday.

Mentally you were fine, but it DID take a toll on you physically, you'd stumble home after a nine hour shift, being the only competent employee on that day, drop your bag, sit on the couch and just stare into space exhausted, leaving your coat on, for about an hour before you'd force yourself up and put something together to eat, at least that was how you'd spend time after work on the days you were alone.

On days beetlejuice 'graced you with his presence', the moment you stumble exhausted into your home the ghoul was already on you, with a summoned clone or two to help take away your coat and bag, and eagerly bringing you to the kitchen where a hot and ready meal was waiting for you, it was so sweet, and honestly the first time he did this for you, you cried, for a demon he was such a sweet boyfriend.

Which brings us to today, another week in the books, you had the next day off and were really looking forward to resting

"Ya know babes, it's been awhile since we made the sheets sing" beetlejuice pulled into his side as the two of you sat together on the couch ignoring the gameshow that had been providing background noise

"I know" you yawn

"So how bout I remind ya why you're with me to begin with?" He snorts out a laugh, pink hues beginning to pop in his hair

You chuckle "I'm not just dating you for your dick beej-"

"I know toots, you're hear for my rear too♡" he pushes nuzzling into you neck, a hand moving to your upper thigh, you give a soft laugh feeling the bubble of excitement begin to start up, but then you yawn again

"Am I boring you?" Beetlejuice chuckles, knowing damn well the week you've just survived

"Sorry Bee-" you start

"Forgetta bout it, why don't you let ol' mister beebleboose do all the work tonight? You deserve a treat for being such a big strong working breather, and come on babes, I gotta fulfill my end of the bargain, since I'm your trophy husband♡"

You give the ghoul a playful push, moving him off you "we're not married beej-"

Beetlejuice crawls up onto your lap, trapping you between him and the couch "not yet♡"

The idea of getting married to beetlejuice always gave you butterflies, you knew the drill with him, the dead marrying the living gave them another, or in Beetlejuice's case, his first shot at life.

"Well?" The demon snaps you out of your thoughts

"Well what?"

"Do you wanna be my pillow princess tonight?♡" he snickered knowing how you weren't too keen on the nickname

"I don't know beej, being called 'princess' isn't really a turn on-"

"Alright my pillow prince♡" he coos, pinching your cheek

You swat his hand away "I do miss being intimate with you-"

"Then its settled!" Beetlejuice scoops you up, his hair now magneta, buzzing with excitement "call me old fashioned toots, but as much as I love railing ya on the couch, I'd rather tonight we take it to the boudoir♡" The ghoul quickly carried you over his shoulder to your room, making sure to give your bum a pinch before dropping you on the bed.

"God slash satan I've been waiting all week for this" beetlejuice purrs, crawling up on the bed and leaning over you, his magenta hair buzzing and giving the room a romantic glow

"Me too" you sigh leaning up giving the demon a soft kiss, it's been a rough week, and to be honest you've been feeling guilty saying no to him every night, you wanted to as well, you just wanted sleep more.

Beetlejuice pushes you back down on the bed, breaking the kiss, not like him, normally you'd have to remind him you need air to live, but whatever

"You're wearing too much clothes, here, allow me♡" he chuckles before snapping his fingers, your clothes vanishing in thin air, aside from a simple pair of black panties.

The ghoul leans back taking a good look at your mostly naked form, even though he's seen you like this so many times, his lecherous stare always made you a tad shy.

"It's been too long" he groans loosing his tie

"It's only been a week" you try to sit up only to have the ghoul push you back down

"Time works different when you're dead, now close your eyes and give daddy some sugar" beetlejuice purrs leaning forward, his long striped tongue leading the way

You do as instructed, having no desire to be what some would call a brat, you close your eyes and lightly part your lips ready to start a much desired night of passion.

You waited for a second or two, yet nothing, you knew beetlejuice as an inpatient guy, especially when it came to being intimate, so you peak.

He was gone

"Beetlejuice?"

Nothing

"Beetlejuice?"

Still nothing

"Beetle-?" You stop half way, knowing he'd normally stop you before you got all three B words out, but he didn't come

Oh, he was messing with you

"Okay" you start breaking the B word chain, then it hits you, maybe he's gonna try that thing the two of you were talking about, awhile ago you mentioned to beetlejuice you thought the idea of being 'railed' or 'taken advantage of' by an invisible entity is incredibly hot and if he was up to it, you'd very much like to try it with him, and by God, the demon was foaming at the mouth, and practically vibrating with excitement when you asked him that.

As that thought crossed your mind you eagerly lay back down against the pillows, sliding your panties downs leaving them hanging on your ankle, and spreading your legs. You lay there beaming with excitement waiting for the shoe to drop, but as 5 minutes pass your feelings fade to disappointment

Maybe this is beej's way if telling you he didn't really want to have sex with you tonight, maybe when he asked you earlier he was hoping you'd turn him down again, your heart squeezed at the thought and the humiliation you put yourself through, laying there like an idiot, was he getting back at you for turning him down ever night this week?

"If you didn't want to have sex you should have said something you ass" you cry getting off the bed and beginning to find something more comfortable and cozy to go to sleep in.

"You can forget sharing the bed tonight too" You couldnt help but tear up, he made you look like a fool, waiting for him laying there naked for almost an hour, he's probably in this room laughing at you, enjoying his shitty revenge game.

You plug your phone in and crawl under the covers of your bed, already warm from you laying there like a dumbass, you wanted to cry until you couldnt breath, this had to be the meanest thing ANYONE, let alone your partner, have ever done to you, just as you turn over ready to cry yourself to sleep, your phone rings.

You grab your phone off the night stand, wipe your eyes and awnser a shaky "hello?" Assuming it was a coworker calling last minute to ruin your day off tomorrow.

"Hey, babes? Call me back asap!"

"Beetlejuice?" What did he mean call him back? Wasn't he here?

"Two more doll, hurry up!"

He sounded alittle upset

"Where are you?"

He groans "just call me back and I'll explain" you could hear young girls crying in the background "I'll just be a minute" he shouts away from the phone, but still is herd by you

"Beetlejuice, beetlejuice, beetlejuice" you get it over with tired of this back and forth, you hear the clunk of the phone he was holding hit the floor then the disconnect tone.

In a puff of green smoke he was back, the magneta in his hair now gone, replaced with an awful mix of purple and red, the pink that graced his suit moments before his disappearance? Now the same awful mix as his hair, though the colours quickly fade back to pink when he sees you

"BABES!" He lunges at you, the bed creaks when he makes contact with the mattress, the demon was quick to wrap his arms around you and nuzzle in, to which you push away

"What happened?" Your voice was stern and demanding, you wanted answers and wanted them now.

"Aw babes" beetlejuice starts rubbing the back of his neck "it was rough, apparently some kids at Lydia's school herd her summon me, so they did it too, ya know, a bloody Mary party game situation"

He was pulled away, he was pulled away against his will, he didn't snub you, god this made your gut turn, you were upset for nothing.

"Thank whoever I was still fully clothed when it happened huh babes?" The ghoul gives you a nudge "let me set the scene for ya toots" Beetlejuice crawls up against the headboard with you, slinging an arm over your shoulder and pulling you in

...

"Give daddy some sugar♡" was the last thing he said to you before being pulled from your bed.

Lips still puckered leaning forward, an unfamiliar scream breaks the mood

Opening his eyes, before him sat 3 teenage girls

The room was dimly light by a hand full of led candles

It took the ghoul merely a moment to adjust to the situation, adjusting his tie, and smoothing his hair back, no longer magneta, but now red, these little brats ruining the night he's been craving all week.

"I cant believe it worked"

"A real live ghost"

"This is so cool"

"What have we done?! He's totally gonna kill us"

The chatter amongst themselves as of this was all a silly game

Beetlejuice clears his throat to stop noise and gain the kids attention

"Alright-" he starts

"Okay mister ghost, we summoned you so you have to do as we say, just like you did for that creepy lydia girl" what beetlejuice could only assume was the ringleader in this pack of teens, stood up straight poking him in the chest, the ghoul cringes at the mention of Lydia, guess Babs was right, maybe the two of em should be more careful in public spaces, but he sure as hell wasn't gonna to spread it around he got caught and summoned. Beetlejuice pushes the thought of a lecture out of his mind, he had bigger fish to fry, meaning to get home and rail you, you must be worried sick, you poor vagina drying up in his absence.

"First off we want you to-" the kid's voice snapped him from his musing back to the current problem

"Alright kid, I'm gonna stop ya right there, this isn't a 3 wishes genie situation, I'm a demon, ya know, from hell, and you 3 pulled me away from some serious demon business, I should eat the lot of you for it"

As Beetlejuice ranted his form changed, becoming more monstrous, his teeth shapper, his claws more prominent, his eyes more snake like, all around more intimidating.

The teens huddle together in fear pleading for their safety and passing around the blame of who's idea to summon him was.

"But I won't" at those words the demon features fade and he returns to his default look, although still red "if you kids do something for me"

At this point the girls were sobbing, noses running, babbling unintelligible sounds, and clinging together for dear life

"Can I use your phone?"

...

"Wow" was all you could say

"I know, I know, I've been through alot tonight, I could really use some comfort, so how bout we~" he leans into you nuzzling his beard into you neck, you gasp at the sensation, feeling his tongue lick the stripe up your neck.

"Oh Bj♡" You let out a soft moan

"I know toots♡" he groans guiding you back to laying beneath him "now where were we?♡"

...

.....

Bonus

Lydia: hey so that girl who's been being mean to me hasn't done anything to me in awhile

Beej: ....haha weird....

Y/n: ...yeah weird

[fxchild]

The Switch

Miles Fairchild x fem!reader

Chapter seven: So now you're back?

A note from Fxchild ! Hi hi so ya I am not dead ! My phone lit broke and I totes forgot my email for this acc but now I'm back and my writers block has never gone away so quickly ! I'm so excited for new chapters to b out soon ! In the meantime while you r waiting for chapters, if you have one shot ideas for characters Finn Wolfhard plays I would b more than happy to write those so you guys aren't waiting forever for a new chapter ! So...finally heres the well awaited chapter seven ! I hope you enjoy this <3

It's the first day of May. It's also been three months since Miles left again. I keep telling Flora that he'll be back soon but I feel my heart break every time I lie to her. I don't think he will be back until I leave for the summer and then he'll leave again when I come back. I feel so guilty..Flora doesn't have a brother that lives with her because of me. But was it all really my fault? He treats me like shit and expects me to tolerate it. Never mind. I don't give a flying fuck about him anymore. He can do whatever he wants, if something happens to him, oh boo hoo not my problem.

It was finally Friday which means I have tomorrow off and I only have to teach Flora a little today because the weather was perfect for horseback riding and I'd promise to let her out today. Today I wore a dark red top with dark grey jeans with black high top shoes. I put my hair in a half up half down clip and did minimal makeup because I was planning on recording myself for an upcoming interview I have for a summer job.

Today I planned out a written test to see Flora's knowledge on geography. I would give her a half an hour to finish up on review and two hours for the test. The test was fairly easy so it shouldn't take her more than an hour or so.

"And begin." I smiled at Flora, setting my timer on my desk which is right across from hers. She immediately begins to read and write down answers while I look over her past work to grade.

Around 45 minutes into the session we hear the front door open. Flora pays no attention to it, I assume it's Ms. Grose coming in from cutting grass or buying groceries so I ignore it and go back to reading old assignments. Around a few minutes went by when I heard footsteps coming to the room. Expecting Ms. Grose I take my feet off the desk and fix my posture without looking at the door. I pretend to be in deep thought with grading when I hear someone clear their throat and hear Flora shout,

"Miles!" She screeches and jumps from her seat running over to hug him. I immediately turn my whole body in my chair with wide eyes. His hair slightly longer and he looks a little taller. He still has the same smirk and dead eyes I saw the night he left. He had on a black coat that ran down to his knees and two bags in his hands that he must have taken when he left. He engulfs Flora into a hug and smiles down at her. I've never seen that smile before. Unlike the ones he had given me this one was warm and loving. I think I had given him that smile before but I wasn't sure. Finally after what seemed like an eternity, he looked up at me and smiled. It was genuine, his eyes brightened. I knew it was real because it wasn't that same old smirk he put on with confidence, he looked painfully awkward and his eyes kept darting between me and the wooden floor. I didn't smile back. I rose up from my seat and walked over to him.

"Flora, why don't you take Miles bags and put them in his room for him sweetheart?" I smiled down at her while patting her hair. She gladly accepts and runs off with his bags. Miles smiles at me again nodding opening his mouth to speak but I cut him off.

"How you been Miles? Where'd you go this time huh? Was it fun?" I say with a sarcastic fake smile, he could tell I was mad.

"Well I-" He begins as I slap his face.

"You scared the shit out of me! Do you know how upset Flora was? She cried for almost a week, blaming herself, poor girl!" I say gritting my teeth with my eyes starting to tear up slightly.

He stared at me with pursed lips before sighing and answering. "He told me to."

I scoff and look at him dumbfounded. "He? Wh-who the hell is 'he' Miles huh? What are you schizo?" I roll my eyes annoyed

"Nobody-nothing. I just..had a dream that's all." He shakes his head staring down at the floor with shame.

"Whatever Miles." I roll my eyes and walk over to Flora's desk to pick up her finished test. "Better go find Flora. Told her she could get out of class early to go ride the horses." I say looking through her test without looking up at Miles.

"You're not gonna come?" He asks quietly, nodding his head to the side, scratching the back of his neck.

I chuckle quietly before placing the test back on the desk. "After the last time?" I walk over to him, picking a pine needle off his jacket. "No thanks." I fake smile before walking out of the room to my own. When I reach my room I fall flat onto my bed before letting out a loud sigh into my pillow. A few minutes later I look out the window. I see Flora and Miles running to the stables and shouting happily. I turn to look at my Calendar, 30 days until I leave. I got sick of sitting in my room bored and decided to go do something, anything in his boring place.

I walk into the kitchen hoping there's an apple or some food sitting out but instead of being greeted with food, it's an unbearable Ms. Grose. I smile at her but she crosses her arms and frowns at me.

"Why are you being so unpleasant towards Miles?" She grits her teeth. "What are you talking about?" I ask trying to pretend I have no clue what's going on. "Talking to him in such an arrogant tone, not accepting his offer and you still wonder why he left? You should be shamed." She spits at me coldly. My face dropped as I start to feel tears in the corners of my eyes.

I quickly ran back up to my room and slam the door. Tears start to stream down my face as I grab my backpack and start shoving stuff into my bag. By the time I zipped it up I hear the front door open again. I quickly put my shoes back on and started heading down the stairs. Walking towards the door I'm wiping my tears, Miles blocks my path.

"Woah woah! Where are you going?" He asks with a concerned look on his face, his hands falling to my shoulders. "Out." I reply while sniffling trying to push past him.

"Um okay, when are you coming back?" He lets go of me, now following me out the door. "I don't know..like..tomorrow? Sunday maybe?" I continue to walk away from him to my car. "Tell me where in case you get black out drunk again and need me to pick you up." He scoffs grabbing onto my wrist.

"You know what Miles? You won't have to worry about me anymore! I won't bother you. It's clear I make you want to leave and you hate me so I'll just leave you alone okay?! Is that what you wa-"

He cuts me off by pressing his lips against mine. It was soft and quick, like he was trying to shut me up and this was the first thing he thought of. He lets go of my wrist and stands up straight looking at me sternly. My cheeks are burning red as I attempt to say something but I can't seem to speak, like there's no air in my lungs.

I lean up against my car door for a moment staring at my feet trying to decide whether to leave or not. I finally look up at him, his head in staring at my feet too. His hands are in his pockets and he's biting his bottom lip nervously. I smile up at him.

"Hey..I'll be back in a little while. I promise I won't make you pick me up this time. Want me to grab you something?" I softly smile, hoping he won't hate me. He shakes his head no with a small smile on his face before letting me get into his car. He watches me drive off before heading back inside.

'29 days..' I whisper to myself as I head into the nearest town, smiling to myself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This was extremely rushed so my apologies if it wasn't as great as one of my last chapters ! I promise the next chapter will b better and have more of a plot than this one. Hope you guys liked this and r excited for the next chapter!

[brokendoor16]

Okay. So I just realised I haven't posted anything in a while and this has been in my head ALL DAY, so please enjoy my English-Lit-level analysis of why Too Sweet is the most Anthony J Crowley song ever to Anthony J Crowley!!

(What this means is that I'm about to analyse every single fucking lyric in excruciating detail, I apologise in advance)

HERE GOES!!

It can't be said I'm an early bird // it's 10 o'clock before I say a word- Starting off easy here. He slept through most of the 19th century, and can you IMAGINE what he'd be like in the mornings??

Baby, I can never tell // how do you sleep so well?- Bit of a stretch on this one since Aziraphale doesn't canonically sleep, but let's just say sleep is a metaphor. He's asking how Aziraphale can seem 'at peace' so easily, when he can never seem to find any sort of balance.

You keep tellin' me to live right // to go to bed before the daylight- Aziraphale has a very strict set of morals, some instilled in him by Heaven but also some of his own; it's one of the things Crowley loves about him, but it can also result in him coming off like he's telling people how to live their lives 'right'.

But then you wake up for the sunrise- Now THIS is an interesting one. Waking up at sunrise and going to bed in the daylight both result in a lack of sleep, but one is seen as a 'good' thing to do. Aziraphale is just as run-down and burnt-out as Crowley, but he's ignoring it because it's for the 'right' reasons.

You know, you don't gotta pretend- He knows what Aziraphale's doing, and he's saying that he doesn't need to hide behind his heavenly facade; he can be himself.

Baby, now and then // don't you just wanna wake up- So you could probably take this one two ways; either as the whole demonic-temptation idea, or as an invitation for something they do frequently: get drunk, sped time together, and ignore Heaven and Hell for a little while.

Dark as a lake // smelling like a bonfire // lost in a haze- Funnily enough, being 'dark' and 'smelling like a bonfire' are both things you could associate with Hell, or the Fall. You could hear this as Crowley asking 'don't you want to let go and have some fun?' or you could hear it as 'I know this is selfish, but don't you wanna Fall for me?'

If you're drunk on life, babe // I think it's great- He's acknowledging that all he really wants is for Aziraphale to be happy. If he lived by all his strict rules because that's what he wanted, or because he was 'drunk on life' enough not to NEED anything else, that would be great.

But while in this world- They're not gonna be on Earth forever, especially if you imagine it from the perspective of pre-Apocalypse Crowley, so they may as well make the most of the time they have left.

I think I'll take my whisky neat- Well, first up it's Crowley and we all KNOW he's got a drinking problem. But also, it's a way of saying 'I know you worry about me, but this is who I am, and I'm gonna do it anyway'

My coffee black and my bed at three- There's not much to analyse on this one. Six shots of espresso in a big cup, and partying till God-knows-what-time.

You're too sweet for me- oh my GOD, the things I could say about this line. Honestly, I just feel like Crowley is always worried about 'corrupting' Aziraphale, or not being good enough for him. He's 'Too Sweet' for Crowley, because he's never felt love as soft and sweet (the closest he's ever got was God, and She was quick to cast him out) and he's scared of breaking it.

I aim low // I aim true, and the ground's where I go- This bit's almost sarcastic, and a little self-deprecating; you can't aim lower than Hell, and by asking questions he sure hit his target.

I work late where I'm free from the phone- He works a little ahead of time to stay clear of Hell's reprimands, or 'phone calls'. Also, working 'late' could link to working in darkness, which he's been doing since he Fell.

And the job gets done // but you worry some, I know- Aziraphale is constantly worrying about the Arrangement; not for himself, but for what Hell will do to Crowley if they find out. Crowley constantly finds himself reassuring him that as long as 'the job gets done', he'll be fine.

But who wants to live forever, babe?- This part's almost ironic. Crowley doesn't WANT to live forever, but he will, and so he can afford to be a little reckless; to him, it doesn't matter either way.

You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate- Aziraphale is always so careful about everything he says, even to Crowley, needing to make sure he stays 'Heavenly'.

The rest of you like you're the TSA- Aziraphale is ALWAYS careful with everything, regulating everything by Heaven's rules and regulations on what he can and can't do (think the TSA do's and don't's).

I wish I could go along // babe, don't get me wrong- Despite spending most of the song (and his life) railing against Heaven's rules, part of him still wishes he'd been able to 'go along' with them.

You know you're bright as the morning // soft as the rain- It just shows that everything Aziraphale is is the exact opposite of Crowley (or at least, of his image). He's 'bright' and 'soft', two things you'd never find in Hell, and Crowley doesn't quite know how to handle it.

Pretty as a vine // as sweet as a grape- He (Aziraphale) may be 'pretty' and 'sweet', but there's something else about him. Vines and grapes turn into wine, which Crowley is already addicted to; he's scared of becoming addicted to Aziraphale's sweetness.

If you can sit in a barrel- Obviously, grapes left in a barrel ferment into wine; he's awaiting the day Aziraphale gains just enough bitterness to go against Heaven. However, wine is considerably sweeter than Crowley's aforementioned whisky, so although he wants him to see Heaven the way he does, he prioritises keeping his sweetness rather than becoming fully bitter- he may be 'too sweet', but that's what Crowley loves about him.

Maybe I'll wait // until that day- This part's almost funny from Crowley's perspective, because there's no 'maybe' about it. He'd wait eternity to be allowed to love Aziraphale.

SO. There we go. If you actually read this far, tysm and I am SO SO SORRY, but hope you enjoyed my ridiculously long and mental-gymnastics-y analysis (I will not be rereading this or I won't end up posting it, so sorry about any mistake)

Have the best day ❤️❤️

[badassfetish]

I think I understand now why Ian didn't want to admit the bipolar disorder. When you fight, lie, manipulate, hurt people, even if not intentionally, blaming your mental illness can't be your way out of everything. You can't just do shit and be like "oh it wasn't me, it was my mental illness" and still keep doing it. Ian never liked the victim role. He wanted to own his decisions, even the poor ones. Hell, I can even see now why he was breaking up with Mickey.

You get to a point where you realize the damage, the chaos, the circus burning down to pieces. But in your mind you think "People always had the choice to leave. To say no. To not accept my behavior" So... Is it still your fault when others had the choice? People love the victim role, but are you a victim when you're presented with a choice and you choose to stay within clear conditions?

Many of us have been in a relationship with a narcissist/bipolar/borderline, you know the drill. Emotional blackmail after emotional blackmail. And why did you choose to stay? Because of the good part. You sacrifice a few things in order to have the thrill, the emotion, because they're usually "too much", for the good and for the bad, but that makes you feel alive, more alive than ever before.

And when things go to shit, you blame them. "I sacrificed so much for you!" yes you did, but you had your paycheck too, didn't you? Or you forgot the good part that happened after the sacrifice? Ah, you see, when people fight, their memories become selective. Let's make a fine selection of every moment I felt bad and ignore the good ones.

If you pay attention, any relationship will have sacrifices, the difference is that MOST relationships will be lame as fuck, because most people are in a coma, like a fcking zombie or some shit. The good part is not even that good, it's just... regular.

I know right, you're pointing at the screen saying "My relationship is not "regular", it's balanced, it's healthy, it's not a roller coaster" and I'll ask you - Is that other relationship a roller coaster or is it you that don't know how to self regulate under stress? Be honest. You date slugs because it makes easier for you not to put the effort to learn how to self-regulate, much less regulate your partner.

Ian says to Mickey "You can't fix me, I'm not broken, I don't need to be fixed ok? I am me" he's presenting Mickey a choice - Either you take me as I am without meds, or bye. And Mickey knows what will happen if he doesn't take the pills. Mickey came out for him, lost his father's admiration forever coming out, had to endure a million shitty situations for Ian, but he loved him and knew the sacrifice was worth it, but Ian wasn't going to wait around to hear that, he knew eventually they would fight and Mickey could throw the bipolar thing on his face (like he did on a deleted scene) and that would be forcing him into a victim role, which Ian wasn't going to take it.

Of course those disorders and personalities have a lot more than just the emotional roller coaster. They go along with behaviors that will physically hurt or put people (or themselves) in danger. My goal here is just to point out that Ian didn't feel like he was a threat to anyone, therefore he didn't need the meds. The perspective of a person with a mental illness very often is blurred by an illusion of self-control, and unless you do know how to self-regulate, you'll blame the mental ill every single time.

[heecase]

Bruises

Synopsis: What would you do if the love of your life broke up with you and just disappeared? Would you follow him to get answers or would you accept it and move on? But how can you move on when you still have the bruises that he left behind? Pairing: Jay x Fem! Reader Word Count: 7.6k Genre: Angst, fluff (eventually)

If someone were to ask you what is the most painful thing you’ve been through, how would you respond? Would you say it was the time you broke your arm in the 5th grade, falling off the monkey bars? Or is it the time when you fell off your bike and scraped up the whole left side of your shin? Either way, you were naive to think that pain was only a physical feeling because if you were to tell the truth, the most painful thing you’ve ever experienced was not physical at all. It was a deep emotional pain that would leave a bruise on your heart forever.

The day Jay left was just like any other day. The sun was shining brightly in the blue sky, not a cloud to be seen. Nothing could have indicated that there was a shift in the atmosphere. That something terrible was about to happen. Jay was sitting on a barstool at your kitchen island, scrolling through his phone, as you stood over a boiling pot of ramyeon.

“Y/n, can we talk?” He asked, voice so soft you almost didn’t catch it. His phone was still in his hand, but his attention was on you.

“Yeah?” You replied, raising a brow at him. Urging him to continue.

“Can you come over here?” The tone of his voice was making you unsettled, but you decided to ignore the warning signs. You should’ve listened to your gut. If you did, would things have changed?

“Sure.” You finished preparing the ramyeon and made your way over with the pot and two pairs of chopsticks. “What did you want to talk about?” You asked, grabbing some noodles from the pot and placing them in your bowl to cool down.

“Are you happy?” He questioned, not moving to join you as you indulged in the food on the table.

“Yes? Is this a trick question?” You tilted your head at him. Anxiety starts to consume you as you wonder what prompted him to ask such a thing.

“No, it’s not. I just want to know if you’re actually really happy, like with me.” He was staring into your eyes, almost like he was searching for something. An answer that you didn’t know existed.

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?” You responded, confusion and anxiety started to mix and you felt your chest swell. Did you do something wrong? Why was he asking you these questions?

“I’m sorry. That was a stupid question.” He said, finally breaking eye contact. He looked down at his lap and shook his head slightly. You watched as he nibbled on his bottom lip, thinking hard about something.

“Is something wrong?” You asked, reaching over to grab his fidgety hands.

“I… I think we should take a break.” He whispered, no longer having the courage to look at your face.

“What?” You gasped, letting go of his hands. “Jay this isn’t funny. Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m sorry. I want to break up.” He says, more confident this time.

“Jay, what’s going on?” Your hand flew up to cover your mouth as tears started to sting your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” That was the last thing he said before he got up and walked out your front door. You were too shocked to try and follow him, but once reality hit, you ran after him. However you weren’t able to find him. You called him repeatedly but he never answered. You went to his home, and he wasn’t there. You went to every single place you could think of, but he was nowhere to be found. After a few days of your endless chasing, your body gave out as you were crying on Yunjin’s couch. You didn’t realize it, but you haven’t eaten any food or drank any water since he left. The ramyeon you made was long forgotten, still sitting on your kitchen island. All you could feel was confusion on top of your pain. You wanted to see him again and talk to him. Ask him why? Why was he doing this? 

“Y/n, please eat something.” Your best friend, Yunjin, pleaded. She was sitting on the edge of the bed with a tray in hand, staring at your unmoved body. How long has it been since you’ve been laying down? Probably too long at this point. What if Jay is long gone and you’ll never see him again? You curl up into the fetal position as more tears leak out of your eyes.

“I know you’re going through a hard time but you can’t just starve to death.” She sighed when you didn’t even move to acknowledge her. 

“Jay wouldn’t want this.” She said, as your body tensed up at the mention of his name. She noticed the shift and immediately felt guilty for bringing up the one person who caused you all this pain.

“I’m sorry… I’m gonna leave this tray here, please try to eat something. Please.” She sighed, placing the tray on the bedside table before retreating from the room. From the other side of the door, you could hear her on the phone with someone.

“She’s barely alive as it is! I’m terrified right now…” Hearing her voice break as you assumed she started crying. You felt terrible for putting Yunjin through this when this was all your fault. You did something wrong. Jay left because of you. 

“Jake, I need you to do something about this before I lose my mind!” Her hushed voice said with urgency. You knew what she was trying to do but you felt like it was pointless. You’ve been searching for days and Jay was nowhere to be found. All of his friends didn’t even know where he was. It was like he vanished into thin air. But if he knew what you were going through would he come back? If you held out for a little longer, would he realize how much you love him? As you thought more about why Jay left, your lungs betrayed you. Breathing was becoming a chore and you just wanted all the pain to go away. Closing your eyes, you let the darkness consume you as more tears fell. 

“How long has she been like this?” A male voice pulled you out of your dreamless slumber. In your delusion, you thought the voice belonged to Jay but once you came to you realized you were wrong.

“A few days. She hasn’t been back to her place since he left. For the first few days, she would leave to go find him even though I told her it was pointless. But when she came back yesterday, she collapsed at the front door and I brought her in here.” Yunjin explained, tears running down her face.

“That fucking idiot! Where the hell is he?” The male voice, who you now recognize as Jake, sighed in frustration.

“Are you still not able to get in contact with him?” She questioned, frustration clear in her voice as well.

“No, I’ve asked Heeseung and Sunghoon to look for him as well and they’ll let me know if they find him. But god forbid, if they find him. I might just kill him myself.” He spat, voice laced with venom. A ringing was heard as Jake answered his phone. 

“Where is he?” Jake asked the person on the other line. Your eyes went wide and you turned around to look at him. Your body is so weak, it physically hurts to move but you didn’t care. All you cared about was Jay.

“Oh my god, Y/n, are you okay? How are you feeling?” Yunjin questioned as she rushed to your side. You didn’t answer her, eyes focused on Jake and his conversation.

“Yeah, I’ll let her know. Thanks guys.” He sighed, before hanging up. He gave you a sweet smile as he walked over to sit on the side of the bed. “How are you feeling honey?” He tucked a stray hair behind your ear as he caressed your cheek.

“Where is he?” You croaked out. Your throat was too dry for your normal voice to work properly.

“We can talk about that later.” He responded, grabbing your hand to rub soothing circles over the skin. “We need to take care of you first, okay?”

“Please.” You whispered, as more tears fell from your eyes. Jake didn’t know what to do. If he told you, then you would insist on going to him even in your rough state. But he also couldn’t stand to sit here and watch you slowly kill yourself over Jay. You watched as Jake and Yunjin communicated with their eyes. Yunjin shaking her head no before Jake sighed and looked at you again

“He’s at Jungwon’s place.” He answered, as Yunjin sighed. “If you want to go see him, I can take you but you have to let us take care of you first.” You looked at him with hope in your eyes as you nodded enthusiastically. Anything. You were willing to do anything to get Jay back.

As you sat on the bed, eating what Yunjin provided, you thought about what you should say when you finally get to see him. Should you ask him why he left when you thought everything was going well? Or should you skip all that and just beg for him to come back? Does it even matter why he left? As long as you get him back in the end? There were just too many options and you didn’t know which one was the right one. Which option did you need to choose for him to take you back?

“Y/n, sweetie, I need you to be honest with me. If Jay isn’t willing to listen to you or mend your relationship, what are you going to do?” Yunjin asked carefully. 

“I don’t know…” You responded honestly. “I love him so much it hurts and I feel like my head is being pushed under water. I’m drowning without him. I can’t breathe. I’m exhausted and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Y/n, I know you love him, but if he doesn’t love you back then there’s no use in killing yourself over him. He’s not worth all of the pain you’re putting yourself through.” Jake sighed, clearly upset and frustrated at your lack of self preservation.

“You don’t understand…” You said, tears forming in your eyes again. “He left without an explanation as to why he wanted to break up and I don’t think I can move on until I figure that out. I feel like he took my heart with him when he walked out that door. I’m just an empty shell, waiting for him to put me back together again.”

“Oh sweetie, you’re an amazing person and if he can’t see that then it’s his loss.” Yunjin said, stroking your arm lightly.

“But what if I was the problem? What if I did something for him to act like this? What if I ruined the best thing that’s ever happened to me? How am I supposed to move on?” Your brows furrowed as you wracked your brain for an answer. Your friends stopped arguing with you because it seems like nothing they said would help. They looked at each other with worry as they braced themselves for what’s to come. 

The ride to Jungwon’s apartment complex was tense. No one knew what was going to happen and everyone was scared that you wouldn’t make it out of this encounter in one piece. Jake’s knuckles turned white, as his grip on the steering wheel got tighter. He wanted to turn around and keep you away from Jay. Away from any pain that he will indelibly cause you but he couldn’t do that because you would hate him for it. He couldn’t live with you hating him, even if all of his effort was to protect you. He hated that at the end of the day, you would still choose Jay over anyone else. Over him.

“We’re here.” Jake said softly, as he parked the car in front of a tall apartment building. You didn’t say anything, as you got out of the car and followed Jake inside, with Yunjin by your side holding your hand. The trek was long and your anxiety was starting to eat you alive. What if this was a bad idea? What would you do if Jay refuses to see you? He clearly didn’t want to be found, so what if he’s just more angry that you show up out of the blue? Was this just going to make everything worse? Doubt was swirling around your head, as you followed closely behind Jake. You didn’t realize you arrived until you bumped into Jake’s back by accident. He turned around and stared at you with the saddest eyes you’ve ever seen. 

“Are you ready?” Yunjin asked, squeezing your hand softly. You nodded, still unsure but it was now or never. Jake reached up and rang the doorbell. A soft shuffle could be heard from the other side before the door was pushed open.

“Hey.” Heeseung said, voice low. His heart broke as he made eye contact with you. He couldn’t believe how broken you looked and it was all because of his best friend. Guilt started to spread through his body, as he stepped aside to let you all in. He grabbed Jake’s wrist to hold him behind, making sure you didn’t notice. “Are you sure this is a good idea?” 

“Look at her. Do you think we have any other choice?” Jake responded, pushing his way past Heeseung to follow you into the living room. As you walked into the room, your eyes immediately locked onto his figure. No one else in the room existed.

“Hi.” You whispered, afraid if you spoke any louder he would disappear into thin air. Jay looked up from his phone with a shocked expression on his face. He wasn’t expecting you to show up here but he should’ve known since all of his friends were also your friends. His eyes met Heeseung in the hallway, as the older boy shrugged.

“Hey.” He managed to choke out. His eyes automatically come back to look at you. You looked thinner and awfully pale. He could tell you weren’t feeling well based on the way you held yourself, but he couldn’t do anything about it. He broke up with you. The two of you stared at each other for a few seconds before Jake broke the silence.

“Hey, asshole.” Jake said, leaning against the wall directly next to you. Jay was taken aback by the insult but before he could fire one back, you grabbed his hand and led him to presumably Jungwon’s bedroom. You shut the door and took a deep breath to gather your courage before turning around to face him.

“Can we talk?” You asked, moving past him to sit on the bed. He didn’t answer you as he sat on a chair at the desk across from you. You frowned at the distance he was putting between you. “Why did you leave like that?” You choked out, trying your best to hold back your tears. Just coming face to face with him was enough to break you all over again.

“Don’t do this, please.” Jay sighed, running a hand through his hair.

“Do what? What am I doing wrong?” You asked, begging him for answers. You wanted to move towards him but his tone stopped you.

“Nothing! You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m the one who fucked up so I’m taking responsibility for it! You shouldn’t be with someone like me.” He said, raising his voice louder than he meant to.

“What are you talking about? What did you do?” You whispered, multiple thoughts started running through your head.

“Please don’t make me say it.” He begged you to take the hint and just leave.

“Jongseong! What did you do?!” You asked again, anger taking over and you could no longer think straight.

“I fucking cheated, okay?! Is that what you wanted to hear? That I went out, got wasted and kissed someone else?” He yelled, throwing his hand in the air in frustration.

“What are you talking about?! Jay there’s no way. You would never do something like that!” You were so confused. This wasn’t like him.

“Well it’s the truth. I was upset at you so I drowned myself in alcohol. Before I knew what was going on, that girl was all over me. She kissed me and I kissed her back. All because I was so mad at you.” He explained.

“You know I didn’t mean to make you upset! My dad called me saying my mom was in the hospital, what was I supposed to do? Not drop everything and go to her?” You questioned, flabbergasted at his reasoning for cheating.

“I don’t fucking know!” He yelled back. “I did what I had to do. I broke up with you. So why are you here?”

“Because I still love you dammit!” You yelled, as your hand made contact with his cheek. Your hand burned but you didn’t care. Everything you knew was a lie and it was all unfolding before your eyes.

“Well I don’t love you anymore. You should leave.” He said, voice low. He dropped his head, trying to hide the tears that were falling against his will.

“I can’t believe you.” You gasped, before exiting the room. Yunjin and Jake followed, as you ran out of Jungwon’s apartment. Jungwon looked at your retreating back with pity, as he walked over to where Jay still stood.

“Hyung, why did you do that? Why didn’t you just tell her the truth?” He questioned, staring at his friend’s tear stained face.

“Because I would rather she hate me now and eventually move on, then for her to miss me everyday after I’m gone.” Jay responded, falling on the floor as his sobs consumed him. 

Pain is supposed to be subjective. Most associate pain to physical injuries, but you now know that pain can be both physical and emotional. You just didn’t know that the emotional pain Jay caused would feel like your heart is being ripped out of your chest. Yunjin held you all the way back to her apartment, as you cried. You were weak and the overwhelming feelings rushing through your body made you dizzy. Before you knew what was happening, you felt darkness consume you.

“We need to take her to the hospital!” Yunjin’s voice reached your ears. She sounded frantic, and you wanted to comfort her but your body felt too heavy to move. 

“You know we can’t do that! We’re not her guardian, so they’ll call her parents and the last thing she needs is for them to find out.” Jake’s voice responded, equally as frustrated.

“Jake, I’m scared. What if she doesn’t wake up?” A sob was heard as she finished the sentence. Why would you not wake up? You’re awake right now.

“She will. We just have to keep an eye on her.” He said, as you felt a hand stroke your hair. You wanted to lean into his touch but you weren’t strong enough, so you just let his soft gesture null you back to sleep.

Your eyelids feel heavy, as you rip your eyes open. The dimly lit room looked awfully unfamiliar to you. Where were you? And what were you doing here? Sitting up, you felt like your body weighed 10 times heavier than before. The weak muscles in your arms barely get the job done. Feeling the shift on the bed, Yunjin bolted awake.

“Y/n! You’re awake!” She sobbed, pulling you into a hug. Jake, having heard her, ran into the room with a pot in his hand. Staring at you with wide eyes, he shot you a beaming smile.

“How long have I been sleeping?” You asked, coughing slightly at your dry irritated throat.

“Two days.” She said, pulling back and looking you in the eyes. You could tell she was searching for any other signs of discomfort.

“I’m sorry. You’re both having a hard time because of me.” You signed, looking down at your hands.

“Sweetie, it’s okay. You know I would do anything for you.” Yunjin places her hand on top of yours and gives you a slight squeeze. 

“Me too.” Jake chimed in, waving his pot. You let yourself smile slightly at your friends. You weren’t okay but for them you were going to try to be. Jay told you the truth, so now you have to be the bigger person and let him go. Even if the thought alone makes you want to dig a hole and never come out. 

One interesting thing about bruises is the healing cycle. They usually start out very deep and purple but eventually they fade to green, then yellow, and before you know it, the bruise is gone. But just because you couldn’t see it anymore doesn’t mean your body doesn’t remember the pain it caused. 

It’s been 6 months since you’ve last seen Jay at Jungwon’s apartment. You still think back to that day every so often. The bruises he left eventually healed, so you’re back to living your normal life. Well as normal as it can be for now. You broke the lease to your apartment and moved into an empty unit in Yunjin’s apartment complex. Just the thought of living in the place that held so many wonderful memories, hurt more than you could've imagined. But what’s done is done and there’s no going back now.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Jake asked, waving a hand in front of your face. You two were currently sitting at a small cafe near your work. Jake had insisted on seeing you today for some reason.

“Yeah. Sorry, I just have a lot on my mind today.” You smiled, sipping your coffee to help ease the awkwardness.

“It’s okay. I was just making sure.” He beamed his golden retriever smile at you, making you feel 10 times better.

“So, what’s the plan for tonight?” You asked, narrowing your eyes at him. You knew he wanted to meet to ask you to do something again. 

“How did you know?” He faked, shocked, placing a hand on his chest like you had wounded him with your words.

“Because you always offer to buy me coffee when you want something.” You roll your eyes at him continuing his shocked act.

“As your friend, I am offended that you would think I only buy you coffee when I want something from you.” He paused. “But if you’re not doing anything, the new Antman movie is coming out tonight and I really don’t want to go alone.”

“See! I knew you wanted something!” You pointed your finger at him and laughed, but you agreed to go with him anyway. Mainly because you also wanted to watch the movie, but his puppy dog eyes were definitely helpful too.

As you sat down in the cinema, you reached over to grab some popcorn out of the bucket Jake was holding. Jake briefed you on his rules that you had to follow when watching a Marvel movie. Don’t talk during the movie, don’t ask questions, and most importantly don’t do anything that will distract him. You giggled as he put on his serious face, when the lights dimmed. Half way through, you noticed Jake kept pulling his phone out and huffing in annoyance. It looked like someone kept calling him but he was ignoring their calls. You didn’t want to be nosy so you turned your focus back to the movie.

“That was so awesome! I want to be a superhero too.” Jake pouted as you walked out of the theater. 

“I don’t think that’s possible, Jakey.” You patted his head as you headed towards the restrooms. As you made your way back to where Jake was standing, you overheard him talking on the phone. 

“Fuck. Are you sure?” He paused. “She’s finally feeling better, dude. Don’t make me do this.” Who was he talking to? “I know, okay. Fuck. I’ll call you later.” He quickly ended the call when he saw you out of the corner of his eye.

“Is everything okay?” You asked, eyeing him up and down.

“Yup. Are you ready to go?” You nodded as he pushed himself off the wall and ushered you to the exit.

Jake’s words stay on your mind as you try to sleep. Who was he talking to? Why was he so upset? You always had a bad habit of letting your curiosity get the better of you. So as you laid in bed and pondered what was going on, Jake was laying in bed trying to figure out what he was going to do. As Heeseung’s words play over and over in his mind.

“Are you guys sure everything is okay?” You asked again for the millionth time. You were having lunch with Jake and Yunjin, but they kept giving each other weird looks all throughout the meal and it was starting to bother you. It was like they both knew something you didn’t and that made you upset.

“Of course, sweetie.” Yunjin smiled but it didn’t quite reach her eyes, which made you more upset. 

“Can you please tell me what’s going on? I can tell you both know something I don’t and you’re both awful at keeping secrets.” You sighed, putting down your chopsticks and crossing your arms over your chest.

“Nothing is going on, right Jake.” Yunjin elbowed Jake in the rib, making him yelp in pain. As he rubbed the sore spot, he nodded, not making eye contact with you.

“I don’t like it that you’re keeping something from me. Am I not a good enough friend to you?” You pouted, almost tearing up at the thought that you might’ve done something wrong and that’s why they’re acting like this.

“Y/n, you’re a great friend!” Jake quickly said, nudging Yunjin to join.

“You’re my best friend! I would never keep anything from you.”

“Then tell me what’s going on!” You eyed them both as you allowed a pity tear to fall down your cheek. They both looked at each other before answering.

“Jungwon wants to see you-”

“Heeseung wants to see you-” They both answered at the same time.

“Wait what? Why would either one of them want to see me?” You tilted your head in confusion. Sure they were both your ‘friends’ but that was only because they were Jay’s friends first. After the break up, you haven’t spoken to either of them.

“You’ll know once you talk to them, but they’re both insisting that you go see them.” Jake said softly. You didn’t know why but you agreed so here you are, a few days later, sitting across from both Jungwon and Heeseung, with Jake and Yunjin by your side.

“I know this was uncalled for, but we have to tell you something.” Jungwon said, reaching into his pocket to pull out his phone. “Jay isn’t doing too well and I think he really needs you right now.” 

“What are you talking about? We broke up months ago and haven’t talked to each other since.” Your brows furrowed in confusion.

“He went back to the U.S and it’s been a couple of months. We thought he was finally getting better, but his mother is scared he has lost his will to live. Y/n, he really needs you right now. Please.” Heeseung sighed, looking up at you. He noticed the utter confusion on your features and that’s when it hit him. You don’t know anything. He glanced over at Jake and the boy shook his head to confirm his suspensions. “Have you heard anything about Jay since the last time we saw each other?” He signed again after you shook your head.

“Jay is sick, Y/n. He found out he has a brain tumor when you were still together and decided that he wanted to handle this himself. So he made up some bullshit lie and broke up with you. He wanted to make sure you hated him before he left for the U.S with his mom to figure out how to fix it. We found out a month ago that the surgery went well but he’s still in a coma. His mother called crying because she doesn’t understand why he won’t wake up. The doctors keep telling her to wait but she’s starting to get restless, so she told us to get you.” Jungwon turned his phone around so you could look at the screen. It was a picture of Jay in a beanie and hospital gown, looking tired and pale. He was smiling but it wasn’t reaching his eyes. The text underneath said ‘going into surgery’. “I’m sorry y/n we thought you might’ve caught on to what he was doing. I didn’t know that you were being kept in the dark.”

You felt tears start to fall as you stared at the phone screen. You didn’t understand anything. Why did he leave you if he was sick? And why didn’t you notice something like this was going on? 

“He needs you right now, Y/n. Please, can you go to him?” Heeseung pleaded. He knew Jay was going to kill him once he found out that they told you, but at this point Jay wasn’t going to make it without you.

“Okay…” You choked out.

So you sorted things out with work and hopped on the next available plane to California. You didn’t really know what you were doing or what you were getting yourself into but here you were about to risk it all for him. Somewhere deep inside your heart, you knew that everything Jay had said before was a lie. At first it felt like a coping mechanism to the break up because it was easier to accept that he had simply fallen out of love with you since anything would be better than imagining him cheating on you. So you hung onto that thought. Since the beginning you never really blamed him for how things ended but you also never forgave him for hurting you so much. You stayed in limbo but as things are starting to unfold so are the barriers you’ve created to shield your bruised and damaged heart. 

Once you landed at the airport, an older gentleman was there to meet you just like Heeseung had explained. He helped you with your bags and led you to the car.

“Are we going to the hospital?” You asked, buckling your seatbelt from the back seat.

“Yes, Madam Park will see you there.” He answered before booking it towards the hospital. Once you arrived, the older male escorted you to the room where Jay and his mother were.

You carefully opened the door and entered. The room felt warmer than the hallway and when you rounded the corner, your eyes landed on Jay. Laying in the hospital bed, wearing the same hospital gown and beanie as the picture you saw previously, hooked up to all sorts of machines and hanging on for dear life.

“You must be Y/n.” The unfamiliar voice broke you out of your daze. You nodded your head, eyes flickering back to Jay before returning to the older lady. 

“I’m Jongseong’s mother. I’m so glad you’re here.” She waved you over to where she was sitting for you to take her place in the single chair beside his bed. “He hasn’t been doing well but I know he misses you dearly.”

“How did this happen?” You asked, hand to your mouth to suppress your sobs.

“Oh dear, the doctors don’t know. One day he just fainted and when I got to the hospital they told me he had developed a tumor in his brain. We didn’t know what to do. The doctors in Korea weren’t confident in that line of surgery, so they recommended we go to Dr. Adams here in California and so we did. After the surgery, the doctor said everything went smoothly and he should wake up in a couple of hours. But then he didn’t. It’s been almost a month and the doctors don’t know why he won’t wake up.” She grabbed your other hand and pressed a kiss to the back. “I’m sorry to ask this of you, but can you please talk to him. They say he can still hear us even when he’s like this. I’ve tried everything I can think of and the only time he’s ever responded was when I mentioned your name. His finger twitched but he still didn’t regain his consciousness.” You nodded, reaching up to hug the older lady as you both cried.

You’ve been in the hospital for a week and the doctors say Jay’s making progress. You don’t know what that mean but anything is better than nothing. You’ve been spending all of your time with him. Eating with him and telling him stories about your life. All of the events he’s missed from the past 6 months. You were determined to get through to him, mostly because you don’t know how you’ll be able to move on otherwise. 

“Did you know that Jake wants to be a superhero now?” You chuckled slightly, thinking back to the fond memory. 

“He’s such a little kid. I can’t believe we’re the same age sometimes.” You took the warm towel next to you and started to wipe down Jay’s skin. It’s something you’ve gotten accustomed to doing every night. 

“Oh and there’s this new Boba place that opened near the chicken shop we used to order from all the time. It’s so good and I swear I go there 2 to 3 times a week.” You caressed his cheek lovingly. “We should go together next time. I think you’ll really like it.” It was hard to tear your eyes away from him but sometimes you have to or else you’ll just end up crying.

Taking a deep breath, you turn to him and smile again. “You know, I’m still not forgiving you for lying to me. You’ll have to work extra hard to win me back.” You finished up what you were doing and sat back down on your chair by his bed. You held his hand in yours as you laid your head down. 

“I miss you so much. Please come back to me baby.” The words left your lips as you drifted off to sleep.

The feeling of someone playing with your hair woke you up. Your eyes open slowly, as you squint against the harsh light coming from the window. You turn your head, expecting to see Jay’s mom, but come face to face with Jay. Thinking you’re going crazy, you scream and jump back into the seat causing it to fall backwards and you with it. 

“Y/n! Are you okay?” Jay asked, panic lacing his voice. He tried to reach out to you but his hand couldn’t reach.

“Ow.. I’m okay.” You responded, rubbing your sore elbow that took the blow for you. “Jay! You’re awake!” You quickly jumped up and wrapped your arms around his neck. His light chuckle makes you break away.

“The doctors. I have to call the doctors!” You stood up, but Jay’s hand stopped you from moving.

“It’s okay. They already know and they’ve checked me and I’m fine.” His thumb rubbing up and down on your arm to soothe your anxiety.

“When did you wake up?” You asked, sitting back down on the bed. Taking his other hand in yours.

“A couple hours ago. You had a death grip on my hand and they almost had to amputate it just to take me to get checked out.” He teased, as you threw his hand off to the side in a huff.

“I’m sorry for caring.” You crossed your arms and turned away from him. 

“Hey, I was just joking.” His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer to his body.

“Does your mom know?” You turned towards him, to get a good look at him. He looked a little better than before but not fully 100% yet. There was life in his eyes and a smile on his lips, as his hand continued to rub soothing circles on the back of yours.

“Yeah, she came by earlier. Said she would kill me if I woke you up.” He chuckled and you didn’t know you missed that sound so much until just now.

“I’m starting to think she likes you more than me and that’s not fair.” He jutted his bottom lip out in a pout.

“I’m sure you’re still number one in her heart.” You smiled, staring into his eyes. You’d missed this. 

“I missed you.” He said, looking down at your hand in his.

“I missed you too.” You pulled him back into another hug.

The next few days went as expected. Jay had to stay to be monitored and you decided to stay with him and extend your ‘vacation’. You were currently trying, and somewhat failing, to peel an apple as Jay talked on facetime with the boys at home.

“Dude, we thought you were a goner for a little while there. Please don’t ever scare us like that again.” Jungwon pouted through the phone.

“I’ll try but there’s no guarantee that the tumor is gone for good. The doctor said he can’t see anything so far in the x-rays but that’s why they’re keeping me here for a little while longer.” Jay explained, reaching over to steal a piece of apple from the plate in front of you. 

“Well we can see that you’re in good hands.” Heeseung teased, winking at no one in particular. Jay’s face flushed. He didn’t know what you were after all this time. He obviously still loves you but do you still love him? Were you just here out of obligation and guilt? He was too afraid to ask because he didn’t want this time with you to end.

“You guys should get some rest. It’s getting late over there.” Jay dismissed the boys and hung up before they could say anything else to embarrass him.

“They seem happy.” You commented, feeding him another piece of apple. Jay hummed an answer around the fruit. Just as you were about to give him another piece, your phone rings. The screen flashes Jake’s name and you excuse yourself to answer.

“Hey Y/n, how’s Jay doing?” Jake asked as you answered.

“Well hello to you to superman.” You chuckled. “He’s doing really well. I think he could be discharged in a few days.”

“That’s awesome! When are you coming back?” He asked, just as enthusiastically. 

“Probably when he gets discharged. If I extend my vacation any longer, I’m not gonna have a job to return to.” You nibbled on your lips at the thought.

“Okay I’ll see you when you get back. Oh and Y/n?” You hummed to let him know you were still listening. “You should talk to him about everything. He did what he did because he loves you and I’m sure he still does.” You didn’t answer and let Jake hang up the phone.

Jay heard your phone call come to an end but you didn’t come back in. He was scared that you had moved on with Jake and he had lost his chance to explain himself. He started to fiddle with his hands when the door opened and you walked back inside. 

“Who was that?” Jay asked, trying to sound nonchalant.

“Jake, he wanted to know how you were and when I was getting back.” You sat back down on your chair and picked up a piece of apple to munch on.

“When were you planning on going back?” Jay’s eyes didn’t meet yours when you looked up at him. 

“Probably when you get discharged. Why?” You tilted your head, curious if he wanted you to leave sooner or something.

“Nothing. Just curious, that’s all.”

“Okay, if you’re sure.”

“Are you dating Jake?” He asked, making you almost choke. After your coughing fit and multiple gulps of water, you shook your head.

“No, I’m not. Why are you asking that?”

“I was just wondering, that’s all.” He paused for a second. “So, are you seeing anyone else?”

“No, I’m not Jay. What is with all the questions?” You grab his hand, trying to get him to look at you but he still refuses.

“I just want to know why you’re here.” He sighed, finally asking the question he’s been dying to know.

“What do you mean why? I’m here because I care about you.” You furrowed your brows as agitation started to boil in you.

“Yes, I know you still care but why? I cheated on you and broke up with you in the worst way possible. I figured you wouldn’t ever want to see my face again.”

“Jay, I know you didn’t really cheat on me. Jungwon and Heeseung already told me the truth. Why do you still insist on lying to me?” You stood up and started pacing back and forth to calm yourself down.

“They told you everything?” He gasped, eyes following your moving body.

“Yes! So when they begged me to go to you because your mother was worried sick when you wouldn’t wake up after the surgery, what was I supposed to do? Abandon you?” Tears stung behind your eyes as you bit your bottom lip to stop yourself from crying.

“After everything I did, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did.” He looked back down at his hands, mentally cursing at himself.

“Jay, I love you. I tried to move on. I tried to forget about you and us and everything because I had to. I couldn’t sit around and be depressed while Jake and Yunjin worried about me. It wasn’t fair to them so I did what I had to do. And you did what you had to as well. Except you lied to me. You should’ve told me you had cancer. I wouldn’t have abandoned you, if that’s what you thought. I could’ve been here for you and maybe you wouldn’t have been in a coma for a month if I was.” Your tears were no longer being held back now. They were streaming down your face in full force. Everything you’ve kept inside, since finding out the truth, was pouring out.

“You still love me?” He questioned.

“Is that all you heard from my whole speech?” You rolled your eyes at him.

“No, I heard everything, but why? Why would you still love me, after everything I did?”

“I don’t know. But a small part of me always knew that you might’ve been lying and I hung onto that. I thought the idea of you falling out of love with me was easier to bear.” You wiped aggressively at your cheeks, trying to stop crying.

“I still love you too, ya’know.” Jay’s eyes finally met yours and you could feel the sadness eluding from them.

“Then why did you lie to me? Why did we break up?” 

“Because I was scared. I was scared that the chemo wouldn’t work. Which it didn’t. And the surgery was unpredictable. I couldn’t stand the thought of you having so much hope for me to get better and have it all ripped away if the opposite were to happen. I would rather you hate me for the rest of your life. Then to have you watch me die.” He was now crying too. You sat back down on the edge of his bed and pulled him into a hug.

“I understand you being scared. This is a very scary thing to go through, but I would have rather been with you in your last moments, than to find out you died through someone else.” You pulled away and gently wiped his tear stained cheeks.

“So you still love me?” He asked, arm wrapping around your waist.

“Yes.”

“Even though I lied to you?”

“Yes, but only because I understand why you did it.”

“Even though I look like a hot mess and currently have no hair and a giant scar on my head?” You laughed softly, kissing both his cheeks. The soft banter, making your bruised heart heal just a little more.

“Yes, because I don’t care how you look. At the end of the day, I’ll always love you.” He pulled you towards him and locked your lips. The kiss was soft and passionate. You felt his arm tighten around your waist as your hands went up to cup his cheeks. Tilting your head, you deepened the kiss. Trying to savor the feeling, as if you’ll never get to feel it again.

“Sweetie, the doctor said-” Jay’s mother’s voice rang, making you two pull apart. “Oh my, I’m sorry!”

“No no it’s okay!” You yelled, getting up to stop her from leaving but she had already closed the door. Mortified, you placed your head in your hands and groaned.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Jay asked, trying to pull your hands away.

“You mom just walked in on us making out and you’re asking me what’s wrong?” You groaned again, trying to ease the embarrassment.

“It’s okay, we’re grown adults. It’s not like she walked in on us having sex or someth-” You smacked his chest in horror.

“Stop! How could you say something like that??”

“What? It’s true.” He simply shrugged, making you sigh.

“So, will you still love me even when I’m old and gray, walking around with a cane cause my knees don’t work the same as they used to?” He asked, trying to cheer you up and he succeeded because you let out a soft giggle before kissing his lips again.

“Yes, yes I will.” 

A/n: I know nothing about cancer so if anything is wrong I'm sorry T.T I also haven't watched the new Antman movie so no spoilers please! Anyways, I hope you enjoyed! Feedback is always welcomed :)