#like im actually so fucking exhausted from them
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How do you get your siffrins to look adult? I keep accidentally giving them a baby face but I WANT THEM TO LOOK GROWN AND EXHAUSTED LIKE HE DESERVES
okay so i legit think i fail at making siffrin look adequately adult like half the time but here's a general breakdown of my like. thought process when im actually um. thinking .
So first of all heres my general tips for proportioning a face, and how i attempt to keep the roundness of sif's in-game proportions while also like... drawing them more realistically? i had to practically reinvent a Human Style for drawing isat fanart since im a furry artist so a lot of this is fresh in my mind, luckily(?) for you i suppose.
This newness also means you can like, watch me fight and struggle against how the hell to do this in my earlier fanart. so feel free to try and see what changed as i pieced it together.
Another note is body proportion. You note giving him a baby face specifically, but some of it MIGHT be that you're drawing the head too big for your style? Try and figure out how many "heads tall" your figures are and tweak the numbers until you find what looks "adult"
Here I cracked open one of the comics I used CSP Model refrences for (albeit feat Loop, who i envision to be the exact same height as siffrin. i am NOT a tall loop truther i think its funnier when that bitch is five foot NOTHING!!!!!)
drawing sif with adult proportions can be deceptively difficult though on account of their Being A Tiny Motherfucker. Mostly here though, I find that the best way to do this is to drop like 1/3rd of the length of an average drawing figure's legs. Short people tend to have short legs. I know this on account of a lot of my ocs being 5'3" and below (... for... reasons...... unrelated to my own... height.... 100%.... ) so once again I think a lot of this can come down to trying to fiddle with numbers and noting down what works.
OKAY NOW ONTO SOME MORE SIFFRIN-SPECIFIC DRAWING TIPS. like these are what i find myself doing to make them look older if i accidentally baby face them myself
The above kind of chibi-er doodle style im still not sure has Siffrin looking adult enough for my liking (someone who considers them minimum 28) but considering they're presumably genuinely a deceptively baby faced guy at least by game's start (even if they should probably look. unhealthy.) it's like... forgivable.
the bald spot is basically fucking cheating in terms of "making them look older" lbr but i am so fucking insistent on it and i punch the air in celebration every time i see anyone else do it. winner is ME!!!!
Anyway. the body hair thing is funny considering we basically have Word Of God that siffrin is not the kind of person who ever likes being naked/even having their feet out in a casual setting. but like. hi its me the weird fucked up miserable nudity guy. of course im drawing every pockmark and texture on their body.
Another note here is, on their naked form, I avoid overly smooth lines for outlines of the limbs and torso. This avoids making them look "sexy twink thin" (not my bag at all) and instead gives the impression of loose skin from fluctuating weight, uneven fat distribution, skin becoming baggier with age. I also let joints jut out and look sharp wherever I can. This is because im an asexual pervert who likes the human form the mostest when i can see 'imperfections' This adds to the haggard nature of it all, by being reasonably honest about what the kind of persistent decade-long neglect of self care and implied malnutrition would do to a guy
Last note: eyes. i find i end up drawing a vague glassy black smear with a hint of white for the sclera for siffrin like. a Lot. Eyebags to show weariness is not my preferred method as I find it, to be rude, a bit of an overused shorthand. Plus, while sif in game does get eyebags, they're usually more on pushed expressions where they're forcing their face. So I put more emphasis on drawing the folds of the upper lid (which the game does not do) to make them look weary.
I dont think i can elaborate on my opinions on How To Draw Eyes without it becoming a way the fuck too long essay because "drawing emotions good" is like. my number 1 goal in every drawing so even if everything else is scuffed to hell I HAVE TOOO get the eyes right because theyre the most emotive part of the face. if i cant capture an emotion correctly the drawing isnt getting fucking finished is the thing, so....
Luckily for me, drawing over eyes and continously tweaking them by painting over and over and over and redoing them can have the side effect of making them look over-detailed and thus worn/tired/agonised. yes this is why i draw loop's face so scrunched all the time. All I can say for this though is to do a lot of studies of both real life faces & the most emotive cartoon faces you personally have experienced. So like. steven universe is great for this because rebecca sugar is so scary at drawing eyes. theyre so fucking scary at it. or sometimes i just go stare at rebecca's old comics because jesus christ. anyway.
??? but yeah hope this helps. its something i feel like i have a genuine hard time with too, especially since im so intent on keeping their face round & my artstyle is genuinely very cutesy even when i am being weird soo ...?
tl;dr:
draw the eyes smaller, give them a chin, the canon nose helps a lot & dont forget the bald spot. everyone draw the bald spot. for me.
#???? HOPE THIS HELPS IVE NO IDEA WHAT IM DOING BESTIEEEE. imo ppl like dragonymango draw way better adult-looking sifs than me LOL#lucabytetalks#long post#isat spoilers#isat siffrin#two hats spoilers#doodlebyte#soz for the wait time i kinda had to draw pictures to explain anything in a coherent manner. not that this is coherent at all
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erm chat what is the appropriate reaction when you find out everyone you work with talked shit about you to your manager....
beware the essay in tags
#lol my depression is swinging around the corner#i just want to stop existing#like i dont want to care if they like me... but like genuienly idk how i could be a better supervisor than i am already#sometimes i feel like im actually going crazy on shift now cause people barely listen to me.....#but i alwas give them options#i never force them to do stuff#i literally always let them visit their fucking boyfriend and go to the bathroom#but then they turn around and ignore me#make fun of me#and like i take it in stride.. but im fucking tired#like how the fuck are you guys happy with any shift lead ever?#and like the shift they like? addicted to cigs bc his job is impossible.#the baristas like him#the dm wants him fired#he will literally take work out of peoples hands#maybe they dont like me cause i want them to actually do their job?#but it really hurts to see them call out of my shift#or make fun of me to another person directly in front of me#like im actually so fucking exhausted from them#OMFG i need a therapist#RGHHH
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Interactive - Favorite Burp Scenario
I need something to take my mind off the fact that we are home to the dumbest, most bigoted fucking assholes on this planet, and I feel like a lot of you probably feel the same way right now. So, how about another interactive game? Send me character requests via my askbox here and I will respond with my favorite burp scenario to imagine for them. (Note, ideally, keep it to characters I know or that you think I may know)
#interactive post#community game#burping#burp kink#belly kink#i think back on all the movies where the president hides a horrible crime they committed years back#and how they carry out these horrid conspiracies to cover up the truth of their misdeeds#oh how fucking quaint that all feels right now#here in america?#you can incite an insurrection and get your freakass cult to storm the capitol on live television while erecting (lol) a gallows#the whole world can watch in horror#you can get indicted on 88 felony charges#convicted on 34 of them#your generals came come out and admit that you like hitler#and in a few years the people will just happily send you back#don't worry the media will treat you like a completely normal candidate and sane wash whatever crazy bullshit you say too!#because gat dammit groceries are just way too expensive#sure your own party and awful policies CAUSED prices to soar but it's not like the media will ever point that out when they conduct polls#also the same fucking idiots crowing about grocery prices hear trump's tariffs will cost them thousands more yearly and they're fine with i#im so fucking tired and i know you are too#just look out for your lgbtqia+ friends right now#they're gonna be hurting right now especially if they don't live in cali#and even cali's not some liberal fucking haven either#we just voted NOT to end slavery in this state!#like what the actual fuck?!#no seriously...what the actual fuck?#anyway look out for each other and try to keep your own corner of the world safe from maga's stink#and don't tune out either because they want to exhaust and beat you
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Wrote tha note to put on their door in the morning.
Do u think my sleep deprived frustration is evident lol
#speculation nation#bc guess who is still awake. thafs right. this poor sod#im so exhausted and yet the thump thump thumping continues#it makes me want to bang on the ceiling but i know that wont help#i dont even know what the noise is now. rapid fire thumping in a way that sounds like#more frequent than would naturally be audible from just normal thumping.#it's definitely not a sex thing. it almost sounds like the dull popping of fireworks#thouhh i know it's not that either.#my best guess is that it's the keyboard i started hearing last friday#but i havent heard them practicing nearly as much as ive heard this damned thumping#im#actually tempted to just go up there and knock on their door#it's 1 am and the thump thump thumping is continuing.#i just want to fucking sleep
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the forest looks like heaven today i woke up feeling the heaviest weight at the top of my heart
#yesterday on the study they said they were dating two others and it was going well and i cant imagine fucking you but#you have great tits. they got upset at me not inviting them to a party. my research partner told me to write a 1000 word essay on why they#should come. they spoke about how much they wanted theiir ex and they wouldnt tell me much about who theyre dating bc#they thought i still had feelings for them which. god. theyre right but the assumption is so arrogant#the streams r rly beautiful im walking to a date and shes gorgeous and some of my friends know her but i look#exactly like ive slept on my friends floor for the past few days so . aaa anyway#god after that whole call i just felt so deflated like i felt over it but now its all . back. like seeing them being happy w smn else#inflicts active misery upon me which means ii think im becoming a worse person bc of them. i called my friend and i just . idk i walked home#i kept wanting to weep but . woah the sun is so pretty#there are petals and dandelion seeds floating in the air#med school students walking to their lectures#she does biochem btw. the person im meeting now#there are two butterflies dancing together. i cant make this shit up the past few days have looked like actual heaven#ive spent them being on survival mode and not even bc of my studies like ok focus on log functions while the person kn the screen#tells u abt how if her ex were to call shed fold immediately and the new girl is a singer and its going well and maybe ill tell you#more abt it in a few months. SO YOU KNOW IT HURTS ! SO WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME YOUD MAKE OUT W ME AT THE CLUB WHY WOULD U FALL ASLEEP NEXT TO#ME WITHOUT CLOTHES ON ! WHY WOULD YOU CARESS YOUR OWN SKIN LOOKING AT ME IN THE MIRROR !!!!#anyway im like . sane.#i just . felt like it was over#i realised i kept seeing ppl who i thought were more attractive etc etc than her bc i needed to prove to myself#that im attractive enough to be liked or that i can be liked at all and a part of me wanted to prove it to them too#its just a horrible mindset to have and yh not only do they not care but they also bring out the worst in me actively like . I DONT KNOW#BUT THEN WHO ELSE KNOWS THAT THE GOLDEN HOURS IN TEHRAN ARE PINK AND LILAC WHO GOES TO TECHNO RAVES AT THE BASE OF DAMAVAND#WHO CAN PIN YOU AGAINST A WALL LIKE THEM !!!#anyway#standing up it just feels so#exhausting#like this the most exhausted ive felt from all this ever
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this shit is going to kill me someday
#you know its bad when even professionals are worried about you#you know its bad when it causes you distress multiple times a day and it gets unbearable sometimes#you know its bad when you cant stop yourself from crying whenever you actually try and tell someone how this shit feels#you know its bad when its lasted for months and it wont fuckjng go away#you know its bad when it makes you so exhausted you dont feel like doing much else other than sleeping anymore#you know its fucking bad when nobody‚ not ONE person can help you‚ and its not because of them#its because this shit is so bad#that nobody even knows what to do anymore.#im really tired#sorry its after 8 pm which means i get really mentally ill#dark pearls#delete later
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...
#hello to anyone who happens to b interested in the saga of my life... also maybe the irl person i gave my url to... hopefully my blog#didnt freak her out too much lol. anyway so its been a busy week? 2 weeks? month? year? life? its been a lot. my parents helped me move#across the country from the desert to somewhere that's beautiful and green. my dad is so jealous of me lol its so so so pretty and theres s#so much to do. will i do any of it? that remains to be seen but im gonna try to be better about that sort of thing. try to get some help#with the thoughts in my head that keep me from doing and enjoying most things. its weird like im decorating my new room which i love. the#location and living situation seem ideal and i really hope i can stay here all 5 years of my program but i was picking a lot of bright#colors and now it feel uncomfortable. like if i wear things that r too bright or my room is too bright without dark contrast it feel weird#like if im wearing it it kinda makes me feel sick. idk what thats abt. anyway. ill try to heal my brain and im just so happy to b out of the#southwest. i was so so so excited when we were leaving thr city and even more so when we left the state. i cant believe im here. in December#it felt like a million years away and i really truely could not fathom how i was gonna survive that long. my thoughts were so distorted. but#i did and here i am. and in like a month i should b starting my phd program and my parents were telling me how excited ppl r for me and#jealous of where im living and im glad. im glad they're excited. i think i am too but its under a layer of: if i get excited it wont happen#im not allowed to b excited or it wont happen. which is irrational but ya kno. anyway so that's yeah. im so happy to have a fresh start and#the town seems super cool. a liberal blip in a sea of... not that so theyre very visibly pride forward haha and i think itll b way easier#for me to get around without driving. and im gonna try to make friends. i need someone to tell me where to get tattoos haha. so yea im happy#but exhausted and i dont wanna go back to work and so so greatful to my parents for being wonderful ppl idk how bc both of them had fucked#up childhoods. like my mum will say the saddest shit and im like bro this is y i don't wanna talk to my grandma fuck her and my dads parents#r so fucked. like my nana is the reason im so fucking control freaked out but i kno i have issues and she has no insight and thinks shes#better than everyone. anyway hopefully i can get back to drawing a posting more now. ive been drawing it its been in a sketch book#like an actual sketch book for sketching big ideas thst r gonna take fucking forever to draw 😭#so that's all. just uprooted my whole life. thats all. but in a good way :-]#unrelated
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guiiwgghauaiauagguaiaghjjghjjjhhhh
this didn’t fit in the hashtags but donr rb or comment I’m just screaming to myself atm I’ll probably delete this shit tomorrow goodnigjt fuck everything live vs kill
#vent because I’m going fucking insane#so I got a weekend job right#Yay! So fun! money!#but now I have absolutely no fucking free time#and I hate it cause all I want to do is draw#I just want to draw#Just a little bit#All I want in life is to draw#but I don’t have the time#and I feel like im going to die on the floor#cause I wanna draw so badly!!!!!!!#like it’s actually such a pain and I feel so overwhelmed and I just want to cry like a big baby about it#I would draw more but the thing is it takes me so long to get home from school#and I have to walk a dog after school sometimes#and then I don’t have a lot of time before I eat dinner#then I do my chores which isn’t a lot but I still don’t want to do them#and it just#UGH#I can’t draw inbetween like getting home and supper because I need time to recharge cause if I don’t recharge I’ll get artblocm and then#not want to draw at all which I don’t want#So I don’t get time to draw cause im either occupied with something or im recharging after doing an activity#and I just feel so stuck!!!! Cause now I work a 9-5 and I hate it cause im so tired after work!!!!!!!!!!!!#I also think im just scared cause im actually growing up now and im feeling more exhausted than ever#like I want to do stuff with my friends#I wanna have fun#I want to do things#this is why I love summer because despite the heat and the bugs I have time to myself#I rarely have time to myself if any when im in school#and I HATE ITTTTT#I HATE IT SO FUCKING MUCH
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I keep telling myself im gonna stop talking politically with people and then i do anyways 😭😭 cant bloody help myself 💀
#in my defense is because someone was calling me a hp fan. because tbh. it was a big part of my personality but i of course just.#detest it and anything to do with it now because of jk r*wling#but yeah the way i was called it and then when i tried to explain that i hate her because ahes racist - islamophobic - a zi*nist - trans#phobic etc etc and then suddenly its like 'oh ill need to find my own proof#LIKE HOW ARE YOU CALLING ME A SUPER FAN AND THEN NOT TRUSTING MY KNOWLDEGE ON SOMETHING THAT I DO IN FACT KNOW A LOT ABOUT AND ACTIVELY KEEP#UP WITH. im gonna scream and never stop. i actually am so exhausted of constantly being told im wrong or just flat out ignored when im right#and then its like 'twitter isnt a credible source' WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN#LIKE ARE YOU LISTENING TO YOURSELF TALK#yes random accounts saying any old thing isnt reliable BUT THE ACTUAL TWITTER ACCOUNT OF THE PERSON SAYING THE STUFF#omfg i actually just. i hate it here. i want to never speak to anothwr person ever again.#le text post#anyways. main point is i do not wanna be associated with hp or jk r*wling at all anymore. and hopefully people will fucking do that#sorry not to go on but the other point of 'oh but the books are still good it doesnt change that' FROM PEOPLE THAT HAVE NEVER READ THEM AAA
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i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there
#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru#but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days#and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay!#and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing#i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail#i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time#not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me#im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me#anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early#i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great#and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most#expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth#but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans#but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated#about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like#u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends#w yall. things happen#abby talks#and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw#a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes#OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it#was years ago but also like christ!
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bloodwork came back normal (derogatory) and its gonna be at least 2 weeks till i can talk to my dr abt next steps, tried to find another clinic to go to but got scared off by bad reviews/my own prior bad experiences for the close ones, the distance/inaccessibility for the far ones, and cant get a virtual appointment anywhere until august, so like. that sucks
#also im experiencing Side Effects from my new meds#not like. dangerous/severe ones#just a headache + the shakes#but still#im so bummed my bloodwork came back normal#like. a few of my values were borderline#enough that i wanna ask the dr abt if they cld be causing/worsening at least some of my symptoms#but they were only ~borderline so like. not bad enough for them to care ig#story of my fucking life#im always considered juuust outside the range of actually needing help#just physically able enough#just smart enough#just healthy enough#that my problems get dismissed#its why i decided during my breakdown last year that i needed to stop insinctively hiding/downplaying my symptoms#not even just around medical professionals#just. in my life#i need ppl to Know how bad it is#so that maybe someone will actually help me#and also so that i dont feel obligated to push myself too far in the name of “keeping up appearances”#anyway#exhausted and in pain and have Bad Brain so im gonna like. crawl into a ball and hope that my pain meds kick in so i can go to sleep#do you know how hard it is to sleep when youre in pain#its very hard#i wish i wasnt in pain#i rly rly do
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aaaaaaa
#minor vent? i guess#but i fuckign aaaaaaaaaaaa#my next three or so weeks are going to be BUSY and i fjjfjsgjejaonfjif#this is like my Last Week of Peace before it all#my next three weekends at least are busy#im actually sort of grateful the plans i originally had for yesterday fell apart bc idk if i could have like. dealt w that#a bitch needs their PEACE#and part of the issue is like. no seems to... believe me when i tell them im busy?#like people keep saying shit to me like ''well you cant be THAT busy bc xyz'' and its like#my busy is different from your busy. if i can only manage a few things in a day and then i have things in the day#then yes. thats busy for me.#even when i was employed at any job i almost never took any pride in the idea of me being overworked#bc it was terrible for my mental health both to be overworked and to see it as a virtue.#and in some jobs it was straight up dangerous.#ig. maybe thats why#people know what i used to do or what my busy used to look like. and compare me to that#idk. idk. idk why anyone does anything but its hard not to like#take it personally. sometimes.#when people are like ''well you dont have a job and you dont go to school so you cant be THAT busy or tired''#while not understanding how exhausting it is to hear that i shouldn't be exhausted. like fuck off.#okay minor vent turned into major vent oopsie#thank you if youve read this far and this doesnt apply to anyone who can read this#im just so tired. and people keep talking to me like i dont have any right to be.
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excited for another day of my one supervisor telling me I'm doing an amazing job and gushing over me vs my other supervisor and my "boss" who's not supposed to still be my boss persay or not in the way she was anyways, they fucking act like I'm scum for trying to get ahead by *glances at notes* helping my supervisors
#like im not trying to take anything from anyone!!! im just trying to help them out!!!#if my supervisor who has a stack of paperwork to fix infront of her now has another folder for an order that#she wasnt in the room for. the other person my 'boss' is exlusively training on paperwork also wasnt in the room for. and the supervisor who#WAS in the room is the one who just fucked up this paperwork for the order#then yeah im gonna offer to help her with this folder since i actually WAS in the room#in fact i got left in charge for the first 2.5 hours cause no supervisors were in the room at all!!!!! UGH#at that point i was the most experienced person in the room by far!!! and i know so much about this company#cause its like. a passion of mine. so i know a lot about the products we sell!!! like a LOT#more than my bosses cause i actually buy a shit ton of our product. so i know how many per product or what colour label or whatever tf#just off the top of my head!!!!#i also am very passionate about NOT SENDING OUT DAMAGED PRODUCT#meanwhile 'boss' says im being too picky#AM I??? CAUSE IVE BOUGHT TWO PRODUCTS NOW WITH MY OWN PAYCHEQUE THAT WERE DAMAGED#ugh christ. im just very tired from this week between all that and the intense drama from earlier this week#im ready to sleep in all weekend#except idiot me made plans for every day this weekend#tonight i hang out with my dad and my bf#tomorrow me and bf go to my coworkers for drinks and viddy games#and sunday we go out of town with bf's sister for drag brunch and thrifting#so itll all be fun i just KNOW im gonna wind up exhausted 😭😭😭 plus truthfully i just wanna show my bf more movies
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a colleague of mine used to be a professional athlete in the 80s and today she showed me and another colleague photographs from back then and she casually mentioned that two of her team mates outed themselves as trans men and two as lesbians later in life and i was like !!!!!! im
#not fandom related#personal log stardate#i want to write more but im not sure what im feeling and how to express it#she used the phrase 'man in a woman's body' to mean they are trans man which i found v good actually#bc she seemed to fully except and support them. these guys and dykes should be in their late 50s now i think? idk any older queer ppl#so having an older colleague casually mention that felt v good#also they all were from a small town i think#just like me!!! i know several of my high school friends are also queer. like. me and at least 2 others#but we all outed ourselves way later. years after high school#oh fuck i just realized i completely misspelled 'accept'. i've had a long week ugh#anyway tomorrow i gotta make a horrible phone call w my broken phone and i already hate it and i'm dreading it#abt my phone. it doesn't charge anymore so i have it turned off at all times so i can make phone calls when the urgent need arises#and tomorrow i have to call electrician. not bc i want to but bc i was ordered to and i absolutely fucking hate it#*an electrician. or a janitor. idk yet#the other person who could call instead of me is just straight up rejecting to do it but it rly urgently needs to be Done#so im gonna have to step up as the mature person now and i tell myself 'it needs to be done end of discussion'#but i hate that i am always always always the person who has to take care of uncomfortable things like making phone calls and shit#like. i get it. it's necessary. there will always be phone calls i have to make. it's just. why me??? i fucking hate this shit!!! AAAAAAAHHH#anyway i should go to bed. i haven't checked my notifs yet it's been a rly exhausting week. hope you guys are ok thi#*tho
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hii i want to add some of my own pics from when i went to a geology field camp in new mexico!
1st pic was taken at jemez springs, 2 & 3 are in white rock canyon (the river in 2 is the rio grande!), 4-6 are from the san ysidro anticline, and 7 is a view i had of some mountain we flew over, but i have no idea what it’s called. it was so beautiful there
“oh, I live in a desert and-”
“wow that must be so terrible” “deserts are so ugly” “I would never want to live in a wasteland like that” “it’s just empty nothingness”
wishing 10,000 exploding hammers upon you
behold New Mexico
[ID 1: tall, snowcapped rocky mountains rising above a plain filled with desert scrub
ID 2: brightly colored banded cliff walls of several mesas climbing their way into mountains
ID 3: a desert prairie
ID 4: colorful hoodoos against a twilight sky
ID 5: white sand dunes as far as the eye can see
ID 6: a collection of hoodoos against a stormy sky at sunset
ID 7: a juniper tree standing with a cliff wall in the background
ID 8: several juniper trees on a rocky landscape]
#prev tags is so so true like geology is fucking crazy and makes you appreciate deserts so much#deserts are obvi worthwhile in their own right as an ecosystem etc but the stuff you can learn from them about earth’s history is amazing#now i have to talk about my experience here though i think i have before but it was wack#despite its beauty i was down for the count thrice during that trip#first in white canyon second in san ysidro and third i maybe had covid and couldn’t go the the last site 🙃#i had to walk down that precarious little ridge in the 5th picture.#it was actually terrifying like i was trying so hard not to cry that day man …#it’s a mountain biking area so there was basically a little gutter the width of a mountain bike path (barely wider than my foot)#and to the right of that path is a little ridge no more than 12 inches wide then that talus slope down the the bottom#in the 6th picture is the same ridge from the other side of the canyon#im scared of heights man ….#i can deal in some situations but on a downhill ridge narrower than i am tall on a windy day after already being exhausted#from working the days before & climbing to the top that morning. i nearly freaked it#reblog#birdsong#landscapes
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aching ab it again
#ik its just from mental exhaustion but ughhhh#i don't want to think this much about it if it's going to be resolved it's gonna have to resolve itself atp#and by that i mean he has to decide to resolve it#i just have to hope somewhere inside he cares enough to say something#i asked for signs and have been getting very mixed signals from like. the universe. so. fuck me ig#like I'll get a post ab how to let go or why you should let go and then not even 5 minutes later#I'll be watching tv and the whole damn episode will be about not giving up hope on reconnecting with people#i just want some damn clarity man#like atp unblock me for like an hour just to tell me 'hey i just honestly stopped liking you as a person' and then dip#im tired i just want to know why i was ghosted and then bitched at for going 'hey that kinda fucking hurt a lot. wtf was that for'#like fr if you actually wanted me to move on you know damn well explaining yourself would've made that happen a lot faster#he knew me long enough to know if I don't get answers im going to dwell on it until i get them he has no right to be annoyed with me
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