#not even just around medical professionals
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bloodwork came back normal (derogatory) and its gonna be at least 2 weeks till i can talk to my dr abt next steps, tried to find another clinic to go to but got scared off by bad reviews/my own prior bad experiences for the close ones, the distance/inaccessibility for the far ones, and cant get a virtual appointment anywhere until august, so like. that sucks
#also im experiencing Side Effects from my new meds#not like. dangerous/severe ones#just a headache + the shakes#but still#im so bummed my bloodwork came back normal#like. a few of my values were borderline#enough that i wanna ask the dr abt if they cld be causing/worsening at least some of my symptoms#but they were only ~borderline so like. not bad enough for them to care ig#story of my fucking life#im always considered juuust outside the range of actually needing help#just physically able enough#just smart enough#just healthy enough#that my problems get dismissed#its why i decided during my breakdown last year that i needed to stop insinctively hiding/downplaying my symptoms#not even just around medical professionals#just. in my life#i need ppl to Know how bad it is#so that maybe someone will actually help me#and also so that i dont feel obligated to push myself too far in the name of “keeping up appearances”#anyway#exhausted and in pain and have Bad Brain so im gonna like. crawl into a ball and hope that my pain meds kick in so i can go to sleep#do you know how hard it is to sleep when youre in pain#its very hard#i wish i wasnt in pain#i rly rly do
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I can’t even imagine living without anxiety. Like. How. What?
#I mean if I woke up tomorrow with a normal amount of anxiety it would be a shocking difference to my daily life. and I am medicated!!! like.#what? am I missing something here?#my mom tells me that meds can only do so much and that they’re really just meant to make it so you can get out of bed every day#but now I’m wondering like is that true or is that my mom is on the wrong dose herself and something could be done to help us both#gahhhhh idk I just feel helpless bc I’m scared of making big changes and the big changes have to make are scary and large and I need a#bulleted list made of things I can do (and break down into very small steps) to actually progress in a positive way in my life instead of#being SO afraid and SO stagnant. it’s been six months since (ptsd diagnosis causing thing) and I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress even#with a therapist. I’m working towards a more intensive program but I feel like it’s almost making me feel more alienated bc I’d have to like#go be surrounded by other mentally ill people and medical people which brings dad dying trauma and like I know I’m running from it bc I’m#afraid to face the changes I need to make and the feelings that are going to come up but fuck man can’t I get some fucking meds that make#this easier to deal with!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! grief and ptsd and long term isolation and anxiety and chronic pain like fuck it’s#so exhausting!!!! I feel like I’m fucking fighting thru life and then from the outside it’s like I’m doing nothing cause I stay in my room#and get stoned and play animal crossing and watch tv and cry and over eat and sometimes I drive around in circles so I can scream sing until#my throat burns and I get a headache and everything finally quiets down in my head for a second. I know I look like I’m doing nothing and#that’s because I am doing nothing but waiting for the next time a mental health professional will talk to me for an hour like it’s so sad#anyways. you ever take a big dab and then start crying and type all of this like it’s an epiphany even tho it’s things you already know.#honestly crying in front of the air conditioner is so slay slight breeze over my face cooling the tears the white noise calming me down
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Genuinely need a break from this arc real quick why does One Piece delve so deep into the ethics of war this arc, like holy shit I'm gonna fucking die
#so much emotional shit been happening during the marineford arc im gonna come out of this feeling like a jaded war soldier#seeing coby having a downright full-on panic attack while bodies fall to the ground around him?? isnt this kid like 15-17#and literally any scene where some shit happens to luffy is absolutely mortifying in nature ever since drum island#one piece sets itself up like ''lol look at these pirate friends getting into hijinks and saving each other and conquering the world!''#but then shit gets crazy every time#i can no longer in good conscience recommend this without warning people abt how scary it gets sometimes#i feel like the first taste comes during arlong park where we see nami repeatedly stabbing herself#then with us seeing zoro's wound stapled shut and bleeding like a motherfucker as he still tries to fight#because they couldn't get professional medical help even if they probably saw his fucking guts and ribcage#but shit just keeps getting more terrifying every arc#alabasta? civil war. we see the princess of her country screaming her lungs out in vain for her people to stop fighting#sky island? mass genocide. for funsies. by a man so hopped up on delusions and apathy he thinks it's funny#water 7? we see the downfall of ohara and robin trying to Fucking Commit Suicide because she finally found ppl who like her#thriller bark--THRILLER BARK SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.#seeing brook's crew sing together one last time as they all progressively drop dead one by one until only one is left#and the utter terror as we see zoro standing surrounded by his own blood in a 20 foot radius around him#impel down we see the horrors of the world government and how they treat their prisoners with layers of hell#and marineford we see a war even worse than that which we saw in alabasta#horrible horrible shit
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also shoutout to the hospital for sending us a bunch of PDFs with information about preparing for surgery and what to expect, except the information was all generic stuff where most of it does't actually apply to wisdom tooth removal, so I had a huge panic attack where I nearly threw up because a bunch of the stuff mentioned in there is extremely triggering for us, only to then find out that stuff literally doesn't apply anyway, but now I feel like I have even less of an idea of what to actually expect because it's so hard to figure out which information does apply
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#posts made on pain meds#emetophobia tw#the thing is one of the PDFs is actually specifically for us and has our name in the file name and has been edited to be the right info#but it's only for one specific thing while all the other information about what to expect is just generic stuff#which makes it even more confusing because it gives the impression that it's all specific to this surgery when it isn't#also it's 13 fucking PDFs and we're supposed to read through all of them#but I managed to skim over like 2 paragraphs from one of the generic ones before I started panicking so hard I nearly threw up#(I tried to read the others while already panicking and you can imagine how this went)#it would be nice if people could fucking communicate with us clearly about what's going on#instead of whatever the fuck this is because now we've had multiple instances of being confused as fuck because nobody explained shit#and also if medical professionals could actually fucking understand how medical trauma works and maybe work with us#to figure out how to make this less distressing so we don't have to keep dealing with panic attacks like this#we're not freaked out by the procedure itself. it's a bunch of the other stuff around it that probably doesn't seem like a huge deal#a lot of it feels very dehumanising and like we don't get a say in what people do to us#and there are lots of little things you can do to make us feel less like we're in control and less like we're being dehumanised#but nobody does that and they don't seem to get why certain stuff would be distressing#also the kind of panic attacks we have with this are ones where we don't seem to be able to calm ourselves down#we literally have to use the ''shove an ice cube/something really spicy in your mouth'' trick when we have them#because our brain will not fucking stop and then we spend the next couple of hours really dazed and struggling to process anything#and obviously I don't fucking want that to happen in a hospital because nobody is gonna handle that well#I'm concerned the nurses won't understand how dissociation works and will keep refusing to let us go home#because of us being really spaced out and woozy from the dissociation because they'll assume it's from the sedation instead#when going home would be the thing that would help us stop being so spaced out because we'd be leaving the triggering environment
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my hawkinsona Lee has definitely seen a demodog or a portal to the upside down and just went home. That's none of my business.
#hawkinsona#stranger things#hawkinssona#I pretend I do not see it#everyone on twitter is doing this rn I’m so happy it’s so fun to see everyone’s#if you have one let’s have our hawkinsonas be friends#hawkinsona Lee is here to tell you STOP pouring hydrogen peroxide or alcohol onto peoples wounds in fics you’ll get fucking. Tissue damage#I’m not medical professional but mild soap and water or saline solution please. And then go to the fucking hospital.#actually don’t even fuck around just go straight to the hospital PLEASE
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(( Very funny to me that Miranda is, fundamentally, a fully licensed medical professional inside of the Merkingdom. There is some nuance, she's not really the type of doctor who sees the public or anything, and her particular line of work is very specific to her title and what role she occupies within the Merkingdom at large — but she's still basically a doctor. It would not be inaccurate to call her so.
Which is also fun to be because she's not at all the type of person that you would want to operate on you. Even in the Merkingdom, she has terrible bedside manner, even if she doesn't need to.
#Most secret royal advisor || OOC#Given by Divine Right || Headcanons#(( shes a very specific type of doctor you know-#(( but yeah the merkingdom essentially has their own like. licensing system for medical professionals and everything#(( and even though miranda didnt go through the process that say#(( someone from the population itself might learn medicine#(( she was effectively apprenticed from a very young age to be able to do what she does#(( with a *lot* of in-field experience on top of more usual theory#(( she is not untrained in the slightest she does NOT just sit around as crown princess#(( (though. she does do a lot more sitting around now. but thats because shes inland acting as ambassador)#(( (which is very different from living inside of the royal palace or even living inside of the merkingdom at all)
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Allowing your oc's to be just sort of fucked idiot dickheads is great
This is my schmoopy, i made him up in my head, he huffs paint fumes and has never gotten over his ex and yes he's making it EVERYONE'S problem! I'm putting him up on a plinth with a gold plaque and telling everyone he is the best schmoopy around and im kissing his forehead and bestowing him with ribbons so everyone knows how wonderful he is. He will steal your wallet also.
#jay talkin#i was v trapped in an enviroment that made me think there was no room for experimenting with character flaws when i first made my ocs#but now clay especially has rlly come into his own when ive finally just. let him be a scuzzy stupid fuckface. hes not irredeemable hes jus#sort of rubbish awful and not a guy youd actually wanna spend any time around even b4 he was a meatmonster!!!!#and i love him!!!!! hes my schmoopiest googiest googy!!! my scrimblini!!!!#hes hatefucks his ex's new partner! he nearly gets people killed! he dies and comes back wrong!!#he somehow ends up making up w said ex and being in a polycule with him and his new man!! he escaped from a lab!!#hes a medical professional but has the street smarts of a wandering aphid!! hes selfish and cowardly and envious and rude!#and i love him :3c teehee
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Never gonna forget my second round of scopes (a combined upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy all at once) where I was only put under partial anesthesia and could feel every moment of agony as they maneuvered the cameras and tubes up my nose, down my throat, into my digestive, and, oh yeah, up my ass too. I remember every moment of writhing around in pain and screaming and sobbing and begging them to stop but not being able to articulate clearly because of the tubes, not only in physical pain from this torture but also an emotional wreck because the elderly nurse who swore up and down he would hold my hand thru it all wasn't there at all like he promised. I remember the doctors mocking me throughout the procedure while I screamed because it was obvious I had cheated on my medical fast. Mostly tho I remember the head nurse screaming at me "Stop acting like a child!"
I was twelve
#but please. keep telling us that patients like me deserve this and worse because nurses are underpaid and overworked#and that patients talking about mean and abusive nurses is just unfairly targeting pink collar workers#anyway 🙄#medical horror#medical abuse#btw every medical professional I've told that to as an adult were horrified that i was only put under partial AS A CHILD#they don't even put me under partial as an adult for the same procedures they knock me tf out#Riley's children's hospital in the mid two thousands. do not recommend#this was my second time getting both scopes and only given partial for it btw#i was nine the first time and it was just as traumatic which just increased the terror i was feeling on the second go around#lol both times they tried gaslighting me and saying there was no way i could remember anything under 'twilight anaesthesia'#but i remember both times#i even remember during the first time there would be a few seconds where i would stop screaming as i saw my intestines on the screen#and i would be so transfixed by the coolness of that that i would calm down until the pain hit me again and I'd start screaming again#anyway i was twelve and didn't deserve that. adults don't deserve it either#mean nurses#just chronic illness things
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I mostly concur with the above reblogger, but I wanted to add one thing:
I wouldn't say that anything you do will have zero impact. There are SOME things you can do that will have an impact, if you choose to put your time and energy into this issue. (Which you are not obligated to do, to be clear, unless you have some sort of role or job which implies that sort of responsibility.)
You aren't necessarily helpless. But subscribing to OP's mindset is a really good way to make yourself helpless.
I've seen that mindset, repeatedly. I had that mindset, at one point in time. You know what changed that, more than anything else? Becoming an actual activist.
The activists who hold on to the mindset that a mental health break is selfish? The ones that can't or won't emotionally distance themselves? The ones that don't acknowledge their right to care for themselves because someone, somewhere is suffering worse than them? They don't last, and they don't help.
The good ending for that road is to burn out, and then not be able to help anymore. The bad ending is to fall heavily into compassion fatigue, and then be so desensitized and unable to care that you cause real harm. Or there's the other bad ending, which is that you neglect yourself so thoroughly that you end up hurt, sick, or dead (and maybe hurt others while you are at it). You might even manage to do all three of these things.
If you want to make a real impact on more than a minuscule scale, you not only need to allow yourself mental health breaks (which, yes, sometimes include disengaging completely), you need to accept that they aren't selfish at all. They are sometimes the only way you'll be able to preserve your ability to help. Feeling personally affected by an issue is valid, and sometimes unavoidable, but it doesn't correlate to how much of a difference you make.
Hurting yourself doesn't automatically help others. Many of us have heard metaphor which references the airplane safety instruction to put on your oxygen mask before helping others do so. It's a good metaphor. A suffocating person isn't going to thank you for the valiant gesture of suffocating yourself alongside them, when you had the option to save the both of you.
I believe in sacrifice, in some cases. I believe in acknowledging my privilege. But sacrifice generally implies that you are giving something up to help someone else. If you are just giving something up… it's more suffering in the world, not less.
Do you want to actually help? I bet you there are activism campaigns that would love to have you, in a variety of forms and levels of commitment. Including entirely remote efforts, if you aren't in a position or location to engage in in-person efforts. That goes for any cause, not just this one.
And you'll make a lot more difference in that sphere if you prioritize your impact, instead of your devotion to the issue.
i think anyone who is genuinely worried about their mental health bc of the situation in gaza probably needs to reformat their way of thinking about it. the answer is not to take a “mental health break” where you pretend whats happening in gaza doesnt exist and stop being vocal and refuse to hear people around you who are vocal. the way to do that “mental health break” much more effectively and not selfishly would be to remove yourself from constant streams of idiotic and/or murderously evil people. stop watching tiktok debates. stop reading genocidal reddit comments and news articles from sources you KNOW want palestine dead. stop putting the focus on the murderers and keep your attention on sympathy and love for the murdered, on hope and optimism (even if naive) and activism to do your part in making things better. dont get me wrong the murderers still need to be dealt with but if you as an individual feel like you’re getting too overwhelmed with despair to be helpful, the answer is to shift your focus away from those causing the despair, not to ignore and abandon those who have to actually live through it.
#activism wank#That's my tag for this sort of thing now.#compassion#compassion fatigue#burnout#mental health#guilt tripping#activism#copying my tags from my original reblog:#See: Clickhole article 'Selfish: This Man Found Time To Build A Birdhouse While JonBenét Ramsey’s Murder Is Still Unsolved'#There are so many important issues in this world. Many of them truly horrible and deliberate atrocities.#One person is not physically nor mentally capable of talking about every issue that needs to be talked about. Not even just in passing.#You are not going to have an impact that way either. There are people suffering in horrible ways all around this planet.#You can feel guilty for not talking about every single one of them. Or you can majorly help a few of them by focusing your time.#We live in a society for a reason. We specialize our professions because that works. Impactful activists specialize too.#I doubt OP is actively reading about every ongoing major human rights violation. Or even just ones Western countries are complicit in.#I never see this take about COVID anymore for that matter. Most people have more obligation and impact on that issue than Palestine.#So maybe we all instinctively understand that emotional reactions to every single important issue will hurt us and help no one.#Anyone has the right to their own hurt and pain and anger (though I would caution you to recognize when it reaches the point of self-harm).#But demanding it of others is unfair and harmful. And you don't have to let others or your own anxiety/guilt to demand that of you.#Compassion fatigue is real. We don't expect trained professionals to handle the burden of emotional involvement in every important case.#Why on Earth should we expect that of random strangers we know nothing about?#It's a lot kinder to distance yourself than it is to burn yourself out trying to care about everything and lose your compassion entirely.#That's part of why we get medical professionals who start with selfless motivations but are callous/cruel to patients a few years later.#I like making an impact and I'm not going to be sorry that I have to focus my mental effort to do that. I am one human.#My guilt isn't praxis. My pain and emotional investment isn't some sort of boon to the less privileged people of the world.#Also I help less when I have to spend time and energy to fend off people expecting an obligation from me that I didn't sign up for.#I DO engage in real-life political activism. Whenever I-P is in the news I usually have to take a break due to harassment from leftists.#Which is the kind of pointed irony you'd expect from a particularly unsubtle Star Trek episode.#palestine
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Runs around!!! The pharmacy!!!!
#🌸 minminrambles#something something THE PHARMACY AS A MORE ACCESSIBLE DOCTOR!!!!!!!!!#Because asking ur pharmacist if ur two meds interact is often easier than waiting months for appointments with a heart doctor. For example.#I MAYYYYY be biased. But I think retail pharmacy is an incredibly important facet of medicine.#A medical professional that isn’t blocked off by the queues of appointments and insurance and and and. It is a possibility to go ask the#-pharmacist for a medical opinion. Just as a passing thing.#I should words this all better but what I mean is—#Most people don’t… have the time and such to make appointments with doctors and specialists.#AND doctors and specialists are often booked far out into the future.#Not that it is their fault in the slightest— they are understaffed. Underhired. They don’t have enough resources.#And while pharmacists aren’t going to have the same knowledge as these people— they are a start in whatever process the patient needs.#You can go up to the counter and quickly ask— they can point you to the right direction.#Pharmacies have SO much of their own issues— understaffing also. Being commercialized like retail instead of medicine.#But…! I love pharmacy. I want to be someone who makes medicine more accessible.#I’m not going to have all the knowledge. But I want to offer what I can. And point people towards others who can help.#I want to get to know local doctors!!!#Because there have been times where my pharmacist boss has been asked ‘hey do u know a dermatologist?’#Etc etc#And I live nearby so I know a little of some doctors who are around— And I want to offer that when I’m a pharmacist too. Even if I don’t#-live at my workplace.#ANYWAY im rambling. Ill get back to my homeowrks
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I feel like my body has given up completely
#my diary#too bad I've accepted all medical professionals are unsafe for me to be around#and I'm at the point where I can't rot anymore cuz I have stuff to deal with but I just#am physically unable to even get out of bed before 3pm#it's fine nobody cares#my mom said something about my dad the other day#'he was suicidal just not in any hurry'#that's kind of how I feel right now#too exhausted and burnt out to even properly kill myself
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gojo calls you every name but your actual name—sweetheart, baby, pookie bear, sometimes even "oi, babe"—but never your actual name. so when he finally did, when he looked at you dead in the eyes and said it, your whole body stiffened. "are you okay?" you asked immediately, squinting at him like he was on his deathbed. "blink twice if you need help." you even reached out to check his forehead for a fever, because surely, this was a medical emergency. gojo just blinked at you, utterly confused, before doubling over in laughter. "you seriously think i'm unwell just 'cause i said your name? that's so messed up—i love it."
nanami calls you every name but your actual name—dear, love, sometimes just a heavy sigh paired with a side glance. so when he actually did, when his voice dropped and he spoke your name with the weight of a thousand bricks, you felt your stomach sink. "is this a breakup?" you blurted out before he could even continue. nanami blinked at you, his brow twitching. "what?" you crossed your arms. "you're using my actual name," you pointed out. "is this a professional resignation from this relationship?" nanami exhaled sharply, rubbing his temples. "no. i was just asking if you wanted coffee." but the damage was done. you spent the rest of the day side-eyeing him, just in case.
geto calls you every name but your actual name—angel, sunshine, princess, even "chipmunk" when you get on his nerves. so when he finally did, when he said your name with a certain weight, you panicked. "oh my god," you gasped. "you found out, didn't you?"
"found out what?" his eyes narrowed. "the shampoo," you admitted, guilt weighing heavy on your conscience. "i've been using your fancy shampoo. that’s why you keep running out so fast." geto just stared at you, eyes unreadable. then, very slowly, he leaned back, crossed his arms, and nodded. "that explains a lot."
"are you mad?"
"no. just disappointed." ouch.
toji calls you every name but your actual name—doll, sweetheart, brat, depending on his mood. so when he actually did, when he gritted out your name over the phone in the middle of the night, your stomach dropped. "oh my god," you whispered. "are you dying?"
"what?"
"you're out on a job, aren't you? is this a last words kind of call? should i be preparing for the worst?" toji groaned, the sound of gunfire faint in the background. "jesus. i just needed you to grab my extra ammo from the closet."
"oh."
"...but now that you mention it, maybe bring a first aid kit too."
choso calls you every name but your actual name—babe, honey, sometimes just a hum of acknowledgment. so when he actually did, when he uttered your name so carefully, you felt your chest tighten. "you're friendzoning me," you whispered, horror-stricken. "this is the end." choso blinked, his face scrunching up in genuine confusion. "what? no. i was just—"
"it's okay," you sniffed. "you wanted to let me down easy, huh? didn't want to go for the direct breakup."
"babe, i was literally just asking if you wanted extra sauce on your food." but it was too late. you had already started mourning your relationship.
sukuna calls you every name but your actual name—dove, brat, little one, sometimes even "human" when he's particularly irritated. so when he finally did, when his voice wrapped around your name with sharp precision, your survival instincts kicked in immediately. "listen, listen, i didn't do anything," you pleaded, hands raised. "whatever it is, it wasn't me. i swear. please don't kill me." sukuna just stared at you, unimpressed. "i was literally just calling you."
"yeah, exactly," you said, eyes darting for possible escape routes. "why would you use my actual name unless i'm in serious danger? is this a death sentence? am i about to be vaporized?" sukuna rolled his eyes, exhaling sharply. "you're so dramatic."
"says the one who tears people apart for fun!"
#@gojo#@nanami#@geto#@toji#@choso#@sukuna#jjk headcanons#jjk x reader#jjk x y/n#jujutsu kaisen headcanons#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#gojo x you#gojo x reader#nanami x you#nanami x reader#geto x reader#geto x you#toji x you#toji x reader#choso x female reader#choso x you#choso x reader#ryomen sukuna x you#sukuna x reader#sukuna x you#ryomen sukuna x reader
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Ugh
#so I’m in this class for a certification right#it’s dull AF#IM BORED OUT OF MY SKULL#this is through the unemployment office so it’s free and focused on how to get a job/keep a job#I can hold a job thank you I just couldn’t get employed regardless of my effort#of course now I have a job and I’d much rather be working an additional shift instead of doodling in my notebook#it’s aimed at the lowest common denominator#those kids in high school who always fucked around and then couldn’t get a job at McDonalds kinda denominator#which is fine! but I wish I had been told that this med receptionist class isn’t actually learning about what the job entails#but rather the most basic fucking skills for interviewing and maintaining a job#attendance positive attitude don’t steal supplies from your job 🙄#like….im the youngest person in my class (I’m 27) and it’s really hard to not just ask my teacher for the damn certificate#so I can get the fuck out#it won’t happen but god damn if only it could#personal#I’m tired of this class#I wanna be done#OH and there’s a stupidly long graduation ceremony#like this is high school graduation or some shit#just give me the damn paper#I don’t even want to be a receptionist anymore#or anything to do with the medical field#I wanna be a park ranger or something along those lines#I wanna physical job#I wanna work in nature#I don’t want to wear ‘business professional’ attire who gives a shit#my clothing doesn’t reflect my ability as a worker#get fucked
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Wrapped around her finger.
pairings: doctor!zayne x wife!reader
cw: nothing just full fluff ^-^
Zayne, a renowned heartthrob at Akso Hospital, has always been popular among patients, especially women. They show no shame in flirting with him, throwing themselves at the doctor whenever they get the chance. However, Zayne never entertains their advances.
It's not that he wants to remain professional as a doctor, but rather that he's already married to a woman who has him wrapped around her finger.
As a private man, Zayne never hides the fact that he's married. He always makes it known to others through subtle hints: the silver band on his finger, the sweaters and handkerchiefs you sometimes leave in his office, and the cute little souvenirs you buy for him on your trips together all decorated over his desk and shelves in his office.
In his office, there's always a side that's a part of you, his loving wife. This man always makes it known and seen that he's a happily married man.
Zayne often brings up his wife in conversations, given the chance. One time, a female patient told him about a cute cat cafe nearby that had just opened. She pushed the conversation further, asking him out for a hangout as a "thank you" and suggesting lunch.
Zayne wasn't pleased, clearly uninterested in the patient's offer. He continued checking her medical record, paying no attention to her. Not even taking glances, he pushed his glasses back with his left hand, his ring finger wrapped with a silver band, and said-
"My wife would be pleased to know that. We'll visit that cafe later."
The patient's eyes widened in surprise as she muttered an apology, embarrassed, and hurriedly took her medical papers from the doctor before leaving. Zayne didn't even notice the patient leaving his office.
Leaning back in his chair, he stared adoringly at the wedding picture frame on his desk. His business telephone rang, delivering a message from one of his colleagues from the cardiac department.
"Dr. Zayne, Mrs. Li is looking for you," the voice said.
A smile curled up on Zayne's face as he leaned over and clicked the telephone.
"Tell her to come inside my office."
He loves you so much. <3
masterlist
#lads#love and deepspace fluff#love and deepspace x reader#love and deepspace#lads x reader#lads x you#zayne x you#zayne love and deepspace#love and deepspace zayne#zayne x mc#zayne x reader#lads zayne
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we have a dentist appointment tomorrow and on the plus side we're not really anxious about the appointment itself because the dentist was so nice last time and actually took our medical trauma into account.
unfortunately though we do have to have anaesthetic which makes us feel like shit for at least the rest of the day, and no matter how considerate the dentist is, having a medical professional touch us at all does still trigger certain trauma and then I end up having a bunch of panic attacks at some point within the next few days and it's a really shit time. I really don't wanna have to deal with that and the concept of it is making me nauseous
#personal#thoughts#🍬 post#vent post#<- kinda#medical trauma#(this turned into a long rant about medical trauma and consent so here's your warning for that if you read the tags)#I didn't like medical professionals touching me anyway but ever since the stuff last April when we went to the hospital#it's been a way bigger issue and I end up being an absolute wreck for a while because of it#I cannot begin to express how much I do not want a medical professional touching me at all but especially not in my mouth#and any other situation where someone shoves their fingers in your mouth when you don't want them to would be considered really violating#but because it's for medical reasons and we have to put up with it if we actually want treatment nobody around us seems to see it like that#same goes for various other medical procedures where it's like if a stranger touched me like that when I really didn't want them to#in any other situation that would be assault but because it's a medical setting I'm expected to just be okay with it???#idk I probably haven't explained any of this right but I just don't like that people treat medical stuff as a special scenario#that's exempt from causing the same distress as any other scenario where someone touches you when you don't want them to#even though our brain is processing them the same way and we can't magically make that not happen#I know technically with medical procedures you (usually?) consent#but it's like... the choice is either consent to it or have your health keep getting worse#and once again in any other situation if your choices were to either consent or experience physical harm#that wouldn't really be considered consent and would be really distressing#I'm literally only consenting out of fear of what happens if I don't which... technically isn't consent but what choice do I have#idk this stuff is probably an issue specifically because of our trauma#but even still I would like to be taken seriously when I say I feel violated after medical procedures
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i know this is the trans website and im preaching to the choir here but there is something to be said about the medical gatekeeping around transition being largely based on the idea that transitioning medically is the risky, dangerous option, while denying that transition to people actively seeking it is safe and harmless. all the medical professionals i've dealt with so far seem to understand the harm that comes to a cis person who mistakenly transitions and makes irreversible changes to their body, but the idea that that same suffering is also experienced by trans people who have not yet been allowed to transition, to a greater degree even, seems basically non existent. a cis person's ideal gendered appearance is treated as a thing inherently worth protecting and maintaining, while that of a trans person is treated as something they deliberately chose to pursue and don't actually need. the harm that comes to a trans person through putting off any sort of medical (and as a consequence, legal) transition is a thing that does not exist to these people. only the harm that comes to people who regret it is deemed worth considering. that's been my experience anyway
#a lot of the fearmongering around transition is also based on the idea that it will make you infertile which...#well first of all without surgery involved generally isnt even true#but also begs the question why these same medical professionals then do not have a problem with castration being a legal requirement#for legal gender recognition#dont transition because it will make you infertile but also if you dont want to be infertile you dont get to transition anyway#fellas im beginning to think maybe all this isn't actually designed with trans people's interests and rights in mind thinking emoji#all medical treatment is a weighing of risks and benefits of all options in the end#and in this situation it seems that the only thing being weighed is the risks of one option#the benefits of it are ignored and the risks of the other option not even acknowledged as a possibility#it's just not a very rational assessment#not to mention how vague the reasoning for denying treatment usually is#so much 'we have to be careful because you have mental health problems' and no specific description of how those problems actually get#in the way#because they fucking don't. they're a symptom of the larger problem i'm seeking treatment for#and yet that connection is just never made#they're treated as completely separate issues because denial of medical treatment could not possibly have negative consequences apparently#this logic is like denying fever medicine until a person stops having a fever
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