#but please. keep telling us that patients like me deserve this and worse because nurses are underpaid and overworked

[arctic-hands]

Never gonna forget my second round of scopes (a combined upper endoscopy and a colonoscopy all at once) where I was only put under partial anesthesia and could feel every moment of agony as they maneuvered the cameras and tubes up my nose, down my throat, into my digestive, and, oh yeah, up my ass too. I remember every moment of writhing around in pain and screaming and sobbing and begging them to stop but not being able to articulate clearly because of the tubes, not only in physical pain from this torture but also an emotional wreck because the elderly nurse who swore up and down he would hold my hand thru it all wasn't there at all like he promised. I remember the doctors mocking me throughout the procedure while I screamed because it was obvious I had cheated on my medical fast. Mostly tho I remember the head nurse screaming at me "Stop acting like a child!"

I was twelve

[thezombieprostitute]

Frayed - Part 2

Summary: There are so many new things happening in your life that the only two things you can count on are your boyfriend, Mace, and that your life is almost always in danger. 

A/N: Reader is female. No physical descriptors used.

Word Count: ~1.2k

Warnings: Implied death and violence. Please let me know if I missed any!

Part 1 -- Part 3

Series Masterlist

The heat wave hit hard and it affected your work almost as much as Mace's. The free clinic received an influx of people suffering heat sickness and it was all hands on deck. Your job priorities quickly changed to focusing on the machines that helped patients with temperature regulation and hydration.

You also found yourself helping out with some of the kids of patients. They were often scared about what was going on and rarely got answers. You and one of the nurses would provide or fix up toys to help soothe them a bit. You did enjoy showing the kids how you were fixing their electronic toys. Some of them would hold your arm tight as you showed them what you were doing. It broke your heart but there were a lot of people needing help and you had to do your part.

By the end of your shift, you're exhausted physically, emotionally and mentally. You just need to get home and collapse.

Mace's day hasn't been any better than yours. The heat wave was putting a lot of pressure on the power grid and a lot of residents were feeling it. There were a number of power blinks throughout the day, throwing off everyone's air conditioners, sometimes even circuit breakers. Some of the residents, whether out of desperation, idiocy, or anger, tried fixing things themselves, only making them worse.

He hated that he had to text you that he wouldn't be able to pick you up. The work was keeping all of his employees busy. When you read the text, you're disappointed. You didn't want to walk in the heat and humidity at all. But you recognize his work as important. Thinking about all the people that visited the clinic and how Mace is doing his part to keep more people from having to go.

You decide you're going to go ahead and treat yourself to some ice cream at one of the restaurants along the way. You've worked hard and you deserve a treat, dammit. The ice cream parlor is surprisingly, but thankfully, pretty empty. Just you, a few customers and some teens working behind the counter. The ice cream and quiet atmosphere really help you to feel better. You figure Mace could use some cheering up of some kind as well so you decide to send him a joke.

“Are you made of copper and tellurium? Because you're CuTe.” It's a dumb joke, but hopefully it'll help him smile.

As you wait for his reply, someone sits across from you. You try not to gape at the scars on his face. He's big and tall with dark hair and one blue eye. The other is white, likely a result from whatever scarred him so horribly. You set your hand on your purse where your taser is.

“Your testimony led to a friend of mine getting killed,��� he says with an accusatory tone. “Tell me who killed him and your safety is guaranteed. You're just a pawn, after all.”

“No one got killed because of my testimony,” you state. You really don't know what he's talking about. Your testimony saved lives. Mace, Scott, Teach, none of them said anything about problems or killings while you were on the stand.

He leans forward and your hand goes into your purse, gripping your taser. “I suppose they wouldn't have told you,” he sighs. “Just tell me a name, someone who kept you safe, and I'll leave you be.”

“I was protected by the police, witness protection. Standard stuff,” you partially lie. It was Scott and his team at first. They didn't need The Family's help until it was discovered there was a mole.

He turns his head to the side a little, giving you a very good look at that bad eye. “I suggest you think over your loyalties. When you're ready to tell me something, come back here.”

He gets up and leaves and you finally let yourself breathe. It's all you really can do.

You know you're being watched. If you text or call Mace, he'll run over to get you but that would put him in danger. Possibly more than just him. You decide to text Teach. A call would be overheard and you want to keep this as contained as possible.

Well, what you really wanted was to cry and run home but the logical part of your brain was being put in charge. It's part and parcel with being employed by The Family. And that's what you had chosen all those months ago after the trial.

Message Teach, wait for instructions. You can do this.

Mace practically pounded the door to the apartment. Curtis had called and told him what happened and that you were being kept safe at their place. The second there'd been a lull in work orders he dropped everything to get to you.

As soon as Teach opened the door he pushed past her and grabbed you while you were getting up off the couch. He held you tight and you finally let yourself cry knowing you and Mace were safe.

“Why didn't you call me,” he gently chastises you.

“Because you'd be spotted and they'd know you were in on everything and then you'd be in danger and I didn't want to risk that.”

He chuckles, “even when you're scared you're thinking logically. I love that about you.” The hug is interrupted by Curtis giving a small cough. Mace turns to Teach, “sorry about rushing past you.”

“It's okay,” she assures. “I very much understand. And so does Curtis.” Teach smirks at Curtis as his glare towards Mace lessens with the accepted apology.

You and Mace sit down on the couch as Teach and Curtis pull up chairs.

Curtis starts, “from the description DC's given us, we know the man who approached her is August Walker. He was a lackey for Kent but must've recently had his leash loosened.”

“Makes sense,” Mace replies. “Kent's too busy working on his reputation and lawsuits to keep hold of everyone who works for him.”

“There's still something I need to know,” you speak up. “Walker said someone was killed because of my testimony?” Curtis, Mace and Teach exchange looks. Their silence speaks volumes and you filled with rage and horror. “What the hell? Why didn't you tell me?!” You pull yourself away from Mace and start pacing the living room.

“The less you knew about it, the less culpable you were,” Teach says as gently as she can.

“No,” you argue, “the less I know, the more open I am to surprise, the less capable I am!” You turn to Mace. “You knew about this, too, didn't you?”

“Yes,” he admits quietly.

“My testimony was supposed to help people, not get them killed!”

“If it helps,” Curtis cuts in, “the man who was killed was a bad man.”

“How do you know?”

“He was an assassin from Wilford & Gilliam. He and his brother killed my brother.” Teach gently rubs his hand in an attempt to comfort him. This isn't information he shares with just anyone.

You sniffle, still angry. Still scared. Still overwhelmed. You look at Mace, “I...I can understand why you didn't tell me any of this. But I'm going to be mad at you for some time.” Mace nods in agreement. You turn to Teach and Curtis, “so what do we do now?”

Part 1 -- Part 3

Series Masterlist

Tagging everyone who had asked to be tagged in Sparks Fly. Please let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the list.

@alicedopey; @chibijusstuff; @delicatebarness; @fluxxdog; @icefrozendeadlyqueen; @jamneuromain; @jaqui-has-a-conspiracy-theory; @rebekahdawkins; @ronearoundblindly; @texmexdarling

[suicidemessagr]

I will kill myself soon. Hopefully, i don’t chicken out and delay it. I’ve never been good with words so please be patient with me. I have grown up in a house filled with abuse and jealousy, mostly from my siblings. I was sexually assaulted by my father and abused by him but my sisters think that i’m the favorite. The society here also dont care about me i feel like i deserve to die just so my siblings can have a better life without me around.

I never talked to anyone about my past except for my nurse.

I shared room with my father and mother since i was a baby, i assume until 8th grade. He sexually assaulted me and i think i can remember that he threw me into the floor when i was sleeping with him.

When i started 3rd grade, my father and mother became separated and we moved to new country. But i still slept with him. She stayed in the old country.

In fifth grade i think one of my classmates had contact with my eldest sister who i didnt have good relationship with and they started to bully me everyday. They would call me animal names. And all that. I wish i didnt stay in school. Thats one of my regrets. I had pain in my brain and chest since then and it only got worse. I had a fake friend who would only keep me close to spread rumors i think.

I was not allowed to have electrical devices but my siblings did. I occassionally would play games sometimes and my siblings would follow me as if im not allowed to use laptops or something. They would try to make me ugly and take ugly pictures of me.

My eldest sister would steal money from my birthday parties and she would tell everything about me and my past to my classmates. I only assume.

My middle older and eldest sister were close but not me.

In middle school, i accidentally yelled at me "friend" because she began annoying me and i wanted her to leave me alone but she kept following me around. Then these random couple guys began to follow me because of that and bully me.

I think at this time, my eldest sister hacked my accounts and told everyone. She so fucking toxic i hate her this is why i never talk to her. She tries to steal men from others and humiliate me.

My middle sister took pictures of my bank card and upload it online so they could steal more money from me.

The eldest also shook my head and try to pull my hair i think to make me dumb and airhead. She was physically abusive towards me.

I began gaining weight because of stress and boredom. I think i realized by this time that i have given up on having future, going to college or having a family of my own. Just because i dont want to stay with them.

I met a new "friend" she began yelling at me and hitting me in the stomach many times.

Again, my phone were smashed and destroyed. I think i used to write on tumblr during high school and go to vent apps i used to like that. But if my phone were really hacked then everyone must read everything i wrote.

I began eating a lot of healthy and unhealthy junk food and drinking the beer from my father.. then i got kicked out of school by one of my classmates i think because of a boy. But i never really talked with anyone.

I began to gain weight again.. i moved to the city alone and my father would cause unneccessary stress by going back and forth from where i live to back home. He would say i can live with him and his girlfriend far from home then kick me out again.

Something happened in here that i cant say.. my health got worse physically and mentally. I met new guy who wouldnt leave me alone for two years i dont know if its good or bad. But i miss him. My heart would feel like its being ripped apart by having him near me.

I had a lot of pain in my body both side effects and non medication related. I started having medications and going to psych wards and all that.

Anyway, i just thought anyone dont really like me.. and that it’s better if i die or something. I have lots of regrets and i really cant wait to die. I feel like i deserve it and everyone thinks i should do it. It’s my fault no one is guilty but me and im happy im no longer here. I have so many cringy memories. Forget me and i hope you have a happy life without me.

[thebookreader12345]

Spill the Beans

Pairing: Connor Rhodes x Halstead! reader

Summary: Y/N works at the hospital alongside her brother, Will, and her secret boyfriend, Connor, but when she finally wants to spill the truth about her relationship, an obstacle comes up that stops her from doing it the way she planned

Requested: Yes, by anonymous

Warnings: slight swearing, mentions of blood, drugs, and violence

Word Count: 1,475 Words

“It’s going to have to come out at one point, Y/N,” Will told me as him, Jay, and I were having beers together at Molly’s.

“And it will, but when I want it to, and not before,” I clarify and take a sip of my beer, whose bitterness I was well used to by now.

“Um, I’m a detective in the most elite police unit in Chicago. If I wanted to, I could do some digging and find out like that,” Jay pointed out.

“But you won’t because you respect my privacy,” I retort. “Look, guys, I would love to tell you who my boyfriend is. I really would. But now is just not the time.”

“Fine. We’ll back off. But I think it’s better if you tell us sooner rather than later,” Will said.

“Mmm,” I hum and take another sip of beer. After having beers with my brothers, I headed back to my apartment, and when I unlocked the door, I saw Connor lounging on the couch with the TV on in front of him.

“Hey, babe,” he said once he noticed me walk in. “How are your brothers?”

“You know how Will is doing since you see him practically every day, but Jay is doing good. They were asking about you,” I say.

“Oh yeah? What about?” Connor asked.

“Well, not you specifically,” I clarify. “They asked about my boyfriend, but they don’t know it’s you. I was hoping we could talk about that.”

“All right,” Connor spoke and pulled me down into his lap. “What’s up?”

“We’ve been dating for a few months now, and I’ve been really supportive of you wanting to keep our relationship a secret, but I think it’s time we tell everyone about us,” I explain.

Connor smiled. “I guess we could start telling people. I mean, I love you, and I don’t think that’s going to chance anytime soon.”

“Great. After our next shift, we can invite Jay and Will out for drinks, and we can tell them then. Thanks for agreeing to this, Connor,” I murmur and press my lips to his for a brief kiss.

.........................................

Tonight was the night. Tonight I was finally going to tell Will and Jay who I was dating. For some reason, I was a bit nervous. What if they didn’t approve of Connor? I mean, I knew they would, but the thought still nagged at me. I was standing at the nurses station waiting for a new patient to treat, because weirdly, there was almost nobody here. Just as I thought that, the ambulance bay doors opened and two paramedics pushed in a gurney. The odd part was that they were followed by a police officer.

“Y/N, you’re up,” Maggie informed me.

“What do we got?” I ask the paramedic and slip on some gloves before entering the trauma room.

“Peter Maddox. Late 30′s. He’s on some sort of drug,” one of the paramedics answered as Peter began thrashing around in his bed.

“Cocaine? Heroin? MDMA? Can you be more specific?” I question.

“I cannot,” the woman replied.

“Mr. Maddox? Can you hear me?” I ask and shine a light into his eyes, seeing that his pupils were enlarged. Yeah. This guy was definitely on something. That’s when I noticed that he was restrained. “Uh, hey. I’m going to need you to take these bonds off him.”

“Sorry, miss. He’s highly dangerous,” the police officer told me.

“And I understand that, but I can’t fully examine him with the bonds on. Uncuff him. Now,” I demand. The police officer sighed, but followed my order and uncuffed Peter.

“Mr. Maddox, I’m Dr. Halstead. I want to help you feel better. Could you please tell me what you’re on?” I ask. Peter didn’t respond and rocked back and forth on the trauma bed. “Okay, uh, April, order a full tox screen, blood work, and a urine test. I can’t help him until I know what he’s on.” As soon as I said “blood work”, Peter snapped and jumped out of bed.

“No blood work. I don’t want blood work!” Peter shouted.

“Mr. Maddox, please get back into bed. You need to rest so I can run some tests,” I say.

“I said no blood work!” Peter yelled and shoved me roughly right up against the trauma room door. My head hit the glass hard, and I could hear a crack start to span the door. The police officer rushed forward and grabbed Peter, forcing him back onto the bed where he was once again restrained.

“Y/N, are you okay?” April asked me.

“I-I’m fine. Can you ge-” I cut myself off as my vison blurred, and I suddenly fell unconscious.

Connor’s POV

“Help!” April called out from one of the trauma rooms. “I need some help in here!” I set down my tablet and ran into the room to find Y/N unconscious on the floor with a small puddle of blood pooling around her head. I glanced at the glass of the trauma room door, which had a huge crack in it surrounded by a bit of blood, and then towards the patient who was struggling in his restraints, and I knew what had happened. But I didn’t focus on that. I knelt down next to Y/N and pulled my flashlight from my pocket, shining it into her eyes.

“Shit. Her pupils are uneven. Someone page Dr. Abrams now,” I order. Once we had gotten Y/N situated in a bed, Dr. Abrams came by to examine her. The good news was that nothing looked to be wrong. She just had a deep cut on the back of her head and would probably be unconscious for a few hours. I was sitting by her bedside holding her hand when Will and Jay walked into the room. Both of them caught sight of me holding Y/N’s hand, and almost immediately, they pieced two and two together.

“So, you’re the boyfriend,” Will guessed.

“Uh, yeah. I’m the boyfriend,” I restate and stand up, placing Y/N’s hand back on her bed. “I should get back to work. And you guys deserve some time with your sister so...”

“No,” Jay said which interrupted me from leaving. “You should stay. Y/N would want you to be here. And by the looks of it, we’ve got a lot to discuss."

Y/N’s POV

It felt like I was asleep for a long time. I felt groggy and confused, and my head felt like it had been pounded in by a sledgehammer. When I opened my eyes, I was met by a bright light, and I groaned, closing my eyes again.

“Y/N? You awake?” Jay asked. I hummed in response and opened my eyes once more, blinking a few times to get used to the light. When I finally fully opened my eyes, I was met with an odd sight. Both my brothers and my boyfriend were sitting in my room.

“What the hell happened?” I question and rub my eyes. That’s when I felt that my head had a huge piece of gauze wrapped around it, and everything came flowing back to me. “Mr. Maddox did this, right?”

“Yeah,” Connor responded. “He’s being taken care of right now. But don’t worry about him. How are you feeling?”

“Good, except for the fact that my head is pounding. Who the hell is my doctor? They did not give me enough meds,” I note.

Will laughed. “The pain should go away in an hour or two.”

“Okay,” I murmur and glance between, Will, Jay, and Connor. Something was up, and I think I knew what it was. “You guys know, don’t you?”

“Yeah,” Jay said. “We know. What was the reason for not telling us though? Did you think we wouldn’t approve of Connor or something?”

“Actually, it was Connor’s decision to keep it a secret,” I answer. “He’s didn’t want people to find out we were dating until we thought we would be together for awhile. We were going to tell you tonight after shift at Molly’s, but things changed, obviously.”

“So it didn’t have anything to do with our rocky past?” Will asked Connor.

Connor shook his head. “It had nothing to do with you, Will.”

“Cool. So, Y/N, since you’re going to be here for awhile, I think we should catch up a bit. Maybe talk more about you and Connor,” Will suggested.

I groaned. “Could this day get any worse?”

“It could. Because we’re not leaving until you tell us everything,” Jay stated with a small smile.

“You might want to go,” I tell Connor.

Connor chuckled. “I was planning on it. I’ll be by to check up on you later,” he spoke and kissed my head before leaving the room.

“So,” I say and look between my two brothers. “Where should we start?”

_____________________

Tag List:

@prettypyschoinpink @securityfriendly-jay @scarletsoldierrr @lorenakaspersen @virtualreader @carnationworld @caitsymichelle13 @king-crockett​

[imagine-a-fangirl]

 Anon requested: i got you fam - neil melendez x reader but like 70% angst, 30% fluff. rest is up to you :)

A/N: Two stories in one day, this is getting crazy. Also not 400 words but 1700(oops) 

Falling for a surgeon was probably never a good idea just thinking about the long days and crazy hours. But being a nurse and falling for the top surgeon was probably even a worse idea. The two of them had gotten along the moment y/n set foot into the hospital as a new nurse. She had learned so much from him and he always seemed to pick her for the surgeries whenever he could. But for her own good y/n had decided this needed to stop, she was on her way to make some great progress career and even gotten a job offer in a more specialized hospital. Y/n had been hesitant to take it but she also knew she couldn’t let her feelings for Neil Melendez get in the way of that. 

Y/n was busy going through a couple files when Neil leaned against the desk “Morning y/n.” “Good morning Dr. Melendez.” She coldly greeted him without looking up He got a little thrown off by her sudden change in behavior but continued either way “I have an interesting surgery on my schedule next week and I want you to be there.” “I’m afraid I won’t be able to do that Dr. Melendez.” Y/n told him, finally looking up from the files. “Why not?” “Because that is my only day off next week.” “Can’t you change shifts? “No I can’t. I might have to plan my whole schedule around you, but luckily I don’t have to do that in my private life.” Y/n knew it was not fair at all to say something like that and she didn’t mean a word of it, but she needed to do something to get some distance from him and this seemed a good step. “Okay then, I’ll see you later y/n.” He excused himself, everything from his posture showed his confusion from the way she had just spoken to him. Jasmine, one of the older nurses chuckled “I’ve never seen dr. Melendez so shaken, I don’t know what you do to him but he really has the hots for you.” “I don’t know what you’re talking about Jasmine.” Y/n got up from her seat and went to check on her patients.  Behaving like this was nothing like her, but she tried to convince herself that she needed to create some distance between her and Neil to be able to move on.

The week whole week had been a challenge for her, she tried to keep Neil at a distance and had to fight the urge to apologize and tell him how she really felt. Y/n tried communicate with the Residents and Dr. Lim to avoid him as much as possible. Of course people noticed her change in behavior, but barely anyone tried to figure out why. Alex and Claire tried to get something out of her when they went out for drinks but they quickly realized she wasn’t spilling anything. Y/n did tell them about the job offer she had gotten and they both were really excited for her. After they finished Alex walked her home and started talking again “What is holding you back?” “What you mean?” Alex shook his head “The offer is a great opportunity, but something is holding you back.” “It’s nothing Alex, I just need some time to think. It’s a big decision.” “It is.” Alex agreed “But you want to take it, that’s why your behavior changed. Look you don’t have to tell me what it is, all I know is that pushing people away is not going to make this decision easier.”

The next morning y/n was called early, Jasmin had called in sick and they needed someone to fill in for the operation Melendez had told y/n about the week before. With a healthy dose of reluctance she got out of bed and got ready for work. Neil had been right, this surgery was a great opportunity. Not only the surgery was an interesting one, but the patient as well he was some criminal who was both a flight risk and dangerous. Would it been two weeks earlier y/n would be the most excited one there, but things were different now.  “Nurse l/n I’m surprised to see you here, I thought your schedule wasn’t revolved around me.” Neil remarked when he saw her in the OR. “I’m here because Jasmin got sick and someone had to fill in for her Dr. Melendez.” Y/n remained professional, pretending she didn’t hear the angry undertone in his voice. “Alright then.” Without to many more words the team started the operation, Melendez communicated as little as he could with her

Y/n was placed in charge of the care around their patient, protocol stated he was kept handcuffed to his bed, communication mostly went through the intercom and they could never go in the room alone. The officers were guarding the room in case something happened. Everything seemed normal he had woken up, still weak but he responded to all the test, his vital signs were steady and so it looked like she was going to get home on time. Y/n got up to do a final check on the patient “How are you feeling? Is there anything I can get you before the next shift takes over?” Y/n waited a moment  for the man to respond but he didn’t. “Sir, do you hear me?” y/n tapped on the window to see if he’d respond but he didn’t. “Page Dr. Park and Dr. Melendez please.” Y/n called to the nurse station She opened the door to see what was wrong, completely forgetting protocol. “Sir are you alright?” she checked the machines but the vital signs seemed completely normal. She checked his pulse, but when she did she noticed his cuff wasn’t on there. Before she did much as look up she felt multiple punches. She hit her head against the floor as she fell down, but before things could get worse, Park, Melendez and the two officers pulled him away from her. “Claire take care of y/n, now!” Melendez called before sedating the man. Claire helped her up and got her out of the room and into another to treat her. Alex soon followed and told a nurse to prep for both x-ray of her chest and a ct-abdomen. Not much later Dr Melendez stormed into the room “What were you thinking?!” Neil started to yell at her “You knew the protocol!” “Neil.” Claire tried “He wasn’t responding, I did what I thought I needed to do.” Y/n calmly responded, her head was still pounding, her arm hurt and she noticed she had some trouble breathing. “Why didn’t you wait until one of us was there?” Park tried to be the voice of reason between the two of them. “You knew he was dangerous, you knew you shouldn’t go in alone and what you did was stupid!” Neil yelled again. “Why don’t you keep an eye on him next time, if you know it all so well.” “I don’t know what I did to you to deserve this attitude this past week, but you better get it together! You know better than this.” y/n tried to ignore the desperate undertone in his voice “Don’t worry about that Dr. Melendez, I won’t be your problem for very much longer.” “What?” “I’ve been offered a job at another hospital and I’ve just decided to take it.” Y/n tried to get up from the bed, she needed to get away from him before she would do something stupid. “Y/n stop you need to stay in bed, we still have to see if there is internal damage.” Alex tried to get her back into the bed. She tried to push him away but the last thing she felt was the cold floor before her whole world went dark.

Y/n woke up to soothing sound of the monitors, only to realize the monitors were not a normal sound to wake up to. As she opened her eyes it took a minute to realize what had happened. She looked at the clock which was on 3 o’clock and judging by the darkness she saw through the window it was the middle of the night. “You’re awake.” She looked to the other side of her bed, not realizing he had been sitting there holding onto her hand “What are you doing here?” “You collapsed right in front of me, you didn’t think I’d just leave did you?” “I’m sorry.” “Don’t  be.” He assured her “You made a mistake that’s all, I’m just glad that you’re okay now.” “I meant for my behavior this week, I thought it would make it easier for myself to push you away.” She confessed “Would make what easier? Taking that job offer?” Neil was a little confused “You know I’d never hold you back, right? Park told me about it, it’s an amazing opportunity and you deserve it.” “I know you wouldn’t hold me back.” y/n removed her hand from his “But I would hold myself back, because of my feelings for you.” Maybe it were the drugs in her system that made it so easy to tell how she felt or maybe it was the fact that she was just attacked but she wasn’t afraid anymore. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “I was to scared to ruin our friendship, I know it’s such a cliché.” Neil couldn’t help but laugh “I don’t care if it’s cliché or not, I wish you told me sooner.” He took her hand in his once again. “Because I could have put your mind at ease, I like you y/n. I might even go as far as to say that I love you.” “Are you serious?” “I am.” He promised “And that doesn’t change if you take another job. It anything it would make things easier, since we wouldn’t have any problems with HR.” Y/n laughed for a short moment before wincing in pain “We’ll talk about this later over a dinner, okay? Right now you have to rest and get better.”

[shingia]

hii ! I love your writing and this is going to be my first request on this site so i'm a bit nervous. May I request your angst prompt #6 with either akaashi or bokuto (or anyone you want but I just love them gah) and something accident related if possible (but if not it's fine!), i'm an angst sucker ;-; thank you and have a nice day!

MEMORY - BOKUTO X READER

hi !! dw it’s completely ok to be nervous about your first request, i was literally shaking when i first sent mine ! and thank youuu it’s always nice to know that my work is appreciated 💕 i had no idea of which boy to choose but i never wrote angst for bokuto so here it is, i hope it’s what you had in mind ! <3

-> angst prompt #6 “stop saying my name like it’s the last time” (that one HURTS omfg)

-> bokuto x gn!reader | Angst with a capital A | word count : 2K

warnings : car accident, mentions of blood, hospital environment

bokuto always thought it was funny how a smell, a sound or a sight could hold enough power to trigger memories that he thought had been erased by time. 

but no smell, sound or sight was ever needed for him to remember the day he first met you. how the purple lights of the bar were slowly dancing on your skin, casting shadows that made your features look different every time he casted guilty glances at you. he remembered the feeling of his sweaty palms when he asked for your number, and how you had to blink exactly four times to read his messy handwriting on your arm.

all these seemingly insignificant details were kept safe in the depths of his mind, patiently waiting to resurface every time his heart needed them. but if these kind of memories were kept so vivid by choice, others - much darker - had a terrifying way of imprinting into one’s brain…

it was a bright april afternoon, the kind of day that made people forget about their worries, and bokuto had just finished what he considered to be one of his best practice. as usual, his heart swelled with excitement at the thought that he would tell you all about it as soon as he’d step foot in your house, where he was just heading.

but the sudden vibration of his phone in his pocket made him stop dead in his tracks.

he was not particularly stressed by phone calls, but something about the way his heart dropped made his hands start shaking and his surroundings blurry ; something was off. he hesitated a few seconds before getting the phone out - maybe it was cowardice, but his body already knew that he was not ready to handle what was coming at him.

the voice he heard on the other side of the line was undoubtedly yours. the vibrations, the tone, the pitch, he had heard it whispering sweet nothings in his ear way to many times to be mistaken. so why did it take him so long to admit that it was well and truly you, calling him for what looked an awful lot like a goodbye ?

although pain and fear had grabbed you by the tongue, you miraculously managed to tell him about the poor driver that had been distracted by his kid - too distracted to see you crossing the road on your way to the store, and too slow to hit the brakes.

your voice was weak, so weak that bokuto did not even hear the last thing you said before passing out on the warm asphalt. and so he started running, as fast as humanly possible - if not more - because he knew he was only two streets away from you, and he knew that he would never forgive himself if he arrived too late.

bokuto had many preconceptions about the way he would ever react to an accident. panic, anger, sadness, incomprehension… but nothing could have prepared him for what it truly was. in one second, his mind had time to produce hundreds and hundreds of questions, and they all remained unsolved until his eyes finally laid on you, or more like what seemed like a nightmarish version of you.

a woman was frantically screaming, a hand over her mouth like it was of any use. behind her, a young girl was staring at the blood stain on the white car’s bumper, eyes wide in terror. and in the car, a giggling toddler was happily chewing on his teething ring, having no idea that today had changed his father’s life forever. the latter seemed stuck in a cataleptic trance, and it seemed like the first aider was not going to get anything out of him.

bokuto was ready to beg on his knees for the ambulance driver to allow him on the ride to the hospital.  he had a thousand ways to prove that you were the love of his life : the picture of you in his wallet, your matching key rings attached to your respective bags, the crumpled receipt of the necklace he had bought you a month ago, the one that was now hanging loosely around your dreadfully immobile neck. but just a glance at his despaired eyes was enough to understand that he deserved his place by your side in what would probably be the worst moment of your life - and his.

three paramedics were too busy putting you on a stretcher for bokuto to even catch a glimpse of your face. and the fact that he was left alone with his imagination made him want to throw up. yet when his eyes finally laid on your bruised and bloody features, it felt much, much worse than anything his imagination could have thought about. his heart skipped more than one beat at the thought that maybe he had arrived too late.

but no, your eyes fluttered open while the medics were still yelling orders at each other, meaningless words that were only background noise for bokuto. his hands gripped the edge of the stretcher, even though they were longing for the touch of your skin, no matter how scratched and wounded it was.

« hey, hey, stay with me, alright ? » he articulated in a hoarse voice as your hand found its way to his cheek. seeing that, one of the medics started reaching for your arm - you had too many broken bones for him to allow you to move so carelessly. but one of his colleagues, a tall woman with the kindest eyes, stopped him before his fingers could wrap around your wrist. and the look she gave him was screaming for his indulgence. ‘let them’.

although the opaque windows were filtering most of the ambulance lights, faint beams of red and blue were still dancing on your face. it was true that bokuto did not need anything to trigger his memories of the first time he saw you, but the alternation of the two colors on your features were a bitter reminder of the purple neons that had lightened your face in that bar, where everything had begun.  and so were his sweaty palms, warm and shaky against your wrist which he had grabbed as carefully as if it had been made of porcelain.  but the blinks of your eyes looked nothing like when you tried to guess the numbers he had written on your arm. they were desperate movements of your lids that were painfully trying to stay open - because if you had one last wish, it was that bokuto’s face would be your last sight.

your facial muscles only allowed a few painless movements, and luckily for the both of you, a faint smile was one of them. « h-how was practice ? » you asked, the left corner of your lips curling upwards. he let out a sorrowful laugh, ignoring the tears that were prickling his eyes as he started to kiss your palm at an alarming pace, like he was so desperately trying to get something out of the feeling of your skin against his lips.

« you’re gonna be okay, i promise… i love you » he told you, eyes intensely locked with yours like it was the first time these words were leaving his mouth. « i love you. so much. i love y- i love you. so fucking much, i really love you » he repeated like a prayer, words mixing up in his mind that was too focused on your eyes to think clearly about anything else.

« kou… listen to me » you whispered, still trying your best to keep your smile when it felt like every fiber of your body was being torn apart. your thumb caressed his cheek, but so stiffly that you knew it probably did not even feel like your touch. « thank you for everything, for being you and for loving me. i love you too, and you deserve to be happy… »

no. this didn’t feel right. this wasn’t a promise of love, it had the bitter taste of goodbyes, of words that are said just to alleviate the pain of the living. « don’t say it like that, please » bokuto pleaded, hating himself for ordering you when you were in such obvious distress. but for the first time since that god-sent night at the bar, he hated the sound of every word that had left your mouth. he would have given anything to go back to just a few seconds ago, when you were still joking about his practice. because back then it didn’t feel like you were going to leave.

« you’re gonna be ok. i love you, kou », you said in an almost maternal tone. « stop saying my name like it’s the last time ! » he exclaimed with such vigor that even the medics stopped for a second. but you didn’t flinch, your eyes were still kind and peaceful. and they still were when your thumb progressively started moving, and when your lids slowly closed.

──

the hall of the hospital was cold - in every sense of the word. akaashi was nervously playing with the lid of his coffee, sat upright on a chair even though his legs felt restless. bokuto, on the other hand, had refused to eat, drink or even sit for one second until he had talked to one of your doctors. it had now been almost two hours - and every second felt like torture.

but oddly enough, akaashi was the first to react at the sight of your surgeon that was coming towards them at a frustratingly slow pace.

« how did it go ? » he asked, the joint of his hands white from holding his coffee cup so tight.

« they made it. our nurses brought them to a private room where they will be watched v- »

bokuto didn’t need to hear more. he had no idea of which room you were in, but it didn’t matter - the hospital was not that big, he’d find a way. he always found a way.

running like a madman, he couldn’t even hear akaashi yelling at him to come back. his heart was throbbing with happiness at the thought that you were patiently waiting for him in a room. safe and sound.

he had spent so much time hammering the most terrible scenarios in his head that he had almost started to believe some of them were true. in a sense, he had already felt how it would be like to live without you - and he was now promising himself to never feel that pain ever again.

tired of running around without knowing where he was headed, bokuto eventually asked a nurse to indicate him the room you were kept in. and, although it did not respect the hospital’s privacy policy, she gave him without thinking twice ; because just like every other member of the staff, she knew about the boy that had spent hours crying and waiting for his loved one. her eyes were blurry with tears when he thanked her about three time before heading to the said room.

and there you were. laying on your back, staring at the ceiling with your fingers fiddling with the sheets - just like you always did when you waited for him on his bed.

« oh thank god » bokuto breathed out, taking a few seconds to admire your features before running to your side. his hands were still wet from his tears and his eyes were red and puffy, but he had never felt so happy to hold you. his lips immediately found their way to your hands, completely ignoring the strong smell of betadine, and they stretched in a grin at the familiar feeling of your fingers that seemed so tiny against his.

when he finally looked up at you, he felt like the luckiest man alive. just the sight of you breathing was something he had started to give up on. your chest was slowly heaving and your eyes blinked exactly four times before an embarrassed chuckle left your lips :

« excuse me but… who are you ? »

@toworuu @catwithangerissues

[bookishofalder]

Pretty Girl - Blurb

A/N- Surprise! This idea came to me last night and I decided to run with it. Companion blurb to Chapter 3 of my Pretty Girl Series.

Summary: An insight into Pretty Girl’s mind on a bad day. 

Warnings: Swearing, sexual harassment description, self blame, sexism, burns, reader is a thirsty bitch. WC-2,175

You were chewing your lip again. You had been working hard to break the habit, but you gave yourself a pass for today, considering the circumstances. While Ron had promised you that he wouldn’t mention any details to Flip whenever the tall detective returned to the station, but you knew him too well. Flip was going to know something was wrong, he was too damn perceptive.

Especially when it came to you.

And actually, you adored how he always seemed to read you like a book. But when it came to how you felt about your best friend? Yeah, he hadn’t seemed to figure that out. A fact that allowed you to breathe more easily. The older, gruff man gave you more attention and kindness than you deserved, you knew that. You had no intention of ruining a perfectly wonderful friendship by admitting that...well, you loved him. You could just imagine how he’d turn inward, his mouth dropping into a frown before he said, ‘Darling, you’re too young for me.’ Or something equally as mortifying.

It was selfish of you, in many ways, not to tell him. You enjoyed time alone with him more than you could even admit to yourself and you loved how protective he was of you. Something about the different ways he showed this-like when he slammed that rude man onto the counter, right in front of you, with a wild look in his eyes that disappeared the moment he had met yours. That moment had shot straight to your core, delighted you entirely, but you worried he might have caught the brief-expression on your face that gave away how turned on you had been.

His protectiveness was the reason you were so stressed at the moment; he was, inevitably, going to find out you had burnt your fucking arm with coffee. And when he did, you knew you needed to try to avoid telling him how it happened. But whenever he fixed you with that damn stare, eyes dark-fuck, you couldn’t help it. You always seemed to cave.

You contented yourself as you waited for the nurse now by imagining the conversation in different ways, practicing what you’d say, how you would explain. Flip had been especially moody lately, which didn’t bother you as you were as laid back as he was passionate, but it did worry you. The last thing he needed right now was a reason to get angry, and if you told him what David Cole had whispered into your ear before his cold hand slid over your bottom and pinched? Well, let’s say you would probably be giving testimony at the murder trial.

The curtains around you swung open as the nurse returned with her tray of supplies. You swung your legs, starting to feel antsy to leave, and smiled at her. You wanted to try and get back to the station before Flip, maybe meet him outside and explain-

Movement caught your eye, and your head spun around as the fucking all too familiar Detective stormed towards you. How, how had he already found out you were here? You knew he was good, but this was insane. You had been here twenty minutes.

And oh, the look on his face. He hadn’t even seen the burn yet and you could already tell he was devastated to see you sitting in a hospital. Your heart tugged at the sight, despite the panic bursting through your veins-you hadn’t thought of how to explain-oh, fuck, he’s seen the burn.

You tried to smile up at him, but you knew he could see the tears on your face from the way his entire body stiffened when he was right next to you. You wondered if he was going to knock the nurse away and start treating you himself. You wouldn’t have been surprised.

What did take you off guard, however, was what he said.

“Pretty girl,” Oh. Okay, where did that new nickname come from? It shot straight to your core, almost numbing the pain in your arm. He’d never called you that before, but you never wanted him to stop. “What the hell happened?” His large hand was on your shoulder, warm and welcome.

“I’m okay, Flip, I just spilled some coffee-it’s mostly on the back of my hand and arm.” You tried to keep your voice calm but flinched when pain shot up your arm as the nurse placed your bandages. You could tell your words had no soothing effect whatsoever, his expression entirely too distressed.

Whoever told him you were here was going to have raisins in their cookies for the next year.

“You were lucky the coffee wasn’t fresher, dear. These would be much worse. As it is, you’ve scalded yourself fairly well so you’ll need to repeat this treatment for a few days, I’ll send you home with the supplies and instructions.” You stared at your nurse, silently trying to convey that she had just utterly betrayed you by announcing that. Could she not see the man standing next to you was coming undone?

The hand on your shoulder squeezed tighter and his thumb began to rub gentle circles, something that should not have distracted you as much as it was. Hell, Flip’s hands were big. You lost track of their conversation, focusing solely on the feelings his touch was inspiring within you. You only pulled from your thoughts when his hand was gone and he was taking a seat next to you on the bed, heaving one of his great sighs. You always wanted to hug him whenever he made that noise. Like he had the whole damn world on his shoulders.

“How did you get here?”

That surprised you-he hadn’t spoken to Ron? Who else would have been brave enough to tell Flip Zimmerman that you were at the hospital?

“Ron was kind enough to drop me off-I insisted I was fine on my own,” You frowned and met his eyes, “How did you know I was here if you didn’t speak to Ron?”

He jerked a thumb over his shoulder, “I brought in a gunshot victim, few beds over. Saw you when the nurse opened the curtain.”

Okay, so apparently the universe was just as against you as ever.

Now it was your turn to sigh. You glanced away, not wanting him to read your expressions, “I’m really okay, Flip. You don’t need to stick arou-“

“I’ll take you home.”

It was an order, as much as it was a plea; he couldn’t leave you. But the tone he used, that one that left no room for you to argue? You could only smile because you were afraid if you opened your mouth to respond, you’d say something that gave away that it turned you on whenever he used it. Or you’d moan. So you stayed silent.

You could sense him beginning to calm down; now that he knew you were okay, had seen that you received exceptional care, and was now leading you to his work car. He was especially content that he could drive you home, you could see the slightly smug smile on his lips. You were still considering what to say to him when he inevitably inquired again on how you’d managed to burn yourself, and so far your mind was blank.

He didn’t speak until you were both settled in the car. He had pulled out of the lot, the silence heavy. As if he wanted to give you a false sense of security, catch you off guard. But with his eyes on the road, he didn’t seem to notice how tense you were, already waiting for the question.

“You gonna tell me how you managed that?” He nodded at the burn, eyes scanning your face curiously when you made no reply. Damn, you had to say something or he was going to read it in your face and guess the worst.

“Just pouring coffees and spilled, that’s all.” No big deal, Flip, just leave it, for the love of-oh, now his hands were gripping the steering wheel and you could see the disbelief on his face, the surprise that you actually thought you could lie to him. Fuck.

“Okay,” He drew out the word, conveying his downright distrust. And then that damn tone of authority followed, the one he seemed to have reserved just for you. “What really happened?”

This. This was why you needed time to come up with a good excuse-you simply could not think on your feet around this man, and now he was glancing at you from the driver's seat like he just knew you were about to piss him off. Why did you get out of bed this morning?

Your voice came out in a breathy mumble, “Someone walked by me when I was pouring coffees and pinched...well.” You gestured vaguely at your lower body. He got the point.

The fact that he didn’t crash the car didn’t surprise you, you’d seen the way he had control over himself despite the anger many times. It always impressed you. And it made sense, as he was such a skilled detective.

He pumped the brakes as he looked around at you, meeting your eyes with the most searing expression you’d ever seen-okay, you knew he’d be mad, but he looked completely wreaked. You quickly grabbed his arm as he barked out, “What?”

“Flip, do not get so upset, happens more than-“

“Please don’t tell me that more than one person at work has put their hands on you-”

Yeah, you probably didn’t help yourself by saying it like that. But he was so upset it was flustering you. Alright, you’d have to stick with this, “It happens. I shouldn’t have to explain what it’s like being a woman working in a place full of men. Sometimes they forget themselves and-“

Flip threw the car into park, and you groaned internally. He was going to get out of the car, you just knew it. “And they grab your ass? And in this case, make you burn yourself?” He said the word burn as if it caused him physical pain to say aloud.

Before you could respond, he was out of the car, the door of which creaked with displeasure at how forcefully he’d opened it. You waited patiently, knowing he just needed to calm himself a little bit. But now you could feel your emotions bubbling up in the silence of the car, the days' events replaying in your head.

The smarter part of you understood that Flip wasn’t angry with you; though that section of your brain seemed to be down for maintenance. Being friendly, baking, you knew sent the message to some types of men that it was okay to cop a feel. To physically express their gratitude, your personal space be damned. You hated it, but it had been so much worse when you worked at that awful law firm. And really, it had only happened a couple of times since you began working at the CSPD. David Cole was just on another level, but you could handle him.

Flip came around the car and, more gently now, opened your door. You turned in the seat to face him as he crouched on the ground, and blurted out, “Flip, please don’t be mad at me.”

Flip took your uninjured hand into his own and rubbed his thumb across the back, his expression softening entirely. He met your eyes and seemed to steel himself to speak, “Pretty girl, I could never be mad at you,” Fuck, there was that nickname again. So it wasn’t an accident earlier, this was sticking around. You had no complaints, though you were sure he could see that in the way you gazed back at him like a dumb ass. “I’m mad for you-what happened ain’t right. Tell me who did it, each time.”

Absolutely not, you thought immediately. Shaking your head, you quickly replied, “Thanks, but I’d rather not get arrested for aiding a murder,” You squeezed his hand reassuringly and held his gaze, trying to convey just how okay you were, “It means a lot, how protective you are. But I’m alright, okay? I promise.” Relief swept through you when your words seemed to make a difference. First fucking time today, you thought. He visibly relaxed, though his eyes did scan your face for a few more moments.

You wanted to kiss him right there, for being so perfect. How lucky were you to have a man like him in your corner? Of all the dirtbags and assholes you’d encountered, he made up for them by simply existing in your life. For being so protective and caring for you in ways you didn’t even realize you needed. You also secretly loved how you seemed to always be able to calm him down, even if it took some time.

“Let me take you home.” He said after a pause, and you gave him your best smile, hoping he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks.

[supernatural-fangirl1967]

Missing Pieces - Part 15

Pairing: Nurse!Dean x Reader

Warnings: Head Injury, Angst, Talk of Miscarriage, ANGST, Little bit of Fluff

Word Count: 4,751

A/N: This is Part 15 of Missing Pieces. Please let me know what you think!

Series Masterlist

“You alright, honey?” Dean asks you as he places a hand between your shoulders.

“Yeah,” you breathe out as you look over at him.

“We’ve been standing here staring at the porch for five minutes,” Dean tells you.

“Your parents don’t know,” you tell Dean as you look up at him.

“They will now,” Dean smiles.

“This isn’t funny.”

“Well, I don’t know what you want me to say here, sweetheart,” Dean tells you. “Why are you so worried about them finding out that you remember now?”

“I don’t know,” you shrug. “It isn’t exactly them that I’m worried about. It’s going into that house.”

“Why?” Dean asks you, even though he knows why. He knows exactly why there’s a part of you that doesn’t want to go in. He can’t tell you though. You have to remember it on your own.

“I… I don’t know,” you tell Dean as tears well up in your eyes.

“Hey,” Dean says softly as he moves his hand off of your shoulder and he drops that arm down to your waist. “If we go in there and then you decide that whatever you’re feeling is too much, we’ll leave. I promise.”

“Okay,” you breathe out. Dean gives you a soft smile before pressing his lips to your forehead. He leads you up the stairs and into the house where John greets you both by the front door.

“We were wondering how long you both were going to stand out there in the yard,” John says before pulling you into his arms. “Sam told us that you’re feeling better, kid.”

“Seriously?” Dean asks as he looks over to where Sam is sitting on the couch. “I was going to tell them you know.”

“I know that,” Sam smiles as he gets up off of the couch and walks over to the three of you. “I couldn’t keep my mouth shut anymore.”

“I could help with that,” Dean mumbles as Sam pulls you into a tight hug.

“Alright,” John says as he gives Dean a look.

“Why do I still get scolded like I’m a little kid?” Dean asks.

“Probably because you still act like a little kid, babe,” you smile.

“Haha, you’re hilarious,” Dean rolls his eyes at you as he tries to hide his smile.

“That boy been taking care of you?” John asks you.

“Yeah,” you smile at him. “He has.”

John looks over at Dean. “If you’ve been taking care of her then why does she look so tired?”

“Why does everybody always say that?” you ask him.

“Because you always look tired,” Sam teases.

“Someone’s been overdoing it,” Dean says as he looks over at you. “She’s already wound up in the hospital once because she passed out.”

“You’re not supposed to tell on me, Dean,” you laugh.

“Well, you deserve it after you called me a little kid,” Dean teases as he wraps an arm around your waist. He tries to lead you over to the couch, but stops when he realizes that you’re not moving. “What is it, sweetheart?” Dean asks you softly.

“I… I don’t know,” you tell him softly. “I feel wrong. I feel like something’s wrong here but I don’t know what.” You look over at Dean with tears in your eyes. “Do you know?” Dean nods and he gives you a sad look. “But I should remember it on my own, right?” Dean takes a deep breath.

“Son, I don’t think that you should be keeping any more secrets from her,” John says.

“It’s alright,” you say and you look over at him. “It has obviously helped so far so it’s alright if Dean doesn’t want to tell me.”

“It isn’t that I don’t want to tell you,” Dean says softly. “It’s just that…”

“I know. I get it, babe. Seriously, it’s alright,” you tell him truthfully. Dean nods before walking you on over so that you can sit down on the couch. Dean takes the seat beside of you and you lean over against him. He wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to your temple.

“You okay?” Dean asks you softly as he rubs his hand up and down your arm.

“Yeah,” you tell him even as more tears well up in your eyes.

“(Y/N),” Dean whispers.

“I’m going to go see if Mary needs any help,” you tell Dean as you stand up off of the couch. You start walking out of the living room, stopping to wipe your eyes before walking on into the kitchen where Mary’s at.

“(Y/N),” she smiles when she sees you standing there. “Sam told us that you’re feeling better.”

“Yeah,” you tell her. “Not all the way but I guess that I’m getting there.”

Mary turns around a bit to look at you. “How are you actually doing?”

You take a deep breath. “Mostly confused still,” you tell her softly. “Dean keeps telling me that I’m overdoing it with trying to remember things but I don’t know what else I’m supposed to do.”

“You’ve got to be patient,” she tells you. “With yourself and Dean both. I know how he is with you and I’ve got to say that it makes me proud to see my son treating his wife how he does, but I also know that it’s a little frustrating on your part.”

“I know he means well,” you smile softly. “And don’t get me wrong. I’m not complaining. I love that he treats me so well. I only wish that he could understand that I’m trying to play catch up here. Not only am I still trying to remember things, but I’m also trying to let the stuff that is falling into place for me sink in. I’m learning things that I wish I didn’t know and I… I’m not meaning to push myself too much but I’m trying to catch up.”

“I do understand that, sweetheart.”

You jump when you hear Dean’s voice. You turn around to face him as you drop your head a bit. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize,” Dean laughs softly as he walks over to you. “I had to make sure that you’re okay.”

“I am,” you tell him as he wraps an arm around your waist.

“You looked pretty upset while ago,” Dean says softly as he gently presses his lips to your temple.

You take a deep breath. “I feel like something happened here that I was trying so hard to forget, but now I’ve got to remember it and my mind is trying to keep me from going there for some reason.” You stop talking when you see the look that Dean and Mary are giving each other. “You know?” you ask and you look over at Dean. “Don’t you?”

“Dean sighs. “(Y/N)…”

“Please tell me what happened,” you beg him.

“Tell you what,” Dean says. “Give it a while. If you don’t remember when we leave here then I’ll tell you.”

“Okay,” you sigh.

“I know that you don’t like it, sweetheart…”

“It isn’t that I think that you’re not doing right by not telling me,” you tell Dean truthfully. “But I hate feeling like this knowing that something’s wrong but then not being able to remember why.”

“I know,” Dean tells you before looking over at Mary. “Sweetheart, why don’t you go sit down and I’ll see if Mom needs any help.”

“Dean, I was going to…”

“Go sit down, please,” Dean pouts at you.

“You’re ridiculous,” you laugh as you playfully roll your eyes a bit at Dean. He lets go of you and you turn to walk on into the living room

“Why don’t you tell her?” Mary asks once you’re no longer in the room.

Dean takes a deep breath. “Because I don’t think that I can handle it, Mom.”

“Dean, you’ve got to remember that it isn’t only about you.”

“I know,” Dean sighs. “But if I feel this bad then I can only imagine how she’s going to feel.”

“Well, she already knows a little bit about it doesn’t she?”

“Yeah,” Dean swallows hard. “She still can’t remember though and if I tell her why she feels so bad being here, she’s going to remember and it is going to tear her apart.”

“Dean, from what you’ve told us she already remembers the pain,” Mary says. “How is her actually knowing what happened going to make it worse on her?”

Dean takes a deep breath as tears well up in his eyes. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this, Mom.”

“That’s ridiculous,” she tells him. “Dean, I know how much you love her. That’s enough. It might be difficult on you both but you’ll pull through for (Y/N).”

Dean nods his head a bit as he looks down at the floor. “I hope that you’re right, Mom, because if I can’t handle this then I don’t know how she’s going to.”

Dean doesn’t take his eyes off of you throughout dinner. He keeps his hand on your knee and he gently rubs circles into your skin with his thumb.

“You alright?” Dean asks you softly when he looks over to see that you’re staring down at your plate.

“Yeah,” you say and you turn your head a bit to look over at him. “I’m alright, Dean. I’m not hungry is all.”

“Well, you’ve not eaten much,” Dean tells you as he gives you a look. You shrug your shoulders a bit at him.

“I’ll be okay,” you tell him softly.

“You’ve gotta eat something, honey,” Dean tells you as his green eyes brim with concern.

“I will when I’m hungry,” you say and you push your plate away from you. Dean takes a deep breath and he nods his head a bit at you.

“Alright,” he breathes out but you know that he isn’t satisfied. You swallow hard before looking across the table to see Sam giving you a sympathetic look.

“What?” you ask him.

“Nothing,” Sam tells you softly as he drops his gaze down to the table.

“Why are you all acting so weird?” you ask and you look around the table. “What aren’t you telling me?”

“(Y/N),” Dean says as he reaches over to gently grip onto your shoulder. You turn your head to look over at Dean and he nods his head towards the front door. “Let’s go talk.” You nod and stand up out of your seat, letting Dean reach out to take your hand in his so that he can pull you over towards the front door. He leads you out onto the porch and he turns to face you. “Sweetheart…”

“This is where it happened,” you say and Dean’s expression falls into a frown. “Am I right?”

“Yeah,” he chokes out. “You’re right, honey.”

“That’s why you’ve been acting weird all night,” you breathe out. “You’ve been afraid that I’d remember it and then get upset.”

“You’re going to get upset no matter when you remember it, but I didn’t want that to happen tonight because I wanted you to have a nice dinner with everybody,” Dean tells you.

“Dean, you could have just told me instead of acting all weird,” you tell him. “You’ve been walking on eggshells around me ever since we got here. I know that you want me to remember on my own, Dean…”

“Sweetheart, it’s more than that,” he chokes out. “I didn’t think that there was any way that you could walk through that front door and not get hit by the memory. I thought that we could get it over with, but that didn’t happen. And now it’s like I’m hoping that it doesn’t happen because I don’t want you to have to relive it. I wish more than anything that I could protect you from this.”

“You can’t Dean,” you tell him softly as you reach up to take his face between both of your hands. “You can’t protect me, baby. Not from this.” Dean lets his eyes slide shut as he leans into your touch.

“You know that I would if I could,” Dean tells you softly.

“I know you would,” you tell him truthfully. “And I love you because of that. But I have to remember, Dean, no matter how awful. And I need you to help me with that.” Dean’s eyes pop open. “No matter how much it hurts you.”

“Of course I’m going to help you, sweetheart,” Dean croaks out. “That’s my main job as your husband. But this is going to absolutely destroy you. To feel all that pain.”

“I’ve already been remembering that feeling a little bit, Dean,” you tell him. “In the hospital with that baby and seeing all of those sick kids. That’s why I got so upset over it. It’s because I was remembering the pain of losing a child but I just didn’t know it at the time.”

“Yeah,” Dean breathes out as he nods his head a bit at you. “Your parents got a little upset at me over that one for the same reason. They said that I should have known that it would upset you.”

“It also helped me,” you tell him truthfully.

“You locked yourself up in your room for days after that because the pain got to be too much for you and I can’t let that happen anymore,” Dean tells you as tears well up in his eyes. “I love you so much and I couldn’t handle it if I also lost you. I almost did in that wreck but I…”

“Honey, I’m not going to emotionally check out on you if that’s what you’re worried about,” you tell him. “Maybe a few days but then you’ll help me to get on my feet. You won’t let me go into some shell and shut everything out. I know that you won’t let that happen to me, Dean.” He swallows hard and takes a deep breath.

“You want to know?”

“Yeah,” you choke out and you nod your head a bit at him. Dean pulls away enough to take both of your hands in his. He leads you over to the stairs and you sit down side by side on the first stair. Dean reaches over to set a hand onto your knee, his free arm going around your waist and pulling you in towards him. He stares out at the grass before softly speaking, and he can’t bring himself to look over at you as he pushes the words off of his tongue.

“We had only known about the baby for a couple of weeks,” Dean tells you. “Nobody else besides me and you had known yet. We decided that we’d tell my parents and Sam and then call your parents when we got home from dinner. I could tell that you hadn’t been feeling well all day but we kept passing it off as part of the pregnancy. You said you were fine and I tried so hard not to worry anymore about you than I already do anyways. Then you wouldn’t eat at dinner and told me that you felt a little sick. You were trying to hide it so that nobody would get suspicious because we hadn’t said anything yet.” Dean takes a deep breath as he tires to wipe some of his tears away with his hand. “You excused yourself from the table and said that you were going to go outside to get some fresh air. When you stood up I looked over and there… There was blood in the seat and I knew. You looked down and you let out the most heart-wrenching scream before you crumpled right there on the kitchen floor.” Dean hides his face in his hands and you can hear him trying to hold in the sobs.

You reach over to lay a hand between Dean’s shoulders before leaning your head over against him. “I wish that I could remember it,” you tell him softly.

“No, you don’t,” Dean sniffs as he looks over at you with red-rimmed eyes.

“Yeah I do,” you tell him truthfully. “Because then you wouldn’t have to go through this alone.”

Dean reaches out to cup your cheek with his hand. “I’d rather go through it alone then to drag you into it with me.”

“You didn’t drag me into any of this, Dean,” you tell him softly. “Baby, it is not your fault that I miscarried our child.”

Dean gives you a look. “But you’re talking like it was your fault.”

You shrug your shoulders a bit at him. “Well, it was, wasn’t it?”

“Of course not,” Dean tells you as more tears well up in his eyes. “I never blamed you and you shouldn’t blame yourself either, sweetheart. There was absolutely nothing that either of us could have done.” He wraps an arm around your shoulders and presses a kiss to your temple. “Do you remember it?”

You take a deep breath. “I remember the feeling,” you tell Dean softly. “I remember feeling scared and I remember the pain. The feeling that I failed you and you might hate me.”

“I could never hate you,” Dean tells you softly as he brushes his fingers up against your cheek. You finally let a few tears fall and Dean tries to wipe them away. “You didn’t fail me either. I never want you to feel that way, sweetheart. Not only in this situation. You could never fail me.” Dean presses his lips to your forehead and you let out a sob. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Dean,” you tell him softly as you let your eyes slide shut.

“I didn’t mean to upset you while ago but you have to understand that I didn’t know how to approach this,” Dean whispers, his lips softly brushing over your skin as he talks.

“I know,” you choke out. “I’m sorry that you’re having to be put through all of this all over because of me.”

“That’s not your fault either,” Dean tells you as he pulls away enough to look you in the eyes. “(Y/N), I don’t want you to ever think that you’re some kind of challenge or something for me. You’re my wife. Everything that I’ve ever done and still do for you it’s all because I love you. There is nothing that is going to make me feel any differently towards you. I don’t want you to worry because I am going to take care of you. I promise.”

“I know you will, Dean,” you sniff.

“Even if you hadn’t remembered that you’re married to me, I wasn’t going to walk away from you.”

“What if I decided that I didn’t want to be with you so I went and found someone else?” you tease him.

Dean scoffs. “You kidding me? Tell me where you’re going to find another guy that treats you half as good as I do.” You laugh and a big smile spreads across Dean’s face.

“I could have fallen in love with Sam.”

“He would be a dead man walking right now if that did happen.” You laugh and Dean reaches over to try and dry your tears a bit. “Want to go in?”

“Yeah,” you say and you nod your head a bit at Dean. “I think that I’m going to be okay but if there’s something that you need to tell me, no matter how much it’s going to hurt me, go ahead and tell me. Dean, I know that you want me to remember things on my own but you and I both know that this is something that my mind is going to want to suppress.”

“I know,” Dean sighs. “But I’m going to be right here with you.” Dean takes your hand and gives it a soft squeeze before standing up. He gently pulls you up with him, wrapping his arms tightly around your waist once you’re standing. “You have no clue how happy I am that I no longer have to go along pretending that you’re not my wife, but I wish that that could be it. I wish that I could pretend that we didn’t have this huge loss in our lives and that it would go away, but we can’t.”

“I know that,” you tell him softly. “But I also know that we’re both going to be okay, right? As long as we have each other?”

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Dean breathes out as he tightens his arms around you. “We’re going to be okay. Me and you are going to be okay.”

You cling tightly onto Dean and hope that he is telling the truth. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Dean and you get home from John and Mary’s, Dean can’t keep his eyes off of you. So far what he told you hasn’t helped you at all, but it’s not made it worse on you either so he’ll take the small win.

“Sweetheart, you okay?” Dean asks you softly as you both walk through the front door.

“Mhm,” you hum and look up at Dean. He brings a hand up to cup your cheek, his thumb softly rubbing over your skin as he looks you in the eyes.

“Why don’t you go get dressed for bed and you and me will curl up on the couch with a movie, okay?” Dean asks you.

“Okay,” you smile softly before walking off to the bedroom. Dean takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair. He knows that he can’t protect you from what happened, but gosh is it killing him knowing the heartache that you’re going to have to experience. He walks into the bedroom and he smiles widely when he sees you standing there wearing one of his t-shirts.

“That one’s always been one of your favorites,” Dean tells you. He frowns when he sees that you’re holding the one and only sonogram that you have.

“Sweetheart?” Dean says softly as he walks over to you. A tear falls down your cheek but Dean stops it with a swipe of his thumb. He wraps his arms around you from behind and he leans his chin on top of your head. “I’m sorry. I thought that I had put all of the baby’s things away.”

“I can’t remember,” you choke out and you let Dean practically hold you up. “I should be able to remember a little bit.”

“It’s alright, honey.”

“No, it isn’t,” you tell Dean softly as you turn around in his arms to face him. “This picture right here is of our kid and I should be able to remember something about them.”

“Please stop beating yourself up about it,” Dean tells you softly as he tightens his arms around your waist. “It isn’t your fault. None of it is. Losing the baby. Not being able to remember. Sweetheart, that’s not on you.”

“I’m sorry,” you tell Dean as you lay the picture down onto the dresser. “I opened up your drawer to get a shirt out. That fell out onto the floor and I couldn’t help but to look at it.”

“It’s alright,” Dean whispers softly. “Honey, you’ve got nothing to apologize for here.” You take a deep breath as Dean slowly lets go of you. “Go get comfortable on the couch and I will be in there in a minute, okay?”

“Okay,” you sniff. Dean leans in to give you a soft kiss before you walk out of the room. You do as Dean suggested and you sit on the couch. You’re almost asleep by the time Dean walks in wearing only a pair of sweatpants that are hanging low on his hips. He sits down beside of you on the couch and brings a leg up to stretch it out behind you. He smiles at you before opening up his arms so you take that as your cue to crawl over onto his lap and stretch your legs out beside of his. Dean wraps an arm tightly around you as he reaches his free hand over to grab the remote.

“You feeling okay, sweetheart?” Dean asks you softly.

“Yeah,” you breathe out and you let your eyes slide shut. “Tired is all. Feeling a little bit drained I guess.”

Dean presses a kiss to your head as he settles on a movie. He sets the remote down onto the coffee table before grabbing the blanket that’s draped over the couch and wrapping it around the both of you. “I love you,” Dean whispers to you as he tightens both of his arms around your body.

“I love you too,” you tell him as you turn your head a bit to look up at him. Dean gives you a soft smile before leaning his head down to kiss your lips.

“I can tell that that pretty little head of yours is thinking too hard,” Dean tells you as he leans his forehead against yours and he looks you in the eyes.

“And I can tell that you’re worrying too much about me,” you tell him.

“I can’t help it, baby,” Dean says as he rubs a hand up and down your arm. You let all of your muscles relax a bit under Dean’s touch as you turn your head to look over at the T.V. “Comfortable, sweetheart?” he asks you. You nod and you wrap your arms around Dean as well as you’re able to with the way you both are sitting. “Need a pillow?”

“No. I like being able to hear your heartbeat,” you tell him. Dean chuckles as he rubs tiny circles into your elbow with his thumb. You both realize that neither of you are too interested in the movie. You only wanted to be curled up in each other’s arms. “Is it okay if we sleep here?” you mumble.

“Yeah,” Dean smiles as he tucks your head underneath his chin.

“Good,” you breathe out as your eyes slide shut. Dean checks to see that you look comfortable before he drifts off to sleep himself.

Dean’s eyes pop open a few hours later when he feels you move.

“Sorry,” you whisper as you stand up off of the couch.

“Sweetheart?” Dean says as he sits up a bit. “Everything okay?”

“I’m fine, Dean,” you tell him as you lean over to kiss his lips. “I woke up and I can’t sleep anymore right now so I thought that I’d go take a shower.”

“Hey,” Dean says as he reaches out to gently grab onto your hand. “You sure you’re alright?”

You give Dean a soft smile as you reach out to run a hand through his hair where it’s sticking up from sleep. “I’m alright, honey. You go on to sleep.”

Dean frowns as you walk over to the bedroom and shut the door behind you. He knows that you need some space, but he can’t help it if his first instinct is to go after you. Dean tries to doze off once more but he can’t shut his mind off. When Dean hears you crying, he decides that he can’t sit there any longer so her gets up off of the couch and walks towards the bedroom. Your cries get louder and Dean’s heart breaks when he opens up the bathroom door to hear your sobs echoing throughout the room.

“(Y/N)!” Dean hollers when he sees you on the shower floor sitting underneath the stream of water. He flings open the shower door and kneels down to take you into his arms. He doesn’t care that he’s getting soaked. All Dean cares about is making sure that you’re taken care of. “Baby,” Dean chokes out as he wraps both of his arms tightly around your body.

“I remember!” you sob and turn your head to hide your face in Dean’s shoulder. “I remember all of it, Dean, and it hurts! It really, really hurts!”

“I know,” Dean whispers as he presses a kiss to your temple, tears welling up in his eyes too. “I know, sweetheart.” Dean reaches over to turn the water off then he just sits there and holds tightly onto you. Dean’s tears hit the top of your head and yet you couldn’t care less. You’re both grieving and you’re glad that you both have each other to lean on.

“Don’t let go of me,” you beg and cling tighter onto Dean.

Dean sniffs and he has to swallow hard to be able to talk. “Wouldn’t dream of it, babygirl.”

Tags: @adoptdontshoppets @imaginationisgrowth @deanwanddamons @squirrelnotsam @hobby27 @cookiechipdough @campingmonkey @akshi8278 @muchamusedaboutnothing @vicmc624 @nothinbuttrouble2 @idksupernatural @flamencodiva @ladyofmaidensandwine @sunflowers-n-rocknroll @prettysourabbie @chaldei @mlovesstories @torn-and-frayed @my-proof-is-you @that-one-gay-girl @myopiamystical @starryeyeseunbyul @halesandy @busy-bee-angel-misska @lokismistressofmayhem @samsgirl93 @deanwinchesterswitch @mila-dans @supernatural-bellawinchester @starchildwild @compresshischest09 @coffeebooksandfandom @amandatar-06 @coldmuffinbanditshoe @deans-baby-momma @death-unbecomes-you​ @defenderrosetyler​

[rainbowvamp]

A Series of Confessions

5k. Albion Party “The Blessed Ones” The Princess Bride AU on AO3

Warnings for mentions of trauma. Last Gwen&Merlin Chapter before we focus on Lancelot and Morgana again.

---

A servant comes down while Gwen and Merlin are eating dinner and tells them that the King wishes to see them. Merlin tells Gwen to stay as he takes the audience with the king and comes back with a look on his face that makes Gwen worry her bottom lip.  

“What’s wrong?” She asked, and Merlin shook his head.

“I’m afraid we’ve been offered a position it will be hard to refuse.” He looks ups and bites the inside of his cheek, eyes hard and fist clenching at his side. Merlin doesn’t anger easily and Gwen is immediately worried, standing and taking his hand in hers, wordlessly begging him to confide in her.

“The messenger, that knight. Did he ever mention that the prize for healing Morgana was serving as court physician?” 

Gwen’s eyes widened and she tightened her grip on Merlin’s hand. “No. He never said any such thing.” 

“No. I didn’t think he had.” 

Gwen swallows hard. “Is it too late to run away?” She asked with a short, nervous laugh. Merlin unclenched his fist and turned his hand to take hers, smoothing his thumb gently over the back of it.

“If you want to, we can. I just don’t know how far we’ll get. The king was very insistent. I tried to refuse and he… well, it didn’t sound like he was going to take no for an answer.” 

“We have a whole life, a village that depends on us.” She said, but he shook his head.

“He promised the current physician would be sent to see to them. He’s also very pleased that you’re a midwife.” Merlin frowned, but he squeezed her hand when he felt it tense. “I’ve told him you’re very shy, but that I would pass along the compliment.” 

She laughed. “You’ve made me look helpless.” 

Merlin smiled wanly. “I was more worried about keeping you away from Uther than I was saving your face.”

She sighed, squeezed his hand back so he’d release it. “Thank you.” 

“Of course.” 

Merlin eats his supper while Gwen reads a book she’d brought with them. She was learning to mix herbs herself, and the book was proving more useful than Merlin, whose teachings were sporadic and often included lengthy tangents that were hard to follow. She’d already managed to impress him a few times with her recommendations.

“Elyan will hate this.” She says offhandedly when she’s finished the section on rosemary.

“I was thinking we shouldn’t tell him.” Merlin said with a slight shrug and Gwen made to protest, but found that she rather agreed with him. 

“He’s due to visit soon.”

“And we have to go back and get our things eventually.” 

She hated that his suggestion was actually very sensible. Damn it all. 

“I suppose we do.” 

—

The crown prince comes in and Gwen’s worst fears come true. She stays to the side while Arthur confronts Merlin, but it doesn’t go as badly as it could. In the end the prince says thank you, but Gwen still worries.

“Do you think he suspects?” She asked, but Merlin just shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter. He didn’t make accusations, and that’s good enough.” 

—

Gwen finds she doesn’t hate being the court physicians assistance as much as she thought she might. Uther is never sick, so she never has to see him. While Merlin is often called away to tend nobility, visiting or local, Gwen is often left to attend the servants and to see to people in the lower town. Sometimes she has to call for Merlin, but often she is able to help without him. It’s not much different from working in the village, only she has less time to study because she has significantly more patients, and she isn’t by Merlin’s side quite so much. She finds it rather lonely. 

One night when they’re having supper, Merlin addresses their separation.

“I didn’t realize how much I’d grown to depend on you.” Merlin said and Gwen titled her head in silent question. “I’ve let myself get sloppy. Took me nearly ten minutes to find what I needed in my bag this morning.” 

“You’re a mess.” Gwen confirmed. “You were actually always a mess, but whatever terrible system you had in place, I made better. Now you’re out of practice.” She smiled teasingly at him and he rolled his eyes.

“Can never resist the urge to take me down a peg, can you?” He laughed, goodnatured. 

“You’d get a big head otherwise. What would the court do if their physician floated away from an inflated ego?” She took a sip of her drink and he threw his napkin at her. It barely brushed her elbow, but they were both grinning, so no harm was done. 

“I want you to come with me on my rounds tomorrow. There’s no need for us to be separated.” 

“Hmm, no good. I’m seeing an expectant mother tomorrow for her mid pregnancy check. She’s been complaining about backpain and a few other aches.” 

Merlin laughed. “Let me go with you then. Show me what you’ve learned.” 

Gwen just shrugs and the next day they start to make rounds together, unless Merlin was attending a nobleman. 

—

They’d been staying in Camelot for a year when Gwen had to see her first noble patient. Merlin had tried to get her out of it, but when it came down to it, he’d needed the help. There were 8 injured knights come back from a failed scouting mission, attacked by a band of what they claimed had to be fifty men. With only two casualties to speak of, Gwen was surprised they hadn’t been hurt worse. 

Gwen tries to focus on making her hands move, and pulling the right potions and herbs and making poltices. She tries to not think about all the Camelot red and blood that reminds her too much of being 15 and helpless. She tries to keep her hands gentle even when they are shaking.

“I assume you’re not used to such gruesome scenes.” The knight she is tending tells her as she wraps a wound on his arm. It has already been stitched shut by Merlin, but he left the herbs and the poltuce making to her. 

“I can’t say I am.” She says quietly, trying to focus on her work and not on him. 

Was this one of the knights who stood by and watched her father be slain?

“I’m sorry you’re being tested this way. But if it’s any consolation, you’re doing as well as any battle field nurse I’ve ever known.” 

“Thank you.” She says, because she can’t rebuff a compliment from a nobleman, no matter how much her hands are shaking. 

“It’s Sir Leon.” He tells her, and she looks up at him again, for the first time since she’d started working on him.

“Oh, the messenger.” She says, recognizing his blue eyes and curling hair from that strange bow her first day in Camelot.

“I’m usually much more than that, but yes.” He smiled at her, and she went back to tending his wounds. 

—

In the nearly three years she spends in Camelot, Gwen is content. No new friends made, but no fewer friends than she’d had after leaving her own village. She finds it easy to disappear into shadows when she isn’t working, and that’s probably why when Prince Arthur storms into the physician’s quarters, he doesn’t pay her any mind.

“What did you give Morgana?” He asks through gritted teeth, already seething and angry. Gwen tries to find something to occupy herself, turning her back to the prince to try and hide her own anxiety at the question. 

Merlin has no need to hide though.

“What is this about? I haven’t seen the Lady Morgana in years.” Merlin doesn’t even look up from the book he’s studying to say this, as Gwen can so clearly see out of the corner of her eye. She’s never understood how Merlin can be so brazen to nobles. 

“When you first came here, you gave her something. It made her better, but it also made her forget her fiancé, didn’t it? Or, she forgot that she loved him, or that she was hurting, or something!” Gwen flinches when Arthur raises his voice, hiding her face behind her hair, loosened after too long spent tied up had left her with a throbbing headache. It was actually rather improper that her hair be loose in front of him, but she hadn’t exactly had time to fix it or even put a cap on. 

Merlin puts his book down. Gwen can hear the spine being placed on the table, and she dares not look at the exchange unfolding. “I gave a sick girl medicine and I helped her get better, My Lord. That’s my job.”

“How is it better to forget your love?!” 

Gwen finds herself asking the same question. 

Of course, Merlin has an answer. He always has an answer. 

“She was dying for him, Arthur. Doesn’t your friend deserve a chance to live her life, free of pain?” Something about the way that Merlin says it, the tension in his voice like he’s holding something dangerous back, makes Gwen look back at them. She can only see the back of Merlin’s head, but something about the set of his shoulders worries her. It’s too tight. Merlin is never tense. She finds herself moving closer to them to try and get a better look at Merlin’s face. 

“Life is full of pain. You can’t simply get rid of it. What sort of heartless bastard are you?” Arthur gnashes his teeth and Gwen sees the flash of gold in Merlin’s eyes that means he’s suppressing his magic. She moves forward, quickly, determinedly, when Merlin stands up like he means to confront the prince. 

Now is not the time to be brave. Because they are in the wrong and the prince seems to know it. 

Gwen makes up an appointment. She’s a terrible liar, but she acts like she’s sure, like they had just come back to the room for supplies so they could see to an earlier than expected birth, and the Prince seems to believe it, because he lets them go, Gwen barely having time to take a cap from the table while Merlin grabbed the wrong bag for delivering babies. 

Gwen quickly braids her hair and tucks it away. It’s a terrible job and she’ll have to detangle it more than unbraid it, but it can’t be helped. They go to the stables to retrieve their horses, and Gwen doesn’t dare speak until they’re outside the castle gate and on the quiet streets of town.

“Is that true?” Is what she finally asks when they’re away from anyone who might here them, drowned out by the sounds of the night. 

“What?” Merlin asks, but she can tell by the way he holds his shoulder’s tight that he knows exactly what she’s asking.

“Did you make her forget her fiancé? Is that why she’s so much better.” 

“Guinevere, I don’t want to talk about this.” 

“Don’t use my full name with me. I gave her that potion myself, trusting that you knew what you were doing. I have a right to know.” Gwen felt her own hackles rising, disturbed by Merlin’s reluctance to answer. She feared the worst. 

Merlin runs his tongue over his teeth, keeping his eyes straight ahead as they continue to ride. “It is safer for you if you don’t know.” 

“I don’t care. I deserve to know what I’ve done to that poor girl.” 

“What I’ve done. You did nothing but give her the potion. I choose it. You don’t have any culpability here.” 

“Yes, I do. I could’ve asked. Should’ve asked. I’d never seen you use it before, and I didn’t know what it did. I administer it to her myself, and I should’ve known what it did first. That’s on me.” Gwen stops her horse, forces Merlin to stop and look at her, not to focus on the road ahead. “Tell me, Merlin.” 

“She didn’t forget her fiancé.” He finally said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. His eyes were closed in the dark, and his skin looked paler than normal. Maybe it was just the moonlight. Maybe not. “I couldn’t have done something like that without a spell. It’s- The potion is harmless. I’ve used it before with no ill effects.” 

“Then what does it do? Explain it to me, Merlin, because I’m starting to feel like an accomplice to a terrible deed and I need to understand.”

“It… it’s like a painkiller for the heart. When I give someone a draught for pain the pain doesn’t go away, it just becomes more distant, harder to feel. The potion I gave her made it impossible for her to feel hopeless and sad because of the loss of her fiancé and parents. She still loves them, still misses them, but the pain has been numbed.”

“And what gave you the right to do that to her?” She couldn’t believe this. Couldn’t believe what Merlin had done. 

“She was dying, Gwen!” Merlin is very rarely curt with her, but his outburst makes her sit back in her saddle, her horse trotting in place uneasily, held still only by Gwen’s firm hand on the reins. “She was dying, and I’m not sorry. I knew what the potion would do. I knew it would save her life, and the cost was just her pain. How is that wrong?”

“You didn’t ask her, didn’t even tell her. What must she think of herself, for just completely forgetting to mourn her family?” 

Merlin shook his head. “You don’t understand. You’ve never been in love, never felt the loss of it. It’s devastating, Gwen, and I did what I did to save her life.”

“Don’t I? What, because I’ve never loved someone and lost them? Why am I here, Merlin? Why do I travel with you? I watched my father die, murdered in cold blood. But of course, I can’t understand how devastating it is to lose someone you love.” Gwen clicked her tongue and turned her horse, heading back to the castle. She couldn’t even look at Merlin, she was so hurt. She swallowed back the pain of it, willing her eyes to stay dry. 

“I didn’t mean-“ behind her Gwen heard Merlin’s own horse turn around to follow her, and she urged her horse to speed up, just a little. She wasn’t going to run through the streets of Camelot in the middle of the night, but she was not above keeping a faster pace to stay ahead of Merlin. “Damn it all.” She hears Merlin mutter to himself, forcing his horse into a brief gallop to catch up with her. “Guinevere, that isn’t what I meant. Of course it’s not. It’s just- It’s very complicated.”

“Then uncomplicated it. Give me the beginners version, do something, Merlin, because insulting me is far from what I was expecting from you tonight.” Gwen didn’t look at him, keeping her gaze steady ahead of her. 

He sighed, “Fine. When we get back. I’ll explain.” 

“Good.” 

They stable the horses, and Gwen leaves a lie with the stable hand that it had been a false alarm. No baby, just false contractions. If Arthur happens to enquire about why they’re back so early, that should suit him. 

In their rooms, Merlin collapses onto the bench of their work/kitchen table immediately, head in his hands and palms rubbing at his eyes. Gwen puts away their supplies and waits for her answer. 

“You’re not going to like this.” He tells her, and her lips thin.

“I already don’t like it. I would like to understand.” 

Merlin laid his head down on the workbench, forehead against his folded arms, and said something that Gwen didn’t quite catch, speech muffled by the cage of his arms and the table.

“Come again?” She asked, taking her hair out of her cap and inspecting the damage.

Merlin lifts his head, resting his chin where his forehead had been, eyes closed like he was exhausted by the effort of speaking. “I said, I used it on myself.” 

This gives Gwen pause from trying to detangle her curls with her fingers. “The potion you gave Morgana?”

“Yes.” His eyes stay closed for a few seconds, and then when he finally looks up at her, his expression is almost blank. “I know it’s safe, and I know what it takes and doesn’t take, because I’ve used it on myself.” 

Gwen leaves her hair, tangled and forgotten to take a seat across from Merlin, her good friend of many years now. She feels like she should take his hand, or give some sort of reassurance, but his body is so tightly wound she’s afraid he’ll react badly to any attempt at comfort. “How long ago?”

“Long before we met. Before I met Elyan, even. I know it works, and it makes life manageable, bearable. The only way out of that sort of loss is through it, you know that. But you can’t make it through it if you’re dead.” 

Merlin’s bright blue eyes are wet, but not yet crying. They shine with the pleas of a man who just needs to be told that someone understands. And Gwen does understand, but that doesn’t mean she thinks it’s right.

“She didn’t know what the potion would do. I don’t think it was right to give it to her without at least telling her what the effects would be.”

“There’s not way to explain the effects without including magic. It’s a matter of our safety that I didn’t. Nothing else would’ve worked, Gwen. I did what I had to do.”

Gwen swallowed, but held her ground. “How can you know that? You didn’t try anything else.”

“Not on her.” He muttered, darkly, and Gwen can feel an answering darkness forming inside of her. 

Who had he lost? What had he tried? What had driven Merlin to such desperations? 

“Who?” She asked, and he laughed, but it was bitter, cold. Not toward her, she didn’t think, but it was hard to tell. He was so rarely like this, and his intentions were hard to read. 

“It doesn’t matter anymore. He’s been dead for a very long time. It’s been ages since I thought of him.” 

“That’s terrible.” Gwen whispered, thinking about her own father, her mother, who she still thought of nearly every day, who she remembered fondly, if painfully, even in her darkest moments. “It must be hard to forget.”

“I didn’t forget him.” He repeats himself, and Gwen wonders if he’s saying that for her benefit or his own. “I just disconnected myself from the pain of remembering him.”

Gwen hears “him” over and over, and wonders if she wasn’t so far off when she asked if Merlin preferred the company of men. But he didn’t offer the information, and she wouldn’t pry. 

“Is the potion why you said you couldn’t love?” 

Merlin closes his eyes, inhales slowly before looking at her again. “Yes. It’s not why I don’t love you, but it is why I can’t love.”

“So you’ve taken any ability Morgana might have had to love again as well.”

Merlin shook his head, another dark, sad huff of laughter passing through his lips. “She would never have loved again. Not like that.” 

“How can you know-“

“I’m tired.” Merlin stands up and brings the conversation to a sudden halt. “I’m going to bed. I don’t feel like answering any more questions.” 

Gwen is left at the table, mouth open and head swimming with questions. She is all at once angry at Merlin, and sorry for him, and aching, painfully aching, for him.

She wipes at her eyes, even though no tears have fallen, but finally gets up and gets ready for bed. She sleeps in the back room that they’re meant to share, but have found better for their sanity that they don’t. She hears Merlin putting his cot out, but the clanking and clattering is far louder than it usually is. 

 It’s a long night, filled with anxiety and fear. She wonders if she should tell the Lady Morgana, if it would betray Merlin’s confidence if she did. She dismisses the thought rather quickly, since Merlin was right and Magic would be the most likely culprit for what had been done to her. She was angry with Merlin, and thought what he did was wrong, but she didn’t want to see him strung up and made an example of. She didn’t want to see him burned or beheaded. 

So, late in the night, despite her fears, she decided that she would keep her mouth shut, and simply say nothing.

Time goes by and Gwen becomes more skilled. She and Merlin go back to separating their duties, Merlin staying on call in the castle while Gwen attended to the inhabitants of the lower town. 

They don’t see much of each other outside of the mornings and the evenings. Even the castle staff takes notice and a few of the maids ask her if things are alright with her husband. She smiles, nods, gives as little of an answer as she can manage, but never dares confide in any of them. [ 8/15/21, 4:39 PM Leon notices this, and hears whispers that the physician and his wife have had a falling out. He knows her name from the servants, Guinevere, and it is like a prayer to him. He loves her so dearly. The other knights rib him for being so obviously infatuated with a married woman, but Leon is stuck. She’s beautiful, and kind and he hears nothing but good things from the people in the lower town who she sees to. She’s a competent healer and Leon is smitten. He’s sorry that she’s fallen out with her husband, but he wonders if maybe it means there’s a chance. 

Of course there isn’t as soon as he gets up the courage to ask her a simple question he notices that she and Merlin are on the ups again, and he loses his nerve. ]

With time the gossip dies, moving on to the next interesting thing, and Gwen’s life calms down. She and Merlin return to some semblance of normal, but she and Merlin maintain their separate rounds. 

This peace doesn’t last long before she comes home from a round in the lower town and finds Merlin packing. 

“Where are you going?” She asked, setting her bag down and examining the chaos of their rooms. 

“I’ve been fired.” Merlin said while shoving clothes into a travel bag that had been put away since they’re first moved their things to Camelot.

“What? Why?” Gwen goes to Merlin, trying to catch his eyes, and she gasps when she sees the bruise forming on his cheek. “Oh, Merlin,” She reaches out to touch his cheek just beside the bruise, but he pulls his head away, snapping at her, “Don’t.” 

“Let me put some salve on it, at least. Who did this to you?” She went back to her bag to get the salve, despite his protests.

“His royal pratness, the crown prince, takes issue with my medicine. He came here and demanded that I reverse Morgana’s mind sickness, make her ill again.” He scoffed. “He doesn’t understand. None of you do. I can’t- I can’t even describe the difference in my demeanor before and after I took that potion, Gwen. The only thing I could think about before was how much I missed him and how much I wanted to join him in the afterlife.” Merlin swallows hard, like it might hurt him to remember, but he blinks and the pain is gone again. “I did what was best for her, and I don’t regret it, no matter how many people frown at my methods.” 

Gwen has fought this battle with him too many times. She just sighed and went to her room to start packing her things. 

It takes him a few minutes to realize that’s what she’s doing, apparently, because when he calls to her, he sounds surprised. “What are you doing?”

This, to Gwen, seems like a silly question. “I’m packing. You said we were fired.”

“I said I was fired. He never even mentioned you. You could stay if you wanted.” 

Gwen popped her head around the door to look at him with raised eyebrows and an apprehensive smile. “And what part of working for the man who murdered my father do you think is most appealing to me, exactly? The fact that he doesn’t know my name, or the fact that he still carries my father’s stolen sword around like a trophy?” She keeps her tone light, but she really can’t believe he even suggested that she might want to stay. “Don’t pack your medicine, I’ll do it. You always do a bad job.”

“I do not!” He protested, but she could hear the smile in his voice even after she moved away from the door. 

Back home it was. 

—

The ride is actually very peaceful. Some things will be sent after them[ Leon offers to be on the one to go with their things, only to find Gwen is out on rounds when he arrives. ], but they’re gone by the next morning. A weight Gwen hadn’t realized had been pressing down on her suddenly felt relieved, and she sat a little taller on her horse when they exited the castle gates for the last time. 

“We’ll never come back here.” He promised her, and she grinned.

“Good. I hate the king.” 

“With good reason.” Merlin’s bruise had only gotten worse, and she was fairly certain he hadn’t put any salve on it. Silly man. She shook her head and they rode in silence. 

After years of living in the castle, Gwen had forgotten what life on the road was like. It was more uncomfortable than she remembered, but she’d grown very used to sleeping in the same bed in a fairly warm castle every night, and was no longer used to the hard ground or the chilly nights. 

Merlin puts their bed rolls together and lets her share his blanket and  body heat the day before they reach their village. A few years ago, this might have made her blush, but Merlin was her friend, and he had seen her in so many varieties of undress that it didn’t really bother her to lay beside him in her shift. 

Like that first night beside him, so many nights ago, she finds herself turning to the stars for comfort. It’s autumn, and the constellations have changed. She finds once again that she doesn’t recognize any of them, but an occasional cloud moves over the moon to cover the sky and she finds more joy in watching them pass than she would have in trying to count the stars. 

“He used to love the stars.” Merlin said quietly, when Gwen was nearly asleep. She makes a soft noise of acknowledgement, turning her face in his direction without really opening her eyes. “All the constellations I know, I learned from him.”

“The one who you took the potion for?” Her words run together, but she’s slowly coming back to. He strokes her hair away from her forehead  with gentle fingers and she finds it harder to want to rouse herself.

“Yes.”

“What was his name?” She asked, not to be nosy, but because she thought everyone deserved to talk about the people they loved. Merlin had certainly listened to enough of her stories about Elyan and her mother and father. It only seemed fitting she returned the favor. 

“Gwaine.” Merlin said, and Gwen smiled at the sound. It was Merlin’s own tone that made her do it, the happiness of it infectious. “He was a drunkard, and a tavern brawler. Couldn’t stay out of trouble to save his own life, not that it ever needed saving. He was one of the most skilled swordsman I’d ever seen. Wonderful hair.” He laughed and Gwen found herself laughing with him. 

“He sounds wonderful.” She can’t tell if she’s being sincere or not, but it doesn’t seem to matter to Merlin.

“He was.” He strokes her shoulder with his thumb absently, and when she finally manages to pry her eyes open, he’s not looking at her, eyes focused on the sky. “He was everything to me. When he left, he promised me he’d be back in six months, richer than anything, and we’d settle down somewhere.” His eyes become glazed, almost blank when he spoke again. “But he never came back. When I heard he’d been killed, I couldn’t move for days. A local village woman came to ask for help for her son, and she found me lying in my own filth, wasting away. She made me get up, wash, and see to her child. For a while, that was enough. Knowing I was needed and I had to go on kept me going.

“But every day that passed and left me without him became more and more unbearable. I’d read about the remedy in a book years before, and it was only when I started contemplating taking my own life that I finally managed to make myself find the brew and make it. It was the first time in months that I hadn’t felt the crushing weight on me. The side effects mean that I can’t love that way again, but I never would’ve. He was it for me. He was all I’d ever wanted. Without him, I was as good as dead.”

“So you forgot.”

“So I forgot.” 

Gwen scoots forward and wraps her arms around him as well as she can, laying her head on his chest and giving him the best hug she can muster. “I’m sorry.” She whispered against his chest. “No one should have to go through that.”

“No,” He nodded, kissing the top of her head. “They shouldn’t.” 

She keeps her arms wrapped around him until she’s sure the worst of it has passed, and then settles back on her own bedroll. 

“Do you still hate me for what I did?” The question is trying to be light hearted, but Merlin won’t look at her. 

“No. I never hated you.” She leaned her head against his and he closed his eyes, just breathing softly together for a few quiet moment. “I could never hate you.”

“You’re a better friend than I’ve ever deserved, Guinevere.” 

“Nonsense.” She smiled and stroked her thumb over his cheek, pulling back so she could look him in they eyes. “There’s no such thing as deserves. Life threw us together and we made the best of it. I’d say we did fairly well for ourselves.”

His answering smile is soft, not disingenuous, but not entirely real either. “I’d say I came out with the better bargain. You keep me sane.” 

“I try my best. You don’t make it easy.” She laughed and was pleased when he managed a real laugh of his own along side it. 

“I haven’t told anyone about him in over ten years.” He said with a shake of his head. “I don’t think I could’ve chosen a better person to share with.” 

“I’m honored.” She touched his chest and his eyes met hers, steel blue in the moonlight and on the very brink of tears. “Get some sleep. We have a long ride in the morning.” 

He nods, and they don’t separate as far as they normally would. The gap between them is not entirely proper, but their friendship ran deeper than propriety. “Good night, Gwen.” 

“Good night, Merlin.” 

In the morning, she finds herself curled up against Merlin’s chest, with one of Merlin’s arms tucked around her. It’s the first time she’s ever woken up in a man’s arms, and she thinks it should feel different, strange, but it doesn’t really. It just feels like being near to Merlin. She wakes him and reminds him that they need to set off. He grumbles about wanting to sleep some more, but it’s half hearted. Neither of them speak about how they woke up. It doesn’t feel particularly necessary. They pack their things and set off, only a half day’s ride from home, now. 

[whynotwinnie]

wounded: a kylo ren x oc part 12

Hey y’all sorry for the delay i was working on the other fic i have timida but here is the long awaited update lol thank y’all for supporting me! 

Warning: cussing, cumplay, cockwarming, kinda degrading, smut, overall 18+ audience!!!

VENUS

You should’ve known something was going to go wrong. You had too good of a day for it not to go wrong.

Everything was quiet in the infirmary almost boring when right, when you’re about to clock out Artimage, comes in being supported by 2 stormtroopers. You immediately stop what you’re doing and approach them.

“What happened to him?” You ask the stormtroopers as they lay him down on a cot.

“Ren got ahold of him choked him and threw him to the wall, hard.”

You swallowed hard, you knew the Supreme Leader has done far much worse than this but this was someone you cared about.

You shook your head and they left.

“General Hux”

No response.

“General?”

He wasn’t unconscious so why wasn’t he speaking, you looked around you and then bent down so you can whisper in his ear.

“Artimage are you okay.”

He groaned.

“Where does it hurt Artimage?” you said still whispering.

“My neck and head,” his voice made your stomach turn, he sounded like he was in so much pain. 

“Don’t worry I’m going to take care of that right now.” you said to him as you turned to your droid “X2 can you get the IV drip please.” you didn’t want to leave Artimage like this, you knew you weren’t supposed to feel anything for him because he was obviously not going to show you the same affection back, but this was purely out of friendship… you think.

You inserted the drip in his arm, it was filled with a type of painkiller so you made sure to only give him a bit.

You gave it about five minutes until it started working so you closed the surrounding curtain and sat in the chair next to him.

His breathing that was once labored became more even and he looked like he no longer looked as if he was in pain. He looked up at you and smiled, it made your heart skip a beat.

“Venus,” he said drunkenly 

“Yes Artimage,” you said trying not to laugh.

“You’re so nice for helping me again.” 

“It’s my job Artimage,” you said grabbing a foam collar to put around his neck to stabilize it.

He stared at you as you wrapped the collar around his neck he was coming closer to you and he was just about to kiss you when you said “Is this too tight for you?” and pulled away.

He had a confused look on his face and you must’ve had the same one. You wanted a relationship with Artimage before he told you off something after that day changed your feeling towards him.

It couldn’t have been the Supreme Leader, could it?

“Venus I-” he started to say but was interrupted as Ap’lek opened the curtain abruptly.

“Venus come with me.”

“I’m with a patient,” you said feeling irritated by seeing the fucking knight again.

“Someone else can tend to him you’re done.” 

“That’s not how it works, I can’t just leave them with a patient I started treating it’s-”

“You,” Ap’lek said pointing at one of the other nurses, “He is your problem now, understand.”

They shook their head quickly and stood by Artimage’s side.

“See.” Ap’lek said and then grabbed your arm pulling you out of the infirmary.

“Ap’lek stop grabbing me like that.” you said trying to shove him off but he remained solid as he dragged you to your room.

“Let go of me!” you said a little louder and he released your arm from his grip.

“Pack your clothes.”

“Gods, what now?” you said rubbing your arm.

“The Supreme Leader wants you to stay with him.”

Why would the Supreme Leader want you to stay with him? You understood that he was meaning to have sex with you last night before he got interrupted but what now.

“What, why would he say that?”

Ap’lek didn’t reply.

Maybe this was a joke right? The Supreme Leader wanted to mess with you for all the times you were being obnoxious right?

“He is being serious Venus, he wants you to stay with him.”

“You can do that too?” You thought you said it in your head but you guess not.

“Not as good as the Supreme Leader, so hurry up before he takes matters into his own hands and decides to kill us both.” 

Ap’lek was joking, he wouldn’t kill one of his prized knights. You on the other hand that sounded more realistic.

It took you 10 minutes to pack your life which was depressing, you fumbled carrying your bags and Ap’lek barely turned to you and sighed. He scooped up both of your large bags one under his arm and one in his hand, the other hand holding his axe.

“Ap’lek you really don’t need to do that, it okay.”

“Quiet.” he said and led you to the Supreme Leaders room again.

You couldn’t get your heart to stop beating so fast, best case scenario you sleep on the nice bed you slept in yesterday the worst case is that you see the Supreme Leader. Wait that doesn’t sound too bad either… unless he is cross with you and wants to kill you. You shook that idea out of your head if you really wanted to leave you were able to no one can force you to stay in their possession like a prisoner.

Ap’lek opened the door to the Supreme Leaders room and held it open for you to come in. 

“Is he here?” you asked him

“Yes he is.” the Supreme Leader responded

Fuck what was the pros and cons of coming here? You should just ask him to leave. You were about to voice your thoughts when he said.

“Ap’lek” your mind couldn’t even process how fast Ap’lek set your bags down and nodded at yourself and then the Supreme Leader. Ap’lek gave one more look in your direction and left. 

The silence was unbearable as you stood in the living room area with all your bags.

“Supreme Leader?” You said just wanting some answers.

“I’ll show you to your room.”

He led you to the same room you stayed in last night and watched you as you set your bags on the floor.

“Stay here,” he said plainly

You wanted to keep your thoughts at bay for obvious reasons but you couldn’t help but wonder, Why you? Why now? What is going to happen now?

“You are to stay here until I come to get you.”

“Stay here? Like in this room? I have work tomorrow.”

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘no’ that’s my job.” 

“No, you’re not going to go.”

“No but that’s my job, I can’t just not show up even if I didn’t want to go.” You said annoyed now.

He stopped responding probably because he sensed that you weren’t going to back down. You wish you could see his face his mask giving you a cold expression.

“Why do you need to go in?” he asked but he seemed genuine. Or maybe the vocoder was messing up his voice.

“It’s my job, some other workers are not as experienced as me and to be honest we need all the help we can get.”

He stayed quiet for a while. 

“You will go to work and come straight back here.”

“What, why?”  You should’ve just left it at that knowing that you shouldn’t be talking to the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy like that.

He grabbed you by your shirt and pushed you into the wall that was behind you. 

“Because I’m telling you to that’s why, don’t you ever just shut up.” You could tell he was pissed off.

“I- I just wante-”

“Shut up!” he gripped your shirt tighter until the collar part was tight around your neck. Your face felt red and you felt the heat grow in between your legs.

He looked at you up and down and took his hand off your shirt and replaced it on your neck pressing slightly on the sides of your throat. 

The lack of air made you lightheaded and yet you were still turned on by him. You wish you could see his face it has been too long and the image of what he looked like was blurry in your mind.

“Do you like when I do that lovely?” Your eye involuntarily rolled back as his pet name for you came out of his mouth. You shook your head, yes and his grip tightened on your neck leaving you with short breaths of air.

“Oh, you can’t talk now? That’s not going to work.” He pushed you further into the wall and used his other hand to mess with the bottom of your shirt.

“Since you don’t want to talk I guess you’re not going to need your mouth, right?

All you could do was stare into his mask and say a small yes.

He chuckled as you slid down to your knees for the second time that week.

You grabbed the buttons to his pants and quickly undid them, once you got rid of them you pulled out his cock him growing harder by the second.

It seemed all too familiar you on your knees for him, him towering over you. You had no idea what to think of all this it was too much too quickly. But that didn’t mean that you didn’t want him to fuck your mouth.

You grabbed his cock and pulled it down to meet your mouth, you tried to fit as much as you could but in reality, he was too big. As soon as that thought appeared in your head he grabbed the back of your head and started to fuck your mouth.

“You’re going to take all of it isn’t that right lovely?” he growled.

You hummed in response causing him to groan at the new sensation he just forced himself deeper into your mouth. His tip hitting the back of your throat as you just made obscene noises.

“Next time you will learn to speak when spoken to, right?” 

You bobbed your head up and down and he laughed.

“You’re such a pretty thing when you’re like this, stuffed with my cock and obeying me. Does this make you wet lovely?” 

He knew it did the way you squeezed your thighs to relieve some pressure and the way your eyes rolled back everytime he called you lovely.

He didn’t soften his pace he kept fucking your mouth until he suddenly pulled out he was breathing hard as he lazily stroked himself. 

“Do you think you deserve my cum after talking back to your Supreme Leader.”

At that moment that was all you wanted, somehow seeing the Supreme Leader of the Galaxy like this all you wanted was to pleasure him.

“Please Supreme Leader.” your voice strained from feeling embarrassed and from him fucking your throat raw.

“If you say so.” He slammed his cock back into your mouth at an unrelenting speed until he came in your mouth. You swallowed every drop he gave you but he left his softening dick in your mouth, warming it for him. 

“Just so you know I can do whatever I want to your mouth because as of right now I own it. So I can stay here all day while you’re on your knees warming my cock.”

You looked at him through your eyelashes, tears still flowing down your cheeks from gagging so much. 

“But I think you showed that you can learn, isn't that right lovely?” He questioned as you let himself out of your mouth

“Yes Supreme Leader.” He chuckled at how fast you responded.

“Perfect lovely.” He picked you up until you were able to stand on your own. He took a look at you, your hair probably a mess and the same clothes you had on from work. He took a little longer looking at your thighs. 

You glanced down seeing that you had a wet spot in between your legs from how wet you were. Your face turned red with embarrassment and you tried to turn around to prevent yourself from being seen but Kylo turned you so you were stuck facing him.

“Do I make you feel that good?” He emphasizes the word ‘that’. He slowly pushed you back until the back of your legs hit the base of the bed. He brought his hand up a switch in his mask and pressed it. You heard the gears turning in the mask as he took it off finally revealing his face.

“You’ve been listening so well lovely, let me make you feel good… let me taste you.”

[digitalstowaway]

Wright! Don't jinx this case any worse than it already is! It's bad for my heart...

Edgeworth didn’t remember ever going to bed. He had a fairly strict ritual he usually followed every night while in the middle of trials. Trudging through the front door, changing out of his suit and folding it on his dresser, plugging in his phone, brushing his teeth with his eyes half-closed, and finally falling into bed for a nice six hours of sleep. 

He was quite confused when he woke up and felt a mattress and pillow under him and blankets tucking him in without any memory of getting there. 

But then he felt a familiar tight ache in his chest and a familiar beeping, and he realized that no, he hadn’t put himself to bed the night before. He had, however, chased a suspect with Wright in the dead of night until he collapsed. He had crashed hard onto his right side. The blossoming pain in his shoulder had done nothing to distract him from the pulsing, squeezing pressure in his chest. 

He opened his eyes. The room spun just a little. Not like the sky had hours before. On his right was an IV drip and a clamp on his finger attached to a machine, letting the world know that his heart rate was higher than it should have been. On his left was Phoenix Wright glaring at him. 

Glaring at him and holding a bag of grapes in his lap. 

“Why do you have grapes?” Edgeworth asked. Talking, he found, left him a bit breathless. 

“I had Maya bring them for you,” Wright said. “I hoped you might choke on the seeds.” 

He threw them on the bed, on top of the sterile-blue blanket. Edgeworth looked at the packaging. There was a painting of a sunny vineyard that stretched for miles and above it, in bold font— 

“Those are seedless.” 

“Shut up.” 

“Why,” Edgeworth coughed and tried disguising it as him clearing his throat, “are you angry?” 

“Because I was just told that you have heart arrhythmia and that you’ve had it for years. And for some reason, despite us being friends, you never thought to tell me until I thought you were dying last night!” 

“It’s not a big deal.” 

“It’s not a big deal? You literally almost had a heart attack. I almost had a heart attack.” 

“And we’re both fine.” 

Wright crossed his arms over his chest. He pointed his glare to a white board across the room which declared Edgeworth as being a fall risk and having last been examined at 5:30 am. Nursing staff really made him feel old. A fall risk. It was just a heart condition. He was an otherwise healthy, young man. 

Who just so happened to collapse every so often when said heart condition took its toll on him after long trials and stressful cases. Or high-speed runs outside abandoned warehouses at night. 

“I don’t think you’re fine, Edgeworth,” Wright said, still giving the white board a look it certainly didn’t deserve. “You look like shit right now.” 

He didn’t exactly want to know what he looked like. He imagined it wouldn’t be surprising. It would be like every time he found himself waking up in a hospital or on the floor of his office or an evidence room. The same pale complexion. The same dark smudges under his eyes. He always looked like a corpse as Gumshoe said. 

“I’m fine.” 

Wright still didn’t look pleased, but at least his eyes had softened. He looked Edgeworth up and down. Probably in search of a tell or some evidence to prove that it was a lie. But he seemed to give up after only a few seconds. Obviously, Edgeworth wasn’t well. But it would be impossible (and pointless) to get him to admit to it. 

“So what do you need to do?” he asked, and it almost sounded like, What do I need to make sure you do? 

“What do you mean?” 

“To, you know, manage it. Do you take medication or something?” 

“I do, but it’s not very effective.” Edgeworth flexed his right hand. He hated the IV catheters. He knew that they would never rip or tear out of his arm, but they were still uncomfortable. With the tape used to keep them in place, he could never forget that the drip was there. “It’s not effective enough, I should say.” 

“Not enough to keep you from keeling over at a crime scene.” Wright rubbed his eyes. “Is there anything else they can do?” 

He looked tired. There was a faint shadow of stubble across his jaw. He was still in his suit, though the tie and collar was loose and his jacket was tossed over the chair he was slumped in. He must have been there the entire night. Probably begging nurses and doctors to let him stay past visiting hours. 

No. Persuading them. Wright was a lawyer. He probably had a neat list of reasons why he should have been allowed to stay that the staff couldn’t argue with. 

But Wright was also Wright. Those lists of reasons definitely came out in a begging tone. 

“There’s an option for surgery,” Edgeworth said. 

“Oh.” 

Edgeworth threw the blankets off of him, disrupting the grapes. Wright jumped up to help him and then to grab his hand when he tried pulling his IV line himself. 

“Let’s call someone to do that.” 

So, Edgeworth waited as patiently as he could while the call button blinked. Wright ran his fingers through his hair. It didn’t have the usual sharpness to it, the gel or pomade or whatever he used worn out by then. 

“What’s the surgery?” 

“It would be to implant a defibrillator.” 

“They can stick that in you?” 

“They can. But it’s not exactly the most practical thing to have done. Not right now.” 

Wright nodded, satisfied with the answer for the moment. Edgeworth wouldn’t tell him that practical timing wasn’t due to risks of the surgery or the severity of the condition but instead his own stubbornness. There wasn’t much time to carve out for recovery. It would mean weeks of light work. His own definition of light work—no long nights at his office, no on-scene investigations. It was too much to give up for the time being. He had told his doctors so for two years. 

Edgeworth scanned the room. He saw his suit, folded somewhat neatly, on a chair against the wall. His jabot sat on top. Mud was caked on the frills. He remembered desperately trying to pull it off after falling to the ground. 

Wright had finally untied it for him. His phone had been wedged between his shoulder and ear. His fingers were slick, Edgeworth could tell, as he fumbled at the knot. 

The rest of his suit was probably covered in mud as well. Wright’s knees had a faint dusting on them. They looked as if they had been haphazardly scrubbed. Probably in the hospital’s bathroom. 

“What time is it?” he asked. 

Wright checked his watch. “Seven.” 

“We still have three hours until court, then. Did you manage to save the evidence we found?” 

“What?” 

“We have trial at 10—”

“I know. But you’re not really planning on going, are you?”

“Of course.” 

“You can’t!” 

“Why not?” 

“We just had this conversation. You almost had a heart attack.” 

“And I’ve told you I’m fine. Besides, there’s no one else that can handle this case. You and I have already worked on it for two days now. No one else in the prosecutor’s office will be able to catch up on what we’ve been doing—not to mention, what we have been doing isn’t exactly looked graciously on by the office.” 

Wright grabbed his jacket. 

A nurse walked in. When she saw Edgeworth sitting up with his legs dangling over the edge of the bed, she frowned and put her hands on her hips. She was an older woman—used to difficult patients, then. Wright passed her on his way to the door. 

“Wright—”

“I’m tired, Edgeworth. I’m going to try to sleep as much as I can before the trial.” The nurse began pushing Edgeworth back down into bed. “By the way, I did ask Maya and Gumshoe to grab the evidence. They’ll be happy to know you’re fine.” 

The nurse pushed on Edgeworth’s shoulder. He leaned back against the pillows. His breathing came a little hard. His chest ached more than it did minutes ago. 

Wright walked out. 

After all, Edgeworth was fine.

[ickle-ronniekins]

more than friends, fred x reader

request: from anon: if u need more fred i’m your GAL, i feel like it’s really hard for freddie to show his true feelings when he loves someone cause he’s normally all goofy and sarcastic so I’m all for like flustered, defensive, frustrated fred and his girl picking fights over stupid stuff and then George is just fed up with their BS and locks them somewhere together to work it out and ~things happen~ thanks lovey xo

warning(s): not proofread

A/N: it’s been far too long, pals, and i want to apologize for that—i missed you all and i missed my boys making me smile so here we go, y’all—i apologize if this is absolute rubbish, it’s been a hELL of a long time, please be patient with me haha

“Oh, please,” you seethed, pushing on his chest when he tried to come closer to you. “You know it was a penalty, and you can lie to me all you want, but I see right through you, Weasley.”

He smirked at you. “Do you, now?”

“Cut it,” you retorted, picking up the pace after leaving your Care of Magical Creatures class.

“I didn’t curse the bludger! For Merlin’s sake, Y/N, just—”

He grabbed your shoulder and you shoved him off. “So it just so happened to crush my foot by pure accident? Rubbish,” your bones were mended now, of course, but Madam Pomfrey insisted that you wear a small boot on your tiny foot, if only for a few days, due to the fragility, still. This ended in Gryffindor’s win, much to your dismay. But it’d almost been a week since the match, so what did it matter, really? But you nursed it to make Fred feel worse than he already did. He deserved it, anyway.

“Why do you think I have something against you?” Fred asked, doing his best to catch up to you and pulling on your robes. “It’s Slytherin I’m not fond of, not Ravenclaw. You know you’re a wicked good Chaser—I’d never purposefully send a bludger to beat the nonsense out of you for a win, and I’m offended by the accusation.” You shuddered when he complimented your Quidditch skills.

This fighting was nothing new. In fact, it seemed to be about all you and Fred did—picking fights over dumb things for silly reasons. Did you really believe he’d send a bludger your way on purpose? Of course not. But now Ravenclaw’s Quidditch season was over, and he was getting on your nerves so much now, it was just easy to put the blame on him for almost everything.

“Be offended all you want, Fred.”

“So are you just never going to talk to me again?”

Next to you, George rolled his eyes. He was sick of the fighting, you could tell. It was taking a toll on your friendship.

Turning back to look at him once more, you said, “We’ll see how your cards play out.”

George actually had to pull you both out of the Great Hall because your yelling was causing concern with some of the professors. It was pathetic, really, the bickering you two were doing—but you couldn’t help it. It seemed like every single damned thing Fred was doing was just to get on your nerves.

“Quit being so dramatic,” Fred was saying, and his words bounced off the walls in the corridor. He ran a hand through his bright red hair, and you could tell he was becoming frustrated. “Snape didn’t even notice what was going on.”

You scoffed. “I’m not—” you told him through gritted teeth, “what in the bloody hell possessed you to steal his ingredients? What if he saw you slipping them into my bag, making me the culprit? Godric, I could kill you, Fred Weasley—”

“Oi, ENOUGH!” George yelled. Had he been talking to you both this entire time? Both you and Fred stopped in your tracks, taken aback by George’s voice, and he pulled you both into a nearby closet.

Uh oh.

With two flourishes of his wand, George had sent you and Fred to sit back to back in very uncomfortable chairs as a rope tied itself tightly around your wrists. What was this, something out of a bad babysitting story? Looking satisfied, George headed towards the door. “Um, hello,” you called.

“You’re just going to leave us here, mate?” Fred asked, sounding panicked.

George cleared his throat. “This bickering has got to stop. You two are getting on my last nerve. So, figure it out. When you’re ready to all be friends, I’ll be in the Great Hall.”

Your eyes widened with horror. No wands, no books, no magic. “Georgie, wait—”

He smirked at you both before closing the door.

Fred began moving back and forth to try and break the rope, but it was no use. “Quit it!” you howled. “We’re not going to get anywhere if you keep moving around!”

With a short, sarcastic laugh, Fred replied, “I’m trying to break this bloody rope, if you don’t mind—care to help a bit?”

With a growl and an eye roll, you tried your hardest to maneuver your hands in a crooked sort of way to try and untie the knot as best as you could, but you weren’t getting anywhere. Was the knot becoming tighter? Merlin’s beard. Locked in a closet with Fred with nothing to get you out—it was a nightmare.

You accidentally grabbed Fred’s hand as you tried desperately to untie the rope. Both of you stopped suddenly, not moving a muscle, but instead focusing on the feeling of your hands touching. You could feel him slowly intertwining his fingers with yours.

It was eerily silent in the closet.

Clearing your throat, you started, “I’ve—I’ve almost got it, I think,”

Letting go of your hand, Fred assisted you in untwisting the rest of the knot George thought would keep you there for hours. It took you all of about five minutes. Once unraveled, the both of you stood up, and he was holding his wrists as if he were in pain. But his smirk told you he wasn’t.

“I’m sorry,” Fred began, inching towards you once you both regained composure, “if it were up to me, Ravenclaw would’ve won that match after you got hurt. Giving it to Gryffindor was rubbish.”

You smiled softly at him. “I’m sorry, too,” you admitted. “I...might’ve overreacted about Potions. I mean, Snape didn’t see a thing—I suppose I could’ve reacted a bit gentler. I’ve just been wicked stressed over class, lately—”

“I’m sure my teasing doesn’t help,”

He grinned cheekily at you.

You bit your bottom lip and looked down at your shoes. “Does make for more interesting days, I suppose.” You fixed the wrinkles in your shirt by smoothing them down and then looked towards the door and asked, “Shall we go tell George we’re all ready to be friends? Or should we wait a bit to give him the illusion that his spell had us locked in here for hours?”

“I don’t want to be friends,”

You frowned. Just when you thought you two were maybe getting somewhere—

“I want to be more than that.” What? “I’m just...really bad at showing my feelings, I guess.”

You shook your head in pure astonishment as the surprise of the moment sunk in. “You’re like a little kid on a playground, Fred Weasley,” you told him and he laughed. “Are you going to chase me around and pull on my pigtails, too?”

“Only if you like it,” he teased. He walked towards you and took your hands in his. “I’m real rubbish at communicating, but I’m trying, here—” his cheeks were rosy and you watched the rise and fall of his chest—was he—nervous? “So, what do you say...more than friends?”

Frustration overtook you. Instead of being upfront and telling you how he felt, he needed to pick arguments over nothing and drive you crazy, like a five-year-old. But you guessed you were doing the same, too, so you couldn’t really blame him. You shook your head again and smirked at him and brought your hand to his cheek. “You’re going to drive me bloody mad, aren’t you?” His eyes promised you that he absolutely would.

He inched forward and you were closer to him than you ever have been. You could hear the blood pounding in your ears. Could he hear it, too?

He kept moving closer.

Was he about to—?

Kiss you.

His lips were almost on yours now—you could almost feel them, the slightest movement and you’d be interlocked with him and could probably stay there forever. The touch was soft—so soft, you were wondering if it was even really happening. His hands were tight around your waist. You waited what felt like hours for him to finally press himself against you, but he already kept his promise to drive you up a wall when he whispered against your lips, “‘Course I will, love.”

tag list: @mintlibri @seppys-return-to-madness @how-do-life-does @fopdoodledane @fredd-weasley @iprobablyshipit91 @semmelsemi @pobawfcheck @cottageoflove

reblogs + feedback are always appreciated :)

good to be back, x

[javier-djarin]

Como Me Duele: Chapter 11

Ship: Javi x Reader

Rating: M

Word Count:  6,265 words

Warnings: Language

Masterlist

(Gif by @pascvl​)

Summary: You sustained injuries while being held hostage. Javi realizes he doesn’t know what will become of him if he loses you.

A/N: Two more posts left. The end is nigh. This chapter was fun to write, even though parts of it almost had me crying. I couldn’t decide on which gif to use, because both of these sum up the majority of this chapter. Thank you again for all the love and support! Please, please, PLEASE let me know what you think. Please let me know if you want to be on my tag list! Chapter 12 coming soon!  As always, the translations are at the bottom.

His POV

He wiped the hair off her face. She was still warm and had color to her skin, but her breathing was so faint, he almost didn’t notice it. He held her close to his body as he looked up at Steve, who was already on the radio. “This is Agent Murphy, requesting medical aid. We need an Air Vac out. We are located on 4th. Patient: American Female who has sustained a severe head injury.”

“Ambulance is on its way,” dispatch said, “Air Vac waiting. Stand-by.”

Steve knelt close to him and undid her restraints. “She’s going to be okay. We’re going to take her to Bogotá.”

All Javi could do was nod and look down at his hermosa, stroking her soft cheek, and praying to every god in existence that she would wake up. “Don’t leave me, hermosa,” he whispered into her hair, kissing her forehead. His lips quivered as the rest of his body shook. “Please, wake up.”

Steve rested a hand on Javi’s shoulder, because that’s all he could think of doing. They could hear the ambulance off in the distance. “Javi,” he said, “the ambulance is here.”

Javi didn’t move as he continued to smooth her hair. “I can’t lose her, Steve,” his voice breaking, “I need her to wake up.”

“She will, but the paramedics need to put her in the ambulance.”

Paramedics arrived and approached Javi with a stretcher. “Necesitamos moverla.”

He stood up, with her in his arms, setting her on it. Her hand dangled from her body, and he held it, walking all the way with them to the ambulance. He kissed the inside of her palm. “Te quiero, mi corazon.”

Steve walked over and hugged Javi as the ambulance pulled away. “They have a helicopter waiting for us at the airfield. We can’t ride with her.”

Javi nodded and didn’t say anything as he walked to the Jeep. Steve jumped in the driver’s seat and drove as fast as he could to the airport. They rode in silence as Javi chewed on his nails. Both were startled when Steve’s phone rang. “Murphy,” he said.

“Steve, we just landed,” Connie said, “Kate and I are going to head to the apartment.”

He sighed into the phone. “Head to the hospital,” he solemnly said. 

Steve heard her gasp. “Steve…”

“She has a head injury. That’s all I know. Get there, and maybe you can be one of her nurses.”

“Do you want us to bring anything?” she said, her voice shaking.

Javi reached for the phone, and Steve gladly handed it over to him. “Get the Fleetwood Mac T-shirt in her suitcase and a pair of my sweatpants. They’re her favorite. She’ll want to wear those on the ride home,” he said, trembling.

“Of course, Javi. Anything else?”

He took a deep breath. “The black box off the dresser.”

“We’ll meet you there. We love you, Javi,” her voice gave it away that she was crying.

“The spare key is above the door,” he replied, before hanging up.

He wanted to kill La Quica for what he did to her, but he knew now, Messina wasn’t going to let him get close to that son of a bitch. “Tell me she’s going to make it. Tell me she’s going to be alright,” he softly said to Steve.

“She’s going to pull through. Y/N is too tough not to. You know, of all people, how stubborn she is.”

He huffed and nodded his head. Stubborn was the perfect way to describe her. Along with beautiful, loving, passionate, and perfect. He leaned forward and balled his fists in his hair, letting out several small sobs. The image of her lifeless in the car was stuck in the forefront of his mind. He felt Steve place a hand on his back, trying to console him or at least let him know he wasn’t alone. Javi wouldn’t tell him, but he appreciated the sentiment. The last thing he wanted to be was alone right now. 

They made it to the airfield in good time, but according to the radio tower, they were scheduled to take off after her medical evac. Javi breathed a sigh of relief, a hundred percent okay with her beating them to the hospital. Steve called Messina and the Ambassador to update them on the status of the mission. Both agreed to cover any medical costs that she would acquire, and to pay for her family to join her at the hospital. Javi wasn’t in a state to talk to them, so Steve deferred all requests to be sent to his wife, Connie. 

Everything was a blur to Javi. The flight home, the drive to the hospital. Time didn’t catch up to him until Kate ran to Javi and hugged him. “Connie is with her in surgery, right now.”

His heart stopped and he turned pale white. “S-s-surgery?”

“Javier Peña,” he heard a familiar voice say behind him. When he turned around, he saw the young doctor from the club that couldn’t keep his fucking hands off her.

“Yeah,” he said, puffing out his chest a little.

“Soy su médico de cabecera,” he said, “Nos conocimos el año pasado. Soy el Dr. Rodriguez”

“Se quien eres.”

“If you are more comfortable in English, we can converse this way,” he said in a very thick Colombian accent.

Javi nodded. He felt Kate wrap an arm around him and lean into him while Steve rested his hand on his shoulder. “How is she?”

Rodriguez sighed. “She came to us with a Basal Skull Fracture, and she is in surgery right now to take care of the leaking cerebrospinal fluid. She also has a severe concussion from the blow to the top and right of her head, but we are optimistic she will make a full recovery. Her left eye is severely bruised, but will recover just fine. She will have stitches in her cheek from a cut she received, but all in all, she’s going to be okay.”

Javi let out a long sigh and felt his heart start to slow down. “When can I see her?” he asked.

“She should be out of surgery in a few hours. They’re going to keep her as sedated as we can, so she won’t be awake when you see her, but we will let you know.”

“What do you mean as sedated as you can?” Javi asked.

Rodriguez looked through the file in his hand, again, before saying. “Well, according to the blood work, she’s pregnant. About six, seven weeks along.”

And just like that, all of the air left his body again. “Pr-pregnant?”

“Dr. Rodriguez, te necesitan en cuidados intensivos,” a short nurse said to him.

“Disculpe,” he said, following after the nurse.

Javi looked down at Kate. “Is she really?”

Kate led him back to the waiting room chairs, with Steve closely behind. “It’s why she came back,” she said with several tears in her eyes, “she wanted to tell you in person.”

He leaned forward, holding his head in his hands, crying. Javi leaned back in his seat and looked straight up, trying to peer right into the face of God, praying his child was okay. “This is all my fault,” he said.

Steve leaned his shoulder against him. “There’s no way you could have known,” he said.

“Did you know?”

Steve sighed. “Connie made me swear not to tell you.”

“Oh, fuck that,” Javi said, “how could you not tell me?”

Kate butted in, trying to save Steve. “Because we didn’t want to steal that moment from her,” she said, “she wanted to see the look on your face when you found out that you were going to be a father.”

Those words hit Javi in the middle of his chest. A father. Suddenly, his view on the world was completely different. He closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, before walking out of the waiting room. He found the hospital gift shop on the main level and walked in. Javi saw a beautiful arrangement of red roses and white orchids. He didn’t pay attention to how much it cost, because she deserved any and everything. Then, he sat down on the bench just outside the hospital entrance, and let out a sob. He cried for her: she was going to be okay. He cried for his unborn child, because he never knew what he wanted until Kate told him that he was going to be a father. He cried, because for some reason God, or whoever was up there, believed he deserved all of this: a woman that loved him who would bear him a child. Out of all his sins, he was good enough to have the most perfect example of a woman wake up every morning next to him. He felt his heart swell like he’d never felt. He never knew he was capable of loving someone so much until he had her in his life. 

Javi must have been sitting outside for a long time, because Connie finally came for him. “Javi,” she said softly. 

He turned to look at her. She hugged him tight, and she felt him shudder under her arms. “She did great in surgery, and the babies are even better.”

“Babies?” He stepped back from her and stared at her. “Babies as in plural?”

Connie smiled. “As in twins.”

The corners of his mouth twitched, and Connie could have sworn he wanted to smile. “Can I see her?”

Connie nodded. “She’s getting settled in her room now,” she said, “but, Javi, I need to warn you. She looks like she’s in worse shape than what she is. She has an IV in her, and she’s running on oxygen. We were able to take her off the ventilator.” She wrapped her arm through Javi’s and led her to Y/N room. “I brought you an extra change of clothes, a toothbrush, and some extra toiletries in case you needed them, too. Since, I figured you’d be here as long as she was. We will actually be able to discharge her in two days. Doctor says she’ll be well enough that she can heal on her own. She does have a follow up next week. But we are just prescribing her Tylenol and a lot of rest.”

He took a deep, shaky breath as they got closer to her room. “Are you ready?” she asked. He nodded. “Oh, and Javi? She’s going to love the little black box you bought her.”

His heart picked up even more. Slowly, he opened the door to her room and stopped in the doorway. She was peacefully asleep, with a single bandage around her head to hold the cotton in place at the base of her neck. Her face was swollen and bruised, but she was still far more beautiful than anyone he’d ever seen. He walked over to her, running his hand gently over the top of her head. A few more tears escaped as he tried to smile. “Hermosa,” he whispered, “I’m not going anywhere.”

The heart rate machine sped up just a hair, and he believed that was her way of telling him that she heard him. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. “They’ll have to kill me before I ever leave you,” he added. Connie took the flowers from him and set them in a vase on her bedside table before closing the door behind her.

Javi grabbed a small recliner from the corner of the room and moved it to her side. He held her hand in his, resting his forehead on her leg. He then looked up at her stomach under the sheets and rested his other hand there. “Hey, in there,” he said, awkwardly, “It’s me. Your…daddy.” The phrase felt weird coming from him, but it brought another twitch to the corners of his mouth. “I’m going to take such good care of you and mommy. No one will ever hurt you again.”

He felt more tears escape. Though he was relieved he had her back, the fear and panic from the last several days finally washed over him. He held her hand to his lips, running his thumb over her knuckles. “No sé lo que haría sin ti, mi corazón,” he breathed, “Voy a pasar el resto de mi vida haciendo las paces contigo.”

Javi leaned forward and placed a very chaste kiss on her lips before settling down in his chair. His exhaustion was finally catching up to him as he drifted off to sleep. 

***

He was startled awake by the loud beeping from the machines and nurses running into the room. His heart started to race as they started pressing buttons. “Ella tiene fiebre alta,” one nurse said.

“Baño de hielo,” another replied.

Another checked her vitals and added, “Llama al Dr. Rodriguez.”

They moved her onto a stretcher and started to wheel her out of the room. Javi followed and ran out into the hallway. Steve instantly approached him. “What’s going on?”

Javi shook his head. “Her monitors started going off and they rushed in. One of them said she was running a fever.”

“Dr. Rodriguez,” they said over the intercom, “Te necesitan en cuidados intensivos.”

Javi looked at Steve, panic written all over his face. “Where’s Connie?”

“She’s probably with her. I’m sure she’ll be out here soon.”

He sat down in the chair next to the door in the hallway. “Fuck,” he said, resting his head in his hands. He could feel the sweat rolling down his back and neck as he thought of the worst case scenarios. Javi had never been a big optimist, and in this moment he hated that about himself. He needed that optimism, that false sense of hope that she was going to be okay. She was going to pull through. 

He felt a pair of small hands rub his back as he turned and looked to his left. Connie was knelt next to him with a new look of concern in her eyes. “She’s stable,” she said, “she’s in the ice bath now. Her fever spiked, so they’re going to run some tests and make sure there’s no swelling. Her heart rate dropped, though, on their way to the ice baths, so they moved her to ICU for closer monitoring. You can see her when they get her comfortable, but you can’t stay with her.”

She saw Javi’s shoulder tense up. “They can’t keep me away from her.”

Connie sighed and smiled at Steve. “I knew you’d say that. When I filled out her paperwork to admit her, I listed you as her spouse.”

“He did the same with the Embassy,” Steve mumbled.

Javi looked over at her. “Does that mean I can stay with her?”

She nodded. “You can come and go as you please. They’ve hooked her up to more monitors, though and have her on a stronger IV drip. If she does fine through the night, they’ll move her back down here. I called her parents after she got settled. They’ll be here tomorrow morning.”

“I’ll pick them up from the airport with Kate,” Steve said.

Connie smiled at her husband. “Javi,” she said, rubbing his back again, “I’m going to go check on her. If anything changes, you’ll be the first to know. Everyone is taking great care of her. She’s in good hands.”

All he could do was nod at her and rest his head in his hands. She slowly stood up and walked back towards the ICU. Steve sat down in the empty seat next to him and laughed. “You know, not in a million years would I have guessed we’d be here,” he said.

“Yeah? And what does that mean?”

“Well, for starters, watching my best friend and my wife’s best friend fall in love.”

Javi looked up at him. “I thought I was too much trouble for her.”

Steve slapped his back and smiled at him. “I think you were just enough for her. However, she might be too much for you.”

Javi wanted to laugh, but he couldn’t enjoy happiness while her life hung in the balance. 

“I also never thought I’d see you this head over heels for a single woman,” he added, leaning forward. 

He let out a loud sigh and leaned back against the chair. “She’s my whole world, Steve. And now, our children…” His voice cracked. “I can’t lose them.”

“Connie is going to take good care of them. Before you know it, she’ll be awake and cursing herself for staying with your ugly mug.”

Javi shook his head and reached for the duffle back on the inside of the door. He pulled out the little black box and handed it to Steve. “What’s this?”

“I took your advice,” he mumbled, waiting for Steve to open it.

He lifted the lid off the box and revealed a small, navy blue velvet box that housed a simple gold band with a round cut diamond in the center, surrounded by several smaller diamonds. “She left some jewelry in the apartment, so I grabbed one of her rings and went to a jewelry store downtown,” he said, “I was going to ask her when she inevitably came back, because I knew she wouldn’t stay away for long.” He paused and looked at the ring in Steve’s hand. “That is, if she still wants to be with me.”

Steve smiled and handed the box back to Javi. “Javi,” he sighed, “I’ve known her for years. Well, at least since her and Connie were in med school. Which means I’ve only known her with Michael and then briefly without. The entire time I saw them together, never once did she light up the way she does around you. She will say ‘yes’.”

Javi let out a shaky breath. “I need to get the chance to ask her, first.” He looked down the hall where they took her. 

“You will.”

He turned back to Steve and eyed him, raising an eyebrow at him. “Best friend?”

Steve laughed. “Fuck off, Peña.”

“Well, you know what that means if she says ‘yes’, right?”

“You sure you want one of my famous speeches?”

Javi shook his head. “You’d make a piss poor best man, anyway.”

Steve shoved him. “Fuck off, Peña. No one else would be better than me.”

He glanced back at Steve, the corners of his mouth twitching, aching to form a smile. “Who says I want a fucking hillbilly standing next to me?”

Steve slapped him on the shoulder and leaned back in his chair laughing. He looked past Javi and saw his wife approaching them with a smile on her face. “Jav,” he nudged him to look.

“So, her fever broke,” she said, “and her heart rate has returned to normal. Doc gave us the all clear to just keep her in this room.”

Javi let out a deep breath. “Thank you, Connie. For everything.”

She smiled at him. “I’m not about to lose my best friend to a drug war. She’ll be back in this room after they finish a few tests. Steve, take him to get something to eat.”

***

Javi followed him to the cafeteria and stared at his sandwich that Steve bought him. “Man, you have to eat something,” Steve said.

He nodded. “I know.”

Steve’s phone rang. “Murphy,” he answered.

“It’s Messina.” Javi looked up from his sandwich. “Hand the phone to Peña.”

Javi shook his head. “He’s talking with the doctor right now. I’ll pass the message along.”

Messina sighed. “Judy Moncada has now become an Informant for the CIA.” Javi rubbed his hands down his face, trying to contain his anger. “She’s been placed on a plane and will be heading to Miami tomorrow to leak who was working with Los Pepes.”

Javi banged his fist on the table. “What does this mean?” Steve asked.

“Peña told me the truth two days ago, and I tried to fix it. They’re sending him home. They want him out of Colombia by the end of the week.”

“Messina, no. Out of everyone, Javi deserves to be there when we bring that motherfucker down.”

“I tried everything I could. They’re sending him home.” She hung up the phone.

Steve looked at Javi with a sympathetic gaze. “I’m sorry, man.”

“I knew it couldn’t last forever,” he sighed, “just put a bullet in that fucker for me.”

“Are you okay?” Steve asked, concerned at his lack of reaction to the news.

Javi looked at his partner. “This was going to end one of two ways. With me dead or fired. I’m okay with the latter.” His mouth twitched again. “That just means I can spend my time focused on her.”

***

Javi took his place back in the recliner next to her bed. He grabbed her hand and rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. “We’re going home, hermosa,” he whispered, “I just need you to wake up.” His voice broke and he felt a few tears roll down his cheeks.

He leaned forward and kissed her hand, resting his head on her bed. The steady beeping of the machines, her heart beat, slowly lulled him back to sleep. 

Your POV

You slowly opened your eyes and noticed you were in a dark room surrounded by machines that were attached to you. You turned your head to the left and saw bright, white lights coming through the slits in the blinds on your windows. Suddenly you were hit with an excruciating headache that made you want to throw up. You felt something soft in your right hand, and you turned to look. Your heart was ready to burst as tears flowed down your cheeks. You saw Javi asleep in a recliner, holding your hand like it was his lifeline. You used your other hand to reach for the nurse’s button. Luckily, Connie walked in, quietly opening the door. She smiled at you and squeezed your other hand.

Your throat was extremely dry and raw. So, you nodded at Javi, and it was like she read your mind. She quickly returned with a pillow and blanket for him. She gently lifted his head and placed the pillow under him before tucking him in. She grabbed his hand out of yours and placed it in his lap, which caused him to open his eyes. “Connie?” he said, still half asleep, “what are you doing?”

She smiled at him. “Someone wanted you to be comfortable while you slept,” indicating you.

His gaze went immediately to your half opened eyes, and you smiled at him. You reached both of your arms out for him, to which he gladly stood and moved closer to you. He rested his forehead on yours, smoothing your hair as you ran your fingers through his. “I never thought I’d see your beautiful eyes again,” he whispered in his gentle, baritone voice.

You couldn’t say anything. All you could do was cry. He wiped your tears away and softly kissed your lips. You saw Connie step out of the room to give you more privacy. “I’m so sorry,” you cried, “I shouldn’t have come back.”

“No,” he said, “don’t ever apologize to me. You’re perfect.” He kissed you again. “I know why you came back.”

You suddenly became worried about your child. Your hand reaching for your stomach, resting over the little one growing in there. “Is it-”

“They’re both fine,” he said smiling. 

There it was. Your favorite smile was back. “Both?”

He nodded and kissed you. Dr. Rodriguez came in and slowly turned the lights on. “I see you are awake,” he said. “How are you feeling?”

Javi stood next to you, holding your hand. “I have a really bad headache,” you replied.

He walked closer to you, shining a light into your eyes. Then, he gently placed his hand behind your head and touched the bandage. “You gave us a scare yesterday,” he said, “I thought we were going to have to sedate your husband.” He laughed.

Your eyes shot to Javi’s and he smiled at you again. “Yes,” you slowly said, “my husband can tend to act before he thinks.”

Rodriguez stepped away. “I’ll send Connie in to change your bandages. You have several other guests waiting to see you.”

“Thank you, Antonio,” you said.

“Of course, Y/N,” he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

You turned your attention back to Javi and gave him a curious stare. “Husband?”

He gave you his usual devilish grin. “It’s the only way I could stay here with you.”

Connie walked in with a set of fresh bandages. “I’ll change these, and then your parents want to see you,” she said as she changed them.

“Uh, Connie?” Javi said, “Can you give us just a few minutes before sending everyone in?”

She winked at him. “Just let me know when you’re ready,” she added before closing the door.

“As soon as you’re out of here, I can change it. I can only imagine what you think since…”

“Javi,” you said, squeezing his hand. “Just answer me one question. Who is she?”

You saw a few tears roll down his cheek as he reflected on the last time you saw each other. That awful woman with her arms around his neck. He took a deep, shaky breath. “Her name is Gabriela. She was one of my old informants.”

You dropped his hand, but he instantly reached for it again. “Please, just listen. She came by my apartment to ‘distract’ me while they took you. I tried forcing her away, and that’s when she threw herself at me. I swear. I don’t want anyone that isn’t you. I love you more than anything I could ever imagine, and the entire time you were missing I lost it. I couldn’t eat, sleep. Hell, I couldn’t even breath until I found you. And when,” he paused and tried to gather himself before continuing. “When I found you in that car, unconscious, I just knew my life was over.”

You felt more tears escape your eyes as you watched him walk to the end of the bed and dig through a duffle bag. “This isn’t what I had hoped,” he said, “but I can’t wait any longer.” You smiled at him as he looked like he was about to throw up. “I’ve thought about this for a long time, and when you left Colombia, I realized I was miserable without you. I knew that when I saw you again, I needed to keep you with me always.” He took another shaky breath as he got down on one knee. “Te quiero  más que a nada en el mundo. Eres el amor de mi vida. ¿Te casarías conmigo, mi hermosa?”

You beckoned him to stand as you pulled him closer to you. “Por supuesto, Javi. No quiero pasar mi vida con nadie más.” He kissed you deeper, but still gently as he slid the ring onto your finger.

His POV

He beckoned Connie to send in her parents as he resumed his position by her side, holding her hand and occasionally kissing it. He needed to constantly reassure himself that this was real. She was here, alive, and wearing his ring. Slowly, the door opened and a beautiful woman that resembled an older version of his hermosa stepped in, followed by a tall, strong man. The woman smiled and walked directly to her side, kissing her forehead. His heart raced, as he realized he was meeting her parents for the first time under less than ideal circumstances. “Hey, there,” your mother said, stroking her hair, “how are you feeling?”

She smiled. His heart beat so fast when he saw her smile again. He would give anything in the world to see that smile every day for the rest of his life. To see her eyes light up and hear her most angelic laughter. His mind floated off to the time he carried her up the stairs to her room and she smiled while he held her in his arms. She smiled when he whispered to her good night, and she called him her Javi for the first time. He knew the first time she spoke to him that she had him wrapped around her finger, but that night was the night he knew that he loved her more than anything in the world. That night he knew that there was no turning back for him, because his heart had never been so full before this moment.

He was brought out of his day dream when she tugged on his hand. “Mama, Daddy, I want you both to meet the most important person to me. This is Javi.”

Mama came running around the other side of the bed with tears in her eyes as she wrapped her arms around him. He felt the air rush out of his body as he relished a motherly embrace for the first time in a long time. “I’ve heard nothing but good things about you,” she said, “it’s about time I finally meet you.”

He laughed. “I’m so happy to finally meet you, Ma’am.”

She slapped his shoulder. “Oh, please. It’s Mama.”

“Mama,” he replied. He stuck his hand out to your father’s and shook it with a firm handshake. “Nice to meet you, sir.”

Her father grinned at him and squeezed his hand a little harder. “Sir will do just fine.”

***

She was released from the hospital two days later, and Javi carried her everywhere. To the car, up the stairs, to their bed. She wanted for nothing. Her parents stayed at a nice hotel near the airport until they were ready to move back to Texas. The Embassy dropped off several boxes for the pair of them to pack their things and ship them back to the U.S. They gave Javi two more days to be gone before they were going to escort him to the airport. 

Everyone had come over to help pack their things, since Javi refused to let her lift a finger. “Javi, I love you, but you’re just going to throw everything in the boxes. I’ve seen how you fold laundry,” she said.

He smiled at her and kissed her lips. “Connie and Kate, along with your mother, are coming over to pack all the breakables. Steve, your dad, and I will take care of everything else.”

She shook her head. “Can I at least sit on the couch so I can talk to everyone?”

He sat next to her on the bed and rested his hand on her leg. “The second you get a headache, I’m carrying you back in here.”

She pulled him closer to him. “Deal,” she breathed against his lips before pushing him away. 

Javi laughed at her and leaned back down. “You can’t do that,” he smiled before kissing her.  Her hands trailed down his body. “Careful,” he said.

“Oh right,” she let go and pointed at her head. “I have a head injury.” There was a knock at the door. “You better get that.”

He kissed her again before walking out of the bedroom. He opened the door to welcome everyone to their home one last time. He saw her stumbling out of the bedroom wearing his blue button down and sweatpants. Javi watched her like a hawk as she made her way to the couch. He brought her Tylenol and water to take before handing her some orange juice. He kissed her hand before walking to Steve and her father ready to dismantle furniture to box up. 

Occasionally, he would peer over his shoulder to her to make sure she was okay. She was leaning against the couch, laughing and talking with everyone. He smiled a little at the sight and let out a small sigh. “Peña, get your head out of your ass,” Steve said, “and help me flip this table over. Why did you have to buy such a heavy one?”

Javi shrugged. “She liked it.”

Her father grinned and nodded, understanding why Javi bought the world’s heaviest table. “You couldn’t have persuaded her to get a lighter one?” Steve complained.

“I think she wanted to watch me struggle pulling this up the stairs,” Javi replied. 

Her father laughed this time. “Sounds just like her mother.”

He looked at his future father-in-law and smiled. “She certainly likes to keep me on my toes, that’s for sure.” He stopped what he was doing and walked to her father. “Sir, I know I asked her without asking you first, but I’d like to have your blessing.”

He looked over to his daughter and back to Javier and grinned. “You were able to do what I thought no one was capable of,” he began, “and I’ve never seen her happier. I know you’ll take good care of my little girl. Welcome to the family, Son.”

Javi held out his hand. “Thank you, sir.”

Her father wrapped him in a hug. “Call me Pop.”

Your POV

You glanced behind you and saw your father hugging Javi, and that made you light up at the sight. You took in a deep breath and relaxed against the sofa and smiled. Your mother noticed how peaceful you were, despite everything that had just happened. “So,” she said, putting your picture frames into boxes, “Have the two of you talked about the wedding?”

Your mind instantly jumped back to almost three years ago when Michael had first asked you to marry him. When your mother asked you that then, you panicked. Now, you felt at peace. Happy. “We don’t want a big wedding,” you said, “but we do want a rather large reception. We’ve also decided to wait until after the twins get here. He doesn’t want me to stress about the wedding until after I’ve given birth.”

Your mother grinned. “So, you’re shipping everything to Laredo?”

You nodded. “His father owns a ranch down there with a large guest house. Javi said, if he’s quitting the DEA, he should help Chucho run the ranch.”

She sighed. “At least you’re back in Texas.”

You leaned your head back against the couch and closed your eyes until you felt a hand touch your shoulder. “I found this,” Connie said, handing you an album. It was your engagement photos.

You frowned and took them from her. As you flipped through the book, you looked at the empty eyes you had and your feigned smile in these pictures. You had a feeling then that he was cheating, but you weren’t certain. And honestly, your life turned out better for it. You stood up and walked to the trash can where you shoved the whole album into it. “If you find any other pictures with Michael, pitch them,” you said, taking your seat back on the couch.

You glanced over at Javi and smiled at him, giving him a little wink. He smiled back and returned the sentiment. Several hours went by before your kitchen and living room were completely packed. Javi decided to leave packing the bedroom to the two of you, well mainly him while you watched. You rubbed the bridge of your nose and leaned forward. Within seconds, Javi was next to you picking you up in his arms. “I told you the second you got a headache, you were going to bed,” he said, “tell everyone good night.”

You smiled at him. “Eres tan terco.”

“Solo para ti, mi amor,” he whispered as he carried you off to bed.

You heard your mother loudly whisper to Kate, “You weren’t kidding. Fucking Prince Charming.”

His POV

They’d been living in Chucho’s guest house for roughly a week, and honestly, Javi couldn’t have been happier. Escobar was finally brought to justice, and he could sleep peacefully knowing there was one less dirtbag in the world. He had woken up early in the morning, watching the sunlight dance across her skin, making her glow even more. He’d never seen anything more beautiful as he caressed her hair, moving it out of her face. Her eyes fluttered open. She smiled at him and kissed him deeply. He moaned into her kiss and pulled her against him. “Are you sure you’re up for this?” he asked.

She laughed. “Doc said I had five to ten days before the headaches stopped. I haven’t had one in two days. Yes, I’m ready for this. I’ve gone long enough without it.”

He raised his eyebrows at her and smiled. “In that case, I’m going to enjoy a little…” he cleared his throat, “breakfast first.” He trailed kisses down her neck, as he slowly slid her pajama shirt off. 

“So, now I’m breakfast?” she laughed.

He continued his way down, pausing to kiss her stomach before making his way to her thighs. “Hermosa, you’re my favorite meal,” he said, inhaling her scent that was so intoxicating to him. 

His phone rang. He growled and sat up. “Who the fuck is calling at this hour? I swear to God if it’s Murphy, I will kill him.”

“Please don’t. You’re not going to want to find another best man.”

He rolled over and grabbed the phone. “What the fuck, Murphy? I’m a little busy at the moment.”

“Agent Peña,” a strange voice said at the other end of the line.

His blood went cold and he sat up straight. “Yes?”

“You need to report to Washington for a review of your case.”

“DEA?”

“DOJ,” they replied, “you’ll be expected tomorrow at 0-900.”

Translations

Necesitamos moverla. - We need to move her.

Soy su médico de cabecera. - I am her attending physician.

Nos conocimos el año pasado. Soy el Dr. Rodriguez. - We met last year. I’m Dr. Rodriguez.

Se quien eres. - I know who you are.

Dr. Rodriguez, te necesitan en cuidados intensivos. - Dr. Rodriguez, you’re needed in intensive care.

Disculpe. - Excuse me.

 No sé lo que haría sin ti, mi corazón. - I don’t know what I would do without you.

Voy a pasar el resto de mi vida haciendo las paces contigo. - I am going to spend the rest of my life making this up to you.

 Ella tiene fiebre alta. - She has a high fever.

Baño de hielo. - Ice bath

Llama al Dr. Rodriguez. - Call Dr. Rodriguez.

Te quiero  más que a nada en el mundo. Eres el amor de mi vida. ¿Te casarías conmigo, mi hermosa? - I love you more than anything. You are the love of my life. Will you marry me, mi hermosa?

Por supuesto, Javi. No quiero pasar mi vida con nadie más. - Of course, Javi. I don’t want to spend my life with anyone else.

Eres tan terco. - You’re so stubborn.

Solo para ti, mi amor. - Just for you, my love.

Tag list

@magneticbucky​ @larakasser​ @pedropascalownsmyheart​ @wander-lustbabe​ @frietiemeloen​

[supernaturalmarauders]

A real family (Pt 1)

Summary: Robert Downey juniors teenage daughter lives with her mum, after her parents divorce. Robert doesn’t get any access to see her, and knows nothing about her life. After her abusive step dad goes to far and puts him in hospital, can Robert save her before

Basically I’m going to take on the evil step sister approach but make it male version. But whilst adding in physical abuse

Warnings: abuse, depression, hospitals.

“Y/N” your dad screamed from the kitchen. You couldn’t remember a time your dad hadn’t been screaming. Your house echoed so much you could have sworn that half of the bloody town could hear your mums shreak.

“I’m comming” you yell from your room. Big mistake. But it was to late now. You should have just kept your mouth shut, but then again, that outcome wouldn’t have been any better of an outcome.

You slowly make your way down the stairs into the kitchen where you see your two step brothers, and step father sitting around the kitchen table. You know sneaking in unnoticed isn’t an option so you except your defeat.

“What have I told you about yelling” says your stepfather in a sturn voice. You don’t reply, instead you keep your head down and look into your lap

“WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU” he screeches at you throwing his plate at your shoulder causing it to shatter and cut into your shoulder blade, making you wince

“Answer me you worthless piece of shit ” he screames at you and you can see your step brother preparing to throw their plates

“Not to do it” you mumble.

“ WHAT WAS THAT” he roared at you, slowly raising from the table, causing you to fall back off your stool and against a wall.

“Nothing sir, you told me not to do it” you say clearly with the small bit of confidence you have left. Suddenly a sharp object collides with your eye and you feel a stinging, painfully burning sensation. Your chew down in your lip to not make a scene.

“Was that talking back” you hear your oldest step brother say, whilst slowly decreasing to ground between you.

“ANSWER US” you hear your brother screech throughout the ringing in your ear.

“I’m sorry sirs, it won’t happen again” you say hiding your face in your hands.

Suddenly a foot collides with your tiny figure and you feel a snap, you know you’ve broken your second rib in a week, but there’s nothing you can do.

“I have heard that excuse far to much Y/N, I think you deserve a punishment” said your father breaking the ground between you and the group of towering men.

You wished that your mum was still alive. Maybe everything would be peaceful if your mum was still alive. If you hadn’t caused her death, as your father said.

“Please no” You beg, before you were sudenly shoved against a wall hearing even more bones crack.

“No more talking back” said your step dad dragging you by the hair up to stairs and into his bedroom door, locking it after being followed by your “brothers”. You closed your eyes as tight as you could, trying to ignore the horrendous pain that littered your body, and distract yourself from what you prayed would never come.

The screames of protest and pain that came next could have woken up the whole country if anyone listened hard enough, however living in a very remote part of the town meant no one could hear the cruel ness that your “family” was subjecting you to.

Xxxx

Robert was trying to sleep, he had to be up early for filming tomorrow, however there was something else on his mind. You. You were officially turning 16 tomorrow, and for a parent that is a very scary time, however this birthday was fillled with sadness and regret.

He had fought long and hard for custody over you for two years untill the court concluded that your mum could take better care of you. The last he ever saw of you was a seven year old little girl crying because she would never see her father again. Your mother would not let him ever speak to you, no matter how hard he tried, and he could not find you on any social media. He wished you were safe but something in his gut was telling him that something was wrong.

He couldn’t act on his feeling however as he was not granted any access to see you, therefor he would be breaking the law.

The last he remembered of you was your long ( hair colour) hair, and smiling face ripped away from him. He was sure you’d grown up by now and had changed physically greatly. However he wished you remembered him. He wished you and his current family could live together happily celebrating big milestones together.

“Can’t sleep” said a voice from behind him. Robert hadn’t noticed he’d moved from the inside of his trailer to the outside seating area.

“Umm, I’m just thinking” he said

“I’s this about Y/N ?” Said Chris Hemsworth taking a seat next to him.

“Yeah” said Robert sadly.

The entire avengers cast new about You. It had come out on a drunk night on the town, however no one had seen it effect him this much... ever.

“It’s her birthday tomorrow, her 16th” he said sadly.

“I’m sorry mate, I could never imagine not seeing one of my children, even living without them for that fact” said Chris trying to console your father to the best of his abilities.

“Something just isn’t sitting right with me, i know somethings wrong with her” said Robert.

“Have you tried getting custody again, even just visiting rights” asked Chris

“The case is to small, It’ll just be dismissed” said Robert sadly

“Keep your head up mate. Not long untill she leaves home , and then I’m sure she’ll want to meet her father” said Chris

“I guess your right” said your dad sighing in defeat”. However he still couldn’t shake the feeing something was wrong. He’d been feeling it a lot lately, and a fathers gut is never wrong

Xxxxx

“Y/N, pick up the pace” said your gym instructor. Of course today was the day you ran the mile. Every bone in your body was aching, and you were sure your body was running on adrenaline. You couldn’t get the disgusting feeling of betrail, and violation off you. You remembered every moment from the previous night, from the almost shattered shoulder bone, to the moment you were violated and entered. It made you want to cry however crying was a weakness. Crying was more reason for them to beat the emotion out of You.

You weren’t the slowest runner, actually you were quiet good, that’s why your gym teacher was so tough on you, she knew you had potential, if only she knew what was going on at home.

You finish the Lap slower than your usual time, however you could feel your body start to shut down.

“Everyone go get a drink.... Y/N not you, I wanna talk” said your coach watching everyone leave. You could see your vision start to loose focus, causing you to reach for your bottle, and chug half of it down.

“Honey, what’s going on. Your average is dropping, I’m getting worried”

You couldn’t reply, your ears started to ring, and your long sport top was causing you to sweat and fall of the seat, onto the floor, hitting your head. You could hear the distant ringing of your name however your to far gone. You feel your body start to go limp, and everything to go dark, you start to fade out of consciousness and the last thing you heard was screaming to call 911.

Xxxxxxxx

Robert had just finished filming and it was lunch time for the avengers crew. Almost all the crew members were there today, it was a big day for shooting and very busy, so getting to finally eat lunch was a blessing.

He took a seat around a table seating, Scarlett, Mark, Jeremy, Chris Evans, Chris Hemsworth, and Tom hidleston. They were all in the middle of a conversation when they saw Him sit down.

“Hey, you doing alright” said scarlet dropping the previous discussion.

“Peachy” he replied taking a bite of a sandwich. He suddenly saw one of the producers running up to the table with a frantic look on him face holding the main phone.

“You need to answer this. It’s important”the feeling of dread once again sat in the bottom of his stomach. he instantly answered the phone, his face Pailing almost imidiately, causing the other members of the cast to drop their food and commence worry.

“ I’ll be there as soon as I can” said your dad hanging up the phone.

He looked towards the manager receiving a nod.

“Take all the time you need, we’ll rearrange the schedule, let us know how it goes” said the director taking back the phone.

Robert quickly took of from the set, already on the phone to his wife.

“Honey I’ve got to go to Arizona, Y/N’s in the hospital

Xxxxxxx

You could feel your head pounding. The beeping around you didn’t stop. The fact that you couldn’t move your body didn’t help much either. The black vision slowly started to become brighter causing you to squint your eyes in pain. A forced wince came out of your mouth. Slowly you opened your eyes and started to see the white hospital room around you.

You could see the countless wires connected to you and the beeping of the heart monitor, was ringing in your ears. You tried to sit yourself up but you found that your body was restricted, and you were struggling to sit up.

“That’s not going to work honey, you’ve cracked your ribs, and we can’t risk them breaking again” said the nurse walking in.

“Oh” you say in a quiet voice resting your head back on the pillow.

“How are you feeling honey” said the nurse bustling around the room.

“I’m fine”

“Sweetheart, I’ve had my fair share patients. And the lies I’ve heard... I can’t help you unless you tell me the truth” she said

You sigh and look down to your lap.

“Everything hurts” you say in a quiet voice, trying not to gain any attention

“I suspected, your not afraid of needles are you” asked the nurse kindly.

“Not really no” you say.

“Y/N, You have to be honest with me. I’m only trying to help you” said the nurse politely.

“Umm.. I haven’t had a needle since I was 7. I’d have no way of knowing” you say as honest as you could.

“It’ll just be a pinch, you’ll be fine”. Said the nurse.

Suddenly you feel a pinch in your arm. You’d been through much worse, this felt like nothing.

“All done” said the nurse putting a plaster on your arm.

“Can I ask you a question”

“Go ahead”

“What’s going to happen the them” you ask.

A small sigh left her lips. not knowing if you were ready for the news she hesitated...

“All three of them are missing. Found out you were in the hospital and did a runner. The police have locked down the surrounding boarders to try and find them” said the nurse.

You sighed and nodded your head.

“Why are they taking such large measures” you said.

“Y/N there’s some things you haven’t been told... how much to do you know about your father. Asked the nurse with a smile on her face.

“Mum never talked about him. I haven’t even heard him mentioned since I was seven. I didn’t think he’d want anything to do with me” you say slowly lowering your head towards your lap.

“I can assure you hon he wanted so much to have you in his life. He’s right outside that door and he wants to see his little girl”

“What do you mean” you asked.

Suddenly there was a nock on the door, and In walked another woman, in a very fancy dress suit

“Hello Y/N” said the lady taking a seat beside the white framed bed.

“What’s going on” you asked sinking deeper into the sheets of the knitted white sheets.

“ I have your father outside this door as I’m sure you’ve been told... and he’s very keen to meet you... how would you feel about meeting him”

You didn’t get to sat another word before a medium sized man walked into the room. You couldn’t believe your eyes... the world had to be playing tricks on you... there was no way.. no way at all.

“You have to be kidding me”

To be continued

[knovesstorytelling]

Murray Mysteries Transcript - S1E12

Episode 12. The Long Night

Written by May Toudic

Mina: Welcome to Murray Mysteries.

[Theme music plays.]

Jane: Hello listeners.

[A chair creaks and papers rustle.]

Jane: Apologies I— Ow!

[The chair creaks more.]

Jane: It’s been a long night and I’m running late for, well, just about everything but I promised I’d keep this log up to date and I always, always keep my promises. Last night I was sitting in my office, catching up on paperwork so I could get on with my research. I kept my door open because I like to think an open door policy will help the staff and patients see me as a more accessible figure, and well, it, it doesn’t matter. 

Jane: The point is the door was open and R came running in and it took me about a second to realize he was holding one of the knives from the kitchens but it was a second too late. I tried to use the desk as a barrier but he managed to reach forward enough to cut one of my wrists quite badly, but I managed to get a hit in, which bought me enough time for security to get here. 

Jane: R didn’t look like he wanted to attack again though. He was just lying on the floor and… licking it. Where my blood had fallen. This isn’t something I’ve seen from him before. He kept saying “the blood is the life” over and over again as they took him back to his room. 

Jane: I’d normally be very keen to start looking into a new symptom like this but my mind hasn’t been on work with everything that’s happened to Lucy and I did have a slightly bleeding wrist that needed attention.  I got escorted to our medical office and the resident nurse patched me up. Which was very kind of her up to the point where she refused to discharge me until I had a nap. Can you believe it? Forcing my hand like that, it’s like I have no authority here. “Severely sleep-deprived.” It’s none of her business, I’m doing just fine.

Jane: I lost some precious hours to that little nap and now I’ve got no work done and I’ve got, God. 12 missed calls. That is not good. That is really, really, not good. Hold on.

[A phone rings.]

Voicemail: You have three new messages.

[A beep.]

Lucy: Hey Janey! I can’t believe you’re making me leave a message, an actual message. Answer your phone! Answer your texts! Nobody leaves voicemails anymore, this isn’t the 90’s. Anyway, I thought I’d tell you I’m doing fine. Since I know you’re always desperately worried about me, but it looks like…

Lucy (crying): you’re too busy to think about me much anyway.

[She fakes a sob.]

Lucy: You’d better be on a hot date, or a spontaneous quest for pizza or something, because if you’re ignoring me for work, I’m going to be real offended. Last night went well, since you’re asking. Like the night before and the night before that one. Prof isn’t quite as fun to tease as you are, but she’s surprisingly good at poker. She said she had to go to London overnight to check out some books, the old’s Kings College library won’t send them. So looks like you’re on Lucy duty today! Lucky you.

[A beep.]

Van Hellsing: Jane! Hello. Listen, I’m sorry for the last-minute call, but I have to London tonight. You know how those university librarians are. Could you watch over our patient tonight? She’s doing much better but this isn’t the time to relent. I’ll check in tomorrow as soon as I come back. See you then!

[A beep.]

Lucy: Guess your hot date went well. Either that or you’re eating all the pizza without me. Good for you. Don’t worry about me, alright. I can handle it one night on my own. Just me, Mum, and the garlic. I’ll make sure to keep the stinky shield up. Nighty night.

[A beep.]

Jane: Shit. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. I have to go.

[A beep. Silence, then a beep. Footsteps on gravel continue throughout.]

Van Hellsing: Let’s give this a shot. I was inspired by Dr. Seward’s habit of recording her notes orally. It does seem faster than writing them down and one isn’t tempted to cut out on things that seem insignificant first thought but might be important later on. A brilliant idea, really. 

Van Hellsing: I’m currently walking from the station to Miss Westenra’s house. This has been a successful trip. Most of the books I tracked down to the King’s College library turned out to be irrelevant. But one of them did contain information that could change—

[Bushes rustle.]

Van Hellsing: Jane! Hello!

[Another set of footsteps.]

Van Hellsing: Out to get breakfast? What happened to your wrist?

[Jane pants.]

Jane: I’m not— I’m so sorry. A lot happened last night. And I only just got your message this morning, I was just about to check on Lucy.

Van Hellsing: You mean—

Jane: I didn’t spend the night there! I know, I know I’m sorry. 

Van Hellsing: No need to apologize. I’m sure it couldn’t be helped. But we need to go in now. Anything could’ve happened in the past 12 hours. 

[They walk to the house and knock on the door. They knock louder. The chain on it rattles as it creaks open. They go inside. Jane gasps.]

Jane: Oh God.

Van Hellsing: No.

Jane: Is she— Should I call the police? An ambulance? What do we do?

Van Hellsing: Ambulance. She’s still breathing. Barely.

Jane: Right.

[She leaves to call EMS.]

Van Hellsing: Come on. Stay with us. Just a little bit longer.

[Jane comes back.]

Van Hellsing: Is that—

Jane: It’s done, they’ll be here in 5 minutes. What’s this?

Van Hellsing: I believe this is a tape recorder.

Jane: And?

Van Hellsing: She must’ve left a message. Before…

Jane: Oh.

Van Hellsing: We should play it.

Jane: What? We need to make sure she holds on until the ambulance arrives.

Van Hellsing: There’s nothing more we can do except wait, Jane. Whatever’s on that tape, she wanted us to find it. She wanted us to know.

Jane: Fine then. You play it. I just… can’t.

[The tape recording whirls to life. It buzzes.]

Lucy: Hey, hey Janey. Listen I… I don’t want you to feel guilty, okay? Whatever happens next, none of this if your fault I just— I want you to know that. I went to bed at the usual time, but I woke up to that flapping sound at the window. You, you know the one. When you and Van Hellsing are there, I just ignore it but when I’m alone? I was kind of freaked out. I, I, I got up to look out the window, and I saw it was just a big bat so I went back to bed. Mum came in a couple of minutes later, she said she wanted to check on me.

[She sniffs.]

Lucy: I asked her to stay for a bit and we were almost asleep but it crashed in the window. It was a wolf Jane, an actual wolf. I didn’t even know we had wolves in England. Where the hell did it come from? Mum and I  just ran as fast as we could, I tried to knock it away but the garlic, it fell off and Mum she—

[She sobs.]

Lucy: She—

[She sob and sniffs.]

Lucy: She stopped moving before we could get to the door. She made this weird, choking sound and then she fell. It was so slow. But I still couldn’t catch her, I tried to drag her by the ankle, to take her with me. But she wasn’t moving and I wasn’t strong enough and—

[She takes a shuddering breath.]

Lucy: I think it was too late anyway. I think her heart just gave out, or maybe… I’m just telling myself that if it didn’t, maybe she just fainted or something. It means, I left her there. And it’s my fault she’s dead. Of course, my phone was on the bedside table and it was too late to call for help now. I’m in the kitchen now, I found this old tape recorder in the drawer.

Lucy: I can’t believe she kept it, I always tell her she should Marie Kondo the place and throw out all my stuff and she says… said. She couldn’t bring herself to do it. I used to carry this thing around everywhere. I’d pretend to be a reporter and interview everyone in the neighbourhood and ask them about their dark past. 

Lucy: Mrs. Andrews got really offended when I asked her what she was doing during the war. Said it was rude to assume a lady’s age.

Lucy: I can hear it pacing outside. I made sure the back door was locked, but I don’t know if it can hold, I don’t know. I don’t think I’m going to make it through tonight. So, Jane, this isn’t your fault, remember. Would, would you tell Art I love them? Don’t let them listen to this, it would just upset them more. I don’t, I want to make this any worse for them. So just, tell them I love them, okay? And it’s not their fault either, or Van Hellsing’s, and I just want them to be happy. 

Lucy: You too Jane. You just have to be happy. Get out of your office once in a while, meet people, fall in love with someone who deserves you.  If not for you, do it for me. You can’t say no to your dead ex, right? I should go. I want to keep talking. Talking helps. But I don’t know how long this old thing will hold and I can’t risk ruining this tape. Take care of yourself, Jane, take care of Art. I mean it, but. Please don’t forget yourself. You’re important too.

[The tape recorder clicks off.]

[Credits music beings.]

Credits: Murray Mysteries is a Knoves Storytelling production. This episode was written and produced by May Toudic and featured Bebhinn Tankard as Dr. Jane Seward, Rebecca Krause as Professor Van Hellsing, and Megan John as Lucy Westenra. If you like our work and would like to support us, you can find us on Patreon at Patreon.com/KnovesStorytelling or follow us on Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr. Thank you for listening.

[crystalwillow]

Without You, Part Two

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x Casey Valentine (F!MC)

Word Count: 4.9K

Taglist: @deansmyapplepie @schnitzelbutterfingers @rookie-ramsey @vibrantlyjaz @brycelahelalover @eleanorbloom

⚠️ Warning: Includes mention of death, pain and heavy sorrow. If you are easily upset by death, please stop reading here and I will be back soon with a happier fiction. If you really wanted to read it, and are now sad you won’t be able to, I send my deepest apologies and hugs to you. Thank you for your support, it means the world to me and keeps me motivated to keep going and creating new content. ⚠️

POV: Narrative & Ethan Ramsey

=========

--- Narrative ---

“Casey... It- It’s Ethan.... He’s taken a turn for the worse. It looks like he might pass away. Tonight.”

Her blood ran cold at those words, the grip she had on her phone gone as it fell to the floor and she bolted out of the apartment. No. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t happening. Not now, not today, not to him. She ran the short distance from her shared apartment to Edenbrook, running through the halls to Ethan’s room in the ICU. She froze outside as she looked through the window, doctors and nurses crowding his bed as they tried frantically to resuscitate Ethan. She placed her hand on the glass, tears streaming artfully down her face.

“Come on Ethan, please, pull through. For me. For your father. For... For us. You can do it please.”

Her voice was but a whisper as she continued to cry as she watched the scene in front of her. For a moment it looked hopeful and her tears stopped as she held her breath. But then a different emotion overtook her as the doctors and nurses stopped trying. Looking at each other with sorrowful looks.

“No. no. no. they can’t stop trying.”

Casey mumbled to herself as she fumbled with the door handle and entered the room. Hearing the words she never wanted to hear.

“Time of death. 11:56PM”

No. He... He was gone. Sobs wracked her body as the sound of pain left her body with every cry. Her tears were now like that of a waterfall as she pushed through those crowded round his bed. Leaving wet footprints on the floor. Her feet were numb from running through the snow in just socks but that didn’t matter right now.

“No. Please. Ethan wake up! Show them you’re okay. That you’re playing a silly prank on them. I know how much you secretly love those. Though this would be a sick prank to play right now Ethan Ramsey.”

Her hand cupped his face, thumb stroking over his stubble as she pressed her lips into a thin line and blinked back some tears. She didn’t notice her among the crowd of people as she looked through the window, she was too focused on her boyfriend. But she turned around upon feeling a hand on her shoulder. It was June Hirata, tears of her own shining in her eyes. Okay, so her and Ethan disagreed a lot, but that didn’t mean she didn’t respect him as a doctor. Casey let go of Ethan for a little bit and hugged June, the two sobbing into each other’s clothes. Admittedly June’s clothes got way more soaked than Casey’s, but that was to be expected. She had just lost her boyfriend, who she loved so much. So deeply. She knew secrets that we’re just between herself and Ethan, which made them special to her. They had so much planned out for the next year of their lives together. Trips around the world, weekend getaways to hotels nearby. But now Casey would be tasked with cancelling it all. She couldn’t go now. More importantly, she didn’t want to. Not without Ethan.

“Casey. Where are your shoes? Your feet are soaked!” June exclaimed, looking at the floor.

“They don’t seem to matter when you’re told your boyfriends dying.” Casey smiled weakly.

June nodded understanding, “We’ll um... leave you to.. have a moment, whilst we continue to try and get hold on his father.” she said barely above a whisper, filing out the room behind the last of the staff in the room.

“Thank you.”  Casey whispered back, turning back to Ethan.

Casey sighed as she looked at him, moving a hand to brush his hair from his face.

“You always do look peaceful when you’re sleeping. So relaxed and free of any worry.” She held his larger hand in her much smaller and delicate one, going back to stroking his stubble with the other. Tears started to stream down her face again as she begged one last time.

“Please Ethan. Wake up. Give us some kind of sign you’re still bre-” she gasped as he squeezed her hand. In that moment she swiped the tears from her eye, going from the sorrow filled girlfriend to Dr. Valentine as she called for help.

“NURSE! JUNE! ANYONE! ROOM 378 NOW!”

June come bursting through the door frantically with wide eyes. Her tone alarmed.

“Casey?! What is it!”

“H-he squeezed my hand and look.”

She pointed to his chest which rose and fell as shallowly as it did before he just passed away. June rushed to get extra help and Casey was escorted outside as a team worked even more frantically than before to stabilize Ethan’s condition once more. Casey stood outside with bated breath again as she watched. It was only minutes but felt like hours when June came out of the room, seeming lighter. A little happier. Casey regarded her with a quizzical look as a smile broke out on June’s face.

“You must be pretty special to him Casey. Hearing you must have earned a response from somewhere in his brain. His breathing is still shallow, yet a little stronger than before. It’s starting to look like his chance at survival is getting stronger.”

Casey hugged June back tightly, the words of thank you weren’t needed in that moment as it could be felt in the grip of the exchange. June walked off to fill out some paperwork and carry on with what she had to do as Casey re-entered the room.

“Hey fighter. I knew you’d come back to us.” She whispered happily as she took his hand. There it was again.. another squeeze. Casey cried again as she squeezed back, a small and happy giggle escaping the back of her throat.

“You’re really special to me Ethan. I love you so much... I- I’m glad I waited to love. Because if I hadn’t. We probably wouldn’t be a thing and I... I can’t imagine not loving you. You’re perfect for me, perfect to me, in so many ways Ethan. And so many of them you don’t see. But you... you’re beautiful and...”

She giggled at another squeeze as if he was telling her she’s beautiful too.

“Thank you. I know that now because of you. Everyday you make me feel like the princess I deserve to be. Also, I would literally be nothing without you. I’d be working in my local target probably. So I know I’ve said it a thousand times. Well tried to, but you can’t cut me off right now. So thank you, Ethan. For making me the amazing doctor I am today. The genuine overall person I am today. So please... for us... open your eyes and focus on breathing stronger every day. Take it slow, don’t get upset if nothing changes for a while. Because I’d wait forever to look into your beautiful crystal blue eyes again, Ethan Ramsey. I’d wait another 10 years if I needed to okay? Take one day at a time. And yes, I’ll still come and see you every morning and every lunch time. I’m not leaving you.”

She lent over and kissed each of his cheeks delicately, then smoothed his hair back out as the door opened.

“Casey?”

She turned to see Alan in the doorway. She gave a small smile.

“He’s okay. We got him back.”

As relief fell onto Alan’s face, Casey smiled a little and gestured for him to come over. He walked over and took a seat in the chair on the opposite side of the bed to which Casey was standing.

“He’s smitten about you. Did you know that?”

“I had a pretty good idea. I mean, it isn’t normal for your boss to suddenly bring an extra lunch every day incase you forgot yours. Nor is it normal for him to do half of the things he’s been doing. Though my favourite has been the little gift of chocolate he’ll slip into my coat pocket as he passes by when it’s my time of the month.”

“Ahhh. It’s good to see he took my advice.”

“That was you?”

Alan and Casey share a genuine smile over Ethan as they spoke and bonded more.

--- Ethan Ramsey ---

I hadn’t moved in days. The last thing I remember is being upside down and trying to answer messages from Casey as darkness crept into my vision. Now I was in the hospital as a patient. I’d concluded this from two simple facts. The constant beep of machines around me, and the clinical feeling I got from the smell of my surroundings. If you wanted to make it three, you could add the fact of me hearing her voice every day. Every morning when she arrived, every lunchtime she had, and even before she left every night. There she was, when she should have been with her friends. Laughing, making memories, forgetting about me. It had baffled me why she even started chasing after me in the first place. I’m a cynic. A bully at times. I don’t believe in true love and I certainly don’t chase after people. But that all changed when it came to one Casey Valentine. For her I had started to change, started to open myself up more to the possibility that maybe true love does exist.

Over the past few days, apart from hearing her voice. I’d heard father’s too. Thankfully, he told me he didn’t inform mom of my current state. As he said that all I could think was “Thank God. I wouldn’t want that woman anywhere near me.”

And everything over the past few days led to the moment I was in right now. Casey hadn’t stopped by after work like she usually did. Had she finally realized I wasn’t worth it? Had she finally given up? She must have done, and that broke me in so many ways. So what was the point in fighting what my body had wanted to do for so long anymore? And so I decided to slowly give myself away to death, because if I truly loved her I had to let her go and stop putting her through so much pain. It must have been horrible seeing me so quiet and God knows what my physical state looked like, but I knew I didn’t want to find out. I’m aware that it may seem stupid giving up because my girlfriend didn’t stop by after work as usual, but I’m 38. She’s ten years younger and has time to move on and find another love. She’d cope eventually and she has a great support system. Okay yes, fine I’ll admit it’s selfish to think and talk like that because she loves me, and I love her. But it’s because I love her I had decided to let death slowly take me. If this was what was supposed to happen, so be it.

I listened as my monitors beeping changed and alerted staff that came rushing in. Then I heard a small familiar one above all the chaos in the room.

“Dr. Hirata, I’m going to call Casey.”

“Okay. Call his father too. He’ll want to be here.”

‘No. please don’t call Casey. Seeing me gone will break her.’ Was all I could think as I heard the door open and close. The minutes ticked by and I could feel the staff working to do everything they could to save me, until finally, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep. I flatlined. My heart gave up and they stopped trying to save me. With my hearing still working somewhat I heard the door burst open and the voice that followed it was familiar, yet broken. I listened and what I heard next broke me. Even though I was technically dead, I got the vision clear as day. Casey running through the snow in just her socks, to get here. To me. To see....

If it were possible a tear would have escaped my eye, trickling down my cheek as I listened to her a June talk. When she held my hand, I knew I somehow had to respond. I had to fight back, and just hope it wasn’t too late.

--- Narrative ---

Days turned into weeks as Casey took Ethan on as one of her own patients to monitor him more closely, and also to bring herself some peace with knowing he was okay. The he was still breathing. But overall, she done it to sneak chance to whisper sweet nothing into his ear as she gave him the gentlest of hugs.   months passed since the day he flatlined and was pronounced dead as she entered his room, then magically came back to the world. Almost as if he had decided he wasn’t ready to leave everything behind. Casey was doing her first rounds of the day with a smile on her face, Ethan had been getting stronger and more responsive. But nothing could have prepared her for what she would see that day. The feelings it would make her feel. As she looked up from closing the door to say her usual good morning as she walked over to kiss his cheek she froze. He lied there, wide awake, staring at the ceiling, fingers slightly twitching as she held his hand.

“Ethan... you... you woke up.” She whispered a single tear escaping her right eye and sliding down her cheek. He responded by squeezing her hand with a ghost of a smile on his face. Then her eyes widened.

“You poor baby. You must be parched. Let me get you some water!” Casey exclaimed as she rushed out of the room. If he could, Ethan would be chuckling at her right now. He listened as the door opened and closed again signaling that she was back. Carefully she adjusted him to a more comfortable position for drinking water then held the straw to his lips.

“Slowly. Small sips. You haven’t drank anything in months.”

Carefully, Ethan opened his mouth enough for Casey to place the straw inside his mouth and he sipped slowly and carefully before nodding slightly to let her know he’d had enough. She took it away and placed it on the table, then turned back to him and held his hand smiling down at him. For Ethan she was the first person he had seen since waking up in the early hours of the morning. Every time he heard the handle push down for the door to open he closed his eyes again. He wanted it this way, for the first person he saw to be his girlfriend. He wanted to bask in her beauty. The way her lips were perfectly plump and soft looking every day, the way in which her hair fell naturally, framing her face like the beautiful piece of art it is. He wanted to look into her emerald eyes as she smiled at him. They had spent so much time together but entirely apart, that he didn’t want there to be another moment where they weren’t looking at each other when they were next to each other. Their moment was interrupted as the door opened.

“Casey. We came as soon as we could. How is he?” Baz asked as June closed the door.

“Awake.” She smiled.

“Has he spoken yet?” June asked.

“No. but he has had a few sips of water.” Casey tried to kick herself back into professional mode, but She was so happy that he was finally awake, she found it hard to stop smiling and be professional. She was filling in some things on his chart with June when she heard him grunting irritant. She looked up to see Baz trying to change his cannula, but it was annoying Ethan.

“Baz. I’ve got this.” Casey said handing the chart to June. She took Ethan’s hand and held the cannula in place as the tape securing it had been removed.

“Hey. What’s wrong honey?”

He tried to talk but couldn’t and just grunted angrier than before.

“Hey. Hey. It’s okay, Ethan. We aren’t expecting you to talk right away.”

He looked at her and she frowned sadly at the agony in his eyes. She looked up at June. “June, could you grab me the picture boards please. He’s trying to say something.”

“Sure. I’ll be right back.” June placed the chart on the side and left the room, returning with some laminated sheets a few moments later. Casey took them with a smile and sat next to him. His cannula now removed, and he hadn’t even noticed until Casey gave it to June in to dispose of.

“Now.” She said, professionalism now back in place. “I know that for you especially not being able to talk right now is hard. Your whole life is about talking. You could talk for the whole world for years and still be going in spirit. You’re a chatterbox. But I have some pictures and I want you to point out as best as you can what you’re trying to say.” Casey explained in a comforting tone as she held up the first sheet. Ethan’s eyes scanned the page, but he couldn’t see anything, he gestured to writing.

“You... want to write?” Casey asked and he nodded carefully. She stood up and searched for a spare piece of paper, holding it for him with something to lean on and handing him her pen. He recognized it and smiled. It was the one he had gifted her for her birthday just 2 months ago. He put the pen to paper and started writing. His hand was shaky and it took him several minutes, but Casey smiled as she read the message, looking at the wobbly smiley face and heart drawn next to it.

“I love you, too. 😊❤”

She tried to keep the tears at bay and just smile, but the emotion was overwhelming, and she had to let a few slip.

“You heard me when I said that?” she asked, looking into his eyes. He squeezed her hand tightly which made her cry even more. “You’re the first patient I’ve seen today, and you’ve made me cry!” she laughed, grabbing a few tissues from the dispenser above the sink and dabbing her eyes dry. He looked at her quizzically.

“I’m your doctor. I wouldn’t rest until I was.”

“She was...”

“Persistent.” Baz and June chipped in. and Casey chuckled more.

“Also, um... The whole hospital kinda knows about.. you know... us.”

Ethan’s eyes widened and he glared at Casey, but it was a playful glare, one that told her as soon as he could form words and sentences, she was in trouble. She grinned at him before giving him a kiss.

“As much as I’d love to stay and be in your company, I do have a job to do.”

“And a diagnostics team to run until he’s back.” Baz stated

“That’s true. After my rounds I’m going to have to become, The One That’s Feared.”

Casey, Baz and June shared a laugh then looked at Ethan, who rolled his eyes at their teasing.

“He loves us really guys.” Casey beamed and kissed his lips softly before standing up and straightening her coat. He had been restabilized again now that he was awake, and his 3 colleagues left the room, Ethan watching out of the window as they hugged and jumped happily, Casey looking over her shoulder back into the room throwing him the brightest of smiles before dispersing and continuing with her day.

 --- One and a half years later ---

Over the past year and a half as Ethan had been recovering, texting had become a large part of his life. He had been added to Casey’s group chat with her roommates and friends. She had even moved in with him to help him feel less alone during his recovery. There were hurdles, sure. But he was grateful to have such a promising young doctor by his side through it all. He insisted she shared his bed with him as they had done many nights before his accident, he even tried to convince her that it would take away all of her stress. But in a last ditch effort he made a compromise. She would share his bed on Friday and Saturday nights only. With the occasional pleasure of her joining him on a Thursday night if she left work before 8pm, which these days was rare, but he was proud of her. She had kept the diagnostics team afloat in his absence, even made a bunch of positive changes which she ran him through whenever he asked, to help him out for when he finally came back to work. Casey thought he should just not come back, after all he was almost 40 now. He hadn’t started enjoying his life until he met Casey and she wanted him to continue enjoying it. Of course, going to Edenbrook was what Ethan wanted more than anything. The idea of working alongside his girlfriend, and getting to kiss her without having to worry about rumors circulating and jeopardizing Casey’s career excited him. He could pass her in a hallway and kiss her until she was dizzy if he wanted to. He could even seek her out and ask for a ‘power hug’ if he felt low on energy.

Over the passed two months, Ethan had been coming in to sit in and watch over June, Baz and Casey as they held a number of differentials for patients, and couldn’t help but smile at the way Casey lit up as she led the team. She really hit her stride in being a leader. He would even say she was a natural born leader like himself. One lunchtime, Casey was dropping Ethan back at his apartment and making sure he was okay when he sighed.

“Are you okay baby?” Casey asked, concern on her face matching her tone.

“I...” Ethan started but couldn’t find the words, so he took a moment to think as Casey sat beside him on the couch.

“What is it? You can talk to me.” She smiled kindly at him. He looked into her eyes for a moment as he found the words.

“I... I love you.” He spoke as his voice cracked, thick with emotion.

“And I love you too sweetie. I have since our first date. But I’ve been crushing on you since I was 18.”

“No, Casey. I mean, I love you. More than that even. I adore you. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted and.. you’ve stuck by me when most people would have just left. I let myself die because I thought you had forgotten about me and I was ready to let you move on, you were 28 at the time. You could have-” he started rambling, but Casey put a finger to his lips, shaking her head as tears shimmered in her eyes.

“I never would have moved on from you Ethan. You... you’re my first and hopefully last and only true love. I’ve never loved anyone like you. All of our moments together. They mean so much.”

“But.. we haven’t been able to have sex in over a year. Doesn’t that make me worth leaving? If I can’t fulfil your every need what use am I as a boyfriend.”

“Ethan... It was never about the sex. Of course, it’s great and you’re... pretty big. But... sex isn’t what I’m with you for.”

“Then what are you with me for?”

“I’m with you for the man you are in here.” She tells him, placing her palm on his chest over his heart. “I’m here for him. The kind, funny, beautiful man who has a thousand walls to break through but once you get through his maze... The inside is even more beautiful than the tranquility garden at the hospital. There’s trees, bushes, butterflies... There is so much love inside and you’re willing to give it to me. I never in a thousand years thought I’d hear the day you said you’re not single with a smile on your face. And I much less thought I’d be the one you’d be talking about. Ethan, when I look at you... I can sometimes see that broken almost 12 year old boy, confused over why his mother would just leave like that. But then when you hold me. I feel and see the amazing man you’ve grown into. And I... I love him. I want to know him more and more. We could have a sexless relationship and I’d still be happy every damn day because I know deep down who you are. I know your soul. Which is worth way more than any sexual interaction we could have.”

They looked into each other’s eyes as they both let tears slip down their cheeks, matching soft smiles on their faces, before Casey leaned in, pressing a soft chaste kiss to his lips. Ethan pulled her back gently to kiss her a bit deeper, relishing in the feeling of peace she brought him. The kiss was short and sweet, but so full of love it had them both smiling from ear to ear as they opened their eyes, gazes falling on each other.

“You’re amazing Casey Valentine. Have I ever told you that?”

“Only a million, trillion times, Ethan Ramsey.” She giggled as she wrapped her arms round his neck, sitting in his lap. Ethan’s hand naturally fell around her waist, hand resting on her hip as he looked at her lovingly.

“I got you something before the accident. I was actually planning to give it to you that night. But I guess my plans were... let’s say, delayed.” Casey giggled at him as he smiled up at her. “Why don’t you go and get it for me so I can give it to you now? It’s in my top drawer in a brown paper bag.”

“Okay. I’ll be right back.” Casey said pressing a kiss to Ethan’s lips and then disappearing into his room, gasping when she entered his room. “Ethan Jonah Ramsey! You left your dirty washing on the floor and your bed unmade! You reckless monster!”

Ethan laughed from the couch as she reappeared holding the brown paper bag out to him.

“Stay standing for me a minute.”

“O...kay?” Casey said with a slight questioning to her tone. But that soon turned into a gasp, and shock as Ethan slid from the couch down onto one knee, opening a little red velvet box, smiling up at a now very teary Casey.

“Casey. From the moment I met you I was told we’d end up here. Mainly by Naveen and my father. Closely followed by Sienna, then followed by the rest of your unruly gang of misfits who have accepted me as one of their own now. I... never felt like I belonged growing up. After Louise left. Everything went to shit, but then I met you. A bright eyed intern with creative mistakes and an unbreakable spirit no matter how hard I pushed you. I never believed in love until you, and well... as sappy and cliché as it is, you complete me. You’re smart, funny.... I could make a whole 10 minute speech, but I’ll cut to the chase. Casey Jane Valentine, will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

She still couldn’t believe what was happening. She should be back at work right now, but instead she was being proposed to. She fought back her tears and swallowed some emotion as she found her voice again.

“Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes Ethan! I’ll be your wife!” she exclaimed happily as he took the ring from the box and slid it onto her finger. His face dropped as he tried to get up but realized he was stuck.

“Shit. Not the time to be getting stuck, Ethan.” He cursed himself, but Casey heard and helped him up. He stood to his full height, towering above her as he tilted her head up by hooking a finger under her chin. The moment was so pure and full of emotion that Casey had forgotten all about work.

“Ethan I...”

“Shhh. I know my little sugar plum. I wouldn’t want to live without you either.”

She smiled and closed her eyes as her head came to rest on his chest, the moment lasted for a while as they swayed to their own tune in their heads before Casey kissed him goodbye, heading for the door to go back to work.

“Cassie?”

“Hm?” she hummed, turning round to look at Ethan settled on the couch under blankets, the TV light reflecting off his face.

“Bring home pizza?”

She smiled and shook her head at him shamelessly. “Of course, sire.” She said regally and curtsied. It was Ethan’s turn to shake his head as he looked at her. “Seriously... I don’t know what I’d do without you.” He said as Casey waved goodbye, leaving him to watch TV until she returned. Hopefully with the pizza he wanted in tow.