#and I HATE ITTTTT | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ughgoaway · 1 year ago

Text

please, take my hand.

Content warnings: swearing, body insecurity, slut shaming, kinda shaming of sex workers (sex work is real work y’all), calling Matty short (so real), Gilmore Girl reference (it is where I got my nickname from after all), overuse of commas, possibly bad writing and mentions of smut but nothing really. word count- 3.7k ish

a/n: ahhhhhhh here it is!!! anon, I hope you like it and that I did your request justice, If I didn't, please feel free to send it to other writers so they can!! but this was the most I've written in AGES, so even if you don't like it, thank you for helping me actually write! the scenes in Italic are flashbacks, and im really hoping this plot isn't too confusing?? also, I struggled so hard for a title for this... why are titles so hard??? if you hate it or have a better suggestion, I am OPEN. and finally, as usual, I do, in fact kinda hate this... here it is anyway y'all!!!

You stare at the reflection in front of you, the sparkles of your dress glimmer in the low light as you analyse your body. Something you know you shouldn't do, yet you do anyway. The cups of the dress accentuate your chest just the way it's meant to, and yet you don't think it looks right. The nude fabric below the glitter makes you look as if you were glowing from within, but to you, you felt like a knockoff Edward Cullen. The thin straps trail over your shoulders and cross over in the back. Most girls would feel beautiful and seductive, but all you could focus on was if your tan was even.

Behind you, your boyfriend of 6 months slides up and places his hands on your waist. “This is it,” you think, who else better to build your self-esteem than the man who should love you unconditionally, who should worship the ground you walk on and take any opportunity to gush over his beautiful girlfriend. It seems Cole just wasn't that type of boyfriend.

“Isn't this a bit much… I mean, it's a party at George’s for Charli's new album, you're not working the street corner outside. I don't need everyone to know what you look like when I fuck you.”

Oh.

You physically feel yourself deflate, your hands reach and cross over your stomach before sliding up to your chest. You look up at his face in the mirror. A sick smile graces his features as he laughs at his comment.

Your fingers shake as you grip your shoulders, Cole grips one of your hands and slips his hand below your chin, forcing your face up to look at his in the mirror.

“You can wear it this once, baby, but after that, it needs to go - okay?” he says as if he's doing you a favour, and for some reason, you feel like he is. You nod and give him a small reassuring smile in the mirror that he returns before turning and leaving the room.

You stay standing, staring, analysing until Cole calls your name and you stumble to the door and out.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The bass rattled the door as you stood outside, the bottle of wine in your hand feeling far too formal once you swung it open and looked out on the sea at the half-drunk people.

A voice you recognised finally rang out from the crowd in front of you, "Y/n! Cole! Hi, come in" George ushered you in with a wave of his hand.

You smiled and went to hug George only for Cole's grip to tighten on your waist, you glance back at your boyfriend and scrunch your face in confusion at his actions. George looks at the pair of you questioningly but decides not to push it just smiling and graciously accepting the wine you hand to him.

Charli soon appeared behind George and greeted you. She practically tore you out of Cole's grip and gave you a bone-crushing hug. Cole dragged you back and grabbed your hand as soon as you were back in reach, seemingly staking his claim.

Before long, Charli was dragging George off with a sly smile on her face, “Drinks are in the kitchen, Help yourselves!” George shouted as he was being pulled away by his doting girlfriend.

You walk through the party staring around at the room full of people, Cole's hand is holding yours, and it feels as if your skin is burning. You are pretty sure you see Jack Antonoff somewhere in the crowd, but before you can look too closely, you hear a voice you know all too well travel from the kitchen.

“Well if it isn't the life of the party finally arriving,” Matty began, shamelessly staring you up and down, “y/n! My darling, how are you!” he said, very clearly ignoring the man currently gripping your hard so hard you're sure there will be finger-shaped bruises tomorrow.

You managed to wrench your hand away from Cole and stroll up to Matty, he wolf whistles as you walk across the kitchen to him and you feel your cheeks heat up at his shameless flirting. You try not to read too much into it, knowing what he's like.

Having been friends with Matty for the better part of a decade means you know what he's like, always ready to chat up anyone as soon as he gets a few drinks in him. Hell, you're pretty sure you've seen him trying to pull Ross on a few occasions when he'd had too many tequila shots.

“Wow darling, you have truly outdone yourself this time,” Matty said, his jaw practically on the ground. He stuck his hand out towards you indicating for you to grab it. You tentatively grip his hand only to be spun around on the spot by the curly-headed man. A light giggle escaped your lips and Matty felt his heart constrict on the spot.

Considering he was hopelessly and irrevocably in love with you, that was to be expected.

“This might be the best you've ever looked sweetheart, going to have men throwing themselves at you all night. Maybe a few girls too” Matty said, throwing you a wink with a teasing click of his tongue.

He actually wanted nothing less than to see men draping themselves over you but he couldn't help but compliment you whenever he got the chance, he always saw it as a way to confess his love without having to say those words.

Cole strolled over and pulled your hand out of Matty's grip, if you were honest you had forgotten you were holding it. It was then Matty realised there was indeed one thing worse than seeing men fawn over you, it was seeing your idiot boyfriend act like he owned you all night.

“Alright, Matty?” greeted Cole, clenching his teeth and nodding his head at the shorter man. The anger bubbling beneath the surface was clear to you and Matty, the latter couldn't help but get one last jab in at Cole.

“Hi, Cole.” Matty said dryly, “You are one lucky bastard mate, what other girl would dress this beautifully for a party at a friend's house” he finished his statement by throwing a smirk in your direction.

You heard Cole mutter under his breath and tensed, knowing what was coming. Suddenly a gush of vitriol came spewing out your boyfriend's mouth directed at Matty.

“Listen here you scrawny little shit-” began Cole leaning in and towering over the man below him who despite what was expected of him, stood his ground and started up at Cole with an unbothered look on his face.

You quickly got between the two men, placing your hand on Cole's chest and pushing away. You could feel his rapidly beating heart beneath your palm, it scared you how familiar this situation was for you. Having pushed Cole away from far too many fights in your short relationship.

“Cole just leave it, Matty is my friend. Please don't be an asshole,” you say desperately staring up at the man in front of you, hoping your eye contact would calm him down.

“An asshole?” scoffed Cole condescendingly, “fuck you y/n, I can't deal with this prick any more. I'm leaving” Cole finished his sentence by storming off out the front door, slamming it behind him. Luckily the booming music meant no one saw his childish outburst.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you stared in the direction he left. Why the fuck did he act like this, you remember falling for him. He was the perfect man, with flowers and gifts all the time. He planned dates and surprised you all the time.

Yet as the months dragged on he became a man you didn't recognise. Slowly he became controlling, it started with small things, something as simple as what tea brand you buy but soon it changed into everything. What you wore, who you spoke to, when you went out.

Your friends were drifting apart from you, but Cole assured you it was a good thing. They weren't worth your time anyway. When this invite came through, you almost immediately denied it, assuming Cole would never let you go, but to your shock, he agreed. What a good choice that seemed now.

You ran after your boyfriend, quickly followed by Matty close behind. You caught Cole’s shoulder as he walked over the grass outside George’s house. You briefly noticed how nice the flowers were, making a mental note to compliment them when you returned to the party.

Matty stood at the door watching you plead and beg your boyfriend to stay. Catching bits and pieces from where he stood, he began to walk closer when he saw Cole wrench his arm out of your grip for the third time, worried he was about to hurt you.

“Please Cole it's just Matty being Matty. If you knew him like I do, you would know it means nothing. Please” you cried and begged the man in front of you, watching his nostrils flare and the vein in his forehead grow with each passing moment.

“Oh fuck off y/n,” he spat angrily at you, “if you can't see that he's madly in fucking love with you then you're even more stupid than I thought.” he finished with a glare behind you and stormed off and this time you didn't follow. You stood in shock.

The cold air seemed to catch up to you then, the heat of the moment had been keeping you warm. The breeze blew through you as you curled in on yourself, tears streaming down your cheeks. A hand from behind reached forward and gripped your shoulder. You shrugged it off and turned around to see who it was, despite knowing exactly who you'd see.

“Dont touch me, Matty,” you say staring at him with a resentful tone to your voice, “Why do you do that. Why do you flirt with me when he's there. You know he gets jealous” you shout at the curly-headed man who scoffs and shakes his head at your comments.

“He gets jealous?” Matty shouts back incredulously, “he's a fucking dick y/n! All he does is put you down and walk around acting like he owns you! Why are you even with that asshole?” he finishes with a shout, his chest heaves with effort.

“It's not like I have many options is it Matty!?” you shout back, staring questioningly at the man a few feet in front of you. Matty stares back at you with a disbelieving look on his face, “Oh, don't look at me like that,” you say with a wave of your hand, “Am I just too unlovable, is that it?! Am I just so inherently unlovable that I'm stuck with men like that my whole life?!” you scream at him, black tears drip off your chin onto the ground below you as you drop your head.

“I love you!" he shouts back with wet eyes and a heavy chest.

Your head shot back up at his words, "No you don't. Stop. don't say that, Matty, it's not funny, " you whisper back at him, staring blankly.

“I do, please I do,” he says walking towards you. You take a step back as he approaches. Not believing what is happening.

“Please just- stop okay” Matty pleads with you, you stand still as he walks closer, and soon he is in front of you staring down into your eyes.

He briefly admires your eyelashes, heavy with tears. And your glossy eyes staring up at him.

“Please let me just speak okay, let me explain how serious I am. Please.” he pleads with you, your small nod makes him continue.

He then breaks down and explains when he realised he was in love, and how it fucked with his mind endlessly.

—----------------------------------------------------------------------------

matty can still distinctly remember when he first realised he loved you. It wasn't during some big dramatic moment, there was no celebration, cake, or streamers. just you.

It was when you all went into the countryside for Adam's birthday, you rented a cottage for you all to stay in. All Adam wanted to do for his big day was get pissed and make music in this beautiful house and you were all more than happy to oblige.

It was midday when Matty woke up draped over a sofa still in his clothes from the night before. He hissed as the light hit his eyes, not entirely sure why the world would punish him at that moment.

He looked around and saw everyone in a similar situation to him. Poor George was cramped in a small armchair, Matty having taken the only place the giant could've slept comfortably.

The birthday boy himself was sprawled on the floor, wrapped in the rug with Carly lying on his chest. Ross and Waughy were lying in a similar pose on the other side of the coffee table, but with a very small Jamie squished between the two of them.

Matty couldn't help but notice the lack of one person, always seeming to notice when you weren't in a room. He was always drawn to you, and at that point, he didn't quite know why.

Before he could sit on that thought too long everyone else began to stir, a cacophony of groans and grumbles soon came out of the severely hungover group.

"Am I dead? " croaked out Adam, already hacking up a lung at having spoken 3 words earning him a whine and a slap from his sleeping wife.

"No mate," Matty began, "just hungover in our 30's. Does anyone want a cuppa?" he asked, knowing the answer would be a resounding yes.

He stumbled into the kitchen with a mental order for 4 cups of tea, 2 coffees and one "go fuck yourself" for George. He really was a grump when hungover.

Once again he hissed at the light once he entered the kitchen and began looking for the window that was causing the awful beam.

But he stopped in his tracks once he saw you, you had obviously snuck away at some point this morning without waking anyone else.

You sat in the small nook below the window, a pink blanket was tossed over your bare legs as you stared out and the garden, wishing you could live here forever.

You didn't hear Matty come into the kitchen, so you stayed blissfully unaware of the man currently staring at you in a state of shock.

The glow of the sun reflected on your face, illuminating your features. Matty stared as the sunlight danced across your cheeks. He could see your eyes skittering over the garden, no doubt scouting out a place to sit and read later. He followed the flutter of your eyelashes down to your cheeks, somehow perfectly pink and full despite a night of drinking. If Matty hadn't seen you drink 4 shots last night, he would have never believed you could've had a single drop of alcohol.

Matty thought to himself at that moment, "Oh shit. I'm in love with her," when he saw you there.

He's never felt more cliche, but it was as if lightning had stuck him where he stood. But once he knew, he realised it had never been hidden. Every stolen touch, every lingering glance was a confession of love.

Matty yearned for you. Your melodic laugh that you insisted was a cackle, your bashful smile as you try not to preen over someone's compliments (usually his), the red that decorates your cheeks every time you drink a little bit too much wine. He craved it all.

Every part of him was made for loving you. It was the easiest thing he's ever had to do.

The realisation almost bowled him over, he gripped the corner of the kitchen counter to ground himself. He stared in awe, just watching you breathe as you stared out the window.

Soon, a wave of nausea reminded him of his purpose, and he busied himself making the myriad of teas he had promised everyone. Even managing to speak up to offer you one, but that realisation never left him.

As Matty recounted that story he saw your eyes get misty with tears, the words were flowing out of him and he couldn't stop before telling you another time he felt sick with his love for you.

He told you about the holiday in France you all took, 3 months after he realised he was ridiculously in love with you. But it was also 2 months into your relationship with Cole, and Matty had just begun to stitch himself back together.

The stitches were wonky and misplaced, he bled beneath them whenever he saw you together. But he was trying. He continued to try and fix his weeping wound, despite deep down knowing the only real fix was not seeing you, but how could he not?

He watched the waves crash over your form in the ocean, you were wildly laughing as you almost tumbled over from the force. The straps of your swimsuit nearly become untied from the crash of the waves.

When you had strolled out earlier in your suit, Matty felt his heart skitter, a simple black suit to most, but to Matty, it made his palms sweaty and his stomach leap.

The thin straps crossed over your shoulders and met behind your neck. A neck matty though would look so beautiful marked up, by him especially. The waist of the suit hugged you perfectly, making Matty dizzy at the sight of your curves. It sat low in the centre of your chest, and your glowing skin teased him mercilessly.

He felt his hands twitch at his sides when Cole ran over to you, bowling you over and pulling you into the salty waves behind you.

He thought, if it were him with you he would have slid up behind you, wrapped his hands around your waist and kissed your neck. Taking the brute force of the waves himself and letting you stand without worry of falling over.

He'd brush your sandy hair to one side and bury his face in the other. He'd breathe you in, the jasmine perfume you always wore would override his senses and he'd bury his nose deeper. He'd smile bashfully at your giggles and teasing, leaving small pecks that only caused you to laugh more.

But he wasn't doing any of that.

He was sitting on a towel watching you fight in the waves with the man who had everything he wanted but had no idea. He decided then and there a small bit of flirting wouldn't hurt anyone.

Well, it would hurt him, but matty chose to push that down and bottle it up. Knowing it would rip open his wound but he would rather slowly bleed to death with you than heal without you near him.

As Matty finished that story he saw you itching to say something, he quickly finished what he needed to say and prepared for the inevitable rejection.

"So I started just… flirting. nothing too much, just enough to get your cheeks to colour and Coles fists to clench. Just enough to brighten you up again. I missed you being bright sweetheart."

Matty tensed as he finished as if preparing for you to scream at him.

You stared blankly at the man in front of you, his months of pining were lost on you.

Of course, you noticed the flirting, everyone noticed the flirting. It was Matty, you're sure he'd have chemistry with a wooden broom if he tried. You'd more than noticed it, it had quickly become a guilty pleasure of yours to relive what he said to you.

So guilty that perhaps once or twice your hand slid down your body at the thought of Matty whispering those same comments in your ear. But that was normal, you assured yourself.

People in relationships thought about another man's curls tickling your face as he kissed your pulse point. Everyone thought of another man's voice whispering filthy comments into your ears. Obviously, everyone thought about the feeling of those same curls between their legs, and how good it would feel to grip and pull at them. To grind against his pretty face.

You shook those thoughts out of your head and looked at Matty again, you saw the fear and desperation on his face. You took a small step forward and he stepped back, copying your actions from before.

“What are you doing,” he said suspiciously, panting from pouring his heart out so quickly.

“Would you just stay still you idiot?” you say, giving him a small smile. He tilted his head questioningly but followed your request, your next step forward brought you chest to chest with him.

Before you could think too hard, you leaned in and pressed your lips together. So gentle it almost wasn't a touch, but it was and it was real. Matty couldn't believe it was fucking real.

Any chance of catching your breath was lost as Matty shot forward catching you in a passionate kiss that almost had you falling backwards if it wasn't for him desperately grabbing at you.

Your hands shot to his hair, scratching the nape of his neck with your nails as you pulled at the unkempt curls that sat there. A groan bubbles out from deep within Matty's chest and you slip your tongue into his mouth as it does, only causing another groan to leave him and his grip to tighten.

You briefly see a flash of the door opening behind Matty but pay it no mind, too wrapped up in the man in front of you.

Charli and George stood with their heads out the door, peeking out and staring at the pair of you and giggling like schoolchildren. Their laughter gets the better of you and soon you break too, laughing at their infectious and poorly suppressed snickers.

Matty turned around and scolded the pair for staring, “Oi! fuck off you two! Ruining a proper romantic moment here!” the smile on his face made it clear any harness in his voice was nothing but a ruse.

You giggle and press your face into Matty's neck, breathing him in unabashedly and revelling in the scent of his cologne mixed with cigarettes.

He turns back to you and the pair of you stare into the eyes of the other, watching the love dance over each other's faces.

#matty healy fanfiction #matty healy x reader #matty healy #matty healy fanfic #matty healy fluff #this was another request and i hope its okayyyyy #how did i write 3.7k and still hate every word... that must be a record.#hope y'all like ittttt

276 notes · View notes