#read this like 2014 interview with anthony green last night where he talks about dealing w heroin addiction and
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i think i have problems and issues
#read this like 2014 interview with anthony green last night where he talks about dealing w heroin addiction and#there was a portion of the interview where he was like. i wasnt unsafe for my kids to be around but i was high around them i wasnt present#with them and im embarrassed to have not been more there with them.#and watched an interview call he did in like 2024#where he talks about wanting to give his kids “space to talk freely” that he didnt have as a kid...#and that he wants to make a space for them that's honest and open and where they can tell him about anything.#and how it's been important for him to come to terms with abuse he went through so that he can make sure they have the support and safety#they need#and its like.... head in my hands#[about to make this about my father issues]#i wish my dad had the ability to ***consistently*** be like. i'm embarrassed by the ways i acted around you and i want to be better for you#and i wish he had been able to really sit with and recognize how fucked some parts of his childhood were ... and ***consistently*** reflect#everything with him is so confusing and exhausting right now. it#it's so hard to articulate what i need from him.. but.#it fucking hurts to see anthony. whose music has gotten me through so much of the past two years—#which have been defined in large part by my understanding of my dad and relationship with him shifting dramatically—#talk in interviews about his mental health issues and wanting to be present with his kids and give them openness and#be honest with them about what's happened to him and how he wants them to be able to tell him about anything.#and know that. my dad wanted to give me and my little brother openness and safety too. but he was stuck i think in a lot of ways.#and now there's all this damage done. and i still can't count on him not to blame me or my little brother for his own actions.#i cant count on him to actually listen to me. and i tell him that and he tells me he's listening.#i can't count on him to not talk about the possibility that he kills himself around me or even to pick up on the fact that.#that's like. not something you put on your fucking kid.#i Know that when i step away from him‐ because i have trouble setting boundaries and being honest when we're close-#he feels like i'm abandoning him.#and . god. to have been told. by him and HIS THERAPIST. . that if we are to have a relationship. is to not DISAPPEAR .#just reinforces the part of me that feels wholly responsible for his emotional well-being. and im HIS SON.#and then to think that he tried to . dad-break-up with me over the summer and blamed me for 'deciding he's not trustworthy' after he was#after he was so controlling and hurtful to my mom and brother for years and rejected my gentle attempts to call him on it. like.#i wish he had been able to be more like the kind of parent anthony appears 2 b. i hope he can start learning now but hoping keeps hurting me
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