#life of a lit grad
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Postgrad Life + Work From Home!
#masters#post grad life#postgraduate#master study#english lit student#english literature#literaturemasters#maenglish#work from home#wfh#wfh vibes#college#delhi university#du#aesthetic#classic academia#dark academia#book nerd#reading#dark literature#unioutfits#uni student#back to uni#unilife
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something i love about comics (and this is probably just the beleaguered college student in me) is the fact that like. you have to cite your sources. it is so much more normalized in comics fan culture than anywhere else iâve been that you provide evidence for your claim. and i for one love it lol im more surprised when there arenât panels/quotes provided with an analysis
#in my lit classes fighting for my life as people say i find it interesting that [literally just quotes the text]âŚ#and then you go well why is it interesting what stands out to you?#and they go oh well i donât know⌠i just noticed it and thought it was interestingâŚ#girl!! why is it fucking interesting!! give me some analysis give me something!!#sorry to rant in the tags. iâm too young and undergraduatey to be a grad student to these peopleđ#i guess in comics fandom itâs also lowkey like. an outlier to actually do the reading the comics part#meta#i guesssssss
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24.03.2023 I'm sorry for the lack of update, my schedule becomes so hectic especially when it's now Ramadhan. Bought new books and won some tropical scented candle.
#student#studyblr#studyinspo#studies#post grad life#chaotic academia#dark academia#post graduate#study motivation#candles#alone with you in the ether#tales of mystery and imagination#to the lighthouse#olivie blake#edgar allan poe#virginia woolf#literature#lit#books#new books#study blog#bookblr
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I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!
#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void#im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would#understand is too busy#I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy#I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week#I want to leave the committee I work for completely#I want to leave this school completely!!#aaaaaaaaaaa#I want to go grad school#I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one#bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT#ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out#but still#I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad#if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school#one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt#some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault#I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!!#but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it#bc me rn#I just need to leave and not come back#or if I do not come back for a long time#I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online#the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it#all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr#its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else
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I absolutely was not ready for how hard school is kicking my ass⌠but I was even less prepared for the change of mooing to another country with a completely different metric system đđđ
#i just want to write#i just want to sleep#cryinginmyroom#grad school#stem girls#Iâm a lit girlie stuck in a stem girlies life#women in stem#student#student life#student loans#fic writing#fanfic writing#blog writing#crying in my room again#anxiety sucks#no time to waste#yes i do the cooking yes i do the cleaning
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i am going to rip my institutional library staff apart with my bare hands
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nihongo jouzu counter: 2
#i was explaining dgs to my professor today when we were alone together#play dgs â read meiji lit â learn japanese â go back to school for a totally different major â go on study abroad#apply to jet â live there for 2 years â go to grad school for japanese â continue your life there#all because ryuunosuke naruhodou wanted to be sort of quirky . on screen
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me writing papers for class
#A Writerâs Life#writing things#college life#college#college studyblr#school#college student#english lit student#english lit studyblr#grad student#grad school#exam season#law student#literature student#med school#med studyblr#neurodiverse stuff#new poets society#law school#new studyblr#stemblr#studentlife#student life#study aesthetic#study aid#study#students#student#study blog#study desk
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I'm waiting to hear back from my professor on how I did on my paper and last few assignments. I really need to pass this class so I can go into my final class not worried about any other work.
#My final for Romantic Lit was on Persuasion and Mansfield Park#I'm working on something for a client this week#One of my jobs is creative and involves content creation for clients#My other job is retail but I'm keeping it for now because I'm new to my Conent Creator Job#I'm trying to balance everything because I'm new to professional content creation#and I don't want to overdo it cuz I'm still in school and need to do well in my final classes#I really want to finish my masters out well#Waiting on grades is always a little nerve wracking#I've been busy lately that's why the updates are so random#grad school#grad school life#mychatter
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dark academia aesthetic this, romanticizing postgraduate study that, it literally just looks like this like 97% of the time:
#the other 3% is when i have the motivation to go to the Nice Library on campus#also insert that image of kendall roy screaming#post grad life#english lit#dark academia
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Autumn
My family changes like the trees, the many shades have walked through these hall all keeping a similar hue.
Except myself.
My hair changes with the seasons, mimicking those around me, Golden hair in the summer with oak skin.
Florals tones enter at spring, with flushed skin and blushed cheeks from the pollen.
winter is what remains from both, but autumn is where I'll thrive.
Golden skin and auburn hair, the colors of the season.
My uncle laughs claiming I copied him, his bright red hair and freckled skin in contrast of myself.
My eyes lighten with age, I will slowly be unrecognizable like the trees in autumn.
#college student#my writing#writers#college#writing#poetry#college life#poem#self worth#poets on tumblr#student life#student#autism spectrum#autistic spectrum#college studyblr#ehlers danlos syndrome#english lit student#english lit studyblr#exam season#grad school#grad student#law school#law student#literature student#med school#med studyblr#neurodiverse stuff#new poets society#new studyblr#sag aftra strike
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how to disappear | luke castellan
warnings: betrayal, fluff, mean!luke for like five lines, extremely long, not canon, drug use and language, probably got some things wrong but it's for the plot; i sobbed writing this. (this might be my favorite piece i've ever written)
part 2: shades of cool
pairing: aphrodite!reader x luke
description: based on how to disappear by lana del rey
i. all of the guys tell me lies, but you don't. just crack another beer and pretend that you're still here.
"hey, angel," a voice startled you out of your thoughts. your feet were dangling over the pier as you stared out into the lake. you twisted your head to see luke approaching. a soft smile was on his face. "been looking for you everywhere."
"needed a breather," you said, scooting over so he could join you. "sometimes i forget how overwhelming being back here is."
he rolled his cargo pants up to his knees, letting the cool water touch his bare skin. "i get it. sometimes i wish i could take a break."
"you can, you know," you nudged his shoulder, "you're old enough to leave camp during the year. nobody would fault you for wanting to go away for a while."
he dug into his front pocket, pulling out a messily rolled joint and the pink lighter you gave him last summer. the heart you drew on the plastic with sharpie was starting to fade. he placed the joint between your eager lips and lit the end. he tried to ignore the sparks that shot up his arm when your fingertips brushed against his.
luke shrugged, "i know, but then who would take care of the kids? mr. d isn't really the model citizen."
you quirked an eyebrow, passing him the joint, "and you are?"
"better than mr. d," he let out a chuckle before taking a drag. luke closed his eyes as the smoke escaped his lips. he could taste your lipgloss. "maybe when you get your own place, i'll take some time off and visit you."
"i'm off to college soon," you said. "going to california. i got a scholarship."
"of course you did," he grinned. the weed didn't take effect yet. usually, when you smoked with luke, his brown eyes are hazed over by the effects, but while he was speaking, his eyes twinkled in pride. "didn't doubt it for a second."
"you'd leave camp and visit california for me?"
luke had a knowing smile on his face now, as if you were ridiculous for even asking that question. "'course. only problem would be that i'm broke as shit right now. being camp counselor doesn't really pay the big bucks, y'know."
you hummed. it was weird really, how camp was just a fraction of your life. your dad made sure that you could have a semi-normal life, or at least as normal as a half-blood's life could be, but not all demi-gods had the luxury, luke included. his dad made sure of it.
at first, luke despised you for it. why was it fair that you were your mom's favorite child while his dad barely cared enough to make sure he survived his failed quest? if aphrodite was his godly parent, he was sure that he wouldn't have this ugly scar on his face to remind him that he was nothing but a failure. she would stitch him up and make sure that he was okay.
this is not to say that luke liked any of the gods; he just preferred aphrodite above all of them. she gave you to the world, after all.
"what else is new?" he prodded, passing you the joint again after his third drag. "anything else exciting happen in your life since last summer?"
"nothing much," you coughed slightly. you didn't smoke unless you were at camp with luke. "just the usual senior year things, i guess. graduation, prom, you know."
"no, i don't know, actually," he laughed, "well, i know the idea of it. did you decorate your graduation cap? did your senior year live up to your expectations? did you have a date to prom?"
"yes, yes, and no." you pretended not to notice how luke's shoulders relaxed at your answer. "i did decorate my grad cap. my dad has it framed with my diploma. the design was my college's logo. i didn't have a date to prom because i didn't really like anyone at school. i would rather take a date i actually enjoyed the company of."
"that's fair," luke said. he took another hit from the joint. you watched the smoke evaporate into the air, the smell of weed surely sticking to your clothes. "tell me about your senior year."
"it was fun," you said, longing on your face. "it's weird to think that i'm kind of on my own now. after camp, i'll be shipped off across the country to take classes for some bullshit degree that i probably won't need because i won't make it long enough to see the workforce."
luke chuckled at that. it was morbid, sure, but he would be lying if he said that that reality wouldn't be a possibility. he didn't like to think about it much, the idea of you dying, but the life of a demi-god was unpredictable. he's surprised he even made it to eighteen.
you continued, "but i got to be a kid and i'm thankful for that. i just can't stop thinking about how this is my last summer here. i'm eighteen now. i've aged out."
"you can come back, you know," luke said. these summers with you were the only thing he looked forward to each year ever since you first arrived. "i'm still here."
"that's because if you step a toe out of this camp, they'll find you," you said, although you knew luke knew this already. he was powerful. he would attract monsters left and right and he'd be putting himself in jeopardy if he left. your suggestions for him to visit you were more wishful thinking than anything. in those moments, you let yourself pretend that you and luke were normal, that nobody would be trying to kill you if you tried to watch a movie at a theater or something.
"fair," he offered you the last hit, but you shook your head. you already felt your head spinning. "beth wants to go to college, too."
"does she?"
"yeah," he put out the joint on the wooden pier. neither of you spoke as the flame was extinguished with a sizzling sound. "told her to talk to you. you know more about it than i do."
"i'd love to talk to her. i think she'd do great in college."
"she would," he smiled, sadly. his eyebrows furrowed in thought. his mouth opened and closed a few times, like he was trying to find the right way to frame his words. you sat in silence patiently. he gulped, "i feel like everyone is moving on without me."
luke propped his elbows on his knees. he looked across the lake, watching the sunset turn into a pink horizon. he couldn't look at you while he spoke. "don't get me wrong, i'm so proud of you for leaving this place. and i'll be proud of annabeth when her time comes, but i think i just hate the fact that at the end of it all, i'll be alone. everyone in my life has a life outside of this, but i don't. this is it for me. i don't know what it is about this place, about this life, that keeps me stuck here, but i am."
you weren't stupid enough to correct him. you both knew the gods had a plan for luke. it was something bigger than the both of you, though neither of you truly knew what it was; but it was always this looming dark cloud above him, a second shoe waiting to drop. luke tried to ignore the feeling most days, but sometimes, he couldn't help but feel himself get pulled into the darkness; like in these moments, when reality hits him a little harder. you probably won't be back after this summer.
"well," you placed a hand over his own. he flipped his hand over to hold yours properly. he still wasn't looking at you. "let's just make the most out of this summer, yeah? think about everything else when we get there."
he squeezed your hand, "yeah."
ii. met me down at the training yard, cuts on his face cause he fought too hard.
"castellan."
luke winced, not because of the pain of the open cuts on his face, but because of the tone of your voice. that voice meant that he was in trouble.
he mustered up the courage to smile weakly at you, trying to ignore the droplets of blood that spilled from his open wound. "hey, angel."
"don't angel me," you hissed, marching to him. you grabbed his face gently, inspecting the damage. "what were you thinking?"
"i was thinking the kid was a bitch."
"castellan."
he cringed, "sorry."
"what happened?"
"i haven't been getting much sleep," luke whispered, "nightmares are back."
you sighed, picking up a cotton ball soaked in alcohol. the apollo kid who was tending to luke earlier was smart enough to leave the room when you walked in. you muttered half-hearted apologies as he hissed in pain. "i'm sorry to hear that, but that's not the answer i was looking for."
"he was just talking shit," luke said through gritted teeth. whatever the ares kid was saying must've been really bad because you could feel luke's anger rising again. you rubbed his back slowly until he calmed down. "don't wanna talk about it."
"okay," you resigned, finally wiping away the final remnants of blood off his face. you stared at him; even with an open lip, red bruises, and flecks of blood on his face, luke was still beautiful. he plopped his forehead against your stomach, wrapping his arms around you to pull you closer.
this was common with luke. he acted all big and bad around all the other campers, but in your presence, he turned into this; always looking for comfort, always touching you somehow, like he was finally allowed to breathe. you cradled the back of his neck as he let out shallow breaths, leaving feather-light kisses on his crown when you thought he wouldn't notice them. he always felt them, but he never let you know that he did. he was afraid you'd stop doing it if you found out.
"how bad are they?"
"bad," he sighed, eyes closing. he tugged on you to bring you even closer, though you didn't know how that was possible at this point. "haven't slept in days."
"why didn't you come find me?"
"your sisters don't like it when i interrupt their beauty sleep."
"why didn't you tell me sooner? i could've stayed in the hermes cabin."
"it's gross in there," he laughed. "you deserve to sleep on your soft bed in a cabin that smells like fucking roses, not on my cardboard thin cot in a room that smells like sweaty socks."
you lifted his head up to look at you, "yeah, it's pretty bad in there."
luke snorted, finally letting you go, but a hand stayed connected to your hip. he played with the loose thread on the hem of your shirt. "i still won, by the way."
you cocked your head, "huh?"
"the fight," luke's cocky smirk was back on his face. "you should see the other kid. if i'd been well-rested, he wouldn't have been able to land a blow."
you smacked his shoulder, laughing as you fell onto the bed beside him, "shut up, castellan."
"there it is," he mumbled, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. he was so close to you.
"what?"
"castellan," he mimicked your voice, but there was no mockery there. he said it like he treasured it, like he was trying to memorize the way you spoke. "you're not mad at me anymore."
it was hard to stay mad at luke. the longest you'd gotten mad at him was when he didn't choose you for his quest. he stood outside the aphrodite cabin the entire day before he was set to leave, begging for you to let him explain. you were too stubborn, too hard-headed, to listen to him. when you were sure that he was gone, you finally left the aphrodite cabin to find a letter from him tucked away under the welcome mat.
you kept the letter, but you never opened it. it wasn't until he returned from his quest, on the brink of death, that you opened it. you were sitting beside his bed, eyebags darker than ever that even your mother couldn't salvage you. your eyes were stained red from crying so much.
in his letter, he explained how he didn't want to put you in danger, how he would never forgive himself if something bad happened to you because of him. your insecurities just got the better of you. you always feared that people saw you as shallow, like you didn't actually have the skills to fend for yourself. many people had misconceptions about the aphrodite kids, but not luke. luke knew that you were incredible. you just didn't resort to violence as quickly as he did.
you felt stupid then, even now, you regret how you treated him before his quest. you hated yourself for how you acted. he never gave you a reason to doubt him, to not trust him; you should've known that he had his reasons. you hated yourself for even questioning him for a second.
luke pulled you into his chest, allowing you to cuddle into his neck. the beads of his camp necklace rested beside your temple. you reached over to play with them, letting the beads thump against his collarbone when you let go. you felt luke twirling strands of your hair around his finger, gently undoing the knots that formed at the ends of your hair because of his antics. you lay there in silence, just enjoying the presence of one another. you felt luke's breathing even out, a sign that he was drifting off.
luke's words from the pier bounced in your head then. did he think that you'd forget about him after you left camp? as if you'd forget about this, about him. a life without luke castellan became unimaginable when you met him when you were fifteen. there was no version of your life that didn't have luke in it.
it was foolish to think that way, you knew that. it was stupid to let someone have a hold on you like this, demi-god or not. even your friends from home warned you about being so attached to luke, though in the version of events you told them, the stakes were much lower. to them, he was just a boy you see at summer camp a few months out of the year; he was just another hometown boy that they urged you to forget when you moved away to college so you could live your life unrestricted.
but luke wasn't just that to you and you knew you weren't just that to him either. there was something between the two of you that was hard to explain, but didn't need an explanation at the same time. even your mom noticed it. she let you know once to tell luke to stop praying to her to give you a sign whenever he missed you.
"i can't keep making flowers bloom whenever he misses you," she wrote, "it wouldn't make much sense for flowers to bloom in the winter, my child, or for flowers to bloom every second of the day."
sometimes, though, on particularly hard days when you'd miss luke, your mom made exceptions. you'd find bunches of hibiscus growing within the cracks of the sidewalk of new york city on your way home from school.
you knew luke was thinking about you then. just the thought of it made your day better.
iii. i know he's in over his head, but i love that man, like nobody can. he moves mountains and pounds them to ground again.
luke didn't know what you'd say if you found out. well, he did know, but he deluded himself into thinking that you'd listen to his reasons, that you'd actually understand why he did what he had to do. maybe you'd even join him.
percy had left camp with annabeth and grover for his quest yesterday. the air at camp felt different since percy was revealed to be a forbidden child. luke, as much as he tried to keep his resentment for the gods at bay because percy was hard to dislike, the poor kid just wanted to save his mom, felt his blood boil when poseidon claimed percy.
he hated the gods, this wasn't new, but luke struggled to understand how he was supposed to feel. he saw so much of himself in percy. he thought of his mother; her hugs that he hadn't felt since he was nine, the taste of her burnt cookies that he hated at the time, but now he just wished he could taste the burnt crisps on his tongue one last time. he even missed her frantic mumbling in the middle of the night.
luke saw a version of himself in percy, the version that had a chance at happiness. luke hated it.
it was too late, anyway. the plan was already in motion. his allegiance to kronos was set. kronos visited him in his dreams often. luke stopped calling them nightmares because nightmares are only nightmares if they happen once in a while. what made them bad dreams was when they were compared to good ones. he didn't have those anymore.
luke hadn't slept much since he stole the bolt. it was easier to think about you, about the happy times, when he was awake. he smoked more now. it helped sometimes. he would pretend your lipgloss was still on the tip of the joint and that you were beside him on the pier, trying to get away from all the noise of camp.
as he walked toward the hermes cabin, smiling cordially at the younger campers who beamed at him, he saw the corner of a pink bag against his bed. his face dropped. luke stopped in his tracks, clutching the beads of his necklace.
you weren't facing the door. your back was turned while you folded the sheets on his bed. he saw you spray perfume on his blankets. he could almost smell the sweet fragrance from where he stood. it took all his might not to run to you and hold you in his arms. it's been months since he last saw you, since last summer. luke's hands fell to his sides before he twisted his body to turn the other way.
he went to the one place that gave him comfort. with his cargo pants rolled up to his knees, he watched the sun fade into the dark sky. there was no pretty sunset tonight. luke didn't think too much of omens, but he figured that was a bad sign. and when your soft footsteps thumped against the boards of the pier, he was certain that it was.
"you damn near running away from me when you saw me was not the reaction i was hoping for."
luke closed his eyes and took a deep breath. out of habit, he moved a bit to let you take your usual spot beside him. when he opened his eyes, he was met with the face he'd thought about for months. a kind smile adorned your lips. you looked different. your skin was a deeper shade, no doubt due to the california sun; your lips were pink and torn apart, like you'd been chewing on them; but your smile was the same.
"what are you doing here?"
"sorry i was late," you said, sheepishly. you played with the small braid in your hair, "i had to move out of my dorm so i had to take a later flight."
"i thought you weren't coming back," luke replied.
"heard there's a war coming," your voice sounded small. luke knew why. he'd listened to you talk about the dreams you had for yourself for hours over the past summers. the idea of an impending war meant that those dreams would take the backseat and you'd have to fight before any of them could come true. "is it true?"
"percy, a forbidden kid, poseidon's, is trying to make sure it doesn't happen."
"do you trust him?"
luke felt his heart crumble in his chest. how cruel is he to keep you in the dark like this? when the only thing you needed to feel okay was to hear that he trusted the kid meant to stop the war?
luke's voice was hoarse, "yeah, i do. beth does too."
"okay," you placed a hand on his thigh. luke stiffened at your touch. you pulled away, embarrassed. "sorry."
"don't apologize," he placed his hand next to yours. he could feel the warmth of your skin. "i've just been on edge."
"it's just me, luke."
he didn't know how to tell you that that's exactly why he was on edge. it was you. the girl he'd been in love with since he was fifteen. the girl he told everything to. the girl who knew him so well that if you were to touch him for longer than a second, you'd know everything.
this summer, for the first time since he met you, he was glad you didn't show up to camp. he knew that the minute you were in front of him, he'd tell you everything and there was a chance you'd want nothing to do with him after it. that was something luke couldn't handle. but now you're here, looking at him like this like his actions just hurt you.
"'m sorry, angel."
"you're acting different, luke."
"'m sorry."
"i don't need an apology," you said. "i want to know why."
luke rubbed his face with his hands, "i don't know, okay?"
"you're lying to me," you were frowning now. luke was angry. he wasn't angry at you, he was angry at the whole situation, but it didn't matter. he was taking it out on you.
"gods, angel, can you just-- not right now," he groaned. you got a good look at him. his eyes were tired, shoulders slumped like he'd been carrying a weight on his shoulders with no reprieve. "i don't really feel like talking."
"you don't have to be mean about it."
he didn't feel like himself anymore. he would never talk to you like this, but there was something in him that made him snap. luke scoffed, "i'm not being mean, you're just being so pushy right now."
you blinked, pulling your hand away from his. shivers ran down your spine, "luke, what the fuck?"
"what?" he stood up. you followed suit. under the moonlight, you saw how dull his brown eyes were. they no longer carried the same glow when he looked at you. luke's eyebrows were furrowed, eyes narrowed, "i just can't handle this right now, okay? can you just drop it?"
"i'm just trying to talk to you!" you raised your voice, disbelief on your features. you walked towards him. holding his face in your hands. he was crying. you wiped away his tears. "i just missed you, okay? i just wanna talk to you because i haven't gotten to in months and i'm miserable."
he let out a shaky breath, your touch grounding him. he felt himself coming back to him. he nuzzled his cheek in your palm, kissing the flesh there as he mumbled apologies into the night.
"i missed you so much," a sob escaped your lips. luke didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around you, continuing his train of apologies into your ear. you continued, "i-i thought that you'd be happy to see me because i've been counting down the days until i saw you again and i just thought that even though the world was falling apart, we'd be the same. it's always been us, you know?"
"i know."
"and then you avoid me and run away from me and i just needed to see you, luke. i needed to talk to you."
"i missed you, too," he confessed. "so much, you have no idea."
"you have a funny way of showing it," you joked through your tears.
luke laughed. it shocked him. it was like he had forgotten how to. he hiccuped, removing one hand from around you to rub the tears away from his eyes, "come on."
selfishly, he ignored the pit in his stomach. he allowed himself just one more day to have you like this. as he lay on his bed, he held you close to him. he was overwhelmed with how much you filled his senses; the smell of your perfume, the feeling of your lips ghosting on his chest as you told him nonsense stories from college, the sound of your quiet giggles when he made some stupid joke, the look on your face in the dark, staring at him.
an unfamiliar feeling took over his body, rest, he realized it was, a while into lying in the darkness with you.
"i love you, you know that, right?"
luke didn't trust his voice anymore. he pulled you closer, hoping that that was enough for now.
iv. think about those years as i whisper in your ear. i'm always going to be right here.
"i love you."
you turned your head at the sound of luke's voice. camp was in disarray. percy was badly hurt and annabeth was frantic, sobbing about how luke was behind it all. you ran away after hearing it.
you didn't want to believe it, but it was annabeth. she wouldn't say that about luke unless it was true. you knew it killed her just the same to accept it.
"what are you doing here, castellan?"
it felt like a dagger was plunged into luke's heart. he'd heard his name leave your lips in different ways over the years; jokingly, angrily, but never like this. disappointment.
"i couldn't leave without telling you," luke licked his lips, keeping his distance. he was pressing his shirt on the spot percy broke skin. he looked down at his feet, "couldn't leave without letting you know that i love you."
"why did you do it?"
"i don't know."
"okay," you walked towards him. "when did you get so comfortable with lying to me?"
"angel," he sounded broken. "please, don't do this."
"you were wrong, by the way," you said. "you're not stuck here anymore, but i don't think the place you'll end up in is any better than this."
luke was silent.
"go, luke," you whispered. "don't make it any worse than it already is."
he nodded. this was it. you watched as he disappeared into the dark.
you were too preoccupied with your thoughts to notice it then; your mind was plagued with worry, but in the gaps of the wooden pier, a single hibiscus flower bloomed under your feet.
#luke castellan#luke castellan one shot#luke castellan x reader#luke castellan imagine#luke castellan fanfic#pjo tv show#pjo fanfic#pjo spoilers#pjo series#percy jackson#percy jackson fanfic#frances song fics#frances writes#luke castellan x yn#luke castellan x you#luke castellan x y/n
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baby sugar daddy | j. sc
sugar daddy!sungchan x older!reader | 4.3k words
the anon who requested a fic about sungchan and an older reader heâs obsessed with i wasnât familiar with your game. seeing him sing replay to lee hyori woke something up inside of me. i added a little twist with making him your sugar daddy heh
contains: sugar daddy sungchan, reader is antons older sister, dry humping, sub sungchan, sungchan is a little freak and is obsessed with the reader
sungchan remembers the first time he met you. it was like a dream or a the reomantic part in a show where everything slows down. you wore a beautiful dress and had a smile that lit up the room.Â
you were holding the cake for his bestfriend; your little brother. you were in the kitchen all day making everything by hand. sungchan remembers anton explaining to him that although he wasnât a child anymore, it was a tradition you couldnât give up. it had also become a big deal because you let anton move in with you while he studied at college. living with you helped anton spread his wings, not having to worry about his parents disapproving of anything. so sungchan had already known of your caring personality. but when he saw your face, he didnât stand a chance against you.
at first, sungchan thought he was good at hiding it. he would come over a little earlier than his friend just in hopes of catching a glance of you. it was hard getting you alone. anton had talked about where you were at in life, the busy hectic schedule of post-grad while sungchan had barely started college.Â
he would be studying for a final with anton and get a glance at you through a door opened a little too wide. he thought his glances were subtle, but they slowly turned to stares as he took the time to remember every part of you, what headphones you liked to wear, what shows you liked to watch, and what music you listened to. each time his eyes met yours he would look away and clear his throat. something about you was so mature and put together, it was something sungchan couldnât pinpoint. your confidence had become an aura, permanently etched into your body like a tattoo. even if sungchan happened to catch you stumbling through the house early mornings in your pajamas you still seemed poised.Â
sungchan liked how mature you were, how sure of yourself you were. how you took care of yourself and dressed perfectly. how you pranced around in shorts and a camisole. it was awful because sungchan knew you didnât mean to be a tease, you were just wearing what was comfortable around your apartment. but the way your soft skin was visible, the outline of your breasts peaking through the shirt. how you called him a âgood boyâ after hearing he aced his final. you were never embarrassed to let sungchan see you at any part of the day. sungchan on the other hand had to make sure he was wearing his best clothes when he went over to his friendâs house.
âwhy are you dressed nice?â anton would ask him curiously.Â
sungchan had to pretend like he didnât know what his friend was talking about each time the question was asked. sungchan had to act cool when you passed by him, when you offered to get him or antonie food while you were out. you still managed to be a caring older sister to your brother while being cute in your own way. sungchan found himself wanting to be on the receiving end of a precious nickname. sungchan wasnât good at hiding anything.
because of your confidence, sungchan was caught off guard when he saw the overdue bill on your counter. he blamed his nosiness, snooping around while anton was getting ready to go out. sungchan was meandering around your kitchen like a planet in orbit. he saw the bill tucked underneath your laptop on the counter. he looked around, making sure he was alone in the kitchen.
sungchan slowly picked up your laptop to free the bill. he saw the outstanding amount, other things in red ink that told you what the consequences would be if you didnât pay. sungchan was so confused. if anton knew you struggled to pay the bills he kept it to himself, never indicating that you were struggling in any way. anton never hesitated to ask you for pocket money on his way out, and you never hesitated to give it to him. if anton knew you were struggling, he wouldnât have asked. he knew who anton was, he wouldâve put everything in his life on hold to get a job to help you pay the bills.
sungchan was thinking so hard that he didnât notice you come into the kitchen.
âwhat are you doing?â you asked.
sungchan whipped around so fast to look at you he almost knocked himself off balance. this was the first time you addressed him in this manner. you sounded indignant, rightfully upset about your privacy being invaded.
âiâm sorry. i shouldnât have looked.â sungchan apologized immediately as you made your way to your laptop.Â
still composed, you took the bill and closed it in the screen of your laptop. it wasnât in view at all. you kept your eyes trained on a sticker that embellished your plastic case. you were both silent for a moment. sungchan was terrified at the thought of you snapping at him, saying you were disappointed in him for snooping. he figured he should leave. as sungchan was about to leave you spoke quietly.
âdid anton see?â you said.
âno. he went straight to his room to get ready once we got here.â
like a switch had flipped, the same signature smile appeared across your face. you were the same bubbly older sister that anton talked about in such high regard.
âthatâs a relief. i donât want him to be worried over nothing.â you said.
you grabbed your laptop and started heading towards your room. sungchan couldnât stop himself from following you out of the kitchen.
âbills arenât nothing,â sungchan said. he didnât realize how loud his voice was under you looked at him with wide eyes. sungchan immediately changed his voice level, clearing his throat. âit said that your power could be shut off.â he whispered.
âsungchan, itâs okay. i always figure it out.â you continue to walk into your bedroom. sungchan doesnât follow you all the way inside, staying in the doorframe.
âthis happens often? i thought you had a job?â sungchan asks.
sungchan is very confused by your situation. he thought that you had a well paying job like anton had described a million times before. he never saw you go out or go shopping because he thought you were saving money. he had no idea you were barely scraping by.
âwell iâm in between jobs,â you admit quietly. âplease donât tell anton.â
for the first time sungchan saw worry flash across your eyes. you looked worried, as if you were in denial too about your situation. everything became so real so quickly it almost knocked you off your feet.
sungchan could hear anton turn off the shower. he didnât have much time until anton was walking around the apartment, looking for sungchan. he was aware his time with you was running through his fingers, he had to think of something quick. you still stared at him, trying to figure out what he was thinking.
âi can help you.â sungchan said quickly.
you looked at sungchan again wide eyed and speechless.
âw-what?â you asked.
sungchan was relieved you didnât slice off his head then and there for assuming you needed help. he didnât want to offer his help in a demeaning way, implying you canât make it. he didnât doubt that you had a plan, or that the moment you get a job again youâll be all set. sungchan wanted to offer his help under his belief that no one as beautiful and kind as you should ever struggle.Â
âi can pay for all your bills,â sungchan said. before you could open your mouth to reject him he kept going. âi can pay for anything you need me to. i donât mind.â
sungchan was realistic, he knew he couldnât take all your pain away. but taking care of the material things like clothes, rent, and fancy food was the least sungchan could do for you. it was no secret that sungchan was well off. he had the type of money that was from generations before him. he wasnât too sure of the lore, but sungchan was positive that it was all about dumb luck and cashing out at the right time. thatâs how it usually was. he drove a fancy car and never had to check his bank account when going out. his bills were taken care of, and sungchan wasnât much of a spender to begin with. he didnât know what you were like with money either, but sungchan found himself not caring if you used his very last cent.Â
âsungchan i canât use your money with a clear conscious. youâre my brothers friend.â you say.
âanton doesnât have to know.â sungchan pleads.Â
âyouâre younger than me.â you say, ashamed.Â
âthat doesnât matter. itâs the least i can do. i see the way you take care of anton. you deserve to be taken care of too.â
for a second, sungchan can see you thinking about it. when your face suddenly lights up, sungchan is expecting to hear a yes. instead, you look past sungchan at someone standing behind him.
âtonie! your outfit looks so cute!â you say.
you pass by sungchan to pinch antonsâ cheeks. sungchan canât help but smile seeing anton pull away from you, bashful that youâre doting on him in front of his friend. he was so embarrassed it that he didnât ask when sungchan was almost in your room, or what you guys were possibly talking about.
âstop please.â anton said it in his signature soft voice with a smile on his face.
âwhere are you two going?â you asked.Â
sungchan was amazed at how you carried on, as if he wasnât practically on his knees begging you to take his money.
âwe are going to the movies and then meeting up with some friends at a party.â anton said.
âare these friends i know?â you asked.Â
sungchan found himself looking down and kicking his feet at you being a protective older sister. you had your hands on your hips, with a raised eyebrow. you technically couldnât stop anton from going out, he was an adult. but he listened to you and answered your questions like a good little brother does. anton playfully rolled his eyes as you pestered him with questions about his plans for the night.
âyes you know them. itâs the guys from school. and itâs a birthday party for my other friend.â anton says.
âwhich friend?â you ask.
anton audibly groaned and you laughed at him.
âiâm just messing with you anton. you two have fun.â you say.
sungchan turns his heel to leave but anton stays in the same place. sungchan knows anton is about to ask you for money by the way he playfully hits your arm and smiles. now itâs your turn to roll your eyes as you grab your wallet from your room. you pull out two twenty dollar bills and give it to anton. he smiles, bringing you into a big hug.
âthanks big sis.â anton says smiling.
you groan and jokingly push him off of you.
anton follows behind sungchan towards the door and you shoo them out of the house. sungchan canât get a final look at you when you close the door behind anton.Â
when sungchan and anton make it to the car, anton puts the money in his pocket. sungchan looks at his friend, thinking about the unknown stress he puts on you. sungchan tries to push it out of his mind, turning the keys. you are grown, you got it under control.Â
he doesnât even make it halfway out the driveway before heâs putting his car in park. sungchan canât bring himself to answer antonâs question on where heâs going and why he is leaving the keys in the ignition. sungchan is focused on more important things, moving up the stairs two at a time. heâs at the door in an instant, opening it to see you still standing in the same place.
wordlessly sungchan takes his black card out of his wallet and grabs your hand at your side. heâs lightheaded that this is the first time heâs touched you and he gets to touch your small soft hand that fits in his perfectly. he doesnât get too much time to revel in the fact he gets to touch you, this mission is supposed to be fast and quick. sungchan turns your palm is upright and puts his card right in your hand. wordlessly he closes your fingers around the metal card, letting his large hand clasp over yours in emphasis. sungchan nods and smiles to your shocked expression, urging you itâs alright.Â
just as fast as sungchan came inside he was back out, stepping down the stairs casually. he goes back to the car and gets inside with a smile on his face. he smiles even when anton asked what he went inside for.
âi just forgot something.â sungchan says, putting the car back in drive.
he has never been like this before, begging someone to use his money. it was thrilling and sungchan couldnât stop imagining how fulfilling it would be to see you enjoy his wealth. it made him extremely happy, he couldnât stop smiling at his phone seeing the notifications of his card being used. the more money you drained from the card the happier he got. he imagined you smiling as you paid all your bills, if you took a look at all the clothing sites you never had the chance to buy things off of. it was intoxicating and sungchan was glued to his phone the whole night. if you hated asking for money he would slip it under your pillow like the tooth fairy. sungchan made up his mind then and there that he was going to give you anything you wanted.
you helped sungchan set up the ground rules. they were put in place by you not him. his attitude towards money was alarming to say the least. he didnât seem to care how much of his money you used or how you used it. he didnât want anything in return either. he just smiled and nodded listening to your every word and reading everything you wrote. you saw the words on the paper as rules but sungchan read them like it was a love letter written directly to him. he saw it as a testament to your self control and caring nature for others. you didnât know but that night sungchan put your name on the card as well. it was all yours. anything you wanted was yours.
it had also started out innocent, but turned into something more. it started when sungchan started thinking about you enjoying asking for him money. if he begged you enough would you come up to him with your hand out and an annoyed look on your face. he wanted to hand you cash and have you tell him itâs not enough, being mean to him and asking for more. it made sungchan fall to his knees thinking about you reprimanding him for not coughing up enough cash. he didnât know what came over him when his hands went into his pants that night. he came over his knuckles at the thought of trailing behind you holding your shopping bags of all the designer stores, calling him a âgood boyâ each time he swiped his card.
something changed in you too. you found yourself compelled to ask anton where his friend was more, if he would be coming over. sungchan would never be the type to ask you for actual âsugarâ in exchange for the money. it was an odd arrangement, but it was one that excited you nonetheless. despite sungchan financially supporting you, he was obedient to you the same way a puppy was. he hung off your every command, driven by praise and the thought of making you feel good. you wanted to give him something, a little treat for all the clothes you have been able to buy and fancy dinners you attended recently.Â
so when sungchan would come by, you would wear something for him. it wasnât over the top, something subtle. it would be something simple like not wearing a bra or wearing tights with a shirt that didnât cover your ass. it was exciting, almost like sneaking around. sungchan was so shy, hesitant glances at you. you knew he was wondering if you were doing it on purpose, showing him what he could touch if he only asked you. you were becoming impatient, thinking that he didnât want you. you were thinking this while sungchan lost himself every night. he was thinking of you in bed under your new high end sheets while you touched yourself. he had it so bad, thinking heâs never get a chance to relieve that pressure that built up in him every night.
it all came to a head when anton called him. sungchan answered on the first ring like he always did.
âare you busy?â anton asked over the line. âi need you to drop off this thing at my sisterâs place.â
sungchan suddenly had a completely clear schedule. before he knew it he was meeting anton in between his classes and going to your place. anton had been able to pick up food you wanted, but his busy work day and hours of the place made it nearly impossible. you couldâve driven of course, but you simply didnât feel like it. lucky for you, sungchan was more than willing to be your errand boy. sungchan made his way from campus to you, arriving in time for the food to still be hot.
you answered the door knowing who it would be on the other side. you planned out everything so anton would still be at school and you could be alone with sungchan. you answered the door in designer shirt and jeans, courtesy of the black card that still sat in your wallet. you grabbed sungchan by the hand, your second time ever touching him to pull him inside.
âi got you the food.â sungchan said, holding up your bag.Â
you took it and placed it on the counter. you donât think sungchan wouldâve moved from that spot if you didnât grab him by the hand and lead him to your bedroom. he was stiff as a board when you closed your door behind him.Â
this was his first time fully in your room, just the two of you. stolen peaks inside couldnât compare to seeing your room laid out before him. all of your trinkets and furniture came together. it was all you and sungchan was surrounded by it. your smell, your plushies, everything was in here. sungchans stomach was doing flips when you touched his face. blush creeped across his cheeks as he looked down at you.
âyouâre such a cutie.â you said with a smile on your face.Â
sungchan couldnât stop his shy smile from taking over all of his features. he thought he had reached the height and age where no one would ever call him cute ever again. but here you were, calling him cute in the same tone that you would coo at a puppy. sungchanâs pants were starting to become uncomfortable as his dick strained against the fabric. he prayed you wouldnât look down and see how easily he was turned on by the praise.
âare you this sweet to all your friendâs older sisters?â you asked, tracing over sungchanâs collar. sungchan shook his head.
âonly you.â he said.
âgood boy.â you patted his cheek before walking away.Â
sungchan watched your every move. you sat on the edge of your bed and patted the space next to you. as sungchan walked over to you he could see your eyes flicker from his face to his crotch. a different smile adorned your face and sungchan slowly stalked over to you. everything about you had him on head over heels. even in this tension he could feel how warm and caring you were, extending something that had to be love towards him.Â
sungchan sat next to you and you started toying with the collar of his shirt again. you hands grazed over his neck and collarbone, tracing the bone that jutted out. sungchan had to close his eyes and bring in a shaky breath to calm his nerves.
âjust relax. i got you âchannieâ you whispered.Â
you were in his ear now, the words knocking around in his brain like an echo chamber. your voice was sweet like candy but his new nickname came from your lips sounding like a taunt. it made him strain in his pants. he could see himself twitch against the tight fabric of his slacks. the sitting position didnât help, making the fabric even tighter against his dick. if you talked to him enough in that same tone he would end up cumming in his pants untouched.Â
your hand trailed from his neck down to his abdomen. each button you came across on his dress shirt was expertly undone with one hand. sungchan could barely undo the buttons with both hands. you rubbed his exposed stomach as you continued to whisper in his ear.
âhow do you want it?â
sungchan couldnât think properly. he looked down from the ceiling at you next to him. he saw your clothes he hadnât seen before and how good you looked in them.
âare those new?â sungchan asked.Â
he runs a timid hand along your side touching both your shirt and pants. he tried to keep a level head and calm voice as your hand sunk lower to his slacks.
âyep. you like them?âÂ
in response, sungchan gets off the bed to kneel in front of you. he runs both his hands up and down your legs. you let yourself lean back on the bed, arms behind you keeping you propped up. you look at sungchan below you as he does his thing. he brings hands past your knees to your thighs. heâs not hesitant anymore, moving at a frenzied speed to feel you. heâs rests his head on your knee as he continues to touch you, eyes closed contently. you let out a breathy moan to let him know youâre right there with him.
sungchan looks up at you from your knee. he places a kiss over it. he continues to place slow kisses leading up your thigh. heâs looking at your reaction, needing validation to continue. you to bite your lip and he continues working his way up. butterfly kisses rest over the expensive denim until he reaches your center. you expect a kiss, or a hand to come to your zipper. you did not expect sungchan to stick his nose in your crotch and smell you.Â
he inhales deeply into your heat with tiny exhales. itâs like heâs trying to remember your sent, or that it drives him sexually. you gasp several times as he continues to do it. chivalrous sungchan was acting like a pervert, getting off on smelling your heat. it was intoxicating watching him behave the way he was, so different from the sungchan you usually see.
âsuch a sweet little freak.â you whispered as he continued to inhale you.Â
sungchan moaned at your degradation that sounded like a scolding. he took your leg and slotted it in between his. he brought his clothed dick close until he felt you. when his dick made contact with your leg he slowly dragged it up. he was a mess just at the indirect contact, whining about needing more friction.
sungchan leaned forward until his head was resting on your stomach. he was so tall even in his crouching position he was eye level with your breasts if he didnât slouch. his current position he could feel your boobs resting on his head. he nestled more into your warmth and he continued to rut desperately into your leg.
âare you gonna ruin my new clothes?â you said.Â
your voice was borderline reprimanding and sungchan could feel the vibration of your voice ring through your whole body. it wrapped around him the same way a hug did. a hand that was gripping the edge of the bed moved behind your calf. he repositioned your leg so he could grind on it with more ease. he moaned and bit his lip, going further into you.
âiâll buy you more,â the way he ground against your leg that particular time made him choke on his sentence. âiâll buy you anything you want.â sungchan moaned.
he found a way to hit that particular angle again. he was trapped in the motion of rutting against your calf, clutching your leg desperately. he was close, he needs to tell you how close he was. you wrap your arms around him, bringing comforting and gentle fingers to his scalp. you kissed the crown of his head.
âgood boy.â you whispered into his hair.
sungchan didnât have time to warn you. he came in his pants whimpering pathetically into your stomach. his ruts were desperate and he wanted to stop, but his hips were moving on their own accord. they stuttered and then halted, stuck as he emptied himself into his slacks. his little whimpers didnât stop until it turned to borderline cries and as thrusted his hips a few final times. he slumped against your leg, spent from months of finally releasing all that pressure. you rubbed his cheeks and back the whole time he was coming down, trying to ground him. your ministrations didnât help calm his racing heart when the shame of what he just did set in. the wave of euphoria had washed away and he was mortified of how pathetic he mustâve looked, humping your leg like a dog. he also drooled all over your shirt and wrinkled the fabric. cum had seeped through his slacks and he got it on your fancy jeans. he looked up at you in horror expecting to be degraded but you looked at him with tenderness. you patted his head and helped him up, leading him to the bed as you told him itâs your turn.
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Dancing is a Dangerous Game
(FrankieMorales x F!Stripper!Reader)
A/N & Warnings: Sexual Content below - 18+ only, Frankie doing what he do (iykyk), unspecified age gap (anywhere from 10-15 yrs), talk of stripping/dancing as a job that pays the bills. The photos on the Moodboard are just for fun, the female Reader is not specifically physically described so you can imagine her however you want. Thank you to @saradika for the divider.
Did I make this prompt up myself for me and some fellow writers? Yes. Did I set the word count limit? Also Yes. Did I stick anywhere even close to that limit? *laughs hysterically.
PROMPT: Pick a Pedge Daddy character - Joel Miller, Frankie Morales, Dave York, etc. (it can be Canon or Non-Canon/AU/No Outbreak).
PPCU Daddy is surprised - and excited - to learn that the grad/postgrad student he hires to watch his child sometimes also works as a: stripper/dancer/cam-girl/onlyfans-model/dating-or-escort-service (or straight-up SW)Â
*1000 word Minimum - 2000 word Maximum
WC: 4749Â (I have a problem)
Frankieâs mouth was hanging open. He knew he should close it. He knew he looked like a weirdo. He knew he was about to get a âCatfish, lookinâ like a fishâ joke from his friends. But for the life of him he couldnât take his eyes off the stage, or close his gaping jaw.
Not since his babysitter walked on stage and started taking her clothes off.
To be fair, you're not his babysitter anymore. Not since he called you three weeks ago asking if you could babysit for him tonight and you broke the news to him that you'd gotten a new job and couldn't babysit anymore. At least now he understands why you left the not-so-lucrative world of babysitting for an arguably better-paying gig.Â
You've only been dancing for two minutes and he already sees more money on the stage than he would've paid you to sit his kid tonight. Heâs been watching as you undulate your body across the stage, bending and dipping, stripping down to your underwear. Even though part of him thinks he should, he definitely doesnât look away when you divest yourself of your lacy little bra.
He always thought you were hot. He was a newly-single dad, interviewing you for a semi-regular babysitting gig. He tried to focus on your resume and your qualifications. He tried to breathe through his mouth so he couldnât smell your delicate perfume. He tried to ignore the dewy pink lipgloss you had spread across your mouth, which is in stark contrast to the bright red lipstick you are currently sporting.
He was very motivated by the fact that you, as a graduate student in your mid-20âs, seemed more responsible to leave his kid with than the other applicants to his babysitting ad, all of whom were literal teenagers. But truth be told - you were also really fucking hot. Horny dad and the hot babysitter, what a fucking cliche he was.
However, in the eleven months you babysat for him, he never acted on his inappropriate attraction to you. He never treated you as anything other than an employee. Youâd show up to his house, hair in a messy bun, wearing comfy clothes, ready to sit on the living room floor all evening playing with his kid. He was polite, and respectful, and was almost positive you never caught him staring at your tits.
Your tits that heâs most definitely staring at right now. Holy shit you have great tits.
âFuckinâ A Fish, if youâre gonna keep your mouth open, you could at least pour some beer into it.â
âHuh?â Frankie snaps his head back to the table heâs sat at, surrounded by his friends. They all chuckle.Â
âWeâre about to order the next round and you didnât even drink any of that one yet,â Benny says as he points to the dripping bottle in Frankieâs hand.
Oh, sorry, Frankie mumbles as he pushes the now-warm bottle to his lips and begins to drink the beer down, his eyes moving back to the stage. The entire club is lit only by colored lights that coordinate with the twirling lights and lasers pointed at the stage, pulsating to the tempo of the music youâve picked. Fog rolls across the floor of the stage, cascading over the edge.Â
Thereâs a single golden pole at an outcropping of the stage that youâre now gripping with both hands, sticking your ass out towards the audience and giving it a wiggle. You let go of the pole and hook your thumbs into the waistband of your panties. You slowly begin to push them down and just as the crack of your ass comes into view Frankie momentarily forgets that he canât swallow liquid and breathe at the same time.Â
He begins to sputter and cough, choking on the bubbly liquid and spurting it across the table onto the faces of half of his friends. Heâs met with groans, curses, and several swats to the back of his head as he attempts to get his wheezing under control, and the fluid out of his trachea.
Santi, who somehow managed to avoid Frankieâs beer-foam projectile, slaps a palm on Frankieâs shoulder and says,
âGuys, Frankieâs real sorry, heâs just never seen a naked woman before.â
The laughter at Frankieâs expense serves as some form of forgiveness, and everyone slowly goes back to flirting with the wandering dancers and ordering their second round. Santi keeps his hand on Frankieâs shoulder and leans into Frankieâs personal space.
âYou alright?â Santi asks, squeezing his friendâs shoulder firmly.
Frankie manages to mutter a strangled yeah before several rounds of trying to clear his throat. The lights have dimmed, sinking the club temporarily into a hazy darkness. He briefly registers that the song you were dancing to has ended, so youâve most likely left the stage.
Santi laughs, shaking his head. He moves his mouth right to Frankieâs ear, almost whispering.
âWhen I convinced Will to have his bachelor party at this club I thought youâd be the one making your hot babysitter choke, not the other way around,â and he claps Frankie on the back hard, âif you know what I mean.â
Frankieâs eyes go wide as he meets Santiâs crooked grin, but his friend offers nothing more as he moves to the other side of the table, turning his devilish smile on the waitress. He orders two beers and three shots for each man, dismissing the groans of protest from the table. Bachelor Down!, he shouts at Will as everyone does their shots and chases them with cheap beer.
You approach the table full of men with seven other dancers, each of you assigned by the club to give a 20-minute private dance to one of the members of the bachelor party. Youâre each in various states of dress, but most are only half-dressed. Youâre back in your lacy underwear set - panties and bra - but the sheer nature of the fabric leaves little to the imagination.Â
Your previous job as a part-time nanny worked while you were an undergrad. When you started law school it became too much and you had to switch to more infrequent evening babysitting gigs so you had your days free for school and studying. Unable to keep up with school payments you recently had to find something new. Something that only required night and weekend availability, but paid really well.
Enter: Stripping.Â
Youâve only been doing this job for a little over a month but youâd quickly gotten very comfortable with being naked in front of strangers. You had your little dance routine and could easily make flirty banter with the clubâs customers. Your boss was impressed enough that heâd started assigning you party gigs with some of the other girls, like this bachelor group.
You walk up to the group of strangers, the rest of the girls fan around the table as youâre left standing just behind a broad-shouldered man with a baseball cap on, curls sticking out from under the back strap. You turn to the man with a big smile on your face.
Holy Fuck.Â
Not a Stranger.
Itâs Francisco Morales. The hot dad you until-recently babysat for.
He looks at you sheepishly. Your hands immediately fly to cover your breasts, suddenly mortified that your nipples are showing through your nearly-transparent choice of outfit.Â
âMr. Morales!â
âOh I- I already,â he begins to stutter. Is he telling you that heâs already seen your tits?Â
You look around at the collection of empty beer bottles and shot glasses on the table and figure that theyâve all been here for much longer than just your dance. So covering your nipples does nothing for your modesty as hot dad has probably already seen everything. You drop your arms to your side, attempting to look relaxed and casual.
âSo I-uh. I guess you found a babysitter for tonight.â
He laughs. He actually laughs at your awkward attempt at diffusing the tension. Thank god. He opens his mouth to speak but before he can say anything one of his friends is speaking to the group. He explains that ���everyone gets a private danceâ and no one can object - and he looks right at Mr. Morales when he says this - because âitâs all been paid for already.â
Following the lead of the other girls you gently grab Mr. Moralesâ hand, missing the looks back and forth between him and his friend. You do your best to confidently lead him back to the private rooms with the rest of his group. There are a dozen rooms in the hallway and eight of them have been held in reserve for this bachelor party group. Pulling him inside the last room on the right, you close the door behind you.Â
The room is dim, save for the red glow of the lights. The ceiling and floor are both painted black and the three walls without the door are mirrored. Towards the left is a single high-backed black leather chair facing a brass pole that sits in the exact center of the room. On the far side of the room is a curved loveseat against the wall.
This should be easy. Not just because this is your job but because unlike any other man youâve ever led back here, this is a man you are extremely attracted to.Â
This is a man you have fantasized about.
Youâve imagined his curls between your fingers when youâve grabbed a fistful of a customer's hair, imagined that itâs his stubble scratching between your breasts when youâve pressed them close. Youâve envisioned his wide chest as you ran your hands down their front, his massive paws in your hands as youâve taken their sweaty palms and placed them on your rolling hips.Â
Youâve wished they were his thighs that you were grinding your ass onto and his erection that you all-too-frequently felt pressing into you. That should make this easy. But instead youâre super fucking nervous. Even more nervous than your first night here, when you dragged your panties down your legs and bent over, exposing your pussy lips to a packed room of strangers.Â
What makes you most nervous is probably that the fantasies didnât stop in the club. It would be one thing if they were just here, serving as a comfort, self-soothing by putting a familiar face in place of a groping strangerâs face. But thatâs not the truth. Youâve imagined him at home too.Â
In the shower, pretending your hands were his hands as you pinched and plucked at your wet nipples. Daydreaming about his weight on top of you, fucking into you, as you drove one of your toys in and out of your wet cunt.Â
And if youâre being perfectly honest, you can admit that itâs been going on for almost a year, since shortly after he hired you to be his babysitter. Remembering the times youâd made yourself come on his couch, hours after his kid had fallen asleep, waiting for him to return home from a night out with his friends. Your hand stuffed down the front of your pants, petting your clit to the thought of him on his knees in front of you.
You never thought youâd actually be naked in front of your fantasy-DILF. This is like being slapped in the face with your own wet dreams. This is kind of a nightmare.
âListen, you donât have to-â he begins just as you start to speak as well.
âMr. Morales I know-â and you both stop and let out breathy, nervous laughs.
âC-Can you please stop calling me Mr. Morales?â
âOh sorry! Is that weird?â
âIt sounds like the start of a bad porno,â he groans, laughing again. âPlease just call me Frankie.â
âOf course, Iâm so sorry Mist- Frankie. Sorry. Frankie.â
You both break out in laughter again, loudly this time, hoping to finally diffuse some of the tension. A knock sounds at the door and a deep voice - security - asks if everything is alright. You shout back that everything is fine and the room quiets down.
âI should start the music and get going,â you say quietly, motioning for him to sit on the curved red velvet seat against the far wall.
You press a button above his head and music starts up, the first of three songs forming a 10-minute loop that will repeat for this booking. You look into the mirrored wall to your left and notice how nervous you look. Then you meet his eyes in the mirror. Why does he look just as nervous?
You straddle one of his legs and shakily reach back to undo the clasp on your bra. You meet his eyes again. Fuck he can see how your hands are shaking. You look like such a fucking kid. A goddamn amateur. This is going to be the least-sexy lapdance heâs ever been given.Â
You canât stop the gasp that leaves your lips when you suddenly feel his hot hands covering yours at your back.Â
âYou can leave this on if youâd be more comfortable,â he says softly, barely heard over the pumping bass of the music.
âNo Iâm fine, Iâm justâŚâ you donât know how to explain to him without embarrassing yourself but suddenly youâre making an admission and the word-vomit has left your mouth before you can even do anything to stop it. âI just always thought you were hot.âÂ
There it is. Itâs out there now.Â
He opens his mouth to say something and your nerves bubble up and come out as more words and why the fuck are you talking more?
âI know, I know,â you spit out before he can get a word in, âthe babysitter thirsting after the hot dad, how prosaic, right? Talk about a bad porno.â
His warm hands still touching you, he slowly moves his fingers around yours, deftly undoing the clasp of your bra for you.
âItâs okay, I kinda⌠thought you were hot too,â his admission slips out in a whisper.
You really want to kiss him right now. But that would be a very bad idea. Security patrols the hallway and the door has a small window towards the top of it. It allows security to peek inside and see from the shoulders up. Usually if they can see your shoulders, all is good. If they canât see your shoulders, it gives them an idea if rules are being broken or if the girls need help.Â
Kissing - among other things - is against the rules.
You barely turn to look at the windowed door but youâre embarrassed to think that Frankie must know what youâre thinking because itâs like he can read your mind. Or maybe heâs just thinking about kissing you too? Either way he puts his hands back down to his sides and lets you lean into him, allowing your bra to slowly shift down your shoulders until it falls into his lap.
Your tits are right in his face. Youâre half naked in front of the hot dad whose child you used to babysit. The hot dad who youâve pictured doing this exact thing with - and more. But heâs not even looking at your tits. Heâs looking you right in your eyes and making you feel more naked than youâve ever been in your whole life.
He shouldnât be here, not doing this, not with you. He should ask for a different girl. He should tell the security guy to kick him out. Heâs making you so uncomfortable, he can tell by your twitching movements and halting breaths. He canât stop staring at you like heâs some kind of lonely creep, what a fucking weirdo heâs being.
You position your legs on the outside of his, keeping his legs slightly open and his hands obediently face-down on the couch next to him. Youâre straddling him but hovering above his lap, seemingly careful not to touch him. When you put your hands on his shoulders to brace yourself you begin to stiffly roll your body towards and then away from him.
He doesnât know where to look. He canât keep looking at your face, he knows the eye-contact is getting very disturbing. Why the hell did he tell you he kinda thought you were hot too? At least he didnât admit the truth, that he thought you were fucking supernova-hot. Heâs had to bite his tongue countless times to stop from asking you out.
He focuses his eyes at the hollow dip that lies at the base of your throat. It has a dance of its own, moving slightly with your pulse and rolling with your shallow breaths, the rise and fall of your chest a baseline rhythm. He tries not to think about your bare breasts just below, breasts that heâs thought about putting his hands on every single time youâve walked into his house for the last year.Â
He can see your deep red lips in his peripheral vision, and immediately the image of those lips on his skin is conjured. He pictures a chaste kiss planted on his cheek followed by a less-chaste thought of his thumb pressed into your mouth, your eyes looking up at him while your lips leave a red ring on his hand. He needs to fucking calm down. This is just a dance. Youâre at work doing your literal job.
He suddenly notices youâve almost completely stopped moving. He looks up at your face and youâre wearing a tight, pained expression. His brows furrow. Oh no. Whatâs wrong? Is his erection noticable? Is he creeping you out too badly? Do you want him to leave? He opens his mouth to ask if youâre okay but you silence him with a gentle squeeze to his shoulders.
âI think Iâm gonna die if you donât touch me,â you squeak out in a strained whisper.
In the back of his head a part of him thinks that he shouldnât immediately cave. It shouldnât be this easy. Part of him thinks he should need more than just you saying that.Â
But he doesnât. At all.
He slowly slides his body down the sofa, pushing his frame between your legs. You move your feet apart to accommodate his wide shoulders once you realize he wonât fit otherwise. He stops when his ass is sitting on the floor and his head is just above the seat of the sofa, you towering over him. He reaches down and begins to take off your platform heels one at a time.Â
As your bare feet hit the floor you run your hands up your neck, over your face, and through your hair, your knees knocking at his shoulders. Touching you gently with only two fingers on each hand, he pushes on the backs of your thighs, guiding you even closer to his face. He grabs your feet and holds them in his hands, forcing your legs to fold and pushing your knees past his ears as his head rests back on the seat.
Youâre kneeling at the edge of the sofa, shins on the cushion, feet dangling over his shoulders, your toes curled in his massive hands on his chest, and his head between your thighs. Your face still looks uneasy, and he can just make out whining noises over the music. High-pitched and breathy, the way a dog would beg for scraps at the dinner table.
âDonât worry baby, Iâm gonna touch you now,â he growls.
You grab the brim of his hat and twist it off his head, immediately diving your fingers into his locks. He squeezes your toes and you take his cue, lifting your hips and canting them towards his waiting mouth. Latching his mouth onto your underwear, he runs his tongue up and down your covered seam.Â
He feels you begin to rock your hips into his face, rolling your body above him. Any security who looked in the window would see your shoulders moving to the beat and assume you were kneeling on the couch and giving a lap dance. He can only barely see you from his angle, sees the lace of your panties, sees your wrists grabbing at his hair.
Letting go of one of your feet, he grabs at your wrist, dragging your hand from his head to the front of your own underwear. You run your fingers down yourself, parting them around his mouth, letting his tongue tangle in them. Then you grab the edge of the gusset and pull it to the side.
Wasting no time, he immediately begins to lick at your folds, tasting the wetness that has gathered there. A lot of wetness. Christ, youâre so fucking wet. His nose touches just below your clit and a string of your arousal attaches him to you when he pulls back slightly.
A slight pause in the music has his heart stop and his stomach in his throat. After a couple seconds - that seem to stretch on forever - the first song begins playing again, restarting what must be a looped set of music.Â
That must mean this private dance-time is halfway over. Ten minutes left but since you two probably started after everyone else you might not have the full ten minutes of privacy if his friends decide to burst in the door. Which, if theyâre led by Santi, is a real possibility.
Less than ten minutes. No problem.
You must also feel the sense of urgency because you adjust your hand that is holding your panties to the side. You take your thumb and pointer finger and move them over yourself, parting your lips to open yourself more to him and pulling up slightly, exposing your nub. He flattens his tongue in response and drags it over your sensitive bundle, noting the way your body trembles when he does so.
He knows he doesnât have the time to edge you as heâd like to, but he canât help himself when he moves his head lower and twists his tongue into your hole, thrusting it into you. You are bouncing yourself slightly up and down, helping him fuck yourself on his tongue. He feels your wetness pouring over his lips and dripping down through his whiskers.
He feels your hand leave your own body and tangle back in his curls along with your other one, grabbing two fistfuls of hair tightly in your grip. Having had enough of his teasing youâre apparently deciding to take matters into your own hands.
Frankie loves eating pussy but this? This might be his favorite thing in the whole world.
He angles his head perfectly, opens his mouth, and sticks his tongue out stiffly as you begin to grind your pussy against his face. Youâre using his nose, his tongue, his chin, even the bristles of his facial hair. Youâre using whatever you can to get yourself off as you ride his face. It takes everything in his power not to break out in a giant smile.
He doesnât hear you, youâre still being the quietest youâve been since you got in this room, but he feels it. Shit, does he ever feel it. He feels your body tense, then your legs quiver, feels the pulsing in your cunt as you press yourself firm into his still-open mouth. He gently laps up your gushing orgasm as you release the grip on his hair and whimper softly above him.
Knowing youâre short on time, he has you climb off him much sooner than heâd like you to. Your heavy-lidded eyes meet his and then yours go wide. You bend down and grab his hat, plopping it back on his head and attempting to tame his just-fucked-hair back underneath it. You run to the corner of the room and grab a small robe hanging on a hook, skipping back over and roughly wiping his face off with it the way you would a toddler after a meal.
He quickly adjusts himself, tucking his protruding hardness under his belt in an attempt to conceal it as he watches you adjust your askew panties. Still topless, you throw the robe back towards the corner in a panic just as there is a quick knock at the door. Without a signal to enter the door flies open anyways, no less than three of his friends bursting through the doorway drunkenly, shots in hand for Frankie to partake in.
They make Frankie drink the shots before he even leaves the room and then they drag him away from you, hollering obnoxiously. All he can manage is an apologetic look over his shoulder as he hears the final song finally come to an end. Timeâs up. Luckily youâre laughing at their antics and donât seem to be upset. Maybe you were just flirting with him because thatâs your job. Maybe you just wanted a good tip.
A tip! Shit.
Being dragged down the hallway Frankie grabs Santi by the arm and asks in his ear how much he should tip you. Santi says he usually tips $200. Frankie is shocked that a 20 minute dance would garner that big of a tip, but then again itâs been a long time since heâs been at a place like this. And to be fair, you - albeit unknowingly - let him fulfill a long-time fantasy of his.
$200 is more than he would have paid you to watch his kid tonight. No wonder youâre not his babysitter anymore. He fishes around in his wallet and takes out all the cash he has, $236. He manages to break off from the group of guys after they do another couple shots and he looks around for you.Â
Unable to find you he spots one of the girls you came to the table with and she lets him know youâre on a break but she can get the tip to you. He hands her the folded bills and she thanks him by leaning in and giving him a peck on the cheek. When she pulls back from him she widens her eyes at him and flashes him a knowing smile.
âIâm sure sheâs very appreciative⌠of the tip,â she winks.
Frankie tries not to blush and resists the urge to high-tail it to the bathroom and wash his face off, opting instead to keep the scent of you on him. He returns to the table of his too-drunk-to-notice friends and finishes out the night of revelry.
.
3:03am
Hey
Hi
3:06am
Sorry
3:09am
Youâre probably asleep
3:10am
Hi
Iâm just getting home actually
3:11am
Oh cool me too
Sorry to botherÂ
I just wanted to make sure you got your tip
I left it with your friend
3:14am
I did, yes. Thank you so much.
3:14am
Cool đ
3:16am
Donât take this the wrong wayâŚ
But how drunk were you tonight?
3:18am
Idk
Why?
What did I do?
Iâm so sorry
3:19am
No, donât be sorry!
Iâm not trying to be rude.
I justâŚ.
Did you mean to tip me that amount?
3:25am
Oh my god
Was it not enough?
I can give you more
Iâm really sorry
Do you have Venmo?
3:27am
No! OMG. It was plenty!
Literally the most Iâve ever been tipped is like 40%
You tipped me 118%
3:30am
Oh
3:31am
Yeah so I just wanted to make sure you didnât get too drunk
And accidentally just give me everything in your wallet
3:35am
Is that what happened?
3:37am
Because I can Venmo some money back to you
Itâs really not a problem
3:40am
Sorry no
I just tipped what my friend told me to
3:41am
Well I checked with the other girlsâŚ.
NONE of your friends tipped that much
And they were all very generous!
3:44am
But none as generous as you
3:45am
Heâs such an asshole
Iâm sorry
I didnât know
I feel like an idiot
3:46am
Again, please donât be sorry
It was VERY generous of you
And Iâm very grateful
3:50am
I was in a giving mood tonight I suppose
3:51am
Mr. Morales, is that you being flirty?
3:53am
Oh weâre back to Mr. Morales now?
3:55am
Can you get a babysitter on Wednesday night?
3:55am
I donât have custody this week so no babysitter needed
Why?
3:56am
We should go out to dinner
3:57am
Oh we should?
3:59am
Yeah we should
Frankie
4:01am
MY treat
4:01am
LOL I should hope so!
4:02am
Pick me up at 7 đ
4:02am
I will
See you Wednesday
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Right Girl, Wrong Time Part 10 | Bradley Bradshaw x Reader
Summary: You missed out on a lot of things when you lived in Chicago, because you didn't want to do them without Bradley. On a very important trip, you and he both visit the city together.
Warnings: Fluff, smut and swears
Length: 1500 words
Pairing: Bradley "Rooster" Bradshaw x Female Reader (former fuckboy college student Bradley)
This is a sequel to accompany my story Old Habits Die Hard (you'll want to read that one first)!
Check my profile for my masterlist
Five Months Later...
"I can't believe we're willingly flying to Chicago in January," you complained with a bright smile on your face.Â
"This was your idea, Sugar," Bradley reminded you, holding up both boarding passes for the airline gate agent to scan. "It's not too late to stay in Vegas or fly to Fiji like I originally wanted."
"No, no. We're going to Chicago together," you told him, taking his hand as you boarded your flight from Las Vegas to O'Hare. Bradley spun your rings around on your finger as you located your seats and settled in.Â
"Chicago in January. Two days before a blizzard is due to arrive. Are we about to go on the shittiest honeymoon ever?" he asked, kissing your lips.Â
You laughed and wrapped your arms around his neck. "Listen, we just had Elvis marry us yesterday on the Vegas strip. We had a quickie wedding after being engaged for five weeks, and I'm not even pregnant. Now we're about to get snowed in together in Chicago. You'll be stuck in a room with me for a week. I don't think a conventional honeymoon is what we needed, Beer Boy."
Bradley tipped his head back and laughed. "Actually, now that you mention it, being snowed in with you sounds like a dream, Sugar. What am I even complaining about?"
"I don't know," you whispered against his scars. "You get me and Chicago deep dish pizza around the clock if you want it."
"I want it," he confirmed. "You can feed me pizza naked in bed after we have sex. And then I'll get hard again, we can have sex again, and you can feed me more pizza. It sounds like the perfect week. Chicago in January is everything I ever wanted."
You were shaking with silent laughter as the flight attendant went over the safety instructions, and soon you were in the air. And then you fell asleep on your husband's shoulder. Bradley jostled you awake in time to see the city all lit up against a snowy backdrop as the plane descended into Chicago.Â
"Are you ready for this?" you asked, standing next to him with your bags, about to walk outside to get a taxi. "It's three degrees out there."
"Yeah, I'm ready," Bradley mumbled, but he looked scared. "No problem."
Once you and he were outside, he was practically crying as you took care of hailing a ride to the hotel. "You have thin Californian blood now," you told him as he snuggled up next to you in the back seat. You kissed his icy cold nose and forehead as you headed through the city where you lived for four years during grad school. "It's embarrassing, Bradley. I married a Californian."
He shivered in your arms and said, "We're both Virginians, Sugar. I just hate being cold."
You were playing with his hair and kissing along his ear as he melted into you. Every time you thought about the crazy juxtaposition that your life had become, you felt tears in your eyes. You had missed Bradley terribly when you were living in Chicago and still even after you graduated with your PhD. So it just felt right that he was here with you now.
"That's where I got my second tattoo," you whispered as the taxi drove slowly down a side street.Â
Bradley looked out the window and smiled. "Should be a historic landmark."
Your laughter filled the small space as he kissed you. Then he paid the cab fare, and you had never seen him move as fast as he did when he hauled all of the luggage inside to the warm hotel lobby.Â
"Let's go get a good night's sleep," you told him as he carried everything to the elevator and then into the hotel room.Â
"We're not sleeping," he said, shaking his head. "You're going to snuggle with me until I'm warm again, which could take hours, and then I'm fucking you for the rest of the night."
He wasn't lying. You pulled him into bed with you, and held his body close, softly kissing him and telling him how happy you were.Â
"I love you, Sugar. I loved you ten years ago, and I love you today, and I'll still be loving you ten years from now."
Slowly and meticulously, he undressed you beneath the blankets, touching and kissing each new bit of skin as it was exposed. He took extra time and gave extra attention to your tattoos, just like he always did.Â
"I've been in love with you since the first time you wore my bathrobe," he told you before pressing his lips to the valley between your breasts as you giggled. "No, before that. Since the first time I watched you put a bottle of beer to your perfect lips." He kissed his way up to your mouth, lingering there until you were sighing against him.Â
"You've been in love with me since you met me then? Is that what you're trying to say, Beer Boy?"
He groaned as he slid his length inside you. "God, I fucking love it when you call me that. Every single time. And yes, Sugar, ever since I met you."
You made love to your husband all night, your hands and eyes roving over his body as you told him how happy you were that you both ended up at your class reunion in Virginia. That he was at the same bar as you that night last summer.Â
When you both finally fell asleep, it was a long time before you woke up. Room service had already switched from breakfast to lunch, but Bradley got them to agree to send up a pot of coffee along with your lunch order. You and he ate all bundled up in bed together with the curtains open, the first flurries of snow falling outside as the storm moved in.Â
"We need to head out soon so we can get back before it gets dark," you told him as he sipped his coffee.Â
His expression looked unimpressed, but he nodded anyway. "Yeah. Let's go, Sugar."
The taxi dropped you both off at the edge of the park as the sidewalks were getting slick from the snow. There were only a few people out and about, and even in the middle of the day, the sunlight was struggling to break through the heavy, gray clouds. Bradley had his arm wrapped around your shoulders as you approached The Bean together. You stood side by side, examining if for a moment in silence.Â
"It's just a big, metallic bean," you said, leaning into Bradley as the wind picked up.
"I knew it would be dumb as hell, Sugar," he replied, gesturing at it with his hand like there was no good explanation for what they were seeing.
You wrapped your arms around his middle and looked up at him as you started cracking up. "I'm glad I didn't see it without you. It was worth the wait."
"You were worth the wait. The Bean, maybe less so," he replied, kissing you as you took your phone out.Â
After you took a bunch of selfies and texted some to Nat, you looked at Bradley and hummed. His cheeks were bright pink from the cold, and the tip of his nose was getting red. He was perfect, and he was all yours.Â
"Have you given much thought to a little Bradshaw bean?" you asked as snowflakes stuck on his mustache.Â
"Bradshaw bean?" he asked. His brow was creased before it started to smooth out. "Are you saying what I think you're saying, Sugar?"
You nodded and kissed his pink cheek. "Yeah, Beer Boy. A little baby Bradshaw bean. Just something to think about."
Both of you thought about it and talked about it as you stood in front of the giant bean in the middle of a blizzard. But you didn't need to make all of your decisions right now. You weren't planning on being without Bradley ever again.Â
------------------------
THANK YOU for reading along on this adventure with me! Beer Boy/Man and Sugar belong together, and I'm happy she gets to take him to Chicago, even if it's during a blizzard! I hope you had as much fun as I did! Thanks to @mak-32 and @beyondthesefourwalls
Please visit the one-shot The Grateful Dad for some more Beer Boy and Sugar!
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a love letter to my favorite YA lit:
I'm relistening to the Beka Cooper audio books again (a yearly tradition at this point) and every time I hear the opening line of Mastiff, "We buried Holborn today," it takes me back to opening the e-book on my Nook the day it was released in my freshman year of high school and reading that line while sitting on the bleachers waiting for PE to start. I remember flipping back to the previous page to make sure this was the first chapter, thinking I'd never even heard of Holborn. I opened the Bloodhound e-book to compare the dates of her entries and realized the time skip was nearly two years, and got so excited to see what happened to Beka while we weren't with her. We walked the track that overcast day of PE in 2011 and I barely looked up from my Nook, so engrossed was I in Beka's story
that was the first Tamora Pierce book release I waited on; I found her books in probably 2009 and had read most of them by the summer of 2011. I pre-ordered Mastiff so it would be on my Nook as soon as it came out, but I was a freshman in high school and wasn't supposed to stay up till midnight, so I had to wait until the day to read it. it was nearly 13 years (and half my life ago) but here I am, still re-reading and re-listening to the Tamora Pierce books that got me through being a teenager. I remember sitting in my high school's library rereading their copy of Wild Magic over my lunch break to pass the time; drunk crying on the floor of my friend's dorm at a character's death in Terrier my freshman year of college (even though I'd read it 3 or 4 times at that point I always forgot); waiting in the lobby of the technology building of my college campus for my class to start with Spy's Guide on my lap after its release; sitting in my advisor's office in grad school flipping through Mastiff and Page and Lioness Rampant for quotes to include in my thesis; rereading Briar's book at the height of the pandemic. I have a tattoo of Lighting on my arm and a (very rough and needs to be redone) tattoo of Pounce/Faithful on my calf and I genuinely don't think a day has gone by in over a decade where I haven't thought about Tamora Pierce books
the world of Tortall (and Emelan, to a lesser extent) has shaped me, and although this is an attempt to pin it down, I will never be able to explain how much these books mean to me. I know that I may love other series and worlds (I'm currently reading some Terry Pratchett, for example), but they will never make an impact on me in the same way that Tortall and all its various characters has, and that's fine by me
and yet, through all of it, I will never, ever be ready for The Thing We Don't Talk About in Mastiff, not now at a dozen rereads and not in another 13 years
#writing#literature#young adult literature#tamora pierce#tortall#emelan#beka cooper#The Thing kills me every time
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