#it's an idea so crazy it just might work
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While I'm not much of a Lucia enthusiast - she sounds like a great character on paper, but what I played of DMC2's story didn't hit at all - I find the idea of her and Vergil being a ship conceptually hilarious because- Look, here's how I imagine it going down:
Dante: "Okay, it's time I did something about this Lucia situation. She's a nice girl, but I'm just not that into her. But what can I do? It's not like I can just find a guy who's as handsome as I-"
Dante: "..."
Dante:
#devil may cry#shitpost#shipping#lucia dmc#vergil dmc#dante dmc#quen speaking#it's an idea so crazy it just might work#vergil's stoic ''macho meets dandy'' personality would probably do it for her#and i personally choose to believe that vergil has a thing for redheads#also i think he'd see her devil form and think it's the most beautiful thing in the whole universe#he'd also appreciate her being ''frank and to the point'' as the wiki says and admire her kindness and selflessness#they'd love each other so thoroughly and completely and through that learn to love themselves a little more#it just works!
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Isn’t Vortex a fucking torture freak tho? 👀👀👀
Yep. He is. He is a lot of things actually. The more you learn about him the more fucked up it gets
#at first I was like#ah yes another crazy helicopter#but then I learned the lore haha#hoo boy#the guy was a criminal and was so good at it#the government had to take his spark out of his body and put it in a freezer so he won't break the law anymore#then Starscream took him out and was like#you and your bros are my minions now#btw I made you unable to recharge on your own so uou are basically my hostages#work for me or starve to death losers#and then also Megatron with his Javascript exercises#Seriously. Megs looked at those criminals who were crazy strong and also crazy smart and decided that enslaving them would be a great idea#He basically reprogrammed Vortex and others. He made him literally unable to disobey his orders#what kind of fucked up thing to do Megsy???#G1 was great ahahahah#silly kids show about war and crimes and slavery#also#I might be wrong here because I haven't watch G1 entirely....but I'm pretty sure Combaticons just fuckin. stay Megatron slaves forever??#Like. The code that Megs put in their heads is never mentioned again? And for the rest of the show they forced to serve the Decepticons???#and everyone just?? Forget about them? I repeat I might be wrong here. It would be great if I'm wrong#also yeah Vortex is a torture freak and totally crazy#I saw a note somewhere that mentioned he likes to transform around other bots and then fly as high as he can and drop them#fucker lol
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band au rahhhhhhhhhhh
#i wanted to draw the other guardians too but this would be a good start#ok so#tsuna starts his band. yamamoto bass and gokudera keys and tsuna suprisingly drummer and also lead vocal. reborn appears out of nowhere-#being “youre not your full potential so i will drain you till youre like a fish in a dehydrator until you become the best out there.”#thats about it#but i just like how drumming singers are like extremely good music people because drumming is already hard. and singing too???#absolutely insane i might say. tsuna would do this (bc reborn told him so)#he does not want to be the best but reborn exists in the paro for a reason#reborn is like maybe a famous musician who faked his death then did whatever he wanted to do while he was “alive”. then he got tsuna as his#apprentice and so so. oh yeah also whiplash (the movie) reference bc holy shit its so good. for me at least. and reborn would make tsuna go#that kind of crazy. like training until drenched in sweat from morning to night or whenever hes available. bc he knows he has potential#he just need someone to push him beyond his expected limit#btw 8059 implied#gokudera joined the band first bc yeah then comes yamamoto for fun as he had to rest from playing baseball a bit too enthusiastic#gokudera hated him so much for like being dumb??? (the goofy ah laugh) but then the two dated even before reborn made a move on tsuna#its very funny but they work it out#i was also thinking if the band ever do solos or do something not as the whole band 8059 will have their own album. itll be great#for genre im not sure?? lets just say alt rock electrojazz????#no idea but maybe ill make a playlist. maybe#sawada tsunayoshi#reborn#yamamoto takeshi#gokudera hayato#8059#r27
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it just hit me that the movie is coming out next month imgonna throw upppppppp
#to be clear this isnt an excited post this is a scared post .#i feel kinda guilty about it with how excited i was about the first 2 movies#but i just cant be anymore paramount and the scu have disappointed me so much within the past year in so many ways ......#shadow is one of my favorite characters his lore makes me go crazy and is one of the things that pulled me into loving sonic so much#but i literally felt nothing while watching that trailer aside from confusion at some of the writing choices being made#like i wasnt expecting an exact recreation of sa2 but why is sonic working with gun . wtf is gerald doing here . why are there no girls .#the only positives to me were things that were cool visually . which doesnt outweigh all the things that have annoyed/disappointed me#like who cares about another cool sonic and shadow fight scene we already have plenty of those .#Anyway. saw some of those new promotional images.#i swear to god if they actually start calling shadow+eggman+gerald team dark#like they suggested they might in that survey from a while back#im gonna become the joker for real#(insert the NO that is NOT solid snake image but it says team dark instead)#also maybe im taking the hedgehog games way too seriously here#but having gerald still be alive and present in some form feels like such a bad idea from a story perspective ... like .#for one shadow lost Everything in the gun raid having gerald still be here feels like its undermining that in a way#but also gerald's whole thing in sa2 is being long dead but still impacting the story despite that . why is he ALIVEEEE#and why is he here over rouge ???? do they just hate women or something#(before someone goes ''it would take too much time/money to animate another cgi character''#maybe the movies should have just been fully animated if that sort of thing was a concern . just saying)
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more ready player one cherik au ideas
erik is pretty much a complete loser irl and online and barely has any friends until he meets charles at the first trial and joins his online friendgroup (aka fc xmen) when he gets the first key
everyones avatars are more based on their comic looks so they all look a bit silly but its the oasis so its okay
thats pretty much it so far my brain is slowly building some kind of a story but it hasn’t gone into details yet
i dont even know if im gonna write this i just gotta dump my ideas here otherwise they’ll be sent to the void
#people who write fanfics are crazy (in a good way)#dont know how you guys manage to do this#thisll probably be more based of the movie than the book as i have no patience to reread it all just to get ideas#honestly if the oasis was real i would gladly just experience any movie this halliday guy has seen#thatd be cool#if it wasn’t all just based in 80s-90s stuff i would gladly live through xmen films#be charles xavier or something#altough i’d having magneto just hovering over my shoulder the whole time so i might leave those gays be#imma just be one of those oc inserts or something#i’ve definitely noticed my spelling and grammar is terrible#anyway erik falling in love with bald charles and then falling in love with charles with hair#raven should put charles avatar as bald as a prank but then he keeps it cause he finds it funny#trying to think if they should have mutations irl or not#cause idk how well superpowers would work in an online multiplayer game#especially telepathy#cherik#charles xavier#erik lehnsherr#x men#magneto#professor x#ready player one au#cherik au
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One thing I'd love to see Magpie lean into for the FLTTRPG is the opportunity deck. They mostly do PbtA and should continue in that genre, but the idea of having a deck of custom one-shot moves local to each region goes hard.
I do have high hopes for it, FB seems likely to be involved deep in the development compared to the Avatar game so it'll probably be strong.
#fallen london#I have STRONG OPINIONS about TTRPGs#when that drops I'm 100% gonna run or play it. I don't know who with but I will find a way.#If I'm not satisfied I will work on my own. I have a feeling the playerbase is the right level of crazy to be on board with that#I've been playing FL for a month but the world has been deep in my head since I died seventeen times in one session of SSeas#I already have a seed doc of a game in the lineage - wild west in a shifting psuedo-north-american-continent. you have a funny covered wago#oh that's. that's ultraviolet grasslands. I accidentally invented UVG before I knew about UVG. Not exactly but the overlap is massive#It's so cool that similar ideas come up. especially because now that I know more about the FL setting and UVG I'd make one further from bot#I might return to that game idea. i just opened it up to peek and wow my fingerprints are clear all the way from 2022#I love making posts where the greater half of the content is in the tags. I'm so good at blogging on Tumblr Dot Website
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It’s almost half midnight and I really shouldn’t be trusted to come up with plot points at this time of the night.
Someone tell me to stop planting crazy twists in my WIP… 🥲
#I already threw this idea out#but it hasn’t left my mind#so maybe that’s a sign to keep it in?#or is it just an overactive brain working overtime to try and sort this plot out?#this story can go two ways#crazy or sensible#and I might just pick crazy#five rambles#thunder rambles#fic rambles
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it's so fun when the holiday plans are made, you know nothing about them, then you get a call like "well this is what we're doing what do you mean you don't know," so then you work to get that to fit your schedule because they've all decided they're doing christmas on the 26th for one person so i have to take a day off of work or i would make them all feel bad if i was like yeah not that doesn't work for me (it doesn't) and then three days before you're supposed to go, you get another call that is, "well we all forgot that you needed a place to sleep and there's no place for you to sleep unless you want to sleep on a cot in a cold noisy room or on the floor of a cold office or in a bunkhouse that we don't know if we have permission to let you use or not so just bring a sleeping bag."
like i am feeling very kevin mccallister about my family right now. deeply so.
#frankly the bunkhouse would be fine because at least it would be quiet and away from all of them#but no internet and no food unless i drive for 20 minutes#but i literally just had to text my cousin's wife to see if i even COULD stay there#because my aunt is the one who made the suggestion but she doesn't even own it (she likes to think she still owns this place)#so now *i'm* stuck in the very awkward position of being like 'YEAH SO HEY THIS IS WHAT I HEARD'#and also my other cousin's girlfriend is going to be there#and i deeply distrust her#for so many reasons bahhahahahahahaa#but mainly because she gives me the fucking creeps with crazy religious vibes (like she is wackadoo evangelical)#(my cousin is very irish catholic so ... i have no idea how that's working ahahahahaah)#i am literally at the point where i just told my mom that i might not even stay#i generally feel that if i moved to another country and didn't say anything they wouldn't even notice until i didn't show up to something#and then they'd get mad at me#sorry for the rant#i'm just#tired of it all#personal#my life#christmas#holidays
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As of yet unnamed game card art!
#pixelart#pixel art#card game design#card games#scottish mythology#Happy new year gang#I've been on my course for a good while now. I have a new very close friend from it and have made a few others as well#Our little group is in a discord and we're all a good bit nerdy haha#I'm far from the oldest one in the class/group which is always good to see#We got two weeks off for winter break which is great. We come back tomorrow. I'm not ready lmao.#But with the time I got I treated it like a game jam. Me and friend were like “we got two weeks let's make what we can”#And I wasted the first few days. Not by not working but by using AI to try and help with code. Turns out it's terrible at it.#I've been openly anti-AI but our course encourages us to use it for coding so I thought it would be good at games.#Nope. It's dogshit. It worked for a while but I ended up working so much more efficiently just making the code myself#So this new game. It's a card game. you might be thinking “This has nothing to do with the 16 characters you were making what happened??”#It's all connected. ALL of it. Greenhollow. HoaM. Elphame. This new project. The 16 characters. They're all connected.#It's gonna sound like the story will be oversaturated and it is. But I'm not worried about that rn. Just making sure the game is fun.#And I can confirm: The game is fun. It's playable. Graeme and I have been playing it a ton and I feel so happy. I love designing the cards#I don't want to explicitly state what's up but here's a clue: These 20 cards are all playable by the ISTP character#That will either make you understand completely or not help you at all.#Anyway. I'm tying in previous projects so they all get to tell their story. My sister made designs for characters ages ago#and I'm finally getting to show them. One is on one of these cards. But I intend to show all of them and tell all their stories#Of course since there are so many characters a lot of the little side stories will be optional.#I'm getting ahead of myself. But I'm loving doing art and programming for this rn. Tomorrow I return to DA lifestyle...#But at the end of the month I'll be a lot less busy and might get to work on this again. No idea of a release ETA#but in 2 weeks I've done 20 cards. I'm hoping for between 128-256 (I love symmetry). That said it's faster once I'm in the habit of it.#I have a little bit of programming left before this version is final (4 cards left) but yeah. It's looking damn good.#I'm not as manic as the last post but I am very proud of myself#Also 2024 was my favourite year for movies lmao. Inside out 2 wicked and sonic 3 were all amazing All 3 make me sob like a baby#2024 was crazy. I lived so much hahaha. I met a lot of people and travelled so much and got so fit (then lost it all in winter)
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<3
#been thinking a lot about how whenever i have a dream or an idea marinating in my brain for long enough it then becomes something that i am#determined to pursue. and that no one can really dissuade me from#it simply becomes a permanent part of my creative direction in life#i guess you could say that's kind of the same thing as having a special interest but not QUITE#like for example. what i'm thinking of right now is my desire to start a band#and i come up with a lot of crazy ideas on a day to day basis but a good amount of them end up being simply fleeting or dictated by my mood#the ones that stay though... those are the one that actually HAPPEN#i've wanted to sing in a band for at least a year now#to be honest it's probably been longer but it's been at least a year of me being consciously aware of it#and it just made me realize. this desire has stuck around in my brain for quite a while now#and i think that means it is going to happen someday#i don't know exactly how yet because the way i originally thought it might happen (me going to music college) didn't work out#but it's been a year and i'm still thinking about it and keeping my eyes open in case i meet the right people to make music with#i know from experience that when i put my mind to something i WILL get it done#in the sense that i will surprise myself with how stubborn i can be when it comes to not stopping chasing my dreams#and i've had big goals in the past that i did achieve because of this#i'm also like. surprisingly adaptable??? i only recently learned that about myself but i be pulling Plan B's out of my sleeves#so that's all to say -- i'm choosing to believe that i will start my band someday and it will be better than i can imagine right now#and in general i'm choosing to believe that the things i truly love and truly want in my life will only become more clear over time#even if i'm confused and lost at times NOW... if i keep moving forward in time it will all make sense#and a lot of times situations do work out exactly the way they were meant to but in the most unexpected of ways#i don't know how coherent this all was but yeah#starting a band is only the most recent example#belle speaks
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the hinata kinning is strong tonight
#marzi speaks#once again. shoutout to izuru for calling me out on that enough times for me to realize it’s the truth#crazy thing is i keep finding out how correct it is in different ways#like i realized recently. i have no idea who i am or who i’m supposed to be#i think i know who i wanna be? but i might already be that person and not even know it#and the other night i was sitting there. and i thought ‘who the hell am i.’ and then i realized that’s such a fucking hajime ass thought#identity issues moment. teehee !!#i didn’t… think i had identity issues??? but shit i might !!!#it might be genderfluidity having a moment. it might be stress. it could be anything#anything could be responsible for the way i am. if i would be likely to do anything given the right circumstances#how can i know that any choice i make is truly my own#…i need to go to bed. it might be bedtime#do you see what i MEAN though??? goddamn. i should work on getting a therapy appt set up or smth#on a more lighthearted note the whole hajime kinnie thing is SO funny in hindsight#when i asked izuru why he thought i was a hajime kinnie he just went ‘oblivious and gay. among other things.’#and i said ‘what other things?????’ and he went ‘i’m not gonna bore myself with the details. if anyone would know it’d be me trust me’#and well. shit! a bitch was right and that still irritates me a little. how the fuck did that fucker know that much about me#it is a super funny interaction though. izuru kamukura came to my blog called me a faggot and left. slay
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(4.6 beta changes) (again) (guys this is so long im just. many thoughts and me thinking out loud abt arle and my pulling plans. & other nonsense etc. my bad)
ooookay so yeah def glad i didnt jump the gun and attempt some sorta "is this a buff or not" feelscrafting nonsense on arles adjustments jkwjkwdjkwdjkwdkjjk and waited for TC (mostly zajef lmao) analysis and opinion on the real changes that ended up happening
anyway so like. it appears to be an universal buff for her p much? but how big of a buff it ends up being depends on some mechanics we still dont have a definite answer as to how they function (mostly how her BoL stacking from E works during the ECAQECA reset thing, if it enables 140% total stacking = massive dmg buff overall)
firstly my fears of her becoming too ult dependent for overworld appear to be? not as bad as i thought? so thats nice at least very pog like if she can do her thing decently enough just for fun running around thats very good
secondly. the ER situation is literally on a 50-50 😭 because its all about whether she has particle ICD on her E. if she doesnt, thats actually like. 0 ER needed or at the very least incredibly little of it. if there is particle ICD. well. thats going to be another story
the way her rotations have changed now seem to gear her towards overload teams with chevy? since they have very long rotations and characters like fischl and yae can have full uptime over those whereas vape teams lose hydro application from yelan or XQ and buff uptime from characters like bennett over time when a rotation stretches past 24s
like from what ive been reading it seems to be a pretty common sentiment that these buffs will make the biggest impact in chevy overload teams specifically (even tho shes obvi buffed just in general in all teams) for that reason and that chevy teams Especially w her at c6 with arle should be the best bennettless teams ultimately. which is definitely an interesting turn ?
(and this isnt all of the changes btw im just talking abt the ones that matter most for my considerations rn)
anyway. my thoughts then.
so im obviously glad the changes turned out to be buffs so far. but. theres still stuff im a bit. ehhhhhhhh on
firstly the survivability situation (which in turn leads back to the teambuilding issues). bc her self heal did get nerfed. so arles no longer going to be able to risk taking very high dmg during a rotation and dragging herself back to full once the next one starts. which to me feels like an emphasis on dmg mitigation for her and shielding.
(not to even get started on the. spam NAs to reduce her now 30s E cooldown so its up in time for the next rotation meaning you Do Not want to be staggered and tossed out of her attack string. and gee would you look at that! neuvillette level interruption res on c1 now! great!!)
(like again. to be clear. its hard to say exactly how much interruptions to her NA spam will end up fucking her over. i could just be overtly wary about how bad it might feel. but at its worst. with enemies that run away from u or go invincible. or stunlock you. the fact that it will at least heavily risk arles ability to reduce her E cooldown the amount she needs for fluid rotations. could definitely end up feeling like shit to play in practice without that interruption resistance. be it from c1 or a shied)
but then if we go back to her synergies and look at. those more interesting (imo) chevy teams that should perform well even without bennett. like arle/chevy/fischl/yae. whos keeping ur arle from dying there 😭 its giving lyney spreadsheet impact vs actual reality trying to play him without a shield 😭😭 guess we know who he got it from...
and yea could replace yae for beidou for damage reduction but her dmg will TANK in single target. as a whole. defensive options list in pyro/electro units only just isnt that good. beidous the one who tanks team dps the least as long as ur in AoE, but outside of that its just. thoma and dehya. and they will 100% tank the team dps
whereas defensive options like zhongli to me feel like they will just end up w her teams just wanting to lean towards that. traditional vape and mono pyro angle. bennett and kazuha and yelan/XQ. the usual stuff. and shes not getting benny and kazuha from childe so we have an issue 💀💀
unironically i will prolly be looking for some double geo zhongli/chiori/yelan vape team calcs for arlecchino (hope someone makes them. all double geo team calcs ive seen so far assume bennett 😭) just out of curiosity in terms of. how much worse it is than her best teams. bc if i can just slap her in that setup its a big bonus to how flexibly i could use her but eh. prolly will end up weaker than any chiorinavia nation core i could play so who knows
but. all this yapping and im only now getting to the point JSWJKDWJKWDJK so. heres the BIG problem
i dont have a single fucking chevrolet 💀 but i do have like 38 pity on a guarantee.
and like people are suggesting that maybe chevy will be on arles banner and fair, especially with these new beta changes incentivizing arle chevy teams way more than before, it would definitely make sense for hoyo to put chevy with her. and i definitely am overall a fan of this possible chevy overload team direction for arle (anything thats not bennett for father. ANYTHING) so id love for that to be the case
but. thats not guaranteed at all. and the same sentiment i had over arlecchinos hypothetical best support in the form of the pyro archon (or honestly. with the lack of electro shielders for chevy teams even clorinde could end up being that missing piece) where id almost rather wait to guarantee that synergistic unit before getting arle herself on a rerun. actually applies to chevy here too. even just a c0 one
and like. yes. if i spend that guarantee now on c2 chiori. and it turns out chevy is indeed featured with arlecchino. i will Not be able to guarantee her anymore - ill get one 50-50 and all the chances for a few solid chevy copies on the way but thats it.
however. the other scenario here is that arle does NOT get chevy. she gets fucking. kaveh noelle mika. and then chevy is going to rerun with like. idk. random banner. clorinde who may or may not have synergy with arle
...and im not really sure if id even want to pick arle up on that guarantee from that sort of banner SJKDKJADJKDJK but ok id skip her. buuut im still sitting on a guarantee i might not want to use on a character i feel just eh abt. but who might be with chevy (and like. i do pull for 4* when im on a 50-50 and low pity, idm the early. so as long as thats the case i can see myself tossing a few pulls at Any chevy banner in the future).
... which brings us back to. okay yeah saving the guarantee for clorinde IF chevy isnt with arle and IF shes an electro shielder sub dps support for those arle chevy teams. and getting arle on rerun as ive considered. doesnt sound that bad. but clorinde might also Not be that. uncertainty uncertainty.
like im fairly sure clorinde Will be an unit i wont mind pulling at 17 pity xianyun style on a 50-50 no matter what. but if shes not that mythical arle BiS support she prolly wont be worth that guarantee is my whole complex here lmao
whereas. c2 chiori. isnt an uncertain factor here. like im investing in her im getting her c6 eventually, c2 is like almost 25% personal dps increase (also my husk pieces LOVE rolling ER so itd actually be useful) it feels like the "safe" option in a sense ya know???
like. yes id leave arlecchino up to a coin toss . (Jail for jen!! fake lesbian!!!) but id also be left with the option of skipping her banner (if no chevy rateup to be clear) in favor of seeing whether she gains any synergistic units in the future and seeing how the various aspects of her kit that i do somewhat worry about end up panning out ?? and i think. id be fine with that ? Over the alternative
ultimately tho. im super happy arle got overall buffed and that at least some of my fears abt her kit changes were indeed unfounded, but some concerns still remain. its kinda wild and still sad to me that she went from an absolute 100% must pull character just bc its Her to like. curse of pyro on fielder idk if i Need this right now 😔😔 but i Will be getting her eventually!! no matter what
anyway have a sticker if u stuck around for all of my bullshit. this is literally just arle buff thoughts into gacha pulls stream of consciousness rambling 😭😭😭
#pov ur watching me talk myself into ripping the bandaid off and just getting that goddamn c2 chiori WDJKDWJKWDKJWDJ#already went the way to the 50-50 for it like we might as well commit to my girl#arles beta is crazy tho like. i havent seen changes this massive to a kit since the yae and ayato days of yore 😭😭#v1 ayato yoimiya dual dps team ThoseWhoKnow LMAOOOOO#prayge for the particle ICD everyone. if she doesnt need ER. my cope zhongli chiori arle yelan vape idea. might actually work out okay#bc i can keep yelan on elegy for buffs and not just favge#aaaanyway. what a wild ride#manifesting the chevy on arle banner SO hard btw. even if i end up losing 50-50 there for arle in the end. it will be worth if i get chevy#genshin#rambles#long post
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she got an idea
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anti depressants crazy... one day side effects be leaving me in bed with a terrible sense of dread thinking something is horribly wrong with my body yet being unable to be stressed about it making it even worse
but then another day im perfectly normal and i even forget i took em that day. there's no in between. it's either dread or "what a nice rainy day..." and i never know which one my body will pick one day
#i talk!!!#like. stressed is a state of mind. you feel chemically different when youre stressed your body reacts differently#I WOULD HAVE BEEN IN DEFINITION FREAKING OUT BUT MY BODY JUST. DIDNT FEEL THAT STRESS SO I WASNT STRESSED#SO INSTEAD I FELT NOTHING BUT “something is wrong” “i need to sit down”#until the anti depressant from that morning wore off its. its crazy#i think its because i just started taking them#they definitely work wonders for my pain yet theyre scary sometimes www#so im willing to keep it up and see if those strange days banish away.#but still it was crazy i had no idea where i was fucking standing i trembled i slurred😭😭 i might as well have been high off my mind#like. technically i was indeed drugged MEDICATION IS DRUGS but you get what im trying to say#no complains on the anti depressants to make me sleep those are wonderful id say#im talking about fluoxetine in this post not the sleepy anti depressants whose name i forgot
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#i was like lets make a cute little thing really quick and then i tunnel visioned for.... 20 mins?#don't open the tags unless you're prepared for a wall of text#my art#another one of those images which uncomfortably straddle the line between 'my scribbles' and 'my actual work that i put real effort into'#anyway this is me after i was like let's make a proof of concept for a productivity app it'll be fun and fast#and in order to make a full proof of concept i went back to the initial thoughts i had about the app (which i wrote down of course)#so i could. y'know. get the full concept down. and then i read like thousands of words of completely disorganized spitballing. head spinnin#but also did you know that me from what. like 3 years ago? shares remarkably similar ideals as me today. who would have thought really.#i had forgotten about half of the stuff that i originally wanted in the app and now my app idea is slightly bigger#(my already big mind palace app is already. big)#and maybe you'd be like 'wow okay that just means you grew up and developed so you don't need them anymore!' false sense of security it's#actually because i am no longer a student and also have no job so my daily life is different but my work ethic (lack thereof??)#is still the. same. so if i were ever to work in a society again i would need. them. most likely#and the other half of the stuff that i originally wanted are things that i unwittingly wrote into my recent drafts so yeah i got kinda#blindsided by myself back there. 'oh shit YOU were the one who came up with this first. wtf i thought i was being original and innovative'#slight exaggeration bc what im making is like 98% clone and 2% not clone (but maybe still 99% clone bc there might be another app out there#that i just haven't heard of but is like exactly the same as what i am thinking in my head)a nyways#okay yeah uhhhhhhh so i'll be back at some point with more fun words good night fellows#also did you know that ms paint has layers now (not that new news) and also doesn't let you save in layers that's crazy shit
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ok i need to be very kind to myself and acknowledge that i had a good day regardless of how it ended but i did find out that my other best friend (no.4) is asking someone out meaning nearly every person i know is either at that stage or in a relationship and i’m wondering at what point do i start ramping up my insanity in hopes of finding any kind of love
#i’m hot these days (none of y’all liked my selfies though :/) but like. i was way more attractive#based on pure statistics when i was crazy fucking insane so like. i think that’s the strat.#i know this sounds horrible but i’m slowly going to lose my mind over this#i genuinely have no idea what i’m doing wrong i’ll fall in love with ANYBODY#it’s not even that i’m asexual strangers don’t know that that might be a moot point anyway!#people just don’t get drawn to me and it’s really fucking getting to me#because i don’t want to be like. wingman person anymore. i don’t WANT to date#but like i also need to. i need to be desired even if it really unsettles me#because i do want romance in general and if not right now then when?#i need to burn something down to be really honest because this is just.scary.#i’m watching everyone knowing they’ll leave me and i have no leverage or control#there’s nothing stopping them and if i had a lover maybe i could#i just can’t figure out what i’m doing wrong this is so fucking terrifying to me#i am starting to hate my appearance bc like should i? but i’m really pretty also?#and like maybe i’m not funny or cool enough. do i not know enough people?#do i just need to flirt with everyone? honestly i’ve tried that#do i need to lie and say i’m not a lesbian? do i need to stop talking? talk more?#i don’t understand why anybody likes me but i want to be loved forever so fucking bad#it’s killing me it’s KILLING ME. i don’t understand the dating scene i don’t get it#but i can be beautiful and funny and i can make it work but maybe i’m not good enough#i don’t know how to be a better person i’m so scared people will leave#maybe i stop saying i’m asexual and maybe that will make it work#i can’t tell if saying you’re asexual is a turn on or off i get really mixed reactions.#i don’t know. never listen to me about anything.#but look at my selfies i’m kind of going fucking insane about those too. but like idc#maybe i’m a hollow rotten person that seems about right. i mean. it’s a known fact that i can’t love. not really
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