#based on pure statistics when i was crazy fucking insane so like. i think that’s the strat. | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

elytrafemme · 3 months ago

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ok i need to be very kind to myself and acknowledge that i had a good day regardless of how it ended but i did find out that my other best friend (no.4) is asking someone out meaning nearly every person i know is either at that stage or in a relationship and i’m wondering at what point do i start ramping up my insanity in hopes of finding any kind of love

#i’m hot these days (none of y’all liked my selfies though :/) but like. i was way more attractive #based on pure statistics when i was crazy fucking insane so like. i think that’s the strat.#i know this sounds horrible but i’m slowly going to lose my mind over this #i genuinely have no idea what i’m doing wrong i’ll fall in love with ANYBODY #it’s not even that i’m asexual strangers don’t know that that might be a moot point anyway!#people just don’t get drawn to me and it’s really fucking getting to me #because i don’t want to be like. wingman person anymore. i don’t WANT to date #but like i also need to. i need to be desired even if it really unsettles me #because i do want romance in general and if not right now then when?#i need to burn something down to be really honest because this is just.scary.#i’m watching everyone knowing they’ll leave me and i have no leverage or control #there’s nothing stopping them and if i had a lover maybe i could #i just can’t figure out what i’m doing wrong this is so fucking terrifying to me #i am starting to hate my appearance bc like should i? but i’m really pretty also?#and like maybe i’m not funny or cool enough. do i not know enough people?#do i just need to flirt with everyone? honestly i’ve tried that #do i need to lie and say i’m not a lesbian? do i need to stop talking? talk more?#i don’t understand why anybody likes me but i want to be loved forever so fucking bad #it’s killing me it’s KILLING ME. i don’t understand the dating scene i don’t get it #but i can be beautiful and funny and i can make it work but maybe i’m not good enough #i don’t know how to be a better person i’m so scared people will leave #maybe i stop saying i’m asexual and maybe that will make it work #i can’t tell if saying you’re asexual is a turn on or off i get really mixed reactions.#i don’t know. never listen to me about anything.#but look at my selfies i’m kind of going fucking insane about those too. but like idc #maybe i’m a hollow rotten person that seems about right. i mean. it’s a known fact that i can’t love. not really

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