#it was just supposed to be a weird guy as all my souls characters are

[goopyguy]

playin dark souls remastered for the first time and i accidentally kinda made joe biden

[hyperfixatedbastard]

one must grab the titty

Soft!Adam x AFAB!Reader

It's no surprise that Adam's big on physical touch, but you expected it to be - well, sexual. Turns out that this clingy, hypersexual douchebag actually likes innocent, nonsexual intimacy. Like holding your boobs just 'cause they're nice to hold.

Word Count: 926

WARNINGS: SFW (I think?), AFAB!Reader with gender neutral pronouns, mentions of sex, no sexual content, nonsexual intimacy

A/N: I kinda hate this but I'm tired of working on it, so here ya go! Apologies if you have no tits, but let's be honest, that wouldn't stop this bastard.

Dividers

Adam has some… odd habits, at least by Heavenly standards. Sometimes you wonder just how exactly he’s an angel, but you’ve learned to not question it. He may be a douchebag and an asshole, but he has his moments. He’s sweet with you, at least. You never expected him to be a doting, clingy boyfriend, but he certainly proved you wrong.

No matter where you are or what you’re doing, he’ll have an arm around your waist, or one of his wings loosely wrapped around you. Adam is a possessive guy (after hearing about the whole Lucifer debacle, you can’t really blame him), and he makes it clear with the way he interacts with you in public. And in private, he’s arguably worse—you’re lucky to sit down without him draping an arm over your shoulders to pull you in close, or practically pulling you into his lap. He’d never admit it, but you think he needs the reassurance that you’re still there, that you haven’t left him.

You’re not so sure about that theory once the touches go past cuddling.

⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

"Adam," you begin in a suspicious tone. "What are you doing?"

The angel in question blinks back at you owlishly. His mask and robes have been traded out for some sweatpants and a t-shirt that reads ‘I Got ADHD’ with the subtitle ‘A Damn Hard Dick.’ The two of you are cuddling on the couch in your shared apartment, with some shitty action movie playing on the TV as you sit wrapped up in his arms and wings with your back to his chest (you didn’t think that action movies would be allowed in Heaven considering the murder and whatnot, but once again, you don’t question it).

"Hm?" he hums innocently. "I'm watching the fuckin' movie, babe."

You glance down to where his hand is shamelessly groping your boob over your shirt. You debate whether or not to even confront him about it, considering he isn't actually doing anything other than just holding your tit, but you ask anyways.

"Why is your hand on my boob, then?" you prompt, your eyes shifting between his face and where his hand is idly groping your chest.

Adam chuckles and breaks out into a smug grin. "What? Can't a guy hold his partner's tits?" He gently squeezes your boob for emphasis.

Your face heats up at that, and your eyes narrow in confusion. "Why do you want to?" 

"Uh, because they're fucking great," he answers incredulously, like you're the weird one here. He then brings his free hand up to hold your other boob. He gives them both a gentle squeeze, but doesn't do anything more than that. The lack of a sexual innuendo, joke, or proposition doesn’t make sense to you—it feels out of character for Adam, even after learning about his love of cuddling.

You just look at him, confused. Sure, you've always known that he's a boob guy, but this doesn't strike you as Adam's usual horny antics. But if it’s not sexual (which you still find hard to believe), what the fuck is it? 

He seems to realize that his original explanation isn’t good enough. "Look, hot stuff, boobs are just nice to fuckin' hold, y'know? All soft n' squishy n' shit."

You raise a brow at that. It’s a fair point, you suppose. "So, what, my tits are like stress balls for you?"

Adam laughs—not that loud, boisterous laugh he does when pranking some poor soul, but that more genuine, softer one few people ever got to hear. "Yeah, pretty fuckin' much, babe. They're comforting!"

You roll your eyes at him, albeit fondly, as a smile pulled at your lips. "Whatever works for you, I guess."

His smirk grows, and he squeezes your boobs a little firmer this time. "Oh, these beauties are fucking workin' for me, sweet cheeks."

You scoff, albeit lightheartedly, and swat at his shoulder. "Shut up and watch your damn movie."

Adam doesn’t respond, but he pulls you a little closer and gives your tits one last good squeeze before returning his attention to the TV—for the most part, at least. His hands don’t leave your chest, but they don’t really do much either. They’re just resting there, occasionally groping or giving a light squeeze. Damn, this really isn’t a sex thing for him, is it?

You’d already been shocked when you’d first realized how clingy Adam is. You were even more surprised to discover that he’s a fan of nonsexual intimacy in general, like cuddling and hugging without it leading to something more. And here he is, surprising you once again by doing something that should surely be sexual in his mind, yet treating it casually and barely even making sex jokes about it. 

A few more minutes into the movie, you can’t hide your curiosity anymore. “This really isn’t a sexual thing for you?”

Adam’s eyebrows raise, and he looks puzzled at your question before breaking out into a smirk. “Why, do you want it to be?”

You scoff and shake your head. “No, I’m just… surprised, is all.”

“Hey! I can appreciate some nice boobs without it being sexual,” he protests, and he sounds at least partially serious.

“Okay, okay, I believe you,” you assure him with a soft laugh. “I didn’t say it was a bad thing.”

“Good, ‘cause I fuckin' like this,” Adam remarks, once again squeezing your boobs for emphasis. You just fondly roll your eyes at him and go back to watching the movie.

Having a clingy boyfriend is pretty nice, actually.

Taglist: @3sire-777

[runaeveena]

Your dashboard if you were in a d&d fantasy world still involved in fictional erotica discourse part 2

⛰️ berenicesblade Follow

now that the new Mountain Angel volume has come out can we please tag spoilers, some of us are still waiting for our pigeon mail

🦚 faeynadaughter Follow

you can access the volume in full on TomePlane!

🎭 bardcampistrash Follow

until TomePlane acknowledges that its interplanar storage is made possible by binding aboleths to the plane and killing them then we are going to continue not using that platform, thanks

🦚 faeynadaughter Follow

aboleths killed my cousin who was a royal cleric. ill never understand why theres a whole movement to protect abyssal creatures when theyve caused so much damage to our kingdoms. and disliking a pocket dimension which provides thousands of people access to books? your attitude reeks of anti literaturism and mal-aligned virtue signaling and im not sure which is worse

🫒 tenthday237 Follow

Aliizya gets pregnant on page 62

⛰️ berenicesblade Follow

banished

620 Notes

🏰 finchtruther Follow

okay but the way that faelor finch writes every song that perfectly fits pennbiel liiike its giving closet fangirl

🧭 waywardwarlock

seriouslyy!! like what else is "give me your unmarked hand / in the shadowfell we won't be a secret" supposed to be about if not pennipher and corabiel

16 Notes

🌫️ cloudgiant-snailboy Follow

yall please dont fill up the unseen servant tag with your super fucking weird smut posts im just looking for tips on how to find my unseen servant

🪡 scç-writer

the search function on tomeblr does need to be updated but we dont have to kinkshame :)

🌫️ cloudgiant-snailboy Follow

the site is being overrun by virgin degenerates

🍯 treebarkhookhandwagondoor

sounds like you need Wilam the Wizard with Wandering Hands to help you summon the unseen stick in your ass

290 Notes

🗝️ crypt-princess Follow

so whose going to be the first to commission a painting of that scene with Aliizya and the beholder 👀

🍎 bloodmaledickening Follow

i already asked my local artisan he said he's gotten two other commissions for the same scene lmao

🐁 softbarbarian

girl i commissioned a tapestry

45 Notes

🕯️ andersfirelight Follow

friendly reminder that devil deals are a real thing that a lot of people fall victim too and that demons are malicious and do destroy peoples lives if theyre not careful so please be careful when consuming works like Hellionfinity which romanticizes devil deals and fiendish soul contracts

🌾entangled-farmer Follow

imo any work of fiction that involves a romance between any type of fiend is not just problematic but harmful

🕯️ andersfirelight Follow

i used to be indifferent to books that had devil romance interests because like thats their whole thing theyre seducing people to get their souls and the mc overcomes it, but reading through the replies i see that Hellionfinity actually ends with the devil character as the main romantic lead which is super problematic in terms of power imbalance and the fact that he has a redemption arc is so out of touch especially since our military is finally recovering from the azgurian assault

🧚🏻‍♂️arms-of-faelor

helliofinity also has a scene where the main character uses a soul coin that an imprisoned mortal gave him and he uses it to bring the devil out of avernus so he doesnt fully die and no one in the book mentions it or talks about how messed up it is to use soul coins and we never see the now bound to hell prisoner ever again

🕯️ andersfirelight Follow

hellionfinity officially cancelled on my end!

88 Notes

☘️ celest-ial Follow

moment of silence for all the customers waiting on drink orders while the tavern wench gets her back blown out by a new guy every night ✊😔

🦁 king-killa Follow

the gods work hard but Girthy Gladys gets worked harder

57,022 Notes

🎲 beholdersbeholdingme

paladin and warlock romances are OUT! cleric and necromancer romances are IN!

🪭 royalcoinpurse Follow

the only thing a cleric should do to a necromancer is beat him to death so she can revive him and kill him again

🎲 beholdersbeholdingme

❇️ arch-dryad Follow

i think we need to analyze why we're so quick to place women in categories of devious seductress or healer in romance novels as if that hasnt been the pervasive trope that holds magic-touched women back in our actual society

🍯 treebarkhookhandwagondoor

why do you assume these fictional tropes are mf couples only? can a gay cleric not beat his gay necromancer boyfriend to death?

🎲 beholdersbeholdingme

and off! beat him off cmon guys

5,275 Notes

🧀 weremouse Follow

yall ever be talking or whatnot and feel like no one understands you

🪨 sebrenenogdon Follow

ᛄᚠ ᛡᚢ ᚳᚪᚾ ᚱᛁᛞ ᚦᛄᛋ ᛡᚢ ᚺᚪᚠ ᛏᚢ ᚱᛁᛒᛚᚪᚷ ᚦᛄᛋ

🧀 weremouse Follow

say that shit fr (<- looking around clueless)

🪨 sebrenenogdon Follow

ᛋᛁᚱᛁᚪᛋᛚᛁ

60 Notes

🌠 crownofstars

remember when that person made a call out post for the author of ilairepeler for using a ghost writer and it turned out the author was an actual ghost. writing. like a literal ghost writer. like.

🍄gnomestool Follow

arent you the dwarf that fucked a slaad

🌠 crownofstars

how would you like to become a ghost so you can write more witty comments like this for eternity

301 Notes

[wannaeatramyeon]

Adventures of YOUR part time job in the Lookismverse

G/N. You work the graveyard shift in a convenience store. You meet bizarre characters on different nights. Part 1 | Part 2

The customers can usually be separated into 3 categories.

Drunks, students, and weirdos.

Unfortunately for you, lately the weirdos have turned into regulars. But fortunately the weirdos aren't so weird.

The one that made it a habit to check in on you, with the scars and the cheesy wink wasn't so bad. Jack, was it? You can't remember and it's been too long for you to ask. You awkwardly address him as 'you' and avoid any situation where you need to use his name.

He likes to ask how you are, tell a few jokes. Spirit undeterred even when you look at him with a blank face because bless his soul, he's not funny at all but at least he tries and he's a lot less weird than first impression.

He hangs around at odd times, then again you do only work at odd times. Telling you stories about this and that. Something about Big Deal, something about a guy called Sinu and something about another guy called Samuel.

It's difficult to keep track. It's like he wants to talk but he's cryptic and god, it's 4am who can blame you if your eyes are glazing over.

John, or is it Jerry, is waffling again. He seems to always be talking about Samuel. Who he apparently misses and wonders where it's gone wrong and hang on, he's never been explicit but you just had to know.

When he takes a breath to munch on a cookie, you ask, "Hold on, is Samuel your ex?"

Wait no his name is Jason, definitely Jason- freezes mid-chew, "Why would you say that? He's my friend!"

Joshua sprays crumbs all over you but you note how he doesn't say no.

(You think you see this Samuel one early morning. You’re pretty sure you’ve seen him before and man, he really looks like shit.

Looks like the breakup is getting to him too.

Poor Samuel and Poor Jim.)

.

.

But sometimes weirdos are just weirdos. 

It's ok. It comes with the territory so long as they're not in the habit of hurling abuse or whatever, you can deal with it.

In recent memory, there's only been two people that you have had to almost chase out with a broomstick.

You should have known they would be weirdos when one of them walks in in surprisingly teeny tiny purple camo shorts. Not that you're a pearl clutcher, but you're worried that one wrong move and he could be dangling out.

Besides. Purple. Camo. Shorts. Those words should never follow one after the other, and you repress a shudder at this guy's hideous dress sense when he comes up to you.

You thought the other one was alright, at least there's no hideous purple camo shorts in sight and his hair is nice (huh, this style must be popular, you’ve seen a lot of guys with this hair)-

But then he opens his mouth and asks for snakes and you think it's karma for judging camo-guy for his appearance when his friend is equally odd.

"We usually keep the snakes next to the ramen," you deadpan and the two men actually go to seek out the supposed snake (meat or pet purposes?) only to return moments later, empty-handed and looking confused.

"I think the snake is all sold out," Non-camo guy says as camo-guy glances around as if you might have hidden your snake stock elsewhere.

They must have thought you were stupid as you stood there opening and closing your mouth like a fish (or maybe a snake, do snake do these things), because come on, how are you even supposed to formulate a response to that?

Then you look at their eyes and also notice them looking snakey and surmise it must be some weird fetish thing. Pretending to be snakes and eating snakes and having pet snakes.

You want no part of this and tell them to get out.

.

.

"I'm Baek Hangyeol," a new face says, pointing to his ID badge pinned to the white coat. 

"Doctor Baek Hangyeol." He stresses Doctor and Hangyeol and you wonder if he is waiting for a round of applause.

You don't say anything but you do notice he looks like a teenager and what idiot would let a teenager operate on them. (Drunk, student, weirdo. He could be all three.) Doctor Baek Hangyeol must be bluffing.

You decide not to call him on his bullshit. 

"Cool," is all you respond with because you don't want another complaint for being too mouthy. You are half tempted to tell him you're not a doctor, that you just work here but that seemed kinda redundant so you keep your mouth shut.

"Do you believe in true beauty?" he asks when you finish bagging up his goods (a plain water with added minerals, a bottle of multivitamins and a protein shake) and you think what sort of question is that.

You give a halfhearted shrug and say "Sure" and he hands his business card over.

"If you're ever considering it," he tells you with a wild smile. After he has left you look down at the lettering, eyes zeroing in on ‘Plastic Surgery’.

Excuse me?! What is he trying to say?

You thought he was a weirdo but now he has firmly shifted over to asshole. You regret not telling him to go fuck himself while you had the chance. The complaint would 100% be worth it. Zero regrets.

On your break, you burn the card and feel a small sense of satisfaction.

.

.

A tall blonde guy with a creepy vibe (hold on, have you seen him before, he seems familiar. Then again, creepy blonde guys seem to be quite common around here-) walks in with the most billowing coat you have ever seen.

The entrance is kinda cool but the actual coat is kinda tragic with the cheesy red lettering and you wonder if you can pull it off any better than him.

You're still wondering about his coat when he's paying you, and hang on you have definitely seen him before because he says arigatou and hands over yen and you tell him no. Won only.

The idea of the coat, which has evolved into you fantasising about having a full blown cape, quickly loses its charm however, when the blonde gets caught in the automatic doors and you have to wrestle them open to free him.

Afterwards, you ask if he's ok, if he is harmed and can’t resist asking if the coat is ok too. You really don't want a lawsuit on your watch especially when the malfunctioning doors are not your fault.

Your kindness is repaid by him telling you he's not interested (what the fuck) and that his heart will not stray (again, what the fuck).

.

.

You accidentally eavesdrop on a couple of students lamenting about missing out on school work. You didn’t mean to eavesdrop ok, the aisles are tight and cramped, it’s a small space. 

You peek over, and the one with big ears (seriously, they are huge) is telling the one with his back to you (goodness, his back is huge too) that school is important and he’s got notes the other one can use. 

It’s sweet, you think. School is important and it’s good they recognise that. Nice of them to help each other out too.

When they both come to pay (holy shit, that’s a fuckton of chocolate milk), you’re surprised to find Big Ear’s friend, Big Back, looks anywhere between late 20s and early 40s but it’s never too late to catch up on education, you suppose.

You spend the rest of your shift feeling motivated.

.

.

“Going camping?” you ask the guy with the sandy blonde hair, chuckling nervously and ringing his items through. 

Either he’s going camping or he’s gonna kill and hide a dead body in the forest.

He’s pretty stoic, only giving you a curt nod. You can’t help but probe him a bit more. You’ve got a feeling that if or when the dead body turns up, you want to at least clear your conscience that you’ve tried your best so you make some more idle small talk.

You mention how you haven’t been camping for ages, not since you nearly burned your tent down and singed your hair after you tried to cook some marshmallows over a fire that turned out to be more of a raging bonfire (and might have awoken your pyromaniac streak, but you keep that to yourself).

The blonde guy actually pipes up and says “Master Taesoo would never do that.” 

You almost apologise out of principle due to how earnest he sounds, then he mentions something about how good this Master Taesoo is at catching and cooking snake and you wonder what the fuck is up with people and the snake obsession.

Either way, it doesn’t sound like someone is getting murdered. Only a snake (poor snake) so at least you can sleep easy later that day.

.

.

“Oh hi DG,” you say, “Sorry about your cryptocurrency falling through. Diegocoin was it?”

He blinks at you a few times in surprise and heavens above. What’s that saying, fool me once, shame on me; fool me twice, shame on you? This guy has fooled you exactly no times with his shitty disguises and his effort has substantially dwindled too. 

He has only put his hood up and you did think you might get mugged at one point-

It’s an empty store, for crying out loud. Who comes into an empty store in the asscrack of night with their hood up, not wanting to draw attention to themselves.

Then you notice the pink hair and shifty glance and duh.

“Is it the-?” he asks, putting his hood down and signalling to his hair.

“Yeah, it’s the-” you signal to your own head of hair. “Dude you really need to dye it if you’re going for subtle.” You pause, consider something, “Hold on.”

You walk over to the beauty aisle and grab the black hair dye.

��On the house,” you tell DG because this guy really has no self awareness.

.

.

“What do you mean no?”

“No." Your boyfriend peers down at you, arms crossed and at the end of his patience with you.

You open your mouth to argue- 

“No. You know nothing about Taekwondo. How can you work here?”

You look around helplessly at the studio. He’s not exactly wrong but you’re sick of dealing with the weirdos and the snakes and the creepy blondes. “But your dad-”

“I don’t care what that stupid old man says,”

“Taehoon!” Hansu scolds from the other side of the room, and Hansu's class of toddlers all whirl their head around to stare.

“I can learn?” you offer and Taehoon raises one skeptical brow.

“So you’re going to be a student?” You nod enthusiastically, “And we’re going to pay you for that?”

Oh. Damn. 

He’s got you there.

[kings-highway]

my totally 100% correct opinion on which haikyuu ships would go canon if it were heterosexual

Kagehina: yes. regardless of which of them were a girl. however they would not get together within the canon of the show but have 1 or 2 almost kisses and then after the series ended you'd find out they got married. Like there'd be 2 lines total talking about them getting married and thats it.

Tsukkiyama: yes. regardless of which of them were a girl. they'd be together at the start of the series and be a relatively boring couple basically just there to make weird heteronormative quips (if yamaguchi were the girl, tsukki would roll his eyes a lot at having to go shopping, etc, and if tsukki were the girl, yamaguchi would be way too insecure about other guys looking at her) BUT late in the series there would be a short arc dedicated to them breaking up and then immediately getting back together and I hate to tell you, it would be cute.

Daisuga: my heart and soul - not in any fucking universe. I dont think there would even be jokes or innuendos about it. I think if Suga were the girl there would even be moments of Daichi like straight up not realizing it. "wdym you cant change with us???" bitches are the Pillars of Reliability for Karasuno they wouldnt bother giving them relationships.

Asanoya: if noya were the girl, yes. If Asahi were the girl, no. Noya could be a fiesty little girlfriend but they'd be too chicken to give a short man a big, bashful ladyfriend and that is the ONLY reason they wouldnt be canon.

Iwaoi: sorry to break it to you but probably not. the writers would be pouting and slamming their fists around like "nooooo they see each other like siblings, we wanted to show male-female friendships were possibleeeeee." however I think the chances would be slightly higher if Iwa were the girl. In that annoying tsundere way of "oh she's never going to admit she likes the guy everyone else also likes" but it would probably only be implied, never canon.

Kyohaba: yes! if Yahaba was the girl. Their entire thing would be switched to "kyotani finding a girl who smacks him around and decides to devote himself to her" where Yabaha would pretend she hates it. Less chance if Kyotani were the girl but I suppose not impossible.

Ushiten: Complicated. I think in general if they were male-female their friendship would play a bigger role. But it would be canon if Ushijima were a girl. Only because of the double standard for women. In the same way that all women characters eventually have children even if they claim they dont like them initially, I think the writers would be too chicken to let a woman be mean and formidable and stern and they would have to temper her with her quirky, ecclectic best friend/boyfriend to make sure people understand she's still Woman. They would be canon within the actual text and not just implied/afterwards but it would only be given enough screen time to establish Ushijima as a feminine woman and then be forgotten so Ushijima could proceed to beat the shit out of whatever team they were up against next. However if Tendou were the girl she would 100% have an overt and obvious crush on Ushijima (probably literally saying she was in love with him out loud) BUT they would let Ushijima keep his intensity and it would only serve to make Tendou quirkier and/or played as a joke, it wouldnt be canon.

Arankita: No! Only because if Kita were a girl, Atsukita would be canon. And I think if Aran were a girl, they would be given a much stronger Best Friends energy in that "male-female friendship" way. both a female kita or a female aran would still be "one of the boys."

Bonus: Atsukita: Yes, but only in promotional media or extras, they wouldnt give screen time to it. Like there'd be a bunch of promotional stuff of like Atsumu picking Kita up or teasing her. yknow.

Bokuaka: Yes, obviously, geez. Doesnt matter which is the girl. Thet would already be in a relationship from the time theyre introduced.

Kuroken: Yes, but they wouldnt get together. It would be like a slow burn where they keep looking at each other with flowers in the background, but it would feel like the writers forgot to put them together. Like the series would end and everyone would go "huh. weird we never got a kuroken confession but alright" No kisses, no hand holding, but like 12 extra minutes of gazing at each other and blushing. But only if Kenma was the girl. If Kuroo was the girl they'd be too chicken á la Asanoya and would instead pull an Iwaoi.

Rarepairs as a general rule are a "No" just due to them not being canon for reasons unrelated to gender, however, I want to shoutout these rarepairs:

Kogagoshi: Wouldnt be canon due to not enough screen time, but regardless of who was the girl, Kogane would have been used as a joke developing a spontaneous crush on Goshiki for the camp that is basically just there for comedic relief

Kenhina: regardless of who was the girl this would be an UNBERABLE implied attraction that serves only to create drama between Kagehina. Like nobody who's read love stories with love triangles before would ever think theyd end up together but the writers would try their fucking best to convince you this was plausible over the obviously intended endgame of kageyama.

---

anyway thats just my opinion but Im right so 😌

xx

[n1ghtwr1ter]

At the end of my latest TLT reread and it’s been physically painful attempting to read the last 40+ pages of Nona. Like, the short shrift that Gideon/Kiriona gets given by the people in the story…the theoretical good guys who honestly only see her as a thing, as a means to an end with an inconvenient dead soul attached to it… It makes me want to rip my own heart out of my chest.

Nobody has cared about Gideon her whole life. Most people, in fact, if they remembered about her at all, went out of their way to tell her how much they wished she didn’t exist. In the final chapters of Gideon, she finally gets the thing she’s been desperate for her whole life: somebody telling her that they need her, they care that she exists, and they badly want her to go on doing it. This allows her to make peace with the prospect that at the ripe old age of 18, she needs to die so that that person can go on living and living and living, using the castrated remnants of her soul as fuel to do so. Not a great way to go, but at least Gideon would get to be useful to somebody, would get to be remembered for something.

And then she wakes up in the wrong body, and finds out that her sacrifice - her attempt to be useful in the most selfless way possible, in that her self will no longer exist - has been rejected. And not only that, but the person she tried to give herself to - the one who was supposed to care about her - went to extreme lengths to make completely sure that she no longer remembered about Gideon.

She literally cut Gideon out of her brain.

And now, drifting along in the worst sort of half life where she’s inhabiting her body but it’s no longer really hers, in very obvious fashion - there’s holes in it, her heart is missing, and it’s got her shitty father’s handprints all over it (not even touching how much of a violation that is), indelibly - she finally meets back up with the small group of people who could theoretically be relied upon to be glad to see her again.

But then the one who was supposed to care about her most tries to kiss her (massively OOC for Harrow), and turns out to not even be there - it’s some weird baby inhabiting her body, and doing a really shit job of it too. The rest of them won’t stop talking about how they need her to break into the Tomb - as if she was just another key, same as the ones they worked together to acquire in Canaan House, just bigger and more inconvenient - and/or how they both fucked and killed her mom, who also (surprise, surprise) wished that Gideon had never existed, but saw her as a thing that needed to be done for the good of the mission.

Ultimately, they all make it abundantly clear - Palamedes, Camilla, Pyrrha, and especially Nona, all these people who are supposed to be kind and good and right - that they would prefer she wasn’t there. That it just be her body, with no Gideon attached - at least not Gideon the way she is now, broken and rejected and miserable. They would all far have preferred that she not have her own inconvenient thoughts and feelings and desires and impulses - that she just be inanimate and let the important people, the grown ups, get things done.

They wish she didn’t exist. Same as everybody else in her life, save one, and now she’s left wondering whether Harrow really meant it at all. Because if she did, she wouldn’t have left Gideon to Kiriona’s fate.

And honestly? Really, truly? I know everybody in the fandom loves Pal and Cam and Nona and Pyrrha, but in the end I couldn’t give less of a shit about them. They are fucking side characters, and as intriguing as Nona has been from a worldbuilding standpoint, I ultimately resent having been forced to read 400+ pages of filler bullshit about fucking side characters. I am a butch, and I’m here for my sarcastic, loving, angry, vulnerable, forgiving, and yes, inconvenient sword butch. I’m here for Gideon. But Gideon has been fridged for the last two books of the series in which she is supposed to be a, if not the, main character.

And it feels like almost nobody else in the fandom feels the same way, which, fine. I’m used to that. I’m also used to being told I’m projecting; and I’m used to being told that I’m inconvenient too, in my thoughts and my opinions and the mere fact of my existence. I spent the first eighteen years of my life being told I was inconvenient. Yet another point of overidentification with Gideon.

But in case anybody still thinks that Nona proves that Gideon was an asshole all along, think about all of the above. Think about how it would make you feel to come back from not just death but from the erasure of your existence, something you chose in order to save the life of someone you loved, and be told that you’re inconvenient. Think about how you’d feel if you’d been told all your life that it would be better for everyone if you didn’t exist. And then tell me that Kiriona isn’t in the right and that I should give a rat’s ass what happens to literally anybody else.

It’s Kiriona Hours up in this House, butches. We’ve spent long enough caring about people who would prefer we weren’t around. For once in our entire lives we were told we were important; we were told we mattered; we were told we were the main character. We were going to, if not get the girl and save the world, at least get to do something real, something important, something like being the hero.

But that’s over now; we’re back to being wrong and bad and inconvenient thanks to the simple fact of our existence. So it’s time to embrace it. Let’s be a little shit. Let’s be kind of a dick. Let’s have our own agenda, let’s play our cards close to our heartless chest, let’s allow our circle of empathy to contract to ourselves and maybe one more person. That’s where I’m at right now. And I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

[novantinuum]

Reformation ref sheet for an AU Steven (named "Astra") who's been invading my brain since like,, April. It's VERY wide, apologies. There's a lot going on here because this man is incredibly old and has poofed way too many times for varying reasons. (See This post for how I headcanon that Steven can poof and still be considered a hybrid being.)

While I will not talk in huge length about certain aspects of his AU on this blog due to some of it involving strong NSFW themes, there is a ridiculous amount of other lore I've developed over time for Astra, and I love him to death. He is my sad, lonely mans who I metaphorically hurl against the wall like a sticky hand when I need to feel something.

This version of Steven will likely never have any kind of full ass fic or comic made about him. Despite that, I do enjoy sharing some art and fun character lore for him from time to time. So, I might as well finally give followers like... literally ANY context for him. I've had this ref sheet for a while and just have never gotten around to throwing it on here, LOL.

Ridiculously long dump about my guy under the cut.

Subnote, this was supposed to be a quick post but I can't help myself and wrote you a fucking BOOK under the cut because I love my guy so much UWU

(Content warning I guess for like, extremely vague mentions of Steven/Steven later on.)

-

The huge tl;dr of Astra is as follows: he's a version of Steven who exists for SO long that he basically transforms into something of an ancient, lonely god.

He's outlived every single person he once knew as a child, and so as a result is starved for affection. At the same time, being vulnerable is the absolute scariest thing for him and he's really shit at navigating relationships, F.

The guy is THE most powerful living creature in his entire universe by the end, and yet remains a soft-spoken, (generally) benevolent soul. He dedicates himself to acting as caretaker for the vast, populous world he exists within, and to maintain the continuing legacy of Gemkind. A big discovery that occurs in this AU is that Gems are in fact susceptible to entropy over the span of millions of years and will eventually fall "inert," (but not him because of weird hybrid biology stuff he honestly sees as more of a curse than a blessing) so a huge plotline early on in Astra's lifespan is trying to either find a "cure" for this issue or to develop a means by which new generations of Gems can be created without the reinstatement of Kindergartens so Gemkind doesn't overtly go extinct.

-

But, to start... this Steven diverges off a point in canon- this is the timeline where he actually takes up the Diamonds on their offer of the throne in the movie, believing he may have a better chance of heralding true societal change working from the INSIDE rather than stepping away. Because he pours himself so thoroughly into his role on Homeworld and his mind is continuously occupied by this purpose, he never experiences the events SU: Future, nor does he develop his "pink mode" (yet...) or corrupt at all.

However, he's also so engrossed in his work that he's... kind of a shit boyfriend to Connie as years go on. (In that he's not terribly attentive... always super busy... their visits are often cut short, or few and far between.) Their relationship never really goes anywhere as a result, though Connie wants it to. To be fair so does Steven, but he's so scared that everything he's worked so hard to organize and set up in this new era will fall apart if he steps aside from his role for even a moment that he can't allow himself to follow that want.

At some point here he learns he can poof through a complete freak accident, and that's where things really begin to change in this timeline.

It takes a good few months for him to reform, but once he does he's back at it with all his work on Homeworld pretty quick.

The thing is... he doesn't have an innate physical need to eat or drink or sleep anymore, because he now consists of entirely hard light. It mimics human biology to an insane degree, so he COULD do all those things, but he doesn't need them to persist. So... he kinda takes this as an excuse to cut those activities out of his schedule entirely so he can spend more time focused on his duties as a diamond.

Connie is NOT a fan of this, and this leads to some debate and tension within their relationship. That being said, they remain an item...

Up until out of nowhere, Connie dies in an accident on Earth while Steven is off planet in a place where he doesn't have any contact with them for a few days. By the time the Gems are able to get in touch with him, it's far too late to resurrect her.

The kicker? In the autopsy it's discovered that she was a few weeks pregnant when she died.

Steven is emotionally gutted by this... and the thought of what could have been... and poofs.

The guy is understandably destroyed when he comes back in his next form, and his form reflects that- his gem flips as a sort of metaphorical severing from his own humanity.

He spends a long while in a deep depression at the loss of his childhood sweetheart... at the loss of any potential for (as far as he sees) a "normal" human life. There's a part of him that resents the choices he's made to end up in this present, but like, there's still work to be done.

And as the years move on, a LOT of that work is mitigating the growing relations (for better or for worse) between Gems and humans as humanity stretches their legs and reaches out into the stars. Humans kinda get... really aggressive in their expansion though, and quite territorial, and it leads towards some inevitable conflict between them and Gemkind. This time, with them more at fault. Things get so spicy that some groups of humans and Gems go to war.

Steven tries to mitigate one of these situations at the front lines- and gets poofed by a disgruntled Gem, speared straight through the back because she (kinda wrongly) assumed he would take the humans' side due to his ancestral ties to them.

When he reforms this time, he is glowing a perpetual pink. The Gems don't really know what to make of this, but he seems to be in perfectly fine health otherwise, so they assume it's just a normal aspect of this new neutral form.

And while this isn't something Steven has context to figure out until like... billions of years later, what's actually happened is that he's entered a permanent pink mode, pretty much. Guy's just got that much bottled up, unaddressed trauma.

He spends a long time in this form, and over all these thousands of years oversees the slow return to peace between Gems and humans... their marriage as a space age federation... and their deeper exploration of the galaxy. Beyond their home solar systems exist a bounty of alien species they've yet to meet... some friendly, some less so. There's definitely some conflict that crops up amidst the local galactic neighborhood when Gems and humans show up on the playing field here, lol.

But all-in-all, Steven develops a fairly peaceful and predictable routine during this reformation- living more like a Gem than ever before. He's still got the Crystal Gems at his side through all of this, and they are some of his greatest confidants.

And then... without any warning... Gems begin to go inert. Amethyst is among them.

Some of them simply stop reforming after they poof... especially those who were older Gems, or who have been cracked before. Steven and the other Diamonds using their powers together are able to "fix" this at first and "jumpstart" their reformation, but it's just a bandaid of a fix- these Gems will fall inert again pretty soon. And the longer they persist without poofing from alternate causes, the more unstable their form, power, and memory becomes. (Think of this as Gem dementia at its late stages,,, oof.)

The bottom line? Just like organics, Gems aren't immune to the forces of entropy. Sooner or later, their gemstones will decay from the inside out. Stubborn to find a way to save the ones he loves as he watches them slowly deteriorate all around him, Steven dedicates himself to trying to find a cure. But deep down, a part of him recognizes the futility of this. What he believes Gemkind actually needs to do is to develop a means of rebooting Gem incubation that doesn't destroy planets, so they can rebuild their quickly dwindling population and keep their legacy alive.

The big problem with this is that Gems take a SHIT load of energy and resources to properly incubate, so that puzzle will take a long ass time to sort out. There's kinda a lot of chaos that happens during this time. The reality of their own blunt mortality freaks out a bunch of Gems, and Steven has to do damage control with the heads of state for a lot of other alien species.

In the interim, all the Crystal Gems and some of the Diamonds (White is still in the picture, though) end up falling inert. Pearl is the last of the CGs to do so.

Steven is understandably SUPER gutted about this, and poofs yet again. (Lol notice a theme? Poor mans keeps poofing from friggin' anguish. Help him.)

After reforming with barely any changes, it's right back to work for this guy. He and the rest of his team of researchers are unable to find any cure for Gems decaying and falling inert, but they do end up making huge leaps and bounds in other kinds of tech. One of these advances allows Steven to finally deep-scan his own gemstone down to the atomic level to check for decay- this was previously a process that was very invasive, and came at the risk of irreparably damaging a Gem, but not anymore.

He expects to find evidence of the same micro decay that's been slowly eating away at the rest of Gemkind within his OWN diamond, but the thing is...

He just... ISN'T decaying at all? Even though the sheer age of this gemstone itself should suggest otherwise? As it turns out though, his existence as a hybridized being makes him kind of... an anomaly. When he first reformed all those thousands of years ago, all the data within his gem- data that would otherwise be susceptible to decay- was translated into genetic material. DNA that's woven entirely out of hard-light... but, DNA that has also been constantly regenerating itself thanks to a combination of all the intricate biochemistry surrounding the human telomere and his healing powers.

In other words, he is incapable of falling inert from natural causes, like micro decay. He's functionally immortal. Unless someone shatters him (or... heaven forbid... he shatters himself) he simply can't die.

Which, all of a sudden, makes his race to save Gemkind from their quickly approaching extinction all the more personal. Because if he FAILS- then he'll be the very last of Gemkind. There will be no one else left in this world who is even remotely like him. (Humanity has mixed and mingled with the galactic locals so much by now that they're very much unrecognizable from what they once were.)

His spirit is very nearly broken by this discovery, and he is severely tempted to throw all his own principles out the window and just sanction the construction of new Kindergartens again, if only to keep the dwindling Gem populations up and birth new generations. Perhaps surprisingly, it's White Diamond- the last Gem left who Steven actually knew since the very beginning- who urges him to reconsider. To not give up on his own morality, to not revert all the miraculous changes he's worked for these long few million years.

The big shift in the tides is when he discovers the means to jump to alternate timelines, and thus the existence of the greater multiverse. This allows him to gather intel and ideas from a far greater spectrum of sources.

And eventually... it's with the aid of many alt versions of himself from other lines across the multiverse that leads to him finding a suitable, eco-friendly solution to his Gem incubation problem. (This is the aspect of this AU I cannot discuss in length for discretion's sake. Use your imagination. Or don't, I don't care.)

The following two sections, I'll be talking more about the broad thematics than anything else. At this point, know that there are now new batches of Gems being created all the time. Gemkind is no longer at risk of any extinction, but now- like any stable organic species- new Gems are made at the same rate that they fall inert.

So, the BIGGEST thing here with this reformation is that this is overtly where this guy picks up the name "Astra." Why a name change? Well, after White finally went inert, leaving him the last Diamond in existence within this line, it basically just felt... upsetting to him, to continue to go by a name that every person he ever loved used for him. Thus, the new name is overtly a means to distance himself from that past, and from that pain. (It's also a name he chooses while thinking back to a meaningful conversation he had with White, back before she went inert, oOF. I'll probably yell about that at some point in another post.)

So, too, is the lack of any tangible facial features. He HAS a face, but others just can't see it. He subconsciously obscures it from almost everyone's sight as a means of avoiding vulnerability. One might also have noticed by now that this guy's proportions have gotten like, really strange and sorta "stretched out" over time the larger he becomes... and this is intentional, as it's yet another way he's just becoming more inhuman in form, yet another way he's internally separating himself from those humble human origins of his.

But here's the thing, though.

Deep, deep down, to be human and to live a simple human life is basically all he's ever craved. It's everything he feels he's lost forever, with the death of his Connie. And instead, he's kinda stuck in a hellish sunk cost fallacy of his own making, acting as eternal caretaker for this world that- no matter what he does to try and make it a better place- will never quite be PERFECT. Thus, in his mind, even though he's literally fixed Gemkind's BIGGEST problem, he can't Stop. He can't Rest. He simply can't allow himself himself to lay down and Sink Away into the unknown.

And even if he could allow himself to do so, he is so, so scared of walking that path alone.

If he's going to die... he wants that end to be at a lover's side.

How, though, is someone who's basically a god supposed to find anyone in this multiverse with experiences they can remotely relate to?

Well... ultimately, Astra finds that it's far, far easier to build up a close relationship with varying versions of himself than anyone else. He's... kinda trash at it, though. This guy has so much bottled up Gunk in his head and is so starved for any form of affection that he has a habit of throwing WAY too much of himself into the relationships he engages in, and expecting that same level of commitment in return. There's one relationship with an alt Steven he's in for a while that ends up pretty unhealthily co-dependent before it fizzles out, and then another where he assumes the individual is committing to this partnership for the long run, but then no... actually Astra was always pouring more into this dynamic than he was receiving in return.

This second relationship, when it ends, is pretty devastating to him- since it was one that lasted for like, a LONG ass time. Unimaginably long. We're talking billions of years, here.

Uh-oh! And now he's even more distanced from other people. Folks can't even parse his actual chosen name at this point- except he isn't really consciously aware of this for a while?? It's yet another silent cry for help, yet another internal defense mechanism specially intended to keep others from truly getting to know him. Because every time he does... stars. No matter what he does, he keeps getting hurt. Almost everyone he knows and loves is torn from his life eventually... if not by death, then by some form of tragedy... and he's just so, so tired.

He wants literally ANYTHING to change in his life. He craves some new form of purpose. He craves the attention of someone who might love him as passionately as he loves them.

For a while, he almost believes he's found that- in yet another close relationship he forges with an alt version of himself- but while this other Steven does care for him immensely, it's only as a friend. Which kinda kills Astra, because he's like, lost in the sauce levels of In Love with this guy. There's a LOOOOOOT of story I have here with this, oh my god. If I am thinking about this AU I am usually thinking about this Old Man Yaoi. The great bulk of it is very NSFW themed though, so y'all getting the cliff notes.

The MOST important thing to know though, is that Astra both makes intense leaps and strides in once again allowing himself to be vulnerable with this man, and ALSO kinda intensely fucks their whole mutually agreed situationship up. It's messy. I am crying and wailing at these two old dumbasses. Jesus fucking christ.

But then, it's in the aftermath of this whole deal that an individual named Orion comes into the picture.

Orion quite literally falls into Astra's world by complete accident, but it's a very lucky accident- because she is a diamond hybrid version of Connie from another universe who- beyond a few differences- has a strikingly similar history to his. The big difference, though? She never found a means to create new Gems without Kindergartens, so she was the last of just a few thousand Gems who existed in her entire line. Part of a deeply endangered species.

This version of Connie arrives in some very deep mental turmoil, and so Astra does his best to give them a stable home and a place to heal. And while a past version of him might've been tempted to throw way too much of himself into the slow building rapport they have, he's blessedly Learned a thing or two from the past few major relationship experiences he's had... and chooses to like, ease up. Just offer himself as a friend first and foremost, should they care for one. Man learns restraint, lol.

And it's a damn GOOD thing that he does, because out of the genuine friendship they foster, Orion is the one who ultimately falls in love with him first. The relationship that's established here is one that's balanced, a true partnership where they simply make each other better people. It's through Orion's encouragement that Astra eventually reconnects and makes up with that last person he had an intense relationship with, even.

In time, Astra truly grows to thrive with Orion in his life. He becomes a far more open, vulnerable person, someone who feels safe to truly exist as who he is, to bare every complicated, battered facet of his past to those he trusts. While he may have taken the LONG road to get here, he too heals. And as a result...

One day, Astra simply stops glowing entirely. Shrinks down to more reasonable proportions. He stops hovering around on automatic, stops subconsciously scrubbing the memory of his face or name from people's minds. He stops denying his truest, deepest self- the reality that he was born an organic being, and raised as a human.

The burred reality that all he's ever truly wanted since the day his first lover died is to be a father.

To live a quiet, simple life with the people he loves.

For so long it was a mirage of a future he thought he'd never chase down, but for how much he made all the wrong choices the first time around, now he has a second chance.

And so in my brain, that's exactly what happens. Astra and Orion start a family together and continue to act as guardians over this universe for many years to come, until- after they are satisfied with the long life they've lived together, and their children have moved on to start forging their own paths- they eventually pass Beyond at their own will in each other's arms, ending their impossibly long godhood at peace.

I really don't know how to end this post lmafo, so I will simply say: if you somehow read all of this, holy shit you are so brave. Thank you for engaging with my insane ramblings. Have a nice day LOL FUIHSNUFSJG

This man haunts my brain so much I missed two off ramp turns on the highway the other day while thinking about him. Help me.

[redflagshipwriter]

Halfa Cass 9 part 3

Masterpost

TW for canon-typical violence under the read more, minor character death

Unfortunately, there was so only so much Danny could stretch out his production process when Brick started hovering over his shoulder. Brick didn’t seem that bright, if Danny was honest. But he was clearly on the lookout for foot-dragging. 

That meant Danny was mostly done with the outer casing on the second cannon when Brick looked up abruptly and cursed. Brick pulled a gun out of his pocket and pointed it at Danny.

Danny was still busy soldering metal and it took him a few seconds to parse that he was supposed to be under threat right now. He blinked at Brick. “...Sorry, what?”

“Sack of shit!” Brick cursed, lip curled up. His silly little mustache rotated and stuck out at a weird angle. His eyes were wild. “Who did you tell?”

Danny shrugged awkwardly. Should he like, pretend he was afraid of the gun? Should he defend himself? He looked down at his soldering gun. Um. He probably, uh, shouldn’t… use that on Brick, right? It wasn’t like the guy could do anything to him.

Brick jabbed the gun further into Danny’s personal space. Brick’s head exploded with red mush.

Danny blinked.

Brick slumped to the floor. The gun clattered away. Blood gushed furiously across the floor and immediately ruined Danny’s shoes. Fuck. Brick’s soul sputtered in consideration of evolution. It pulsed, once, twice, and then harmlessly dissolved, passing onto the next life without all the drama of becoming restless dead.

…Lucky.

Danny turned off the soldering gun and pushed up the protective eye mask he had on for work with a disgusted grunt. Between that and the breathing protection, there wasn’t much of Brick on him except in his hair. Oh. No. He made a face and wiped at his forehead with the back of a sleeve before anything could get into his eyes. Brick was dripping down his forehead, nasty!! 

A gun cocked. “Yeah, yeah,” Danny acknowledged. He huffed and leaned over to grab at a shop rag. “Ugh!” He did his best to clean up. “This is gross. Just plain gross,” he bitched.

Footsteps walked down the metal stairs. “You work for me now,” said someone else that Danny had never seen before. Bigger guy. Older, ugly. He was balding and slightly gone to seed. Danny wasn’t exactly charmed.

Danny grunted. “My rate is 70 an hour,” he said. It had been 50 for the last group, but clearly his reputation had gone around enough for him to be recruited.

The gun pressed up against his forehead. “No, it’s not.” 

“Yeah, it fucking is, and I need $14 right now to go to the laundromat.” Danny made a gimme gesture. He ignored the gun to his head and jutted his chin out, ready for an argument. “You’re going to get rid of that, right? I do not do body disposal. I don’t have relevant expertise. That would be a sucky reason to get caught by the cops.”

The thug laughed. He put his gun back in his pocket and casually kicked at the recently emptied body. “I like you, kid,” he said genially. “Sure. I’ll tell the boss your rate. And I can get your laundry done. Don’t want your Mom to see you covered in blood?” He laughed again, like the thought of a teenager having to hide their criminal involvement was somehow funny.

Danny shrugged, not quite willing to lie that the feeling was mutual. This guy seemed like a dick.

“What’s this?” The new guy started nosing through the worktable, getting his grubby hands all over Danny’s beautiful new bazooka. He hefted it up and pointed it at Danny with a mean little smile. “What’s this do?”

Danny tried very hard not to go stiff. For the very first time, it occurred to him that he might be walking a little too close to the fire by making weapons that he could be harmed by. “Matter displacement tech,” he said casually. “Works on shit like doors.”

“Doors, huh.”

“Yupp.” 

At this range, it would displace most of Danny’s torso. He tried not to calculate how many days it would take him to regenerate from a hit like that.

The man lifted his eyebrows, but he put the bazooka back down. “You’re pretty unflappable, kid,” he commented. He rifled through Danny’s odds and ends with a careless hand, messing up the neat organization. “Once you’ve finished that, I’ll come back and pay you for it… How many work days is one of these things?”

“Takes about two days to do one solo, can get two done in three days,” Danny said tonelessly. 

His new contact grunted. “We’re going to need weapons from you next,” he said, as if it was just a fact.

“I don’t do weapons,” Danny said. He shrugged. “Sorry, it’s just not my specialty. I can get you the list of specs for what I can do, though, I–”

“You can do weapons,” he got cut off. The older man gave him a disdainful look. “Your girlfriend’s a co-ed, yeah? Cutie. Gotta work like a big man to keep her paid up.” He clapped Danny on the shoulder. “Be smart. I'll send someone to clean up.” He turned on his heel and left.

Danny stood there, taking a few moments to buffer that bullshit. The penny dropped.

‘Ew. Jazz?! They think I’m dating Jazz? That’s nasty.’

…Wait.

‘Oh, fuck. He knows about Jazz. They’re threatening Jazz.’

[astrronomemes]

THE SECRET HISTORY: STARTERS

a collection of quotes, phrases, and sayings from the 1992 novel The Secret History by Donna Tartt. change & alter as needed.

"I suppose, at one time in my life, I might have had any number of stories, but now there is no other. This is the only story I will ever be able to tell."

"If there's one thing I'm good at, it's lying on my feet. It's a sort of gift I have."

"I am nothing in my soul if not obsessive."

"He can't be all that elitist if he accepted me."

"Well, if he doesn't know, I'm not going to tell him."

"No person, no matter how beloved, can ever truly understand us."

"Bloody, terrible things are sometimes the most beautiful."

"Let God consume us, devour us, unstring our bones... then spit us out, reborn."

"I mean to say, [name] is a handsome fellow and a sterling character, but I wouldn't want to marry him, would I?"

"You had better watch out. I've heard some weird shit about those people."

"You're always saying that, [name], but I just don't think it's true."

"[Name], put me down. I'm bleeding all over you."

"You shouldn't push your friends away like that. The best friends you'll ever have are the ones you're making right now."

"I told you, I don't have any friends here."

"I think it's good to change the place where one sleeps from time to time. It gives one more interesting dreams."

"I mean, he's not what you think. Or what [name] thinks, or anybody else. For a while there, he had me fooled but good."

"The appeal to stop being yourself, even for a little while, is very great."

"You're being so nice about this. I feel awfully embarrassed by the whole thing."

"Well, you may or may not know this, but [name] is a little jealous of you."

"Jesus, [name], you know everything. You make me sick."

"They say the same about arsenic, but I wouldn't like to try it."

"Anything I do will be dangerous, you know."

"What do you and [name] need a secret code for?"

"A person can do an awful lot of talking in twelve hours."

"If we keep it as casual as possible, no one will give us a second glance. People don't pay attention to ninety percent of what they see."

"Really, there's nothing to worry about. It seems risky, but if you look at it logically, it couldn't be safer."

"Who do you think [name] would be more apt to believe?"

"Forgive me for being blunt, but if you think you have any influence over [name], you're sadly mistaken. He's not particularly fond of you, and if I may speak plainly, he never has been."

"There were some things you had to know, I suppose, but I feel I've done you a disservice by involving you this far."

"What is unthinkable is undoable."

"Anyway, you want to come to this party?"

"You idiot. Did you know your shirt is on inside out?"

"I had a dream tonight. You were in it."

"I need more than coffee."

"I'm embarrassed that people will think we went to see such bad movies."

"He knows we're lying. He just doesn't know what we're lying about."

"I prefer to think of it as a redistribution of matter."

"These guys will chop you up and put you in a garbage bag for twenty bucks."

"You know, we've done a terrible thing."

"You know, I'm really not attracted to you."

"Anything is grand if it's done on a large enough scale."

"You look as if you were in a barroom brawl."

"People get upset, all of a sudden they want to listen to old hippie garbage they would never listen to if they were in their right mind. When my cat died, I had to go out and borrow all these Simon & Garfunkel records."

"By the way, I've been meaning to ask, what did you do to your eye?"

"Murder is pollution. The murderer defiles everyone he comes into contact with. And the only way to purify blood is through blood."

"You amaze me. You think nothing exists if you can't see it."

"He loved you, too. He would have wanted you to know that. You know that, don't you, dear?"

"Do you think I should go to the hospital?"

"I didn't take anything. You know very well I didn't."

"I would've told them anything if I thought they'd send me home."

"I mean, I've been drinking a bit more than I should. I'm the first to admit that."

"I never brought your name up, man. I hardly fucking know you. But they got it from somewhere. And it wasn't from me."

"Look at [name]. Don't you just love him? If he called me up and asked me to marry him, I would do it in, like, one second."

"Is death really so terrible a thing? It seems terrible to you, because you are young, but who is to say he is not better off now than you are? Or — if death is a journey to another place — that you will not see him again?"

"I'm not taking sides. I just think whatever you're doing, you picked a bad time to do it."

"[Name], it's none of my business, but I hope for God's sake you know what you're doing."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why do you have to make things so hard for everybody?!"

"You don't feel a great deal of emotion for other people, do you?"

"My life, for the most part, has been very stale and colorless. Dead, I mean. The world has always been an empty place to me."

"I know I said earlier that he was perfect, but he wasn't perfect. Far from it — he could be silly and vain and remote and often cruel, and still, we loved him, in spite of, because."

"Flesh and blood are frail and weak, and there comes a time when we have to transcend our teachers."

"I loved him more than my own father. I loved him more than anyone in the world."

"I don't care what happens to him. I don't care if he dies. I wish he was dead."

"[Name] can't hurt you. You're perfectly safe out here."

"Kidnap is not the word that I would use."

"So, you've come to kill me?"

"If you want to shoot me, [name], go ahead and do it. It'll be the stupidest thing you ever did in your life."

"The stupidest thing I ever did in my life was listening to you."

"I managed to get out of taking my French exams next week, due to the very excellent excuse of having a gunshot wound to the stomach."

"Forgive me, for all the things I did, but mostly for the ones I did not."

"You know, everybody is saying that you're dead."

"Are you happy here?"

[sunny-ssunset]

Pretty in pink!

Yandere south park x Fem girly reader

divider from pinterest

Chapter five

Masterlist!

♡I'm gonna start getting a bit dark with this, like nothing too bad but i think it'll fit the story yk so if you dont wanna read that scroll away, I'll always add warnings for each chapter though. Reminder you are all beautiful and although Y/n is insecure doesnt mean you should be aswell.

TW: Hints to a deceased character, Stalking.

"Y/n wanna go shopping with us later?" Bebe asked Y/n as they all got in her car, Wendy insisting on driving, Y/n getting in the passangers seat? Carelessly flinging her purse on the back seat, Not realising her phone and makeup bag fell out and onto the seat beside Bebe. Bebe being the kind considerate soul she is, decided to pick them both up and put them in Y/n's- Oh.

Stan

Y/n when are you gonna get here

I miss your touch

Y/n I need you

What the actual fuck.

Bebe wasn't supposed to see that. Wendy wouldn't like to hear this. Bebe was smart. She'd been friends with Y/n since 3rd grade. So She knew Y/n would get away with it if she mentioned it there and then. But, If She were to mention it to Wendy on the walk from Y/n's house. Maybe she'd have a chance at being the new Y/n....

"Thanks for driving Wendy...." Y/n looked at Wendy sheepishly, "Its okay. Better me then you!" Wendy laughs, parking up Y/n's car for her. The girls got out, Bebe giving Y/n her bag. "I'll see you guys tomorrow, Message me on the groupchat about the party!" Wendy beamed walking away with Bebe clinging onto her arm.

"Y/n's hooking up with Stan." Bebe blurted out as soon as Y/n was out of sight. "What." Wendy stopped. Like completely fucking stopped, catching Bebe off guard. "Y/n would never, she's kind I'd know her better than everyone I'm her best friend." Wendy giggled, trying to convince herself otherwise. "I saw the messages Wendy."

Bullshit. No way her precious Y/n would be so snakey, She doesnt even like Stan. There is no way. Bebe must be bullshitting her.

divider by @k1ssyoursister

Stan

Y/nnnnn

Seen 4:03

I can't wait any longer

Seen 4:19

Come over

Seen 4:22

I need you

Seen 4:36

Baby please dont leave me on read

Sent 5:07

God he's needy.

Y/n

I just got out the bath calm down

Seen 5:36

When will you be done?

Seen 5:36

I'm doing my makeup idk

Seen 5.44

Can I come pick you up now?

Sent 5.58

Stan took no replies for another hour as a sign Y/n wanted to be picked up. So he got in this truck and drove to Y/n's

Y/n on the other hand was death staring herself in the mirror, eyeing her ugly fucking face and fat arms. And weight. And nose, god she hated her nose. After all the criticism Y/n decided to go downstairs to wait for Stan.

Y/n

You can come pick me up now.

Sent 6:57

"Darling! I was waiting for you to come down!" That was weird. She hadn't heard that voice for a while- Oh for fucks sake.

"Daddy!!!!!" Y/n's expression couldnt be told between excitement or confusion, actually maybe less excitement. She didnt really like her Dad. He was away most of the time, And He tried to take the place of Y/n's mother aswell, Bless her soul. He ended up being pretty overbearing when he was there instead. "I missed you dear. How about I take you out for a nice dinner! Just us?" He cooed at her, "Sorry Daddy, If i had any Idea you were coming I'd have not made plans," That was a lie, "But I'm going out with Stan now."

"Oh Alright dear, How about tomorrow?" He stepped closer to her. "I'll think about it." Y/n smiled as she left the house abruptly, going outside to sit on the stairs outside of her Mansion.

"For fucks sake Stan." Y/n mumbled to herself before calling him, not wanting to be at her house any longer, Just as she was about to call him for the 3rd time, Stan pulled up in his Red beaten up truck. "Stan!" Y/n beamed as she ran up to him, getting in the passanger seat, The two unaware of the girl who was waiting in the bushes outside Y/n's house. Unaware of the pictures She'd been taking of the two's exchange.

This. This was all she need. All Bebe needed as proof, To become the new Y/n. The new Queen bee. The new Saint.

Divider by @k1ssyoursister

[thestarrynightslover]

The Day You Finally Caught a Break

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader

Word count: 1,574

Warnings: FLUFF. Mentions of sex crimes and crimes involving special victims (all very slight).

Summary: After living in a boring routine, the detective (y/n) (y/l/n) catches a lucky break with her colleague Jay Halstead.

Disclaimer: I don’t own any of the One Chicago shows, or its characters, also not associated with it in any way or know anyone involved with it.

A/N: So, this is my first fic in a while and I am aware that it is very cheesy but I just felt like writing something cheesy. Anyways, I hope you like it!

(y/n) = (your name) (y/l/n) = (your last name) (y/n/n) = (your nickname)

| masterlist |

The day started just like any other would: waking up earlier than necessary, going for a run, doing some yoga, reading, and finally getting ready to go to work. Sure, to a lot of people that might have been a great morning, having all that time to do all that stuff… The only thing was: you’d been running on nothing beyond routine — one that had become quite boring, to be honest — for a couple of years now. Which made you that weird cop who actually enjoyed the worst cases just because it gave you some sort of purpose, some sort of change. Holding that thought, you were supposed to feel lucky once you and your team got deeper into your current case. But, even with the most boring of lives, a person — a decent human being — couldn’t feel lucky for even knowing something like that happens in the world, much less for having to know every sick and twisted detail of a case that involved sex trafficking, pregnant women, all sorts of assault and child abduction.

After it was “over”, around midnight, all of Intelligence seemed to silently agree on staying as long as necessary to finish their reports. Everybody thinking the same way: finishing this today, I can get outta here, get drunk, and put it in a box in the back of my head — where it’ll stay forever. As soon as someone would finish the paperwork, they’d grab their coat, mutter something resembling a goodbye, and rush out of there like the room was on fire. Molly’s wouldn’t be open anymore and none of you really wanted to spend time with each other to risk having to talk out what had happened. And then something strange happened.

Instead of just leaving like your partner Kim and his partner Kevin before her, Ruzek just stood at the door frame, waiting. For Upton. What? He kept looking at her desk so it was pretty obvious but the confirmation came when the detective got up saying: “Hey, Jay, I’mma get going now. You okay if we do our thing some other day?”

By the time Halstead looked up, she was almost reaching Adam which shocked the shit out of you but didn’t seem to faze him much, who only answered: “Yeah. Sure. Night, guys.” And then there were two—the only two Intelligence members who never exchanged more than a couple of polite measures.

Nevertheless, your gossip-starved soul got the best of you, who ended up blurting out a “They’re together?” to no one less than Jay Halstead. For a minute or so the other detective just looked around the room, as if expecting someone to jump out of nowhere and answer your question. But, after your eyes eventually met, he decided on answering.

“Eh… I don’t really know”, he started, while scratching the back of his neck, “I mean, it’s not like I’ve asked, you know?”

“Ah…” Was all you found to say after he stopped for a moment, but he continued.

“That’s just not really how it works between us. But the other day he did show up at her place late at night, which was suspicious. To say the least.” The words just flew right out of his mouth, surprising both of you, who started chuckling awkwardly at the recognition, “this is the first actual conversation we’ve had after all this time working together, isn’t it?”, he asked, ultimately.

“Yeah, I think it is,” you said, now full-on laughing. “God, I can’t believe that the first time I worked up the courage to actually talk to you was to ask for gossip!” You exclaimed, knowing that your cheeks were probably burning up with embarrassment.

“To be honest, I kinda needed to share that with someone. Especially after this moment here.” He confessed, making you laugh and forcing himself to laugh a bit more to try and hide the fact that he couldn’t stop staring at you. It just went wrong when his mouth betrayed him by saying: “You look so damn cute right now!”

"Well, it isn't every day that one finds out that the detective Jay Halstead is a gossip. Which makes me wonder who the cute one really is…"

"Oh, so that's where you're going with this?" He asked with his eyes twinkling. "Because I can prove just how not cute I am…"

"Oh?" You replied simply wondering what kind of proof he could provide against that.

"In fact, I have just the perfect idea, but, for that, you'd have to agree on going out with me first." Jay himself couldn't believe he finally managed to invite you out.

"Ooh, as in a d- date?" Who were you? Stuttering? C'mon!

"A date, yes." He answered, making you feel relieved and nervous again all at the same time.

"Yeah, I, uh, I wouldn't mind that at all. We can try and think of a date that works for both of us…" You suggested.

"Well, on Wednesday I'll be off, how about you?" Jay asked quickly.

"Oh no, that day I have somethings Platt wanted me to do. How about next Monday?"

"That's a no for me, 'cause I'm pulling doubles next week.*

"Damn…"

“Maybe this is a crazy idea but have you finished your report yet?” He asked quizzically.

“Uh, hitting the send button right now. Why?

“Then what if we do it now?”

“The date thingy?” You asked shyly, afraid that had been just a momentaneous thought that came out of his mouth too fast.

At that, he looked at you in awe, mesmerized by how adorable you were. “Yes. The date thingy.”

A million thoughts crossed your mind, including the one that that was a lifetime opportunity and that you should be better dressed, but figuring that saying something like that would only make you miss the opportunity, you settled for asking: “But where would we go? Like, it’s past 1 a.m., Jay, I don’t think there are a lot of places open…”

“Well, I might have a few ideas… Do you trust me?” He asked, holding his hand out to you, who grabbed it at the same time as you grabbed your jacket and purse with your other hand.

“Do you really need to ask that?"

And, like that, some time later you found yourself pulling up to the address Jay had texted you, which was in Canaryville, and it turned out to be an old movie theater that apparently was doing a week of classics with sessions at all times of the day. How Jay knew about that, though, was a mystery to you.

"Hey!" You heard him calling as he crossed the street. "You made a better time getting here than I did!"

"Yeah, well, my car might be faster than your old one," you replied, shrugging innocently.

"Haha, very funny," he deadpanned.

"Hey, this is a cool idea but how did you know it is happening?" You asked, genuinely curious. "I mean, you just don't seem a lot like a movie nerd to me."

"Well, there are still many things you don't know about me. But this one specifically is because I grew up around here and the owner is a friend of my family, so he always lets Will and I know about what's going on with the place."

"Hmmm, that explains it!" You exclaimed with a tad of satisfaction for not being too far off about him.

"But I do enjoy movies, okay?" You made a face of disbelief at him. To which he replied with: "It's true, alright? I'll admit that these days I haven't had much time for it but when I was growing up around here, this place was practically my second home!"

"Oh, so you've brought many others here, I'll assume!" You teased, suddenly feeling more comfortable and consequently more confident.

"Don't! Don't assume that! Growing up I wasn't very successful with the ladies and after that changed I haven't come here often…"

"Ooh, so that means that I'm your first?" You mocked, putting your hand to your heart, "Wow, I'm truly touched now!"

"Yeah, sure, have your fun with me all you want! All I really care about is the fact that I finally managed to get you to go out with me, so I can only hope you'll enjoy yourself." Him saying that, while gazing so intently at you, was making you weak on your knees and got you blushing a bit as well. So you tried to get the attention off you.

"Okay! Then let's pick a movie and watch it already, 'cause tomorrow's probably not gonna be any shorter."

A couple of hours later you and Jay were walking down the street towards a Waffle House while chatting and laughing about the movie like two best friends, which felt really nice but also made you a little confused about the being a date of that date the two of you were on. But, after you both had cleaned your plates at the diner, Jay came onto your bench to clean the corner of your mouth with a napkin, and next thing you knew, you were kissing very passionately in public like a couple of teens, forgetting about the rest of the world altogether, which made you realized, once more, how dull and colorless your life was previous to that moment so you held on to it and you held on to the man behind it.

[winters-on-the-wing]

my impression of the marauders as somebody who is extremely new to the fandom

this will probably make people mad. i am ready for that.

remus lupin -> he seems cool. his lore is fascinating. imagine being bitten by a werewolf and having your entire life ruined just because somebody has beef with your dad. that's some tea. i think his personality is cool, he seems very rough-and-tumble while also being quiet and plaintive, and i love how he has more street-smarts than book-smarts. the chocolate jokes are already getting old, though, i fear. besides aren't dogs allergic to chocolate?

sirius black -> this guy also seems cool. i like his natural swagger he's got going on. i hate how people are framing him as some "puppy dog" character when he's clearly got such a suave and effortless cool factor that clearly differentiates him from the others. i also think his lore is interesting. i love when the older sibling is the scapegoat, i feel like so often, the younger sibling is victimized in fandoms and i like the little reverse of expectations with that.

james potter -> THIS GUY IS MY FAVORITE HE IS LITERALLY ME. i think jegulus is stupid (to me, it just seems like a bunch of walking talking tropes, no real substance, and i hate how it frames james as some overly-masculinized knight-in-shining-armor archetype with no real personality of his own besides being regulus' savior), and i love how he defends lily from the others' teasing. i adore how his lore and personality set him up for such an interesting character development. it is so interesting to follow an uncorrupted child who has never known pain, to see him throw himself into harm's way because he feels like he has to. i also LOVE that he is a deer because i've always seen myself a deer-like sort of person. and oh did i mention that james is literally me? also his personality seems like such a nice mix of mr. popular and a fantastical, elvish presence.

peter pettigrew -> idk how to feel about him. he kinda pisses me off but i also feel like too many people are writing him off when he has the potential to be just as interesting a character as all the others. i kind of resent the idea that he was a "traitor" type from the start because the idea of him being a traitor is supposed to be a huge surprise that nobody saw coming. i love the idea of him being like a well-meaning jokester sort of person who sometimes goes too far, but just wants to be liked and wants to belong very badly.

regulus black -> okay so this is probably very unpopular but i think regulus is such an interesting antagonist. i don't want to redeem him. i don't want to ship him with any of the marauders. i think he best serves the universe as an antagonist role, somebody who holds so much bitterness and fear in his soul, to the point where he is destroying himself and everything around him to try and get what he wants - but the problem is that he does not know what he wants. i previously mentioned that i think the ship between him and james is dumb, and i stand by that. i think it would be cooler if regulus and james were sort of like enemies, though not overtly. regulus feels like james is taking away sirius and further corrupting him, destroying who sirius was. james feels like regulus is preventing sirius from growing and escaping his life of misery. but the thing is, they both love sirius. just in very complex ways. i love the idea of regulus being a tortured villain, his situation does not excuse his awful actions, but they explain them in a way that makes your heart ache for him, and then makes you feel like a weird asshole for feeling bad for him. that just seems so cool to me.

lily evans -> this is MY GIRLLL. i think she is so cool, so sweet and smart. the only thing with her that i find a bit annoying is that she's close with snape, who i find super annoying. but i love her attitude and her vibe. she's a strong woman without being one of those obnoxious "i'm a strong female character" archetypes. her strength lies in her actions, not her words. i also do think that her relationship with james is adorable and i hesitate to throw it away for the sake of gay ships, but i do think canon deviance with the marauders ships offers so much creative freedom, so james is not the only person i could potentially see her with. i think she could offer such an amazing platonic role in any story, and i hate the notion that the only storyline she offers is a romantic connection with james.

marlene mckinnon -> again, i am obsessed with her. i do not know much about her compared to the other characters, but what i do know about her, i love. i think she is so fun, and her personality is a great mix of strength and integrity. she sort of reminds me of a happier version of katniss from the hunger games. willing to fight for what she believes in, but she uses her power to support her values. i also feel like she and katniss have a similar dry humor that is so funny without even trying. i also love the idea that out of all the marauders, she is among the ones with the least emotional intelligence, in the sense that she isn't a "voice of reason" character like lily is. i hate when all of the woman characters are magically emotional geniuses.

severus snape -> i think he is incredibly annoying and i hate the narrative that he's just a poor baby who was bullied by the marauders. i just feel like he has such a victim complex about everything, and a lot of jealousy when it comes to his relationship with lily. i get that he did not have as much social power as the marauders, but if you play with fire, you're going to get burnt. i don't view him as completely unsympathetic per se, but i much prefer to view him from an antagonistic lens. he just seems like such a whiner. like if you don't want people to make fun of you, then don't be an asshole to them? maybe i am being overly harsh, but as somebody who was bullied, i think it is ridiculous to frame snape's situation as bullying because he is literally such an instigator. the whole point of bullying is that it is unprompted. like come on he is NOT a little wet cat of a victim.

and the other characters, i do not know enough about to form a coherent opinion. i do know of dorcus, alice, preston, and emmaline, but not nearly enough. i would love some advice on who they are and what they contribute to the story!

also i have not read all of "all the young dudes", i made it to chapter nine and then got overwhelmed by all the names, so i got the quick cliffsnotes of the lore from my best friend. i don't care about spoilers, i would actually love them!

also please don't get mad about my opinions, this is all lighthearted and again, i don't know shit about this fandom so i am pulling most of this out of my ass.

[sirjuggles]

Things My Partner Knows About The Locked Tomb Through Osmosis

I am an unrepentant and annoying TLT fanboy, to the point where my partner has sworn to never read the books on principle (for this I respect them). However, given that I never shut up about these miserable books, they have picked up quite a bit of knowledge about them purely through my rants. With that in mind, I asked them to describe to me everything they think they know about The Locked Tomb (notes in italics are mine)

There are characters named Gideon, Nona, and… something like… Pacifica Sales Bonecruncher of the West? I'm pretty sure this is supposed to be Harrow's full name and title.

It's a scifi-fantasy world in a necromancy space realm 

There's… 10 kingdoms that are all part of an Empire? Or maybe houses? But they're part of a monarchy? 

The ruling classes of each of the realms gets summoned by God because they want to play a Hunger Games thing to find their… new God child? 

It's not a God child like he's gonna adopt them… it's like rebirthing them into a new god? They will also become God? 

Each one of the realms has a special quirk about them, something that's their specialty. Like, one realm are accountants. Shockingly accurate.

Gideon and Pacifica’s realm are like cool goth themed? More goth than the others. Extra-goth.

Oh there's a person named… Electra? They have long blonde hair and kickin curves and they're really hot? Everyone likes them? I'm pretty sure this is a conflation of Alecto and Corona as seen through reblogged fanart.

Personal philosophy aside rant: The whole necromancy-as-center of-an-empire thing… I find it kinda rude? I don't like the idea of people and their remains being used as a resource/tool. Like, I don't like using people as interchangeable cogs in a machine under someone else's control, both in life or in death. It doesn't seem consensual or respectful. In death your obligations should be released. 

I think Gideon has a big hero’s death while trying to save Pacifica, and then their… souls mingle? And then after that Pacific has Gideon-flavored intrusive thoughts? And I'm not sure if it actually is Gideon or just, like… the same as if you stare at the sun and get the after image burnt into your cornea. This isn't wrong, but I'm almost certain part of this is actually my ramblings about Baru Cormorant leaking through.

Is reincarnation or resurrection a thing? I feel like it should be in a necromancy setting. 

DIRECT QUOTE: “Is there a Jesus allegory in here? I feel like there is. Wait... Is Gideon Jesus?” Folks, upon hearing these words casually spoken out loud by someone with no knowledge of context, I straight up left my body.

God is just a chill dude. He's just a guy making pancakes, and occasionally he'll go “How's that whole Hunger Games thing going? You want a snack? I'm just gonna be over here.”

God was wanted by aliens or something? There's something bigger going on with entropy or heat death or the Discworld auditors and it's a problem for God and that's why he's doing the whole Hunger Games thing. 

I think God used to be not a God and that's why he's such a chill dude. And then there was a problem and everything was dying so he did something and necromancied everything and that's why he's God now and also why things are so weird? 

One of the groups from the houses was two annoying siblings who split from the party and died really quickly. 

Gideon is big and bulky and has short red hair. 

[b0njourbeach]

Azul Ashengrotto Character Analysis

I have many thoughts of Azul, yet not a single word comes to mind when I try to write them down but I will try my best.

There are certainly a few topics that are questionable or even judged upon the fandom, some also seem to forget that Azul is more than his contracts and his shady ass business. Some view him as manipulative while I believe he just saw stupidity in humanity and took this weakness of mankind and turned it against those who were foolish enough to not ask questions. Azul has never lied in his contracts, not a single time. He provided what he had offered and taken what he was entitled to take. Let's take the main issue of Book 3: The contract Ace, Deuce, Grim and many others had signed: Offering their magic for a study guide - If they'd make it to the top 50, they'd get their magic back. If not, they become the Sea anemones that are to follow Azuls every order. He provided the guide and it helped everyone who has gotten their hands on it - Did he lie? He didn't. All he did was *exactly* what people had asked - Nothing less and nothing *more*. And that is the exact point: He didn't give information if he wasn't asked for it. Or Yuus contract: He took Ramshakle, he provided what the Freshmen needed - He didn't lie. In fact, he offered more than he had to: The Potion. The twins interfered but was it against the contract? It wasn't. As I see it, Azuls contracts are much like the wish of a genie: If you wish, be most specific or live with the consequences. You don't want anyone interfering with your stealing? Should've said so, simple as that.

What Azul made the "Villain" was the naivety of those who signed their name on the contract.

But there's more of Azul than this. I think it's justified of what he does. People are stupid, people are naive but most importantly: People are cruel. Especially kids are worse than any demon from hell. If you're being bullied as a child or even up to being a teenager, you'll be emotionally fucked for a long time, if not forever. You'll become insecure of whatever you've been bullied of for something that'll feel like eternity. You want to avoid this very thing, no matter how important it is supposed to be in your life. It'll cause you to break down at some point just for you to pretend like nothing happened afterwards - Especially if you've built up the very picture of someone who's got it all together like Azul did. While he pretends there's no issue, I refuse to believe that he doesn't have an Eating Disorder. Being bullied for your weight as a child (which is - in his case - not even really justified since you basically compare an octopus to a fish. A comparison that is found in every sense of the equation) leaves a mark. A deep, burning mark. Avoiding mirrors, pictures, tight clothes or being seen by anyone without your clothes. You can't tell me he's willing to get rid of his childhood and not have an eating disorder, that he wants to pretend the little healthy octopus child didn't exist and that he can look in the mirror without suffering. It's Canon that he's strictly taking care of his weight - But it's also Canon that his favorite food is fried chicken, possibly the worst choice for strictly keeping your weight. A diet is all good and stuff but strictly starving your body of certain things will only cause mental distress.

I can see he's a sensitive soul, trying to hide behind the mask of sheer confidence and superiority. His only friends are the two weird guys who didn't leave him alone - Sure, they're not the best choice but having two eels by your side is better than being alone. Whether the relation between these three is toxic or not, they depend on each other - especially Azul depends on Jade and Floyd and by the way the twins reacted to Azuls overblot, I'm confident to say that they also depend on him. After all, they might "Can't stand" each other as they'd say, they still stuck around even though there are many reasons to be "like the others" and turn away.

There was something else I had in mind but it just won't come to me right now, so I'll leave it at that for now. All I'm gonna add is that I'd really like to hug Baby Azul and tell him that he's perfect the way he is. To be his friend and let him know that it doesn't matter how he looks like because no matter how much you Weight, if your nose is crooked or if you're otherwise labeled "ugly" by modern society, it's your heart and soul that is meant to be you; not your mortal vessel (this applies to anyone reading this as well).

[practicedvmm13fullofpotatoes]

Uhm. Have a note I made whilst sleep deprived a few like.. weeks ago

Yes, I did edit it. A lot

Favorite longform characters because I can't sleep

(LONG POST!! ↓)

Father Andrews

A Christian with Buddhist beliefs? Normal AJ shenanigans. No but tell me a time where he hasn't mixed two things together, confusing the crowd and the other guys.

I'll wait.

Alexa

Look, Tom characters always have my heart, soul and wallet, okay? Alexa is just so :) I love her :)

Don Cicicio

Was torn between the two Tom characters. I absolutely adore Jimmy but ough Don Cicicio my beloved... He's so morally wrong but he's so silly I love him. Fucking indirectly liked AJ's head.. So silly.. So evil..

André Betroot (+ his tutu wearing assistant)

The only reccuring character I can think of. He's so iconic that he just materialized into a different play. I'm his biggest fan I adore him so much!! (Somerset Beetroots! & Bobsleigh Bobsleigh! have been stuck in my brain to the point where I have to blurt it out every time I remember it and I blame Luke for that)

Witch Finder General

I don't make the rules. The one with the most lines that end up stuck in my brain becomes my favorite. I love WFG so so so much he's so so so silly yet so so so morally questionable.

Inga

Became my favorite because she knows what to do with wolves and is the only character I can think of that isn't German in this play. Her different accent gave me mild whiplash and I love that.

Mary

WOMEN IN STEM!! LOOK I DON'T MAKE THE RULES. THE MOMENT A CHARACTER IS MY TYPE IS THE MOMENT THEY BECOME MY FAVORITE (+ she also has the most lines I have ingrained in my brain). I LOVE MARY SO SO SO SOOOO MUCH!!

Mario The Sheep

Again, the moment a character has the most lines stuck in my brain is the favorite. Mario has me baa-ing almost every time I talk. I blame him for all the weird looks my mom gives me when I go "🐑Inbred?🐑"

Philip + Derek

Philip spoke one time, never appeared again. I love other assistant Philip so much. That one audience member has my wallet because I willingly gave it to them. But of course, assistant Derek has my heart. Love the Woodmans so so much.

Troll Mother

Obvious pick was Troll Son BUT I love Troll Mother purely because she appeared twice and only spoke in one of those appearances.

Juliet

Obvious pick. I love homocidal women who are pretty :) She's just so :)

Sherlock Holmes

Shirley Houses is my favorite detective!! Or was it Sherry Lots? Uh... BASTA!! THEM!! MY FAVORITE!! That's all :)

Priscilla's Mother

I forgot her name but I love her so much. DO NOT INSULT HER STAGECRAFT!! She's doing her best :) But anyways, most lines remembered = favorite :)

Marty jr.

First character that I've thought about for hours after watching the play, probably because TEMAWK is the first play I finished. So so chaotic and so so homicidal. I love that little bastard :)

Derek

The way I went "DEREK SPOTTED!!" when he was introduced should be concerning. No but he's so silly and I love him. We love a man that isn't toxic like his best mate is :)

Justin Willoughby

I already put André so!! More Tom characters!! Justin is coping terribly and I want to give him a hug for it. He's just so :( I love him so so so much :( My poor boy :(

Peter Steven

This is the 10th Tom character on the list. There are currently 16 characters as of writing this. I'm not sure if I just love Tom or just really love Tom. Anyways, FREE MY MANS!!! HE JJST WANTS TO PLAY OUTSIDE AND BE A HEALTHY CHILD :((

Johnny + Janae

Look, I know this is supposed to be favorite character and not favorite characterS but.. I love both of them so so so much they're my bebes.. You cannot have one without the other and you cannot convince me otherwise. They're just so me-core I lav them :)

Mrs. Xavier

Certified 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 seven days a week </3 She just put the thought of her child fucking her other child's husband in her mind, let the chaos happen, and then just took the thought back in her own because "it's good".

James James

He's like. The only character I genuinely remember from The Prime Minister's First Day (I definitely need to rewatch this one) but he's just so sillaye I love him.

Theresa May

Important character that knows how to defeat the antagonist, dies immediately. I don't know why but a character being introduced as important but then dies almost immediately is so funny to me and bumps them up to favorite character status.

That one person who scrum

Genuinely the only thing I remembered from The Ingredients is the scene where Sam just SCREAMS.

Marie-Claire

Was only mentioned, but Cliff and Chip talking about her death immediately shot her up to favorite character status. No but the idea of her just going "wee!!" when she threw herself off a cliff, while depressing, is incredibly funny to me.

Persephone

ANOTHER Tom character. I'm so so sorry but I love Tom so so much he's just so good at any role he assumes and just.... Persephone is not an exception to this.

Fullset O'Hands (+ Caravan Hutch... Or is his name Lots?)

Okay. These two freaks are just so :3 I'M SORRY BUT YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE ME TWO WEIRDOS AND EXPECT ME TO BE NORMAL ABOUT THEM. THEY'RE SO ME-CORE I LOVE THEM SO SO MUCH.

Andrew

SAVE MY BOY!!! HE DID NOTHING WRONG!!! HE WAS JUST A BIT EAGER!!! FREE HIM!!!

Magnus O'puss

Don't give me Tom playing a character like THIS and expect me to act normally. I'm sorry but sometimes I can't tell if I want to be them or if I want them. Tom playing the fandom's queer icon definitely makes it harder for me to decide.

Pointy

Again, you cannot give me a weirdo and expect me to be okay about it. He's just so :) I lav him :)

Scottish Batman

YOU DON'T TELL SCOTTISH BATMAN TO FUCK OFF!! HE IS THE NIGHT!!! HE IS VENGEANCE INCARNATE!!!!

That fucking kid

I'm sorry but that little "Rapier!! :D" got me. WHY ARE TOM'S KID CHARACTERS SO :3 YET SO D: I'M SOBBING ON THE FLOOR HE CAN'T DO THIS TO ME

The barkeep

"Be careful™". That's. That's all. That's all you need to know (PS. The way he fucking fell omfg)

The French kraken

It's uh. The only character I can remember at the moment so uh. Half-mime half-giant octopus my beloved 🛐

The blond dog

Again, only "character" I can rember atm. Luke was 100% going for horse. Nooo noo, that's blond dog 👍 (was this even in this play? i don't know)

D.I Mannering

You can't just give me a character that goes against their sibling and ends up killing them because they're on opposing sides and expect me NOT to imagine terrible tragedies happening

The witches

Fucking freaks. Absolute weirdos. I love them mfs </3

Amanda

I don't really remember this play but I remember really liking Amanda for some reason

Don Juan's wife

I forgot her name but I LOVE HER SO MUCH RGHHSSGHD. She just slays so much ough.......

Xavier

The obvious choice. 19th Tom character on the list btw. Anyways. C'est Xavier!! C'est Xavier!! Aaaaaah!! *fains cutely*

[stormingfrost]

Rating ROTG/GOC characters! 

I have so many opinions about these guys so I decided to rate them. Starting from the bottom to the top, these are my opinions on each character of this world. 

27. Monkey king/ lampwick iddock of the               many legs

I hate him. I hate everything he represents. Stinky bastard man. The story doesn’t make sense to me: if he had all his greed taken away from him why’d he be like that? Also his title “The Monkey King” makes me think of Sun Wukong, which is nothing like this character. I also don’t like his redesign of the many-legs thing and I just hate him. Die stinky bastard man no one likes you. 

26. Man in the Moon (book ver)

The description of him looking “kind” and “good” makes me want to throw something. Why are we assigning morality to appearance? Also, why is this random guy the unquestionable source of moral goodness? Dude was raised by mice. Other than that he’s really only in the books for like three pages so idc. 

25. Mr. Qwerty

I forget he exists.

24. Jack Frost (book ver)

I don’t like him. He’s supposed to be this lonely rebel but he spends the whole book hanging out with socialites and going to pompous parties IN THE MIDDLE OF THE GREAT DEPRESSION? like hey man there are starving kids right outside the party you’re at with literal royalty. He’s also supposed to be a teenager (range of age manipulation powers: 11-18) but acts like a 50-year-old man. He does nothing but hang out with a bunch of politicians and old authors. He also only uses ice magic like once in the books and is just self-important. Everything is about him even when it shouldn’t be. Easter being called Easter was Jack’s idea. Katherine has powers because of Jack. Everything is his idea, or because of him, and it’s weird. Also, not everything has to be a thing. The hoodie is apparently just under the nightlight armor the whole time and his adopted siblings embroidered the white patterns on it (again, book!Jack only uses his icy powers like twice) and it becomes a thing (also hoodies being a thing BEFORE it was invented is frustrating to me on a nitpick evel. Did the Golden age have hoodies? Their fashion looks vaguely Edwardian. Where did the hoodie come from?). Jack’s staff is alive (???). The staff also has magic scratching powers (???????). Jack can talk to every tree including firewood, and then it’s not brought up again (???????????). Not everything has to be a thing. The attachment to historical figures is weird as well. It’s not educational, it’s not respectful, and it’s not anyone who kids would recognize. It’s just strange. 

23. The Man in the Moon (movie ver)

Revived a random teenager and let him loose like a stray dog without any guidance. Other than that, we don’t know that much about him to actually know what he’s about. We don’t even know if he’s a person or not.

22. Lermantoff Serpent

The thing that hurts most about this character is the sheer potential that goes unrealized. That’s a complex backstory that could lead to so many things, and he dies in his first appearance despite being important and having a cool backstory. 

21. Twinetender

Weird concept. The stick is alive. Okay. Sure. He’s like Jack’s personal Jiminy Cricket but 1000 times more creepy. The souls of hundreds of Viking warriors (previously Native American via Instagram post but that was changed thank god the implications of that were horrific.) make up what is essentially a stick that a teenager waves around and acts as a weapon/servant. I think Joyce straight-up forgot halfway through that he was alive because he just isn’t in there anymore despite Jack always carrying the staff around. I like the character design tho, but besides that, I’d rather have the stick not be a person thanks

20. Pitch Black (book ver) 

I think the fandom puts so much emphasis on his backstory, reasonably (it’s a good tragedy), but we don’t even see Pitchiner from before, just accounts from other people. Kozmotis isn’t a character - we only hear about him through other’s exposition. The theme of grief that is intertwined with the story is tragic knowing Joyce’s life. Besides the tragic themes, he’s a stereotypical villain who evilly plots. More cliché, but then there’s a line from him that digs into hearts and stabs wounds.

19. Ombric

Wizard man. That’s pretty much all of his character. He’s written as a wise old wizard but just is standing in the background half of the time until he does something overpowered. I also don’t understand why he and Katherine aren’t literally father and daughter. Didn’t he adopt her? Why does she feel like he’s not her father? Why does he act like he isn’t her father? He adopted her

18. E. Aster Bunnymund (book ver)

I love his design and I like nerdy dork characters who repress their feelings but sometimes his dialogue is annoying. 

17. Toothiana (book ver) 

Oh, Tooth, you deserve so much better. Her character, her book, her backstory, everything was affected so much by Orientalism. Everyone else gets a role, a personality, an in-depth description of their homes and lives but she gets nothing. There are aspects of her character I like (the grief is very heart-wrenching and I just love her as a character in general) but there are just too many things I have issues with. She’s the only POC in this cast and she is a BIRD. She’s Asian but wears white clown-like makeup? The only people to are violent and greedy over magic are the village people. Not the white rich socialites who colonized and maimed for power and money. No, not them, but the village people in India are the only ones who do get greedy and VIOLENTLY KILL Tooth’s parents. She (and the representation that could’ve been so awesome) deserves better.

16. Sanderson Mansnoozie (book ver)

I love his relationship with Emily Jane. But he doesn’t get a lot of time in the books. Just maybe a few chapters? He’s great tho and I like that he was a space cowboy. 

15. The Spirit of the Woods

Underrated! I love her! She tries so hard and I just love her so much. I love her description and her personality, even if she’s only a minor character. (The day William Joyce makes art of her is the day my life will be complete)

14. Nicholas St. North (book ver)

North slays in the sleigh. I like that he has a little redemption arc and has to figure out what he wants in his life and what he wants to be. For me, it makes the movie scenes where he’s taking a mentor figure role to Jack even more meaningful, because he was in Jack’s shoes at one point, despite now being sure and confident in himself. Despite me not connecting the books to the movie, this one is the closest for me to being a part of the movie’s ‘canon.’ North is very consistent and I like his character a lot. 

13. Katherine

Teen girl protagonist with a knife! I do wish she had a little more agency as a character because it seems like every decision she makes is about the male characters. I like that she sees herself in Pitch. In the fifth book she gets older (25 yrs with kinda age manipulation with a range of 12-25. I’d say it’s closer to regression than true manipulation as it only happens under certain conditions) and she and Jack are soulmates and then she is defined by him? Even her powers are because of him, or at least the ones that are talked about the most. Second to those powers, the mythosphere was a cool concept. But what her character represents is the most significant thing about her. She is a ghost in a book, living again within the words and text every time the book is read.

12. Nightlight

Wish he didn’t turn out to be Jack. Or at least in the way that it is. I’m not opposed to Nightlight being Jack but I just don’t like book!Jack so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ he’s a little adorable critter I love him and his relationship with Katherine is adorable

11. Pitch Black

My least favorite character from the movie. I don’t like his design (or any of his canon designs really. He looks like a bull terrier to me. I think the one in the comic is the best) He’s interesting as a selfish villain who is conceited and doesn’t like to share. He’s more interesting as a terrible person who likes hurting people. I love how he’s a foil for the Guardians, especially Sandy, and how he’s a mirror to Jack. I don’t get the fan interpretations of him where they woobify him and make the guardians ‘big bad bullies’ the man says with his mouth what his motives are. why are we pretending he said anything about fear being necessary and balance because he is not doing any of those? He is actively trying to take over the world with darkness. He doesn’t want balance. I’m not trying to judge anyone having fun, you do you, but I just don’t get it. I do think he’s a bit of a cliché, but it works for the movie. I also think he’s ugly (bull terrier looking mf)

10. Emily Jane

Oh, the drama! The tragedy! She’s great, and the build-up to meeting her character is masterful. I do wish we got to see her being just chaotic like how she’s said to be. Joyce tells a lot, rather than shows. 

9. Skreeklavic Shadowbent

Unironically this funky werewolf guy is my favorite character from the books. He’s got so much potential for more, the potential man! He and Pitch should’ve had more beef. Shadowbent knows all his secrets (that’s why his hair is so big) but is never utilized. 

8. Jack’s sister/Mary/Flee

I wish she was given a name. We see so much of her character and personality just from the flashbacks and she’s just so underrated. She’s more careful and nervous than her brother and needs a gentle push to have fun. She does only exist for Jack’s development which sucks. All the other kid characters get names, even if they aren’t said within the dialogue, but we never get one for her. (I’m not counting Joyce’s words as he isn’t consistent with them) However, this part of the story looks back on Jack’s past life is way too idealistic for what is a literal colonization. Her, Jack, and the rest of Burgess are literal colonizers. They weren’t good people. They were vile people who stole and maimed for land and money. While I adore this movie and its characters, this is one of my main issues with it. (Along with the weird racial coding of Bunny+Tooth, and the sexism and ignoring of female characters. The romanticism of colonization within the fandom is also worth discussing and criticism) 

7. Burgess Believers

I debated on putting Jamie in his own category but decided against it (they are tied). Jamie himself is this stalwart little believer who fights for light and hope and refuses to stop believing in goodness. They all have a battle with darkness and all win. We see their personalities! They’re great. They all have names too, even the ones that don’t have them said in dialogue. 

6. Baby Tooth

Shes so sassy I love her. I like the fan theory of her being Jack’s sister, or at least somewhat related to her. It’s fun. She’s incredibly passionate and such a fun character in this story. 

5. Bunnymund

He’s a grumpy dork with a heart of gold. I really like how they made him this gruff and badass guy who is nurturing and proud of making pretty and delicate things. It’s such a wonderful angle for a ‘gruff and rugged’ male character. He also looks up to and respects Tooth, the Smurfette (ugh) of the movie, and it’s truly one of my favorite ways this movie subverts common tropes I see in movies all the time. He’s a dork. I love him. 

4. North 

#1 dad of the year (and all years since 2012) without ever actually (technically) becoming a dad or a father figure to anyone. I adore this version of Santa. In a lot of Christmas/santa movies there is this… emptiness that I see. Because they aren’t given a reason as why they are Santa. Why did they deliver presents? Why do they care? With North, the why is answered: because he cares and loves the children of the world and wants to help protect their wonder. I think North, Klaus (2019), and L. Frank Blaum’s Santa are probably the best examples of a good Santa. (Tim Allen’s the worst. The beef I had with that man as a seven year old was insane.) They are all properly shown to why they do what they do and how important it is to them. I love how they made him crazy and sincere and caring and badass. The way he immediately steps up and becomes a mentor towards Jack is just ahshdiifska

3. Sandy

He’s such a cutie patootie. He would beat anyone up at the slightest opportunity to. I love him. I do wish he got more screen time. He could’ve came back when Jamie touched the dreamsand for the first time, or “died” later in the movie. I love how he’s characterized. The jumbled ‘words’ when he gets excited, the playfulness and gentleness. I think he’s neat and I do blame him for my insomnia. 

2. Tooth

I love her! She’s so badass and cool and awesome! I love her character design! It’s so fun and unique (although it would not hurt if they actually committed to her being Asian - there was an edit of what she would look like with darker skin and oml she looked so gorgeous). She’s kind and sweet and a bit of a manic pixie dream girl but then punches people and tears her enemies apart with her wings!!! (Unpopular opinion here but I genuinely love that she uses her wings to fight that is so cool - much cooler than a sword - I like that she is the brawler. Yes punch him!) She’s also unabashedly weird I just love that she gets so excited about teeth of all things. The sweet moment of her realizing that being out ‘in the field’ is what she’s been missing is just so great. She does tend to get ignored within the movie and the fandom, which sucks bc she’s such a great character, and she’s the only female character so it’s a big yikes (although the books nearly ignore her completely. She does like two things across the whole series) I may or may not have the tiniest crush on her. 

Jack 

I may or may not have based my entire personality around this little shit. He is ultimate Blorbo. He’s sensitive and annoying but genuinely cares and loves what he does. I love how resilient he is as a character (if I was in his position I’d go crazy) and how he’s just so genuine about what he cares about. His character arc was super relatable (where’s that interview Ramsey did where he said autistic kids related heavily to Jack?) and I just adore this version of Jack Frost. I love how even from the beginning, we see who he is- a fun loving guy who loves what he does. He genuinely cares about the children and wants to make them happy and loves his role in the world as winter. He’s such a goofy little guy I love him.