#it was esp dangerous at the time
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work all night on a drink of rum
daylight come and me wan go home
stack banana til the morning come
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
a beautiful bunch of ripe banana
daylight come and me wan go home
hide the deadly black tarantula
daylight come and me wan go home
lift six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
six foot seven foot eight foot bunch
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
come mr tallyman tally me banana
daylight come and me wan go home
dayo
dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
day
me say day
me say day
me say dayo
daylight come and me wan go home
#someone suggested i turn off reblogs. to that i say. i’m not a fucking quitter#esp when i get to see my husband dancing in my notifs every time this gets a note#since this reached 30k notes i wanted to say that people in the notes saying you shouldn’t feel safe around horses are right#story time :) when i was very little i got kicked in the face by a horse.#obviously this is very dangerous and i could have been concussed but there was no bleeding or bruising or no teeth knocked out#so my family didn’t believe me and even tried to convince me that it never happened at all. accused me of lying about it#it was specifically my grandma (who i realized much later in life was extremely emotionally abusive) who insisted i was lying.#but i remember it clearly. i know that it happened. i know that it struck my front teeth and knocked me to the ground#and i have never felt safe around horses since <3 or my family actually#ahem. i always felt safe around my grandparents. ‘‘not anymore’’ said knife grandma#are you still reading this?#reality is an illusion the universe is a hologram#you just lost the game#speaking of loss#|#|/#||#|_
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Ben and Lisa and Lisa's devastating pursuit of normal
Ben is on the nose. He's literally named "son," and he acts like adult!performing!Dean, rather than a nuaced 3D person at first. Like Ben doesn't act like a real child. In fact, Ben seems awkwardly, gleefully wrought, like a bad red herring. I mean, a kid loving AC/DC? Leather jacket? Not even Dean liked these things. He aped them from John. Kids from this time are into Spiderman. Ninja-Turtles. Ben is sketched obnoxiously, even by SPN writing standards.
Lisa's weird, impulsive clingy behavior is best explained by either thinking Dean's the father for real or needing him to be, in order to sell a lie to herself. There's some weird stuff about her. Lisa looks loaded, financially wise. There's family money or at least help on the downpayment. She rented a bounce house for a kids' party. That $100-200 even by today's standards. Yikes!
My girl was a young yoga instructor with an unexpected pregnancy...kinda hard to make things work without some help. We know her sister is in the picture, but is she estranged from her parents? The grandparents are nowhere to be seen. Something is off about her family life. There's no Ben-with-grandparents photos. Dean played golf, but not with his father-in-law? Weird. They look like a golf-with-granpa family. That looks like a golf-with-granpa house.
So, taking it further than that, Lisa looks like a gal who knows how to use BC and condoms, and she'd def use that with a rando stranger. Unless she couldn't afford BC, which means... hmm. So, how did she get pregnant? Coykd it have been potentially traumatic? Maybe she knows who the actusl father is. That's what the stammering blood test is about. She needs to convince herself that the real father...isn't. Because it's shameful. She'd rather it be Dean instead. Perhaps? It's an interesting thought.
On a strategical front, even Cas knew to use Claire against Jimmy. Michael would have absolutely jumped into Ben, rather than dig up Adam. Frankly, Dean and Cas erasing Ben's memories when he's a potential vessel would be strategical suicide, dooming Ben to live in a world as a vessel but without any warning/protection about avoiding angelic manipulation.
So that leaves options:
If you say yes, Ben is Dean's kid, you have to then consider that A, Michael is just stupid (unlikely), or B, he's kind and wouldn't use a kid (even more unlikely)
If you say Ben isn't, then either A, Lisa is tragically fixated on Dean (not unusual for cool!girl writing in SPN), B, Lisa is using Dean to cover her own trauma (thematically consistent), or Lisa and Ben were mind-whammied beforehand to fit a particular aesthetic for Dean (ick).
The second scenario looks more likely. I prefer option 2. And furthermore, if we're going to harp on AC/DC and leather jackets being "heritable," that's all Lisa. It's Ben who shares Lisa's tastes. She introduced him to leather jackets and AC/DC, because Lisa also apes what she looks for in a man. If a single weekend was her best after a near decade, and a year with a paranoid was that good for her, something's up with her life. She needs "normal" too much. Tldr; Lisa desperately wanted normal more than even Dean did because her life was already broken.
Maybe she needed a weekend where a man wanted her for her, not for money or whatever. Maybe it was the LACK of lindness in her life that made Dean sooooo special and the "best night of my life" shit is a smokescreen she uses to ward off this truth? Maybe it was she who desperately needed a normal apple pie family life w/o shame. Any man would do so long as they tried to make it work; so long as they were kind; anything to make Lisa appear normal.
That's a good argument as any why Lisa needed to play house so badly.
Being a cool!girl is an act. You put up with shit because you know it's the only way to get table scraps.
Lisa is the superior pretender, and Dean had no idea because he was young and perceived normal folks as "having all their shit together." Lisa's pretending is beaten only by Bela Talbot imho
P.S. Ben's not John's either for same angelic reasons as above. However, he might be Arthur Ketch's.
#well yes i am#lisa has daddy issues too you can't chsnge my mind#i don't think she was in a bela situation#but poor? doing sex work to get agead? yeah i can see that#it was esp dangerous at the time
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my chemical tober :D
#listen. the good name was already taken!!!#but yeah im super proud of this i spent a lot of time making the prompts and the design#probably wont get used too much since im personally using the#regular inktobers from 2019 bc i want variety. but it was fun to do#maybe ill double up with them once or twice. regardless mcr stuff is really good for b&w so ill probably be doing it def at least once#mcr#my chemical romance#my chem#mcrmy#i brought you my bullets you brought me your love#ibymbybmyl#three cheers for sweet revenge#tcfsr#the black parade#danger days#danger days: the true lives of the fabulous killjoys#emo#2000s emo#art prompts#inktober#prompt list#inktober prompt list#inktober prompts#inktober2024#i tried to mix it up as much as i could with the order of them but i couldnt resist being fanciful with the last few ones. also the fact#that it starts at romance and ends on mcr5#im also proud of how some of these really can have a lot of interpretations. esp demo bc i first thought of it like demo tracks but it can#also be demolition lovers#and solo can be an instrument solo or solo careers. prob the goofiest thing i put in was pbatvm but yeah i couldnt resist#also no matter how hard i tried to find a unique tag realistically that ones gonna get overlap and its going to be annoying telling which i
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also their aesthetics arent punk! could u please look into other punk music, and especially smaller bands- mcr didnt fit in with punk music because of the performance and over the top aspect they often had!
Ah yes,punks,infamous for not being over the top with their music and aesthetics
#BRUH😭💀#you CANNOT be serious and i ain't reading that legit essay you typed in before this so i deleted it#also why the fuck are you telling an afropunk to 'listen to other punk bands espe smaller bands' i'm literally a meet me @ the altar stan#and i listen to alt black era and x-ray spex and the muslims too.are those niche enough for your undoubtedly nonblack hipster ass#also again.they hate the emo label they've said so MULTIPLE times they aren't fucking emo GET OFF THEIR DICKS#anonom#mcr#my chemical romance#gerard way#ray toro#mikey way#frank iero#💌#askies#'their aesthetics aren't punk'have you not listened to danger days/watched the mv's.does mike milligram/party poison give 'emo' to you#pastel punk tag
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What do you think Odile does for a living? She feels teacher like to me. What do you think she would do post canon?
HMMMM THIS IS GOOD QUESTION…
ive seen a lot of people hc her as a teacher / professor so i!! think that suits her pretty well. specifically as someone who studies + specializes in different types of craft (that would be why shes so proficient in multiple craft spells. also how she was able to figure out the loops stuff, AND to find something that could prevent siffrin from looping back).
post canon i am not sure… i am always torn between how the party would handle things post canon. obviously they would keep travelling for a bit, odile alongside her family without the stress of. constant sadness encounters + a king to kill lol. i think maybe she would get to take her time, reeaally get to know vauguardian culture when not within. a crisis. as was her original intention.
eventually. EVENTUALLY. when the family settles down somewhere (i am a “they all get a big house together” believer lol) she would get back into craft stuff. maybe go back into teaching too—surely people would be eager to hire a saviour. especially though i think it would be neat of her to try looking into wish craft etc, as a long forgotten form of craft. to satisfy her own curiosity, for siffrins sake, or just as a way of preserving the countries culture in whatever ways possible.
#asks#ive never gotten to talk about this before#and its a little unrelated to the odile thoughts so im putting it in the tags#but. surely surely. there must be some group out there dedicated to looking into this. suddenly lost island#no one remembers the country ofc. i bet its hard to even think about. probably difficult to dedicate an entire project to#but you also have to imagine. the day the island disappeared. the effect without anyone realizing why#people from the island. vacationers or visiting family etc. going through some sudden spell of amnesia all at once#and their loved ones + family being equally confused#also the fact that? given bambouches (probable) proximity to the island. that many of these cases wouldve popped up there#what did people think was going on. at the time. did they assume it was a disease?? a curse?#and then forget about the entire ordeal a week later#anyway point is. someone mustve found that suspicious. theres gotta be at least one person#which to me means i find it very likely there could be research gone into it. esp esp since the party members knew about. Some island that#isnt there#anyway anyways im rambling way too much#i think odile should look into wish craft. i think siffrin would appreciate it#if not because. it was a piece of him that was Important#but also to impart the actual Dangers of it to. others#am i making sense i dont know#isat spoilers#anyways oops thats not about odile anymore#lol
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I have abs not from working out but from coughing so much all the time for like a decade that I might as well have been doing crunches
#I've been to multiple doctors about the Unending Cough that I've had since i was like 16 and they're all just like idk bro#I've had xrays so probably nothing dangerous. so i just have to deal with the cough forever i guess#it's fine? I'm used to it. annoying mostly. sometimes i do think damn it would be convenient if i didn't cough all the time tho#esp for going to sleep. or in a quiet public place that's the worst#i think it's genuinely gotten worse though bc like#the kids always bring home 7 different colds at once and those linger for me way longer than everyone else#like there's the default cough and the advanced one. colds just make it 2x bad for like a month#and after a month they come home with a brand new cold#but you know what at least it gave me abs as a consolation prize#not like a 6pac to be clear im not ripped its just 11s lol
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im begging people to turn on the post dates for your feed bc sometimes i see ppl rb advice with good intentions but the advice is from 2010-2017 and therefore is WILDLY outdated!!!! and that's not good!!!!!
#personal#like well intentions are one thing#but advice from that time period esp abt very important things like healthcare finances homelessness etc is VERY outdated#as someone who lived thru some of the shit recently that ppl rb this stuff abt#like please please please i am begging#this information/advice is not timeless! nd changes CONSTANTLY#and PLEASE READ THE POSTS CRITICALLY????#i saw someone rb a homelessness advice post recently that suggested hitchhiking to the midwest or south which is TERRIBLE advice-#-if u arent a thin white cis (passing) str8 (passing) able bodied person!!!!#which lbr the ppl most affected by homelesness are queer & trans & mentally/physically ill black & brown ppl#ive seen posts being shared saying that homelessness isn't THAT bad if u just shop cheap - whcih is ALSO not true??????#im harping a little on homelessness bc thats admittedly some of the biggest shit ive seen w/ this issue#but yeah just. please turn on the dates and use criitcal thinking b4 rbing any and all “advice” posts#there Are people out there who write well intentioned advice that is extremely dangerous#there are people out there who wrote advice that was good for when it was posted but not now#there are even ppl out there who write fake advice that is legitimately dangerous for people to do#just. please
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Every day on this website people log on and hate women.
#gingerswagfreckles#Hey man it kind of doesn't matter if your posts technically draw on correct statistics if#Most of the point of it relies on making up strawmen to get mad at in the form of imaginary#Hordes of women who are all being hysterical about being in danger from men on purpose#And are ~self victimizing~ whatever that means just to because they get enjoyment out of#Making people feel sorry for them and oppressing men. Like hey man. I have never#Met a woman like this in my life and when you reblog 929292 posts about#How women are always being soooo hysterical on purpose just to play the victim and oppress men#It sure does come off pretty similar to all the people gleefully shouting that jews are the new nazis and THIS time their oppression#Is ok bc this time they're just en mass playing the victim#Esp when you start reblogging 929292 posts about how women just love to play the victim#In the immediate aftermath of the trump election at the worst moment for women's rights in recent history#And you chose to join the wave of people further maligning the very idea of feminism as a valid movement against the oppression of women#And instead choose to talk 24/7 about how women love to ~self victimize~#Fuck you actually!! You're not enlightened you're just joining a wave of people who get a sick enjoyment out of doing the whole well#Well the oppressed people are the REAL BAD GUYS thing#misogyny#feminism
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with my phantom hourglass replay, there are two things i noticed;
a possible theme you could glean from the game is action vs inaction, and i think it's especially prevalent before you even leave mercay the first time, with oshus frequently urging link to not go after the ghost ship, then to just wait until the broken bridge is fixed, and seems reluctant at every turn while link and ciela are more than eager to go and do something about this problem, and the people of mercay in general talking about things and their problems but never seeming to act on their fears or desires, as well as the mention that due to the ghost ship, very very few people are still sailing around, while linebeck is one of the only people we see in the game actively going after the ghost ship and still sailing around. i might make a longer post just talking more about the action vs inaction in phantom hourglass but i just noticed it a bit and thought it was a bit of an interesting sort of theme you could find in the game.
linebeck moves so fucking much. i think he moves more than any npc in the rest of the game. not just in his intro cutscene where he is very animated, just in how much he moves when just standing in his little idle post, it's damn near distracting when the camera is focused on him, he moves a lot. i don't think i've really acknowledged how much he moves, and it really gives the impression that he's antsy or eager to get going, both of which fit him pretty well with how he acts.
#phantom hourglass#linebeck#loz#legend of zelda#salty talks#imo the action vs inaction thing feels esp interesting to me when looking at oshus specifically. he and his world are in grave danger#and he knows it and he actively does nothing and even seems reluctant to let ciela and link go ahead and do something.#of course he comes around on it but it's very interesting. has he given up at that point? thats what it suggests to me#that hes like. joined the people of mercay in just lying down and waiting for other people to fix their problems or just. not do anything#otherwise on mercay you have that old guy in the bar who spends the whole game not leaving bc he doesnt want to face his wife#and she never goes to the bar to actually look for him and just talks about it if anything#the guy with the blue tunic talks a lot about linebeck and his ship and almost gives the impression that he really wants to talk to him#but yknow. doesnt. theres the women that tells you about docks being shut down and how linebeck is the only person who's showed up#the woman you see at the broken bridge who's just like oh well! time to wait til someone fixes it.#even the guy fixing the bridge iirc is like well fuck i gotta do it or else oshus is going to bitch at me abt it#everyone seems reluctant to act which makes for an interesting way in how our main crew stands out#it is less so oh theyve been chosen specifically for this its moreso they're the ones who are fucking doing something about this#for their own various reasons some of which are more selfish but theyre still doing something#will likely have more stuff to say when im done but ofc we have other characters in the game who have to do with this#anyways. linebeck is so animated all of the fucking time it's great i dont think theres any other character that moves as much as him#when he's just standing around to talking to link it's great. he's so ready to get going.#it works with him being an anxious mess and also with like. oh he's probably understimulated. you know he's got a nasty case of wanderlust#i can put it with the idea that he's understimulated and afraid to stim in public so he's just constantly moving#he probably drums his fingers on tables bounces his leg when sitting paces around switches the way he sits or lays down often#tbh this kinda fits in with him being one of the main characters who takes action moreso than a lot of other characters#his arc culminates in him taking action he's going after the ghost ship he's moving around the world the only issue is that one of the#actions he takes is running away from his problems literally n metaphorically (tho idk if facing the jolene problem is a good idea for him)
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every day i struggle to make choices
#i should invest into some kind of education but cant make up my mind#mostly because options suck#i cant do trades unless my body sucks less which is sad because id love to be an electrician#cant even think about getting a pilots license cuz im not passing the med cert#i think id rather die than be a med assistant actually#working clinics at all makes me nervous tbh but probably where im headed in the short term#surgical tech would be cool but i cant do a Real program while working full-time#which is what limits most of my choices#i need to find more paid training programs i guess#if i had to pick a miserable but fulfilling job id go into education itself#but the teaching profession has always been in a downward spiral esp as of late#i dont want healthcare because i hate seeing dysfunctional glorified murder machines grinding around and around endlessly#acute care sucks id rather be in an icu for function but then im depressed because our patients are always dying#it was better as a phleb but this hospital doesnt have phleb and like i said im nervous about clinics#but i need to fucking commit to outpatient phlebotomy i think :/#the most fun ive had at a job ever#i wish i had more widely applicable skills but i cant be an emt/para even just for the training#because half of it is unpaid and the other half you pay for#and again#a job NOTORIOUS for being exhausting dangerous and traumatizing#if i was 17 again and wasnt escaping the tar pit of my mother id go for an english degree and i wouldnt even regret it#thinking about school in terms of a job i have to have forever vs for the sake of learning is so different#id like to know everything. i wanna read and write forever. and do research and have real technical skills that help people#im still riding off of the high of getting 5 ccs off of an oncology patient who desperately needed a port#they were able to run like seven tests off of it#i had to use a couple ped tubes#she only had to get poked Once and barely noticed it bc the doc team came in and im so happy i made her admission that muvh easier#labs are so miserable#checking back on the blood and seeing all of the results came through made me more pleased than anything else in the world
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kpoppies only response to clearly malnourished idols being 'some people are just naturally skinny!!!' is so fucking harmful lol like yes. of course some people are naturally very skinny and receive societal backlash bc of that and its an issue that needs to be taken seriously as well. at the same time, if u see an idol who in pics of them as children have a different body type + theyre working in an industry that openly promotes insane diets to stay skinny, then the probability of your idol being naturally very skinny and not due to extreme dieting and/or drugs is quite low. and the solution is not to comment it under every picture of them of course But it needs to be talked about in general that many many idols are starving themselves and are celebrated for it. and going all 'its just their natural body stfu' every time is not helping either.
#not to mention that theres also a difference between what naturally skinny and healthy people look like vs the kind of thinness resulting#from very long times of malnoutishment esp if drugs are involved as well#which is an issue in the industry as well like do not come at me this is so obvious#anyways this kind of literal idolzing of ur idols is so unhinged and dangerous it makes me so. angry and scared tbh#anyways im supposed to be studying#cw ed#cw weight ment
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Oh that must've been so scary for June, feeling his own organs grow cold because Goodbye was freezing Can Hello feel the cold through June too? Or does that kind of soulmate feeling not transfer?
Hello can feel it, he just doesn’t have a frame of reference for it! ‘Cold’ felt numb to him, but he’s never felt cold before, so he wasn’t sure how to respond! :)
#ask#so(u)l project#it was TERRIFYING#esp bc they were snowed in#so June and Matt had to drive on very dangerous roads and dig themselves out several times
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He hesitated as the child below him smiled and reached up. His claws rested right above its head and yet it looked delighted to see him. Did it not realize the danger it was in? It grabbed his fur and giggled.
"Puppy!"
...if he was asked, he was simply raising it up to help him infiltrate human settlements better.
#Khan a.#Zoroark Khan#Raised by Zoroarks au#Khan finds Akari in the middle of nowhere and is about to kill her (bc all humans deserve to die in his eyes)#But when she smiles at him he can't do it and decides to take her in and raise her instead#There was something about her looking... Happy to see him that stopped him#(when was the last time anyone was happy to see him?)#(this is bc I thought it'd be funny if Khan raised akari as a Zoroark and then got upset and jealous#When ingo drops the fuck out of the sky and after becoming the warden becomes friendly#the weird feral child running with Zoroarks. He tries to guide her into human behaviors which she finds so INTERESTING#Esp when he decides she's good enough to go into town!!! The town humans are neat and not at all scary like khan had always said#Ingo lies and says she's his daughter. That they had gotten separated during travel. That she had to survive on her own for a time#Which is why she's... Like That. Everyone eats it up. Gives her free stuff. Tells her they're glad she's reunited with her dad.#Akari tells Khan (who's only referred to as 'malice' yet) and Khan gets jealous as FUCK.#That is HIS BABY. HE FOUND HER. HE RAISED HER. SHE'S HIS DAUGHTER. NOT INGO'S!!!#But when he tries to sneak into Jubilife to steal her back? Bring her home? Do something? He's caught and chased out. And the next morning#Things are abuzz with the news that a black Zoroark had tried to break in!! Those things are so dangerous!! Say...#Hadn't the clans mentioned a black Zoroark before?#Akari discovers then (long after befriending ingo and months since she started coming into town) that Khan had told her the truth.#That these people hated Zoroarks. Feared them. But Ingo tells her that the clans have been harassed by them for generations.#That Malice is right but also he's wrong. And Akari decides she's going to show how GOOD Zoroarks are!!! How loving the are to their family#She ends up helping Laventon and Rei with the dex. She is still known as Warden Ingo's Feral Daughter. And everyone wonders and fears#Bc somehow one of the first pokemon she caught was a zorua she keeps in her party ALWAYS. Ingo thinks her wanting to show the good side#of Zoroarks is a good thing. Peace would be beneficial. He's heard hunters in the pearl clan discuss wanting to track down and kill#Every Zoroark and zorua to keep them from hunting the clans. He doesn't want an entire species wiped out!#So there is Ingo and his 'daughter' (who he is genuinely starting to see as his daughter) and then suddenly#One day there is a knock at the door. And ingo opens it to see a young man with a nasty scar GLARING at him#And the first thing he says is 'give me back my child' which makes ingo ???)#There were more tags but Tumblr said 'fuck you that's too many'#TLDR ingo has to lie to Jubilife residents and tell them Khan is his ex and the residents are LIVING for the perceived Family Drama™️
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i'm overwhelmed by the amount of positive comments i got on my latest fic! my heart goes out to all the survivors of sexual abuse, and i'm glad my fic has helped many of you process your own trauma. <3
#personal#i honestly wrote it bc i was feeling quite Bad abt very Old Wounds haha as i am sometimes wont to do#bc of a person/event that reminded me of my abuser#i thought it may resonate with like one or two people but i mainly wrote it for myself#and i am so surprised that so many people have messaged me about it#also kinda sad bc that means they've Not Had A Good Time#however i'm very glad my fiction can provide some sort of relief/catharsis#it's an isolating experience to have very ambivalent feelings abt your own abuse#and to become aware of your own patterns of seeking to repeat it/seeking toxic dynamics that remind you of it#about 6 years have passed since i was last abused in such a way#and while i do get randomly sad about it and while it has affected my psyche in a very significant way#and while i still do get the occasional flashback albeit it is much more rare nowadays#and still do react to certain things quite disproportionately#i have to say it DOES get better#esp if you make a tangible effort to heal#you will get there#and while it is a part of you it is not who you are#and you are capable of living a fulfilled and satisfying life#sexually and otherwise#i used to be so upset about not being a Good Victim#but the best thing i've done is that i have given myself grace and stopped policing/moralising my own experience#(that does not mean allowing myself to engage in repeated self-abuse)#(even if i have slipped a couple of times bc i am human)#i have allowed the space for my toxic fantasies instead of trying to banish them#but i have sought to fill my life with other positive experiences#while not forgetting or erasing the negatives#and while my abuse will always be a part of me it will not prevent me from being happy#also kink has helped a lot as well as writing#but i advise ppl to tread VERY carefully with kink as esp as abuse survivors#it is a slippery slope and it can be dangerous in many ways
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i realized last time i was playing soma that the glitch effects/whirring servo noise when monsters get close is not, in fact, some ambient effect of the monsters themselves but just simons physical reactions to fear (the glitch effect happened while i was climbing over a big gap with no monster in sight and i was like. oh no he’s just scared!) and it makes me so protective of simon it’s unreal. i’m like it’s ok simon. i’ll be brave we’ll get through this. take my hand buddy
#pers#soma lb#i climbed over that gap multiple times bc i kept going the wrong way and when it happened EVERYtime#AND he made a comment at the start like uhmmm this looks dangerous do we have to…and that’s when i realized. simon it’s ok i prommy. ilu#interestingly you do ALSO sometimes get heavy breathing + heartbeat sounds (esp after runninh but also when the monsters are REALLY close)#and the fact that there are both the mechanical (servo whirring) and physical (heartbeat) is jusy fascinatih#the sound design in this game overall is INSANELY good#anyways i’m at another scary part. but it’s ok simon. i’ll get you through this my friend
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spent the first hour and change at work deleting some old files and am having a grand ol time laughing at myself for not realizing i was a lesbian sooner
#vulnerable tag rambles ahead please be kind abt them i didnt intent to ramble this much but i dont wanna delete it eitehr#me to every single man i have ever dated after 6mo-1y: yeah hey this really isnt working out i dont really know why but i really hate mysel#and i dont want to blame you because i dont think you did anything inherently wrong here; i think this is something about me but i need#space to figure out why im feeling this way [every single one reacted by telling me No i wasnt allowed to leave btw]#i hold very complex feelings about these relationships esp bc of them ending in very violent/chaotic ways most of the time#but its interesting to look back at it all and realize ive left every man for the same reason (which is that ive hated myself Every Single#Time ive dated a man) and its funny bc i recognized the self hate pretty early on w/ cishet men but when it came to queer men it was#much more confusing (esp w/ nto knowing Any lesbians at that point in my life). im so happy im a lesbian tbh#i have a lot of issues w/ the racism fatphobia and transmisogyny present in lesbian groups#and also coming out as a lesbian really truly saved my life. before i met my wife i was quite literally in a 3yr abusive relationship that#definitely would have died in if i hadnt realzied i was a lesbian and ran from him#its also weird seeing liek the hard evidence of the things that happened to me btween 2016-2020 tbh#cause that was such a bad time of my life. i truly dont know how i survived it but im so glad i did#like the three major relationships in my life b4 meeting my wife was: guy who was in college when i was in HS who stalked me when i left;#guy who was a year younger than me who cheated on me the entire time while telling me he was being victimized (he wasnt; this was very mess#guy who saw the very messy toxic ldr i was in and helped me dump my ex then decided that meant we were in a relationship [insert 3 yrs here#and admittedly all 3 years with him werent the same level of abusive but it was definitely unhealthy from the start considering I Didnt Kno#we were together until he wanted to celebrate vday and got mad i didnt know our anniversary - and like this isnt including the other stuff#that happened between those Relatonships[tm] (cause ive never been monogamous; these were just the Major Relationships)#like i genuinely think if i hadnt come out i'd be dead rn given just how dangerous my relationships were/continued getting#i am also so tired now that ive seen all this cause like. fuck i can barely believe it and i not only lived it but have PTSD about it#i should write about my life sometime. i feel like it'd be cathartic to try and make a tangible timeline and stories from the years ang stu#anyway yeah. be nice about the tag rambles. dont message me with pity or curiosity or anything about this. i dont usually talk abt this stu#publicly bc i hate the ways ppl start tryign to baby me when they realize my life has been extremely fucked up until only a few years ago#n im still working on accepting kindness from others bc of [insert life traumas here] but its a long process so pls respect my need for jus#being heard rn w/o too much pressure< 3 (but ig if u do read this can u like it cause i feel a little crazy seeing all the evidence of the#stuff i experienced now also cause fuck ik logically it was but also i cant believe it was all real still yk)
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