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everythingmp3 · 3 months ago

Text

𝐚 𝐡𝐢𝐝𝐝𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐭

Tess Servopoulos x fem!reader

AO3

this is a combination of the ideas: no outbreak AU + reader starts working at a summer camp + Tess runs the place + instant attraction + forbidden relationship

authors note: hi, I´m back with a new Tess fic! I recently read the book "The God of the Woods", which I really enjoyed, and one character reminded me of her, so that prompted the idea of making the setting a summer camp. it is a slow-burn, but still, a decent part of this is them being together! I tried to make the vibe of this fic warm and atmospheric bc I wanted it to be easy to escape into! I put a good amount of love and thought into this, so I really hope you’ll enjoy reading it<3

warnings: minors dni. large age gap (reader is in her early 20s, Tess is in her early to mid 40s), smut (reader receiving), brief mentions of injury/blood (nothing graphic or violent)

wordcount: 30k

the first thing you thought, when you stood in front of the entrance to the camp on that first day, was “why the fuck did I agree to this”.

you were sweating from the strain of carrying your bags, from the relentless heat of the midday sun, you were surrounded by kids and teenagers who were bidding farewell to their parents, and in the middle of all that, you had no idea why on earth you´d picked that of places to spend your summer. you´d already spent the entire year of college surrounded by people in classes, in lectures, in the library, in your dorm, so it seemed like you´d blacked out when you had sent off your resume to a summer camp, a place where you would have just as little space and time to just be by yourself.

still, there were two things that put you at ease in that moment of regret: firstly, the undeniably stunning scenery, the woods that reached as far as your eye could reach, trees taller than any you´d ever seen, the faint glistening surface of a lake visible in the distance; secondly, the girl who was a few years older than you, clearly a colleague, who noticed the forlorn look on your face and immediately took you under her wing. she´d already worked there a few summers, so she gave you a quick rundown of what you had to do to get settled as you made your way onto the camp-grounds. she succeeded in calming your nerves by saying things like “it´s really not that much work, we have a few hours of activity during the day and then some get-togethers at night, but other than that we´re usually pretty free to do whatever we want”.

by the time you joined her in the staff building and got signed in, received a card of the grounds and got told which cabin and group you´d be the leader of, you felt like you might have overreacted, that you might end up having a better time than anticipated.

the girl you´d just gotten to know, pointed at a door down the hallway of the building and said “I´ll go but you should probably check in with Tess, since you´re new. she´s the overseer of this place, the boss so to speak, the one you have to respond to if there´s any issue with the kids. she can be a bit.. well, intimidating let´s say, but don´t worry, she´s cool, for the most part. she´ll tell you the rest of what you need to know.”

intimidating. you considered it, an interesting word to use for someone who spent all their time working with kids, it peaked your interest, so you knocked on the office door, and cracked it open once you heard a “yes, come in”.

the first thing you noticed when you walked in and saw Tess sitting there, was her hair. she was in the process of pulling a hair-tie out of it and adjusted it a bit as she beckoned you closer, the ashy brunette color with faint streaks of gray fell down her face in a way that briefly had you standing there in the doorframe, before you averted your gaze and went to sit down in the chair across from hers. she was striking in a way few women had ever been to you. it wasn´t easily explicable, the way no immediate, deep attraction to someone is. it was purely physical, a tingling sensation as soon as you felt her attention turn towards you, her forearms exposed where she´d pushed her sleeves up, her voice smooth and deep, her clothes comfortable and worn out but perfectly suited for her. before she said anything, she took a good, long look at you, scanning you to get the first clues about what kind of a girl she was dealing with, no hint in her expression whether she was pleased by who her superiors had sent her, a brief nervous shifting in your seat, which made her soften a bit, just a bit, as she launched into her usual introductory meeting with new workers.

her first thought when you walked in had been “thank god it´s not a guy”. the most trouble she´d had in her time there, had always been with male workers, it was undeniable, that Tess favored the women, in more ways than one, but that wasn´t on her mind yet in that moment, not yet.

she presented you with the rules very matter of factly, leaning forward, her hands folded on the table, looking straight at you as you tried not to let your eyes wander to her fingers, a sternness to her tone that somehow made you feel warm, that wasn´t unpleasant.

“so, new girl.” she said, “the work here really isn´t complicated. we have a few basic rules: you don´t leave the premises on your own, unless there´s a very good reason and you notify me or someone else on the team. there is no service, no wifi, except for in this building, so if you need to call someone or send an email or whatever, you can only do it here, during the day. there is breakfast, lunch, and dinner but we have a staff kitchen in here, where you can help yourself out if you want to. if you get sick, we have medical staff who will take care of you, they have pain killers and other things you might need”.

she went on, a few more obvious rules about behavior with the kids, dos and don'ts for the staff. the last part she said, was said with an inflection that signaled that she was aware you wouldn´t always follow those specific rules, that she just had to say it for protocol: “lights out and curfew is at 10. no walking around outside after that hour. no drinking, no smoking, or whatever other drugs you might be into.” that made you smile then, a nod, you understood, she could tell that you weren´t daft, that you were picking up what she was putting down: “break the rules if you want, but be clever about it, don´t let it get out of hand, be fucking smart”.

the entire time she was talking, you found yourself enjoying her unflinching gaze, the way she didn´t soften her voice or her demeanor to suck up to you, you could tell that she was not the type for chit-chat or flattery and you liked it, it suited her, it felt reassuring, to have someone like her overseeing the place, someone who was tough and unyielding but not in a mean way.

it was clear that Tess cared about one thing: good work and reliability. she would overlook certain miniscule things that more strict bosses might not have, but it became clear very fast that you´d suffer consequences if she caught you slacking off. she was deeply invested in the kids´ safety, telling you “when you´re out and about with them, walking around, keep count. keep fucking count, I mean that, do it more than you think is necessary, if you´re walking, or sitting around somewhere, just take a few seconds every few once in a while to make sure they´re all still there. we´ve had it happen that someone didn´t notice for hours that a kid was gone, and I won´t have that again. got it?”.

you nodded, in fact a bit intimidated then, but she just needed you to understand how urgent it was, to avoid another scandal like the one the summer before where a kid had been missing for three hours until the responsible worker noticed.

if there was one thing Tess couldn´t stand, it was a blasé attitude of those who were in charge of other people´s safety, she didn´t play about it, she was a fierce protector and expected everyone around her to be too. there´d been times where kids had thought her to be heartless until someone randomly hurt themselves and was carried to the medics by her with a care and tenderness that stunned them. it was a reason why the camp had loyal returners, the fact that she instilled a kind of style in all of the workers that made the kids feel both safe and free.

just as you got up after that first meeting and went to leave, she called your name, meeting your eyes for a last time as she leaned back in her chair, the first genuine smile from her as she said “oh, almost forgot: welcome. I hope you´ll have a good summer here. we´re glad to have you” playing with a pen and overdoing the friendliness in her tone, a hint of humor there because Tess was aware that she´d completely missed the opportunity to open your conversation the polite way, the way others might have, but you gave her a nod that made it clear that you were fine with her straight-forwardness. “thank you, I will, I´m sure. see you around.”

once you left the room, she just stared out of the window for a moment, watching some of the others walking around, the sky a perfect blue, while she thought “at least a few kids are gonna have a huge crush on her”. she was not gonna admit it to herself, that she was projecting, not after only having exchanged so few words with you. Tess thought of herself as better than that, better than meeting a new employee and fawning over her after only a few minutes of talking. she´d succeeded in steering clear of any complicated employee-boss dynamics for years and years, and she wasn´t gonna jeopardize that, she refused. at least, that´s what she told herself during the beginning. still, she took a good long glance at the file on you she´d been given, scanning it for any interesting info, sounding out your full name under her breath, until she eventually put it back down and pretended she hadn´t just given herself away, even thought there was no witnesses who could hold her to it.

you had a similar experience. you weren´t thinking explicitly about your attraction to her, you just felt an inkling of it, while walking back out of the building with a faint smile on your face, her voice still fresh in your mind. it was the thing that had left the strongest impression, how she talked, her mannerisms, something about it was exactly to your liking. you found yourself hoping she wasn´t just the kind of boss who stayed out of everyone´s way, that she´d join in during activities and hang around here and there, that you´d have the chance to know a bit more about her, see her interacting with others, get a read on her, because you could tell that she was not the type to give anything about herself easily. you even hoped for a moment that one of the kids would give you trouble, so you could have a reason to go back to her office and talk to her in private again, but then, you quickly got distracted yourself by the task of inspecting the campgrounds and talking to your new coworkers, most of whom luckily seemed chill and welcoming. to your relief, you had a room to yourself in the back of the cabin that you´d been assigned to, glad to feel like you´d lucked out with your group of girls, most of them aged between ten and fifteen.

later that night, after successfully managing your first day (settling in, unpacking, making your bed, attending the welcome meeting, lunch, some ice-breaker activities, all that) you walked over to the building you´d been to earlier, to go to the staff kitchen and get some iced water from the fridge, your empty bottle swinging back and forth as you walked there, freshly showered, dressed for sleep in some shorts and a thin tank top. it was still hot at that hour, the lingering July heat hanging over the camp in a way that was not oppressive because there was enough freshness in the air from the lake nearby.

the building wasn´t dark, so you figured that Tess was still in her office, as you made your way down to the kitchen, which she was, until a few moments later when she locked the door behind her and heard you moving around.

she could have just left, but something told her that it might be you, and she was curious how you were doing after your first day, so she stood in the door frame for a moment, slightly taken off-guard by seeing more of your physique than earlier, before she knocked, accompanied by a quiet “hey there”.

you toned down your smile a bit before you turned around and closed the cap of your full bottle before you looked at her. “oh hey! still here at this hour?” you asked, walking over to her to follow her outside, since you were done there. she nodded, “hm, yeah, first days are always a bit busy, but it´s fine. what about you, how was it? you regretting it already?” a grin as she said this, holding the door for you to step outside ahead of her. “oh sure, it was awful, horrible, really, I´ll put in my resignation tomorrow morning”, you joked back, eventually facing her as you both stood outside in the pleasant evening atmosphere, she nodded, a smile, pleased by the fact that you weren´t shy around her, weren't afraid to mess with her a bit.

“how are the girls in your cabin? all behaving so far?”, she asked, the word “behaving” from her lips somehow a turn-on. “oh good, all good” you said, reassuring her, trying to come across as laid-back, to match her energy, “tired from traveling here of course, but they´re all sweet, funny too, which is nice. did have to comfort one of them earlier who was homesick already and embarrassed about it”. that peaked her interest then, your first test of sorts, “oh yeah? how´d you do that?” she crossed her arms and eyed you with a curious smile.

you shrugged, shifting your weight, clutching the cold bottle to your chest, “well, I told her that soon there´ll come a time where she´ll wish she had some distance between her and her parents. to enjoy the freedom, to do or say things her mother wouldn´t approve of, just for the sake of it, all that. it worked, thank god”. you´d passed the test, she could tell that you were somehow naturally skilled at your new task. “hm. sounds like they´re in good hands then, good job”, “I try”, she nodded, fussing with her keys then, her hands busy as she looked at you, “well, whatever it is you´re trying, keep doing it, new girl”, a sudden sparkle in your eyes as the nickname hung in the air.

her gaze fell to where you were scratching your arm absentmindedly, a mosquito bite probably, so she pointed at it, more serious then “okay stop that, don´t scratch it open” she pulled something out of her bag then and handed it over to you. “here, aloe cream, it helps. keep it, I´m sure the girls in your cabin might need some too. apply it generously over night”, a nod from you as you took it from her, a brief brushing of her fingers that sent a shock through your whole body. “okay I will” a moment of silence then, a shared look of “I think I like you” between you before you cleared your throat and said, “well then, have a good night, Tess”.

you didn´t have to say her name like that, a simple “good night” would have been polite enough, so she took note of it, a restrained smile, that didn´t give away how eager she was to figure you out, to understand how much of your friendliness was really just friendly. “yeah, you too” she didn´t say your name, she was better than you at feigning indifference, but something about the way she´d looked at you, a certain flicker in her eyes, it was just visible enough to give you a fragile sense of hope, that you weren´t entirely alone in your unexpected feelings.

on her way back to her cabin, she took a deep breath and told herself “she´s your employee. even if that was some kind of flirting, even if she did like you, it´s irrelevant, she´s off-limits. she is not the one for you.”

but she knew that the fact that she even needed to give herself a reminder, was a bad sign. all the years before, she´d noticed when workers were attractive, when one or two of them were maybe her type in some way, she´d caught glances here and there when they were near her, but it was never connected to an actual desire to act on it; that was the key difference, with previous interest it had always been light and fun, she was fine with enjoying small-talk with a pretty girl who worked for her, since she had never felt the urge to reach out and touch them.

she´d never felt a sense of danger in her attraction but with you, it was palpable, she laid in bed later that night and felt both thrilled and afraid - thrilled because it had been a good while since anyone had challenged her, had intrigued her and pulled her in without even trying hard, afraid because she could tell that you were getting under her skin already, because she had to banish any thoughts of you in compromised positions from her mind, because she told herself “you cannot get fired over some fucking fling. forget about it.”.

that night she didn´t sleep much, drifting in and out of dreams that gave her flashes of someone, completely nude, a glimpse of a girl´s thighs as she got out of the water and dried off, water dripping down her body, the sun glistening on her wet skin, she never saw a face, but she didn´t have to, when she woke up, she knew it had been you in the dream, her body hot all over from it, the urge to do something about it, a brief moment of almost giving into it: getting off to the images that were still fresh in her mind. but Tess was stubborn, she kept her hands over the covers, let herself suffer through the lingering need she felt, that her subconscious had forced upon her, despite everything she´d told herself the night before. she´d have to try harder, to overpower her instincts with sheer willpower. she´d have to get a grip.

after agonizing about it for a few minutes, she got up and tried to shrug it off. she splashed her face with cool water, put on her tank top and flannel and shorts, laced up her boots, and stepped outside, the cool morning air helping with getting back into her usual mindset: focused, unshakable, stoic.

the next few days, you rarely spoke to Tess for more than a few seconds, only brief encounters, seeing each other from across the main area and nodding politely, or saying “good morning” when you entered the dining hall at the same time, but still, her presence was always affecting you in a way, she was like a shadow, a quiet magnitude to her aura that could easily be missed by people less intrigued by her than you.

there were hundreds of people around you, all day, and yet, your attention was subconsciously drawn to her, always a brief scan over the dining hall or the main area to see if she was sitting or standing somewhere near you. the feeling was comforting in a way, to be tethered to someone by a strong pull, a warmth to it, that thrill you felt when she was close, when you were both talking to people but you hoped that she´d glance over at you, your posture immediately better when you thought about this, your face more expressive.

her presence always made you more aware of your own body, your mannerisms, and it was a delicious kind of secret, to move around the camp grounds with the constant anticipation of seeing her, being seen by her, preferably both. it was useless to pretend otherwise, you were already wondering if she found you appealing, if you could somehow find a way to get closer to her.

the fact that she wasn´t a worker, that she wasn´t assigned to a specific group, made it so that she just drifted in and out, watching some of you as you did your activities with the kids, leaning against a tree for a few minutes and observing it all, or stopping on her way to walk somewhere else to talk with some of the kids or counselors.

you could tell that everyone seemed to respect her, seemed to gravitate towards her when she offered a few minutes of her attention.

one afternoon you were busy sitting around and drawing with the kids, when out of nowhere you looked up and saw that she was at the table next to you, helping a girl out with her painting, diligent and skilled, a pleased smile on the girl´s face when Tess adjusted some of the details for her, before getting up and drifting off again as quietly as she´d joined in. this happened more than once, that she didn´t make a big announcement and just checked up on everyone, never overbearing or judgy, always curious and generous with her subdued way of showing that she cared, about everything that was going on.

one afternoon, about four days into your stay, stood out in your mind. it was a particularly hot day, everyone was dressed in as little clothing as possible, including her: cut off shorts that ended mid-thigh and a white tank-top that showed off her tanned arms, her shoulders, her generally very impressive physique. she didn´t have the kind of muscles that people gained by going to the gym, they were the natural, slightly softer kind of muscles that were the natural result of a lot of outside activity, her upper arms big and strong but not freakishly so, not in a way that seemed try-hard or vain, you could tell that she was just naturally a muscular woman, that it didn´t take much for her to look like that, your eyes constantly drawn to her thighs, the faint freckles that somehow made her look even hotter.

you were sitting in the shade, drinking your third bottle of water that day, trying but failing to read a book, when you spotted her from afar, checking up on the other people who were lingering around, all sluggish and lethargic from the heatwave that had hit the woods that day. you smiled as you realized that she was making sure everyone was healthy, drinking enough, not at risk of heatstroke, reminding the kids to not jump into the lake but to let their bodies adjust to the colder temperature, reminding them to minimize physical activity overall, to reapply sunscreen, to eat enough, to tell someone if they felt dizzy or needed a break, a nap.

she was about to turn around and go back to her office, when she saw you looking, and felt the need to make sure you were okay too, so you tried to act normal as she approached you, putting her foot up on the wooden bench across from the one you were sitting on, a casual air about her as she asked, “hey there. how are you holding up? all good?”.

you nodded, putting your book down to pay full attention to her, her face instead of her legs or arms. “yeah thanks, I´m managing. I mean, I feel a bit dead but other than that, all good”, that made her smile, “I hear you, it´s rarely this hot, tomorrow´s supposed to be cooler again, don´t worry”.

she grinned then, something was amusing to her, so you leaned forward, eyeing her, “something funny?”. Tess pointed at your book that was laying facedown on the table, “I saw you yesterday with that and from the looks of it you haven´t made a dent, at all” an admission in there: that she´d seen you, when you hadn´t been aware. it made your face feel even hotter than it already was. you pretended to be a bit offended “well, in this heat, can you blame me for not being able to concentrate?”, she put her hands on her hips, “sort of yeah. where there´s a will…” she was teasing, you couldn´t help but smile. “right. well, guess I´m just lazy, you got me”.

she dropped the act and talked a bit more earnestly then, sensing that she was venturing into territory that was a bit too friendly, but she didn´t care, “or the book just isn´t good enough to keep your attention. I could give you one of mine later, I think I have a good guess what you might enjoy”, that wasn´t what you'd expected, it seemed like an offer she wouldn´t just make to anyone, but maybe she did, maybe that was her thing, lending people books. still, you hoped it wasn´t, that it was her way of breaching the distance between you a bit further. you nodded, “okay, sure, I´ll take that”,“you´ll have to actually read it though, I´ll ask you questions to make sure you are”, a sort of challenging tone then, a hint of something in her voice that you wanted to read as flirtatiousness.

your face felt hotter by the second as she kept standing there, so close, her hair wavy from the shower she´d took earlier, her face glowing from the sun, and she could tell, you were not hiding it well enough. she found a thrill in it, the sense that she was making you a bit nervous, which reflected her own feelings because she was distracted by the labored breaths you were taking, the way you ran your fingers through your hair, the way you leaned your head on your hand at one point, an exhausted but deeply endearing expression that you directed her way- she had the urge to sit down and just watch you as you pretended to read, to go and get you an iced drink, to spend time with you, get to know you.

you changed the subject then, preventing her from leaving when you saw that she was about to. “you seem fine though, considering the weather, how do you do it?” you asked, pointing at her, the way she didn´t even seem to be sweating at all, she shrugged, “willpower? maybe?”. that made you laugh, “right, you refuse to be overpowered by the sun?”, she nodded, “something like that, yeah”, a moment of silence as you smiled at each other, as you both had the brief fantasy of retreating back to a cabin, to undress, to see the remaining parts of your body that were still hidden by clothing, to feel the warmth of each other´s skin, to tire each other out, to leave each other flushed and eager to feel the eventual cooler night breeze on your bare skin.

there was something about the life at the camp, the constant focus on physical activities, that made it hard not to become all body, all instinct, all animal, you could tell with other counselors that couples formed quickly, that some people randomly disappeared after eyeing each other up and down all day. you could tell with the kids too, that crushes were being added to catalog of infatuations between boys and girls and girls and girls and boys and boys all day, one shared moment of sitting on the ground and touching knees enough to activate some part of the body that wants to be wild in the surroundings of nature, impulses that were impossible to fight back against.

Tess was the one to interrupt your shared moment of want, removing her foot from the bench and standing upright again to give you a brief goodbye and leave you alone, the image of your fingers drawing circles on the wooden table in front of you burned into her mind for some reason, just like the image of your lips and cheeks flushed from the warmth, the tone of your voice, sweeter and slower in that moment than before, reaching a part of her that had long gone untouched, unmoved.

sure enough, later during dinner she made sure to keep her promise.

you were about to leave the dining hall, as you saw her waving you over to her table, so you abandoned your group for a moment and stood in front of her as she held out a book to you, a relatively big one, by the looks of it well-loved and read multiple times. “here. I´m expecting you to finish this by next week” she was fucking with you, but part of you wanted to prove to her that you could actually manage that, so you said “alright. I will” taking it from her and flipping through it briefly, delighted by the fact that there were underlined passages in there, comments in the margins, you wondered if she´d forgotten about all that when she picked it out to give to you because that was a pretty intimate thing to hand over, her thoughts all over hundreds of pages like that. you were both tired from the hot day, both silent for a moment, a sort of shy smile from you then, as you looked down at her confident expression, the obvious joy she took in being a bit teacher-y with you, having a rapport that was bordering on something other than just boss-employee.

eventually, you saw that your group was leaving, so you pulled yourself out of that moment of quiet, warm familiarity with her, and said a brief thank you, following the girls you were in charge of back out as she finished her dinner and tried her best not to let anyone at her table clock the way she was staring at your back as you walked out.

a moment during that first week that stood out to her was one a few days later. you took your group to go swim in the lake because it was a perfect day, the breeze just right. you spent some of the time making sure all of the teens were behaving, not overdoing it with how far they were swimming out, lingering in the shallow parts of the lake with the younger kids and enjoying the cooling water on your body. a while later, when everyone was bit tired out and tanning in the shade, you laid on your towel and read the book she´d given you, your bikini still damp, your skin slowly drying, flipping over on your stomach every once in a while.

what you weren´t aware of, was that during the middle of all that, Tess had sat down at the dock nearby with a bit of paperwork she had to get to, so she could do it while dangling her legs in the lake. you were near enough for her to realize that it was you, and it was impossible for her not to stare. she was enthralled by it, everything, how you looked getting out of the water, how the water had dripped down your back, the way your body looked in the sun, every single outline of your muscles visible, every detail on display, an almost guilty feeling then, as she couldn´t tear her eyes away even when you were just lounging in the shade. a few times that early afternoon, she caught you sitting with your head on your knees, your arms around your shins, staring off into the distance, not a sad but pensive expression, something about your demeanor that made her wonder, “what is she thinking about?”.

Tess felt a very human thing then, she craved intimacy and connection all of a sudden in a way that she hadn´t in years. she was good at telling herself that she could do without all that, for years she´d been in denial about her desires, but there you were, and she wanted nothing more than to just sit down and talk to you over dinner, to ask you questions, to watch you. it wasn´t even just with the motive of wanting you in a physical way, even though that was a big part of it, it was also just the rediscovery of a humbling feeling, the feeling of “I want a woman in my life. I want someone to be affectionate with, to show my softer side to.” it was all still there, deep down, and you were bringing it all back up.

she was also increasingly desperate to figure you out because something about you seemed so familiar, in the way that you carried yourself, the way you somehow seemed alone even in the midst of all of the kids and other workers. you seemed to be of a similarly solitary nature, something told her that you were someone she could feel seen by, understood by, and that she might offer you the same in return. she didn´t get shit done, so eventually she dried off her legs, put her shoes back on and abandoned the lake, throwing a last admiring glance your way just as you were getting up to shake out your towel and get dressed.

that night, a few of the kids urged you to go raspberry picking with them in a field nearby, and because you had little else to do, you said yes.

on your way back, carrying the goods in little buckets you´d brought, you were enjoying the soft evening atmosphere, the light of the blue hour, the kids walking in front of you with their fingers and mouths stained red, as Tess made her way down the same path to the main area.

you were too lost in thought to realize that she´d caught up with you, so eventually she smiled and gave you a nudge, “hey”, you startled a bit but quickly returned the smile “oh hey”.

“still at work even at this hour hm?” she said, pointing at the raspberries you were carrying, her voice raspy from talking to people all day, an instinctive step towards her to close some of the distance. “well, this isn´t really hard work, is it?” you smiled at her, she returned it, “ate like half of them already when we were there, they´re really good right now” she nodded, endeared by the image of you kneeling down and plucking them off the bushes, paying close attention.

without asking, she reached over and grabbed a few of the berries, putting one in her mouth as you looked at her, a mischievous flicker in her eyes that told you that she was expecting you to shove her hand away of protest, but you didn´t, a nod instead.

“I don´t mind, in fact, you go and take these, I ate so many already, and they won´t be as good tomorrow”, you said, holding the small bucket out to her as she ate a few more, a squint of her eyes, “if you´re trying to get in my good graces to be employee of the month, I have to disappoint, we don´t do that here”, she was teasing of course, but as always, you played along, “oh fuck, well, that was my plan of course. wasn´t just being nice or anything”. Tess looked like she was enjoying herself, she took the berries from you and put another in her mouth, a vibe between you that felt friendly, too friendly, further away from professional than mere days before. “so, what are you up to now?”, she said, as you neared the area where her cabin was located, which you´d have to pass by to get to yours, “well, not much, shower, take them to bed, try to sleep”, she cocked her head, an inquisitive look then, “try? you're not sleeping well?”, a hint of concern in there. “no, I mean, sometimes it just takes a while to fall asleep. I´m not used to dead silence at night, but it´s fine, it´s cozy in a way”, “sure, takes a while to get used to it. well, if it ever gets too bad I have a tea I could offer, always helps when I can´t sleep. just tell me if you ever wanna try”.

it somehow only added to her appeal, that she always seemed to be invested in everyone´s well-being, everyone´s comfort, yours in particular, it felt special in a way, after months of being entirely self-reliant.

“okay. thanks, I´ll keep it mind”. with that, you´d reached her place, so she excused herself and told you “see you tomorrow” with a pleased grin on her face, which made you wonder what part of your casual exchange had prompted it, what about you made it so that she didn´t just walk past you, but took a moment to say hi, to talk, to slow down her pace to match yours.

once she was gone and you were trying to catch up to the kids in front of you again, you kept thinking about her hands, the image of them reaching over to steal the raspberries, the way her fingers were always clean, even though she lived an outdoorsy life. you´d noticed it before, that she took care of her hands, made a point of keeping her nails as short as possible, no signs of dirt, ever, it made it easy to obsess over that feature of hers, to fantasize, in different ways. in general, Tess always had a fresh air about her, there was this scent that you could pick up on when you were close to her, you had no idea if it was a perfume or cologne or her laundry detergent or her natural scent or a mix of all of those, but it always pulled you closer, always made you want to breathe it in from up close, to have it all over you after embracing her or doing other things. it made you dizzy to imagine having your face by her neck, to kiss her there, to take as long as you wanted to get lost in all the sensations of her body. you tried your best to forget about all this as you had to get your mind straight to not fuck up during your nightly head-count, since nothing would lose you her affection faster than overlooking a missing kid. it made you better at the job, your eagerness to please her, so it was a win-win-win, for her, for you, for the kids, the fact that you were obsessed with her by that point.

a few minutes after leaving you, Tess sat at her dining table, eating the remaining berries, lost in thought, enjoying the feeling of somehow being physically connected to you via the contact all of the berries she was eating had had with your hand, your fingers, your skin.

she liked it, the implicit eroticism of it all, she savored the taste, silence in her cabin as she took her time eating, wondering what you were up to, if you were already laying in bed, if you were maybe also letting your thoughts wander to her, or if something else completely was on your mind, something she had no idea about. she imagined you sitting at the edge of your bed, tired and spent from the day, your room dark, only the moonlight illuminating your outline a bit, she imagined the tired look on your face, how you might sigh and close your eyes for a moment before getting undressed, how it would feel to be there, to offer you something, to say “come here” and hold you as you fell asleep, how it would feel to share a bed with you, to feel your skin warm against hers, to wake up in the middle of the night and hear you breathing slowly, deeply. eventually, she abandoned her kitchen and tried to repress the urge she had to go out and look for you, a long stare into the mirror as she brushed her teeth and told herself “calm down. you´re being fucking insane.”

at the end of the week, there was a bonfire night. the air at that hour was cool enough for the fire to be a pleasant sensation and most people quickly broke into groups, the younger kids, the older ones, your colleagues, a few of them standing around and talking, others playing games or entertaining each other with gossip from the day.

you were tired form the eventful week, your limbs a bit heavy and sore, so you briefly left the two other counselors you were on good terms with for a moment to go sit on near the fire and just relax for a moment, watching the flames dance in the dark forest air. what you hadn´t noticed, was that Tess had been leaning against a tree near where you´d sat down for about fifteen minutes, just quietly observing, the way she always did, and for a few minutes she just looked at you, how you were holding your body, what your face might give away about your state of mind, before she decided to go pick up a drink from the cooler nearby to hand it to you as she sat down next to you, unannounced, a genuine smile from you as you took the drink and thanked her, wondering if she´d been able to tell that you were a bit tired, slightly touched by her attentiveness that you were still getting used to.

“so”, she started, “how has it been”. you knew she was asking about how you felt after your first week there, that she was curious, so you turned to her, the desire to make sure she knew you were enjoying it, even though you must´ve seemed a bit exhausted in that moment.“oh I´m all good so far, thanks, no complaints yet, I´m getting moving my body much more than at college, so that´s good” you said, “even though I´m kinda scraped up”, pointing at a few scratches and bruises that were the result of various hiking and climbing and running activities. Tess glanced down at your legs, a grin, “oh just wait, there´s more to come”, somehow it sounded lascivious the way she said it, you leaned a bit closer to her, “oh, I don´t mind, after being stuck in the library for months this is great, I do feel better than a week ago, I have to say, I needed a break I think”, Tess nodded, a smile, the restrained kind she usually gave, that somehow pleased you much more than wide, toothy smiles from other people,

“a lot going on up there, hm” gesturing at your forehead, a smile. the tone she used in that moment was the softest you´d heard her up until that point, it was clear she was trying to comfort you in some way, so you returned the smile, a tired sigh, “unfortunately, yeah, kinda. it´s hard sometimes to have this much time to myself. usually so many things distract me but, not here. kinda hard to just enjoy the peace and quiet sometimes, funny enough”. she nodded, messing with a twig absentmindedly, breaking small parts off. she briefly started into the distance, before turning back to you, “not for me” she said, smiling.“yeah, i´ts impressive to be honest. I don´t know how you do it. guess you´re already enlightened, zen, all that” you were half-joking, it made her laugh, “hardly. just years of practice. my early life was anything but quiet or serene, so, took some time to get used to it. but now I wouldn´t go back”, you made a sound of understanding “I believe you, yeah. sounds nice, peaceful”.

she paused for a moment before changing the subject, the hint of a grin on her face,“you know, I´ve been hearing a few things through the grape-vine about you.” you faced fully then, the immediate thought being “oh god what did I do. did I do something embarrassing without realizing” even though you couldn´t recall anything, and the slightly panicked expression was funny to her, maybe cute too in some way, so she let you hang in that fear for a moment before saying, “oh don´t worry, glowing reviews across the board so far”.

that surprised you, the fact that people had gone out of their way to talk about you generously, “really?”, she tilted her head, studying your face for a moment, “why are you so surprised?”. she wasn´t gonna go into detail because she wasn´t big on flattery but a girl who´d worked there for two summers already, had come up to her earlier and told her that you were much better than the new girl the year before, that you were popular with the kids because you were patient and not too strict, that you´d offered to take over her group for a day because she was about to take a bunch of pain-killers for her headache to power through. Tess had heard a few other things along those lines too, and it was an easy way to get into her head, to win her over, being a good influence on her beloved space.

you pondered the question why you were surprised about the praise and shrugged, “guess I just didn´t try all that hard”, she nodded, her voice lower, slower, “well, that´s the point I think”. “I could honestly do this job all year I think. but well. academic career calls”

she smiled, “well someone´s gotta be the brainy type”, “you are too and you're here, so”, she took the compliment, “well but thats different. I´m people smart, life smart, you´re more book smart”, “how would you know?”, you said, tickled by her read on you, “well, you have that sophisticated “I write essays about complex niche shit”-air”, she was teasing a bit, gently, “oh damn, thats what I give off? really?”.

“maybe, a bit. well you´re not like them, that´s for fucking sure”, she said, pointing at two guys and girls who were screeching as they were play-fighting, pushing each other, more the frat and sorority types, you laughed “right. can´t argue with that”.

“so who do you hang out with?” you asked, which caught her off guard, “huh?” you looked at her more closely then, your faces both orange from the fire, glowing, easy to be mesmerized by, distracted by.“I never see you with anyone.”, you continued, waiting for an explanation, her voice was lower then, for emphasis,“well that´s on purpose, sweetie. I don´t “hang out” with people”. the pet name made your face feel even warmer, you were curious if she was bluffing,“no? you´re all alone, all day?”, she smiled, angling her body a bit more towards you, “well I´m never alone, am I?”, pointing around at all the others.“you know what I mean. no friends, no..” you didn´t say it out loud, the other kind of company you wondered about.

“no. just me and my mind palace” she whispered, tapping on her forehead. “right. well, could be worse, you seem very…” “very what?” she asked, not sure what you were about to say. “I dont know.. solid” you said,“solid. okay I´ll take that”, she wasn´t sure if you were being serious, so you went on“I mean it as a compliment, you never seem anxious or desperate for praise or approval or anything really”. “right. unlike…you?” she said, trying to get a rise out of you, clearly not meaning it, “ouch??”, you said, obviously not hurt but thrilled be the sudden playfulness that she was offering you. “no I´m joking. that´s more her thing, isn´t it” Tess said while pointing at a coworker of yours, she was right, the girl was notorious for giggling and talking in a higher voice around the male staff members, so you laughed a scandalized laugh, nudging her leg, a burn where her knee briefly brushed yours, her index finger on her lips “shh, I didnt say anything”, she whispered“no, sure”.

Tess realized that she´d fucked up, just a moment too late. she´d crossed the boss-employee boundary of gossiping with you about your fellow worker, when she was in charge of both of you, you weren´t her peer, she knew this, but it felt too good, to sit there under the stars and actually have fun talking to someone. it was a small thing, but it was the start of something, of creating a sense of familiarity, a signal to you that she saw you as an equal, which she shouldn´t do, she knew it, she´d have to reel it back in, but she didn´t want to, not at all.

you didn´t press on, you just gladly took what you got, pleased by the fact that she seemed to trust you in some way, that she wanted to make you laugh, create a feeling of kinship. just in time, a guy you were friendly with came over and told you to come join him and the others for a game, so you bade her farewell, and followed him, a hint of jealousy to her then as she watched his bright smile as he talked to you, as she saw some other girls hugging you, their hands on your lower back. she´d never wished she was part of the counselor group, not until that moment. she tried not to think about it, that some of the girls and guys around you would maybe shoot their shot with you, that you might want them to, that she´d have to witness a post-getting together flush on your face while you stole glances at another person across the dining hall table. she was perceptive, those kinds of things never escaped her, so she hoped and prayed that she´d never pick on something like that from you. unless. unless she was the one being looked at.

the next day, the plan was for everyone to go on a hike together, deeper into the forest because about thirty minutes away, there was a river that was shallow enough for everyone to be allowed to swim in without worrying about any safety issues.

the plan was to spend a few hours there, for everyone to as they pleased, either swimming or laying in the grass or reading or doing whatever you wanted.

about ten minutes into the hike, there was a steep hill you all had to go down, and two kids from your group didn´t realize that it was not a good idea to hold hands, until one of them lost their balance and nearly pulled the other one to the ground, had it not been for you and your sudden sharp reflex. you were walking a few steps behind them when you saw the first signs of what was about to be nasty joint fall to the floor, so without thinking twice, you hurried over to put yourself between them and the ground, which worked out, but forced you to the floor, because of the sudden impact of two bodies on you.

at first, you weren´t aware that you´d even gotten hurt in the process, your mind clouded by the rush of adrenaline, but there was a sharp pain in your shin that made itself noticeable as the kids were saying your name, breathless, followed by a “look” pointing at your leg “I´m so sorry” the other one uttered, “it's my fault”, but you quickly said “no it´s okay, you´re good, I´m good, no big deal”, but you weren´t really all that good: you´d fallen right onto the sharp edge of a rock and your shin was dripping blood, a stream that already nearly reached your ankle. “Tess!!” the kids yelled, aware that she was always the one to look for in emergencies, but she was close enough to have seen it all, already in the process of hurrying over and kneeling down by your side, a hand on your back, checking the injury, “fuck” she said. “yeah, no, this can´t be left like that. we need to go back and clean this up”. “it´s fine really, I-” you tried to downplay it, but she shushed you, a sharpness to her expression then, she was gonna spare you the lecture she could have given then “what did I tell you about wounds? always, always turn back around, no open wounds out in the wild, infection is not something we want here”.

you were embarrassed by the attention, she could tell, so she quickly looked up and announced to the others, “guys it´s no big deal, she took a fall, it looks worse than it is but I´ll go help her back so we can bandage it, you guys go without us. we´ll see each other for lunch later, okay?”. everyone respected her, so her words settled quickly and people kept it pushing, the two kids you´d shielded briefly giving you a pat while saying a shy “thank you. see you later?”, “yes, don´t worry guys I´m okay”. they smiled then, glad that you weren´t mad at all. Tess was still busy checking your injury, she´d pulled a tissue from her bag and had cleaned some of it up but the blood kept coming, so she said, “okay, come on, we need to fix this. I´ll help you up, okay?”. you nodded, putting weight on your uninjured leg as she pulled you up, with ease, her arm around your waist then to steady you, her hand firm, you could feel it well through the thin fabric of your shirt, intimate in a way that made you forget about the pain. part of her felt guilty, that she was glad to have an excuse to touch you, that she could disguise it as worry, the fact that she enjoyed feeling you close.

“god this is so stupid” you sighed, as you made your way towards her cabin, walking slowly, your leg not really all that hurt but enough to make you limp a bit, she smiled, a light squeeze to your arm, “well, at least there are two girls who will see you as their savior now, just you wait, they´ll start writing you love-letters”, “anyone would have done that” you said, dismissive of the supposed bravery of your little moment of protectiveness, but she shook her head. “no, I don´t think so. you´re kind of a mama bear with them, I can tell”-

“ew Tess, not that fucking word”, she laughed, her grip on you just as firm as before, briefly turning to look at you, “don´t like that, no?”. “no. besides, I´m more of a big sister I think, you´re the.. mama as you said it. they like me but they respect you”.“I don´t know about all that”, “they do, it´s cute, they talk about you with hushed voices, all reverent. I overheard them once, they like that you´re not like their moms”, that made Tess smile, “hm, they have a point there. I sometimes think they´re scared of me though”, “no. I mean, maybe some of them, but can´t hurt, to have a tiny bit of fear in there. I´ve never seen any of them give you trouble”, she nodded, her tone low, a hint of pride in there, “oh, I´d like to see any of them try”.

“you good? we´re almost there” she asked, hoping you weren´t in too much pain, “yeah, yeah, all good, haven´t bled out yet I think”. “you sure, looking a bit pale there” she was messing with you, it felt nice, “you telling me I look bad?”, “no, never”, she realized too late that that was the kind of subtle flirty thing she´d have said to someone she was dating, not the kind of thing she´d say to an employee, so for the rest of the way she just kept her mouth shut, as you smiled to yourself, despite your bloodied shin, because slowly but surely, you were sensing that she wasn´t impossible to crack.

once you were inside her cabin, she rushed down the hallway to get the stuff she needed from her medical kit, while you took a look around her living room that was connected to a kitchen.

the cabin was different than yours, the layout was more like a real apartment, moderate in size but cozy, inviting, a couch with some bookshelves behind it, a fireplace, a coffee table with various candles and lighters and magazines, so for a few seconds you slowly walked around the room, until you heard her whistling your way to get your attention, she was standing in the kitchen, waving you over, “stop snooping and come here” her tone pretend-stern, you could tell that she wasn´t really bothered.“I wasn´t” you insisted as you watched her pulling out two chairs from the dining table, one to sit on and one to put your leg up on, she was impatient, not even addressing your protest, focused on getting you cleaned up, “sit down” another order, you suppressed a grin as you walked over, it felt good, to be bossed around by her, and she could tell, it wasn´t the same way with others, they sometimes perceived it as rude or cold, but there you were, almost giddy because she was being a bit authoritative, it only made the thing she had for you worse, but she kept her mind on the bandage she was cutting.

you sat down and lifted up your leg on the chair, as she knelt down next to you, a reassuring hand on your leg as she used a wet tissue to clean up most of the blood, careful, slow, focused, in a way that felt so intimate that you felt a blush creep up on your cheeks, silent as she discarded of the tissue and looked up at you.“okay, this part always sucks but I need to make sure the wound is clean, so I´ll put some rubbing alcohol on it, alright? it will sting, but only for a few seconds”, you looked down at her, your hands in your lap, a sense of trust radiating from you. as you said “it´s fine, I can take it, don´t worry” a sudden rush of heat to her face to then, as the words “I can take it” hit her, but she pushed that feeling away and nodded, “good. you can touch me by the way, hold my arm for support or whatever” pointing to your hands, the way you were sitting there sort of shy, so you did, your hand on her shoulder.

Tess did what she had to do, a wince and clenching of your teeth, as the aforementioned sting hit you, she could feel your fingernails digging into her skin, another thing that could have distracted her, had she not been busy getting it over with as quickly as possible, so you could relax again. “okay, done”, she caught herself just in time before “good girl” could leave her lips, a shake of her head as she went over to the trash and threw away the bloodied cloth.

you sat there, smiling, enjoying the way she was tending to you “you´re good at this” you said, a smile from her then as she fussed with the bandage and knelt down again, slowly wrapping it around your shin, a brief glance up at you, “well, gotta be with this job, I won´t have anyone walking around with a festering wound, not on my watch”, “yeah I can tell. bet you´re good at calming them down when they get seriously injured, not just like this”, you could imagine Tess in an emergency, her being the steading presence if someone fainted, getting them in the right position and telling them in her soothing voice to mimic her pattern of breathing, you could imagine her in pretty much an serious situation as the person to look to for help, for a calming influence, it was somehow only making it all worse, your attraction to her, how gentle but deliberate she was as she finished wrapping up your wound, her fingers never shaky or fumbling with anything, your eyes on her face as her gaze was fixed on your patched-up wound, a nod from her then, “okay, this should work. we´re done here”.

you squeezed her arm then, lightly, “thank you. it doesn´t even hurt much”. that was a relief to hear, the cut had been in an unfortunate place, right above your bone, where the skin was thin, “you´re tough, huh. didn´t complain the whole way back or just now”, you took the compliment, “not much to complain about here” you said and gestured around, vaguely, but she knew you didn´t mean her cabin or the environment outside, it was clear what you were saying, and she knew she should have pushed back a bit, said something very clearly professional and distanced then, but she didn´t want to, it was nice, to have that exchange with you. she could feel herself getting reckless, and she couldn´t stop it, not fully.

for a moment she just stood there, leaning back against the counter, taking in the sight of you, still sitting at her table, clearly a bit exhausted. “you good? need anything? a drink?”, “a drink?” you said, grinning a her, “like what, a beer? whiskey?” she knew she´d phrased that a bit oddly, so she laughed, shaking her head, “no, I´m not stupid enough to get my workers drunk, at least not yet, but, I do have something else that might lift your spirits, now that I think about it”, initially she was gonna give you water, but she felt generous, felt like spoiling you a bit, which was not something she´d have usually done for people, but she was already past the point of pretending, you weren´t like the others to her, she could admit it to herself.

she walked over her fridge and got something out that you couldn´t identify at first, before she walked over to you and placed them in your lap, “here, knock yourself out”. the moment you realized what it was, a bottle of coke and some chocolate, your eyes lit up in a way that made her laugh then, “damn, you look like you haven´t eaten in three months, you´ve only been here for a week, sweetie”.

“well, I haven´t eaten any non-organic food in days so this- yeah this is gonna hit. where the fuck did you get this?” you asked, before taking a sip of the coke. she liked it, watching you savor something, the way you licked your lips after, “well, unlike you poor souls I have a car here. I can drive to the nearest town whenever I want”, “oh so thats what you do when you sneak off? go have fun elsewhere?”, she shook her head, “no fun, just pragmatics, I am kind of picky with my food, so, yeah, I like stocking up on stuff I can make myself”. “hm. interesting. wanna take me with you sometime?” you asked, batting your eyelashes at her. “absolutely not, no favoritism and no outside-work shit, you know that”, it was bullshit and you both knew it, what was going on in that moment was the definition of favoritism, but you played along, “damn. your a hard-ass huh?”, licking some of the chocolate that had melted onto your fingers, her eyes drawn to your mouth yet again, her composure getting a hard hit, yet again, “only now noticing are you?”.

“well. they´ll be back in like three hours so… you´re free to do as you please now”. “right. I can stare at a wall and bore myself to death”, she was amused, something about your dry humor matched hers, it felt familiar, “or, maybe, just a thought, you could enjoy the surroundings?”. she had a point,“I know but, the novelty has kinda worn off there”, she knew what you meant, you spent day and night under those trees, it wasn´t exactly thrilling to spend a few hours sitting there, “right. have you ever been up on the hill? the one behind the lake?”, “no, is it cool?”, “kinda, yeah, you can see pretty far from there and there´s a bench there”, you grinned, “so your secret spot?”, a shrug, a smile that gave away the answer, “sort of. but, I´d make an exception for an injured person”.

“you can put weight on it, right?”, she looked at you, that uninterrupted kind of attention that you weren´t used to, her gaze seemingly never flickering somewhere else when she was talking to you, with you. “yeah, wait let me see” you placed your foot on the floor, she instinctively held out her arm, so you could put your hand there, “it´s okay, doesn´t hurt”, she seemed relieved, still, she monitored your walk as you went towards the door, she could tell were a bit tentative still, which made her feel more protective than she should have, you weren´t dealing with a broken leg, you were fine, but she cared about you, genuinely, and for her it was rare to feel that way, so inevitably, she made it her job of sorts to look out for you.

the way up the hill wasn´t long and she made you go in front of her once the path started inclining, to prevent any possible tripping falling, and also. if she´d met you in a dating context, in a context outside of work, that would have been the moment for her to say “let me carry you, come on” to show off her strength, to feel you against her back, holding onto her while she´d have her hands on your thighs to support you.

she liked it when the kids' eyes went wide when she showed off her capabilities, but she missed it, having a woman to impress, having someone to maybe turn on with it. instead, she just watched you, the sight of your bandaged leg somehow deepening the tenderness she already felt for you, the sudden desire to kneel down and kiss your skin above the wound. eventually, you reach the bench and both sat down, you a bit more winded than her, catching your breath as you said “oh, yeah this is nice” while realizing how far you could look, almost all the way to the town nearby.

for a moment you both just sat there and enjoyed the silence, the sounds of various birds, the moderate heat of a summer day that wouldn´t be unbearably but pleasantly hot, until she spoke up, “you know. this is a bit.. well not ideal, but I usually come up here to smoke” you were being trusted with a secret, you could tell, she obviously smoked up there because everywhere else a kid could see her, make a big deal out of it, tease her for it, it was clear that she wouldn´t give anyone a clue about her vices, except, you in that moment, and you wanted to think that she wouldn´t just do it with any of her employees, that not all of them were aware of her habit, “okay, not a problem with me”, you said, nonchalantly, so she raised her eyebrows, “you don´t mind?”, you shook your head “no, not at all”.

within seconds she had her lighter and a half empty pack in her hands, quickly lighting one and taking a first drag that gave away that it had probably been a few days, a deep exhale as she leaned back and looked different than usual, more like the private version of herself, more like she probably looked around friends or lovers, her posture softer, her demeanor less intimidating. you had to be careful not to stare because she looked hot smoking, the way nonchalant blew smoke in the opposite direction of your face, which made you laugh, “it´s okay you know, you can face me”, she turned to you then, tilting her head, a challenging look, “you want me to shotgun you, huh?” she joked, leaning a bit closer to you before taking another drag. “sure, I wouldn´t mind” you said, a bit too earnestly, a beat of silence then, she shook her head, exhaling a bit closer to your face then, “you´re funny”, almost like she was saying it to herself, not to you.

somehow, the scent of tobacco suited her, the woods around had an earthy smell anyway, it kinda matched it, a scent profile that added to her slightly masculine air, she seemed at home in the woods, they too were imposing and dangerous in some way, but comforting and still too, it reflected her, you could tell why she´d ended up there and she could tell that you were looking at her side profile, and she let you, her arm behind you on the bench, a tranquil feeling, an unusual silence, no shrieks from kids, nothing, just you there, the awareness of your body close to hers a warm, revitalizing sensation.

“can I ask you something?” she eventually said, turning her attention back to you as you were fussing with your bandage a bit, her hand gently pulling it away, so you´d leave it alone, a hint of that caring dominance that made her so alluring to you.

“sure, whatever you want” , you were hoping for something juicy, but she wasn´t that careless, “why´d you come here?”, she asked, genuine interest in her eyes. you thought about it, a brief pause, her body turned more to you then. “well. to be honest, I didn´t wanna stay in my college town and I didn´t wanna go back home either, so. thought a job might be good, get away from everything. and so far, seems that I had the right idea”. she nodded, considering that, “makes sense yeah. you do seem like you´ve been here for much longer than a week. would you come back again next year?”.

that was not what you expected her to ask, “already offering me an extension of the contract?” you said, a smile, slightly playful, she nodded, “yes, actually I am, because we don´t get new people here too often, and you´re good. would be one less job application bullshit to go through next year. besides, some of the kids will come back, and they like you, so, win-win”, you almost asked her “and you? you want me to come back too?” but the subtext was already there, you knew she wanted you to, and you knew she wouldn´t admit it. “sure, I mean, I don´t see why not. unless of course.. I fall madly in love and wanna go be an annoying happy couple on vacation” you joked, which made her laugh then, “oh sure, feel free to cancel on us if that happens, wouldn´t wanna get in the way of love” her tone was dripping in irony and you smiled to yourself, glad that you´d found a way to signal to her that you were in fact not currently in a relationship, which she´d figured before, but it felt good for her to have it confirmed, too good, she suppressed the joy that could have been read on her face then, had she been less careful.

“I´m kinda glad that I could turn around to be honest” you said, stretching your limbs a bit and enjoying the peaceful vibe, she turned to you, “ah, let me guess, Marc and Carla, trouble in paradise earlier, huh?”. you turned to her, of course nothing passed her by,“oh so you picked up on that? that fucking dating drama” you asked, she nodded, an amused expression as she also leaned back, “oh yeah, they´ve worked here for years, they go to different colleges and always have this dramatic on and off thing going on all summer here. they´re good with the kids, so I don´t care, but I imagine it gets a bit.. tiring when you´re working together, huh?”.

you nodded, “yeah, a few days ago some girl warned me not to be too friendly with him because they´re both always crazy jealous. which is so.. like how old are we? but Carla sized me up and decided that I wasn´t competition, so”, she furrowed her brows, “really, that was her verdict there?”, her surprise was a giveaway, the subtext clearly being “if I was him, you´d be competition, for sure, she should be jealous if she saw you talking to me, because I´d maybe ditch her for you”. something along those lines was in there, so she changed the subject,“well, good for me I don´t have to deal with any of that, so”, you nodded, “yeah lucky you. but I stay out of it too, all of that is not my style, I´m not into the whole public dating mess, I like it to be a bit more.. well, private guess.”, “clever girl” she said, her eyes briefly closed, the sun hitting her face.

that was the first time she´d heard you express a preference dating wise, and it didn´t escape her, that you were basically saying “I don´t mind keeping it a secret”, which was exactly what you two would have to do, if it ever came to anything. she was also relieved that you seemingly had no interest in any of them, because she had no way of knowing what went on when she wasn´t around, who you might sneak out for during the night. you were both saying thing without actually saying them, and it was a bit too exciting, the air was a bit too charged, so before anything worse could come out of her mouth, before she´d really slip up and ask something like “so, what´s your type then?” or “have any of them tried shit with you?”, she interrupted the silence, slapped her knees, and signaled that the time up there was up.

“okay, come on, let´s go back, you should go lay down and rest for a while, you did take a bit of a fall there. gotta have you fit again for tomorrow”, so you got up too and let her help you, yet again, even though you could walk perfectly fine on your own, she let you link arms with her, your supposed unsteadiness a good cover for the casual intimacy, the way you were touching without assigning it any other meaning than “she needs a little help getting down the hill” when it wasn´t about that, at all. you felt yourself enjoying it, the feeling of her flannel, soft against your bare arm, the faint smell of smoke lingering on her, watching her from time to time as she spoke, her eyes pretty in the midday sun, your gaze constantly drawn back to them to figure out if they were light green or blue or both.

you were near your cabin then, so she turned to face you, and it hit both of you at the same time, that the vibe was the exact same as at the end of a date, that charged, slightly awkward moment of “are we gonna kiss? should I go in for the hug? should I do anything at all? is she gonna?”.

you hadn´t even thought about it but the previous hour or so you´d spent together was far off from any professional exchange, it was tinged with something intimate, the feeling of dancing around someone as you´re figuring out if a crush is requited, so for a moment you both just stood there staring at each other, waiting, until she found way to bring the mood to a more neutral one again, at least slightly, “so, you go and rest, and after dinner come back to my place for a moment, so we can switch that out for a band-aid” she pointed at your shin, “that will be nasty after a shower, so”. she was thinking ahead more than you were, that practicality hadn´t crossed your mind at all, and in a way you thought, “is she looking for an excuse to see me again?” because she could have just told you to ask someone from the team for a bandaid later, surely someone would´ve had one, but she specifically told you to come to her. it was not clear, but you felt like reading into it, so you did, allowing yourself a bit of hope as you nodded, “sure, yeah I´ll come over when I´m done showering”.

after you parted ways, you didn´t even take off your shoes before laying down on your bed, your legs dangling off the edge as you dozed off, half-asleep as you tried to cling to the sensation of sitting next to her, talking to her, the giddiness that she made you feel without even trying.

you had vague dreams about her, fantasies that you´d briefly indulged in playing out in your mind as you slept, you and her sitting next to each other at some assembly, her touching you under the table, in the dream you were lovers, you could tell, from the smile she gave you, the kind that said “can´t wait to be in private with you again”. when you woke up from the noise of everyone returning to camp, you were groggy and hot from the vision you´d just had, disoriented until you looked at your bandaged leg and realized what day it was, what had happened.

for the next few hours, the girls you were responsible for all doted on you as if you´d broken your leg, even though you could walk just fine, you could tell they loved acting like little caretakers for that afternoon, bringing you water and snacks and presenting you with flowers they´d brought back from the hike. until dinner you were busy with all that, and then, after you´d all eaten and you were done showering, you found yourself growing nervous because it was time to go over to Tess´s place. you took more time than other nights when picking out what to wear to bed, you looked at yourself in the mirror for longer, until you told yourself to stop making it all bigger than it was, that you were just going to her to get your injury checked up on, and yet, you felt the jitteriness you would have felt before a date, not the kind you´d feel before a doctor´s appointment, hope bubbling up inside of you, not dread.

on your way over, the evening air did help a bit with relaxing and getting yourself together, until you knocked on her door and she opened it looking different than you´d seen her any of the days before, a shock to your system. Tess leaned against the doorframe, dressed in baggy plaid shorts that reached until her mid-thigh, vaguely reminiscent of boxer shorts, a white t-shirt that was worn out in way that made the fabric hug her figure perfectly without being tight at all, and, you realized that for the first time you were seeing her without shoes, just a pair of white socks that went up over her ankles. the white accentuated her tan and it was clear that she´d also just gotten done showering because her skin was glowing, her face looked younger somehow, her hair was down, and that first glimpse of her alone was enough to feel nervous again, you were seeing her the way lovers would see her if they came over at night, it was intimate in a way, to see each other like that, and she didn´t let it show, but she had similar feelings after she said “hey there” and waved you in, a brief flicker of her gaze over your body when you walked inside ahead of her, glad that she had an excuse to touch you.

the vibe of her place at night was even better than during the day, she´d lit a few candles and a round orange lamp cast the living room in a soothing warm light. she saw you looking over at the kitchen, so she said “oh, you can just sit on the couch, it won´t take long”. you almost said “please take as long as you want” but stopped yourself and did as she told you, taking your place, sinking into the cushion, your hands on your knees, another look around the room as she went to her bathroom and got everything she needed. you briefly talked about the rest of the day when she returned, you telling her “the girls tried to play nurse with me”, which made her smile, a glance down to where you were sitting as she approached you, “they´re trying to take my job, huh”, more of that hope you´d felt earlier, you could feel that something was in the air, it was more intense than earlier.

“so, how is it, does it hurt still?” she asked as she knelt down next to you and used a small pair of scissors to carefully cut off the bandage that had gotten damp in the shower, a shake of your head, “no, I think it´s fine”, already a warm expression on your face because you loved being tended to by her, it was not what you were used to, to have someone take care of you like that, even just in small ways, it didn´t feel small, to see the concern in her eyes when she removed the bandage, and said “okay, there´s some bruising here. but the wound itself doesn´t look too bad without the blood, I don´t think it will scar” she almost added “either way, a scar wouldn´t take away from your beauty”. for a moment she held your leg still, taking in the sight of the purple and red bruises below your knee that would soon turn green, a sting in her chest, the urge to lean in and kiss the tender skin, a brief moment of wishing she could just throw caution out of the window and ask you to stay the night, so she could take care of you, hold you, whatever you wanted her to do.

instead, she cleared her throat and reached over to peel the plastic off the bandaid and placed it so that I wouldn´t crease or come off too easily, her fingertips light as she was focused on final act of medical care for you.

she had no idea how affectionately you looked at her the entire time she knelt before you, too busy with what her hands were doing, but after she said “okay good, all done here” and gave you a light pat on your thigh, she saw a trace of it in your eyes, you weren´t hiding it well, and maybe you weren´t even trying anymore.

she got up and knew that that was the moment where she should say “okay then. have a good night and I will see you tomorrow!”, she knew what she “should” have done, but just like you, she was growing increasingly worse at caring about all of that, it was simple: she liked having you there and you obviously liked being there, so she wouldn´t interrupt that moment, not yet.

her rationality was fading into the background as her body, her spirit took over. Tess had gone so long without close relationships, without even so much as a crush or a fling, that she had convinced herself she was fine without it, but being confronted with you had shattered that belief. it felt like she´d lived in a perpetual dark landscape for a while and had told herself that it was fine that way, that her eyes were well-adjusted to, only to be stunned by a sudden light, drawn in by it, warmed by it. it was pointless to tell herself “you´re her boss, make her leave, stop this”. she stood there for a moment but went to sit down on the other side of the couch quickly after, careful to leave some distance. as she sat down, you stretched your limbs and groaned lightly, your muscles a bit sore from the days of outdoor activity, and she felt her whole face go hot when she caught a glimpse of your midriff. “fucking hell” she thought, when you leaned back and your shirt rode up from your attempt to alleviate some tension, thankful when you pulled it back down and got comfortable, turning to face her.

she wasn´t trying to look hot but she did anyway, there was no position she could have sat in that would have made you enjoy the view less, so you gave her a genuine smile, and started a conversation.

“so. what do you do here all night?” you asked, glancing around the room. her face gave away that she was amused, and you realized that it had come out a bit suggestively, “well I mean-”, she finished the question for you, “you mean, what do I do with all my alone time here?”, you nodded, “yes. you never have guests or anything, right?”, she shook her head, “no. just me”, unsure if it was relief that she could read in your expression, relief over her clear lack of a dating life.

“do you drink?” you asked then, which made her laugh, “you think I need to get drunk to enjoy my own company, hm? I´m that insufferable?”, you rolled your eyes, “you know what I mean”, she liked it, riling you up a bit, she´d always done it with girls she had a thing for. “yeah, I mean, sure I drink, I smoke, as you know, moderately. but I am not all that different than you guys, I download films and shows when I am in the office building, I watch some stuff here and there, or I read, sit outside when it´s a nice evening, or.. you know, just stare at the walls and lose my mind” she added, while crossing one leg over the other, her hand on her thigh, her body titled towards you, her demeanor completely different than during the day. there was something open and soft about her at that hour, something you hadn´t seen outside of her place, and it was predictably just as attractive to you, if not more.

“hm, sounds kinda nice to me. I mean, I do get the appeal of all of this” you said with a slightly wistful tone, clearly insinuating that your life back in college was less vitalizing for your spirit, less relaxing, she liked the sound of that, since she didn´t know what you really thought about your job, “yeah? that´s good. so, your verdict after the first week is not that you don´t feel horrible dread at the idea of being here all summer?” she said, nudging your arm briefly, reckless, she shouldn´t have touched you, shouldn´t have given you another taste, your eyes changed, a sparkle, “yes, for sure. I mean, on my first day I was kind of stunned by my weird decision to come here, I won´t lie, but I´m glad I did, it´s good for me I think”, that first part made her laugh, she was playing with the hem of her shorts absentmindedly, her fingers running over her own skin, your gaze drawn down there. “yeah you are kind of different than the others, makes sense that you felt a bit out of place initially”.

“different? like in a freak way?” you teased, of course you knew that she was trying to say that you occupied a special place in her mind, that she was admitting to you that you were unique in her eyes, but you also knew the way to get to her was through humor, through indirect flirting. she nodded, visibly pleased by the vibe that was slowly building up between you, “sure, yeah that´s what I meant, you´re odd as hell”.

for a moment you both smiled to yourselves, silence until she realized that while you were there, she might as well be a good host, “i´ts kinda warm still, do you want something to drink?” you nodded, glad that she seemed to be in no hurry to make you leave, “yeah, sure”. while she went over to the kitchen, you looked at the coffee table and saw a half empty pack of sour candy, which was kind of endearing to you, the fact that she of all people had a sweet tooth. you grabbed the bag to put a few of them in your mouth, chewing and enjoying the intense flavor with a hint of mischief in your eyes when she came back with two opened cans of soda.

“oh sure, just go ahead, feel free” she said, trying to sound annoyed but failing miserably, way too charmed by the way you sat there and licked the sugar off your lips. “is she doing that un purpose?” she thought. the thing that made it so hard for her to resist you, was the you seemed so at ease around her. nothing turned her off faster than apprehension, Tess might have come across as aggressive at times, but with other women, she was anything but that, she had to be sure that someone wanted to pursued in order to do it. she had never been the type to beg people or to run after them, nothing killed the mood for her like a feeling of “is she actually into me?”. so, seeing you lounge on her couch like it was your own, obviously glad to be there, all smiley and content, it made her wonder “why am I holding back exactly? I know what would make her even happier right now”.

you put the bag down and took the drink from her, a polite “thank you very much”, followed by a big sip and a sigh, the orange taste a nice mix with the peach flavor of the candy you´d just eaten. you briefly pressed the cold metal to your cheek, a nice contrast on a summer night. it made Tess look over at you with a mix of desire and tenderness, she was painfully aware of your body, and you of hers, all of your talking was just a thin veil over the reason you were really sitting there: to watch each other. to feel each other close. to get a rush from it all.

you were both hyper-sensitive to everything about each other, the way your bare skin looked in the dim light, that space on your thighs where your shorts stopped, your voices lower and quieter than during the day, easy to get turned on by, your faces glowing from the mix of sun-exposure and a fresh shower, a distinct scent to the both of you that the other was able to pick up on. you tried not to stare at her hands, she tried not to stare at your legs, while you both drank and stayed quiet, which only made the tension worse each passing second.

she was the one to speak again, “you´re kinda hard to figure out, you know” she said, eyeing you with interest. “I could say the same thing” you responded, your tone unmistakably flirty by that point, she smiled, trying to look unfazed, even though she was close to breaking. “well, that´s not your job sweetie, I´m the one in charge, I should know what I am working with”. the way she said that went straight to your core, the way she invoked her authority only made you want her more, an undeniable thrill at the thought of making her cross a boundary she normally wouldn´t.

“well, I am not hiding anything” you went on, taking another sip of the drink before setting it down on the table and moving closer to her when sitting back again, she noticed and felt her heartbeat speed up, her face grow hot. she shook her head, a faint scoff, “I don´t buy that for a second. everyone hides some things.” you challenged her, sensing the sudden opening in your dynamic, the threshold you wanted to cross so desperately, “what is that you´re hiding then?”, she smiled, stubbornly fighting back against your attempt to catch her off guard, “we were talking about you, not me”.“I´d prefer to talk about you though”, you wouldn´t let it go, she´d have to be meaner to get you to back off.

Tess was quiet for a second, you looked at her, she seemed to be debating something, and you felt it, that you were both close to losing your composure. your bodies betrayed you, you were both breathing too heavy to mask your thoughts.

you knew her, you knew she would not allow herself to make the first move, you´d have to show her what you wanted, so you pushed your nervousness aside and tried on shamelessness instead.

you moved closer to her side of the couch and brushed her leg with yours, a complete change in her expression, immediately, she didn´t know you had it in you, wasn´t prepared for it, for any of the things you made her feel. for once in her life, she felt weak. she uttered your name under her breath as you touched her thigh, her eyes shut for a second, but the way she said it didn´t sound like a warning, it sounded like a plea, like she was saying “come here”.

so, finally, you leaned forward and grabbed her face to kiss her.

for a second, she didn´t move, didn´t do anything, she wanted to feel you come onto her, wanted to make you work for it, your kiss eager and lingering, a pause before you realized that she wasn´t gonna push you off, didn´t want you to stop, then another kiss, waiting for to join in, and all of a sudden, there was complete change to her, like you´d turned on a switch, like her whole body woke up at once.

“yes”, you thought, “this is what I wanted”: she grabbed your face and kissed you back, a confidence and ease to her kissing, that made you weak in the knees, her lips warm against yours, impossible to keep it tame, a needy sound from you, that made her need you even closer, so she grabbed your thigh and pulled you onto her lap, not fully straddling her but draped over her, the kissing turning more desperate by the second, your tongues touching, hot and sweet, your tastes swirling into one as you made out.

you moved your hips and felt yourself growing impatient, you were burning up for her, you wanted more, so you climbed fully onto her, her hands on your waist, a groan from her as you leaned forward and pushed your fingers into her hair, to tilt her head and kiss her again, your lips swollen red by that point, the divine sensation of her bare thighs under yours turning you on even more. she nearly lost her mind from the feeling of you moving on top of her, her hands roaming over your back under your shirt. the moment she did that, you pulled away out of breath and helped her out, tearing it off to reveal your upper body in its naked for to her, and the way she looked at you then was enough to want to give yourself over to her entirely, there was both reverence and hunger in her eyes, something soft and violent at once, “you´re so fucking beautiful…” she whispered, out of breath, before she pulled you close and kissed your neck, your head thrown back, pure bliss as she covered your entire neck in kisses, ran her tongue over the sensitive spot under your jaw, slowly making her way down, her hands grabbing your tits as she did this, eliciting soft moans.

you felt bold and sighed “wanna put them in your mouth?”. Tess didn´t hesitate, she´d always been into it, always had a thing for it, and it had been too long, so you saying that made her abandon all restraint. she put her mouth to one of your tits while gently squeezing the other, kissing at first, before circling your nipple with her tongue, a whine from you that made her want to hear more, so she sucked on it, hard enough to make you fear you might just cum from that, a heat between your legs, a throb, a sudden helplessness to you as she switched between sucking and kissing your tits, self-indulgent, lost in the softness of it, the bliss of having you unravel on top of her, giving you pleasure from something that brought herself pleasure too, deeply. she held back with biting because she knew you´d wear a bikini out again and didn´t need a hickey there, but the desire to bruise you was there, the desire to leave her mark, you could tell, from the hums of pleasure that escaped her, the slight pain from being sucked raw by her.

eventually you grew sick with lust, so she stopped and faced you, soothing you in your state of utter need, “you good?” her lips glistening with her own spit, you nodded, your voice cracked and husky, “yeah, so good.. I just. fuck-” you held onto her arms, “can we go to your room please?” you said, followed up by another “please”, no chance of being subtle, you wanted her, badly. she nodded, also worked up and fighting an ache at her core, that was growing unbearable, that could only be relieved by getting more of you. “yes, come, let me take care of you”. you climbed down from her and she grabbed your hand to lead you to her bedroom, neither of you registering a single thing about your surroundings, overwhelmed by that unfathomable heat rushing your system, painful and in the most exhilarating way, that moment right before getting what you wanted, almost sick with anticipation, your bodies vibrating with it, the thought “finally, finally, finally she´s mine”.

once you were in her room you quickly pushed down your shorts, not even waiting for her to help, your underwear too, no need to pretend or wait any longer. the second you were fully nude, she found herself at a loss. your body was perfectly lit by a small lamp on her bedside table, your silhouette like you were a vision of an angel, she stared in awe, forgetting for a second that she was allowed to touch you, that you were waiting for it, that everything she´d dreamed of was being offered to her.

you sat down on the edge of the bed and waited for her to come over to you. you looked at her as she took her place, standing between your legs, her hands on either side of your face, your eyes soft and docile as you stared up at her, a smile of disbelief on her face as she pushed her hands up into your hair and watched you surrender to her touch, your head tilted back, your throat exposed, inviting, everything about the picture of eager submission. “god, you´re fucking perfect” she whispered, caressing you, watching you lean into it,“are you really sure about this?” she asked then, unwilling to do a single thing you weren´t truly dying for, an instant nod from you, a pleading tone, “yes, I need this, I need you, I´ve wanted this all week” you confessed, almost stumbling over your words, a nod from her as you grabbed her waist then and pulled yourself forward, towards her, your fingers moving to the hem of her shirt, a brief sound of protest from her.

“please let me see you, you´re so beautiful”, you begged, and she was defenseless against that, so she pulled her shirt up and pulled down her shorts, which left her in her underwear and bra, a simple black one, that revealed more of her cleavage than you´d ever seen out during the day, your hands immediately on her sides, sliding down, a shiver as she felt you touch her bare skin. you were in awe the same way she had been before, the sight of her strong upper body, her subtly defined abs, the point where her waist dipped in slightly, the warmth and softness of her skin, it all surpassed what you´d dreamed of, and she could tell, so she gently pushed you back against the bed, waiting for you to move and lay back, so she could climb over you. the moment you were on your back, she moved on top of you, your body flush against hers then, your hands on her neck as you went in for another kiss, desperate as you felt her chest pressed against yours, her thighs brushing yours, the full body contact driving you insane. you held onto her as you started making out, an instant rhythm, your hips moving up, hers pressing down, whimpers and sighs as you kissed and grew needier and needier, grinding up against each other, savoring the complete melting together of your bodies.

for a few minutes you got lost in the heat of kissing, desperate to draw out the sweet feeling of a makeout that grew more and more uninhibited and intimate each second, a slow, nasty kind of kissing that was enough to make you both moan into each others mouths without shame, a delicious friction where your hips kept meeting, where your thighs were rubbing together, she moved her hands from your face to your chest and that broke the kiss because you were too worked up, too turned on from her kneading your tits, so she moved her lips to your neck instead, pleased by your sighs, your nails lightly scratching her back.

Tess couldn´t wait any longer, so she looked at you and whispered “I wanna taste you, do you want me to?”, an instant “yes, please”, there was nothing you wanted more in that moment, both of you were dying for it, so she moved herself down between your legs and kissed your thighs while settling down between them, gently pushing them apart to have enough space, a few light bites to your inner thigh. you leaned back and tried not to sound too pathetic already, deep breaths as you surrendered to her.

the second her tongue touched you, you whined, so she caressed your thighs and looked up at you. she was starved, for the taste, the scent, the feeling, so she took her time, a slow up and down movement of her tongue between your lips, a few kisses in between, broad strokes to work you up, before she felt you growing impatient and spread you open, her mouth on you as she pushed her tongue in deeper, building up a rhythm that was intense but not too fast yet, exactly what you needed to lay back and relax, to open your legs a bit wider and sink into the heavenly feeling.

she knew what she was doing, you could tell, from the start you felt free to let go and enjoy yourself, unselfconscious as you moaned quietly, her fingers firm on your thighs as she got into it and made sounds of pleasure herself, she was clearly not just doing it to please you but to please herself too, you could feel it, from how she switched between licking and sucking, from how she lapped up your wetness with devotion, that she was the type to eat pussy out of her sheer need for the taste, the sensation of being slick with someones cum, and her eagerness only turned you on more, your hips bucking up as she increased the pressure and speed, sloppy, lewd sounds as she got a high from being trapped between your legs, pure heaven for her, to feel your hot and throbbing against her lips, to have you all weak and open like that, to see you spread out on her bed, your chest rising and falling rapidly, your mouth open.

the thing she did then just made you feel even more insane with lust, she grabbed your hands that had been holding onto the sheets, and din´t let go, giving you a reassuring squeeze as you kept holding hands, something deeply romantic and intimate about it, the act of interlacing your fingers with hers while she was focused on making you feel as good as possible. she loved feeling the instant effect of her tongue-fucking from the way your fingers tightened around hers harder when she hit certain spots, a signal for her to stay focused, to be relentless about it, fast flicks of her tongue then, over and over, your cunt raw and pulsing to a point of overwhelm, “fuck, that feels so good”, you praised, breathless, a whispered, “god, you´re a fucking dream” from her before she targeted your clit and applied more pressure, her tongue broad and flat at first, a softer kind of friction, a warmth spreading all the way through you, your hips still moving to meet her mouth, lost in the dream-like feeling of being hidden away in her room, held in place and tended to, then, she only used the tip of her tongue, harder and more intense flicks, that quickly forced louder moans out of you, the sound so hot to her that she involuntarily rocked her hips too.

she let go of your hands then to hold your thighs in place as she kept you from moving up the bed even an inch, sucking on your clit then to really give you the final push, and what she did then was a move you didn´t expect and weren´t prepared for, she interrupted the intense sucking on your clit to bring one of her hands up to your slick core and aggressively rubbed all fingers but her thumb over your sensitive lips and clit, a few seconds of that, a helpless whine from you, a pleading “fuck Tess…”, before she licked over your clit again and kept switching between those two actions in intervals that absolutely wrecked you.

you had no idea where to put your hands, so you ended up squeezing your own tits as she fucked you to a point of ecstasy, eventually returning to only using her tongue when she felt you nearing your orgasm, “fuck, don´t stop, please” you cried, as she sucked even harder than before. her hands gripped you as your back arched up because you felt the climax spreading from your core to the rest of your body with a burning, rapid heat, your muscles all tense, your cunt soaked and throbbing under Tess´s lips, your eyes shut and pathetic moans falling from your lips as you came, your hands in her hair and your hips rocking up to ride it out. she held her tongue in place and got lost in the bliss of feeling you hold her in place, feeling your sweet taste get smeared all over her lips and chin, hums of pleasure as she patiently witnessed your orgasm in all its beauty, your inner thighs soft against her cheeks as you pressed them together, your high-pitched sounds, your naked body all angelic looking in the dim light.

Tess loved few things more than making women cum, it addictive to her, the feeling of pleasing someone so well that they were left all blissed out and speechless, which was exactly how she left you in that moment. once you had tired yourself out and savored the full effects of your finish, you slowly calmed down again, your legs shaking and your whole body on fire as you went slack and tried to catch your breath. Tess was still between your legs, looking up at you with a satisfied smile before she kissed your inner thighs, softly, while whispering “such a sweet girl, hm”, lost in a feverish affection for you, out of breath and turned on to a point of soaking her underwear from all the sounds you´d just made for her.

after a moment of gentle care, she moved up to sit next to where you were laying and put her hand to your cheek, a smile from you then, “that felt really good” you said, genuine, unable to make any jokes, she smiled back at you, her hand traveling down to your chest. she could tell from the way you were moving your legs a bit, from the slight restlessness, that you might not be fully done yet, a gentle tone as she asked, “do you want a bit more?”.

you were worn out but not to an unpleasant degree, and you did want to keep going, so you nodded, a hand on her arm, “yes. might need a bit of help though” you laughed a quiet laugh that made her heart melt, she was determined then, “I´ll give you all the help, don´t you worry, I´ve got this. come on, sit up for me” she gave your thigh a light slap and moved to the middle of the bed to kneel. “come here” she beckoned you towards her and didn´t have to say it twice, you mirrored her position and got on your knees too, right across from her, your hands on her shoulders for support. she looked at you, her hands on your waist for a second, “you wanna ride my fingers? would you like that, hm?”, she would never push you to do anything you didn´t feel thrilled about, so she made sure, but you were eager, “yes, please”, so she leaned closer and breathed against your lips as she put her hand to where you were still wet and slowly pushed two of her fingers into you, a gasp from you, a tightening of your hands on her arms. “you good?” she asked, “yeah, keep going”, you breathed, needy and desperate to feel her inside of you. Tess knew how to do it, she let you adjust to it as you felt yourself stretching around her, until she was knuckle deep and kept her hand still for a moment, so you could find a good position, a whining sound, a sighed “fuck..” as you slowly started moving. the thing that drove you insane almost immediately was that she wrapped her free arm around your lower back to hold you close and support you, that tender care she always showed even while dominating, a reassuring grip on you as you were face to face and you fucked yourself on her fingers, trying to see what pace to go at, your eyes shut, a deep ache at your core that was even more intense from all the stimulation you´d gotten before. you were still raw and it made her fingers slide in and out with an ease, the sensation of the hot, soft inside of your cunt, the wetness all over her fingers, enough to make Tess lose her mind too, her lips parted, her mind taken over by the thought “I´m gonna die from this, she´s too beautiful”.

you threw your head back and found an angle that made her fingers hit you at the exact right spot, so you let her hold you as you moved your hips, that were sore by that point. she was cooing at you, her tone soft as she said “that´s it, keep going sweetie”, her fingers curling up inside of you to help you out, to hit your weak spot, overwhelmed by the dream-like feeling of having you so close, in that utterly vulnerable state, all hers to please and admire.

you clung to her, a cry as you felt yourself lose all composure, “fuck, fuck, Tess” a kiss to your cheek from her then, whispered encouragements, “I know, shh, it´s okay, I got you, breathe”, she could tell that you weren´t in pain but fully lost in the intense pleasure of it all, so she talked you through it and held you tight, her hand firmly between your legs, never moving away, letting you use her fingers however you wanted, your hips more frantic as you chased another orgasm, both of you at risk of thinking you were in love then, as you breathed heavy in unison and felt each other´s body heat radiating, smelled each other´s scent, a dizzying mix of being freshly showered but sweat-striken, a hint of sweetness to it, her lips on your neck, taking it in, kissing you where you had given her perfect access from leaning back against her arm, your head turned to the ceiling.

“fuck I´m close” you sighed, followed by a serious of moans, which made her tighten her arm around your back, “good, I wanna see you cum again, pretty girl” she breathed, watching you intently, which gave you a final push, her intense gaze, her steadiness and strength as you took your hand and rubbed your clit to really finish hard, a mess by that point. the second climax was less violent but somehow deeper in your core, an intense shudder as you felt yourself clenching around her fingers and moved your hand away to hold onto her neck, your hips slowing down until you were truly exhausted and put your head on her shoulder for a second. she slowly moved her fingers out of you and wrapped her arms around your back to support you during the aftershocks, your limbs soft, your body hot, a content sigh, that made her rub her hands up and down and whisper, “you good now, hm? enough?”. you gave a tired laugh and peeled yourself away from her chest to face her, to give her a kiss, the taste of you still faintly on her lips. “it´s hot that you´d keep going, but if you did more right now I´d pass out” you said, which she took as a compliment, a pleased smile, watching you as you crawled back towards the pillows and slumped down onto your back, your eyes shut for a second, bliss written all over your face.

Tess moved up from the bed then, to open the window next to her nightstand and let some fresh air in. during sex she´d never keep it open, but it was safe to do it when you were just talking, since the other cabins were far away and her bedroom window faced the forest.

afterwards, she claimed the empty side of the bed, laying on her side as she looked at you, her finger tracing your outline, enamored by your post-sex glow, the relaxation and joy you excluded, the knowledge that she had it in herself to make you feel that way, the urge to do it all over again, as soon as possible. you felt similarly struck by your intense affection for her and reached out to take her hand, laying it on your stomach and turning to get a better view of her, her beautiful, strong physique in just her underwear, your leg draped over hers to have some skin contact.

you both looked at each other then and shared a smile that said “what even is there to say right now?” because nothing seemed like a proper way to just start talking again after everything that had just happened, after your lives had drastically changed in just under an hour.

“you want me to be obsessed with you, don´t you?” you asked, which made her laugh, a faux-bashful batting of her eyelashes at your admission that she was a great lover. “couldn´t hurt. I mean, now that I have broken my rule of not getting involved with anyone who works here, might as well do it right, go all in”. the way your face lit up when you realized what she´d just implicitly told you, was incredibly sweet to her, the apparent relief you felt over being special in that way, a bit of pride in there too maybe. you leaned closer to her then, “wait, really? you never did this before, ever?”, she shook her head, amused by your disbelief, flattered by your belief that she might be a bit of a player, “no, and that´s why I kind of lost my fucking mind this week, because I thought I was fine on my own but uh… turns out celibacy really isn´t for me after all.” that made you smile, “I´m glad I could help then” you joked, playing with her hair a bit, she nodded, a caress over your side.

you both could have asked each other a million things then, but it was not the moment for that yet, you wanted to let your intimacy expand in that warm, dark room, to use the time you had in private for wordless affection, to bask in the glow of that first revelation as new lovers.

your strength had come back, so you moved on the bed and got on top of her, your legs on either side of her thighs, smiling down at her, her hands on your waist, as you saw how much she liked having you on herself like that. “you´re killing me you know” she whispered, “am I?” you said, grinning, before leaning down and kissing her neck, a sigh from her, a moment of you being in charge and making her feel good, before she grew too hot from the feeling of your lips and tongue on her pulsepoint and pulled you down, to have you laying on her, her arms firm around your back. the second she did that, you gladly surrendered, your cheek against her chest, the front of your body full engulfed in her warmth, a deeply soothing feeling, a soft gust of wind in the room, the faint sound cicadas outside, a moment that you wished you could live in forever.

she spoke, quietly, her voice low, “I wish you could sleep here”, a sigh after. you knew why you couldn´t of course, but you wanted her to know you also desperately wished you could stay, “I can´t?” you said, your tone dramatic, clearly overdoing it, which made her smile. she traced patterns on your back. “I mean, if you want me to lose my job, feel free to get caught leaving my place tomorrow morning”, that made you laugh, reminded of the fact that you were technically doing something that was considered scandalous and fucked up, even though it felt so pure and sacred. “oh I´d just take the fall for you, don´t you worry. I´d say I drugged you or something”.

Tess laughed, she loved having someone with her who matched her humor effortlessly, “okay easy on the savior complex, I appreciate the sentiment though. but we´ll just have to get creative, we´ll find ways, I will think of something”, you agreed, eager and emphatic, “yes, exactly. and sneaking around is kinda hot, isn´t it?”. Tess knew what you meant, it did add a layer of eroticism to it all, the fact that you´d have to restrain yourselves in front of others, “sure, yeah. a bit of torture, why not ”, you looked up at her then,“torture? that bad huh?”, she put her hand on your head, gently, ruffling your hair a bit, “yes. but then again, building up tension could be good. for you.” a suggestive tone, a sparkle of desire in your eyes, “oh I know. looking forward to it”.

you moved up to kiss her then, which ended in her pushing your to the empty side of the bed to have some control again, a lazy, late-night kind of kissing that was slower than before, the tension already relieved, so you could just melt into each other and draw it out, sensual instead of aggressive making out, smiles in between, brief breaks for her to kiss your cheek or for you to kiss her shoulder, a familiarity to it that made it fee like you´d been together many times before. both of you had gone a while without intimacy, so you shared a kind of gratitude and wonder, a feeling of “oh right. this is what I was missing”, a sudden clarity about your deep need for another woman´s care, touch, attention.

eventually, you both realized that it had gotten late, so you knew you´d have to go to her living room and get your clothes. before you could get up to leave the room though, she said “wait, I think I have something you could use”, remembering that you´d shown up in a thin tank top and that it had probably gotten a bit chilly out. you sat at the edge of her bed, still nude, and somehow fully comfortable, her bedroom a safe haven of sorts, the sound of the forest at night, the cozy vibe of the wooden furniture and wood beams on the ceiling, it all made it hard not to sulk over having to leave.

she went over to her wardrobe and reached up to grab something, which gave you a moment to just admire the sight of her back, her shoulder blades, her hair falling down in beautiful waves. “here” she said, as she walked back over to you and handed you a shirt, “nobody´s ever seen me wear this, so, you can keep it”, a conspirative smile. it was a black oversized t-shirt, which was worn out in a way that made it perfectly soft to the touch, you smiled back at her and stood up from the bed to pull it over your head and see how it fell down your body. “look at that, perfect” she said, a nod of approval, very into the idea of you maybe wearing the shirt out and about in the coming days, everyone else blissfully unaware that it was hers. there was certain possessiveness to the pleasure she took in that image.

once you were in the living room again, you quickly went over to the couch and picked your own top up from the floor, while she left you alone for a moment and went over to the kitchen to get a glass of water. she stood at the sink and drank a full glass in seconds, realizing just then how thirsty she had gotten, and filled it up again after to come over and hand it to you. you took it and gulped it down just as fast as her, thinking about how nice it was, to experience a simple intimacy like sharing a glass with someone, she could have given you your own, but she opted for the romantic option, which made you feel hopeful.

something about the way she treated you seemed far from casual or like you were a hook-up to her, it was somehow an unspoken thing between you, that you´d behave like girlfriends even though you weren´t, that you´d skip the awkwardness and guessing games and go straight into the depth of your affection, without fear or shame, without thinking “it won´t last, what´s the point”. there was a generosity in your connection, an immediate willingness to bear the uncertainty and potential heartbreak of being so into each other but so unfit for a proper relationship, there was no question about it, you would not ruin the joy you felt by comparing your affair to something conventional, you were both too glad to finally have someone you felt so seen by, someone you simply liked to be around, as much as possible.

both you and Tess walked towards her front-door after you were done drinking, standing there, face to face, her leaning against the wall, you staring at her, quiet and unsure how to part ways. you wanted to go in for an embrace but weren´t sure if she wanted you to, which she could read in your body language, so she stepped forward and helped you out. she put her arms around your back and felt you relax immediately, your head in the crook of her neck, your hands on her lower back, a satisfied sigh, your eyes closed, as you said “fuck. I really don´t wanna leave”.

she smiled, you could feel her nod, “and I don´t want you to. but, I will think of something for the next few days, we will have time alone again, I will go fucking insane otherwise, so”, you laughed then, you knew that she was strong-willed, so you trusted her to figure it out, besides, you had a few ideas of your own on how to be in private. you stole a bit more time with Tess by staying in her arms for a bit longer, not moving, trying to soak up the last bit of her warmth that you would get that night, until you let her go and put your hands on her shoulders to look into her eyes, deeply, with urgency. “I hope you can tell that this isn´t just some random crush or fling for me. I really like you, Tess”.

it touched her that you were brave enough to spell it out, so she returned the honesty, a tender smile, “I can tell, yes. and it´s the same for me. I wouldn´t just do this for fun, I care about you, in whatever way I can or should. I just want you to feel comfortable, alright?” you put your hands on her face then, “I always feel comfortable around you. that´s why I´m here, I feel good with you”, the plain way you put that went straight to her core, she shook her head and laughed quietly, “okay, you need to go, or I will do something stupid and let you stay”, “well, I´ll go then. let you keep your job for a bit longer”, she nodded, “thank you. very generous. besides-” she pointed behind you at a small clock on the wall “you broke curfew. it´s 10:20”, a grin as she said this. “damn. am I in trouble now?” you joked. she shook her head while stepping forward and whispered “no, I´ll excuse it” before tilting your head back and giving you a soft kiss goodnight.

you both braced yourselves for the separation then, she opened the door for you and felt a cool gust of wind rush into the room, goosebumps as you stepped out onto the porch and put on your shoes that you´d left there. the night sky was dark but a few stars were visible, the forest was both eerie and calming at that hour, it felt cinematic almost, how you both stood there and gave each other a longing last look. “goodnight, sweet dreams” Tess said, leaning against the doorframe the same we she had when she´d let you in earlier, that same confident stance, but a different expression, her feelings for you more transparent, no effort to hide anything anymore. “you too. see you tomorrow” you said, before tearing your eyes away and walking down the few steps to make your way back.

the walk back was bittersweet. you wanted nothing more than to turn right back around and beg her to let you stay. you wanted to get under the covers with her and fall asleep in her arms and wake up in the middle of the night to find that she had her back turned to you and to wrap yourself around her and to to wake up the next morning while she was already in the kitchen making coffee. that would have been the dream. but, there was also something beautiful about having a moment to yourself, to process everything that had just happened, in disbelief as you thought: “she liked me all along. she wanted to kiss me. she wanted to touch me. she wanted to hold me. she wants to do all of it again. she´s mine, for now, she´s all mine.” you almost skipped the steps up to the cabin, giddy and beaming with love. you quietly let yourself in and found all the girls sleeping soundly, so you were careful not to make a sound as you walked to your room, that was located at the very back of the cabin.

while you were doing that, Tess had decided against taking another shower because she wanted everything to linger. she left the glass that you´d drank from on her coffee table, she left the bag of candy right where you´d dropped it, the pillows exactly how you´d abandoned them when you´d gone to her room. every proof that she had of your stay, she wanted to preserve, at least til the morning, to remind herself that it hadn´t all been a dream.

the thing that made falling asleep so heavenly for her that night, was that her bedsheets still smelled like you, not intensely, but enough for her to press her face against the fabric and breathe in with her eyes closed and her mind flooded with flashes of from before, the way you´d looked at her before kissing her, the way your hands felt on her back, the way you sighed for her touch. Tess fell asleep smiling, which was not a regular occurrence.

it took you a while to fall asleep, but for once, it was because being awake was too good to cut it short. you laid in bed, in total silence, the moonlight shining through the curtains, and let your mind wander. it was that unmatched feeling of having such intense feelings for someone that you suddenly loved everyone and everything, out of nowhere, you saw the beauty in your situation, the utter luck you´d had with coming to the place you found yourself in, nothing but slow summer days and sun and fresh air and a life-changing connection ahead of you.

Tess was an early riser, so the next morning she got up around 5:30 and went outside at 6:00 to take her usual walk around the camp grounds.

she loved the solitude of it, the feeling of being the first one to greet the day, the knowledge that she´d notice if anything had disturbed the collective peace over night. it was a stunning start of the day, the sky a muted light blue as the sun rose and a light chill still hung in the air. she was in vintage levis jeans, and a grey t-shirt as she made her way towards the area where most of the cabins were located. she was lost in thought, until she saw something she usually didn´t see: a girl sitting on the steps up to her cabin. at first, she didn´t realize, but then she thought “that´s a bit too good to be true”, because it was you.

you had slept for a good while but eventually you´d become restless and wanted to take a moment to just appreciate the sunrise on your own, similar to her, a dream expression as everything from the night before came rushing back to you, your arms wrapped around your knees, your head resting on them until you spotted her and sat upright. your bright smile gave away that you were just as pleasantly surprised as her to meet again so soon, neither of you had gone outside thinking it would happen, and it was clear from how you both struggled to mask your desire to just run up to each other.

it was painful but also hot in a way, that you could not be too friendly in that moment because other cabin´s windows were facing you, you were out in the open, so you had to keep it cool. Tess walked close enough to balance one of her feet against the lowest step of the small staircase you were sitting on, giving you charged look while casually saying, “up so early, hm?”. you wanted to stand up and kiss her. she could tell, she was thinking the same thing. “yeah, couldn´t sleep for long. eventful night, much to process” you said, leaning back and watching her enjoy the subtext, “is that so?” her hands in her pockets, a smug expression, a nod from you, neither of you breaking eye-contact, the one act of intimacy you were safe to indulge in out in public. “and you?” you asked, “did you sleep well?”.

Tess knew what you wanted to hear, “I did yeah. I was really worn out for some reason” a suggestiveness to the way she said it that made your cheeks flush, already eager to feel her hands on you again. you were both quiet for a second, then she spoke more earnestly, “okay listen-”, she said, which made you perk up and look at her expectantly. “I am driving into town later, and I wondered if you might wanna come with me? I could show you a good place for coffee, I have to buy some stuff, you could tag along, get out of this place for a few hours. just a thought”. she was presenting it in a friendly, unassuming way, like something she might just offer to anyone but you were aware of what she was actually saying “I thought about it and this is the easiest way to get a few hours of time together. complete privacy, out of everyoneone´s sight”. you didn´t expect her to come up with something like that so quickly, but you should have known, she was always a few steps ahead, always reliable and unlikely to disappoint.

you were obviously all-in but you wanted to tease her for a moment, so you leaned back and eyed her with a smug grin, “I remember you saying that you don´t take people with you. no favoritism. no outside work bullshit, if I remember correctly”. she respected it, your cleverness, it turned her on frankly, to be messed with a bit, to be challenged, entertained, “well, I had a change of heart. and I do have a favorite, so, that is over anyway” a light nudge to your shoe from hers, a playful gesture she allowed herself, a second of letting herself be flirty.

you nodded, “you´re taking me on a date then, hm” she immediately shook her head, waving her index finger in the air, “absolutely not. I´m your boss, that would be fucked up”. you liked the game you were playing, it was somehow a good front for just how enamored you were with each other, but it shimmered through, “sure, strictly professional, got it”.

Tess removed her foot from the step then and pulled her hands out of her pockets to stand more securely again, “I leave at 11:30 sharp, so, be in the parking lot by then” she instructed, “I´ll be there” you said, giving her a look that said “I wish I could touch you right now”, her returning it as you both told each other to have a good morning and that you´d see each other later. you watched her walk away and counted down the minutes already.

by 11:25 you made your way up the entrance of the camp and spotted Tess leaning against her car when you exited the gates. again, you couldn´t just go up and be sweet because you were still on the premises, someone could see, so you got into the car after she opened the passenger door for you and waited for her to join. she didn´t waste any time and started the car to pull onto the small winding road. you smiled and eyeed her as she pulled down the window a bit and put on the radio, waiting, patiently. the road was empty, and you were out of everyone´s sight by then, so you leaned over to her and distracted her from driving, your hands on her face to finally give her the first kiss of the day, hard and passionate because you had to keep it short, two brief feathery kisses after the proper one, before you let her go and slumped back into your seat. to know that you were still just as eager for her touch the morning after, that it hadn´t just been a late-night moment of weakness, stunned her for a second. it was still a touch surreal to her that you´d picked her of all people to shower in affection like that.

she breathed out heavily and gripped the steering wheel hard to make sure you were safe, a grin on her face, her cheeks flushed, a glance over at you where she found you looking all happy with yourself. she reached out to touch your thigh then, a gentle caress followed by a squeeze, her eyes back on the road, “I think I don´t mind the whole sneaking around thing if this is what I´ll get from you”. you put your hand on hers, “oh that was nothing. I don´t want you to crash the car so I held back”, she nodded, aware that you weren´t bluffing, that you probably would have climbed right onto her if you could´ve. “sweet, very thoughtful.”

you closed your eyes for a moment and enjoyed the breeze coming in through your window but were ripped out of that relaxed state by a sudden buzz buzz buzz from your phone. it had connected to service again, and you hadn´t bothered to get internet access yet, so the notifications from the past days came popping up on your screen. you pulled it out of your back pocket and Tess took the opportunity to tease you a bit,“girlfriend tryna reach you?”, her tone low. you laughed, “oh yeah, sure”, and held out your phone to her to make her see the unspectacular nature of your lock screen: two messages from your phone provider, one from a college group chat, and one from your mother that was already a few days old, nothing more.

she took a brief glance at it before looking back at the road, a grin before she said, “well, that´s a bit pathetic, isn´t it?”, clearly not actually degrading you, still, you threw her a faux-offended look. “oh let´s see your phone then, miss, I don´t think I have much competition either” she nodded, amused by your attitude, you were right of course. “sure. looks like we ended up like this because we´re both lonely and desperate, huh?”.

you both knew it wasn´t true, you´d have been into each other, even if there´d been other people you were talking to, but it was fun to mess around, so you said, “exactly, two losers”, both of you smiling to yourselves smugly then as you watched the trees passing by, the forest getting thinner as you neared the town.

the drive wasn´t too far, so about fifteen minutes later she pulled into a parking spot and killed the engine. before moving to get out, she looked in the rearview mirror and tried to do something with her hair, to put it up.

it reminded you of that first time you´d seen her in her office, a loving sound to your voice when you said “your hair is very pretty by the way”. it made her smile even though she was struggling with her hair tie, unsure if she should put her hair up all the way or only half. “thank you. I really don´t love it right now, though.” that gave you an idea then, “should I braid it for you? you wanna have it out of your face, right?” you asked, which made her pause what she was doing.

Tess knew how to braid her hair but she wasn´t gonna say that, she liked the idea of having you do it, so she agreed, “okay, yeah, sounds like a good idea”.

you told her to get out of the car because it would work better if you could stand straight behind her, so a few seconds later she was facing away from you as you gently pulled all of her hair back, taking a moment to just feel it soft in your hands, brushing it with your fingers to make sure there weren´t any knots in there. you could tell that she loved it, the sensation of what you were doing, so you took a bit longer than necessary, to part her hair into three even sections, the sound of her barely suppressing a sigh too delicious to speed to process along.

you diligently braided her hair in a way that was not too tight, that would give it a slightly messy look, the way she usually wore it, carefully tying it together at the bottom and giving her an order for once “turn around”. it made her smile, she didn´t mind being bossed around a little, even though that was more her style. once she faced you, you pulled the braid to the front, a move that charmed her, and reached up to add a finishing touch, making her hairline look effortless and natural by pulling two face framing pieces out of the braid, a satisfied look to you then.

“yeah. you look good, suits you” drawing out the “good”, which made her laugh, her hands on your shoulders then, “I could get used to that you know” she said, her expression soft and content, you smiled “I have more where that came from. could give you a proper massage or something”. she raised her eyebrows, her hands still on you, “well, I think I know where that would lead”, you shrugged “and?”, you were bold, yet again, and it did feel good, but she wasn´t gonna fold that easily, “and.. I´m not gonna be on the receiving end so fast”, you didn´t buy it, that she wasn´t into the idea at all, “no?”.

Tess insisted, “no. I´m the giver here, for now”, you felt like pushing her a bit, “damn. I thought I could persuade you. you dont wanna see me on my knees, no?”, she peeled herself away from you then, afraid she might flush from that way of phrasing it, “easy” her tone a bit stronger than,“you do hm, you´d love it”, you liked seeing her a bit flustered, “okay you had your fun here, we should go now” an intense look from her then that made you surrender, still, you were smiling, “I´ll bring it up again eventually, see if your feelings might have changed”. Tess just shrugged it off “sure, you go ahead and try”. secretly she was turned on by it, the feeling of having someone that eager to please her, and she knew you´d have no issue being used by her in a way, to let her have control even when she was the one unraveling, she did feel a heat from the image of you begging to touch her, have her, taste her, it could be really hot she thought, to draw it out, to watch you confess how much you wanted it, the pleasure of returning the favor for her. “we have the whole summer” she thought, “we´ll have some fun”, already dreaming of what you might get up to.

the vibe in town was peaceful and slow, the sun not too intense yet but the light golden and ideal to give the few stores a flair that gloomy weather would have made impossible. the walk to the cafe wasn´t far, so a few minutes later you were ordering your coffees, her paying for both of them as you looked around the room at the few other guests, the rustic but somehow very comforting interior, the windows all open to let fresh air in, a smile permanently frozen on your face because it felt good, to stand in her shadow, to feel what it would be like to be her girlfriend, the casual intimacy of going out for breakfast together.

eventually, you both took your places at a table near the door as she slid a plate over to you, saying “here, eat” while pointing at the pastry she´d gotten, aware that you had only had some fruit earlier that morning, unwilling to let you remain hungry in her presence.

the vibe between you then was sweet and charged with intense infatuation, there was a feeling on both of your parts of “I desperately wanna know more about her but I also don´t wanna bore her with obvious stupid questions”, so neither of you asked the big existential things like “tell me about your parents” or “what was your childhood like” or “what are you scared of”, but got into a rhythm of asking more specific questions that seemed less intense but naturally lead to a discussion that was exciting, that gave space for you to reveal some things that the other might be amused or entertained or touched by, her dropping some things about her wilder years when she still lived in a big city, when she did shit that you could not compare to any of your stories, you confiding in her about how it was to finally move away from home, how your first months at college went, how you settled in, the better moments, the darker ones too.

there was a contrast to both of your lives, not just because of the age difference, that made it easy be fascinated by each other, to keep wanting more information, to try and get a full picture of who you were so enthralled by, it was a rewarding and enjoyable task, to sit there and look at each other, to pay full attention, to smile and be charmed by each other mannerisms, as you let certain aspects of your personalities shine through, that most others didn´t often get to see.

at one point you asked her “be honest, what did you think of me when we met? I had no idea, couldn´t tell, at all”, which she used only one word to answer “hot.” a grin as she said it, while leaning down to take a sip of her coffee. at another point she was telling you about some of the previous summers, lore about the place, including one of her less composed moments that others had told you bits and pieces about already, when a male worker had gotten a bit too friendly with the teenage girls, which ended in her smacking him so hard over the head he almost lost consciousness. it almost got her fired, had the other workers not testified that he was in fact a creep and had to be let go.

she liked the way you smiled when she talked about it, like you were eager to see it first-hand, her rightfully putting someone in their place with a little violence, or more than a little. “well, I think it´s cool, I could´ve used someone like you in my younger years” you said with a look of approval after she told you all that, which she didn´t press on about, unwilling to let herself get riled up by past stories of men being inappropriate with you, still, it was a nice feeling, to know that you weren´t turned off by her intensity, by her unwillingness to shrink herself or make herself more demure or feminine to appease others, whatsoever.

neither of you noticed the time passing as you had already finished your drinks because you were so at ease and lost in conversation, you taking her hand in yours for a moment while she spoke, her sometimes leaning back in her chair to watch you with her arms crossed, the kind of attention that always got to you, both thrilling and soothing at the same time. Tess quickly grew to love it, that you never seemed nervous or unsure with her, the way you reminded her of a cat basking in a patch of sunlight whenever she made a point of letting it shimmer through in her eyes, that look she got when she was into someone, a quiet intensity about it that made you feel warm and open whenever you felt her gaze on you.

eventually, she knew it was probably about time to get going, but as she leaned forward then, she had an instinct she couldn´t suppress, her palm flat on your thigh, an immediate change to your breathing as you stared at her then, your lips parted, a delicious shock to your system as she moved her hand up and down a little, caressing you in a way, while pretending she had no idea what she was doing. “shall we?” a nod of her head towards the door, her hand still right where she put it, a reminder of the night before, shamelessly using it to her advantage, how easily affected by her touch you were, drinking in the sight of you growing desperate for more. you placed your hand on hers then, shaking your head, thinking “you started it, let´s finish it then”, “not yet, we should go freshen up, right?”, your tone not hard to interpret, a slow nod from her, something like respect in there, “always the quiet ones hm” she whispered to herself as you both got up, still in disbelief over how into her you were, that it wasn´t just a light crush born out of boredom but genuine desire.

you were the one to close the door behind yourself, and someone else might have grabbed you the moment you did that, but Tess reliably just stood there, patient, waiting for you to give in first, again, which you did, unable to put up a composed front, a quick step toward her to grab her face and pull her in for a deep kiss, a few seconds of restraint from her until she took charge and pushed you back against the door, finally, as close as you´d been dying to be all morning. both of you were clumsy with your kissing for a moment out of sheer need, breathing into each other´s open mouths for a second before continuing, working each other up, on purpose, an immediate heated mix of embracing, making out, and feeling each other up, her knees brushing up against yours, both of you frantically trying to dissolve any boundaries between your bodies, that thing of early stage infatuation where no amount of touch is ever enough, her hands under your shirt, pushing it up to grope your chest, yours on her back, her skin warm and soft as you let your fingers slide to her sides, right above her hips, holding onto her as you felt her thigh between your legs, that shared feverish bliss of being new lovers, faint stifled “hmm” sounds as you kissed, your tongue against hers as the kissing slowed down and turned more sexual, closer to the kind of kissing that happens before getting on top of each other, far from anything you could ever do in public.

because of you, Tess remembered how fucking divine kissing the right person felt, how easy it would be for her to spend a good while doing just that, she would find a way to have you over and just make out to build up tension until one of you would cave, drawing it out to see how pathetic you´d both get with it, how you´d maybe end up just finishing from grinding against each other.

for a good two minutes you did your very best to leave each other breathless and flushed with your clothes out of place. you were still obsessed with her scent, just like the sound of her heavy breathing, and the feeling of being in that enclosed dark space with her, her body flush against yours, the vibe of something akin to sex that you got from your wandering hands, the movement of your hips, doing something you shouldn´t be doing but would again and again, turned on by it all, the way you were both suppressing louder sounds and holding back the urge to undress each other.

Tess had an idea of how she could see you fold a little, she was usually sparse with her words, with confessions, she preferred subtext, but in that moment, she wanted to be bold, to catch you off guard, so she leaned in, right next to your ear, her voice husky and low as she whispered, “I want you all over my mouth again. have you sit on my face.”, an immediate violent rush of heat to your core.

“oh, yeah?” you sighed, quietly, which gave away how easy it was for her to render you weak, she knew she had you exactly where she wanted you, eager to hear her say more, your hands clinging to her shirt. she kept her mouth close enough for you to feel her breath, her hands slipping into your shorts then, the space between the fabric and your thighs, your heartbeat quicker, “hm, wasn´t long enough last night, I kept thinking about it after, your taste, couldn´t sleep”, she said after a moment of silence, a labored breath from you, a sound close to a whimper that made her push further, “you think you could last long?”.

“yes.”, you´d let her turn you into a mess, she could take however long she wanted, you wanted her to. “think you could finish just from head more than once?”, another nod, “yeah” you knew that with her you could, easily, “hm, I´ll try my best next time then”, she gave your face a brief kiss, “won't have to try too hard” you said, a smile from her, “no?” she tilted her head, one hand on your cheek then, her thumb brushing over your lower lip.

you had an idea then, “here, you didn´t even touch me and yet” you guided her other hand into your underwear, her fingers to where they got slicked up from the wetness that had gathered there, her eyes wide for a second as she felt it, “jesus… just from kissing me? you´re a fucking dream, huh”. she was clearly not used to it, being wanted that badly.

you sighed, your breath hitched, your hands on her sides, she was just moving her fingers a bit but got the feeling you might be in for more. she knew you couldn´t take much longer in that bathroom, she knew they´d get suspicious or pissed off, but Tess had to know, “could you.. right now?”, “easily” you said, convinced, already basically halfway there.

“really?”, she asked, moving her fingers up to your clit, a convinced nod, a light moan from you, a pleading tone,“give me a minute of that and I´m done”. she took the challenge, impressed by your forwardness, turned on by it, “okay then, show me”. she looked at you as you shut your eyes and leaned your head against the door, fingernails digging into her arms as you held onto her, her hand between your legs, a fast movement of her fingers over your clit, savoring the feeling of your arousal, a hunger in her, the desperate need to find a way to eat you out again as soon as possible. you bit down on your lip to stay quiet but she was giving you exactly what you needed, the kissing had gotten you so worked up that it didn´t take long of her jerking you off to make you finish, her left hand over your mouth, a cocky smile as she watched you have an orgasm that was satisfying but not violent, the kind that was perfect for the middle of the day, quick but sensual and romantic in a way, a sweet release.

she stared at you from up close when she took her hand away, “god, you´re so pretty”, a few more touches from her until she stopped and watched you open your eyes, a tired smile, a sudden move that made her crumble completely: your hand reaching down for hers, so you could pull it to your mouth lick yourself off her fingers, her voice pained almost, “okay, I´m losing my mind here, we have to go”

there was a bi-weekly farmer´s market in town, that was a large part of why Tess kept up her routine of driving there about at least once a week. the one clear advantage of being in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by land, was the fresh produce that she´d have no access to in the city. the market wasn´t too big, about a dozen stands, but every single table looked enticing in its own way, strawberries and homemade jam, various shapes and sizes of tomatoes, jars of honey and other condiments, fresh pastries and bread, you let her take the lead since she clearly knew most people there, friendly smiles thrown her way or a “the usual?” when she approached the vendors.

anyone you spoke to, man and woman alike, made a point of being sort of flirty in a polite way with you, giving you a few things to try since you were a new face and they clearly wanted to win you over, and Tess felt smug as hell witnessing all that, thinking “if you knew why she´s actually here with me”, whenever someone seemed charmed by you. she felt a sense of pride over the fact that she of all people was the one who you were focused on. she made you pick between a few choices, she enjoyed it having someone there with her for once, letting someone else make the decisions, asking you “this one or that one?” when deciding between two options. it felt domestic and couple-like almost, so you gladly helped out, until you both walked away, sharing a piece of the fluffy sourdough bread that had just been baked a few hours earlier, a shared sound that bordered on a moan as you both nodded at each other in approval.

you asked her if there was anything else worth showing to you, and she almost said “no” before she thought of something and lead you down the street. there was a used bookstore that she sometimes stopped by when she was in town by herself, and she had a feeling you might like it, the slightly shabby but charming atmosphere, the endless rows of obscure books with the occasional gem here and there.

the elderly woman at the back of the store thankfully just gave a brief hello and a nod and left you to it as you looked around, both of you quiet for a moment as you scanned the shelves for something interesting. it felt like you were somehow outside of the world, in a little space where nobody could reach you, the smell of aged paper and dust and the old building creating a deeply comforting atmosphere, it felt like time had briefly stopped, like you were hidden away from everything, so without any hesitation or fear of “is this too much?” you used the moment of peace and the to proximity to her, to lean your head against her shoulder, not because you were tired but because you felt so at ease and wanted to go slack for a moment, your eyes closed, a deep breath out, as you felt the fabric of her shirt under your cheek.

for a moment Tess just stood there, frozen, because she was not prepared for a random show of affection, one that was so undramatic and soft and yet so intimate, she knew then that she was already far gone, and she tried her best to not think about the inevitable heartbreak of parting ways at the end of the summer, she tried to stay present and to soak it up, so she didn´t say a word, didn´t break the sacred feeling of it, and put her arm around your back, her hand on your side, to pull you closer and let you stay like that for a moment, suppressing the instinct to whisper “my sweet girl”, scrapping the word “my”, saving it for later down the line when it would be less insane to call you hers, even though she could feel it, that for the time being, you were.

eventually, after briefly getting lost in the feeling of being patiently held by her, you peeled yourself away and said “okay, how about you pick one out for me and I pick one for you?”, a nod from her, “okay, deal”.

a few moments later she pushed a book into your hand with the comment “here, this should be right up your alley” a grin that gave away that she was fucking with you, an eye-roll and a shove to her side from you after you read the blurb, a god awful straight romance.“okay haha very funny. I was being sincere you know” she laughed, “not your thing? no?”, so you played the same game and handed her a book in return, a dry tone as you said “well, this should be your thing, I think”, some old novel from the 50s about a guy having a fucked up affair with his young assistant, but she wasn´t bothered, “sure, sounds hot”, a shake of your head, a suppressed smile, “go and find me something good now” you instructed.

you both did end up finding something rather fitting for the other person, leaving the store with the promise to underline and annotate your favorite passages and swap them once you were done, to see what the other person had thought. “guess I was romantic all along” Tess thought, when she realized how good it felt to not just date women in a strictly sexual way, to allow herself the pleasure of going out together and sharing her routine with someone. she´d walked those streets countless times, seen the same buildings again and again, and yet, the light that day seemed different, everything had a new shine to it, she looked at everything more generously, and it dawned on her how much she´d been missing out on, by telling herself that neutrality was the best thing to aim for, that a life completely devoid of surprise and change would be wisest for her. it seemed a bit too good to be true, that she was being rewarded that intensely for giving into her attraction to you, for a few seconds that day she had the feeling of being in some prolonged dream, that something would come and rupture it, but nothing came, you were there, next to her, and wouldn´t go anywhere for the next few weeks.

before getting back in the car, she leaned against the facade of the building next to where she´d parked, while you leaned against the passenger door, her smoking a cigarette while you pretended to be doing something on your phone, but quickly abandoning all that to watch her instead. it didn´t go unnoticed, a “what?” from her as she felt your eyes all over herself, a shrug from you, a smug smile, “nothing. you just look hot”.

she had one of her feet up against the wall, a relaxed and confident demeanor, her natural way of excluding security and strength, a sight that never got boring to you, she smiled, slowly exhaling in a way that she knew looked good, “your vision okay, sweetie?”, she joked, since she was still a bit unsure why she of all people was the one you were eyeing up and down the way you were, hungry in a way. she was not used to it, at all, being that overtly flirted with, pursued by someone, so it overwhelmed her system during those early days at times, to feel herself be the object of your desire in such an obvious way. still, she was a bit cocky after all and felt comfortable with playing her coolness up a bit to watch you falter, she wasn´t entirely devoid of vanity, so she let you look at her however you wanted while she finished her cigarette and already wondered about how and when she´d next be able to get her hands on you, to make good use of all the need you clearly had for her, to reward you for the way her body had been woken up and infused with vitality by your attention.

instead of going to her side of the car she walked over to you, her eyes fixed on yours, and took your face in her hands, gently, and the look you got in your eyes then, the way you leaned your head back, so she could run her fingers through your hair, that instant surrender to her touch, it all made her feel violently tender for you; she could tell that you wanted her to kiss you and that you didn´t expect her to do it in public, but the street was empty, so she took advantage of her position and leaned in to kiss you right next to your lips, her hands still at the sides of your face, a lingering kiss, a gentle one, a rush as you felt her show this soft side of herself to you, her, the woman who was so often described as intimidating and tough, using her strength to show you a kind of affection that nearly got a few tears from you.

just as she pulled away, a breeze swept through the street, a perfect mild gust of wind, both of you closed your eyes instinctively to properly feel it, the early afternoon sun just right on your skin, not burning but soothing, a moment of pure bliss as you pulled her back in to feel her lips against yours, trapped between the car door and her body, no place you´d have rather been, the faint taste of smoke as she returned the kiss, Tess turned on by the fact that you didn´t seem to mind at all, that you seemed to like it, judging by the way you kept kissing her until you both pulled away and smiled, shy and pleased, unsure how to process all the intense feelings you were bringing up in each other.

her hands slid down your body then, to your waist, her tone low, a bit cracked from the adrenaline, “you know.. ´m not big on airing out my feelings, but, you should know this has been really lovely. haven´t had a day like this in a good while” she was downplaying it, you could tell, but it wasn´t time for big confessions yet. “me neither. I´m really glad you let me come”. she grinned, her hands on your back to pull your hips against hers, “such a generous boss, aren´t I?” you put your hands in her back pockets,“oh for sure. easiest work-day of my life, I´d say”. “well, let´s see. might add some shit to your work load later. exhausting stuff”, you grinned“I´d hope so”.

on the drive back, you were both quieter than before and you without meaning to, you dozed off with your head leaning against the window.

Tess knew that falling asleep, or drifting off, the way you had in that moment, was a sign of a certain level of trust, and it warmed her heart, that even after only knowing her for about a week, you already felt that way around her, safe to not be fully conscious, to rest your head against the window and let the movement of the drive lull you into a relaxed state of being. she drove slower than she usually would have, to glance over at you every once in a while, to see the way the sun was hitting your neck, the shadows it was casting onto your face, a sudden desire to reach over and caress you, to pull over somewhere and wake you out of that state with a light kiss to your face, a moment of sleepy tenderness, she wanted to hear a faint laugh from you as you realized what she was doing. you didn´t realize it when she parked her car, didn´t get woken up by the stopping of her engine, so Tess decided to just sat there for a few minutes, instead of immediately telling to wake up.

she felt a sense of possessiveness in that moment, born out of her instinct to protect and shield, she loved having you in her car, to be in charge of your safety, to see you with your limbs slack, fully relaxed and taking deep slow breaths, unguarded and vulnerable, with only her there to watch over you. it wasn´t obvious, because you were good at not explicitly mentioning it, but Tess could tell from certain things you mentioned off-handedly, or certain subjects you purposely avoided talking about, that some memories were still weighing on you, even though you were presently in a good place; she could tell during certain moments where you thought that weren´t being observed, something about your face, your eyes when you were lost in thought, that your way of dealing with everything so calmly stemmed directly from your resilience in certain inescapable situations you´d been put through, had been made to survive through without breaking.

Tess knew she was predictable that way, that it wasn´t anything new, the fact that she was not built for casual attachment, that the idea of “we´re just having fun” was a foreign one to her; the moment she cared about someone, she had the natural instinct to take on a responsibility for the other person's sense of safety, not in a belittling or condescending way, she was well aware that someone like you was more than capable of handling their own shit, but she wanted you be able to put down your heavy feelings in her presence, like a bag you could leave at her doorstep and forget about while she was around. the desire to be that person for you wasn´t born out of the belief that you were easy to break, but that you should have at least a bit of experience with what I feels like to have a place where your resilience would not be tested, where the softer part of your heart could be exposed without any threat of bruising.

she couldn´t think about it all for too long, she was getting too intense about it already, she was aware, but still, she made a mental note to herself, to make it clear that it wouldn´t be burdensome at all, if you wanted her to listen to any of it.

Tess felt a deep need to have you with her for longer, she hated the idea of parting ways again, of sitting around and waiting for the next moment you´d get alone, she wanted to take you back to her place and make you lay down in her bed and rest there while she read or just sat there next to you, the window open, the intimacy of a warm afternoon spent in private together, but she knew she couldn´t do that, she knew she couldn´t just walk through her front door with you in the middle of the day while people were all around, at least not without finding a good excuse first.

for about five minutes she just sat with her back against the driver door and watched you, a mix of intense feelings swirling inside of her, not just desire, but other things too, a tenderness, a feeling of affection that was so far from anything she usually felt, so much so that she felt herself almost welling up, Tess of all people, the one everyone looked to for unwavering strength, moved to tears by the simple sight of a girl sleeping next to her. she thought “funny, how long you can go without something, until it´s there and you realize how badly you´d wanted it all along.” she might not have sat down at night and thought “I want a lover” but that didn´t mean she hadn´t always had that dream, the dream of feeling something again, of being stunned into a state of openness, after shutting herself off from the world for so long. she found herself thanking however had had the good instinct to hire you, to pick you, to send you her way, she wasn´t spiritual, but she did feel blessed or looked after by some force in that moment.

until she realized what time it was and got herself to finally place her hand on your shoulder, shaking as softly as possible, which made you sit upright again, to open your eyes and try to mask your obvious sleepiness.

“you could´ve woken me up” you said, slightly embarrassed, but she shook her head, “no, I´m not in a rush here” a grin, “besides, you look cute sleeping”. you cocked your head as willed yourself awake, “well, you could see it more if you let me stay the night” a batting of your eyelashes, she wasn´t immune, “maybe we can do something about that. I´m gonna think about it”.

both you and Tess got out of the car then and as you walked back towards the camp, she said, “you know, there´s this outdoor film thing later, and it´s not mandatory, so I doubt anyone would care or notice if you and I both happened to skip it. for all they know we could be doing god knows what on our own.” you glanced at her from the side, “oh, so I can come over later?” in slight disbelief over how easy it seemed. Tess nodded, “yeah, I´m asking you to. and don´t eat too much at dinner, I´ll make you something”, that got your attention, a lovestruck vibe to you then as you said, “yeah?” and studied her face to make sure she was being real. “yes, I didn´t ask you for your preferences earlier just to make small talk”. of course, she was always thinking ahead “you´re kinda spoiling me you know.” you mused, she protested, “hardly. this is bare minimum I´d say”, you shrugged, “to you maybe, but not to me”, she threw you a playful look then, “raise your expectations then, hm.”. you smiled, amused by her, “okay, I will.”.

Tess nudged you in the side then, “make me work for it a little” she teased, “sure, I can do that. but I´ll find a way to repay you for all of that, of course”, you said, a suggestive tone, she nodded, “I´m sure you will”.

you were both quiet for a moment, walking through the gates and gauging the vibe, thankfully it wasn´t crowded because it was a Saturday and everyone was free to do whatever they wanted during the day, which meant that during noon most of the kids were indoors, sleeping, relaxing.

Tess reached into her bag and tapped you on the shoulder, “here, take this”, she was holding out a ripe peach, one of a few that you´d picked out before. you took it in your hand and felt the soft fuzzy skin, “thank you, I will find a place in the shade, eat this, and think about you. that´s my plan for the rest of the day”. she was almost pissed that your overly romantic way of saying that, clearly eager to get a reaction, worked that well on her, a frustrated shake of her head, a smile, a hint of irony to her tone “perfect”. you stared at her then in a way that said “and you?”, so she gave in and nodded, “you want me to say it out loud, huh? that I´ll just be waiting to have you back?”, “yes, I do” you said, fully earnest, which hit a soft spot inside of her, the part that liked it, when someone didn´t make her guess about their love, at all. “clearly I will be doing just that. you did a number on me, in case you couldn´t tell”, you did know that of course, “we can just drive each other insane then” you joked, which she agreed with “yeah, I think that´s what´s gonna happen here. I´m not complaining though, to be very clear”, “me neither” you said, just as she let out an audible groan and said “god, what the fuck does he want now”.

you followed her gaze, you were back on the camp grounds by then, approaching the main area, and saw that one of your co-workers was making eye-contact with Tess and came walking in your direction. her open disdain made you laugh and nudge her in the side, “come on, lighten up a bit, he´s already scared of you, I think”. “good. I don´t need him to cozy up to me” you were amused by her lack of patience for him, compared to the limitless kindness she showed you, it made you feel like you were her partner who had to keep her in check, who had to remind her that not everyone was turned on by her intimidating aura. “okay, well, I will go deal with that, and you go relax. I´ll expect you by 6” she said, a warm smile towards the end of the sentence, a touch to your arm, that nobody would read as romantic, but that still affected you, the way any small gesture of hers could. you nodded, giving her a light touch too, “okay, I´ll be there.”

when you parted ways, both of you felt it, that no temporary distance could ever take away from the joy of having each other. it seemed like a beautiful thing to you, to spend the following weeks doing separate things during the day, but to always be aware of each other´s presence near, to always have each other to return to, to know that regardless of whatever stress or frustration you might face, you´d be able to look forward to relaxing into each other´s embrace again sooner or later. it was a kind of relationship that was hyper-specific to your circumstances, the kind that was too sacred to ever share with anyone, the kind that was invisible to other even though it had changed the light of your life, a softer, gentler feel to it, the way the sun hit your face, everything around you.

both you and Tess knew it, without a doubt, that you had a summer ahead of you that no other would compare to. it already seemed like a memory that you´d look back at and think:

“how did I get that lucky? how did she just enter my life like that? so quietly and gently, and yet, so capable of changing it beyond recognition.”

#tess servopoulos x reader #tess servopoulos #the last of us x reader #the last of us hbo #tlou fanfiction

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clarenecessities · 7 months ago

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so, hey. I haven't updated you guys on the situation with Scott and Ethan in a while. it's been a very eventful 10 days.

You can see Ethan's updates here but I will be offering my own biased perspective and summary.

i'm sure my mother would want me to clarify that i did not advise anybody legally, nor did i tell anyone to bring a lawsuit, but. i did lay out my understanding of the law as it pertains to Ethan's case & tell anyone who would listen that i would have sued months ago

and uh as i provided ample sources and a laconic summary of the fair use doctrine and alternatives to federal court, i may have contributed to Ethan's decision to file with the CCB :3 which is (to be overly brief) like small claims court for copyright infringement specifically.

nobody has said so explicitly, so i do have some plausible deniability. but if by some grave miscarriage of justice Ethan were to lose a single one of these claims y'all Know I'd do my damnedest to recoup the man's losses anyway so i feel very comfortable in saying SPITE WORKS!!! THAT'S THE POWER OF SPITE-FUELED RESEARCH BABEY! THIS IS A WIN FOR CLARE!!

even the very worst case scenario for Ethan is a win anyway; the CCB's awards are capped at 30k, but since he's a much, much kinder person than I am he elected to pursue their "smaller claims" options, which further caps it at only 5k.

and let me tell you. the statutory damages alone would cost Scott upwards of $180,000 in federal court (not even counting the libel), so if he doesn't take this case (participation in a CCB case is voluntary for both parties) he is a fucking idiot. But I guess we kind of knew that already.

Let's see. So, Ethan started getting his copyrights registered last weekend (another benefit of the CCB; registrations can be filed concurrent to submitting your claims, though I don't think I told Ethan that) like right after my last post on the matter here. He submitted proof of his intent to bring legal action to YouTube, who can't actually apply strikes until a decision is reached, though those videos are sort of in purgatory.

Meanwhile, that allowed Scott to begin posting content again. He immediately abused that power. On the 23rd, Scott posted a fourth (4th!) defamatory video, whose thumbnail looked like this:

That action figure is his childhood OC, which he put into the MOTUC line. In addition to his literal, actual face. But don't worry, not his name! That was a DC Classics exclusive 🙃

For those of you that are unfamiliar: That's the license plate from Better Call Saul.

He made a bunch of really, painfully wrong assertions that I tried to write up again just now and bro I can't. It is fucking Cringe. I can't. He did claim he had a lawyer, which as I told him following the second defamatory Community Note, is grounds for him to fire that fucking lawyer.

Ethan did a second interview with Dad-At-Arms basically updating people on the situation, letting everyone know he was going to take things to court. That went up the 24th.

On the 25th, Scott posted another Community Note, this time doing a little victory lap, concluding, "So much content coming to ya! It is great to be on the air again!" and resuming his regularly scheduled posting for the remained of the week.

Then along came Monday.

Every single one of Scott's videos was privated, including the advertisements for his consulting firm and stupid bullshit AI comic.

Well--come to find out, he emailed Ethan right around when everything went dark saying he was "truly" and "sincerely" sorry for everything, and "never meant to create a fight" between them and that it was "never intentional".

"To make things right I am going to halt any videos and take down what I have. I hope this will make it right and restore your site to its full capacity."

Which like, alright, I try to be a little more level-headed in spaces these creeps might see, since they're already fucking wilding about every other aspect of my identity and personality. But the fucking BALLS on this guy!! The fucking audacity!!!!! MONTHS of claiming he was being BLACKMAILED and HARASSED, giving Ethan's identity to one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen in the fandom (and that is saying something) and then his thousands of subscribers?? Telling those people really really obviously fake bullshit to make himself seem like the super reasonable victim and not the perpetrator of--ballpark, 'cause I don't know who may have granted him permission--five to ten thousand copyright infringements?

And "to make things right"!!!!! Right for whom, Scott!!!

I've been assuming he finally talked to a lawyer, because even with receiving notice of Ethan's intent to take him to court, I just don't believe we'd see this complete a 180 in him without the advice of counsel. Whom I do not envy right now, he's shot himself in the foot at every fucking opportunity. I doubt they told him to private everything, since a jury at least might construe that as hiding evidence (there are no juries CCB proceedings) but he's a big fucking idiot. Of course he'd panic and try to hide everything.

Case in point, this morning he unprivated everything. And then just unlisted it. Presumably because he realized he'd broken his embeds across every website out there, including his own (not that that ever got him to fix his LinkedIn button...). He did delete all of the Community Notes about Ethan though, just for good measure :) Still absolutely no public word from him since last week.

I have receipts on all the libel saved in multiple locations, but I do appreciate him un-privating some of his videos for me. Gonna make documenting those much easier 😏

i had a second post up on the forums but it's being weird about copy/pasting into tumblr, I'll see about that tomorrow ig. And I'm working on a third summarizing my case law research. HUGE win for me today in that the finding which most directly contradicted my arguments was actually reverse on appeal in 2022 so I'm sitting real pretty, citation-wise. Very smug, very petty. Feeling absolutely great.

#fiq debacle

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devsgames · 1 year ago

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how hard was it to set up stuff regarding economical/legal side of things for gamedev? (regirestering a company, register trademark, recieve income from steam, pay taxes, etc) i know that its country specific but i would want to hear your side of things

You're right in that it's incredibly specific to your location! I'll go over what I've had to do thus far for specifically living in Ontario, Canada; A lot of how I've gained the following insight has been from thorough Googling, looking on government resources and asking people.

Setting Up A Business

Here in Ontario we have generous small business laws, anyone making money from their own business is by default considered a "Sole Proprietorship". Normally businesses need to charge tax based on every Good or Service sold, however Sole Proprietorships don't need to do this until they reach $30k yearly profits in Ontario.

Currently I'm making maybe 5k a year from my games so I'm safe, and thus technically don't even need to register a business. The tradeoff however is that I'm legally and financially responsible for my own business, so if something happens financially or legally it's my own personal risk and not the business's.

There's a few business types here with different meanings (Partnership, LLC, Co-op, etc). Technically I should register one at some point but since it's just me and I'm broke it won't do much. To register a business in Canada isn't hard (I think it's basically just a 30 minute phone call where they give you a 'business number' for registeration and tax use and say "congrats you're a business now!). You have to come up with a unique business name which I've consistently floundered back and forth on and have never stuck to anything which is why "Dev's Games" is the best "brand" I have at the moment. Good thing I'm not registered yet!

Registering a Trademark

This also depends on your location, and I have never done this. I'm sure in many cases there is reason to if I really cared about exclusively using titles or names of things, but I honestly don't.

I also genuinely don't thinm not having a trademark as a problem! Trademarks strike me as useful for a company trying to build a big business around a name that is aleeady popular and ripe for idea theft (E.g Photoshop, Google, Adobe) and stopping others from using it. Right now, I'm so small that this doesn't matter, and I'd honestly consider someone drawing inspiration from me an honor as opposed to something I'd want to contain. Maybe if one of my titles got like SUPER viral down the road I'd seriously look into it; apparently it's a lot of paperwork and something you'd have to find a lawyer for.

Getting Payments

This is, you guessed it, just paperwork that depends on your operating location!

Established storefronts like Steam have a process for registering your account with them and when I started out this was the part of the process I was the most anxious for, but it's actually super easy (which is why there's so much shovelware on there). Steam as a baseline takes 30% of all your sales on the platform (an absolutely insane amount for what the platform does). You'll fill out some paperwork and based on your operating location to determine how much money Steam automatically sets aside for taxes (VST).

As a Canadian they take 0% because Canada-America has tax exemption treaties which make receiving payments from American companies like this tax-free.

Outside of that there's not much, you give them your bank account number and they send payments one month after month end (e.g. end of December they'll pay you for November's sales). Everything is in USD so be prepared for things to be a bit wonky in that respect, and note it costs $100 USD to add a game to Steam. Setting up store pages for your games is its own kind of busywork I won't get into here, but publishing to Steam on the whole is much more work than something like Itch.io.

All in all I like Steam's process for registering and they make it pretty easy to get onto the platform since it's in their interest to potentially make fat money off of your work for doing very little :)

Managing Income

I struggle with anxiety around finances so this part is long.

I set up my own bank account explicitly for earning/spending on my games - prior to getting laid off I only used it for that, but recently I've been having to pay rent from it now too sometimes.

Get a platform that allows you to track and categorize your expenses and income over time. I've been using Wave to balance my income and expenses, as I find it's pretty simple for my needs and lets me mark what different payments are to avoid losing secret money to things I forget about. It connects directly to your bank account, so it will be the most accurate form of income tracking.

Eventually you will buy things and forget what you bought, or receive money for something you're not sure why, or lose/receive money months after you should have. Steam and Itchio have ways of viewing your payouts and reports, but it's hard jumping through 2-3 websites trying to track down a magic number - viewing this all in one place is invaluable to your sanity and making sure you don't go broke. Having this will be a godsend to you during tax time.

Always have additional "rainy day" money set aside - when I started I put about $100 aside from each paycheque at my full time job into my business. Keep an eye on your income flow and know how much you can anticipate to spend on your work. Know how your business money relates to your personal finances and be ready to take money out of your business for emergencies, and vice versa for business emergencies. Money put aside to pay contractors is money you cannot and should not touch.

Contractors based in the US will often ask you pay them through a certain site, many of which aren't available outside the US. Don't be afraid to ask if they use something like Paypal instead. Keep extra money aside for them so you can tip. Make sure you're aware of how they expect to be paid, at what interval, and how much, and keep that money aside. And expense tracker is also helpful here.

Keep in mind most businesses operate on USD, and be mindful of how your local currency converts over. CDN is usually ~60-70% of USD, so I often have to pay more for things like subscriptions or labour then they're listed. When a contractor tells you their rates always be sure you know what currency they're talking about - sometimes I've expected to pay USD when I've had to pay AUS.

Also do not quit your dayjob. Make money through a stable employment and fund your games as a fun side hobby. Easier said than done, but there is an almost 0% chance you will be able to afford surviving off of making indie games as a full living and be afford to keep a roof over your head. I've shipped 4 games on Steam now and I only make about $100-$300 USD from sales there depending on the month. Minimum wage in Ontario is ~$25k a year, I am currently making like $5k from sales on Steam alone. Working at McDonalds would pay better.

Taxes

Taxes are very regional, so results will vary.

Usually businesses have to set aside sales taxes on goods sold. Since I'm a Sole Proprietorship in Ontario making less than 30k I don't have to. Taxes for me basically consists of saying "I made this much" to the government (good expense tracking REALLY helps here).

One thing to note is that at least here the government has NO IDEA how video games fit into business. Until recently there was no "Game Development" business type, and much of the tax reporting interface is obsessed with physical goods; it'll ask how much your "inventory" is worth, how many "goods" you have sold (games are technically "goods" even though they're not a physical thing). Basically be prepared for your tax system to be used to dealing with physical retailers and farmers, and not with digital-only software developers.

---

I'm sure there's more I can cover but my hands hurt. A lot of this is researching your local laws and/or talking to devs local to your area. It's not hard to do any of this necessarily, it's just a lot of paperwork (which is nevertheless super helpful to put together). Once you learn how it all works everything is way less scary though! :)

#new record for longest post made on my phone #my thumbs hurt #asks #ask #advice #gamedev #game development #indie games #indie game #game dev #indie dev #indiegames #gamedevelopment #game design

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jamkookies · 4 years ago

Text

𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐀𝐧𝐚. 𝐒𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐲, 𝐉𝐮𝐧𝐠𝐤𝐨𝐨𝐤. ♡

𝑺𝒕𝒊𝒄𝒌𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒚 𝒃𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒃𝒐𝒏𝒆𝒔 𝒃𝒖𝒕 𝑨𝒏𝒏𝒂'𝒔 𝒈𝒐𝒏𝒏𝒂 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒖𝒑 𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒍 𝒃𝒂𝒅. 𝑬𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒄𝒊𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚 𝑱𝒐𝒋𝒐. 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒊𝒔 𝒔𝒉𝒆, 𝒂𝒏 𝒂𝒏𝒐𝒓𝒆𝒙𝒊𝒄 𝒈𝒊𝒓𝒍, 𝒔𝒖𝒑𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒅 𝒕𝒐 𝒅𝒐 𝒘𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝑱𝒖𝒏𝒈𝒌𝒐𝒐𝒌 𝒔𝒕𝒐𝒎𝒑𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒐 𝒉𝒆𝒓 𝒍𝒊𝒇𝒆? 𝑸𝒖𝒊𝒕𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒚.

Pairing: OC X Barista!Jungkook

Contains: humor, mutual pining, fluff, cuddles, vine references, hurt and comfort, sexual tension.

Warnings: swear words, angst, dark themes, anorexia, mentions of self-harm, starvation, binge eating.

Word count: 30k+ (don’t ask)

A/N: I spent almost a year working on this, during which time I went on and off from writing. It’s finally here and my excitement is through the roof. Special thanks to @keopitae for sharing her thoughts on the fic and for her continuous support. Eli out.

____________________________

"My name is Jojo and I suffer from an eating disorder."

The words echo across the small bathroom walls, crashing against the mirror I so passionately detested. Punching the mirror as hard as I can, blossoming cracks scatter in every direction. The pain in my right knuckle screams, blood already oozing out of the peeled skin.

Fucking cringe. What was all this for? Was there a camera up my ass for acting all dramatic and shit?

"Good job, Jojo, you just ruined another one." I sigh and let the running water wash the blood off my hand. This was the third time this month and honestly, I think I deserved a slap across the face for the amount of money I was spending on fucking mirrors.

Heh.

That made it sound like mirror prostitution.

I grab a bandage from the stack I kept on the drawers and wrap it around my injury. Talking to your reflection first thing in the morning wasn't exactly the best way to start off the day, but it had been a mere attempt at self-therapy. Well, since I can't go to a real one, anyway. Too bad it didn't work.

I sigh one more time for good measure and pull a hoodie over my head.

Ah yes, a hoodie. The ultimate piece of clothing.

Feeling cold? Wear a hoodie. Your bra is cutting your blood circulation and you can't keep it on anymore? Wear a hoodie. You feel self-conscious of your body and try to hide every curve and shape? Hoodie is your best friend.

I put on a pair of sweats to complete the look because let's be real; everyone loves a baggy outfit. Not even sparing a glance at the mirror anymore, I unplug the charger from my phone's ass and sit down for a second to scroll through some memes.

Yup.

That's exactly what a person does after losing their job.But come on, I mean who fires someone just because they went to take a piss? Yes, it took fifteen minutes and yes, I was in the middle of working, but my dude, I drink three bottles of water a day. I need to let it out somewhere.

I take a deep breath as if to clear the disarrayed thoughts in my head. As much as I tried to make it sound funny, it wouldn't work because, at the end of the month, the rent wouldn't pay itself. Living on your own had its pros and cons and up till now, if I was completely honest, I had only seen the bad side of it.

Supporting my hands on the sofa, I try to stand on my feet but almost flop back down. Every time I get up, black spots dance across my vision. I can even see whole galaxies and not in the pretty sense of the word. One time I think I witnessed the glory of the Milky Way itself.

The pills that are strewn across the floor remind me of the impulsive decision I'd decided to make last night so I collect them one by one and put them back in the bottle.

Maybe some other time, I think to myself. Another day.

I'm perfectly fine, after all. I did lose my job yesterday and now I'm hanging on a thread for dear life but it's fine. I can make this work. A small green apple on the counter is the only promise of a so-called decent breakfast.

"Well hello there, little guy," I say before sinking my teeth into the juicy flesh of the innocent fruit.The apple doesn't respond.I take my phone out of my pocket and tap on the Notes app.

52 calories are way too fucking much for an apple, I think to myself as I aggressively type the number down.This was about the only positive side of this disease. I was more educated on the nutritional values of food than a real dietitian.

This was how it all had started in the first place — from wanting to make healthier choices to cutting on particular groups of food. Just a slight change. Nothing too alarming. But then, I had to know what I was eating, right? So I start counting.

And that's how it all went to shit.

After I finish eating the apple and throw its core into the almost empty trash can, I wash it down with a tall glass of water. At last, my animalistic hunger was sedated and I could finally move on with my life. Indeed.

I grab my keys and shut the door behind me, wanting to go out for a while, maybe clear my head a little bit. It's not like I had to feed my kids or anything. There was nothing holding me back. So, I exit the apartment building, my keys clinking in my right pocket, and I hop on my beloved bike, parked right on the corner of the street. Did I have any idea where I was going? No. Was that going to stop me from strolling around like I didn't have a pile of shit waiting to be dealt with? Hell no.

I start pedaling like crazy from the moment I put some distance between my apartment and the main street. Maybe it was because I needed to let off some steam, maybe the amount of calories I would burn excited me. Either way, that doesn't justify the high pitched scream coming from a girl that I almost run over.

I skid to a stop, the hands on the brakes stopping me from a fatal mistake. The girl's face has gone pale and one of her hands is clutching at her chest, terrified.I notice the way her flawless make-up matches her porcelain foundation, the fitted jeans hugging her slim legs like a second skin, and I feel sick.Sick for the fact that I'd almost killed this girl and all I could think about was how skinnier than me she actually was.

"Watch where you're going, fatass!"

Scratch that.

The Regina George flashback turns it all around.This bitch was going down.

I throw the bike aside in the middle of heavy traffic and shoot daggers from my eyes at her ridiculously perfect form. Any shred of remorse I'd felt up till now dissipates like a wisp of smoke on the wind."The fuck did you just say?"

She flinches from the humorless tone of my voice and I can see from the way her eyes widen that she's starting to regret her poor choice of words.

"I–"

Before I can blink, she's out of my sight, scurrying away like a frightened little mouse and I can't help but huff an incredulous laugh right there in the middle of the street. A car honks loudly behind my back and I don't hesitate to flip the guy off, the hint of a smile still lingering on my lips.

I wasn't taking any shits from people today.

So I hop on the bike once more and round a corner in search of a place to cool down a little bit. My eyes roam over the long line of stores and shops decorating both sides of the road in a flourished aesthetic and pause on the frame of a particular coffee shop, the strong flavorful smell inviting to my senses. I don't have to think twice before leaving my bike on the sidewalk and entering the shop with curious steps, scanning the interiors in a quick once-over. I sit by the window since it faces the street and make myself comfortable enough to attract a few pair of judging eyes.

A woman seated on a table close-by looks at me disapprovingly, staring at my clothes for a little longer than needed. She was probably wondering why was a tomboy wannabe man-spreading with an arm thrown across the chair like she owned the place.

Look, ma'am. It's the twenty-first century. No one gives a shit about girl mannerisms anymore.

"Didn't anyone tell you staring is rude?" I say, not bothering to make myself look somewhat presentable. She looks appalled by the bluntness of my words, probably not used to being called out so straight-forwardly but it seemed to have worked as she just turns her head on the other side, pretending to not have heard anything.

That's what I thought.

I fish my phone out of my pocket and scroll down mindlessly. A distraction more than anything. But I don't even get the luxury of having a moment's peace when a pair of black stomper shoes slow down to a stop down my line of vision. I raise my eyes deliberately, following the two long legs protruding from them that connect with a bulky chest till I finally reach the top.

A boy.

No, a man.

Well, a mix of both.

His well-built figure screams "I've never skipped a day at the gym", the veiny muscles tight against the black shirt he's wearing. A swirling black tattoo makes an appearance on the side of his neck, disappearing inside the collar of his shirt, peeking again at his biceps and then snaking its way down his arm. There are multiple piercings on both of his ears, the silvery dangling pieces curtained by a mass of black messy hair reaching past his cheekbones and falling in front of his eyes carelessly.

Those eyes...

His whole physique resembled that of a fully grown man but his eyes were the ones who gave him away. Big and round and boyish.

I wasn't sure why I had spent more than a minute ogling at a stranger coming up to my table. Maybe it was the dark, mysterious aura radiating off of him or the way he was looking at me expectantly. Still, this motherfucker was too handsome for his own good. And he still stays right in front of me, unmoving, waiting for something.

"Are you lost, child?" I ask, looking at him dead in the eye.

He scoffs, clearly offended. "Child?"

"Your fly's down." I deadpan.

Unfortunately for him, his eyes slightly dip down to the front of his pants.

"Ha! I made you look!" I proclaim, a spark of amusement making the corners of my lips upturn.

He, on the other hand, doesn't look so happy, his curled up fists shaking by his sides, trying to keep himself in control."Can I take your order?" he grits the polite words through his teeth, even though he looks like he's about to strangle me from any second now.

"You're the waiter? Where's your uniform?"

"I don't have it with me." The boy's expression has turned angry, irritated even by the consistency of my questions.I decide to take it down a notch or two for the sake of the bulging vein on his throat, threatening to pop off. "Kay, chill. I was just asking."I lean closer and put my elbow on the table. " Soo...You come here often?"

It's his turn to deadpan. "I work here."

"Whoops. Silly me, I forgot."

"Are you gonna order or not?" He can't help the slight raise of his voice, more than enough proof that his patience was wearing thin.

Uh oh. Hoe's mad.

I throw a leg across my knee in the most arrogant way possible and lean back on the chair. "Aren't you gonna write it down somewhere?" I ask, raising one eyebrow.

"I can remember it." he simply answers.

Fine then, pretty boy. Let's see how you remember this.

"I'll have a quad long shot grande in a venti cup, half calf, double cupped, no sleeve, salted caramel mocha latte with two pumps of vanilla."

Oh, I've definitely made him mad now.

With a look of pure hatred on his face, he clenches his jaws together and stomps off in the opposite direction with God knows how much memory of the order in his head but before he can go further, I shout for him to stop. I was starting to feel bad for the boy with the long hair flying behind him dramatically. Not to mention, there was no way in hell I'd let that much sugar enter my body.

"Wait!"

He pauses and slowly turns around."I changed my mind. Just a cup of dark coffee will do. No sugar."

Surprisingly, a subtle smirk creeps its way on his lips, throwing a whole new light to his features. "Aren't you gonna tell me to make sure it's darker than your soul?"

Hmph. The little puppy can bite back, after all.

"Nah, that's overused," I say. His eyes scan me from head to toe and then he pivots on his heel, disappearing behind the multiple tools of the counter, probably communicating the order to someone else. It doesn't take long for him to come back once again, his long elegant hand gently picking up the cup of coffee from the tray and putting it on the table.

In that fleeting moment I can make out a messy layout of tattoos; a smiley emoji on his middle finger, four small crosses in the spaces between and a bunch of other symbols I don't recognize. All that, gracefully completed by a gorgeous black flower and a bunch of other patterns wrapped around his forearm.

How contrasting it was, the way his appearance clashed with his personality. Did I actually know him? I think so.The guy was obviously kind enough not to spill the thing all over my clothes in an act of rebellion and I had to say it was an admirable thing to do considering how far I was pushing his limits. I am almost ready to hold out the olive branch to him.

Almost.

"I thought I said no sugar," I say, noticing the small white pack by the side of the cup."I guessed you would probably change your mind again." he teases, but the displeasure is still quite evident on his face.

Interesting.

"Next time, just make sure to do what I say." I retort, very much aware that I was prolonging the situation more than needed, but I just couldn't help it. I was really enjoying the reactions I got from him every time I pushed his buttons.

He's practically fuming with anger but still doesn't fall prey to my relentless attacks, instead choosing to walk away like a civilian.

Pity. I wish he'd stayed a little longer.

The coffee is absolutely disgusting. Its bitter aftertaste almost makes me gag.

This is what happens when you refuse to add sugar to any kind of drink, Jojo. It basically tastes like shit.

I forcefully down the last gulps and rise from my table, leaving a tip for the emo kid even though I'm running low on money. He deserved it after putting up with my bullshit for that long.

The woman staring at me earlier goes wide-eyed when I lift two fingers to the side of my brow, offering her a salute before making my way out of the coffee shop.

I don't eat lunch that day. Not even dinner. I just stare at the black screen of the turned-off TV, sipping water from my mug like it's the most flavorful thing in the universe and not having the energy to even cry myself to sleep anymore. I do that every night. Cry and cry and cry like there's no tomorrow. It feels relieving somehow— like I've let something off my chest, even though momentarily.

I grab my phone and type down the stupid number anyway.

2 calories. I write 2 calories for a fucking cup of coffee like it's gonna make a shit ton of difference.

Fucking ridiculous.

I want to sink deeper into this misery, let it consume me whole till there's nothing left, but like a beacon of light, the image of that boy's face emerges into the surface.

"That guy was cute." I voice the words that have been on my mind all day before falling into a deep dreamless sleep.

~ JUNGKOOK ~

There she was. That girl again.

In all my three years of working here, I'd never encountered someone so rude, shameless and utterly irritating. She's sitting on the same spot from yesterday, looking out the window and throwing casual glances at her phone. She also has the same baggy hoodie and sweats, probably too lazy to even bother change into something else.

However, what attracts my attention is the bandage wrapped around her hand, a pink hue visible where her knuckles should be. I'd noticed it the first day too, wondering where in the world would she get that kind of wound. She did seem like the type of girl who would get into fights actually, judging from her boyish clothes and brash personality but I wasn't sure if–

Whatever.

It was none of my business and I had work to do, anyway. I couldn't be bothered with the antics of a rebellious teenage girl. The glass I'm wiping almost slips out of my hands. Bold of her to call me a child when she couldn't be more than five feet tall. I wondered if her feet even reached the pedals of her bike.

"Hey Jungkook, you got a customer." Kwan's voice shakes me out of my thoughtful state as he flicks his chin towards the girl.

"Can't you get this one for me?" I grimace."Why? Are you afraid she's gonna bite?"

"Seems like it."

His eyes narrow into slits as he glares at me suspiciously.

"Come on man, just do what I say for once," I insist, not really wanting to deal with her shit for a second time. Kwan raises his palms up in surrender and goes to take the girl's order, but not without mumbling a "kids these days" on his way out.

The girl looks up from her phone upon Kwan's arrival but then her eyes quickly roam around as if searching for something. They exchange a few words too quietly for me to hear amid the general bustle of the shop, and then my coworker is by my side before I can blink.

"Nothing to be scared of, Jeon. She just asked for a green tea," Kwan says and grabs a number of items from the counter.

"So, she didn't say anything rude?"

"Nope."

"Not even an insult?"

Kwan tsks with his tongue.

Hmph.

Maybe she just hadn't been in the mood yesterday because there's definitely something different about the way she's just sitting there–

Barbecue sauce on her ti—

A snort accidentally escapes from my lips and I lower my head further to hide the embarrassment of the uninvited thought.

"Something funny?" Kwan asks, looking up from the tea he was brewing. I click my tongue just as he'd done.

It takes about a minute or so until the order's ready and I note the way the girl's face contorts with each sip of her tea as if someone had actually put a gun to her head to drink that horrendous beverage. She still drains the cup to its dregs, though.

Gets up.

Sways a little.

The hand wrapped in bandages holds onto the table for support and she finally pushes herself up to her feet. A little light-headed, if you ask me.

That confident image I'd created of her yesterday, crumbles into pieces when I observe the vulnerable state she's currently in. I wasn't sure why I was paying much attention to a complete stranger who I would probably never meet again, but I just couldn't stop myself. It was like being pulled into a black hole and finding yourself secretly enjoying it even though your gut tells you that it's wrong.

It was weird but true.I'd experienced it before.

The brief moment of realization had been enough to make me get lost in my thoughts so I snap my eyes back to the girl's table only to notice that the seat was empty.

She'd left.

~JOJO ~

Discipline. I need to practice discip–

Fuck. Is that a hamburger?

The delicious treat from the glass showcase of a fast-food restaurant winks at me and my mouth waters just by looking at it. When was the last time I ate anything decent? I rack my brains out, calculating the number of calories I'd consumed for the last two days and the only results are an apple, a cup of black coffee, green tea and maybe a tank of water.

Wait!

I did lick that spoon of peanut butter this morning, so in total, 144 calories. Might as well call it a fast for all I care.

My breath quickens with every push of the pedal, thighs burning with the strain. It's been almost three hours since I left the coffee shop and I'm pretty sure the tires of my bike must be deflated from going through every damn corner of the city.

Why would I do that? Because I'm a stupid ass bitch who likes to push herself to her limits and who doesn't know what rest means.

I know I'm going too far. I know it won't be long before all of this comes crashing down on me, sending my progress back to the starting point, but I can't seem to stop. Not when the ecstasy is so overwhelming, filling me up with a fake sense of achievement. This was probably the reason why this disorder was addicting. It made you feel like you had the reins in your hands, not it.

Not her.

Oh, Ana. How much I wanna fucking kill you right now.

It was all her fault, after all.

No. It wasn't her fault. It was the people's fault.They were the ones that said things. Things that hurt me. And their words didn't affect me directly but they fed my insecurities.

It was confusing, actually.They said I was fat. I tried and built some muscle by working out.They said I looked too manly with my muscles now. It didn't suit me.I dropped ten pounds starving myself.

What did they want?

What was the right body?

I didn't know anymore.There would always be something not right, not good enough.

I grip the handlebar tighter when the flood of old memories engulfs me without warning, making its appearance like an uninvited guest. I'm not even sure how it all started in the first place because believe it or not, I was the biggest body-positivity enthusiast.

And then suddenly I wasn't.

And then I find out that there's a whole community out there with people just like me but so radical, so different from anything I'd ever seen before. At first, I was outraged, disgusted even, by the naive statements of young girls saying they wanted the thinnest body possible, fantasizing about skin and bones, but as time went by and as I delved deeper and deeper into the swirling vortex of these intoxicating thoughts, I started succumbing to them. They suddenly seemed appealing.

I let out a sigh between heavy breaths.

Did it matter now? Besides, that guy didn't even show up today. Maybe it's his day off or something.

The brilliant rays of the afternoon sun make the glass panes of the cars passing by gleam like a swarm of fireflies.It would've looked pretty if it weren't for the way it made me shield my eyes. I was already having a hard time trying to keep them open as my strength started to run out, the view in front of me doing half–circles and then turning back to its optimal position. My legs feel like lead and I stop pedaling altogether, letting my bike guide me instead.

Tired.

So, so...tired.

A familiar face swims into my line of vision. It's the emo kid.

And he's....falling?

The handlebar spirals out of my control and my knee hits hard concrete. That face is the last thing I see before a black cloak of darkness swallows me whole

~JUNGKOOK~

Never in a million years would I have thought I'd have to carry a random person to the nearest hospital on my way home. Yet here I am, sitting on a chair for the past hour, staring at the girl's chest rise and fall with slow, rhythmic breaths.

There are fresh bandages wrapped around her scraped knee and multiple bruises all over her body. I'd seen the slightest look of surprise cross her face before her eyes rolled up in her head and she fell off the bike, hitting her head in the process. It had been a chaotic situation, that one. People had kept gathering around, trying to sneak a peek at the accident but still not doing anything to actually help. So I'd taken things to my own hands, done my duty as a normal person would.

Then why are you still here, Jungkook? my logic reasons with me. The doctor said she would be fine so why are you still sitting over here, waiting for her to wake up?

That's right. I should be going.I lean my palms on my knees but before I can fully rise from the chair, the girl's eyes crack open. She takes a look around the room, analyzing her surroundings, and then her eyes stop on my face.

"Who the fuck are you?" she croaks.

Here we go again... I internally sigh."We met at the coffee shop. Or don't you remember?" I answer, praying for her life not to get my anger rise so fast.

"Right," she says, even though something tells me she had known exactly who I was in the first place. "The fuck are you doing here?"

"I saved your life."

"Why bother?"

"You should be grateful, you know."

"Did I ever ask for your fucking help?"

I had to admit I was slightly taken aback. The girl swore and cursed worse than a sailor. As if on cue, a jumble of profanities spill from her lips as she struggles to sit up, suddenly finding herself tangled in tubes and needles trickling colorless liquid into her veins.

"Get this shit off of me, " she says and rips the said piece from the inside of her forearm.

"You should keep that for a little longer." I protest, hands already reaching for the needle laying on the sheets but she flinches from my touch and throws a leg across the bed, attempting to get up.

"Sit down!" I say a little harsher than I intended but it was impossible not to.

Unbelievable.

Her nonchalance and irresponsible behavior made me want to punch her in the face, regardless of her being a girl. At last, she has the dignity to actually do what she's told. "Someone's cranky, " she mumbles as she leans back on the pillow.

This girl must have a split personality disorder because only two seconds later her legs are crossed comfortably despite the nasty injury on her knee and she's leaning forward with her cheek on her palm, staring intently at me with a curious smile hanging on her lips.

"You never told me your name, " she says.

"You never asked, " I reply.

She scowls. "Stop trying to play the smartass with me, child and just tell me your fucking name."

"It's Jungkook."

Her eyebrows lift in surprise.

"I know, it rolls off your tongue, doesn't it?" I tease.

"Actually, it sounds like a chicken dying, but okay."

My lips twitch in amusement, trying to suppress the silly smile demanding to make an appearance.

"To be honest, I'm kinda disappointed, " she continues. "I was expecting something more special, like Sebastian or Gabriel or something." She scratches her chin while her eyes still stay rooted on my face. "You know what, imma call you Juan. Yeah, Juan's better. Got that Latino vibe to it."

Her never-ending shenanigans were pure torture so I decide to turn the tables for a change. "And what is your name?" I ask.

For once, she doesn't try to make fun of me. "Jojo."

Cute.

"It fits you."

Her eyebrows scrunch themselves together as she carefully observes me. "Hmmm....Anyway–" She crawls to the side of the bed and grimaces when her left foot leans on the floor. "Thanks for spending your precious time with me, Juan but now I gotta blast."

"Miss, I'm gonna have to ask you to sit down, please," another voice is heard and the doctor I'd talked to earlier steps into the room. He stares the girl, Jojo I remind myself, down but she doesn't relent, staring right back with the same intensity.

"I'm perfectly fine—"

"Your blood sugar levels are at their lowest point, that wound on your knee needs to be changed continuously or else you'll get an infection and you might have a concussion from the way you hit your head. I'm surprised you're still even talking."

There's a slight tremor in her pupils, which I 'm pretty sure is caused by the panicked state she's trying to hide. She plasters a smile on her face. "Come on now, Doc. I'm sure you can let me off this one time. The fact that I'm still talking proves I'm better, right?"

"Miss—"

"I'll accompany her, " I blurt without thinking and both of them snap their heads in my direction. No turning back now. "I'll make sure she gets home safely," I assure him.

"I don't need your—" Jojo starts, but her words falter when she meets the doctor's glare. "I mean... sure, why not?"

The doctor seems satisfied enough as he turns on his heel without a moment's hesitation. However, he hasn't even made it past the threshold when he pauses, turns halfway around and looks at her dead in the eye. "And by the way, miss. You should eat something. Your heart's gonna fail at this rate."

I could have sworn I saw something flash behind her eyes but she doesn't show it, choosing to keep that sad smile on her face like an anchor linking her to sanity.

"Son of a bitch." I hear her mumble under her breath.

~JOJO~

Son of a bitch I repeat in my head over and over again till the words start to sound foreign to my ears, suddenly losing their meaning.

That damn doctor just had to point out the fact that I hadn't eaten anything for the last couple of days. He was right, of course, but that didn't stop me from mentally sending a series of curses his way.

I have never felt so shitty in my life. Both physically and mentally. My head feels like it's going to split in half, the stinging of the wound on my knee is crying like a bitch and there's not an ounce of strength left in me.

Powerless.

And if that wasn't enough, Juan's endless questions only add to my misery.

"For the last time, no, I don't live with my parents," I say for what felt like the gazillionth time, still refusing the hand he kept offering my way. I might be on the verge of collapsing but under no circumstances was I to let myself be held like a damsel in distress.

Nuh-uh.That's a line you can't cross, mister.

"That sounds kinda hard to believe," Juan says and sticks his rejected hand back in his pocket, probably to get rid of the awkwardness.

"Bitch, I don't need your approval to say something. If you don't want to believe me, fine. Suit yourself. "

His shiny black hair glints in the darkness, catching the beams of moonlight as he flicks it away from his face. "How can I be a bitch? I'm a male." he retorts.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Man whore." I reply, putting a clear emphasis on the last syllable.

He scowls, seeming genuinely offended by my words, especially when he says " Swearing is rude, you know."

"You know what else is rude? Asking people too many questions."

"But can you blame me, though? I mean you pretty much look like a high-schooler who ran away from home."

I stop dead in my tracks. "You have a strong sense of guessing."

He blinks. "Wait. You're really a high-schooler who ran away from home?"

I resume my walking, using the concrete wall on the side of the road for support. "For your information, I did finish high-school so suck on that."

"But you still ran away from home, right?" he insists.

"Oh for fuck's sake— yes, I did run away from home. Are you happy now?"

The blank look on his face, combined with the slight shrug of his shoulders almost causes me to snort. "Cool, " he says, unbothered."Aren't you gonna ask why I did it?"

"Not interested, " he states and looks straight ahead, completely ignoring my presence."Liar. I can see that you're one of those assholes who are dead-curious about everything."

"Am not!" he whirls on me.

I scrunch my nose and sniff the air around me like a wild dog hunting on its prey. "You smell that?" I ask him.

"What?"

"Smells like bullshit to me."

Even in the darkness, I can see the dramatic roll of his eyes, causing their whites to stand out. He had pretty big eyes, this guy. They softened that edgy aura he gave off, all muscles, tattoos, and black clothes. And the fact that he tolerated my irritating behavior, which I was deeply aware of, made him look even more appealing to my eyes.

"Why did you volunteer to take me home, Juan?" I quietly ask, glancing at him through the corner of my vision.

He seems to mull the question over in his head for a moment, eyes staring his shoes down. "I don't know. You seemed like you needed some help." He throws a look at me. "Which by the way, is still valid. You look like hell."

For some reason, that makes me retract my hands from the wall and I try to keep myself stable on my own two feet, limping heavily on the process.

"What exactly happened with your bike?" he continues, unaware of my recent action.

"I was busy stalking hot guys all day, so my bike got tired. Guess she just couldn't handle it anymore."

The boy doesn't seem to fall for any of my lies, narrowing his eyes till their nothing but slits. "Do you tend to not eat when you stalk hot guys?"

This little shit...

"Nah, it's just that I'm so fucking forgetful." I immediately reply. "I forget to eat all the time.

"He doesn't relent, still boring holes into my eyes.

"Hey, what's with all the questions, anyway? I thought you said you were not interested?" I repeat his own words.

"Right, " he admits.

My apartment building comes into view, the looming structure now as familiar as the back of my hand. "We're here, " I announce. My eyebrows raise in wonder as his legs keep heading for the entrance of the building instead of pausing.

"Where are you going?" I ask.

"To your apartment, obviously."

"What the fuck makes you think you can come to my apartment, boy?" I did not want him to see anything personal of mine, yet for some strange reason, I found myself hoping he would stick around a little longer. A little controversial, considering the fact that my words proved otherwise, but I couldn't just say that to him, could I? Like, hey, kid you're nice. Let's have a little chat before you go.

Ridiculous.

"I'll just escort you to the door, " he assures.

"No need for that."

"But what if you fall down the stairs?" he insists.

"You got me there." I punch in the code at the main entrance and hurry up the stairs as much as my limp would let me, Jungkook's eyes never leaving me for a second. After what felt like an eternity, I grunt heavily and lean on the doorstep of my humble apartment. "Okay, you've done your service, soldier. You're free to go now."

Jungkook throws a quick glance at my mustard-colored door, probably weirded out by it but then his eyes flick to my empty hands. "Where's your keys?" he wonders.

My mouth gapes open and my eyes go the size of tennis balls as I frantically pat my pockets. When I notice the way Jungkook's lips part slightly, I burst into hysterical laughter, jiggling the retrieved keys in front of his face. "You should've seen your face!" I laugh. "Hilarious."

He exhales, relieved. "I thought you'd lost them."

"Nah, Juan. I forget a lot of things but not my keys. Besides, these bitches stick up my ass like fucking glue."

The door's lock clicks with a flick of my wrist but I resist the usual temptation of kicking it wide open, in fear of letting emo-kid sneak a peek. It's not like I was embarrassed of the mess in my apartment or anything like that but it felt weirdly intimate to let someone else get a glimpse of my domestic life. In fact, I hadn't invited anyone over since...

Yes, it had been that long.

Jungkook notices my reluctance and clears his throat. "So...um...you're all good now, so I better leave. You should–you should take care of your wound."

How weird to see an overgrown, muscular dude stutter and not know what to do with his hands. I usually didn't have the tendency of stereotyping but this definitely struck me as odd.

I smirk. "Getting shy, Juan?"

He almost flinches at my words. " What? No!"

"Are you waiting for a thanks then?"

A stray hair falls in front of his eyes but he doesn't move it away from his face. "That's not something you ask from people."

I bite my tongue and try not to let the pain on my leg get to me as I squeeze into the room through a thin sliver of space. Still, his words bring a smile to my face and as much as I try to suppress it, it just keeps floating on the surface again. "I'm not an asshole, Juan. So thanks."

"Actually, you refused to say thanks from the start—"

"Okay, now you ruined it," I interrupt. "Get outta here."

He slowly starts to back off and his lips stretch into a barely contained smile. "Good night, Jojo." And then just like that, he's climbing down the stairs with his long legs taking two or three steps at a time.

I shut the door and lean on it for a moment, sighing deeply through my nose.

"Little shit, " I whisper.

Rise and shine.

That's exactly what my alarm tune doesn't say. Even after so much time hearing it pierce my ears every single morning with its shrill screech, I can never stop myself from wanting to smash the damn thing into pieces. However, that's the only thing that can actually get my ass up from the bed. All the other gentle-sounding melodies had proven to be absolute failures, dragging me even further into the sweet crevices of sleep.

The numerous late arrivals to work had made me suffer more shouts and scoldings than I could remember from my boss. The guy was a total dick. Good thing I don't work there anymore.

My room is still coated in patches of darkness here and there, the bright rays of the morning sun nowhere to be seen. It is about 5:30, an unholy time to wake up, but since I was now unemployed, I had made an oath to force myself every day into going for a run outside.

There was no overwhelming hustle and bustle, no moving crowds of people. The city had yet to rise from its slumber and the only activity on sight included slow, quiet movements of passers-by.

I finally kick the blanket off and swing my legs over the bed. The cold surface of the floor awakens my senses as I prepare to go over the usual ritual: Stretch, pee, step on the scale.

The number has slightly changed from yesterday but not to the point where I want it to. A wave of disappointment washes over me. It happens every day yet I can never get used to it.

I decide to go easy on the breakfast. A cold glass of water, an apple, and a boiled egg.

I probably should've thought about putting some pants on first, I say to myself as a crumb of egg yolk smears my bare thigh. I use the pad of my finger to wipe it off and cringe intensely. These thick bitches turned three sizes wider when sitting down and it only spurred on my body dysmorphia.

Disgusting.

Not forgetting about my daily dose of green tea, I hurry up before the sun rises and put some sports clothes on, which wasn't really that hard since they were the only thing in my closet. I shut the door behind me but it feels like something is nagging the back of my mind, demanding my attention.

Did I forget anything?

I rack my brains out in search of a clue but nothing makes it into the surface.

This stupid obsession...

Making sure my shoelaces are tightly secured and my earphones plugged in, I climb down the stairs and burst out of the entrance of the building. I welcome the sharp sting of fresh air that fills my lungs with a deep breath and waste no time to sprint into a run, the loud music already blasting my ears in full force.The wound on my knee does not approve of this but I don't give two shits. It can cry like a bitch for all I care.

It's easy at first, obviously. Your body is rested and unspent so you relish those twenty minutes with pure adrenaline flowing through your veins. But then, the run takes its toll on you. It's unavoidable.

The sky switches from dark blue to a pastel pink, announcing the official start of the day and reminding me of my tiresome condition. I'm panting like an asthmatic by now and my clothes stick uncomfortably with sweat so I slow into a light jog. The sting on my knee grows stronger and stronger til I can barely stand it. The clean sidewalk grows hard under my feet and it's all I can do not to faint from exhaustion. Running tires you out? Try running with not enough food in your system.

I scan my surroundings in an attempt to distract myself from the fatigue. A few trees lining up the street, a grey car hurrying to God knows where, hair—

Wait, what?

I redirect my eyes to the spot I was staring at and notice a mop of dark hair swinging wildly. The body they belong to is in fast-motion, arms shifting from side to side as the legs make long, speeding strides.

No fucking way. I guess it's not such a bad day after all.

I smirk as I gain speed, now heading straight towards the boy with newfound strength. As I maneuver from side to side with a few random strangers, I can't help but stare at the way his sweatpants hug every curve of his butt. He had a nice butt, this guy. I'm kinda jealous. And as if that wasn't enough, the material of his loose T-shirt turns darker from the collar down to his back, marking a trail of sweat. He'd ran just as hard from what I could see.

The music in my earphones dies out as I quickly catch up to him and slip by his side, matching his constant rhythm. He doesn't notice at first, but after the numerous glances I throw from the corner of my eye, he finally flinches and stops abruptly. "Jojo?"

His hair is completely drenched in sweat. The dark strands form wet tendrils on his forehead and numerous trails that drip from his temples and down to his chin. He almost rips his earbuds off and I have to say I feel slightly endeared. As a person who preferred not to be disturbed while listening to music, I could appreciate the fact that he removed them in the blink of an eye. If a person does that, he respects you. Simple as that.

He gives me a look of mild curiosity, which for a surprise makes him look ten times hotter. I also slow down to a stop as a smile tugs at the edges of my lips. "Oh, hey Juan! Didn't see you there."

He looks behind his back for good measure and turns to stare at me. "Are you stalking me?"

I scoff in feigned annoyance. "What the fuck? Am I not allowed to go for a run now? Do you own these streets or something?"

"No, but—"

"Hey, hey, " I quickly interrupt him. "Less chatting, more running."

I will my feet to start moving again and he immediately catches up. "So...how are you feeling?"

"Tired, " I reply.

"I meant from last night."

Well that's a surprise. I didn't think he would remember it, let alone be worried about my condition. "Oh. I'm fine. It's nothing, really, " I wave a dismissive hand.

He stares at me for a moment too long before turning his head straight. "That's good."

After that, neither me nor him try to elaborate on the topic. For some moments, the only thing heard is our combined panting and heavy breathing and it doesn't do much to tame my wild brain from going places. I push the dirty thoughts aside for later reference and give my head a slight tilt to peek at him."Tell me more about yourself, Juan."

"What do you wanna know?" he asks without looking.

"Everything."

He laughs delightedly. "Ok but you're gonna have to ask me questions, though. I don't know where to start."

"Perfect. Where do you live?"

His neck does a ninety-degree turn with such a lightning speed that I'm scared he broke a bone or two. "I knew you were stalking me!" he exclaims as if he had made a scientific discovery.

I smack my lips impatiently. "Just answer the damn question!"

"Two blocks from here."

"That means the coffee shop is close to your house, right?"

"I live in an apartment, " he adds and gives a curt nod before his attention is back to me. "Okay, my turn now. Did you ever go to college?"

Not this shit again. If I hadn't been attracted to his ridiculously good looks, he would be rubbing at a sore spot in between his eyeballs. "Goodness, child. You really are stubborn."

"Hey, it's only fair if you keep asking me questions, " he protests and instead of angering me, the harmless expression turns my insides into jelly. I was finding it hard to keep up with the constant appearances of his duality. It was weird. I barely knew this guy and I still told him things so strictly personal that I'd never thought I'd say out loud.

" I dropped out of college after the first year. Couldn't afford it."

And just like that, the jolly, playful countenance disappears to be replaced by a darker one. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I dropped too, " he continues. " Guess studies weren't exactly my thing."

"Oh wow. We have so much in common."

A pause.

"Where's your family?"

I was starting to think this kid was more interested in my personal life than me as a person. "Back home."

He doesn't say anything, waiting for me to explain further and unfortunately, I fall prey to his puppy eyes staring at me intently. An uncomfortable ball of imaginary yarn settles at the base of my throat. I try to gulp it down while fighting to keep the slight tremble in my voice from showing. " They...did some things to me. Bad things. I'm never going back."

He notices my discomfort, bless his soul, and decides to drop it. "My parents live far from here and I don't visit them as much. So yeah, that sucks."

His poor attempt at sympathizing with me makes my lips crack into a subtle grin. "Are all parents bad or are we just awful teenagers?"

"Both, I guess, " he chuckles.

Just when I assume the twenty-one question game has finally come to an end, he proves me wrong for the bazillionth time. "Is there anyone you hang out, at least?"

"You, " I answer.

His eyes widen twice their original size and I laugh through my nose. "Just kidding. I have a friend called Anna. Such a nice, caring and sweet girl." My lips twitch on the side to impersonate a somber smile but I had the feeling it looked like I was having a nervous tick. "She's to die for."

Time is cruel to us, swallowing up each patch of daylight until the sky has turned into the purest baby blue and let the rays of sunlight fall astray into our poor backs. The heat and the exhaustion makes us slow our pace. Then, suddenly a sharp pain stabs me across my knee and I wince discreetly.

"Do you go to work?" Juan asks, oblivious to my current torture.

"No, I quit, " I say, refusing to admit that the reason for that hadn't really been my choice. "Why'd you ask?"

"Well, it's just that—" He abruptly stops and his eyes shift their attention to my legs, staring hard at them.

"What?"

"You're bleeding, " he states, matter of factly.

I snap my head down and take note of the way my knee is soaked in a dark red stain, slowly webbing its tendrils along the fabric."Aw shit, " I curse under my breath.

"You need to go to the hospital, " Jungkook quickly intervenes before a long string of profanities can spill over my lips.

"No. No more hospitals. I'll just go home and put some fresh bandages on it."

"Okay, well let me come with you."

I take a step back and shake my head from side to side. "For the last time, I don't need your help, Juan. Here are my key—" I frantically fish my pockets but they're completely empty, save for that stupid paper towel that I had somehow forgotten there. "Fuck no! Fuck no!"

Juan's brow bunches up in distress as his judging eyes give me a hard stare. "You already made that joke once."

"I'm not joking around, you idiot!" I snap, probably a bit too harsh but the panic seems to have gotten under my skin for me to care at this point. "I forgot my keys!"

So, that's what kept nagging me in the morning. I mentally slap myself for being such a careless mess and vow to not make the same mistake again.

"Let's go to the hospital, " Juan calmly repeats, seemingly unaffected by my sudden burst of anger. I wonder if he was hiding his hurt on the inside. If that was true, I'd have to give him a round of applause because he was sure doing a hell of a good job.

"No."

"Do you want to bleed to death?" This time he can't help the hint of anger from seeping into his voice.

I say nothing.

"If you don't want to go to the hospital then come with me back at my place. I have some bandages too."

"Absolutely not!" I protest, outraged. If this kept going on, we would end up at each other's throats.

"Look, it's either that or the hospital. You pick."

Shit. He had me cornered. Well, what was I to say? I liked hanging out with him but I also didn't want him to see me in such a vulnerable state and make me feel indebted to him. It had already happened once and I hadn't liked it not even one bit. "I can't just come at your place, " I say with a lilt of playfulness in my voice. My figure was already frayed at the edges and he was quick to catch sight of it. "What if you're a murdering psychopath in disguise?"

He smiles in earnest, as if I'd just told him he was the nicest guy on the planet. "Then you can always stab me with a kitchen knife."

This was wrong. This was so wrong. I couldn't just go to his house, dammit. I was letting my guard down way too much. No way I was doing this.

"Fine, " I finally surrender and wish I'd bitten my tongue in time before the word made it past my lips.

~ JUNGKOOK ~

By the time we get to my apartment, the sun has already reached its highest peak in the horizon and the powerfully bright rays start to make me feel a bit wobbly.

I had offered Jojo to at least hold on to me but she seemed hellbent on making it by herself. I could see how much the wound was hurting her, yet she refused to let any emotion whatsoever show on her face.

I open the door unceremoniously and pause to let her in first. She carefully shuffles her steps with a heavy limp weighing her down but I could see that she was still having second thoughts on whether to enter a complete stranger's apartment or not. As soon as she passes the threshold, I release a sigh I didn't realize I'd been holding.

Her head starts turning from side to side, scanning the interiors of the living room. I suddenly feel self-conscious. Is the place messy? Did I forget to put my socks on the laundry basket? I was worried she would shy away and leave altogether.

"Nice place you got here, " Jojo says with a whistle.

I unconsciously smile but it fades away the moment she plops down onto the couch, ignoring the still-fresh wound on her knee. She even has the audacity to swing her leg over the edge and let it dangle there. So much for shying away.

"I'll go get the bandages, " I announce and retreat into the bathroom, keeping an eye on her from the way back. She gives me a salute before going back to studying the walls with curious eyes.

I hurry up and lock myself up in the bathroom and immediately, the sight of my disheveled look greets me in the mirror. My hair is wild, some strands clinging with sweat onto my temples and some flailing in the air like unmowed grass. My skin glistens with a fine sheen of wetness that makes me itch with discomfort and there's a pink blush settled on my nose and cheekbones. Did I really look like this all morning?

I let the water of the faucet run under my hands and give my face a quick splash. Why am I so nervous, dammit? It's just a girl. I really need to get a hold of myself. The image of her face reminds me of the reason I came here in the first place. I hurriedly grab the bandages from the counter along with some alcohol, cotton pads and a towel.

I take a deep breath and return to the living room with a forced air of nonchalance. "I got the—" I announce but the words falter when I see the empty couch. Where the hell did she go?

"You have very good-looking parents. No wonder where you got the genes, " her voice is heard from the other side of the room and I see her standing by one of the shelves, examining the tiny picture of my mom and dad, smiling at each other while my older brother cuddles my dog's white fur.

"Uh..thanks, " I manage as I scratch my neck.

At this, she turns around and finally looks at me. "Nothing to be shy about, Juan. You're handsome. You don't need glasses to see that."

"I—"

"Alright, are you gonna give me those or not?" she questions with a sly smile, pointing her chin towards the items in my hands and I internally curse from the distraction. Oh, she really did enjoy toying around with me.

I prevent myself from stuttering another word and slowly approach her. She grabs the things from my hands and sits on the couch yet again. Her condition was no better than mine. A single drop of sweat slides from the side of her cheek and travels down her neck in an excruciating slow motion. Her complexion had turned ruddy and her hair stuck to her edges with perspiration. How she had managed to run so hard in that state was beyond me.

I silently hand her the towel first. "Dab your neck with this before you catch a cold."

She looks at me with a slight tilt of her head but accepts it nonetheless, mumbling a "dab on them haters" under her breath.

"What about you?" she asks aloud. "You're literally dripping." As if summoned, another drop of sweat free-falls from my chin and onto the floor.

"It's okay. I'll be fine, " I quickly reply.

"Well aren't you a tough cookie?" she giggles. "Get it? Tough? Kookie? Jungkookie?"

I almost snort. And as if that wasn't enough, the nickname she used made this weird sensation creep onto my stomach.

After she's done drying her skin, she crouches down to take a look at the wound that still kept trickling blood. Her careful fingers roll the dirtied bandage around her knee to reveal such a nasty sight, I almost gasp in surprise. The blood had smeared the skin around the edges and on its center there's a blackish liquid that looks like anything but blood.

"Oh shit, " she whispers, obviously not expecting the wound to be in such a degree. I move forward with worry in my trembling form but she's quick to stop me."No, it's okay. I got it."

"But it looks really ba-"

"Thanks Juan, but I said I can handle it."

I silently get back and let her do the work herself. She seemed so used to this process, as if she had done it countless of times before. Her hands are quick and agile, snatching the alcohol and cotton pads and then proceeding to wrap brand new bandages around her knee. Not a single hiss or whine falls from her lips. After she successfully finishes, she lifts her head to gift me a charming innocent smile. As if she hadn't just split her knee open. This girl...

After that, the room falls into an awkward silence so I keep looking everywhere else but her. "Do you want something to drink?" I offer.

"Once a waiter, always a waiter, " she sighs while scratching her forehead.

"Okay, what do you have?"

"Let me check," I announce and head to the fridge without another word. I examine the contents within and yell from across the room. "Um... coke?" "I don't do drugs, " she yells back.

"As in the drink, Jojo."

"Oh. What kind?"

"The regular one."

"No diet coke?"

"No. Sorry."

"Okay, just get me a glass of water."

I come back with the glass and hesitate a split second before handing it to her.

"I really like your place, Juan," she says after a tiny sip. "Its so....you."

A discouraged laugh escapes from me. "You don't even know me."

"Says who? I'm excellent at knowing people's personalities on first sight, " she continues after another sip.

"What about you then?" I suddenly ask.

"My place or my personality?"

"Both."

She considers it a moment before answering. "Well, both suck compared to you. Especially my apartment, Juan. You wouldn't believe the fucking mess I make all the time."

She sounded nonchalant about the matter but I could sense the discomfort behind the words. She was having it harder than she let on.

"What are you gonna do from now on?" I ask, careful not to sound intrusive. "You lost your job right? How are you gonna pay your rent?

She plasters a smile on her face. "I'll figure something out."

Before I can push it further with my vast myriad of questions, she rises from the couch and sets the glass on the table. " Well, I better go now. Thanks for the help, Juan. I'll see you around."

I watch with frozen limbs as she makes her way towards the door with that tilt on her step and wonder if I really was crazy after the next words I hear coming out of my mouth.

"Wait!"

She slowly turns around and gives me a curious look.

"I have a proposal, " I say before I can regret it.

She grins in response. "Thanks but I'm too young to get married."

"No, not that. I was wondering... I mean if you want to...." I've never felt more nervous in my life. My words keep stumbling into one another and I can barely keep the the inexplicable stutter out of my voice. "You can—you can work at the coffee shop with me. I can convince my boss to get you the job."

She smiles and pivots on her heel. " Yeah, right."

"Hey, I'm serious."

"Forget it, " she says without turning around.

"Why forget it? Aren't you struggling?"

For a moment it seems like I've caught her attention. She pauses in her steps and slowly turns around until she's completely facing me. There are no more hints of smiles or amusement. Just a blank expression that for some reason looks sadder than anything else. "I don't want your pity."

"Its not pity, " I protest. "We've been short of staff anyway and you need a job. It's a win-win for both of us."

She takes a deep breath and lets it out just as harshly. "Why are you doing this, Juan? The hospital and the bandages and everything... Why are you helping me?"

"I like helping people, " I simply reply.

"Some people don't like to be helped."

"Well, if you think that, you're an idiot!" I snap as a pinch of anger sneaks into my voice.

She raises an eyebrow.

"Look, " I continue. "I don't know if I've done something wrong or if you just don't like people in general. I was just trying to help. If you don't want it, the door's right there."

Okay, now I really fucked up. I'd never been so straight-forward to someone before but it was like her sharp jabs had forced the harsh words right out of my mouth. Sometimes, the frustration overwhelmed me to the point I couldn't tell right from wrong.

She's frozen in her spot, wide eyes staring at me in a mix of shock and wonder. But then, her eyes slowly drag along my body, giving me a once-over before setting on my face. Her lips crack into a lopsided grin that was anything but innocent. "I like you, Juan, " she says and heads for the door before pausing on the threshold. "And I'll think about your offer."

The door closes shut behind her and just like that, she's gone.

~ JOJO ~

There's no way I'm doing this, I say to myself as I take a hot shower. No fucking way, I repeat as I get dressed and tighten my shoelaces. I felt like a mere sheep heading to meet the butcher's axe. But the sheep was making this choice herself. She was willing.

I was afraid the boy had put a spell on me. I'd never been so weak-hearted and obedient to someone's requests. Here I was, going to that cursed coffee shop even after all the fights with Anna last night. She kept persuading me to stay inside, lock myself up in my room and not talk to anyone for the next week or so. She'd never been the social type, the bitch.

Most people said it was like a voice in your head urging you to do whatever it wanted, but that was not the case at all. If the concept of Ana was that unrealistic it wouldn't be so hard to label it as just another link into the shackles of mental disturbances but the thing was, there was that doubt that made you hesitate on whether these were actually your thoughts that made you behave this way or something actually real and tangible. The feeling of something not claiming its existence but still lingering like a shadow on your every step.Is it me or her?Who said that?

I shake my head violently to clear my thoughts as I find myself in front of the shop's entrance.The floor seems to wobble beneath my feet and I doubted whether it was just because of the fact that my stomach had crumpled in itself like a sheet of paper.

I clear my throat loudly to capture the attention of the man hunched on the counter.He slowly lifts his head as an automatic smile appears on his face. “Yes?"

I steady my posture. "I'm looking for someone named Jungkook. He works here."

His eyebrows almost touch his hairline but he's quick to recollect himself. "Oh, sure. He's in the back fixing some stuff. I'll go get him for you."

He disappears behind a door and comes back two seconds later with the reason of my sleepless nights by his side.

"You're here!" Jungkook exclaims, a little too loud for my liking. He seemed slightly surprised, as if he hadn't thought I would actually come. Couldn't blame the guy. There were times when traces of bipolarism would make it hard for people to understand what I actually meant.

Jungkook's open-lipped smile is almost contagious. He tramples his way forward and stops just an inch further, towering over me.The all-black outfit was present even today but this time an apron adorns his slim waist.

"I am, " I simply add.

"Oh, I almost forgot. This is Kwan, " he says as he gestures toward the smiley man. "We've been working together since I can remember."

I flick my eyes to the latter and nod a salute at him. "You should've called this place 'Juan and Kwan'. Quite catchy, if you ask me."

The man named Kwan chuckles. "She's funny. Where did you find her, Jungkook?"

"Oh, I'm the one who found him, " I intervene. "Besides, we've met before. I'm the green tea girl."

His eyes slightly widen with a sense of realization as he nods along. Ironically enough, my stomach whines so loudly to the point where even Jungkook hears it. He points a finger at it. "You really need to shut that thing up."

I look down to my stomach and talk to it as if it were a real person. "Hey thing, shut up. Juan doesn't like the way you sound."

"Did you even eat anything on the way here? There are some cupcakes if you want, " Jungkook insists with the tone of a concerned mother.

"I'm not hungry, Juan. Must be uhh... my seven month-old baby."

Jungkook shakes his head in surrender and asks for me to follow him behind the same room he came from. My nervousness raises tenfold as a bunch of unpleasant thoughts immediately rush into my brain. If I didn't get this job, I could say goodbye to normalcy. I would fall down the hole dug by my own hands and never come back out. All the hard work of these past months out in the trash.

"Don't worry, " Jungkook reassures. "You'll do great."

~ JUNGKOOK ~

She was bursting with joy. It was like her face had been washed in the late afternoon sunlight, illuminating its every corner. She wasn't ridiculously beautiful or anything like that but there was something so captivating about watching that smile brighten up her features like a glorious sunrise, I could barely keep myself from staring.

However, one thing I learned about her was that she really knew how to celebrate. Her hands are struggling to hold all the groceries she'd gotten at the supermarket. Well...if you could call them groceries. All I could see were tons of candies and deserts and all sorts of sugary stuff able to furnish a dozen sweet-toothed five year-olds.

But the thing that baffled me the most is that she'd invited me at her place to thank me for the new job. I thought after all the fights she'd put up to keep me far and away she wouldn't give in so easily. Guess I'd been wrong.

"I thought you said you weren't hungry. " I watch her chew on a chocolate-covered donut that gave me diabetes just by looking at it.

"If there's one thing you need to know about me, Juan, is that I change my mind way too often, " she mumbles in between mouthfuls.

"Yeah I can see that, " I add.

"Hey, shut up now, will you? We need to celebrate!"

"By eating trash?"

"They say you are what you eat, " she replies.

I angrily grab the grocery bags from her hands and let her lead the way to her apartment. "Don't call yourself that. "

The jokes she constantly jabbed could be hilarious to someone else but they just did not sit well with me. I only found them as extremely self-deprecating and dark. It was the go-to type of thing for the depressed and people were so used to normalizing them, it was hard to point it out from time to time.

Her mouth pauses chewing as she gives me a hard but harmless stare. "Fuck, don't do that to me."

"Do what?"

The deep sigh she lets out through her nose tickles my eyelashes. She stops in front of the door and leans her back on it. "You keep being nice even when I annoy you."

"You don't annoy me, " I say quietly.

"Yes I do. I annoy everyone." Another sigh. "You know, Juan, all my life I've been treated like a joke. Yeah, I joke around a lot so I'll get joked at. Understandable. But like, no one has treated me the way you do before. You listen to what I have to say and give me honest answers and most importantly, you are serious when you need to be."

"Isn't that how everyone is supposed to be?"

"No. If I told someone I'm feeling sad they'll laugh at my face 'cause they think I don't have the right to feel anything."

"Well, fuck them, " I snap.

Her jaw almost drops to the floor. "Woah! I've never heard you swear before. That was low-key hot. Do it again."

I scratch the back of my head in discomfort and fumble with the edge of my T-shirt. Out of all the things she could've said..."Um...shit?"

The disappointment washes over her face as she scoffs and shakes her head disapprovingly. "Fucking rookie".

It is quiet for a few moments, save for the slight creak of the yellow door opening wide enough to finally offer me a front seat view of her apartment. I'd been strangely curious about what it would look like, eager to get to know more about where she lived, where she slept, what things the was interested in and no matter the weird turn my thoughts had taken I couldn't help but crave for more.

She lets me pass the threshold and takes the grocery bags from me to put them on the kitchen counter. The place reeked of lemons, their acrid stench filling the air to the point where it made my nose itch. I spot a few loose skins and other remnants by the table.Except for that, everything looked pretty much normal. Plain and bare of excessive decorations but I could see that she'd made efforts into putting her own preferences out in the open, littering the walls and ceiling. She liked minimalism, I could see.

"Did you throw a lemonade party last night?" I ask with the tiniest bit of chuckle tumbling from my mouth.

Her eyes flick to the evidence and I sense something I'd never witnessed so boldly in them before. Panic. "Oh, t-that..." she nervously stutters but it's gone in a blink as she quickly gains her composure. "Just an experiment. I love science." I hum in agreement and eye the couch on my right. "Can I sit?"

"Yeah, yeah sure. Make yourself at home. But I have to warn you there's nothing on the fridge so you're left with these, " she says, giving the sweet goodies a single heave.

"Oreos, please." I stretch my hand across and a huge grin pulls at the edges of her lips.

We spend the next few minutes sitting in silence, munching cavities away like they were our last meal. It was surprising to say that it did not for a moment feel weird nor awkward. We barely knew each other and yet we seemed like two old pals seeking comfort into each other's presence.

"My place sucks, doesn't it?" she suddenly asks.

"Not really, " I reply. "I think it's pretty."

A confused frown appears on her face as she keeps munching on a chocolate bar. "How come?"

"Well, beauty is subjective, Jojo. What looks pretty in my eyes may not be the same for you."

"Deep words for a teenager, " she mumbles.

"Look who's talking."

"Yeah, yeah..." She waves her hand dismissively but I don't miss the tiny smirk hidden in her cheeks.

The grocery bags start to slowly empty. I was worried she was gonna make herself sick with all the sugar already flowing in her body.

She suddenly gets up and stretches, reaching with the tips of her fingertips up to the ceiling. Her hoodie rides up and I almost gasp in surprise. There are several marks littering the thin stripe of exposed skin, some dark, some purple and some turning yellowish. They made such a stark contrast with the pale white complexion that didn't exactly match the tone of her face. She'd obviously never worn anything too revealing, the sun rays far from tanning the skin. Before I can gawk my eyes out, it's gone in an instant when the hoodie falls back in place.

"This shit's addicting, " she says pointing at the leftovers on the table.

I could only wonder if she really had more problems than she let on. From what I'd gathered, she'd subtly admitted to being a victim of domestic abuse but that was a long time ago, wasn't it? Why were there still fresh scars on her body? As if to add on to my assumption I take notice of her bandaged hand.

"Where's that friend you mentioned?" I ask. "Was it Annie...Ann?"

Her eyes flick back to mine. "You mean Anna? She's always here for some reason. I consider more like family, to be honest. Never leaves my side. Just not today."

There was something fishy about the way Jojo's eyes turned glassy and distant every time she mentioned her friend. It kept rubbing me the wrong way.

I ask her to use the restroom and she shows me the way in a few curt gestures. As soon as I get inside, I am met with my distorted reflection on the mirror. A huge web blossomed into the side. Someone had cracked it, that part was fairly obvious.

What the hell was wrong this girl?

I wash my hands mindlessly and return to the living room. Jojo sits on the couch, man-spreading like a fourty-year old man on his second divorce. She winces once or twice and exhales through her nose. " I think I ate too much, " she whines.

"You think?"

"It's all your fault. You're the one who convinced me to eat, " she accuses.

"Well, I certainly didn't tell you to eat junk." I join her on the couch from a fair distance as she sulks away the nausea.

"What happened to your mirror?" I softly ask.

"I punched it, " she answers without looking.

"Why?"

"There was a fly on it and it kept buzzing while I was taking a shit."

I didn't believe that for a second but I nod my head nonetheless. From that moment on, she only adds to the dark jokes and I pretend to fall for them. All until the moment I require permission to leave with the excuse of having to work again tomorrow.

I can't deny the sick, empty feeling at the pit of my stomach when I watch her follow me with her sad stare as I leave the apartment .

~ JUNGKOOK ~

The days go by smoothly. It took a while for Jojo to get the hand of it, but soon enough, the orders look like mere tools in her hands, bending to her will. Thank goodness, she had the conscience not to lash out at rude customers even though I could see how hard she strained the muscles of her forearms by her sides. She was the first to arrive and the last to leave the coffee shop. All that and she still kept to her strict schedule, running every day at the crack of dawn. Every single day. Even I didn't work out that much.

I had to admit that my interest for her kept increasing more and more with every new detail I noticed. I was intrigued to find out more about her and I strangely found myself being pulled to her presence like a magnet. We'd continued our shared runs and conversations on each other's apartments more often than I remembered but there was still no progress on our status. Well, I once called her my friend and she didn't object to it so that must be a start.

"Well, someone's got a new crush."

I rip my eyes off Jojo's figure and come face to face with Kwan's amused stare. "What?"

"You like her, don't you?" Kwan teases further.

I sigh deeply and put my apron on the counter, ready for my lunch break. "I don't know, honestly, " I admit. "I'm not sure what it is, exactly."

"Listen, I know a crush when I see one and yours definitely is . Why don't you ask her out?"

"It's complicated."

Before Kwan can torture me with his long string of questions, Jojo stomps her way toward us with closed fists. "I swear to God if that bitch asks for a menu one more time..."

"Hey, hey we talked about this, " Kwan interferes. "Deep breaths. In and out."

She does what she's told a couple of turns and then rests her hand on her hip. "Nope. I'm still angry. I have to punch something."

"No violence in our workplace, Jojo."

She pouts in distaste and then suddenly her eyes land on mine. Her hand reaches out and points at my chin. "You got a little something.."

I dip my vision down only to be met with her index and middle finger giving my head a hard flick. She erupts in teasing giggles, soon joined by Kwan's booming laughter.

"Gotcha! Bro, I feel better already, " she says and gives Kwan a manly fist bump. I shake my head in surrender, a coy smile tugging at the corners of my lips and head for the room on the back. I hear the swish of Jojo's apron on the counter as she soon falls into my steps. We had a ten minute break everyday and Jojo was never one to miss it, always deciding to share that precious time with me. She kinda ruined it with the jokes sometimes but I didn't really mind.

She offers me a slice of cucumber trapped on the sharp edge of her knife and I politely decline. She always did that, sharing food left and right even though most of the times it wasn't even that much to begin with.

"Wanna hangout after work?" I suddenly ask. I hadn't planned this at the slightest. It was like the words jumped right out of my throat. Sure, we'd hung out before but only on days off and certainly not on evenings.

She hesitates for a moment before chewing on the cucumbers. "Sure, why not? It's Sunday tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah, " I admit.

"Cool."

I try not to let the excitement show on my face as I finish the last bits of my lunch. The late afternoon takes longer than usual to arrive. By the end of the shift, I'd been itching to get the apron off. Jojo, on the other hand seems unbothered. For her it was probably just another day with the bane of her existence. She nudges her elbow into my side as we exit the doors together, throwing a glance at the bike by the side of the road. She would ride that thing here everyday even though the memories of the accident were still fresh. "I'll just leave it here tonight, " she says, as if reading my thoughts. "Don't wanna make your sorry ass struggle to keep up with me."

I give her a teasing light push and pull at a string on her hair. "Fuck off."

We go for a series of playful kicks and thrashes that turn milder and milder with every inch we come closer to my apartment. By the point we've reached the door, my poor hair is being twisted like a rope in her cruel hands. She really liked touching my hair. She kept saying she'd braid it or put it in a ponytail at least once before she died. Me on the other hand had scolded her for mentioning death in the first place.

"Ok, but you have to let me style it for you, " she insists, never dropping the issue.

"No, thank you. I like my hair the way it is, " I reply in feigned smugness.

"Asshole, " she mumbles under her breath.

"What?"

"I said Casserole. I'm craving some."

My eye creases soften on their own. "I can make it for you if you want."

"You know how?"

"No, but I can look it up online."

At that, a shy smile brushes her features. "Nah, it's alright. I think about all sorts of food all the time. I'd probably change my mind after five minutes."

She plops down on the couch comfortably and groans when the bones of her back click to let her unwind. The way she'd grown more and more comfortable around me gave me this weird sense of satisfaction, as if I'd been seeking for that validation from the start. In fact, our whole situation was weird. I enjoyed her company and hopefully the feeling was mutual but there was still something missing. I didn't know exactly what but I certainly knew that deep down she was hiding a whole different personality.

My apartment had become so familiar to her, she doesn't hesitate to let me know without much further ado that she'd be using the restroom. But just before fully rising, she types something down on her phone with the utmost concentration. The only reason why it attracted my attention was the excessive amount of times she'd done that for today. And yesterday. And days before that. It would take one bite of her food and she'd immediately reach for her phone.

Did she use a calorie tracker?

I curse myself enough to damn my soul to hell for the rest of eternity but it still doesn't stop my hand from shakily grasping the phone lying on the couch. I draw the pattern I'd memorized from watching her unlock it all those times and just like that, the Notes app lights back into life. My eyes widen with every single line I read.

Day 35 I fucked up today. I had three donuts for breakfast and pizza for dinner. The cravings are fucking horrible. Total : 1560 cals

I scroll down to some days back.

Day 34 I wouldn't say it's bad. I went for a run and had an apple afterwards. Take that Anna, you whiny bitch! Total: 78 cals

There's a visible pattern in the notes; wins, losses,relapses. My eyes scan the screen speedily, fleeting through each letter and word.

Guess what? I fucked up again—

I hate myself—

I did not eat anything today! Nothing, I tell you! Haven't felt this empty since—

I so wanna die right now—

Please make it stop—

Day 71 No comment

Day 72 No comment

No comment

No comment—

"That's my phone, you know."

I raise my head to level my blown-out pupils with her calm ones. Unperturbed. Smooth like waves in a gentle breeze. She doesn't look angry to witness my shameless snooping, just disappointed. She knows that I know. It all makes sense now. The scars, the small meals, the excessive workouts...I feel a pang in my chest for being such a fool all this time.

I muster whatever courage left within me and rasp out the words. "Who exactly is Anna?"

~ JOJO ~

"She's a bitch."

"An imaginary bitch, " Jungkook emphasizes.

"Doesn't make her less of a bitch, " I mumble.

He has been giving me a cold yet sympathizing stare for the last five minutes but I knew that deep inside he was bashing himself for not knowing.

"It's short for Anorexia, " I clarify.

"How long has this been going on?" Jungkook continues. He didn't seem like giving up on the detective role anytime soon. Little did I know that he would fully embrace the title.

"Three years."

His head drops in his hands. He gives his pretty face a hard rub before turning it back towards me, eyes now laced with something similar to compassion.

"Why aren't you looking at me like that?" I ask him.

"Like what?"

"Like I'm some sort of freak."

"You're not a freak, " he grits between his teeth.

"But that's what everyone would say if I told them. I know they'll look at me differently."

"I'm not everyone."

He was right. He wasn't everyone. That's why I kept dropping hints on him with every chance I could get. I wanted him to know but then again I didn't want him to know. It was hard to explain.

Jungkook keeps his piercing stare on me, hoping to get a reaction. Then he pats the spot next to him on the couch as a few strands of hair fall into his eyes. It made him look so adorable, I decided right there and then I would do whatever he said. Just asking would be enough.

"What's it like?" he asks as soon as I make myself comfortable.

"My disorder?"

He nods.

I think for a few moments before answering. How was I supposed to to explain it? It had been by my side for such a long time, I didn't know how to tell my disease and myself apart.

"Well, to begin with, I'm fat."

Come on. Say it. Come on.

His eyebrows scrunch in disbelief. "No, you're not."

There you go.

"You look pretty normal to me, " he continues.

"Normal is just another word for "you're fat but I don't wanna say it in your face, " I spit and it only makes him look more confused. "Oh, come on. I bet the first thing that came to your mind when you thought about anorexia was a skinny pale girl looking at a mirror. See? I knew it. In people's eyes anorexia and non-skinny people do not correlate."

Jungkook looks embarrassed to say the least. I know he's trying his best to find a gentle way around me but the deep crimson of his cheeks doesn't make it any easier for him. "I—"

"Look, Juan. I don't wanna overwhelm you with my bullshit. I'm sick in the head, okay? The things I do are not cool and I don't want you to be part of it."

"I thought we were friends..." he whispers in a low voice.

"We are but—"

"Just explain it to me, please. I'll help you get rid of it."

He really had no idea. His gullible self couldn't understand that this was not just a disorder. It was a lifestyle and the only way I knew how to survive. I release a sigh of defeat and try to muster the most joyful tone. "Fine. You wanna know what it's like? I'll tell you what it's like. Every day, I get up from that bed with the sole purpose of starving. I don't want to eat. It's that simple. Now you're probably thinking: ' why the fuck aren't you dead yet?' That's because I can't starve correctly, Juan. I can't do shit."

Jungkook keeps his unwavering stare directed towards my face and hands that passionately make weird gestures from time to time. I notice something sparking within me, a small flare of anger and pent up frustration finally getting some release. Saying the words out loud was unnerving. I'd never imagined them anywhere but on the interiors of my head.

"Numbers are important. I can't tell the difference even if I lost some weight. That's why I use the scale everyday."

"What do you usually eat?" Jungkook carefully asks.

"Anything that has low calories in it. But it doesn't last long and I'll immediately eat junk food three times the amount. Starve. Binge. Starve. Binge. It's a vicious cycle."

"Why don't you try a healthy diet?"

I let out a humorless laugh. "Wow, you're richer than I thought."

He blinks. "What? Why?"

"Healthy diets are expensive, dumbass. Ever wondered how rich people have those avocado diets and that type of shit? But that's just an excuse. The real reason is that I lack will."

"If you lacked will, you'd be dead by now."

"That's where I'm heading."

His head falls in his hands again and those pretty smooth lips mumble under his fingers. "You're not satisfied with your body?"

"Not satisfied is an understatement. I hate my body. It's hard to explain actually. I don't want to be sick to the point where I can't even stand but I don't want to be curvy either , you know what I mean? Its like I want a thin body but then I see a muscular one and I'm like ooh I want that one too and I don't know..."

Jungkook's eyes seem to sparkle on that. "So, you want a lean muscular body?

"Yes."

"That's not so hard to achieve."

I put up my best fake surprised-expression. "No shit, sherlock. Why didn't you just say so? You would've saved me from a lot of trouble."

"Fuck you, " he grumbles.

"I'm already fucked for life my man."

His deep sigh tickles my face. "You're impossible. How can you joke about this?"

"Then what am I supposed to do? Cry about it? Trust me, I've tried that a lot of times. It won't do shit. If I laugh about it, it won't be as shitty, " I add. "But jokes aside, it's not just about being thin. Its also about being in control, being aware of your own body. I feel so angry and frustrated every time I lose my streak."

To my surprise, he smirks in such an inappropriate way, it paints his face in a whole new canvas . "Don't worry. There are some situations where control just isn't needed."

I almost choke on my spit. Jungkook, being audacious? Well that was new. "Feeling bold, Juan?" I tease.

"Maybe, " he admits but now it had turned into what seemed like a shy smile. I try to latch onto that glimpse of humor and normalcy in hopes of taming the wild turns and takes of our conversation. But just when I thought I'd taken hold of it, Jungkook jumps into a new question. "What else can you tell me?"

I highly doubted I would be able to spill the contents of my soul in such a short time but if he was so hellbent on knowing more, knowing he would get." I can tell you a lot of things but I can also guarantee they're not pleasant."

He doesn't even blink.

"Fine. You asked for it." I pause. " I've been like this for three years now and it has only gotten worse as time passed. I already know what you've seen online and what you think eating disorders are. Trust me, it's bullshit. Don't believe the shit they give you. Do you know how many overweight people are anorexic? A whole bunch of them but if they tell anyone about it they'll get laughed at 'cause apparently anorexia exist only for skinny white girls. A lot of guys have it too. But they call it cutting back some pounds when they hit the gym. No way that's unhealthy, right? Totally justified. It's all just a big pile of shit. There's nothing cute or romantic about it. You know what's funny? I can go for days without taking a shit but I'll pee every two hours. I drink so much water to the point where it makes me sick. I never get warm. I take every single bite counting numbers in my head and wondering how I'll burn it off later, I spin in circles to make myself sick just so I won't be able to eat, I measure my waist three times a day and I feel like fainting every time I get up. I hurt myself 'cause I don't like what I see."

I feel that familiar ball of imaginary yarn settle to the base of my throat but I push it back down just as fast. Not now. Anytime but now.

Jungkook's eyes glint with sadness. He gulps once before lowering his vision and choosing to stare at the hands resting on his lap. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize, " I reply. " It's not your fau—"

His hand shoots out to capture my own. A thousand tiny electric sparkles tingle up my arm. Maybe it's the lack of contact or just the knowledge that it's him but the way his warm palm fits into mine feels so right and I can't move it away for the life of me. His thumb brushes lightly across my knuckles. "I'm not pitying you, okay?" he says in a gentle voice. "I would never pity you. I just don't want to see you like this."

I lift my eyes to his own and stare at him like he was a glass statue, pouring some of his brightness on me. I didn't understand why he hadn't kicked me off yet. And to think that I was enjoying it...

Jungkook observes the slight tremor of my hand in his, which I'm desperately trying to hide and a subtle smile graces his lips. "You're touch starved, " he murmurs. Not in a malicious way. Not mocking me for it. Just stating things out in the open. It was the quality I liked the most about him.

"Physical contact is a luxury to me," I admit.

"It shouldn't be. You're human."

"I'm not even sure about that anymore."

The smile stretches wider as his nimble fingers intertwine with my trembling ones in a gentle, yet firm grip.

"Is this okay?" he questions, eyes set on the motion.

"No, but carry on."

It all felt like a guilty pleasure, like those sweet candies your mother keeps hiding from you and when you do find them, the taste is but absolute bliss. A forbidden fruit. I knew I shouldn't be leading him anywhere and spoil his peaceful life with my problems but I couldn't make myself pull back either. I was all of a sudden caught up between two fires that would scorch me and themselves in the end. Pushing people away or letting them in the confines of my chaos. I would lose either way.

I put on my best unperturbed mask to make it known I wasn't affected at the very least but just like that, his other hand slides up to my elbow and locks it in place. His deep look burns with something I can't quite decipher. "Can I kiss you?" he suddenly asks.

I freeze for a split second but try to shake it off with an intentional raise of my eyebrow. "Why?"

"I want to, " he breathes.

I was torn between slapping some sense into him and laughing my ass off but I do neither. My posture stays unmoving, waiting. "Do you really want to?" I ask again.

"Yeah, " he confesses and I catch his eyes glancing down to my lips.

I shrug. "Okay."

I've barely gotten the word out when he closes the small distance in a matter of seconds. A hand latches onto my jaw to angle it better and that's where I feel the soft, plushy texture of his lips come into contact with mine. They're so delicate and move so gently, I feel like I've ascended into time and space. I let his bangs tickle my cheekbones because it obscured his eyes from view and I didn't want to witness the reality of it.

Before I can dwell longer on them, he pulls back, forming the smallest of distances. His pupils are blown out, dark eyes staring with something more than just interest. I take notice of my fist bunching up the T-shirt he's wearing. Apparently, I hadn't been able to block out all my reactions. I release the material immediately and rise to my feet. A quick glance at the window showed that it was already dark.

"Good night, " I chirp and grab my phone resting on the table, heading speedily for the door.

Jungkook panicks and stands up just as fast. "Wait, where are you going?"

"Home," I reply.

His eyebrows bunch up in confusion yet again. "You can't just go like that after I kissed you."

"Watch me."

In less than four strides I've crossed the threshold and shut the door behind me with a thump. People were right when they said you couldn't see yourself blush but you could feel it. My whole face felt like it was on fire, an uncomfortable warmth spreading equally up to the tips of my ears. Who the fuck even blushes anymore?

I smack my lips in annoyance as I make my way down the stairs in a newfound rush. I cant deny it. I liked the kiss. Maybe a little too much. In fact I wanna go back there and steal the breath out of his lips. But I can't. It was a one time thing. And it will remain that way. Or at least I hoped so.

~ JUNGKOOK ~

Anorexia nervosa, often referred to simply as anorexia, is an eating disorder characterized by low weight, food restriction, fear of gaining weight, and a strong desire to be thin. Many people with anorexia see themselves as overweight even though they are, in fact, underweight.

Sleep is far from reach as I keep scrolling down page after page of the same generic description. Countless of pics of young girls with ribs and bones sticking out of their pale skin had been more than enough to make my own skin crawl, the after-images blazed forever behind my eyelids. She was right— they all said the same thing but I'd always known that no matter what what was said, you couldn't really understand something without experiencing it yourself first hand.

I put my laptop aside and lay down on the warm comfort of my bed. Even though I'd willed my eyes shut, sleep just wouldn't come. She kept busying my head with all kinds of thoughts— thoughts of her disorder, thoughts of what she was doing right now and the memory of her soft lips on mine. I keep replaying that exact moment like a loop, feeding off my imagination like a middle-schooler. She'd acted like she barely gave a shit but there was no mistakening the furious blush that had fallen across her nose and cheeks all the way to the tips of her ears. It looked surprisingly adorable on her, different from any type of reaction I'd gotten in exchange.

I roll over the other side of the bed and smash the back of my head on the pillow. I'm such an asshole. And she's no better either. How can you just leave after someone kisses you?

I leave my mind pondering to these thoughts as my eyelids slowly start to weigh down on me. But just when I'm about to pass out cold, a dark figure intrudes the corner of my eye, causing my body to turn upright.

Jojo's standing by the threshold, dressed up in what looked like loose see-through sleeping clothes. The material fell in graceful waves from the hems and pooled around her ankles. It felt weird not seeing her dressed up in her usual tomboy look but I was enjoying the view nonetheless. Her hair drapes over her shoulder and hides a part of her face, the rest of it, illuminated by the moonlight seeping from the drawn-back curtains. It looked like she'd just awoken, eyes mussed up with sleep but still focused on my form. She stares deeply at me, as if waiting for something.

All traces of exhaustion now wiped clean, I push myself up on my elbows and return the stare. How had she gotten here this late? Did she know my password?

She saunters over to the bed in such a seductively delicate manner but yet it was so subtle, I doubted whether she did it on purpose or not. Her left knee touches the duvet first, making the bed dip slightly under her weight. Then she leans her palm facing down and proceeds to come closer and closer on all fours like a predator targeting its prey. I was like a deer caught in the headlights in the most cliché sense of the word. I kept observing her movements with silent adoration and the more I tried to look away, the harder my eyes seemed to fixate on her approaching form. At some point she's sitting so close to me that I can feel her soft breath fluttering my eyelashes. She slowly tilts her head and gives me a look of mild curiosity, as if puzzled by my existence there altogether.

"Can I touch you?" she softly asks. Her dark orbs bore into mine, waiting for my answer. Such a sheer persuasion is held inside of them that I find myself gulping audibly before nodding without a moment's notice. She comes impossibly closer, almost attaching her body into mine and then raises a hand up to my hair, the small fingers playfully twirling the dark locks. I then notice her own hair falling in curtains in front of her face, slightly obscuring her eyes from view. It makes her look even more mysterious and alluring, I can barely resist the urge to tuck a string back behind her ear.

"Can I do more than just touch you?" she asks again and this time the movement of her hand slows into a halt. The edges of her lips pull slightly in a teasing manner and seem to merge into a coy smile.

My heart starts beating like crazy. I can feel it accelerate into a manic pace as it pulses with an unfaltering heat underneath my fingertips. I muster whatever air left in my lungs and whisper the words in a breeze. "Whatever you'd like."

That's all the approval she needs. She tilts her head on the side and lets the tip of her nose brush my earlobe. The breath she lets go draws from me an involuntary shudder that washes over my body; from the top of my head and down to my toes.

I fist the sheets to the point where it hurts. I wanted to touch her too, to feel her and to breathe her in. But I don't. I decide to let her be the one in control, to let her know that just a word tumbling from her lips would be enough to give her all of me. All that I had.

She drags those sinful lips along the side of my neck painfully slow and then puts her legs on each side of my hips, straddling them. And then she kisses me. Even though barely a peck, it burns scolding hot and causes my lips to burst into a heap of tingles.

My hands find their way into her waist, digging through the material but she stops me with her own and gives my chest a light push. I try to relax and let my back lower till it finally makes contact with the sheets. She hovers above me, graceful strings of hair tickling my neck as she attacks my lips again with bruising strength.

That's when I feel it. My shirt being lifted. Her cold fingertips, in stark contrast with my ridiculously hot skin, leave goosebumps in their wake. I try to reach with my hands and help her get it off but she grabs them and puts them back down. "Don't. I'll do it for you."

She resumes her previous action and sweeps my shirt completely off but not before making sure those nimble fingers slide along my skin with an added pressure. I let her. I let her do whatever she wants with me. She can have me.

I pray silently with my eyes for her to kiss me again and surprisingly, she understands. But this time I can't help the small whine coming deep from the back of my throat as she dips her head down and lets her tongue swipe a sensitive stripe on my neck. I'm scared the sheets will rip into shreds from how hard I'm twisting them.

She doesn't stop. Only goes lower and lower with open-mouthed kisses, down my chest, through the ridges of my abs, all the way to my navel. She stops there and the hard muscle of her tongue moves in a way that makes me gasp out loud. I shut my eyes tight.

When I open them again, the pressure on my tummy slowly dissipates. I drag my eyes to my front but there's no one there. Just the open window swaying the curtains and the entirety of my room swallowed by semi-darkness.

She's not here. It was just a dream.

I sit up on my bed and drag a hand to my face, rubbing it hard to pull myself together. What the hell just happened? I hate myself even more for the fact that I wish it wasn't a dream. I let my head fall back with a thump into the pillows and notice the uncomfortable heat at the bottom of my stomach. "Holy shit, " I whisper.

~ JOJO ~

Sometimes even the most colorful butterflies in your stomach cannot stop the tears from falling. Me, like the miserable human being I was, had cried myself to sleep last night instead of hopping cheerfully around my room. Jungkook's shut eyes and the serene expression on his face when he'd put his lips on mine had only made me wallow into self-doubt even more than usual. Did he actually mean it or had it just been a reflex, something to pass the time? I felt as if I didn't deserve any of the things he offered me, regardless of his intentions. But fuck, did I want to have him. Fuck. I'd never met a more perfect person with all of those tiny imperfections that actually made him real and whole.

That perfect smile that puts all of his pearly white teeth on display shines bright even know as he notices me entering the shop but I don't fail to detect the eyes that shy away in embarrassment. How cute.

"Hey, " he tries to hold the grin from spreading across his face as he scratches his neck awkwardly.

"Hey yourself, " I reply with forced nonchalance. It doesn't work. I fall under the scrutiny of his eyes as he can tell something's off.

"Your eyes are red, " he states matter of factly.

"Last time I checked they were brown."

His face falls. "Don't give me that shit."

Wow. That kiss had definitely given him some confidence. As far as I remembered, swearing was something he found hard to do unless absolutely necessary. Was I getting to him already?

Preparing to start the work, I click my tongue and move into an arc around his back. I let the silence fill the empty slots, too tired to come up with some lame excuse when suddenly, the presence of warm fingers greets the skin of my elbow. I look down to see Jungkook's hand on it, eyes brimmed with genuine worry, something I hadn't seen in a long time. "Is everything alright?" he questions and the words alone make the butterflies in my stomach almost turn into pigeons. "You left all of a sudden last night."

The angle on which he bends his neck to level his eyes with mine makes them stand out so adorably, so bright and full of life, I can barely hold a squeal from ripping out of my throat. He was just standing there in all his glory and looking at me like I was the thing he cared about the most. Maybe I was. Did it sound too far-fetched?

I slowly reach up and twirl one of his dark locks on my forefinger, letting it drag to the side of his cheek as I give it a small poke. I hear the breath that hitches on his throat and it only spurs me on even more. "Why? Did you miss me?"

He doesn't back down, eyes boring into mine with an intensity that deserved some recognition. They occasionally flicker down to my lips and I already know what passes through his mind at this moment.

Someone clears their throat.

I immediately put some distance, eyes dragging to the new intruder only to find Kwan staring at us both with a shit-eating grin. He was gonna use this to blackmail us, I was sure about that but I couldn't care less. Not when Jungkook's eyes follow me without failing as I backtrack a few steps.

"He had something in his hair, " I explain with a faint gesture. Kwan's grin grows impossibly larger but he doesn't say anything, deciding instead to grab one of the glasses and wipe it raw, a habit more than out of intention.

I ignore his teasing remarks for the rest of the day and watch Jungkook's prying eyes from the corner of my vision. He'd throw a glance my way with every chance he got and without even being subtle about it. When it's time for our lunch break, his stare becomes so bashful, I can't help but stare back with an offended glare.

"You're doing it again, " he says before I can part my lips.

"Doing what? " I ask.

"Putting a mask on your face. It's funny but it's bullshit."

More swearing. Was it really possible to change someone for the worst with a few words? The last thing I wanted was for him to follow into my steps.

"There's no need to act cool all the time. If you're not okay, you can just say so." His hands fumble with the edges of his lunch box, fingers scraping at it out of nervousness. "You can say it to me, " he adds more softly. " I'll listen."

"Hey, its not that big of a deal, " I wave him off.

"Not that big of a deal?" he mimicks. "You can die."

"So? What's it to you?"

Jungkook sighs deeply. "Jojo—"

"Are you gonna feed me the classic love yourself bullshit?" I interrupt him before he has the chance to say the words I've heard being trumpeted so many times. "Cause there's no need for that. I already love myself. I mean, sure I would jump off a cliff if I could but I love living. I love life to death."

I'm pretty sure that so called mask he mentioned was glowing with pride right now. Even though deep down I knew it felt wrong, I still—

"You do this on purpose, don't you?" I turn my eyes to him only to see a smug expression that looked so foreign and uncharacteristic on his face. "I know what you're doing. You act rude and sassy and uncaring to fend people off so they won't get attached to you because you think your presence alone harms them." He leans forward with his elbows on his knees and his face floats mere inches from mine. "Isn't that right?"

When I don't answer back, his hands cup my knees as he leans so impossibly close that I can count all the dark brown flecks in his eyes. "Hate to break it to you but you can try as much as you want. You're not getting rid of me so easily."

His husky voice brings a smile on my face and I still make no move to put his hands away. "Oh, I can get rid of you. I just don't want to."

~ JUNGKOOK ~

"What do you mean you don't want to? I thought you liked hanging around with me?"

"It's late, Juan."

Jojo grabs the handles of her bike and turns it around in a semi-circle but before she can hop on the seat, I give her hoodie a pull and take over. From the moment I start pedaling, she sighs in exasperation. "Dude, come on, give it back."

"I'm not taking no for an answer, " I quickly reply. "I'm making chicken breasts tonight. Low calorie. You have to come over."

Jojo slowly catches up and we move like that for a while; her walking and me on the bike. It felt strangely relieving to have a moment of peace after a long and exhausting workday. I close my eyes and let the sun rays bask on my face with their warm texture. From the silence that follows, I suppose she's left with no other choice but to give in.

"Watcha thinking about?" I hear her ask after a few moments.

I open my eyes and turn my head towards her. "You."

She snorts. "You've stepped up your game, my man. Glad to see some progress."

"I learned from the best."

"Nah, I'm pretty sure you were already popular with the ladies way before you met me."

The soles of my feet touch the concrete and I force the bike into a halt. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, " Jojo grins, "there's a girl behind us staring at your asscheeks–"

I choke on my spit.

"–and I mean like I can't exactly blame her because your ass is really looking pretty puffed up in that seat–"

"Anywaaaays, " I drag the word long enough to make her stop and proceed to flick my chin on the side. "Let me give you a ride."

Jojo's whole face dismorphs as her lips twist into a barely contained smile. It takes me a while to get the dirty reference. "Oh come on, " I yell out of frustration. "A ride. On a bike. Here on the street. Out in the ope–"

"Yeah, yeah. Just scoot over."

I do as I'm told and not a moment longer, Jojo tries to get comfortable on the back seat. However, I had a better idea. "Hey, why don't you pass to the front?"

Jojo peeks over my shoulder. "No. We'll fall if I do that."

"No, we won't, " I insist. "Just trust me. I'll keep you safe."

I don't know if those words struck a cord within her because she looks genuinely caught off guard with those big sparkly eyes staring at me in earnest. That's where I understood.

Words have power.

I could help her turn things around for the better. I could help her get back to normal. I could do all of these things and more if only she would crack the door of her soul open just an inch to let me in.

"Okay, " she finally answers in a tone much softer than usual. I scoot back and let her sit on the bike's supporting rod.

"Ugh, my ass is gonna be bruised like hell by the time we get there, " Jojo whines and squirms in discomfort.

Chuckling, I give the pedals a push and soon fall into a constant rhythm. Unfortunately for Jojo, it is hard to keep the balance so she is forced to hold onto my shirt. She barely touches it though. "Oh God."

"What?"

"Don't tell me this is one of those cliché supposedly romantic moments where the girl almost falls and they look into each other's eyes and shit like that."

I keep my eyes on the road. "I mean, it's not so dramatic to begin with. We're just chilling. And for the record, we did kiss so I don't see how just looking at each other can be such a big deal."

"Can't believe you pulled that card on me."

"You deserved it, " I reply in a smug tone.

After another moment of comfortable silence, Jojo's arms snake around my waist and the side of her head leans back on my chest. It feels like holding a baby, warming my body up with the presence of blood and life flowing underneath the skin.

For fear of scaring her away, I decide not to add any teasing remarks on why she changed her attitude in a matter of seconds, despite how tempting it was. If that loneliness she constantly felt was reduced even by a fraction, my job was done.

"Are you sleepy?" I carefully ask.

Her arms squeeze me even tighter. When she rubs her cheek affectionately on the front of my shirt, I fight the urge to erupt into giggles. "No, " she answers. "Just tired."

It would only take some time. Just a little bit more time and all her exhaustion would ripple away with no traces in her body or mind. This was my job from now on.

~ JOJO ~

It wasn't exactly his job to nurture me like a newborn baby but I couldn't deny the fact that I liked this new attention. I'd always tried not to feed my narcisstic side too much but it was a pleasant surprise to find out that someone other than Ana acknowledged my existence. These are the thoughts spinning round my head as I stare at the tiny bow of Jungkook's apron tied up at the small of his back. Or at least that's what I was supposed to be looking at because for the past fifteen minutes, my eyes had been trying not to drag down on the voluptuous planes of his ass that stuck painfully tight to the black jeans he was wearing. It's like the sucker was doing it on purpose, keeping his back to me the whole time.

"I really can't blame that girl for staring at you earlier, " I wonder out loud after the uncomfortable silence becomes unbearable. "With jeans that tight, you're asking for it, my man."

Upon hearing the words, Jungkook turns around with a spatula on one hand and a look of confusion on his face. "Isn't that what men usually say to women?"

"Exactly. But there are way less chances for a man to be sexually harassed by a woman, now isn't there? So don't come at me with that equality bullshit."

A small, understanding smile creeps up on the side of Jungkook's lips and in contrast to my words, it really seems genuine. "True. But that still doesn't make it okay." He turns back to flipping the chicken breasts on the pan.

I sigh. "Yeah, alright. Sorry for complimenting your ridiculously gorgeous butt—"

A snort.

"— but I won't hesitate to slap that shit if you piss me off, Juan. And I won't do it in a kinky way."

At that, Jungkook fully turns around, places the fresh meal onto the table and hurriedly takes a seat. "You're into that sort of thing?"

"Nah, man. I like being normal."

"Normal? You?" Jungkook cocks an eyebrow, the emphasis on the word clearly intentional. I understood that something like that was to be expected from people but it didn't mean it didn't secretly hurt my feelings. Being always ousted as the weird one took a mental toll on you and if you ever tried to blend in, it would only make you stand out more.

I let out a noise of impatience. "Listen, here Juan. I might be sick as fuck but my life doesn't revolve around my disorder. I have favorite hobbies and colors and that kind of shit."

"Is it black?" Jungkook jumps in, suddenly curious.

"Navy blue, but that's not the point."

"I know it isn't." He sighs wistfully. "Sorry, Jojo. The only reason I said that is because every five seconds you try to assert your dominance so I assumed your preferences on that particular side were a bit...freakish." His expression is halfway between apologetic and entertained and he seems torn between the two.

Curse my dumbass brain for ever acting on impulse.

I scratch the back of my head in discomfort and avert his eyes. "Okay. Okay, I get it. I jumped too fast to conclusions–" I lean my elbow on the table, "–but that's because I'm very athletic."

Jungkook deadpans.

After another uncomfortable silence settles in and after Jungkook realizes he's not getting another word from me, he absentmindedly taps the table with his fingertips. " By the way, same for me, " he mumbles.

"Huh? " I logically reply.

"I have the same preferences as you." He raises his head and looks at me dead in the eye. "Normal."

At this point, I had no idea why we'd decided to reveal our sexual preferences for absolutely no reason but it had come to that. Crazy, right? Me and emo-boy pouring our hearts out to each other...

"So, " Jungkook interrupts my train of thought as he starts chewing on the fresh chicken pieces. "You seem like a competitive person."

"I guess you could say that, " I hum in agreement.

"Well, I have another proposal."

"Like I said, it's too early for me to get married."

The expression he makes as he tries to keep the food from spilling almost causes me to burst out laughing. Even after he's successfully managed to breathe in some air, the faint traces of a phantom smile are still visible.

"I meant a challenge. For you. A bet, to be more exact. Do you like bets?"

"I do, actually."

"Well then. We'll play a game of tic-tac-toe. The rules are simple. If you win, I'll do everything you want for the rest of the day. Now....if I win....." A devilish grin stretches on one side of his face. "You'll practically do whatever I ask you to. It's the same for both cases."

"What's the catch?"

Jungkook leans back in his chair and links his hands on the back of his head. " There's no catch. I like games, that's all."

The satisfied, confident expression he was wearing made it clear that this was not just a simple game. I was sure as hell he had something up his sleeve but that didn't turn me off nor made me back down. Why not let the guy have his own fair share of fun? However, that didn't mean I couldn't at least give things a little twist.

"Okay, then. Take your shirt off."

This time Jungkook really can't help but choke on his chicken breasts, sputtering pieces of food everywhere. One of them barely misses my face.

"What the fuck! Why?" he screeches, hands wildly attempting to clean the mess.

I slowly drift into a smile. "Relax, pretty boy. We're playing the game on your abs.

~ JOJO ~

"This is stupid."

"You're stupid. Now shut up."

Jungkook gives me one last incredulous look before pulling the shirt completely over his head. In all honesty, the sight was to drool for. That swirling tattoo I'd always caught a glimpse of, is now clearly displayed on one part of his chest and on his left side, reaching up to his neck and down to his hipbone. I try to keep my composure as best as I can but some of my facial expressions must have been on point because Jungkook seems to start feeling uneasy. He shifts his weight from foot to foot and scratches the back of his head. I almost feel bad for lightly snorting but then I think better of it. After all, I was allowed to have some harmless fun, right? No biggie.

The ridges of Jungkook's magnificent abdominal muscles come into view as he slowly approaches. His posture is a bit stiff, however. The guy was trying his best to suck his stomach in, in hopes of flaunting his slim waist in the most perfect angle.

"Stop flexing, Juan." I say in a monotonous voice. "I already know you're ripped. "

Caught in the act, he shyly smiles and lowers his eyes. "Sorry."

The smile only grows further when I use a marker to draw the lines for the game on his stomach. He squirms and twitches with every flick of my wrist. Apparently, ticklish was another adjective to add onto the dictionary of my names for him.

After a rough sketch is drawn on his tummy, Jungkook gestures for me to make the first move. "Ladies first, " he says with a grin that almost looked pained. His eyes follow my hand that had been finishing the last touches.

I draw an X.

He draws an O.

We move back and forth, exchanging the marker every time, until I realize.

I'm fucked.

He had me cornered in both rows. Wherever I put my next mark, I would still lose. It was an old technique that everyone had used at some point but my dumb ass had fallen right into the trap. But was I really to blame with him looking at me like that?

Jungkook chuckles. "I win."

Fuck. I'm screwed.

"Looks like you're gonna be my servant for the rest of the day. " He throws a careless glance at the windows, pitch dark background already behind them. "Or should I say, night?"

I sit back down on the chair and man-spread in defeat. "Fine. You won. Congratulations. Now what do you want me to do?"

He doesn't even hesitate, his voice as clear as glass. "Kiss me."

I stare at him in disbelief but it didn't seem like there had been a slip of the tongue. He was dead serious with those hooded eyes and the fact that he hadn't even put his shirt back on was for some reason unnerving.

A scoff escapes from me. "Out of all the things you could've asked.... I thought you were gonna make me clean your kitchen or something."

"Oh ,we have plenty of time for that, " Jungkook replies with a newfound smugness.

I mull it over in my head for a second before slowly rising from the chair. He leans forward in anticipation and it's as if his every fiber feels ready to pounce in action.

I honestly found it hard to comprehend the concept behind all of this. Out of all the nice looking girls out there, he found a dirty looking rag called me? Me?!

I give my head a slight shake and reach up with the tips of my toes. I listen to Jungkook's breathing stagger for a moment, only to be released with disappointment when I touch my lips to the side of his cheek, furthest from his two plumps of pink rosy flesh. Jungkook's expression looks slightly annoyed as I pull back, observing the ruins left in my wake.

"That's not exactly what I was thinking, " he laughs to himself, half out of disappointment half out of disbelief.

"You never specified where to kiss you, " I explain.

There had been nothing forcing me to act the way I did. Absolutely no one but myself yet I still felt like something was missing. Like I wasn't enough for him or any other person. My mind kept lying to itself, in the hopes that if I could avoid being too touchy, he probably would forget about me altogether.

Jungkook, bless his soul, gets rid of the awkwardness in a moments's notice, his cheeks puffed up in what resembled a pout. "You played me good, huh?" he huffs and I hold the urge to laugh like a little girl. It felt weirdly cute to see him so worked up over a small rejection when he could make any girl fall in his arms with just a snap of his fingers.

I lower my voice in a mockingly deep baritone. "What are your next orders, my lord?"

Jungkook smiles.

* * *

After that, it's hell hours for me.

It's like he had been waiting for this chance all this time and now that the flood gates were open, he couldn't afford to waste any buckets of water. From cleaning to organizing to heaps and heaps of orders, Jungkook had been vastly generous. And the worst part was that I had to eat my next meal with him and not even dare think about counting calories. He would purposefully mess up the portions and make it impossible for me to calculate. As if I didn't already have a hard time doing that on the daily...

At one point I was even scolded for counting in my head because apparently, the genius had noticed my eyes moving upwards in circular motions as the food lay down in front of me.

In other words I was utterly fucked. The anxiety of not knowing what I was putting inside my body, of having no perception of numbers or weight scared the shit out of me and if it hadn't been for Jungkook's appreciative glances or encouraging words, I would've said goodbye a long time ago. With him it felt a little less guilty, less of a sacrilege.

"Just don't think about it, " he'd said to me and even though it was one of the most conventional phrases you could think of, coming from him felt different. As if there was an actual purpose behind the words.

"What's next?" I ask in a dead-sounding voice after finishing the rest of the dishes. " A hand-job?"

Jungkook raises his eyebrows in sudden amusement, his expression shamelessly entertained. "As tempting as that sounds, I think I'll settle for a massage for now."

I drag my eyes to his still bare torso and motion for him to lay down on the couch. "Good. 'Cause I wouldn't give you a hand-job even if you threatened to throw me off the balcony."

Jungkook's laugh is muffled by the pillows as he turns his sculpted back to me. "I like how you have no shame."

"Shame is for the weak, " I add.

My fingers work tirelessly on the smooth planes of his skin, pushing and pressing on specific points which I knew would grant him relief. The way he tries to hide satisfied grunts makes me feel light-headed but I bite my tongue and will my creative mind to take it down a notch, focusing on the task at hand. Maybe it was the fact that I hadn't had so much physical contact in a long time. Who knew? It was still an enjoyable sight, what with all the tattoos gracing his beautiful bronze skin in long shapes and lines.

"You're really good at this, " Jungkook grunts after a particularly hard press of my hands on the small of his back, even though to me it sounded more like a moan. He folds his arms at his front and leans his head sideways.

"I am?" I question as a smile already pulls at the corners of my lips.

"Yeah, " he agrees.

"Well, to return the compliment, I really like your tattoos."

Jungkook turns around and lays on his back, staring at me under his long eyelashes. He doesn't utter a single word, just keeps looking at me like he would a statue in a museum, his fringe falling between his eyes but leaving enough space for him to see. My hand is left to linger on the velvety skin of his stomach.

"Most people say they look scary, " he says in a low, raspy voice.

"They're not, " I add and trace a curved black line with the tips of my fingers in reassurance.

Jungkook gently grabs the said hand, still not losing eye contact. "Are you scared of me, Jojo?"

"No. I'm not."

A silence falls in the room, its echo almost deafening but this time there's no discomfort, no weird looks, just the consoling presence of each other that hangs in the air like a halo of light. Then–

"Juan, I think I'm starting to catch feelings for you."

He stops himself from smiling, but it's useless. The smug grin had already made it past his lips. "Yeah, me too."

"Hmmm, " I mutter. "How do we make it stop?"

Jungkook slowly rises in a sitting position, that damned expression still visible on his face. "I don't– I don't think it's something you can stop."

" Aw shit man, " I scoff.

"Yeah, you just gotta go with the flow."

I'm positive there's a subtle irritated look on my face, which to Jungkook apparently looked hilarious. This had never happened before and I didn't know what exactly to expect. Was it normal? Was I going to be hurt again? What the fuck was I supposed to do?

"You're overthinking it. There's no need to put a name on your feelings." Jungkook cuts like a knife through my jumbled thoughts. "Besides, I thought we were talking about my tattoos."

"Right, " I confirm. " Is there a meaning behind them?"

"No. They're just for aesthetic purposes." The hooded eyes and dark expression is back on his face. "But–" he takes one of my hands and guides it on the side of his torso, "– this one does." He slides it a little further, on the underside of his forearm, tracing what I recognized as a tiger lily. "This one too. I'll tell you about it someday."

His stance is crouched. Even though he's a good feet taller than me, I somehow look towering over him. This position is suggestive enough in itself but it becomes even more so when Jungkook's knees cage around mine. Our eyes now levelling, I drag the line of my vision upwards, refusing to break the eye contact. And then, my eyes focus onto his lips and specifically the tiny little mole under them. It had caught my eye dozens of times before but for some strange reason, right now it looks like it's inviting me. By impulse, I gently meet his lips with mine and surprisingly he doesn't pull back, peppering me back with pouty kisses that are interrupted only by quick pauses for breath. I take the chance and discreetly lick that very mole with the flat of my tongue, feeling his lips' softness with a quick swiping motion.

It's like his gears are put into action. The sweet, gentle Jungkook is utterly forgotten from the moment he slackens his jaw to deepen the kiss, wrestling his own tongue in full force. But then his hands reach up and slip under my sweater to feel the skin underneath and that's all it takes for me to flinch and push him off.

He immediately stops himself from going further and lowers his hands down by his sides. His hooded eyes turn back to alertness as he tries to comprehend what just happened. I feel bad for a moment.

"J—Jojo?" His eyebrows raise in concern. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No, I just—" A deep sigh leaves my lips as I try to keep myself from panicking.

He was about to touch my tummy. My fat, squishy tummy. Just the idea of him touching me there gives me chills.

"I remembered something I have to deal with."

I rip myself off from the couch and drag a hand through my hair in distress, about to turn on my heel and get the hell out of here.

"Wait!" Jungkook yells after me and he grabs my forearm. Not harshly, just strong enough not to let me go. "Did I upset you?"

"No. I–"

Calm down. Deep breaths. One, two. One, two.

"I just have to–" I rush with my words, but Jungkook's hands are made of steel, such a stark contrast with his pleading eyes.

"Stay. I'll take care of you. " He's begging me now. " Please."

I give in–

~ JUNGKOOK ~

–but at what cost? She's been acting distant ever since the panicky incident and I don't know what else to do to get her back the way she was. She barely touches me, barely comes close and I wonder if it's a shame to admit that I miss her kisses too. However, the jokester in her has never left. She'll crack dark jokes from time to time, acting like nothing ever happened and I'll pretend to play along for fear of not making her leave.

It pained me to see her like this, to see her crumbling apart day by day while my hands were frozen in place. A soldier stuck on quicksand. Someone had to tell her this was toxic, that she was poisoning herself and was fully conscious of it.

Weeks and weeks under her presence had trained me to notice all the changes, all the little shifts in her demeanor. Today was no exception. At least not with the incident that had made me do things I'd never imagine doing.

It had all started when a new employee had joined us on the coffee shop, courtesy of my boss, whose relationship with him was rather close. It was one of those cases where you had to make favors for the sake of family relations, et cetera, et cetera. So far, so good. But was one really to imagine that the guy had the audacity to act like he owned the place? I tried to ignore his antics up until the moment he fucked with the wrong girl. My girl.

Despite my disapproving glances, Jojo had been making comments on her weight, constantly seeking Kwan's opinions on the matter.

"But I'm fat!" she had exclaimed, exasperated. In Kwan's eyes, this was just another one of her lame jokes but I knew the sting behind the words.

Then, completely out of line, the new employee had chirped. "You're not fat, you're just thick."

I'd whipped my head in his direction and jumped off the table I'd been sitting, my hands suddenly itching but Jojo had been quick to secretly wave me off. "Well then, you're not stupid, you're just dumb, " she 'd snarked, earning a whole-hearted guffaw from Kwan. The joke had been let at that, or at least that's what Jojo thought. My fists hadn't stopped til the itching sensation was satisfied.

"You okay, Jo?" I'd asked at lunch break, the new nickname making her lips barely twitch. She was upset. I could tell.

"Yeah, why?" she'd replied, eyes trained on my face. For once, she'd given me that warm, old look that went beyond friendship. I'd tried to cherish it for a few seconds before adding, "That asshole was rude to you."

I'd unconsciously rubbed my knuckles and that hadn't skipped past Jojo's eyes. "Nah, he's just– wait a second! Did you do something to him?"

I'd adverted her eyes and cleared my throat awkwardly. "I kinda beat the shit out of him." The image of the guy's swollen face and broken nose flashes into my memory.

She'd gasped but there'd been a mix of amazement and incredulousness in the tone of her voice. "That's my job!"

I'd smiled. "No one messes with my Jo."

She'd smiled back but her eyes had still been sad.

Now I ring the bell on her door, impatiently carding my fingers through my hair as it remains shut. Where the fuck is she? She hasn't been answering my calls for a while and I'm worried sick.

I torture the bell button again and slam my palms on the door. "Jojo, are you there? Come on, it's me! Open up!"

What if something had happened to her? What if– I slam my shoulder repeatedly on it and the lock busts open with a loud clang. Rubbing the sore spot, I quickly scan the room and finally, my eyes find her crouched form on the floor.

There's a pile of junk around her, chocolate wrappers, plastic bags, food splayed apart chaotically and vomit on the floor as well as traces of it on the corners of her mouth. Her eyes are fixed in space, staring at nothing. Dried tears have left moist streaks on her cheeks. She looks lifeless until the moment she takes notice of me and does a double take.

"Jungkook? What– what are you doing here?"

I fall down on my knees next to her, worry written all over my face, but she immediately closes in on herself, her body language radiating fear and protectiveness. "No! Go away, please!"

I don't listen, scooting further till my hands are on her arms, trying to find a way in but she only keeps resisting. "No! Please, don't look at me! Not like this!" Her body shakes with convulsions and quiet sobs rip through her throat.

This was the first time I'd seen her cry.

I grab a towel from the kitchen and dip it in the streaming water. Jojo tries to keep me at bay but I set my mouth on a straight line and force it to her lips. Cleaning her eyes, her face as if I wanted to exfoliate her from any traces of sadness. "Please, " she's begging me now. "Please, go."

I keep my hands on a steady pace, gently rubbing the towel where needed. "Shhh, it's okay. It's just some spilled food. You're okay."

She quiets down at the words and it only goades me further. "Shhhh. You're my baby. My baby, " I lift her up and clean the rest of her, whispering other sweet nothings in her ear until at last the storm passes.

~ JOJO ~

There were two options left when someone made comments on my weight. I either starved myself for two full days or binged on everything I could see like a fucking cow because hey, I'm still gonna be fat, right?

Unfortunately for me , I'd picked the easier way out and emptied the contents of my kitchen in the blink of an eye. It was one of the things I hated the most; stuffing myself till I couldn't breathe. However, what I hated even more was people seeing me in my own misery. Even if that person was none other than the dreamy-eyed boy who had cared for me more than anyone ever had.

I stay silent as Jungkook cleans me thoroughly, making sure to also get rid of the mess on the ground and give me enough privacy to slip out of my nasty clothes and brush my teeth. I just keep staring at him and wonder to myself if I had done any good deeds in this life to deserve him. It pissed me off.

"Do you need another pillow?" Jungkook asks under his dark curly fringe, his back crouched as he stands on the side of my bed.

"No, I'm good, " I rasp, my voice strained from bawling for a good couple of hours. I avert his eyes once more. The guilt and the anger keeps bubbling up on the surface.

Jungkook abandons his chair and sits on the bed, his outer thigh barely touching my forearm. The springs creak and whine under his weight. He takes my hand in his, rubbing comforting circles with the tip of his thumb. "You okay, baby?"

I lash out in a second, grabbing the collar of his black T-shirt and pulling it inches from my face. "Call me baby one more time and I'll rip your throat out."

To my surprise, he's not even fazed. A dark chuckle falls under his lips as he grins widely for me to see. Then, as if it couldn't get any more intense than this, he lets himself fall backwards on the bed, taking me along with him. My legs escape the cover of the sheets and straddle his waist, trying not to fall over and crush him. In that particular order. What a typical movie-like moment. I'm wearing pajama shorts and the pale skin of my thighs is completely exposed. As if on cue, Jungkook's eyes flick towards them, drinking in the view. Had he ever seen this much of my body?

"Do it, " he says in a low voice.

I slide one of my hands upward and gently wrap it around his throat. "You really want me to choke you, Juan?"

The bastard doesn't even say anything. He raises the hands laying by his sides and traces the outline of my thighs higher and higher till they settle on each side of my hips. Goosebumps chill my skin like flowers after rain. I'm torn between punching him and kissing him senseless.

"Who knows, I might actually like it, " he says. He hasn't even tried to wriggle out of my caging body, going as far as even baring his throat at me.

I smirk. "Are you always this submissive?"

Uh oh. Wrong move.

In a matter of seconds, I'm pushed backwards, the soft texture of the sheets smoothing the land on my back. Just like that, the positions are completely switched. Jungkook's grin never leaves his face as he's on top of me, his curly locks swinging like a crown on his head. He takes both of my curled fists and pins them on each side of my head.

"I was actually letting you in charge but now that I think about it ; I also deserve to have some fun right?" he states with a smug expression.

For a moment, I'm left speechless. My limbs too, have nothing to say. At least not with the way they're frozen in place, too caught on the spot to dare move.

Jungkook takes the chance and nuzzles his nose on the gap between my neck and jawline. On another situation I would have felt ticklish but not right now. A heavy weight on the pit of my stomach is proof enough for that. He starts leaving small pecks on the skin of my throat, making a beeline for the collarbones.

I honestly don't know what to do with myself. We've been playing around for a long time now but things have never gotten so serious. Not at this point. Only recently had I pushed him off and now here I was, the one turned into full submission.

"Do you plan on ruining yourself every time someone upsets you?" he mumbles, smooth lips barely grazing against my skin.

The image of that new guy flashes behind my eyes and my face sours, all those butterflies in my stomach crushed to dust, just like that. "Can we talk about something else?"

Jungkook pauses his administrations and pulls back just an inch, his eyes staring at mine in full concentration. "No."

I huff in frustration. "You're on top of me."

"So?" he raises one eyebrow.

"So, get the hell off!"

My wrists are suddenly pinned harder against the sheets, Jungkook's hands forcing them further down until they form little dips.

"No, " he repeats, almost mechanically.

I'm about to protest again when his tongue swipes at the vulnerable skin of my throat and that's all it takes to throw all caution to the wind. My back arches off the bed without my permission and I think I must've let out a sound because Jungkook is laughing that quiet laugh of his that makes his shoulders shake.

His lips are on mine, silencing whatever literate thought that tries to make it out. My hips are now straddled by his own knees and oh- my wrists are free because he lets them go gently and puts his hands on my cheeks, kissing me even more deeply, threading them through my hair and its suddenly too much, too much for me to handle.

I feel like I'm floating ten thousand feet off the ground and buried under layers and layers of earth at the same time. My breath shudders violently when his lips drag across the side of my face and nudge the sweet spot below my ear.

"Why are you doing this to me?" I whisper but it comes out so broken, so desperate. I'm practically begging at this point and I don't even know why.

Jungkook's hands settle on my clothed waist. His fingertips twitch in hesitation as he bunches the fabric and just like that–

"I'm sorry, "

–and lets go.

I feel relieved and disappointed.

His body peels off my own with reluctance that rips me apart in a million different ways and I feel my skin grow cold from his absence. He leans back on the heels of his hands, staring me down with an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, " he repeats and rises from the bed, disappearing into the living room.

* * *

I lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling as if it held the secrets of the universe. My body has not even moved an inch, too shocked, too frozen. My legs feel like lead, two slabs of heavy stone that pin me into place.

If it weren't for Jungkook's presence snapping me out of my empty reverie, I would've probably stood there like a dead body for days. He comes back (from the bathroom, apparently) his wet hair still trickling droplets of water on his shirt, eyebrows shining, and stands on the middle of the room.

"It's midnight, " he says, as if in a trance.

My eyes flick to the window. Pitch black. Indeed.

"Can I stay here tonight?" he continues, and I can swear the tips of his ears go spicy red. My heart melts into a hot buttery mass. He's blushing like crazy. I can see it! A guy, blushing in front of me. I suddenly can't contain my smile, all things forgotten in a blur.

"Yeah. I would like that, " I breathe.

He locks eyes with me and breaks the contact almost immediately, looking anywhere but in my direction. "I can take the couch–"

"No. Sleep here, " I say and my eyes close of their own accord. "With me, " I slowly add.

"Are you sur–"

My eyes fly open. "We just made out five seconds ago. Why is that such a problem now?" I lift my neck just an inch, to glare at him but there's no real malice in it.

His lips crack into a smile and I'm glad for the tension that dissipates like cigarette smoke. "I sleep without a shirt on, " he confesses.

"Okay."

He slips it off his torso in a swift motion but it's too dark me for me to make out any details expect for his dark silhouette and the wide planes of his shoulders.

"You can take off anything you want. I won't touch you, " I say and roll over on my side of the bed.

"I wouldn't mind it, " I hear him mumble but he complies, the sound of his belt unbuckling echoing against the room.

The bed dips under his weight as he occupies its other side and I feel more than hear the fall and rise of his chest, the labored breathing coming to a steady rhythm.

Two strong hands clasp around my waist and I'm pulled backwards into his chest. I don't push him off. I let him hold me to himself, caged by his body, by the feeling of him; his bare chest, his bare legs, his long hair tickling the back of my neck.

Everything is going to be okay.

I'm okay.

"Jojo?"

"Hm?"

"Do you care about me?"

I smile. " More than I'd like to admit."

He kisses the nape of my neck and pulls me harder against himself. It's not long before sweet, calm sleep sneaks its way into into our bodies.

~ JUNGKOOK ~

It's not the sun the one that wakes me up, despite it having been up for a while, not even the sound of the cars honking in the distance. It's the gentle caress of skin on skin, making goosebumps rise and my eyelids flutter.

I slowly crack one eye open and the smile that blooms on my face is automatic. Jojo's cuddled up on her side right next to me, her head laying between my chest and shoulder, arms splayed out to hug my torso like a teddy bear. But what really does it for me is her left leg thrown across my side. She keeps moving in her sleep and it's doing things to me. I can't breathe.

I suddenly realize that I'm only wearing my boxers. Nothing else.

Oh God.

I lift a shaky hand and try to detach her leg but my fingers linger for too long and she suddenly stirs. Her lips nudge my chest and unconsciously give the latter a tender kiss. Her eyes slowly open. For a moment it looks like she doesn't know where she is but then the realization dawns on her.

"Good morning."

Shit.

Her raspy voice only makes it harder for me to keep myself collected.

"Morning, " I manage.

She sits up and drags a hand through her hair, frustrated. "Why is your nice body the first thing I see? I'm jealous, " she huffs.

I open and close my mouth like a fish, caught on the spot. I'd never thought of my body as particularly nice. "It does its job so yeah, I guess, " I admit aloud.

At that her eyes drag down to a very unholy spot in between my legs. She smirks. " Oh, it does its job, alright. I think you have some problems with morning wood, my boy."

I grab the sheets on the side and swing them over my legs, embarrassment setting my face aflame.

She bursts out laughing. "Relax. It's not like I've never seen a guy with no pants before. Though, I'm kinda disappointed. I was expecting for you to have Lighting Mcqueen patterns on your underwear. " She shakes her head mockingly. "They're so plain."

I uncover my legs once again and this time I don't care. Let her see whatever she wants.

She stops laughing. Gives another glance to the crime scene. Gulps. "Yeah, like I said. Plain."

This whole exchange is so entertaining, I feel my insides flutter with joy. Last night's episode is forgotten in a ditch with no problem. We're back to the old times.

I get up and pace around the room, in search of a glass of water. My throat is parched.

"You know what? Go take a cold shower. All that–" she gestures toward my middle with a wave of her hand, "– is distracting me."

I stop pacing. "You know what? I'll put some pants on if you put some food on your stomach. That's a fair deal."

The color completely drains from her face, replaced by a dark expression that seeps the life out of it. Regret weighs me down.

"I'm never eating again, " she says, while her eyes bore holes into the floor. " Not until I reach my goal weight."

I drag a hand across my face and rub it. Hard. My sanity is on the brink of falling apart. "Then what are you gonna do?" I ask, frustration finally creeping on my voice. "When you get to your goal weight."

She shrugs. "I'm just gonna keep being unhappy, I guess."

It's the way she puts the words out there so easily that draws the line for me. So carelessly, like I mean nothing to her. Like she means nothing to herself.

"This is ridiculous. You know you're harming yourself and you still keep doing it. You know you're not gonna change anything in the end and you still keep doing it. I don't get it."

"Oh yeah?" she spits, her own voice full of poisonous venom. "Why do you keep living if you know you're gonna die one day? Huh, Juan? Why do you do it?"

"This is killing you!"

"I don't care!"

I flinch. It takes me a while to gather myself before I muster the strength to spell out the next few words. "I don't even know why I care about you when you don't even care about yourself."

Her lips curl into a half smile but it doesn't exactly reach her eyes.

"You're right, " she says. "I don't."

Silence.

"Maybe you should go now."

I look up into her face but she's not looking at me, too focused on a spot on the wall. She's telling me to leave. To get the hell out of here. I'm suddenly realizing the absurdity of all this —me shirtless and half nude, boxers stuck to my body like gauze, having a fight with the girl I love with all my heart. I realize the enormity of it. Of how much I love her, of how much I'm hurt by seeing her hurt and I choose to leave.

I pick up my pants from where they lay carelessly on the floor and put them on in excruciating slow movements. I grab the belt and the T-shirt and make my way out of the apartment. Her eyes never leave that spot.

I shut the door behind me and lean my head on its cool ugly surface.

What an ugly mustard -yellow door.

" Jojo, don't do this, " I say, loud enough for her to hear. "Come on, please."

No answer.

The anger falls off me in waves I can't control, swallowing me whole until my eyes see black. I kick the door so hard, my leg grows limp. Another punch and I think I've cracked the wood but I don't care. I don't give a shit. I scream and slam my fists and palms like a madman throwing a tantrum.

"Dammit! Why do you keep doing this?! Stop it, damn you! You're hurting yourself for fuck's sake!"

"You're hurting me, " I add in nothing more than a whisper, my voice already hoarse.

The door never opens.

~ JOJO ~

The door opens easily with just a push of my fingertips. I try to look uninterested but my restless eyeballs betray me in an instant, scanning the coffee shop in all four directions within seconds. I'd spent the whole night spacing out while sitting at the foot of my bed on the floor. I'd never felt so much regret, so much of it that it had felt like I was drowning–

"He's not here." A voice startles me out of my thoughts and I turn around to find Kwan looking at me with something that looks similar to pity.

I blink. "What?"

"Jungkook, " he explains. " He's gone."

My heart falls into the bottom of my feet and I suddenly can't keep the panic from tainting my voice. I grip Kwan's shoulders. "Where?"

"Woah, calm down! I think he's gone to his parents or something. Boss already gave him permission."

My grip loosens. "Oh."

Kwan blanches but soon a look of genuine concern flashes behind his eyes. "What's the matter? Did you two get into a fight?"

"No, " I deny.

I can faintly make out Kwan's rambling but it sounds so, so far away because soon my ears are thundering.

he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone–

"Jojo."

I'm shook awake, courtesy of my man-handler. He looks truly worried but I just can't seem to care. All I know is that I need to get out, distract myself, do something–

The indecisive old bitch lady steps foot into the shop and I curse her existence and mine altogether. This is so not the time to be arguing over extra menus.

She takes her usual seat with an excessive amount of unnecessary grace and looks at me pointedly, waiting to be tended to.

I smile. "Welcome, Mrs. Park."

* * *

Everything feels empty, blurred around the edges.

Meaningless.

I finally realize how important purpose is and how everything we do is driven by it.

Lately I've been walking in circles, wandering like a fly trapped inside a jar, not knowing where I am or what I'm doing.

I'm just there.

I never eat anymore. I never drink. I savor my body like an untouched temple and hope against hope that I'll get better.

It's okay if I'm not. I can't make the difference anymore, anyway. I've spiraled into the bottomless pit of oblivion and the process is slow. It makes me feel numb.

I stare at the rumpled apron laying on the floor along with the rest of the garbage and Ms. Park comes into mind. She hadn't really appreciated my spilling hot tea right onto her chest. The dumb bitch had gotten me fired but it doesn't really feel like a great loss. I'd only worked there because of him, anyway. Him and only him. I never cared about anyone else. But he's not here. He'll never be here anymore.

I fish my phone out of my pocket and make use of the sudden memory to type down his number. I have it memorized by now. The line beeps.

"Hey."

My heartbeat spikes in excitement. "Hey yourself," I reply hastily but my voice cords haven't been used for days, so it sounds more like a rasp. I clear my throat.

"How's it going?" he asks. Casually. Like he would a friend. I missed hearing his voice.

"Good. You?"

"Same."

I bite my lower lip anxiously. I don't like his answers. I don't like how short and clipped they are. Clipped. Nipped. Chipped. Ripped. Zipped–

"So, the guys have been wondering when you'll be back, " I lie.

I hear him release a subtle sigh. "Oh. I don't really know, honestly. I've been hanging out with my parents and they plan on keeping me here for a while longer."

I nod my head slowly then remind myself he can't see me. "Right. Right, you must've missed them."

White noise.

Hmmm.

What else rhymes with noise?

Choice.

Boys

Toys

Turqoise–

"Well, have fun."

"Thanks......um, are you oka–"

I end the call.

he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone he's gone–

i told you he doesn't give a shit

"I never said I did, " I reply without looking.

you hoped, though

"Shut up."

laughter

you do realize you're pathetic, right?

I turn my head to the mirror. "Shut the fuck up, you fucking bitch! Shut it!"

I spit and throw whatever I can get my hands on it but there's a smile there that I just can't see.

what rhymes with smile?

aisle

bile

rile

guile

worthwhile–

I scream and yell. I rip the sheets of the bed, swipe off the contents of my desk, punch and punch the mirror till my hands are raw and bleeding a waterfall. I kick and thrash with every ounce of strength left in me but there's no use.

She's still smiling at me.

* * *

I'm sitting down on the floor, surrounded by a pool of my own insanity. I can't tell how many days have passed and my cheeks feel surprisingly moist. Have I been crying?

There's no one else around here.

It doesn't matter. I like being alone.

It feels nice to just be with your own thoughts, not having to fear being overheard when you scream ideas and screenplays in your room. You can just be yourself and enjoy doing the things you like the most. But still, sometimes it gets really lonely and not just in the literal sense. I'll always check the dark corners to see if someone's there, I'll always feel like someone's whispering, saying bad things about me, that coat hanged on the rack will always look like a person and then I'll even start getting scared of my own shadow, my head will always shake uncontrollably when I'm crying because there won't be anyone to hold it for me, anyone to assure me that things are gonna be okay.

I don't like being alone. It's not nice.

I glance at the broken mirror, bloody cracks and lines making up the whole of it. There's only one spot in the corner that remains clean and untouched. A smile attached to it.

I realize now. Why she wouldn't go away. The reason why I could never win this war was because the enemy I was fighting against was none other than myself. She was no stranger. She was me. No matter how much we tried, me and my own resemblance would still be standing at the end of the day. If i was alive, she was alive. It was like a symbiotic relationship, a Yin to the Yang. We kept each other afloat and neither could exist without the other.

he's happy.

"I know, "

without you

"I know, " I repeat.

is that enough proof for you?

"It is."

then do it

"yes."

I rise from the floor and blindly look for my phone in the midst of all the trash. It's nowhere to be found. I then turn around and grab hold of the old telephone hanging on the wall. It stands out, an ancient relic hard to be found these days. I roll the numbers by memory. The line crackles for a couple of seconds before a familiar voice breathes into it. My chest constricts as I let out a pathetic whimper. "J– Jungkook... I'm sorry."

I don't give him time to answer, slamming the phone down with a loud ring.

it's over it's over it's over it's over i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry

Big, fat tears trickle down my cheeks and chin and I do nothing to stop them. I whimper and whine as I head for the bathroom, reaching up with my toes to get the pills I'd hidden all these weeks. They're still here.

Waiting for me.

~ JUNGKOOK ~

I'm running as hard as my legs can take me but it's not really me doing it. It's my impulses being triggered with full force, struggling for survival. I'm completely detached from my body, my mind going through only one simple rule : I have to make it on time.

I don't even notice the heavy torrents of rain blurring my vision, making my feet trudge with difficulty. I don't even notice the people I push harshly out of my way or the red stoplights blinking past me. My eyes are focused inwardly like a camera, set on breaking through the sea of umbrellas.

please please please please

I repeat the word like a mantra in my head, praying against whatever odds that she will be okay when I get there, that she won't do what I think she intends to do.

please please please just not that anything but that please make her be alright

If only I could've hurried earlier, she wouldn't have had the chance to say those things. To say my name.

It was the first time she'd said my name. My actual name. Those few seconds hearing the syllables tumbling from her lips had been pure bliss to my ears, only to be ripped apart with the realization that she was pleading.

She doesn't answer the phone. I curse myself to hell and back. I should've told her I was coming today. I should've told her I was only two blocks away from her apartment and that all this time far from her had been nothing but torture. There hadn't been a moment when I didn't feel her absence or when I didn't wonder what she was doing. I should've told her I regretted every single word I'd sa-

Something slams against my arm. I fall onto the rough asphalt but I'm on my feet in seconds. The man I'd run into stares at me in anger but I can't deal with his shit right now, so I push him blindly, my feet already finding their footing. "Out of my fucking way!" I yell at him without looking.

I run and run and run until I can't feel my calves and my jacket is soaked through.

Drip

please don't die

drip

Her apartment building zooms into view. I punch buttons and take the stairs by four.

please

stay alive

please

Mustard yellow door.

I don't wait to check if it's open, kicking the lock open immediately.

Things happen in a blur, straight out of a dream. I kneel to the ground, forcing her mouth open. Her tear-stained face spits the pills reluctantly and then she tries to push me off as hard as she can. I knew she'd do this. I just knew it. I had seen the pills standing on the drawer for days, weeks. I knew how she gave those bruises to her body, how she tortured herself by her own will.

"NO! GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!" I hold her hands down and bend them behind her back but she keeps screaming and it's like all hell has broken loose. "FUCK OUT OF HERE! YOU HAVE NO RIGHT!"

I squeeze her hands tighter and I can suddenly hear myself crying, fully sobbing my heart out and then she's crying too and we're both sitting on the floor like two poor beggars with our limbs awkwardly splayed out.

"That's my decision, Jungkook. You can't take that away from me, " her muffled whimpers are heard as I lean her head on the crook of my neck.

I release her hands, which soon find their way around my neck, hugging my body till we fit perfectly together.

"Jojo."

I pull back just a few inches, capture her face with my palms and kiss her like there's no tomorrow.

~ JOJO ~

Do you know that feeling of finally getting home after a long trip, of how your body relaxes upon finding its lost familiarity? That's exactly what courses through my body right now, except that it's multiplied tenfold, to the point of numbness. I'd missed sensing his body beside mine. I'd missed his dark locks tickling my neck, his soft lips, but more than everything, I'd missed having him here. With me.

It's hard to believe the number of things that have happened today. It feels like I'm watching the scene unfold in front of me like a spectator and wonder if it's just a figment of my imagination. And the way he is kissing me..... It feels brand new. Desperate in more ways than one. He morphs our lips together as if they are made of clay and his hands start feeling around my body, begging for some purchase.

I don't realize the fact that I have started crying. Silent tears tumble down my cheeks, wetting his own face with their saltiness. I can't control them. I can't stop them. And Jungkook understands that. He pulls roughly at my bottom lip and suddenly lets go, creating a gap between our bodies. I can't help but feel that I must look like a little child in his eyes right now; grubby, disheveled, teary-eyed...

And then he's looking at me dead in the eye, beyond my appearance, beyond my outer core, cutting through weeds and vines growing inside my soul. "I know none of the things I say will ever convince you. So, I won't be using any words."

He slips my left sleeve from my shoulder, exposing the skin underneath. His head lowers down to it and gives it a feather-light kiss.

I stare at him in confusion but he chooses to keep silent. His eyes never leave my face, even when he starts repeating the action with my other sleeve, rolling my whole shirt up and off my body. He discards each piece with surprising gentleness and that's what makes my tears fall even more violently. He's so kind.

So good to me.

And he's taking off my pants.

I instinctively tense and Jungkook makes an obvious pause, letting me make my choice. The rigidity dwindles away and a flash of relief passes behind his eyes. I close my eyes and then he moves on with his graceful touches. I'm lain down into the bed, my hair fanned out behind me like a halo, and he slowly crawls on top, observing his work of art with a look of genuine satisfaction. His clothes are gone before I can blink and he slowly dives in for the sensitive part of my neck, breathing it in.

"Beautiful," he mumbles against my throat. My body convulses with whimpers. He nuzzles his way up until his lips are meshed against mine. "Touch me, " he whispers.

My breath hitches but I raise my hands that had so far lain on my sides and put them on each side of his face. "Jungkook."

He smiles and my heart bursts into a million fireflies. "I like it when you say my name."

"Jungkook," I repeat.

He drags those sinful lips down through valleys and crevices, leaving soft kisses in their wake, tracing every inch of my skin, tracing every bruise, every wound, every trace of self-harm. I am nothing more than a hot pool of lava. I do not own a body anymore. Or rather, I feel each sensation being magnified into infinity and I can no longer tell where my body starts nor where it ends. I feel too much. I feel everything. And I am not ashamed of this mundane mass of flesh and bones and blood.

I kiss back.

That's all it takes for him to finally let himself go freely. No obstacles. No barriers. I am free of the voices in my head, free of my fears and judgment. It's like we want to devour each other, drain every single drop until it is the only thing our tongues can taste. I don't really care about anything else right now. I wanna forget about it all and just focus on the soft texture of his lips ghosting the skin on my neck and then going stronger and wilder and swallowing it up till I can feel the delicious sting of pain. We fight. We love. We pour our hearts out like a warm waterfall. And as our bodies tangle restlessly with each other, sticky with sweat, I go through an indescribable ecstasy. Something I've never experienced before.

Acceptance.

_____________________

EPILOGUE

I'd never imagine the storm would go on all night but it somehow did. As I lay in my bed, feet tangled up with someone else's, I hear the distant rumble of faraway clouds first thing in the morning. If it weren't for my daily habit of waking up early, I wouldn't have even bothered cracking my eyes open. The sun remains hidden in some corner as the dark gray sky salutes me instead.

I like it. This mood. It's cozy and warm and safe .

I turn my head on the side and almost melt. He's sleeping like a baby. Eyelids relaxed, lips slightly open, an angelic expression on his face. Pretty.

"That's bold, coming from you, " his lips spell.

I lightly gasp as I realize I've said the word out loud. "I thought you were asleep." As if by instinct, my hand slides up into his face, gently caressing it.

Jungkook grabs my whole arm and pulls me towards him, giving the edge of my jaw a kiss. "I was kinda faking it."

I kick his butt with the sole of my foot. "You prick! Stop playing!"

The whole bed shakes from his laughter as he massages his poor backside. "Did you sleep well?" he asks.

I smile. "Mhmm."

Jungkook mirrors my expression, but it somehow looks more devilish on him. "I'm sure you did."

"Shut up, Jungkook."

He smiles again, genuinely this time and turns, facing the ceiling with his eyes closed. "I really like it when you say my name."

"Jungkook," I whisper. A pause. "Jeon Jungkook."

His eyes open. "Yes?"

"You know, the night before I met you, I was about to kill myself."

His body goes rigid, but I continue. " I don't know why I didn't do it. Then, the next day I met you and it was like it just slipped my mind. The thought was no longer there. So I came at that coffee shop every day, hoping I could see you. You weren't some kind of prince charming or anything. It's not like I looked at you and knew we were meant for each other or that kind of bullshit. I just liked looking at you. One glimpse was enough. It made me feel better somehow. It felt.... nice. But the moment we stopped looking at each other it all came flooding back. That longing to die. I turned back to my starting point."

Jungkook's arms envelop me and I feel my bones shatter. "I'm sorry," I whisper, barely a breath.

He caresses my bare shoulder. "There's nothing to be sorry about. It's okay now. I'm here. It's over."

I throw my arms around his neck and hug him tightly. "Don't leave."

"I won't."

We stay like that for a while, holding each other in our arms and relishing the sweet silence of early morning. Until-

"Hey Jungkook, you know how you're hot and cute at the same time?"

"Don't do it, Jojo. I'm telling you, don't-"

"Hute."

My obnoxious laughter annoys the hell out of him, but he eventually joins me. I smile to myself.

The old back me is me but more different than ever. I want to go through a deep cleansing. I want to throw away all the trash that has been accumulating in my house and my very soul.

A new person.

A new life.

A new me.

I can't promise I' ll make it in the end but I can promise I'll try.

"You know, " Jungkook says, "you turned out to be much more different than I thought you'd be."

I turn his face to him. "Did I meet your expectations?"

He smiles. "No. You exceeded them."

166 notes · View notes

kpopfanfictrash · 5 years ago

Text

Trouble

Member: The Rich Man’s Crochet Club!Hoseok

Header by: @underthejoon aka the best

Prompt: How Hoseok lost his virginity. Based off this line in the fic: “That’s the whole point,” Hoseok explains, dropping a wink which makes Namjoon groan. “That’s how I lost my virginity, you know. I scored the winning run in a championship game and that night, Tiffany something-or-other jumped me in a dirty frat bathroom. It was…” Hoseok pauses for effect. “Heavenly.”

Rating: 18+

Warnings: semi-public bathroom sex, Hoseok is a virgin, fingering, who-the-fuck-knows-when-this-bathroom-was-last-cleaned

WC: 4,110

A/N: This one shot is told in second person (with Y/N). This is not the same Y/N from Rich Man’s Crochet Club (i.e., Namjoon’s Y/N).

↳ part of my 30K milestone drabble game

Jung Hoseok is tipsy.

This is not the first time Hoseok has been tipsy, nor will it be the last, but this time is unique in that he has paid for nothing this entire evening. Since his arrival at the party, free drink after free drink has been pressed into his hand. This, accompanied by cheers of, “CONGRATS, ROOKIE!”

Hoseok is not a rookie on the kickball team – not by far – but this the first time upperclassmen have deigned to acknowledge his existence. He supposes this is what comes of scoring the game-winning run. A slow buzz of pride tinges his thoughts, mixing into the warm musk of alcohol.

“HOE-SUCCC!” hoots Jungkook, slinging an arm around his neck. Sipping on his beer – bought at the door – Jungkook eyes the crowd. “So, who’re you going home with tonight?”

Hoseok sputters, turning red above the collar. “What’re you talking about?” he mutters, shoving Jungkook’s arm off. “The club’s still got five members, remember?”

The Rich Man’s Crochet Club – don’t ask about the name – also known as their esteemed group of friends who happen to be virgins. Recently, their number has dwindled from seven to five. Taehyung was the first to lose his virginity, shacking up with some girl last semester and becoming virtually married. Seokjin was next, which came as a surprise to everyone but him.

Now, only five remain. Idly, Hoseok sips his drink and wishes one of the others had come to the party. None are on the kickball team though, leaving him alone with Jungkook. Not that Jungkook is not great, but while he talks a big game, he has yet to have sex himself. Not for lack of options, it might be noted. Jungkook keeps saying he is waiting – although Hoseok has no idea what for.

“I don’t know.” Jungkook glances around. “Tonight could be the night, man. Endorphins are high, drinks are flowing and every girl within a ten-foot radius is eye-fucking you silly.”

Hoseok nearly spits out his drink. “They are not,” he coughs, wiping his mouth with one hand.

Jungkook’s grin broadens. “I may be drunk, but I’m not blind.”

Subtly, Hoseok glances around and – to his utter surprise – finds Jungkook is correct. Multiple girls smile, one waves and several giggle before turning back to their friends. Hiding his shock, Hoseok quickly returns to Jungkook.

Being blunt, Hoseok is not the type to romanticize his first time. Maybe when he was in high school and there was someone to care about – but not now. Not when Hoseok is single, crushing on no one and just wanting to get laid. Multiple times, he has been close but somehow, Hoseok has always managed to psych himself out.

Draining the rest of his cup, Hoseok tosses this into the trash. Pushing himself off the counter, he nods when a teammate of theirs passes.

“That run!” cries Ric, nearly dumping his drink as he mimes the kick. “Man, whatta game, huh? Jung, if you don’t get your dick wet to-NIGHT!”

Wincing, Hoseok’s cheeks are practically scarlet. Multiple people overheard the remark, laughing and whispering when he whirls to face Jungkook. “I can’t do this,” says Hoseok in a panic. “I have to get out of here. Why is everyone assuming I’m gonna hook up, I –”

“Hey, you’re Hoseok, right?”

Hoseok freezes in place. The voice is entirely unfamiliar – new, bright and standing directly behind him. Slowly, Hoseok turns around.

His eyes widen. You are standing before him – short, smiling and fuck, are you cute.

“I – uh, yeah.” Discreetly, Hoseok wipes his hands on his pants. “That’s me. And you are?”

Your smile widens. “Let’s leave my name out of this for now.”

Hoseok’s eyebrows shoot up. “Um. Okay.”

Arching a brow, you look towards the dance floor. “Wanna dance?”

Heart pounding, Hoseok is about to decline – you are clearly way too hot for him – when Jungkook coughs and leans in. Pretending to pour himself more vodka, he mutters in Hoseok’s ear. “Stop freaking out,” he says lowly. “Just go dance.”

Hoseok exhales. Jungkook is right, after all – this is just dancing. The portion of the night Hoseok is good at. Forcing himself to smile, Hoseok nods. “Yeah,” he agrees, stepping forward. “That sounds like fun.”

Smiling flirtatiously, you grab his hand and lead him through the crowd. Hoseok swallows and follows, forcing his nerves into his stomach. The music is louder at the front of the house, everyone dancing as they twist to the bass. When you reach the front, you turn to face Hoseok. A giant speaker to your right is blaring, making it difficult to hear.

“How do you like to dance?” you yell, in order to be heard over the music.

Hoseok’s brow furrows. “What?”

“HOW DO YOU DA – oh, never mind,” you laugh, turning around and placing his hands on your hips.

Hoseok swallows, freezing when you press your ass to his front. Luckily, when you begin to move, twisting around to the beat, his natural instincts kick in. Hell, Hoseok was not captain of his high school dance crew for nothing. Sliding a hand over your waist, he grasps your other hand with his. Slowly moving his hips, Hoseok drapes your arm over his neck.

Exhaling, you lean back on his chest. The song is practically indecipherable, but that hardly matters – the song is not the point of this dance. All Hoseok needs is this; his hands on your body, your hips moving with his and his breath on your skin.

Losing himself in the downbeat, Hoseok grasps your waist tighter. When the tempo changes, you lean forward and – fuck, fuck, fuck – place your hands on both knees. Glancing over your shoulder at him, your lips quirk as you grind your ass on his crotch.

Swearing under his breath, Hoseok quickly grasps your waist in an attempt to hold on. If you keep this up, he is going to pop a boner in front of the entire kickball team. Snaking back up, you turn around in his arms and Hoseok pulls you in.

“You’re trouble,” he chuckles, not letting go.

Your hair is a bit sweaty, skin smelling citrusy and sweet. Grinning widely, you dance closer. “Why don’t you call me that tonight?” you tease, lips brushing his ear. “Trouble.”

“Done,” Hoseok grunts, hands cupping your waist.

Your body moves so easily with his, coming alive at his slightest suggestion. It makes his head spin, makes him want more in the worst kind of way.

Sliding your arms around his neck, you move closer. “So. Everyone is saying you’re kind of a big deal tonight.”

Hoseok suppresses a smile. “That’s a matter of opinion, I guess.”

“Oh? What’s yours?”

“That what’s going on right now is way better than what happened during the game.”

Eyes gleaming, you smile. “Good answer.”

“I try.”

“Huh.” Glancing over his shoulder, you scan the dance floor. “Can I tell you a secret, Hoseok?”

“Are you gonna tell me where the body is?”

“No,” you laugh. “Nothing like that.” Lifting on your toes, you press your lips to his ear. “I don’t actually go here.”

“Oh?” Hoseok turns his head. Your lips are so close to his.

You slowly shake your head no. “I’m an upperclassman at St. Martin’s, actually. My friend goes here. She’s the one who invited me to this party – and then promptly abandoned me for your pitcher.”

St. Martins – the kickball team Hoseok demolished earlier this evening. Lifting a brow, Hoseok smirks. “So, you asked me to dance to pass the time, huh? I don’t know if I’m insulted or flattered.”

“Be flattered.” Still staring, you lick your lips. “I saw you during the game. You seemed like you, uh… knew what you were doing out there on that field.”

Hoseok’s stomach sinks. That may be true for kickball, but for what you are implying is woefully inaccurate. Before he can say anything more, you lean up again.

“Wanna take a tour of the house?”

Hoseok inhales, nearly choking on his spit but luckily, this proves to be his saving grace. Taking this as a yes, your grin broadens, and you take his hand in yours. Hoseok allows himself to be pulled through the crowd, staring hard at your ass and thanking whatever lucky stars have aligned here tonight.

People are dancing throughout most of the first floor. You bypass all of them, coming to a stop at the staircase. Glancing over your shoulder, you raise a brow. “First floor seems crowded. Wanna look at the second?”

“Do you…” Dropping his voice, Hoseok leans in. “Do you know someone who lives here, or something?”

“Nope.” Meeting his gaze, you shrug. “Does that bother you?”

This is the moment Hoseok realizes he has no qualms about any of this. Having sex for the first time at a frat house – not his frat house – in the room of a stranger, with you. Zero reservations.

“Not at all,” he grins, nodding at the stairs. “Lead the way.”

With a laugh, you continue, tugging him up the staircase. The next floor is quieter, distant bass muffled through the floorboards they proceed. A few doorways are shut, laughter coming from behind them. Hoseok’s cheeks heat as you walk down the corridor, coming to a stop at the end.

You reach out, placing a hand on a doorknob and pushing. An unlit bathroom awaits – cleaner than Hoseok expected, but still nothing to speak of.

Glancing backwards, you cock a brow. “Wanna explore this room?”

Heart pounding, Hoseok stares past you. His hands are sweaty, limbs weak and he is five seconds from running away – when you step forward and kiss him.

Your lips part, tongue flicking with his and Hoseok stills for a moment before he finally melts. Hands sliding up your waist, he loses himself in the taste of vodka and mint. Hands twining slow in your hair, he has you up against the wall before he knows what he is doing. Knee wedged between yours, hips grinding together until you break away, panting.

“Fuck it,” Hoseok gasps, grabbing your hand and pulling you into the bathroom.

You shut the door as you enter, pushing Hoseok to the wall and resuming where you left off. He groans, the noise slipping out with an eagerness which betrays him. You do not seem to mind. If anything, you kiss him harder, one hand sliding down his leg to cup between his thighs.

“Fuck,” Hoseok growls, biting down on your lip. “You really are trouble, aren’t you?”

Breaking away, you grin. “I’ve heard that once or twice.”

Hoseok jerks his head. “Up on the sink.”

Cocking a brow, you obey. Grasping the sides of your shirt, you lift this overhead to fall on the floor. When you see Hoseok’s jaw drop, you turn and hop up on the counter. “Now, what?” you say, loosely swinging your legs.

Hoseok stalks forward – all one and a half steps it takes to reach you. Frantic, he tears his shirt overhead and, grasping your chin, kisses you soundly. Fingers sliding along your jaw, he cups the back of your head to open your mouth with his. Hoseok’s other hand falls between your legs, searching until he feels how wet you are. Even through your jeans, the material is damp.

“Shit,” Hoseok mutters, looking down. “You’re already wet?”

Staring at him, you spread your legs wider. “Mhm.” Turning your head, you close your lips over his finger. Staring at Hoseok, you suck – hard. The motion goes straight to his cock. “Take off your pants,” you exhale, letting him fall from your mouth.

Hoseok does not hesitate, hand dropping to his belt and frantically undoing his buckle. His dick feels unbearably hard, pressed to his jeans in a pure form of torture. Reaching down, your hand replaces his as you begin to undo his buttons.

Suddenly, he panics because there is no going back from this moment. “Okay,” Hoseok blurts, placing his hand over yours. Paused in your motions, you look up. “Before we go any further… I feel like I have to tell you something.”

Instantly, you turn wary. “Um, okay. Is this about your penis?”

Hoseok stares. “Huh?”

“I mean, like, does it curve upwards?” You mime this with your fist. “Or, like – do you have a micro? Because that’s cool, you know. We can make it work. Oh!” you blurt knowingly. “Is this a kink thing? Like, you need to see my feet in order to get hard?”

“No – no!” Hoseok blinks, horrified. One of your shoes is off, falling to the ground before he can stop you. “None of those things! God.”

Lips twitching, you scoot towards the end of the counter. “Okay,” you shrug, running a hand down his chest. Hoseok shivers a little in response. “Then, what’s the problem?”

Closing his eyes, Hoseok takes a deep breath and wishes he could melt into the floor. “I’mavirgin,” he mutters.

“I’m sorry?”

“I’m a virgin.” His eyes pop open. “I, uh, haven’t had sex before.”

“Oh.” You pause, considering. “Is that all?”

“Is that… all?” Hoseok blinks. “You don’t care?”

“Um, no. Oh – wait.” Wincing, you lean back. “Am I supposed to care? Should I be more… gentle, or something? Sorry. Do you, uh… want to find a bed to have sex on?”

Hoseok’s lips twitch. Before he can stop himself, he begins to laugh. Body shaking, Hoseok steps forward and drags a hand up your thigh. “Nah,” he murmurs, lips hovering over yours. “I’m good with this if you are.”

“I’m good,” you breathe, hands sliding around his neck. “Do you have a condom?”

“Yeah.” Hoseok turns to fish this out of his pants. He places this beside you on the counter. “Been carrying that around with me for months. You know, be prepared.”

“What a boy scout,” you exhale, scooting closer.

Hoseok kisses you again, softer this time. It is not a conscious decision, but somehow it feels right. Even though this is a one-night thing, cannot and will not go anywhere, Hoseok still feels the gravity of the moment. He is leaving a part of himself behind. You are the one he is sharing that with.

Continuing to kiss, your hand falls between your thighs. Cupping his dick with one hand, you slowly stroke up and down. “Nothing micro about that,” you tease, breathlessly pushing closer.

Hoseok snorts, thrusting into your palm. “God, I hope not.”

Kissing you eagerly, his hands slide around your ribcage to find the clasp of your bra. Thankfully, this is one area in which Hoseok is adept and before long, your bra is undone in his hands. Sliding back to your front, Hoseok cups your breasts, playing with your nipples until they are hard. You inhale, arching upwards with the sweetest of moans.

Rolling his hips, Hoseok grasps your knee to hook around his waist.

“Hoseok,” you whimper, burying your face in his neck. Your voice is barely recognizable, thick with desire. “Touch me.”

Reaching down, Hoseok fumbles with your zipper until your jeans are open before him. With your help, he pushes these down your thighs and onto the floor. Spreading your legs with one hand, he gently cups your sex.

“Oh,” you gasp, grabbing his biceps.

Hoseok stares, pulling your panties aside to sink a finger into your wet core. Gaze darkening, you stare as your lips form a silent o. Hoseok begins to finger you, thumb rubbing slow circles over your clit as he slides in and out.

He can feel how receptive you are, body twitching with each brush of his thumb. “Fuck, Hoseok,” you moan, leaning your head to the mirror. Spreading your legs, you grant him a better view of his fingers sliding into your cunt.

All the blood in Hoseok’s body rushes straight to his dick. His cock twitches uncomfortably against the confines of his boxers, pants still half-undone and hanging just off his ass. Your chest rises and falls, hips pushing against the motion until it suddenly becomes too much.

“Okay,” you pant, shutting your legs on his hand. Hoseok stills. “These have to go,” you gripe, reaching out for his boxers. Tugging them down with his jeans, Hoseok’s cock springs up to slap his abs. “I need you inside me.”

“Oh,” Hoseok says, licking his lips. No one has ever spoken to him like this and god, does he like it.

Hopping down from the counter, you turn to rest your hands on the sink. “Well?” you say, looking over your shoulder. “Is this good?”

Wriggling your ass, you sink down on your elbows, pussy on full display. Hoseok stares, wondering dizzily how in hell he is going to last. Steeling himself, he reaches out to grab the condom from the counter. Shoving his jeans to the floor, Hoseok breaks open the packet and rolls it onto himself.

Positioning himself at your center, Hoseok cannot help himself from sliding up and down a few times. Your body is just so warm and wet, inviting him in. With a moan, you duck your head and push back. “Please,” you beg. “Please, Hobi.”

Hearing the nickname, Hoseok arches a brow and grasping your waist, he slips in. “Fuck,” he gasps, stopping out of necessity.

It is nothing at all like his hand. Even when he uses lube, even when he sits on his hand until it falls asleep – this is so much fucking better than that. Your pussy is so warm, so wet, enveloping him with every inch.

“Oh, my fucking god,” Hoseok chokes out, pushing into you again.

You remain still, watching his face in the mirror. Hoseok realizes this when he looks up and meets your gaze.

Staring at him, your lips curl in a smile. “You like it?” you breathe when he bottoms out.

Hoseok cannot move for a second, hips flush to yours. He exhales, mind spinning from the unbelievable sensation of wholeness. Buried in you to the hilt, he wants nothing more than to stay �� except. The feeling of pushing inside you was so fucking good. Meeting your gaze in the mirror, Hoseok slowly slides out.

“Yeah,” he breathes, thrusting in just as slow.

Breath catching, you arch your back and shut your eyes.

Grip tightening, Hoseok slides in again and marvels at how similar this is to dance. Each time he thrusts, your body clenches around him. Hoseok carefully watches, trying different angles until he finds one that makes your thighs shake.

“Oh,” you gasp, hand slipping a little on the sink.

Hoseok pauses, tilting his head and thrusting again – harder. The same thing happens, your face twisting with pleasure while he stares in the mirror. Smirking, Hoseok grabs hold of your waist and finally lets himself go.

That sweet mouth of yours falls open, moaning obscenities when Hoseok begins to fuck you. He thrusts into you roughly, cock rock-hard as his hands grip your ass, trying not to slip out. Managing to keep a steady rhythm, Hoseok forces himself not to be a pig and remember your pleasure.

Leaning down, his hand dips in a search for your clit. You help, grabbing his hand to guide him even lower. When Hoseok circles the swollen bud with his thumb, he feels your walls clench around him. Wanting more of that, Hoseok begins to move faster. It is all so much. Your body is so responsive, so wet and hot and his hips have a fucking mind of their own.

Before Hoseok can stop himself, he realizes he is in danger of coming. “Fuck,” he gasps, hand falling to your waist as he tries to control himself. “Fuck, fuck – I’m gonna come. I –”

The orgasm takes over before he can stop himself, releasing into his condom in several short, sloppy thrusts. Hoseok shudders, head dropping as the most intense orgasm of his life wrings him dry. Slowly, Hoseok exhales and looks up in the mirror.

Hair falling into your gaze, you grin – equally fucked out and breathless. “So,” you manage. “How was your first time?”

Even with his cock softening inside you, Hoseok’s gaze narrows.

Pulling himself from your body, he quickly replaces his softening cock with his fingers. Your smile abruptly disappears. “It’s not over yet,” he murmurs, watching you in the mirror. “I don’t think you’ve come yet.”

Lips parting, you try and laugh – which turns into a moan when Hoseok scissors his fingers. “I – Hoseok,” you stutter. “Y-you don’t have to.”

Ignoring this, Hoseok steps closer. Leaning forward, he places a hand on the counter. “Wanna make you feel good,” he says, dropping a kiss to your shoulder. Between your thighs, he slowly slides out – only to snap his wrist forward.

You groan, legs buckling as his fingers repeatedly fill you. Hoseok grasps your waist, pulling you backwards and keeping you still. His hand travels lower, tracing circles around your already swollen clit. Eyes fluttering, your lips part when Hoseok begins to finger-fuck you harder. He can feel you squeezing around him, ass pushing back on his hand at the thrust of his fingers.

It is his hand at your front though, which pushes you over the edge. You abruptly seize, grasping his hand when your body gives in. “Fuck!” you gasp, collapsing forward. Hoseok slows his movement, feeling your pussy pulse around him as your own orgasm claims you. “God.”

Slumping, you pant in relief when his fingers slide from your core. Hoseok stays there for a moment, he cannot help himself – sliding his fingers slowly up your slick, he lazily enjoys the feel.

Turning, you look at him over your shoulder. “Holy shit,” you say, fighting a smile.

Without though, Hoseok pulls back and pushes a hand through his hair – shit. He is definitely going to need a shower when he gets home. “Yeah,” he groans, meeting your gaze. “Holy shit is right.”

Grinning, you bend to grab your bra from the floor. Sliding your arms through the straps, you begin to re-dress. Hoseok turns around, searching for his boxers to follow suit.

“That was, uh…” Shaking his head, Hoseok wonders what he should say.

Small talk seems crude right now. Thanking you seems formal but saying you should do it again would be a lie. He knows you did not come here tonight for that and truthfully, he barely knows you. Tugging off his condom, Hoseok throws this in the trash and pulls up his boxers.

“You don’t have to say anything,” you laugh at his expression. Wriggling your panties in place, you reach out for your jeans. “That was really fun.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah,” you agree, tugging your shirt down your torso. “I mean, once you’ve had a little more practice…” Pausing your changing, you give Hoseok a look. “The girls on this campus won’t know what hit them. I mean – they will know. It’ll be your fat dick.”

Hoseok nearly chokes at the thought. “Yeah?”

“Well… above average. But fuck, do you know what to do with it.”

Snorting, Hoseok pulls his shirt overhead. “Hey, I’ll take it.”

Fluffing your hair, you make your way towards the door. Hoseok watches you go, still feeling as though he is missing out on something. You do not seem upset, nor like you want to linger and honestly, this is what you both signed up for. This was a quick fuck in a bathroom, nothing more.

Still, your hand pauses on the doorknob.

“Are you really not going to tell me your name?” Hoseok asks, curious. You really are not like anyone he has ever met.

You hesitate, then glance over your shoulder. “You can call me Tiffany,” you say, flashing a grin which makes Hoseok about fifty percent sure you are bullshitting him. Pulling open the door, you step into the hall. “Thanks, Hoseok!”

“Thanks, Tiffany.” Crossing one ankle over the other, Hoseok leans against the wall. “Am I ever going to see you again?”

Normally, he would not be so bold but right now, Hoseok is feeling pretty fucking good. On top of the world might be one way to describe it.

Arching a brow, you seem to be fighting back laughter. “If it’s meant to be,” you allow. With a wave of your hand, you disappear down the hall. “They say you never forget your first, Hoseok! Let my legacy live on, okay?”

Hoseok stares after you, waiting a moment before shaking his head. Reaching down, he fishes his phone from his jeans and pulls up the chat.

Hoseok: club is just four now, gentlemen [11:48 PM]

Shoving his phone back in his pants, Hoseok runs the same hand through his hair and exits the bathroom.

[ RMCC Master List ]

#bangtanarmynet #smutcentralnet #btsbookclub #hoseok smut #bts smut #bts fanfic #hoseok college #bts college #hoseok fanfic

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atruththatyoudeny · 4 years ago

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Monthly Reads | May 2020

Happy 28th! These are the fics I read and enjoyed this month. Thank you to all you amazing authors in this fandom for making my world a little brighter! ♥ ❥ No Going Back | jacaranda_bloom | Lighthouse Keepers AU - strangers to lovers - fluff - dom/sub undertones - 56k Sales reps Harry and Louis are bored with their jobs and their lives. After meeting at a conference in Cardiff they hook up, have a few too many drinks, and jokingly apply to become remote lighthouse keepers. Six months, just the two of them, looking after the southernmost lighthouse off the bottom of Australia. It’s not like their applications will be accepted. Right? This is the story of how one choice - a left instead of a right, a go instead of a stop, a yes instead of a no - can change the future forever and that sometimes, taking that leap of faith, is worth the risk. ❥ Stranger Stars | shaylea | Road Trip - travel - slow burn - friends to lovers - pining - fluff - angst - implied/referenced homophobia - 212k Five years ago, Africa offered a grieving Louis Tomlinson an escape from an England he couldn't tolerate. Now it's become home as he leads overland tours across the continent with his best friend and driver Zayn Malik. What's meant to be just another ordinary six-week trip from Cape Town to Nairobi turns into anything but, when future lawyer/current photographer and songwriter Harry Styles and his friends join Louis' latest set of passengers. ❥ Say Something | kingsofeverything | a/b/o - age difference - mpreg - past divorce - unplanned pregnancy - hurt/comfort - 105k At fifty years old and recently divorced, Omega Harry Styles isn't interested in dating. When his doctor suggests a heat and rut matching service, he signs up out of necessity. It’s the only use he has for an Alpha in his life. Twenty-eight-year-old Alpha Louis Tomlinson aims to change that. ❥ The Orchards of Jessop | jaerie | age difference - self-discovery - implied/referenced homophobia - quarantine - strangers to lovers - 15k At age 40, there isn’t much excitement in widower Louis Tomlinson’s life, but wasn’t that the reason he’d moved to Jessop Island in the first place? Back then he hadn’t thought retiring before he reached 30 and moving to the countryside would mean that he’d be doing it alone. Now, just to fill the space, he welcomes lodgers into his home that pass through working as temporary labourers at the orchards just up the road. They’ve all been young adults eager to start lives of their own after one last summer of freedom. All of them have been much the same, coming and going from Louis’ house with just enough social interaction to keep the house from feeling so empty. But when a global pandemic shuts down the world, being quarantined with a quiet twenty year old who keeps to himself might turn out to be an awkward arrangement. By the time the restrictions have been lifted, their relationship has developed into something Louis isn’t quite ready to give up. With their twenty year age difference, Louis has to be prepared for the inevitable outcome when the reality shatters the private world they’ve been living in. He’s not sure he’ll be able to let it go. ❥ Until | allwaswell16 | farm/ranch - famous/not famous - enemies to lovers - hate to love - light angst - humor - 38k Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star. ❥ hit me with your sweet love | outropeace | a/b/o - sugar baby - soulmates - miscommunication - 40k Powerful people only end up with powerful people. The rest are just playthings in their lives. Louis Tomlinson was many things, but he wasn’t anybody’s plaything. ❥ On This Winter's Night | reminiscingintherain | meet cute - christmas - fluff - 27k When a random bloke offers his lap for a seat on a busy bus in December, Louis' Christmas ends up being much different, and far less lonely than he was expecting. ❥ Walls Are Just Walls (You Are My Home) | logogram | famous/not famous - friends to lovers - pining - hiking - injury - 26k After being injured in a hiking accident, musician Harry and his bodyguard are stuck on the trail with no cell service, no supplies, and with nightfall coming. Louis, who’s a wilderness first responder, comes across them, gives first aid, and calls for a rescue. Once the rescue’s over and Harry’s family is there to care for him, Louis doesn’t figure he’ll ever see Harry again, but he does— at the talk shows he and Harry appear on so they can talk about their experience, at the concert Harry invites him to, through all texts and DMs. It’s amazing how well they get along and how much Louis likes him. Could someone like Harry ever return his feelings? ❥ Love Will Light The Way | Jesapeak | afterlife - death - Louis is a reaper - angst - 27k Most people throughout Louis's life thought that dying brought you to one of two gates. Heaven or Hell. Really, it brought you to a dated diner, just outside of the suburbs, skirting the beginning of the city. Where, instead of God, you met Liam Payne and his post-it notes. Well, not for everyone, but for the select few whoever is in charge up there deemed fit to help guide the living into death. Unfortunate people like Louis. Who'd honestly rather just lie in bed and pretend it had all been a dream. A very bad, cliche dream. It wasn’t though and this was his new normal. As much as he hated it. And Harry? He just wanted to know who the man was that kept killing his patients. ❥ like it's a game | soldouthaz | hate to love - enemies to lovers - enemies to friends to lovers - friends with benefits - pining - light angst - fluff - 32k There is little harry hates more than truth or dare. And louis. ❥ What You're Signing On For | abrighteryellow | enemies to friends to lovers - fluff - angst fake/pretend relationship - past divorce - 30k Back at home in London after a whirlwind romance, Louis wants nothing more than to break ties completely with the sophisticated Frenchman who swept him off his feet. In order to do that, he needs the help of Harry Styles: former town bad boy and adopted brother of Louis' flatmate. An O.C. AU about flawed first impressions, the seductive power of French pastries, bad romance novelists, and getting on the same page. ❥ What Side Of Love Are You On? | FallingLikeThis | Because I Said So AU - first meetings - biphobia - homophobia - meet-cute - fluff - family drama - internal conflict - 25k Ever since Harry finally made the decision to come out to his mother as bisexual, she’s been foisting women on him left and right, determined it’s just a phase. But when she puts out a personal ad to find the perfect partner for her son, things really get complicated. Suddenly, Harry’s heart is being pulled in two very different directions. On one side is the sweet, caring woman he has fun with, but doesn’t know his mother chose for him. On the other is a man who seems to be his mother’s worst nightmare, but makes Harry’s heart flutter in ways he’s never felt before. When all is said and done, maybe they’ll all learn that when there is no clear path to go down, the best option is to follow your heart. A Because I Said So Au with a bisexual twist. ❥ Missed Connection | littlelouishiccups | soulmates - soulmate-identifiying marks - strangers to friends to lovers - friends with benefits - angst - fluff - dom/sub - 40k Soulmate AU where your soulmate’s first words to you are tattooed on your skin. With a boring and generic soul mark like Hi, Harry is pessimistic he’ll ever find his soulmate or that he’ll realize it when he meets them. But he could always have it worse, like his new friend Louis who had a drunken one night stand with his soulmate a few years ago and woke up the next morning alone.

#fic rec #monthly reads #28th appreciation #my reads #larry fics #completed fics

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soldouthaz · 4 years ago

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hii! I'm not having the best night and I felt like compiling a list of my favorite fics that never fail to make me smile when I'm down or have provided me a beautifully worded escape for a while :)

disclaimer: I will list the specifics for those interested, but there is a mix of bl / bh so be aware of that please. these are the fics that make ME happy and I want to spread some positivity for the talented authors that have gotten me through some rough times, so please leave any negativity out of it and stick to your own preferences.

thank you and happy reading! ♡

✰ enter the rose garden (GA, 10k, imp. b!L) by @angelichl

Soft heats make omega Louis clingy. Enter alpha Harry.

✰ before we knew (E, 40k, b!L) by @risthebrave / falsegoodnight

Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

✰ baby we could be enough (I'll make this feel like home) (E, 57k, b!H)

“Did you clean the table?” Harry asks Louis once Rose is done speaking, now occupied with trying to see if she can reach over and touch Harry’s hair from where she’s sat. At Louis’ nod, Harry frowns. “You didn’t have to do that. You’re my guests here, I could’ve dealt with it later.”

Louis just smiles easily, though, adjusting Rose on his lap so that she’s facing Harry better. She manages to tug on a loose wave of hair, and she makes a noise of triumph that both Louis and Harry smile at.

“I don’t mind,” Louis murmurs to Harry, even though he’s looking at Rose. “This one here seemed very excited to talk to you.”

And, okay. Harry can’t help but think of how domestic this feels, all of a sudden.

[harry is a photographer who's trying to find his place. louis is a single father with a smile that feels like home.]

✰ when you touch me, paint me like a van gogh (E, 4k, b!L) by TurismoEmocional

(Harry has been away for a month. He comes home to Louis in the middle of the night - dramatics and smut ensue.)

✰ undone, undress (E, 134k, b!H) by @angelichl

Louis' new roommate is shy, skittish, and flinches at the slightest sounds. He's an art major who gets drunk on cherry wine, wears lacy lingerie, and shows up late at night covered in bruises that blossom across his skin like flowers.

Obviously something is wrong. Louis just doesn't know what it is.

personal note: this fic is amazing and has been very validating for me, but please make sure to check the tags and author’s note for any possible triggers before reading and make the best choice for yourself!

✰ ours are the moments I play in the dark (E, 30k, b!L) by @holdingthornsandroses / edensrose

Jane Austen's Persuasion AU. Nine years ago Louis Tomlinson was persuaded to break off his engagement to Harry Styles, a poor sailor. Since then Louis has come to regret being so easily convinced to give up his one chance of happiness. Now Louis' family is in debt and his childhood home is being sold. In a complete reversal of fortune, Harry has returned to England a wealthy bachelor looking to settle down. Events conspire to bring them together once more though Louis is- must surely be- the last man on earth that Captain Styles would think of now.

✰ hot and heavy, pumpkin pie (E, 10k, b!L) by @sunflowerstyles

Louis and Harry get separated at a Green Bay Packers game. Harry finds him and helps his baby relax by buying Louis things that get him to smile and making love to him for quite a while.

✰ laundry room (E, 10k, not specified/no penetrative sex) by @thelovejandles / beautlouis

[Louis and Harry are both students living in the same apartment complex. They end up having the same laundry night and time. Louis can't stop staring at Harry and he can't figure out why Harry consistently points out Louis’ inside-out shirts, and his untied shoes, and messy hair. Enter slow burn-ish flirting, banter, awkwardness, and a lot of laundry.]

✰ everywhere and nowhere (E, 16k, b!L) by @2tiedships2

Niall took a seat and said, "Apparently Louis' downstairs neighbor is a fan of giving Louis creepy gifts. Maybe I should go introduce myself and tell him that Louis actually prefers food."

"What has he given you?" Liam asked.

Louis shrugged as it were no big deal. "There was a rabbit's foot keychain on the door a little after he left from introducing himself and there was a small teddy bear sitting by my door tonight. Obviously I can't prove it's from him, but they seem to have his scent. I could be wrong though."

"Wow," Liam said, looking deep in thought. "That's old school."

"What's old school?" Niall asked. "Giving creepy gifts?"

"I've never known an alpha to do it, to be honest, but he's courting you."

Louis couldn't contain his look of disbelief directed at Liam. "He's courting me. Like some sort of romantic shit they'd do in the 1800s or something?"

✰ thinking about the t-shirt you sleep in (E, 52k, b!L) by @absoloutenonsense / nonsensedarling

Harry's alpha fraternity donates to a local thrift shop (because of Liam's latent crush on a cute beta in his lecture). Louis' financial situation (and confusing omega instincts) lead him to make some interesting fashion purchases. Lots of pizza, feelings, and not-really-lying.

✰ the case of the (definitely not haunted) styles mansion (E, 40k, b!H) by @briannamarguerite / briamaria

The Nancy Drew AU where Marcel is a man of logic, Louis is a private detective who believes in ghosts, and the Styles Mansion is definitely, absolutely, positively *not* haunted.

✰ building castles in the sky (GA, 22k, no smut) by @whileatwiltshire

"D-dad? You think I c-can do it? Y-you think i c-can..." Evan trailed off looking down at his chest. And Louis' heart melted.

"I think you can do everything, love. Everything." Louis said while pulling his boy closer. "Because you, my little dandelion, are very brave! And so strong and wonderful and so very bright! You will go up on that stage, and you will blow everyone away. I just know it."

They laid there on their porch while they hugged each other tightly. His little boy was so brave. Louis didn't need to see him on a stage to be proud. He was proud of him already.

"You know,” Evan mumbled aloud again. “Mr. S-Styles says the same t-thing. He s-says I c-can do e-everything too.”

And Louis couldn't help but smile.

or,

Where, Louis had a four year old with a stuttering problem. Harry was always there to help.

✰ a trail of honey through it all (E, 27k, b!L) by faeriestyles

the TPH* fic we’ve all been waiting for.

* (trailer park harry)

✰ we should open up (before it’s all too much) (E, 43k, b!H) by @disgruntledkittenface

Struggling with grieving and depression since his dad died, Harry has never felt so alone. It’s too much to cope with on his own, but he feels like a burden when he tries to open up with people.

Then he meets Louis.

personal note: I cannot stress enough how much this fic means to me and it is very close to my heart, but I strongly suggest checking the tags for any possible triggers before reading!!

✰ my love’s not simple (it’s fragile) (E, 27k, b!L) by @risthebrave / falsegoodnight

Harry's new job is threatened by his impending rut. Desperate for a solution, he allows Niall to introduce him to Louis, an omega whose heat begins the same day. They click.

✰ swept me off my feet (took my heart and took me down) (E, 25k, b!L) by jennifer_kaid

When Louis had decided to reopen his mother's bakery, he never thought a charming alpha would walk in through the door, let alone fall in love with him over tea, dessert and music.

✰ knock knock, I love you (E, 86k, b!H) by @thelovejandles / beautlouis

[Harry and Louis get kicked out of a statistics exam for passing a knock knock joke note, and subsequently fall in love. Harry's a virgin, there's a cat, a hot cocoa date, a lot of sex, even more knock knock jokes, and everything is lovely and happy.]

✰ enjoy the ride (E, 11k, imp. b!L) by @2tiedships2

the one where Louis, an omega more than tired of being treated as lesser than alphas, is forced on a road trip by his beta besties only to meet Harry who might just be the alpha he never knew he wanted.

✰ fading (E, 202k, b!L) by tothemoonmydear

Louis knows about beauty; the combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses. He creates that combination every day in the garments he designs while studying fashion at uni. The cut of the design, the color of the fabric, the intricacy of the stitching; it all comes together to create something beautiful. When the science student with the long legs and dimpled smile agrees to model for him, Louis decides he’s found beauty personified. Harry just thinks Louis needs someone to show him how beautiful he is.

personal note: another wonderful and realistic story but please check the tags for triggers before reading!

all of these fics and authors mean a lot to me and have unknowingly made me incredibly happy during some dark times. if you visit these fics, please make sure to leave a kudos or a comment to spread some positivity, or feel free to let the authors that have made your life better know! :)

(as always, please let me know if I tagged or linked anything incorrectly! happy reading!)

#fic recs #look at when sad #Larry fic

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fairyshuuu · 5 years ago

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Iveracity 1| do kyungsoo

.summary. IVERACITY (noun) the act or practice of deceiving; concealment or distortion of the truth for the purpose of misleading; duplicity; fraud; lies. .word count. 30k .pirate!au | princess!au | strangers to lovers!au. .pairing. kyungsoo x female!reader .genre. fluff, romance, fantasy, smut (in part 2)

.warnings. violence, blood mentions, char/char threats (violence is not cute pals!), swearing, human trafficking mentions, drowning threats and mentions, sehun is best boy, pirate!baekhyun (not a warning but i ♡), explicit language and scenes, dom!kyungsoo, first time, unprotected sex, it starts very slow, i’m sorry!

! if you are on mobile, please try to open this post on desktop instead because it might very well crash the app, thank youu !

.author’s note. this bitch is really long, so sit down with a blanket and a cup of tea please, i don’t want you to get back or neck pain. hope you enjoy!!

🌊🌊🌊

With the bright of morn, a harmonic melody sounds just barely though the thick, stone walls, waking any stragglers from slumber. You, however, have been awake for hours already. Though your hair is pinned up with costly jewelry every which way, still a few stray strands fall into your face. “Oh please, your Highness,” you breathe, turning on your heel to follow behind the tall figure that readies to walk out the door, “it’s hardly a difficult request. I’ve been scouring the port for weeks now. I’m prepared entirely, top to bottom.”

The man sighs and sends you a small smile, while two maids slide the protectors around his lower arms into place. When all is finished, his pristine outfit all in place for the day, he turns to you. A heavy hand is rested on your shoulder, dark eyes finding yours. “Will you settle down? It’s early, Princess, and people are still sleeping.”

“The sun is up,” you huff in response, “that means ‘get to work’.” The two maids bow deeply and leave the room after that, leaving just the two of you in the smaller of dressing rooms inside the palace. When the King doesn’t say any more, you breathe out deeply. “Father, please. I promise I can do this. I’ve readied all my supplies myself, I have a guard set up and everything. Besides, I’m not as young as you hope I am anymore. If not now, I’ll never get to do anything worthwhile before I’m married off.” When your father glances at you again, you pout. “Please?”

“Y/N Clementine Panethin,” he says, a frown sliding onto his face. Your father, though he does his best to sound fed up, has always had a soft spot for you. It is why you can push it as much as you can, you’d hardly ever consider whining this way to your mother. He rubs his fingers right above his brow, smoothing away the non-existent wrinkles there as he thinks. Your father, like most of the kings and queens, is still very young. Perhaps it’s this that sets you apart from the working class. The ability to marry young, to have children while you’re still as able-bodied as you were. Well, that, and the money of course.

“Why,” he sighs then, “why is it so hard for you to just accept your role in this world?” His clothes are covered top to bottom in fine copper thread, shimmering even in the low light of the sun. If he was hunting for food, and not for fun, you’d guess the clothes impractical. But royals don’t do anything for the need of it. “And I don’t think you can complain about marriage, young lady. When I was as young as you are now, I was already married and had your sister, after all. Be glad I haven’t married you off myself already.” You huff in response, taking as deep a breath as the tight corset around your ribs allows you to.

“I’m fading away in these sad, lonely walls! Colet and Toelo don’t have to stay inside all day, why do I?”

“Because your older sister and brother are both married and are doing their ruling jobs, Princess. Until you are, you’re supposed to stay inside and learn your families craft by heart. That is your role, as the younger of the two girls,” he smiles as he says it, sensing your absolute refusal of his words as soon as he speaks them. He is, by all accounts, right of course. Women being the head of the family comes with some great advantages, ones you have no right complaining about. Still doesn’t take away the excruciating boredom though.

“I’ve learned everything I had to since I was five years old. I can read texts older than my great great grandmother, should I ever need to do so. I can paint, sing and dance.” You sigh, looking at the countless pieces of jewelry displayed on the wall next to you, and pick one of the pieces from it’s hanger. Your father bows his head smoothly for you to place it on him, securing it in his long, black hair to have the colorful stone fall between his brows. A protection charm. “But what I want more than all of that combined— is to see the world. Please, your Highness, let me. And I’ll never complain again.”

With this, your father straightens up, and pulls you into a small hug. “Alright, you little monkey. You can go.” He walks to the door and past it then, not willing to lose more precious daylight spent indoors. You trail behind, eyes wide.

“Wait, really? I’m really allowed to go?” When your father rolls his eyes at your disbelief, you jump up and give him another hug. “Oh really?! Thank you, thank you, thank you! You’re the best parent ever. I love you.” When you rush past him and toward the exit, your father laughs along with you.

“Be careful! And I want to hear from you in a dozen days at the latest.”

“Promise!” you confirm, already rushing through the shiny halls on bare feet. With the door closing behind you, you run past the many rooms of the palace, past the gardens too. After a good minute or two you finally make it to the main room, as many of your cousins and nieces get ready to eat breakfast. You don’t need to join them, not when you have a ship to board in a couple hours. Arriving to the main hall, you slow, taking a deep breath in and out. Excitement rushes through your veins.

The main hall leads straight to the wide, open world. The sky is clear, though still dim in the early quiet of the morning, colored an orange to pull in the rising sun. The big plaza in front of the palace is still devoid of people this early too. You clean and dry your feet quickly before tying your shoes and grabbing the bags prepared carefully for your departure.

The plan is to join the traveling fleet on it’s journey to your biggest trading companion. Aking, the Capital and the only home you’ve ever known, is rich with many talented artisans who often sail their goods to the land north from here. You don’t just know this of course, since a Princess doesn’t have much to trade for. You barely go outside of the city, let alone to leave the island. And you like it that way for the most part, since your country is a beautiful, thriving place.

But for as much as you’ve read, there’s one place that seems to be even prettier. Elyfhil, of the land of snow. When your older sister announced yet another trading fleet to go there, you couldn’t help yourself. You just have to see it yourself, if only once. The cold breeze travels down your spine, carrying the soft rumbling of the lively city to greet you. As if right on time, a voice clears behind you. “Where do you think you’re rushing off to so quietly, Princess?”

You straighten out, and pull a grin as you greet the new person. “Out.”

The young man’s eyebrows rise considerably, normally serious expression replaced for one of youthful wonder. “You actually got them to let you go?” Sehun is dressed in the royal guard colors, sunflower yellow and a deep blue, though he still looks about as sleep deprived as usual. For as much as the guards get switched out, a security measure of sorts, Sehun’s been there for longer than you can remember. He was one of the only people to ever volunteer, if you recall correctly. He’s been your friend ever since he entered the palace at twelve years old, wide eyed and clueless.

“Sure did,” you nod, smiling gratefully when Sehun takes the heavier bag from you to carry it himself. He’s not the little, scrawny boy he once was anymore, and it shows. “Actually, I was just about to go check the quarters for a guard willing to accompany me on a long and tiresome journey like this one. It might be hard to find someone able to travel with me. Unless you want—”

“I’ll go!” Sehun brings out before you can even finish, reaching forward to grab your second bag. “Anything to get away from the new maid girl. She’s been following me around for the entire week, I can’t do it anymore. I suppose I feel flattered, but Gods… I can hardly focus on my work this way.” You snort as he colors slightly pink.

“Yeah, you’re right. Which man would possibly enjoy the attention of a beautiful girl like her? I can’t imagine the hardship.” Sehun’s face voids when he looks at you, though you can almost read the retort in his eyes. Luckily you’re a Princess, who can’t be sworn at. “Come on, Master Sehun. We have a ride to catch.” With a swift nod, he slips into his shoes as well, and starts walking. Down the stairs and across the marketplace that unfold in the shadow of the mountain. You greet some people as they walk past, getting ready to set up store on the expanse.

When you look further down the path, Sehun has your both bags on a shoulder each, dark hair swaying left and right in the wind, much like the flowers that line the cobbled street. You speed your steps to keep up with the man, and take a deep breath of the peaceful silence of the city. Some kids dart behind the houses when they see you two approach. “Are my bags not too heavy?” you ask, turning to your friend. “We might have to leave some things behind in the stables if they are.”

Sehun laughs at that, shaking his head. His eyes crinkle into moons with that sentiment, reminding you of the many times you two played in the royal gardens when you were both a lot younger. This must be the first time you’re heading out with him though, even with all the years that have passed. “They are fine, Princess,” your friend grins, looking over his shoulder as you do your best to keep up with his long legs. As you arrive to the big, richly decorated building he pauses, putting them down next to his feet. “Now quickly go pick a horse for us both. Or your precious dream will sail off without you.”

🌊🌊🌊

The trip to the port city Aoran takes both longer and less than you expect it to. The sun is quite unforgiving while you travel, the heat of the horse beneath you only adding to it in turn. But though you ride for a couple of hours, the scenery is ever-changing and you find it to go by much quicker than hours normally do. When you finally arrive, your water and tea are almost at day’s end. The salty ocean wind comes to wish you welcome, along with the busy chatter of the city life. The streets are wider than those back home, and crawling with people left and right. You dismount your horse smoothly, not catching your robe like you watch Sehun do, as he almost levels with the ground. You do your best to keep the giggles to a minimum when he already looks entirely mortified.

As you cautiously walk into town, many eyes trail behind you. You guess you do stand out quite a bit, doused top to bottom in everything expensive. Aking is full of these sorts though, you never noticed how obvious you were until just now. The people here are used to a more toned down display of class. Long hair tied out of the way with ribbons instead of the metal pins you’re used to, and a surprising amount of pants. Weird. As you walk, Sehun stays close to your side, though his eyes are as full of curious stars as yours are, if not more. “I’m pretty sure we just follow the road down,” you mumble to him, noticing people who scurry around to get out of your path. You never really thought the Capital as rich before, but maybe now—

“I believe so too, Princess.” He cocks his head forward in gesture, towards a group of men and women further down the wide, cobbled streets that click under your shoes. “I’d say follow the fishermen, probably.” Indeed, the people have thick bundles of nets tied around their backs, and heavy ropes in hand, most likely seafolk of a sort. When they turn the corner at the end of the street, so do you. The houses here are nowhere near as tall or large as you’re used to, but they have a certain charm. Though foreign, the city carries a peacefulness, a rhythm of life that seems to bring you warmth. If you weren’t so down on time, you’d love to spend weeks here, exploring every single nook and cranny.

Soon, the sounds of chatter is replaced with that of seagulls, and of metal slamming against wood. A much rougher sound. The sun sinks ever so slowly past it’s highest point, making you swallow. After midday, the letters had informed. You just hope… “What if we missed the boat, Sehun? I can’t possibly explain my mother that I wish to try again.” You lean a bit closer to him when a vendor jumps into the street to sell some goods, reeking of wine, or maybe some cheaper drink. He doesn’t seem worried though, and trails peacefully behind you.

“I doubt there’s anything your parents wouldn’t allow you, your Highness.” He smiles as if to himself, before looking over at you. “Or is it not you whose entire collection of ancient pottery was painted over at a certain time, “by accident”? Pretty sure you didn’t even get told off, let alone punished. The King and Queen have the biggest of soft spots for you. If you blink your lashes enough, I’m certain you can do whatever you desire.” When he finishes with a giggle, you have to pause. A soft hum leaves you, because he’s right. You can hardly complain.

The fisherfolk in front turn corner again, leaving you to wonder. As you look up to follow one of the birds overhead with your eyes, you spot a tall pole sticking out above the houses. It is a little rough around the edges, with worn ropes hanging from the top and another fabric that darts softly back and forth in the wind. It takes a few seconds for you to really realize what it is, but when you do you almost swallow your tongue. “Is that the mast?” you bring out, shocked. “It’s so much taller than I thought it would be, dear Gods! How big is this damn boat?”

You rush down the last bit of road at a much swifter pace, the brown mare trotting behind you. When you round the corner, with Sehun’s displeased mumbling in the background, you stop drop dead in the middle of the street. The pier is long, and filled with hundreds of people, but that’s not what catches your attention. The wooden boat closest to you is massive, and only one of many. You could run the entire length of it and be out of breath. The national flag blows proud in the wind, wood accompanied with touches of silver, and ocean topaz that shimmers in the light of the sun. Clearly part of the royal fleet. You don’t even want to doubt how a thing of this size floats.

“Princess Y/N,” Sehun calls from behind you, having caught up. “Over here.” You have to forcefully tear your eyes away from the countless things happening to find your friend in the stir. People do their best to stay out of your way though, staring over their shoulders with whispers of ‘princess’ to their friends. You spot Sehun standing by another guard, as he motions you closer. “This is Marthe, a guard of house Sinith. He’s staying here in town until the crew return from their journey.” The boy is still quite young, with boyish features and some messy, brown hair. He gives you a deep bow, not quite catching your eyes. It too, is pinned out of his face with a silver-like pin, decorated all over with tiny, orange gems. Strange how easy it is to pick out who belongs and who doesn’t. But then again, maybe that’s the point.

“Your Majesty” the boy smiles, taking hold of Sehun’s horse as he hands it over. “My sister and her husband own that tavern, over down by the beach. We have some stables that can hold the royal mounts while you go, though. If that would convenience your Majesty, of course.” Sehun’s already taking your bags off of the horses before you can say anything, so with a small smile, you agree. He smoothly picks the reigns from your hands without touching them, and bows once again. “I’ll take good care of them,” he confirms. You don’t doubt it.

“Thank you. You’ll be rewarded graciously upon my return,” you confirm, already watching him turn away. Some voices sound from down further, with the wafts of the waves rhythmically smashing against the pier. Everything seems to move much quicker here, like the rapid flow of the ocean affects the people just as much as it affects the sand. This is their life though, the maritime trade provides everyone here with money to live. You grab a loose hold of Sehun’s garb as he travels through the people, hands occupied with your large sacks. His tall shape barely sticks out between all the others here. “Hey, Sehun?” you suddenly bring out, squeezing between two men who drag a full net over the ground. Sehun can just about catch your eyes as he looks over, and pulls a questioning face. “Was this one of my really bad ideas, you think?”

“Probably,” he laughs, “but I like it. At least you’re trying to be someone you dream of being. The Capital has enough prim and proper Princesses to marry half of them off without problems. You’re making a difference!” He points over to the ocean then, to the incoming waves that look a lot less unruly from a distance. “I haven’t heard of a single princess boarding a ship just for the fun of it, after all.” You two walk past the full length of the pier to reach the way up, as you stare all the while. People climb with ease into the ropes that span between the masts. Some people carry the last of giant boxes of merchandise down deck, while others talk joyfully between them. A boat like this, as strange as it sounds, almost has an entire life of it’s own, you think. A life where city rules don’t count nearly as much.

“Careful,” Sehun motions over to the edge of the pier as you come to a standstill, looking up now too. He stares for a second longer, before lifting his shoulders. “I think here is where my expertise stops, your Highness. You do have a way to get on board, don’t you?” You point in front of you without thinking, to the narrow piece of wood connecting the pier to the boat. It moves up and down with the motions of the wooden vehicle. “By Idite, not that! I mean, are we even allowed to be on the ship, Princess?”

“Oh, that,” you respond. Of course you thought of that, you’ve been preparing for this journey for two months now. Though, you’re not quite sure how this works. “Yes, of course, we’re allowed. I’ve sent multiple letters back and forth with the crew leader, after all. I just don’t really … know what they look like, ‘s all.” This makes your friend’s mouth drop open in disbelief, but you’re already walking up the plank before he can add any of his no-doubt entirely positive criticism. “Only one way to find out, I guess!” With wide outstretched arms you walk forth bit by bit, not willing to let the sudden movements of the waves below scare you. Another advantage of being royal born maybe, is that you have received a great swimming training, since you were a small child.

You hold your breath when the plank creaks below your feet, balance feeling entirely clunky on the narrow walkway. When you finally set foot on board, a relief seems to fill your tense body. You turn to Sehun to check on him, and motion for him to throw the bags over to you, which he does with a surprising ease. As the bags land with loud thumps beside you, you turn to take in the ship. Your entrance doesn’t seem to have gone unnoticed, however, since many of the men stare at you without blinking. “Captain!” one calls over his shoulder, as you look around. The sails of the boat are truly gigantic, most likely the largest pieces of fabric you’ve ever seen, and fall from three different masts. The wood under your feet is polished top to bottom.

Without warning, a person suddenly drops from the sky— or one of the many ropes more likely, having you stumble back in surprise. The stranger is tall and quite built, with long, copper hair that peeks out from under a large hat. The woman grins when your eyes widen in surprise, before bowing a slight bit. “Well, well, what pretty flower washed onto my ship so suddenly.” Before you can answer, she takes a gentle hold of your hand and presses a kiss to your knuckles, as you shoot entirely cherry red. “You’re awfully dressed up.”

When you don’t respond right away, she lets your hand drop back down under the laughter of some of the crew, and lifts an eyebrow. “Sorry to say, sugar plum, but I think you’ve walked onto the wrong ship. And I don’t like sending pretty girls away so rudely, but we have somewhere to be before sundown, so.” The woman is clearly a good bit older than you, but is dressed in the colors of your house, albeit a faded version of them because of the sun. Her skin is full and warm, and her face with big, round eyes that seem to scan you thoroughly.

As you open your lips to respond, a smooth voice comes from your right, somewhat hurried and with a hint of laughter laced between the words. “Ah, Captain, I think this is my doing.” The man greets you with a deep bow, and smiles, lips curling cutely like a feline during a nap. “You must be Princess Y/N, I’ll assume. I’m your correspondent of the last few weeks, it’s nice to finally meet you in person. Kim Jongdae, quartermaster.” He greets you in the traditional Aking way that you’re much more used to, with his knuckles pressed together against his heart and a small bow of the head, that you gratefully reincorporate. “Or first mate, for the non seafaring folk, I guess.”

He then turns your attention back to the woman to his side, and smiles widely. “This scary one is the boss of this operation, you’ll be safe in her hands. Captain Lilith, meet the Princess that will be accompanying us for our travels. Princess,” he then returns. You briefly offer the captain a deep bow, looking around. The crew that have gathered around you in a circle seem increasingly interested now. You have to wonder how many of them have ever been to the Capital before, if any. Lilith nods in understanding, before crossing her muscular arms over her chest. You’ve seen strong women before, but geez, she’s got more muscles than Sehun does. It’s kind of impressive.

“I see. Well then,” she sighs, pointing in the general direction of the cabin at the far end of the boat. “Sugar plum can stay in the free room downstairs.” She looks around at her crew then, and frowns. “What are all of you still standing here, we’ve got a ship to man! Off your feet and to your positions. This is not a evening cruise, so make it snappy, thank you very much.” With a hand on the black-haired man’s shoulder, she moves to walk away. “Jongdae, you’ll handle this?”

“Aye, Captain.” Her heavy boots make the wood creak as she walks away, disappearing out of view by the wild back and forth of her crew. You stare until the feather of her hat vanishes entirely when the door is pulled close behind her. So instead you turn your attention to the man who’s left. Jongdae is kind-looking, with bright, calculating eyes and high cheekbones, one of which has a scar down it. His hair is tied back with the same ribbons you saw the townspeople use, but he has a certain attitude that screams Capital to you. He takes you in top to bottom again now, and then smiles, the gesture warm. “I’m sorry about that. I did tell her that you’d be coming a few days ago, but in all the preparation, it must have slipped both of our minds. I’ll prepare your room as soon as we’re out of the harbor, Princess.”

“It’s okay,” you reply, toying with your dress, “I’ve had that happen to me more times than I can count.” You turn to pick up the bags that were so graciously tossed on board earlier, and then gasp. “Oh! This is Sehun, by the way. He’s my guard for this journey. I did mention that, didn’t I?” Sehun bows politely to the quartermaster, looking about as out-of-his-element as you feel.

“You did,” the raven haired man grins, giving the other a slight bow.

“Good.” You flush a little, attempting to shake the silence between you. It’s just strange. You’ve never met people before who regard you so casually while knowing who you are. It’s either one or the other, most of the time. When you go out into the outskirts of capital, dressed in the plainest clothes you own, it’s easy to pretend that you’re one of them. Sit by the canal, watching small children rushing by on their short, stubby, little legs. When one of them tumbles and you rush forward to help, a mother thanks you genuinely. Because she wants to thank you, not because of a certain imposed obligation. Jongdae looks at you this way now too, despite knowing who you are. You swallow, and attempt a better hold on the bag when it slips down. “Is there anything I could help with?”

“Later, maybe,” he agrees, which makes a slight pride swell in your chest. At least he doesn’t think you’re entirely useless. Jongdae nods, more to himself than to you, and cleans his hands on his brown pants. You’re a bit caught off guard when you really take a look at him. His clothes are not what you expected a sailor to wear, though that might be an entirely self-centered misconception on your part. It’s just— his clothes are clean, and entirely well made too. The white blouse seems much more comfortable on a busy place like this than the tight, restrictive clothing your dressed in. Colorful glass beads are woven into some strands of his hair, and his earrings are even more intricate then yours. “I guess it’s good that our ship is as big as it is, huh. With the amount of metal you’re wearing, a smaller vessel would have gone straight to the bottom.”

You laugh a little at that, glad to rid the situation of the awkward tension as soon as possible. If you’ll be on the same ship for a few weeks, you’d rather be comfortable with the people you’re on it with. Jongdae doesn’t seem very hard to like, though. “I think you’ll be fine.” You look up to the sky again, watching as people swing around between the ropes with ease, like they’ve spent their entire lives up in the ropes. Most of them probably have. “I’ve never been on a boat this big,” you admit, “or at all, really.”

Jongdae motions to follow him as he talks, eyes smiley. “It’s not just a boat. It’s a ship, Princess. The royal fleet has some of the biggest ships in the entire world, the May Terror is no exception.” As you walk toward the cabin, you notice that the plaque above the door indeed has ‘May Terror’ engraved into it, bright in the afternoon sun. You wonder who gave it it’s name. Lilith, maybe. You walk past many of the crew, attempting to acknowledge every person you meet with a little bow of your head. “Besides,” Jongdae continues, “I guess we would be fine! Don’t Royal born’s float in water?” He turns to you with a laugh, but the question seems entirely genuine, so you raise your brows at him.

“No! Of course we don’t.” You glance behind you to check for your friend a second, before continuing. Sehun seems bright in the light of the sun, his demeanor entirely soaking in the new environment. You’re glad he likes it this much, you do too. “I don’t think there’s anything that floats in the ocean, quartermaster.”

“Actually,” Sehun brings out, long legs easily keeping up with your pace even with his wondrous looking around, “I heard the same about sailors.” Jongdae’s eyebrows raise at that. “That they float in water, you know.”

Jongdae snorts, and pushes open the back door of the cabin, leading into a dim staircase. “Well, believe me, we don’t either. After you,” he gestures. You shift your dumb, big bag to one arm, and lift your dress with the other hand as you descend, blinking against the darkness of the hall. Jongdae follows behind you, and Sehun last. The hall is narrow, the air a bit dull. The strong scent of sea is still present, but there’s also hints of candle wax and wine here, which seems to check out. Jongdae leans over you a little to point at the far door to your right, and laughs. “That’s the one. You and your guard would be sharing a room though, if that’s okay. Or, if you’re not too comfortable with that idea, he can sleep downstairs as well, where the rest of the crew is.”

You nod and make your way over, pushing down the silver handle to reveal a beautiful room, with more light than you would’ve expected. A large, round window sits in the middle of the wall, flanked on both sides by beds. The side closest to you has a large dresser, and even a mirror. “Wow,” you just breathe, making way to allow both men to enter. As you walk towards the window, a loud bell sounds from somewhere upstairs, scaring you a little.

“Ah, I’ve gotta be getting up there, we’re sailing out.” Jongdae checks around the room quickly, before nodding. “You can get settled in, your Highness. And afterwards, come find us up top, the main door will lead you straight to the office. If you have a need for anything else, we’ll get you sorted out then.” Before you can even say a proper thanks, he closes the door behind him and rushes off to help man the ship, you guess. With a little sigh, you drop the one bag on your bed, and sit down next to it. Sehun follows your lead, though he stays standing on his side of the room, with a little frown.

“Your Highness. I’ll go find myself a place downstairs, do not worry. And maybe I can get the quartermaster to apologize for the mistake as well.” He turns away to start unpacking your stuff, mumbling quietly to himself, but loud enough for you to catch it. “A guard and a Princess sleeping in the same room, ridiculous.”

You pause to think for a moment, hearing the waves rushing past at an almost timed speed, again and again. Paired with the creaking of the ship and the muffled sound of voices, sounds entirely foreign, and yet you find a joy in it. You, a Princess, on a gigantic ship called the May Terror, it’s comical at best. “Actually,” you say, “if you don’t mind, I’d rather have you here.” Sehun’s eyes are big as saucers when he turns to look over his shoulder at you. “It’s unconventional, I know, but I don’t know anyone else here, and I’d take a great comfort in having you here. Besides, it’s not like the King and Queen would even find out.”

After a long pause, your friend nods, though hesitation is still marked in his eyes. “Of course, your Highness, if that’s what you wish for.”

“It is,” you confirm, getting up to take out one of your dresses. It’s a much lighter fabric that the traditional one you’re used to wearing, which means it’s infinitely more expensive, but it doesn’t look it. Besides, it’s hot down here, the air smothering. A lighter dress would do you well. When Sehun notices your stance, he immediately looks away.

“I’m waiting outside.” With that he runs off and shuts the door behind him, while your giggle follows. Sehun should probably also change. You’re not sure if he brought anything but the bare essentials though. Maybe he could borrow from Jongdae. You lay the dress down on the bed and stare at it for a second, taking in it’s pale pink color, as well as the form-fitted silhouette. Modern craftsmanship at it’s finest. If you were to wear this inside the palace though… well— safe to say you just wouldn’t wear it in the palace. Your mom and your older sister would both have your head.

You reach behind you to loosen the tied lints of your corset, fiddling with them until they come apart, and lay it down next to you on the bed, to disrobe entirely. Despite what some people might think, you actually don’t get dressed by maids every day, so you’ve gotten quite good at taking off your clothes without wrinkling them. The intricately embroidered dress is put aside and replaced by the pretty, empire waisted dress. It’s light, made of countless layers of sheer linen and entirely too “modern” for someone of your status, but this place makes you feel daring. You slip it on quickly, and sigh because it’s gorgeous, like you expected it to be. But Gods, does it show the entirety of your ankles. You’ll just have to live with it, you suppose.

“Sehun,” you call out then, hoping that he’s still waiting in the hall, “please come help me lace up! I can’t do it on my own.” This is true, of course, you think as you situate the corset back into place, but this way you can also check the reaction of your friend before going out into the real world. If he truly thinks it too much, you might just have to suffer through the heat. Sehun enters after two swift knocks, and sighs.

“It’s really dark in that hall, they should place some candles or — something.” He trails off, before blinking a couple of times. You motion for him to lace up your support and to your luck, he does so without thinking twice about it. “I won’t say anything about it, your Highness,” he says as he pulls the piece to your usual tightness, “but if your parents would know what you’ve been up to already, and the ship has barely left the port?” He doesn’t need to continue that sentence, because you both know you’d be in massive trouble.

“But they won’t know, now will they?” You respond, relaxing when Sehun ties the lints easily. “Now, I’ll go ask Jongdae if he has something to lend that you can wear. You’ll overheat if you keep walking around in uniform like this.”

Sehun snorts, but lets you do what you want. He’s known you for long enough now to realize that you will do what you want to do, whether there is someone to stop you or not. “Let’s get up to the cabin, then,” he grins. “If I you don’t get followed around by every man on the ship, that is. You know, I thought you were going on this trip to get away from the prospect of marriage, not to gain your own harem.”

“I heard that all girls dress like this in the smaller towns, actually.” You push open the door with a huff, already walking towards the stairs. “Your lack of fashion knowledge proves that you’ve never been outside the Capital before, Master Sehun.”

“And you have?” He laughs when you send him a little glare, but follows behind at a polite distance. When you get back on deck, the wind is much more wild then it was in port. You lean over the barricade as far as you can, mouth dropping open when you look behind you. Aoran already looks tiny from here, the white of smaller sails looking like little specks in the distance. Everything looks so green from this far out. The waves of the sea smash against the sides of the ship, small drops flying up high enough to reach your face. “Have you ever seen anything that beautiful, Sehun? Look at the city.”

He nods, staring at the view much like you are. “The world is so much bigger than you realize when you’re always locked up indoors.” And right he is. You feel so small in the wake of it all. Trailing behind this first ship are two more, smaller in size but impressive nevertheless, all with the same design as this one. Not wanting to disturb anyone working on deck, you decide to follow Jongdae’s command and make your way to the main cabin as soon as possible, while Sehun decides to explore the ship further. When you knock and push open the office door, you’re surprised by how spacious the room is. The Captain is stood bent over the massive map, as Jongdae sits slouched comfortably in a chair by the window.

“Hope I’m not intervening,” you mumble softly, as the door falls into lock behind you.

Jongdae smiles, getting up to motion you over. “Not at all, princess. We’re just trying to predict what route to sail, is all.” You nod in understanding, as Lilith gives you a small smile of acknowledgement. “You said you’ve never been on a ship before, right?”

“Right.”

“Have you ever seen any other place but the Capital, your Majesty?” the Captain then asks, frown deep set on her visage, as you lift your shoulders.

“I saw Aoran for the first time a few hours ago, if that tells you anything. I mean,” you trail your finger over the map slowly, where Aking is just barely visible on it, “there’s large forests around the city, and mountains that you can walk up for days without getting to the other side. I’ve seen some of those places on outings before, briefly. But real cities, I’ve only ever read about.” The two sailors share a glance when you talk. “Not that I’m ungrateful for my position, of course. I have it much easier than most people. But that’s also partly why I wanted to join this journey. I want to be involved in my nation’s trade, I want to know who we’re trading with. Want to know what people go through, you know.”

Jongdae nods, before putting a hand on your shoulder. “I think that’s you’re doing a pretty good thing then, your Highness.” You mouth a ‘thank you’, before aiming your gaze back at the map. Lilith maps out points with a definite ease, she must have done this many, many times before after all. “Well, let me show you then,” Jongdae suddenly says, pulling you around to the other side of the table. “Our first stop will be this island. There’s a small town there called Caryon, where our food and water gets refilled for the rest of the journey. It’s the biggest of a couple islands here, as you can see. But unlike most other islands in this area, Caryon is under the nation’s control. If you have a need for anything, be sure to ask before we leave there. We’re meant to arrive around tomorrow evening, by sundown. Then we dock there until morning to resume our travels.”

“What about the other islands?” you ask, looking over at Jongdae as he easily explains. Jongdae too, looks at total ease on the ship. You wonder how long he’s been sailing for, but don’t ask. If he’s from Aking, something that seems likely considering his appearance and gesturing, something must have happened to turn him into a seafarer. People from the Capital don’t just become sea folk. Not like he is.

“What about the other islands?” he repeats.

“Well, you said, unlike the other islands, Caryon is owned by the nation. Who own the other islands?” You can barely finish your sentence or the Captain clears her throat, standing up straight. The two experienced sailors don’t say anything for a few seconds, before someone moves. Captain Lilith turns then, takes a glass and fills it to the brim with peach wine, a drink highly prized even in Aking. She offers it to you, and sighs.

“Just no-good chums, sugar plum. Don’t worry too much about them, we’re not planning to run into them anyway.” She wraps your fingers around the cup and then softly gestures you towards the door. “Why don’t you enjoy a bit of the sun and the wind, outside, ay? It’s a nice day out, and you’ll be stuck inside for too long when it starts getting cold out. Faring North tends to have that effect.” As if to confirm her words, Jongdae nods and gives you a wink.

“Captain’s right, Princess. I’ll let you know when you can help, okay? For now, you should probably experience your first boat ride from a better place than inside this dusty, old office.” With a slight pout, you nod, and bow as you head back out. The sun still hangs high in the sky, and the crew is easily bustling with a life of it’s own, laughing and talking as they do their jobs. The wind in the sails makes them bulge like reeds in the wind. As you sip your wine, you take in the view. The city that was once visible on the horizon behind now is gone, swallowed entirely by the waves, making way for an endless ocean to stretch out. It seems just as vast as the night sky, without edges to contain it on any side. You wonder if you’ll be able to count stars on the surface of the ocean when evening comes. You hope you can.

🌊🌊🌊

Your hands wrap around the cold game pieces again, tossing them onto the table with an attentive gaze. The ship bobs back and forward without purpose, as you reach to the side and watch the man in front of you work. He topples one of the bone runes, and then another. The game is kind of confusing, and you absolutely suck at it, but it’s entertaining anyway. The man across you plays easy, you can tell by the rolling of the eyes of the crew behind him. “Put that one forward,” Sehun mumbles to you, pointing at the piece with the number three. Cato, that’s what the blond in front of you is called, nods and points at the piece too.

“Good move,” he says. So you push it forward a square, and smile when Cato hands you a silver coin as a reward. “Congrats, your Highness.”

“You let me win.” Though he doesn’t say anything, you can see it in the glint in his eyes.

He shakes his head dramatically though. “I wouldn’t dare.” You don’t believe it one bit. “Well, thank you for this game, Princess. I’ll be heading back up though, my break is done.” Cato is a junior officer, in charge of the naval provisions and making sure the food is all accounted for. He’s nice, he offered you a biscuit earlier. With a bow, he stands from the table and puts on his vest. “I best take my leave before the Captain has my head on a stick.” The blond smiles at your expression. “Metaphorically, of course.”

“Or literally,” a guy laughs behind him, as you look on in surprise. “You know what they say, Cato.”

“Aye,” the other responds, placing his hat on his head.

You don’t though, and frown in question. “What do they say?”

Cato laughs off your confused frown, and rests his hands on his belt with ease. “They say that the Captain is the daughter of a giant and the ocean Goddess. I wouldn’t know though,” he smiles, “I’ve never asked her. It would make a lot of sense if you think about it.” You don’t know much about giants, but if anyone is the daughter of one, you believe it to be Lilith. And she does carry herself with the confidence you expect from a goddess’ child. “I’ll play you later, if I get the chance. And I won’t go easy on you that time.” You nod at that, laughing softly.

As you wave Cato out, the loud bell signalling your departure sounds out of the blue, the ringing rushed. It lasts a really long time. The two crewmen left in the hull look up at the sound of it, while glances are exchanged between all of you. They seem just as confused with the signal as you and Sehun are, which is much more concerning than the sound itself. Shouting seems to come from up top, ringing through the depth of the ship. The men get up and rush out the way Cato left, leaving only you and your friend left behind in the confusion.

“Uhm, what’s going on?” you question, asking no one in particular, glancing at Sehun with wide eyes. He is entirely as lost as you are, looking more like a sailor himself instead of a guard in the new clothes he borrowed. The shouting doesn’t stop, and you take this as a signal that something is wrong. “We have to go check up deck,” you say. Sehun attempts to hold you back by your dress but you’re up and through the door before he gets the chance to, rushing down the abandoned halls. The shouting gets louder and louder the higher you get, indicating your guess to be correct. Whatever is causing the ruckus is an unexpected and unwelcome one. When some of the crew scramble down the stairs in a hurry, you flatten yourself to the wall to let them pass and continue up, ignoring Sehun when he calls for you.

You get upstairs slightly disoriented, the sun bright compared to the dim inside, even though the sky colors orange and yellow. People are scuffling all around you, as you heave yourself out of the indent of the stairs and onto deck. Someone dressed entirely in black almost runs into you, choosing to push you aside instead. You frown but don’t let this stop you. As you get up from the deck you look around the tangled mess for anyone you recognize. And sure enough. Jongdae stands far behind you, sword in hand and fighting off the person that opposes him. When he spots you, his eyes widen, as he uses his free hand to motion ‘no’ over and over again. You can hardly run back to the stairs though, watching the rest of the crew storming up them, armed with swords and shields. Jongdae overpowers the other man and kicks him in the gut, before pushing him overboard with a grunt.

While you’re distracted with all of this, someone grabs for your arm, holding tight. Sehun. He says something in words so rushed you don’t get to make them out, but sounds angry without question. You point over to the stern of the ship. “Jongdae’s over there.” Sehun pushes you behind him, and makes his way over there slowly but surely, avoiding strangers that get in your way. The quartermaster runs to meet you halfway, pushing another stranger out of the way in the process, as you blink around you in confusion, clinging to your friend. “What’s going on?” you yell over the noise. Jongdae wipes some blood from his cheek with his sleeve. You don’t know if it’s his or someone else’s, and it doesn’t really seem like the time to ask. You’re so lost at the situation. Both parties drop to the floor like flies, marking the spotless deck with stains of red.

“Pirates,” Jongdae breathes, gaze dark. He takes the smaller knife out of his belt to hand it to Sehun, before hiding the both of you behind him to make his way through the invaders. It’s hard to make out who is who in the mess of it, so you just cling to Sehun as you can’t do anything but watch. People getting pushed overboard, and others getting stabbed. Your stomach drops at the sight of it. To the side of the ship, you notice, is another boat, almost identical in size. It’s not a part of the fleet though, because the entire length of it is painted entirely black, with deep red sails that seem to have been doused in blood.

Jongdae comes back around to stay by you, something you find a lot more comforting. He seems to have found the Captain in the fighting, or they at least end up in the same place together when you look over at him. The woman slashes two men across their throats at the same time, the bodies falling overboard with a well-aimed kick. They fall in between the gap of your ship and the other, but just barely. “Captain!” Jongdae yells, glancing at her in worry. “Where’s the other ships?”

“I sent them ahead! These bloodsuckers are not getting a single coin today,” she roars back. She tackles another of the men and skewers him against the deck, viciously glancing around. Whatever she is, Goddess or not, you’d be terrified if you were fighting against her. She glances over her shoulder for just long enough to make you and Sehun out in the madness, and swears. “Get those two on a ship and out of here, Quartermaster!” Jongdae refutes almost instantly, but she doesn’t back down. “We are fine! They won’t keep fighting if enough of their men are injured. If she dies however,” another person gets speared to the floor, smacking their head into the deck hard enough to knock them out, “I won’t be responsible for the start of a war! Get her off my ship!”

Jongdae slashes another person down when they charge at you, before giving in with a swear. He pushes the two of you toward the back of the ship more, grabbing a hold of you. When he turns, you notice how much blood is on his face and ruining his white blouse. Blood runs out of his nose, though it doesn’t seem to bother him at all. “Run to the back and get your stuff, as fast as you can,” he says to Sehun, who nods and runs to the back immediately. “You,” he brings out, wiping the back of his hand over his face and smearing the blood all over his cheek because of it, “run into the Captain’s cabin and get a big bag. Fill it with food, money, and flasks of water, okay? I’ll protect the door. Go quick!”

Waiting for one of the Pirates to stumble away, you nod, doing your best to keep your eyes from watering. You didn’t even know pirates were a thing, let alone that they would attack you on sight. With the way towards the cabin relatively clear, you run over there as fast as you can, and push your full weight against the heavy door to open it. The door falls closed behind you, leaving you obstructed from the fight. If something were to happen to Jongdae or Sehun or the Captain, you wouldn’t even be aware of it until you got back out there. However, you don’t have time to think about that. You grab a big bag and do exactly as Jongdae asked, tossing everything in with shaky hands. A map, the small metal thingie the captain was using to mark places, you toss all of it inside. Three flasks of water, a heavy pouch of money, and all the fruit that was cleanly displayed on the dresser to the side.

The door creaks behind you as someone attempts to open it, but falls back into lock just as fast. Tingles of adrenaline crawl all over your skin, like small needles. When you’re done, you grab the thing in both arms and hoist it up to the best of your ability, but it’s heavy. You lean it against the wall to pull open the door, screaming as a person stumbles inside when you do. The pirate has a knife in his back though, the one Sehun had. “Come on!” your friend blurts when he notices you there, pushed against the wall as your only protection. He grabs the bag from you and pulls you through the door so fast you almost fall over your own feet. Jongdae is standing by the railing, and fights off another of the pirates. How many of these guys even are there?!

You arrive out of breath and with flushed cheeks, but don’t get time to pause. Sehun tosses the bag overboard, as you watch with wide eyes. “Sehun!” you start, before noticing the much smaller boat there to catch it’s fall. The bag lands with a loud thump, but the small rowboat stays afloat. Sehun climbs onto the other side of the railing without hesitating, and lowers himself down to the boat by the thick rope that Jongdae must have tied there at some point when you were inside. The ship is high though, and the waves suddenly don’t look nearly as calming as they once did.

“It’s okay, Y/N,” Sehun says, “you can do it!” You climb onto the other side of the railing with shallow breaths, and start lowering yourself down the rope by clenching it in between your legs. It gives you some nasty rope burns. Before you can side down any further, your hands lose strength and slip. You fall the rest of the way, landing onto the side of the boat and almost flipping it. “By Idite’s name,” Sehun brings out, helping you into the boat properly. Your feet are wet and your hip hurts a lot, but apart from that you’re fine, and the boat luckily is intact. Now you just stare up at the edge of the ship and wait for Jongdae’s face to appear. It doesn’t, not for a long while, to the point where you both attempt to pull yourself back up to check for him, but to no avail.

Luckily, after another minute or so, he finally appears to look over the side of the ship, and climbs down with his sword still in hand. He lands easily, but stares guiltily to the ship as the small boat bobs with the motion of the waves. “We don’t have to leave, Jongdae,” you quickly say, feeling equally guilty. “I can hide, or fight!”

“No,” he says though, putting the sword down and grabbing the paddles, as Sehun grabs the second pair. “The fact that you think that just means that we have to leave. The Captain knows what she’s doing. She’ll meet us in Caryon, by tomorrow. Sit tight, Princess.” So you do as told, and sit down. But the entire time the boys row away from the atrocity that just happened, your eyes stay on the ship. You can’t see anyone on deck anymore. You don’t dare to ask if that’s a good sign, or a bad one.

You’ve been swaying with the stubborn movement of the waves for at least an hour now, staring into the distance where the ship has vanished into the fog for ages already. It’s getting later and later, and the ocean is getting exponentially dark as time goes on. Not much more now, and you’ll be surrounded entirely by darkness. The idea that that can happen is terrifying. Aking is never entirely dark, even at night. However, that seems like the lesser of your many problems. Jongdae peers to the front intently, on his knees and looking for something, though you don’t know what. Sehun seems to have taken it onto himself to count your items, most likely to fight away the silence. He doesn’t do well in complete silence, it lets his thoughts run entirely free and in situations like this, he’s never the best at staying calm.

After a while, you get more anxious by all the things and Sehun’s twitching, and turn around in the boat to watch Jongdae instead. He glances behind to catch your eye, and smiles a bit. His face is still not entirely clean of the blood, but he did his best to wipe most of it away, or at least you think he did. It’s hard to tell in the slumber of nightfall. As if sensing your total and complete loss at the situation, he cocks his head to the front. “The waves are too strong for a rowboat of this size. We’d just be burning energy and staying in place, trying to head for the main island.” That makes sense. A while ago, he told Sehun to stop rowing after all. You offered to take his place, but it would have been no use, he’d said.

“So where are we going now then?”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out,” he nods, glancing at the stars and then at the map again. You don’t know how much use a map is when you don’t have a single thing to base your position off though, just water. Jongdae doesn’t seem scared by the ocean even in a situation like this, you admire that in him. “If we have a little bit of luck on our side, we’re still heading in the right direction. And with even a bit more of said luck, we’re coming up to land any second now.” He peers out into the distance again, fingers curled tight around the paper in hand. Sehun stops his mindless counting to join in your staring. It’s hard to see because of the fog. But sure enough, very faintly, like a small curve sticking out above the horizon, you see something that you just hope is land.

“Is that it, you think?” Sehun asks, a hopeful tone in his voice.

“It can’t be anything else,” the sailor confirms, which settles your nerves. Your heart still feels heavy though. At least you’ll be reunited with the Captain and her fleet. You worry about the crew, about Cato and all the other innocent people who might have gotten hurt in the attack. How didn’t you know about this? The Captain and Jongdae did, which means that it’s happened before. How many innocent people have been attacked by pirates to get rich folk some foreign fabrics? The possibility that your parents don’t know of this is scary, but it’s even scarier to think they do. That just means they don’t care. That’s not an issue for right now though, you decide.

“Is Caryon far from the beach?” you settle on asking, “how will we get there?”

But Jongdae makes a slight noise of disagreement, before looking back at you. “This isn’t the main island, your Highness. We’re still a few hours out of reach on this little boat.” He frowns, and shakes his head. “No, this is one of the smaller islands, one we normally choose not to stop at. It is not a place you wish to stay when you work for the Royal fleet. Ayusoshil.”

You sigh, and lean forward a little, grasping the sides of the boat. “What does that mean?”

“Thief’s Bay.” Jongdae doesn’t look away from the slight bump raised above the water as he talks. Sure enough, it already seems closer than it was before.

“Charming name,” you bring out, which makes him snort.

“Very.” When you wait with shallow breaths to get even closer, you swear you can see a tiny light through the fog. It’s faint, but unmoving, and at least it’s something to base your position on. “Let’s row now,” he says, turning to face you in the boat, “we’re close.” Sehun nods and takes a hold back on the paddles, dropping your stuff back into the big bag that lays useless at the bottom of the boat. You can hear the waves raging in the distance, washing up against the islands like a vicious attack.

🌊🌊🌊

The wind is cold against your skin, biting at the exposed parts of your body with razor sharp teeth, and though Sehun shelters the most of it by walking behind you, you feel weak. The sand hurts when it hits your face too. But Jongdae walks with a reasonable pace, and an optimistic attitude. The grass is long and wet, wrapping around your ankles as you scale the hill. The light you had seen from afar had been but a mirage, but Jongdae is sure that people actually live here, and that you should be coming up on them soon. The silence is broken by the sound of a bird in the distance. When you make it to the top of the hill you’re truly exhausted from the events of the day. “I told you!” the quartermaster sighs, relief brushing his features ever so softly.

Jongdae helps you up the last step and makes way for Sehun, before pointing towards the valley that spreads out in front of your eyes. Many torches burn in the darkness, flames fighting to stay ignited against the damp air. They reveal a few houses, with one large one in the center of the town, and lights that lead a path to the other side of the island, where you guess the ships are docked. “Oh, good Gods!” Sehun whispers, “I didn’t want to say it but I was worried we’d never arrive. I’m so tired, a good warm drink and I’ll be ready to go to bed.”

Jongdae stares for a while, before slowly walking down the hill, with the two of you following behind. “I don’t know if there’s an inn we can stay at, Sehun. I don’t even know if there’s anyone here who can help us. But it’s worth a try, at least.” He walks in front of you two by a few steps, and nods. “Let’s just be careful, though. And your Highness, if anyone asks,” he swallows then, eyes too serious as they regard you, “you are not a Princess starting from now, alright?” Though you don’t understand why, you nod. It seems to be really important to him.

When you finally arrive at the town, the bottom of your dress is colored a dark pink because of the wet grass. The streets are abandoned because of the nasty weather, you guess, partly wishful thinking. The main building you spotted from a distance looks old and worn, the wooden front colorless and bulging because of the elements, with yellow stained windows that are fogged up by the cold night air. “Here’s the plan,” Jongdae says, slowing his steps underneath the overhang of one of the much smaller buildings. They looked like houses from a distance, but it seems more like an abandoned storage house when you look at it now.

“The people that come here aren’t those favored by the nation. Some are probably criminals, some are most likely fugitives or other lot of that sort. And I can’t enter there without being denied immediately or worse,” he admits, “I should have brought some neutral clothing but — we were kind of in a rush to leave. It’s also not a good idea to enter there with your money on you, unless you want to be robbed the second you set foot in that place. So Sehun will stay here and hide behind this house with our things, and I’ll stand guard out here.” The wind whistles through the cracks of the building.

Sehun drops the bag to the floor for a second then, and raises his eyebrows. “All right, but then who will go inside to ask for help?” It stays silent for a while, before Jongdae’s gaze slides over to you. Sehun immediately shakes his head though. “No, no way. You can’t make the Princess of the Capital enter into a rat’s nest like that! What if something happens? She can stay hidden behind the building instead of me.”

“Sehun,” Jongdae frowns, “with all due respect, she can’t fight. You’re a guard, you have at least some fighting training. If we lose the money to thieves, we’re as good as dead. Then we’re never leaving here, and we wouldn’t have any reason for them to not kill us on the spot.” He sighs, and turns to you. His clothes are still entirely stained with blood. It would be best if he didn’t enter, you reason. He’s right, if he were to enter he’d immediately give away in how much trouble you really are. “You’ll have to do it, your Highness. I’m sorry.” Sehun opens his mouth to cut in again, but you place a hand on his arm.

“It’s fine, Master Sehun. I can do this.” You look to the floor then, and at the one bag full of everything you own. “I can do this,” you nod to yourself, before motioning to the biggest building. “I’ll try to hurry. Stay safe out here, please.”

“You too,” your friend says, frown still digging into his features in worry.

When you walk to the door by yourself, the night seems entirely quiet. Even the wind has ceased to reach this far down the valley, instead making way for a void where only the ocean is audible. You’re so used to the sound of it you almost don’t notice it anymore. The door is thick, and heavy-looking, like a piece of driftwood that was merely attached here out of ease. When you look behind again, the two guys have already moved to hide behind the building, so you take a deep breath to calm yourself, and then push hard against the door with your shoulder. The loud buzz of the room quiets when you enter, and tens of eyes turn in your direction. The men here look unfriendly to say the least. With unshaven faces, scarred arms, and sunken eyes. They seem to gleam at your arrival, but you will yourself to be brave.

The door falls shut with a loud sigh of the wood, bending under the pressure. “Does anyone here have a ship?” you ask, looking around the room and briefly at the fire that burns wildly in the fireplace. It stays silent for a while, so you sigh, and bite your lip. “Or does anyone here have a ship, who can speak Home Tongue?” Your reading ability might be pretty great, but you’re far less equipped to speak a language you’ve never even heard before. Some men talk among each other when again no one responds. Then, with the sound of metal being dropped and some ruffling, the group of men to your right move apart to reveal one of the few tables of the place, and the person sitting at it.

“I do,” he says, voice deep and full, with a slight bit of raspiness. When his eyes move from the grain of the table to meet yours, you pause to take a deep breath, and link your hands behind your back. The man seems to radiate cold from every fiber of his body, bringing a baring panic that is laced into the color of him. Though his skin tone is far from pale, it seems icy, just like the slight curl of his lips. His eyes are dark and piercing, though he’s dressed entirely in white. The many piercings that he has are delicate, and his posture casual. But maybe the most peculiar part is his hair, since it’s so much shorter than you’ve ever seen anyone wear. It is not only weird to cut your hair in your culture, it’s almost like you’re cursing at the Gods directly. “Well?” he asks, sounding bored.

“Good,” you just respond, taking a few steps closer to him. His men come to stand behind you, closing off the entrance with their bodies. You feel entirely uncomfortable turning your back to them, but you don’t really have a choice. “Me and some friends were on a fishing trip, but it seems a storm snuck up on us and we got stranded here. We would really like to get back to Caryon by tomorrow, or people will start to worry.” You pause for a second to check his reaction. But the man barely moves, just blinking a little. “I can pay you.”

“Can you, now?” he responds, straightening up in his chair. He rests his hands on the table for a bit, before toying with the glass on the table. “So a storm caught you off guard, and now you need to get out of here?” he repeats, not looking at you while he speaks. It doesn’t look like he’s looking at anything really, rather staring through the creaky, old planks of the floor into nothing.

You squeeze your own hand out of nerves and ignore the breathing of the men behind you, too close for comfort. “Yes, Sir.”

He smiles. Wide and mischievous, it curls on his lips into a heart, making him look younger than you expect him to be. It’s a pretty smile. But despite that, it sends a shiver down your spine. Smoothly, he leans back in his chair, and props his feet up on the table. Polite. His eyes find yours for just a few seconds from under long lashes, before flicking away at his surroundings. “I’ve never seen fishers before with clothes like that. Very pretty.” It’s like he doesn’t even want to look at you, like you couldn’t pose a threat if you tried. Your gaze hasn’t left his shape once for the opposite reason. He seems volatile, flammable and if you’ve learned anything of people like this, it’s to keep close watch on them.

When he gestures vaguely in your direction, you actively have to break that rule to look down at yourself. Your corset is bedazzled all over with small, shiny crystals that shimmer in the light of the fire, with thin threads and exquisite craftsmanship. Even the dumbest of people would be able to tell it to be of value, but you take solace in the fact that there are plenty of families rich enough to afford things like this. He wouldn’t be able to track you back to the royal house with just this. “You seem like a smart girl,” he sighs, with a nonchalance and a slight tick of his jaw. The rest of his crew keep their eyes on you, increasing levels of curiosity. “How about you tell us your name, huh?”

He takes clear pleasure in the doubt you express, dark eyes gleaming with the gold light of an inferno. Like a lion, exchanging glances with his prey. As if he’s asking to be dared, wants to have a reason to light up this room and tie you to the floor with it. You’re determined not to let him though. With a small nod, you take another step forward, and place your hands on the table. “It’s Clem,” you say, voice sturdy as much as you can get it in a situation like this. You only straighten up when he looks at you again, sighing deeply. “Now, can you help us or not, Captain?”

He lifts a brow and grins again, looking over at his crew. “You seem very sure about your chances here, little girl. I assure you that I’m not normally very kind to strangers who impede on my territory, though.” He stands up from his chair then, leaning forward on the table like you had seconds before, and bringing his sword up from his belt to have the blade rest against your throat. It’s perfectly sharp, dragging lines into your soft skin every time you shake. Both from the cold and the nerves. “You have some guts to come in here all alone and demand something from me so confidently.” The breath you take is shaky against the cold metal, but you clench your teeth and do your best to fight through.

“Not confident, just desperate,” you gasp.

He now pauses, expression freezing over within seconds. Then, slowly, he drags the tip of the sword down your throat and leaves it to press under your collarbones, thin skin almost revealing blood. “Then what makes you think that I won’t kill you here, right now, and find your little friends after that. It seems to me a lot more profitable to just get rid of you all together, and still take your silver for myself.” Some of the men chuckle at that, like threatening a person is a normal part of their routine.

“You won’t,” you breathe. This seems to amuse him greatly.

“Want to bet your head on that, rich girl?”

Despite the blazing fire in the room, your body is cold, and your muscles weak. You might as well. “You won’t kill me, because if you wanted to do that, you would’ve by now.” His eyebrow twitches a little at your voice, sword becoming increasingly painful on your skin. “Now, I might not know much about you or anyone in this room, but I bet you’re all here for the same reason. You believe in rules that the world doesn’t adhere to, and you think that you can do better on your own, out here in the middle of nowhere. I believe in that too.” The room feels thick with the eyes that are aimed at you like throwing swords at your head, but you don’t dare stop. At least, as long as you’re talking he doesn’t get the chance to scare you out of it. “But if you truly feel that way and you’re willing to die for it, then don’t play around like unknowing, little children. Prove that you are better than what you’re running away from.” A long, tense pause. You don’t think anyone breathes, because the room is entirely dead quiet.

In one smooth move, the sword is away from your skin, and slid back into his belt. His heavy gaze stays on yours for a second longer, before he makes his way through the men and to the door with weighted steps. “The smart mouth can live, for right now,” he brings out, taking the white jacket that matches his other clothes and draping it over his shoulders. “Baekhyun, bring her and her foundlings to the beach in a bit. The rest of you, go man our godforsaken ship before the wind changes again.” When the door is pulled open, it carries in waves of cold, and the howling of the wind through the frame. He turns over his shoulder once to give you a one over, and tuts. “Oh, and if she opens her little trap again, you kill ‘em where they stand. Understood?”

“Ay ay, Captain,” it sounds from across the room, almost sung with amusement. The idea of talking so casually about death makes you sick to your stomach. It’s like none of them have seen death before, like they don’t believe in the concept of it. But before you can say anything else, or want to, he leaves the house and disappears into the dark night, taking most of the men with him. You stare until the door slams shut with a lot of noise, before letting out a deep breath. The place where his sword was pressed is painful when you brush your fingers over it. “So what have we here,” the same voice sounds from behind you, slipping around you too fast to keep up. When you look over your shoulder, he’s already in front of you, and turns your face to meet his with a hold on your jaw. “What a curious little fish who washed up on our beach,” he grins.

“I didn’t wash up on your beach, I washed up on the other side of the island,” you bring out, pulling your face from his hold and frowning at him. The man in front of you also has relatively short hair for a citizen of any city, with smiley features and a bright grin. He’s beautiful as well, eerily so, with silvery eyes that glint with glee. He seems to light up at your attitude, and brings his face uncomfortably close to yours while he inspects you.

“I should really stab you for that,” he brings out, voice playful, “but I quite like a bit of bite in my ladies. So you’re free to do so, for as long as I’m around. Isn’t that kind?” His back is turned to you but his gaze is over his shoulder at you, as he holds his sword in his hands behind his back. You just glare at him and don’t respond, which makes him laugh. One of the men who didn’t go with the Captain pours a bucket of sand onto the fire, effectively putting it out. The other, Baekhyun you guess, tosses him a piece of silver, and then glances back at you.

When he notices your gaze on him, his smile grows. “So, let me guess about you, little fish. I think you’re the second daughter of some sort of high ranked citizen in the Capital who sent you out, right? Your storm story is complete garbage, there were no storms anywhere near here. So the people who are with you are most likely a brother, cousin or friend who was sent with you for support, and the person who was supposed to ferry you over, right? You’re one of those librarians they sent every once in a while, right, one of those girls?” You again, don’t respond, but he doesn’t seem bothered in the slightest. “I always wondered why they only send girls. My guess is they offer one to the gods every few months.” He smiles as he places the point of his sword against your lower back. “Guess you’ll find out, huh. Now walk, unless you want to get skewered.”

You walk to the door under his tight surveillance, and pull it open with both hands, goosebumps covering your every inch in the cold night air. Baekhyun hums a melody as he walks behind you, steering you towards the dirt road and out of the light that peeks through the small windows of the inn. “So what are you,” you start, staring out into the night to see of any sign that might reveal your friends, “you’re pirates, right?” Baekhyun doesn’t really respond for a bit, so you slowly start moving into the direction you came from, and wait for a sign. But as you think that, a doubt makes it’s way through you. Jongdae is still in his same uniform, unmistakably an ally of the Capital and if these men find that out, things don’t look good for his safety. You stop in the middle of the road as you think, suddenly unsure about this whole idea. You’ve got a sword pressed to your back, for the Gods’ sake.

“I guess that’s what they call us, yes,” he admits, halting when you do. You can feel his statue behind you, unwavering. What now?

“But you’re not?”

This makes him laugh, a bright, chilling sound in the silence of the abandoned island that sounds much too genuine. “Oh no, we definitely are. It just doesn’t sound very nice, does it? ‘Pirates’, like we’re out to hurt every single person in the whole wide world, murder in cold blood. Thief would be kinder, I think.” You can’t help but wonder how sane this man truly is, if he thinks being called a thief would be any better. In old tales, thieves end up with their heads being bitten off in the night. When you still don’t move, Baekhyun presses harder against the sword, urging you forward. “What are you waiting for, little fish? If you want your request fulfilled, you’ll have to move and get your friends.”

“How can I trust that you won’t kill us and take our money?” you bring out, gathering some of your dress in your both hands to step into the long grass.

“You can’t.” Baekhyun sighs deeply, and then hums again, the same tune. After a second of walking, you pause, and turn to face him. “What?” he blinks, staring at you with a teasing look. His eyes are lined with a black that makes them seem sunken in, and almost impossible to read in the darkness. This of course, is true. But you can’t help but feel that if they were planning on killing you, they would’ve done so by now, and twice over. You just hope this man is loyal enough to his Captain to follow the order of bringing you to the ship, alive. You don’t have another choice, or the Royal fleet will leave without you.

You take in a deep breath, and hold back a frown as best as you can. Here goes nothing. “I was going the wrong way, the sword held to my spine must’ve confused me.” At the raise of his eyebrows, you breathe out. “I’m sorry, it’s that way instead.” Baekhyun tilts his head to the side, before shrugging and lowering his sword entirely, a small grin crawling up to his lips, triumphant. He cocks his head to motion you to lead the way again, hands settling around his belt. The casual way in which he does it only seems to prove again that he doesn’t consider you a threat. So either he’s dumb and cocky, or he genuinely has no reason to be worried. You don’t really know which you’d prefer.

You speed your steps a bit as you return in the way you just walked, and towards the house you left your friends at. Baekhyun trails behind leisurely, the gravel crunching under his feet with each step. As you peek around the back of the house, relief fills your body. Sehun is pressed to the wall of the building, his eyes wide as he stares at your sudden appearance. Jongdae lowers his sword and smiles at you, as you let out a breath. “You’re not dead,” Sehun cleverly says, which makes you laugh.

You nod, and let your dress fall back to it’s normal length, smoothing it out with small movements. “Good news, I found us a way to Caryon. Uhm, bad news—” you say, falling silent when Baekhyun shows up beside you, face lit up with curiosity.

“Hi there.” He looks the two men up and down, before huffing a little and putting out his hand toward the sword in the other’s hand. “I’ll take that.” The frown on Jongdae’s face is clear, but he agrees with the man almost instantly. He too seems to know that in this state, he’d lose a duel, even if you have the majority here. “You look to be in seriously bad shape,” he nods in the quartermaster’s direction, taking in the blood stains and the intricate stitchings of the shirt, “and from a much more prestigious ship than a small fisher boat.” A big grin comes to kiss his lips. “You know, you’re a really bad liar,” he says, turning back to you. Jongdae’s sword is slid into his belt, as he motions his own at the three of you to guide you toward the beach. “I guess you’re lucky I worship the Goddess Manto. We’re big enthusiasts of any form of drama, you know.”

“So I’ve heard,” you bring out, as you grab Sehun’s arm and trail behind the pirate, who walks backwards toward the beach. Many of the royal palace worship that same goddess, and you are sure to know that they most definitely enjoy a good bit of conflict and theater. The walk down the narrow path happens mostly in silence, with the humming of the leading man carrying through the emptiness of the valley. The island isn’t that big, it seems, because you reach the beach sooner than expected. “I’m sorry to say,” you suddenly begin, hesitating for a second when Jongdae catches your eyes, “but you seem quite casual for a pirate.”

Baekhyun laughs, ringing loud as he walks, and turns back to look at you. “How so?”

“I was under the assumption that pirates were more… ruthless, maybe.” You smile a little when Sehun squeezes your arm under his.

“Would you like me to be?” the raven-haired pirate asks, raising his eyebrows. When you shake your head ‘no’, he smiles. “We are when we need to be, I think. Captain definitely is not one for small talk like I am, I guess you would find him ‘ruthless’ more so then me, in the simple sense of the word. But he doesn’t enjoy suffering as much as I do, either.” When he faces you this time, it’s with a smile that you can only describe as dangerous, one of a person needing desperately to play games. “I like seeing a body curl into unnatural shapes with pain,” he admits. You quiet when he doesn’t say more, and look away from the pirate to glance at the busy back and forth of the indistinguishable shapes near the water edge.

The ship is about as big as you think the May Terror was, though hard to tell from this far away. People are loading large boxes up into it. As you get close enough, you can see the ship in it’s full glory. Though it doesn’t have the same glamour as the royal fleet did, there’s a definite air that surrounds it. Like the ship allows only awe to be pulled from you. The ship is made of dark wood that has grayed in the sun, and giant, white sails. Baekhyun grins as he comes to a stop, poking Jongdae with his sword. “Up, up, my seafaring friend. We’ll have to get you onto the ship without the Captain seeing, after all.”

“Why are you helping us if you’re so against the Capital?” you bring out at that, glaring when he jabs Jongdae between the shoulder blades.

“Well, because I really want to see this thing play out. Long journeys can be so terribly boring when we don’t have captives or any form of entertainment. The rest of them,” motioning at the men that walk around on deck above you, “are just following orders. And the Captain— just hope that he doesn’t find out before we load you off again. Maybe you’ll be able to run off as soon as we board, and just survive it.” With a smile he pushes Jongdae toward the plank, then Sehun and lastly you. As you walk up it, Baekhyun follows close behind, sliding his sword away. “You know… a kiss might make me consider trying harder to keep your secret from coming out, little fish.”

You turn over your shoulder to catch his smug grin, as you send him your hardest death glare. “Don’t dream of it, you sneaky, stealing— lowlife.”

“Ouch,” he pouts, “you wound me. Truly.” When you arrive on the deck, people are too busy manning the ship to really pay attention to you, though some eyes follow your group to the back of the ship. They walk around with candles and lanterns, giving just enough light to keep you from running into things. Baekhyun takes one of the candles and tosses open a door nearing the back of the cabin. “Down into there,” he points, to the dark hole that the door opens into. The ladder down is rickety, creaking under Sehun’s feet as he descends.

You follow, wanting to get away from Baekhyun though not daring to remove your eyes from him. You quickly think of the Captain, and what he might do if he finds out that Jongdae is who he is, or worse, who you are. But then the last of your trio descends and Baekhyun is leading you around in the belly of the ship, past food stocks and even past the beds of crew until you reach a little corner. There’s a small space left there, with ropes and barrels taking up most of the space. “Here we are,” Baekhyun nods, squishing you in one by one, “pleasure having you on board, and thank you for sailing the world’s grandest pirate ship. I do have to tie you up now. Don’t want you getting any ideas, of course. Oh!” He suddenly exclaims, dramatic as ever, “and I need our money.”

You pause for a bit to think, locking eyes with Jongdae and Sehun before nodding. “Alright. We’re paying you half now, and the other half when we arrive in Caryon, safe and unharmed.” When Baekhyun giggles, you swallow, and cross your arms over your chest. “I think that’s only fair, considering our situation. And I’m staying untied, also.” The black haired man cocks his head to the side with a smirk, before looking behind him and back.

“If that makes you feel any better, sure.”

Before you have to ask, Sehun reaches into the bag without taking his eyes off of the pirate, and takes a handful pieces of silver to hand him. “You can try to cheat us or steal from us before we arrive,” he mumbles, “but this is all we have. You’ll be disappointed by your win if you do.” You nod along, watching Baekhyun as he slides the money into his pocket with a smooth move. Now just to hope that he doesn’t take it all for himself. Jongdae seems to be strangely quiet, leaning against the wall with a frown on his handsome visage. Maybe he’s thinking the same you are. A pirate isn’t to be trusted.

“Alright, pretty boy, quiet down. If I wanted to steal from you, you wouldn’t have that bag anymore, or your hands, alright? I won’t keep being as civil as I’ve been if you keep accusing me.” True to his word, he ties each of your arms behind your backs, leaving one of your hands untied. You are all tied to the barrels then, as Baekhyun gives you a small bow. His grin has yet to leave his face, and you can’t help but think that this is his normal expression. With his free hand he gives you a little wave, walking back in the direction of the ladder. “Goodnight, sleep tight, don’t let the rats bite. I’ll see you all in the morning. Or before that, who knows.” With a loud laugh, he climbs back up to the deck, slamming the door shut. It falls into lock with a grinding, metal noise. Most likely a lock of sorts.

When the silence comes for the first time since maybe an hour ago, you slide down the side of the barrel to sit on the floor, grabbing at the bag near your feet. Sehun and Jongdae are already seated, their hands tied tight behind their backs. Poor them. You guess he didn’t feel the need to tie you up because he thinks you can’t fight, and sadly, he’s right in that assumption. Instead of dancing or singing, they should have given you fencing lessons, at least you’d be able to make yourself useful now. “I’ve just doomed all of us, haven’t I,” you breathe, looking at the both of them. Your eyes are still adjusting since Baekhyun left you behind in total darkness.

Sehun opens his mouth to answer, but settles on squeezing your arm softly instead, and rests into you a bit. It must be terrifying to him too, though he doesn’t admit it. Jongdae stays quiet for a long while, like he’s trying to sort through all his thoughts, before finally sighing deeply. “No, you did well. I’ve dealt with pirates before and I was hardly as helpful as you were. I mean, we’re tied up, but on our way to Caryon at the very least. That’s more than we had an hour ago.” Count on him to be full of optimism even in the dark, dim depths of a pirate ship.

“Jongdae?” you call again, waiting for his small hum, “what happens to you if they find out that you’re part of the royal fleet? What if Baekhyun lied, and he’s tells the Captain at this very moment or at any point during the trip? I don’t trust him.” Sehun seems troubled by this thought too. You don’t want anything to happen to him. He saved you before, and even if he didn’t, you’d want him to be okay more than anything.

A tiny smile comes to his lips, but you can tell it’s not very genuine, or self-assured. “I don’t know, Princess. Let’s just hope they don’t find out before we arrive.” When silence falls, every crack of the wood or whisper of the wind sounds loud, and you have a hard time letting go of thoughts. Despite this, the call of sleep catches up to you after a while. In the cold belly of the ship you sleep, resting against Sehun’s shoulder as you sink into a dreamless night.

🌊🌊🌊

You’re awoken by the sound of many feet on the deck above, and the faint sigh of the heavy door being pushed open. Cold, salty air blows down into the belly of the ship and fills your lungs, a much needed breath of fresh air. Sehun is already awake when you glance over at him with heavy lids, Jongdae awakening from slumber much like you. “They are coming down,” Sehun mumbles, and he’s right. Heavy boots stomp down the ladder, past the load of food and past the beds. They are coming for you guys.

“We can’t have arrived this soon already,” Jongdae mumbles, which makes your heart sink to your toes. If they’re not here to get you off their ship, then why are they?

Two men drag you up by your tied arms before you can say anything to your friends, yanking you through the rooms under loud mumbling from the other crew, as you struggle to stay upright. They don’t even allow you to climb up yourself entirely, instead dragging you up by your shoulders the last bit. You’re led to the middle of the deck, and pushed down onto your knees without a second thought, with Sehun and Jongdae following the same path. Sehun is dumped down with a harsh shove that sends him on his side, and winces when he lands onto his shoulder. You do your best to help him up with your tied hands, looking around. The waves are wild today, ship anchored in the middle of nowhere. Though the sun is out, the weather is chilly, leaving you with the hairs on your body raised.

Feet click on the wood, shoes decorated with metal that gleams in the first light of the morning. The person halts in front of you three, barely acknowledging you as humans in their own right. Dust blows into your face, but you don’t look away. The man of last night sighs with the same stone cold attitude he carried then, before squatting down and taking a hold of Sehun’s face to yank it up into view. When his stained fingers grab at your friend you clench your teeth, but hold your tongue. Now’s not the time to talk back, you know this. His dark eyes flick to yours for just a second, before he surveys the young man. After a little while, all under the judging eyes of the crew, he moves away from your friend to do the same with Jongdae.

“Tell me,” he clicks his tongue, before looking between all three of you again, “where’s the rest of your men and women?” He trails his finger over the colorful emblem on Jongdae’s shoulder as he waits, but none of you answer. Only the wind can be heard over the rushing of the ocean waves. The small emblem is that of your family, your home so far away by now, it’s yellow and blue clearly recognizable. You don’t know how they found out, but you can only guess that someone talked to the Captain. But as you look around, you don’t see Baekhyun under the men. “Is my question unclear to you?” the man in white breathes, glancing at you with a fire in his eyes, like that of the burning sun.

You curl your legs to the side to push yourself from the wood, and glare back at him. But before you can say much of anything, Jongdae pushes himself up from the deck as sits on his knees, hands still hung uncomfortably behind him. His brow buries deep into his visage, the frown proof of his fighting spirit. “What men and women do you speak of, Sir, that we are supposed to know the location of?” Before he’s able to say any more, the Captain’s leather boot connects with his face. Jongdae collapses back against the deck, head hitting with a sharp thud. He winces, blood dripping on the floor.

You stare at the scene in horror, heart dropping all the way down to toes. “Do I look like I am wanting to play games?” the Captain asks, taking out his sword to twist it in the light of the sun. The sharp metal glints playfully in the beams of morning color. Jongdae just groans, and rolls onto his back, hands trapped under his body. His nose is bleeding, and bottom lip busted because of the impact, face paled. When no one responds, the man standing above you all clicks his tongue in disapproval, and lifts Sehun’s chin with the edge of his sword. The point makes a mark under his jaw, blood dripping down his neck. He trembles, catching your eyes for a flash before looking back at the Captain. And you see the fear in his eyes.

He didn’t want this, Jongdae didn’t want this. Only you did, and look at you now. The dark, cold eyes stay aimed at your best friend’s face for a while. “Tell me. Or I’ll cut into his pretty face over and over and over, until you can’t look at him anymore without feeling terror. Same goes for that capital scum.” Though the Captain doesn’t look at you, you feel the weight of the question on you. Your lip wobbles without your control, so you pull it between your teeth to keep it at bay.

“I don’t know where —” Another sharp kick to Jongdae’s face, this time connecting with his cheekbone so hard you think you hear it crunch. Jongdae’s head falls to the side, eyes flickering with pain and you can’t hold the tears that well up. “I’m sorry, I’m trying!” you yell at the standing man, and glare at him from under your lashes. His eyes are just as cold, though now they are unflinching on yours. His full lips open to let out a sigh, as he places the sole of his shoe on Jongdae’s face. “Just stop! Stop hurting him, he has nothing to do with this,” you repeat. Sehun’s eyes bore into the side of your head when the sword comes to press into your cheek instead, but you don’t look away. Can’t look away.

“I’ll ask one more time.” His deep voice unwavering, filled with a hatred that you can barely comprehend. How can a person have so much darkness inside them towards someone they don’t know? “Why are you traveling with this rat,” he motions toward Jongdae, “and what are you doing on my fucking ship?”

The sword presses hard enough to slice open the skin of your cheek, sharply burning like a fire. You breathe in deeply, and do your best to silence the cries that well up in his throat. But before you can muster up the courage to answer him, Jongdae huffs out a strained laugh. “Don’t.” His soft eyes glide over to you, and despite the blood and blooming bruises that mark his face, he doesn’t look scared. “Let him rot in his doubt.” Everyone quiets. Where before there were soft whispers running between the crew, now there’s a thick void. You look back up to the man dressed in white, taking in his quiet form. In those cold, dark eyes brews a storm that would terrify every mortal soul.

Then, ever so slowly, a smile starts creeping up to his lips, as he meets your eyes again. “Have you ever held a sword before, little girl?” A shiver runs between your shoulder blades at the softness of his voice. Tender almost, like he’s talking to a loved one. You shake your head into a minuscule ‘no’. “A sword is an honorable weapon. It kills quick. When on sea, there’s much more horrible deaths. Starving. Disease. Drowning.” He kneels gently before you, and looks only at you with that same smile that would bring comfort in any other situation.

Right now, it looks like death itself. “I almost drowned, once. You can’t do anything but sink, holding your breath as long as you can. Longer than you ever have, until you feel like your head is going to burst. You can’t help but hold out until every single part of you quakes in pain. Your head bursting from the pressure. It’s agony. And then, when everything starts to fade, when you can’t hold out anymore, you open your mouth anyway. And it feels like hell. Filling your lungs to the brim, as you choke to death. It’s the longest, most painful death you can imagine.”

Your lips are still shaking. For the second it lasts, he seems truthful, entirely. A deep, suffocating sadness that is pulled from the deepest part of his soul, making it’s way onto his features. And it touches you, despite your anger and your fear. “That’s horrible,” you breathe. Because it is. The Captain nods, staring at you for a beat longer, and then he gets back up to his full height. Towering above you from where you sit motionless on the cold, hard floor. His voice is equally soft as he speaks again.

“Throw the rat overboard.”

A darkness overtakes you at those words, dread bubbling up from deep inside. You flinch when the crew grabs hold of Jongdae by his arms, and glance between the three men in rapid succession. Blaring fear for the new friend who only wanted to help. The Captain doesn’t move a muscle when you look at him. The quartermaster now looks scared more than you’ve ever seen him, jerking in their hold as they drag his towards the edge. He fights with all his might, but to no avail, ignoring his words. They lift him over the wooden railing, and— “Stop!” you scream, “take me instead!” Your free hand wraps around the Captain’s ankle, grabbing his attention whether he wants it or not. The crew waits, Jongdae dangling halfway over. “It’s me you want, believe me. Throw me overboard instead. Please. I’m begging you.”

Finally, a sliver of emotion crosses his face, a frown pulling his eyebrows close together. “Did you not hear what I said? That right there is the most painful death you can imagine.”

“I heard you,” you say, letting go of his leg now to wipe your hand under your eyes, glancing over your shoulder at the bloodied face of Jongdae. He looks about ready to pass out from the stress and pain that he’s been put through. So you pull up your nose, and rub your eyes with the back of your hand again, staring into the Captain’s face. “And it sounds terrifying. But I don’t want anyone else to hurt because of me.” Sehun makes a noise of disagreement, but a hand comes over his mouth to shut him up, much to his displeasure. “You want Jongdae because he is of the Royal fleet, right? But I’m the Royal blood that fleet was carrying,” you admit. Sehun’s shoulders sag.

In one smooth motion, you’re pushed backward against the deck, sword back at your neck. The Captain’s eyes glint with anger, jaw tight as he looks you straight in the eye, your cheeks still red and burning up. This is the most emotion you’ve seen cross his face yet, anger dripping from him like tar. “What are you doing on a ship?!” he grunts, teeth clenched so hard they might shatter.

You smile pitifully, the open wound on your cheek pulling with the motion. “I wanted to see the world. Just once.” The wind whistles as it blows between the creaks in the wood, ocean waves slamming against the belly of the ship again and again, as you wait. Your breathing unsteady, heart slamming painfully hard against your rib cage. The metal gleams a pretty shade of orange under the rising sun, that you choose to watch instead of looking at the man above you.

After what feels like forever, the silence is finally broken. From the back of the group of men, a voice sounds out, strangely familiar. “They’d probably pay a nice sum if we bring her back unharmed, Captain.” Baekhyun moves from between the taller, burly men to reveal his sharp face, a slight smile on his lips as he catches the recognition on your face. His raven hair is damp, curling slightly as it falls over his eyes. His steps are smooth as he walks closer, not disturbed in the slightest by the hostile posture his Captain carries. His sword is still pressed to your neck. “I’m not sure about you, but I’d rather have her weight in silver than another stain to clean, Kyungsoo.” His grin only widens as he reaches forward, hand wrapping around the blade and slowly dragging it away from you.

“You dare push me too far, Baekhyun. I’m your Captain.” The man in white only sighs, before straightening and letting the sword drop from his hands into the other man’s, not acknowledging you in the slightest.

“Aye, but you’re also my best friend. So with all due respect, Captain,” the man grins so wide at the word that you barely believe he means it at all, “let me play devil’s advocate for once. If we bring this little fish to Caryon unscathed, we’ll be richer than we are now, and isn’t that what you told me pirates do? Rob the rich, give to the poor, more of that inspirational nonsense.” He squeezes his friend’s shoulder, the other already turning his back on you and walking between the crew, who plop Jongdae back down on the deck.

“I’m the murderous, crazy one of us two. You’re the smart one.” The Captain, Kyungsoo, shakes his head at his friend’s antics, but clearly the words hit home in some way. When you let out a relieved sigh, Baekhyun grins down at you and pulls you back up to a seated position. Kyungsoo waves his hand dismissively, telling his men something that makes them spread out, as the dark haired one in front of you calls after him. “If they don’t give us a high enough price, you can still get your revenge! Drown her in a bathtub for all I care.” You’re not sure if he means it or not. It doesn’t matter, relief fills you all the same.

“Get back to work, Baekhyun,” Kyungsoo responds, before disappearing into the cabin.

Baekhyun’s eyes glide from you, to Sehun, to Jongdae, all three of you slumped onto the deck from the stress. With two fingers, he brushes a loose strand away from your face. “There, there.” He stays squatted in front of you for a bit too long, staring down at you with those same gleeful, flickering eyes, like he doesn’t see the absolute terror you just went through as a bad thing. But still, he takes the flask of water you didn’t know he had, wetting a piece of fabric to press it to your cheek. Then he walks over to Jongdae, to cut loose his binds and helps him up, doing the same for Sehun. Some of the crew glance at you three while they work, but none seem surprised by Baekhyun’s behavior, which only serves to heighten your confusion.

As you stand up, you notice the sun has risen entirely above the sea now, gold and peach tones filling the sky. Your legs are shaky still, but you’re alive. And so are both men you came with. As soon as you realize this fully, you rush to embrace Sehun. His long arms come around you just as easily, breath still shaky against your cheek. He holds you for a long while, before stepping back to check your injury. You look over at Jongdae then, who has a grateful smile on his lips, holding himself up against the railing. And Baekhyun— he just stares at you and your best friend with an interest that you can only see as foreign. Like he’s watching a fascinating animal in it’s natural habitat. Still, when you catch his eyes, you bow at him. “Thank you, Baekhyun.”

The man smiles, before tossing the flask towards you. You catch it, just barely. “I didn’t do it for you.” He bows back the slightest bit, before disappearing the same way Kyungsoo went. Leaving the three of you behind in confusion, as the day truly begins.

You haven’t seen Baekhyun or the Captain again, since they entered the cabin. Something you are grateful for, now that the shock has worn off. Sehun helped Jongdae back down into the belly of the ship not much after, to clean him up and settle him into rest. And while he wanted to stick close by you, you asked him to keep an eye out for Jongdae instead. He got the much shorter end of the stick after all. Now, with the sun still rising, the clean air has been abandoned by most for wine and music below deck. You run your hand over the railing as you walk the length of the ship, stilling once you get to the very front. In a couple of hours, you’ll arrive on the small island of Caryon. You hope to see some familiar faces soon, Lilith, or Cato, or anyone else.

The sea, though loud and wild earlier, has now settled into a softer shape, crashing open into millions of tiny droplets. You take a deep breath of the salty air, and lean your top half onto the wood, letting your arms dangle. Your body is tired, and muscles uncomfortable in their stretch. Your mind can’t help but wander, settling back to your home, to your father, mother, siblings. If they ever caught news of all that you’ve been through, they’d never let you set another foot outside the palace. Understandable in a way. You’re their precious gem, you know this. They would, however, protect you with everything they have. Some people, like Jongdae don’t have such luxury. For maybe the first time in years, you notice the true advantage of your position.

It reminds you of the one other time you realized it. You were still young, barely half your height now, and out with your older sister. A bright day, perfect for going for a walk, though unlike much of the kids in Aking, you had to be under tight surveillance. While walking down the stairs toward the river, a group of giggling children rushed by you, in the middle of their own game. In the mess, an even smaller girl ran straight into you, falling backwards because of the impact. She tumbled down several stairs, sitting up with a small hand pressed against her head and tears in her big eyes. But instead of helping her, your royal guard demanded an apology from the poor thing. And she did, with the most sorry expression you’d ever seen on a person.

Now, it strikes you again. Jongdae almost died in your place, and for what. You let out another sigh, before standing up. From the corner of your eye, you can make out a shape behind you, scaring you into the corner. You almost lose your balance from the shock. The Captain regards you with a blank expression, wearing a soft blue, long-sleeve shirt in place of his white jacket now. Despite the softer appearance, he still carries the same darkness on his face. At your unmoving state, he clenches his jaw a tad. When he takes a step forward, you take one back, his frown deepening. “I’ve hurt you once today, I think that’s enough.” He lifts his hands, to reveal a bottle with a murky, brown liquid. “I’m going to clean up that cut.”

“I didn’t ask for your help,” you snap back, almost rolling your eyes. He gave you the damned cut.

Kyungsoo just stares at you for a moment, before taking a few steps in your direction with raised hands, like you’re a rabid animal ready to strike. He has the same deep line digging between his brows every time he looks your way, only fading slightly when you cross your arms over your chest. The small jewels of your corset dig into your skin that way. “Baekhyun is helping your … friend,” he sighs, “he can’t help you right now. If you don’t clean the wound it will infect and fester.” Though you want to argue that he doesn’t care either way, you choose to look away instead. In a way, he probably does care. If you’re damaged, he might not get his money after all.

Kyungsoo steps up onto the higher ledge to stand a few feet away, and opens the bottle. A strong, alcoholic smell comes with it, making you pull up your nose. “Turn this way,” he motions. You turn your head towards the other end of the ship, as he pours some of the stuff on a rag. As a frown comes to rest on your face, he shakes his head. “This is all we have for cleaning wounds. Luckily, I don’t see a need for stitches.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have cut me at all,” you mumble, gaze on the wooden boards beneath your feet.

His eyes narrow at you as he lifts the rag to your face. “Maybe you shouldn’t be too nonchalant about my help. You’re on my ship, surrounded by my crew, under my rules.” A pause, and then he looks out from the ocean to you. “It’ll sting,” he says, as he drags the rag over your cut. It does burn like hell, and you have to bite your lip to keep from cursing something. Two good brushes of the rag before he takes it away, and walks down the ledge to go back towards the cabin. His steps rhythmic on the planks. After a second, he stops in place to turn around, and looks at you once more. “Don’t mistake my curiosity for kindness. I’m a lot of things and kind isn’t one of them.” You scoff. Yeah, you’ve noticed. It doesn’t seem to bother him. “Where was the fleet going to take you?” he questions, and for the first time the dark shadow on his face clears.

You hesitate for a second, before uncrossing your arms and swallowing. For some reason, you find it strange that he would ask. There’s barely any cities that far north, that the Royal fleet would fare to. Only a few have trading accords with the Capital. The other ones aren’t seen as important, and you barely know a thing about them. So, you answer him truthfully. “We were going to Elyfhil.” The Captain nods in response, expression barely changing. Yet, staring back at him like this, his face looks softer at the admission. “I read it’s the loveliest city in the world. Have you ever been there?”

“Born there,” he says, frown climbing back to it’s place on his features. “It’s a miserable place, really. Always cold, many old, abandoned houses, a lot of poverty and a lot of rich people abusing power.” He shakes his head though, and lifts his shoulders, as the ghost of a smile tugs at his mouth corner. “I guess someone like you wouldn’t find it miserable though. After all, you’ll never be one of the poor suckers struggling to feed their family.” The words hit your skin like a knife, leaving you with an open mouth and too little words coming out of it. “Go back indoors now, the wind is picking up.”

He walks away without waiting for your reply, as you follow his retreating shape with your eyes. You can’t even say anything in return, because to your surprise, you find yourself agreeing. You’ll never be one of the people who need help the most.

The sound of people is surprisingly loud, not only on the ship itself but from around it. There’s sound of vendors and merchants, but also children playing around the port. Sadly, you can’t see much of the small town of Caryon since the three of you are tied together around the mast and with your backs facing each other. And even if you could escape, you wouldn’t be able to get far without Sehun or Jongdae’s help. Most of the pirates went to land long ago, leaving you under the surveilling eye of a big man with a grimy beard and large hoop earrings. He doesn’t seem to speak Home Tongue, since he’s ignored every one of your pleads for water. After even more waiting in the smoldering sunlight that beams down on you without stop, people finally come back. You can only hope the Royal fleet was willing to pay off a group of pirates.

Baekhyun is the first one back on deck, with nimble movements as he hoists himself and two large bags over the wooden guardrail that protects you from the water. His dark hair messier than ever, but partly clipped back with a golden pin. He tosses the heavy looking bags to the side, before skipping over to the three of you with a smile. His dark eyes shining silver as he crouches in front of you. “Do you like my pin? I got it to match yours.” He tilts his head more into your view then, revealing the intricate details of a gold-threaded dragon that you recognize immediately. It’s yours, one you left on the ship when you had to flee. Baekhyun sees the recognition in your eyes, and giggles. “Seems like you really are from the royal fleet, huh. They sold some of your stuff but I’m guessing most of it is still on board.”

“They— no, wait, who sold you this?” you fumble, watching him stand again. The rest of the crew is already pouring back on board, carrying various crates and sacks. “Did you find the Royal fleet? Did they give you the money?” Baekhyun doesn’t answer your questions. He walks towards the cabin with a spring in his step. “What in Idite’s name…” you sigh, feeling Sehun’s fingers wrap around your hand and holding it in support.

“I’m sure they found them,” he mumbles back, his shoulder pressed to your own, “Captain Lilith wouldn’t just let us sit here. Right, Jongdae?” There’s a non-committal sound from the quartermaster. “As soon as she hears word of your being on the ship, she’ll come and get you, Princess. Have no worry.” Though his comforting words help to calm your heart, there’s part of you that doubts this notion. After all, any pirate could say they have someone of value on board. Who would believe a bunch of thieves without a shred of proof?

Not much later, the Captain comes on board too, hopping over the railing easily. He straightens his jacket, before giving an order to the men behind him. You’re too far away to hear. After a second, his eyes meet yours though, deep orbs scanning you up and down a few times. It sends an uncomfortable feeling to your stomach, you don’t enjoy being viewed as cargo. He grabs the shoulder of one of the pirates, and cocks his head towards the three of you. “We’re sailing back out, so get into the nest. When we’re about an hour out, you can let them out of their binds. They won’t be able to run elsewhere.”

When he turns to walk away, most likely to steer the ship, you lean forward and clear your throat. “Captain Kyungsoo!” Several of the men turn to look at you, but don’t say anything. “Could we get some water, please? We’ve been sitting in the sun for hours.” When he turns to look at you, he lifts an eyebrow, before clicking his tongue in disapproval. His hands come to rest at his belt, where the sharp sword that was pressed to your throat just this morning still hangs easily, next to two smaller knives.

“Any requests can go to Baekhyun,” he sighs, sounding most fed up you’ve ever heard him. You want to ask about the fate of you and your friends, but judging his expression, now is not the best of times to ask. “He’s been put in charge of your well-being.” Said man comes from around the corner with a grin that makes his cheeks cutely round, already waving a water bottle back and forth nonchalantly. Kyungsoo whispers him something as they cross, but doesn’t acknowledge you any further. He merely shakes his head, and walks toward the helm, to steer the ship without having to see you three. You huff when he disappears, and watch the last of the men pull the anchor of the ship up. Four of them, straining to get the giant metal onto deck. Baekhyun hums as he approaches, pressing the bottle against Sehun’s lips and pouring without thinking twice.

Half of the water runs down the sides of his mouth and almost in his nose, but the pirate clearly doesn’t care. “Drink up, buttercup!” he grins, waddling to Jongdae next. The man has been mostly quiet since you’ve arrived on Caryon. It doesn’t sit well. Jongdae, out of you three, has been the most optimistic the entire trip. Even when you were floating out in the middle of nowhere, he had a smile on his lips and a spring in his step that brought you an immense feeling of calm, despite the hopeless situation. You can only guess what’s going on in his head. When the quartermaster has had his fill, Baekhyun settles in front of you, and motions at you to open your mouth.

The water is cool, even when it slips down your lips and drops from your chin. Two gulps, and then the bottle is pulled away. Though you glare at him from under your lashes, Baekhyun beams down at you with a smile. You still can’t get over the strange feeling you have around him, even with the kindness he’s shown you. There’s just something— that feels off about him. “What is happening now, Baekhyun?” you ask. You can feel the ship moving again, the sails curved into half moons in the wind. “You didn’t find the Royal fleet, did you?”

At the very last, the artificial grin slips off, revealing for the first time ever a slight frown on his handsome face. It stays silent for a long while, before Baekhyun leans a bit closer, face uncomfortably close to yours. He truly must not understand what personal space is. “You didn’t tell me you got attacked by pirates before. I thought we were friends, and friends tell each other things.” Holding your tongue for a moment, you look at him. His eyes are tense, lips set into a straight line, like whatever he found out genuinely bothers him and for this moment only do you truly feel for him. But then he leans back and cocks his head, smiling. The chance is instant, if you had blinked you would’ve missed it. “There’s no problem, little fish. Just a change of plans.”

You frown, but nod. “Well, I would have told you, but I thought whoever attacked us must have been part of your men. I take it that assumption is wrong?”

Baekhyun grins, before tapping his hand softly against your injured cheek, ignoring your wince entirely. “You do have some brains in that pretty head of yours, after all. A bad liar, but not useless.” He jumps back to his feet to put the bottle into a bunched stack of thick ropes, and then stretches out. “You’ll all be staying with us for a bit longer. You see, the Captain has decided that he really wants that coin you’ll make us, so I’m not allowed to play with any of you. But it seems the Royal fleet has been split up. One of the ships was taken by the Red Skulls, and they are on their merry way to capture the other two as well. With on board, our money. So you see how this becomes a problem for us. If the Red Skulls take the fleet before we can, there won’t be anyone left to pay us off.”

“How do you know all this?” Sehun asks, unable to look at Baekhyun but listening intently nevertheless.

The raven-haired pirate just shrugs. “I have charms, getting people to talk isn’t hard.”

For the first time in a few hours, you finally hear Jongdae’s voice as well. “Did they say anything about the crew?” But Baekhyun doesn’t answer, which is the most telling answer of all. His lips purse though, and he turns away from you to look out at the no doubts vanishing island, as if he doesn’t want to face the disappointment in Jongdae’s eyes. All you can do is touch your fingertips to the man’s bound hands, unsure of what to say. When Baekhyun turns back to you, he lets out a deep breath, and rubs his black-stained hands under his eyes.

“They have a few hours on us, but our ship is much faster. We’re going to take that ship before it can get to Elyfhil.”

“And what about us,” you question, running it over in your head. If they can take back the ship with that much ease, surely, they don’t need to deliver you back to get the money they so eagerly ache for. If anything, I’d be easier to just get rid of you all together, and take the remaining ships as well. Baekhyun takes out his sword as you talk, planting it into the wood between your feet. “The way I see it you have no good reason to keep us around. You’re going to get your money, you’re going to get your revenge. You’ll probably even get to stab a few guys along the way.”

He chuckles, before leaning forward onto the sword to look straight into your eyes. “Aye, but you forgot to tell us some really important things before, didn’t you? The first ships of the royal fleet, those that weren’t taken yet? They were looking for something more valuable than coin.” His eyes glint knowingly, the same dangerous smile curving onto his face like a shadow. “They were looking for a lost guard, and the Queen’s daughter. Now what are the odds of that?”

“You think I’m the Queen’s daughter?” you scoff.

“No, little fish,” Baekhyun shakes his head the tiniest bit, before answering, “we know you are.”

🌊🌊🌊

It’s been a day. A whole day, you’ve been locked up in the small wine storage they cleared out as a cell. You’ve burned through six candles, since the tiny window that sits right below the ceiling is constantly blocked by water gushing past. At least you’re able to use your hands again, and look your friends in the eye. This has given you plenty of time to think, too. Something limited only slightly by the alcoholic fumes you’ve been breathing in. Sehun sits slumped against the wall across from you. “We could try and pry loose one of these boards, and jam it into the keyhole to open the door. Then, we sneak past the crew once they are asleep, and we knock out the captain. Then we either sail straight ahead towards the city, or we turn us back around to Caryon. Either would work, really.”

You snort, unable to help it. His ideas have been getting more and more ridiculous by the minute. “You almost lost your finger pushing it into the lock earlier, Master Sehun. I think we’ve all seen enough of that for the rest of our trip.” Jongdae is stood against the wall next to you, his arms crossed over his chest and eyes the sharpest of all of you yet. You guess he’s more used to the wine than you are. His lip is still swollen, cut right through the middle and looking very painful. “And even if we got out of this room, we’re still on the ship with a couple dozen pirates who won’t hesitate to stab us.”

“Stab me and Jongdae, you mean. They are not going to stab a Princess.”

You stretch out your leg to deliver a tap to his shin, your friend jumping out of the way with a smile. At least someone’s still seeing the fun in all this. You shake your head at him, and sigh. “What happens to you, will happen to me as well. I’m not letting any of you get hurt in my stead. Not again.” It’s strange to think that less than a week ago, you were still in the innocent belief that this would be a fun experience. Jongdae’s hand is soft on your arm, his smile strained against his injury but genuine all the same. You wave him off, when he mouths a ‘thank you’. “We’re not going to escape here any time soon, is all I’m saying,” you finish, pressing your back against the coarse wood behind you.

It stays silent for a bit, before Jongdae clears his throat. “Actually, that isn’t that bad of an idea.” Your eyes are wide when you glance at him over your shoulder, and see that he means it. Never mind, Jongdae doesn’t handle wine well at all. He’s gone completely crazy. When you laugh, the quartermaster takes hold of your hand. “No, listen, Princess! We could take the ship from the inside out!”

“How in the Gods’ names would we do that?!” you respond, glancing between the two clearly irrational men that are locked in this shed with you.

“Well, Baekhyun is right. They know who you are, they know they are right and how much the Capital can pay to have you back unharmed. Meaning, you’re relatively safe around them, even though they don’t look at all like the caring types.” Jongdae speaks with so much conviction, that you almost believe him. “Second, and please excuse my crudeness, your Highness; but you’re an desirable young girl, if anyone can get close to the Captain, it’s you.”

You just blink at him. “You’ve gone insane, Jongdae. Truly!”

“I hate to be against your judgement, Princess Y/N, but I think the Quartermaster is right.” Your disbelieving gaze snaps to your best friend at that, mouth dropping open. He cannot be serious. “You’re the only girl on a ship full of men, and you cannot be harmed under their care. That is the perfect moment to use your womanly charm, and enchant the Captain into your trust.”

Jongdae nods. “If he trusts you enough, maybe you’ll be able to enter the cabin. You can steal the key, and then when night comes, we can sneak out and lock the men beneath deck. I can take the wheel from there, and we’d only have to deal with the captain, which is us three against one.” He runs his hands through his hair, and nods. The faith they have in your abilities would be a compliment, if not for the fact that Captain Kyungsoo scares you more than a tad. “It’s quite a good plan, your Highness. But we need you to be willing, of course.”

“That is, assuming the Captain wants to be charmed at all! I don’t know if you’ve yet noticed, but he’s not the most jolly of individuals,” you argue, with wild, frustrated hand movements. “Let’s just assume that he did, in fact, have an interest in me past the monetary value he sees me as, then I have to convince him to let me into the cabin without him, and steal a key that I don’t know what it looks like. And then what?! Say we do get to Elyfhil without any further issues, what do we do with them then?” Sehun seems entirely too amused by your worry, so you take off your shoe to toss it at him, only missing his face by a hair. Jongdae, for the first time in a while, smiles as well.

“We have a few weeks to figure it out,” Sehun grins, giddy at the idea and all you can do is glare at him in response. “This is pretty much the only plan we have, Princess. But fear not, for I have faith in your abilities.” Stupid boys. Stupid, idiotic boys with their stupid plans.

When night falls, your head falls into an tired rest on Jongdae’s shoulder, with the last flickering light of the candle dimming into darkness. The wood creaks around you, ship waving back and forth smoothly on the face of the sea. Your lids are so heavy, and soon you’re falling into an unsteady sleep.

The sea is calm, smooth like a mirror to the sky, as the ship cuts through it. The water reflects yellows and soft pinks, cold filling your lungs as you wait. The figure stands at the very front of the ship, looking out over the sea with gentle, rhythmic breaths. Calm. ‘Captain Kyungsoo?’ you breathe at the shape, watching him as he turns over his shoulder to look at you. Face dusted a soft pink, he smiles. A kind smile, one that fills you with joy and you can’t help but return the gesture a tenfold. ‘There you are, I was waiting for you for a long time,’ he says, motioning you up onto the ledge. You do, feel his hand in yours as support, while he leads you to stand in front of him. His sturdy figure close to yours, pointing out at the sea. ‘A bit further and we’ll arrive at the shore. Just past the fog you see there, there’s trees as tall as giants, white beaches with sand finer than the finest thread. Woods, for miles and miles. You’ve always wanted to see it, haven’t you?’ Your nod is gentle, but genuine. You have. He rests his chin on your shoulder then, breath brushing over your exposed skin. ‘I wish we could see it together. I wish you could explore it all, with me.’ ‘But we can’t. Can we, Princess?’ You can’t move. You want to turn to look at him, you really do, but you can’t move. Unable to move a single muscle. Unable to speak. You can only watch the undisturbed ocean, and feel the soft brush of his hand against your fingers. ‘We can’t, because you lied to me. You’ve been lying to me the whole time, and now everything is ruined. Did I deserve it? Did I deserve to be a pawn in your royal game?’ ‘Y/N?’

“Y/N.”

A hand wraps around your wrist, shaking you up and awake at once, eyes wide. Small beads of sweat gather at your hairline, your cheeks glowy, bright red. “Wake up, Princess,” Sehun breathes, his large hand still gently wrapped around your arm. You blink a few times, before pushing yourself up from the uncomfortable position you’re sat in. “You’re glowing.” You look around to see the same small space, though the door is open, and Jongdae is nowhere to be seen.

“Where are we?” you breathe, rubbing your warm hands over your cheeks in circles. They are very hot indeed.

Sehun lets go of you once your stable on your feet, and smiles. “Still aboard the ship, Princess. But we’ve been allowed out, we’re too far away from land to escape, it seems. I think you need some fresh air, you were overheating in here.” You nod, and swallow. Your throat is dry, tongue sponge-like. Your friend watches you intently, before lifting his brows. “Are you okay? You look out of it.”

“I’m fine, Master Sehun,” you respond, peeking out of the door into the dark belly of the ship. You need some fresh air. As you walk, the tall man follows close behind. That must have been a dream. It can’t have been anything but a dream, yet it felt so real. Your breathing is still strained, only evening out once you get out of the confined space of the ship. The ship creaks loudly, under the busy movement of the crew. Jongdae is sitting on the railing further up, letting his legs dangle. He looks so casual, despite the worried expression he carries. You feel his worry. Sehun’s hand comes to rest on your shoulder after a second, where he returns with a cup, ordering you to drink with the most gentle voice anyone has ever given an order.

You sigh when you catch his eyes. “Listen, Hun… I know that you’re putting all your hope on this plan,” you lean a bit closer to say the last word, “but I have a really bad feeling about it. As in, I don’t think we should go through with it.” Your friend doesn’t try to hide his surprise, mouth dropping open slightly. “I know that we should try— but I don’t think I can. I’m hardly as charming as you seem to believe I am, I’m stubborn and a little bit too snappy for my own good sometimes. I can’t… make a random man suddenly like me. He’ll see right through it!”

The dark haired man bites his lip in thought. “I don’t think he will, Princess. After all, he did clean your cut out of his own volition, did he not?” You let out a tense breath, and pout up at him, making Sehun’s face flood with a certain joy. You should both know that he only did that not to carry damaged goods aboard. Sehun seems to purposefully ignore that part. “If you really don’t want to, then don’t. But you know as well as we do that there’s nothing more we can plan. We’re outnumbered by a tenfold. The only way to get anywhere is to gain a bit of their trust or even respect.”

“And what if I don’t think they deserve to be lied to so?” you bring out, wringing your hands together in the soft, pink fabric of your dress. There’s no other clothes aboard, so you’ve been in the same dress for days.

At this your friend just stares at you, disbelief in his eyes. “They are pirates, Princess!”

“I know, I know that,” you sigh, “I know that I’m looking too much into it but…”

Before your friend can say anything in response, a shout comes from behind you. “Little fish!” the voice beams, bright and too loud for even your sunny disposition. Sehun just lifts his shoulders, as confused as you are when you turn. Baekhyun’s bright features cut through the bustle easily. “Come over here, please.” He waves you over with a happy grin, and places his hands on his hips. “Or Princess Little fish, I should say!” You huff out a tense breath, but walk over, and tilt your head at him in question.

“What do you want?” you say.

Your defiance delights him endlessly, every time. You can see it in the way his cheeks seem to get even wider, if possible. “Don’t be rude now.” You glare at him in return. “You’re all worked up I see,” he beams, and takes your hand smoothly in his own to lead you around, “but I’ll get you even more worked up! Captain has sent me to get your pretty self to join us for lunch. He worries about your well-being every second! Isn’t he the kindest?” You can only imagine the tiniest truth hidden behind his words, and decide to ignore the rest. This man really knows how to get under someone’s skin like a rash. You pull your hand from his, but walk alongside him.

“What’s the purpose behind this sudden lunch invitation if I may ask?”

A playful hum comes from him, as he pinches your side. “No reason~” Baekhyun sings, only adding more fuel to your worry. As you near the door, you sigh, glancing back at Sehun just once. You can’t deny that the setup to the plan is being handed to you on a silver platter at this very moment. Your friend gives you a tense smile, and puts up his thumbs toward you. Though it frustrates you beyond belief, you know as well as your two friends that any other means of escaping will be as good as impossible. You’re more than a week away from your destination. You tuck a loose strand of your hair behind your ear when Baekhyun leans around you to open the door, and swallow your hesitance. You can at least give it a try.

The silence that lingers in the room between each sentence is deafeningly uncomfortable. You lay your hands next to your plate, and drum your nails on the smooth wood of the table. It’s a miracle that this ship even floats, with the amount of heavily decorative furniture occupy the cabin. You’re sat across from the Captain, whose seat remains empty for now, while Baekhyun sits at the head of the table. “Would you like some water?” the deep voice calls from across the room, broad back facing you.

You don’t respond, unsure of what to say. After all, what could he possibly want from you that requires lunch to precede it? You will yourself to remember that these men, however charming, are still pirates. Pillagers, murderers, thieves. They take what they want, when they want it. The only reason you’re still alive is because they have a use for you. You have to remember that. The Captain glances back at you with a frown, and places a glass of water in front of you anyway, mouth corners turned down. “I’m not usually this attentive to my captives,” he mumbles, as he takes his seat across yours. “Your pride is going to give out before I start caring, so drink while you still get to.”

“Maybe I won’t drink anymore for this entire journey,” you bite back, unable to help it. You don’t understand this man, and it frustrates you to no end. He invites you to lunch, but threatens you basically the second you’re in his presence, and calls you his captive. “Then I will die of sickness and you won’t get any riches at all.” The darkness on his face flickers like a flame over his gaze, playful but unwavering, though his frown grows deeper if possible.

“Then die, Princess.” He takes a drink from his own glass, before slumping back in the plush of the chair. “If that is the way your Highness chooses to go, by all means, be my guest.” Your jaw stays locked hard together, eyes on his expression. But he’s not looking at you anymore, like the sight of you disgusts him. His handsome face aimed solely at the table, or the wall behind you, but not on your face. You almost wish he’d at least have the guts to stare you in the eye when he talks to you, but in truth, that might just anger you further. “You speak of your life so easily, like you’d be willing to give it up for anything and anyone.”

“I would,” you say, full in this notion. You don’t feel the need to lie, since your truth is much more to you than just a way you were raised. You believe in it, fully and from the bottom of your heart. Not that he’d understand, you think, watching the nonchalant way he twirls the small knife between his fingers. Baekhyun, meanwhile, has been the most quiet you’ve ever seen him. Your bottom lip juts out a bit as you continue. “It’s my duty to protect my people, and I take that role very seriously.”

At this the Captain scoffs, loudly, grinning at the ceiling in disbelief. For two full heartbeats, it stays quiet, and you can feel the anger in your body bubbling over. Forget charming this man, maybe you’ll just launch over the table and strangle him instead. But when he finally looks at you again, you don’t see the gloating expression you’re expecting. Instead, there’s a distinct sadness that settles in his features, brushed gently over his face. The face of sorrow, and loss. “Have you ever even seen death before, Princess? Sickness? Excruciating hunger and pain?” He shakes his head at you. “Because if you are willing to give your life so easily, I don’t believe you have.”

The tenseness of your body ebbs out with the long breath you let out. “Then don’t believe it. I have. Not me, and not my close relatives. Because I was as fortunate as to be born into a position of power and money.” He doesn’t respond. But your lips shake slightly as you continue. “But I think I’ve seen more death than you have, Captain. Whenever I can, I sneak out of the palace to visit the temples, and after that the doctor houses. Orphanages. I see people pray to every God they know of to heal their family members. I watch them wither away as I hold their hand, cold in their beds. I read stories to those poor children who’ve lost everything and it’s true… I am healthy, because I get fed every day, and because I can pay the best medics.” You swallow, removing your eyes from his to stare into your glass. “But do you think I don’t feel it? I am the only one standing tall between people who see death as a constant. People put their faith in me, their hope, their dreams, they give them all to me because I was born a princess and yet, I can’t do a single thing to save them!

“So yes, I want to give my life for the people I care about, because that is the only thing I can do to help,” you say, clenching your trembling hands in your dress. “I’m not sorry for giving my one life away for the values I believe in. At least I don’t kill for enjoyment.” You’re not sure what the man is thinking, but you’ve had about enough, and lunch hasn’t even started yet. You push your chair back and stand, ready to walk out of here. Tell your friends that you’d just have to sit it out. You and the Captain are just too different, there’s no way you’d ever get along. But then fingers wrap around your arm, pulling you back, and your feet falter as if automatic. Baekhyun’s grip on you is tight, long fingers locked around your wrist.

“Stay,” he says, face void of the familiar grin you’ve learned to anticipate on him, and it makes you hesitate. “Kyungsoo is not a man of many words. He doesn’t talk much, and when he does, it often comes out too harsh. But we might all have some things in common, Princess.” His eyes are clear on yours, mouth pulled in a soft line. “So sit back down, please.” You huff, but do so, not looking across the table again. One of the men soon enters with a pot of soup, and places it on the table. You all eat in silence, something you’re not used to, but at this moment you’re glad for the bit of peace. When Baekhyun finishes his plate in record speed, the Captain sends him a look.

“Baekhyun, would you please check up on our other two guests for a moment?” The other nods, and leaves the room without another word. You wonder which of the two really wanted this lunch. From the way Baekhyun held your arm, it seems to suggest… but then why? The Captain pauses for a moment, before linking his hands together on the table. “I trust that Baekhyun has been looking out for your well-being sufficiently?”

You bite your bottom lip, but nod. “He has been trying his hardest, I think.” The Captain agrees wordlessly, and chooses to watch you instead. His sharp, calculating gaze is entirely distracting. You play with your cutlery for a moment, but are unable to keep quiet anymore. “Whatever the reason for this dinner, I don’t think I—”

“I wanted to apologize for my impertinence toward you throughout this trip,” the Captain cuts in, his strong voice filling the cabin easily. Definitely now it’s just the two of you, it seems to tremble through the fibers of the wood.

“Do— w-wait, what?” you stutter, eyes wide, “Apologize?”

“Yes.” His handsome face is aimed solely on you yet again, and this time, your cheeks heat under his gaze. You’re absolutely confused now. Kyungsoo tilts his head a bit when you don’t immediately respond, and continues. “I was harsh in my punishment, and I’ve come to understand you’ve been quite polite towards me for it in return. I wanted to…” he pauses, and for the first time to this point, he looks unsure of his words. Like you’re the one who might shut him down. But, you’re still too starstruck by the apology to make out anything else. Who in the history of -ever- has gotten a pirate of all people to apologize to them, out of choice? “I want to promise that I will not cause you harm again, Princess.”

Your mouth drops open at that. You’re starting to think you’re currently still having a fever dream and that you’re still locked up in the wine cellar, imagining all of this. You don’t even really care if he has an alternative motive, which he most likely has. That makes two of you, then. “Thank you,” you mumble, finishing the last of your soup quickly. Then, you look around the room, this time out of genuine curiosity. On the wall facing you, hangs a giant map, with thin, blue lines of ink marking a spider web across it. They must have all been sailing together for a long time, if they’ve seen all those places in their relatively short lives. You bite your cheek, and slowly breathe in. “Can I ask you a question, Captain Kyungsoo?” He nods.

“You’ve traveled a lot, right?” Again, he gives you a nonverbal response. “Do you believe in mermaids? I know they are most likely just stories,” you smile despite your hesitance, “but I’ve always wondered. They seem so fascinating!” This pulls a quirk from his full lips, turning them up at the corners, ever so gently. “Don’t laugh! My aunt, the third Queen, swears on her life that they are real. I just have to know, it’s been eating me up inside. And even if you haven’t seen them yet, doesn’t mean they can’t exist. You haven’t sailed the entire world yet.” You cross your arms over your chest when his smile grows, turning his smile into the shape of a heart, full and warm. It’s a foreign sight on his otherwise serious face.

“They are real,” he nods, smoothing his expression back into one of indifference, but you can see the twinkle in his eyes as he looks at you.

You brush your strand of hair back behind your ear, before shaking your head. “You’re making fun of me, aren’t you?” This makes the man giggle, a sound that surprises you so that you freeze in place. It makes him look so much younger, painting such true joy into him that you can’t help but join in. “I would’ve believed you!” you whine, pushing your plate forward a bit in protest.

“They are real,” he repeats, eyes crinkled into half moons because of his wide cheeks. “There’s an island, far up north where the water is as cold as ice, but it doesn’t freeze. And there, in the water, you can see them swimming around. I swear it, they are real.”

You stop laughing when he does, and lean forward. “Are they pretty?”

“No,” the Captain breathes, “they are very ugly. With thick, grey scales all over, and sunken in cheeks. They have dull, almost see through skin, only barely visible in the water. And their hair is long and dark like the night. When you sail through their waters they try to crawl on-board of the ship, to take you with them into the water, and they cry painful songs as soon as their heads peak above the water.” He says it so fully, that you can’t even tell if it’s a lie or not. You want to believe it. “The Hellbound still has scratches on the side of her from when their claws scraped by the wood,” he nods. You just blink, and look at your plate.

“How do you know they want to harm? If they are magical creatures, they could be kind.”

“We don’t know they want to harm. But none of us were willing to find out. The water is too cold anyway, would’ve killed us in minutes. And since I’m responsible for my men, I didn’t want to take a chance.” You nod in understanding, looking around this room. To your left is the door back out, and to your right is a door that has only a small window in it. The golden plaque on it says ‘Office’. You can only imagine what treasures lie hidden in the office of a Pirate Captain. “And magic, that’s something for landlubbers like yourself. I don’t really believe in it.”

For some reason that doesn’t surprise you. With the breath you let out, some of your anxiety ebbs away. “Maybe I’m totally wrong, and excuse me if I am, but you don’t seem to want this,” you suddenly murmur. The Captain raises his brow a bit, a silent question. You clear your throat. “Everyone looks at you like you’re meant to be the one to lead, like… like you’re programmed to do so. They admire you, but they also seem to think you have all the answers, when you don’t. I feel the same things in a way, back home. Being a Royal. I know I shouldn’t complain, but most days I wish I could switch places with any other girl my age. I never asked for this, but people treat me like I did.”

You blink at him for a second again, biting through the tense feeling as best you can. “You treat me like I asked for this. And I treat you like you wanted to become what you are.” The man across from you gives you the tiniest nod. So you pick at the thin fabric of your dress, and look down. “So I guess I’m asking you now… Did you?”

The silence is filled yet again with the rushing of the waves, a constant the last few days that has become calming to your soul. Then, like the truth pains him deeply, he lets out a huff. “No.” Kyungsoo stares through the window revealing the deck for a long time, blinking against the muted light. “But things happen that push you in ways you never meant to go.” You try to respond a couple of times, but you’re not sure what to say. You agree with him… again. He doesn’t seem interested in elaborating about it further, so that leaves you both alone to your thoughts, in the same room. Not much later, Baekhyun suddenly pushes the door back open, his happy demeanor breaking through the void easily.

“The guests are breathing and alive! And I brought the second course.” The rest of the meal goes by in relative silence, both men informing you that the Red Skulls sold most of your left-behind items in Caryon. They also mention that these pirates are more ruthless than most. When you ask about what might have happened to the remaining crew on the ship, their faces don’t let on much, but you can notice Baekhyun tensing up at the topic. He swiftly explains that you shouldn’t have hope of seeing them again, which makes you incredibly sad for Jongdae. You don’t find out the actual reason behind inviting you to lunch though, which leaves you the most uncomfortable you’ve been in a while. Because you can’t figure out for the life of you why the Captain and his Right hand are being kind to you.

🌊🌊🌊

The days, though painstakingly long at times, are quite nice. You’ve truly grown to enjoy the breeze that flows past your shoulders when you stand out on deck. You’re gotten to sit up in the lowest of the crows nests, even though Sehun looked terrified for you the entire while. Turns out you wholly underestimated how long the trip would take, because seven more days out at sea seem like a lifetime. However, today is fun, since the wind has turned. The ship barely moves on the ocean, and the sails are pulled up and bound, which is a spectacle in itself. Baekhyun hangs in the ropes like a monkey, grinning like he is having the time of his life and you can’t help but tilt your head all the way back to follow his smooth motions from mast to mast, swinging between the ropes.

When you look over towards the rear of the ship, you can see Jongdae and Kyungsoo talk, even though it doesn’t last long. Kyungsoo’s hair is loose today, like it’s been freshly washed and though you’re not sure how he did that on a ship, you decides it looks good on him. It falls in fluffy tufts over his brows, hiding most of his frown even though you don’t doubt it’s still very much in place. When Jongdae returns back to your side, he smiles. You smile back at him, though the motion seems to pull at your muscles uncomfortably. You haven’t told him about the Red Skulls yet. You couldn’t, not when it’s clear that the hope has been all that he’s been holding onto. You turn to him, and lift your brows. “What’s got you so happy, Master Jongdae?”

“Nothing much,” he blinks, before poking your side playfully. “But I do have a slight surprise for you.”

“Oh no, what now…” you breathe, growing even more concerned at his overly excited grin.

“The ship is going to be stuck here for a while, since we’re stuck in between two currents caused by some smaller islands to the east. So I might have asked the Captain if it was alright to go have a swim. And before you say no, Sehun’s already getting you one of his shirts so you can’t back out.” He takes your hand to take you across the deck to the small space without railing, where a rope ladder hangs to a foot above the water. “We’ll just have a little dive, alright? The water looks great and it’s not very deep either.” The water does look great. It’s a warm, blue color, like that of a tropical island, and small droplets splash onto your exposed skin while you look.

“We’re on an pirate ship, and you want to take a little dive?” you giggle in return.

“Just because we’re on enemy territory doesn’t mean we’re not allowed to have some fun! Even Captain grumpy didn’t need any convincing.” When you roll your eyes, he pouts. “Come on, Princess, we’re going to be stuck here for an hour or two at least!”

To your other side, your best friend comes to lean his arm over your shoulder, and holds out the dark fabric of what you guess must be the shirt he was talking about. It’s quite thin of fabric, but at least it’s not as sheer as the dress you’re wearing. “You know you want to,” Sehun mumbles, the smile on his face audible even in his voice. You shake your head at both man’s antics, before jutting out your lips. But before you can convince yourself of any reasons that this might be a bad idea, your best friend lets out a high pitched laugh. Because he can see it on your face clear as day, fuck yes, you want to.

The water was pretty cold when you first entered, but now it’s actually quite warm. You laugh when Jongdae splashes a whole wall of water Sehun’s way, and swim out a bit more. The seafloor is only a few feet lower than the belly of the ship here, but it’s still way to deep to stand up. You smile, before letting yourself sink underneath the surface of the water and gently open your eyes. It feels a bit uncomfortable, but after a second or two you can make out your friends in the water, lower halves looking extremely silly. They look like frogs jumping around, only without getting very far. You look down the side of the ship, making out some paler lines on the wood that could very well be scratches, before coming back up for breath.

Jongdae smiles at you. “Princess! I’m pretty sure you won’t be able to catch a fish like that.”

“I wasn’t trying to catch one,” you giggle, and splash some water on their direction, before shaking your head. “Never-mind,” you reply. You sink under again, this time turning away from the ship to look down at the colorful plants that occupy most of the sea bottom. Small, multicolored fish swim in and out between the corals, unbothered by your presence. Some even swim towards you, as if curious to what strange creature you might be. They never get close enough to touch though, so you come back up to the surface for air. How pretty. For the first time in a while, this trip is going the way you wanted it to, and without being able to help it, you smile. You slowly make your way back to your friends, feeling the strain in your muscles from the lack of using them.

In all honesty, though you’re a good swimmer, you can’t remember the last time you actually did. It must have been years ago, that’s for sure. After another couple circles, you take hold of the ladder to your side to rest. Some of the pirates in the ropes glance down at you three every few, most likely wanting to take a dive as well. Jongdae comes to hold onto your shoulder as well, motioning Sehun over. “The plan seems to be going quite well, right, your Highness?” the older says, lowering his voice a bit out of caution. “The Captain seems less on edge about our presence than before.”

You give him a slight hum, though your brows are furrowed. “I guess… but I don’t really think that’s because of me. Baekhyun mentioned something about common goals, so it wouldn’t surprise me if we weren’t the only ones with hidden agendas. And besides, the Captain has hardly been very open with me since that one lunch we had a few days ago. He’s been very busy with the crew, and I don’t want to make it obvious either. Who knows what they’ll do if they find out we are —” you lower your voice even more, barely reaching above a whisper in volume, “trying to take over the ship?”

“I don’t think they have a clue,” Sehun smiles easily, backstroking past. “Who’d think that three people would plot against three dozen, after all?”

Jongdae nods. The two have become good friends throughout the time you’ve spent together, you’ve noticed. It makes you happy to see, since most of your time has been spent away from your best friend the last few days. And not that you’d admit it to him, but you’ve also grown quite attached to the older man’s quirky sense of humor and kind personality. “Exactly,” he agrees. “You’re doing great, Princess. Really. If you keep this going, in a few days you’ll definitely be able to enter there without the Captain even questioning it.” Though you shake your head with a roll of your eyes, you can’t help but hope he’s right. You don’t feel particularly glad to be misleading him after all, even though you should have no problems with it. Sehun and Jongdae are both kind people, and they don’t seem bothered, after all. Why should you be?

“Hey, Dae?” you then call, swimming away to let Sehun rest for a bit. “What do you think is going on with Captain Lilith? I know you most likely don’t want to talk about it, but I… I just worry, you know?” Baekhyun and Kyungsoo seem to worry too, though you don’t say this.

“I understand, Princess,” he soothes you, though he smiles sadly as he talks. “I know I’ve been avoiding the topic, because honestly… I felt guilty for a long time there. The Red Skulls are infamous, and known to sail those parts. As soon as we got attacked, I should have realized it was either them or these group of thieves, and never have left the fleet.”

“Jongdae…” Sehun tries to cut in, attempting to help, but Jongdae shakes his head.

“That’s what I should have done. But I didn’t, so there’s no reason I should beat myself up about it any longer. I can’t change the events of the past anymore anyway.” And he’s right, though you can’t help but wonder what would have happened if you didn’t get attacked by pirates. What would you be doing right now? You’d probably be lounging in your bed, in the belly of the ship and sailing across the sea with no worries and no qualms. You wouldn’t have the scab on your cheek from a pirate sword, and you would most likely never have become friends with Jongdae. Not as quickly, at least. You would have never met Captain Kyungsoo and his mess of a Right Hand Baekhyun. You would definitely not have stopped here to take a dive in the perfect, blue water and you can’t help the nagging feeling in the back of your brain telling you that maybe, very maybe, you’re having a better time because of it.

but no, that’s ridiculous, right? You do your best to shake that idea from your mind, and sigh. “Whatever might happen next—” You’re cut off by a loud, childlike shriek from above you, and you look up. Baekhyun grins down at the three of you in the water, along with many others of the pirates who seem to have given up on work for right now, in favor of a bit of fun. The raven-haired tease scrunches his nose at you when you eye him, before taking a run up and tossing himself over the guardrails of the ship.

“CANNONBALL!” The splash he creates is gigantic, and goes up your nose when you giggle.

After a few long hours of playing in the water, you’re the first to climb back up onto the ladder. Which isn’t easy, with the immense effort you have to put in to lift your exhausted limbs above your head. You almost crawl onto deck, choosing to lay down on your back for a second, and feeling the cold wind nip at your shoulders. The afternoon sun is still warm on your shoulders, and the air is clear and cold in your lungs. If this wasn’t such a strange situation, this would be the only way you’d choose to spend your free time. Out at sea with friends, just enjoying the days. Maybe visit a tropical island or two, while you’re at it. When you open your eyes and roll onto your side, you come face to face with some boots, and looking up further, Kyungsoo. He stands hovered over your body, his top lip lifted slightly in what you can only guess is… awkwardness? So you stare at him for a moment, before pushing yourself up from the deck surface to stand on your legs. Only when you do, you notice the airtight way your shirt sticks to your shape, revealing much more of yourself than you wanted to. Oh, that’s why.

The man’s eyes linger for just a split second too long for you to miss it, though the rest of his face is schooled back perfectly into one of seriousness. He holds his arm out, with over it a white piece of clothing. “Here,” he nods for you to take it, “we figured you’d like to have the remainder of your items if given the chance. We found them being sold in Caryon. Don’t thank me either, it was all Baekhyun.” As you take the dress from his hands, you stare at it for a bit. It’s a white dress, with a boat neck and simple lace ruffles at the bottom, though pretty designs have been stitched on with white thread. Did you really bring this dress with you? You might have, though you don’t recognize it. The entire preparation period seems like a bit of a blur now, since everything that has happened between then and now. “I saw you getting up so…” he trails off, biting the side of his cheek. “Can you call the rest back up? The wind is picking up, we have to get going soon.” With that he walks away, not waiting up for your answer.

You hum after him in response anyway. When the Captain disappears from sight, you quickly peel the wet shirt from your body to slide into the dress, shaking a bit as the wind indeed picks up. Normally you’d never be this brave, but since everyone is either in the water or sleeping, you take a chance. Right on time in fact, because not long after the first pirates are making their way back onto deck. You tug your dress down a bit, frowning. You definitely did not bring this dress, you now realize, as it doesn’t even reach your knees. With a frown, you push the edge down a bit, turning when a whistle sounds out. Of course.

Baekhyun’s eyes seem to shine like diamonds, glee like you’ve never seen on him before. Of course this is his doing. “Baekhyun!” you hiss, walking over to him to punch him in the shoulder. “You think this is so very funny, don’t you?” He doesn’t respond, but takes hold of the hand you hit him with to pull your body way too close to his drenched one, smirking all the while. “Gods— let go, you maniac!” A bit harsh maybe, but it’s Baekhyun you’re talking to. He’ll get over it. This seems to push him towards the edge even more though.

“Don’t be like that, Princess. I got you a gift, you should be grateful.” Gift, hah, you think. The only person who it’s a gift for is him. “If you’re not grateful, I’ll tie you back up and sell you for a nice price as soon as we get to land again, little fish. Wouldn’t be the first. Don’t test my limits or I will test yours,” his voice grows so very close, face way too close to yours. Never mind, not harsh enough. You can’t help but want to shove him back, but his hold is too strong on your wrists. His words give you shivers down your spine, because you know he means it. You pull back again, and tilt your face away from him. Too much, too much—

“Baekhyun,” that calm, deep voice suddenly mumbles, and you can’t help the relief that fills your chest, “let the girl go.” Kyungsoo, though he just lifts a simple eyebrow in your direction, looks livid. It expresses in the line that digs deep between his eyebrows, and the corners of his mouth that are genuinely down-turned. You freeze, as well as Baekhyun does, because both of you seemingly had not expected anyone to help. But you’re oh so grateful.

“Come on, Kyungsoo, let me play with her just a little bit!” the other whines, wrapping his arm around your waist as you struggle against him. “You never nag like this when other women are present. Just because she’s a pretty, little Princess doesn’t mean that I can’t tease her. Should I tease you a bit,” he asks you then, glints still flickering in his eyes. You don’t want to be teased. Not by him at least, you think, glaring up at the attractive guy, who suddenly looks so much less pleasant. He really doesn’t seem to notice that the game has long died for you, and that you just want him to let you go now. But with Kyungsoo standing so close, you’re not scared to push against the other man harder, shoving him to let go of you. But Baekhyun is quick, and his hand snakes around your arm, grip painful on you now. “Come on, sweetheart, I won’t bite.”

“I don’t care, you’re gross and this dress is not a gift to anyone but you! You care about no one but yourself, I can’t even believe I was starting to not despise you!” you snap at him, feeling a warmth around your other hand now. Kyungsoo is holding your free one, clenched tight in his. If it’s for your support, or his own, you’re not quite sure. It doesn’t seem to deter Baekhyun, in fact, it’s as if he’s able to look straight through Kyungsoo. Like a bull seeing red.

“If you want me to sort you out, you just have to ask, Princess. I’ll treat your precious, rich girl body so well that you can never spread your legs again unless I tell you to.” The grin he was wearing has long worn off, eyes so sharp that you don’t want to keep them. When he wants to step closer to you again, Kyungsoo pulls his friend back by his shoulder.

“Let. her. go,” the bassy thrill of his voice makes the hairs on your neck stand up. “I’m not telling you again.”

The dirty look that Baekhyun sends the other is vicious. “Why? No one else is allowed to play with your property, is it?” Though he seems to be getting more ferocious, he loosens the grip on you. “You’re delusional, Kyungsoo. You’re just as bad of a person as I am, I don’t know why you’re acting like a saint here. Why don’t you let go of her?! At least I never put a scar on her face.” You, seemingly forgotten, fall from his hand entirely, as he closes in on the other man. “I saw you looking at her too, I’m just not afraid to admit to it. You’re delusional,” he repeats. “At least I don’t expect her to suddenly fix what a shitty human I am! Unlike you, I have self-respect!” When you step forward automatically, Kyungsoo’s hand pushes you back away, keeping you out of reach. You’re not sure why you care, but Baekhyun looks frantic. Like he can’t see the world around him anymore, too drilled down in this emotion of anger to care.

“Baekhyun, snap out,” Kyungsoo solemnly replies, not backing down when Baekhyun shoves him against the shoulder. He doesn’t even seem to listen to the words thrown at his face, Something in the Captain’s expression makes you feel like he feels at least as sad for the other as you do, if not more. Your eyes narrow a bit as you watch the both of them from the sidelines. You want to help, but you wouldn’t know how. It’s truly as if the older sees black from all sides, and Kyungsoo knows. “Hey, breathe. I’m not your enemy.”

“Fuck off, Kyungsoo! You don’t know me!” Baekhyun basically growls at his friend, pushing past him. The man stomps away with his fists clenched so tight that his bones peek out white through his skin. You stare after him until he disappears into the stairway, leaving you both standing here in silence. All your energy has depleted, and the urge to sink to the floor floods over you. But you stay standing, and instead turn back to Kyungsoo.

“Thank y-” Don’t, a voice in the back of your mind screams like an echo of your previous anger, making you swallow the rest of that.

What Kyungsoo did was only what any other person would do. You don’t need to thank him for being a sane human being! Baekhyun was all up on you, because you’ve been taken as a captive here! You know your frustration is speaking now, but can’t help be mad. Kyungsoo doesn’t seem to notice your mental tug-of-war. “Don’t— hold it against him, if you can. Baekhyun doesn’t mean to be this way, he hates it too,” his voice seems to die down the longer he speaks. “He just can’t… he wasn’t always like that. Some things still give him a very difficult time, and he has a hard time snapping out of it by himself.” He doesn’t look you in the eyes as he takes a few steps back, staring instead at your shoulder or something behind it. “I brought the rest of your stuff down. Baekhyun bought you some new things too. He thought you might like to get out of that one dress you have.” A soft sigh, as he looks at you again, storm-colored eyes dripping down your skin, as if soothing you from afar. “He seems to really like you, you’re kind to him. He hasn’t had a lot of that in life yet.”

“Right,” you just respond, biting your lips as you give a tense nod, not able to aim it towards him fully. He seems to understand, and gives a soft, understanding hum. Kyungsoo walks back after that, picking some of the thick ropes from the floor and hoisting them over his shoulder, before walking out of your view. And though you might not be able to admit it out loud, you say it internally with every fiber of your being. Thank you, Kyungsoo. Really.

🌊🌊🌊 🌊🌊🌊 🌊🌊🌊

.next part. 30.01.2020 as soon as possible

next part up tomorrow if all goes well!! thank you so much for reading his beast up ‘till here already~ it would mean the absolute world if you could sent me something about this one because i felt like deleting it all more times than i’d like to admit! hope you enjoyed and love you ♡♡♡

tag list @chanyeolol @ninibears-erigom @suhoerections @kimjongdaely @byunfirstlady @greenmetalroof and @spring-medley pirate!kyungsoo is finally here ♡ thank you so much for helping me through this and being excited for it

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melyaliz · 4 years ago

Text

Remember me pt 1

Fandom: My Hero Academia

Summary: One moment Olive is just living her life in America the next it is 5 years in the future and this incredibly out of her league blonde is speaking to her in a langue she barely knows calling her his wife.

Pairing: Bakugou Katsuki x OC

Notes: This idea came to me last week while I was supposed to be prepping to edit my novel. I was like “I should just write the idea out.” A week later and over 30k words... I now bring it to you.

ALSO! I have a newsletter you guys! It’s where I will keep you updated on on novel (and other) related things. My website and short story should be up next Friday to stay tuned for that :)

All Masterlists @melyalizarchive

Connect with me! AO3 / Instagram / Pinterest

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-0-0-0--- Olive ---0-0-0-

Black eyes, rimmed with a thin blue line. Glowing in a way that was almost predatory like. It reminded her of a shark moving toward her. She felt like she was in water, or using her querk. Slowly trying to escape from something that was much faster in a black abyss.

Nothing but those glowing blue eyes were visible.

Olive’s lungs filled with hot dry air making her cough. The taste of ash and smoke filling her lungs as she tried to pull her consciousness awake. Blinking she saw a car on fire in front of her along with small fires spread across the parking lot of a large mall. One she did not recognize.

Taking a step back she looked around trying to get her bearings. Her eyes slowly adjusting to the world around her. It felt like a dream as if someone had just thrown her into this situation. No memories of how she got here or what was going on.

Maybe she was dreaming?

Touching her face she blinked a few times as she saw people screaming and running from the building. They were saying things but she couldn’t quite make out what. As if they were just making noises.

What was going on? What happened? Where was she? Panic slowly rising in her chest with the thought that she had no idea what to do or where to go. Her breaths become shallow as panic began to wash over her.

“Olive! Olive!” the sound of her name being called broke her out of her stupor as a tall red-haired man ran up to her grabbing her arms. A stream of Japanese came flowing out of his mouth and she was lost. Only knowing a few phrases she blinked up at this stranger.

“I don’t know…?” she said slowly hoping he would understand, “English.” she said “No Japanese?”

He looked taken back for a moment “You go” he said in broken English, accent heavy, pointing at the street. “Police will help, wait there?”

Nodding she followed the crowd and stood with the others waiting for Red to come back. Not that it mattered since he wasn’t going to be able to talk to her. But also, as she was slowly realizing by overhearing people talking around her, that she wasn’t in America anymore and had NO idea where to go or what to do. So Red was her best option at this point. Maybe she could use a translator app? Her mind went into overdrive trying to think of what to do. And then, as it always did when she was panicking her thoughts turned to the only person who was her calm center.

Eliott.

Where was he? Reaching around she realized she had a purse with her. One she didn’t recognize. It was way too nice. Was that a Chanel label? Holding up the bag she looked it over totally confused. Did she steal this? Ok, she was dreaming. There was no way this was real.

But it felt so real.

Frowning she rifled through the bag looking for her phone. She just wanted to call Eliott. Desperation filling her body, her heart pounding so hard in her chest it felt like it was going to burst out of her chest. She just wanted her husband.

There was a huge explosion and a few people cheered all of them speaking excitedly in Japanese to each other. The excitement getting louder and louder, people pointing. Turning Olive stood up with the crowd to see a blonde-haired man slowly walking toward the crowd dragging a horned man by the collar of his shirt. Behind him, the red-haired man from earlier held three others on his shoulders.

As he grew closer the blonde turned his eyes meeting Olive’s. His red eyes were so intense that something in her stomach dropped. A weird calm washing over her as he studied her. He felt like something from another life. Dejavu. A dream long forgotten.

“Olive,” his voice was gravely as he dropped the man he had been dragging walking toward her. Looking down at her he placed his arms on her shoulders “what the hell you baka?” he said leaning forward pulling the dazed woman into a strong hug. He smelled like smoke and something sweet, like sugar. It kind of reminded her of camping. However, why this man was hugging her she had NO idea.

And then he pulled back slightly, his eyes fluttering for a moment, leaning toward her face as if he was about to kiss her. Olive, who was still trying to gain her bearings, felt her whole body tense in pure shock.

What.

The.

Actual.

Fuck?

“Dude I’m married,” she said swatting away his arms from her side before pushing him away. Her face flushed, eyes glassy as tears threatened to spill over from feeling so overwhelmed by it all..

The blonde’s eyes grew wide studying her for a moment, then gently his hand moved from her shoulder to her forehead speaking in Japanese. The red-haired man had come up behind him and seemed to be responding to what he was saying back. A flush of anger spread over Olive, she had just told his guy she was married and he was still trying to come on to her. Her already very frayed emotions were so tight Olive couldn’t deal with this anymore. Jaw clenched she swatted away this way too friendly guy’s hand.

“Look. No I’m...” she held up her hand and that’s when she saw it.

A ring, but it wasn’t hers.

“What?” she looked down at her hand confused. Was she even in her own body? What was going on? Her hands looked like hers? Do people recognize their own hands? It felt like her body. But how could you tell?

It was too much for her. Her heart pounding in her ears and that campfire smell was all around her filling her lungs. Her breath became shallow as colored spots filled her vision.

And then everything went black.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

You get one true love in your life. One person, you are meant to be with. Olive had always believed that. Especially after meeting Eliott. He had a killer sense of humor and was always so calm. For a girl who always seemed to deal with anxiety and self-doubt the dirty blonde haired man who would rather be enjoying life than dealing with the drama was everything, Olive had wanted and needed in her life.

It wasn’t some epic romance, it was just… normal. From the first time he brought her out for burgers and to watch fireworks.

They ended up in the wrong location missing the entire show. But it didn’t matter, they were too busy talking about their lives. They had ended up staying on the side of that grassy hill just laughing and joking around until 2 am.

He fit so easily into her life Olive had a hard time remembering what it was like without him. She wasn’t as happy that was for sure.

And then one day he was gone.

Like a flash from the cameras, he would use.

As an action photographer, he was hired by both sports and hero agencies for promotional work. Olive had worried about him when he had gotten the job but with his quirk of being able to walk on walls, he normally could stay out of the way enough to keep himself safe.

Until a month ago when he wasn’t.

A month ago when he was dead.

And Olive’s life wasn’t the same.

A month after a loss is such a weird time. It’s like a limbo between everyone expecting her to be better and her inability to stop crying.

Olive still woke up reaching out for him in the middle of the night only to find an empty bed. Still felt like she could see him around every corner. Still waited for him to come through that door making some snarky joke about some idiot who walked into his shot.

His presence had left such a huge hole in her life and a bigger one in her heart.

That morning she woke up rubbing her swollen eyes looking at herself in the mirror. She was tired of this. Tired of being sad. Tired of missing him. Just tired. Selfishly she just wanted to skip this part of the morning process and go back to being happy again. After all, there was no way she could be sad forever... right? They say time heals all wounds. (Whoever they were.) But she wanted that healing now.

But no one could do that but her.

So sitting down she opened her laptop. Emails from her boss, editor, and an older client of hers littered her email. Scrolling through she tried to decide which one she wanted. She didn’t have the creative energy to talk to her editor and her boss could wait until Monday.

But maybe ghostwriting would help distract her? The client she used to work with had a new story and he was desperate. And in a way she was too.

So clicking the email she started to read what he had to say.

And then she was here.

In the parking lot of a burning mall in Japan.

The hospital she woke up in was sterile white reminding her of the inside of an apple store. Soft lights filled the room as her eyes fluttered open. She looked around slowly sitting up. Her head was pounding and part of her just wanted to lay back down. But she also wanted some water, her throat feeling ashy crying out for moisture. And maybe an answer to what the hell was going on?

Slowly Olive pulled herself into a sitting position, her body ached from tension but she didn’t really see any other major injuries. Looking around the room praying for a glass of water her eyes instead found a phone sitting on the table next to her. A text on top of the slue of notifications caught her attention.

Lilly Pond: Are you ok? Call me when you get up.

Her best friend. Oh thank god, someone she recognized. This meant she could rule out getting teleported to a different dimension off her list of what the fuck was going on.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she quickly unlocked the phone. Thank god for smart technology and face recognition. (She wouldn’t have known what to do without it). Looking down at the phone there was a brief moment where she forgot why she had opened her phone. Distracted by the image of three young children who she didn’t recognize looked back up at her from her phone background.

Dear god, please don’t tell her she had kids along with a strange wedding ring. Her heart couldn’t handle a full-on Overboard situation. She felt sick and desperate to hear a familiar voice. Something she recognized.

Clicking the name she fumbled for a bit until she figured out how to call.

“Olive?” Lilly’s voice was desperate, “Olive are you ok? Katsuki told me…”

“What? Who?” Olive cut her friend off confused by this Katsuski, “Lilly I don’t know where I am… I… I think I’m in Japan.”

There was a long pause on the other end. “Yeah Olive… you…” Another long pause, Olive could tell her bestie was trying to remain calm for her sake, “What do you remember?” In the background, Olive heard a little voice say something. But Lilly didn’t have kids… right?

“I… Eliott’s funeral, uhhh going back to work. I think it’s been maybe a month since he died?” who was she kidding, she knew it was 4 weeks and 3 days. But she didn't want to sound like she was counting.

“Olive, it’s been over 5 years since Eliott died.”

Olive felt like she was going to throw up. Wait... what?

“What?” she felt like there was a mound of sand in her throat. She wanted to gag at the feeling. Her heart raced so fast she couldn’t breathe. She was suffocating. “But, that’s not possible. Eliott.. I… Lilly why can’t I remember anything!?! Why the FUCK AM I IN JAPAN!?!”

“Olive you need to calm down...”

Olive wanted Eliott, she wanted his stormy gray-blue eyes and calm voice to tell her to just breathe. ‘If you're breathing you're alive, just keep breathing.’ was what he would always say when she was working herself up over something that probably didn't matter. She missed him, she wanted him.

“No” Olive sobbed covering her mouth, “I...”

“Is Kasusuki there? Olive? Nate? call Kasushk she’s freaking out..” Lilly’s voice called off the phone to her fiance, well it would be husband at this point. Wait was that little voice?

The blonde from earlier came rushing in cutting off her millions of thoughts. He was holding his phone to his ear but quickly hung up as he saw her. Those red eyes wide as he walked up to her. “Olive…” he said softly as he approached. At the sound of her name, she shrunk back shaking her head slightly.

“Lilly, I honestly don’t know what’s going on.”

“That’s your husband Olive.” Lilly’s voice said back, “You moved to Japan with him two and a half years ago.”

“I’m going to be sick.” she choked out. “This is a dream, I can't…”

“Oh Olive” Lilly’s voice sounded far away as Olive felt dizzy.

“No, no no.” the blonde said -what did Lilly call him? Suki?- gently prying the phone out of her hand, “Calm down, focus. Don’t pass out.”

“I don’t know what’s going on,” Olive told him, trying to make him understand. Trying to make herself understand.

“Yeah I can tell.” he said, “They don’t know why. They said you were fine.”

“They?”

“The Doctors.”

“Oh.” her voice trailed off for a moment as he picked up her phone Lilly still on the other end.

“I have her. She will call you back,” he said before hanging up. A flash of anger folded Olive. How dare he just hang up on her best friend.

“Uhhh excuse me! I was talking to her.”

“You can call her back, I need you to talk to me,” he said brushing away her comment. A flicker of a smile flashed over his face for a moment and Olive had no idea why. This wasn’t funny. Why would he be laughing?

“Who are you?” Olive said studying him unsure about the man next to her. She trusted Lilly when she said she was married to him but also… she didn’t trust him.

She didn’t know him.

“I’m your husband,” his voice softened as his gaze roamed over her as if looking for injuries. Probably not believing the doctors. “What is the last thing you remember?”

“I… Eliott.” her voice was soft and she didn’t miss the way he flinched at the name. “He… He’s dead.”

“Yeah” he said nodded gently brushing away a strand of her dark hair away from her face.

“And now I’m in Japan.” She was in shock, trying to make sense of it all.

“Yeah,” was his simple resonance.

“And I don’t know how,” she concluded unsure how to explain to this complete stranger that he was, in fact, a complete stranger to her.

He sighed looking down at her hands, his finger brushing over the large yellow diamond on her left hand. Olive looked down as well, it was much larger and impressive than her ring. But… it felt so wrong. Looking back up at him she felt like she was going to cry again.

“Are you going to cry?” he asked, it sounded like a statement. She shook her head already feeling hot tears welling up in her eyes.

“No”

He sighed, it sounded frustrated and made her heart pound with an anxiety she hadn’t felt in years. But he still hugged her, pulling her close enveloping her in that sweet warm scent she had smelled at the mall. However, this time in the calm of the hospital room it was confronting. Or as comforting as a stranger hugging you could be.

She felt his arms tightened around her as she let out a shaky sob. His grip was so strong as if he was scared she would run away.

But where would she go if she tried?

-GET TAGGED!-

Story Tag: @0hmydeku @inumorph @it-jinxed-us @myraticm

#my hero academia #bakugou katsuki x oc #bakugou x you #bakugou katsuki x reader #My hero academia fanfic #my hero academia oc #bakugou x oc #bakugou katsuki long fic #bakugou katsuki fluff #also smut later #because I'm that kind of gal

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daddychims · 5 years ago

Text

The Muse

Genre: Smut, PWP, Author AU

Pairings: Fuckboy!Tae X Author! Reader X Colleague! Jungkook

Other BTS members all make a cameo as well because I’m an OT7 Trash!

You find yourself in a dead end , contemplating if you should just quit your job as an author in a big publishing company when your boss demands you to add more “Edge” to your writing. But your best friend is quick to give you a hand out of your misery, suggesting he could be your “Muse” for the night to help you in desperate times.

Word Count : 30K

Warning:

Smut, Dom!tae , Fuckboy!tae , implied DDLG , Cum play , Throat fucking, Gagging , a bit of Breath play, Choking Kink, Thigh riding, rough sex, Unprotected sex, Spanking, daddy kink, alcohol use, swearing, PWP, Exhibitionism, Voyeurism, Pure filth basically! Read at your own risk!

Author’s Note: If you think this fic is familiar is because I posted this a long time ago. While I was polishing my masterlist I accidentally deleted all chapters. I was devastated but I figured I’d just edit it and repost it as a one shot. If you’ve already read this and enjoyed it please reblog and like! If you havent, well enjoy 30K of pure filth, you’re welcome!

Inspired by It Aint My Fault by Zara Larson

You knock the black file on the table, the sight of it makes your stomach turn at the memories associated with it. You spare a glance at the guy flipping his purple hair away from his face, totally ignoring the masses of people behind the bar waiting to be served with their cash in hand.

“You alright Babe?” He asks in pure concern and you nod settling on the chair that is too high for your height.

“Can I have something strong, anything will do!” you breathe out with an exhausted tone and he quickly turns around and reaches for one of the higher shelves, pushing a couple of bottles to grab the hidden bottle before coming back to where you’re sitting

“Is it that asshole again?” he asks as he grabs a big piece of ice and starts shaving it skilfully into an Iceball before placing it in a glass and filling it with some of the magical drink.

“This is why you shouldn’t get married, Jimin.” You say as you take a sip and wince at the stinging burn rushing down your throat while the guy standing in front of you waits patiently for more elaboration on your bizarre statement “Because then when your marriage is fucked up your employees will have to pay for it”

He laughs as he quickly fills the top of your glass with the bottle in his hand “Maybe you should just fuck him and relieve some of the stress his wife gives him.” he suggests and receives a glare from you as your indulge yourself back on the hard liquor

“Fuck who? me?” The deep voice echoes in your ear and you sigh, already annoyed at the guy who’s done nothing but is settling beside you.

“Jung is giving her a hard time,” Jimin explains to his friends before placing the bottle in front of you two and making his way to the rushes of people his colleague can barely take care of at the other side of the bar.

“So you wanna fuck him?” Taehyung asks as he leans in over the bar and grabs a glass for himself, a couple of weird looks being thrown his way, he can’t care less about. He practically owns the place so if anyone has any right to lean in and use and abuse the bar all he wants, he would be the rightful owner.

“He’s already fucking me up in that meeting room every single day,” you scoff gulping down the rest of the glass and he quickly fills it up for you “And I let him and his assistants take turn fucking me like their little corporate whore, like the idiot I am.” you scoff bitterly, the rageful words leaving your lips one after another

“Damn … you really are a writer. You just described a really good gangbang. Are you into writing porn these days? ” He muses receiving a scolding hiss from you “Easy!” he spits back holding his hands defensively.

You place your elbow on the table and rest your head on your palm as you mutter “He says my final draft doesn’t have enough edge to be published, He wants something that is enough for people to either drink or masturbate.” You roll your eyes as you repeat the man’s quote from your meeting earlier

“So he wants either a sex scene or a tragic death?” Taehyung clarifies as he shakes his head “Jesus, Seokjin Hyung wasn't joking when he said his marriage is fucking him up.”

“I fucking know,” you groan in agreement “He either really wants to bone his wife or he wants to kill her in her sleep,” you scoff “Either way I’m the one being mind fucked here.”

“Well …” Taehyung presses his back on the high chair as he calmly suggests “If he wants it so bad, just write one.”

You knock the glass on the table “As If I haven’t considered that Genius.” you snarl

“Well, I mean you’re a fucking writer. You’ve written more ridiculous things than a tragic death or two people banging. Can’t you just push one in?”

“The main character has already had a near-death experience she lived through, its gonna look super cringy if I push another tearjerker”

“Then make them fuck,” Taehyung shrugs “Can’t be that hard if your character is a modern-day thot.”

You gulp biting the corner of your lips at his statement “I don’t write erotica, Tae” you say through gritted teeth

“You’re making a big deal out of this. just think of the last time you got laid and put it into words-” he pauses midway through his sentence as the corner of his lips curves into a smirk “Ah Right!” he nods “I forgot it’s been too long since you put your genitals near any other human being.”

“Shut up!” you growl back at him like an angry wolf being nudged at the sensitive spot.

“This is why I tell you, you need to come out of your room instead of writing fanfictions all night long and just get fucking laid.” He nags like the mother in law you don’t have but have described multiple times in your pieces.

“I write for a living Mr Get fucking laid,” you reply with a sarcastic tone “I don’t live to fuck any living, breathing creature I can find like you.”

“Boring,” he snorts looking away as he eyes the group of hot girls in the not very far table that give him a look and all laugh together when he winks at them “We are mammals, we were designed to fuck and enjoy it.”

“The sole purpose is to reproduce and continue the human species. Which I think is the only last thing on your list when you bone a girl.” You mention turning on your seat to face him

"Well …” he nods in agreement “That’ll happen sometimes later, We’re still young, we can just fuck for the sake of pleasure and curve the system”

You sigh, realizing the argument you started with your best friend was as useless as the alcohol you tried to flood your system with. “Alright Casanova, why don’t you go and put your dick somewhere to curve the system and leave me alone?”

Taehyung’s eyes are fixed at the group of girls, his eyes squinting as if he is onto something. Considering how much of a fuckboy he is, you assume he is trying to imagine which position he can try with the poor girl who will be the prey of his one-night stand.

“Hey Nerdy,” his eyes glances back at you “I have an idea”

“Oh really?” you laugh asking in a mocking tone “So when did you develop the ability to think? That's quite a new one.”

“One day I’ll put your smart little mouth to some good use,” He uses the husky self-proclaimed “dom voice” he uses to seduce girls as he furrows his eyebrows.

“It’s a pass from me, I’m sure there are many others opting for that position,” you reply unfazed “Not sure if they’re as smart but you should settle you know!”

“Listen to me,” he ignores your statement completely, not very unexpectedly since the guy has a great selective listening for only hearing things that boost his ego “I have a bomb idea for your fanfictions.”

“I told you they are NOT fanfictions, Jesus!” you growl, your voice rising as the alcohol starts to get to your head and make you bolder and louder than your usual calm and collected office worker self.

“You write while looking at the images of rapper August Rush or whatever his name is, most of which are half naked selfie mirrors. Even five years old can tell your last novel’s male lead’s character was exactly based on him.” He says with an anger tinted voice as you watch him with tipsy and amazed eyes.

“Since when do you read, Tae? You’re surprising me too much tonight!” You ask batting your eyelids slowly at him “also it's August D you idiot, not August Rush.”

“Anyways …” He clears his throat as his face hardens “Since you don’t have intentions to get that pussy working in any other way than your vibrator, I have a better idea”

You bring your not very hopeful eyes to him, slight anticipation blooming in your heart “What?”

“Second-hand experience …” he suggests crossing his arms across his chest as if he is one great intellectual “You can watch me fuck and write it.”

You stare at him for a few seconds before bursting out and laughing, your eyes travelling to his messy silver hair as you ruffle the strands playfully “you need to change your dealer Tae, the new pills are messing with your head.”

“you already know I don’t do drugs anymore,” he hisses through gritted teeth “I’m not joking, since Jung wants erotica so bad, just write one for him.” He smirks, confidence radiating off his body and his cocky tone “I’m sure people would bust a nut over my sex scenes”

“You’ve lost your mind,” you shake your head as you turn around and reach for the bottle of whiskey in front of you “It must be pussy deprivation, please go and get laid. you're scaring me with your nonsense”

“No, No listen to me Y/N …” Taehyung grabs your shoulder and turns you to face him “You’re good at writing what you see, you remember that time you wrote that whole scene based off our summer camp in high school.”

“Tae, can you hear yourself?” You said in disbelief “You want me to watch you while you bone a random girl just so I can write a sex scene for my draft?”

“Exactly” He nods in an excited tone, “I think It’ll turn out a bomb ass sex scene.”

“You know what, I wanted to believe you’re still sober but this is dragging it. I’m leaving.” you stand up grabbing the black file in front of you as you pull your backpack on your shoulder only to be stopped by Taehyung’s firm hold around your wrist.

“If you think about …” He starts with a deep voice, deeper than usual as he mutters “Jung is looking for an excuse to push you to redundancy, I heard from Seokjin Hyung his company isn’t doing so well.”

You pause, biting your lips in rage as you knew deep inside what Taehyung was saying is not totally wrong. The company wasn’t doing so well for the past year, having published many unsuccessful books.

On top of that, his wife was on bad terms with him after he caused a scandal with one of the female interns. So he was finding excuses to redundant any female employees he could to kill two birds with one stone and redeem himself.

“I know …” you sigh looking back at the guy and slapping his hand away “But it still doesn’t make sense to intrude someone’s intimate moment just for the sake of my job.” you sigh ruffling your hair in frustration.

“I mean …” Taehyung pulls you to stand In front of him as he looks up at you “first of all that person is me,” he then smirks naughtily as he continues “And those intimate moments you’re talking about, we usually share them with a couple of other people down my balcony.”

“You disgusting bastard,” you wince, face scrunching with disgust at the guy’s explanation as you protest “I … I still can’t …”

“why?” He smirks as he stands up and leans closer “Are you scared you might wanna join?” he smirks as he messes your bangs "We can always negotiate a threesome if you want."

“Yeah sure, as if I haven’t seen you pee your pants before,” you roll your eyes “You’re the only human with a dick I wouldn’t wanna put my genital anywhere near.”

“That was in middle school okay?” he hisses, his face contouring in anger as he reminisces the memory that flashes through both of your minds “Also Don’t worry, you won’t be able to handle me anyways.”

He then releases your hand, quickly running his eyes around for a good target for the night as he mutters “come to my apartment, I’ll come home with the lady of the night,” he says as he manages to annoy you one last time by digging his hand in your hair and completely messing it before drifting away from you.

You sigh as you watch the guy walks through the masses of people before standing behind a girl who’s wearing a short dress, barely covering her nonexistent panties. He wraps his arms around the girl’s lower waist, dangerously close to her ass while whispering his dirty seductive words in her ear.

You turn around and wave for Jimin who flashes a warm smile and mouths “Take care,” with his usual bright energy as you make your way to the exit. The club is a frequent place for people like your age to get wasted at nights so you don’t have trouble catching an Uber to make your way home.

You fish for your earphones and place it in your ears, playing your favourite sad song, staring out the window as if you’re the main character of your favourite novel, weeping over a lost love.

You smile bitterly as you realize how lame your life is, everyone else around you either getting laid or getting their heart broken but you’re here, at the back seat of an Uber tearing up over the company that doesn’t appreciate your pieces because they’re not as “Edgy” as they want.

You flinch as the phone vibrates in your hand and you roll your eyes at the name on the screen “Yes?” you reply, tone dangerously low and raging

“Ooh cold …” the guy across the phone winces at your formality “The meeting must have had a toll on you.”

“Piss off, I’m too tired to deal with you Jeon,” you snap back, knowing the guy over the phone already knows the reason behind your rage “I’m hanging up!” you warn him but he’s quicker than you

“Hold up Hold up,” he replies and you can clearly hear his smirk through the phone “Don’t be a bitch Y/N.” He hesitates, the sound of lips smacking on his skin with the nasal moan of a girl you could clearly imagine based on his ideal type echoing in the device “Do you want a hand?”

“I think you need a hand, Jeon!” you scoff “I’m hanging up before your girl cums on her own.”

“No need to be jealous,” he laughs darkly as he shifts over the phone the sound of the girl’s lips rising even more and you bite your lips “You could be in her place if you want, you just have to ask nicely!” he suggests and you immediately scoff

“Thank you for the offer Jeon but I have a draft I need to submit tomorrow morning,” you reply through gritted teeth “9:00 am SHARP” you mimic the way Jung threatened you about your deadline earlier that day.

“You think you can pull it off on your own?” he asks and you can feel the teasing in his voice

“Isn’t it better for you if I don’t?” You ask with a sarcastic tone “You get off seeing me fail don’t you?”

“Mhm that’s your issue Y/N, you never believe me but …” he mutters in a lower voice “I’ll rather cum in your mouth ”

“You will,“ You bite your tongue “Probably in your next porn script, make it good, I’ll watch in my free time.” You say in a mocking tone

“Brats like you need to be taught a lesson instead of sitting behind a desk and write all day,” he says through gritted teeth and you smile at the taste of victory “call me if you change your mind, I have a good “edgy” scene sitting on my drafts, just like the ones Jung loves. I can prepare for tomorrow at 9 am SHARP!”

“Send it to him instead,” you reply sharply “It seems like his wife sucks just like your girlfriends!” you don’t hesitate to receive his response as you press the button on the cord extension of your earphone and press your head on the cold window.

Your eyes then perks open as you lean closer to the driver “Sorry, Can you take the next exit to left, I have to go somewhere else?”

The middle-aged man nods without any words and takes the next exit to your destination. You’re still contemplating your decision when the car pulls over in front of the apartment complex you frequently visit, you quickly press a few buttons and pay the driver with your phone, thanking him for putting up with your sudden change of mind.

You step out of the car and enter the complex , the old man who you barely know his name smiles at you and calls for you “Oh, you’re here again” You nod flashing a smile to him as you walk to where he’s sitting to show him your ID when he quickly says “You can go up, I know you’re with Young master.”

You mutter a quick thanks as you make your way to the elevator that leads you up to the penthouse at the very top of the building where Kim Taehyung lives.

He is the youngest son of the very well known Kim Group. You truly never knew what exactly his family were up to, but you knew that they “live comfortably” as Taehyung would love to describe.

But one thing you knew for sure, was that his definition of comfortable was owning an apartment complex in the heart of the city while yours was maintaining grocery budget to the end of the week after paying the bills.

He was a rebel, very much different from his older brother Seokjin who was also the heir of their family business. Since he barely had any hands in the family business, he used his privilege as a rich kid to party and hook up with girls, his ridiculously attractive face and body helping him in the whole process.

He bought the club a year ago, realizing his passion for partying might also be a venture to explore his business side. Which thanks to his prolonged history in being one of the “Gangnam Rich Kids” immediately received attention and customers from all over Seoul.

Your friendship with him, amazes you till this day, considering you were just a scholarship transfer to the private middle school he attended. You started off hating him since from the beginning he was the typical snobby, cocky rich boy who just wanted to dominate everyone around him including you. so you promised yourself to steer clear of him.

But your new school year resolution didn’t last long when the guy offered you to do his homework for a “couple of bucks” a week as he said. The money that was equal the total allowance you received from your parents for the whole year.

Your nerd ass decided God doesn’t knock the door with a stupid rich guy who can’t even do his homework, more than once. So you took the offer and became his personal homework slave for the rest of your school years.

Well, not much has changed since those years, Taehyung still trying to dominate, girls mostly these days considering he grew up to have a ridiculous amount of stamina.

And you … you hate to admit it but you’re still a slave for money, writing for Jung’s publishing company to pay your bills at the expense of your creativity. Because as Jung loves to remind you “Rainbow and unicorn” you love to write about doesn’t sell well.

Well except for one thing. you somehow managed to developed a surprisingly close friendship with Taehyung from school years into adulthood which made your decision to watch him while he hooks up with a girl sound even more absurd in your mind.

You sigh, stepping out of the lift as you make your way towards the door of his apartment, already imagining that cocky smirk on his face once he sees you.

Especially considering you already texted him right after you exited the club telling him you won’t be showing up at his place, not realizing a phone call from Jeon Fucking Jungkook would be enough to make you angry enough to change your mind.

You furrow your eyebrows as the door opens quickly after you press the bell button and a freshly showered girl, with the water glazing her skin and the bathrobe covering her body greets you.

“Hi hon, Come in!” she says with a smile as she opens the door and moves away so you can enter the apartment “We were waiting for you”

You stare at her with lost eyes when Taehyung’s voice echoes in the hallway.

“Y/N,” you turn around and your face heats up at the sight of Taehyung’s half-naked body, with the towel loosely hanging his lower body which had a fall hazard any second coming to your sight “I told you it’ll be a good idea, Come In,” he says pointing at his room before bringing his teasing gaze to the girl and she giggles in return.

The girl pats your shoulder and moves in excitement ahead of you, as your heavy footsteps take you to the last room in the hallways. You enter Taehyung’s master bedroom, quickly searching for his study desk which he probably does anything but studying on it, placing your backpack on the wooden surface

“A-Are you guys sure about this?” You ask, hesitation resonating in your tone, your eyes travelling between Taehyung who’s drinking from his can of beer and the girl who’s spraying herself with some expensive body mist.

“Yeah Hon,” The girl smiles as she drops herself on the abnormally huge king sized bed, batting her eyelids at you “So you’re gonna write your story based on us?”

“Yeah, I guess!” you reply with an awkward tone, the whole situation suddenly feeling too surreal. In a moment both of the people in the room will be naked, doing God knows what and you’ll have to watch.

“That’s so cool,” the girl says clapping her hands in excitement “Hon, Make me look pretty in your story okay?”

You stare at the girl, nodding your head in disbelief that the only concern the girl has about you watching him get dicked down is looking pretty. People are indeed strange, you wonder as you sit down on Taehyung’s comfortable wheely chair and open your tablet to set your tools up.

“Just so you know, you can both stop and tell me to leave the room at any point!” you firmly point out, eyeing both of them as if you were a referee explaining the rules of the game.

“I’m sure you’ll leave this room earlier than us, Hon.” the girl chirps in a jolly tone, laughing with Taehyung and you can’t help but grit your teeth at how much of a joke this situation is to both of them.

“I told you it won’t be a problem,” He says winking teasingly at you. He then walks to you placing his can of beer just beside your tablet “your muse is a bit of exhibitionist” he smirks as he turns around and attacks the girl on the bed like a hungry beast, devouring her mouth in a swift motion.

You’re still trying to set your instant sync function working on your word document, when the sound of their lips smacking together echoes in the silent room and your stomach drops as you peek at them through the corner of your eyes before immediately looking back at the screen in front of you.

Ironically the sound of their intense makeout session reminds you of the phone call you had earlier with Jungkook and you grit your teeth with determination, reminding yourself that the only reason you’re here is to not give Jeon Jungkook the satisfaction of your failure.

Your eyes slowly glaze on the pair in front of you, perfectly angled so that you get a pretty decent view of both of them, Taehyung covering the girl’s body with his huge built. Since they really don’t care, you might as well get the most of this experience and write a good erotic piece.

You place the tablet on your thighs, facing them with the turn of the chair, your fingers quickly dancing on the keyboard to describe the way your best friend digs his tongue in his one-night stand’s throat.

Do people actually like this? You wonder as you keep searching your brain for appropriate words other than the ones already popping up in your conscious while the other part of your brain scolds you to not judge your reader’s preferences.

You try to find enough decent words to describe the girl’s lips being bruised by Taehyung’s. Since she is sharing her most intimate moments with you, you might as well play along to her request and make this sound as pleasing as possible on her side.

They part their lips with a gasp from each other, you almost shout at the top of your lungs like a movie director to get back to work but then you remind yourself, you’re watching two people actually doing this for pleasure and they also need to breathe.

You quickly finish the description on each of their faces since their panting moments was probably the last few seconds it would look normal for the rest of the night as you hear their little conversation in the background.

“So,“ the sound of the girl’s lips rising even more and you bite your lips “safe word?” Taehyung asks in a deep voice, the girl giggling and squirming under him.

“Is it really necessary, Taehyung?” you flinch at how needy the girl’s voice sounds just after a quick make out, wondering what exactly is about your best friend that has girls losing their shit over him.

“Trust me, Once we get too deep in this, you might need it” he groans leaning closer and nibbling her ear and she moans

“Carousel,” she replies with a giggle and you furrow your eyebrows at her strange choice of safe word but again you gotta push through the night, reminding that the only person deserving to be judged is you for sitting in the middle of two adults having sex and try to use them for your creative purposes.

Taehyung pulls away and kneels on the bed, your eyes quickly travel to him to see what he’s up to. He grabs the hem of his towel, tearing it apart and immediately a small gasp find its way out of your lips at what his action uncovers, his dark orbs travelling to yours.

You assume the girl is as surprised as you about what’s standing proudly between Taehyung’s thighs because what echoes in the room while you gulp catching Taehyung’s eyes on yourself, is her breathy gasp.

“Mhmm …” he hums to the girl but his eyes are still on your dilated pupils “You like what you see?”

You get a grip on yourself quickly bringing your eyes to the screen, your fingers which stopped drumming on the keyboard quickly getting back to pace around as you hear a small groan from the guy.

You bring your trembling gaze back to the scene and realize his groan is only because his ginormous dick is being pampered by the girl with slow strokes and small kitten licks along the shaft.

"Foreplay", you quickly think before pressing enter and quickly typing the girl’s skilled actions, his dick now growing into more of a hard-on and starting to lay flat against the girl’s welcoming lips.

She parts her lips and devours him into her lips in a quick motion and you wet your lips as your eyes travel between her little show and Taehyung’s head which falls back with a loud husky moan falling off his lips.

“Fuck …” he groans as his hand quickly reaches for the strands of blonde hair, holding firmly onto her head as he thrust his hip forward “That feels good.” he compliments with a groan of pleasure and the girl starts to bob her head.

You quickly write his words just like the way they leave his lips, wishing you could record his voice and use them later, OF COURSE FOR WRITING PURPOSES, you remind yourself while the muscles of your inner thigh clench painfully closer together reminding you that you also are a human with needs.

Maybe this is why people loved sex scenes in a book, sex in writing although was portrayed through the dry black and white fonts plastered on a piece of paper, it gave them enough freedom to manipulate and grow it in their own horizons of imagination when they were in need, just like you were now.

You lick your lips in anticipation as you try to describe the way your friend fucks the girl’s mouth in the most pleasing way, tinted by slight hazy bits and bobs so you give your readers the perfect amount of imagination to grow.

Your breath cages in your lung when Taehyung snaps his hip forward against the girl’s lips, keeping it firmly against her throat as the slight sound of her gagging echoes in the room and your heart beats in concern. You quickly look for the girl’s expression in worry before her eyes curves into a tiny smile as they sew themselves to Taehyung

"You like that slut?” He asks biting his lips as a smirk plasters on his face watching her faint smile “You like it when I gag you on my big fat cock huh?” He pulls away, moving the girl’s head away from his hip just reaching his tip before snapping his dick back into her mouth, this time tears with a mixture of the girl’s mascara running down her cheek

“You messy little slut, you like it when Daddy fucks your throat huh?”

You quickly try to write the words down on the screen before bringing your gaze back to the girl, for some reason expecting her to look unhappy with her gag reflex constantly being stimulated

But instead the scene you witness has another muffled gasp leaving your lips, the girl nodding persistently as one of her hands are dipped between her legs indicating she’s touching herself.

“You dirty little slut,” Taehyung groans as he keeps her there for a few more seconds, watching her touch herself “You wanna cum while sucking Daddy’s cock?”

The girl nods again, more tears leaving her eyes as she continues to move her fingers on her clit In speedy circular motions.

“I wanna see you try dirty slut,” Taehyung smirks and your breath hitches as his eyes momentarily glances over you as he mutters “Try and cum slut … cum while Daddy fucks your nice tight throat, ruining your mouth and your makeup.”

Your breath hitches in your throat as he orders the filthy words, looking directly into your eyes. Your brain screams at you to write his dirty talk down, since you would never, in thousand years come up with such filthy words on your own.

But your widened eyes are fixed on his until he spares you and looks down at the girl as he starts fucking the girl’s throat, who’s rubbing her clit in an insane speed searching for her release.

But her hopes shatter, as much as yours when Taehyung’s hip stutters and he bursts with a couple more thrusts, his head falling back and his loud moans echoing in the room as he cums in the girl’s mouth.

The girl swallows every drop attentively like she’s been dehydrated in Sahara desert for a few days and the only way for her to survive is to swallow Taehyung’s cum.

You make a mental note, not to describe the scene in the way you just thought of as probably not many people will find your strange example sexy and arousing but rather hilarious. Taehyung’s head snaps back up and the first thing he does has you struggle with your breathing pattern again.

He glances over at you again, biting his lips with his orgasmic and fucked out face as you rub your thighs together unconsciously. You avoid eye contact, quickly bringing your attention back to the screen to make sure you haven’t actually written how suddenly thirsty you are for your best friend by accident.

“Naughty little slut,” You hear his dark voice but continue to finish your sentence when the sound of his hand coming into a slap on the girl’s body has you jolting up on your seat and your attention is quickly back on him “No touching now.”

You watch as he grabs the girl by her hair, pulling her up on her knees to face him, the girl’s lips parting to pant for air as the droplets of cum are dripping on the corner of her lips.

“Daddy, Please …” she begs to stare at him with seductive eyes but Taehyung is not having any of it.

“I said you can only cum before I cum,” He says as he grabs both her wrist and pins them in one of his own big hands above her head before bringing his other palm into another sharp smack against her ass cheek “You know dirty girls get punished. You wanna be punished, little whore?”

“Yes,” the girl nods “Punish me, Daddy,” she licks her lips in anticipation “Punish me like the little slut I am.”

You furrow your eyebrows at girl’s request , quickly typing the words leaving her lips with the description of how fucked out and needy she looks like with her hand above her head, her towel lying on the bed away from where It should be on her body with some juicy description about the red marks of Taehyung’s hand on her bottom.

“Yeah?” his eyes perks at the girl’s words “You want Daddy to teach you a lesson?”

“Yessss -Aaahhh …” she gasps as another smack comes into contact with the flesh of her ass and you have to bite your lips harshly to stop the breathy sound leaving your lips.

He is ruthless with his “punishment”, you start to judge his scene as your eyes dance on the harsh red flesh of the girl’s bottom. But she looks somehow content and aroused as if she wants even more of the harsh treatment more.

“Is this why you’ve been a bad girl?” Taehyung asks in a husky tone and the girl moans in response nodding her head

“Yes, Daddy … I’ve been bad … I’ve been really really bad …” she purrs in response, igniting a fire in Taehyung’s eyes as his hand comes into another whiplash against her bottom.

You flinch as a drop of arousal slowly trickles between your legs, your fingers immediately stopping their actions on the keyboard as you watch Taehyung “punish” the girl as she asks for, while the girl’s loud, wanton moans ring in your ear.

You were never the type to be aroused to such type of scenes, your taste rather being “vanilla” as Taehyung would love to usually tease you about. You weren’t particularly pressed about your taste, preferring your sex rather sensual and romantic than wild and kinky. Even the porn you’re watched reflected your taste, with your most recent search including things like “romantic couple” and “porn with a romantic plot”.

You believed your life had too much of angst in the office you had to spend your day at, typing words after words describing a fantasy that had people clench their fists in anger or blink their tears away while reading that you preferred to keep it all chill and relaxing back at home.

But yet again, you’re here, watching your best friend executing his kinky actions on his one night stand and you can’t totally deny that your body is somehow enjoying the scene.

shifting up on the seat, you press your thighs together, the ticklish arousal between your legs distracting you too much from your writing but you immediately regret your decision when Taehyung brings his lust hooded eyes to you as the chair under your screeches due to your weight shift.

You gulp like a kid being caught shattering the fish tank in the living room, the unreadable expression on Taehyung’s face not helping your nerves either.

You’re still contemplating if your best friend can sense the damp spot on your panties that you are desperately trying to ignore when his next action has you drip even more from your core. He keeps his eyes fixed on you while he strokes the red flesh of the girl’s ass cheek, reaching for her clit with the other hand and pinching her bundle of nerves.

“Aaaahhh …” she whines, shuddering at the harsh touch

“You’re so fucking dripping for Daddy” he gasps as he touches her arousal and makes a mess of her cleanly shaved pussy with the juices he acquires from her “All wet and ready for Daddy’s cock huh?”

You stare into his eyes, your eyes glancing back and forth between his face and his hand on the girl’s private part, blush to creep into your cheeks as the juices smearing all around her inner thigh somehow resembles the mess between your own legs. You let out a gasp of relief as Taehyung finally tears his gaze from you and looks back at the girl

“I’m sure if you sit on Daddy’s cock, you’d just slide right down” he suggests as he fastens his finger on the girl’s core

“Yessss Daddy … I’d take you well … I’d take all of your cock…” she promises with a needy tone and Taehyung nods before shifting back from her, the girl whining as his hand leaves her core.

You quickly finish the girl’s part, your goal at this point being to just write down their dirty conversations and memorise the rest of the session in your mind to elaborate on later. You didn’t wanna admit but your own pussy was already too aroused for you to think straight and write a decent scene with enough details.

Taehyung sits down at the head of his bed, his back resting on the bedpost while his long muscular legs part to unravel his proudly standing cock even more. He strokes his shaft which you can swear has grown larger since he first took the towel off while looking at the girl standing right in your line of sight.

“Come ride Daddy then” he orders staring at the girl with unimpressed eyes

The girl moans in excitement quickly shifting closer to his lap, straddling his big thick thighs while holding onto his shoulder. You bit your lips realizing the girl’s back is now facing you and a sigh of disappointment leaves your lips knowing you would have to improvise the girl side of the scene on your own.

You secretly hate Taehyung for choosing that position instead of choosing a more conventional one like missionary or doggy so that you get a better view of both of them. But then again you realize you’re writing a sex scene, which you’ve never done and could have never pulled off without his help so you better stop being an ungrateful bitch and take advantage of the situation.

You glance up from the screen as you hear a wanton sound leaving the girl’s lips, watching in anticipation of the event as she slides down on Taehyung’s cock painfully slow. You take a moment and just blink your eyes at how his thick girth parts her pussy lips apart, admiring her for her flexibility down in her kitty.

Before you know, you find your mind drifting as you imagine how would it be if that was your pussy and imagine your tight walls that haven’t experienced much would probably rip apart with the first few inches at the tip, considering he’s the thickest up there.

You quickly shake the thought off and your fingers fasten their pace on the keyboard as if the keys under your fingertip are being punished for your dirty mind.

“Fuck” you hear the girl sighs in a weak tone and you look up “Daddy … It’s so big …” you gulp and silently agree with the girl as you quickly write what she says along with a couple of sentences explaining the reason behind her statement being your best friend’s abnormally huge dick.

You furrow your eyebrows when you patiently wait for Taehyung’s response but nothing comes out and you find yourself looking up at him with almost annoyed eyes. Your eyes tremble as you see his eyes fixed on you, a cocky smirk plastered on the corner of his lips as you raise an eyebrow as if you wanna convey to him your frustration over his silence.

“Mhmm …” he hums , his gaze still fixed on you “I thought you said you can take me” he growls with an arrogant tone “Come on” the girl shrieks as a sharp slap comes in contact with her ass “Take it like the good slut you are” he says all the dirty words looking past the girl’s body which was directly in your line of sight, into your eyes.

“Fuck Daddy …” the girl digs her nails on his shoulder as she pushes herself lower “AAAHH … I can’t”

“You can’t, can you?” He asks with a teasing tone as he grabs her ass and holds her right there, filled to the brim as the girl whines "Its okay, you’re not the first one that failed to take me.“

You roll your eyes at Taehyung’s proud statement, hating that the girl’s inability to take him to boost his ego immediately. This is why he is the cocky bastard he is, you think as your quickly type his remark at how proud he is about his size.

"Cheeky whore” he slaps her ass again receiving a soft whimper from the girl “Thinking you can take Daddy just because you fucked some dick” he scolds and you tilt your head in confusion as you hear his tone changing to more of a dark and angry one “Move” he orders as his fingers dig into her ass flesh and moves her on his dick “Ride Daddy like a good girl”

The girl quickly complies and the room soon fills with the sound of her loud cries of pleasure, the sound of skin slapping with the mixture of the girl’s wanton cries being your background music as you continue to describe the intercourse with your limited knowledge of what you’re watching.

“Aaahh … Daddy … your cock feels so good …” The girl whines fastening her pace, riding Taehyun’s cock as if she’s riding some kind of racehorse “I wanna cum all over your cock, Daddy, I wanna cum …”

“Yeah? You wanna cum little slut?” He asks as his hands reach for her throat and grasp her windpipe tightly “Then beg like the little whore you are, beg for Daddy”

“Please … ” the girl pants as little air reaches her lungs but her moans only intensify in sound “Please let me cum Daddy”

“You think you deserve it? You think you deserve to cum on Daddy’s cock?” Taehyung asks as you watch his other arm moving down between the girl’s leg which is not totally clear to your eyes. The girl’s head falls back and you realize where his hands are working, her sensitive clit, you assume, pushing the girl closer to the edge.

“Yessss … Yes, Daddy … let me cum … I wanna cum while you fill me up” the girl voices out the words in a rushed tone, tears tinted by her mascara flowing down her eyes again

“You want Daddy’s cum in your tight cunt huh?” Taehyung smirks, his eyes suddenly dancing on you while he says “You want Daddy to fill your messy cunt with his cum huh??”

You gulp, feeling your own walls clench around nothing, your carnal desires and possibly your deprived vagina screaming at you for the same attention the girl is receiving between her legs like a jealous ex-girlfriend. You dig your teeth into your bottom lips, tasting the blood having you hope that the pain might help distract you from your whiny pussy down there.

“Yes Daddy …” the girl finally musters up a sound “Fill me up with your cum”

Taehyung thrusts his hip up, helping the girl to reach attain her wish as he’s nearing his own release while his hand continuously works on her clit. Your finger has completely stopped working, the only thing you can do is watch the mess between their legs as they both work towards their big moment.

“Fuck …” Taehyung’s lustful groan echoes in your ear and you look up “I’m gonna cum …” he says his eyes glancing over your before closing for a few seconds as he stills the girl’s hip and ruts himself into her ruined cunt.

He grits his teeth, his eyes still fixed on you when he suddenly frowns and a deep groan leaves his lips as his head falls back but his hip still works hard deep inside the girl’s walls.

“Aaaahh … Daddy …” The girl shudders, her body shaking violently on him and you can safely assume she’s experiencing some great moments of pleasure by the way her mounds bounce in the air with every shake of her body.

Taehyung’s hip stutters and you know he’s reached his climax when the transparent droplets of his cum come rushing down where his cock is thrusting deep inside the girl’s pussy.

Their sloppy moans and groans are your last few sentences, describing the magical moment of sparkling stars and breathtaking orgasm your readers probably love to read.

You’re slightly bummed out you have to sit there watching your best friend have a blast while you just get to watch and write it in the best possible way for other people, your poor muscles clenching around nothing but air. Become an author they said, its very fun they said.

“Ughh …” Taehyung’s deep groan has you looking up at the guy who’s now coming down from his high, blinking your eyes nervously as you make eye contact with each other and his eyebrows furrow closer into a deep frown.

You quickly press the save button on the top of the screen, knowing better not to trust the sync function as you quickly stand up and grab your bag “I’m gonna leave you guys alone now” you quickly whisper , trying your best not to ruin the intimate moment they probably would have preferred you not to disturb “Thanks Guys , I’ll buy you dinner some time” you quickly suggest as you make your way to the door and rush out of his apartment.

You sigh in relief as your Uber finally arrives in front of the apartment complex and you settle in the car. It’s only then that you realise so much tension and stress in leaving Taehyung’s apartment had you forget the wet spot in your panties that are sticking right to your slit.

You sigh as you make a promise to your neglected kitty that you’ll treat her to a nice, exciting high induced by the new rabbit vibrator you ordered last week from Amazon on sale once it arrives.

You open your tablet and glance over the quick messy document you wrote in an hour, already starting to see how you can elaborate or change details so its appealing enough to Jung’s taste.

You nervously click your heels on the floor as you pull your phone out of your pocket, glancing over the secretary who is doing her paperwork before pressing your iMessage app and press on the first name.

You furrow your eyebrows noticing the seen icon with time indicating two hours earlier flashing underneath the message you sent to Taehyung earlier in the morning.

After working on the draft you pulled off at Tae’s house, you ended up spending the rest of the night polishing and using your short term memory to recall the parts you missed as it was happening.

Once you were happy with the draft it was already 5 in the morning, meaning you could have exactly two hours of sleep before getting to the meeting you had with Jung. Which also meant you would have to use makeup and heaps of concealer to give the world the illusion you have had a good night sleep.

“Y/N … You can go in” the secretary who knew you very well notifies you and you quickly push your phone back into your pocket and enter Jung’s room.

He is sitting behind his desk as always, glancing over his iMac screen with his attentive eyes. You can’t lie, you sometimes find yourself intimidated by his gaze since his job is being a critic, imagining he judges everything about you even and it’s not just your writing.

“Sit down,” he says and you take a seat on the couch across his desk, glancing nervously at the glass plate reading “CEO Jung Hoseok” which runs a shiver down your spine.

You are nervous, considering the meeting you are in, could determine if you should go home and buy the new Gucci handbag you wanted to buy for a month or you should start looking for a new job; Your desperate wish being that the first possibility is the one winning.

You gulp as he finally departs his gaze from the screen and he walks around his desk to the single sofa set at the tail of the two couches

“Sorry I had you waiting, I was still looking at the draft you sent me this morning”

You nod flashing a fake smile “That’s alright Sir” you reply softly, hoping your manners would be any help on his decision

“You know why I like you Y/N?” He asks and it takes you a few seconds to really digest his words. Jung? Likes me? The fuck is he on about!

“I’m not sure Sir” you reply deciding the stupid silence is not gonna help you get anywhere.

“Its because I can see the determination in you …” he says as his eyes settle at your lost expression “I’ve seen many writers come and go in my company, but none of them has what you have. You know why you write, and you’re not afraid to push your limits.”

You stare at the guy with confused eyes, in all of the worst-case scenarios you tried to come up in your creative mind, none ended up as you being praised by Jung Hoseok, the single most difficult writing critic of this company who almost never had anything good to say.

Oh, the realization hit you, your face falls as you realize what the guy is doing. He wants to parts ways in good terms so he’s trying to fool you with nice words.

“Thanks, Sir … but you don’t really have to do this. I already cleaned up my desk, I can hand in my resignation by tomorrow” you say, your voice trembling despite having rehearsed the words a couple of hundred times already

“Wait what …” Jung looks at you with furrowed eyebrows, his expression hardening “Where are you going? Did you get any offers?” He raises an eyebrow suspiciously

“Well no … but I’ll be onto it as soon as you issue my resignation … “ you sigh finding the guy caring for you slightly hypocritical since he was practically firing you “Anyways, it’s not something that concerns you …”

“Y/N” he calls with his stern tone “What the fuck are you talking about?” He raises his voice, using the f word he almost never uses even in his most furious moments “You still have a contract with us and I’m not accepting any resignation until I know the reason”

“Sir …” you sigh as your blood boils at his statement “I know you wanna redundant me, So I’ll just play along and hand in my resignation. I think I at least deserve the redundancy claim, don’t I? How am I supposed to survive until I find another job …” you pant as the lump in your throat doesn’t allow you to finish your sentence without your voice trembling

“Wait a second …” he shakes his head in confusion “Who said I’m gonna redundant you?”

You stare at him with dazed eyes, tears pooling in your eyes as you whisper “You’re not?”

“God …” he whispers as he watches the tears run down your cheek and quickly reaches for the tissues on the coffee table In front of you “I mean I knew you have a creative mind but Christ, your imagination went wild didn’t it?”

You grab a couple of tissues in a rushed manner and wipe your tears as you hear him explain

“I was about to tell you, send the draft to the editing team and get it edited before we send it to the printing department.”

You bring your teary eyes to him, the lack of sleep and the tears not allowing you to see him clearly ”W-What …”

“What I told you yesterday was a way for me to test you “ He explains as he quickly stands up and walks to the mini fridge across his office to grab a bottle of water “I want you to step out of your usual writing style and experiment a bit. Your pieces are already doing fine but since you’ve come so far, why not try the mainstream writing a bit!”

He opens the bottle and places it in front of you “When I read your draft this morning I felt happy about my job after so many years. This is why I do what I do, I need to critique your work so you can push further out of your comfort zone and try new things” he hesitates as you grab the water and gulp it down to calm your nerves as he continues “And as far as I’m concerned you did beyond my expectation”

You choke on the water in your throat at his words before looking at him in disbelief “Sir …”

“Yes?” He replies firmly

“Is this a dream?” You ask with a disappointed tone and he smiles shaking his head watching your burst into tears again

“ go home and sleep for a bit first, you look awful.” he says and you wince at his unkind words “Then send your draft and prepare for a meeting with the printing team”

You nod your head, still In daze as the guy explains what you need to do next before patting your shoulder

“Now quickly leave my office before someone comes in and thinks I made you cry. I have enough rumours roaming around. ” He laughs standing up and walking back to his desk

You quickly mimic what he did and jump to your feet bowing deeply for him “Thank you, sir, I’ll work harder.” you say in a determined tone

“Alright, Go get some rest.” he nods and you quickly turn on your heels and march your way out of his office.

Your heart is beating fast as the whole news is suddenly settling in your body. You’ve finally received the green light on publishing the book you worked on over the past 6 months and not only that, you were finally acknowledged by the grumpy and harsh critic, Jung Hoseok.

You quickly reach for your phone in your pocket, your eyes scanning over the screen you forgot to press out of, the seen icon under your message still flashing to your eyes like it was before the meeting with Jung.

But you’re too excited to care as you quickly press on Tae’s name and press the green button and press the device on your ear. You sigh as he doesn’t answer you, expecting it as Taehyung almost never replies your calls on time, either he is too drunk, too sleepy or too busy hooking up to do so.

“Y/N …” You turn around and see Jungkook walk towards you with his smug smirk plastered on his devilishly handsome face as soon as you get off the lift on the first floor “heard the news … must be a party In your pants huh?”

He stops right in front of you and you swear you would have punched that smirk off his face if you were gonna resign from this company anytime soon. But for now, you’re too happy and content with your job to let him win over your nerves

“Well, it can’t be that its always in yours can it? That’d be too ...” you scoff as you smile victoriously “sexist!” Jungkook’s dark eyes settle on you in amusement, his silence creeping a tension between the two of you that you soon brush off "Now excuse me, I need to go home and prepare for my meeting with the printing team" you wink at him mischievously before turning on your heels

“That scene, it’s not yours, is it?” Jungkook’s voice reaches your ear and you turn around

“What are you talking about?” you raise an eyebrow

“You’re telling me you pulled off your first sex scene, mind you a good one, in one night while you’re spending all your life in that office doing anything …” he hesitates before a mocking smirks fly through his lips “but get laid”

“Why? Does it hurt your ego?” You ask tilting your head to the side “Don’t worry, this is gonna be my last sex scene for life. The porn scripts are all yours. You know I don’t usually do dirty work.” you say in a sarcastic tone

“That’s not any of my concern …” he says , his expression hardening while his smirk is still persistently adorning his lips “Jung sent the draft to me to have a look before he gives you the green light,” You grit your teeth knowing, in the end, you needed his acknowledgement even when clearly Jung liked you work “what you wrote, mind you if it’s yours, cannot be from watching porn or a reference text.”

You gulp, nervously reminding yourself that what Jungkook is saying is totally right but he still necessary doesn’t have to know your strange, unconventional ways of writing a crazy sex scene.

“I take it as a compliment Jeon,” you flash a sweet smile “If you wanted some of my reference texts, hit me up. I’m more than happy to share. We’re colleagues after all.” you bluff, knowing very well you wouldn’t be able to actually share Taehyung’s intimate moment with anyone but you also know that Jungkook is too much of a proud head to actually ask for it

“I’d rather be your reference next time … ” he chirps as his smirk deepens “Specially now that I know I’m exactly the type you like your references to be” he hesitates before your face that turns pink in shade as he looks around to make sure no one is around “Rough and Kinky.” It is his turn now to wink your way before he walks past you to the lift that leads him upstairs.

Your hand falls on your side as you sigh, It wasn’t the first time Jungkook acted this way. You always shrugged it off thinking he just has some kind of insane fantasy of boning someone in the office and probably the nearest target would be you considering you both live half of your life in there, writing your way through the day and night.

But his last couple of words rings in your mind, catching you off guard as you start to wonder if what he said is right. Obviously, the piece you’ve written was not based on your personal experience, But you couldn’t deny the persisting tingle between your legs since the night before. You quickly shake your head, putting it on the sexual frustration you’ve been delaying to address for a month now as you make your way outside the office.

You place your bag on the bar table, the specific high seat you always occupy that catches Jimin’s attention as always. He smiles at you over the till as he politely serves the young girl who’s handing him the dollars for her drinks.

He quickly passes the changes with a customer service smile that makes his eyes almost disappear as he makes his way to you.

“Hey Babe …” he chirps as he grabs a tequila shot adorned by sugar and a piece of lemon as he fills it with an opened bottle he already has idly rested against him “Good to see you finally in good mood.”

“First of all, I had some proper sleep in a while …” you say as you lean in to show him your nonexistent dark circles “I didn’t even use the Tarte concealers after months, can you believe that Park Jimin?”

“You look great babe. Is it your ovulation?” He teases wiggling his eyebrows playfully

“No I’m not ready to get pregnant, ” you roll your eyes before licking your lips in excitement “But I’m ready to publish my next book”

“SHUT THE FRONT DOOR!” he screams at the top of his lungs, a couple of people around throwing their confused and questioning looks at you as you rush him to be quiet

“Hey Hey … We’re in a public place Park Jimin. Keep your loud ass for someone else,” you scold him with a smile that unconsciously finds its ways at your friend’s happiness

“God,” he gasps “You’re finally publishing it Oh My God!” he says in disbelief

“I know … I almost thought It’ll never happen,” you pout with a smile before leaning “You’re the first person that knows!” you say with a jolly tone

“he’s the first person to know what?”

You body tenses at the signature deep voice of your best friend, quickly turning around and watching the guy who’s ignored your message and calls all day.

“If you were interested enough you should have answered my calls,” you snap back at him, feeling annoyed that despite ignoring you the whole day he’s standing there, all cocky and haughty as if he’s done nothing wrong

“I was busy,” He shrugs off walking closer to your seat and sits beside you “so are you gonna tell me or should I ask Jimin?” he points out at the guy who’s smiling and keeping his silence over your quarrel like always

“They decided to publish my book,” You say crossing your arm across your chest and watch his expression soften into a smile

“For real?” He asks leaning closer to you

“Yes and if you answered your calls instead of spending the whole day get laid, You might have been the first one to hear the news.” you hiss back at him in anger, not knowing why you’re so pressed about the fact that he’s ignored you considering he almost never answers his phone anyways

“That’s … Great, ” he says as his soft smile dances on his lips and you look at him in surprise, not seeing the cocky expression or his usual teasing comebacks when almost immediately his expression turns all around into his fuckboy self “And that’s thanks to who?”

“Well, ” you clear your throat as the memories from the night before rush all your blood to your cheek “I was gonna thank you for your contribution if you weren’t a dick and didn’t miss my calls.”

Taehyung studies you having a hard time making eye contact with him when your voice is called out by a stranger’s voice

“Y/N,”

your head snaps back at the source of the voice and you internally sigh at the sight of your colleague who forced you into buying him drink because as he said “You owe him” for winning Jung’s heart

“Seriously, did you have to come all the way here for just drinks?”

“Well, you could have just … not come I guess, Jeon” you roll your eyes at his whining, missing Taehyung’s careful gaze which examines the guy walking to you

“Who’s this?” He asks, only then you look at your best friend and realize his hardened expression

“Jeon Jungkook, a colleague from work” you quickly reply him

Jungkook raise his hand into a small wave before bringing his attention back to you "Are we staying here?”

“Of course,” You furrow your eyebrows, before realizing his eyes which stops at Taehyung who’s occupied the only seat beside you “Oh, he’s leaving.” you say patting Taehyung’s shoulder, so he knows to empty the seat for Jungkook.

But he just sits there, his gaze dancing on the guy who’s standing with his arms across his chest waiting for him “Taehyung” you call and finally he tears his gaze from him and back to you

“What?” He growls in an angry tone

“Get off the seat,” You hiss, urging him to do as you say by pushing against his big arms and he finally picks his weight off and makes the seat empty for Jungkook

“Thanks, I guess.” Jungkook finally occupies the seat before grabbing a menu and looking through the drinks

You glare at Taehyung who’s still standing there, watching Jungkook with furrowed eyebrows, sighing in relief as he finally leaves the two of you alone.

“Boyfriend?” Jungkook asks raising an eyebrow as he points at Taehyung who’s now sitting idly with a couple of his rich friends

“Friend, an old friend who also owns this place.” you shrug it off as you grab the menu of his hand “He doesn’t charge me so we can drink all we want” you bring your gaze up to Jungkook as you hear him snort

“You really brought me all the way here for free drinks?” he says in disbelief

“Why not?” You shrug your shoulders “Who knows if the book does well or not, I need to save up just in case the royalties are not enough for a living.” you say as you wave your hand for Jimin

“Woah …” he shakes his head in disbelief “You’re a different species Y/N” he groans “A very cheap and stingy one.”

“Hey Hey, you asked for a drink, I’m getting you some. Stop being a dick.” you scold him as finally, Jimin makes his way to you

“Mhmm Who’s this new face I see here?” He teases you eyeing Jungkook who drums his finger on the bar table in front of him

“Jeon Jungkook” you quickly reply and Jimin’s lips form an O shape indicating he knows immediately who he is

“So what would you like me to serve you Jeon Jungkook?” Jimin asks with a flirty smile he usually offers the customers he wants to impress

“What about ... ” he hesitates as he scans through the menu “Some Johnnie”

“Oh, Thank Jesus I brought you here. You would have maxed my credit card at this rate.” you whine as you quickly face Jimin “Just the usual Jiminie. ” you sing song with a smile and thank him as he walks away to prepare your drinks

“Why? You were worried I make you pay for my drink?” He smirks as he turned on his seat to face you

“Isn’t that what you were trying to do?” You scoff in response “obviously I was smarter enough to not fall for your trap.”

“Y/N, ” he sighs as he leans closer to you, as you watch him travel the distance between your bodies “I’m gentleman enough to not allow the girl to pay,” he tilts his head to the side as his smirks deepen “Also you’ll fall for my trap someday, dont worry.” he mutters the words with a haughty tone

You gulp at his suggestive words, despite it not being the first time he openly flirts with you, finding it weird with the context of now being in a club rather than the safe four walls of your office.

"Well you don’t need to impress me Mr Gentleman,” you quickly reply shaking off the momentary tension that arises between you and Jungkook quickly pulls away and Jimin places your drinks in front of you

“Keep your money for the next girl you wanna get into her pants,” you say teasingly as you look around and grab your shot of tequila, immediately gulping it down in one go.

The fluid still rushing down your throat when your eyes double take at the scene. There he is, Taehyung sitting back on the soft and comfortable sofa, the girl draping over his body kissing her way up his neck as he drinks from his glass of alcohol you recognise as a glass of Henney.

That’s his favourite drink, you think as the scene along with the alcohol flooding your blood starts to flash back to a not very foreign memory of the girl riding his thigh in the same position.

You lick your lips as you quickly try to tear your gaze away from him so you don’t fall to the black hole you were trying to avoid all day, reminiscing every moment of your best friend fucking the shit out of that girl.

But then your eyes stop at his dark orbs, which are directly staring back at you. Your mind quickly flashbacks to those suggestive glances he gave your during his erotic action that had your pussy dripping like your whole body needed some release right there and then.

This time, however, his eyes glaze with a tint of something else, something you couldn’t properly read. His thick silver dyed eyebrows knitted into a frown as he parts his lips, perhaps due to the girl’s sinful action on his neck and it takes you all the willpower in your whole body to finally snap your gaze back at Jungkook.

“I gotta go to the loo!” you whisper as you quickly get on your two feet

“I’m gonna order more drinks, the same one for you?” He asks pointing at your shot and you nod, mouthing a quick thanks before making your way to the bathroom, you would be able to find your way to even if you were blind because of how often you have gotten drunk at this place.

You carefully make your way down the small hallway to the bathroom which is hidden at the back of the bar, almost reaching the women’s section when a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back, pushing you to the nearest wall.

You gasp in the sudden coldness of the stone wall greeting your back, feeling the person’s weight pushing you to the wall and allowing you small to no room to move.

Your head snaps back up at the figure of the guy, with the silver strands of hair covering his forehead messily, The mixture of alcohol and his expensive cologne that usually persisted on your pillows when he came over to sleep at your place for the night hitting your skin.

“Kim Tae … ” you call softly, looking at the guy’s expression contouring in anger “What’s wrong?” you ask dumbfounded

“Am I joke to you?” he asks through a clenched jaw, his eyes burning in dark rage “Huh?” He’s panting, his eyes travelling between your two dilated pupils as he demands an answer. You just look back at him, in pure shock as you witness the side of him, you’ve barely seen before.

Taehyung sighs for the nth time that morning watching the director presenting his achievement in his very recent business trip, at the tail of the large table.

There is a reason he hates being a part of his dad’s business and these painfully tedious business meetings formed by men, who are mostly in their 40s and 50s, with the exception of him and his brother, make a big part of this reason.

He grabs his phone lazily, scrolling through the notifications as his eyes trace through the bunch of messages he’s received from you

“Tae, I didn’t find you at the club that night? where were you?”

“Is everything alright?"

"Why aren’t you answering my calls?”

"Pick your phone up, I wanna talk to you!"

"Tae, call me when you’re free!"

"Tae Tae? Hello?"

"Earth to Kim Tae, Earth to Kim Tae!"

"WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU TAE?”

“KIM TAEHYUNG, I’LL KILL YOU IF I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!”

“PICK YOUR FUCKING PHONE BEFORE I COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND STRANGLE YOU TO DEATH!”

“Fine, dont answer me! you’ll regret it once I find you!”

“YOU KNOW WHAT, I DON'T NEED YOUR LAME ASS! DONT EVEN ANSWER ME!”

His heart clenches at the sight of the last angry message, his slender fingers carding through his silver coloured hair. After his impulsive actions with you that night, he decided it was for the best to avoid you for a while until the topic becomes that of memory for both of you, more specifically for him and he can face you again.

His mind flutters to the night from a week before, the memories still fresh like he’s still in amidst that hallway, with you caged across his arms.

“What’s wrong?,” you repeat staring into the hooded eyes of the guy pressing your body to the wall, concern creeping on your expression “What? You’re scaring me with your ugly face Tae.” you chuckle nervously to try and ease the tension but he seems to not take your lead

“I guess it’s all a joke to you-” he mutters but his sentence is interrupted with a familiar voice

“Taehyung”

You both turn to your side, observing Jimin standing there with stern eyes that are directed only at Taehyung.

“What?” Taehyung spits back in an annoyed tone that catches your attention “I need your help with the accounts, one second.” Jimin quickly replies, his eyes still intensely boring into Taehyung’s.

Taehyung hesitates, his hands still firmly pressing you against the wall, a gasp leaving your lips only realizing how firm his hold can get when he loosens his grip and you shift forward towards his chest.

“Fine” he hisses as he glares back at you for a few seconds, biting his lips as if he’s chewing the words that are about to slip out.

“Taehyung, I said I need your help!” Jimin rushes him with an angry tone. You furrow your eyebrows examining Taehyung’s face before bringing your eyes back to Jimin.

“Tae, I think you should go,” you suggest pointing at the guy who’s waiting for Taehyung to react but the guy standing against you don’t have any intentions to move.

“Let’s go,” Jimin says as he grabs Taehyung’s arms and pulls him behind himself while you just stand there and stare at the back side of your two friends drifting away from you.

Jimin pulls the guy behind himself throwing him inside the first empty VIP room he finds before locking the door behind himself.

“What the fuck are you doing?” He shouts back at the silver-haired guy who’s brushing his messy hair off his forehead.

“What?” Taehyung asks in an unfazed tone receiving a mocking scoff from Jimin.

“What? Are you really acting dumb with me?” Jimin frowns in disbelief, examining his best friend “Kim Taheyung, she’s your best friend”

“So what?” Taehyung growls bringing his dark eyes to the guy “Just because she is, it doesn’t mean she can’t be more.”

“Oh yeah?” Jimin mocks in disbelief “So you want her to be more huh? That’s what you want?”

“She’s fucking around with that fuckface from her company” Taehyung snarls through gritted teeth “Why can’t she do the same with me?”

“Do you really want me to answer that question Tae?” Jimin furrows his eyebrows watching the guy avoid his eyes nervously “fine, I’ll answer it for you. Its because you’re the type of guy who’s gone to STD checkups on a more regular basis than visiting your own parents and she-” Jimin sighs, hand carding through his rainbow-dyed hair “she can count the guys she’s slept with on one hand.”

“She’s as pure as virgin mary is what you’re saying” Taehyung nods in agreement “I already know that Jimin, you should be more creative than this old cliche story of bad boys dont fuck with good girls. I already know that by heart.”

“Do you?” Jimin jeers, his eyes widening in amusement “Is that why you’re trying her?”

“What do you wanna hear Jimin?” Taehyung’s dark, vulnerable eyes gaze at the shorter guy who’s staring back at him in rage “I fucking love her-” his eyes wander around as a small sigh leaves his lips “No, I always fucking loved her. I loved her since the day she pulled my shredded pieces together and forced me to face myself and quit being a fucking coward, hiding behind drugs and alcohol.” Taehyung brings his tear glazed eyes to his friend “Are you happy hearing it?”

“Taehyung you can’t,” Jimin shakes his head “You’ll hurt her and you know it as much as I do”

“I know …” Taehyung sighs, falling down on the soft single sofa as he dips his head into his hands, his voice barely audible as he murmurs “I just fucking lost my mind when I saw her with that guy,” he then brings his head up and faces the guy “Who the fuck is he anyway?”

“Jeon Jungkook, one of the writers at Jung’s company” Jimin replies in a quiet tone and his friend scoffs “He’s been hitting on her for a couple of months now from what I know,” Jimin adds the extra information in an attempt to hint his friend at the possibility of you with another man.

Taehyung clenches his jaw, the fine line on his jaw protruding as the thoughts of you and Jungkook flashing in his mind.

“Get yourself together before you come out,” Jimin walks closer to the guy and presses a warm grip on his shoulder “Think about a creative explanation too, she’s not like the dumb girls you sleep with. You gotta give her something she believes.”

Taehyung sighs leaning back against the headrest of the sofa in the quiet room as the door closes behind Jimin and he’s left on his own and the silence that creeps in the four walls of the room.

After his eye-opening conversation with Jimin, he decided that he was too drunk to come up with a good explanation for his childish jealousy over you and your colleague. So he did what every other emotionally immature guy his age would do, he started avoiding you.

Well, one could argue that the move was even dumber than giving a vague explanation to you. It could perhaps spark even more suspicion in your mind that something is really going on but he couldn’t come up with a better plan so he just went with what his guts told him to do.

His attempt, however, was barely successful as you guys basically were all over each other’s life at this point. Your favourite place outside the office you practically lived your life in, was the club he owned where you downed a concerning amount of alcohol, your system could barely handle.

So he locked himself in his apartment, knowing you’d never visit him without letting him know first because of the number of times you walked on him while he was fucking a random girl.

He winces at the thoughts, realizing how he’s been basically labelling himself as a fuckboy in your eyes, practically all the years you’ve known him. All the times you visited him at his apartment only to be greeted by the sight of him boning a girl.

It is practically idiotic of him to even imagine that you would accept him as a possible significant other, considering you’d be one of the few people who know exactly how many girls he’s been with.

His eyes travel from his phone to the director that concludes his talk with a couple of flattering sentences for the Chairman of the company which happens to be his dad.

he has to stop his pupils from rolling to the back of his head, thinking the middle-aged director probably badmouths his whole family in his late-night drunk conversations with his colleagues, while sucking his dad’s dick in this meeting room.

The meeting is over and the Directors greet them one by one, their obvious flattering greetings for his brother and very reluctant greetings to him not going unnoticed from his observing eyes.

He is known to be good for nothing son of Kim Corporation, being famous to be on the list of useless rich kids who basically contribute nothing to their family business.

So it wasn’t much of a surprise for him to see the directors treat him with such underwhelming attitude, considering he’ll be not much of a use to them anyway.

“Both of you, come to my room!” his dad orders sternly, before leaving the two young men in the meeting room, the room now completely empty after everyone leaves.

“I shouldn’t have come,” Taehyung sighs in frustration, ruffling his messy hair as he grabs a bottle of water from the table and looks at his brother “I mean honestly no one really cares if I’m here or not.”

“Dad cares,” his brother replies in a soft tone “and I care, so you’re attending the directors meeting until we are here.” he then glances over the guy before asking “You alright? you look a bit out of it, Tae?”

“It’s alright,” Taehyung replies, feeling slightly taken off guard by his brother’s question “Just some personal shit.”

Seokjin isn’t always indifferent to him, but the age difference between them hasn’t allowed the two brothers to be super close to each other. He doesn’t blame Seokjin for it. after all, he was taking care of all the responsibilities since forever and he was always thankful for it. But still, it was quite hard for him to open up to the older, considering they barely had much one on one time growing up.

“By the dark circles under your eyes and your unwashed hair I can tell its girl issues,” the older suggest, watching Taehyung tense on his spot at the remark “I’ve been there, dont worry! I know how it usually goes.”

“You’ve had-” Taehyung asks with a frown on his face “lady issues?”

“Of course,” Seokjin laughs at his surprised expression “What did you think? that I’m just a heartless jerk?”

“No It's just that-” Taehyung scratches the back of his head “You dont seem the type to be into that shit!”

“What shit?” Seokjin raises an eyebrow “Love?” he asks mischievously

Taehyung clears his throat, blushing like a little kid being who is caught doing something embarrassing “Yeah, Whatever that shit is called.”

“Oh dear,” Seokjin shakes his head watching his younger brother “poor girl, If I ever meet her I’ll tell her to run.” he scoffs, watching his brother grimace at his remark “let’s go, dad is waiting!” he says before leaving the room ahead of him.

You press the green button beside Taehyung’s number for the 100th time that week, pressing the device to your ear as you murmured “Pick your phone up, you little bitch!” under your breath

The phone continues to ring for a few more times before sending you to the nasal voice of a woman asking you to leave a voice message. Well, the first few times you did, you left angry voice messages on his phone, screaming at the phone for him to stop ignoring you but you have given up by now.

You reach for your bag on your desk and push the phone in it as you whisper “Fine, ignore me all you want. I’ll just barge into your house and confront your ugly face by force.” you mutter the angry words to your computer screen as you quickly save your drafts when you hear Jungkook’s voice.

“Should we go for a drink tonight?” He stops by your desk, looking at your sour expression "Having a bit of slump?“ he asks lightly, not realizing he’s playing with the edge of the knife considering how angry you are "I could probably help-”

“Piss off Jeon,” you hiss, throwing an angry glare at him “I dont have the nerves to entertain you right now.”

“Jesus,” he mutters, frowning at your heated tone “I was just trying to be helpful, you dont need to be so aggressive all the time.”

“No thank you, Mr Jeon,” you face him after grabbing your handbag and standing across him “I haven’t changed my mind and I dont wanna fuck you.” you say in a calm tone complemented by a fake smile.

“Seriously?!” he scoffs, leaning closer as you take a step back unconsciously, caging you between his body and the desk “After all this, you still think I just wanna get into your pants?”

“I …” you breath out, you expression softening as you realize perhaps you overreacted a bit “I’m sorry, I haven’t had the best day. I shouldn’t have vented my anger on you.”

He’s taken back by your apology, you can tell by how his dark eyes soften into those round, soft orbs that sometimes, although you desperately want to deny has you melting for them.

“It’s alright,” he takes a tiny step back, but still close enough to be face to face with you “My offer is still on, do you wanna have a drink tonight?” he hesitates before sighing “It’s on me, you dont have to take me to your friend’s club for free drinks.”

“Did you hate it that much?” You furrow your eyebrows at his remark

“I mean-” he hesitates before muttering “He was onto us the whole time we were there, It was a bit awkward.”

“What?” you laugh at his statement “No he wasn’t! Taehyung is not like that, he’s never the type to be counting how many drinks I have there.”

“Oh Gosh, ” he sighs with a mocking tone “You’re a bit dense, aren’t you?”

“Jeon Jungkook-” you hiss but he’s fast to interrupt you

“You didn’t answer me?” he raises an eyebrow “Drink? tonight? Yes or No?”

“fine,” your roll your eyes at his impatient tone “I’ll save you from wasting time, finding a chick to drink with if you’re that desperate!”

“That’s so nice of you Y/N,” he nods as he leans closer and licks his lips seductively “Do you also take responsibility for my other needs?”

Your jaw drops in disappointment, realizing men are looking for one thing after all, “Changed my mind,” you reply with a forced smile “Go find a chick to meet all of your needs, It’ll be easier for both of us.”

You walk past him when he grabs your wrist and stops you midway

“8 PM, the bar across the office!” he says in a firm tone as if he’s implying that he won’t accept any rejection

“I’ll think about it,” you reply, refusing to give in till the end as you leave the office.

You get into the uber you called a few minutes ago, apologizing to the young man for making him wait, cursing Jungkook under your breath as you hand him the address to Taehyung’s place.

It’s been a week now; since the night Taehyung stopped you in the hallway leading to the bathroom you frequently visited in the club. He was looking with a displeased expression and as you started to recognize the type of anger glazing his eyes, you grew even more concerned.

It was the same type of rage you witnessed once before when you sat there in Taehyung’s living room while his dad lectured him with venom in his voice about how disappointed he is.

He then went on to scold Taehyung for living like scum and hanging out with beggars like you.

You sat there, barely feeling any anger for the older man, at this point in life you were old enough to know a thing called the gap between rich and poor and how people from the higher socioeconomic status perceive those like you.

His dad was a dick but what concerned you the most was Taehyung glaring at his dad’s direction while panting heavily in anger, looking like he might charge towards him any second.

Your prediction turned out to be right when the guy shifted on his spot, about to do exactly as you guessed but your hands were quick to cover his thigh, urging him to contain himself by pressing as hard as you could on his quads muscles.

You remember this expression very well because what followed after his dad left his apartment was him screaming the anger he felt for the older man followed by the two of your drinking until you could barely speak.

When you both had enough alcohol in your system and your words started to become more of a slur than a clear speech, Taehyung cried in your chest and apologised for all his dad said to you while you reassured him that you were fine. The next day both you decided to forget the night.

But it was different now, there was no involvement of his dad and the only person in the equation he could be angry at that night was you. because you somehow managed to piss him off enough to bring out the worst you could ever imagine out of him.

Your heart sinks as you remember once again what happened after your discontinued conversation which was interrupted by Jimin. These days you never see Taehyung in the club at nights, barely receiving any replies to your calls and texts.

Although you decided to not read much into it and try to give him time, you started to become more suspicious that he’s avoiding you as he continued ignoring your calls. And today, you finally lost it.

You were looking at the edited version of the scene you’ve written based on him, every line reminding you the buried anxious feeling you had about losing him. He’s been your best friend for years now, and even the thought of losing him over a mistake that you weren’t even aware of committing it, was suffocating for you.

The car pulls over and you quickly get off the backseat, greeting the driver in a rushed manner as you run in the apartment complex. The old security greets you with his usual friendly tone but you’re too anxious to return the favour as you press the button on the side of the lift.

After a few seconds, the door opens and you get in, pressing the number that leads to Taehyung’s flat a couple of times as if it will help get you there any faster.

You grab your phone and attempt to call him one last time, you’ve already decided to barge into his flat even if he doesn’t reply but it doesn’t hurt to try and be respectful of his privacy before you say fuck it and force yourself into his personal space.

You’re not surprised when the phone sends you to voicemail, considering this has been the pattern of you attempting to contact him for the past few days.

You stand in front of his flat, inhaling air into your lungs as you feel all the anger and emotions that have been piled up in your heart finally get to your head as you punch the passcode in the key slot and twist the doorknob.

“Don't you dare blame me for invading your privacy when I fucking warned you Kim Tae-” you start to rant your way in with a raised voice as you throw your shoes off your feet on the side, bringing your gaze up only to see Taehyung with another unfamiliar, older guy sitting in his living room.

“H-Hi!” you force the greeting, suddenly all your anger disappearing upon seeing the two men

“Y/N,” he calls, his tone hoarse and breathy “What are you doing here?” he stands up walking to you

Your eyes travel between him and the guy who’s drinking from his pint of beer, eyeing you from head to toe as you reply “You kept ignoring my calls,” your eyes are still at the guy who smiles with himself, taking a bigger gulp of his beer upon hearing your voice “So I came here.” You finally bring your focus back on Taehyung as you abruptly ask “who’s that?”

“His brother,” the guy finally stands up and waves at you “Glad you asked. I thought I’m gonna have to sit here awkwardly the whole time. I’m Seokjin.” he then eyes his brother with a playful smile “and who are you?”

“Y/N-” you mutter but your self-introduction quickly comes to an end after a word when Taehyung grabs your arm and pushes you to the door

“Look, I’m actually busy now. I’ll call you and we can talk later!” he says as he reaches for the doorknob, while you repulsively move towards the door

“Tae, I think she can join us,” Seokjin calls for him and you look back to see if the guy is serious about his proposition “I mean she must be pretty close to you, to know your passcode. She might be able to help with your issue.”

“Help?” You quickly perk at the words as you pull your arms out of Taehyung’s grip and step closer to where his brother is sitting “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Taehyung says gripping your wrist this time and pulling you back towards the door “It’s nothing you should be concerned with-”

“He’s getting married.” Seokjin declares and your eyes are about to pop out of socket as they travel between him and Taehyung.

“What?” you shriek with lost eyes “W-When … How’s that even possible?” you ask as you shake your head in disbelief “Kim Tae? Getting married?” you laugh hysterically, trying to cover up the sinking feeling in your heart.

You’re not even sure why you’re feeling so out of breath hearing about your best friend’s plans for marriage “Is that a joke?” you ask with a mocking tone

“Does he look like he’s joking?” Taehyung frowns at your response

“So you’re telling me, you,” you hesitate to point at his chest “Kim Taehyung is getting married?” you laugh again before pausing to look at him “Its must be a joke , right?”

Taehyung sighs as he releases his grip on your arm before throwing himself at the nearest couch, shutting his eyes closed. You realize at this point, that perhaps, it’s not a joke after all so you quickly sit across him and look at his brother.

“But he’s not ready!” you protest in a rushed tone, not even considering the implications of your word before his brother speaks out.

“Mhmm Interesting,” he nods as he eyes his younger brother “And why do you say so?”

“Because-” you start the sentence, watching Tae bringing his gaze up onto you as you clumsily make the sentence “Because he’s still immature and-” you bat your eyelids trying to think of the next word “and he’s a fuckboy. he messes around with girls and he’s not the type to commit to one girl. How can he ever be bound to one person by marriage?”

You dont realize how the words that are leaving your lips carelessly could be interpreted as you’re saying them, but only come to your senses when Taehyung’s eyes darken.

“So that’s what you think of me huh?” his husky voice rings in your ear and you gulp, feeling intimidated by his tone for the first time in your years of friendship “That I’m immature, that I can’t commit to girls and I just mess around with them huh?” He scoffs, his head falling back as he shuts his eyes closed, making the bulging vein on his neck come to view.

“I mean- I, I-” you stutter as you try to form a response, eyeing his older brother who’s watching the scene in silence “I’m not totally wrong, am I?”

“No,” he nods, his eyes still shut and his voice lowered an octave “You’re right!” he nods again with a dark smirk plastered on the corner of his lips as he brings his gaze to you “But that’s not any of your concern as I said. So why don’t you mind your own fucking business?”

“T-Tae,” you call softly, your eyes glazing with tears that are threatening to fall down your cheek. It's been a week since you’ve seen him, you’ve missed him so much that all you want to do is to hug his stupid gigantic chest and feel at ease again. but instead, you are sitting across him being told that you should mind your own business right into your face “I … you’ve been avoiding me … and I just wanted-”

“Stop invading my personal space,” he spits back, his voice filled with sharp venom that cuts right through your heart “And you’re right, I’m immature, a fuckboy, a scum as my everyone else say. But that’s not any of your concern,” his jaw protrudes as he pauses before adding “That’s my future wife’s concern and she’s apparently fine with it.”

“F-Future wife?” You repeat, the words somehow translating to the fact that you will lose your best friend very soon “You’re really getting married? With who?” You ask in disbelief

“The daughter of JH Group,” its Seokjin’s voice that responds you this time and your gaze drifts away from your best friend “she really likes him,” he suggests, a playful smile fluttering on his lips that for some reason makes you want to punch him right there “I guess she doesn’t mind his past with other girls.”

I don’t mind his past, you scream in your head but you quickly have to shake the thoughts off and scold yourself for thinking of such an absurd thing. You have to blink rapidly to stop the tears from rolling down your eyes.

“Good,” you nod flashing a forced smile to his brother “I was just worried,” you dig your teeth onto your bottom lip “Watching him play with girls like playing cards, changing from one to another so fast because he got bored of them easily had me worried, wondering which stupid girl would ever want to stay with him.” you say through gritted eyes, your gaze piercing into Taehyung’s dark and furious orbs as you stand up “Good for you, I better go before I’m late for my date with Jungkook.”

You’re not sure why you include that extra information about your so-called date with Jungkook; probably one of the many questions that sparked during this conversation along with others like why you were so heated over Taehyung’s marriage and why you felt jealous of this girl you didn’t even know just because she was Taehyung’s soon to be wife.

You shut the door behind yourself after bidding Seokjin a polite goodbye, leaving the two guys on their own.

What you dont know is that the two remaining men sit there, conversing about no other person but you.

“That’s it?” Seokjin asks the guy who has his head between his hands, falling low against his body “You’re not gonna even go after her?”

“Hyung,” he breaths out facing the older guy with rage “With all due respect, can you please shut the fuck up?” he’s panting, his nose flaring with air that he exhales every time “Why the fuck did you tell her about the marriage?” he scoffs , his gaze wandering on the empty couch that you were sitting on a few seconds ago “To see how she belittles me and calls me a scum?”

“You’re an idiot Tae,” the older shakes his head in disapproval “You both are.” he sighs as he stands up from his seat, placing his pint of beer on the glass tea table “I did what I could, but I can’t make two blind people see eye to eye when they both refuse to even open their eyes."

he says as he walks closer to the frustrated guy "Open your eyes, or you’ll have to watch her sleep in another man’s arms. That’s all the advice I can give you.” he says before walking to the door and leaving Taehyung on his own.

“Hey,” you flash a tipsy smile which has the guy furrow his eyebrows as he gets closer to you “sit down!” you offer the seat beside you to him

“Are you planning to kill me?” he asks in a suspicious tone

“Not today, Jeon!” you chuckle and watch his expression contouring in more confusion “Maybe some other time. for tonight I need a drinking buddy.”

“Are you sure?” He flinches at your strange behaviour as he continues “You’re acting really weird.”

“I’m trying to be nice,” you roll your eyes at him as you fill up his glass with the bottle Johnnie you ordered earlier “Your favourite right?”

He nods, gulping the shot down as he eyes you carefully “Spit it out, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” you gulp a gentle sip of your glass “I just had an argument with my friend.”

“Kim Taehyung?” he asks and you look at him in surprise

“How do you know?” you ask, tensing at how easily he can read you

“He was giving me death glares the whole night,” he smirks as he turns around to face you on his side “Are you sure you guys are just friends?”

“Y-Yeah,” you nod, feeling slightly uncomfortable about the question, after your earlier conversation with Taehyung and his brother you are still baffled about your confusing emotions about him and his marriage “why?”

“He seems to like you,” he shrugs “I mean if he was really just your friend, he would have never cockblocked you like he did that night?”

“Wait, What?” you shake your head at his statement “he never cockblocked me?”

“He was literally watching us for the first half an hour I got there,” he smirks looking at your surprised expression “I guess you have things to clear out with your "friend”.“

You consider Jungkook’s words for a few seconds before quickly shaking it off with a bitter smile "There is no need. He’s getting married soon, that should be enough to clear things out.” you reply and Jungkook raises an eyebrow

“Interesting,” he nods, tapping his shot at yours “Okay then.” he shrugs indifferent and gulps the shot down “To your friend’s marriage.”

You enter the familiar space of the club you visit almost every night, greeting Jimin who’s cleaning the shelves filled with different bottles of alcoholic drinks.

“Hey Jiminie,” you call for him, catching his attention as he looks at you and flashes soft smile “How’s it going?”

“You’re early tonight!” the voices out with a grin

“I thought maybe I can find Tae if I come early,” you reply in a hesitant tone, avoiding his piercing gaze which is trying to figure you out “Is he here?”

“He … ” he starts, hesitantly glancing his way up at the VIP rooms upstairs and you immediately know you finally found your prey as you make your way to the stairs

“No, wait-”

You hear Jimin calling for you from behind but you can barely stop yourself from barging into each room at the second floor, checking in to every single one of them, one after another to find him.

It’s been 3 days since you talked at his place, 10 days since he’s been ignoring your calls and texts and you were not having it anymore. If it took another confrontation and an argument to come to closure, you were prepared to go all the way.

It’s the 5th room you open the door to when you find him, half sitting on a couch while a girl in her lingerie’s is kneeling against his thighs, pleasing him.

His eyes are shut, resembling the way he closed them the day you argued in his flat, droplets of sweat running down the side of his neck while his plump lips part and wanton moans leave his lips.

“Fuck,” he breathes out, holding onto the girl’s hair firmly as he orders “Deeper, suck me deeper.”

The girl complies and you lick your lips, watching her gag on his girth, this time not very surprised by his ridiculous size since you’ve seen it all before. You have to leave, you clearly tell yourself that in your mind but still your feet are stuck to the floor, your eyes not tearing themselves apart from the erotic scene of your best friend receiving pleasure from another girl.

You dig your teeth onto your bottom lips as you remember the weekend you spent at home, bringing yourself to orgasm again and again just by the aid of your newly arrived vibrator and the dirty erotic scenes you’ve had saved in your memory from watching your best friend fuck another girl.

You just blamed it on the time of the month, your ovulation, the fact that you missed Taehyung and also was immensely pissed at him that he was the key to your delicious highs all weekend.

But you can no longer deny it, you are thirsting over your best friend and his seductively large dick. You bite your lips, feeling a drip of arousal running down your thighs as you confess to your sin in your mind.

You gasp as Taehyung suddenly parts his lids and bring them to you, pupils, dilating in surprise as he catches sight of you. but what follows causes your eyeballs to practically popping out of the socket.

“Y/N-” he moans in a whiny tone, holding onto the girl’s head as he thrusts his hip forward into her throat “Fuck, Y/N …” he calls again, throwing his head back “Its feels so good, Fuck …” he sighs, shutting his eyes closed again.

Your eyes travel to the girl and that’s your epiphany, you wanna be her. you wanna be on your knees, with your lips around Taehyung’s girth, deep throating and gagging on his ginormous cock until he calls your name like how he is now.

The rush of arousal drips down your core as blood races up your cheek and you finally come clean with yourself and realize you should no longer stay there. You turn on your heel, finally tearing your gaze from the sensual scene before rushing out of the room and down the stairs.

“Y/N … what happened?” Jimin asks in concern, his eyes examining your crimson tinted face

“N…Nothing …” you say panting heavily as you practically ran down the stairs “I gotta go, see you later.” you manage to form the words clumsily before you rush out of the club.

It's been officially two weeks since your quarrel with Taehyung. If for the first ten days he was the only one guilty of avoiding the situation, now it was on your side too. After practically finding yourself drooling over your best friend’s cock in another girl’s mouth, you decided you really need to get your life together.

Your first defence mechanism was to bring up excuses, it’s been long since you were in a relationship, its been even longer since you put your genital anywhere near another human being. So you assumed you were just confused and flustered by the carnal desires.

There is still that turn of your stomach at the thought of Taehyung marrying the girl you secretly hated even before meeting her, that was kind of nagging you to prove you otherwise. but you are stronger to let it sink into your thoughts and make their destructive effects.

You decide to organize your room on your day off, the whole organization giving you both time and venue to organize your mind at the same time. you aren’t even surprised when you spend the whole morning cleaning the room you basically leave in the morning only to come back late at night, intoxicated by alcohol to sleep in.

You sigh as you pull out all of your drawers, emptying the content of each of them to vacuum the month old dust that has accumulated in it. sitting in the middle of the pile of notebooks and journals you find your photo album which contains all your memories growing up.

You decide a walk down memory lane would be a good idea for a mundane day like this so you flip through the pages, smiling at how silly you look in each picture.

Your finger stops flipping through the page when there is a picture of you and Taehyung, both in your school uniform making faces to the camera with your graduation certificates in hand.

You dont even realize you’re crying, the wet trail of tear down your cheek is your only clue to the emotions pouring out on a physical level.

“Idiot,” you whisper touching the guy’s tanned skin in the image “I missed you.”

your attention diverts to your phone on your side, glancing at the text notification on the screen from Jung.

“Hey everyone, dont forget the party tonight. We’re all gathering at EVE, the bar across the office. dont forget everyone can bring their partner/significant other. See you all there!”

You sigh, remembering you committed to attending the party that Jung decided to throw to celebrate your new book with everyone else. your eyes glaze over the word partner/ significant other and you heave a sigh. These are the times you hated being single the most.

Jungkook is your momentary option, but considering how much of a big ego he is, you would never bring yourself down to ask him first. it is already late and you have to come up with an idea.

you scroll through your contacts, considering every guy friend you have. Jimin is your go-to option but you know in these situations but you know he works at the club tonight and since its weekend, he won’t be able to leave the place to the inexperienced part-timers either.

you fingers stop scrolling at Taehyung’s name, gulping nervously as your finger hovers over his name when suddenly the phone goes dark and then his name flashes on the screen along with the ring of the phone.

“Hello?” you immediately answer the phone, cursing yourself for appearing so desperate when his voice echoes in the device

“Hey…” he greets awkwardly as he shifts over the phone “H..How are yo-”

“Do you wanna go to a party with me?” you ask in a rushed tone, interrupting him midway through his greeting

“O-Ok …” he replies hesitantly “when is it?” he leads you on to your surprise

“Tonight!” you say nervously as you shift the phone to your other ear, your gaze fixed on the guy’s younger version in the image “Are you busy?”

“N-No … I … I mean-” he breaths out nervously as he murmurs “Its fine, I’ll pick you up then.”

“Okay, see ya.” you disconnect the phone before rushing to the shower to get ready.

The office parties are one place you need to show that you are more than the nerd author who spends her days stuck onto her chair writing fictions. So you usually put a lot more effort than the dark pencil skirt and white dress shirt you usually sport at work.

But this time, you’re not sure why but you’re feeling all giddy inside, like a teenager going on her first date who wants to look good to the boy of her fantasies.

You spend another half an hour staring into your vanity as you try to perfect your makeup and eyeliners, the masses of Q tips and wet wipes messily spread over the table indicating your failure.

You sigh in relief as the final touch of lipstick comes to your lips, and you check the time on your phone realizing you’ve got ready just on time.

A simple text from Taehyung, saying he’s waiting for you downstairs has you rushing down your hallway, with your handbag and heels in each hand. you quickly slide into your heels before finally leaving the house.

Taehyung is in his bright red Audi, which usually has eyes drawn to it, just like its owner. You feel nervous, something in your tummy turns when brings his gaze from his phone up to you as he hears your heels click on the ground.

You hold your breath in your chest, the momentary eye contact fluttering the memories of the last time you saw those dark orbs looking back at you.

“Hey!” you pant as you get in the passenger’s side, reaching for the seatbelt when he leans in and pulls it for you

“Hey!” he murmurs in his deep voice, his warm breath hitting your neck as he shifts away and fastens the seat belt “Where is the place?”

“EVE, the bar in front of the office.” you quickly mutter as you search for your GPS but he presses his hand on yours to stop you

“I think I know it,” he mutters and you gulp, feeling his touch on your hand.

You can’t believe you’re craving for the simplest touch from him only after two weeks. You wonder if spending time with anyone for so long would make you so needy and craving for their existence as you craved for Tae

“How have you been?” he asks, his eyes fixed on the road

“Good, pretty good,” you reply, proud of yourself for not stuttering your answer

“How’s the book going?” he asks, glancing at your for a moment before drifting his attention back on the road

“Good, we’re due to publish it next month,” you hesitate before you add “Tonight’s party is held because of the book.”

“Mhmm,” he hums in response, nodding his head “You should have told me, I would have brought a gift or something,” he says as he purses his lips into a tiny pout.

It takes all your willpower to not lean in and kiss that tiny pout on his lips but you manage to hold back and mutter “Its fine,” you chuckle awkwardly as you add “I mean, you were my muse, so I should be the one buying you something.”

He takes his eyes from the road, glancing at you for a second while having the steering skillfully controlled without having any view of the road ahead, his only view your anxious expression.

“Muse?” he asks, narrowing his eyes “Right!” he nods, his tongue poking to lick his lips as his aura changes into his usual mischievous mode “I forgot I was the reason you finished the book.”

“Yeah,” you agree with him “I kind of owe the publication of this book to you,” you confess honestly

“And as long as I remember you never paid me back,” he says in a sassy tone, while he reverses parks his sports car into one of the spots allocated in front of the bar.

You ignore his words, reaching for your seatbelt when he leans in, his face a few inches away from you as he holds onto the hand your trying to unfasten your seatbelt with.

“So,” he hesitates, his dark eyes piercing into yours “how are you gonna pay me back?”

“H..How do you want me to pay you back?” you ask as you bat your eyelids anxiously “I mean- I mean it’d be ridiculous for me to pay you back in money.”

“right, It can’t be money but there should be another way right?” he asks, a faint smirk glazing on his lips when the click of the seatbelt echoes in the silence of the car and the fabric is pulled back into its place in a fast pace “I’ll think about it,” he says simply before getting off the car.

The party is as boring as it always been. a bunch of colleagues who absolutely have no interest in each other’s life, showing up with their significant others, only to prove others that somehow their life is more than what they do in the company which is perhaps not even true.

You can sense the eyes of the ladies and even some guys on Taehyung from the all over the room. it wasn’t the first time the silver-haired guy attracted attention in a social gathering like this so you were somehow used to having people swooning over his beauty.

But for some reason, you feel your throat going dry every time he greets another lady with his suggestive and seductive words. The guy has a big sign reading “I have the best dick in the room” plastered all over his confident tone and expressions and the fact that you know that is true anger you even more.

Who are you kidding, you were practically one of those girls who wanted to be served by his dick a few days ago and you’re not even sure if you’ve changed your mind since or not.

So you have no right to judge when one of your colleagues who come alone to the party starts to engage him in a heated conversation about the new clothes line released by Gucci which Taehyung’s body was adorned by.

You quietly walk away from the two, walking to the bartender as you ask for a tequila, reminiscing all the times you’ve asked Jimin for one. You miss him, considering you’ve met the guy at Taehyung’s club more often than your own parents.

You down the tequila feeling suddenly down about the whole situation you put yourself in. Was this book even worth it? you wonder as you glance back at the silver-haired guy who’s seducing yet another girl for the night.

Maybe if you weren’t aware of how good he dicks his girls down, if that night you refused to cave in to the temptations of beating Jungkook, if you just wrote the piece from a text reference or something … maybe then your feelings was never ignited for your best friend. Maybe now you wouldn’t be feeling the turn in your tummy from the sight of him flirting with other girls. or that sinking feeling in your heart every time you remember that he’ll be married soon.

“I was waiting for your call!” Jungkook orders a shot for himself glancing over at your best friend before muttering “But I guess you had someone else to come with.”

you glance at your side, hearing Jungkook’s voice, a heavy sigh leaving your chest as your reply “I was waiting for yours.” at this point you dont even care if you place your ego aside, you’re too tipsy to keep your head high.

“We’re both quite thick-headed, aren’t we?” He scoffs at your response “That’s why we’ve been breathing on each other’s neck for two years in that office and yet …” he takes a sip of his glass of Johnnie “none of us have the balls to do anything.”

“I assumed you’d have the balls,” you raise an eyebrow, the alcohol dissolving in your blood giving you extra courage “I guess not much is happening down there, Jeon.” you motion down at his crotch with your head

“You’re so fucking cheeky all the time … ” he inhales as he takes a step closer to you “I bet that smart mouth of yours would look so good around my cock,” he whispers the filthy words and you have to take a moment to digest the fact that he just suggested such filthy thing in a public place like this.

“Why dont we try?” you challenge him and this time you take a step closer “I’d love to see if you actually have any balls.”

He smirks at your play on words, clenching his jaw as his eyes darken in pure lust “the bathroom at our 3 o'clock, be there in 5 minutes."

he doesn’t allow you to question his proposition for a second time, as he turns on his heel and makes his way to the location he just notified you about.

You take your time, downing another shot since what you were about to do needed a bit more alcohol courage than you already had. You’ve never done public before but for some reason, with the jealousy and frustration blinding your vision, you found the idea extremely appealing.

You place the glass shot before turning on your heels and nervously making your way to the male bathroom that Jungkook disappeared to earlier. To your utter surprise, no one is around and you make your way inside without embarrassingly caught red-handed.

After a quick knock, the door opens and Jungkook yanks you in the small cubicle, pressing his lips on your as he pushes you to the wooden door.

You impatiently reach for his belt, loosening the leather material before unbuttoning and unzipping his pants all in a few seconds.

"Impatient huh?” He breathes out, watching you focus your attention on his crotch as your lower his pants down, dropping to your knee.

“It’s not like we have much time,” you spit back with a frown, keeping your gaze at him as you lower his boxer on his thighs.

You gulp, your eyes slowly drifting down to his toned muscles, wondering how the hell he manages to be so muscular and fit considering he spends most his time sitting on his desk like you.

“I guess you do have balls,” you point out mockingly as you glance up, watching him scoff at your remark

“Are you just gonna examine my balls or you wanna do something about it?” He raises an eyebrow

“Of course …” you reach to grab a fistful of him, pumping his dick to get the blood rushing in his manhood, watching his muscles contract and relax against your hand “I’m gonna show you my balls now,” you say before leaning in and enveloping him between your lips.

“Fuck,” he writes, his head falling back as he thrusts his length even more in your mouth “It feels even better than what I imagined.”

You furrow your eyebrows at his words, thinking exactly how many times the guy imagined you in the current position to have come up with a certain expectation like that.

He’s not as gigantic as Taehyung, you realize within the first few pumps of his cock in your mouth, but he is good in his own league. It doesn’t take long before his hand grips onto strands of your hair, pushing himself further in your throat and your gag reflex starts to get in the way.

“Shit,” he clenches his jaw as he brings his gaze down to you “I need more, take me more Y/N.”

You slack your jaw and ease your throat to allow the guy in even more, as your fondle with his balls at the same time to amplify his pleasure.

“God YES!” He cries as he fucks your throat “You take me so well baby, its feel like heaven.”

The praising words encourage you to move your head faster while using your free hand to hold onto the guy’s iron thighs as a handle. Jungkook picks up your attempt and fastens the snap of his own hip in and out of your mouth and he reaches his high.

“FUCK Y/N … ” he calls in a needy tone “I’m gonna cum, I’m gonna cum in your mouth baby,” he warns and you give him a nod of approval, Jungkook releasing a big spurt of his cum down your throat.

His hip stutters and he slows down before completely pulling out and quickly grabbing your wrist to pull you up onto your feet.

“Fuck,” he voices out “That was-” he tries to form the words but instead he leans in and kisses your lips, tasting his own cum in your tongue.

As you shut your eyes close in the kiss, you can’t help but see Taehyung’s dark orbs glaring your way. a rush of guilt fills your heart, thinking he’s probably out there in the boring party you brought him to, while you’re fucking your coworker in the male bathroom.

“Jungkook …” you gasp as you pull back, nervously shifting your gaze as you mutter “I should get myself fixed before anyone comes.” you quickly turn around to unlock the door when his voice stops you

“before anyone comes?” His dark voice echoes in your ear as he adds “Are you worried your "friend”, Taehyung, sees you with my cum all over your lips? “ he whispers against your ear as he leans closer to you, his chest pressing against your back.

You furrow your eyebrows, sensing a tint of evil in his voice, but for now, all you were concerned with was to leave this cubicle and clean your cum covered lips.

So you open the door of the bathroom and step out, bringing your head up to face the mirror only to see your best friend standing there with his hands across his chest, glaring at you as he rests his back on the tiled wall

"Tae …” you call for him, voice shaking at the thought of him hearing all the filthy things you’ve been doing with Jungkook a few seconds ago “W..What are you doing he-”

“I know what I want as payback for being your muse,” he says through gritted teeth as he points at the closed door of the cubicle where Jungkook is in behind you “I’ll have what he had!” he says in a demanding tone and your eyes widen in surprise.

You glance over at your friend whose eyes are fixed on the road. After your embarrassing confrontation in the bathroom, followed by his bizarre request, he left you on your own in there.

You proceeded to fix yourself up in the bathroom mirror, not even bothering to bid Jungkook a goodbye as your only goal at this point was to leave this place and all memories associated with it behind.

So here you are now, sitting in your friend’s sports car, driving to God knows where.

You bite your lips nervously upon seeing his well-defined eyebrows furrowing close together. He seems pissed, you can tell by the silent treatment he’s been giving you all night at the party.

He even had the audacity to flirt with every girl who was on her own, completely ignoring the fact that he was supposed to be your so-called “partner” after interrupting your session with Jungkook.

You scoff at the thought, which immediately draws his attention, his hollow eyes travelling momentarily from the road to you. You gulp quickly looking away, not bearing to watch his angry eyes.

No matter how many years its been since you’ve known him, you feel your blood running cold when he gives you those angry glares. He is intimidating, no matter how much you deny it with yourself or him.

The car pulls over and you glance over at the sight of his apartment complex coming to your view, Taehyung stopping just in front of the lobby as the security waves for him.

you watch as he gets off the passenger side, and you have no other choice but to follow as he hands the car key to his security. Your rushed footsteps follow after him inside the lobby, watching him press the elevator button while tapping the front of his shoe on the marble floor.

As you stop across him and attempt to ask what you’re doing here, the lift’s door opens and he steps in. You hesitate to watch him from the outside as he presses the button to his flat.

The door proceeds to close between you when he quickly presses the button and gives you an unimpressed look

”What?” He raises an eyebrow “Are you coming or not?”

You feet unconsciously step in upon his questioning and the door closes behind you. You totally lose all trail of your thoughts, and the questions you were gonna ask, just watching the digit on the lift increasing dumbfoundedly.

The lift stops with the sound of a bell and your best friend steps out. You follow after him silently like a kid who is waiting for her punishment, knowing very well there is something coming up with his angry demeanour.

Taehyung walks in the kitchen which is across the entrance, immediately reaching for a bottle of beer and snaps it open before pressing it against his lips and gulping half the bottle while he glances at you.

you push your shoes to the side, entering the familiar place while making a momentary eye contact with him which makes things even more awkward between the two of you.

”You’re not gonna give me one!?” You chuckle lightly pointing at his fridge trying to ease the mood

“You already had enough drinks for your limit,” he says unimpressed as he takes another sip “5 shots of tequila, I wonder if that’s why you were sucking dick in the bathroom.”

“Taehyung-“ you wince with furrowed eyebrows, suddenly feeling defensive about his statement

”anyways,” he shrugs it off, glancing away as he mutters “I already said what I want, it’s up to you.” He declares as he stares back at you with waiting eyes

“What-“ you part your lips but then gasp, mouth wide open at the realization “Were you serious!?”

“You dont have to do it,” he quickly replies in a rushed tone, raising his shoulder in a quick shrug “I never did it for something in return anyway.”

You hesitate, waiting for him to break that serious expression he’s wearing on his face any second and tell you its all a joke. But he doesn’t, instead, he just takes another big gulp of his bottle of beer, his Adam’s apple moving between the toned muscles of his neck.

”If you’re still on your words, get in my room and think of your safe word,” he instructs simply as if it’s not weird at all “If not, I’ll drop you off at your place.”

You stare at him in a daze, trying to digest his words. He just suggested you go wait in his room like those girls he bones every other night. The image has you clenching your thighs together. You wanna believe you’re weirded out and you wanna walk out. But in reality, you really wanna walk down his hallway and get on your knees to be one of those girls shamelessly.

”Let’s go,” he says as he places the bottle of beer on the kitchen top “I’ll drop you ho-“

”I’ll do it,” you quickly interrupt, retracting your arm from his reach “I wanna pay you back and if this is your preferred method, fine! I’ll do it.” You say determinedly

”you dont have to,” he says looking directly into your eyes, stepping closer across your body

”I want to.” You repeat firmly, looking back at his eyes that suddenly turn darker in lust

”Fine,” he nods, hesitation still evident in his quivering pupils as they travel between your two eyes “Go wait in the room,” he hesitates as he glances down at your body “naked!”

Your breath hitches at the request, eyes unconsciously widening at his words.

“Alright,” You nod, standing there, still on your spot as if you’re still trying to think this plan through “Alright!” You nod again before turning on your heels and walking down the hallway to his room.

There is an odd feeling at the pit of your stomach when you step in the room, the sheet messily curled on the bed reminding you of the other night you were here. the night you watched Taehyung fuck that girl so intensely, it left you high and dry craving for some.

The realization finally hits you, now it’s you, you’re another one of those girls who you always used to mock over the years. sure, Taehyung was always an attractive young man, but you never understood why girls loved to be in his bed just as a playtoy for a night between his thighs.

“I thought I gave you an order!”

you turn around facing the guy, a shiver running down your spine the moment you hear his deep husky voice echoing in the four walls of the room.

“It’s not late,” he explains softly, no trace of anger or authority evident in his voice “If you regret it, step out and leave the apartment. I’ll be out in the lobby in five.”

“Why are you so insistent on me leaving?” You raise an eyebrow as your hands trace down to the hem of your dress “Do you regret asking me?” you step closer to him daring “Do you not want this with me?”

“No,” he snaps, his eyebrows furrowing closer together at the daring question “I dont regret a single thing. I just want you to know you have a choice.”

“And I said I’m fine,” you persist as you roll up your tight dress onto your waist and up to your chest, the fabric creating some friction with the curves of your chest before driving up onto your neck.

You throw the piece of dress aside, gulping nervously as you watch Taehyung’s eyes fixed on yours. You are slightly surprised that he almost resists to look down on your body.

“Am I gonna be the only one naked here?” you ask raising an eyebrow, trying to fight for dominance in the conversation despite your crumbling confidence due to your exposed body.

“No,” He says as his eyes falter away, hand reaching to loosen his tie that is perfectly hugging his neck “We have things to discuss before that.”

“What?” you voice out almost annoyed and impatient

“Safeword,” he replies bringing his eyes back, and for the first time you see his gaze scanning over your cleavage before shooting back to your face “Choose one.”

“Caramel!” you immediately reply, biting your lips as he squints his eyes on your quick response. Shit, you shut your eyes closed before quickly opening them.

“Okay,” he breaths out nodding his head as he steps closer to you “you know the game, if you wanna stop anytime, you say the word.”

“What if I can’t speak?” you muse looking at him with curious eyes

His eyes grow darker in shade, examining your face for more hint on the meaning behind your words. He exhales softly, the combined smell of his cologne and alcohol hitting your nose.

“So you already know what I’m gonna do with you?” he asks watching you closely as he dips his hands in the side pockets of his suit

“I got an idea,” you reply nonchalantly “"I’ll have what he had”, wasn’t that your request?“

You watch his face hardening at the mention of the earlier memories, the line in his jaw protrudes, indicating the pressure he’s exerting with his jaw on the bottom row of his teeth.

"two taps and I’ll know,” he says sternly as he points on the floor with his chin “down on your knees.”

The words are enough for your knees to give in. You slowly drop on your knee, maintaining eye contact with him as you do so. You reach forward for the button of his pants but he slaps it off.

“Hands off,” he shakes his head, looking down on you with unimpressed eyes “Hands behind your back.”

You gulp, lips slightly pursing into a pout before bringing your hands behind your back and clasping them together.

“Since you’re so good at giving heads, why dont you try with your mouth only?” He smirks at you “your skilled little mouth should be able to do that much.”

You blink up at him before drifting closer and tugging on his unbuttoned pants with your teeth. a sense of pride rushes through your veins as you feel his abdominal muscles clenching and unclench under your touch, he is affected by you and you barely touched him and that is enough to rush a considerable amount of arousal between your thighs.

You struggle to lower the fabric of his suit pants down, and after a few attempts whine quietly before bringing your eyes up to him.

“You seemed like you’re pretty good with your mouth when you were deep throating Jungkook,” He tilts his head to the side looking at you with haughty eyes as his fingers trace down to his pants “You need a hand?”

You nod frantically, impatient to have his clothed bulge exposed against your eyes and he senses your longing gaze on his hand.

“Why dont you beg for it?” He asks and your eyes widen, head flicking up to his face to see if he’s serious

“Kim Tae-”

“Daddy,” he bites the corner of his lips with anticipation “That’s what you’re gonna call me.”

You hesitate, eyes trembling on his stern expression, waiting any seconds for him to break out of character and tell you otherwise. But he remains unfazed as if he has planned all of this way before and is in no intention to change his mind.

“Remember Y/N, we’re playing by my rules but,” he mutters, his hand cupping your chin to bring back your head up to face him “You can say the word and we’ll stop-”

“Daddy,” you voice out, head tilted back and chin pointing at his face “Please, help me undress you,” you begin a seductive word and smile in victory as you see the guy’s eyes darken in lust

“You know how to beg,” he smirks, affectionately stroking your cheek “Such a good little whore, I guess I should give you a hand now that you asked so nicely.”

His other hand then travels down to unbutton his pants, before zipping it down and tucking the fabric lower on his thighs. You swoon over the toned thighs that come into your view, all those times you’d see him after his gym sessions with his toned thighs covered with sweats or shorts flashing through your mind.

Your eyes then freeze at the sight of his Calvin Klein brief that hugged his groin firmly, the bulge tightly pressing against the material and begging to be freed from its cage.

You lick your lips, imagining the monster you’ve seen before popping out in a few seconds, core trembling in excitement and urging you to drift closer to him.

“Mhmm,” he hums, hand tracing back from your cheek to the back of your head “Keen aren’t we baby?” he winks at your heated expression, pulling you with your head forward, “I think you can do the rest on your own babe, show me what that mouth can do.”

You keep your eyes fixed on him for a few seconds, taking up the challenge before leaning in and grazing your lips against his lower abdomen, where the hem of his brief is sitting.

You smirk hearing his groan in the background, knowing the touch of your lips on his skin is already affecting him giving you a sense of pride. You then hook your teeth on the hem of his brief and slowly yank the fabric down, against the resistance of the elastic band around his waist.

Taehyung watches you attentively, breath caging in his chest at the sight of your lips so close to his manhood as you pull his brief lower on his thighs, his eager and throbbing cock springing out against your cheek.

“Fuck,” he breathes out as he watches you finishing up your task of undressing him “When did you learn to be so good with your mouth?”

You tilt your head back, leaning in to graze your tongue on his angry red tip before muttering “I haven’t even started it, Daddy” you tease with a smirk

“You’re a fucking Cocktease,” he groans, head falling back as your lips resume their sinful action on his tip “OH FUCK!”

You smile in satisfaction at his cry of pleasure, taking half of his length in your mouth before pulling it all the way out and fondling his shaft with your tongue.

Taehyung’s expression contours in pain and frustration, wanting to slam his dick at the back of your throat any seconds but he stops his urges by firmly pulling on the strands of your hair.

“Why?” he asks, eyes glazing over you carefully “You dont think you can take it?”

“I can,” you raise an eyebrow, cupping his balls between your lips to attain a groan ripping from his throat “I’ve had big things in my mouth before”

“So you really wanna be a cocktease huh?” He squints his eyes at you remembering how you were on your knees with Jungkook’s cock in your mouth a few hours ago “You seemed in more of a rush with that bastard Jeon Jungkook,” he then smirks darkly as he mutters “Or was he too disappointing that you wanted to finish him up soon?”

Your eyes lighten with excitement at the mention of the other guys, lips still continuing to play with his balls and watch his abs clench with your action.

“Not really,” you lick your lips, eyes wandering around as you mutter “He was actually quite impressive for his own,” you gulp as you feel his hand tighten in your hair to tilt your head up but you remain unaffected as you continue “It was more of a quickie before we get to his place, that was if-” your voice trails off to look up at him “thing went as planned.”

You can see a strange tint of anger in his smirk that persistently stays on his lips, it’s quite similar to the rage he presented the other night at the club when he slammed you against that wall.

The difference is it no longer scares you or concerns you, but it only gives you a bit of excitement. The possibility that the high and mighty Kim Tae who never bats an eye on any girl would be pressed about you and another man shoots arousal right into your core.

And even if the thought of your best friend being possessive over you might have been more of a joke till a few hours ago, it was now making you all hot and bothered in all the right places.

“Now that the plans have changed,” he mutters darkly “You might as well go ahead and enjoy it, babe.”

He then grasps your head by the anchor of hair and pulls you towards his waiting cock and you compliantly part your lips, enveloping the warm muscles around his breadth.

“Fuck YES!” he groans, head falling back from the immense pleasure as you take him in, his cock twitching against your tongue as you lean closer and closer on his shaft

You whimper, the vibration making his knees weak as you realize his tip is already stimulating your gag reflex, hitting the back of your throat, but you’re only two third of your way on his cock.

His hooded eyes travel down to you, realizing you’ve stopped “You’ve had big things in your mouth but not this big,” a cocky smirk plasters on the corner of his lips again “You can’t take it all in can you?”

You cough as he snaps his hip forward, your throat closing down on his tip as tears well up in your eyes.

“You dont need to act tough babe,” he smirks watching your perseverance in taking him further down your throat “You know you’re not the first one to fail to take me-Aaahh FUCK!”

His sentence is left unfinished as you ease your throat around him and take him further in, his hand pressing against the back of your head while you push yourself against his pelvis.

Your nose digs into his lower abdominal muscles that clench and unclench under against your touch while your gag reflex continues to try and resist your attempt to keep him in.

“FUCK,” He cries, knees buckling and almost giving in as the sensation of his length completely enveloped by your mouth sends him to cloud nine “You take me so fucking well, God!” he says out of breath and you moan with him deep in your mouth, sending more pleasure shooting in his vein

“I wanna fuck your mouth so bad,” he groans bringing his pleading eyes to you “I wanna slam my cock in your throat so fucking much babe.”

You hesitate, eyes fluttering close and open, considering his proposition before hollowing your cheek and moving your tongue against his shaft to urge him.

“Fuck,” he exhales in disbelief “You want it, dont you?”

You nod, hand reaching at the back of his hips, to press him against your mouth before bobbing your head back and forth on his length.

“You’re such a cockslut,” he mutters in adoration, gripping your head to keep you still “I’m gonna fuck your mouth as you love it, babe.”

You stare at him with anticipating eyes, his firm holds on your head stopping you from bobbing your head on his cock as you planned. He then snaps his hip forward in a sudden movement and starts fucking your mouth in an erratic speed.

You remain still, the sound of his balls slapping against your chin and your gag reflex kicking in every few thrusts echoing in your ears in the background while the sight of the man groaning and moaning to the intense sensation of your mouth around him arousing you more and more.

Your hand travel down to your exposed core, finding the sensitive bundle of nerve that is throbbing to receive any stimulation possible and flick your finger on your clit.

The motion sends shivers down your spine and you moan against his cock, the vibrations attaining a painful groan from the guy who’s about to come undone in your mouth.

His eyes flick back onto you suspiciously and find your hand toying with your clit but the scene is not all too pleasant to his eyes. His eyes darken and he holds himself still in your mouth on the next thrust before harshly pulling back from you.

You stare up at him in surprise, gasping heavily for the air you were denied because of his enormous length in your throat when you meet his angry gaze on you.

“I thought I gave you an order,” he tilts his head to the side, watching your through hooded eyes “you’re not really good at obeying are you?”

Your hand cease their action on your clit and immediately retract back to their original place beside the other hand at your back but the action doesn’t go unnoticed from his attentive eyes on you.

“I-I J…Just-”

“Sssh,” he stops your attempt to justify your action as he wraps his hands around your neck, gently lacing around your throat without exerting any pressure “You disobeyed me and wanted to be a sneaky little whore huh?”

Your eyes tremble as you consider your options out of this situation, licking your lips carefully before leaning to take his cock back in your mouth but he’s quicker to realize your intentions to distract him.

“Tsh Tsh,” he scolds, fingers pressing against your windpipe and yanking you up on your feet “and you continue to be a naughty cockslut huh?”

his other hand travels down to your core, where your fingers were toying a few minutes ago. His fingertips touch the silky rope of arousal that covers your core and he groans.

“Fuck, you’re soaked,” he whispers as if he’s talking to himself, expression softening for a moment before his dominating aura takes over his expression again “Are you that thirsty for some touch babe?” he says seductively as he grips you by the neck and toys with your clit in a slow manner

“Nghh,” you whimper, moving your hip to make more contact with his touch “Yesss there!”

His eyes lighten, loving the way you move in his control so he proceeds to stretch the lips of your pussy apart and thrust one finger in to retain a cry of pleasure from your lips.

“I guess Jungkook only cared about his own pleasure and left you needy huh?”

“Tae-”

“Yes,” he nods, yanking your head closer against himself and pressing his forehead against yours “Call my name.”

“Tae, please,” you beg, every nerve fibre in your body screaming for his attention

“Please what?” he asks, eyes glazing with anticipation for the next words to fall out of your lips

“I need more,” you roll your hip shamelessly on his finger, “please Tae, please fuck me.”

He smirks, lips curving into a crooked smile as he realizes he has you wrapped around his fingers “This was never about you babe, It was about my payback for being your muse and I haven’t even cum-”

“I know,” you hiss in frustration looking up at him “You can cum then,” you urge nodding your head “fuck me and you can cum in me.”

his pupils dilate at your lewd words, expression then immediately hardening as he presses his fingers tighter around your throat “Was that your plan with Jungkook?” he raises an eyebrow, tone almost sounding like he’s hurt “Were you gonna let him fuck his cum in you like you’re begging me now?”

you look back at him with guilty eyes, gaze wavering as you flashback to the memories of you and Jungkook in the bathroom cubicle. If it wasn’t for your friend’s unannounced presence, you probably would have got in the car with Jungkook and followed him to his place.

“You naughty little girl,” he murmurs, in a mixture of rage and teasing tone as he adds another finger inside you, starting to pace the way he finger fucks you while casually having a conversation with you “You had dirty plans in your mind didn’t you?” his hand then release your neck and travels down to give you a spank on your ass “answer me, babe.”

“Yes Daddy,” you nod, looking at him with needy eyes “I’ve been a bad girl, I’m sorry.” you fake a pout, using your last weapon to melt his walls down and to your surprise, it works on him.

“you know what happens to bad girls Y/N?” he asks, eyes curving into a teasing smirk, following your little act up with his own “do you wanna have a guess?”

“I d-dont know,” you reply simply, batting your lids innocently in response

“bad girls get punished by their Daddies,” he murmurs and he digs his knuckles in your pussy, hitting your sweet spot as a sloppy moan falls from your lips “what should I do with you, babe?”

you just moan in response, the intense pleasure from the way he cuts air to your throat and the fingers pressing against your g-spot making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

“Fuck, No Tae,” you whimper as he stops his action in your pussy and takes away his fingers immediately, the cum coated fingers travelling up to his lips as he tastes your juices casually against your needy eyes “Please, Tae dont stop.”

“Answer my question first,” he slips his finger out of his lips with a pop, eyes staying stern and hollow “What should I do with a cock tease like you?”

“Punish me, Daddy,” you murmur seductively, needy eyes piercing into his orbs as you whisper “Have your way with me the way you want.”

He inhales sharply, eyes lighting with a new rush of excitement as he eyes you carefully “Are you sure Y/N?” he furrows his eyebrows attentively “Are you sure you want this?”

“I’m sure,” you nod determined before smirking against his cheek “I’ve been very bad Daddy,” you whisper to ignite the fire in him “Why dont you teach your little whore a good lesson?”

“dont worry,” You feel his cock twitching against your thighs, a growl buzzing in his chest as he wraps his arms around your waist “I’ll teach you in a way you’ll never forget babe.”

“Get on your hands and knees,” he demands, keeping his eyes fixed on you carefully

You look at him for a few moments before turning around and settling into his requested position, keeping the weight of your body on your elbows and knees.

“Ass up for me,” he orders, hands gripping your ass and guiding it up against his body “I’m gonna give you 10 spanks as your punishment babe, if you take them well you’ll be rewarded after.”

You remain silent, considering the weight of his words when his hand grazes over your ass cheeks.

“I need to know if you’re fine with this Y/N,” he murmurs carefully, tone suddenly much lower and serious before blending into his act again “Do you want Daddy to punish you?”

“Y-Yes Daddy,” your voice trembles and he gives you hum of approval

*Smack*

The first impact comes to your flesh abruptly and your body stumbles forward on the mattress while a muffled moan rips through your lips. The delicious sting spreads over your ass cheek and you can feel the arousal dripping down the side of your inner thighs from pleasure.

“Do you know why you need this punishment?”

“Yes Daddy, I was a bad girl-Aaah*

*Smack*

"Right,” he mutters in approval “Bad girls need to be punished to learn their lesson. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Daddy.”

*Smack*

“Will be acting like a thirsty whore again, babe?”

“Never Dadd-Aaah!”

*Smack*

“Good, remember the pain next time you wanna get on your knees for another man’s cock like the filthy slut baby.”

“I will Daddy,” you whisper uncertain, the slight genuinity in his voice making you question whether all this is just an act or he is saying all those things seriously

*smack*

You whine as the pain starts to spreads in your body, your core dripping from the pleasurable sensation shooting in your nerves.

You would have never expected such ruthless treatment would turn you on but somehow being the receiving end of Taehyung’s seemingly cruel punishment was turning you on far more than you could ever imagine.

“Can you take more Babe?” he murmurs, hand gently touching the red marks spread on your bottom “you don’t have to-”

“No,” you voice out, sticking your ass up towards him “I can take it, Daddy, give me more please.”

He gulps, as his nervous hand raises up to come back down on your ass but he stops midway and instead leans in to spread gentle kisses on the red flesh of your ass cheek.

“Fuck, you’re so good for me babe,” he breathes out, plastering butterfly kisses on the abused flesh “So good for your Daddy.”

You jolt in surprise, feeling the gentle touch of his lips on your ass making you whimper from the soothing sensation. His lips then trace back to your core, parting your ass cheeks, the cold air making you shiver.

He plasters some gentle kisses on your inner thigh. He observes the dripping lips of your pussy, throbbing and red, inviting him to sink his cock between them.

“You were so good for me babe,” he murmurs as his fingers spread your pussy and stretch you ready for him, “I think It's time Daddy rewards you, babe.”

“Yessss,” your voice trails off weakly as your anticipation for your high finally seems to come to an end “Please Daddy, Please.”

He positions himself against your body and lines himself over your dripping cunt. Spreading your lips with two fingers, he palms himself before sliding it over your dripping entrance teasingly.

“Nghh, Daddy please,” you beg, losing your mind as your walls clench around air “please fuck me.”

“You want Daddy’s cock in your cute little pussy?” He teases with a smirk, enjoying the way your body moves in his accord

“Yes, Daddy Ye-AAAHH” you cry as he sinks his pulsing member deep inside your walls and your body trembles as he slowly moves his way in.

“Just like that baby,” he coos watching his length disappear inside you “I knew you’d take me well.”

“Taehyung,” you call out, hand reaching back with your hand to hold his thighs desperately “Fuck …. give me- give me a second …”

He immediately ceases his movement as he realizes you’re having difficulty with his size, your walls squeezing his cock tightly testing his self-control. He leans closer, careful to not push his length any further as he comes down in level with your ear and whispers

“We can stop if its too much babe,” he murmurs the reassuring words as he tucks your hair to the side carefully as he observes your painful expression

“No,” you shake your head, the sensation of your walls slowly accommodating to him setting your pleasure off to another delicious start “Just a moment, just-” you sharply inhale as he shifts slightly away “No, Tae, Please …” you turn around facing him as your hand comes to hold his chin against your shoulder “I can take it, Please.” You beg desperately

“I don’t want to hurt you!” He murmurs, words tinted by concern

“I know,” you flash a grimacing smile to him, hoping it would convince him “You can move now.”

“Are you sure?” He murmurs, nose digging deep in your neck as he murmurs ever so gently “I can always make you cum with my fingers-”

“No,” you groan in frustration as you move your hip back to him “Fuck me, please Tae, Fuck me!” you demand helplessly

“Alright,” he grunts, voice strained as he tries his best to control his urges to fuck senselessly into you “I’m gonna move now.”

He thrusts his hip forwards slowly, each movement of his hip parting your pussy further apart as your walls slowly adjust to his ginormous girth.

��F-Faster,” you breath out, hip bucking back to his thrusts “Faster Tae.”

“As you wish babe,” he fastens his pace, hip snapping against your walls in an insane pace, hitting every sweet spot in your walls.

“Yes, Yes,” you cry as you dig your head in the mattress, the muffled word echoing in the air “Right there!”

“You like it, babe?” He asks as your pleas flutter his ego, hand reaching forward to toy with your clit “You like me pounding your tight little cunt?”

“YES,” you cry, the bundle of nerves being toyed, shooting pleasure all around your veins “Its so fucking good,”

“You wanna cum on my cock?” he asks as he leans closer and presses his lips against your ear “You wanna cream Daddy’s cock babe?”

“YES YES,” you nod frantically “Please let me cum Tae!”

“Cum on my cock,” he urges, fingers flicking your clit at the same pace as his thrust in your pussy “Cum all over and make a mess babe.”

You scream your orgasm out as the pleasure takes over you, body withering and shaking with waves of pleasure under him. Your sensitive core burns with overstimulation as he continues to fuck through your orgasm, his thrust becoming sloppy and messier by each second.

“F-Fuck, I’m gonna cum,” he warns as he presses your hip against his body “I’m gonna fill your tight cunt with my seeds.”

“YES,” you nod in approval, moving your hip to facilitate his thrust despite the burning sensitivity between your legs “Cum inside me Tae, fill my pussy please.”

He suddenly ceases his movement, drawing a whimper from your lips as he retracts his body and falls back sitting on the bed “I can’t,” he breathes out in a vulnerable tone.

You immediately turn your body around with bewildered expression covering your face “What’s wrong Tae?” You ask him in a dazed tone, not bearing with the immense craving to be filled by him

“I can’t Y/N,” he shakes his head, avoiding your eyes “I can’t do it,” he gulps nervously as he shifts away from you as if he is scared of touching your body again “I can’t continue this.”

“This was your idea,” you snap back, brushing your hair away from your face “You can’t just chicken out now. This was all about you getting your payback, for you to cum.”

“I’m s-sorry,” he hesitates as he grabs a blanket and wraps it around your body to cover your quickly, “I think I’m too drunk- No, I was too drunk when we came here-”

“Is it my body?” You ask in a quiet tone, voice weaker with embarrassment “Do I turn you off?”

His widened eyes travel to you, not believing your interpretation of his actions “What are you talking about?”

“I knew it,” you nod as you quickly cover your body with the blanket he wrapped you with “After all, you’re Kim Taehyung, you wouldn’t cum if your girl is not a Victoria’s Secret models.” you chuckle trying to mask your embarrassment

“You need to stop your bullshit,” he yells back as he raises on his knees in rage “it has nothing to do with that.”

“Then what is wrong with you?” You demand, leaning closer to him “Why do you play this game of push and pull Tae?” You ask, with furrowed eyebrows, anger taking over your words “why did you stop me from fucking Jungkook, only to bring me and make me fall on knees for you to just say you can’t cum with me here.”

“Stop fucking talk about him,” he yells back furiously as he cards his hair back from his face “I didn’t plan for things to turn this way. And I- ’m sorry if I messed up your plans with Jungkook.” he continues with venom in his words, as if he doesn’t really mean what he’s saying.

“Tae-”

You watch him with trembling gaze as he starts to build the walls between you, although the physical distance between your bodies is quite short.

“It was a mistake,” he declares looking at you sternly “I can’t just fuck you and pretend to be your best friend tomorrow,” he hesitates before looking away and forcing the words out “I’m gonna sleep in the guest room, you sleep here.”

You then watch as he gathers a few pieces of clothing before exiting the room you’re in, leaving you all alone with your thoughts there.

You wake up to a throbbing headache pounding on your temple, squirming on the bed sheet to sniff the familiar scent of Taehyung’s Giorgio Armani cologne you bought for his birthday.

You sigh as the memories of the night before flashes through your eyes, remembering how you fell asleep thinking of the guy abrupt leave after your scandalous time together. Somehow you wish that his warm embrace was what you woke up to instead of the scent of his cologne.

You scoot over the bed, tiptoeing your way to his drawer to grab an extra large shirt that can cover your body for now before leaving the room to find him.

You footsteps cease as you hear his deep voice reaching you from the living room, conversing with someone and from the lack of response you can tell he’s on the phone.

“Hyung, I understand,” he snaps in anger, trying to keep his voice as quiet as possible “but you need to talk to dad about this, I’m really not sure if this will work,”

You drift closer, hating yourself for eavesdropping when he speaks up again

“I know who she is,” He suddenly grunts “Jung Seri, the daughter of JH Group, I’ve seen her in last year’s-”

You’re so focused on hearing his words that you dont realize the increase in the clarity as the voice gets closer to you until you see Taehyung standing at the door, staring at you with surprised eyes.

“Hyung,” he heaves, observing you carefully “I need to go, I’ll talk to you later.”

You stay still, gulping nervously as he disconnects the call and examines the situation for a few seconds before abruptly questioning “How long have you been listening?”

“N-Not long,” you quickly shake your head defensively “I’m sorry, I was gonna say I’m here-”

“What did you hear?” He interrupts anxiously

“Jung Seri,” you pronounce the name, trying your best to hide the slight jealousy that may drip out from your tone “The daughter of JH Group,” you bat your eyelids slowly as you mutter “Is she the girl you’re marrying?”

“I guess,” He shrugs, gaze trembling away from you

“Oh,” you breath out, stomach sinking at his simple response as you lose all the words you prepared earlier “Okay.”

“My dad wants me to!” he adds as he brings his gaze to you and observes your expression carefully

“I heard about their company,” you nod, blinking rapidly to fight the tears “they’re pretty rich.”

“Y-Yeah,” he nods, shoulders slumping down upon your words “They’re an affiliate of our company.”

“Your dad must like her a lot then,” your voice sounds far more bitter than you intend and Taehyung doesn’t fail to notice it

“he doesn’t care,” he responds uninterested “He just wants me to settle down and have kids,” he hesitates before continuing, “he says he’s getting old and he wants grandchildren before he dies and since I’m not contributing to the company I should at least make babies.”

Your heart suddenly drops at the thought of Taehyung having babies, imagining mini versions of him running around the house tugging at the strings of your heart knowing another girl would be sharing that happiness with him.

You suddenly feel a rush of anger through your body, the situation seeming unfair on your end. You were fine with being his best friend, with having only a platonic relationship with him for years.

But he had to go out of his way to change the way you perceive him, tangling you in this complicated tug of war between your feelings only to be declaring another girl will have his babies.

The complicated rush of emotions all surge through you and you find yourself blurting out the words carelessly.

“Then what about me?”

“W-What?”

“Why did you do all those things with me?” You ask defeated, fist clenching by your side “Why did you have to bring me over and fuck me over your sheets?”

“B-Because … I just thought- I mean, It was about the payback …” he explains nervously

“What does that make me then?” You snap back, tears threatening to roll down your cheek “I was your best friend, but after all of this I dont even know where I stand in this relationship …” you inhale sharply as your gaze wanders on his dazed expression before asking “Or you want me to be your side chick?”

“WHAT?” He asks bewildered by your sudden accusation

“Is that what this is about?” You ask as the sudden realization hits “You want to marry her, but you kind- kinda want to have me as your side chick, like friends with benefit-Aaah”

He cuts your sentence short as he grips your arms and presses you against the wall, his eyes tingling with rage and fiery.

“That’s all you see isn’t it?” He asks through gritted teeth “You look at me, and all you ever fucking see is a boy trying to play with girls…” he sighs "a fuckboy, isn’t it?“

"Can you blame me?” You ask, your eyes glazing with fresh tears “You ignore me for days, making me worried sick about you only for me to find you cumming deep in a girl’s throat in your VIP room,”

You press your hands against his chest, trying to create some distance “Then you fuck me on your bed, bringing me onto my knees only to tell me you’re marrying another girl in the morning who you’re probably going to fuck on the same sheets.”

“What do you want me to do?” He yells back furiously “My dad wants me to get married and the only girl I ever imagined a future with is dating someone else … So I’m trying to take it like a man and move on so I at least dont lose her friendship, ” he goes silent for a second before staring directly into your eyes “Can’t you fucking see I’m trying?”

You furrow your eyebrows, still trying to make sense of his words when he shoots the next question

“Are you serious about Jungkook?” He interrupts you as he looks at you with a serious expression, “Jeon Jungkook, I’m asking do you fucking like him?”

“W-What?” you furrow your eyebrows “Why is he coming into this-”

“Answer my question, how far did you guys go?” He asks “Do you like him?”

“No,” you simply shake your head, the train of questions he’s bombarding you with not allowing anything but raw truth seeping out your words

“Did you fuck him?” He asks before quickly adding “Other than the bathroom incident, how far did you go with him?” he asks again, face frowning at the mention of the infamous incidence

“Nothing,” you quickly stop him “We- It was just that-”

“Alright,” he nods, reassured by your responses “So I can still call dibs on you.”

“Call dibs on me?” You chuckle awkwardly at his choice of words not believing him “What am I? a candy?”

“ I like you Y/N,” he shots back in rage, eyes observing your lost expression.

Your reaction is exactly as he expected, eyebrows furrowing closer before your eyes widen in shock.

“Tae … W-What-”

“Right,” he nods panting heavy in anger “I like you so fucking much I couldn’t see you sucking that bastard’s dick, So I brought you back home to suck mine,” he scoffs at the irony of his words “I was jealous like a five years old, that’s why I need to know if you regret following me here and if you’re serious about him.”

“Tae,” you call for him, thoughts rushing to your brain at an insane speed “Y-You, seriously, You …”

Your voice trails off as you try to digest the words that come one after another, your attempts fail completely as your brain shots back a big error to you. Your thoughts are blank as you try and process the guy’s devastated look along with his previous words.

“I can’t even cum without imagining your face,” he exhales bringing his eyes to you “I’m fucking the "Victoria’s secret models”,“ he quotes you with a bitter tone "But all I can ever think about is you and your God damn face.”

“How long-” you ask with a dazed tone “Since when-”

“I dont even remember when it started,” he replies, head falling low as he tries to think “I believe it started when we started going to rehab,” he mutters eyes wandering as he reminisces the memories “I used to lay in bed, sore all over from my cravings for those pills and all I could ever think of was your face.”

You look at him, listening attentively to his words as you remember the days you used to go to his rehab sessions together. Back then he decided to quit his addictions to the recreational drugs he used to take with his rich friends and you promised to help him go through the process.

You never truly realized how deep he was attached to those pills and how much you neglected him until you followed him to his therapy sessions, watching him scream and tremble from his cravings for the drugs that gave him his highs before.

Deep inside you felt guilty for being so careless about what he did or who he hung out with while you were working your ass off to get recruited in a prestigious company.

So you made sure you’d be with him every step of his heart-wrenching battle with the addiction, ensuring you don’t regret neglecting your best friend ever again.

“It’s not my fault,” he snaps defensively as he presses your body against the wall “You were always there at my weakest,” He breathes out as he watches you carefully “I just wanted to close my eyes and die and you were on my bed forcing me to eat and drink into another day.”

“I-I’m …” you start, stumbling through the words “I didn’t know!”

“Of course you didn’t,” he scoffs with a bitter smile “I worked so fucking hard to hide it, sleeping with every God damn girl in this town to hide the fact that I want to bone my best friend every time she hugs me innocently like a friend.”

You sigh imagining how hard you were making it for him all these years, without even realising you might be torturing the guy with your overly affectionate behaviour, barging into his life and his personal space almost all the time.

“I’m sorry Ta-”

“Cut it,” he hisses eyes closing close “That’s exactly why I worked so hard, I dont wanna fucking hear you pity me for my feelings,” he clenches his jaw “I shouldn’t have started this, my jealousy about you and Jungkook got the best of me and I thought with my dick for a moment, I’m sorry-”

“No,” you quickly shake your head “I dont regret a thing about last night Tae. We both made a decision and we did it knowing fully what the consequences could be.”

He goes silent for a few seconds eyes lowering as his grip on your arms loosen and he stands passively against your body.

“Are you serious about what you said?” you ask with a defeated tone, letting emotions take control of your words “about having a future with me?”

He brings his wavering eyes to you, lips parting “All I ever wanted was to be with you Y/N,” he whispers “No matter how many girls came and left my life, It was always you.”

“Then let’s make babies,“ you blurt out, the words slipping your tongue before you even chew them properly

"You- You seriously …” his eyes widen in surprise “What?”

“I wanna be with you Tae,” you drift closer to him "and if this what it takes for your Dad to accept me, I will have your babies,” you then hesitate before biting the corner of your lips shyly and adding “even if he doesn’t, I’ll probably still have your babies.”

“Y/N,” he breaths out in disbelief “You want to be with me?” He asks, eyes about to pop out of socket from your sudden suggestion “Me?”

“Yes,” you nod determined “I dont think I have the confidence to let you go Tae,” you admit, heart trembling at the thought “I dont think I can trust any other woman to take care of you either. That day when your brother said you’ll be getting married, I felt like a piece of my heart was ripped right out of my chest. The only reason I said those horrible things was because I was lost and confused and didn't know how to deal with my feelings.”

His expression softens to a sweet smile, eyes glittering with joy for a few seconds before his mischievous aura takes over his features again. He leans closer to your ear with a smirk as he whispers

“You want to have babies huh?” he murmurs making your cheeks heat up from the suggestive words “and I thought your daddy kink was a surprise, Who would have known my baby has an impregnation kink?”

He then grabs your thighs firmly, picking you off the floor, legs automatically wrapping around his waist as he settles you on the wall “Since you asked so nicely,” he smirks as he hoists his hands around your torso “Daddy will give you babies.” He whispers before crashing his lips on yours.

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