#is what LITERALLY keeps my job going | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ethicallysourcedhumanmeat · 1 year ago

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lmao nothing more maddening than having someone explain things to me like I have no idea how both my job and my field of education work

#like no actually thats not hiw that is decided bc this is not the US #and also like #not only is knowing how arts funding works part of my education #I also just got back from an industry conference #and #the funding that you're saying doesn't exist #is what LITERALLY keeps my job going #and knowing the demand for the programs is also what keeps me working #like this is my job and my education why are you arguing with me?

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vaguely-concerned · 1 month ago

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thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

#tl;dr the demon is a metaphor about dissociation and trauma and it's doing its job thematically fucking pitch perfectly that way the end #dragon age #dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: the veilguard spoilers #dragon age spoilers #lucanis dellamorte #dragon age meta #this mission is like ds9 the wire in terms of episodes you really can examine from a thousand different angles #and find something new and soulcrushingly sad every time. exactly my kind of episode in other words #whenever people say there's nothing to him but coffee and spite jokes some small part of me goes 'oh I'm so incredibly sorry!#it must be really hard and so impractical to go through life without being able to read :'( get better soon'#is that very nice of me. perhaps not. is the writing here *perfect*? of course not. but some people are also dedicated to being #wilfully blind (presumably b/c they would have preferred to see something else?? idk man)#lucanis' reaction to taash going 'I'm sorry I'm such a bad crow :'('... he could NEVER do what caterina did with him no matter what #you just can't use him like that. he needs the clean family/enemy/contract distinction or you just break him!!!#caterina literally what are you thinking. every day I ask myself this. (probably 'the only other option that keeps the seat in the family #is illario. so that's right out of course' lmao)#god forbid it happen anytime soon if it should happen b/c there's Stuff that needs working through first lol but he'd be such a soft dad

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deoidesign · 2 months ago

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Time and Time Again comes back tonight!

Thank you all for being so patient with me, I know it was a long hiatus.

My health was struggling, my arm was (is) hurting, and I decided it wasn't worth it. I'd rather be slow!

So thank you for giving me that grace, and I hope you'll be there with me for the rest of the series.

#like straight up. it's not worth it. idc how many people get mad at me #i would rather work fuckin. anything else than maintain this impossible schedule and keep hurting myself #if thats what it takes to do comics full time. then i can't do comics full time. simple as that!#i hope that for my next work i can have a healthier schedule and still make this work as my job #but if not. I'm never going back #i can't do it. 3 more years at this pace will take my ability to draw #anyways. its really good!!!#like genuinely i can feel a marked improvement in my skills #which is WILD!!! And I'm extremely happy about that!!!#just one more step into being better built to give people the quality stories they deserve.#ive not properly had the fire under my ass to finish stuff up but. its fine.#like i said? not worth it.#if i have to pause again then ill pause again. like i literally simply can not my body can't handle it #so. hopefully stuff goes smoothly but whatever happens will happen #whatever will be will be #i keep getting distracted lmfao #im excited about it coming back #and also. will. probably be distracting myself...#other creators dont read their comments. I'm like straight up not capable of that LMAOOO #i check for comments like all the time #love seeing em. love reading people's thoughts about my work #it makes me a better writer and keeps me connected to what matters most. which is my audience!#so i dont regret doing that but also. jts extremely distracting #i get straight up nothing done on big update days #cause im in the comments absolutely massive eyed refreshing.#this sounds obsessive. and it is. no jk #its just fun and keeps me in touch w peoples perception which helps me learn to write better #plus people are nice and ask me questions that i wanna answer #or if someone is being an ass. then i wanna tell them to leave (cause i cant block people) cause i consider it my responsibility #time and time again

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spoondrifts · 4 months ago

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hi there! i kinda hate to do this, but i'm in a bit of a rough patch financially at the moment, and i'm a little concerned about running out of grocery money at the end of the month. totally no pressure, but if you're feeling generous and would like to tip me a few bucks on my ko-fi, i'd really appreciate it <3 again, please don't feel obligated at all!! love u guys and i just figured it couldn't hurt to ask :)

#i'm applying for jobs but i just keep getting rejected and it's starting to wear on me #i already took out more loans than i wanted to for school this year & my meal plan is considerably smaller than it was last year #and i've been so stressed about money it's kind of making me miserable but i'm trying not to succumb to panic about it #i'm going to be okay no matter what. i have access to a food pantry. i just. don't want to be fully reliant on my school's welfare programs #when they keep refusing to hire me literally anywhere. whatever #exeunt: bay

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septimusmoonlight · 3 months ago

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You doing ok?

hi

#i'm alive. simply being chewed upon by multiple things #work is more stressful than i'd like it to be. for instance i'm hoping that i submitted my time off notification for tomorrow correctly #because otherwise it might read as a no call no show and i would . like to continue having a job #now to be fair. i do have it on the system that i requested it at the beginning of the month and i emailed my supervisor about it last week #so even if i didn't submit it correctly i'm likely in the clear #but nonetheless. i also got a firm talking-to the other day and now i am on ✨thin ice✨ for dicking around too much #because they track ur idle time at my work (computer) and mine was Quite High so my supervisor was like man what the hell is this #but even though she was kind of baffled at me spending so much time dicking around #she couldn't even really be all that mad in the end because i'm still doing good numbers and have made no (zero) mistakes #so she was just like. it's kind of impressive that your numbers look this good when you literally have 50% idle time #so she goes imagine what you could do if you weren't wasting so much time #and yeah i can whip out some Really Good Numbrers when i put the effort in.#so the problem is not my numbers it's just that i'm not spending long enough doing my tasks for the day #but i don't want to drag out those tasks intentionally so i've just been upping my own standards/goals #as much as i hate giving any more of my brain power than is necessary to giant corporations #it's still easy to feel smug after you get Talked To and then immediately turn around and show off #like yeah i coulda been doing this good the whole time. literally pulling up by 20 points. i just didn't want to.#trying to keep everyone's expectations low but accidentally toed the line of um. not working enough to keep my job #...anyway. EAS national weather system issued a . hi #i haven't forgotten about all of you i'm just having trouble tracking all my shit that i got going on ✨ yaaaaaaay #im gonna post things on AO3 soon. i promise. my weakness is that i get sidetracked trying to unwind from work #...i know i said 'soon' last time. but this time for real #asks #not sexy #anonymous

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kyouka-supremacy · 5 months ago

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(˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

#I've had the cutest interaction today #So like yesterday? There was this post I saw on my dash that was like “you want to know extra info about museums? Just befriend a–#guide! That way you can also unlock the Secret Backscene” and I was like. Lmao. Who could ever befriend a museum guide I've never–#even personally met anyone who works at museums?#... Well. Guess what happened today #I was following this guided museum tour with a friend and when the tour came to an end I was happily chatting with her when the guide.#Shyly chimed in and was like “is that an Atsushi keychain?” And I was like !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#And I was like‚‚ omg‚‚‚ Do you happen to know‚‚‚ This one series‚‚‚‚‚‚#And they unsheathed their phone like a fbi distinctive in American movies to show me their fyo/zai background amjdsgawsjda it was SO cute.#They were adorable. And I got so embarassed but trying to keep my cool while internally I was like‚‚‚#Omg the Cool Museum Guide™ is talking with me about my hyperfixation‚‚‚‚‚‚ What is happening #We talked a bit about the manga it was such a nice and sweet exchange. They said they like Dostoyevsky and I was like yeah he's so cool!!!#They said they're sorry about Bram it was REALLY cute (´；ω；｀)#I didn't want to hamper them too much so I took my leave shortly after but I'd actually really like to pay visit again–#when the new chapter is out??#Hhhhhhh I don't want to look stalkery and like go look for them on their job. But also like‚ they looked genuinely happy and as excited as–#I was when we were chatting and I believe in the power of human connections through shared hyperfixations #The possibly funnier part is that then my friend went “Wait you're into b/ungo stray dogs??” and like alright. This is less surprising.#I already knew she likes manga.#What actually left me quite baffled was that... She really didn't know I was into b/sd. When it's literally what I think about 24/7 #Something very similar happened just a week ago. My friend gifted me a manga volume of a series she really likes for my birthday #But when she was giving it to me she awkwardly went “oh‚ just‚ it features romance between two guys. I hope that's okay with you...”#And I internally had to pause and realize that no.#In fact most of the people I hang out with don't know I spend half my time curating a bl focused blog.#It's just funny in a way? I got so used to concealing my hyperfixations I didn't even realize I actually got quite good at passing–#for someone who is normal about stuff.#random rambles

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moeblob · 3 months ago

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Rey, who is in my very biased opinion, one of the funniest "girls" I have because she's just a guy, truly. Like Rey is just short for Reynold because he was recruited by a a goddess to help the hero she selected and the hero is conveniently Reynold's younger brother. So he agrees to help under the condition that the goddess gives him a female body for the other world. She's like "really odd flex but whatever" and gives him a female form and he's like "you know. I can't really blame anyone but myself for not specifying 'please don't turn me into a Lisa Frank personification'."

#my characters #ya know since i draw daily idk if ill do any challenges this month #i know theres a LOT of them out there but i might hold off and do huevember as a challenge and let this month just be chill #for what its worth he only asks for a female body because his baby brother (like 10 years younger than him)#commented ONE TIME ugh its so weird to have you dote on me like this #why couldnt you have been an older sister or look less suspicious #so when sent to help his brother hes like RIGHT GOT IT GIRL TIME LIKE THE MOST LOGIC COURSE OF ACTION #then does a really good job at helping the hero and then gets abducted by the demon army and #as rey keeps challenging the demons checking on him in the dungeon (who are all very kind?) to just interrogate him already #and they just ask why would they do that? they just wanted her outta the way for a bit #cause they dont actually want to hurt anyone and then the demon lord keeps personally visiting rey and continues #to point out how she gives him a headache and how the core is different than the shell #and so then he offers to revert rey back to his original form and reynold immediately accepts #and so now hes just a guy again surrounded by v nice demons #and hes like please just be mean ive been trained to handle violence you have to stop being nice #im not used to nice ok you have to be mean or else im going to develop stockholm syndrome #and the demons are just ?? we dont .... dont know.... what that is.......... what.....#then he gets engaged to the demon lord and all is well ! he becomes the trophy husband to the demon lord #and the world is saved (it was never at risk)#i have a lot of love for the idiots in this plot #because reynold and sascha are literal husbands thinking oh no my beloved husband is only married out of convenience to meeee #and solei is the goddess who recruited him and is so mad that reynold is more of a gremlin than sascha #like why is this mere mortal somehow worse than THE DEMON LORD how in the world #and reynold runs around just adopting all of the demon army and is like yeah #ill be the trophy husband with a hundred kids and a hot 7ft tall demon husband who can change into a huge dragon #and hes really content in this role!#but for a while he does appear as rey and hates how much of a highlighter he is

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skunkes · 9 months ago

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i may be stupid

#(but im not sure)#a doodley #i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them #im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws #second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects #idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me #since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment #i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are #im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness #im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too #so its not that...! its personality. its laziness #its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts #with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all

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intertexts · 3 months ago

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omg forgot to mention also. a friend is entering the convent next summer + said she'd try & pull some strings to get me her current barista job when she leaves........

#apparently they have good management + it's Close + id literally love to drop what im doing at the university unless for some #reason they Super Need Me Specifically... im hanging on 2 my actual job rn for the obvious reasons & also id love to work at the owners #other place whenever they have a couple shift openings (bartenders & bar manager like me & keep asking when im gonna join them ^_^)#but God it is a lot. & also i know for a fact that this coffee house is a rlly cute place.....#anyway. that's the me update. waiting for my damn laundry so i can go to bed -_- just like them davekats....#txt

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quins-makeshift-menagerie · 7 months ago

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Brb gotta just yell into the void