#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects

[skunkes]

i may be stupid

[seithr]

mantis cruiser run completed. 1 hull pt. live crew reaction

[55sturn]

https://www.tumblr.com/55sturn/752204504537202688/send-in-some-requests-for-chris-please-i-miss

hanging out with chris and you slowly start to realize that you like him and you end up ghosting him 😭

✮ ALL I WANTED WAS YOU

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis: in which of an indirect proclamation of love doesn’t go the way it’s supposed to.

warnings: angst. that’s it.

you hadn’t meant for your relationship with chris to get this far. you had only meant to be friends with him, but the way he’d look at you, and the way he could answer all your favourite things without second guessing himself, and the way he’d hold you so close to him without even needing to ask if you need a hug, all had you looking at him in a different light.

and to say you were scared would be an understatement, you knew if you expressed your feelings to him, he’d give you the same line he gave his brothers any time they asked if you two were together; “nah man, i cant do that, not with her, she’s too important to me to wreck it by making things romantic.” knowing that it was his fear of love and heartbreak and commitment speaking, and while you understood where he was coming from, you couldn’t jeopardize your own heart. chris means a lot to you, he’s your best friend, so in a futile act of self preservation, you distanced yourself. and for about two months you thought it was working,

until chris showed up at your apartment at one in the morning. his eyes puffy and red-rimmed from crying. he was distraught, you were his best friend and he couldn’t grasp why you would suddenly push him away, and he demanded an explanation.

“why are you shutting me out i thought things were going good?” he croaks, his throat dry as he tries to voice the anger and confusion he’s feeling.

“chris it’s not worth explaining-wait what do you mean by ‘i thought things were going good?” you cut yourself off, his question hitting you a second later than it should’ve.

“as if it’s not obvious that i like you? that i have feelings for you, y/n and up until two months ago, i thought you felt the same.” he whispers, avoiding your gaze as you let out an exasperated sigh.

“i did, i do, but what about that shit you say to your brothers about me being too important to consider dating?”

“i just said that so they’d get off my back about us. i thought everything we did made it clear that i wanted this?” chris sighs, running a hand down his face as he watches your face morph into a mix of something sad and something confused.

“i wanted this too but i was so terrified of you not wanting to it too, of your fear of commitment getting in the way. i’m still so scared.”

“you are the one thing i have committed to in a long time, even without a real relationship existing. my fears about anything to do with a relationship went away the second they were met with the idea of hurting you or pushing you away.”

“but there’s so much at stake chris, my friendship with your brothers, the friends we share, not to mention my friendship with you. if i lose that, i lose everything that means something to me, everything that makes getting up in the morning worth it. everything that has shown me what love is. i can lose just about anything chris, but jesus christ, i cannot lose you.” you whisper, your eyes welling with tears as you shred every ounce of pride, allowing yourself to be bare for a moment, indirectly confessing just how deep your feelings for chris run.

“then don’t push me away, let us be together in the way we want to be, give us a chance, because you are everything i’ve wanted and more.”

“i’m sorry chris but i cant, not when you’re too valuable to me. i don’t want to risk anything. what if we break up and it’s not a good, mutual one? what if it’s harsh and cruel and crushes every chance we could have reconciling? i couldn’t live with that.” you sob, your fears becoming all encompassing as your mind begins to spiral of the torturous what ifs of the relationship souring between you and chris.

“you’re insane if you think i’d ever let you get away once i got a taste of what it’s like to be completely yours.” he whispers, his hands gently cradling your face as he pulls you to face him, his own tears gently trailing down his face, the salt in the tears turning his eyes red, make them seem a shade of such a clear blue that it makes it difficult to keep your own eyes trained on his.

“i’m sorry chris but it’s too risky. i think you should go.”

“well that’s your decision and i may not agree with it but i’m willing to wait until you change your mind, if you ever do. and if you do, you know where to find me.”

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© 55STURN 2024 ! REBLOGS NOT EXPECTED BUT GREATLY APPRECIATED ! [ you do not have permission to copy or save or share my work to other platforms and devices! ]

[formulaswift]

why cant you choose me.

carlos sainz x norris!reader

reader and carlos are friends with benefits as being together is too risky…lando being her brother and all, but is carlos willing to risk it for her…

warnings : mentions of sex, language, use of yn…angsty one also not proofread im sorry😭

you turned over in bed, feeling the presence of the man lying next to you. inhaling gently you smelt his faint scent of cologne as you rolled over under the sheets.

one of his arms moved and looped around your waist, pulling you in gently as he grumbled something. carlos was never a morning person and you knew that, you also knew your brother would absolutely kill the both of you if he found out about your current position…or rather any position carlos had put you in.

when lando first introduced you to carlos as his sister, he made it very clear that there was no way carlos was allowed too close, let alone to date you or god forbid…fuck you.

and thats what made your current predicament even more amusing to you, laying in bed next to a very tired carlos sainz.

you both swore that it was strictly casual, and that you were just two people who had a strong attraction to eachother…you were friends so surely nothing would change right.

but then you’d noticed how his hug would linger for slightly too long when you’d leave after one of your late night rendezvous, how his eyes would soften at the sight of you, how the smell of your perfume would slow his breathing and calm his heart rate.

and you werent one to play innocent either, you knew that you loved it when he’d sit there and play with your hair in the mornings, or he’d pull you back towards him when you’d roll away from him in the night.

which brought your thoughts back to your current place, feeling carlos bury his head into your neck, softly breathing as you thought he’d fallen back asleep, until he kissed your neck gently, murmuring sweet words under your ear, breath soft against your skin, warming it slightly.

“morning mi amor.”

he said, quietly but you could hear the deep and slight croakiness to his voice, he always had it in the mornings.

“mm hi.”

you smiled, moving yourself slightly so you could face him instead of staring off the edge of the bed. his soft brown eyes met yours.

he leant in and gently placed a kiss on your lips, his lingering for a second too long after he pulled away but you werent in a position to correct him. he pushed his head back into the crook of your neck and laid there.

“carlos.”

“hm ?”

“have you ever thought of us…being more than this.”

you blurted out, wanting to ask the question yet not wanting till the worst moment to say it.

“hermosa, you know we can’t…”

“why can’t we.”

“you know what lando would say, he’d kill me.”

“why does he get a say on what happens in my life.”

“mi amor, it’s not worth the risk.”

“why not.”

“landos one of my closest friends, i cant just lose him.”

“but it’s okay if lose me?”

you said, feeling frustration in the fact that he didnt seem to care as much as you did.

“thats not what i said hermosa, of course i dont want to lose you but i really dont think its worth the risk of losing my best friend, why cant we just stay like we are.”

“because i care about you ! and i cant just keep on waiting until you call me on a random tuesday saying to come over for me to able to see you, i dont wanna have to be the girl you fuck when you feel like it, i can’t keep doing this.”

he moved away a little, standing up from the bed where you still sat.

“i can’t give you more than that hermosa.”

“you can’t or you won’t?”

you said tears brimming your eyes.

he didn’t respond, something in his eyes telling you he didn’t want to be in this position, telling you these things but it wasn’t that simple.

“hermosa…”

you ignored him, standing up from the bed and dressing yourself hastily. you grabbed your things.

“yn!”

“no im done carlos , answer my question.”

“you cant give me more or you wont ?”

“i wont, im sorry hermosa but im not risking my friendship with him.”

“then im not wasting any more of my time on meaningless sex when we both know it goes deeper than that.”

you walked out, slamming the door, the sound echoing like a gunshot in the cold air of the hall.

[thedisc0spider]

angst request: spencer and reader confessed their feeling for each other a while back, but decided to stay friends as to not ruin anything between them/at work. they both try to move on. so when a smosh holiday party happens they both bring people they're dating. and jealousy and angst ensues......

Selfish

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Summary: literally the request

Warnings: angstttt, cursing, fem!reader, arguing, suggestive comment at the end, jealousy

Genre: angst with a hint of fluff at the end

Point of view: 1st person (I usually write second person but I really wanted an internal monologue moment)

A/n: so this request was literally perfect? You are so lovely, anon. 🤎

————————————————————————————————————

————————————————————————————————————

Of course, I want to be with him, but it’s just not plausible. I mean, think about it, if we broke up that would affect everyone around us as well. It would just be selfish.

This all started a few months ago, I did what I had to do for the sake of not only Spencer and I, but our co-workers too.

Me and Spencer were having a movie night, nothing out of the ordinary, except this time Spencer was feeling more bold than usual. Maybe it was the wine or the dim lighting, but at one point in the night we were looking at each other and he kissed me. It felt real and it felt right, but something in me said otherwise.

“Spencer, we can’t.” I said, pulling away.

“Yes, we can.” He leaned in again.

I stopped him by putting my hand on his chest. “No, Spencer. I’m serious. We work together, this could potentially ruin everything.” I shook my head.

I know I have a tendency to overthink, but it really did feel selfish.

“But I want to risk that for you, (y/n). It’s worth it to me. You are worth the risk.”

He looked at me with this glimmer in his eyes, one that he always had when he saw me. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but I wish I did.

“I just… I don’t want to lose this. And I don’t want to, you know, make it awkward for everyone else if it didn’t work out.”

“But, I….” He looked at the ground for a moment.

We sat there for what felt like forever.

“So, what are you saying?” He spoke in almost a whisper, as if he was trying not to cry.

“Im saying I cant be with you… in that way.”

“In what way?”

“Romantically, Spencer.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He swallowed hard. I felt so bad, but what was I supposed to do?

“Im so sorry, Spencer. I really want to, but-“

“Then why can’t we? We both want it, (y/n/n). Why are you saying this?” He stood from the couch and I could tell he was truly hurt. I stood with him.

“Because we can’t, okay!”

“But you’re the only person I want, (y/n).”

“Spence, don’t be like this. Can’t we just be friends?”

Another long moment of silence.

“Well… I don’t want to lose you, so… yeah, I guess so. If that’s the only way.”

I grabbed his hand. He looked at me.

“We aren’t gonna let this night mess anything up, right? We care about each other too much for that.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you at work.”

After that night, everything was okay between us. We remained friends and didn’t let it ruin us.

Actually, I met someone else. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks casually but I’ve decided to bring him to the office holiday party. His name is Derek and he really is a sweetheart.

Tonight I’m wearing a tight dark-red dress that’s ends just above my knees. As we enter the room, I’m met with blue and frosty decorations.

Courtney and Shayne are chatting near a table that holds snacks and drinks, so I guide Derek in that direction.

“Hey, Court! Hi, Shayne!” I hug them both.

“(Y/n)! Who’s this?” She nods towards the man beside me.

“Oh! This is Derek, the guy I’ve been seeing.” He shakes both of their hands.

“Nice to meet you guys.” He smiles.

“You’re dating (y/n)? Good luck.” Shayne teases, I roll my eyes.

“Don’t listen to him.”

Courtney looks over my shoulder and smiles. “Oh, look, Spencer’s here!” They wave him over, “Spencer! Come here!”

I feel breathing get just a little harder when I see a woman walking with him, holding his hand. She was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. I do my best to smile. Why the hell am I jealous? This was my idea.

“Hey, guys! This is Paris.”

Fuck, even her name.

“It’s really nice to meet you all, Spencey never shuts up about you guys.”

Spencey? Before I can realize it I let out an almost unnoticeable exhale of a laugh. Spencer shoots me a warning look. I swallow. By this point Shayne and Courtney have already greeted the pair and left, leaving the four of us alone.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Paris. I’m (y/n).” I give her a polite smile, she immediately gasps and wraps me in a hug. “Oh!” I laugh, lightly hugging her back.

“You’re the famous (y/n)? It’s so great to meet you!” She lets me out of her arms.

Fuck, and she’s adorably sweet. I guess I really have no reason not to like her.

“You too!” I awkwardly nod.

“I’m Derek, by the way.” He adds, shaking the hands of the pair.

“Spencer.”

There’s a small pause. Me and Spencer look at each other for a second.

“So, um- how did you two meet?” I ask, breaking the silence.

Paris goes on and on about their first meeting, they were both at a bar about a week ago and this was only their third date.

“Well, we should probably go mingle, it was really nice to meet you, Paris. Spencer, always a pleasure.” He nods towards me before Derek and I walk away.

We both grab a drink.

“So what was that about?”

I furrow my brows. “What was what about?”

“You and that guy? I don’t know, there was just weird tension. Do you guys not get along?”

“No, we’re really good friends actually.” I laugh.

I watch as Spencer stands there with his arm around her waist. My stomach turns.

“Oh…” he look back at Spencer. “So you guys hooked up?”

“What?” I say, a little too loud. “No! No, not at all… well, I mean, we kissed, but-“

“Oh, so he’s definitely still in love with you.”

I look around, confused.

“What?”

“Babe, come on, don’t play dumb. The way he looks at you… it’s like me and that chick weren’t even in the room.”

I scoff, shaking my head.

“That’s not true, Derek.”

He rolls his eyes, “look, we both knew this wasn’t actually going anywhere. I think you’re really cool but we were both just having fun.”

I sigh, nodding.

“It’s obvious there’s something between you two, I don’t want to get involved with that.”

“I understand.”

We hug and Derek decides to leave.

I’m walking through the office, trying to find someone alone or at least a small group. The last thing I want is a big crowd.

As I pass the games pod, I see spencer at his desk. Alone.

“You know this is a party, right?” I say, sitting on the couch.

Spencer whips his head back. “Oh, yeah I was just… I don’t know.” He shakes his head.

“Where’s Paris?”

He scoffs.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t know what this game is but I’m done playing.”

“What are you talking about?”

He narrows his eyes. “You were a bitch to her.”

“Sorry, what?” I stand, crossing my arms over my chest.

He meets my gaze by standing himself.

“She was super nice to you, (y/n) and you brushed her off.”

I stand there at a loss for words for a moment, looking anywhere but in his eyes. He was right, I wasn’t very nice to her. Shit.

“Im sorry.” I finally look at him. “You’re right, I was jealous.”

He sighs, running his hands down his face. “This was your idea, (y/n)! You don’t get to be jealous.”

I’ve never seen him this mad before. The glimmer in his eye is gone and suddenly I miss it. I screwed up.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

I look up at him. The way he’s glaring at me is something I never thought I’d ever see from him. It hurt.

“You’re so confusing. One day you just want to be friends and the next you’re all bitchy about the fact that I’m trying to move on! You wanted this-“

“Well, maybe I fucked up!” I shrug, dropping my arms as I sit back on the couch. My head is in my hands and I’m crying. Why am I crying? This is so embarrassing.

“(Y/n) I didn’t mean…” he sighs, sitting next to me. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

He gently rubs my back as to comfort me, but it only makes he break down more. Spencer brings me into his chest.

After a few minutes I pull myself together, sitting up.

“This is pathetic, I’m sorry.” I laugh.

“No, it’s not.”

“Honestly… I thought it would be selfish for us to be together, but I think this is worse. Either way someone gets hurt.”

He runs a hand through my hair, twirling it in his fingers, giving me and sympathetic look.

“Yeah, you’re right. I ended it with Paris. I feel bad for doing it at a party but-“

“Wait what? Why would you do that?” I turn towards him, furrowing my brows.

“There was no future there… she took it surprisingly well, though.”

“Thats good. Derek left too.” I laugh.

“Oh, that sucks. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.

I shrug, “no, it’s fine.”

“(Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

He looks at the ground, elbows resting on his knees. “What now?”

That’s a good question. Where do we go from here? Maybe it is best for us to be together, but I’m not sure if the offer still stands.

“Well… I guess it’s up to you.” I shrug, “but if you’ll still have me… maybe we can try that kiss again?”

He looks over at me, sitting up. “Really?”

I nod. Spencer places his hand on my cheek, gently pulling me in. As our lips meet, I let it happen this time. Again, it feels right except, this time there’s no undertones of uncertainty. By the time we pull away, the glimmer in his eye has resurfaced.

I smile.

“How was that?” He whispers.

“Perfect.”

He pulls me into his embrace, tightly hugging me like he’s never going to let go. I sigh into his chest. This feels right.

“So, what do say we go back to my place, Spencey.” I tease, smirking.

Spencer lets out a loud laugh, “Shut up.”

[sukiipjs]

✮ BLONDIE : PT 1

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

↳ nick sturniolo x masc reader

↳ words - 2239

↳ summary - you’ve been having a hard time realizing and accepting the fact that you’re gay, and in love with your best friend. you try to ignore the feelings but that only makes everything worse until you can’t hide it anymore.

↳ contains - swearing, angst, use of y/n, internalized homophobia, depression, crying, idk??? [READ PT 2 - PT 3]

↳ song - blondie by current joys

°:. *₊ ° . ☆ °:. *₊ ° . ° .•

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

nick has been my best friend for years, he’s always been there for me, and me there for him. we met in the first grade when he saw me alone at recess on the swings and he ran up to me, asking if i wanted to play with him and his brothers. one of the many things i love about him, hes always there, always there to help, or just be with. from that day on he’s always been my number one but honestly, i’ve been kind of avoiding him lately.

of course i don’t want to, i really really don’t want to, trust me, but i don’t want to make anything bad between us either. even though pushing him away is probably fucking things up anyway.

the thing is, for months, maybe even years now i think that i might be coming to a realization: i think i’m gay, or not gay but bi? i hate labels, i dont want to be put into a box, its honestly just hard to fit into one too. i mean i’ve had girlfriends before and i’ve liked that, but nick…

okay i might be coming to another realization: i think i’m in love with nick. and to make everything worse, i can’t even talk to anyone about this because the only person i would tell is nick, but if i told him, well i just cant, it could destroy our friendship. he’d hate me, i cant lose him.

but maybe i’m not in love with him, i mean i love nick, i always have but maybe its not love love? maybe its just me appreciating our friendship more. okay who am i kidding it’s definitely becoming more, I LOVE HIM. he’s just perfect, in general, to me, to everyone. i want to spend every moment of my life with him, i want to hug him and never let him go, i want to be with him, i just want to see him again.

i can’t even imagine what he’d say if he knew i liked him. he’d probably be disgusted, i’d ruin our friendship forever. i cant do that, i can’t risk anything like that, i need him even if that means the best thing i can do is just stay away, make up lies of why i cant hang out, slowly stop texting him, i mean maybe it's not the best thing but its either i do this and try and force these feelings down or i tell him and ruin everything. this is better, or at least that’s what i keep telling myself.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

nick 🫶

| wanna hang out today? haven’t seen you in forever, i’m boredddd

| i know i’m sorry, but i cant today, really really sorry. still not feeling good

| that’s okay, hope you feel better though 💕 if you need anything tell me okay?

| i’d rather hang out with you and get sick then spend one more second with my idiot brothers over here 💀

i stare at the message on my screen, i’m not sick, i’m just trying to be a good friend… by avoiding my best friend… sure, whatever.

i slam down my phone on my mattress, rolling over and burying my face in my pillow. muffled screams from my mouth as tears, start to pour from my eyes. every time i message him, saying i cant hang out i immediately regret it. i want to see him, i always do but again, i cant, i fucking cant. it would only make my feelings stronger and i just need to get rid of them as soon as i can so things can just go back to how they were.

fuck, here comes the spiral that ive been replaying in my head forever. do i even really like him? am i really bi, gay, straight, whatever the fuck? i don’t even know, it’s all too confusing and stressful right now. why can’t i just be me? and have my best friend with me again? actually hang out with him, see him?

all i can really do right now is continue screaming and crying into my pillow about how much of a shitty friend i’m being, great. I constantly stalk his instagram, trying to see if i do really like him and try to see what he’s up to without me, i miss him so much.

…i wish he was a girl then i would be straight and all this shit wouldn’t hurt so much. i’m not trying to say that being gay is bad, all i’m saying is that it would be easier to figure all this out if i was straight and he was a girl. i know that’s so messed up to say but i don’t know how else to put it.

if he was a girl, i’d know that i’m in love with him, i wouldn’t be so afraid to accept myself because there wouldn’t be anything to accept. i’d just be me and he’d she’d be him her, i’d get to be his her boyfriend and we’d be a happy couple. i’d be happy and i wouldn’t have to push the person i love most in this stupid world away…

i smash my face into my silky white pillowcase over and over, shaking my head as i force the sides of the pillow into my face more. i want to suffocate.

i scream into my pillow more and more. ‘i love you nick, i love you nick, i love you. i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you nick, i DONT love you… but i do, i really really do, but i cant… i really really fucking cant.’

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i stay rotting in my bed, spiraling about random shit, taking random quizzes of ‘am i gay?’ or ‘am i in love with my bestfriend?’ or ‘is it a crush?’ like i know.

soft blankets cover me, my silky pillows supporting my back as i rewatch rupaul's drag race on my computer until i finish it again, oreos and empty dr pepper cans surround me. and of course, nick always in my mind, everything reminding me of him, those stupid quizzes, his favorite show, his favorite drink. i wish he could be here, like how we used to hang out before i started ruining everything but i could be ruining it more, at least im keeping my mouth shut.

every once and a while, a message from nick pops up. him sending me a tiktok or telling me about how spacecamp is going or just something random, asking how im doing, if im still sick. most times i try to ignore him, turning off the notifications but i answer sometimes, only one or two words, maybe just an emoji, just trying to say something. i don’t want him to think i hate him or anything, i still of course love him.

the only time i ever get up from my bed is to go the the bathroom or get more food, ive been wearing the same two sweatpants alternating them and random shirts that i throw on the floor after i wear them for enough. my hair shaggy and a scratchy stubble on my face. i look and feel gross. i didnt think that forcing my best friend away and trying to figure out my sexuality could make me this depressed, who knew.

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

weeks pass of me ignoring (or at least trying to ignore) nick and weeks of screaming into my sheets and sleeping all day become more and more. i finally decide to leave my apartment and stock up on some random things that will help me rot in my room even more: coffee, chips, oreos, whatever else i might want.

as i scan the aisle for dr pepper, standing in my gray hoodie with the hood covering me and one of the two sweatpants i’ve been wearing on, i hear a voice at the end of the row calling to me, “y/n?” my head turns to see who knows me that’s here, about to see how disgusting i look and just my luck, it’s nick.

“nick” a bright smile floods my face, i haven’t seen him for what seems like forever, i look at his blonde hair with grown out brunette roots, plus that signature nose ring and star earrings, of course he looks great.

he runs up to me, giving me a warm hug as he smiles too, “oh my god i haven’t seen you in decadessss” he exaggerates, laughing at me, “you feeling better now?” i tilt my head a little, confused but then i remember my lie. “oh yeah, i am. even though i dont look it” i try to scoff a laugh, looking down at myself, excusing how ‘i dont care’ i look right now.

“you look fine.” he laughs back again, “you know… me, chris and matt were gonna go out for dinner soon, wanna come?” i can tell he really wants me to be there and i really want to but i try to push it away, still.

“uhhh, i think had something later, sorry” my small smile slowly fading as his does too, i don’t think i’ve seen his smile leave that fast. “really? we haven’t talked in weeks, i miss you” he jokes a little, but really we do miss each other.

“i know, i’m sorry, but i promise we’ll hang out soon yeah?” i try to fake a small smile, trying to make this a little better but nick still looks sad, “yeah okay, see you later then?” he looks like he hates me, he looks just annoyed, hurt. i feel terrible.

“yeah, later” i’m about to walk closer to give him another hug but he leaves, to i assume go find his brothers, before i can. i’m terrible.

i finish up grabbing my things before leaving and driving off, replaying our interaction in my head. i could’ve just went? it was one dinner, that’s all. not a big deal. but it’s too late, it would just be weird if my schedule suddenly cleared up now.

°:. *₊ ° . ☆

i make my way back to my apartment, putting my bags down on the counter before going straight to my room again, flopping down on top of the pile of blankets and stuffed animals that cover my bed.

i dig in my pocket for my phone, taking it out as i grab a blanket to pull it over my face, closing off the sun that shines through my window.

i go straight to me and nicks messages, thinking of texting him. ‘i’m sorry’ too short, plain. ‘sorry, i was wrong i can go’ feels like i’m pitying him, plus just dumb. ‘i love you’ yeah definitely not. ‘come over? sorry’ again, stupid and he can NOT see the mess i have over here.

i decide on nothing and put my phone to the side of me, burying my head into my pillows again, tears flooding my eyes again again again. it’s too much. this is all stupid and i need to get over it all. this is terrible.

i go back to my cycle of curling up in warm blankets, eating my now new oreos and dr pepper and rewatching shows i’ve seen a million times before. and obviously stalking nicks instagram, he posted a story of him and his brothers at dinner. he’s still wearing those earrings and that same beige jacket he was wearing before, and he still looks great.

i swipe up, about to message him. ‘you look great, sorry i couldn’t come’ i quickly delete it and just like the story. i need to stop trying to message him when i’m trying to ignore him.

₊ ° .☆ °:. *₊

after falling asleep shortly after i finished looking at nicks story i wake up to like five texts from who? nick, of course.

nick 🫶

| are you ignoring me?

| like did i do something or what?

| are you okay?

| can we just talk or hang out please?

| y/n?

| okay sorry actually, never mind

my heart drops, i feel so TERRIBLE. nick did nothing and i never want him to think that he did something wrong. he’s perfect.

i pick up my phone to respond but honesty i don’t know if i should… i want him to know that he did nothing but he’s right about me ignoring him… fuck this. i just ignore him, still.

i shut off my phone fast and roll to my other side, curling up my legs and staring at the small textured bumps on the off-white wall that i face. i take in every detail, trying to distract myself with something else. i spot all the tiny discolorations or stains on the wall, the way it all starts to blur when tears, again, rain out my eyes.

they drip on the curves of my cheeks and lips, my hands are tucked under my legs as he tears drop onto my sheets, i don’t bother wiping them off. they make a small circle ish shape when it hits on my bed with a darker gray on my gray sheets.

my spiraling hits again when the ridges on my wall go dark as my eyes close. why can’t my best friend just be my best friend? why can’t i just be a normal person? why can’t i just forget it all? why can’t this all just go away? why? why? why? why?

☆ °:. *₊ ° . °

taglist : @slutforchriss @mattsleftnipple03 @mattsdinosweater @ccolleenn @mixvchelle @leah-loves-lilies @sturn-wrld @redz0nez9 @cheriematt @freshloveforthefit @nickuniversity @whore4matt @txssvx @will-yummy

[bordysbae]

could you do a fic with mark estampa where it's like bestfriends to lovers in denial with a sprinkle of angst? like y/n has had a crush on mark forever but is in heavy denial (prompt #1) and and then after a big fight over something and y/n shouts at him (prompt #53)

“just one date”

mark estapa x f!reader

1. “he’s my bestfriend i don’t like him!”

53 “i like you, dipshit!”

warnings: not proof read, cursing

okay sooo i know you asked for the reader to be the one to confess feelings first, but i could only think of a plot where mark confesses sorry!! and this was kinda rushed but oh well

—

having mark as your best friend was easily one of the best and worst things to happen to you. you met him at the start of middle school and you guys have been attached at the hip ever since. this also means you’ve had to watch him go through multiple girlfriends, flings, and even one night stands. you get this weird feeling of sadness, or pain even, whenever he tells you about a new girl, but you refuse to believe what everyone’s been telling you.. ‘y/n you like him!’ but your reply always stays the same no matter who it is that’s trying to convince you, ‘he’s my bestfriend, i don’t like him!’

deep down, you know you’ve had feelings for him for the longest time, but you’d rather love him quietly rather than risk losing a long friendship. unfortunately, things with mark have been off recently and you don’t understand why. last weekend at a party you met a boy named lucas, and you two hit it off. you spent majority of the night talking to lucas, but when you went to speak with mark he shrugged you off and went to go make out with some other girl. he’s barely been calling or texting you, unless he needs help with his classes. he does this weird thing where whenever he’s with a girl he acts like he doesn’t know you, but when you’re with a guy it’s the end of the world. it makes your feelings for him even more confusing than they already are.

thankfully you’re planning to go out with lucas tonight, hoping this will take your mind off of everything. as you’re finishing your makeup, mark randomly facetimes you. “hey mark!” you exclaim, fixing your hair in the mirror resting behind your phone. “where are you going on a wednesday night that you’re fixing your hair and have a full face of makeup?” he asks, making you a little annoyed. why does he all of sudden care about you and your life after pretty much dodging you all week?

“i’m going to hang out with a boy i met last weekend, why do you care?”

“the hell does that mean? why do i care? you’re my best friend i was just asking,” he questions.

“i don’t know mark, maybe cause you’ve been so dodgy lately? you barely even talk to me,” you shrug, now applying lipgloss to your lips.

“whatever man, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to. who are you going to see?”

“you don’t know him, we’re just hanging out around town don’t worry. and please mark, don’t get all your stupid teammates to fucking spy on me again,” you groan. “i didn’t trust that guy! he was sketchy, can you blame me? i needed to make sure you were safe,” mark shrugs, defending himself.

“so you felt the need to get your friends to spy on my date? look whatever mark, i gotta go. and if i see any of your teammates i’m seriously gonna be pissed,” you say before hanging up, not wanting to deal with marks shit today. you text lucas that you’re on the way to the spot you guys chose to meet at.

as you’re on the way out of the dorms, you hear a voice shouting your name. you spin around, and see mark running up the block.“what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, very annoyed now.

“don’t go on that date y/n, please,” mark says, slightly out of breath.

“oh don’t do that mark. you cant just avoid me all week for no reason, and the second i tell you i have a date with someone, that’s when you care? and now you’re telling me not to go?”

“fucking let me explain! i’ve been dodging you because i saw you guys talking at the party, and it hurt! you think i get with all these random girls for fun? for shits and giggles? i like you, dipshit! i’ve liked you for years! and i’ve been dodging you this week to try and make the both of us happier. cant you see how selfish i am? here i am, asking you to not go on a date, just to make myself happier. y/n all i’m asking is just one date. please just go on one date with me, let me prove that i’m the one you need. not whoever you’re going to see tonight,” he pleads, making your head spin. you barely understood a thing he just said, but those last words were just what you’ve been dying to hear.

“mark, you don’t need to do any of that. i already know what i want, and that’s you,” you say, before pulling him in closer to you. your guys’ lips crash together, and it feels like the world is spinning so fast that it’s not even spinning at all. before you even realize it, you guys are pulling back from the passionate kiss, and resting your foreheads against one another. “i need to text lucas, i have way better plans than him,” you chuckle, pulling out your phone to inform your date that you won’t be able to make it.

“shhh, don’t ruin the moment,” mark says before taking your phone from your hands, making you giggle. suddenly your hands are wrapped around the back of his neck, and his hands are around your waist, pulling you as close as possible.

[ritz-writes]

@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

[httpiastri]

jack dw when i wrote "we just want you to be a happy paul aron:(" i ALSO was crying my eyes out that i couldnt see my phone LMAO

AND ! you broke my heart saying paul should be in the middle of our paul nation group hug too🤧

anyways

since i was sad (still am) i have a sad perfectly fine thought thats prob gonna break our hearts but i cant be alone in this so sorry guys but i gotta share.

SO ! when y/n and him were breaking up i just imagine after y/n said "i need a break" and he replied "from what? from me?" i feel like he also said/thought "are you leaving me too?" LIKE HOW MERC AND PREMA LEFT HIM AND OMFG I MADE MYSELF BAWL YESTERDAY WHEN I THOUGHT AB THIS 💔💔💔💔💔💔

AND AND when he found out that OLLIEEEE of all ppl is who y/n dates after him its like he thinks that again like merc and prema y/n just replaced him with someone "better". jesus so um yeah😁

thought of this cz i realized the time of the breakup was prob around the time merc dropped him/during winter break AFTER they did YKYKYKYK

anyways everyone cry w me now please 😘

-🧸

it breaks my heart to think of u crying but im glad we could at least cry over that sentence together 🥺 but omfg ? breaking my heart again was so uncalled for???? pls someone help me

i SOOO wish i had written it like that omfg.... help that's actually heartbreaking :(( i wrote it as them breaking up in likeee early may? but i definitely think paul still could've been thinking/feeling like that anyways because there was talk early about kimi going to f2... and maybe paul just imagined it himself (or he was told that there was a risk) that he could get replaced if kimi kept things up because he's always felt like the second choice to toto's favorite boy..... while paul needed to find his own sponsors and do a lot of work by himself, kimi just got everything handed to him, and so in some way he was expecting to lose both the academy and his team...

so finding out that he was losing yn too........... and to ollie, who not only got an f2 seat with paul's team but who's also happily secure in his own academy (despite getting the same rank as paul in f3, third, and despite "only" being fifth in f2 in 2023)(not saying that fifth as a rookie is bad but yk. paul being third in f3 in his rookie year and still losing the academy.... sorry no i will stop)......... he must've been really happy about that 🙃

[banannabethchase]

Work at a Smile, Go for a Ride - also on AO3

~

Matt, about to lose his composure, has to take a walk in the middle of the coffin match during All In. And he runs into one Jon Moxley.

~

Bingo square hurt/comfort, you are vanquished! Title from Bad Day by Daniel Powter, because I'm old.

~

Matt can’t even keep his focus during the rest of All In. This is his baby, his life’s work. And he lost. They all lost.

When the screen in front of him blurs to the point where he can’t tell who’s who in the coffin match, he knows he has to call it.

“I need to talk a walk,” he says, and it’s too loud, it’s too abrupt, they’re gonna know.

Nick looks over at him. Then Adam, then Kenny. Even Kota’s eyes harbor pity, something Matt’s never wanted to earn from him. Adam smiles, too gently. “Want me to come with?”

“No,” Matt says, too quickly.

Nick stares at him, studies him unblinkingly. “Are you okay?”

“I’m – fine,” Matt lies. “I just need some alone time, okay?” He risks a look at Nick, whose blue eyes are giant and sad. He resists the urge to laugh; sometimes they do look like twins.

“I’m sorry, Matt,” Nick whispers. He reaches out and rests his hand on Matt’s arm. The repaired bicep. “I’m so sorry.”

Matt lies with a smile and sighs. “It’s not you. Sometimes it just doesn’t go our way, okay?” He leans in and pulls Nick in for the most reassuring hug he can muster, then steps away. “I’ll, um. I’ll be back.” He steps backward and waves at everyone at the production station and turns before the first tear builds.

This is stupid. It doesn’t matter if they won or lost. Nick even said that.

He was a half second too late to break up the pin, though. That does matter.

He swipes at his eyes, refusing to let tears fall if he cant stop them from gathering, and runs headlong into someone.

“Watch it!”

Matt looks up, startled. “I – sorry, Mox.” He steps aside. “I – yeah.”

“Whoa,” Mox says. Matt turns around. “No ‘eff you’? No ‘how’d it feel to lose’? What’s with the lack of attitude?”

Matt shrugs. “Not feeling it today.”

Mox stares at him so hard Matt blinks first, and a single tear he’s been battling runs down his face. He reaches up to swipe it away, but Mox catches it first with a rough thumb against his cheek. “Why aren’t you with your friends?”

“I really don’t want to do this right now.”

Mox sighs. “Okay. Fine.” He grabs Matt’s arm, gently at least, and steers him into the now empty warmup room. Matt’s immediately hit with the wall of excitement that now stings, the anticipation of being in this room earlier now soured with disappointment. “We don’t have to do it now. Whenever you’re ready.”

Matt sits on the bench, head dropping between his shoulders. “We don’t – you don’t need to talk to me. I’m fine.”

“How many times do you think you have to say that before it magically comes true?” The weight shifts on the bench and Mox’s thigh bumps against Matt’s. “Talk to me.”

“Why?” Matt asks, turning to Mox. “No offense or anything, but you hate me. Is this to get intel or something?”

Mox blinks at him. “You think I hate you?”

“I mean…” Matt pauses, unsure of where to go next. “Don’t you?”

Mox gets a hint of a smile in his eyes. “Do you hate me?”

Matt shrugs. “I don’t think so. Probably not.”

“Well, then, I probably don’t hate you, too,” Mox says. He bumps Matt’s arm. “Talk to me.”

“This is weird.”

“I’m weird,” Mox says. He points to his forehead, bandaged in a way that’s almost cartoonish. “I got skewers in my forehead.”

“You did,” Matt says, and he surprises himself with a tiny chuckle. “What’s with you and bleeding that much?”

“Feels good,” Mox says, stretching his arms up. “You know? Like I’m really working for it.”

“Oh, like it’s not real if you don’t bleed?” Matt scoffs. “My leg is killing me right now and all I’ll have to show is a bruise.” He rolls his eyes.

“What, you want me to kiss it better, you big baby?” Mox asks.

Laughing, Matt speaks before he thinks. “If that’s what I wanted, I’d tell you my dick hurt.” Matt freezes. “Uh.”

“No, no, continue,” Mox says. “I would love to hear what your next idea was.”

“I – shut up.” Matt feels himself blush red.

“No, keep talking,” Mox goads. “Is that how you and the Elite celebrate when you win?” Mox leans in, and Matt can sense Mox’s lips by his ear. “You upset because you ain’t getting any?”

Matt turns to find Mox far closer than he though. “Did you bring me in here to, like, seduce me while I’m miserable?”

“Wasn’t my first plan, but now that we’re here.” He doesn’t move, though. His eyes keep flickering to Matt’s mouth.

Matt sighs. “Ugh. At least I’ll have something good to look back on from tonight.” He leans in and kisses Mox, who grabs at his hips. Matt shifts, letting Mox guide him so he’s straddled his lap. The angle is delicious, and Mox slides his hands into Matt’s still shower damp hair to anchor Matt where he wants him. Matt whimpers. He can’t stop his hands from going to Mox’s face until he bumps the bandage.

“Sorry,” he gasps, pulling away.

“Nah, fuck it up all you like.” Mox winks. “You gotta know by now I like a little pain.”

“You’re the worst,” Matt grumbles, but he leans in and kisses Mox again, digging his nails a little into Mox’s biceps. Mox moans into his mouth, his hands sliding up the back of Matt’s shirt and pulling away just enough to take it off.

“Lay down,” Mox says. “Gonna kiss that dick all better.”

Matt laughs again, and it feels weird to be giddy after such a miserable loss, but he lets Mox maneuver him to the bench. “This is stupid.”

“Yes,” Mox says, and Matt sits up to see Mox’s face framed by his own thighs. “Is that a problem?”

Matt shuffles his gym shorts and boxers down his hips, and Mox tosses them to the side. “No.”

“Cool.”

Like his wrestling, Mox doesn’t appear to have much warmup with blowjobs. Matt’s entire dick is in his mouth before Matt can blink. “Holy – oh my god.”

Mox gives a thumbs up and eyes him with a mouthful of cock.

“I – of course it’s good, why are you asking?”

Mox bobs down and pulls off, adding his hand to stroke Matt. “I wanted to confirm. I want to make it better, not worse.”

“Do you always offer blowjobs to people who lose matches?” Matt asks, words high and unsteady as Mox licks at the head of his cock.

“Only when they’re pretty and nice to me.” Mox winks and sinks his mouth back around Matt.

“Pretty,” Matt gasps, forcing his hips to stay still. “You think so?”

Mox pulls back, tongues at Matt’s slit and strokes again. “Very pretty,” Mox says. “Probably prettier if you can stop asking me questions so I can suck you off properly.”

Matt laughs and drops his head back, lightheaded. “Yeah. Yeah, I get that. Okay. No more questions.”

“That doesn’t mean be quiet,” Mox says, and it feels almost like an admonishment. “We got nobody in here, baby, and nobody due for a while. I wanna hear you.”

Matt giggles, high pitched and stupid. “Yeah, okay.”

He talks. He doesn’t remember anything he says – just talks, asks for more, directs Mox on what he likes, and praises what works. Mox slides his hands under Matt’s ass and lifts him high.

“Can – can I?” Matt doesn’t have the brainpower to ask right, so he tilts his hips a little, hoping it gets across what he wants.

Mox pulls away, a string of saliva going from the tip of Matt’s cock to his lip, and Matt almost comes right then. “You asking if you can fuck my mouth?”

Matt whines as he nods.

“Then go ahead.”

Matt should be embarrassed by how fast everything barrels toward him. Usually he has a bit of a warning, a tingle in his spine, but he barely has the chance to say, “I –”

Mox sucks hard, and Matt thinks his soul shoots out his dick as he comes down Mox’s throat. “Oh, my god.”

Mox laughs as he pulls off, using the sleeve of his BCC hoodie to wipe his mouth. “Yeah? I’ll take it as a positive review.”

“Get – over here,” Matt demands. Mox lifts himself up on his knees and Matt falls forward to kiss him. The taste of himself in Mox’s mouth sends his head spinning so he pushes further forward and the two of them crash backward onto the mats.

“Oops,” Matt says, not sorry at all.

Mox grins and pulls him down for another kiss. It strikes Matt that this is possibly the stupidest thing he could be doing right now. There’s already been another backstage problem tonight, and getting walked in on mid-sex with Jon goddamned Moxley can’t end well.

But he was sad and now he’s not, and he had failed before and he sure won’t in a blow job, so maybe this bad decision is worth it.

He slides down Mox’s body and gets his fingers hooked in the waistband of Mox’s sweatpants. “Yes?”

“Fuck yes,” Mox confirms.

“Also, for the record,” Matt says, licking his lips as Mox’s cock pops into view. “You can fuck my mouth.”

Mox laughs is almost more of a gasp as Matt sinks down on his cock. “Noted. Jesus fuck.”

Matt knows he’s good at this blowjob thing. Wouldn’t have had nearly as much fun in Ring of Honor if he wasn’t, he considers. Mox’s hips lift almost weakly as he pushes into Matt’s mouth, so Matt grabs the back of his thighs to help with the motion.

“Knew those biceps and that mouth would be good for something,” Mox laughs.

Matt moves a finger to flip Mox off while he cups Mox’s balls with the other, and Mox devolves into mindless babbles and swears.

He takes the moment like a meditation. They lost tonight. He and all of the Elite lost. But it’s not the end. Losing in Wembley, knowing that All Out and Wrestle Dream and Full Gear at the Forum are coming up, isn’t the end of it all.

As Mox warns, “Jesus, Matt, I’m about to – fuck,” Matt thinks he’s less of a failure than he worried.

Mox comes down his throat like a confirmation, and Matt grins around it as he swallows down. Today he had a bad match. It happens.

He definitely didn’t have a bad evening, though.

“Good?” he asks, leaning down to wipe his mouth on Mox’s black sweatpants. A streak of spit and come is left behind, and Matt grins at it.

“Good – are you kidding me?” Mox sits up, looking befuddled. “How the fuck – why are you so good at that?”

“Practice,” Matt says. He grabs his shorts and boxers from where Mox had thrown them and shuffles them on, making it just the tiniest performance as he shakes his ass in front of Mox.

“With who?”

Matt throws a grin over his shoulder. “We do this again, maybe I’ll tell you.”

Mox groans, dropping back to the bench. “Goddamn it. Now I have to fuck you again.”

“Oh no,” Matt deadpans, adjusting his hair in the mirror. “I might get your dick in my ass. What a terrible fate.”

Mox grins at him in the mirror. “Next time I should fuck you with mirrors. I bet you like that, huh?”

“Have every time I’ve fucked in a gym,” Matt replies.

“What?! I thought you were a good Christian boy or whatever.”

Matt leans down and kisses Mox on the lips, because why not, and half skips toward the door. “Good Christians make the world a kinder place. I find blow jobs and sex work well for that.”

Mox blinks at him. “I may become obsessed with you.”

Matt sighs, hand on the door knob. “A lot of people do. Text me when you get to your hotel.”

“Um. Yeah. Yeah, okay.”

Matt’s able to keep himself from literally skipping back to the production area, but he can’t wipe off the smile.

“You look chipper,” Adam says, a coffee in his hands. He gives it to Matt. “Here. I got you something that might make you feel better, but you look like you’re good now.”

Matt takes a sip. Perfect. “I feel better, yeah.”

Nick whips around and gets a look at Matt, scrutinizing. Matt tries not to betray his past half hour. “Oh, god,” Nick says, with the most dramatic eye roll since the 90s, “who did you sleep with?”

“I – what?!” Matt tries to argue, deny it, something, but all that comes out are squeaks.

Adam throws back his head, laughing. “Oh, Jesus. That’s what the smile is.”

“Just shut up and give me a headset,” Matt grumbles, but he’s still smiling as he settles behind a screen.

~

Mini Playlist:

Bad Day - Daniel Powter

Dirty Thoughts - Chloe Adams

Something In Your Mouth - Nickelback

Throat Goat - Kim Petras

[divorcingjimmatthews]

pas de deux reactions (shorter than last time i swear)

elgin fucking hero???? the fucking guts???????? this van ride is giving me a heart attack

ive seen the promo pics i know theyll get in but im here like what if they dont open the doors for them in time?? or at all? i havent seen elgin in the promo pics oh my god. but hes so new theyre not killing him here. right. right??????

oh thank god

shit dale really did do ellis good like oh my god the poor dude

he better not die i dont want him to die and he might and im so hurt and anxious rn

did yall know kristi's acress is actually a medical professional? apparently they hired her before they even knew that

anyway back to the angsting

im gonna die

i cant look i cant look i cant look

the blood oh my god

boyd is so good at pretending like hes not dying inside to comfort fatima and ellis like i get that he screwed up big time with the sara secret but man what this dude has done for all these people at the cost of himself... :( boyd appreciation post

its so sad to see him ask for help and people not really believing him thoo like yeah he doesnt have proof and hes not used to asking for help so it comes off unnatural and like hes delusional but man thats #relatable af

NOT A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BOYDS BLOODS GOT THE FUCKING WORMS IN IT IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND 😭😭😭

also poor jim he's so commited to his experiment theory and people are starting to look at him weird for it but i'm so on his side jim you keep at it you're on to something! i believe in you

the way the pieces are all fitting together here oh boy

man i dont remember my blood type i guess this is how i die in fromville

boyd im sorry but it's a worms or death situation over here. unless someone else is O-negative

KENNY 👏👏👏

hes a big boy nowww and im so proud

damn i really didnt think boyds mental situation would get him to the point where he's risking his son's life?! if someone else got this bad after sara i thought that'd be jade. i tought boyd was too main character for this. im sorry boyd. i didn't see how bad you were doing i assumed you'd just be able to keep pushing through because you're you. i'm sorry boyd. i'm ashamed of myself. this deterioration happened before my eyes and i was like nahh he's okay

theyre stealing this mans blood at gunpoint

THEY CAN SEE THE WORMS???

maybe edgin is O-negative too my poor sweet not-good-with-blood heroic boy

KENNY?????

KKKKENNY???????????

"GIVE IT TO ME" THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING OH MY GOD

are these people gonna be passing the worms around like a hot potato like. could kenny theoretically... give it back after the transfusion's done??

boyd we're gonna need this fucking blood rn

BOYD?????

I DONT WANT YOUR IDEA BOYD

BOYD?????????

your son is dying boyd

no one can say anything about recklessness to my boy randall after this

he's gonna kill a creature somehow isnt he

fatima must be having 20 heart attacks per second rn

it's our dear smiley poster boyyyy

oh there's more creatures. i thought it was gonna be a 1 to 1 faceoff to echo the episode's title

im not even that sure that boyd is gonna survive this anymore

i mean he HAS to he's the main character but holy hell

im losing my mind

kenny watching through the window like what can you even do about that

hows he gonna get the blood at him like suck it from his hand and spit it or like what

why is he so confident that this is gonna work

i guess him being like this is what got them the talismans like if he didnt come across the talismans he wouldve been so dead in the forest back then and ellis wouldnve died too

but its like this place kind of hhmmm rewards whatever the fuck boyds doing? it seems to work out for him somehow. but martin was the same way and well.

THE SMILEY BITCH IS NOT BLEEDING

oh my good

ellis is dying while this is happening

boyd really said wait hold on a sec i need to rid myself of this blood curse real quick ill be right back

MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD NOW MOTHERFUCKER

ngl watching someone go on the offensive is so cathartic but i can admit that if i was in that clinic i would be losing my mind and not okay with this at all

IT DIDNT WORK???????

OH IT DID

no fucking wayyyyy

the nightmare creature's friends just ignoring him dying like not even scared a little bit???? they just showed they can kill you bro come on. must be unable to feel fear or something

oh yeah okay they were gathering around him and not around boyd damnnnnnnnn i cant believe this is happening

theyre CONFUSED

Boyd really fucking did that oh my god

the monsters are such bad friends to each other they dont give a fuck

i dont do so good with blood either. elgin i get u bro

the padlock on the medicine cabinet ouchie ouchie

donna and ethan are an interaction i wasnt expecting but theyre neat-o

sorry that jade isn't in the episode guys. i borrowed him for giving him hugs and kisses. i'll give him back for the next one dw. yeah victor's here too i'm giving him chocolate chip cookies. they're ok don't worry for them. sara's in the other room having a milkshake i felt kinda bad for her yeah

ethan is asking the real questions

DONNA DHSJDHSJDHSH i love her

ethan 🥺🥺

ETHAN 😭😭😭

donna...

AW donna

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUG

Boyd youre not okay oh my god this man

oh fatima 🥺

OH SHIT

"We shouldve trusted you" no listen it worked out by fucking miracle okay

what an episode dammit

[ganondoodle]

probably not wise to put this lore on the wip post but bc someone seemed surprised demise was a child when the gods made him into a deity (i think the comment was about him anyway) heres more on that;

(i have talked about this before though, sorry if im repeating old thigns here)

so in my lore here it works like this; for the gods to create a deity they need a mortal as the basis (the gods are fully .. gods, they cant enter the physicality of the worlds they create, thus needing an in between as a right hand to act as they say) the gods lure their chosen mortal to their primordial spring via visions and speaking to them in their head- there they kill the mortal, their spirit is duplicated, one of them 'dies' or remain as a spirit of the mortal, the other one is made into the spirit of a deity and the remains of their mortal body is used as material to make a skeletal structure in which the deity is housed (if removed from it the deity will die)- a deity will start as the age the mortal was and be able to grow up

(here an old design for (deity) demise's core, his spirit .. HIM really, it sits in his ribcage, his entire outer body is made of thousands of little magical hands that weave into each other beneath the scales and his "hair" is really just were that body loses its form to keep its energy in balance, that part cannot be hidden with armoring scales either but trying to reach into his body from there would burn away even hylia like she was made of wood)

"courage" was a teen when the gods made them into a deity, but they horribly failed in doing what the gods wanted of them (they didnt even get to the point of creating their three dragons)

so, "demise" was the second one (all three are seperate worlds), so they chose someone younger, they tried to erase his memories of his parents too in an attempt to make him truly their own right hand and nothing else, but his fathers noticed him gone and found him just when they made raal into a deity, after they could reach him he didnt recall who they were at first but quickly remembered, they accepted him even now and he grew up rather "normally" (if you can call it that, have your 12 year old rascal son turn into a immortal fire deity and try to raise that normally xD)- not telling his entire story here, but he went against the gods as well in the end, so "failing" (out of love for mortals mainly, but also not wanting to ... die for the gods plot)

when it came to hylia then, they chose someone even younger (hylia wasnt even their first choice, that child died before making it to their spring) she was around 5 or 6, and her mother brought her to the spring to pray bc she thought the voices 'hylia' was hearing was a child thing that might go away if she acted like they could pray it away- the gods lured 'hylia' to jump into the water and took her before her mother could even react- the gods waited to awaken her as a deity so all who remembered her were gone, to minimize risk of her getting her memories back, and once they did aweken her raised her themselves in complete isolation in the sealed off spring until they thought she was hardened enough to not give into her mortal origins

this is an extreme short version, but already long enough, and things i left out bc they will be revealed in the comic, like why hylia treats fi so coldly, to put it mildly (though its really hard to not just talk about everything ..)

(wip)

some doodles that took me way too much effort; an updated design for Raal (aka demise when he was a mortal, he still uses that name when in disguise and modeled those forms after how he imagined he would look if he ever grew up as one) and a clunky doodle of both his blade spirits just after forging them

[loverzs]

Letter

I loved you for the person you were. Since 2019, until now, I’ve loved you, I loved you so much. So much that I believe I’ll never be in love again. and I loved you for the simple reason that you were you, and you were the kindest guy I had ever met. It might sound weird, but I could literally feel your kind heart radiating off of you the first time we met. You made me feel special from the earliest moments we had together and it made me so happy. I have so many memories of you and I, that I hold so close to my heart.

You were nowhere near as successful as you are now. While being proud of you, as time goes by, I can feel myself losing you with every day. We’ve both changed so much, but I’ve seen you start caring more and more about fame, attention, material things. And the more you care about those things, the less I can feel you care about me. I know it’s only a matter of time before you realise that I’m not good enough for you, that someone of your status should be with someone on the same level, someone prettier, someone cooler, someone much more well known and popular.

I just know that if you had to choose between your career and to be with me, you would choose your career without a second thought. I can feel and sense so strongly that I’ve become so much less important to you. I cry my eyes out as I write this, because realising I’m no longer the most important thing to you is like I’m experiencing september 2022 all over again. I’m just not that important to you anymore, and I don’t believe that you love me anymore.

I watched a couple on the train home from work today, and I asked myself why couldn’t that be you and me? My heart shattered as I watched them hold hands, share headphones, laugh together, kiss. I cant even see my phone right now from how much i am crying. I don’t know why you did this to me. You made me believe that that could be us one day. I know it can’t. I was believing in nothing. It wont happen. If you couldn’t be with me back in 2022, as the time passes, you gain more to lose. I become even more of a risk to your precious career. I’ll never be someone you bring into your real life. I know you won’t. Please don’t lie to me anymore, please don’t entertain me any longer. I know you don’t really want me, I know our future together is a lie. I know it’s not going to happen. Please don’t delude me anymore. Please remove the heart from your name and just stop tricking me anymore.

The last few weeks have been terrible again between you and i. This situation of no direct communication has brought out the absolute worst in me, it always has, and it’ll continue to. I don’t think it’s fair to expect any better from me, given anyone else in the situation would have suffered emotionally the same as I have. But please know that I’m sorry, for all the negativity I caused in your life I am so sorry and I hate that I did that.

Let’s not fight anymore. Let’s not make each other mad, annoyed or sad anymore. Let’s not ruin each other’s moments that are meant to be joyful and happy anymore. I didn’t mean to do that to you, and Im sure you didn’t mean to do it to me. I’m tired, and my heart is hurting from everything we went through. I can feel you losing the desire to fight for me, you don’t want to have to prove you love me anymore. And it’s okay. We can end it before it gets worse, before it becomes more painful than it already is. I’m just not meant to be with you. You and I are an impossible couple that just can’t happen in this life. I know because if we were possible, last year in September 2022 instead of experiencing traumatic heartbreak, we would’ve been holding each other and telling each other how long we waited. The moment I dream of, of holding your hand and looking in your eyes is never going to happen and I know you were too kind to let me know that. I know it now. Don’t worry anymore.

I loved you and I loved being yours for a while.

[gettinshiggywithit]

alexandrasmatchups asked:

Here's my prompt: Hange comforting reader who's brokenheart, lonely and all (platonic is okay ofc, I specified broken heart because I am, but not currently looking for a relationship)

moonshineandclearskies answered:

Hi nym thank you for my first ever prompt on tumblr!

Pairing:-NymXPlatonic!Hange Zöe

Trigger warnings?:- talks of death

ps. this is also an older piece!

The sun was setting on another day and the scouting regiment was back from yet another expedition.

As usual many new recruits were injured ans many more were lost,adding to the long list if names of those who had already given their lives in the name of freedom.

But one particular young scout seemed to be more shaken up than most,her name was Nym and she was clearly taking that day’s loses harder than most.

She sat down to take off her odm gear and rest for the day when section commander hange zöe plopped down beside her.

“Hey there cadet!how are ya doin?”commander zöe asked in a voice that Nym felt was too cheery for that evening.or rather too cheery for someone in the survey corps all together.

Nym looked up at her superior and didnt fail to notice the sadness that lay deep within the commanders eyes.

“Commander hange,”she replied,”im alright.thank you for asking”she said with an awkward half smile.

At this hange removed their goggles and placed them on the top of their head before looking the young scout in her eyes and continuing.

“You sure cadet?You looked a little rough out there,careless even.”they said in a caring yet motherly tone.

Nym sighed.

“It’s nothing commander,I’m fine I promise”

Hange’s gaze turned serious.

“Nothing doesn’t make one of my best scouts act like a careless newbie,Nym”

Nym eyed the ground nervously,she weighed her options,should she tell her superior what was bothering her and risk being seen as weak or should she tell them anyway and get it off her chest?

After a second she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as a single tear rolled down her cheek.

“Why do the titans exist?why are they alive and why do they keep killing us?when will it end?when will we truly win?we lose so many scouts everyday and I’m so sick of it.sick of seeing my comrades,my friends die at the hands of those monsters!”she rambled on.

But Hange heard and understood every single word.Never had they ever felt more in tune with one of their cadets,for every single thing that Nym had just said,they had thought to themselves numerous times before.

“Ive lost so many friends,and it breaks my heart,they believed in something greater,something more than life within these walls,and their hopes were rewarded with nothing but death.i feel so...so alone Hange.and im just.so.tired of it.”Nym finished.

At this Hange wrapped their arms around her and enveloped her in the biggest,warmest most comforting hug Nym had experienced in a while.and this made her sob silently.

“I’m sorry Nym,I’m sorry you had to go through that and I’m mostly sorry about the fact that i cant guarantee that it wont happen again.but no matter what,i promise to protect you to the best of my abilities.i cant promise you that you wont have to watch death taking your comrades away but i promise to keep you safe from his grasp.Nym i swear with all my heart that i will do anything in my power to keep you safe,and thats a promise i intend to honour until my dying breath”they said while stroking their young friend’s hair in an attempt to calm and console her.

Nym looked up at them and smiled a smile which was filled with gratitude respect and adoration for her superior.

Hange seeing this gave her one last kiss on the forehead and helped Nym in talking off her ODM gear.

Once they were done,hange placed their goggles back on their eyes and wrapped and arm around their young companion’s shoulders.

“ now come on cadet,lets get you all cleaned up,its almost dinner time”

“Thank you hange,it really means a lot.” Said nym.

“ always,and anytime dear.ill be here for you no matter what”replied the commander. And with that they walked off to get ready for supper.

please dont repost my work here as your own on any platform all rights belong to me except that of the mha characters used,their right belong to their respective owners.but these stories? mine.

feedback,likes,reblogs and comments are so very appreciated tbh :’)i hope you enjoyed and ill catch ya next time!

Comments & Reblogs w/ tags >>>>>>>>>>>likes please

[halsteadlover]

Eye For An Eye

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hi. I dont know if you have seen Greys Anatomy, but my request is if you could write Jay and the reader in the season 6 finale of Greys. With the reader being in Dereks place(she can be a surgeon) and Jay in Merediths. He doesnt have a gun on him when it happens, so he cant protect them. And instead of Christina, Its Will who does the surgery on Y/N. So I dont know if you have seen it, or if you are completly confused, but if you have, it would mean alot😊

• Warnings: blood, curse words, gunshots

• Word count: 7138.

• A/N: I think this is the longest piece I've ever written and as always it's shitty 💀 I'm sorry for how this turned out but I hope you'll like it. Let me know what do you think, like, comment and reblog if you want 💞 Love you all and thank you for your support.

Each person has a different way of doing, of thinking, of acting. Each situation is different from another and for each one there is a different way of reacting. When you’re happy there are those people who jump of joy, there are those who cry, those who cannot stop laughing or clapping their hands. When you are sad there are people who withdraw into themselves, those who prefer the company of some friends or their partner, those who don’t let themselves be discouraged.

But when you lose a loved one, this is a very broad discourse, difficult to enclose in just few lines, but even in this case each person has their own reaction, their own way of dealing with pain. There are those who cry desperately, those who scream since the pain of the loss is so strong because this is a kind of pain that tears inside you, tears your heart out; there are those who seem impassive, just because they need to metabolize, they don’t cry, they don’t scream, don’t despair, they remain there sitting in a corner to mull over what happened, what was going on.

During your career as a surgeon you had – unfortunately you'd dare to say – the opportunity to witness all kinds of reactions from a family member to the loss of their loved one. You were always understanding, ready to do anything to try and ease the pain those people were feeling even though you knew they hated you at the time since you were the person who gave them the worst news of their life. You thought you had seen everything but, damn it, how wrong you were, how wrong you were in having taken the arrogance of being able to think you knew the human being in its complicated and absurd interest. As already mentioned, every person has his own type of reaction in relation to a certain situation but never in your life, not even for a second, you would’ve thought the death of a patient could also have been the cause of yours.

“Doctor Y/LN, the patient is in atrial fibrillation,” a nurse had warned. You were in the midst of a brain operation on a woman, Ellen Hopkins, a 50-year-old lady who had a meningioma, a benign brain tumor but which, given its location and size, was quite dangerous to remove and carried high risks.

“The patient has her skull open, a wrong movement and I could make her paralyzed for life” you replied, the forceps and the electric scalpel in your hands while you were concentrating on the patient’s brain. “Two milligrams of Amiodarone, fast!”.

“The fibrillation persists,” you commented, lifting your eyes for a moment and placing them on the monitor the patient was connected to. “Damn it!” you exclaimed, putting down the surgical instruments and approaching the patient’s chest “Let’s carry out a cardioversion!”

“Charge at 200!”

Nothing.

“250!”

Still nothing, the fibrillation persisted as the patient’s values plummeted dramatically.

“350! And call cardiology!”

Not being able to use defibrillation again, you continued with the cardiac massage while waiting for a cardiothoracic surgeon to arrive in the operating room.

But Mrs. Ellen died on that operating table before someone even arrived.

“Damn it,” you cursed, taking a deep sigh and looking at the clock “Time of death, 16:33.”

Informing relatives was never an easy thing to do, you never got used to it, and that didn’t change even when you had to inform Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’ husband, Bill. You explained to him how the surgery had gone, you answered his questions, you told him you did everything possible to save his wife but that, unfortunately, she hadn’t made it.

Bill was petrified, speechless. Not a single sound came out of his mouth, not a single word, not a single tear came out of his eyes. He remained impassive, unable to process the information he had just been given. He just looked at you, straight in the eye, for a few moments before turning his gaze and walking away.

You watched him go and it was in vain to try to call his name and speak to him. You sighed deeply, running your hands over your face in frustration, blaming yourself for just ruining that man’s life. You couldn’t even imagine how he must feel at that moment, so you didn’t blame his reaction, as already mentioned, everyone had their own way of reacting to such devastating news.

As you used to do after surgery, you holed up in the doctors’ ward, ignoring everything and everyone and continuing to reflect on that surgery and what you could’ve done differently to save that woman.

And you stayed there all afternoon, until the evening, until your shift was over. They all tried to cheer you up, Connor, Will, April, to tell you it wasn’t your fault but right now you didn’t even want to hear those words, at least not from them. You just wanted Jay and one of his hugs.

Jay had been your boyfriend for almost four and a half years now and given your hectic lifestyles, being you a surgeon and him a cop, it was sometimes difficult for you to even see each other even if you were living together.

That evening it was enough for him to see you come out of the hospital doors to understand there was something wrong with you. He understood it from the way you walked at a slow pace, from the way you had your head down and your eyes on the ground.

“My love,” he began, getting up from his car on which he was leaning and walking towards you. When he finished his shift early, he always used to pick you up at the hospital or wait there until your shift ended too.

A small smile rose on your lips when you saw him, beautiful as the sun. The instant relief you felt when you saw him was something magnificent, it was amazing how even just that was enough to make you feel better.

“Hi baby,” you greeted him, immediately wrapping your arms around his chest and hugging him tightly. His arms encircled your shoulders and he too squeezed you tightly, knowing right away that you needed it right now.

“Baby are you okay? What happened?” he immediately asked in a worried tone as his hand gently stroked your head.

“Can we talk about this later? I just want to go home and forget about this day.”

Jay understood but didn't insist any further, leaving your space and knowing that when you were ready you’d tell him everything.

He slightly broke away from that embrace and with his hands he cupped your face, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. Without saying anything he kissed you, a chaste, sweet and delicate kiss you didn't even realize you needed until then.

“Has anyone dared to bother my princess? Do I have to beat the shit out of someone?” Jay asked in a menacing tone and expression, in an attempt to cheer you up. He smiled when you giggled, knowing he had succeeded and that, in reality, he was serious about this, as he wouldn’t hesitate even for a second to punch anyone who really dared to hurt you.

“No baby, no one has dares to do this wickedness,” you replied with a joking tone.

“It'll be better for them,” Jay joked, stamping a sweet kiss on your forehead that made your stomach lightly explode like fireworks. God, how much you loved that little gesture. “What do you say to go home and forget about this bad day? We can order something and watch a movie if you like.”

You nodded enthusiastically, looking forward to taking a shower and throwing yourself on the bed.

You and Jay were lying on the sofa, having dinner and watching a movie in the background that neither of you was really following. Your head was resting on his chest, your arm instead encircling his chest as he hugged you tightly, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead from time to time.

“I missed you so much today,” Jay said, making you smile even though he couldn't even see you right now.

“I missed you so much too baby, I really needed this.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, almost in a whisper. You let out a sigh, almost involuntarily, “You don't have to tough if you don't want to, I don't want to put pressure on you.”

“No sorry it’s just…” you started talking, putting yourself in a sitting position so that you could look at Jay “It's just... Surgery gone wrong, a woman died on the operating table.”

“Oh. I'm so sorry my love,” Jay replied, taking your hand and squeezing it tightly. “You don't think it's your fault, do you?”

“And who else could it be? I was the surgeon,” you blurted out “It was an operation that presented complications but it had 95% of possibilities to be a success, I promised her, her husband...”

“Baby, baby, stop,” Jay stopped you, letting go of your hand and grabbing your face with his hands and making you stop talking. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault. I wasn't there and I don't know how things went but I'm 100% sure you did everything in your power to save her and if there was a chance to do anything to keep her alive you’d do it. Complications happen, they happen, the surgery had a 95% chance of success but unfortunately that 5% is always there, it's hard, but it's always there and it's nobody's fault, much less yours. Don’t blame yourself for this baby, you are one of the most talented surgeons in the entire hospital…”

“Why can't I help but feel like shit then? Maybe I didn't consider some variables, I was too sure and a patient died,” you said, your voice almost broken by trying to hold back the tears. But from the way Jay wiped one, you could tell the attempt was completely in vain.

“Because we are human, it's in our nature to blame ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned and we always need to have an answer to the things that happen but the truth is that not everything has an answer, the universe operates in a mysterious way and I know for sure, I’d bet on it, there was nothing you could’ve done that you haven't already done.”

You sighed, then resting your head on his chest as he hugged you in an attempt to console you.

“I'm here for you baby, cry and let it go as long as you want, I won't let you go,” he continued to whisper, occasionally leaving sweet and delicate kisses on your forehead. He continued to hug you indefinitely, whispering words of comfort to you until you calmed down and stopped crying. You didn't know how to express your gratitude for having such a fantastic man like Jay by your side, you’d never have known how to do it without him. He was your rock, your backbone, what put you back together when your world fell apart.

-

In the next two days nothing special happened, you and Jay went on normally with your jobs, you operated, he arrested criminals.

It was Friday and it was now late morning while you were in the operating room after finishing an operation on a man with spinal problems. As usual, you washed your hands and left the operating room before going to write everything down on the patient's medical record.

Everything seemed to go on normally, lunchtime came quickly and as usual, Jay came to the hospital to pick you up and go eat something together. You were still busy in the last morning visits and Jay took the opportunity to exchange a few words with his brother Will, who was at the reception.

“Look who’s bere, I thought you died,” Will commented, jokingly.

“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't show up but work has been killing me lately, it's like the criminals have all woken up at the same time,”Jay explained “How is everything going?”.

“It's okay. I’m fine, Maya is back in town tomorrow and I can't wait to see her again, work is going pretty well, in short, I have nothing to complain about and I can finally exchange few words with my little brother.”

Jay chuckled and was about to answer when a man's voice interrupted him.

“Excuse me,” the man said, getting attention “I'm looking for doctor Y/N Y/LN, where can I find her?”.

Jay immediately turned to the man after hearing your name being mentioned and looked him up and down, studying his appearance and making sure he wasn't some ex or, worse, a shady guy. He was a man who couldn’t exceed fifty-five, tall, slender physique, balding. He had his hands tucked into the pocket of his visibly ruined pants and his gaze totally absent.

“She’s finishing her last visits, you can wait in the waiting room and I will call you,” Will replied cordially.

“No, it's pretty urgent. I'm here for my wife and the doctor made an appointment for me today and at this time,” said the man, so calmly, a behavior that was not expected of someone who had a loved one hospitalized.

“I’m sure you can wait here too, the doctor will come down immediately and see you,” Jay continued, but the man insisted that the matter was urgent and he needed to see her right away.

“If the doctor told you that, you can go now,” Will said, going on to explain where to find you.

The man thanked him and started walking towards the elevator. By now he had memorized the way to your ward, which was only on the first floor.

Slowly, the man approached the ward where, however, a nurse stopped him.

“Sir, visiting hours are over, you can't stay here.”

“I'm looking for Doctor Y/LN,” he replied, completely ignoring the nurse's words.

“You can come back here at three in the afternoon, when visiting hours start again.”

Soon the situation plunged completely into the abyss, in a whirlwind of chaos and despair.

The man pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and without any sign of remorse or hesitation, shot that nurse, making his body fall to the ground, lifeless.

The sound of the shot echoed throughout the entire floor and the terrified screams of doctors, nurses and the patients themselves began to spread. They all started running away at the speed of light fearing for their lives. There were, however, those who couldn’t even get out of bed, asleep patients who were unable to save themselves.

When suddenly Jay saw a wave of people running from the elevator, terrified, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He and Will quickly exchanged a worried look and Jay immediately tried to stop someone to ask for an explanation.

“Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on?!” he exclaimed aloud, but everyone ignored him, continuing to run away. He stopped a man, who in terror stammered a few words.

“A… A man… He has a… He shot… He has a gun.”

Jay’s heart stopped beating for a moment as he heard those words. His mind immediately understood what was happening, who was the aggressor and his first thought was you. That man had targeted you, he wanted you.

A feeling of panic took over him and his brain went completely blackout. His first instinct was to run to the elevator and try to find you before that man found you but Will stopped him.

“Where the hell are you going?!”

“What do you mean where the hell am I going? That man is looking for Y/N I have to find her!”

“Jay you need backup!”

“You get as many people out as possible, I call the rest of the team and look for Y/N,” Jay had replied and before Will could even answer, he run for the elevators. After quickly making the call and making sure the team and SWAT were coming soon, he put his cell phone in his pocket and reached for his gun.

At that precise moment a shiver went through his body as he realized he didn’t have his gun with him and that he had left it in the dashboard of his car.

“Fuck!” he whispered angrily to himself. That didn’t stop Jay, however, determined to find you before the madman did. He began to wander the corridors of that floor, constantly looking around. He felt the sweat tinge his forehead and his heartbeat greatly accelerated, not so much because of the situation but because he knew your life was in danger. He kept praying with every fiber of his being you were okay, that you were able to hide somewhere.

The anxiety and worry he was feeling at that moment were feelings he had felt a few times in his life and knowing that you, the love of his life, were in danger and, above all, he couldn’t do anything to help you, it destroyed him. Deep down he couldn’t even formulate a single coherent and rational thought.

The last thing you expected that day – and to be honest, you didn’t expect at all – was to find yourself face to face with an armed man pointing his gun at you.

“Mr. Hopkins…” you whispered, short of breath and heart pounding. Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’s husband, the lady who had passed away on your operating table a few days earlier, stood in front of you, with an absent look, and with the gun pointing straight at you.

“You killed my wife,” he said, his voice cold, aloof, as if a robot had taken possession of him.

“I… Mr. Hopkins I don’t…” you stammered, having no idea how to get out of that situation.

“You killed my wife!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, showing some emotion for the first time. His sudden change of tone made you jump with fear, and in pure instinct you raised your hands up, visibly trembling.

“Mr. Hopkins, please… Lower that gun, there is no need, I promise you I will answer any of your question.”

“Shut up!” he yelled again “There is no question you can answer! You killed my wife! The love of my life! You took her away from me and today you will die like her!”.

Your eyes filled with tears, but you tried in vain not to cry.

Fuck no, you didn’t want to die, not that day, not like that.

“Mr. Hopkins… I ask you please, let me explain how things went, I’m sure you will want to know why. I know this won’t bring your wife back and I’m terribly sorry about that, I know how much you loved her and how much she loved you, but I can help you find answers if you wants.”

“And what could fix this? She died!” he exclaimed, waving his gun at you and making you jump again.

Oh God please.

“Nothing, I know it won’t bring her back to life, but it might help you find some peace, I’m sure, in fact, I’m 100% sure Ellen would like you to be at peace, she doesn’t want you pining for her death.”

“I don’t want to hear you talk!” Bill continued, now taken by anger and resentment “I hate you! I hate you so much! You were the one who had to heal my wife, make her feel better and not kill her! ”.

Your heart tightened in a vise and you couldn’t not feel guilty. You rationally knew it wasn’t your fault but, subconsciously, you couldn’t help but think so.

“Okay, okay, but please Mr. Hopkins, this thing is just between me and you alright? No one else has to suffer from this tragedy, no family has to mourn their loved one, if you want to blame me that’s fine but leave the other innocent people alone.”

“I don’t care a damn about the others, they were just accidents along the way. I wanted you Dr. Y/LN, you ended my wife’s life and I will end yours.”

Your blood froze in your veins, your brain working hard to try to invent a way to escape from that situation.

At that moment your thought was only one, only Jay, and how much you wished him to appear through that door and take you away from there. You couldn’t stop thinking how that morning could’ve been the last time you saw him, how you wanted nothing more than to take refuge in his arms.

Bill clicked the safety of his gun and a feeling of panic took hold of you completely, fearing that these would be your last moments in life.

“Bill… Please listen to me,” you begged him “I know you aren’t a bad person, I know you are grieving terribly for the loss of your wife and I am so sorry, there has not been a moment when I have not thought of her and I don’t even dare imagine your suffering, damn it, I don’t even know how I would’ve reacted in such a situation. I know it’s just the sadness and anger that are talking now, and you are right to be angry with me, with the world, with whoever is up there who took Ellen away from you and I don’t blame you for that. I know I was the person you trusted most to save her life and I betrayed this trust and I will forever apologize for that, because I wanted Ellen to recover as much as you did. I am not a perfect being, I am human too and as such I can make mistakes but I am ready to pay the consequences,” you spoke, and noticing that he was listening to you you continued “I did my best and believe me when I tell you that if there was a single minimal thing I could’ve done to save her, I would’ve done it but I know you don’t see it that way now. Bill... I… I have a family too, I’m somebody’s daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend and like I said I know you’re not a bad person, I know you never want any family to go through what you are going through right now.”

“You’re wrong Dr. Y/LN,” he replied, suddenly calm, as if all the anger he felt until recently had magically vanished. “I want everyone to feel exactly what I’m feeling.”

The sound of a gunshot boomed throughout your office room as it kept repeating in your mind. Suddenly the whole world around you fell into total silence, there was only a subspecies of hum that you could clearly hear with your ears.

You didn’t realize it right away. It took you a few moments to do it.

You didn’t realize right away he actually shot you. It was only when you looked down and watched the blood splatter spread across your uniform that you really realized he had shot you.

Your body fell into a trance state and you didn’t immediately feel pain, due to the adrenaline flowing through your veins.

You fell to the ground, without strength, the blood expanding rapidly under your body and soiling all your clothes. You had no idea what was going on, you didn’t know if you were dead, if you were still alive, if your attacker was still there, if it was all a terrible nightmare.

Your mouth was completely dry, your jaws so dehydrated as if you had just run a marathon. Your heart was beating madly as your chest rose and fell quickly even though each breath was like receiving a stab, one was more painful than the other.

At that point the pain slowly began to be excruciating, so persistent as to be almost paralyzing. It felt as if millions of needles were penetrating your skin with extreme and devastating agony.

Jay was right there, he had witnessed that frightening and horrible scene from afar, given the open door of your office. He had seen how that man shot you in cold blood and without the slightest doubt or hesitation.

It was Will who literally held him back by force, or he would’ve come to you, or he would’ve tried to save you. He would’ve even taken that bullet for you, he would’ve fought to try to save you, but he couldn’t have done it and now you were probably even dead.

It didn’t do any good to wriggle with all the strength he had in his body, try to escape Will’s grip, yell at him to let him go.

“Fuck Will, let me go!” Jay kept screaming, trying to run away, in despair he had never been in his life. His stomach was in a vise and a lump in his throat had formed.

But when that shot rang out within the walls of that hospital, Jay was completely paralyzed for a few seconds, as if for a moment he had feared he had an auditory hallucination.

He stood still as his mind processed what was really going on.

“No!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, freeing himself from Will and running at lightning speed to your office. He didn't have anything else in mind but you at that moment and he didn't even care that bastard had vanished, he just wanted to see you.

Seeing you poured into a pool of your own blood was an image that would never leave his mind again.

“Baby! Baby! Please wake up, don't leave me!” Jay exclaimed, immediately leaning over your body, not caring in the least he was soiled with blood. He took your face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief when he noticed you were still alive, trying to mumble something.

“Shhh my love, don't talk, keep your strength okay? I'm here now, I won't let you go, please hold on tight” Jay begged, “Will!” his eyes blurred with tears and only then he realized he was crying “Please don't play tricks on me, you have to stay with your eyes open okay?”.

“J-Jay…” you muttered, struggling to keep your eyes open “It hurts so much...”

Jay cried even more to hear those words, knowing you were in terribly much pain and there was nothing he could do to end that pain. He continued to caress your face, your hair, noticing the paleness of your skin. He knew very well how you felt, he knew how a shot could be terribly painful.

“I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier baby, please don't leave me okay? I love you so much, I can't live without you…” he cried “Try to hold on for me, you'll be fine I promise...”

“I... I want to sleep Jay...”

“No, no, no, no,” he replied, panic in his voice. “Don't fall asleep, okay? You have to keep these beautiful eyes of yours open, can you do this for me my love? I know it's difficult but you are so strong, you are the strongest person I know... Don't do this to me, don't leave me baby…”

But at that moment you weren't strong at all, you weren't a fighter and you didn't have the energy and strength to fight. You just wanted to let yourself go and get some sleep, just for a little while.

The room slowly began to fade as black splotches appeared before your eyes and at that point you could no longer fight to keep your eyes open and found yourself sucked into a whirlwind of darkness.

“Will!” Jay yelled in utter despair again.

Will immediately walked into your office after rushing to get a stretcher and an emergency kit, and seeing the blood and you unconscious in Jay's arms he knew immediately that the situation was dire.

“I’m sorry I was finding these. We need to get her to the OR immediately. Jay help me put her on the stretcher,” Will ordered, trying to stay as cool and lucid as possible even though it was hard for him to see you like that too. You weren't just his brother's girlfriend, you were also his colleague and a very dear friend.

“Take her by the shoulders, I’ll take her by the legs. At three we raise her, okay?”.

Jay nodded, trying to wipe away his tears quickly and did what Will said.

“One. Two. Three.”

They placed you on the stretcher and all three of you immediately left the office, trying to go as quickly as possible to the operating room. It was a race against time, and both Will and Jay knew it, there was no room for mistakes, there was no room for hesitation.

“Will,” Jay called his brother, before seeing him enter the OR.

Will turned and immediately understood the words Jay was about to say.

“I can't be without her, save her please.”

Will's heart squeezed in a vise and never as in that moment he felt a huge weight on his shoulders because he knew if things went wrong he wouldn’t only lose you, a friend, a colleague, an exceptional doctor, but he would also lose his little brother.

He nodded before turning and walking into the operating room.

Jay didn't know what to do with himself. He never felt so helpless and at the same time cutting out from the world.

He didn't know the rest of his team had arrived there in the hospital, that the man was immediately found and arrested after killing that nurse and seriously injuring you and two other people but Jay didn't even care.

He didn't care where he was, he didn't care if he suddenly appeared behind him or even if he went around the hospital. He knew this wasn’t correct, his motto was to protect and serve but he didn’t give a fuck, he wanted nothing more than to know you were alive, safe and sound, that you were okay.

When it came to you, there was no criminal, job or any other matter that had a priority over you, there was nothing he wouldn’t have abandoned just to know that you were happy, that you were well and healthy. You had always been the center of his world since he met you and he didn’t even care how absurd it seemed, but it was the truth, you were his everything, all that was most important to him and knowing he had done nothing to avoid hurting you was killing him, devouring him inside.

The thought there was only a wall to divide you physically but an abyss mentally, was something that Jay just couldn’t understand and in the hours when Will operated on you, he thought he literally died a thousand times.

For the first time in his life he had understood the real meaning of fear and it was a feeling he never wanted to try again. It was horrible, devastating, debilitating, feeling that damned fear, that paralyzing and visceral feeling of anxiety that twisted his stomach in a tight grip. He was afraid of losing you, of never seeing you again.

How could he live without you?

How could he only think of living in a world where you were not there?

He wasn’t ready. He would never be.

This option had never even touched his head since you became a part of his world. He wanted to be with you forever, until his last breath and that was not even enough, because he knew that even in the afterlife your souls would be reunited and you would be together again.

What would he do if he never saw you again? What if he could no longer talk to you, hear you laugh at his sleazy jokes, hear you romp when you were happy, see you smile, hug you when you were sad and wipe your tears when you lost some patient on the operating table? What would he have done without your immense clumsiness, so much that he didn’t even know how you were a surgeon sometimes, without your disastrous cooking, without your hair ties thrown all over the place, without your obsessive way of disinfecting everything? What would he have done without your kisses, your hugs, your way of making him feel so pampered and loved, always, every day and every second?

“Fuck no, no, no, no,” Jay muttered to himself, as if to banish those horrible thoughts from his mind, “God please, please, save her, let her come back to me…”

After about an hour in which you were in the operating room, the rest of the intelligence reached Jay and in vain his friends tried to calm him down.

It was only when he saw Will come out the door of that damned operating room that he came back to breathe a bit and at the same time die of heartbreak and anxiety.

“So? How did it go? Is she fine? Please tell me she’s okay,” Jay spat out, immediately approaching his brother. He studied the expression on his face in the smallest details and a modicum of hope lit up when he didn’t see that typical expression you had when you had to communicate the death of a loved one, he didn’t seem sad, on the contrary.

“The surgery was a succes, I am 99% sure she will recover completely. The bullet had pierced the stomach but fortunately there was no major damage. Now I’m taking her to ICU and we’ll have to wait for her to wake up,” Will explained and couldn’t even explain the transformation Jay underwent. He noticed the precise moment when that veil of anxiety and worry finally disappeared, replaced instead by joy and happiness.

In a rush of happiness Jay hugged his brother, squeezing him like he had never done before. “Thank you Will, thank you so much.”

Will returned that hug, smiling. “You don’t have to thank me, she is very strong.”

“Yeah, she really is,” Jay replied through tears, only then realizing he was crying. “When can I see her?”.

“In a while don’t worry.”

Seeing you lying on that hospital bed was an image Jay would never have thought of seeing in his life, it was literally a blow to his heart. You had oxygen goggles inserted in your nostrils, your face was terribly pale but despite that you were still the most beautiful creature Jay had ever seen.

He stood next to you and he never took his eyes off you for not even for a second. His hand gently stroked your hair, as he used to do when you slept. It had now become a habit, stroking your hair and watching you sleep. Sometimes it happened that you smiled even in your sleep, snuggling closer to him, but this time it didn’t happen.

Your skin was cold under his fingers, as he stroked your cheeks and, God, he would’ve given anything to be in your place, so as not to see you hurt even for a minute.

Jay leaned over and gave a kiss on your forehead, as he kept caressing your face and hair.

“Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you? How do you make me feel? How important you are to me?” Jay began to speak, remembering the words you said to him once and that talking to patients asleep can have a positive effect on their awakening. He left another kiss on your forehead. “Do you have any idea how much you scared me today my baby? God, I've never felt so scared as I did today, not even while I was overseas. Seeing that son of a bitch...” Jay stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat as he remembered the moment you were shot “I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, I don't want to imagine how scared you were, I’ll never be able to forgive myself, I was there, a few meters from you, I have always sworn to protect you and keep you safe but I have failed and I am so sorry.”

“Please wake up baby, don't you dare leave me here alone okay? I can't be in this fucking world without you. I swear to you, I'll never leave you alone again, but now you just have to open your beautiful eyes alright? Can you do it for me? Show me those beautiful eyes that made me madly fall in love with you?”.

Jay stood there at your bedside indefinitely, watching you sleep and hoping that sooner or later you would finally open your eyes. Will spent nearly every twenty minutes visiting you and it was in vain for him to try to get Jay to go and rest.

It was when he felt your fingers move slightly, after almost twelve years, that he feared he was truly hallucinating.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” he literally jumped up from his chair, holding your hands as he looked at you “Baby, can you hear me? Please answer me, give me a sign. Please, please, please.”

He felt your fingers move slowly again and at that point he made sure it really happened, it wasn't a joke his mind was playing on him.

It took you some time to understand what was happening, where you were.

Your head was pounding terribly as if you were being hammered, your vision was blurred and you had to blink several times to focus.

The first thing you saw were the artificial lights coming from the ceiling, which at the time were terribly annoying.

“Where am I?” you grumbled with difficulty, feeling weak and completely without strength.

“You're in the hospital, love,” replied a voice you recognized immediately. It was Jay, your Jay. “No, no, stay still, don't get up.”

Your eyes met Jay's and the joy he felt at seeing you awake was something that was minimally comparable.

“You finally woke up,” he said, almost in a whisper, as if he hardly believed it. He stroked your hair, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Suddenly images of what had happened flooded your mind, the exact scene in which you were shot seemed to repeat itself in a loop in your head.

“Has... Has any other person been hurt?" you asked.

Jay nodded his head, sadly. “But they’re all fine. He was caught soon after, he surrendered without opposition.”

“And you? How are you?”.

He chuckled, taking your hand with his and letting a kiss on it. “You're the one on a hospital bed.”

You let out a faint laugh but it results in a painful twinge. “I guess I deserved it.”

Jay's face immediately turned serious and his heart tightened in his chest as he heard these words. “You can't really believe such thing. You don't deserve to be here baby, it's not your fault what happened, please, get it out of your pretty little head.”

“His wife is dead and I had to save her,” you whispered, your gaze fixed on the ceiling as you tried in vain to hold back the tears.

“His wife died of a complication, every surgery has it, you always tell me, and you did everything possible to save her. You don't have to pay for something you are not to blame for, please stop thinking this okay?”.

You were silent for a moment and you then returned your eyes to Jay.

“Baby... Are you crying?” you asked, alarmed. He shook his head slightly, wiping away his tears quickly and avoiding looking at you.

“No, I'm not,” he muttered but let go when you started stroking his face. He lowered his head and let himself go in a liberating cry, venting the frustration, the anger, the sadness but above all, the relief.

“Oh baby, it's okay, it's okay,” you tried to console him as best you could given your position.

“I was so fucking scared to lose you Y/N…” he whispered.

“I know, love, I know, I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize, on the contrary, I’m sorry, I should be the one to console you,” he said, wiping his tears and then looking at you. Your heart skipped a beat to see his beautiful green eyes shine so bright, still shiny from crying.

“You don't have to apologize Jay, there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it and you don’t have to blame yourself for not being able to stop this from happening,” you spoke up, realizing you were crying too.

“What about we both stop to blame ourselves?”.

“We have a deal,” you faintly smiled “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you too?”.

Jay let out a laugh, knowing you had actually heard his words as he spoke to you. He stood up again and leaned towards you before grabbing your face and pressing his lips against yours. There were no words to describe what he felt, what that contact caused within him, the relief to know he still had another chance to be with you, he still had he chance to kiss and hug you forever.

“Can you get close to me?” you asked.

“But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me, please baby, I need you now.”

“God, how can I say no to this beautiful face?” he said and you giggled, trying to ignore the pain that this entailed. Slowly and carefully, you tried to move in the bed, so you could make room for Jay and not make the stitches fit.

“Be careful baby,” Jay warned, helping you.

Jay positioned himself beside you, trying to be careful not to make any sudden movements, and he put his arm under your head. He printed so many kisses on your face and forehead, still unable to believe the luck of still having you there with him.

“I swear to god I’ll never let you leave the house again, I can’t risk someone taking you away from me.”

You giggled again. “Don’t make me laugh please, it hurts.”

“It’s not my fault you have such a funny boyfriend, it’s something you’ll have to live with.”

You hit him with that bit of strength you had, aching from the wound. “Can you stop it?”.

“Sure my love,” he kissed you on the forehead again. “Now try to rest, okay? You need to regain strength so I’ll get you home as soon as possible. I will always be here beside you, I won’t let you go.”

And with those words of comfort, you slowly slipped into a deep sleep, into the arms of the man you loved and with the hope, sooner or later, everything would be fine, everything would return back to normality.

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Interesting Encounters

Corpse Husband *& Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Paranoia and Fear of Invasion of Privacy

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse has an interesting run-in with his regular delivery girl, having the chance to talk to her for the first time despite her having been delivering to his door for months. It’s a big step in overcoming his anxiety and paranoia when talking to strangers.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! Hope you come across the final product of your request and give it a read and if so I hope you like it! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it though! Love, Vy ❤

It’s a regular Monday morning, close to 10AM and Corpse’s face is practically glued to the sound editing app he’s downloaded, playing around with some cool effects to add to his voice in the background of the new song he’s been working on. He hasn’t been able to sleep a wink thanks to the immense excitement, not that he would’ve been able to regardless, but the tune and the lines have been stuck in his head all throughout the weekend and he knows they’ll be bothering him until he turns them into something other people will be able to listen and give an opinion on as well. So far he’s done plenty of work but there’s plenty more to go until it’s done. He’s at that point he usually needs feedback and wants to ask for it but would rather not to avoid either too harsh judgement or fake praise.

He slides the headset off, deciding to take a break for the sake of his sanity before he drives himself to insanity with the intensity of his focus on this new piece. His brain just so conveniently sends him a reminder that his groceries are probably waiting for him outside the door. He has, as of the last half a year or so, had someone deliver his groceries to him to avoid trips to the grocery store with both the whole pandemic situation and the growth of following which translates to growth of the risk of him getting recognized. That’s the main reason - and maybe the only one - as to why he doesn’t interact with the people who deliver to him either. He always gives his delivery person the instruction to leave whatever he’s ordered at the doorstep and if it’s not takeout to not even ring the doorbell. 

That being said, the deliverer of his groceries doesn’t ring the doorbell to give him the kind reminder to be responsible, but luckily he hasn’t forgotten to collect them yet in the six months he’s been practicing this delivery technique.

Going to the front door and looking out of the peephole, he confirms there are several full plastic bags waiting to be picked up on the mat. With the person who brought them not in sight, Corpse unlocks the door and steps out to bring in the groceries for the week. Taking them to the kitchen, he unpacks the goods in the three bags. At first glance he would’ve been fooled, seeing as how it seems that all he has ordered is there. But, each Monday, he receives exactly four bags of groceries. One is missing. He rolls his eyes thinking he didn’t see it outside and left it there while he was hurriedly collecting the rest so he gets up to go grab it real quick.

While in the meantime...

Y/N looks through the remainder of bags in her minivan, making a route in her head for what roads and shortcuts she can take to deliver the last of the groceries to the respective homes they need to be taken to. Upon looking through them, however, she sees a bag labeled ‘MM’ that she uses short for ‘Mystery Man’, aka the guy who never opens the door to greet her whenever she delivers him anything. She works for several delivery services such as takeout, groceries, clothes even and has delivered to that apartment hundreds of times but has never met the resident, giving her the right to call him Mystery Man, aka ‘MM’.

“Ah, shit.“ She mumbles under her breath, realizing she failed to grab the fourth bag when on her way up to MM’s apartment.

Coming to terms with the fact that she’ll have to lose another five minutes going back up to his floor, she grabs the bag and takes off running back inside the building and up the stairs, deciding it would be quicker than taking the elevator.

Just as she arrives to the floor, heading straight for the door, it opens, freezing her in her tracks as her eyebrows shoot up.  At the doorstep stands a guy with an eye patch who looks more surprised and maybe even a little terrified than her. Taking in that Mystery Man is not such a mystery anymore, she returns to her professionalism, remaining at a distance and outstretching the hand holding the bag towards him.

“Sorry, forgot to drop this one off as well, I’m a bit all over the place today.“ She says in her most professional voice.

Corpse too regains his composure and takes the handed bag from Y/N gloved hand. Before he can think twice about it he says, “Thanks, uh...”

“Y/N.“ She says, “I’ve delivered to you countless times, it’s funny you don’t know my name but it’s to be expected since I’ve never seen you. This would be a good time to tell me your name so I don’t have to call you Mystery Man anymore.“ She laughs, cutting her own laughter off barely a second later when she realizes what she’s said, “Oh, fucking shit...”

Corpse chuckles, clear amusement in the sound, “Mystery Man? Interesting, interesting. If I ever become a superhero I’ll make sure to pick that name.” He fails to even pay mind to the fact that he’s spoken a lot more than he’d usually feel comfortable with.

Y/N laughs a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise to come up with a better one if you’re not willing to tell me your real one. Like....Pirate, for example?” she suggests, raising her shoulders.

He can’t help but let out a laugh, “You’d be surprised, but my name is not so far from your mark. It’s, um....” He’s not looking forward to the judgmental look or the questions he might receive in response to his statement but he succumbs to the expected disappointment, “My name’s Corpse.”

Surprisingly, she just smiles - a smile he cannot see due to the surgical mask she’s wearing but the crinkle at the corners of her eyes gives it away. “Cool! Well, I better get going then.”

Just as she turns to head for the elevator this time, seeing as she’s still out of breath from the run up the stairs, Corpse gets an idea he’d probably not be too fond of if he gave himself time to think it over. Which is exactly why he didn’t.

“Hey!“ He calls after her, gaining her attention immediately, causing her to turn around, “You got a minute? I need a little help with something...“

Y/N’s eyebrows raise a little, a moment before she shrugs her shoulders, “Meh, I’m already behind schedule, what’s an extra minute gonna do?” And just like that, they strut their way back towards his apartment.

He can’t help but chuckle, taking the opportunity to crack a joke, “This is how people often get killed. You don’t just walk into a stranger’s apartment like that.”

She scoffs as she passes the threshold, “Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about a person based on the groceries they buy. And trust me buddy, you’re not a murderer.” Earning herself a laugh and a nod with that remark, she continues, “You do appear to be an artist with all the cheap food you’re buying though.”

Corpse laughs yet again, a hint of nervousness is sensed in his laugh this time around though, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’re still gonna call me an artist when you hear this song I’ve been working on. Not even out of the box yet.”

Y/N stops in her tracks, “Well, well, well, aren’t I honored to be one of the lucky people hearing this before its release.”

“The first hearing it before its release.“ He corrects her with a pointed look, not missing the excitement that arose in her eyes.

“Let’s hear it then!“

Of all the friendship stories that exist, no one can say this ain’t a unique one.

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