#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects

[formulaswift]

why cant you choose me.

carlos sainz x norris!reader

reader and carlos are friends with benefits as being together is too risky…lando being her brother and all, but is carlos willing to risk it for her…

warnings : mentions of sex, language, use of yn…angsty one also not proofread im sorry😭

you turned over in bed, feeling the presence of the man lying next to you. inhaling gently you smelt his faint scent of cologne as you rolled over under the sheets.

one of his arms moved and looped around your waist, pulling you in gently as he grumbled something. carlos was never a morning person and you knew that, you also knew your brother would absolutely kill the both of you if he found out about your current position…or rather any position carlos had put you in.

when lando first introduced you to carlos as his sister, he made it very clear that there was no way carlos was allowed too close, let alone to date you or god forbid…fuck you.

and thats what made your current predicament even more amusing to you, laying in bed next to a very tired carlos sainz.

you both swore that it was strictly casual, and that you were just two people who had a strong attraction to eachother…you were friends so surely nothing would change right.

but then you’d noticed how his hug would linger for slightly too long when you’d leave after one of your late night rendezvous, how his eyes would soften at the sight of you, how the smell of your perfume would slow his breathing and calm his heart rate.

and you werent one to play innocent either, you knew that you loved it when he’d sit there and play with your hair in the mornings, or he’d pull you back towards him when you’d roll away from him in the night.

which brought your thoughts back to your current place, feeling carlos bury his head into your neck, softly breathing as you thought he’d fallen back asleep, until he kissed your neck gently, murmuring sweet words under your ear, breath soft against your skin, warming it slightly.

“morning mi amor.”

he said, quietly but you could hear the deep and slight croakiness to his voice, he always had it in the mornings.

“mm hi.”

you smiled, moving yourself slightly so you could face him instead of staring off the edge of the bed. his soft brown eyes met yours.

he leant in and gently placed a kiss on your lips, his lingering for a second too long after he pulled away but you werent in a position to correct him. he pushed his head back into the crook of your neck and laid there.

“carlos.”

“hm ?”

“have you ever thought of us…being more than this.”

you blurted out, wanting to ask the question yet not wanting till the worst moment to say it.

“hermosa, you know we can’t…”

“why can’t we.”

“you know what lando would say, he’d kill me.”

“why does he get a say on what happens in my life.”

“mi amor, it’s not worth the risk.”

“why not.”

“landos one of my closest friends, i cant just lose him.”

“but it’s okay if lose me?”

you said, feeling frustration in the fact that he didnt seem to care as much as you did.

“thats not what i said hermosa, of course i dont want to lose you but i really dont think its worth the risk of losing my best friend, why cant we just stay like we are.”

“because i care about you ! and i cant just keep on waiting until you call me on a random tuesday saying to come over for me to able to see you, i dont wanna have to be the girl you fuck when you feel like it, i can’t keep doing this.”

he moved away a little, standing up from the bed where you still sat.

“i can’t give you more than that hermosa.”

“you can’t or you won’t?”

you said tears brimming your eyes.

he didn’t respond, something in his eyes telling you he didn’t want to be in this position, telling you these things but it wasn’t that simple.

“hermosa…”

you ignored him, standing up from the bed and dressing yourself hastily. you grabbed your things.

“yn!”

“no im done carlos , answer my question.”

“you cant give me more or you wont ?”

“i wont, im sorry hermosa but im not risking my friendship with him.”

“then im not wasting any more of my time on meaningless sex when we both know it goes deeper than that.”

you walked out, slamming the door, the sound echoing like a gunshot in the cold air of the hall.

[55sturn]

https://www.tumblr.com/55sturn/752204504537202688/send-in-some-requests-for-chris-please-i-miss

hanging out with chris and you slowly start to realize that you like him and you end up ghosting him 😭

✮ ALL I WANTED WAS YOU

pairing: chris sturniolo x fem!reader

synopsis: in which of an indirect proclamation of love doesn’t go the way it’s supposed to.

warnings: angst. that’s it.

you hadn’t meant for your relationship with chris to get this far. you had only meant to be friends with him, but the way he’d look at you, and the way he could answer all your favourite things without second guessing himself, and the way he’d hold you so close to him without even needing to ask if you need a hug, all had you looking at him in a different light.

and to say you were scared would be an understatement, you knew if you expressed your feelings to him, he’d give you the same line he gave his brothers any time they asked if you two were together; “nah man, i cant do that, not with her, she’s too important to me to wreck it by making things romantic.” knowing that it was his fear of love and heartbreak and commitment speaking, and while you understood where he was coming from, you couldn’t jeopardize your own heart. chris means a lot to you, he’s your best friend, so in a futile act of self preservation, you distanced yourself. and for about two months you thought it was working,

until chris showed up at your apartment at one in the morning. his eyes puffy and red-rimmed from crying. he was distraught, you were his best friend and he couldn’t grasp why you would suddenly push him away, and he demanded an explanation.

“why are you shutting me out i thought things were going good?” he croaks, his throat dry as he tries to voice the anger and confusion he’s feeling.

“chris it’s not worth explaining-wait what do you mean by ‘i thought things were going good?” you cut yourself off, his question hitting you a second later than it should’ve.

“as if it’s not obvious that i like you? that i have feelings for you, y/n and up until two months ago, i thought you felt the same.” he whispers, avoiding your gaze as you let out an exasperated sigh.

“i did, i do, but what about that shit you say to your brothers about me being too important to consider dating?”

“i just said that so they’d get off my back about us. i thought everything we did made it clear that i wanted this?” chris sighs, running a hand down his face as he watches your face morph into a mix of something sad and something confused.

“i wanted this too but i was so terrified of you not wanting to it too, of your fear of commitment getting in the way. i’m still so scared.”

“you are the one thing i have committed to in a long time, even without a real relationship existing. my fears about anything to do with a relationship went away the second they were met with the idea of hurting you or pushing you away.”

“but there’s so much at stake chris, my friendship with your brothers, the friends we share, not to mention my friendship with you. if i lose that, i lose everything that means something to me, everything that makes getting up in the morning worth it. everything that has shown me what love is. i can lose just about anything chris, but jesus christ, i cannot lose you.” you whisper, your eyes welling with tears as you shred every ounce of pride, allowing yourself to be bare for a moment, indirectly confessing just how deep your feelings for chris run.

“then don’t push me away, let us be together in the way we want to be, give us a chance, because you are everything i’ve wanted and more.”

“i’m sorry chris but i cant, not when you’re too valuable to me. i don’t want to risk anything. what if we break up and it’s not a good, mutual one? what if it’s harsh and cruel and crushes every chance we could have reconciling? i couldn’t live with that.” you sob, your fears becoming all encompassing as your mind begins to spiral of the torturous what ifs of the relationship souring between you and chris.

“you’re insane if you think i’d ever let you get away once i got a taste of what it’s like to be completely yours.” he whispers, his hands gently cradling your face as he pulls you to face him, his own tears gently trailing down his face, the salt in the tears turning his eyes red, make them seem a shade of such a clear blue that it makes it difficult to keep your own eyes trained on his.

“i’m sorry chris but it’s too risky. i think you should go.”

“well that’s your decision and i may not agree with it but i’m willing to wait until you change your mind, if you ever do. and if you do, you know where to find me.”

taglist: @worldlxvlys @gamermattsgf @vanteguccir @sturnioloshacker @mattscoquette @sugrhigh @bratzforchris @teapartyprincess4two @lustfulslxt @patscorner @guccifrog @muwapsturniolo @soursturniolo @solarsturniolo @sturnioloshacker @raysmayhem-72 @meanttomeet @breeloveschris @ghostofbrock @l9vesick @freshloveee @fawnchives @cindylcuwho @thc-bolter @freshloveforthefit @freshsturns @forevergirlposts @sturniolo-fav-matt @sturnifyed @querenciasturniolo @pinklittleflower @ellie-luvsfics @strniolo @junnniiieee07 @hearts4chriss @evie-sturns @hysteria-things @sturniolossss @iliketotalk @dazednmatthews @bambi-slxt @nickgetsmewetter @inkyray @jnkvivi @cdbabymp3 @certifiedstarrr @imwetforyourmom

© 55STURN 2024 ! REBLOGS NOT EXPECTED BUT GREATLY APPRECIATED ! [ you do not have permission to copy or save or share my work to other platforms and devices! ]

[michaelbluthsdeadwife]

angst request: spencer and reader confessed their feeling for each other a while back, but decided to stay friends as to not ruin anything between them/at work. they both try to move on. so when a smosh holiday party happens they both bring people they're dating. and jealousy and angst ensues......

Selfish

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Summary: literally the request

Warnings: angstttt, cursing, fem!reader, arguing, suggestive comment at the end, jealousy

Genre: angst with a hint of fluff at the end

Point of view: 1st person (I usually write second person but I really wanted an internal monologue moment)

A/n: so this request was literally perfect? You are so lovely, anon. 🤎

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Of course, I want to be with him, but it’s just not plausible. I mean, think about it, if we broke up that would affect everyone around us as well. It would just be selfish.

This all started a few months ago, I did what I had to do for the sake of not only Spencer and I, but our co-workers too.

Me and Spencer were having a movie night, nothing out of the ordinary, except this time Spencer was feeling more bold than usual. Maybe it was the wine or the dim lighting, but at one point in the night we were looking at each other and he kissed me. It felt real and it felt right, but something in me said otherwise.

“Spencer, we can’t.” I said, pulling away.

“Yes, we can.” He leaned in again.

I stopped him by putting my hand on his chest. “No, Spencer. I’m serious. We work together, this could potentially ruin everything.” I shook my head.

I know I have a tendency to overthink, but it really did feel selfish.

“But I want to risk that for you, (y/n). It’s worth it to me. You are worth the risk.”

He looked at me with this glimmer in his eyes, one that he always had when he saw me. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but I wish I did.

“I just… I don’t want to lose this. And I don’t want to, you know, make it awkward for everyone else if it didn’t work out.”

“But, I….” He looked at the ground for a moment.

We sat there for what felt like forever.

“So, what are you saying?” He spoke in almost a whisper, as if he was trying not to cry.

“Im saying I cant be with you… in that way.”

“In what way?”

“Romantically, Spencer.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He swallowed hard. I felt so bad, but what was I supposed to do?

“Im so sorry, Spencer. I really want to, but-“

“Then why can’t we? We both want it, (y/n/n). Why are you saying this?” He stood from the couch and I could tell he was truly hurt. I stood with him.

“Because we can’t, okay!”

“But you’re the only person I want, (y/n).”

“Spence, don’t be like this. Can’t we just be friends?”

Another long moment of silence.

“Well… I don’t want to lose you, so… yeah, I guess so. If that’s the only way.”

I grabbed his hand. He looked at me.

“We aren’t gonna let this night mess anything up, right? We care about each other too much for that.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you at work.”

After that night, everything was okay between us. We remained friends and didn’t let it ruin us.

Actually, I met someone else. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks casually but I’ve decided to bring him to the office holiday party. His name is Derek and he really is a sweetheart.

Tonight I’m wearing a tight dark-red dress that’s ends just above my knees. As we enter the room, I’m met with blue and frosty decorations.

Courtney and Shayne are chatting near a table that holds snacks and drinks, so I guide Derek in that direction.

“Hey, Court! Hi, Shayne!” I hug them both.

“(Y/n)! Who’s this?” She nods towards the man beside me.

“Oh! This is Derek, the guy I’ve been seeing.” He shakes both of their hands.

“Nice to meet you guys.” He smiles.

“You’re dating (y/n)? Good luck.” Shayne teases, I roll my eyes.

“Don’t listen to him.”

Courtney looks over my shoulder and smiles. “Oh, look, Spencer’s here!” They wave him over, “Spencer! Come here!”

I feel breathing get just a little harder when I see a woman walking with him, holding his hand. She was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. I do my best to smile. Why the hell am I jealous? This was my idea.

“Hey, guys! This is Paris.”

Fuck, even her name.

“It’s really nice to meet you all, Spencey never shuts up about you guys.”

Spencey? Before I can realize it I let out an almost unnoticeable exhale of a laugh. Spencer shoots me a warning look. I swallow. By this point Shayne and Courtney have already greeted the pair and left, leaving the four of us alone.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Paris. I’m (y/n).” I give her a polite smile, she immediately gasps and wraps me in a hug. “Oh!” I laugh, lightly hugging her back.

“You’re the famous (y/n)? It’s so great to meet you!” She lets me out of her arms.

Fuck, and she’s adorably sweet. I guess I really have no reason not to like her.

“You too!” I awkwardly nod.

“I’m Derek, by the way.” He adds, shaking the hands of the pair.

“Spencer.”

There’s a small pause. Me and Spencer look at each other for a second.

“So, um- how did you two meet?” I ask, breaking the silence.

Paris goes on and on about their first meeting, they were both at a bar about a week ago and this was only their third date.

“Well, we should probably go mingle, it was really nice to meet you, Paris. Spencer, always a pleasure.” He nods towards me before Derek and I walk away.

We both grab a drink.

“So what was that about?”

I furrow my brows. “What was what about?”

“You and that guy? I don’t know, there was just weird tension. Do you guys not get along?”

“No, we’re really good friends actually.” I laugh.

I watch as Spencer stands there with his arm around her waist. My stomach turns.

“Oh…” he look back at Spencer. “So you guys hooked up?”

“What?” I say, a little too loud. “No! No, not at all… well, I mean, we kissed, but-“

“Oh, so he’s definitely still in love with you.”

I look around, confused.

“What?”

“Babe, come on, don’t play dumb. The way he looks at you… it’s like me and that chick weren’t even in the room.”

I scoff, shaking my head.

“That’s not true, Derek.”

He rolls his eyes, “look, we both knew this wasn’t actually going anywhere. I think you’re really cool but we were both just having fun.”

I sigh, nodding.

“It’s obvious there’s something between you two, I don’t want to get involved with that.”

“I understand.”

We hug and Derek decides to leave.

I’m walking through the office, trying to find someone alone or at least a small group. The last thing I want is a big crowd.

As I pass the games pod, I see spencer at his desk. Alone.

“You know this is a party, right?” I say, sitting on the couch.

Spencer whips his head back. “Oh, yeah I was just… I don’t know.” He shakes his head.

“Where’s Paris?”

He scoffs.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t know what this game is but I’m done playing.”

“What are you talking about?”

He narrows his eyes. “You were a bitch to her.”

“Sorry, what?” I stand, crossing my arms over my chest.

He meets my gaze by standing himself.

“She was super nice to you, (y/n) and you brushed her off.”

I stand there at a loss for words for a moment, looking anywhere but in his eyes. He was right, I wasn’t very nice to her. Shit.

“Im sorry.” I finally look at him. “You’re right, I was jealous.”

He sighs, running his hands down his face. “This was your idea, (y/n)! You don’t get to be jealous.”

I’ve never seen him this mad before. The glimmer in his eye is gone and suddenly I miss it. I screwed up.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

I look up at him. The way he’s glaring at me is something I never thought I’d ever see from him. It hurt.

“You’re so confusing. One day you just want to be friends and the next you’re all bitchy about the fact that I’m trying to move on! You wanted this-“

“Well, maybe I fucked up!” I shrug, dropping my arms as I sit back on the couch. My head is in my hands and I’m crying. Why am I crying? This is so embarrassing.

“(Y/n) I didn’t mean…” he sighs, sitting next to me. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

He gently rubs my back as to comfort me, but it only makes he break down more. Spencer brings me into his chest.

After a few minutes I pull myself together, sitting up.

“This is pathetic, I’m sorry.” I laugh.

“No, it’s not.”

“Honestly… I thought it would be selfish for us to be together, but I think this is worse. Either way someone gets hurt.”

He runs a hand through my hair, twirling it in his fingers, giving me and sympathetic look.

“Yeah, you’re right. I ended it with Paris. I feel bad for doing it at a party but-“

“Wait what? Why would you do that?” I turn towards him, furrowing my brows.

“There was no future there… she took it surprisingly well, though.”

“Thats good. Derek left too.” I laugh.

“Oh, that sucks. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.

I shrug, “no, it’s fine.”

“(Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

He looks at the ground, elbows resting on his knees. “What now?”

That’s a good question. Where do we go from here? Maybe it is best for us to be together, but I’m not sure if the offer still stands.

“Well… I guess it’s up to you.” I shrug, “but if you’ll still have me… maybe we can try that kiss again?”

He looks over at me, sitting up. “Really?”

I nod. Spencer places his hand on my cheek, gently pulling me in. As our lips meet, I let it happen this time. Again, it feels right except, this time there’s no undertones of uncertainty. By the time we pull away, the glimmer in his eye has resurfaced.

I smile.

“How was that?” He whispers.

“Perfect.”

He pulls me into his embrace, tightly hugging me like he’s never going to let go. I sigh into his chest. This feels right.

“So, what do say we go back to my place, Spencey.” I tease, smirking.

Spencer lets out a loud laugh, “Shut up.”

[ritz-writes]

@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

[miradelletarot]

Hi Mira!

For the fanfic ask game (https://www.tumblr.com/senualothbrok/769290276250484736/fanfic-end-of-the-year-asks?source=share)

1, 15, 21 💜🫶

Thank you so much for the ask!! I'll be honest, writing this year has been so rough for me. Esp since June, idk what it was, but something inside me just lost all it's spark. I caution to say "creativity" because let's face it...I *only* write about Sagora and Gale because I am so obsessed with their romance that It's definitely probably unhealthy.

But, I have been able to get a few things out, and I'm at least proud of myself for not giving up completely, even when I seriously considered it. I'm gonna write what I love, idk how annoying it might be =p

favorite fic you wrote this year: I think my favorite this year has to be I Wanted to be Angry. It's loaded with so many real feelings that I threw into the characters. This was at the peak of my emotional stuff with my separation, and I needed to put those feelings somewhere productive. So, here they went. I'm told it made people cry. So, sorry? but also...I'm glad it elicited an emotional response. That's honestly all I ever want from my works.

Something you learned this year: If we're strictly talking about fanfic related stuff here, it's that not everyone has to like my writing. While my imposter syndrome likes to tell me otherwise, and quite often, I know that at the end of the day, there *are* people who like what I create, and are happy to see it. So, I'll write for them. And for me. If we are talking about life in general, it's that I am stronger than I think I am. The risk I took a year ago to uproot my life was a huge one, but it's paid back in extraordinary ways. Too many to count.

Most memorable comment/review: I will be honest, I lose my shit over EVERY. COMMENT. I love them. They make me feel so much appreciation and love and happy feels that someone took 2 minutes of their day to say something about my work. I can't honestly pick just one, but here are two that really stand out for me. 1st one is from Lies in the Mirror:

[You stare at yourself in the mirror picking at the clothes that seem to cling to you more than usual] -already so relatable

[He sees you standing there, a frown burned into your visage as you stare at the many self-imposed imperfections that reflect back at you.] -Mira, I'm gonna cry T_T

[Aside from being the love of my life?” He clearly knew what you meant, but he was trying to deflect.] -smooth mfer

[He smiled. “I told you I’d love you even if you were a worm, did I not?”] -HAH MEMES

[This embrace feels different. Whole. It’s not just a simple hug. It’s a wordless expression of your devotion to one another. He always knows how to make you feel like you belong on top of the world.] -This was so beautiful 😍 😭

This was so cute and real! Like I think I've had this exchange with my fiance.

You captured such a gentle loving Gale some perfectly~ Great work ~

The second one is from It Feels Like Home, chapter 2 of The Weave and the Vines.

NOT GALE CASTING SILENCE SO HE CAN CRYYYY I CANNOT MY HEART CANT TAKE IT

[httpiastri]

jack dw when i wrote "we just want you to be a happy paul aron:(" i ALSO was crying my eyes out that i couldnt see my phone LMAO

AND ! you broke my heart saying paul should be in the middle of our paul nation group hug too🤧

anyways

since i was sad (still am) i have a sad perfectly fine thought thats prob gonna break our hearts but i cant be alone in this so sorry guys but i gotta share.

SO ! when y/n and him were breaking up i just imagine after y/n said "i need a break" and he replied "from what? from me?" i feel like he also said/thought "are you leaving me too?" LIKE HOW MERC AND PREMA LEFT HIM AND OMFG I MADE MYSELF BAWL YESTERDAY WHEN I THOUGHT AB THIS 💔💔💔💔💔💔

AND AND when he found out that OLLIEEEE of all ppl is who y/n dates after him its like he thinks that again like merc and prema y/n just replaced him with someone "better". jesus so um yeah😁

thought of this cz i realized the time of the breakup was prob around the time merc dropped him/during winter break AFTER they did YKYKYKYK

anyways everyone cry w me now please 😘

-🧸

it breaks my heart to think of u crying but im glad we could at least cry over that sentence together 🥺 but omfg ? breaking my heart again was so uncalled for???? pls someone help me

i SOOO wish i had written it like that omfg.... help that's actually heartbreaking :(( i wrote it as them breaking up in likeee early may? but i definitely think paul still could've been thinking/feeling like that anyways because there was talk early about kimi going to f2... and maybe paul just imagined it himself (or he was told that there was a risk) that he could get replaced if kimi kept things up because he's always felt like the second choice to toto's favorite boy..... while paul needed to find his own sponsors and do a lot of work by himself, kimi just got everything handed to him, and so in some way he was expecting to lose both the academy and his team...

so finding out that he was losing yn too........... and to ollie, who not only got an f2 seat with paul's team but who's also happily secure in his own academy (despite getting the same rank as paul in f3, third, and despite "only" being fifth in f2 in 2023)(not saying that fifth as a rookie is bad but yk. paul being third in f3 in his rookie year and still losing the academy.... sorry no i will stop)......... he must've been really happy about that 🙃

[divorcingjimmatthews]

pas de deux reactions (shorter than last time i swear)

elgin fucking hero???? the fucking guts???????? this van ride is giving me a heart attack

ive seen the promo pics i know theyll get in but im here like what if they dont open the doors for them in time?? or at all? i havent seen elgin in the promo pics oh my god. but hes so new theyre not killing him here. right. right??????

oh thank god

shit dale really did do ellis good like oh my god the poor dude

he better not die i dont want him to die and he might and im so hurt and anxious rn

did yall know kristi's acress is actually a medical professional? apparently they hired her before they even knew that

anyway back to the angsting

im gonna die

i cant look i cant look i cant look

the blood oh my god

boyd is so good at pretending like hes not dying inside to comfort fatima and ellis like i get that he screwed up big time with the sara secret but man what this dude has done for all these people at the cost of himself... :( boyd appreciation post

its so sad to see him ask for help and people not really believing him thoo like yeah he doesnt have proof and hes not used to asking for help so it comes off unnatural and like hes delusional but man thats #relatable af

NOT A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BOYDS BLOODS GOT THE FUCKING WORMS IN IT IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND 😭😭😭

also poor jim he's so commited to his experiment theory and people are starting to look at him weird for it but i'm so on his side jim you keep at it you're on to something! i believe in you

the way the pieces are all fitting together here oh boy

man i dont remember my blood type i guess this is how i die in fromville

boyd im sorry but it's a worms or death situation over here. unless someone else is O-negative

KENNY 👏👏👏

hes a big boy nowww and im so proud

damn i really didnt think boyds mental situation would get him to the point where he's risking his son's life?! if someone else got this bad after sara i thought that'd be jade. i tought boyd was too main character for this. im sorry boyd. i didn't see how bad you were doing i assumed you'd just be able to keep pushing through because you're you. i'm sorry boyd. i'm ashamed of myself. this deterioration happened before my eyes and i was like nahh he's okay

theyre stealing this mans blood at gunpoint

THEY CAN SEE THE WORMS???

maybe edgin is O-negative too my poor sweet not-good-with-blood heroic boy

KENNY?????

KKKKENNY???????????

"GIVE IT TO ME" THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING OH MY GOD

are these people gonna be passing the worms around like a hot potato like. could kenny theoretically... give it back after the transfusion's done??

boyd we're gonna need this fucking blood rn

BOYD?????

I DONT WANT YOUR IDEA BOYD

BOYD?????????

your son is dying boyd

no one can say anything about recklessness to my boy randall after this

he's gonna kill a creature somehow isnt he

fatima must be having 20 heart attacks per second rn

it's our dear smiley poster boyyyy

oh there's more creatures. i thought it was gonna be a 1 to 1 faceoff to echo the episode's title

im not even that sure that boyd is gonna survive this anymore

i mean he HAS to he's the main character but holy hell

im losing my mind

kenny watching through the window like what can you even do about that

hows he gonna get the blood at him like suck it from his hand and spit it or like what

why is he so confident that this is gonna work

i guess him being like this is what got them the talismans like if he didnt come across the talismans he wouldve been so dead in the forest back then and ellis wouldnve died too

but its like this place kind of hhmmm rewards whatever the fuck boyds doing? it seems to work out for him somehow. but martin was the same way and well.

THE SMILEY BITCH IS NOT BLEEDING

oh my good

ellis is dying while this is happening

boyd really said wait hold on a sec i need to rid myself of this blood curse real quick ill be right back

MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD NOW MOTHERFUCKER

ngl watching someone go on the offensive is so cathartic but i can admit that if i was in that clinic i would be losing my mind and not okay with this at all

IT DIDNT WORK???????

OH IT DID

no fucking wayyyyy

the nightmare creature's friends just ignoring him dying like not even scared a little bit???? they just showed they can kill you bro come on. must be unable to feel fear or something

oh yeah okay they were gathering around him and not around boyd damnnnnnnnn i cant believe this is happening

theyre CONFUSED

Boyd really fucking did that oh my god

the monsters are such bad friends to each other they dont give a fuck

i dont do so good with blood either. elgin i get u bro

the padlock on the medicine cabinet ouchie ouchie

donna and ethan are an interaction i wasnt expecting but theyre neat-o

sorry that jade isn't in the episode guys. i borrowed him for giving him hugs and kisses. i'll give him back for the next one dw. yeah victor's here too i'm giving him chocolate chip cookies. they're ok don't worry for them. sara's in the other room having a milkshake i felt kinda bad for her yeah

ethan is asking the real questions

DONNA DHSJDHSJDHSH i love her

ethan 🥺🥺

ETHAN 😭😭😭

donna...

AW donna

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUG

Boyd youre not okay oh my god this man

oh fatima 🥺

OH SHIT

"We shouldve trusted you" no listen it worked out by fucking miracle okay

what an episode dammit

[newbie9034]

“I want them strong and able to withstand challenges without going flying or snapping in half.”

Bahahaha, I laughed out loud at this. Understatement of the year.

But seriously though, they NEED to be stronger and have more strength & conditioning training. It is incredibly frustrating to see how other teams bully them because of this (like Chelsea) and it is something that has got to happen for injury prevention.

And I really agree with you on the long balls and clearances. It’s like they’re just sending the ball flying into the sky without any purpose whatsoever??? And like you say, the clearances were mostly intercepted by United. It really frustrates me when long balls are sent without any vision or plans, but just for the sake of clearance. And if we’re speaking about the back line (I’m not even going to go into city’s back line 😭) I’ve got to agree with you on Phallon Tullis-Joyce, she’s a phenomenal goalkeeper and has done an incredible job for United this season.

Honestly, I’m kind of glad City didn’t go through to the final, it would just be completely draining to go against Chelsea AGAIN and probably lose. The thing I’m most upset about is Mary, I really hope it’s not the three dreaded letters, although the injury did look awful. It makes me really sad for her.

Don’t trust Nick either, I think he can go 👋👋 bye bye after the end of the season.

And finally, I wanted to ask your opinion about Chelsea in the Champions League. Do you think they have a chance of winning it? Or do you think they won’t get past Barça?

Anyways, I love this little space you’ve created to discuss games, I come straight to tumblr after one is done

Sorry, anon - got distracted planning how I would fix this City team LOL. Buckle up, this is a LONG one.

First, you're so right - it's definitely part of why they get bullied by teams like Chelsea. Even Arsenal, to a point. Any physical team, they just can't match up. It's an injury risk problem, but it also means they just CANT keep up with top teams that ARE very physical.

Look at the builds - nearly every City player has the same build. Tallish (or at least not exceptionally short) and thin - almost a dancer's body. Lily, Mary, Viv, Blinky, Leila, Laia, Kerstin, Prior, Layzell - they're mostly shaped the same. The sturdiest girls on the team are Alex, Rebecca, Hempo, Bunny and Jess. The only people I think actually hold their own well in a physical battle are Bunny, Jess, and Kerolin. Otherwise they just get bullied!

And that's not meant to be body shaming or anything like that. It's just that I genuinely flinch and cringe any time there's a physical battle on the pitch with pretty much ANY player. Because they can't take it. They go down, they pull out of the challenge, or they get hurt! And that's not sustainable. Not when you're trying to beat teams like Chelsea who have Millie Bright and Mayra Ramirez and Erin Cuthbert who will absolutely body slam you with no hesitation!!

So yeah. I need everybody to get in the gym and just... beef up a bit, I guess. You can still be fast and graceful or whatever. But like... at least be able to WIN a shoulder-to-shoulder. Without blowing out a knee, preferably.

For the long balls -

I completely understand that there are times when you've just to go whack at it and send it flying with the prayer it buys you a few seconds. But that's when there's NO other choice, or in a panic. There's no reason long balls from our back line or keeper should be THIS inaccurate. I just looked it up and some stats are like MOST of the back line has a <50% accuracy rating. That's worse than flipping a coin!!!

I'll get into my thoughts about our positioning in a follow up post.

Honestly, I think the best thing to do now is cut losses. I highly doubt they're going to be able to pull off a sweep of these last five games with how many injuries they have. It would be a miracle, for any team. That's not hating on them at all.

I think what the club needs to do is focus on keeping the players they have healthy, getting everyone else fit, and really starting to get things set for next season. There won't be UWCL. Which sucks - but you can't take this team, who haven't had less than two or three important players out at once all fucking season, and ask them to play in four competitions again. It's not doable and it's not fair to ask like that's a reasonable expectation.

Figure out your permanent coach. Figure out what the hell is going on with your training that makes your players so much more likely to get injured than anyone else (I'm not even blaming this on the medical team. I think it has to do with how they train and what they emphasize. And I don't think that's strength or power.) And fill in your gaps.

As for Chelsea -

I think they definitely have a shot. It depends which Chelsea shows up, and it depends which Barcelona shows up. Barça have been missing a lot of players recently, and I think it's got them flustered, though admittedly I don't follow La Liga F that closely.

Last years' Chelsea vs last years' Barcelona? Steamrolled.

This years' Chelsea vs this years' Barcelona? There's definitely a chance they make it through.

I love these sorts of questions, and I love geeking out about what needs to change and formations and stuff. I'm a problem-solver at heart, so drawing out team sheets is genuinely so fun. I've got four sheets of notebook paper over here. That'll be my next post. Stay tuned!

xx

[loverzs]

Letter

I loved you for the person you were. Since 2019, until now, I’ve loved you, I loved you so much. So much that I believe I’ll never be in love again. and I loved you for the simple reason that you were you, and you were the kindest guy I had ever met. It might sound weird, but I could literally feel your kind heart radiating off of you the first time we met. You made me feel special from the earliest moments we had together and it made me so happy. I have so many memories of you and I, that I hold so close to my heart.

You were nowhere near as successful as you are now. While being proud of you, as time goes by, I can feel myself losing you with every day. We’ve both changed so much, but I’ve seen you start caring more and more about fame, attention, material things. And the more you care about those things, the less I can feel you care about me. I know it’s only a matter of time before you realise that I’m not good enough for you, that someone of your status should be with someone on the same level, someone prettier, someone cooler, someone much more well known and popular.

I just know that if you had to choose between your career and to be with me, you would choose your career without a second thought. I can feel and sense so strongly that I’ve become so much less important to you. I cry my eyes out as I write this, because realising I’m no longer the most important thing to you is like I’m experiencing september 2022 all over again. I’m just not that important to you anymore, and I don’t believe that you love me anymore.

I watched a couple on the train home from work today, and I asked myself why couldn’t that be you and me? My heart shattered as I watched them hold hands, share headphones, laugh together, kiss. I cant even see my phone right now from how much i am crying. I don’t know why you did this to me. You made me believe that that could be us one day. I know it can’t. I was believing in nothing. It wont happen. If you couldn’t be with me back in 2022, as the time passes, you gain more to lose. I become even more of a risk to your precious career. I’ll never be someone you bring into your real life. I know you won’t. Please don’t lie to me anymore, please don’t entertain me any longer. I know you don’t really want me, I know our future together is a lie. I know it’s not going to happen. Please don’t delude me anymore. Please remove the heart from your name and just stop tricking me anymore.

The last few weeks have been terrible again between you and i. This situation of no direct communication has brought out the absolute worst in me, it always has, and it’ll continue to. I don’t think it’s fair to expect any better from me, given anyone else in the situation would have suffered emotionally the same as I have. But please know that I’m sorry, for all the negativity I caused in your life I am so sorry and I hate that I did that.

Let’s not fight anymore. Let’s not make each other mad, annoyed or sad anymore. Let’s not ruin each other’s moments that are meant to be joyful and happy anymore. I didn’t mean to do that to you, and Im sure you didn’t mean to do it to me. I’m tired, and my heart is hurting from everything we went through. I can feel you losing the desire to fight for me, you don’t want to have to prove you love me anymore. And it’s okay. We can end it before it gets worse, before it becomes more painful than it already is. I’m just not meant to be with you. You and I are an impossible couple that just can’t happen in this life. I know because if we were possible, last year in September 2022 instead of experiencing traumatic heartbreak, we would’ve been holding each other and telling each other how long we waited. The moment I dream of, of holding your hand and looking in your eyes is never going to happen and I know you were too kind to let me know that. I know it now. Don’t worry anymore.

I loved you and I loved being yours for a while.

[bordysbae]

could you do a fic with mark estampa where it's like bestfriends to lovers in denial with a sprinkle of angst? like y/n has had a crush on mark forever but is in heavy denial (prompt #1) and and then after a big fight over something and y/n shouts at him (prompt #53)

“just one date”

mark estapa x f!reader

1. “he’s my bestfriend i don’t like him!”

53 “i like you, dipshit!”

warnings: not proof read, cursing

okay sooo i know you asked for the reader to be the one to confess feelings first, but i could only think of a plot where mark confesses sorry!! and this was kinda rushed but oh well

—

having mark as your best friend was easily one of the best and worst things to happen to you. you met him at the start of middle school and you guys have been attached at the hip ever since. this also means you’ve had to watch him go through multiple girlfriends, flings, and even one night stands. you get this weird feeling of sadness, or pain even, whenever he tells you about a new girl, but you refuse to believe what everyone’s been telling you.. ‘y/n you like him!’ but your reply always stays the same no matter who it is that’s trying to convince you, ‘he’s my bestfriend, i don’t like him!’

deep down, you know you’ve had feelings for him for the longest time, but you’d rather love him quietly rather than risk losing a long friendship. unfortunately, things with mark have been off recently and you don’t understand why. last weekend at a party you met a boy named lucas, and you two hit it off. you spent majority of the night talking to lucas, but when you went to speak with mark he shrugged you off and went to go make out with some other girl. he’s barely been calling or texting you, unless he needs help with his classes. he does this weird thing where whenever he’s with a girl he acts like he doesn’t know you, but when you’re with a guy it’s the end of the world. it makes your feelings for him even more confusing than they already are.

thankfully you’re planning to go out with lucas tonight, hoping this will take your mind off of everything. as you’re finishing your makeup, mark randomly facetimes you. “hey mark!” you exclaim, fixing your hair in the mirror resting behind your phone. “where are you going on a wednesday night that you’re fixing your hair and have a full face of makeup?” he asks, making you a little annoyed. why does he all of sudden care about you and your life after pretty much dodging you all week?

“i’m going to hang out with a boy i met last weekend, why do you care?”

“the hell does that mean? why do i care? you’re my best friend i was just asking,” he questions.

“i don’t know mark, maybe cause you’ve been so dodgy lately? you barely even talk to me,” you shrug, now applying lipgloss to your lips.

“whatever man, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to. who are you going to see?”

“you don’t know him, we’re just hanging out around town don’t worry. and please mark, don’t get all your stupid teammates to fucking spy on me again,” you groan. “i didn’t trust that guy! he was sketchy, can you blame me? i needed to make sure you were safe,” mark shrugs, defending himself.

“so you felt the need to get your friends to spy on my date? look whatever mark, i gotta go. and if i see any of your teammates i’m seriously gonna be pissed,” you say before hanging up, not wanting to deal with marks shit today. you text lucas that you’re on the way to the spot you guys chose to meet at.

as you’re on the way out of the dorms, you hear a voice shouting your name. you spin around, and see mark running up the block.“what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, very annoyed now.

“don’t go on that date y/n, please,” mark says, slightly out of breath.

“oh don’t do that mark. you cant just avoid me all week for no reason, and the second i tell you i have a date with someone, that’s when you care? and now you’re telling me not to go?”

“fucking let me explain! i’ve been dodging you because i saw you guys talking at the party, and it hurt! you think i get with all these random girls for fun? for shits and giggles? i like you, dipshit! i’ve liked you for years! and i’ve been dodging you this week to try and make the both of us happier. cant you see how selfish i am? here i am, asking you to not go on a date, just to make myself happier. y/n all i’m asking is just one date. please just go on one date with me, let me prove that i’m the one you need. not whoever you’re going to see tonight,” he pleads, making your head spin. you barely understood a thing he just said, but those last words were just what you’ve been dying to hear.

“mark, you don’t need to do any of that. i already know what i want, and that’s you,” you say, before pulling him in closer to you. your guys’ lips crash together, and it feels like the world is spinning so fast that it’s not even spinning at all. before you even realize it, you guys are pulling back from the passionate kiss, and resting your foreheads against one another. “i need to text lucas, i have way better plans than him,” you chuckle, pulling out your phone to inform your date that you won’t be able to make it.

“shhh, don’t ruin the moment,” mark says before taking your phone from your hands, making you giggle. suddenly your hands are wrapped around the back of his neck, and his hands are around your waist, pulling you as close as possible.

[halsteadlover]

Eye For An Eye

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hi. I dont know if you have seen Greys Anatomy, but my request is if you could write Jay and the reader in the season 6 finale of Greys. With the reader being in Dereks place(she can be a surgeon) and Jay in Merediths. He doesnt have a gun on him when it happens, so he cant protect them. And instead of Christina, Its Will who does the surgery on Y/N. So I dont know if you have seen it, or if you are completly confused, but if you have, it would mean alot😊

• Warnings: blood, curse words, gunshots

• Word count: 7138.

• A/N: I think this is the longest piece I've ever written and as always it's shitty 💀 I'm sorry for how this turned out but I hope you'll like it. Let me know what do you think, like, comment and reblog if you want 💞 Love you all and thank you for your support.

Each person has a different way of doing, of thinking, of acting. Each situation is different from another and for each one there is a different way of reacting. When you’re happy there are those people who jump of joy, there are those who cry, those who cannot stop laughing or clapping their hands. When you are sad there are people who withdraw into themselves, those who prefer the company of some friends or their partner, those who don’t let themselves be discouraged.

But when you lose a loved one, this is a very broad discourse, difficult to enclose in just few lines, but even in this case each person has their own reaction, their own way of dealing with pain. There are those who cry desperately, those who scream since the pain of the loss is so strong because this is a kind of pain that tears inside you, tears your heart out; there are those who seem impassive, just because they need to metabolize, they don’t cry, they don’t scream, don’t despair, they remain there sitting in a corner to mull over what happened, what was going on.

During your career as a surgeon you had – unfortunately you'd dare to say – the opportunity to witness all kinds of reactions from a family member to the loss of their loved one. You were always understanding, ready to do anything to try and ease the pain those people were feeling even though you knew they hated you at the time since you were the person who gave them the worst news of their life. You thought you had seen everything but, damn it, how wrong you were, how wrong you were in having taken the arrogance of being able to think you knew the human being in its complicated and absurd interest. As already mentioned, every person has his own type of reaction in relation to a certain situation but never in your life, not even for a second, you would’ve thought the death of a patient could also have been the cause of yours.

“Doctor Y/LN, the patient is in atrial fibrillation,” a nurse had warned. You were in the midst of a brain operation on a woman, Ellen Hopkins, a 50-year-old lady who had a meningioma, a benign brain tumor but which, given its location and size, was quite dangerous to remove and carried high risks.

“The patient has her skull open, a wrong movement and I could make her paralyzed for life” you replied, the forceps and the electric scalpel in your hands while you were concentrating on the patient’s brain. “Two milligrams of Amiodarone, fast!”.

“The fibrillation persists,” you commented, lifting your eyes for a moment and placing them on the monitor the patient was connected to. “Damn it!” you exclaimed, putting down the surgical instruments and approaching the patient’s chest “Let’s carry out a cardioversion!”

“Charge at 200!”

Nothing.

“250!”

Still nothing, the fibrillation persisted as the patient’s values plummeted dramatically.

“350! And call cardiology!”

Not being able to use defibrillation again, you continued with the cardiac massage while waiting for a cardiothoracic surgeon to arrive in the operating room.

But Mrs. Ellen died on that operating table before someone even arrived.

“Damn it,” you cursed, taking a deep sigh and looking at the clock “Time of death, 16:33.”

Informing relatives was never an easy thing to do, you never got used to it, and that didn’t change even when you had to inform Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’ husband, Bill. You explained to him how the surgery had gone, you answered his questions, you told him you did everything possible to save his wife but that, unfortunately, she hadn’t made it.

Bill was petrified, speechless. Not a single sound came out of his mouth, not a single word, not a single tear came out of his eyes. He remained impassive, unable to process the information he had just been given. He just looked at you, straight in the eye, for a few moments before turning his gaze and walking away.

You watched him go and it was in vain to try to call his name and speak to him. You sighed deeply, running your hands over your face in frustration, blaming yourself for just ruining that man’s life. You couldn’t even imagine how he must feel at that moment, so you didn’t blame his reaction, as already mentioned, everyone had their own way of reacting to such devastating news.

As you used to do after surgery, you holed up in the doctors’ ward, ignoring everything and everyone and continuing to reflect on that surgery and what you could’ve done differently to save that woman.

And you stayed there all afternoon, until the evening, until your shift was over. They all tried to cheer you up, Connor, Will, April, to tell you it wasn’t your fault but right now you didn’t even want to hear those words, at least not from them. You just wanted Jay and one of his hugs.

Jay had been your boyfriend for almost four and a half years now and given your hectic lifestyles, being you a surgeon and him a cop, it was sometimes difficult for you to even see each other even if you were living together.

That evening it was enough for him to see you come out of the hospital doors to understand there was something wrong with you. He understood it from the way you walked at a slow pace, from the way you had your head down and your eyes on the ground.

“My love,” he began, getting up from his car on which he was leaning and walking towards you. When he finished his shift early, he always used to pick you up at the hospital or wait there until your shift ended too.

A small smile rose on your lips when you saw him, beautiful as the sun. The instant relief you felt when you saw him was something magnificent, it was amazing how even just that was enough to make you feel better.

“Hi baby,” you greeted him, immediately wrapping your arms around his chest and hugging him tightly. His arms encircled your shoulders and he too squeezed you tightly, knowing right away that you needed it right now.

“Baby are you okay? What happened?” he immediately asked in a worried tone as his hand gently stroked your head.

“Can we talk about this later? I just want to go home and forget about this day.”

Jay understood but didn't insist any further, leaving your space and knowing that when you were ready you’d tell him everything.

He slightly broke away from that embrace and with his hands he cupped your face, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. Without saying anything he kissed you, a chaste, sweet and delicate kiss you didn't even realize you needed until then.

“Has anyone dared to bother my princess? Do I have to beat the shit out of someone?” Jay asked in a menacing tone and expression, in an attempt to cheer you up. He smiled when you giggled, knowing he had succeeded and that, in reality, he was serious about this, as he wouldn’t hesitate even for a second to punch anyone who really dared to hurt you.

“No baby, no one has dares to do this wickedness,” you replied with a joking tone.

“It'll be better for them,” Jay joked, stamping a sweet kiss on your forehead that made your stomach lightly explode like fireworks. God, how much you loved that little gesture. “What do you say to go home and forget about this bad day? We can order something and watch a movie if you like.”

You nodded enthusiastically, looking forward to taking a shower and throwing yourself on the bed.

You and Jay were lying on the sofa, having dinner and watching a movie in the background that neither of you was really following. Your head was resting on his chest, your arm instead encircling his chest as he hugged you tightly, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead from time to time.

“I missed you so much today,” Jay said, making you smile even though he couldn't even see you right now.

“I missed you so much too baby, I really needed this.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, almost in a whisper. You let out a sigh, almost involuntarily, “You don't have to tough if you don't want to, I don't want to put pressure on you.”

“No sorry it’s just…” you started talking, putting yourself in a sitting position so that you could look at Jay “It's just... Surgery gone wrong, a woman died on the operating table.”

“Oh. I'm so sorry my love,” Jay replied, taking your hand and squeezing it tightly. “You don't think it's your fault, do you?”

“And who else could it be? I was the surgeon,” you blurted out “It was an operation that presented complications but it had 95% of possibilities to be a success, I promised her, her husband...”

“Baby, baby, stop,” Jay stopped you, letting go of your hand and grabbing your face with his hands and making you stop talking. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault. I wasn't there and I don't know how things went but I'm 100% sure you did everything in your power to save her and if there was a chance to do anything to keep her alive you’d do it. Complications happen, they happen, the surgery had a 95% chance of success but unfortunately that 5% is always there, it's hard, but it's always there and it's nobody's fault, much less yours. Don’t blame yourself for this baby, you are one of the most talented surgeons in the entire hospital…”

“Why can't I help but feel like shit then? Maybe I didn't consider some variables, I was too sure and a patient died,” you said, your voice almost broken by trying to hold back the tears. But from the way Jay wiped one, you could tell the attempt was completely in vain.

“Because we are human, it's in our nature to blame ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned and we always need to have an answer to the things that happen but the truth is that not everything has an answer, the universe operates in a mysterious way and I know for sure, I’d bet on it, there was nothing you could’ve done that you haven't already done.”

You sighed, then resting your head on his chest as he hugged you in an attempt to console you.

“I'm here for you baby, cry and let it go as long as you want, I won't let you go,” he continued to whisper, occasionally leaving sweet and delicate kisses on your forehead. He continued to hug you indefinitely, whispering words of comfort to you until you calmed down and stopped crying. You didn't know how to express your gratitude for having such a fantastic man like Jay by your side, you’d never have known how to do it without him. He was your rock, your backbone, what put you back together when your world fell apart.

-

In the next two days nothing special happened, you and Jay went on normally with your jobs, you operated, he arrested criminals.

It was Friday and it was now late morning while you were in the operating room after finishing an operation on a man with spinal problems. As usual, you washed your hands and left the operating room before going to write everything down on the patient's medical record.

Everything seemed to go on normally, lunchtime came quickly and as usual, Jay came to the hospital to pick you up and go eat something together. You were still busy in the last morning visits and Jay took the opportunity to exchange a few words with his brother Will, who was at the reception.

“Look who’s bere, I thought you died,” Will commented, jokingly.

“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't show up but work has been killing me lately, it's like the criminals have all woken up at the same time,”Jay explained “How is everything going?”.

“It's okay. I’m fine, Maya is back in town tomorrow and I can't wait to see her again, work is going pretty well, in short, I have nothing to complain about and I can finally exchange few words with my little brother.”

Jay chuckled and was about to answer when a man's voice interrupted him.

“Excuse me,” the man said, getting attention “I'm looking for doctor Y/N Y/LN, where can I find her?”.

Jay immediately turned to the man after hearing your name being mentioned and looked him up and down, studying his appearance and making sure he wasn't some ex or, worse, a shady guy. He was a man who couldn’t exceed fifty-five, tall, slender physique, balding. He had his hands tucked into the pocket of his visibly ruined pants and his gaze totally absent.

“She’s finishing her last visits, you can wait in the waiting room and I will call you,” Will replied cordially.

“No, it's pretty urgent. I'm here for my wife and the doctor made an appointment for me today and at this time,” said the man, so calmly, a behavior that was not expected of someone who had a loved one hospitalized.

“I’m sure you can wait here too, the doctor will come down immediately and see you,” Jay continued, but the man insisted that the matter was urgent and he needed to see her right away.

“If the doctor told you that, you can go now,” Will said, going on to explain where to find you.

The man thanked him and started walking towards the elevator. By now he had memorized the way to your ward, which was only on the first floor.

Slowly, the man approached the ward where, however, a nurse stopped him.

“Sir, visiting hours are over, you can't stay here.”

“I'm looking for Doctor Y/LN,” he replied, completely ignoring the nurse's words.

“You can come back here at three in the afternoon, when visiting hours start again.”

Soon the situation plunged completely into the abyss, in a whirlwind of chaos and despair.

The man pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and without any sign of remorse or hesitation, shot that nurse, making his body fall to the ground, lifeless.

The sound of the shot echoed throughout the entire floor and the terrified screams of doctors, nurses and the patients themselves began to spread. They all started running away at the speed of light fearing for their lives. There were, however, those who couldn’t even get out of bed, asleep patients who were unable to save themselves.

When suddenly Jay saw a wave of people running from the elevator, terrified, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He and Will quickly exchanged a worried look and Jay immediately tried to stop someone to ask for an explanation.

“Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on?!” he exclaimed aloud, but everyone ignored him, continuing to run away. He stopped a man, who in terror stammered a few words.

“A… A man… He has a… He shot… He has a gun.”

Jay’s heart stopped beating for a moment as he heard those words. His mind immediately understood what was happening, who was the aggressor and his first thought was you. That man had targeted you, he wanted you.

A feeling of panic took over him and his brain went completely blackout. His first instinct was to run to the elevator and try to find you before that man found you but Will stopped him.

“Where the hell are you going?!”

“What do you mean where the hell am I going? That man is looking for Y/N I have to find her!”

“Jay you need backup!”

“You get as many people out as possible, I call the rest of the team and look for Y/N,” Jay had replied and before Will could even answer, he run for the elevators. After quickly making the call and making sure the team and SWAT were coming soon, he put his cell phone in his pocket and reached for his gun.

At that precise moment a shiver went through his body as he realized he didn’t have his gun with him and that he had left it in the dashboard of his car.

“Fuck!” he whispered angrily to himself. That didn’t stop Jay, however, determined to find you before the madman did. He began to wander the corridors of that floor, constantly looking around. He felt the sweat tinge his forehead and his heartbeat greatly accelerated, not so much because of the situation but because he knew your life was in danger. He kept praying with every fiber of his being you were okay, that you were able to hide somewhere.

The anxiety and worry he was feeling at that moment were feelings he had felt a few times in his life and knowing that you, the love of his life, were in danger and, above all, he couldn’t do anything to help you, it destroyed him. Deep down he couldn’t even formulate a single coherent and rational thought.

The last thing you expected that day – and to be honest, you didn’t expect at all – was to find yourself face to face with an armed man pointing his gun at you.

“Mr. Hopkins…” you whispered, short of breath and heart pounding. Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’s husband, the lady who had passed away on your operating table a few days earlier, stood in front of you, with an absent look, and with the gun pointing straight at you.

“You killed my wife,” he said, his voice cold, aloof, as if a robot had taken possession of him.

“I… Mr. Hopkins I don’t…” you stammered, having no idea how to get out of that situation.

“You killed my wife!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, showing some emotion for the first time. His sudden change of tone made you jump with fear, and in pure instinct you raised your hands up, visibly trembling.

“Mr. Hopkins, please… Lower that gun, there is no need, I promise you I will answer any of your question.”

“Shut up!” he yelled again “There is no question you can answer! You killed my wife! The love of my life! You took her away from me and today you will die like her!”.

Your eyes filled with tears, but you tried in vain not to cry.

Fuck no, you didn’t want to die, not that day, not like that.

“Mr. Hopkins… I ask you please, let me explain how things went, I’m sure you will want to know why. I know this won’t bring your wife back and I’m terribly sorry about that, I know how much you loved her and how much she loved you, but I can help you find answers if you wants.”

“And what could fix this? She died!” he exclaimed, waving his gun at you and making you jump again.

Oh God please.

“Nothing, I know it won’t bring her back to life, but it might help you find some peace, I’m sure, in fact, I’m 100% sure Ellen would like you to be at peace, she doesn’t want you pining for her death.”

“I don’t want to hear you talk!” Bill continued, now taken by anger and resentment “I hate you! I hate you so much! You were the one who had to heal my wife, make her feel better and not kill her! ”.

Your heart tightened in a vise and you couldn’t not feel guilty. You rationally knew it wasn’t your fault but, subconsciously, you couldn’t help but think so.

“Okay, okay, but please Mr. Hopkins, this thing is just between me and you alright? No one else has to suffer from this tragedy, no family has to mourn their loved one, if you want to blame me that’s fine but leave the other innocent people alone.”

“I don’t care a damn about the others, they were just accidents along the way. I wanted you Dr. Y/LN, you ended my wife’s life and I will end yours.”

Your blood froze in your veins, your brain working hard to try to invent a way to escape from that situation.

At that moment your thought was only one, only Jay, and how much you wished him to appear through that door and take you away from there. You couldn’t stop thinking how that morning could’ve been the last time you saw him, how you wanted nothing more than to take refuge in his arms.

Bill clicked the safety of his gun and a feeling of panic took hold of you completely, fearing that these would be your last moments in life.

“Bill… Please listen to me,” you begged him “I know you aren’t a bad person, I know you are grieving terribly for the loss of your wife and I am so sorry, there has not been a moment when I have not thought of her and I don’t even dare imagine your suffering, damn it, I don’t even know how I would’ve reacted in such a situation. I know it’s just the sadness and anger that are talking now, and you are right to be angry with me, with the world, with whoever is up there who took Ellen away from you and I don’t blame you for that. I know I was the person you trusted most to save her life and I betrayed this trust and I will forever apologize for that, because I wanted Ellen to recover as much as you did. I am not a perfect being, I am human too and as such I can make mistakes but I am ready to pay the consequences,” you spoke, and noticing that he was listening to you you continued “I did my best and believe me when I tell you that if there was a single minimal thing I could’ve done to save her, I would’ve done it but I know you don’t see it that way now. Bill... I… I have a family too, I’m somebody’s daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend and like I said I know you’re not a bad person, I know you never want any family to go through what you are going through right now.”

“You’re wrong Dr. Y/LN,” he replied, suddenly calm, as if all the anger he felt until recently had magically vanished. “I want everyone to feel exactly what I’m feeling.”

The sound of a gunshot boomed throughout your office room as it kept repeating in your mind. Suddenly the whole world around you fell into total silence, there was only a subspecies of hum that you could clearly hear with your ears.

You didn’t realize it right away. It took you a few moments to do it.

You didn’t realize right away he actually shot you. It was only when you looked down and watched the blood splatter spread across your uniform that you really realized he had shot you.

Your body fell into a trance state and you didn’t immediately feel pain, due to the adrenaline flowing through your veins.

You fell to the ground, without strength, the blood expanding rapidly under your body and soiling all your clothes. You had no idea what was going on, you didn’t know if you were dead, if you were still alive, if your attacker was still there, if it was all a terrible nightmare.

Your mouth was completely dry, your jaws so dehydrated as if you had just run a marathon. Your heart was beating madly as your chest rose and fell quickly even though each breath was like receiving a stab, one was more painful than the other.

At that point the pain slowly began to be excruciating, so persistent as to be almost paralyzing. It felt as if millions of needles were penetrating your skin with extreme and devastating agony.

Jay was right there, he had witnessed that frightening and horrible scene from afar, given the open door of your office. He had seen how that man shot you in cold blood and without the slightest doubt or hesitation.

It was Will who literally held him back by force, or he would’ve come to you, or he would’ve tried to save you. He would’ve even taken that bullet for you, he would’ve fought to try to save you, but he couldn’t have done it and now you were probably even dead.

It didn’t do any good to wriggle with all the strength he had in his body, try to escape Will’s grip, yell at him to let him go.

“Fuck Will, let me go!” Jay kept screaming, trying to run away, in despair he had never been in his life. His stomach was in a vise and a lump in his throat had formed.

But when that shot rang out within the walls of that hospital, Jay was completely paralyzed for a few seconds, as if for a moment he had feared he had an auditory hallucination.

He stood still as his mind processed what was really going on.

“No!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, freeing himself from Will and running at lightning speed to your office. He didn't have anything else in mind but you at that moment and he didn't even care that bastard had vanished, he just wanted to see you.

Seeing you poured into a pool of your own blood was an image that would never leave his mind again.

“Baby! Baby! Please wake up, don't leave me!” Jay exclaimed, immediately leaning over your body, not caring in the least he was soiled with blood. He took your face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief when he noticed you were still alive, trying to mumble something.

“Shhh my love, don't talk, keep your strength okay? I'm here now, I won't let you go, please hold on tight” Jay begged, “Will!” his eyes blurred with tears and only then he realized he was crying “Please don't play tricks on me, you have to stay with your eyes open okay?”.

“J-Jay…” you muttered, struggling to keep your eyes open “It hurts so much...”

Jay cried even more to hear those words, knowing you were in terribly much pain and there was nothing he could do to end that pain. He continued to caress your face, your hair, noticing the paleness of your skin. He knew very well how you felt, he knew how a shot could be terribly painful.

“I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier baby, please don't leave me okay? I love you so much, I can't live without you…” he cried “Try to hold on for me, you'll be fine I promise...”

“I... I want to sleep Jay...”

“No, no, no, no,” he replied, panic in his voice. “Don't fall asleep, okay? You have to keep these beautiful eyes of yours open, can you do this for me my love? I know it's difficult but you are so strong, you are the strongest person I know... Don't do this to me, don't leave me baby…”

But at that moment you weren't strong at all, you weren't a fighter and you didn't have the energy and strength to fight. You just wanted to let yourself go and get some sleep, just for a little while.

The room slowly began to fade as black splotches appeared before your eyes and at that point you could no longer fight to keep your eyes open and found yourself sucked into a whirlwind of darkness.

“Will!” Jay yelled in utter despair again.

Will immediately walked into your office after rushing to get a stretcher and an emergency kit, and seeing the blood and you unconscious in Jay's arms he knew immediately that the situation was dire.

“I’m sorry I was finding these. We need to get her to the OR immediately. Jay help me put her on the stretcher,” Will ordered, trying to stay as cool and lucid as possible even though it was hard for him to see you like that too. You weren't just his brother's girlfriend, you were also his colleague and a very dear friend.

“Take her by the shoulders, I’ll take her by the legs. At three we raise her, okay?”.

Jay nodded, trying to wipe away his tears quickly and did what Will said.

“One. Two. Three.”

They placed you on the stretcher and all three of you immediately left the office, trying to go as quickly as possible to the operating room. It was a race against time, and both Will and Jay knew it, there was no room for mistakes, there was no room for hesitation.

“Will,” Jay called his brother, before seeing him enter the OR.

Will turned and immediately understood the words Jay was about to say.

“I can't be without her, save her please.”

Will's heart squeezed in a vise and never as in that moment he felt a huge weight on his shoulders because he knew if things went wrong he wouldn’t only lose you, a friend, a colleague, an exceptional doctor, but he would also lose his little brother.

He nodded before turning and walking into the operating room.

Jay didn't know what to do with himself. He never felt so helpless and at the same time cutting out from the world.

He didn't know the rest of his team had arrived there in the hospital, that the man was immediately found and arrested after killing that nurse and seriously injuring you and two other people but Jay didn't even care.

He didn't care where he was, he didn't care if he suddenly appeared behind him or even if he went around the hospital. He knew this wasn’t correct, his motto was to protect and serve but he didn’t give a fuck, he wanted nothing more than to know you were alive, safe and sound, that you were okay.

When it came to you, there was no criminal, job or any other matter that had a priority over you, there was nothing he wouldn’t have abandoned just to know that you were happy, that you were well and healthy. You had always been the center of his world since he met you and he didn’t even care how absurd it seemed, but it was the truth, you were his everything, all that was most important to him and knowing he had done nothing to avoid hurting you was killing him, devouring him inside.

The thought there was only a wall to divide you physically but an abyss mentally, was something that Jay just couldn’t understand and in the hours when Will operated on you, he thought he literally died a thousand times.

For the first time in his life he had understood the real meaning of fear and it was a feeling he never wanted to try again. It was horrible, devastating, debilitating, feeling that damned fear, that paralyzing and visceral feeling of anxiety that twisted his stomach in a tight grip. He was afraid of losing you, of never seeing you again.

How could he live without you?

How could he only think of living in a world where you were not there?

He wasn’t ready. He would never be.

This option had never even touched his head since you became a part of his world. He wanted to be with you forever, until his last breath and that was not even enough, because he knew that even in the afterlife your souls would be reunited and you would be together again.

What would he do if he never saw you again? What if he could no longer talk to you, hear you laugh at his sleazy jokes, hear you romp when you were happy, see you smile, hug you when you were sad and wipe your tears when you lost some patient on the operating table? What would he have done without your immense clumsiness, so much that he didn’t even know how you were a surgeon sometimes, without your disastrous cooking, without your hair ties thrown all over the place, without your obsessive way of disinfecting everything? What would he have done without your kisses, your hugs, your way of making him feel so pampered and loved, always, every day and every second?

“Fuck no, no, no, no,” Jay muttered to himself, as if to banish those horrible thoughts from his mind, “God please, please, save her, let her come back to me…”

After about an hour in which you were in the operating room, the rest of the intelligence reached Jay and in vain his friends tried to calm him down.

It was only when he saw Will come out the door of that damned operating room that he came back to breathe a bit and at the same time die of heartbreak and anxiety.

“So? How did it go? Is she fine? Please tell me she’s okay,” Jay spat out, immediately approaching his brother. He studied the expression on his face in the smallest details and a modicum of hope lit up when he didn’t see that typical expression you had when you had to communicate the death of a loved one, he didn’t seem sad, on the contrary.

“The surgery was a succes, I am 99% sure she will recover completely. The bullet had pierced the stomach but fortunately there was no major damage. Now I’m taking her to ICU and we’ll have to wait for her to wake up,” Will explained and couldn’t even explain the transformation Jay underwent. He noticed the precise moment when that veil of anxiety and worry finally disappeared, replaced instead by joy and happiness.

In a rush of happiness Jay hugged his brother, squeezing him like he had never done before. “Thank you Will, thank you so much.”

Will returned that hug, smiling. “You don’t have to thank me, she is very strong.”

“Yeah, she really is,” Jay replied through tears, only then realizing he was crying. “When can I see her?”.

“In a while don’t worry.”

Seeing you lying on that hospital bed was an image Jay would never have thought of seeing in his life, it was literally a blow to his heart. You had oxygen goggles inserted in your nostrils, your face was terribly pale but despite that you were still the most beautiful creature Jay had ever seen.

He stood next to you and he never took his eyes off you for not even for a second. His hand gently stroked your hair, as he used to do when you slept. It had now become a habit, stroking your hair and watching you sleep. Sometimes it happened that you smiled even in your sleep, snuggling closer to him, but this time it didn’t happen.

Your skin was cold under his fingers, as he stroked your cheeks and, God, he would’ve given anything to be in your place, so as not to see you hurt even for a minute.

Jay leaned over and gave a kiss on your forehead, as he kept caressing your face and hair.

“Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you? How do you make me feel? How important you are to me?” Jay began to speak, remembering the words you said to him once and that talking to patients asleep can have a positive effect on their awakening. He left another kiss on your forehead. “Do you have any idea how much you scared me today my baby? God, I've never felt so scared as I did today, not even while I was overseas. Seeing that son of a bitch...” Jay stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat as he remembered the moment you were shot “I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, I don't want to imagine how scared you were, I’ll never be able to forgive myself, I was there, a few meters from you, I have always sworn to protect you and keep you safe but I have failed and I am so sorry.”

“Please wake up baby, don't you dare leave me here alone okay? I can't be in this fucking world without you. I swear to you, I'll never leave you alone again, but now you just have to open your beautiful eyes alright? Can you do it for me? Show me those beautiful eyes that made me madly fall in love with you?”.

Jay stood there at your bedside indefinitely, watching you sleep and hoping that sooner or later you would finally open your eyes. Will spent nearly every twenty minutes visiting you and it was in vain for him to try to get Jay to go and rest.

It was when he felt your fingers move slightly, after almost twelve years, that he feared he was truly hallucinating.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” he literally jumped up from his chair, holding your hands as he looked at you “Baby, can you hear me? Please answer me, give me a sign. Please, please, please.”

He felt your fingers move slowly again and at that point he made sure it really happened, it wasn't a joke his mind was playing on him.

It took you some time to understand what was happening, where you were.

Your head was pounding terribly as if you were being hammered, your vision was blurred and you had to blink several times to focus.

The first thing you saw were the artificial lights coming from the ceiling, which at the time were terribly annoying.

“Where am I?” you grumbled with difficulty, feeling weak and completely without strength.

“You're in the hospital, love,” replied a voice you recognized immediately. It was Jay, your Jay. “No, no, stay still, don't get up.”

Your eyes met Jay's and the joy he felt at seeing you awake was something that was minimally comparable.

“You finally woke up,” he said, almost in a whisper, as if he hardly believed it. He stroked your hair, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Suddenly images of what had happened flooded your mind, the exact scene in which you were shot seemed to repeat itself in a loop in your head.

“Has... Has any other person been hurt?" you asked.

Jay nodded his head, sadly. “But they’re all fine. He was caught soon after, he surrendered without opposition.”

“And you? How are you?”.

He chuckled, taking your hand with his and letting a kiss on it. “You're the one on a hospital bed.”

You let out a faint laugh but it results in a painful twinge. “I guess I deserved it.”

Jay's face immediately turned serious and his heart tightened in his chest as he heard these words. “You can't really believe such thing. You don't deserve to be here baby, it's not your fault what happened, please, get it out of your pretty little head.”

“His wife is dead and I had to save her,” you whispered, your gaze fixed on the ceiling as you tried in vain to hold back the tears.

“His wife died of a complication, every surgery has it, you always tell me, and you did everything possible to save her. You don't have to pay for something you are not to blame for, please stop thinking this okay?”.

You were silent for a moment and you then returned your eyes to Jay.

“Baby... Are you crying?” you asked, alarmed. He shook his head slightly, wiping away his tears quickly and avoiding looking at you.

“No, I'm not,” he muttered but let go when you started stroking his face. He lowered his head and let himself go in a liberating cry, venting the frustration, the anger, the sadness but above all, the relief.

“Oh baby, it's okay, it's okay,” you tried to console him as best you could given your position.

“I was so fucking scared to lose you Y/N…” he whispered.

“I know, love, I know, I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize, on the contrary, I’m sorry, I should be the one to console you,” he said, wiping his tears and then looking at you. Your heart skipped a beat to see his beautiful green eyes shine so bright, still shiny from crying.

“You don't have to apologize Jay, there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it and you don’t have to blame yourself for not being able to stop this from happening,” you spoke up, realizing you were crying too.

“What about we both stop to blame ourselves?”.

“We have a deal,” you faintly smiled “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you too?”.

Jay let out a laugh, knowing you had actually heard his words as he spoke to you. He stood up again and leaned towards you before grabbing your face and pressing his lips against yours. There were no words to describe what he felt, what that contact caused within him, the relief to know he still had another chance to be with you, he still had he chance to kiss and hug you forever.

“Can you get close to me?” you asked.

“But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me, please baby, I need you now.”

“God, how can I say no to this beautiful face?” he said and you giggled, trying to ignore the pain that this entailed. Slowly and carefully, you tried to move in the bed, so you could make room for Jay and not make the stitches fit.

“Be careful baby,” Jay warned, helping you.

Jay positioned himself beside you, trying to be careful not to make any sudden movements, and he put his arm under your head. He printed so many kisses on your face and forehead, still unable to believe the luck of still having you there with him.

“I swear to god I’ll never let you leave the house again, I can’t risk someone taking you away from me.”

You giggled again. “Don’t make me laugh please, it hurts.”

“It’s not my fault you have such a funny boyfriend, it’s something you’ll have to live with.”

You hit him with that bit of strength you had, aching from the wound. “Can you stop it?”.

“Sure my love,” he kissed you on the forehead again. “Now try to rest, okay? You need to regain strength so I’ll get you home as soon as possible. I will always be here beside you, I won’t let you go.”

And with those words of comfort, you slowly slipped into a deep sleep, into the arms of the man you loved and with the hope, sooner or later, everything would be fine, everything would return back to normality.

Tag List: @burgstead, @bebataylor84, @ares-kelani-wayne, @lxna-mikaelsxn, @sande5098, @smoothdogsgirl, @withakindheartx, @jess2013, @maddu-oliveira, @lovemesomepietro, @onechicagodrawings, @jinxfan18, @xeleni-nurse, @ready-hit-it, @rainroo2, @tinfoilhat2719, @hehurst23, @upsteadlovingheart​, @secondaryjob, @nevaehstreater18, @mrspeacem1nusone, @sophiatellerrhodes​, @dedlund82​, @kellykidd​, @rippl3s​, @stephanie708​, @annahargrove​, @smutl0ver​, @kuroe-san, @caroldanverwife, @cbaby, @nosy09, @luvreading67, @danielmarie, @saiyuo12, @alexxavicry, @nachodaze, @waywardhunter95, @fighterkimburgess, @ephemeral3, @mads-weasley, @itskellysev, @lovemedlife, @atarmychick007, @amazedbyitall, @glodessa, @xeleni-dutchnurse, @ossypooh, @itriedtoexplain, @randomwriter1021, @resanoona, @averyhotchner, @ellavanderberg, @mrshalsteadxx, @junevoidzombie, @nocturnalherb16, @croissantthief, @jayhalsteadsbadge, @youngblood199456, @hereforhalstead, @dreamss-wavess

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[thefanficmonster]

Interesting Encounters

Corpse Husband *& Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Paranoia and Fear of Invasion of Privacy

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse has an interesting run-in with his regular delivery girl, having the chance to talk to her for the first time despite her having been delivering to his door for months. It’s a big step in overcoming his anxiety and paranoia when talking to strangers.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! Hope you come across the final product of your request and give it a read and if so I hope you like it! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it though! Love, Vy ❤

It’s a regular Monday morning, close to 10AM and Corpse’s face is practically glued to the sound editing app he’s downloaded, playing around with some cool effects to add to his voice in the background of the new song he’s been working on. He hasn’t been able to sleep a wink thanks to the immense excitement, not that he would’ve been able to regardless, but the tune and the lines have been stuck in his head all throughout the weekend and he knows they’ll be bothering him until he turns them into something other people will be able to listen and give an opinion on as well. So far he’s done plenty of work but there’s plenty more to go until it’s done. He’s at that point he usually needs feedback and wants to ask for it but would rather not to avoid either too harsh judgement or fake praise.

He slides the headset off, deciding to take a break for the sake of his sanity before he drives himself to insanity with the intensity of his focus on this new piece. His brain just so conveniently sends him a reminder that his groceries are probably waiting for him outside the door. He has, as of the last half a year or so, had someone deliver his groceries to him to avoid trips to the grocery store with both the whole pandemic situation and the growth of following which translates to growth of the risk of him getting recognized. That’s the main reason - and maybe the only one - as to why he doesn’t interact with the people who deliver to him either. He always gives his delivery person the instruction to leave whatever he’s ordered at the doorstep and if it’s not takeout to not even ring the doorbell. 

That being said, the deliverer of his groceries doesn’t ring the doorbell to give him the kind reminder to be responsible, but luckily he hasn’t forgotten to collect them yet in the six months he’s been practicing this delivery technique.

Going to the front door and looking out of the peephole, he confirms there are several full plastic bags waiting to be picked up on the mat. With the person who brought them not in sight, Corpse unlocks the door and steps out to bring in the groceries for the week. Taking them to the kitchen, he unpacks the goods in the three bags. At first glance he would’ve been fooled, seeing as how it seems that all he has ordered is there. But, each Monday, he receives exactly four bags of groceries. One is missing. He rolls his eyes thinking he didn’t see it outside and left it there while he was hurriedly collecting the rest so he gets up to go grab it real quick.

While in the meantime...

Y/N looks through the remainder of bags in her minivan, making a route in her head for what roads and shortcuts she can take to deliver the last of the groceries to the respective homes they need to be taken to. Upon looking through them, however, she sees a bag labeled ‘MM’ that she uses short for ‘Mystery Man’, aka the guy who never opens the door to greet her whenever she delivers him anything. She works for several delivery services such as takeout, groceries, clothes even and has delivered to that apartment hundreds of times but has never met the resident, giving her the right to call him Mystery Man, aka ‘MM’.

“Ah, shit.“ She mumbles under her breath, realizing she failed to grab the fourth bag when on her way up to MM’s apartment.

Coming to terms with the fact that she’ll have to lose another five minutes going back up to his floor, she grabs the bag and takes off running back inside the building and up the stairs, deciding it would be quicker than taking the elevator.

Just as she arrives to the floor, heading straight for the door, it opens, freezing her in her tracks as her eyebrows shoot up.  At the doorstep stands a guy with an eye patch who looks more surprised and maybe even a little terrified than her. Taking in that Mystery Man is not such a mystery anymore, she returns to her professionalism, remaining at a distance and outstretching the hand holding the bag towards him.

“Sorry, forgot to drop this one off as well, I’m a bit all over the place today.“ She says in her most professional voice.

Corpse too regains his composure and takes the handed bag from Y/N gloved hand. Before he can think twice about it he says, “Thanks, uh...”

“Y/N.“ She says, “I’ve delivered to you countless times, it’s funny you don’t know my name but it’s to be expected since I’ve never seen you. This would be a good time to tell me your name so I don’t have to call you Mystery Man anymore.“ She laughs, cutting her own laughter off barely a second later when she realizes what she’s said, “Oh, fucking shit...”

Corpse chuckles, clear amusement in the sound, “Mystery Man? Interesting, interesting. If I ever become a superhero I’ll make sure to pick that name.” He fails to even pay mind to the fact that he’s spoken a lot more than he’d usually feel comfortable with.

Y/N laughs a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise to come up with a better one if you’re not willing to tell me your real one. Like....Pirate, for example?” she suggests, raising her shoulders.

He can’t help but let out a laugh, “You’d be surprised, but my name is not so far from your mark. It’s, um....” He’s not looking forward to the judgmental look or the questions he might receive in response to his statement but he succumbs to the expected disappointment, “My name’s Corpse.”

Surprisingly, she just smiles - a smile he cannot see due to the surgical mask she’s wearing but the crinkle at the corners of her eyes gives it away. “Cool! Well, I better get going then.”

Just as she turns to head for the elevator this time, seeing as she’s still out of breath from the run up the stairs, Corpse gets an idea he’d probably not be too fond of if he gave himself time to think it over. Which is exactly why he didn’t.

“Hey!“ He calls after her, gaining her attention immediately, causing her to turn around, “You got a minute? I need a little help with something...“

Y/N’s eyebrows raise a little, a moment before she shrugs her shoulders, “Meh, I’m already behind schedule, what’s an extra minute gonna do?” And just like that, they strut their way back towards his apartment.

He can’t help but chuckle, taking the opportunity to crack a joke, “This is how people often get killed. You don’t just walk into a stranger’s apartment like that.”

She scoffs as she passes the threshold, “Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about a person based on the groceries they buy. And trust me buddy, you’re not a murderer.” Earning herself a laugh and a nod with that remark, she continues, “You do appear to be an artist with all the cheap food you’re buying though.”

Corpse laughs yet again, a hint of nervousness is sensed in his laugh this time around though, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’re still gonna call me an artist when you hear this song I’ve been working on. Not even out of the box yet.”

Y/N stops in her tracks, “Well, well, well, aren’t I honored to be one of the lucky people hearing this before its release.”

“The first hearing it before its release.“ He corrects her with a pointed look, not missing the excitement that arose in her eyes.

“Let’s hear it then!“

Of all the friendship stories that exist, no one can say this ain’t a unique one.

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[lokisprettygirl]

Love is Selfless, It's Kind (Loki x Female Reader) (Part 33)

Summary : You and loki fix the immortality talk once and for all. The vacation gets over but loki have one more surprise left for you.

Warning : 18 + Smut ofcourse, they're on vacation folks,

Taglist : @colifower @rinacreateart    @christineblood  @the-wounded-healer05  @lokiprompts  @geeky-politics-46  @sharklover927  @virtualstrawberrydinosaur @huntress-artemiss

"Then don't take the immortality, I am fine with it, I'll lose mine, I'll become a mortal" That's not what you were expecting to hear from him, definitely not that "What???" You asked him and he huffed "if you don't want to take that risk, if you don't trust me enough even after everything we have been through, then don't princess, don't take the immortality, I'll lose mine, I'll choose my forever with you" his eyes teared up as he spoke, he thought you didn't trust him? you just felt scared, it had nothing to do with him. You thought about what you said and you realised how he interpreted it

"Lo...that's not what I meant baby, I can't let you do that, I cant" he heard your voice so sad and broken and he scolded himself mentally again, is he going to make your cry every day on this vacation? "Okay What did you mean princess?" He walked towards you and cupped your cheeks as he kissed you "I just, I will...I feel like I'm gonna make it worse if I explain it more" you mumbled and his thumbs wiped your tears "I'm sorry princess, don't let my foolishness hurt you please, this is just hard, I didn't think it would be this hard" he mumbled and you looked at him, he took two steps backwards and then he spoke again

"You think I'll be bored of you hundreds of years later? That I would just give up on you? That I would forget about you? And find someone else?" He asked you series of questions and you nod in agreement, that's exactly what you're worried about "you didn't consider the fact that hundreds of years also means years of togetherness? The memories we have made in last two years, infact just yesterday, it makes me so damn insane about you, it makes me want to burn the whole universe down just so I can keep you safe, add thousands of years of memories of us just being with each other, loving each other to that, you really think I would let all that go..that I would allow myself to let that fade away just for few moments of excitement?" You heard him and you heard him really well, this is what you needed to hear from him, you just needed assurance.

"Lo baby I..." He cuts you off before you can say anything more "and how do you know we won't have excitement in our relationship anymore? That you'd not drive me as crazy as you do right now? That someday I wouldn't worship the ground you walk on, the woman who would bless me with our little kids someday, you think I'll allow myself to disrespect that woman ? What makes you say that princess?" He asked you and you don't have an answer for any of his question, you only thought about the one side of it all "Imm sorryy lo" he walked towards you and he kissed you lovingly, it wasn't lustful, you just felt his love, nothing else "I know I have let you go before, but never again, I promised you didn't I ? Don't even for a second think that I would let you take the herb, have you make such a huge commitment for me and then ditch you in the middle of it, you know me better than that don't you princess? And even if you don't I'll prove myself to you, I'll spend my whole life making you believe that you're mine and I'm never ever letting go again" he mumbled and you don't have any fear anymore, you don't have anymore doubts, you should have trusted him.

This is the risk you're going to have to take, a lifetime, thousands of years with loki? It seems nothing less than a dream, but it will be your reality, you'll be loved and cherished all your life. "I know baby, I trust you, I was just scared lo, I can't be without you, I love you so much" you hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around you, his hand caressed your head softly "I know darling, you never have to worry about that my love, I love you so much, I almost lost you forever once, I watched you die and then I let you go, worst period of my life, I'm never allowing any of that to happen again" he held you like that until you stopped sobbing, until you calmed down in his arms.

"I want it lo, I want forever with you, thousands of years, I want it all" you pulled away as you spoke and his eyes shined so brightly at that, you wanted to give him everything, you wanted him to be the happiest "Love oh love, you have made me the happiest man in all of the nine realms, I'm so blessed darling, so grateful" you smiled between your tears as you heard him "I am too" he kissed you so deeply that you almost felt suffocated but not in a bad way , once he pulled away to breathe there was such a mischievous glimmer in his eyes "enjoy 6 months of your mortality" you chuckled as you heard him. Hell yeah you want this bright light of sunshine forever.

"No more crying for the rest of this trip atleast" you agreed to that and you didn't cry, rest of the vacation went pretty quickly after that, he was extremely horny with the prospect of getting to spend thousands of years with you and you weren't any better, you two spent your whole trip just fucking each other as much as you could, of course there were few road bumps, like Joan? When you found out she invited lo to her cottage to do god knows what ..you were so pissed, pissed would be an understatement

"Lo Joan is coming" you both were on the beach, he was laying on one of those beach side chairs with you next to him, the sun was starting to tan his white pale skin, you had never seen him with colors before , he looked hotter than hell "I despise her soo much" he mumbled and you giggled, you kissed him softly and got on top of him, you needed her to understand that he was off limits, that he was untouchable. You would be shy of such pda but the beach seemed fairly empty and you didn't care much "mmm yess claim me princess" you bucked your hips over his crotch, he was shirtless with just a beach shorts on, you could feel him hardening at the action "you're already claimed pretty little kitten" he moaned, your nicknames and your praises always makes him squeal internally.

"Hii guys" you heard Joan's chirpy voice , was she really saying hi while you had your tounge down his throat? You pulled yourself away from him and looked at her, he however didn't care at all at this point, he sucked on your neck while you tried to converse with her "ummm Joan we are a little occupied?" You giggled as you felt his hand hands under your summer dress, he wasn't even looking at her, then he held your cheek and turned you to him so you could focus on him "Pay me attention, Mommy pleasse" he said loudly and that made her run towards the other side, you bith bursted into fits of laughter as she left. Yup the vacation wasn't so bad afterall.

"Oh godd lo yess that's it baby, you're soo hot Fuckkk" you mumbled as loki tongue fucked you, everything was bigger about him in his natural Jotun form, everything. He was engrossed in your taste that he wouldn't even look up, he was lapping and slurping as much he could, as much as you would feed him, once he was done torturing you with his mouth, he tortured you with his cock "princess I have a surprise for you" he smiled and you looked at him, he rubbed the huge hard tip of his cock softly against your lips "what is it baby" you saw a green shimmery light and he was smaller? He was still in his Jotun form but he looked smaller, he looked the same size as he does in his aesir form but his cock seemed a little bigger and thicker but not enough to hurt you "woow lo baby, oh god youre going to fuck me like this aren't you?" You mumbled and he thrusted himself inside you quickly, you gasped loudly and he reeled in your reaction, those intricate lines and ridges, you always wondered how he would feel inside you and God he felt so good, just having him inside you was enough to make you cum "you wanted this right princess? I told you I'd fulfill each n every wish of yours my love" he leaned down as he thrusted in and out of you , you pulled him on top of you and kissed him so deeply, he always tastes like ice in this form, you love it so damn much.

"Godd you feel so good lo, such a sweet boy, I love you" he whimpered at the praise, your fingers caressed the protrusions on his head and he moaned, you often wondered if he had a soft spot there, he would mewl everytime you touched his head in this form , the sight of his tall blue frame on you, the feeling of his perfectly ridged cock inside you made you explode but he wasn't done with you, he made you cum again and again until he reached his own high and until he felt you so limp and exhausted under him. He laid down next to you panting heavily.

Once you calmed down you kissed him so softly, and drowned him in sweet sweet affection he craved, he didn't stay in his natural form for long so you loved every second of it when he did,

Your fingers traced the lines and markings on his face and he sighed in content as you did and then he purred as you touched his head "Lo, my kitten, do you have a sweet spot here?" You asked him and he purred again as he felt your finger rubbing against the right side of his head, he had two protrusions sticking out of his head on either sides "Nooo princess" he told you and you raised your eyebrows "then why do you purr and whimper everytime I touch you here?" You asked him as he indeed purred again when you touched him.

"It's not because of that... nothing sexual..it's because I feel beautiful and loved when you do it.. I have been made to feel as if I looked disgusting like this, and I have always hated how I looked like this, so when you adore me and touch the parts of me I hated so lovingly, I can't help but feel so precious, it comes out physically I can't control it" you teared up as you heard him and kissed him so dearly, he's such a precious baby, you'd kill if he's ever made to feel bad about himself again "Oh sweet kitten, you're so precious my love and I want you to feel that way always, and you hated this beautiful tall drink of icy blue water? Not allowed" you mumbled as you caressed his head again, he giggled as he heard you "mmmm I don't anymore I promise"

On your last day of vacation, you packed everything carefully,so as to not forget anything, loki helped you and you watered the plant before he made it disappear in his vault, you would miss this cottage and you'd miss having him all to yourself, when you get back you'll have to go back to your previous life and he would have to do his duties as an avenger but you had thousands of years with him, and you couldn't have been happier. In the midst of mind blowing love making you almost forgot that you're a bridesmaid to Virginia Pepper Potts, her wedding is just three weeks from now and you felt nervous about it.

On the flight back home, you both took a nap but you woke up to him rubbing his fingers on your cunt, you love waking up like this to him touching you so sexually "mmmmm lo what if ...oh god what if they come in here n see" he smiled as he heard you "what if they do?" You moaned so loudly as you heard him and he shushed you with his mouth "damn pretty girl, they'd definitely barge in if you moan like that, such a flithy slut, want them to see who owns your cunt?" you whimpered as he pushed his middle and index fingers knuckles deep inside then he curled them inside and you're going to lose it soon "don't worry my sweet girl, I won't let them see what's mine, cum for me " he made you cum so hard and then he licked his fingers clean of all your juices, he looked so obscene, then he took you to the bathroom and fucked you there, mile high club on your second plane ride. Not bad. Once your flight landed to new york he took you straight back to the tower, you met wanda and she was so excited to know everything about the trip, you promised to spend time with her once you're well rested.

Once you got in his room, he took you straight to bed, so you could nap and rest properly this time, he also had to work on that other surprise for you, when you woke up it was 6 in the evening, loki wasn't in the room, so you called him and he picked it up instantly "helllo darling, woke up huh?" He asked softly and you groaned in response "why are you not here for much needed smooshing?" You asked him, your voice sounded so adorable like that "I'm outside princess, sorry, listen, get ready, wear that dress I got for you, it's in the closet, I'm taking you out on a date" he told you and you weren't expecting a date today, you just came from a week long vacation, but you got ready and dressed up, took you an hour, when you saw him outside the tower as he came to pick you up, he was dressed up in a suit as well.

Now your mind went straight towards him proposing but you have been wrong on the number of occasions so you didn't assume, he would probably never do it when you're expecting it like this, he drove you towards the upper West side, he insisted on you putting on a blind fold on the way and you did

"Lo what are you doing" you smiled sheepishly, he stopped the car on a stop light and he pecked your lips as he heard you, you couldn't see him but you could feel him "not what you think sweetheart" you pout as he answered but you figured it already, he won't propose when you're expecting it "did I tell you how beautiful you look?" He mumbled as he caressed your cheek "you did but I love hearing it again n again" you heard him giggling at that and he started to drive again as the light turned green, he held your one hand with his. You couldn't stop thinking about where he was taking you.

When you finally reached your destination, he carried you up bridal style and you felt him taking few steps up on a staircase "loo... Baby I'm nervous" you muttered and he kissed you softly "I am too princess, but I hope you'll love this" he put you down and then held your hand "take 4 steps okay and then I'll take your blindfold off" you did what he said and as soon as he took the blindfold off you heard an echo of several people yelling surprise in unison. You had no idea what was happening as of yet, but you loved it "ohhh god you guys" everyone was there, all the avengers, their spouses and so's , everyone close to loki and you.

"Happy housewarming" wanda squealed excitedly and you looked around, you were in a spacious apartment of some kind, wait she said housewarming? And then it clicked in your head, he got you both a house, a private residence for you both. You looked at him and he looked nervous, hoping you wouldn't reject this, he wanted to live with you permanently and your studio apartment was in a bad neighborhood, and the tower wasn't exactly his home. He wanted a home with you. Just him and you and you'd be safe here if he leaves on a mission or something.

"Oh lo" you teared up as the realisation hits you , he was so nervous but your reaction made him feel over the moon, you wanted to kiss him and smother him in love but everyone was looking at you both so you just kissed him softly "you like this?" He asked you "Are you kidding me lo? You got us a home? I love it already" you mumbled and everyone cheered as they heard you "I'm so happy princess, come I'll show you around, you folks enjoy the party, we will be right back" he told everyone and grabbed your arms as he dragged you "if you two are not back in 5 minutes I swear to god I'll barge in your bedroom and scar myself for eternity" you heard wanda and laughed, from the main entry door there was a spacious living room where the party was happening currently.

He showed you the kitchen first and it was huge, it took half of your studio apartment, you literally gasped. There were three bedrooms in the apartment and he showed you all of them one by one, saving the bedroom you two would share for the last, it was the master bedroom and it was bigger than his room in the tower, he picked you up and laid you down on the bed "can't wait to take you here tonight" he mumbled as he kissed you softly, you are overwhelmed, you are happy very happy but you can't help but wonder how much he spent on this house "lo baby, I love this house, our first Proper home " you teared up again and he kissed you, he don't want you to cry even if it's because you're happy.

"I'm so glad you do princess, i got this a month ago but I was waiting for things to get better" he told you and you caressed his hair "can I ask you something, you won't mind promise me?" You said softly and he just knew what you were going to say "I know what you're thinking of, but umm how do I say this in the most midgardian manner..." he thought for a second and then spoke again "oh yeah, I am loaded, I am an avenger and I am a prince" you giggled as you heard him "don't worry about it okay? You're mine and I'm going to provide for you like you do for me" he kissed your forehead and you didn't argue any further. As promised wanda did barge in your room and dragged you with her.

You both joined the party and you had alot of fun, you looked around and you couldn't believe this was going to be your home, you also realised how fucking rich he is, holy moly guacamoley right, a three bedroom apartment in Manhattan? That must have cost a fortune, you snapped out of your thoughts as you heard pepper's voice "Y/n, bridesmaids meeting tomorrow at 5 in the tower, be on the 12th floor, sharp at 5, in the lounge, did I tell you it's at 5 ?" She asked and you nod in yes frantically, wanda , jane and nat looked at you sympathetically, they were in the same boat as you. Once everyone left you sat down on the couch with him, he pulled you in closer to him, you laid your head down on his chest, his mouth peppering soft kisses on your cheeks and neck and then cheeks again "Thank you for everything lo, the vacation, this house, the immortality" you smiled at him, sometimes your life feels like a dream and you feel as if you'd wake up someday and all of it will disappear.

"You want to thank me?" He smirked and you yelped as he pushed you down on the couch quickly, then he helped you ruin the new couch. Life was perfect in that moment, nothing could have hurt you in that moment.

"I tried talking to her she wouldn't forgive me or call me or pick up my calls, what else I'm supposed to do, beg that little bitch on her feet?" Your mom spoke on the phone, she heard a woman's voice from the other side.

"Do whatever you have to do, get yourself involved in her life understand? Gain her trust, She's not suited for loki, she's not good enough to be his princess and I want her gone from his life, you just have to make her disappear, nothing will harm you if you manage to do it successfully, that I shall promise and you'd be rewarded greatly"

[ironmansuuucks]

The Usual

Bucky Barnes x reader

Hi hi hello, this is the second time I’ve written for the super soldier so bare with me please haha

It’s lovely based on love story by Taylor swift (cliched I know I know) but doesn’t have the same ending! Take from that what u will hehe

Part 2

Feedback always welcome!

Warnings: angst, swearing.. think that’s it?

You’re the only one who can make him laugh when he feels like this. That’s why you found him driving to your house in the middle of the night, 1 AM to be exact, again. After all, what are best friends for?

And that was the extent of your relationship. Or at least, that’s what Bucky thought. You’d been pushing down new feelings for almost a year now. And Katie had been in Bucky’s life for 7, going on 8 months. The longest 7 months of your life.

Bucky and Katie’s relationship wasn’t exactly, for lack of a better word, the best. She doesn’t know his story. Not like you do. So she doesn’t understand him. When he gets low, she cant understand. She nags him, moans and whines at him, goes a round about way of saying he isn’t good enough for her. But he persists. You’re pretty sure it comes from a place of insecurity. Like he stays because he doesn’t think he’ll ever find someone else. It boils your blood.

He deserves more. He deserves Better.

You would be so much better to him. You understood him. You wanted to know how his day went, know how to help him get better, have his arms around you falling asleep, reminding him how beautiful he is, even with his arm, knowing his insecurities about it. But, becoming intimate like that increases the risk of losing him.

And he loves her.

You hated to admit it, but you were in love with that god damn, eyes of ocean blue, super soldier. And you could do fuck all about it.

So here he was, pacing your apartment floor, cursing and hissing about Katie.

His clothes were kinda wet, the rain pounding the pavements outside as he ran from the parking lot to your building. You’re hardly paying attention to what the argument was until you hear;

“yeah she told me she wants me to wear a long sleeve jumper or some shit to hide my arm-“ your head snapped towards him. He was looking down, shoved his hands in his jean pockets as his pace around the room slowed, self doubt etching all over his movements. You were livid, your face contorted into anger as he continued;

“and yeah, like I get it.. but she could be a little more fucken sensitive about it” he shrugged, looking at you. His eyebrows were knitted in anger, but his eyes told a story of hurt. The blue glistening when his eyes darted to you.

“Buck-“ you started, trying to push your anger down to an acceptable level as he awkwardly scratched the scruff on his face, cutting you off “I just don’t know anymore” he sighs, throwing himself on the sofa next to you.

He ran his hands through his hair, ruffling it a little before dragging them down his face, your eyes watching his every move, wishing you could wrap your arms around him and take all his sorrow away.

You could easily go off your head right now, cursing and swearing Katie but in what way is that going to help Buck? He didn’t need the added stress and pressure, and its not like you’ve not tried that method before. You were there to listen to him, make him laugh and forget. You knew that’s why he needed you. But it was wearing you down.

You sighed, your arm going over to massage the muscles on his back slightly. The damp t-shirt stuck to his skin, showing you the strength, and worry, plus anxiety, that he carried. His back stiff and knotted.

“tell me about your day buck, before all this happened tonight”. He looked up at you and sighed deeply. You turned up the corner of your lip in a half, sympathetic smile. Your eyes telling how sorry you were for him.

He licked the inside of his lip, before biting it lightly as his eyes returned to the floor in front of him, his mind else where. Your breath hitched slightly.

Stop biting your lip and start biting mine.

Your mind raced, watching his every move. He didn’t want to talk about anything apart from his issue at hand, and all you could think about was the scratch marks you wish you could leave on his back.

You rose from the sofa, the blanket falling from you frame. “well, if you don’t wanna talk, then we’re gonna drink” you raised your eyebrows with a tight lipped smile as you plodded to the kitchen.

Bucky huffed out a little laugh. “that’s my girl” he said, watching you walk into the other room.

That’s my girl? That’s my- is this motherfucker really playing this game tonight?

You thought as your cheeks heated up and the words swirled in your mind. Maybe you could convince him to stay? After a few drinks you could tell him what you really thought of Katie, and how she wasn’t good for him.

Whiskey opened up everyone’s minds. And mouths. And the things you would do to have that mouth on your skin.

You bit your lip a little, pouring the glasses. Thinking this was perfect. Might even end in a cuddle? Or something else..?

Christ you hadn’t even had a drink yet and this was your thoughts?

Your best friend is going through a rough time, pull yourself together.

Still, might be worth a shot.

After bigging yourself up in the kitchen for a minute, you returned to the living room, whiskey in hand.

You stopped when you walked in the room. Bucky was up again, pacing. One hand in his back pocket, the other raised to his ear with phone in hand.

“yeah, okay baby, I’ll see you soon”

Did he just call her baby?

Your eyes widened, eyebrows knitted. He was really going to run back to her. Again.

You shouldn’t be surprised, or disappointed. But your both.

He hangs up, his head turning and eyes meeting yours. he goes to say something but it escapes him and he shrugs. His eyes are glistening.

“she says she wants to talk it out…” he starts to put his jacket on, his gaze not leaving yours. You give a tiny nod, your lips closed and eyebrows raised slightly before putting the two glasses down on the coffee table.

You felt sheepish. You rubbed your arm a little, heading towards the door in silence.

Bucky knew you’d be a little pissed at him, which he assumed why you were acting like this.

He followed you to the door, also acting a little sheepish. “I… I can’t lose her…” he tries to reason. You just nod again, eyes looking in his and then away slowly.

“I’m sorry..” he says, hugging you a little. You don’t reciprocate. His body on yours burns. Because it’s one you’ll never be good enough for. And it’s a horrible reminder when he pulls his phone out before leaving and you catch a glimpse of his lock screen. A picture of Katie, laughing as she lies on the couch, below him. You cut off the sigh that almost escaped your lips. You just felt a little used.

“night buck..” you said, closing the door, trying to get away from him as quick as possible, but he held the door open.

“hey, thanks for letting me come over… sorry for being a pain…” his voice was pleading, and his eyes claimed sorry. It made you feel bad.

“it’s fine.. I’ll see you Monday… good luck with.. her” you smiled, or tried to, closing the door before he could speak again. back into your empty, lonely apartment.

Well fuck.

[ryvgvji]

Can you do the banning sex for 3 weeks thing with haikyuu characters tendou and anyone else🥰 please and thank you if you actually do it

yessir! i can! hope you enjoy

(apologies for any grammar errors. and sorry if this is sloppy. and the late answer 😅 <3)

✰ characters: Tendou Satori, Kuroo Tetsuro, Sawamura Daichi, Oikawa Tooru

✰ their reaction to being banned from sex for three weeks

Tendou Satori

Tendou, Tendou, Tendou

he probably, mostly likely end up in the situation because he thought it would be a good idea to play a prank on you

he thought the prank was harmless but you were ready to go to jail

you had went out for the day with your friends to get dolled up by them as a treat

they brought you to get hair, nails and makeup done. they even bought you some new clothes

now for you to come home and walk through your front door, you weren’t expecting to have water get dumped on your head

mouth agape you saw your red hair boyfriend peeping around the corner with his hand over his mouth doubled over laughing 

“what the actual fuck Tendou!!” you yelled at your boyfriend who was still laughing. your hair that you had just gotten done was now wet and so was your clothes as well as the bag of more clothes in your hands. not to mention the water was freezing cold. oh how you wanted to beat the living shit out of him. 

you placed the soaked bags down on the ground taking off your shoes placing on the shoe rack. you walk in the direction of your boyfriend who watched you as he wiped the tear from his eye. walking straight past him you shoved his arm that he tried to touch you with, continuing on your journey to the bathroom. once you got to the bathroom, you started striping from your clothes. as turn around you see Tendou leaning against the door frame with his hands in his pockets eyeing you up and down. as he reached out to touch you, you slapped his hand away. “don’t touch me.” you said sternly. “come on beautiful, don’t be like that please.” he whine. his reaches out again, wrapping his arms around you nuzzling his face in your neck.

you sighed unraveling his arms from around your waist. “no Tendou, i’m still mad at you. you got my clothes and hair wet. you don’t do that shit bruh.” you shake your head. “beautiful it was prank i’m sorry.” he sighed. you shrugged, “i don’t care. because of you little prank, you just earned yourself no sex.” you said nonchalant. you heard him choke. “what?” “yeah no sex, for three weeks.” he pouted. “babe, you know that i won’t last.” you sarcastically gasped at him. “oh no, what every shall we do.” you rolled your eyes. “that sounds like a you problem.” you laughed. you pushed him out the bathroom getting ready to shower. “bye~”

as the weeks went by, Tendou could feel himself slowly dying. with you constantly walking around the house in teasing wardrobes, you were making it very hard for him to function properly. he would would try and touch sometime while your not looking but you’d always catch him somehow. now that it was the final day of his punishment he decided that we was gonna make it up to you by taking you out on a nice, lovely date before bring you back home and having his way with you. once back in the comfort of your shared house, he dashes to the bedroom with you in his arms. “let me treat you right tonight beautiful.” 

Kuroo Tetsuro

let’s just say the when it comes to being a tease, Kuroo is your guy

you and him went out to a restaurant

the whole night Kuroo has been eyeing you like a predator would with their prey  

he coots his chair closer to you resting his hand atop of your thigh

just then the waiter comes to serve you 

he would trace circles over your skin, moving further and further up until he got to his most prized possession

he’d slyly massage you through the fabric of the clothing you were wearing as you spoke to the waiter, breathing a bit heavy

you accidentally out a moan when he slid your panties to the side dipping a finger inside of you. this made the waiter look at you with a confused expression

“i cant believe you did that.” you hissed at your boyfriend in the car. he had embarrassed you in front of the waiter that served you two at the restaurant. now your all hot and flustered and it’s all because of that handsome devil of a man that was seated in the drivers seat with his hand laid on your thigh. oh, two can definitely play that game.

when you two finally arrived at the house you waste no time on pushing over to the couch. you straddle his waist taking off the shirt that he wore along with your own before placing a heated kiss to his lips. his hands found themselves on your ass giving it light squeezes. pulling away, you reach up and undo your bra taking it off and throwing it somewhere. “damn..” he breathes out. you lean in sucking lightly on his neck, grazing your teeth over his pulse. he makes a low groan pulling you plush against him. you reach behind you for his hands as you whisper in his ear, “because you teased me at the restaurant, now you suffer babe.” you look him in the eyes. “no sex for three weeks.” you pecked his lips getting off his lap, picking up your clothes and walking away.

for the next week, Kuroo was losing his mind. he craved for you, all of you. he wanted to touch you, make love with you, show you who you belong to and that you were only his. and with your personality, you weren’t making it any easier. it killed him everytime you’d walk by and tease him by swaying your hips or make suggestive remarks. he was about to risk it all. as the last day of his punishment came to an end, once he got home from work he took a shower and immediately went to the bedroom to see you. although you were sleeping, that didn’t stop him. he would kiss up and down your body leaving love bites in his wake as well until you woke up. “your up. i think it’s time for you punishment now, gorgeous.”

Daichi Sawamura

you and Daichi were invite to a party that was being held by a close friend

at the party many games and drinks were being done

you’ve done everything from taking a shot to body shots with Daichi

to close down the night, the last game you played was beer pingpong

it was you against Daichi , and to make it more interesting you made a bet

“if i win this, i have something in mind for you.” you smirked picking up your last ball. Daichi smiles and crossed his arm, “what if you don’t?” “then i do whatever you want baby.” you say as you spoke a seductive tone towards your boyfriend.

aiming for the last cup on Daichi’s sides, you threw a ping pong ball. it bounced off the table into the cup. you wooed as everybody clapped and cheered. walking over to opposite side of the table where Daichi was, you wrapped your arms around his neck placed a light kiss to his lips. “prepare yourself baby,” you leaned in to whisper “no sex for three weeks.” you could have sworn that you could feel Daichi’s body tense up. you just smile before walking away from him.

as days went by, everything was fine. Daichi was really just chillin’, he wasn’t really fazed by it. he didn’t really care much for sex but there were times were he wanted to just pick you up and go to the bedroom. he had to keep his composure. after the second week, that’s when he started to yearn for you. he wouldn’t say anything to you but you could tell. so you teased him. in any possible way that you could think of. on the final day of this bet, Daichi seemed calm, chill if you would say. once night hits, he goes absolutely feral. he wants what’s his and he’s gonna have it. he will take care of you. “are you ready bambi?”

Oikawa Tooru

Oikawa having a flirtatious personality wasn’t a problem for you

BUT!

if it wasn’t direct towards you , you were ready to fight

at one of his volleyball games a group of girls came up to him saying how hot he was and how they would love to take him on a date

this of course got you a bit upset but you know your boyfriend wouldn’t do that to you

oh boy were you wrong

he had the audacity to flirt back and say “i would love to go on a date” and wink at them

you immediately walked over to them and dragged oikawa by his ear away from the girls

“are you dumb?” you questioned Oikawa. he was kinda taken back from the way you said it. he clutched his chest and looked at you with a supposed hurt expression. “well that isn’t a very nice way to talk to your boyfriend.” was this boy for real? you could almost fuck the boy up right now. “nice my ass.” you rolled your eyes and kissed your teeth. he chuckled. “your very funny y/n-chan and that’s why i love you.” he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you onto his lap. “you are fucking amazing lil cutie.” he leaned in and attempted to kiss you but before he could you put your hands to his lips. “nope,” you started. “since you wanna be flirting, you could go talk to wanna your hoes. cause i ain’t with it.” you got off his lap. “oh and before i forget, no sex for you for three weeks.” you say as you walk away somewhere in the house

Oikawa had no idea what to do. this was the first time that you’ve ever put him on punishment, well let’s real here, there has been a couple of times that you punished him before, but never like this. it’s never been this extreme. this was driving him mad. honestly, he has just been a horny bastard the entire time and he just could not keep his hands to himself. slapping your ass, kissing your neck, anything to get you to give in and let him have his way with you. but your not that easy. as the last day of punishment rolls around, he doesn’t wait. he can’t wait. immediately, your woken from your sleep by the feeling of someone kissing on your inner thighs. when you look down your greeted by dark brown eyes looking up at you. “now, now, i’ve been waiting, if not very patiently. so i believe that i earned myself a reward. so come here, you lil cutie.”

[darylsgirl]

He’s just like the sun, Part 3  Daryl Dixon x Reader 18+

Summary: Daryl had broken you again, You had turned to rick for comfort finding a different kind of life with his family. Negan finding you in Rick’s home ends up bringing you back to Daryl. For Always <3

Part one                    Part two

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*Hey lovelies! If any of you have stuck with this story this long then i really appreciate you!! Apologies in advance for the extreme roller coaster of this chapter! I decided not to proof read this one and just go with my gut on the progression, So if there’s any mistakes or anything you didn’t like as always please let me know! Also let me know if you liked it and if i should right some more Daryl/Norman stuff as i don’t think i’m ready to let it go yet aha! Also! I decided to add pictures of the people when the pov changes and for the reader i added my own pictures from a shoot a few years back. If it’s too cheesy let me know haha! 

I hope you enjoy my crazy mind!

Love to you all! Love Jen x*

Warnings: References to abuse, Smutty smut!, Talks of violence, Lots of cussin! 

Recap:

You had tried to talk to Daryl after that and he had pretended you didn’t exist. You were grateful that because of your growing friendship with Rick he had let you stay with him and the kids. 

You found yourself spending more time watching Daryl wishing he would just look at you but he never did. 

It was on one of these nights watching him that you saw it and he broke you all over again..

------------------------------------

This was worse than anything Spencer ever did to you, You could handle him hurting your body because he was never able to get your heart. Your heart had always been safe with Daryl until now….

You turned to leave when your clumsy self managed to kick the plant pot over, His eyes met yours. You couldn’t stop now, You couldn’t look at him. You carried on and ran back to Rick’s house bolting the door behind you and ran straight to your room. 

Rick followed you “Y/N, What’s going on?” As he was about to reach you, The pounding on the front door started. “Please don’t let him in” Rick looked confused and walked to the front door unbolting it. 

Your eyes met again as you slammed the bedroom door locking it behind you and hid inside your closet locking that too. 

You tore at your hair, He lied. Spencer was right! He was right and you were a fool. You could hear them now getting closer shouting at each other, You held your hands over your ears, You couldn’t hear any more of his lies! You knew it was only a matter of time before they were in the room and he would find you. Without a second thought you left the closet and left through the open window. 

You went to the only place you could think of that he wouldn’t look for you. 

Rick’s Pov

The kids were in bed and he was enjoying a few minutes of peace for a change. He was always running off for some reason or another. It was nice to just have a typical family night. He didn’t think these were going to be possible once the end came. He and Y/N had made dinner for Carl & Judith and played a board game with Carl occupying Judith by pulling silly faces at her. When Judith started to get tired Y/N put her down and came back to finish the game with Carl before sending him to bed too. 

You and Y/N had sat in comfortable silence in the living room before she had decided to go take a walk and He had stayed back to keep an ear out for the kids, He’d cleared up after dinner and now just sat in his living room enjoying the peace. 

Before he could let out another contented sigh the front door flew open. Y/N Slammed the door behind her and had locked the deadbolt. Within a flash she was flying down the hallway to her room. 

Rick jumped to his feet chasing her “Y/N What’s going on?” He reached out to her as she got to her doorway when the sound from the front door made him spin around.  “Please don’t let him in” Y/N begged. He shot her a confused look before heading to answer the door. 

They weren’t knocking any more they were trying to kick it in, You flung the door open in between kicks seeing who was there “What the hell brother! My kids are sleepin and you’re bringing this shit to my door?” 

Daryl tried to push past Rick but he caught him and pushed him out of the house. “Your not comin in here like this, What’d you do. Why she tell me not to let you in”

“Get outta ma way Rick. Ya don’ understand” Daryl yelled. 

“I’m tryna understand, brother, Tell me what happened?” 

“Y/N, Y/NNN PLEASEE” Daryl rushed Rick again and got past this time. 

Rick rushed past him down the corridor and blocked Y/N’s door. 

“You needa calm down Daryl, She don’t wanna see you right now” 

Daryl had seen read and spat “Oh yeah? And she wants to see you does she? I seen the way you look at each other. I seen her rushin into ya arms all the time, Good ol’ boy rick. Moving in on another man’s woman!” Daryl was pacing now clenching his fists.

“Woah now buddy, I haven’t moved in on anything. It aint even like that. She needed you but you were off with Nicole so I was there for her. She’s family we all needa look out for each other” 

“I don’ wanna do this with ya now Rick, Get outta ma way or ill move ya my damn self!”

Daryl pushed past him again and easily broke the lock. Searching the room Rick’s eyes locked on the open window. He pointed it out to Daryl. “Ya gonna have to look somewhere else - She’s gone” 

“Cant have gone far” Daryl said before taking off out the window after her. Rick put his hand through his hair and walked back into the living room, He looked through the front door and saw Nicole standing there. He glanced over her and shut the door. 

Not dealing with that shit too he thought, Taking his seat back on the couch. 

Daryl’s Pov

He knew you had been watching him since your fight, He had been watching you right back, Wanting more than anything to just run to you and keep you safe, But you would never be safe with him, He was a virus turning everything around him to shit. 

Nicole was becoming less of a welcome distraction since she had kissed you before Y/N was found, She was now everywhere he turned, She changed her shifts to match his and would try and walk with him home after trying to get him to invite her in. 

He hated her incessant nagging, How she always found a way to touch him. Pawin at him. He tried to tell her to stop but it only seemed to make her more determined. 

Y/N understood when to push and when to back off and Nicole just wasn’t understanding the back off part. 

Between Nicole’s naggin on shift and Carol’s nagging at home he was starting to lose it. He wanted to go on a long ride out and be alone but he couldn’t leave again. Even though Spencer was now dead he couldn’t risk leaving Y/N alone in this town without him to keep a watch on her. 

Carol had caught him staring at Y/N’s usual spot at the table and huffed “How many times have i told you to go get that girl back hmm? You need to apologise and make it right! You treated her bad Daryl but she still needs you. If you go to her now, She’ll forgive you” 

He knew she was right but he couldn’t fight the feeling that this was still all his fault he had done this to her, He hadn’t fought hard enough to have Spencer from the community and had let his guard down around him. 

His daddy was right, he was worthless and didn’t deserve love. 

He wondered what Merle would’ve thought of all this, Probably would have told him to stop being such a pussy and go get his woman. 

He looked over at Carol. “You really think she’d forgive me now?” She nodded yes “Now go get our girl back” He looked over at the clock he had a few hours before shift. He could do this. 

He ran through the streets until he made it to Rick's house and stopped in his tracks when he saw you through the window, Happy. 

You had your arms around Judith and Rick had his arms around you both while Carl was pulling faces at her making you all laugh. 

Looking through that window was like looking into the home he had always wanted. Y/N just slotted right in to their family like she was always meant to be there. Making him think she was never meant to be with him. 

He watched for a while, watching how comfortably she took Judith to bed, Then lay back in Rick’s arm’s laughing with Carl. 

He couldn’t watch it anymore. He couldn't watch you be happy with your best friend, Giving him that smile you had previously reserved only for him.

You stormed off into the dark towards the tower and watched Nicole send the previous shift home waiting at the bottom for you as she always did. 

Once the other guys had left he went for it, Storming forward he grabbed Nicole and pushed her up against the tower. 

“Guess it’s your lucky day aint it girl” He kissed her harshly feeling her submit to him instantly She tried to wrap her arms around him and he held her hands back. He moved his hands to her jeans impatiently wanting to get this over with and feel something other than regret and shame. 

She helped him now pull her jeans off and then his. Lifting her into his arms he plunged himself into her, Clasping his hand over her mouth to stifle her moans. He fucked her, this wasn’t the gentle love making he would have with Y/N this was transactional and he was regretting it already. 

All he could do is wish it was Y/N in his arms in his bed holding her body close to his loving on him. He didn’t want this. He started pulling away Muttering that he was sorry to Nicole when he heard a smash to the right of him. 

Instantly meeting her eyes. Shit. 

Y/N

Sitting on the floor with the door open you drank, Drank that big bottle of special whiskey he was saving for a “Special occasion” Fuck special occasions the only special occasions left were the days you were still breathing. 

You were finally able to look at the mattress, You were surprised it was still there, You were surprised anything was still here in this house. You thought when you had come in that they would have set to work on it already clearing it out to make use of it again but no everything is still exactly where it was left when you were last here. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been there before Rick had found you. He came and sat on the floor next to you taking the bottle from your hands and taking a swig. You sat in silence like that until you’d finished the bottle between the two of you. Shaking the empty bottle to show you, Rick took your hand in his. “You ready to go home now?” 

You nodded at him both standing feeling a little more than tipsy now he wrapped his arm around your shoulders guiding you up the stairs and out of the house. You walked back to his house like this taking comfort from the warmth of him on the chilly night. When you reached the porch you settled into the swing outside.

Rick nodded at you understanding, He walked inside and sent Rosita home who must have come to keep an ear out for the kids. She smiled at you when she left. Rick came back out to you a few minutes later with a fresh bottle and a blanket. He sat down and threw the blanket over the two of you and handed you a glass. You took it gratefully your original buzz was already wearing off. 

You wrapped yourself back up in Rick again sighing into his chest, Drinking your whiskey and just enjoying the moment. These were the only moments that you could feel your mind pause and go numb, Rick had that effect on you. He was uncomplicated, simple and you could never question his loyalty to his people and how far he would go to protect any one of you. 

You smiled into his chest now, Rick stiffened slightly. “Wanna tell me what happened earlier?” 

You took a deep breath and offloaded - Something you were learning to do quite well. 

“I saw Daryl with Nicole. They were behind the guard tower. They were” You choked on the next words “Let's just say they had moved past first base running straight for a home run” 

“What a Dumb ass, I’m sorry you had to see that Y/N” he murmured into your hair kissing it. 

“I’ve told you before your welcome with us, The kids love you and i can’t say i mind you here either” 

You looked up at him now moving your head onto his shoulder “You sure Rick? I don’t want to be bringing any more drama to your door, The kids need a simple happy life now” 

He smiled down at you hearing that he brought his hand to your cheek caressing it.

“I’m sure if you are Y/N, The kids will be ok. Little bit of excitement will keep em on their toes” He chuckled. 

Maybe Rick was exactly what you needed right now, You knew you would never want to be without his little ones now they were making you feel whole again and given you a new reason to carry on. You loved them.

You both stared into each other's eyes leaning in ever so slightly to him, You saw him lean in also when you heard someone clear their throat. Both of your heads span towards the noise. 

Daryl was leaning against the rail of the porch. “So this is what not moving in on another’s girl looks like huh Rick?” You stood up from the swing about to defend yourself and then realised you had nothing to defend. He did.

“What do you want Dixon? Come here to Lie to me some more or just trying to further ruin a nice evening?” 

His eyes went dark “I aint ever lied to ya Y/N” You Scoffed “Yeah okay after today you think i’m going to believe anything you say?” 

Rick saw this as his queue to leave he grasped your hand slightly “Gonna go check on the kids, You gonna be ok?” You nodded and smiled up at him “Yeah i'll be ok, He may be an asshole but he won’t hurt me...Not Physically anyway. I’ll be in soon” He let go of your hand, walked into the house and shut the door. 

You walked past Daryl into the street and away from the houses knowing he was following you. Once you had walked far enough away you span around to him. “What, Could you possibly have to say to me?”

“It’s like that now is it Y/N?” His eyes looked hurt. 

“Don’t you try and turn this on me Daryl. You ignored me for weeks, When I needed you! And if that wasn’t hard enough to take, You completely abandoned me. Making me watch you with her for weeks! Then!!! I had to see you Fucking her! In the open! What the fuck is wrong with you Daryl!!” 

He stayed silent staring at the ground. “Every moment for two months i thought about being back to you desperate for you to love me again, But you were full of shit. You lied you fucking lied to me. Just tell me the truth now. Why did you even bother coming tonight, What more could you possibly want from me?”

“How many times i have to tell ya, I aint ever lied to you. I do love ya and ya love me!” He looked down ashamed. “She was just easy I -” You scoffed “Yeah i saw how easy she was” 

He continued “Will ya listen to me woman!” He seethed, He waited until he was sure you were listening “I couldn’t face you knowin it were ma fault. Feelin like i did this to ya. I couldn’t even touch ya without feeling sick, I heard ya know. I heard ya tell Carol what that vile bastard did, I wanted to go back and rip his heart out. I would of ripped mine out and given it to ya, If it would of helped” 

“What good is any of this now Daryl, You’ve betrayed me on every level” 

“Let’s talk about betrayal naw should we? That was my best friend you were cozying up to back there”

“Nothing happened Daryl, I can’t say it wasn’t going to but at that point it hadn’t but so what you’ve moved on with her” You spat the word her with as much venom as you could. 

“I only did what i did because i saw you two tonight, Cuddled up like one big family his arms around ya, I couldn’t take it i needed to feel somethin other than shame and pain….She don’t mean nothin to me -” 

“That makes it so much worse, That someone who means nothing to you could take you from me”

And like magic there she was lurking in the shadows approaching “I meant nothing to you D? Then what was that back there?” 

He rolled his eyes groaning “Crawl outta ma ass woman!” 

You glared at the two of them “I hope your happy together, Stay away from me Daryl” 

“No Y/N no I won’t I love ya! And you love me. I know you do” 

You stormed off back home now aware he was still following you begging you to stay with him. He was still on your heels when you got home Rick met you on the steps hearing the commotion outside you ran to him letting him pull his arms around you and take you inside, You looked back at him, He was crying now “Y/N please, Please Choose me” 

“You didn’t leave me a choice Daryl” You shut the door behind your both and Rick guided you up to his room, He lay there just holding you until you had cried it out and fell asleep in his arms and for the first time in a long time when you woke you weren’t alone. 

Daryl’s Pov

Nicole had had the gone sense to leave him the fuck alone after last night, Yeah he felt bad for using her then abandoning her like that, He hadn’t meant to be an asshole and he would apologise. He just couldn’t face it yet. 

He lay in their bed facing her pillow and closed his eyes imagining she was still there beside him, Why couldn’t he have gotten over his damn ego sooner and just been there like she needed. 

Carol had given him the ear chewing of a lifetime when she had found out what had happened. He didn’t care, He didn’t care about nothing anymore there was only Y/N and now she was gone. He had driven her into the arms of his friend like a fucking idiot. 

He had tried not to watch them after that night. He had tried to do as she had asked and stay away from them but he couldn’t bare not seeing her face everyday. He watched as she held his hand and he brought her dinners to the infirmary. He watched as she played with Judith and read to her. 

He watched as their family nights became more frequent, All around the table like the perfect All American Family. The one thing he didn’t ever see was them kiss, Don't get him wrong he didn’t want to see that but he still thought it was odd. All those nights with both of them cuddled up on the porch and not one kiss? Maybe there was still hope? 

Y/N Pov

You weren’t sure if you were happy that Daryl had listened to you and stayed away. You missed him, He had hurt you sure, but you still missed those eyes and that irritatingly gorgeous southern drawl. 

Carol had started coming to the house more to see you, You had missed her too. She had become such an important person in your life and it had made you laugh watching her being so curt with everyone but you, With you she let her walls down she was loving and kind. 

It was on one of these days sat on the porch with Rick, Carol, Carl & Judith that it happened. 

You were all laughing having Judith point to each of you and say your names, She pointed to Rick “Dadddieieieee”, Then to Carl “Carrrrullll” then to Carol “aun carell” and finally to you.

“Mummmyyyy” The group fell silent now.

You froze not knowing whether to laugh or cry. It had made your heart swell with joy and sorrow. 

You looked up at Rick who seemed to be in the same torment as you, Shock across his face. 

You turned Judith to face you “No Baby its Auntie Y/N” She grumbled at you grabbing on to your hair “mamamamama” You looked back up at Rick, He just shrugged standing up “Anyone need another drink?” You handed Judith to Carol “I’ll just be a minute” You looked at Rick’s back going into the house, She nodded in understanding. 

You followed him in and saw him leant against the kitchen counter with his head in his hands.

“I’m so sorry Rick, I didn’t mean for that to happen” You stuttered “I never told her that’s who i was” You said approaching him and putting your hand on his arm. 

His head shot up “Course you didn’t. But that’s basically who you have become to her now. She loves you” He pulled you into his arms looking into your eyes. “We all do” 

The moment you had waited for again for weeks was here again he softly pressed his lips to yours looking for approval, You smiled and kissed him back. It hadn’t felt electric like it had with Daryl; you hadn’t even felt your core stirring as it did with him, But it was nice and it made you happy and helped you forget for a minute.

Rick looked back into your eyes, Lovingly brushing the hair from your face “We’ll take it slow okay?” You giggled and put your hand back in his. “Okay slow it is Mr Grimes” He smiled back at you and led you back to the porch back to this incredible family who had accepted you fully flaws and all.

You continued like this in your happy bubble trying to ignore that strange niggling feeling in the pit of your stomach. 

One night after you had put both of the kids to bed you decided it was time to break the cycle of sweet kisses and cuddles in the night, You needed to feel something more, You needed to know if it was just Daryl that could make you feel like you did or if Rick could do too.

Coming down the stairs you spotted him in his usual spot on the couch, Head back, Eyes closed with a glass of whiskey in hand. 

You took a deep breath, this was your time to try. You headed over to him swiftly straddling him and took the whiskey from his hand, Draining it in one and placing the glass on the table behind you.

Rick looked up at you curiously, Carpe Diem, Seize the day You thought to yourself pushing your lips to his urgently. He met your urgency with his, Wrapping his arms around your hips and pulling your core closer to his. 

You reached down to the buttons on his shirt, Fumbling slightly as you opened his buttons. Once you had finished with the top button he pulled his arms away from you letting you remove it fully. 

Your hands happily roaming his chest now. Rick put his hands to your hips grabbing the sides of your shirt and pulling it over your head, his hands now reaching to the clasp of your bra and his lips moving to your neck kissing and sucking with need.  

“Wait! The curtains!” You moved off his lap, Your hands covering your almost naked chest, You looked out briefly across the street to see if anyone had seen Rick came up behind you wrapping his hands around you, Kissing your neck. You giggled, grabbing the curtains and slamming them shut. 

Turning around you let your lips meet his again, stumbling back to the couch you let him lay you down and remove your jeans, You watched as he stood and kicked his off too. With you both now only in your underwear he lay on top of you grinding his erection into your core, his hands and lips now roaming around your chest. 

You let out a stifled moan covering your mouth with your hand, The last thing you needed was the kids walking in on this, Rick wandered your body for a few minutes kissing every inch of your bare chest and stomach. 

He made his way back up to your lips kissing you sweetly before asking “You’re sure about this Y/N?” 

Rick’s Pov

He had been unsure how to feel about this new closeness with Y/N, His kids sure seemed to love her. He was starting to think it may be possible that he did too. 

Once Judith had started calling Y/N Mama it had settled it for him, Watching them day after day together, Watching her teach Carl about medicine. She had brightened up a once somber home.

Hell she was brightening him up, After losing Abe and Glen to Negan he didn’t think it would be possible to laugh and have a carefree day again, Between all the commotion with Y/N and Negan’s threat still looming she was the most incredible distraction. 

He was happy to move at her pace, After everything she had been through she deserved to take things slowly for once and for the first time in a long time they had a home that gave them time. 

As a man he couldn’t say he didn’t want her, In fact he couldn’t keep his eyes off of her, Every time her body brushed against his he felt all the heat from his body move to his groin, Desperate for more but unwilling to push her before she was ready. 

He couldn’t believe it when she had come down and jumped on him, He thought it was one of his dreams at first, When he saw her beautiful body undressing in front of him he thought he could have exploded right there. 

Groaning when she moved off of him to close the curtains, He couldn’t take anymore and followed her putting his hands all over her body enjoying the glorious heat coming from her body, How sweet her neck tasted. It was so overwhelming.

He got her back to the couch knowing they would never make it upstairs. It was like the fever had taken hold and his body was burning for her. Hearing the sweet moans coming from her nearly pushed him over the edge again.  He had to last longer than this, She deserved it.

Trying to stem his emotions, Needing to make sure he hadn’t pushed her too far.

“You sure about this Y/N?”

He could see the fire in her eyes as she nodded “Yes, I’m sure” Bringing her lips to his again urgently pushing her tongue inside his mouth, He me it swirling and dancing their tongues together. 

Annnnnd just like every other time he had tried to enjoy himself, Someone just had to ruin it. 

There was banging at the door “RICK, RICK we need ya naw!” 

Shit! Daryl! 

He saw the panic in Y/N’s eyes too as you both jumped up and hurriedly dressed, “JUST A MINUTE!” He checked himself and you over making sure you were both clothed and opened the door to him “What? Where’s the fire?” 

“It’s Negan, He’s early” 

He locked eyes with “Y/N, You got the kids?” 

“Yeah i’ve got them don’t worry just go!” 

Rick ran after Daryl down the street towards the gate when he came across them, As always trying to instil fear in his people. He felt the rage replace the previous burning lust. He knew he had to keep this down or he could risk someone being hurt. 

“Well well Good old Ricky boy” He nodded at him “Negan, You’re not due for another 3 days! We aint ready for you yet” 

Negan laughed “What do i care if you’re ready? You’re ready when I say you are! You should have learnt this already or should I have lucille teach your guys another lesson?” 

“NO! We’ll get ready, Just give me some time”

“I’ll give you some time Ricky boy, I could sure use a drink! Keepin you asshole’s in check is thirsty work”

“I’ll have someone bring you something”

“You call that hospitality? I came here to your town to do business and you don’t even invite me into your home for a drink? Now that won’t do. Besides I don't see Carl and that badass is much better company than you pussy’s” 

Negan brushed past Rick Lucille resting on his shoulder and walked cockily up to Rick’s home, Acting as if he lived there he just wandered straight into the house. 

“Well aint this a surprise! Rick the prick has been keeping you hidden! What’s your name sweetheart?”

Y/N pov

You looked at Negan hate filling your eyes, You stayed silent trying to convey all the hate and anger you could in that one glare when suddenly a noise on the stairs broke your concentration, Head whipping around there was Carl rubbing his eyes still in his Pyjamas. “Carl go back to bed sweetie, Don’t come down here” 

“Now now girly. I’ll have you know he’s the one i’m here for! Get your ass down here Carl”

You looked at him desperately now “Please he’s just a child, He’s tired let him go back to bed” You pleaded with him. 

He smirked back at you. “Well i can’t say no to a pretty face. I’ll tell you what you mosey on and get me a drink and tell me your name honey and carl here can go back to his sweet dreams” 

You jumped up and grabbed the Whisky from the side board and a glass slamming them on the coffee table and rushing towards Carl “It’s Y/N” You muttered before ushering Carl back to his room.

“Stay here Carl, Lock this door and don’t come down no matter what you hear” 

“I’m not a kid Y/N i can handle myself” 

“I know you can Carl you could probably do better than me, but we need you to stay here with Judith and keep her safe. Can you do that for me?” 

He looked thoughtfully for a minute and nodded “Yeah i can do that” You kissed his brow “Thank you, Thank you. I’ll come and get you when he’s gone” 

You descended the stairs slowly, eyes flicking between the men in the living room, Negan was sitting in the same place you and Rick had been earlier and Rick & Daryl were standing by the window being guarded by two men each. You stood by the door eyeing him warily. 

“Well come on down Y/N Come sit by me, Have a drink, I promise i won't bite…. Well not unless you ask me to” Winking as he said this.

You poured yourself a glass and sat as far away on the two seater couch as you could. 

“I think you guys need a lesson in manners! When i said sit by me i wasn’t kiddin!” He grabbed your arm pulling you to his side and wrapping his arm around your shoulder pinning you too him, He raised his other hand and ran his fingers across your face to your mouth. 

“God, Aint she a pretty thing! That mouth looks damn great” He looked at Rick now “Now if you were a polite host you’d let me have a go at the pretty little mouth, I bet it can do some dirty, Dirty things. Am i right Rick?” 

You whimpered trying to escape his grasp, Feeling the tears of anger threatening to fall. 

A few seconds later both Rick and Daryl were forced to the floor as they both tried to get to you. Daryl yelled “Get ya no good mitts off her!” While Rick yelled something similar. 

“Shit, They double teaming you sweetheart” You glared at him still not speaking. “Well? Cat got your tongue? I come here in good faith just wanting a drink with a pretty girl and you just look at me like that? I can make you talk Y/N. I’ll show that one Lucille's thirsty side if you want?” Starting towards Daryl

“No!” You screamed, Negan Laughed in response. “You gonna do as you're told now sweetheart?” You nodded letting the tears fall now. 

Pour me another drink and come and sit right here, He patted his lap for emphasis. You felt the revulsion coming up your throat as you did as he asked, Your face sheet white not daring to meet the eyes of Rick or Daryl as you sat in his lap. You thrust the drink into his empty waiting hand. 

“You wanted to talk so talk” You spat at him mustering all the venom you could. 

He laughed “What no foreplay? Bet you could be real dirty” He used his free hand running it up your thigh. “And what makes you say that?” You said Glaring at him “Well for one, Your shirts on inside out darlin” He said pulling at your shirt enough to see down it.

 They couldn’t fully restrain Daryl now. “Get ya dirty fuckin paws off of her, Don’t ya touch her.” The two guarding Daryl had forced him back to his knees now. 

“Now now” Negan tutted, “This won’t do. I’m sorry to ruin such a lovely date darlin but that one’s got to be taught” He released you now pushing you onto the couch before rising and nodding to his men who dragged Daryl from the living room whilst the others released Rick, Rick ran straight to you pulling you in arms, “You ok Y/N” “I’m fine, Daryl, Daryl needs you” 

You both made for the door to see Daryl on the floor being repeatedly kicked in the stomach Rick tried to restrain you and talk Negan down at the same time. You fought past him and flung yourself over Daryl protecting his body “Stop this! I’ll do whatever you want Negan just leave him alone” 

“Now that’s more like it!” Negan whistled at his men to stop and grabbed your arm again pulling you tightly against his chest and his core. Holding you there for a moment smiling at your squirms. “Thought this was your woman, Not his. Guess your anyones aren’t you honey”

Daryl tried to stand back to his feet stumbling back to his knees as he tried to make it to you again. 

Negan laughed again “Looks like you’ve got a lot on your hands, The sanctuary’s doors are always open for a sexy ass like you, So come find me when you want a real man” He grabbed your ass as he said this kissing your cheek and then releasing you. 

You rushed back to Daryl kneeling in front of him again protectively. “C’mon Sheriff lets go check on my goodies” Rick looked at you worried, You nodded back at him and he left with Negan. 

Carol and Sasha were there in a flash. You looked at Carol desperately “It’s ok Y/N i'll stay with the kids you take care of him” Without a second thought you turned back to Daryl putting his arm around your shoulders and lifting him. Sasha rushed forward and grabbed the other side helping you carry him to infirmary.

When you had made it Sasha hurried back out the door to check how the situation was going with Negan. 

You started cleaning Daryl’s face softly watching his eyes flutter open as you did.

“Y/N?” He tried to stand “Where is he? I’ll fuckin kill him!” 

“Shhh, Daryl Shh it’s ok. You're ok.  Rick’s with him” He lay back down his eyes trying to hide the pain as you said Rick’s name. 

“What ya even doin here Y/N Aint cha gotta get back to your boyfriend”

Hearing him say boyfriend like that boiled your blood “I’m here because your stupid ass got yourself beat up and I had to jump in to stop them killing you! What did you do that for! Why did you even care?”

“Ya boyfriend sure as shit weren’t gonna do it, Ya expect me to watch that piece of shit Negan run his hands all over ya too?” He spat at you before continuing.  “He were lookin where he shouldn’t, He was lookin at what was mine” 

“Fuck you Daryl, I’ve managed to take care of myself pretty fucking well with out you and yours? You gave up the right to call me yours when you pussied out.”

“Don’t call me that! Ya call what you've been doin well? You let him put your hands all over ya Y/N You let Spencer - “

Yelling now “Don’t even fucking go there! How fucking dare you. You have no idea, Yeah you said you heard me tell Carol but you have no idea what it was like being there. You have no idea what he did to me! He was relentless! He made me wish I was out there with the dead, I’d have rather been torn apart by walkers over and over again” 

Anger flared in you again when you felt the burning tears on your face. Wiping them away furiously you refused to let him see you cry. Not now.

His eyes had softened now “Y/N i didn’ mean too I’m sor-” 

“I don’t want your sorry’s Daryl, I want you to lie down, shut up and let me take care of your wounds so we can go back to pretending the other doesn’t exist” 

He tried to speak again, You shoved his shoulder down on to the bed “I said don’t, I don’t wanna hear it”

He cast his eyes downwards and let you continue with your work. You checked him over, pulling his shirt off nonchalantly as you could manage trying to keep your breathing steady when you saw his rippling muscles. You were pissed that after everything your body still craved him. You felt yourself blush as your mind wandered for a few moments remembering all the kisses you had laid over that incredible chest all the times your nails had dragged down his skin in ecstasy. 

Shit, He had noticed your blush, You turned away clearing your throat. “All done, You can leave now” 

There was silence for a few minutes neither of you moving, The tension building by the second. 

“Why was your shirt on backwards Y/N?” he breathed clearly not really wanting to know. 

“Don’t be Naive Daryl. You know why” 

“So you….You….With him?” 

You took a breath sighing you couldn’t lie to him “No I didn’t, We didn’t get that far. I don’t know if we would have done” 

“I disturb ya?” You nodded feeling oddly ashamed. 

Surprisingly he grinned “So in all that time, Ya never did?” 

“So what? Rick gave a shit about me! He gave me time to heal and be ready!” 

“Nah he didn’t he just knew ya wern’ his” 

You rolled your eyes, Not this again. 

“I’m my own Daryl, You need to stop thinking you have a claim on me” 

He rushed up to meet you amusement in his eyes “If i had no claim on you, Then ya’d of let him do it and you didn’ “ 

He pulled you close to him now, Your body betraying you and instantly melting into his. 

“Ya mine and ya know ya are!” 

He didn’t give you a chance to argue as he pressed his lips to yours, You unwittingly moaned into his mouth opening for his tongue naturally letting him in and letting him take charge. 

Daryl gripped your hips pushing you backwards and then up onto the bed. He pulled his lips away letting his forehead rest on yours, Both of you taking a moment to catch your breath.

“I’m yours Y/N just like ya mine Y/N we belong to each other always have.” He said confidently, You looked in his eyes seeing only the truth. He continued “An i won’ hear ya deny it again”

“I’ll show ya every minute how serious i am, I’ll make ya believe me when i say i love ya. I love ya so fuckin much.” He looked awkward before blurting out “I’ll show ya if you marry me.”

Holy shit! Did he just say what you think he did? He pushed his lips to yours again murmuring “marry me” between every sweet kiss. Not allowing you to think he was fully on you again, You could no longer tell your body from his with the rush of lust burning in you. His hands were like fire pushing their way up the back on your shirt pulling you closer. 

You were ripping his shirt open now, Buttons flying in your desperation to get back to his chest, He followed your lead now pulling your shirt roughly over your head and bringing his lips to your neck sucking and biting. 

You pushed his vest and the remains of the shirt off his shoulders hearing it hit the ground you hurriedly moved your hands to his belt undoing it, Then his button and zip. Hearing his jeans hit the ground you smiled into his lips, Grasping his huge member with your hand and pumping it. “God Y/N slow down your going to rip it off before we get to the good part!” 

You slowed slightly earning a grateful moan from him, He fumbled with your button moaning into your neck. Tugging at it again he lifted your hips and ripped the jeans from your legs. 

He looked down at your writhing against him, “Damn girl those pantie’s again?” He played with the lace in his fingers for a moment before pushing his finger through the fabric creating a hole. 

He looked at you mischievously “oops, Guess these are no good now huh?” 

Your mouth dropped open as you watched him grab your panties with both hands ripping the fabric from you. Scraps of fabric falling from his hands, He wasted no time cupping your heat and pressing on finger to your opening, Swirling it slightly. He Moaned into your mouth again “Always so wet for me Y/N” he brought his finger to his lips sucking it. “Mmmhm so sweet”

Your eyes fixed on each other as he slowly knelt between your legs bringing his face between your legs and licking you slowly, Running his fingers tips softly down the inside of your thighs making you shudder. 

As much as you hated to admit this to yourself after everything that had happened, You knew nothing and no one could make you feel like Daryl did, It was like your body was attuned to him. Desperately craving more, Needing more of him. 

He ran his tongue down from your clit to your opening, Darting it inside you. “Oh shit! Mm Daryl” You moaned. 

His thumb moved to your clit swirling around it urgently while lapping up your juices as they came. 

“Aahhh babe i'm gonna cum, Get up here please!” 

He smirked up at you “Tell me who’s ya are Y/N”

He swapped his hand and mouth around driving two fingers up to the hilt in you, nibbling on your nub softly and attacking it with his tongue. 

The dam holding back your pressure burst suddenly, Crying out you held his head into you and rode out your release on his hand. He moved his mouth back to your opening drinking every drop that leaked from you. 

Gasping you felt the pressure retreat from your body, You saw Daryl's mouth still working on you and felt the heat returning so suddenly. 

He left a sweet kiss on your nub running his hands up your body and standing between your legs again, You saw he must have removed his boxers during as you could see his amazing length propped up against his stomach. 

You licked your lips staring hungrily at it. He pumped himself a few times before bringing the tip to your folds. You pushed your hips further towards him dying to feel him inside you again. 

He held your hips in place stopping you. Holding his lips close to your ear. “Who’s are ya Y/N Tell me or i walk” 

“For fuck sake Daryl! You know! I’m yours now take me!” You growled. 

“Tha’s better girl” He nipped your ear still holding your hips tightly and drove himself into you hard. You whimpered when you felt him fill you to the brink, You would never get used to his size. 

“FUCK” You screamed as he held himself still inside you waiting for your body to open up further for him. 

“God, I’d almost forgotten how big you are!” You exclaimed, Resting your head on his shoulder. 

“Trust me Y/N, I aint ever gonna let ya forget again” He growled into your ear pulling almost all of the way out before thrusting deep into you again

“I’ll never forget how tight ya are, how ya get so fucking wet fer me.” 

All of him was sending your senses into overload seeing his incredible body, His hands touching you everywhere, Muscles rippling under your fingers, The words he spoke taking over your every thought, His scent masking yours now and his sweet taste lingering in your mouth. 

It was too much to take with his rhythmic pounding. You felt your walls tightening while your nails dragged down his skin, “Tha’s it girl cum for this cock”

You tried to hold on waiting for his release. “Y/N i can’t hold on much longer, Let go for me baby”

His words sent shivers down your spine and you felt yourself explode around him, Crying out and falling backwards on the bed. He leant over you gripping the bed at the side of you pounding harder into you, Taking your nipple in your mouth he moaned onto it.

Your walls were clenching now with the remnants of your release driving him over the edge. He moved his mouth to your shoulder biting down hard trying to control his loud moans.

With a few last pushes into you he pushed himself to the hilt inside you crying out your walls draining every last drop of him. His arms faltered and he collapsed onto your chest. 

You were both gasping for air then, Your head still blissfully foggy. Holding him in your arms grateful for this moment, This was where you belonged. In this moment he was starting to feel like your Sun again. 

He pushed up and out of you now lying down fully on the bed and pulling you on top of him. 

“Round two?” He grinned. “I think we had best go see what’s going on outside, Negan’s still here and I need to talk to Rick.” You sighed looking away from him “This isn’t fair on him” 

Regretfully you got up from Daryl and handed him his boxers, You both got dressed slowly not wanting the moment to end. 

Once you had dressed making sure your top was on the right way round this time, Daryl left his shirt there as it was useless now. You turned to him “You ready?” 

He held your face in his bringing you to him and giving you a long loving kiss. He sighed contentedly “I am now” 

You placed another kiss on his lips. “Ok, Time to get back to real life!” 

As you walked through the door Daryl went to hold your hand, You pulled away looking at him apologetically. “Not yet Daryl, I still need to talk to Rick. I don’t want to hurt him” He nodded at you “Ok but talk soon?” You nodded back and left the infirmary. 

Heading towards the group at the gates you noticed even with the limp he now had from the beating he took earlier he seemed to be walking a little taller, You smiled wiping it quickly and putting a serious face on. 

“Y/N! Came to take me up on my offer of a real man eh?” Negan said cockily striding over to you. You stayed silent glaring over at Daryl hoping he got your meaning and didn’t try anything again. He balled his fists but stayed in place. Rick made his way over to you now looking between you and Daryl curiously before putting his body in front of yours. 

“You got what you came for Negan, I think it's time you let us be” 

“Oh hoho! Rick the Prick getting jealous!” He turned to you winking “I’ll be back to see you again Real soon Y/N Make sure you’ve got a glass waiting for me and i'll have a lap waiting for you” 

Leaning forward he kissed you cheek and whispered in your ear “Nice to see you got your top back on the right way” You blushed furiously and noticed Daryl had come to your other side fists still balled up close enough to strike if he tried to touch you again. 

Negan put his hands up in defense “All righ guys and gals, Pack it up and let's get rolling”

Turning back to you “Awh hell and one for luck” He pointed at you with Lucille and pointed to his cheek. You swallowed your revulsion and pecked him quickly on the cheek before darting back to Rick and Daryl. Rick and Daryl both went to put their arms around you protectively and you brushed them off. “Oooh you do have the boys in a tizzy!” 

With that he jumped into the van patting the door and left Alexandria. The group as a whole let out a collective sigh when the last of the cars drove out and the gate had been slammed shut behind them. 

Rick put his arm around you nodding at Daryl “We need to go make sure the kids are alright. Goodnight Daryl” You nodded at him too and allowed Rick to pull you home knowing this was going to be difficult. 

You think a part of you did love Rick but it wasn’t fair to him to continue this when you knew how you and Daryl felt about each other. 

When he closed the door behind you, You headed straight up to Carl’s bedroom to check on him and Judith. Judith was sleeping peacefully and Carl was by the door waiting for you, You guessed he had been at the window for a while watching out for danger, Your little ranger. 

Carl let out a big yawn when you told him all was fine, You saw him back in bed tucking him in and kissing his forehead goodnight before heading down to Rick. 

“Whiskey?” You asked walking into the kitchen. “Please” You grabbed two glasses and poured a hefty amount into each. Knowing it would definitely be needed. 

“Porch?” He nodded in agreement and you both made your way to the swing instead of taking your usual place curled into him you sat on the other side of the bench looking at the glass in your hands. 

“Soooo -” You started awkwardly. “It’s ok Y/N, I know.” You looked into his eyes “You do?” 

“I do, I think I always knew you were jus passin through, On your way back to him. Jus promise me one thing?”

You nodded still in shock at how easy this conversation had gone, You took a big gulp of your whiskey. “Anything”

“Promise me you’ll still be around for the kids, I know we didn’ intend it but with Judith now seein you as her mum, I just can’t bear to see her lose another one.” 

You leant forward now putting your hand in his “Rick i love those kids, Like they were my own. If they want me I will always be here for them whether its like a mum or whatever they want me for, I’m here.” 

His turn now to take a big sip of his drink, He pulled you into him, You let him curling into his chest like always. “I don’t want anything to change with you either Rick, I still love you. It’s just a different kind of love” You looked up at him and allowed him to press a loving kiss to your lips. 

The kiss was a goodbye to what could have been. Breaking the kiss and nuzzling back into his chest, You laughed “I’ll still be here to cook the kids dinner can’t let their dad poison them!” He chuckled back at you, “The doors always open Darlin an your rooms always waitin for you if you ever need it again”

Daryl had made his way over to you both nervously, Rick nudged you. “Evenin Daryl” “Rick” He said curtly staring at you. You kissed Rick on the cheek and stood up out of his arms making your way to Daryl putting your hand in his you smiled at him. 

Rick chuckled again “No need to look so nervous man, Y/N and i had a chat about it. Were cool, Wouldn’t be right if i stood in the way” 

Daryl looked visibly relieved moving from you to Rick giving him a swift hug. You headed into the house and up to Rick’s room packing your small bag of things. On your way back down you popped your head in on Carl and Judith smiling happily as you saw they were both asleep. 

Heading back to the porch Daryl had your glass in his hand now empty. 

“Kids are asleep, I’ll be by at breakfast to talk to Carl. I think he needs to hear it from me” 

Rick nodded at you looking nervous all of a sudden. “I’m gonna be leavin on a run to gather more supplies for Negan’s next visit. Can you watch the kids for a few days? I’ll let you know when?” 

You smiled “Happy too. See you at breakfast!” 

You and Daryl left the porch, He took the bag from you lugging it over his shoulder, You walked past the house he shared with Carol and aimlessly walked around the town. Daryl was the first to break the silence. 

“That was too easy righ?” “Yeah, But he’s a great guy just wanted us to be happy” 

He looked uncomfortable brushing the hair in front of his eyes “Why’d ya kiss him Y/N?” 

“Don’t worry love, That was just goodbye” 

He nodded thoughtfully. You stopped near the fence “Don’t be jealous Daryl, Rick will always be a huge part of our lives, Especially now… They became my family… Don’t make me choose” 

“I wouldn’t dream o’ it sunflower” “Good because you’re basically a step dad now, Sure you don’t wanna run Dixon?” 

He laughed awkwardly “I’ll take it as long as it comes with ya. Jus don’t make me wait too long. I’ll be wantin my own” 

Your eyes went wide. “Really?” He pulled you to him, “Yah really. And I want to start the fun bit right now.” 

You knew it was coming this time but it still made you gasp when he bent down and threw you over his shoulder heading home with urgency. You laughed smacking his ass as he walked. “Always with the caveman routine Mr Dixon” 

He smacked your ass back grunting “Man know how fire work” Eliciting a full laugh from you, You loved silly Daryl, Who were you kidding you loved every mood of the frustrating Daryl Fucking Dixon. 

You waved to Carol in the living room still over Daryl’s shoulder, She grinned back at you as he kicked the door open to the basement and carried you down. Throwing you on the bed you moved to pull him too you. He pushed you back. 

“Naw wait a minute lil lady!” He rushed across the room searching in a draw, He was holding something in his hand now coming back to you. 

You sat up curiously “Daryl what’s -” He cut you off “If you’d shh for one damn minute i’ll tell ya..” He looked at you amused. 

You pressed your finger to your lips cheekily. He looked nervous again now. 

“I got this on the run just before...Well before all that. I knew then I had to have ya be mine” 

He unfurled his fingers holding a beautiful silver and diamond ring out to you. 

“I were serious, I want ya to marry me. Naw Gabe has set up the church we can do it all official like if ya wan’” 

“If you want to do it all official Mr Dixon you’ll be needing to get down on that knee for me!” 

He chuckled at you instantly following orders. 

“Will ya be mine….For Always” 

You paused making him squirm for a minute before smiling “Yes Daryl, I absolutely will.” Happy tears springing to your eyes.

He gave you that beautiful megawatt smile you loved trying to put the ring on the wrong finger fumbling with nerves, You laughed and helped him put it on the right one before moving onto his lap sweetly kissing him. 

Pulling you up to him he kissed you gently moving his lips from yours down to your chest. You moaned his name, The loving kisses driving you wild already. 

You stripped each other slowly savouring the moment. Lying back on the bed bathed in the moonlight he pulled away staring into your eyes, before slowly moving his fingers up your inner thigh around your core, Making sure to not touch too close to your core. 

His fingers traced a bath over your stomach to the other thigh and down he bent his head kissing you from where he started and followed the same path his fingers had run, Following his kiss with his fingers again.

Not once did you break eye contact. He moved from your legs repeating the same movements over your arms across your collarbone down the other arm kissing your ring finger before moving to your lips. 

You wanted to remember the way the moonlight glistened on his skin forever, You closed your eyes letting him kiss you deeply, Moving over you and shadowing your body with his, He nudged your legs apart slightly breaking away from the kiss. 

He stared into your eyes again filled with love before he moved his eyes to your lips slowly pushing inside you. Watching your lips form an ‘o’ gasping as you felt him slowly enter you. 

It was too much to take you pushed your lips to him deeply again letting him make love to you slowly. 

Like every time before it you didn’t think He was capable of out doing himself again. But he did! 

It was heaven, every hair on your body standing on edge, He rested his forehead on yours not breaking eye contact again as you both quickly became undone under each other's gaze. 

Moaning each other’s names, His slow rocks into your body becoming more urgent as he approached his limit, Seeing the effect the slow love making had had on him sent you over the edge, Moaning his name louder now your body shook, grinding down needing to feel all of him. He exploded into you watching your rolling orgasm. The pulsing of his cock making the rolls of pleasure last longer. “Oh god, Oh god Daryl Mmmm Baby, I love you”

“Fuck Y/N I love ya so much” His body twitched as the last of his seed emptied deep inside you. He rolled to the side thoroughly spent gasping for air. 

All you could see was stars now. Panting to calm yourself down you rolled onto his chest. Curling into him. 

Your eyes struggling to stay open after that earth shattering orgasm. 

You whispered, “For Always, my sun”

He kissed your head “For Always Sunflower” 

You fell into a blissful sleep, There was not a single person who could of been happier than you ever again not with Daryl Fucking Dixon by your side. 

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