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thedisc0spider · 8 months ago

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angst request: spencer and reader confessed their feeling for each other a while back, but decided to stay friends as to not ruin anything between them/at work. they both try to move on. so when a smosh holiday party happens they both bring people they're dating. and jealousy and angst ensues......

Selfish

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Summary: literally the request

Warnings: angstttt, cursing, fem!reader, arguing, suggestive comment at the end, jealousy

Genre: angst with a hint of fluff at the end

Point of view: 1st person (I usually write second person but I really wanted an internal monologue moment)

A/n: so this request was literally perfect? You are so lovely, anon. 🤎

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Of course, I want to be with him, but it’s just not plausible. I mean, think about it, if we broke up that would affect everyone around us as well. It would just be selfish.

This all started a few months ago, I did what I had to do for the sake of not only Spencer and I, but our co-workers too.

Me and Spencer were having a movie night, nothing out of the ordinary, except this time Spencer was feeling more bold than usual. Maybe it was the wine or the dim lighting, but at one point in the night we were looking at each other and he kissed me. It felt real and it felt right, but something in me said otherwise.

“Spencer, we can’t.” I said, pulling away.

“Yes, we can.” He leaned in again.

I stopped him by putting my hand on his chest. “No, Spencer. I’m serious. We work together, this could potentially ruin everything.” I shook my head.

I know I have a tendency to overthink, but it really did feel selfish.

“But I want to risk that for you, (y/n). It’s worth it to me. You are worth the risk.”

He looked at me with this glimmer in his eyes, one that he always had when he saw me. I didn’t know what it meant at the time, but I wish I did.

“I just… I don’t want to lose this. And I don’t want to, you know, make it awkward for everyone else if it didn’t work out.”

“But, I….” He looked at the ground for a moment.

We sat there for what felt like forever.

“So, what are you saying?” He spoke in almost a whisper, as if he was trying not to cry.

“Im saying I cant be with you… in that way.”

“In what way?”

“Romantically, Spencer.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He swallowed hard. I felt so bad, but what was I supposed to do?

“Im so sorry, Spencer. I really want to, but-“

“Then why can’t we? We both want it, (y/n/n). Why are you saying this?” He stood from the couch and I could tell he was truly hurt. I stood with him.

“Because we can’t, okay!”

“But you’re the only person I want, (y/n).”

“Spence, don’t be like this. Can’t we just be friends?”

Another long moment of silence.

“Well… I don’t want to lose you, so… yeah, I guess so. If that’s the only way.”

I grabbed his hand. He looked at me.

“We aren’t gonna let this night mess anything up, right? We care about each other too much for that.”

“Yeah, of course. I’ll see you at work.”

After that night, everything was okay between us. We remained friends and didn’t let it ruin us.

Actually, I met someone else. We’ve only been seeing each other for a few weeks casually but I’ve decided to bring him to the office holiday party. His name is Derek and he really is a sweetheart.

Tonight I’m wearing a tight dark-red dress that’s ends just above my knees. As we enter the room, I’m met with blue and frosty decorations.

Courtney and Shayne are chatting near a table that holds snacks and drinks, so I guide Derek in that direction.

“Hey, Court! Hi, Shayne!” I hug them both.

“(Y/n)! Who’s this?” She nods towards the man beside me.

“Oh! This is Derek, the guy I’ve been seeing.” He shakes both of their hands.

“Nice to meet you guys.” He smiles.

“You’re dating (y/n)? Good luck.” Shayne teases, I roll my eyes.

“Don’t listen to him.”

Courtney looks over my shoulder and smiles. “Oh, look, Spencer’s here!” They wave him over, “Spencer! Come here!”

I feel breathing get just a little harder when I see a woman walking with him, holding his hand. She was one of the most beautiful people I’ve ever seen. I do my best to smile. Why the hell am I jealous? This was my idea.

“Hey, guys! This is Paris.”

Fuck, even her name.

“It’s really nice to meet you all, Spencey never shuts up about you guys.”

Spencey? Before I can realize it I let out an almost unnoticeable exhale of a laugh. Spencer shoots me a warning look. I swallow. By this point Shayne and Courtney have already greeted the pair and left, leaving the four of us alone.

“It’s really nice to meet you, Paris. I’m (y/n).” I give her a polite smile, she immediately gasps and wraps me in a hug. “Oh!” I laugh, lightly hugging her back.

“You’re the famous (y/n)? It’s so great to meet you!” She lets me out of her arms.

Fuck, and she’s adorably sweet. I guess I really have no reason not to like her.

“You too!” I awkwardly nod.

“I’m Derek, by the way.” He adds, shaking the hands of the pair.

“Spencer.”

There’s a small pause. Me and Spencer look at each other for a second.

“So, um- how did you two meet?” I ask, breaking the silence.

Paris goes on and on about their first meeting, they were both at a bar about a week ago and this was only their third date.

“Well, we should probably go mingle, it was really nice to meet you, Paris. Spencer, always a pleasure.” He nods towards me before Derek and I walk away.

We both grab a drink.

“So what was that about?”

I furrow my brows. “What was what about?”

“You and that guy? I don’t know, there was just weird tension. Do you guys not get along?”

“No, we’re really good friends actually.” I laugh.

I watch as Spencer stands there with his arm around her waist. My stomach turns.

“Oh…” he look back at Spencer. “So you guys hooked up?”

“What?” I say, a little too loud. “No! No, not at all… well, I mean, we kissed, but-“

“Oh, so he’s definitely still in love with you.”

I look around, confused.

“What?”

“Babe, come on, don’t play dumb. The way he looks at you… it’s like me and that chick weren’t even in the room.”

I scoff, shaking my head.

“That’s not true, Derek.”

He rolls his eyes, “look, we both knew this wasn’t actually going anywhere. I think you’re really cool but we were both just having fun.”

I sigh, nodding.

“It’s obvious there’s something between you two, I don’t want to get involved with that.”

“I understand.”

We hug and Derek decides to leave.

I’m walking through the office, trying to find someone alone or at least a small group. The last thing I want is a big crowd.

As I pass the games pod, I see spencer at his desk. Alone.

“You know this is a party, right?” I say, sitting on the couch.

Spencer whips his head back. “Oh, yeah I was just… I don’t know.” He shakes his head.

“Where’s Paris?”

He scoffs.

“What?”

“Look, I don’t know what this game is but I’m done playing.”

“What are you talking about?”

He narrows his eyes. “You were a bitch to her.”

“Sorry, what?” I stand, crossing my arms over my chest.

He meets my gaze by standing himself.

“She was super nice to you, (y/n) and you brushed her off.”

I stand there at a loss for words for a moment, looking anywhere but in his eyes. He was right, I wasn’t very nice to her. Shit.

“Im sorry.” I finally look at him. “You’re right, I was jealous.”

He sighs, running his hands down his face. “This was your idea, (y/n)! You don’t get to be jealous.”

I’ve never seen him this mad before. The glimmer in his eye is gone and suddenly I miss it. I screwed up.

“I know, I’m sorry.”

“Okay.”

I look up at him. The way he’s glaring at me is something I never thought I’d ever see from him. It hurt.

“You’re so confusing. One day you just want to be friends and the next you’re all bitchy about the fact that I’m trying to move on! You wanted this-“

“Well, maybe I fucked up!” I shrug, dropping my arms as I sit back on the couch. My head is in my hands and I’m crying. Why am I crying? This is so embarrassing.

“(Y/n) I didn’t mean…” he sighs, sitting next to me. “Please don’t cry. I’m sorry.”

He gently rubs my back as to comfort me, but it only makes he break down more. Spencer brings me into his chest.

After a few minutes I pull myself together, sitting up.

“This is pathetic, I’m sorry.” I laugh.

“No, it’s not.”

“Honestly… I thought it would be selfish for us to be together, but I think this is worse. Either way someone gets hurt.”

He runs a hand through my hair, twirling it in his fingers, giving me and sympathetic look.

“Yeah, you’re right. I ended it with Paris. I feel bad for doing it at a party but-“

“Wait what? Why would you do that?” I turn towards him, furrowing my brows.

“There was no future there… she took it surprisingly well, though.”

“Thats good. Derek left too.” I laugh.

“Oh, that sucks. I’m sorry.” He shakes his head.

I shrug, “no, it’s fine.”

“(Y/n)?”

“Yeah?”

He looks at the ground, elbows resting on his knees. “What now?”

That’s a good question. Where do we go from here? Maybe it is best for us to be together, but I’m not sure if the offer still stands.

“Well… I guess it’s up to you.” I shrug, “but if you’ll still have me… maybe we can try that kiss again?”

He looks over at me, sitting up. “Really?”

I nod. Spencer places his hand on my cheek, gently pulling me in. As our lips meet, I let it happen this time. Again, it feels right except, this time there’s no undertones of uncertainty. By the time we pull away, the glimmer in his eye has resurfaced.

I smile.

“How was that?” He whispers.

“Perfect.”

He pulls me into his embrace, tightly hugging me like he’s never going to let go. I sigh into his chest. This feels right.

“So, what do say we go back to my place, Spencey.” I tease, smirking.

Spencer lets out a loud laugh, “Shut up.”

#fanfiction #smosh cast #smosh games #smosh #spencer agnew x fem!reader #spencer agnew fanfiction #smosh spencer #spencer agnew x reader #spencer agnew #smosh x reader

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bordysbae · 2 years ago

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could you do a fic with mark estampa where it's like bestfriends to lovers in denial with a sprinkle of angst? like y/n has had a crush on mark forever but is in heavy denial (prompt #1) and and then after a big fight over something and y/n shouts at him (prompt #53)

“just one date”

mark estapa x f!reader

1. “he’s my bestfriend i don’t like him!”

53 “i like you, dipshit!”

warnings: not proof read, cursing

okay sooo i know you asked for the reader to be the one to confess feelings first, but i could only think of a plot where mark confesses sorry!! and this was kinda rushed but oh well

—

having mark as your best friend was easily one of the best and worst things to happen to you. you met him at the start of middle school and you guys have been attached at the hip ever since. this also means you’ve had to watch him go through multiple girlfriends, flings, and even one night stands. you get this weird feeling of sadness, or pain even, whenever he tells you about a new girl, but you refuse to believe what everyone’s been telling you.. ‘y/n you like him!’ but your reply always stays the same no matter who it is that’s trying to convince you, ‘he’s my bestfriend, i don’t like him!’

deep down, you know you’ve had feelings for him for the longest time, but you’d rather love him quietly rather than risk losing a long friendship. unfortunately, things with mark have been off recently and you don’t understand why. last weekend at a party you met a boy named lucas, and you two hit it off. you spent majority of the night talking to lucas, but when you went to speak with mark he shrugged you off and went to go make out with some other girl. he’s barely been calling or texting you, unless he needs help with his classes. he does this weird thing where whenever he’s with a girl he acts like he doesn’t know you, but when you’re with a guy it’s the end of the world. it makes your feelings for him even more confusing than they already are.

thankfully you’re planning to go out with lucas tonight, hoping this will take your mind off of everything. as you’re finishing your makeup, mark randomly facetimes you. “hey mark!” you exclaim, fixing your hair in the mirror resting behind your phone. “where are you going on a wednesday night that you’re fixing your hair and have a full face of makeup?” he asks, making you a little annoyed. why does he all of sudden care about you and your life after pretty much dodging you all week?

“i’m going to hang out with a boy i met last weekend, why do you care?”

“the hell does that mean? why do i care? you’re my best friend i was just asking,” he questions.

“i don’t know mark, maybe cause you’ve been so dodgy lately? you barely even talk to me,” you shrug, now applying lipgloss to your lips.

“whatever man, i’m sorry, i didn’t mean to. who are you going to see?”

“you don’t know him, we’re just hanging out around town don’t worry. and please mark, don’t get all your stupid teammates to fucking spy on me again,” you groan. “i didn’t trust that guy! he was sketchy, can you blame me? i needed to make sure you were safe,” mark shrugs, defending himself.

“so you felt the need to get your friends to spy on my date? look whatever mark, i gotta go. and if i see any of your teammates i’m seriously gonna be pissed,” you say before hanging up, not wanting to deal with marks shit today. you text lucas that you’re on the way to the spot you guys chose to meet at.

as you’re on the way out of the dorms, you hear a voice shouting your name. you spin around, and see mark running up the block.“what the fuck are you doing?” you ask, very annoyed now.

“don’t go on that date y/n, please,” mark says, slightly out of breath.

“oh don’t do that mark. you cant just avoid me all week for no reason, and the second i tell you i have a date with someone, that’s when you care? and now you’re telling me not to go?”

“fucking let me explain! i’ve been dodging you because i saw you guys talking at the party, and it hurt! you think i get with all these random girls for fun? for shits and giggles? i like you, dipshit! i’ve liked you for years! and i’ve been dodging you this week to try and make the both of us happier. cant you see how selfish i am? here i am, asking you to not go on a date, just to make myself happier. y/n all i’m asking is just one date. please just go on one date with me, let me prove that i’m the one you need. not whoever you’re going to see tonight,” he pleads, making your head spin. you barely understood a thing he just said, but those last words were just what you’ve been dying to hear.

“mark, you don’t need to do any of that. i already know what i want, and that’s you,” you say, before pulling him in closer to you. your guys’ lips crash together, and it feels like the world is spinning so fast that it’s not even spinning at all. before you even realize it, you guys are pulling back from the passionate kiss, and resting your foreheads against one another. “i need to text lucas, i have way better plans than him,” you chuckle, pulling out your phone to inform your date that you won’t be able to make it.

“shhh, don’t ruin the moment,” mark says before taking your phone from your hands, making you giggle. suddenly your hands are wrapped around the back of his neck, and his hands are around your waist, pulling you as close as possible.

#mark estapa x reader #mark estapa imagine #mark estapa blurb #mark estapa #hockey blurb #hockey imagine #umich hockey #michigan hockey

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ritz-writes · 1 year ago

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@asleepyy so sorry for tagging u twice in one day and i hope im not bothering u with my brain rot 😅

but yes, i did actually dissect the lyrics. yes, i am actually insane. and yes, i love this au quite a lot.

here are my notes and what i think each song represents, tho its mainly just the vibes i get. i made notes as i listened to them (note: i see songs almost always in animatic form. idk if that will effect how i imagine what each song means, but i thought it might be worth mentioning)

join me as i lose my mind over the course of an hour and a half

say what you think: def making me think of them both in heaven and jophiel wanting to ask questions.

running up that hill: AHH this one hurt. very obvious as well. jophiel seeing that azazel shouldnt be a demon. "And if I only could I'd make a deal with God, and I'd get Him to swap our places." i am sobbingggg

what difference does it make?: at first i was going to say its jophiel wanting to figure out what went wrong but azazel makes them promise not to, but i think its better suited for azazel understanding hes a demon, but he cant help but still have faith in the almighty

please please please let me get what i want: fuckkk is this about azazel being a demon but still wanting to do good 😭 short but still painful

ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've): my first reaction to the title alone was like the second image of the kambucha girl meme. anyway i think this one is about them becoming friends (or more?? 👀) but knowing its seen as wrong. "And if I start a commotion, I run the risk of losing you and that's worse" makes me also think of jophiel talking to the metatron and realizing he shouldnt ask about azazel lest he risk the poor thing being smited.

nothing critical: ohhhh this one gives hella vibes of jophiel not trusting heaven and knowing "something isnt right here" in regards to the fall-- HOLD UP "I know, someone had to go, If not him it'd be me instead" HELLO??? aziraphale asking for jophiel??? is this like after he finds out what azazels name used to be??

flowers never bend with the rainfall: hmm... i feel like this is a plot point song. not sure why. but "And I hide behind the shield of my illusion" makes me think it pertains to azazel

bird in space: oh this ones a bit tricky. i think ive reached the songs that no longer fit the lore we've been given thus far. so the only thing i can think rn is jophiel enjoying earthly pleasures? not rlly sure

angel, won't you call me?: oh fuckkk is this about a fight they have? "I fled at the face of my rival. When I felt his breath at the back of my neck. Angel, won't you call?" theres no way that isnt about azazel saying smth and then leaving, only to be scared he severed his tie to the only person thats been nice to him.

the stranger: first of this is a bop and im loving it. very groovy. the first thing that comes to mind is the "choose your faces wisely" prophecy. ooo is this about jophiel trying to convince azazel hes still meant to be an angel? that he wasnt meant to fall? also, the last verse is sticking out to me... not sure why

all i think about now: fuckkkkk this is giving me the vibes of jophiel finding out azazel Fell cuz of him and feeling guilty about it. "If I'm late, can I thank you now?" FUCKING OW?? oh yeah for sure this is about jophiel finding out and being sucker punched with guilt

ill be your mirror: oh goddd this song. i know crowley listens to this song but i cant remember what its about so lets see. AH SHIT YEAH THATS RIGHT. okay so jophiel reminds azazel that he is inherently good, regardless of if hes a demon. thats what im getting from this (also just tihnking of that ask i sent about the reflective sunglasses bthwjegkrw)

me and my husband: okay all im getting from this is "they r down bad". they r very very very much in love. getting vibes of this being after they stop the apocolypse. or maybe their feelings developing thru the centuries

time in a bottle: oh man this song always gets me. okay so, this and the last song r giving the oh-shit-i-might-be-in-love vibes. but this one is with jophiel's pov, while me and my husband is azazel's

ritz note: the last couple songs have been cute and lovey and i am now terrified of what the next ones r gonna be. cuz i know this fandom. and i am not ready for the pain. i am afraidddd

lonesome town: i fucking called it i knew the happy wouldnt last 😭😭 they had a fight didnt they. yeahhh they had a fight. FUCK why is this so sad but so pretty

across the universe: is this one sad too??? hang on theres a bit thats not in english, what does that mean... "Hail to the Heavenly Teacher." okay so i assume this is an azazel song. this is just making me think of the bookshop fire, but its azazel thinking jophiel died 😭 ....i am staring at the lyircs. i am glaring at the lyrics. this song MEANS something. i just dont know what. but its important. im squinting at it very hard (note: i came back to this song and am STILL glaring at it. its like. its like im seeing it covered in sand but i know theres gold underneath. i cant SEE the gold, but i know its there. this is driving me nuts /pos)

no wonder i: hm.. im not rlly sure with this one. OH?? is this azazel finding out heaven isnt that good?? "Suddenly I'm not so sure. That intentions can be pure." hmmmmmmm

what do they know?: holy shit okay this is a completely different kind of song than the others. im.... glaring at these lyrics too. feels like a plot point but cant tell what it is. i think its about jophiel? maybe heaven too?? idk im grasping at straws with this one

sea of love: oh yay a happy song again 😌 okay this is just short and sweet. gives me forgiveness and/or confession vibes.

who are you, really?: this one sounds important and i am glaring!! makes me think of "we dont need heaven we dont need hell" and also "a demon/angel that goes along with hell/heaven as far as he can". also just makes me think of jophiel speaking.

the moon will sing: i fucking love this song but i dont think ive ever looked at the lyrics so lets goooo. right away i see "I could have been anyone, anyone else. Before you made the choice for me" and think of aziraphale asking and falling for jophiel, and in a way making the choice of jophiel staying an angel. "Instead, I made a bed with apathy" jophiel trying not to care about a random demon. "I shine only with the light you gave me" jophiel giving azazel ideas on how to do "good" while being "bad". also with that line, thinking of azazel saying that to god and being sad about having fallen AUGHH i have a whole animatic in my head with this song and im losing my mind

matephor: hnnnn another important sounding song. jophiel vibes. fight song perhaps?? "Don't look too hard 'cause you won't like the scars he left in me" azazel vibes??? this one is elusive to me but i love it. okay im slowly getting more azazel vibes. like azazel trying to convince jophiel that he is a demon and fell for a reason

providence: right away getting "heaven and hell r bad" vibes. OHH okay okay this is giving me hella jophiel vibes, but specificly snarky and sassy jophiel vibes. of being like "oh yes heaven is oh so great, we kill children! but its for the greater good, of course. gotta beat hell and all that, even at the cost of innocents. all for the almighty and her ineffable plan." (this song is a bop omg)

earth angel: oh i know this one but only with crowley and aziraphale, so im excited to listen to it with an oopsie omens mind set. omg wait why does it hit HARDER. love sick azazel is such a cute image 🥺🥰

what more can i do: hmm.. them being in love but knowing its "forbidden"? cant tell who i imagine with it more

starman: this is just them. classic good omens song, regardless of the au. love to see it 💖

a pearl: AH FUCK ANOTHER SAD ONE. mitski whyy. hm.. azazel song? jophiel?? i think jophiel... tho my mind might be turning to mush at this point so im not sure. one of them is sad

duvet: oh def azazel vibes. oh maybe some jophiel vibes too?? i can see it swaping povs. i think it fits azazel more tho.

ritz note: OKAY the next song is in a different language and for a split second i legit thought i was having a stroke when i pulled up the lyrics ngl bgkewrrkjq

différent de toi: no idea what this song is about but its pretty 😊

oh thats all of them! i think the first half is more coherent observations, while the second half is just... rambling a bit lmao. idk if any of this makes sense. i might also be looking for things that arent there with these songs, but oh well. this was fun!

and now, after looking back at them all, i really does just slowly derail near the end lmao

#kinda hesitant to post this #but i think i put too much work into it not to so #here we go <3 #good omens #good omens au #ritz rambles #long post

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miradelletarot · 2 months ago

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Hi Mira!

For the fanfic ask game (https://www.tumblr.com/senualothbrok/769290276250484736/fanfic-end-of-the-year-asks?source=share)

1, 15, 21 💜🫶

Thank you so much for the ask!! I'll be honest, writing this year has been so rough for me. Esp since June, idk what it was, but something inside me just lost all it's spark. I caution to say "creativity" because let's face it...I *only* write about Sagora and Gale because I am so obsessed with their romance that It's definitely probably unhealthy.

But, I have been able to get a few things out, and I'm at least proud of myself for not giving up completely, even when I seriously considered it. I'm gonna write what I love, idk how annoying it might be =p

favorite fic you wrote this year: I think my favorite this year has to be I Wanted to be Angry. It's loaded with so many real feelings that I threw into the characters. This was at the peak of my emotional stuff with my separation, and I needed to put those feelings somewhere productive. So, here they went. I'm told it made people cry. So, sorry? but also...I'm glad it elicited an emotional response. That's honestly all I ever want from my works.

Something you learned this year: If we're strictly talking about fanfic related stuff here, it's that not everyone has to like my writing. While my imposter syndrome likes to tell me otherwise, and quite often, I know that at the end of the day, there *are* people who like what I create, and are happy to see it. So, I'll write for them. And for me. If we are talking about life in general, it's that I am stronger than I think I am. The risk I took a year ago to uproot my life was a huge one, but it's paid back in extraordinary ways. Too many to count.

Most memorable comment/review: I will be honest, I lose my shit over EVERY. COMMENT. I love them. They make me feel so much appreciation and love and happy feels that someone took 2 minutes of their day to say something about my work. I can't honestly pick just one, but here are two that really stand out for me. 1st one is from Lies in the Mirror:

[You stare at yourself in the mirror picking at the clothes that seem to cling to you more than usual] -already so relatable

[He sees you standing there, a frown burned into your visage as you stare at the many self-imposed imperfections that reflect back at you.] -Mira, I'm gonna cry T_T

[Aside from being the love of my life?” He clearly knew what you meant, but he was trying to deflect.] -smooth mfer

[He smiled. “I told you I’d love you even if you were a worm, did I not?”] -HAH MEMES

[This embrace feels different. Whole. It’s not just a simple hug. It’s a wordless expression of your devotion to one another. He always knows how to make you feel like you belong on top of the world.] -This was so beautiful 😍 😭

This was so cute and real! Like I think I've had this exchange with my fiance.

You captured such a gentle loving Gale some perfectly~ Great work ~

The second one is from It Feels Like Home, chapter 2 of The Weave and the Vines.

NOT GALE CASTING SILENCE SO HE CAN CRYYYY I CANNOT MY HEART CANT TAKE IT

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httpiastri · 6 months ago

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jack dw when i wrote "we just want you to be a happy paul aron:(" i ALSO was crying my eyes out that i couldnt see my phone LMAO

AND ! you broke my heart saying paul should be in the middle of our paul nation group hug too🤧

anyways

since i was sad (still am) i have a sad perfectly fine thought thats prob gonna break our hearts but i cant be alone in this so sorry guys but i gotta share.

SO ! when y/n and him were breaking up i just imagine after y/n said "i need a break" and he replied "from what? from me?" i feel like he also said/thought "are you leaving me too?" LIKE HOW MERC AND PREMA LEFT HIM AND OMFG I MADE MYSELF BAWL YESTERDAY WHEN I THOUGHT AB THIS 💔💔💔💔💔💔

AND AND when he found out that OLLIEEEE of all ppl is who y/n dates after him its like he thinks that again like merc and prema y/n just replaced him with someone "better". jesus so um yeah😁

thought of this cz i realized the time of the breakup was prob around the time merc dropped him/during winter break AFTER they did YKYKYKYK

anyways everyone cry w me now please 😘

-🧸

it breaks my heart to think of u crying but im glad we could at least cry over that sentence together 🥺 but omfg ? breaking my heart again was so uncalled for???? pls someone help me

i SOOO wish i had written it like that omfg.... help that's actually heartbreaking :(( i wrote it as them breaking up in likeee early may? but i definitely think paul still could've been thinking/feeling like that anyways because there was talk early about kimi going to f2... and maybe paul just imagined it himself (or he was told that there was a risk) that he could get replaced if kimi kept things up because he's always felt like the second choice to toto's favorite boy..... while paul needed to find his own sponsors and do a lot of work by himself, kimi just got everything handed to him, and so in some way he was expecting to lose both the academy and his team...

so finding out that he was losing yn too........... and to ollie, who not only got an f2 seat with paul's team but who's also happily secure in his own academy (despite getting the same rank as paul in f3, third, and despite "only" being fifth in f2 in 2023)(not saying that fifth as a rookie is bad but yk. paul being third in f3 in his rookie year and still losing the academy.... sorry no i will stop)......... he must've been really happy about that 🙃

#everyone come cry with us #no but honestly omfg i love this so much #no matter how much it broke me #im with my parents and i literally gasped out loud when i read this omg #definitely crying material for in an hour when i go to bed 🙂#and you definitely inspired me to rush over and write on the next chapter so...... thank you 😁#asks!#anon!#teddybear anon!#🧸!#perfectly fine thoughts!

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divorcingjimmatthews · 2 years ago

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pas de deux reactions (shorter than last time i swear)

elgin fucking hero???? the fucking guts???????? this van ride is giving me a heart attack

ive seen the promo pics i know theyll get in but im here like what if they dont open the doors for them in time?? or at all? i havent seen elgin in the promo pics oh my god. but hes so new theyre not killing him here. right. right??????

oh thank god

shit dale really did do ellis good like oh my god the poor dude

he better not die i dont want him to die and he might and im so hurt and anxious rn

did yall know kristi's acress is actually a medical professional? apparently they hired her before they even knew that

anyway back to the angsting

im gonna die

i cant look i cant look i cant look

the blood oh my god

boyd is so good at pretending like hes not dying inside to comfort fatima and ellis like i get that he screwed up big time with the sara secret but man what this dude has done for all these people at the cost of himself... :( boyd appreciation post

its so sad to see him ask for help and people not really believing him thoo like yeah he doesnt have proof and hes not used to asking for help so it comes off unnatural and like hes delusional but man thats #relatable af

NOT A BLOOD TRANSFUSION BOYDS BLOODS GOT THE FUCKING WORMS IN IT IM GONNA LOSE MY MIND 😭😭😭

also poor jim he's so commited to his experiment theory and people are starting to look at him weird for it but i'm so on his side jim you keep at it you're on to something! i believe in you

the way the pieces are all fitting together here oh boy

man i dont remember my blood type i guess this is how i die in fromville

boyd im sorry but it's a worms or death situation over here. unless someone else is O-negative

KENNY 👏👏👏

hes a big boy nowww and im so proud

damn i really didnt think boyds mental situation would get him to the point where he's risking his son's life?! if someone else got this bad after sara i thought that'd be jade. i tought boyd was too main character for this. im sorry boyd. i didn't see how bad you were doing i assumed you'd just be able to keep pushing through because you're you. i'm sorry boyd. i'm ashamed of myself. this deterioration happened before my eyes and i was like nahh he's okay

theyre stealing this mans blood at gunpoint

THEY CAN SEE THE WORMS???

maybe edgin is O-negative too my poor sweet not-good-with-blood heroic boy

KENNY?????

KKKKENNY???????????

"GIVE IT TO ME" THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING

THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING OH MY GOD

are these people gonna be passing the worms around like a hot potato like. could kenny theoretically... give it back after the transfusion's done??

boyd we're gonna need this fucking blood rn

BOYD?????

I DONT WANT YOUR IDEA BOYD

BOYD?????????

your son is dying boyd

no one can say anything about recklessness to my boy randall after this

he's gonna kill a creature somehow isnt he

fatima must be having 20 heart attacks per second rn

it's our dear smiley poster boyyyy

oh there's more creatures. i thought it was gonna be a 1 to 1 faceoff to echo the episode's title

im not even that sure that boyd is gonna survive this anymore

i mean he HAS to he's the main character but holy hell

im losing my mind

kenny watching through the window like what can you even do about that

hows he gonna get the blood at him like suck it from his hand and spit it or like what

why is he so confident that this is gonna work

i guess him being like this is what got them the talismans like if he didnt come across the talismans he wouldve been so dead in the forest back then and ellis wouldnve died too

but its like this place kind of hhmmm rewards whatever the fuck boyds doing? it seems to work out for him somehow. but martin was the same way and well.

THE SMILEY BITCH IS NOT BLEEDING

oh my good

ellis is dying while this is happening

boyd really said wait hold on a sec i need to rid myself of this blood curse real quick ill be right back

MY BLOOD IS YOUR BLOOD NOW MOTHERFUCKER

ngl watching someone go on the offensive is so cathartic but i can admit that if i was in that clinic i would be losing my mind and not okay with this at all

IT DIDNT WORK???????

OH IT DID

no fucking wayyyyy

the nightmare creature's friends just ignoring him dying like not even scared a little bit???? they just showed they can kill you bro come on. must be unable to feel fear or something

oh yeah okay they were gathering around him and not around boyd damnnnnnnnn i cant believe this is happening

theyre CONFUSED

Boyd really fucking did that oh my god

the monsters are such bad friends to each other they dont give a fuck

i dont do so good with blood either. elgin i get u bro

the padlock on the medicine cabinet ouchie ouchie

donna and ethan are an interaction i wasnt expecting but theyre neat-o

sorry that jade isn't in the episode guys. i borrowed him for giving him hugs and kisses. i'll give him back for the next one dw. yeah victor's here too i'm giving him chocolate chip cookies. they're ok don't worry for them. sara's in the other room having a milkshake i felt kinda bad for her yeah

ethan is asking the real questions

DONNA DHSJDHSJDHSH i love her

ethan 🥺🥺

ETHAN 😭😭😭

donna...

AW donna

THE HUG THE HUG THE HUG

Boyd youre not okay oh my god this man

oh fatima 🥺

OH SHIT

"We shouldve trusted you" no listen it worked out by fucking miracle okay

what an episode dammit

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ganondoodle · 5 months ago

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probably not wise to put this lore on the wip post but bc someone seemed surprised demise was a child when the gods made him into a deity (i think the comment was about him anyway) heres more on that;

(i have talked about this before though, sorry if im repeating old thigns here)

so in my lore here it works like this; for the gods to create a deity they need a mortal as the basis (the gods are fully .. gods, they cant enter the physicality of the worlds they create, thus needing an in between as a right hand to act as they say) the gods lure their chosen mortal to their primordial spring via visions and speaking to them in their head- there they kill the mortal, their spirit is duplicated, one of them 'dies' or remain as a spirit of the mortal, the other one is made into the spirit of a deity and the remains of their mortal body is used as material to make a skeletal structure in which the deity is housed (if removed from it the deity will die)- a deity will start as the age the mortal was and be able to grow up

(here an old design for (deity) demise's core, his spirit .. HIM really, it sits in his ribcage, his entire outer body is made of thousands of little magical hands that weave into each other beneath the scales and his "hair" is really just were that body loses its form to keep its energy in balance, that part cannot be hidden with armoring scales either but trying to reach into his body from there would burn away even hylia like she was made of wood)

"courage" was a teen when the gods made them into a deity, but they horribly failed in doing what the gods wanted of them (they didnt even get to the point of creating their three dragons)

so, "demise" was the second one (all three are seperate worlds), so they chose someone younger, they tried to erase his memories of his parents too in an attempt to make him truly their own right hand and nothing else, but his fathers noticed him gone and found him just when they made raal into a deity, after they could reach him he didnt recall who they were at first but quickly remembered, they accepted him even now and he grew up rather "normally" (if you can call it that, have your 12 year old rascal son turn into a immortal fire deity and try to raise that normally xD)- not telling his entire story here, but he went against the gods as well in the end, so "failing" (out of love for mortals mainly, but also not wanting to ... die for the gods plot)

when it came to hylia then, they chose someone even younger (hylia wasnt even their first choice, that child died before making it to their spring) she was around 5 or 6, and her mother brought her to the spring to pray bc she thought the voices 'hylia' was hearing was a child thing that might go away if she acted like they could pray it away- the gods lured 'hylia' to jump into the water and took her before her mother could even react- the gods waited to awaken her as a deity so all who remembered her were gone, to minimize risk of her getting her memories back, and once they did aweken her raised her themselves in complete isolation in the sealed off spring until they thought she was hardened enough to not give into her mortal origins

this is an extreme short version, but already long enough, and things i left out bc they will be revealed in the comic, like why hylia treats fi so coldly, to put it mildly (though its really hard to not just talk about everything ..)

(wip)

some doodles that took me way too much effort; an updated design for Raal (aka demise when he was a mortal, he still uses that name when in disguise and modeled those forms after how he imagined he would look if he ever grew up as one) and a clunky doodle of both his blade spirits just after forging them

#ganondoodles #zelda #i probably didnt need to write this #and it might come across wrongly bc of how shortened it is here #but like ................. i have so much useless lore #and yes demise used to be an incredibly good an loving deity .. and he still is #but hurt and bitter with a hatred for the gods that is so unstoppable bc it stems from the love he had for mortals and his world #oh yeah when you fail the gods will they will destroy your world and make you watch #so .. the reason why demise turned into demise is bc he failed them and they made him watch his home and everything he loved slowly die #without being able to stop it #and doing that to someone who loved their world so much ... yeah could turn you into a beast of malice and hatred #(though a big point in my story will be that he still is soft at his core .. which is why he never actually kills any mortal in hylias worl #no matter how deep his grudge goes - since his mortals turned on him and blamed him for their worlds decline- hence his new name #he cant bring himself to do it- her world reminds him of his own- painfully- so much he wants to destroy it all ... but also cant #...anyway #i should spent more time drawing and less writing so we can actually get to the meat of the story in full huh #sorry

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loverzs · 1 year ago

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Letter

I loved you for the person you were. Since 2019, until now, I’ve loved you, I loved you so much. So much that I believe I’ll never be in love again. and I loved you for the simple reason that you were you, and you were the kindest guy I had ever met. It might sound weird, but I could literally feel your kind heart radiating off of you the first time we met. You made me feel special from the earliest moments we had together and it made me so happy. I have so many memories of you and I, that I hold so close to my heart.

You were nowhere near as successful as you are now. While being proud of you, as time goes by, I can feel myself losing you with every day. We’ve both changed so much, but I’ve seen you start caring more and more about fame, attention, material things. And the more you care about those things, the less I can feel you care about me. I know it’s only a matter of time before you realise that I’m not good enough for you, that someone of your status should be with someone on the same level, someone prettier, someone cooler, someone much more well known and popular.

I just know that if you had to choose between your career and to be with me, you would choose your career without a second thought. I can feel and sense so strongly that I’ve become so much less important to you. I cry my eyes out as I write this, because realising I’m no longer the most important thing to you is like I’m experiencing september 2022 all over again. I’m just not that important to you anymore, and I don’t believe that you love me anymore.

I watched a couple on the train home from work today, and I asked myself why couldn’t that be you and me? My heart shattered as I watched them hold hands, share headphones, laugh together, kiss. I cant even see my phone right now from how much i am crying. I don’t know why you did this to me. You made me believe that that could be us one day. I know it can’t. I was believing in nothing. It wont happen. If you couldn’t be with me back in 2022, as the time passes, you gain more to lose. I become even more of a risk to your precious career. I’ll never be someone you bring into your real life. I know you won’t. Please don’t lie to me anymore, please don’t entertain me any longer. I know you don’t really want me, I know our future together is a lie. I know it’s not going to happen. Please don’t delude me anymore. Please remove the heart from your name and just stop tricking me anymore.

The last few weeks have been terrible again between you and i. This situation of no direct communication has brought out the absolute worst in me, it always has, and it’ll continue to. I don’t think it’s fair to expect any better from me, given anyone else in the situation would have suffered emotionally the same as I have. But please know that I’m sorry, for all the negativity I caused in your life I am so sorry and I hate that I did that.

Let’s not fight anymore. Let’s not make each other mad, annoyed or sad anymore. Let’s not ruin each other’s moments that are meant to be joyful and happy anymore. I didn’t mean to do that to you, and Im sure you didn’t mean to do it to me. I’m tired, and my heart is hurting from everything we went through. I can feel you losing the desire to fight for me, you don’t want to have to prove you love me anymore. And it’s okay. We can end it before it gets worse, before it becomes more painful than it already is. I’m just not meant to be with you. You and I are an impossible couple that just can’t happen in this life. I know because if we were possible, last year in September 2022 instead of experiencing traumatic heartbreak, we would’ve been holding each other and telling each other how long we waited. The moment I dream of, of holding your hand and looking in your eyes is never going to happen and I know you were too kind to let me know that. I know it now. Don’t worry anymore.

I loved you and I loved being yours for a while.

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halsteadlover · 2 years ago

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Eye For An Eye

*Gif not mine credits to the owner*

• Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader.

• Requested by anon: Hi. I dont know if you have seen Greys Anatomy, but my request is if you could write Jay and the reader in the season 6 finale of Greys. With the reader being in Dereks place(she can be a surgeon) and Jay in Merediths. He doesnt have a gun on him when it happens, so he cant protect them. And instead of Christina, Its Will who does the surgery on Y/N. So I dont know if you have seen it, or if you are completly confused, but if you have, it would mean alot😊

• Warnings: blood, curse words, gunshots

• Word count: 7138.

• A/N: I think this is the longest piece I've ever written and as always it's shitty 💀 I'm sorry for how this turned out but I hope you'll like it. Let me know what do you think, like, comment and reblog if you want 💞 Love you all and thank you for your support.

Each person has a different way of doing, of thinking, of acting. Each situation is different from another and for each one there is a different way of reacting. When you’re happy there are those people who jump of joy, there are those who cry, those who cannot stop laughing or clapping their hands. When you are sad there are people who withdraw into themselves, those who prefer the company of some friends or their partner, those who don’t let themselves be discouraged.

But when you lose a loved one, this is a very broad discourse, difficult to enclose in just few lines, but even in this case each person has their own reaction, their own way of dealing with pain. There are those who cry desperately, those who scream since the pain of the loss is so strong because this is a kind of pain that tears inside you, tears your heart out; there are those who seem impassive, just because they need to metabolize, they don’t cry, they don’t scream, don’t despair, they remain there sitting in a corner to mull over what happened, what was going on.

During your career as a surgeon you had – unfortunately you'd dare to say – the opportunity to witness all kinds of reactions from a family member to the loss of their loved one. You were always understanding, ready to do anything to try and ease the pain those people were feeling even though you knew they hated you at the time since you were the person who gave them the worst news of their life. You thought you had seen everything but, damn it, how wrong you were, how wrong you were in having taken the arrogance of being able to think you knew the human being in its complicated and absurd interest. As already mentioned, every person has his own type of reaction in relation to a certain situation but never in your life, not even for a second, you would’ve thought the death of a patient could also have been the cause of yours.

“Doctor Y/LN, the patient is in atrial fibrillation,” a nurse had warned. You were in the midst of a brain operation on a woman, Ellen Hopkins, a 50-year-old lady who had a meningioma, a benign brain tumor but which, given its location and size, was quite dangerous to remove and carried high risks.

“The patient has her skull open, a wrong movement and I could make her paralyzed for life” you replied, the forceps and the electric scalpel in your hands while you were concentrating on the patient’s brain. “Two milligrams of Amiodarone, fast!”.

“The fibrillation persists,” you commented, lifting your eyes for a moment and placing them on the monitor the patient was connected to. “Damn it!” you exclaimed, putting down the surgical instruments and approaching the patient’s chest “Let’s carry out a cardioversion!”

“Charge at 200!”

Nothing.

“250!”

Still nothing, the fibrillation persisted as the patient’s values plummeted dramatically.

“350! And call cardiology!”

Not being able to use defibrillation again, you continued with the cardiac massage while waiting for a cardiothoracic surgeon to arrive in the operating room.

But Mrs. Ellen died on that operating table before someone even arrived.

“Damn it,” you cursed, taking a deep sigh and looking at the clock “Time of death, 16:33.”

Informing relatives was never an easy thing to do, you never got used to it, and that didn’t change even when you had to inform Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’ husband, Bill. You explained to him how the surgery had gone, you answered his questions, you told him you did everything possible to save his wife but that, unfortunately, she hadn’t made it.

Bill was petrified, speechless. Not a single sound came out of his mouth, not a single word, not a single tear came out of his eyes. He remained impassive, unable to process the information he had just been given. He just looked at you, straight in the eye, for a few moments before turning his gaze and walking away.

You watched him go and it was in vain to try to call his name and speak to him. You sighed deeply, running your hands over your face in frustration, blaming yourself for just ruining that man’s life. You couldn’t even imagine how he must feel at that moment, so you didn’t blame his reaction, as already mentioned, everyone had their own way of reacting to such devastating news.

As you used to do after surgery, you holed up in the doctors’ ward, ignoring everything and everyone and continuing to reflect on that surgery and what you could’ve done differently to save that woman.

And you stayed there all afternoon, until the evening, until your shift was over. They all tried to cheer you up, Connor, Will, April, to tell you it wasn’t your fault but right now you didn’t even want to hear those words, at least not from them. You just wanted Jay and one of his hugs.

Jay had been your boyfriend for almost four and a half years now and given your hectic lifestyles, being you a surgeon and him a cop, it was sometimes difficult for you to even see each other even if you were living together.

That evening it was enough for him to see you come out of the hospital doors to understand there was something wrong with you. He understood it from the way you walked at a slow pace, from the way you had your head down and your eyes on the ground.

“My love,” he began, getting up from his car on which he was leaning and walking towards you. When he finished his shift early, he always used to pick you up at the hospital or wait there until your shift ended too.

A small smile rose on your lips when you saw him, beautiful as the sun. The instant relief you felt when you saw him was something magnificent, it was amazing how even just that was enough to make you feel better.

“Hi baby,” you greeted him, immediately wrapping your arms around his chest and hugging him tightly. His arms encircled your shoulders and he too squeezed you tightly, knowing right away that you needed it right now.

“Baby are you okay? What happened?” he immediately asked in a worried tone as his hand gently stroked your head.

“Can we talk about this later? I just want to go home and forget about this day.”

Jay understood but didn't insist any further, leaving your space and knowing that when you were ready you’d tell him everything.

He slightly broke away from that embrace and with his hands he cupped your face, stroking your cheeks with his thumbs. Without saying anything he kissed you, a chaste, sweet and delicate kiss you didn't even realize you needed until then.

“Has anyone dared to bother my princess? Do I have to beat the shit out of someone?” Jay asked in a menacing tone and expression, in an attempt to cheer you up. He smiled when you giggled, knowing he had succeeded and that, in reality, he was serious about this, as he wouldn’t hesitate even for a second to punch anyone who really dared to hurt you.

“No baby, no one has dares to do this wickedness,” you replied with a joking tone.

“It'll be better for them,” Jay joked, stamping a sweet kiss on your forehead that made your stomach lightly explode like fireworks. God, how much you loved that little gesture. “What do you say to go home and forget about this bad day? We can order something and watch a movie if you like.”

You nodded enthusiastically, looking forward to taking a shower and throwing yourself on the bed.

You and Jay were lying on the sofa, having dinner and watching a movie in the background that neither of you was really following. Your head was resting on his chest, your arm instead encircling his chest as he hugged you tightly, stroking your hair and kissing your forehead from time to time.

“I missed you so much today,” Jay said, making you smile even though he couldn't even see you right now.

“I missed you so much too baby, I really needed this.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked, almost in a whisper. You let out a sigh, almost involuntarily, “You don't have to tough if you don't want to, I don't want to put pressure on you.”

“No sorry it’s just…” you started talking, putting yourself in a sitting position so that you could look at Jay “It's just... Surgery gone wrong, a woman died on the operating table.”

“Oh. I'm so sorry my love,” Jay replied, taking your hand and squeezing it tightly. “You don't think it's your fault, do you?”

“And who else could it be? I was the surgeon,” you blurted out “It was an operation that presented complications but it had 95% of possibilities to be a success, I promised her, her husband...”

“Baby, baby, stop,” Jay stopped you, letting go of your hand and grabbing your face with his hands and making you stop talking. “It’s. Not. Your. Fault. I wasn't there and I don't know how things went but I'm 100% sure you did everything in your power to save her and if there was a chance to do anything to keep her alive you’d do it. Complications happen, they happen, the surgery had a 95% chance of success but unfortunately that 5% is always there, it's hard, but it's always there and it's nobody's fault, much less yours. Don’t blame yourself for this baby, you are one of the most talented surgeons in the entire hospital…”

“Why can't I help but feel like shit then? Maybe I didn't consider some variables, I was too sure and a patient died,” you said, your voice almost broken by trying to hold back the tears. But from the way Jay wiped one, you could tell the attempt was completely in vain.

“Because we are human, it's in our nature to blame ourselves when something doesn’t go as planned and we always need to have an answer to the things that happen but the truth is that not everything has an answer, the universe operates in a mysterious way and I know for sure, I’d bet on it, there was nothing you could’ve done that you haven't already done.”

You sighed, then resting your head on his chest as he hugged you in an attempt to console you.

“I'm here for you baby, cry and let it go as long as you want, I won't let you go,” he continued to whisper, occasionally leaving sweet and delicate kisses on your forehead. He continued to hug you indefinitely, whispering words of comfort to you until you calmed down and stopped crying. You didn't know how to express your gratitude for having such a fantastic man like Jay by your side, you’d never have known how to do it without him. He was your rock, your backbone, what put you back together when your world fell apart.

In the next two days nothing special happened, you and Jay went on normally with your jobs, you operated, he arrested criminals.

It was Friday and it was now late morning while you were in the operating room after finishing an operation on a man with spinal problems. As usual, you washed your hands and left the operating room before going to write everything down on the patient's medical record.

Everything seemed to go on normally, lunchtime came quickly and as usual, Jay came to the hospital to pick you up and go eat something together. You were still busy in the last morning visits and Jay took the opportunity to exchange a few words with his brother Will, who was at the reception.

“Look who’s bere, I thought you died,” Will commented, jokingly.

“Yeah, I'm sorry I didn't show up but work has been killing me lately, it's like the criminals have all woken up at the same time,”Jay explained “How is everything going?”.

“It's okay. I’m fine, Maya is back in town tomorrow and I can't wait to see her again, work is going pretty well, in short, I have nothing to complain about and I can finally exchange few words with my little brother.”

Jay chuckled and was about to answer when a man's voice interrupted him.

“Excuse me,” the man said, getting attention “I'm looking for doctor Y/N Y/LN, where can I find her?”.

Jay immediately turned to the man after hearing your name being mentioned and looked him up and down, studying his appearance and making sure he wasn't some ex or, worse, a shady guy. He was a man who couldn’t exceed fifty-five, tall, slender physique, balding. He had his hands tucked into the pocket of his visibly ruined pants and his gaze totally absent.

“She’s finishing her last visits, you can wait in the waiting room and I will call you,” Will replied cordially.

“No, it's pretty urgent. I'm here for my wife and the doctor made an appointment for me today and at this time,” said the man, so calmly, a behavior that was not expected of someone who had a loved one hospitalized.

“I’m sure you can wait here too, the doctor will come down immediately and see you,” Jay continued, but the man insisted that the matter was urgent and he needed to see her right away.

“If the doctor told you that, you can go now,” Will said, going on to explain where to find you.

The man thanked him and started walking towards the elevator. By now he had memorized the way to your ward, which was only on the first floor.

Slowly, the man approached the ward where, however, a nurse stopped him.

“Sir, visiting hours are over, you can't stay here.”

“I'm looking for Doctor Y/LN,” he replied, completely ignoring the nurse's words.

“You can come back here at three in the afternoon, when visiting hours start again.”

Soon the situation plunged completely into the abyss, in a whirlwind of chaos and despair.

The man pulled a gun out of his jacket pocket and without any sign of remorse or hesitation, shot that nurse, making his body fall to the ground, lifeless.

The sound of the shot echoed throughout the entire floor and the terrified screams of doctors, nurses and the patients themselves began to spread. They all started running away at the speed of light fearing for their lives. There were, however, those who couldn’t even get out of bed, asleep patients who were unable to save themselves.

When suddenly Jay saw a wave of people running from the elevator, terrified, he knew immediately that something was wrong. He and Will quickly exchanged a worried look and Jay immediately tried to stop someone to ask for an explanation.

“Hey! Hey! What the hell is going on?!” he exclaimed aloud, but everyone ignored him, continuing to run away. He stopped a man, who in terror stammered a few words.

“A… A man… He has a… He shot… He has a gun.”

Jay’s heart stopped beating for a moment as he heard those words. His mind immediately understood what was happening, who was the aggressor and his first thought was you. That man had targeted you, he wanted you.

A feeling of panic took over him and his brain went completely blackout. His first instinct was to run to the elevator and try to find you before that man found you but Will stopped him.

“Where the hell are you going?!”

“What do you mean where the hell am I going? That man is looking for Y/N I have to find her!”

“Jay you need backup!”

“You get as many people out as possible, I call the rest of the team and look for Y/N,” Jay had replied and before Will could even answer, he run for the elevators. After quickly making the call and making sure the team and SWAT were coming soon, he put his cell phone in his pocket and reached for his gun.

At that precise moment a shiver went through his body as he realized he didn’t have his gun with him and that he had left it in the dashboard of his car.

“Fuck!” he whispered angrily to himself. That didn’t stop Jay, however, determined to find you before the madman did. He began to wander the corridors of that floor, constantly looking around. He felt the sweat tinge his forehead and his heartbeat greatly accelerated, not so much because of the situation but because he knew your life was in danger. He kept praying with every fiber of his being you were okay, that you were able to hide somewhere.

The anxiety and worry he was feeling at that moment were feelings he had felt a few times in his life and knowing that you, the love of his life, were in danger and, above all, he couldn’t do anything to help you, it destroyed him. Deep down he couldn’t even formulate a single coherent and rational thought.

The last thing you expected that day – and to be honest, you didn’t expect at all – was to find yourself face to face with an armed man pointing his gun at you.

“Mr. Hopkins…” you whispered, short of breath and heart pounding. Mrs. Ellen Hopkins’s husband, the lady who had passed away on your operating table a few days earlier, stood in front of you, with an absent look, and with the gun pointing straight at you.

“You killed my wife,” he said, his voice cold, aloof, as if a robot had taken possession of him.

“I… Mr. Hopkins I don’t…” you stammered, having no idea how to get out of that situation.

“You killed my wife!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, showing some emotion for the first time. His sudden change of tone made you jump with fear, and in pure instinct you raised your hands up, visibly trembling.

“Mr. Hopkins, please… Lower that gun, there is no need, I promise you I will answer any of your question.”

“Shut up!” he yelled again “There is no question you can answer! You killed my wife! The love of my life! You took her away from me and today you will die like her!”.

Your eyes filled with tears, but you tried in vain not to cry.

Fuck no, you didn’t want to die, not that day, not like that.

“Mr. Hopkins… I ask you please, let me explain how things went, I’m sure you will want to know why. I know this won’t bring your wife back and I’m terribly sorry about that, I know how much you loved her and how much she loved you, but I can help you find answers if you wants.”

“And what could fix this? She died!” he exclaimed, waving his gun at you and making you jump again.

Oh God please.

“Nothing, I know it won’t bring her back to life, but it might help you find some peace, I’m sure, in fact, I’m 100% sure Ellen would like you to be at peace, she doesn’t want you pining for her death.”

“I don’t want to hear you talk!” Bill continued, now taken by anger and resentment “I hate you! I hate you so much! You were the one who had to heal my wife, make her feel better and not kill her! ”.

Your heart tightened in a vise and you couldn’t not feel guilty. You rationally knew it wasn’t your fault but, subconsciously, you couldn’t help but think so.

“Okay, okay, but please Mr. Hopkins, this thing is just between me and you alright? No one else has to suffer from this tragedy, no family has to mourn their loved one, if you want to blame me that’s fine but leave the other innocent people alone.”

“I don’t care a damn about the others, they were just accidents along the way. I wanted you Dr. Y/LN, you ended my wife’s life and I will end yours.”

Your blood froze in your veins, your brain working hard to try to invent a way to escape from that situation.

At that moment your thought was only one, only Jay, and how much you wished him to appear through that door and take you away from there. You couldn’t stop thinking how that morning could’ve been the last time you saw him, how you wanted nothing more than to take refuge in his arms.

Bill clicked the safety of his gun and a feeling of panic took hold of you completely, fearing that these would be your last moments in life.

“Bill… Please listen to me,” you begged him “I know you aren’t a bad person, I know you are grieving terribly for the loss of your wife and I am so sorry, there has not been a moment when I have not thought of her and I don’t even dare imagine your suffering, damn it, I don’t even know how I would’ve reacted in such a situation. I know it’s just the sadness and anger that are talking now, and you are right to be angry with me, with the world, with whoever is up there who took Ellen away from you and I don’t blame you for that. I know I was the person you trusted most to save her life and I betrayed this trust and I will forever apologize for that, because I wanted Ellen to recover as much as you did. I am not a perfect being, I am human too and as such I can make mistakes but I am ready to pay the consequences,” you spoke, and noticing that he was listening to you you continued “I did my best and believe me when I tell you that if there was a single minimal thing I could’ve done to save her, I would’ve done it but I know you don’t see it that way now. Bill... I… I have a family too, I’m somebody’s daughter, sister, niece, girlfriend and like I said I know you’re not a bad person, I know you never want any family to go through what you are going through right now.”

“You’re wrong Dr. Y/LN,” he replied, suddenly calm, as if all the anger he felt until recently had magically vanished. “I want everyone to feel exactly what I’m feeling.”

The sound of a gunshot boomed throughout your office room as it kept repeating in your mind. Suddenly the whole world around you fell into total silence, there was only a subspecies of hum that you could clearly hear with your ears.

You didn’t realize it right away. It took you a few moments to do it.

You didn’t realize right away he actually shot you. It was only when you looked down and watched the blood splatter spread across your uniform that you really realized he had shot you.

Your body fell into a trance state and you didn’t immediately feel pain, due to the adrenaline flowing through your veins.

You fell to the ground, without strength, the blood expanding rapidly under your body and soiling all your clothes. You had no idea what was going on, you didn’t know if you were dead, if you were still alive, if your attacker was still there, if it was all a terrible nightmare.

Your mouth was completely dry, your jaws so dehydrated as if you had just run a marathon. Your heart was beating madly as your chest rose and fell quickly even though each breath was like receiving a stab, one was more painful than the other.

At that point the pain slowly began to be excruciating, so persistent as to be almost paralyzing. It felt as if millions of needles were penetrating your skin with extreme and devastating agony.

Jay was right there, he had witnessed that frightening and horrible scene from afar, given the open door of your office. He had seen how that man shot you in cold blood and without the slightest doubt or hesitation.

It was Will who literally held him back by force, or he would’ve come to you, or he would’ve tried to save you. He would’ve even taken that bullet for you, he would’ve fought to try to save you, but he couldn’t have done it and now you were probably even dead.

It didn’t do any good to wriggle with all the strength he had in his body, try to escape Will’s grip, yell at him to let him go.

“Fuck Will, let me go!” Jay kept screaming, trying to run away, in despair he had never been in his life. His stomach was in a vise and a lump in his throat had formed.

But when that shot rang out within the walls of that hospital, Jay was completely paralyzed for a few seconds, as if for a moment he had feared he had an auditory hallucination.

He stood still as his mind processed what was really going on.

“No!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, freeing himself from Will and running at lightning speed to your office. He didn't have anything else in mind but you at that moment and he didn't even care that bastard had vanished, he just wanted to see you.

Seeing you poured into a pool of your own blood was an image that would never leave his mind again.

“Baby! Baby! Please wake up, don't leave me!” Jay exclaimed, immediately leaning over your body, not caring in the least he was soiled with blood. He took your face in his hands, breathing a sigh of relief when he noticed you were still alive, trying to mumble something.

“Shhh my love, don't talk, keep your strength okay? I'm here now, I won't let you go, please hold on tight” Jay begged, “Will!” his eyes blurred with tears and only then he realized he was crying “Please don't play tricks on me, you have to stay with your eyes open okay?”.

“J-Jay…” you muttered, struggling to keep your eyes open “It hurts so much...”

Jay cried even more to hear those words, knowing you were in terribly much pain and there was nothing he could do to end that pain. He continued to caress your face, your hair, noticing the paleness of your skin. He knew very well how you felt, he knew how a shot could be terribly painful.

“I'm so sorry I didn't come earlier baby, please don't leave me okay? I love you so much, I can't live without you…” he cried “Try to hold on for me, you'll be fine I promise...”

“I... I want to sleep Jay...”

“No, no, no, no,” he replied, panic in his voice. “Don't fall asleep, okay? You have to keep these beautiful eyes of yours open, can you do this for me my love? I know it's difficult but you are so strong, you are the strongest person I know... Don't do this to me, don't leave me baby…”

But at that moment you weren't strong at all, you weren't a fighter and you didn't have the energy and strength to fight. You just wanted to let yourself go and get some sleep, just for a little while.

The room slowly began to fade as black splotches appeared before your eyes and at that point you could no longer fight to keep your eyes open and found yourself sucked into a whirlwind of darkness.

“Will!” Jay yelled in utter despair again.

Will immediately walked into your office after rushing to get a stretcher and an emergency kit, and seeing the blood and you unconscious in Jay's arms he knew immediately that the situation was dire.

“I’m sorry I was finding these. We need to get her to the OR immediately. Jay help me put her on the stretcher,” Will ordered, trying to stay as cool and lucid as possible even though it was hard for him to see you like that too. You weren't just his brother's girlfriend, you were also his colleague and a very dear friend.

“Take her by the shoulders, I’ll take her by the legs. At three we raise her, okay?”.

Jay nodded, trying to wipe away his tears quickly and did what Will said.

“One. Two. Three.”

They placed you on the stretcher and all three of you immediately left the office, trying to go as quickly as possible to the operating room. It was a race against time, and both Will and Jay knew it, there was no room for mistakes, there was no room for hesitation.

“Will,” Jay called his brother, before seeing him enter the OR.

Will turned and immediately understood the words Jay was about to say.

“I can't be without her, save her please.”

Will's heart squeezed in a vise and never as in that moment he felt a huge weight on his shoulders because he knew if things went wrong he wouldn’t only lose you, a friend, a colleague, an exceptional doctor, but he would also lose his little brother.

He nodded before turning and walking into the operating room.

Jay didn't know what to do with himself. He never felt so helpless and at the same time cutting out from the world.

He didn't know the rest of his team had arrived there in the hospital, that the man was immediately found and arrested after killing that nurse and seriously injuring you and two other people but Jay didn't even care.

He didn't care where he was, he didn't care if he suddenly appeared behind him or even if he went around the hospital. He knew this wasn’t correct, his motto was to protect and serve but he didn’t give a fuck, he wanted nothing more than to know you were alive, safe and sound, that you were okay.

When it came to you, there was no criminal, job or any other matter that had a priority over you, there was nothing he wouldn’t have abandoned just to know that you were happy, that you were well and healthy. You had always been the center of his world since he met you and he didn’t even care how absurd it seemed, but it was the truth, you were his everything, all that was most important to him and knowing he had done nothing to avoid hurting you was killing him, devouring him inside.

The thought there was only a wall to divide you physically but an abyss mentally, was something that Jay just couldn’t understand and in the hours when Will operated on you, he thought he literally died a thousand times.

For the first time in his life he had understood the real meaning of fear and it was a feeling he never wanted to try again. It was horrible, devastating, debilitating, feeling that damned fear, that paralyzing and visceral feeling of anxiety that twisted his stomach in a tight grip. He was afraid of losing you, of never seeing you again.

How could he live without you?

How could he only think of living in a world where you were not there?

He wasn’t ready. He would never be.

This option had never even touched his head since you became a part of his world. He wanted to be with you forever, until his last breath and that was not even enough, because he knew that even in the afterlife your souls would be reunited and you would be together again.

What would he do if he never saw you again? What if he could no longer talk to you, hear you laugh at his sleazy jokes, hear you romp when you were happy, see you smile, hug you when you were sad and wipe your tears when you lost some patient on the operating table? What would he have done without your immense clumsiness, so much that he didn’t even know how you were a surgeon sometimes, without your disastrous cooking, without your hair ties thrown all over the place, without your obsessive way of disinfecting everything? What would he have done without your kisses, your hugs, your way of making him feel so pampered and loved, always, every day and every second?

“Fuck no, no, no, no,” Jay muttered to himself, as if to banish those horrible thoughts from his mind, “God please, please, save her, let her come back to me…”

After about an hour in which you were in the operating room, the rest of the intelligence reached Jay and in vain his friends tried to calm him down.

It was only when he saw Will come out the door of that damned operating room that he came back to breathe a bit and at the same time die of heartbreak and anxiety.

“So? How did it go? Is she fine? Please tell me she’s okay,” Jay spat out, immediately approaching his brother. He studied the expression on his face in the smallest details and a modicum of hope lit up when he didn’t see that typical expression you had when you had to communicate the death of a loved one, he didn’t seem sad, on the contrary.

“The surgery was a succes, I am 99% sure she will recover completely. The bullet had pierced the stomach but fortunately there was no major damage. Now I’m taking her to ICU and we’ll have to wait for her to wake up,” Will explained and couldn’t even explain the transformation Jay underwent. He noticed the precise moment when that veil of anxiety and worry finally disappeared, replaced instead by joy and happiness.

In a rush of happiness Jay hugged his brother, squeezing him like he had never done before. “Thank you Will, thank you so much.”

Will returned that hug, smiling. “You don’t have to thank me, she is very strong.”

“Yeah, she really is,” Jay replied through tears, only then realizing he was crying. “When can I see her?”.

“In a while don’t worry.”

Seeing you lying on that hospital bed was an image Jay would never have thought of seeing in his life, it was literally a blow to his heart. You had oxygen goggles inserted in your nostrils, your face was terribly pale but despite that you were still the most beautiful creature Jay had ever seen.

He stood next to you and he never took his eyes off you for not even for a second. His hand gently stroked your hair, as he used to do when you slept. It had now become a habit, stroking your hair and watching you sleep. Sometimes it happened that you smiled even in your sleep, snuggling closer to him, but this time it didn’t happen.

Your skin was cold under his fingers, as he stroked your cheeks and, God, he would’ve given anything to be in your place, so as not to see you hurt even for a minute.

Jay leaned over and gave a kiss on your forehead, as he kept caressing your face and hair.

“Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you? How do you make me feel? How important you are to me?” Jay began to speak, remembering the words you said to him once and that talking to patients asleep can have a positive effect on their awakening. He left another kiss on your forehead. “Do you have any idea how much you scared me today my baby? God, I've never felt so scared as I did today, not even while I was overseas. Seeing that son of a bitch...” Jay stopped, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat as he remembered the moment you were shot “I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, I don't want to imagine how scared you were, I’ll never be able to forgive myself, I was there, a few meters from you, I have always sworn to protect you and keep you safe but I have failed and I am so sorry.”

“Please wake up baby, don't you dare leave me here alone okay? I can't be in this fucking world without you. I swear to you, I'll never leave you alone again, but now you just have to open your beautiful eyes alright? Can you do it for me? Show me those beautiful eyes that made me madly fall in love with you?”.

Jay stood there at your bedside indefinitely, watching you sleep and hoping that sooner or later you would finally open your eyes. Will spent nearly every twenty minutes visiting you and it was in vain for him to try to get Jay to go and rest.

It was when he felt your fingers move slightly, after almost twelve years, that he feared he was truly hallucinating.

“Oh my god, oh my god,” he literally jumped up from his chair, holding your hands as he looked at you “Baby, can you hear me? Please answer me, give me a sign. Please, please, please.”

He felt your fingers move slowly again and at that point he made sure it really happened, it wasn't a joke his mind was playing on him.

It took you some time to understand what was happening, where you were.

Your head was pounding terribly as if you were being hammered, your vision was blurred and you had to blink several times to focus.

The first thing you saw were the artificial lights coming from the ceiling, which at the time were terribly annoying.

“Where am I?” you grumbled with difficulty, feeling weak and completely without strength.

“You're in the hospital, love,” replied a voice you recognized immediately. It was Jay, your Jay. “No, no, stay still, don't get up.”

Your eyes met Jay's and the joy he felt at seeing you awake was something that was minimally comparable.

“You finally woke up,” he said, almost in a whisper, as if he hardly believed it. He stroked your hair, leaving a kiss on your forehead.

Suddenly images of what had happened flooded your mind, the exact scene in which you were shot seemed to repeat itself in a loop in your head.

“Has... Has any other person been hurt?" you asked.

Jay nodded his head, sadly. “But they’re all fine. He was caught soon after, he surrendered without opposition.”

“And you? How are you?”.

He chuckled, taking your hand with his and letting a kiss on it. “You're the one on a hospital bed.”

You let out a faint laugh but it results in a painful twinge. “I guess I deserved it.”

Jay's face immediately turned serious and his heart tightened in his chest as he heard these words. “You can't really believe such thing. You don't deserve to be here baby, it's not your fault what happened, please, get it out of your pretty little head.”

“His wife is dead and I had to save her,” you whispered, your gaze fixed on the ceiling as you tried in vain to hold back the tears.

“His wife died of a complication, every surgery has it, you always tell me, and you did everything possible to save her. You don't have to pay for something you are not to blame for, please stop thinking this okay?”.

You were silent for a moment and you then returned your eyes to Jay.

“Baby... Are you crying?” you asked, alarmed. He shook his head slightly, wiping away his tears quickly and avoiding looking at you.

“No, I'm not,” he muttered but let go when you started stroking his face. He lowered his head and let himself go in a liberating cry, venting the frustration, the anger, the sadness but above all, the relief.

“Oh baby, it's okay, it's okay,” you tried to console him as best you could given your position.

“I was so fucking scared to lose you Y/N…” he whispered.

“I know, love, I know, I'm sorry.”

“You don't have to apologize, on the contrary, I’m sorry, I should be the one to console you,” he said, wiping his tears and then looking at you. Your heart skipped a beat to see his beautiful green eyes shine so bright, still shiny from crying.

“You don't have to apologize Jay, there was nothing you could’ve done to stop it and you don’t have to blame yourself for not being able to stop this from happening,” you spoke up, realizing you were crying too.

“What about we both stop to blame ourselves?”.

“We have a deal,” you faintly smiled “Do you have any idea how much I fucking love you too?”.

Jay let out a laugh, knowing you had actually heard his words as he spoke to you. He stood up again and leaned towards you before grabbing your face and pressing his lips against yours. There were no words to describe what he felt, what that contact caused within him, the relief to know he still had another chance to be with you, he still had he chance to kiss and hug you forever.

“Can you get close to me?” you asked.

“But I don’t want to hurt you.”

“You won’t hurt me, please baby, I need you now.”

“God, how can I say no to this beautiful face?” he said and you giggled, trying to ignore the pain that this entailed. Slowly and carefully, you tried to move in the bed, so you could make room for Jay and not make the stitches fit.

“Be careful baby,” Jay warned, helping you.

Jay positioned himself beside you, trying to be careful not to make any sudden movements, and he put his arm under your head. He printed so many kisses on your face and forehead, still unable to believe the luck of still having you there with him.

“I swear to god I’ll never let you leave the house again, I can’t risk someone taking you away from me.”

You giggled again. “Don’t make me laugh please, it hurts.”

“It’s not my fault you have such a funny boyfriend, it’s something you’ll have to live with.”

You hit him with that bit of strength you had, aching from the wound. “Can you stop it?”.

“Sure my love,” he kissed you on the forehead again. “Now try to rest, okay? You need to regain strength so I’ll get you home as soon as possible. I will always be here beside you, I won’t let you go.”

And with those words of comfort, you slowly slipped into a deep sleep, into the arms of the man you loved and with the hope, sooner or later, everything would be fine, everything would return back to normality.

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thefanficmonster · 3 years ago

Text

Interesting Encounters

Corpse Husband *& Reader (Female)

Warnings: Swearing, Mentions of Paranoia and Fear of Invasion of Privacy

Genre: FLUFF, Humor, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: Corpse has an interesting run-in with his regular delivery girl, having the chance to talk to her for the first time despite her having been delivering to his door for months. It’s a big step in overcoming his anxiety and paranoia when talking to strangers.

Requested by Anon. Hi darling! Thank you so much for your wonderful request! Hope you come across the final product of your request and give it a read and if so I hope you like it! Sorry for the wait, I hope it was worth it though! Love, Vy ❤

It’s a regular Monday morning, close to 10AM and Corpse’s face is practically glued to the sound editing app he’s downloaded, playing around with some cool effects to add to his voice in the background of the new song he’s been working on. He hasn’t been able to sleep a wink thanks to the immense excitement, not that he would’ve been able to regardless, but the tune and the lines have been stuck in his head all throughout the weekend and he knows they’ll be bothering him until he turns them into something other people will be able to listen and give an opinion on as well. So far he’s done plenty of work but there’s plenty more to go until it’s done. He’s at that point he usually needs feedback and wants to ask for it but would rather not to avoid either too harsh judgement or fake praise.

He slides the headset off, deciding to take a break for the sake of his sanity before he drives himself to insanity with the intensity of his focus on this new piece. His brain just so conveniently sends him a reminder that his groceries are probably waiting for him outside the door. He has, as of the last half a year or so, had someone deliver his groceries to him to avoid trips to the grocery store with both the whole pandemic situation and the growth of following which translates to growth of the risk of him getting recognized. That’s the main reason - and maybe the only one - as to why he doesn’t interact with the people who deliver to him either. He always gives his delivery person the instruction to leave whatever he’s ordered at the doorstep and if it’s not takeout to not even ring the doorbell.

That being said, the deliverer of his groceries doesn’t ring the doorbell to give him the kind reminder to be responsible, but luckily he hasn’t forgotten to collect them yet in the six months he’s been practicing this delivery technique.

Going to the front door and looking out of the peephole, he confirms there are several full plastic bags waiting to be picked up on the mat. With the person who brought them not in sight, Corpse unlocks the door and steps out to bring in the groceries for the week. Taking them to the kitchen, he unpacks the goods in the three bags. At first glance he would’ve been fooled, seeing as how it seems that all he has ordered is there. But, each Monday, he receives exactly four bags of groceries. One is missing. He rolls his eyes thinking he didn’t see it outside and left it there while he was hurriedly collecting the rest so he gets up to go grab it real quick.

While in the meantime...

Y/N looks through the remainder of bags in her minivan, making a route in her head for what roads and shortcuts she can take to deliver the last of the groceries to the respective homes they need to be taken to. Upon looking through them, however, she sees a bag labeled ‘MM’ that she uses short for ‘Mystery Man’, aka the guy who never opens the door to greet her whenever she delivers him anything. She works for several delivery services such as takeout, groceries, clothes even and has delivered to that apartment hundreds of times but has never met the resident, giving her the right to call him Mystery Man, aka ‘MM’.

“Ah, shit.“ She mumbles under her breath, realizing she failed to grab the fourth bag when on her way up to MM’s apartment.

Coming to terms with the fact that she’ll have to lose another five minutes going back up to his floor, she grabs the bag and takes off running back inside the building and up the stairs, deciding it would be quicker than taking the elevator.

Just as she arrives to the floor, heading straight for the door, it opens, freezing her in her tracks as her eyebrows shoot up. At the doorstep stands a guy with an eye patch who looks more surprised and maybe even a little terrified than her. Taking in that Mystery Man is not such a mystery anymore, she returns to her professionalism, remaining at a distance and outstretching the hand holding the bag towards him.

“Sorry, forgot to drop this one off as well, I’m a bit all over the place today.“ She says in her most professional voice.

Corpse too regains his composure and takes the handed bag from Y/N gloved hand. Before he can think twice about it he says, “Thanks, uh...”

“Y/N.“ She says, “I’ve delivered to you countless times, it’s funny you don’t know my name but it’s to be expected since I’ve never seen you. This would be a good time to tell me your name so I don’t have to call you Mystery Man anymore.“ She laughs, cutting her own laughter off barely a second later when she realizes what she’s said, “Oh, fucking shit...”

Corpse chuckles, clear amusement in the sound, “Mystery Man? Interesting, interesting. If I ever become a superhero I’ll make sure to pick that name.” He fails to even pay mind to the fact that he’s spoken a lot more than he’d usually feel comfortable with.

Y/N laughs a little awkwardly, rubbing the back of her neck, “Yeah, sorry about that. I promise to come up with a better one if you’re not willing to tell me your real one. Like....Pirate, for example?” she suggests, raising her shoulders.

He can’t help but let out a laugh, “You’d be surprised, but my name is not so far from your mark. It’s, um....” He’s not looking forward to the judgmental look or the questions he might receive in response to his statement but he succumbs to the expected disappointment, “My name’s Corpse.”

Surprisingly, she just smiles - a smile he cannot see due to the surgical mask she’s wearing but the crinkle at the corners of her eyes gives it away. “Cool! Well, I better get going then.”

Just as she turns to head for the elevator this time, seeing as she’s still out of breath from the run up the stairs, Corpse gets an idea he’d probably not be too fond of if he gave himself time to think it over. Which is exactly why he didn’t.

“Hey!“ He calls after her, gaining her attention immediately, causing her to turn around, “You got a minute? I need a little help with something...“

Y/N’s eyebrows raise a little, a moment before she shrugs her shoulders, “Meh, I’m already behind schedule, what’s an extra minute gonna do?” And just like that, they strut their way back towards his apartment.

He can’t help but chuckle, taking the opportunity to crack a joke, “This is how people often get killed. You don’t just walk into a stranger’s apartment like that.”

She scoffs as she passes the threshold, “Believe it or not, you can learn a lot about a person based on the groceries they buy. And trust me buddy, you’re not a murderer.” Earning herself a laugh and a nod with that remark, she continues, “You do appear to be an artist with all the cheap food you’re buying though.”

Corpse laughs yet again, a hint of nervousness is sensed in his laugh this time around though, “Yeah, well, I don’t know if you’re still gonna call me an artist when you hear this song I’ve been working on. Not even out of the box yet.”

Y/N stops in her tracks, “Well, well, well, aren’t I honored to be one of the lucky people hearing this before its release.”

“The first hearing it before its release.“ He corrects her with a pointed look, not missing the excitement that arose in her eyes.

“Let’s hear it then!“

Of all the friendship stories that exist, no one can say this ain’t a unique one.

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lokisprettygirl · 3 years ago

Text

Love is Selfless, It's Kind (Loki x Female Reader) (Part 33)

Summary : You and loki fix the immortality talk once and for all. The vacation gets over but loki have one more surprise left for you.

Warning : 18 + Smut ofcourse, they're on vacation folks,

Taglist : @colifower @rinacreateart @christineblood @the-wounded-healer05 @lokiprompts @geeky-politics-46 @sharklover927 @virtualstrawberrydinosaur @huntress-artemiss

"Then don't take the immortality, I am fine with it, I'll lose mine, I'll become a mortal" That's not what you were expecting to hear from him, definitely not that "What???" You asked him and he huffed "if you don't want to take that risk, if you don't trust me enough even after everything we have been through, then don't princess, don't take the immortality, I'll lose mine, I'll choose my forever with you" his eyes teared up as he spoke, he thought you didn't trust him? you just felt scared, it had nothing to do with him. You thought about what you said and you realised how he interpreted it

"Lo...that's not what I meant baby, I can't let you do that, I cant" he heard your voice so sad and broken and he scolded himself mentally again, is he going to make your cry every day on this vacation? "Okay What did you mean princess?" He walked towards you and cupped your cheeks as he kissed you "I just, I will...I feel like I'm gonna make it worse if I explain it more" you mumbled and his thumbs wiped your tears "I'm sorry princess, don't let my foolishness hurt you please, this is just hard, I didn't think it would be this hard" he mumbled and you looked at him, he took two steps backwards and then he spoke again

"You think I'll be bored of you hundreds of years later? That I would just give up on you? That I would forget about you? And find someone else?" He asked you series of questions and you nod in agreement, that's exactly what you're worried about "you didn't consider the fact that hundreds of years also means years of togetherness? The memories we have made in last two years, infact just yesterday, it makes me so damn insane about you, it makes me want to burn the whole universe down just so I can keep you safe, add thousands of years of memories of us just being with each other, loving each other to that, you really think I would let all that go..that I would allow myself to let that fade away just for few moments of excitement?" You heard him and you heard him really well, this is what you needed to hear from him, you just needed assurance.

"Lo baby I..." He cuts you off before you can say anything more "and how do you know we won't have excitement in our relationship anymore? That you'd not drive me as crazy as you do right now? That someday I wouldn't worship the ground you walk on, the woman who would bless me with our little kids someday, you think I'll allow myself to disrespect that woman ? What makes you say that princess?" He asked you and you don't have an answer for any of his question, you only thought about the one side of it all "Imm sorryy lo" he walked towards you and he kissed you lovingly, it wasn't lustful, you just felt his love, nothing else "I know I have let you go before, but never again, I promised you didn't I ? Don't even for a second think that I would let you take the herb, have you make such a huge commitment for me and then ditch you in the middle of it, you know me better than that don't you princess? And even if you don't I'll prove myself to you, I'll spend my whole life making you believe that you're mine and I'm never ever letting go again" he mumbled and you don't have any fear anymore, you don't have anymore doubts, you should have trusted him.

This is the risk you're going to have to take, a lifetime, thousands of years with loki? It seems nothing less than a dream, but it will be your reality, you'll be loved and cherished all your life. "I know baby, I trust you, I was just scared lo, I can't be without you, I love you so much" you hugged him tightly and he wrapped his arms around you, his hand caressed your head softly "I know darling, you never have to worry about that my love, I love you so much, I almost lost you forever once, I watched you die and then I let you go, worst period of my life, I'm never allowing any of that to happen again" he held you like that until you stopped sobbing, until you calmed down in his arms.

"I want it lo, I want forever with you, thousands of years, I want it all" you pulled away as you spoke and his eyes shined so brightly at that, you wanted to give him everything, you wanted him to be the happiest "Love oh love, you have made me the happiest man in all of the nine realms, I'm so blessed darling, so grateful" you smiled between your tears as you heard him "I am too" he kissed you so deeply that you almost felt suffocated but not in a bad way , once he pulled away to breathe there was such a mischievous glimmer in his eyes "enjoy 6 months of your mortality" you chuckled as you heard him. Hell yeah you want this bright light of sunshine forever.

"No more crying for the rest of this trip atleast" you agreed to that and you didn't cry, rest of the vacation went pretty quickly after that, he was extremely horny with the prospect of getting to spend thousands of years with you and you weren't any better, you two spent your whole trip just fucking each other as much as you could, of course there were few road bumps, like Joan? When you found out she invited lo to her cottage to do god knows what ..you were so pissed, pissed would be an understatement

"Lo Joan is coming" you both were on the beach, he was laying on one of those beach side chairs with you next to him, the sun was starting to tan his white pale skin, you had never seen him with colors before , he looked hotter than hell "I despise her soo much" he mumbled and you giggled, you kissed him softly and got on top of him, you needed her to understand that he was off limits, that he was untouchable. You would be shy of such pda but the beach seemed fairly empty and you didn't care much "mmm yess claim me princess" you bucked your hips over his crotch, he was shirtless with just a beach shorts on, you could feel him hardening at the action "you're already claimed pretty little kitten" he moaned, your nicknames and your praises always makes him squeal internally.

"Hii guys" you heard Joan's chirpy voice , was she really saying hi while you had your tounge down his throat? You pulled yourself away from him and looked at her, he however didn't care at all at this point, he sucked on your neck while you tried to converse with her "ummm Joan we are a little occupied?" You giggled as you felt his hand hands under your summer dress, he wasn't even looking at her, then he held your cheek and turned you to him so you could focus on him "Pay me attention, Mommy pleasse" he said loudly and that made her run towards the other side, you bith bursted into fits of laughter as she left. Yup the vacation wasn't so bad afterall.

"Oh godd lo yess that's it baby, you're soo hot Fuckkk" you mumbled as loki tongue fucked you, everything was bigger about him in his natural Jotun form, everything. He was engrossed in your taste that he wouldn't even look up, he was lapping and slurping as much he could, as much as you would feed him, once he was done torturing you with his mouth, he tortured you with his cock "princess I have a surprise for you" he smiled and you looked at him, he rubbed the huge hard tip of his cock softly against your lips "what is it baby" you saw a green shimmery light and he was smaller? He was still in his Jotun form but he looked smaller, he looked the same size as he does in his aesir form but his cock seemed a little bigger and thicker but not enough to hurt you "woow lo baby, oh god youre going to fuck me like this aren't you?" You mumbled and he thrusted himself inside you quickly, you gasped loudly and he reeled in your reaction, those intricate lines and ridges, you always wondered how he would feel inside you and God he felt so good, just having him inside you was enough to make you cum "you wanted this right princess? I told you I'd fulfill each n every wish of yours my love" he leaned down as he thrusted in and out of you , you pulled him on top of you and kissed him so deeply, he always tastes like ice in this form, you love it so damn much.

"Godd you feel so good lo, such a sweet boy, I love you" he whimpered at the praise, your fingers caressed the protrusions on his head and he moaned, you often wondered if he had a soft spot there, he would mewl everytime you touched his head in this form , the sight of his tall blue frame on you, the feeling of his perfectly ridged cock inside you made you explode but he wasn't done with you, he made you cum again and again until he reached his own high and until he felt you so limp and exhausted under him. He laid down next to you panting heavily.

Once you calmed down you kissed him so softly, and drowned him in sweet sweet affection he craved, he didn't stay in his natural form for long so you loved every second of it when he did,

Your fingers traced the lines and markings on his face and he sighed in content as you did and then he purred as you touched his head "Lo, my kitten, do you have a sweet spot here?" You asked him and he purred again as he felt your finger rubbing against the right side of his head, he had two protrusions sticking out of his head on either sides "Nooo princess" he told you and you raised your eyebrows "then why do you purr and whimper everytime I touch you here?" You asked him as he indeed purred again when you touched him.

"It's not because of that... nothing sexual..it's because I feel beautiful and loved when you do it.. I have been made to feel as if I looked disgusting like this, and I have always hated how I looked like this, so when you adore me and touch the parts of me I hated so lovingly, I can't help but feel so precious, it comes out physically I can't control it" you teared up as you heard him and kissed him so dearly, he's such a precious baby, you'd kill if he's ever made to feel bad about himself again "Oh sweet kitten, you're so precious my love and I want you to feel that way always, and you hated this beautiful tall drink of icy blue water? Not allowed" you mumbled as you caressed his head again, he giggled as he heard you "mmmm I don't anymore I promise"

On your last day of vacation, you packed everything carefully,so as to not forget anything, loki helped you and you watered the plant before he made it disappear in his vault, you would miss this cottage and you'd miss having him all to yourself, when you get back you'll have to go back to your previous life and he would have to do his duties as an avenger but you had thousands of years with him, and you couldn't have been happier. In the midst of mind blowing love making you almost forgot that you're a bridesmaid to Virginia Pepper Potts, her wedding is just three weeks from now and you felt nervous about it.

On the flight back home, you both took a nap but you woke up to him rubbing his fingers on your cunt, you love waking up like this to him touching you so sexually "mmmmm lo what if ...oh god what if they come in here n see" he smiled as he heard you "what if they do?" You moaned so loudly as you heard him and he shushed you with his mouth "damn pretty girl, they'd definitely barge in if you moan like that, such a flithy slut, want them to see who owns your cunt?" you whimpered as he pushed his middle and index fingers knuckles deep inside then he curled them inside and you're going to lose it soon "don't worry my sweet girl, I won't let them see what's mine, cum for me " he made you cum so hard and then he licked his fingers clean of all your juices, he looked so obscene, then he took you to the bathroom and fucked you there, mile high club on your second plane ride. Not bad. Once your flight landed to new york he took you straight back to the tower, you met wanda and she was so excited to know everything about the trip, you promised to spend time with her once you're well rested.

Once you got in his room, he took you straight to bed, so you could nap and rest properly this time, he also had to work on that other surprise for you, when you woke up it was 6 in the evening, loki wasn't in the room, so you called him and he picked it up instantly "helllo darling, woke up huh?" He asked softly and you groaned in response "why are you not here for much needed smooshing?" You asked him, your voice sounded so adorable like that "I'm outside princess, sorry, listen, get ready, wear that dress I got for you, it's in the closet, I'm taking you out on a date" he told you and you weren't expecting a date today, you just came from a week long vacation, but you got ready and dressed up, took you an hour, when you saw him outside the tower as he came to pick you up, he was dressed up in a suit as well.

Now your mind went straight towards him proposing but you have been wrong on the number of occasions so you didn't assume, he would probably never do it when you're expecting it like this, he drove you towards the upper West side, he insisted on you putting on a blind fold on the way and you did

"Lo what are you doing" you smiled sheepishly, he stopped the car on a stop light and he pecked your lips as he heard you, you couldn't see him but you could feel him "not what you think sweetheart" you pout as he answered but you figured it already, he won't propose when you're expecting it "did I tell you how beautiful you look?" He mumbled as he caressed your cheek "you did but I love hearing it again n again" you heard him giggling at that and he started to drive again as the light turned green, he held your one hand with his. You couldn't stop thinking about where he was taking you.

When you finally reached your destination, he carried you up bridal style and you felt him taking few steps up on a staircase "loo... Baby I'm nervous" you muttered and he kissed you softly "I am too princess, but I hope you'll love this" he put you down and then held your hand "take 4 steps okay and then I'll take your blindfold off" you did what he said and as soon as he took the blindfold off you heard an echo of several people yelling surprise in unison. You had no idea what was happening as of yet, but you loved it "ohhh god you guys" everyone was there, all the avengers, their spouses and so's , everyone close to loki and you.

"Happy housewarming" wanda squealed excitedly and you looked around, you were in a spacious apartment of some kind, wait she said housewarming? And then it clicked in your head, he got you both a house, a private residence for you both. You looked at him and he looked nervous, hoping you wouldn't reject this, he wanted to live with you permanently and your studio apartment was in a bad neighborhood, and the tower wasn't exactly his home. He wanted a home with you. Just him and you and you'd be safe here if he leaves on a mission or something.

"Oh lo" you teared up as the realisation hits you , he was so nervous but your reaction made him feel over the moon, you wanted to kiss him and smother him in love but everyone was looking at you both so you just kissed him softly "you like this?" He asked you "Are you kidding me lo? You got us a home? I love it already" you mumbled and everyone cheered as they heard you "I'm so happy princess, come I'll show you around, you folks enjoy the party, we will be right back" he told everyone and grabbed your arms as he dragged you "if you two are not back in 5 minutes I swear to god I'll barge in your bedroom and scar myself for eternity" you heard wanda and laughed, from the main entry door there was a spacious living room where the party was happening currently.

He showed you the kitchen first and it was huge, it took half of your studio apartment, you literally gasped. There were three bedrooms in the apartment and he showed you all of them one by one, saving the bedroom you two would share for the last, it was the master bedroom and it was bigger than his room in the tower, he picked you up and laid you down on the bed "can't wait to take you here tonight" he mumbled as he kissed you softly, you are overwhelmed, you are happy very happy but you can't help but wonder how much he spent on this house "lo baby, I love this house, our first Proper home " you teared up again and he kissed you, he don't want you to cry even if it's because you're happy.

"I'm so glad you do princess, i got this a month ago but I was waiting for things to get better" he told you and you caressed his hair "can I ask you something, you won't mind promise me?" You said softly and he just knew what you were going to say "I know what you're thinking of, but umm how do I say this in the most midgardian manner..." he thought for a second and then spoke again "oh yeah, I am loaded, I am an avenger and I am a prince" you giggled as you heard him "don't worry about it okay? You're mine and I'm going to provide for you like you do for me" he kissed your forehead and you didn't argue any further. As promised wanda did barge in your room and dragged you with her.

You both joined the party and you had alot of fun, you looked around and you couldn't believe this was going to be your home, you also realised how fucking rich he is, holy moly guacamoley right, a three bedroom apartment in Manhattan? That must have cost a fortune, you snapped out of your thoughts as you heard pepper's voice "Y/n, bridesmaids meeting tomorrow at 5 in the tower, be on the 12th floor, sharp at 5, in the lounge, did I tell you it's at 5 ?" She asked and you nod in yes frantically, wanda , jane and nat looked at you sympathetically, they were in the same boat as you. Once everyone left you sat down on the couch with him, he pulled you in closer to him, you laid your head down on his chest, his mouth peppering soft kisses on your cheeks and neck and then cheeks again "Thank you for everything lo, the vacation, this house, the immortality" you smiled at him, sometimes your life feels like a dream and you feel as if you'd wake up someday and all of it will disappear.

"You want to thank me?" He smirked and you yelped as he pushed you down on the couch quickly, then he helped you ruin the new couch. Life was perfect in that moment, nothing could have hurt you in that moment.

"I tried talking to her she wouldn't forgive me or call me or pick up my calls, what else I'm supposed to do, beg that little bitch on her feet?" Your mom spoke on the phone, she heard a woman's voice from the other side.

"Do whatever you have to do, get yourself involved in her life understand? Gain her trust, She's not suited for loki, she's not good enough to be his princess and I want her gone from his life, you just have to make her disappear, nothing will harm you if you manage to do it successfully, that I shall promise and you'd be rewarded greatly"

#loki #loki x reader #loki x female reader #loki x reader fluff #loki x reader angst #loki x reader smut #loki x reader insert #loki x reader fic #loki x you #avengers #wanda maximoff #pepper potts

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