#is this? disordered eating? help?

[glass-trash-bab]

Am I? Dying of starvation?

[gh0stgirlv]

Am I the only one who can’t accept compliments? Like, you’re mocking me? You don’t see that I’m fat? Nothing in my body can be pretty if I’m fat.

[catgirl-kaiju]

me: hmh getting hungry

adhd: u can't eat rn you're already doing something

autism: there is nothing in the house that u like

anorexia: like u even need any calories

trauma: u've barely done anything today. you don't deserve to eat

little anime girl: burg her

me: burg her...

me:

little anime girl:

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about Wade's Adhd and rejection sensitivity. Getting upset about inconveniences he can't control even when not mentally small, just becoming irationally overly upset over things that don't really affect much.

How he's been talking about a certain sandwitch all day long. Since noon, throughout the entire mission, and now he's yapping about it again on the 6 block walk to said sandwitch joint ran by a small immigrant family.

He keeps talking about how great it is. Logan didn't have this place in his timeline, so Wade is ampled excited to show him. Logan jokes with him how he sounds more excited to eat this sub then he is to suck dick.

Wade, with the most serious face, goes, "I can get dick anytime. They're only open 4 days a week and only from 1 to 5."

Logan notes this in the back of his mind for the future.

Just as they get there, Wade is telling Logan that they used to be open 10-5 but their daughter went to college, so now they are on their own. How these people have been so kind to him and told him that they started this shop for their daughter specifically. To give her a good life, they've been working hard to send her to college since day one.

As they roll up to the door, Wade's face drops. All of the glee and joy from his body evaporates and immediately he's just staring at the sign.

"Sorry, we're closed. Come back -" and then a small plastic clock that shown when they opened again tomorrow at 1 pm.

They're too late.

"Oh... well, that sucks." Logan mutters, hands in his pockets as he watches Wade look so utterly disappointed that even he begins to feel bad for him.

He puts a hand on his shoulder. "We can always come again tomorrow."

"B-but I...i wanted.." He starts to tear up, quickly moving to wipe his eyes, sniffling and shaking his head. "It's fine... okay.. tomarrow." He whispers, not only feeling pathetic for being so upset over a sandwitch store being closed, but now they had to walk all the way back home.

"...are you okay?"

"Yeah.. it's fine.." But it's clearly not fine. He fully understands that they were late, and thats why they were closed. He's not angry at them. He's not angry at logan either. Not even himself, really. He must have miscalculated the time. A pure mistake.

But on the way home, it's very obvious that this is a big deal. He's quiet. Staring at the ground as he walks, biting his nails, wiping a tear once inawhile.

It makes Logan frown, uncomfortable with the silence, knowing his mind was no where near silent at the moment. He knew it was turmoil in there, a loud and pouting mess.

"....do you want to get something else?"

"...no..." He whispers.

Logan observes his body language, watching how his eyes kept flickering and filling with a tear every now and again. How distant he becomes and almost... hugs himself... at one point. He knows that this is a much different response from when small him throws a tantrum or sulks. He looks as if he genuienly didn't want to be upset but just... is. As if he couldn't stop his overwhelming emotions from flooding his mind.

He takes his hand. "...is it because you wanted to show me?"

"No.. I mean.. kinda? But I just... I really wanted it."

"We can get it tomarrow?"

"I know. I can't... its hard to explain."

Logan gives his hand a squeeze, talking quietly.

"... is it a safe food?"

Wade nods, wiping another tear on his sleeve. It was one of the few things he could eat without puking. But that still wasn't why he was upset.

"Do you want me to make you a sub?"

He shakes his head. "It won't be the same."

"Im sure I can make it the sa-"

"No.. I mean... yes?? Im sorry, Peanut. It's... It's an experience thing.. I've had it in my head all day to go and get a sub from them. And now I can't check it off until tomorrow."

Oooh.. that makes sense. He had a checklist in his head. Something he needed to finish before he could go to bed. And now that this wasn't finished? He would have a hard time moving forward.

When they arrive home, Wade goes to hide in the corner of their bedroom, quiet and trying to think of something else he could do to distract his mean brain from yelling at him.

'What are you doing? You were supposed to go to the shop! Stop being lazy and just go! Come on! We've been waiting all day for this! ... Logan said he would eat a sub with us...But we were so good today...' They said.

"I know.." he muttered, putting on his headphones, hoping to drown them out.

It doesn't work. Now hes just laying in bed, rotting and staring at the ceiling while tears travel down the sides of his face. He's breathing a bit shakily.

'Why are we crying? Its just a sandwitch. It has nothing to do with the sandwich dipshit!! Are we bad..? Did we misbehave? Is that why Logan dosn't want to eat with us? Hey! Hello?? Were kind of starving here. Haven't even had anything today since breakfast. Im not hungry anymore. You're really pathetic you know that? Almost 50 years old crying over a fucking sandwitch.'

They were so loud that even with the volume up so high, he didn't hear Logan come in.

"Wade?" He waves a hand in front of him, watching as he jumps, looking up with such puffy red eyes.

"W-what?"

He puts down a plate. It's a sub.

Looking at it, he glances between him and the food multiple times, watching as Logan takes it, taking a bite and sitting next to him.

He doesn't say a word.

Now, Wade is crying for a different reason, his eyes softening as he smiles, gently leaning into him. "... Can I have a bite?"

"Of my dick or my sub?" He asks, glancing to him with a teasing look painted on his raised brow.

Wade giggles, nuzzling into his shoulder as he takes a big breath, sighing. Glancing at the door, he mutters. "Do you see this shit? And you all call me the nasty one."

Logan only smirks, a bit too proudly. "Says the guy who once-"

"Woah woah woah peanut! That's enough. This episode is rated pg. Sorry about that. God, such a potty mouth." He snickers, sitting up as Logan lets him take a bite from the end of the sub, Lady and the Tramp style.

[retiredteabag]

Can I please request smau/fic about jjk men noticing reader hasn't been eating. I know not a lot like to wrote about ED as it can be triggering for others. But for someone who suffers from ED as well, I find this very comforting, for people to be aware of what we go through internally, looking good vs starving to death, lack of confidence and self-esteem, always an option, plan B or second best, losing control in everything else so you cpnyrol the one thing you can, which is your eating. Sorry, got a bit carried away there but I would totally understand if youre not comfy with this topic. Thanks in advance!

I realize now that I probably ought to make a “rules” tab in my dashboard but this anon was very respectful so I’ll say this here.

I will be making a smau about the characters noticing you not taking care of yourself, however:

it is important to not romanticize the idea of people taking part in noticable mental illness. It is imperative that people learn self love, not because others love us, but because we are created special and unique. You will not feel the need to seek love, affection, and attention from others once you are able to fully love and appreciate yourself.

Sometimes it’s easy to fall into the idea that we are “comforting” ourselves by seeking out media that aligns with our internal struggles when, in reality, what is best for us, is to work on our own mentality.

Self triggering, or rather, the action of avoiding contrast effects, is not good for you, nor is it a form of healing. I highly recommend researching this topic in Benjamin W. Bellet, Payton J. Jones, and Richard J. McNallys study, “Self-Triggering? An Exploration of Individuals Who Seek Reminders of Trauma” from Harvard University’s Department of Phycology, a doctoral dissertation.

If we make the active effort to not seek out toxic/competitive/dark media, we can make huge strides in helping ourselves. I say this as someone who has struggled with disordered eating in the past, has lost a loved one due to an ED, and at one point thought they were impossible to overcome.

Learn to take care of yourself as though you were taking care of someone else. I can confidently say now, it is completely possible to prevail through these circumstances: only, we must first actually desire this end.

Having said all of this. The day after tomorrow the smau will come out as “you’re not taking care of yourself”.

[ed-recoverry]

Shoutout to people who relapse quick.

Shoutout to people who try to recover, but it doesn’t ever last long.

Shoutout to the people who want to get better, but they’re struggling to start.

I see so many people comforting those far into recovery who’ve relapsed, saying that it is a normal part of recovery and they will be okay. Which is completely true! But I rarely see that same energy for people who haven’t been clean for long or who relapse often.

It’s hard to get your footing in recovery. Wanting to get better and taking steps to get better are two very different things; one much harder than the other.

Even a quickly failed attempt at recovery is something worth celebrating.

Trying to recover, knowing you probably won’t stay clean for long, and still deciding to try again is something impressive.

The only consistent trait in recovery from anything is relapsing at least once. If you don’t relapse, then you haven’t done the work to heal the cause of your destructive behavior. Relapse is integral to healing.

While it is ideal that these relapses are few and far between, that is something that is just unattainable for some.

I often see comments on tiktok that talk about how annoying it is when someone says “one second clean” or something along those lines, but I couldn’t disagree more. I am such a strong believer that every single second you aren’t acting on self destructive impulses is an accomplishment.

Especially if you’re actively resisting that behavior.

Relapse is normal in recovery. That includes relapses that happen after months of being clean, and relapses that happen within hours of being clean. While you should always strive to go longer and longer without relapsing, any amount of time spent not relapsing is something to be proud of.

Intent matters. Wanting to get better matters, even if you aren’t making much progress, is something to celebrate. Strive to be better, but don’t forget the little victories along the way.

[depresso-espresso-5150]

Sometimes it scares me how much I think about going out for a walk, and never coming home. How willing I am to leave everything I have, and everyone I know.

s.m

[beef-cutz]

does anyone know any ED books with male protagonists? I know it might be a niche category considered the typical "ED story" protagonist is a suburban teenage girl, but it is a NEED .

[userjoel]

- You sound like my brother. - ...Your brother who you hate?

BEEF | 1.01 x 1.04 x 1.07

[iamtoast2]

Your stomach is not growling because you are hungry

It is applauding you.

[dorianbrightmusic]

PSA

-OCD is not a synonym for neat or preoccupied with tidiness. Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder is all about distressing intrusive thoughts and rituals (compulsions) used to combat those thoughts.

-Intrusive thoughts are not synonymous with silly things I want to do. They're deeply upsetting, often taboo mental apparitions. Letting them win is the last thing anyone wants, and nobody is immoral for having them. (See 'impulsive thoughts' if you need a term.)

-Anorexic is not a synonym for thin or emaciated. The majority of anorexic people have OSFED atypical anorexia – that is, their BMI is above 18.5. You cannot judge the severity of someone's illness by their appearance. (If you're worried about someone, look out more for rapid weight loss than thinness, even when it's occurring in someone in a larger body. 10kg in 10 weeks is never a good thing.)

-Eating disorders are not synonymous with just anorexia and bulimia. Anorexia is an ED, but it's nowhere near the most common. Bulimia is an ED, but again, not the most common. Together, they do not constitute the most common. The most common ED is binge-eating disorder, and the second most common is atypical anorexia, which is one of many, many OSFED categories. Those living with ARFID, pica, night-eating syndrome, rumination disorder, subthreshold BN, subthreshold BED, and orthorexia all deserve dignity, compassion, and acknowledgement. Remember: EDs are not necessarily thin, and never glamorous.

-Schizophrenic is not a synonym of all over the place, abnormal, unpredictable, dangerous, or crazy. Nor is schizoid or schizotypal. Folks with schizophrenia spectrum disorders live with hallucinations, delusions, disorganised thoughts/behaviour, and/or catatonia. They are far more likely to be victims of violence than perpetrators, and go to huge lengths to act okay even when distressed by symptoms.

-Schizophrenic is also not a synonym of multiple personalities/volatile. For the disorder involving having different facets of personality that are generally unaware of each other, see Dissociative Identity Disorder, and even then, don't assume it's a) dramatic as it is in the movies; b) evil; or c) trivial. DID is a trauma disorder.

-Delusional is not a synonym of wrong. Nor is it the same as this politician/friend is saying something I do not like/that is potentially dangerous. Delusions are false, fixed beliefs held despite evidence. And generally, folks with delusions don't tend to proselytise them. I know that certain politicians have beliefs that seem to persist in the face of evidence, but nevertheless, we don't need to stigmatise mental illness further to call out poor political/social behaviour. If you need a word for the pundit spewing potentially dangerous content, use 'dangerous' or 'wrong', but don't call them delusional.

-Bipolar is not a synonym of all over the place or fluctuating results. Bipolar disorder involves mood states that, even in the rapid cycling form, tend to last at least 3-4 days (mania) and weeks (depression). If you need a word for the weather, use 'British' instead.

-Psychotic is not a synonym of evil. Psychosis is losing touch with reality, whether it be through hallucinations or delusions. It doesn't make a person bad or violent. It's just a neurological phenomenon that may be distressing. It's also relatively common: 6-15% of people will hallucinate in their lifetime.

-ADHD is not a synonym of just quirky/scattered/forgetful/unfocussed/lazy/careless. ADHD is fundamentally a disorder of being able to choose where to direct attention, rather than of just I can't focus. If someone can't tune out the noise of the crowd, but can't prevent themself focussing on something trivial because their brain is wired that way, it's not laziness or just being quirky/scattered.

-Autistic meltdown is not a synonym of temper tantrum.

-Borderline is not a synonym of harridan.

-Narcissist is not a synonym of abuser.

-Mentally ill is not a synonym of volatile or bad person. This doesn't mean we have to make something artificially positive out of mental disorders. If there is good to be found in certain disorders, great; if there is nothing positive about living with certain others, that doesn't make you any less real or resilient than anyone else. It's okay to have complex feelings about your own disorders. It's okay to feel exhausted or frustrated by a disorder. But never should anyone have to face stigma.

[babybug06]

I just weighed myself and I was right. I've gained nearly 20 lbs from my lw. I'm too ashamed to even post it. In 2 months I undid all my hard work. Wtf even happened to me? I got a bf and literally just let myself go. I'm so fucking disgusted and disappointed with myself. I knew I had put some weight on because I couldn't feel my hip bones as much, I've noticed my arms are bigger, my stomach poked out more but Jesus to put on this much is insane. Where do I even go from here?

I'm a fat disgusting ugly pig. I don't feel pretty anymore. I'm just gross.

[gh0stgirlv]

When I was 6 I used to fantasised about cutting my fat with scissors, why is everyone so surprised now?

[traumaticenby]

[hakeem0n]

Who am I lying I am not okay I just want to cry uncontrollably in someone’s arms, I feel so confused and scared I can’t understand what’s going on, I feel stuck I can’t keep doing this anymore

I can’t like anything about myself and I feel so fucking fat and disgusting with myself and my body, I feel like I deserve nothing from anyone but I am craving affection so bad, I feel so alone I want to cry, I wish I could just be loveable and desirable in some way.

[stellocchia]

I think Killer should sometimes just drop incredibly concerning pieces of information in casual conversation. And not as a manipulation tactic or as a way to lower an enemy's guard or whatever, just because he genuinely doesn't realize that what he says is concerning to people who haven't spent years getting conditioned and abused.

The first time Color says "You look like you could use a hug right now" Killer's answer is "What's a hug and how do I use it?".

After he and Delta grow closer, Killer starts offering for Delta to hurt him every time he sees that Delta is frustrated about something because "That's how people calm down". He also sometimes offers to hurt people when they're having a mental breakdown because "that's a great distraction".

When he saw Color eyeing his soul curiously for the first time he just shut his eyes and started trembling, and when Color asked if he was okay he just answered he'd be as soon as it was over. (Color did not touch his soul, for the record. He just turned that into a lesson on establishing boundaries).

Killer's incredibly nonchalant about others wanting to hurt them or them hurting themselves out of curiosity or a need for a distraction from stronger emotions. Stage 2 especially. And that in and of itself is worrying, but at some point they confess that they don't even know if they actually like it or if they simply have no other choice.

When Epic talks about his horrible nightmares, Killer tries proposing just not sleeping at first. Then everyone starts hounding him on when's the last time he slept and he just shuts down and dismissively says it's not that long since he last collapsed from exhaustion and to get off his case. Unsurprisingly, this worries them more.

He also makes casual remarks about how he doesn't eat, though Color gets on his case for that one quick