#incorrect homer quotes

[kebriones]

"Odysseus was a big fan of Γιαννης Παριος"

-Homer's The Odyssey

[silvereyedowl]

(source: "The Pandorica Opens")

Patroclus: We have to distract him. Draw his fire. Achilles: How? Patroclus: You know how I sometimes have these really brilliant ideas? Achilles: ….Yeah? Patroclus: Well this isn’t one of those times Patroclus: *Jumps into the line of fire and waves his arms around* Patroclus: Hey! Look at me! I’m a target! Hector: *Get out his spear*

[clairepatroclus]

[ellilyre]

I feel like Diomedes sucks with children.

Telemachus would tell him "uuhh you stink" while making an over disgusted face and Diomedes would look at him dead in the eyes and reply "i fucked your dad"

[mytho-maniac-108]

Greek army: *breathes*

Nestor: Back in my day-

[h0bg0blin-meat]

Achilles: See I'm straight but if there was a man I would marry it'd be Patroclus.

Briseis: How do you feel about that, Pat?

Patroclus:

Patroclus: It's not helping with the rumors.

Briseis: I think the kiss you guys shared in my tent isn't helping with the rumors.

Achilles: Yeah I just hate that he didn't give me enough tongue.

[justmiraculousconspiracies]

Patroclus *exists*

Achilles :

[shyjusticewarrior]

Jason: And this is for shooting down police helicopters.

Duke: Oh I don't need anything like that.

Duke: ... Yet.

[pelideswhore]

If the apple of discord was thrown down at the wedding feast of Peleus and Thetis, how did Achilles, their son, fight in the Trojan war? The timeline does not make sense to me unless you just chalk that up to the timing of the Eternal, Deathless Gods but mortals are involved. Like Paris is presumably asked right after the wedding to judge who gets the apple then he picks Aphrodite who has promised him the most beautiful woman. Does she like wait to find out who that is and that causes the delay? The story seems to go that she promises Helen, they kidnap Helen and then the war begins so like that’s a year tops in my mind but how would that give Achilles time to become the teenager he is in the war? Please help. If there is a definitive answer excellent but I also just want theories.

i really love love love this question, cus i’ve thought about it a lot, especially because i consider Paris and Achilles to be around the same age, which, as you said, would make no sense.

sadly, i don’t have a definitive answer, but i do have a theory. it’s quite long though so buckle up.

As you probably know, Aphrodite, Hera and Athena asked Zeus to solve the issue before resorting to Paris. Zeus couldn’t answer and by the timeline of the Gods, many mortal years had passed so Paris would have been born, sent away from the palace and had enough time to grow up at this point. Ares suggests him, the goddesses ask and Paris gets bribed. But he doesn’t take Helen straight away, because he’s still a goatherd at this point.

Before I finish with that, let’s get back to Achilles. One would probably assume that within the first year of Thetis’ and Peleus’ marriage, he was already born, but that’s actually not true. The couple had six sons before Achilles, but they all passed away somehow (which, i like to think, is the reason Thetis is so protective). That means, even if they all died on Day 1 of their life and Thetis conceived the very same day: 9 months x 6 = 54 months aka. 4,5 years. That’s at least 4 and a half years before Achilles was born, but I think I can safely assume it took a little longer. Let’s say 6 years (which btw is still unrealistic and would probably be horrible for Thetis’ health but I digress).

So now, Achilles is born, stuff happens: Achilles meets Phoenix and Patroclus, he gets sent to Chiron, and eventually Scyros etc. Let’s say he’s 17 when that happens. Still a teen, but old enough to get Deidamia pregnant. Realistically, Thetis would only send him away when the threat of the war is imminent, so Helen’s kidnapping happens when Achilles is 17. I tend to say Helen was around 24, Paris was maybe 21. I believe however that the Judgement of Paris happened a couple years before.

Because, consider, Paris picks Aphrodite as a goatherd, but he kidnaps Helen as a prince. So somewhere in between, Cassandra must've found him and brought him back. He then had to get used to royal life, but, more importantly, all the ships had to be ready to go to Sparta. It could've happened in a couple of days, but a couple of years isn't unrealistic either, and it fits the timeline better.

It's a bit all over the place, so here's summary:

0 years: Peleus' and Thetis' wedding, Golden Apple incident (Paris/Achilles not born)

2 years: Paris is born and abandoned.

6 years: Achilles is born.

19 years: The Judgement of Paris happens, Paris is still a goatherd.

23 years: Paris kidnaps Helen, start of the war, Achilles is aged 17

The only time ‘divine timing’ really plays a role is between the wedding the Judgement of Paris. In divine timing 19 years is nothing, just enough time for Zeus and Ares to get involved. Paris would’ve probably already held one or two bullfights at the age of 17 when he is chosen to judge between the goddesses and from then on everything runs pretty smoothly, bearing in mind the 4 years between Aphrodite promising Helen to him and Paris actually kidnapping Helen.

sorry it took so long to post this, had to get my thoughts in check then type it up :D

[katerinaaqu]

Athena: Food for thought...

Tydeus: *munching Melanippus's brain* Hm...Ok

Athena: ...

Athena: NO!

*a few years later*

Odysseus: Food for thought!

Athena: *suspicious side look*

[patrochillesvibes]

Achilles: Am I in trouble? Patroclus: Take a guess. Achilles: No? Patroclus: Take another guess.

[bibliophilliqueee]

I hope to be talked about the way Patroclus talks of Achilles.

[patrokronk]

Agamemnon: are you disobeying your king?

Achilles: you bet your hairy butt I am

[im-just-a-br0adway-baby]

(The hotel crew goes about their day as Niffty scrubs Fat Nuggets' tracks from the floor. Vaggie looks up while sitting on the couch.)

Vaggie: Okay, how did the pig tracks get on the ceiling?

(Angel Dust is seen on the ceiling making Fat Nuggets pretend to walk on it)

Angel: 🎶Spider pig, spider pig🎶

🎶Does whatever a spider pig does🎶

🎶Can he swing from a web?🎶

🎶No he can't, cos' he's a pig🎶

🎶Look out! He is a spider pig!🎶

[ellilyre]

Diomedes : Did you check my report on the last spy mission?

Odysseus : Yup I looked over it, nice work.

Dio : Thank, dad... Why is everyone staring at me ?

Sthenelus : You just called Odysseus dad; you said thanks, dad.

Dio : What ? No I didn't. I said thank, man.

Ody : Do you see me as a father figure, Diomedes ?

Dio : No. At best I see you as a bother figure because you are always bothering me.

Agammenon : hey ! Show your father some respect !

Dio : i didn't call him dad !

Ody : No, no. Diomedes, I take it as a compliment.

Achilles : It's not a big deal. I also call Pat dad sometimes and he's my boyfriend.

Dio : Guys, jump on that. Achilles has psycho-sexual issues !

Ajax: Old news. But you calling Odysseus daddy.

Dio: Hey, daddy is not on the table here-

(og scene)

[mytho-maniac-108]

Diomedes: *resting for one (1) second*

Athena: See the Trojan spears? This is where you would get shanked.

Athena: I just backed you up and told you to fight and you came back? At your age your father won an inter-state athletic competition with my help!

Athena: I wish your father was here. He was ten times the man you are! If he fought, we'd already be going home by now!

Diomedes: ...ma'am a god was about to smack me.