#in our system and so I have a lot of thoughts about it

[malformed-encephalon]

☆The Unknown

Here's a reminder i think some systems need- it's alright to be blurry. It's alright to not use pluralkit or simply plural. It's alright to not know who you are. It's alright to have other people in front with you without them or you knowing who they are. It's alright to not log new alters as soon as you discover them. It's alright to go by your collective identity because you don't know who you are. It's alright to think you're a different alter and realise that's not you. It's alright to think people have split or fused when they haven't. It's alright to make mistakes. It's alright to not know what's going on in your system 24/7. It's alright to not know your alter count. It's alright to not be able to hear headspace all the time. It's alright to have poor communication.

I think something a lot of newly discovered systems struggle with is trying to know everyone in the system, and to know who's fronting 24/7. Especially ones who enter system communities as a newly discovered system. They seem to feel a lot of pressure into knowing everything about their system 24/7, and seem to always try to force themselves to always know who's fronting, to always know every little detail, to know all their alters. But you don't have to do that. I remember that when we were a newly discovered system, we HATED being blurry and always tried to label ourselves the moment we entered front. We always had to know our alter count, and we wanted to have good communication immediately because we thought that's what you were supposed to do.

But here's the thing: there are no rules. Systems are all completely different. Someone might have better communication with their system than you- that's fine. Someone might not know their alter count when you do- that's fine. Someone might always be blurry. Someone might never get blurry. All of these things are completely valid.

It's alright to not know every single thing about your system, and i think that's something more people need to realise, so please reblog this if you can to spread the message to some systems in need.

[syscourse-shmiscourse]

We don't typically self-identify on this blog but because it's relevant, I will say that I am Kay and will be talking about my co-hosting relationship with Em and the way we intentionally utilize amnesia barriers. This will be long, so I'll put it under the cut.

There seems to be some misconception that amnesia barriers are inherently bad. I've seen a particular user refer to it repeatedly as "self-harm". But we know, factually, that dissociation is not bad just because it's dissociation. There are plenty of positive or neutral examples of dissociation when used intentionally, such as daydreaming or losing yourself in a book.

Dissociation is a neutral experience. It's how you feel about that experience and how it causes disruptions, if any, that makes it positive or negative. Lots of dissociation does cause distress. Daydreaming can become maladaptive, for example. Highway hypnosis can cause an accident. Then obviously you have all the dissociative disorders. But one end of the spectrum doesn't define dissociation as a whole.

Em and I have reached functional multiplicity between the two of us specifically. It's one of the reasons we are both hosts of the system. And while we both feel the negative dissociative effects of our DID and DPDR on an individual basis, it's very rare that it's a negative thing between us anymore. Why? Because we do it on purpose. I know, I know. Hold the pitchforks and torches.

Why do we do this? Simply because we both have our own lives outside the inner world and, like any other normal person, we want our privacy respected. Em doesn't need to know when I take my wife to bed. I don't need to know when Em has an emotional heart-to-heart with their partner. Neither of us need to know what private thoughts we put into our personal journals. It's a form of respect and self-love that we can show each other, using the tools that used to disrupt our lives.

I won't lie: this took years. Out of everyone in the system, Em and I have known each other the longest. Way back before we knew about the system and Em just thought I was a weird but nice hallucination. I believe we're coming up on a decade of knowing each other as opposed to the simple 3-4 years of knowing about the system as a whole. It takes practice and it takes patience and respect. But it's possible and it can be healthy. Don't let anyone else tell you differently.

[viiinx]

- I mean, yes I agree. However the fact that Ferdinand is still supporting the nobility system so vehemently still shows that questioning the very system is by itself very revolutionary! Hence why I think Edelgard can't be said to have barely out her plan... I believe we cannot except fe3h characters to intuitively meet all the idea fitting our modern standards. Just questioning the system by itself is something with such lack of precedence in Fodlan that it requires deep reflexion in itself. And if you look at how Edelgard done it, we can see that she managed to have a wide systemic views including the complex relationship of the Church, nobility and crest which is seriously impressive. Especially considering a lot of other characters tend to tunnel vision on one specfic problem, often trying to fix the effect rather than the cause. For example, you have Ferdinand wainting better for the commoners while still supporting the system that led to the commoners to have so much problems in the first place.

But even going aside from a political discussion, I believe the Game vehemently shows how much thoughts was put into Edelgard plan. Firstly, Edelgard is denoted to be much more concerned than politics than nearly all of the cast with how, for example, she has in her likes "debating historical viewpoints and strategies", how she brings politics in nearly all of her supports or how she is the only character who enjoy the monarch study book gift. Secondly, the game show the results of such concerns with how she wrote a full manifesto or how her ideology is the one who's the most concretely described. If Edelgard ideas are poorly though out, then I have to say I fear for the state of every other characters ideas!

- Even with the distinction between lacking empathy and just it being one of her worst skill, I have to say that I don't understand while you still maintain Edelgard has a limited empathy? To me all her supports shows the contrary, that Edelgard is a very empathical person who works hards to overpass her flaws ( like how she get easily frustrated ) because she genuinely just care so much about other:

• Her Bernadetta support is Edelgard trying to be gentle with Bernadetta despite how frustrated she get with her, and therefore growing more patient and less prone to anger due to her empathy for her

• Her Ferdinand support is Edelgard, despite her initial annoyance towards him, honestly complimenting him and telling him how important he is to her to reassure him when he feels down. Moreover, her Hopes supports is her trying to comfort him about his father despite him being the man who caused her and her siblings torture. Even if she terrible at it, it still comes from a place of empathy.

• Her behavior with Byleth after their father death is her placing herself in Byleth shoes, someone grieving their only family, and trying accordingly to help them. Even if again, it ended up being pretty bad for most people.

• Her behavior with Petra, as much as their relationship is limited by their circumstances, is a mark of empathy. Pragmatism would dictate her to profit of her position of power over Petra in the war. However, as the screenshot in my other reblog indicates, she let her choose her side in the war even if its against her. Don't get me wrong, that's the right thing to do. But in the context of Fodlan, I would say such act is motivated by empathy. I believe that, while we can certainly heavily criticize Three Houses writing on those subject, Petra is showed to feel no resentment over Edelgard and even feel saddened fighting against her for a reason.

• The way she consider all the unamed soldiers is also definitely a huge mark of empathy. You see her adorns the grave of soldiers with flowers, in general mourn the loss of the war, makes repetitive attempt at showing mercy... Those act have no pragmatical purpose and sometime even complicates things. I cannot see another interpretation that Edelgard putting herself in the place of people she don’t and probably never know and feel for them

I'm just repeating myself, but to me it's really a matter of applying this emphaty efficiently. Overall Edelgard flaws to me are just very much more about social skills.

- The debate is getting a bit outside of the interpretation of fe3h, but to me there's a moment where you need to step over people boundaries when those are unhealthy. To give a personal example, I have struggled sometimes with unhealthy diet habit, and if it wasn't for my friend who pressed on the subject despite my clear boundary of not speaking of any weight related matter I would have been in a much worst space today... In general, as someone who's familiar with subject like self-harm, eating disorder or suicididal though, I have to strongly disagree that going over someone unhealthy boundaries is a unempathic act. To get back to Hubert, he is not a mindset where he will ever question by himself that he needs to carry out gruesome act in a solitary path. He needs friends to question this deeply unhealthy mindset where he pretty much view himself as a weapon before than a human, even if he rather have no one press on it. It’s an emphatical act for Edelgard to try to help Hubert and be a real friend he can count on. Someone who struggle with empathy would have very much just used him without any consideration, as Hubert try himself to be seen as just a tool.

Also, I think that even the question of unhealthy boundary aside, the deep involvement of Edelgard in the matter Hubert keep secret is by itself enough of a reason for Edelgard to press on the matter without it being unempathical.

- Oh, I'm sorry for misunderstanding your post! Because then yeah, I would say her making Ferdinand uncomfortable is just a case of Edelgard being bad with people. She empathize with his emotional turmoil, that's why she's coming to him, but she's definitely not equiped to deal with all that ( she's trying at least 😭 ).

Also I only brought up Ferdinand because of my mistake, I wanted to show that Edelgard actions were reasonable and not unempathical for brushing off Ferdinand. I really didn't mean to try to bring the discussions around his flaw!

- I admit I personally don't know much about the subject of empathy vs sympathy and english isn't my first langage so you probably know best ^^" I just read the Wikipedia article on the subject and empathy seems so broad. After reading it I'm even not sure that sympathy might be something distinct from empathy, in the sense that it might actually be part of it??? Since it's your post, we're going with your definitions of the term. Did I understand well that for you, empathy is placing yourself in another shoe while sympathy is caring about someone?

On another matter, I have to disagree on Edelgard shortness for people "not on their side". For example, Edelgard is shown as pretty calm towards Rhea, pretty understanding even if sad towards a SS!Byleth... I do agree with she get frustrated more easily with the persons she dislike though.

And I won't lie, to me you cannot only speak of how Edelgard can be prone to frustration over misunderstanding without speaking of her effort to overcome such misunderstanding. The trend in her support is that she can clash hard with people due to her short fuse, but due to her perseverance on trying to understand them she end up forming a really strong bond with them... What I mean is that Edelgard frustration and anger tend to be most of the time something short-lived, especially in regards to her prolonged effort to overcome it. I would probably not qualify Edelgard frustration along with the term dismissive.

But overall, I also do not believe her frustration comes solely from her not understanding why someone else isn't reacting the way she expected. When you look at her Hanneman or Manuela supports, you see that she's on the contrary curious over their belief or act that she doesn't understand. Or in the Caspar support, Edelgard is only shown as angry when Caspar directly insult her and she otherwise ask a question and starts to reflect when Caspar respond differently than expected... Actually, while I don’t doubt Edelgard get frustrated for not misunderstanding, would it be possible for you to refer to the some specific moments in the games that show what you mean? ( It don’t have to be the exact dialog, I can search it if you give me even a vague description! )

- Oh sorry for the misunderstanding ^^" But if I now understand well your argument, Edelgard is explicitly against the crest as part of a wider system and not just the phenomenon of crest by itself? Her revolution is also just has much against nobility and the Church than about crest?

( Also as a side note, I took your response as you being positive with discussing. However while I personally enjoy having a debate, I know not everyone wants that, especially when they get long. As I am the one who came into your post, please don't hesitate to tell me if you want me to stop interacting with it! I totally understand if you just want to express your own though in peace. )

I lied. Put your clothes back on. We're going to talk about how Edelgard is a product of her environment.

Edelgard's motives for change are purely based on her own experiences and what she does want for the commoners is poorly thought through and has no more depth other than "I want them to be our equals" whilst having no planned out steps to actually do anything about it.

It is Ferdinand who makes her realise that commoners require free education to even attempt to be able to attain the same level that the nobles are given on a silver platter.

But of course Edelgard wouldn't think about that, because she doesn't have to. She had grown up Princess of a kingdom with the promise of Emperor at her feet since she was around 10 years old. Even when she wasn't promised Emperor, she was promised a comfortable life. Her education would have been paid for her. Of course she doesn't understand the struggles of commoners, because she has never had to.

Edelgard has been through hell but she has not been put through inherited disadvantage so why would she ever consider what it is like to be raised a commoner????

And so of course, when Edelgard sees the church exploiting and hurting everybody she immediately blames crests and becomes so tunnel visioned on her own experiences to make her stronger, she becomes blind to the other very real and much more important issues happening around her.

Edelgard lacks basic empathy and whether it is just something about her or it comes from the intense trauma she experienced as a child, it makes it impossible for her to relate to commoners and pretty much anyone who has a different lived experience to her. To the point where she even treads all over Hubert's boundaries, and he's the person who is the closest to her at the start of the game and agrees with her and her ideals the most.

This not to say she lacks sympathy, I believe she has a lot of sympathy for people. But she cannot for the life of her put herself in other people's shoes and think about how they are feeling/would feel.

This partially causes her lack of basic respect towards Petra and her racism towards Brigid, holding their freedom over their heads in exchange for Petra risking her life for FIVE YEARS and if she doesn't. Well then. No freedom for Brigid. However, this is also caused by being raised within the Adrestian Empire, especially within the Imperial nobility.

But her lack of empathy extends to her friends. I've mentioned Hubert already but she repeatedly makes Ferdinand uncomfortable, she gets snappy with Bernadetta whenever she's panicking, she outright calls Byleth pathetic for grieving their dead father DESPITE STILL GRIEIVING HER OWN DEAD FAMILY. There are hundreds of instances where Edelgard just simply cannot understand anything from someone else's point of view.

I don't hate Edelgard. I don't think I'm capable of hating any character but I definitely do not like the way she goes about things and treats other characters. She has many many many flaws but I do believe she is a product of her environment. As well as a victim of shitty writing (but that applies to all the characters).

[system-of-a-feather]

Honestly, a thing I've kind of started to realize within both our proper involvement within trauma / mental health care spaces and within our own healing, a large issue (not bad or derogatory, but rather a "flaw" and an obstacle that gets in the way from the most effective condition) is that a lot of DID / OSDD / CDD spaces are heavily built with a large atmosphere and focus on trauma, trauma labels, terms, the nuances of what is and isn't possible, and just largely a lot of the talk and engagement is about sharing one another's trauma stories and explaining How The Trauma Happens and the details of how Trauma Has Affected / Impact / Forever Changed You and that is COMPLETELY expected and understandable

Trauma is an incredibly harmful, incredibly hurtful, incredibly impactful thing to go through and it can very very easily make you feel EXTREMELY stuck in the place you are. It's not something that can easily swallow your existence - especially if you have DID and even more so if you are specifically a part that got the misfortune of having the role of holding trauma or being explicitly stuck in flashbacks. There is nothing *wrong* with the community being like that, it's completely expected and there is nothing *bad* about it. I think it is incredibly more helpful and better than everyone being isolated, uninformed, unsupported, and having *nothing* to help them through what is often an unsafe environment or the challenges of early recovery.

That said, both of those values / beliefs / mindsets are incredibly trauma-driven focuses that - in the process of helping meet needs, a sense of community, and safety (things individuals with a trauma history have a lot of a need for), reinforce the building of one's sense of self and identity AROUND and on top of the trauma and thus also kind of reinforces the idea that someone is defined, forever stuck, and distanced from other people based on their trauma.

And I think that is a key thing thats a difference between peer survivor groups processing things together and proper professionally guided group therapy of survivors. I'm not saying that professionals and group therapy is "good", because I have had a number of really negative experiences with it myself and as a person with a trauma background myself (even if I talk like this, I'm not immune) I both distrust "officials" and instictually would very much prefer if people who have not experienced extensive trauma stayed out of my trauma spaces.

What I am kind of trying to say is that in the former, there is an issue of the blind leading the blind as everyone involved is more or less stuck in that trauma space / mindplace that makes it hard to see the avenues of healing that go BEYOND trauma and are not something that individuals who are still deep in the trauma sauce are not going to really be the most open to. In the latter, in theory, there is a heavy trauma-responsive and trauma-informed professional who is both able to understand, empathize, be attuned to, and respond positively to traumatized individuals and the frequent challenges; and that not "In the Trauma" view provides a lot of essential and helpful opportunities to challenge (positively) some of the largest generalized trauma views / values and help in developing and builiding a sense of self and a life that is not as heavily built upon the basis of "Trauma being Defining" to who you are.

And as someone who was there before, its totally fine if you have a problem with me saying that "Trauma does not have to define your entire existence and doesn't make up everything of who you are" because 1) I don't know your story and 2) You don't have to trust me, you have no reason to trust me on that; but as someone who went through a shit ton of trauma and recovery myself, I hope that its something you would at least humor that I strongly believe that and have seen it multiple times - both in human and nonhuman experiences.

I just really say that because in my experience, the most important belief and self concept to challenge that REALLY changed how I felt about myself, my disorder, and my symptoms was the development of the belief that "I went through a lot of trauma and it greatly impacted me, but trauma isn't all of who I am and with every day I live outside of it, trauma becomes a smaller and smaller portion of who I am"

I think its important to hold discussions on how healing doing things and engaging in conversation AWAY from trauma can actually greatly help develop a sense of self apart from trauma and paradoxically greatly help in recovering from it. It sounds very anti-intuitive and against what might feel right / productive in the moment, but it's honestly really just such a powerful thing in my experience.

[perilegs]

shoutout to people working their dream jobs doing something mundane

[seventh-district]

7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

[the-flowerpatch]

many thoughts, many thoughts…

[thecircularsystem]

Alright! Let’s break this down.

Don’t talk about their symptoms beyond alters

When I first started in system spaces, I didn’t recall any trauma, and had a hard time even realizing I had amnesia/dissociation. Even then, how would I discuss it? “lol forgot my test today, terrified I’m going to fail out of college” isn’t what I want to post. I don’t want to surround myself with misery when life is already such shit.

So I post the positive stuff. And when I was younger (like 19-21) it was much, much harder to be positive about trauma and dissociation. It was always easier to be positive about alters.

And now, as someone in recovery… I still largely post about my parts, because I’m now integrating with them and seeing more and more about them. Now I can feel our interactions more clearly than ever. Talking about it reminds me of how far I’ve come.

So, I really think this “red flag” is frankly bullshit. It dismisses a lot of individuals recoveries, and dismisses the fact that the majority of people online are trying to escape misery.

Minors, self-diagnosed, who have awareness of parts

Describing me nearly perfectly, back when I joined system spaces. Only difference was I was a newly minted 19 year old, so not a minor. However, I had an incredible awareness of my parts since age 15 or so, and by 19 (when I rediscovered my system and learned what DID was), I had an entire google document of likes, dislikes, appearance, age, etc, and we had an incredibly vivid innerworld. I needed that to not lose my mind.

Sure, maybe it’s unlikely. But genuinely, how often are you seeing people that fit the exact criteria you’ve listed? For instance:

I always say I have had near perfect communication with my parts. And I stand by that, because we’ve always been able to communicate damn well. But through therapy, we worked out that a part that I thought split in college had been there since early high school — and we could even now pinpoint times he fronted. So that means we didn’t know all of our parts perfectly, despite thinking we did.

Does that mean I was faking DID? Or was I just wrong about my experiences with DID?

I appreciate that you’ve brought up that every system is different — but none of the things you listed even go against the criteria. None of these things would stop an individual from being diagnosed.

Anger over being told they’re wrong

I’ve now fit two of the Criteria of Faking DID that you listed. As expected, I’ve been told I’m wrong about my experiences countless times online. I was told my experiences aren’t possible with DID. I’ve been told:

My trauma isn’t real trauma.

I can’t know my alters.

I can’t remember things between switches.

I can’t like having DID.

And a thousand other things. That if I did any of XYZ, then it would immediately invalidate my existence.

… yeah so forgive me if that pissed me off a bit and made me aggressive. Because none of these things go against the criteria for diagnosis. None of what you listed is “not how DID works.” So it’s frustrating existing as a system and being told constantly that I’m not.

As for your comment about diagnosis — I can’t chime in on that one, given that I was diagnosed essentially immediately upon receiving medical care. But I will say, if they want help, they need a medical care team that they feel listens to them. You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make them drink, especially if you yell at the horse and tell them they’re fake, you know? I don’t know why people get so upset about this.

id say a good 95% of people on tumblr who claim they have DID/OSDD do not actually have it, if u know anything about the disorder at all it is so easy to tell that a good chunk of people on this site (as well as apps like tiktok, discord, etc) are faking

[moonilit]

I like to think Bruce have a journal, not as batman just as Bruce Wayne and you can see where he wrote all the headaches he gets from his kids

[kazumasougi]

im gonna be real for a second. if fantasy can only be enjoyable to you when removed from any and all real world implications then is it even good

[nexus-nebulae]

thinking about when i had such intense phantom limbs as a kid i told my math teacher about it

[skrunksthatwunk]

i would really appreciate it if i didn't have a brain that thought torturing me was a helpful response to being scared of us. im your copilot stop fucking tazing me you dick

[ratatatastic]

panthers outdoor game at loandepot... FUN but also do you people want our traffic TO DIE. DO YOU THINK DOWNTOWN CAN HANDLE THAT TRAFFIC??? AS IF IT DOESNT IMPLODE ON ITSELF WHEN PEOPLE COME DOWN FOR HEAT AND FISH GAMES. PLEASE THINK OF THE RESIDENTS WHO LIVE THERE

[caffeinatedopossum]

Watching neon genesis evangelion and it's extremely relatable, to the point that I'm pretty sure I have quoted it exactly before without ever having seen it

[sanct1f1ed]

weird trains of thought at 5/6 am

[pepprs]

also like to clarify.. we were not expecting her to leave. and any time she would have left would’ve been bad timing but it’s like.. this was HER program and we didn’t have enough time to really get to know it as well as she did (and still does probably). and there are so many flaws in it that we didn’t have time to address and our attention was spread so thin bc we were / still are juggling a million things and trying to compensate for the vacancy in our already extremely and egregiously small staff. so i get that the leaders may be feeling unsupported and resentful of that and that is very valid. but it’s like.. if that is in fact the case i think it’s important to know that this is not ideal for us either. we lost the person who knew this program inside and out and we still haven’t recovered and even though her position has been filled now (by my new colleague bestie who is AMAZING and has been helpful and supportive and has gone above and beyond in every way and i adore them don’t get me wrong) we may never fully recover from it or at least we won’t for a very long time. and im not even just talking about like the impact on our work. i mean on us as people who were closely psychically bound together. which sounds freakish and weird but we were. that wound is going to take a long time to fully scar and when the scar forms it will always be there. so excuse us for not putting on a perfect asb less than a year after she left us we are kind of seeing the consequences of all of the horrors right now lol.