#but also i wish i didnt have work so i could wake up to play monhun

[perilegs]

shoutout to people working their dream jobs doing something mundane

[holdhoiyghost]

finished writing @ 6:33 am 12/22/23

fixed typos @ 6:42 am

dream begins on a sort of tv show, where this guy was helping out a less fortunate family get more civilized and used to 'normal life' since they liked like super separate from the outside world. i remember him trying to keep some gated animals in their gates but they kept getting out. or trying to do everything around the house w no help. and then him trying to leave but the mom comes out n shes like super pregnant. he was strugglin so so hard, and so for some reason mark n i took over.

so there i was with markiplier, for some reason going to help with this thing for views ig since it was broadcasted for tv. we were loading stuff in the house at first and it was sorta weird? like there were boxes i could move (blue cube thingys) and i could sorta platformer on them but there were also just. stairs.

so we meet the family. all are pretty normal. ish. i guess. for a family that doesnt rly no normal things yknow? and so we get to work teaching them for tv.

and shit gets like weird here right? idk how long we were there for or anything but i remember that we got the kids some fancier clothes n they looked so cool. there was a red dress w a bow n that was nice. idk what the son wore but the daughters had the same thing.

then for some reason between me n mark doin stuff to help theres a scene of mf peter griffin chillin out with a separate kid on the couch watchin him play games? and the kid is sad and peter asks whats up and the kid says that he'd rather also talk about it with his mom around so he goes to get her. i remember sort of a voice in peters head talking cause pg was sort of upset by this and it was like "yeah this is a good time to cry" and so the kid n mom got back and ended up comforting pg and they gave each other a Look over his back? i think it was either same family different time or just . there. idk.

nyways back to me n mark. there we were helpin the family when wow! matpat shows up! he drove there to help mark n i and so we show him some cool stuff and he doesnt like any of it. not even the cool water table that you can drink river water from. (table had water runnin down the middle of it from idk where to idk where, and was rly grainy with sand). he didnt like it cuz microbes or smth.

mark left me n him alone togo talk to the family abt somethin so matpat n i were jut Chillin ™ . i remember that . the water on the table turned red n i had said smth about 'that time of the month' to mat, tho idk why the table would have been? connected to bathrooms for that? though i guess with that happening it kinda set off some this is Bad alarms for us since it happened twice. and so we kinda started making our way to the door to gtfo

and when we saw mark sort of across the room? or when we were already out the door? holding his stomach and very much bleeding we kind of . booked it to the van n left him there since freaky family was m behind him and lookin like they absolutely did smth to him (and were gonna to us). i hop in the passenger seat n close the door behind the passenger from the inside since i think i opened it in my rush to get in? mat jumps in the drivers n we were gonna try to get mark in but . the mom was like Right Behind him and the kids were tryin to get in so we like left left him. i feel bad about it after wakin up n i felt bad inside the dream/nightmare too.

nyway mat n i leave. the window acts a little weird n one if the kids ;def more of a monster by this point) almost gets in the car but i stop them n roll up the window again (a little difficult but yeah). i tell mat to ignore the stop sign at the turn (no need for a stopsign there anyway...it was 1 road no intersection). he does n we go down the mountain n end up platformin the van across a pond o water??? somehow??

we get to the other side and there is. a whole bunch of platforming to be done. and its in like sort of a semicircle but not Realy a semicircle ykwim? like it kinda curved but not . n there's a body sitting up in the middle of it in a weird suit of armor? (thats what it looked like but. i dont think it was?? unsure)

(btw when we were leaving the family they said it didnt matter if we got away cause they understood human customs now? so theyd see us again soon)

on the news which we were listening to for some reason they were talking about how mat n i ditched the project and that mark finished it out on his own, but also how mark's style was like... weird now. he wasn't himself anymore. abt him wearing a weird outfit or a new vid showing multiple people all in the same outfit.

the weird outfit described was somehow the one in the semicircleish platformin space and mat n i knew we were fucked fucked tbh. so we managed to platform the van to the top somehow to try and leave, but of the 2 exits we tried there were shadowy shapes with glowin white eyes on the other side, so we just. went to the middle platform by activating jets? or flying? on the van and just. sitting there.

i didnt wake up @ this point (something something ian hecox revisiting old videos? fnaf gameplay i think? but like knockoff fnaf. starting screen had bright blue? or yellow? unsure). when i did wake up i was kinda. urgh. didnt rly know what ti do other than write it all down. definitely one of my clearer dreams ive had recently (tho the scary ones usually are tbh). i cant rly express just how fucked up the whole situation was, n i wonder how long that family had just been. there. waiting for someone to stay long enough to teach them. so that they could go out to hunt while blending in.

sorry markiplier for leaving you for dead. it wasnt on purpose. i was scared af in the dream n matpat wasnt slowing down for you either. also tbh you were basically already dead anyway, like thee was No way we were gettin u to a hospital on time. still sorry tho.

[wooahaes]

on repeat

pairing: non-idol!dk x gn!reader

prompt: soulmate au series. 12/13

word count: ~7.0k

warnings: mentions of food. time loop au. some angst concerning not having a soulmate. also mentioned angst for other member (hao).

daisy’s notes: i feel like this one could have been longer but i didnt want it to get Too long compared to the other fics, yknow?

summary: What started as a day of making deliveries ended in Seokmin waking up on the same day. And then again, and then again… So, wherever you are, he needs to find you if he wants to see Saturday again.

Seokmin had been living his life on schedule ever since he turned ten. Before that, truly, because his parents had always set something for him (school, play, dinner, bath time, bedtime), but he knew that it became a little different after he turned ten. He had doctors appointments configured into that schedule, and every appointment had his dad holding his hand as the doctor tried yet again to work out what Seokmin's sign could be. Some of them would always be subtle and hard to detect, but there were plenty of things they could figure out.

And then when that list was exhausted, the afternoon doctor's appointments turned into Wednesday afternoon appointments with Dr. Jeon. She'd spoken to Seokmin for their first appointment with his mother sitting next to him, gauging how he truly felt about the fact he might not have a soulmate. He didn't tell her at first that it hurt to be different. Not with his mother next to him, rubbing soothing circles onto his back. He needed to smile for his mom, to be the bubbly boy she knew and loved.

Wednesday afternoon, Seokmin went back alone starting with that second visit. "My classmates made fun of me again for not having a soulmate."

Dr. Jeon had adjusted her bright pink glasses, and frowned at him. "How do you feel about that?"

That they're right, so it shouldn't hurt to hear the truth. "Bad." He'd curled into himself a little more, tugging his jacket closer to himself. Maybe he could disappear if he tried. "I can't help it."

Dr. Jeon's room was lit only by lamps and whatever light made it through the blinds and curtains. She hated the overhead lights (they buzzed loudly and she could never hear herself think, she said), and Seokmin never minded that they were off. The orange glow made things feel oddly safer. So did the fake sunflowers on her desk, tucked away behind her behemoth of a computer (Dr. Jeon said she could never keep them alive if they were real). As much as he wanted to disappear, he felt safe here. Dr. Jeon wasn't his mom. He didn't have to pretend for Dr. Jeon.

"I wish I had a soulmate," his voice was quieter that time. "Some of my classmates think something's wrong with me. That..."

She looked up from where she's been jotting something down. "That?" She prodded in that inquisitive way she did last time they spoke alone for a few minutes, and Seokmin knew he couldn't drop it without feeling guilty. "It's okay, Seokmin. You can take all the time you need."

He didn't meet her gaze. "They think that I'm never gonna be loved."

Dr. Jeon frowned again at his words. "Do your parents love you?"

His head shot up. "Yes! Of course they love me!"

"Do your friends?"

He nodded furiously. "And—And I love my friends. But what does that have to do with my soulmate?"

Dr. Jeon shook her head. "Love comes in many forms, Seokmin. A soulmate's love isn't guaranteed to be romantic, but even if it was, you aren't guaranteed to be with your soulmate. Love takes effort. My husband is a relationship counselor," she twisted her wedding ring around her finger, "and he sees plenty of couples who assume being soulmates is the only thing they need to make it work."

"But..." He furrowed his brow. "I thought soulmates were forever."

"They can be." Dr. Jeon paused. "You're so young, Seokmin, but you'll understand one day. A soulmate represents the possibility of that love, not the only existence of it." She chuckled. "Besides... You're too young to worry about romantic love. But for now, we can work on acceptance."

Acceptance...?

"Whether you have a soulmate or not, Seokmin," she said, the big beads of her earrings clinking together as she set aside her pad of notes, "you're still a person capable of loving others and being loved. It's hard for kids your age to separate out love like this, but you'll realize it as you grow up. There is nothing wrong with not having a soulmate."

Seokmin hadn't been able to accept her words for a while. Every day, he saw something new in the world about soulmates. A new drama based around them, or a new discount to those who can prove they're with their soulmate, or a new magazine with childish quizzes that pretend to predict your soulmate's traits. Every Wednesday, he found himself back on that plush couch and talking about something new. A new thing he's eliminated. Another classmate discovered their sign. News of an intern at his dad's work that found his soulmate (this one Seokmin wasn't supposed to hear). And every week, he left Dr. Jeon's sessions with those words said at the end:

There was nothing wrong with not having a soulmate... So why did Seokmin want one so badly?

Seokmin grew up. He started college, and he met Minghao through it. Eventually his routine changed as he began to balance work and school and a social life, all while living in a cozy little apartment with Minghao. Make breakfast, go to class, go to work, find time to shove food into his face, deal with more customers... It became a schedule he pretty much lived by with his social life a little less present. He'd get it back one day, hopefully. But he always made time for dinner with Minghao on Friday nights: their one day a week where they’ve completely slowed down together.

Minghao seemed more tired this week. "I'm tired of blue."

Seokmin looked up from his dinner. "Which blue?"

"Calm blue. Not sad. They're fine, wherever they are, and I should be glad for it, but I'm not." Minghao scowled.

Seokmin frowned as he watched Minghao. Their vision is filled with red now, he wanted to say. Are you okay with that? But he didn't, instead reaching out to ruffle his hair. "It'll be okay," he said. "At least they're calm now."

Minghao said nothing. He just sat there, staring, brows drawing together more and more.

"What?"

"It's darker."

His soulmate was upset by something. Seokmin averted his gaze. He kept his thoughts to himself. No doubt Minghao already had them himself: his frustration upset his soulmate. He couldn't help but wonder if that was the kind of person Minghao's soulmate was: someone who empathized even though they had no idea where their own soulmate's feelings were coming from. No doubt their vision would be clouded by those same blues. Minghao could be sharp-tongued and snarky at times, but he wasn't a monster. He worried for them whenever his vision was lit up with fiery reds and deep blues and nauseating green.

"I used to be angry, too, you know." Seokmin kept his focus on his own dinner now. "That I don't have one."

"You know I don't believe that." Minghao had always been one of the ones who, for some reason, believed Seokmin did have a soulmate. His sign just wasn't one of the obvious ones like his or Seungkwan's. But Minghao was reasonable about it, too: Seokmin was the kind of person who could forge his own soulmate if things felt right enough.

Seokmin waved it off. "But I understand being angry. It's something outside of your control, and it's hard to let that... be."

Humans, in Seokmin's experience, liked having control over themselves. He saw it in himself as a child, always wanting to have some choice in what he wore, in the foods he ate. He saw it now, too, in children when he went shopping and saw patient mothers holding up two options for their child to pick from. But he always saw it the most with his friends. The frustration that etched itself into Minghao's brows whenever the colors changed, the subtle annoyance before his thanks when someone pushed Seungcheol toward the right object, the way Seungkwan would flinch from pain sometime and wave off any concern. All things that stemmed from depending entirely upon another person in one way or another. And Seokmin felt it, too, in not having. A soulmate was never a guarantee to have love in your life, after all. Yet Seokmin didn't get to choose whether he would want this person at all. Would he? If he had a soulmate, would he fall for them? He had plenty of love in his heart to give... but would they even want it from him, too?

"You're right," Minghao's voice was softer now. "I think... I want to meet them someday."

Seokmin smiled. "I think you should."

“I’m scared they’ll hate me.” Minghao let out a sigh, staring down at his food for a moment. “So what if they do?”

“Then you’ll figure it out.” Seokmin reached across the table, squeezing Minghao’s hand gently. “If they’re your soulmate… Then they’ll try to understand you. You’ll do the same, right?”

Minghao met his gaze, but said nothing. Today wasn’t a day that he could agree with Seokmin, already too inside his own head. In time, he’d accept it: Seokmin knew he would. He just needed time, and Seokmin was more than happy to give him that and whatever space he needed. He could believe in Minghao’s soulmate enough for the both of them. 

And the day he met them face to face, Seokmin knew he’d been right: Minghao’s soulmate was patient in the way he needed them to be. Understanding, too, without any hidden malice toward him. Exactly what Minghao needed.

There was a text from Seungcheol in the group chat: dinner at jun's? i'm paying :)

Not everyone was able to make it, of course. It was horribly last minute, but Seokmin figured it had to be important since it was. A few people had their reasons to not be there (work, other things that needed doing). Seokmin, on the other hand, was free from his usual job. All he had was the option to make some deliveries for extra money, and he'd probably spend the day doing that to get some exercise in. He rolled out of bed, got ready for the day, and stepped out of his bedroom to see where Minghao was asleep on the couch. Seokmin paused, brows drawing together until he saw that he was clutching his phone still. Ah. He must have come back late last night and fell asleep while on the phone with his soulmate as they made their way home. Seokmin left him with a blanket draped over him before he headed out for the day. Maybe next time, Minghao would end up asleep in his own room.

He checked the app while waiting for the elevator. Sure enough, there were already delivery orders made. Groceries (he only ever accepted the small orders), food deliveries, flowers... Seokmin scrolled through for the closest pickup to start. He wouldn't mind the long ride to wherever he was delivering to, but there was a flower shop just down the street that Seokmin always loved making deliveries for. Flowers made people happy, after all. One popped up from someone named Minho for someone named Jinki ("a 'thank you' gift for my hyung"), and Seokmin accepted it without another thought. Soon enough he'd taken the elevator down and set out for the day, pedaling his way to the flower shop.

Jinki had been caught off-guard when Seokmin showed up to his workplace with a vase of sunflowers he'd protected with his life. He passed the message onto the man, and made his way out for the next delivery, bumping into an intern on his way out. He'd apologized to her quickly, and started out for another delivery. A grocery delivery for a single dad who was taking care of a sick kid, another run to a store for cat food for a man who'd run low and couldn't leave his apartment easily with a broken leg, a lunch delivery for a young woman at work... Seokmin went about his day like any other, always greeting people with a smile before moving onto the next thing. By the end of the day, he was exhausted, and immediately went to Jun's restaurant to rest.

Jun wordlessly set a cup of water in front of him. "Push these tables together after you wipe them down," he said. "Cheol will be here soon."

Seokmin had waved him off after agreeing, just enjoying a few minutes of downtime. It wasn't even his job—Where the hell was Mingyu?—but Seungcheol had insisted that it was important. He didn't mind helping out if it made things move a little smoother. He made his way to the back to grab the things he needed, and put himself back to work. The tables were wiped down thoroughly, and Seokmin pushed them together before straightening up. The next time the door chimed, Seungcheol had come in with the brightest smile on his face that Seokmin had ever seen.

"What happened?" He asked, pushing a final chair into place. "Minghao texted to say his soulmate had something come up. I'll let him know the good news tonight, okay?"

Seungcheol made his way over, shedding the light jacket he was wearing. "I should wait until the others get here, but..." He paused, and then shook his head. "No—I'll wait. It's important."

Seokmin stood still for a moment, mind already thrumming with possibilities. "It is good news... Right?"

He nodded. "It's..." His gaze softened a little as his smile fell a little. His happiness was still warm and welcoming, but now felt akin to the tenderness of a warm embrace than the crackling fire it had been before. "It's really good news, Seokmin."

The possibilities dwindled by tens and hundreds. No bad news... Which meant this had to be big. A promotion, or maybe he finally heard back from the graduate program he was trying to get into? Seokmin drummed his fingers along the chair he'd been clutching, before tearing him away from it. People began to file in over the next twenty minutes: Jeonghan and Joshua arriving together, Mingyu bursting into the room loudly (yes, Jun, he saw the restaurant was empty—and yes, he enjoyed resting after work) with Soonyoung coming in just a few minutes later, and eventually Vernon and Chan had joined the table while bemoaning a late bus. Mingyu helped Jun serve food as they caught up on life.

“Seungcheol,” Jeonghan called out from the other end of the table, a knowing look on his face. “You wanted to tell them something.”

Seungcheol fought back a smile. “I found them.” 

Immediately, the room went silent. Vernon was staring at him with wide-eyes, mouth agape. Jeonghan was just smiling, clearly having been informed ahead of time—and the same could be said of Joshua, who had this shit-eating grin on his face.

“Well?” Seungcheol pouted. “You aren’t going to say anything?”

“That’s great!” Seokmin decided to say quickly, and he saw the way Seungcheol then smiled. “Do you want us to keep it a secret, or can I tell Minghao?”

“You can tell him,” Seungcheol waved him off. “I just wanted to tell the rest of you. I told Seungkwan—” He then paused, “Speaking of—All of you are terrible!” He scowled a little. “I told him first and he immediately started sending me pictures of myself in ugly outfits you all swore went together!”

Jeonghan snorted, typing something out on his phone. “We didn’t do it all the time, you know.”

Seokmin chuckled, glancing over to where Jun had settled in the chair next to him. “Remember the shirt he wore to this place’s opening?”

Seungcheol let out another whine. “I didn’t know it was neon! Joshua said it wasn’t that bad!”

“It wasn’t!” 

If looks could kill, Joshua would be ash. But Seungcheol had started bickering with him about it (apparently that shirt had been a gift from Joshua… on April fools…), and Seokmin took his chance to steal another dumpling. His phone buzzed, and he glanced down at it to see it was the app he delivered for—there was someone for a restaurant not that far away. He dismissed it. He could use the money, sure, but… He’d stay at least a little longer. Just to see Seungcheol happy.

Fed up with his debate with Joshua (an immovable object against Seungcheol’s unstoppable force), Seungcheol let the topic go for now. “We’re going out on Tuesday, actually,” he said. “I think you guys will like them. We ended up shopping together for a while and talking—they’re really nice, and…”

Seokmin let his mind drift for a moment as he listened, his own heart sinking in his chest. Everyone seemed to be finding their soulmate over this past year. He looked at Jun for a moment. That meant he was the only one who hadn’t found his soulmate yet, right? He couldn’t imagine being the last person, but Jun seemed to be taking it well. Soonyoung, just as Seokmin did, went out on the occasional date—hell, both of them had dated a bit recently before deciding to prioritize other things for a bit. But it was weird knowing that he was going to be on his own now. Even Vernon and Jihoon ended up having soulmates. Seokmin had wanted to hold out hope that maybe that meant he had one, too, but…

The door opened, and in walked someone who looked at the group with wide-eyes. “Sorry—I thought this was still open—”

“It is!” Jun said, getting up and making his way toward the counter. “Sorry, how can I help you?”

The customer had started rambling about their friend, Minho, having been here a few days ago. Seokmin listened as they explained their own soulmate sign—the same as Jun’s—and he felt his feelings swirl inside of him. The computer chirped, and Seokmin moved to see that it was a takeout request. With permission from Jun, Seokmin accepted it and immediately went to snag the delivery request himself. He’d be back before the hour was over, and it’d give him some time to clear his mind. The customer had gone to an empty table, and Jun disappeared into the back to start cooking both their food and the order that Seokmin left hanging on the line.

“Hey.” Vernon had made his way over to the counter, voice lower, “Everything okay?”

Seokmin nodded, quietly sliding a fortune cookie across the counter. “I’m going to make a delivery,” he said. “Just to get some air.”

Vernon slowly nodded, immediately getting it. He’d stepped out when his own struggles were getting to him before he found his own soulmate, after all. “Gotcha. Is it a good tip?”

Seokmin glanced at the screen. Not really, but he didn’t mind: it was a small order and he wasn’t going far. It was better than no tip, at least. “Yeah,” he lied. “I could use the extra money.”

Vernon knew he was lying. But he nodded again, tucking the cookie into his hoodie pocket. “Travel safe, dude.”

All too quickly, Jun had plated the food. Mingyu had dipped into the back, delivering the dishes to the customer that sat alone, and Jun sat next to Seokmin. He’d uncapped a sharpie with his teeth, drawing a little cat onto the corner of the plate alongside a flower. Above it, he’d written some message of encouragement—all a part of the order’s request. 

“Someone else could pick up the order,” Jun capped the marker again. “If you don’t want to go.” 

Seokmin shrugged it off. “It isn’t far.” He paused, “Plus my bike is outside. I’ll be back soon, okay?”

Jun hadn’t responded, brows drawing together. He looked over to the customer in the room, watching as they ate for a moment.

“Jun?”

He took a step away, realization spreading over his features. “Sorry, I just—” He walked away, quietly greeting the customer. Seokmin watched as he rounded the other chair, hands curling around the top of it as he said something… and soon Seokmin knew. 

So he packed away the meal, tying the bag, and confirmed that the order was on its way. He’d congratulate Jun later on finding his soulmate. But now, he just needed to get out before the heat and smell of spice suffocated him. He grabbed his bike, unlocked it, and took off toward the towering building not that far into the city. It was all too easy to get into the building and get pointed toward the right floor. Normally, he’d leave it here, but he decided to waste a few minutes heading upstairs.

A young man had greeted him, breaking away from where his coworkers were gathered around pizza. One of them had already heckled him for being the one person to order something out, but it all seemed to be in good faith. The guy—Soobin, according to the app—had thanked him, quickly enough. Someone bumped into Seokmin as he was waiting for Soobin to hand him a cash tip (something he’d insisted upon), and Seokmin felt his heart leap. Maybe he’d text Jun and apologize and head home instead. Things were… off. 

Jun didn’t hold it against him when he did. All he did was wish him a good night, and Seokmin was thankful for it. 

There was a text from Seungcheol in the group chat: dinner at jun's? i'm paying :)

Which was odd. Seungcheol had already treated them out last night, so why invite them out again? What was he going to announce—a marriage proposal? Seokmin was still half asleep as he pushed himself out of bed. He'd agree to be there after he ate breakfast. He skipped it yesterday and soon regretted it. Yet the moment he stepped out of his bedroom, he saw Minghao asleep on the couch again. He sighed, rubbing his eyes as he made his way over.

"Minghao, your bed is more comfortable," he nudged him awake. "Two nights in a row? Really?"

Minghao had furrowed his brow upon waking up, staring up at him. "Two...? What are you talking about?"

Seokmin walked away, stretching as he went. "Didn't you fall asleep here the other night?"

With a confused look, he shook his head, running a hand through his hair. He stretched before reaching for his phone, looking down to see the new message on it. "What does Cheol want...? It's short notice and he knows it."

Seokmin looked up, already growing more confused. "He found his soulmate. Don't you remember? I told you when I got back last night."

"You were asleep when I got in." Minghao frowned at him. "When did he tell you?"

"Last night when we..." He trailed off, looking at his phone more clearly now. It was Friday, but yesterday had been Friday. He knew it, because he'd lived it. "We had dinner with a couple of the others, and..."

Minghao folded his jacket over his arms, and it was now that Seokmin realized this had been what he'd seen Minghao wearing on Thursday night. "You must be psychic or something," he made his way toward his room. "Don't ruin the surprise. Cheol will never let you hear the end of it if you do."

Yesterday was Friday. Seokmin knew that yesterday was Friday. So why the hell was it Friday again? Maybe he'd dreamed the entire thing. Was that a sign? He'd look into it later. Food and work would come first. He'd start looking into it when he showed up to Jun's restaurant tonight.

Sure enough, every single order he'd filled yesterday was right there today. Seokmin accepted those, too: maybe his dream meant something.

Sure enough, the night played out the same. Seungcheol announced having a soulmate. The others teased him over the past outfits he’d worn. Joshua poked fun at a neon shirt. Jun’s soulmate came into the restaurant. And Seokmin accepted that same takeout order. This time he had almost avoided the person coming in, and he’d given them a strange look when they turned back to acknowledge him this time. Again, they apologized to him after a moment before going on, checking their phone.

And then he went to sleep, and, again, it was Friday.

Around the fifth Friday he lived through, Seokmin realized a few things. He’d already figured out that he both met his soulmate and missed them (he Googled a lot that third Friday), and that he just needed to find them to break the loop. Every single day, he tried to fill the same delivery orders. He tried to go to the same places at the same time. He met the same people most of the time—he’d already missed that final order twice now, snatched up by someone else while he was trying to figure out what was wrong. 

But that was… beyond several Fridays ago. This was Friday number fifteen, and he’d managed to exact a few things. Minghao had given him something to say to prove that, yes, Seokmin was trapped in a time loop (details of his date the night before, followed by a quick enough explanation that Minghao knew wasn’t bullshit by the panic in his voice), and it’d given him an ally in every repeat day. He’d slipped up and spoiled Seungcheol’s surprise during one of the loops and given up on finding his soulmate that time. It didn’t feel fair to potentially let that be the day. 

Minghao filled a cup with ice and water. “You’re not trying to make the day perfect though, right? Because you’re going to just prolong it if you do.”

“I’m not.” Seokmin had stretched out across their couch, arms resting over his stomach. He didn’t have to leave for another few minutes. “I just didn’t want to find them after I ruined Seungcheol’s surprise.”

“He doesn’t remember now, though,” he shrugged. “Try to find them soon, though. You seem tired.”

“I am.” 

Minghao came over to him, extending the glass to him. “Then get out there and keep looking.”

“I have to stick to the schedule, though,” Seokmin accepted the glass as he sat up. “Otherwise I’ll keep missing them.” 

“Remember what we all said?” Minghao crossed his arms. “You’ll know them when you see them.”

Seokmin moved over, giving Minghao space to sit next to him. “I don’t know what that means.”

“When I saw my soulmate, I…” He pressed his lips together, looking toward the windows for a moment. “I felt like I was at peace.” Again, he paused, thinking over his words. “Like… I was ready to try to love them. To learn more about them and see why they were my soulmate.” 

That night, Seokmin posed the question of how they all knew while sitting at dinner with the others. He mouthed an apology to Soonyoung for asking a question neither of them (to his knowledge) would ever understand, but he didn’t seem all too bothered by it. The group had gone quiet, all thinking about their individual answers. And as Seokmin expected, Seungcheol had his the soonest.

“I didn’t feel anything special until I caught them,” he admitted, looking at Seokmin. “But when I did… It felt like everything was right. Like… Everything had been leading to that moment. I was where I needed to be, I think. As much as I wanted to meet them sooner, I think we found each other at the right time.”

Jeonghan nodded along to it, a soft hum sounding from him as he agreed with every sentence. “Right. I know I’m different because I’ve always known mine, but… I felt like I’d found the missing piece in my life. I know that’s sappy to say,” he laughed softly, “but it’s true. I’ve loved them this long, you know?”

Vernon had pressed his lips together. And a moment later, he nodded, too. “Right. I’d liked them for a while, but I think realizing that our sign had been right there the entire time… It all just made sense—”

“You literally made out with them immediately, don’t act all sentimental,” Chan rolled his eyes. “But… I felt this pull when I met them. Their friend had caught me, but it still felt like something was pulling me toward them.”

“Right, right…” Mingyu nodded along to that. “It felt like things were right in this way I can’t describe.”

Joshua hummed to himself, the sole person without an answer yet. He raked his fingers through his hair before meeting Seokmin’s gaze. “Maybe I’m just weird, but I didn’t really have anything like that. Like… I knew I was about to meet them since we’d agreed to meet up at a coffee shop, but the most I felt was this comfortable warmth. Like, we’d grown up sharing this experience together. It just felt like I met someone who understood me in some way.”

Seokmin noted down everything in his mind. A feeling of things being right, or a pull toward someone, or even that he’d found something he’d always been missing (although maybe without realizing it, if it were to apply to him). 

Yet he went to bed that night, woke up to another Friday, and wondered if he had broken something along the way.

Online forums helped plenty. He made and remade an account and the same post since around Friday number eight, always getting the same people chiming in and believing in him. You’ll find them soon! He’d always say how many Fridays he’d repeated, and yet there was always the same encouragement. Today was Friday number seventeen. Every single day, Seokmin woke up to the same situation. A new account, a new post. Seungcheol’s text. The same deliveries, the same thanks. The same breaks for lunch, including texting Mingyu about meeting up for coffee sometime (he hadn’t made it yet, but he was determined to). The people on the forums had told him the same thing his friends did: he would know his soulmate when he saw them.

So why was he so antsy today?

He’d shown up to Jun’s restaurant at the same time, wiping down the tables in record speed before relaxing with his cup of ice water. He listened to the clamor of pans in the back as Jun cooked for another table, eyes fluttering shut as he sighed. Friday number seventeen, and he wasn’t getting any closer, was he? Over two weeks and he’d found little ways to break up the monotony when he could. No one he delivered to was his soulmate. No one in that Jinki guy’s office had faced a repeat day (he’d done the stupid thing and stood up during day twelve and asked out loud, and he was thankful no one would remember it by midnight). No one in any of the stores he went to, either (again, day fourteen he did the same as he did with Jinki’s work). And he’d delivered to Soobin faster than ever before, only to receive no answer when he asked yesterday. 

So where was his soulmate?

Seungcheol arrived soon enough, smiling as brightly as ever. The others filed in over time, too. Jeonghan and Joshua arrived together once more, always talking about some movie they were still debating about the real meaning of. Mingyu made a big deal stretching and bragging about his short break at home with his soulmate—he’d bring the back takeout afterward. Soonyoung burst into the restaurant soon enough, always talking about how he was tired of his office being short on staff. Then Vernon and Chan, bemoaning their late bus as always, joined the table soon enough. Seokmin had known the following conversation by heart: Seungcheol announcing that he found his soulmate, followed by him pouting when no one immediately said anything. Seokmin always found himself being the first to congratulate him, saying he’d pass word along to Minghao if he wanted. Seungkwan sent Seungcheol all of the ugly outfits they’d lovingly tricked him into wearing over the years (never for serious events—always for a stupid get-together with the full group). The neon shirt. Jun’s soulmate would be there soon. They always came in at the exact same time…

Jun reached out, fingers brushing against Seokmin’s bicep and tearing his eyes away from his watch. “Are you okay?” His voice was soft enough to not alert the others, and Seokmin barely paid him any mind at first.

“Just waiting for something.” He paused, then realized that he was the only person present who knew of his situation. He looked up, shaking his head as he turned to Jun. “Sorry! Sorry, I’m fine. Just…” He glanced at the door for a moment. Any moment now. “Waiting.”

Seungcheol spoke up again about his soulmate, and Seokmin was thankful for the change in topic. He’d explain it all in due time. Hopefully today would give him another do-over and he wouldn’t worry Jun. Soon enough, the door jingled, and Seokmin rose up out of his chair. Jun’s soulmate was here, which meant the order from Soobin would be coming in soon. He’d made his way over to the computer, tapping at the edge of it as he waited impatiently. Soon. Soon. Jun had stood up, excusing himself from the group to unknowingly speak to his soulmate.

“Sorry,” Jun’s soulmate had said to him, and he slid them a menu without much thought. “My friend, Minho, came here with a couple of friends…”

Seconds passed with each tap of Seokmin’s finger. Soobin’s order. Always steamed pork buns and fried rice and some sort of beef or pork (the only thing that might change—the tiniest change that didn’t affect anything). He pressed his lips tighter together. Tomorrow, he’d start from the top. He’d ask everyone. He’d tell everyone that he was stuck in a time loop. Minghao would help him convince them all. If they knew that Seokmin was looking for his soulmate, they would help. 

The computer chimed. Seokmin tapped the order, reading over it. Steamed pork buns. Fried rice. Beef. And…

And more?

He hesitated to accept it, glancing over to Jun and his soulmate.  “Jun. There’s a request for takeout.” He paused for just a second, “I’m gonna confirm it, alright?”

Jun waved him on, and Seokmin felt his heart hammering in his chest as the ticket printed out. He made his way to the kitchen, clipping it to the line for Jun to refer to. This had to be a sign. You were there. You had to be there, right? No one ever changed their order like this. His brows knit together. Had he done something to set off some sort of butterfly effect? Was he just giving himself false hope now? He wanted out of this loop, soulmate or no soulmate. He’d lived this Friday seventeen times now, and all he wanted was to wake up on Saturday morning and go get coffee with Mingyu because Mingyu was offering. Mingyu would pay for a slice of cake or whatever dessert he wanted, too. And at this point, Seokmin had earned the same thing.

“Is everything okay?” Jun had approached him, keeping his voice low—again, mindful of what little privacy they had with so many of their friends present. “You seem… different.”

He shook his head. No need to worry him yet. “The ticket’s on the line,” he couldn’t stop staring at the screen now. An extra order. For what? For who? Jun hadn’t budged. Seokmin decided to lie: “Just… thought I recognized the name.”

Thankfully, Jun shrugged it off. Mingyu had made his way to the kitchens to help, and Seokmin held himself together. He would not get his hopes up. Not too high. This could be it, or it could be some sort of butterfly effect. He took a different way to the store earlier, after all. Wasn’t that what the whole thing was based around? Small actions having bigger impacts? Wonwoo would know. He was smart, he’d probably read about it. Maybe he’d ask Wonwoo about it on Friday number eighteen, if he woke up on Friday again. 

The food was made and plated before Seokmin knew, and he watched as Jun uncapped a sharpie with his teeth. He’d drawn a little cat onto the corner of one of the lids—the unfamiliar order, Seokmin realized—and then drew a little flower next to it. He’d always done it for Soobin’s order. Would that change things, too…?

“Someone else could pick up the order,” Jun said as he re-capped the marker. “If you don’t want to go.”

“No!” Seokmin paused. When did he get so desperate? He waved a hand, trying to act casual again. “I mean—The money is good, and my bike is outside.” Please don’t push. “I’ll try to be back to help clean up.” But if this is it, I won’t. I can’t. Please understand. Seokmin tied the bag tight after throwing in a few sets of utensils and more than enough fortune cookies. He picked up the bag, stopping to turn back to Jun. 

His soulmate was right there, and Jun hadn’t realized it yet. Maybe…

“Jun?”

Jun looked up from where he’d begun to tidy up behind the counter, that same earnest look on his face. Seokmin always wondered what he looked like when he realized that person was his soulmate. Even when he missed being able to deliver Soobin’s order, he tried to go out, to retrace his steps and hopefully run into his soulmate. Then again… Would telling him throw things off even further? Or would Jun even want for him to tell him? 

Seokmin opened his mouth, then closed it a moment later. He turned, looking at Jun’s soulmate. They were sitting alone, about to break into their meal. Jun would know soon enough. And… if it were him, Seokmin wouldn’t want to have the moment given to him like this. He turned back to Jun one last time. “Actually… Don’t worry about it. I’ll be back later.”

He could see the concern on Jun’s face, clear as day. No doubt he would be calling him come morning. Seokmin made his way out of the restaurant, waving to the others and saying he’d try to be back as soon as he could. Soon enough, he’d unlocked the bike lock and tucked it into his bag, strapping on his helmet. He’d biked this path so many times he knew it by heart, no need to keep track of his location through his phone’s map. He left his bike near the doors in the lobby, the way he always did when the secretary let him into the building. The elevator ride felt shorter than normal, and Seokmin found himself hesitating. He could hear Soobin and his coworkers talking in the other room. 

He shut his eyes, took a deep breath, and made his way forward. Soobin lit up when he saw him. Again, he was heckled by another coworker for ordering something else, and Soobin waved them off.

“I’m not the only one,” he’d said this time. “They’re—” He paused, looking around, only to roll his eyes. “They’re in the bathroom still—”

“I’m here!”

Your shoulder bumped against Seokmin as you rushed in, and Seokmin felt his heart leap. It was you. You’d bumped into him that first day while Soobin was giving him the cash tip he’d insisted on. And now you were pulling out your own wallet, insisting on covering a cash tip since Soobin hadn’t tipped enough on the app. You’d been rambling about how today you felt like something other than pizza, and…

“It’s you.” 

You looked up, blinking as you stared at Seokmin. “Me…?” And then it clicked, those pretty eyes lighting up with realization. “You—” You had gasped, eyes already growing teary. “You’re—”

Seokmin could kiss you now, relief flooding every single cell in his body. He’d dropped the bag onto Soobin’s desk, ignoring the way the guy dove to make sure nothing spilled, and stepped forward. You had immediately wrapped your arms around him, squeezing him tight. Something felt right about it all, like his life had come together in a way he never knew it could have. The rest of your coworkers had gone quiet, and Seokmin had let himself cry a little. 

“I’ve been looking for you,” he said, voice wavering. He held you tighter, “I—I almost thought I wouldn’t find you.”

You said nothing and just let yourself cry out of relief. 

When you finally pulled away, it was to tell your coworkers that you needed to leave soon. You knew just as well as he did that the two of you needed to be together when midnight struck, and you weren’t going to work through the entire night. Not with Seokmin right there with you. It seemed to renew the energy in your team as all of you got to work. You pulled a chair over for Seokmin to sit near you while he waited, and he took the chance to text a few things out:

To Minghao: I’ll see you saturday

To Jun: I’ll explain tomorrow :) don’t worry about me. I’m okay now.

And to Seungcheol: I found them. 

You had paused for a moment, looking at Seokmin curiously. After a moment, you caught yourself staring, and grew flustered. “Sorry. Just… What do you want to do? We've got some time to kill until midnight, so...”

Seokmin had been living his life adhering to routine. From childhood to adulthood to the past seventeen Fridays, everything had a time and place for him to be. So he just smiled at you, rolling his chair a little closer to you: “Whatever you want to do.” He paused, deciding to go all in on being cheesy. “Let’s follow our hearts this time, okay?”

And you, who had found routine over and over in your own life, smiled and made living on repeat worth it with that smile.

taglist: @twancingyunhao @wonuziex @synthetickitsune @staranghae @porridgesblog @weird-bookworm @bangchansbae @laylasbunbunny @bewoyewo

[deedala]

🍃w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🍃

thank you to @energievie for writing the game this week and thanks for tagging me!! also thanks for tagging me for this and also for the pinterest game which im putting down below @lingy910y @gallapiech @suzy-queued @creepkinginc @thepupperino @blue-disco-lights @crossmydna @jrooc @heymacy @wehangout @mybrainismelted @xninetiestrendx @heymrspatel XOXOXO all of you 💖💖💖

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged

Location: ooohiooo

And now...

What is your DJ name? i dunno, when i worked in college radio it was something about a fish... okay wait yes, lets go with DJ Fishy 🙃

If you were a genre of music, what would it be? whatever chappell roan's the rise and fall of a midwest princess is

What would you title your biography? Wellp

What are the first three things you'd do if you were invisible? i like this idea of sneaking onto expensive modes of transportation. i would do that assuming i had no where else to be and no responsibilities to see to 😆 and i would also rob rich people... and maybe i would go for walks int he middle of the night by myself and feel safe lol

What subject do you wish was taught in every school?  all the important money and personal finance basics that they used to teach but then stopped because it made it easier to prey on adults who didnt know how to manage their credit and debt or do their taxes correctly 😜

When was the last time you tried something for the first time and what was it?  uuhhh...the only thing i can think of right now is a lavender flavored matcha drink that was recommended a few months ago? ive gotten it again a few times (including today!) and its very good. im so happy i know what lavender tastes like now 😆

What is the most underrated city you have ever visited?  this is very hard...i dont even really know how to know how most cities are rated anyway?? i feel like all the cities ive been to and loved are pretty universally rated highly lol. uhhhhh...i dunno.. Heidelberg, Germany? Luxembourg City? one of those.

What day in your life would you like to relive? uuhh i dunno, im going with wedding day because i barely remember any of it, it was such a blur. i would be less responsible and have more fun 😅

If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why?  i really love sleeping and going to bed and falling asleep. but i hate waking up and i hate losing the time to unconsciousness. so if i could stay alive and not be tired and never sleep that would be so cool.

How long would you last in a zombie apocalypse?  i like to think i could last pretty long because i am a huge wimp and have great Nope It's Time To Go instincts. Also im good at climbing.

What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? uuhhh backwards time travel

If you could have any view out your office window, what would you choose? puget sound with the olympic mountain range in the distance

☀️pinterest tag game☀️

i was tagged to do this pinterest game where you search Fashion, Pantone, Mood, and Food and post the first pin from each of the search results. gotta be honest buddies i dont really use pinterest very often and when i do its for random photo references sooooo...

x x x x

i do not know what is happening with that outfit. that is not really a color i would pick but its fine? the mood is pretty but looks kind of melancholy. that last photo though??? oh my god let me climb into there i wanna sit in the cozy rustic kitchen and eat pastries pleaaaaassseeeee!!!!!!

and now to tag in more folks to play either or both of these games!! 💖💖 @michellemisfit @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @the-rat-wins @lee-ow @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @transmickey @burninface @loftec @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sam-loves-seb @samantitheos @sleepyfacetoughguy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyheadgallavich @rereadanon @mikhailoisbaby @mickeysgaymom @themarchg1rl @callivich @softmick @captainjowl @howlinchickhowl @spookygingerr @spoonfulstar @steorie @whatwouldmickeydo @burninface

[nshtn]

fucking hell my intestines hurt so bad the pain instantly removed my ability to walk, literaly was just standing there and suddenly felt my legs just Give and had to go and give oxy and it spilled because i didnt secure the nozzle on the syringe properly and i had to give myself more because i spilled somw but then i looked and saw that some did manage to get in even though most of it squeezed out so I just doubledosed my oxy and now I just feel very weak and it's kind of hard to judge what the ground and the air is. also tired. and happy. very happy happy. but im also high from weed because i was trying to slow down the contractions so now im. triple high. lord. i wish i could just Not live like this. every time i have to dose Oxycodone i 1) have to battle my shaking hands 2) might be crawling or throwing up 3) get a massive oxygen suffocation migraibe from low bp and losing my vision 4) it makes my stomach stop working for like 2 days and it really doesn't even work to begin with. i hate it so much I hate being a fragile snowflake that literally will die because my tummy hurted. i hate having to inject myself knowing that foregoing it is basically suicide. i hate begging for oxy from doctors who Get It but are scared of getting in trouble if I die. i fucking hate the everything MY STOMACH was getting better. But my intestines never will! My intestines are fucked for life! And I thought maybe because my stomach's nerves have been improving, maybe that meant the nerves in my intestines would begin to improve, but no. No. they always hurt so bad. they are always in pain and it is so hard to get out of bed. its so hard to eat knowing what goes in must come out. i hate being able to feel my small intestine. I HATE being able to feel my large intestine. I HATE when the pain is so intense it triggers my endo. I hate it. I hate living like this. I wish I was normal and I could just have a job and eat food and go to restaurants and have ice cream and beyond burgers and onion rings I wish my pancreas worked!!! I hate it!! I can't learn to drive again because I"m too busy being SICK. I can't have a job because you can't collapse and take 4 hours off crawling in pain shock that is killing you, to your meds you have to INJECT in the tube that STICKS OUT from your body. I hate cleaning the tube I hate feeding myself water I hate waking up in the morning and smelling bile reflux and knowing my teeth are ruined by bile because my stomach can't just contract!!! I hate the doctor appointments I hate it I hate it. I hate it. I hate living like this and I have no other option and I hate it and I hate it. I hate it. I wish I was just normal. I wish my body wasn't failing me because someone else wanted fucking money off my corpse. I wasn't meant to still be here. I wasn't meant to live. I wasn't meant to survive and now I have to fight for the right to draw shitty art of characters from video games I can't even properly play because edge of your seat and jumpscares TRIGGER MY NERVE PAIN!! I can't fucking stand it and there's nothing I can do but suffer. all I do is get paid by the government to EXIST painfully. And when not painfully, im so high I ignore everyone! Because I am in another world! What the fuck is wrong with reality I want a new one

[vintagedoctor]

my friend is discovering fallout 4 for the first time

i love fallout 4. ive played that game to death and beyond. i know most details and all the endings and many of the quests and weapons and - yes im well aware of its problems, but i still enjoy it. i did enjoy it. ive moved on to other, better rpgs *cough cough baldurs gate 3 cough cough* and didnt think much of my beloved 1st person post apocalypse talking simulator. until my friend told me he got it and started playing it. for some reason i had already assumed he already played it but to my surprise, he knew nothing of the franchise. he had dabbled in skyrim for a bit, sure, but apparently he had no knowledge of bethesda's 2nd masterpiece. when i was in a voice call with him next, he of course, shared his screen so i could watch him stumble along the commonwealth, dying to bugs and raiders alike. he had gotten to the raider gang in the corvega assembly plant, the one in power armor and with a rocket launcher. i misremembered what the raider had and told my friend to beware the fat man. he didnt know what that was. he didnt know what the fatman was. thats when i realized something.

i had played fallout 4 for well over 400 hours, pretty low compared to other people but enough to where i can spew out random facts about that damn game. but my friend not knowing what the fatman was- the most iconic weapon in the fallout franchise- made me realize how fresh this is all to him. here is someone who is discovering this world with new eyes, not knowing a single thing abt the commonwealth or the minutemen or the shitty story or the repetive quests. when people wish to relive their favorite games in fresh eyes, they wish for this. here i was, as my friend's guide thru this junkpile of a game, seeing it thru new eyes once again. the thrill of discovery, smth i strive for but shy away from. im scared to try new things. i love my sameness. but that gets boring. it sure as hell gets boring. but not anymore.

i saw this as much when my friend stumbled upon covenant and i told him it was a good quest. i maybe shouldnt have even told him that but i wanted him to see it for himself and made sure he did it before it locked him out. he did the entry quiz, making a joke about how hes not getting let in and showed surprise when he was. now for me, i know u r let in no matter ur answer- a mix of irony w the whole synth test and also bethesda game design- so it was fun to see his shock. he walked around covenant and i suggested to him to get deezers lemonade. he tried to get infinite but sadly, all you get is what deezer has in stock. that started the quest and he was making comments about how sus the town was. yes! hes on the right track. he now had to track down a caravan and got mighty lost. i had to explain to him how quest markers work and surprisingly how to access his quest log. i guess its not all obvious to many. he had to leave shortly after but in dms he was telling me how he wanted to save a certain npc in covenant. my heart sank. bethesda doesnt work like that. if he turns against covenant, that npc that he loves will turn on him and he will be forced to kill her. idk if he has gotten that far in the quest line (i'll see later when he wakes up) but i dont want to imagine the disappointment.

thats what i realized with besthesda games. while they make great atmospheres and music and lore, the actual gameplay and rules are never clear. its not like baldurs gate where larian thought of every possible outcome for every quest. its more bethesda knows rpgs must have differing outcomes but doesnt understand what that means. when they market their games to be freedom of choice and play how you want and "see that mountain, you can climb that", it sets an expectation. an expectation they dont follow thru on. i hope this doesnt dissuade my friend from continuing. i think he will really enjoy some of the quests and especially power armor. he already decided to play for a power armor build. it would be very funny if he sided with the brotherhood of steel for his first run, as i did since i was a dumb kid and didnt understand the blatant military critique that it was. he might, as i did, think, big gun means fun time. thats perfectly fine. the factions in fallout 4 arent as deep philosophically as bethesda treats them to be.

all in all, watching my friend discover this great game for the first time has reminded me of my struggles with the game. he even had his first bugs due to modding. a bug i had similar issues with but we quickly solved. my hope for him is that he finds as much passion in the game as i do. theres a reason its in my top 5 games.

[abaharashi]

I was 27 when i first discovered Night in the Woods. I was piqued by its art style and charm. I had been needing something to jist BE with. I didnt newd achievements, i didnt need scores or mechanics. I didnt need difficulty or grandiose stories that stretch across the stars and peirce hearts unseen.

I needed a game i could sit with. Take my time and just relax, and enjoy.

Gregg was a favorite early on. Its easy to see why. Everyone should have a Gregg in their life. But i quickly grew attached to Bea. I was drawn to why she waa so...snide with Mae. And given their supposed history i felt so inclined to learn more aboit Bea. And try to reform what friendship was there before things when caput.

Im not going to talk about the rest of those adventures or stories. What i want to talk about is how i am now 3 years into my transition, and playing this game through for the 3rd time now...and its so fucking cathartic in a way.

I related to Mae alot, given how i felt when i was 20. I dont have derealisation but i do get anxiety and depression. Its been notoriously bad recently.

And in a world entering the year 2024 on calander, with so much going on all the time, everywhere. I know i can go back to Possum Springs. And just try to emjoy life and get through another day.

Its not real, but i cant get out much. Adulting will do that to you. Capitalism has made it difficult regardless of age. And those trips with Gregg to the park and having a mini knife fight. Or going to the mall with Bea and shoplifting because "cool kids stickin it to the man" or finding out why Angus doesnt talk with his family much these days.

It brings me back to a time when things did seem uncertain. When i was scared and anxious. But when i also had this bravado to see another day and put 1 foot infront of the other. Because Life.

Those days are so difficult now. You go to work and then feel like super heated glass being doused in water. And you cant stay at work. You cant. Youre akin to a mannequin at that point. You have to go home because youll end up hurting yourself somehow, intentionally or otherwise.

And this great sadness overtakes you and its joined with mania and you just...dont know how youll get through the day. Or if you even want to wake up the next day.

~~~~~~~~~

I've been listening to the NitW OST for the past.... 2-3 days now. And all the tunes are so...simple in their construction and melodies. But they hold this special place in my heart. Maes House especially. It reminds me that my house and family are not like Maes. And i wish they were. Atleast in how the game portrays them presently. I cant even go upstairs to get food unless i cover up now or dress in modest fashion because transition had made people uncomfortable around me expressibg my body in ways i nevwr could before. Not in sexual fashion but showing a bit more skin and wearing tighter clothes and such. And its an insidious uncomfortable they demonstrate. They dobt say it vocally most times to try and be respectful i guess. But i can feel those thoughts burring into me and the....velcro fuzzy distortion that builds between us.

I cant be myself and they don't want me to, because it makes them uncomfortable.

So ive been going back to Possum Springs. And talking with Gregg and reading his enthusiasm helps alot. "I have a friend whos super supportive and would punch someone out for me"

"But hes not real"

I need him to be. Ok? I need Gregg to be real. I need Possum Springs to be real. I need that feeling to be real for me again. A world where im not so...beaten by life and wanting to hope for a better day bit having to fight tooth and nail for every good day i have. Where i dont have to worry about the financial burden of debts, or the worry that this procedure will set me back an additional 20k.

I just want to feel that youthful joy and energy again.

[lifeisamaze]

CGK (2)

Some may asks, why do such a brief moment could leave a giant print in your heart? (Well,nobody asked. Never tell anyone about my problems,except J. Told hani but it is just because i had to go cgk with her 😂. This is the reasons why i need a journal. I need to empty my brain every now and then to keep me sane) OK, back to the question. Simple. It is something you longed for your whole life. And it's happening! This is the reason why i decided to write it in a journal. I'm afraid one day when i wake up, the memories are fading and i thought it was a dream.

Well, now it's the second day in CGK. Starting my day with 'pemandangan indah di pagi hari' went to his house early in the morning so we could go to work together. He.... Welcomed me..... TOPLESS!!! Glad the pants is on. Or i wish it is not? HAHAHAAHA. Ok, serious mode. First things that i noticed: electronic cigar n Ash tray. I thought he quitted? But didnt asked anything tho. Dont ask something people doesnt want to tell you. Next : piles of laundry. Cant help myself not ironing them. Its the least I can do, it might help him for another few days ahead. When i stood in the centre of the room, with this thought in my head, he approached me. I unconsciously hugged him 🫣😶‍🌫️ he told me, my friends are coming down soon. Malunya smpe ke ubun2 wakk 🤣🤣 so embarassing! Ck!

While doing the laundry, apparently he put decolgen n panadol on my backpack. 🥹 si pendiam yg perhatian sekali sih ternyataaaa. He didnt say anything too, just simply put it there. 😭😭 so so sweeetttt. The next sweet thing :koper juga uda masuk mobil ternyata! 🤣 amazing! No talk, action only! 😂😂

next, breakfast. Stopped by Indomaret to get coffee he said. But he sneaked out to ATM. 🤣🤣 caught him in action. What is wrong with going to ATM? 😂😂 my wallet almost empty everyday 🤣🤣 heading to mie bagan yutek. it is the first time i have it and i love it. 😂 my tastebud is more to savory sweet and this one match my preference. Things that i noticed from him while eating : freaking neat 🤭 one of Virgo traits, as bert is also like that. He wiped his table when a single drop of the soup spilled. 🤣 is he nervous or he is actually like that? The way he sit and eat also catch my attention 🫠 when i talk to him while he is eating, he didnt lift up his body or head but only his eyes and eyebrow and his mouth is full of food but stop munching 😂😂 he did that most of the time when we were eating. He eats slow, while me, eating like hungry shark 😂 i always eat quick, no time to lose! 😂

done with the food, he sent me to serpong, park his car anddddddd... He did sth i didnt expect at all. Shocked and blushed of course! 😳😳😳😳 he did it once before, that was quick and very light one. This oneeee., hmmm.. A bit more powerful than before but still short. 😂 understandable, since it is in a broad daylight, public places, needs lot of courage to do so 😂 im so nervous and avoid eye contact with him 😂😂

Skipped to the evening, he came to fetch us after work, send us to have dinner and go play soccer. Highlight : this silly fangirling thing I have, im happy to be able to hold and hug his backpack 😂😂 girl! Come on! 🫨🫨 then another highlight, he gave me an orange. 😂 so random! I kept it and eat it after I reached home.

After dinner, get back to hotel, prepare for ajeb2, me being pickup by his friends, awkward situation actually, but I'm mastering the art of breaking the ice . Talked a lot to them and after we reached there, si anak bauk kencur ini, didnt know that nobody, NOBODY brings backpack to club 🤣 Yok has asked me do i need to leave the backpack in the car. But i insist, I'll carry it. LOL.

Then while waiting for him, I talked a lot, drank a lot, but good things is, yok keeps reminding me to drink water to keep me sober. After a while, finally J came! He sits right next to me, looking at me with this look. Arghh! I meltttt🫠🫠🫠 rasanya pengen kuterkam 😂😂 then of course after dison come, he keep pouring drink for me and asked for toast. The moment i realized i started to drunk is when i stood up next to J and cant control myself for not hugging him and start sniffing his neck 😂 i feel aroused by the music's beat but then i tried to sober up and go back to my seat. Not long after, i asked him to go back to the hotel. He drove so fast. Me, scared to death and sober up instantly 🤣

The rest of the night will be off the record. Too many highlights i wish i could write here. Okay, spilling one of them : 내 인생에서 가장 긴 키스를 했어요. I just cant stop. 😂 everything is so lovey dovey, leaving me sweet memories, perfect image of him and now, he turned out to be like this, hmm.. I just cant relate. Which one is the real J? I have warned him for not being too sweet but he ended up bewitching me. Ck!

Okay. That is day two sums up. Maybe tomorrow for day 3?

[nathank77]

5/1/24

8:40 p.m

So I struggled to sleep. I played bully until 5:09 a.m. I had a blast. Then turned on American Dad and ate cheese and took my Xanax.

I turned on King of The Hill after I brushed my teeth and played solitaire in the dark like I always do. The voice wasn't too intrusive during solitaire.

Once I closed my eyes and started listening to King of The Hill, it was really intrusive... I mean it was talking constantly while I listened to the show... and yea King of the Hill was louder but it was aggravating me. And every break of silence I could hear what it was saying and it was really annoying. I closed my eyes for approximately 40 minutes and then I gave up. I took 25MG of Hydroxyzine and 25MG of Benadryl... and I played solitaire for about 30 minutes and then passed out around 9 a.m...

As I start to fall asleep I notice the voice gets less... I hate when I take 1MG bc the next day going back to half its like I mostly need to combine drugs to sedate me or it's just an adjustment back to a less powerful version of xanax but I mean I get that if I started taking 1MG everyday then 1.5MG would be the new 1MG.... so I mean.....

I just hope tonight goes better... either way I woke up at fucking 4:49 p.m. I wasn't able to accomplish anything. Like grocery shopping bc I had Therapy at 7 p.m...

I'm going to the post office tomorrow to drop off the shoes. Hopefully before Erin if she doesn't cancel.... Erin is at 4:30.......

If I wake up early enough I'll drop off the shoes, if not I'll do it Friday.

Regardless I have to go grocery shopping Friday now. I'm worried about the waters.. I never called the manager, I just don't have the time... or mental energy..

Anyways I was depressed last night, I did have fun gaming but my gaming channel being dead really brings me down. This eternal aloneness really brings me down.

Idk I feel crazy thinking Elise is here. I feel stupid thinking I'm going to find anyone. I feel just straight up dumb ingeneral.

Last night was so stressful hearing the voice talking while I was clearly focusing on my show.

All I can do with the rest of my day is play bully. It'll be fun but I'm sure I'll also be depressed with how alone I am...

I got my HDCP bypasser and lone behold it doesn't fucking bypass hdcp. At least the return will be easy. I just got to bring it back to Walmart. And I guess I'll try to buy another one on ebay. I wish I could get my hands on just one that would work....I really want to play silent hill and record it. I've been looking forward to playing silent hill 2 greatest hits as I took down a list of differences between the greatest hits version and the original ps2 one... anyways maybe one day..

I got to wait to get my money back from the Adidas neo, and get my money back from the Adidas forum once I ship them... then I'll have more money. Maybe i can consider glasses but I have my disability appt the 17th and if I can make it since it's at 1:30 p.m I could be getter backpay in June and then I'm def getting glasses.

Anyways I guess I'll game..I wish I got to go grocery shopping and I wish i didnt have to drug myself so heavily just to sleep.

[winderlylandchime]

1/2 WE ARE AT 3x14! He ran to the kitchen to get himself another soda while singing ‘im at the finish line!’ Over and over. ‘Ohhhh that’s a little depre- WHY ARE COPS HERE? WHY IS IT BLACK AND WHITE?! Look its my boys. *throws a fist in the air* yeah! Fuck cops! Brian is right, it will take more than some flyers! I mean he made everyone love him sooooo who should know better?’ ‘Emmett, come here and let me give you a hug. (em says his dad bought him boxing gloves) did you know that before mom found you at a bus stop, they made me play soccer. I still dont know why they changed their mind.’ (The coach literally begged my dad to not bring him back because he pulled his pants down in front of all the parents and 5 other kids followed it up. He was 6) ‘i agree with Brian, shopping therapy is good for the soul. Awwww look at Justin showing him his art work! This is what I was robbed off at the beginning of the season!’ Hunters mom just showed up ‘MOM?! I don’t trust this bitch. Yeah, no, something is weird’ ‘BRIAN! What tape? What did he bring this guy? Is it a sex tape? Someone answer me!! What the hell did Brian bring him? He looks pretty.’ Ted just showed up at Mels and Linds ‘OH NO. Leave Emmett alone. You’ve done enough! Don’t hurt him more! WHY DID MIKE TELL HIM? Emmett RUN! LEAVE HIM! GET HELP TED. This is sad, i hate this.‘ The bar scene where the ad is shown is now happening. *kinda jumps up and down while sitting* ‘ITS BRIAN! AND JUSTIN! Why are we watching tv Brian? *his jaw almost dropped* what the fuck? Was that the tape he gave to that dude? Did he convince them to play it? I knew he could do it.’ ‘Does Justin know that Brian gave those dudes that tape? (Brian and Em scene is up at the club where they see Ted) aww brian and Emy and Justin. Cuties. Awwww Brian and Emmett are gonna dance! I TOLD YOU THEY COULD BE GREAT FRIENDS! You ARE both tall! I, as a human being deserve to see more of them together. What do i have to do? YES BRIAN TELL HIM! See, my boy cares! Look at them dancing together. Adorable best friends’ ‘HUNTERS MOM DID WHAT?! FUCK HER! I KNEW SHE WAS WEIRD! I will fucking burn this place to the ground if they don’t protect him!’ The scene where Brian is selling stuff is up!! ‘What is going on? Why is the loft empty? HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS?! WHAT THE FUCK DID HE DO? HE IS THE CONCERNED CITIZEN FOR THE TRUTH?! WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK?! I thought he convinced those guys to do it? Holy shit Brian. Possession withdrawal, ha that was funny. He did it because of what Justin said?! Didnt Justin also do something because of what Brian said? *points to britin kissing* my boys! Or as the youth says it: GOALS OF SHIP or whatever’ teds party is now up :/ ‘oh ted. Ted ted ted. Please this is horrible. Youre gonna die if you dont stop. What are they watching? WHAT THE FUCKING HELL IS THIS SHIT?! DID THEY RAPE HIM? WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON? TED PLEASE RUN AND GET HELP! LET THIS BE YOUR WAKE UP CALL PLEASEEEEE WHAT THE FUCK!’ ‘AW BRIAN IS GOING TO VOTE. At the beginning he hated voting and now he’s on his way to do it. I love it. Damn. I wish it was Justin and Brian that would go together to vote. HES SELLING THE PEANUT CAR! HA!’ ‘Oh ted thank fucking god! Finally you saw the light, im so sorry it had to get that far but YOU GO GIRL!..BLAKE?! OH MY GOD HE WENT BACK TO REHAB! he looks good! IM SO HAPPY HES ALIVE AND GETTING HELP! HES THE COUNSELOR?!?! BLAKE I AM SO FUCKING PROUD OF YOU! MY BABY GOT BETTER!’ ‘MICHAEL IS TAKING HUNTER?! OH MY GOD HES FINALLY NOT BORING! Maybe it rubs off on Ben and he also stops being boring’

TOLD YOU THEY COULD BE GREAT FRIENDS! You ARE both tall! I, as a human being deserve to see more of them together. What do i have to do? YES BRIAN TELL HIM! See, my boy cares! Look at them dancing together. Adorable best friends Your brother loves the platonic KinneyCutt! YES! I’m grinning.

GOALS OF THE SHIP I’m dying!

I love how protective he is over Hunter. His mother is such an asshole.

And yeah the heartbreak over Ted’s rock bottom (omg when Brian hires him for Kinnetik your brother is going to break his face with his smile)

Finally Mikey does something good!

[gale-dekarios]

bones' version made me realise i literally did not elaborate on any song whatsoever LMAO

Cold, Cold, Cold by the Family Crest is OBVIOUSLY about milo. its the degree of separation between them, how rose wish he could have been there for her, even if it meant he was risking his own life too. just for the chance of knowing what happened to her in elturel. even if that means confirming that she died. its not the grief of losing her that hurts the most, its not knowing whether or not she got out.

TCOIIF by junie & thehutfriends (underrated band) kind of follows on from coldx3. rose, despite his best pretences, is deeply fearful of losing the people he loves. to the point of obsession and paranoia. when gale and rose first move to waterdeep, they have to work on rose not having full scale panic attacks (that he stubbornly refuses to admit are panic attacks) whenever he wakes up and gale's not besides him in bed, or when he's late home from work, or simply wanders off to look at smth at the market. rose knows hes irrational, but unfortunately, as a naturally imaginative person, the consequence is fear.

next to me by emili sandé was actually a really tough pick. i wanted smth about rose being seen as desirable without making it too... aggressive? or... idk... i was thinking unholy by sam smith for example, but whilst the vibe was right, the actual lyrical content was too....... much? rose has sex with his friends. he does it as bonding. always has done. if theyre comfortable with it and want to, hes all for it. but its incredibly platonic for him. so i didnt want anything that was more than that, but could still fit for how gale sees him too. obviously with the exception of the drow twins and halsin, rose stops sleeping with his friends (rose is monogamous when hes in a relationship, its all very confusing, i know), and so whilst next to me i think was written in a romance context, i think it totally applies to how dependable and supportive rose is. he's a bit of a ride or die.

let me follow by son lux is about galllllle, obviously. will gale blow himself up? will gale ascend to godhood? he hopes not. and so he pleads, don't go anywhere that i cant follow.

STARTAFIGHT by joey valence & brae is smth kinda punchy (ha) and fun whilst also having that quick baseline i wanted. its posturing, rose cant fight to save his life. he and his 8 strength noodle arms stays firmly at the back of the line and dazzles the enemies for long enough for someone actually capable to beat the shit out of them. this is totally a song rose would PLAY for everyone else fighting tho!

cloudbusting by kate bush -- something light, something hopeful, something a bit dreamy. i imagine it like, rose steps out onto the docks of baldurs gate, a small crate in his arms as he looks over the seemingly endless sea, the waves turning gold from the sun above. seagulls caw as they fly overhead as gale, just on the boat, and looking healthier than he ever has in plain, linen clothing, offers to take rose's crate, who hands it off to him. he boards the boat as the song kicks in and then as they undock and sail away the credits roll, the boat becoming smaller and smaller on the horizon as they leave for waterdeep.

6 Songs Tav-Tag

thank you @darkurgetrash for the tag! your girl tavlyn, (who's version you can see here), is gorgeous!

tagging: @lewdisescariot, @the-skeleton-speaks, @astarryvamp, @lamortwrites, @simpofwaterdeep, @heytheresunflower, @gale-force-storm, @orangekittyenergy, @friendly-wizard-bibliothecary, @ravnloft, @marlowethebard, @rowansnaps

an event that defines your character's past

And the war, it carries on,

And our hearts, they echo strong,

With a silent tick we wimper and fall.

Take your time, and take it slow,

Take your breath, and feel it go

2. how your character sees themselves

The consequence of imagination is fear,

The million "what if I"'s between your ears,

The feeling of regret,

And now I'm running to forget,

But know, the consequence of imagination is fear

3. how others view them

When the money's spent and all my friends have vanished,

And I can't seem to find no help or love for free,

I know there's no need for me to panic,

'Cause I'l find him, I'll find him next to me.

4. their closest relationship (platonic or romantic)

Please just take me with you when you go,

Or let me follow,

Take me with you,

Take me with you,

Or let me follow.

5. a major fight scene

I'm burning bright,

My fists are tight,

My momma always told me two wrongs don't make a right,

Fight or flight,

I got you in my sight,

Let's start a fight,

Let's start a fight,

Let's start a fight

6. end credits song

But every time it rains,

You're here in my head,

Like the sun coming out,

Oh, I just know something good is gonna happen,

I don't know when,

But saying it could even make it happen

[lostgreekgod]

change

a/n: yes. i did not know what to call this. sorry. also sorry for the slow-fast-slow-slow-really fast thing ? its how I felt, reading it. but tbh I didn't proof read as much. so plot holes, gigantic plot holes.

pairing: loki x f!reader; enemies to lovers.

request:

word count: 5936

warnings: um i think theres like hints of suicide mentions. death. oh also depression metions. lmk if you find anything else

a/a/n: my 2nd request! anon didnt give me a pronoun preference, so i did a f!reader. hope i did you justice with the story, anon.

oh another a/n bc i cant stop talking: i had to write the beginning about 3 times. I like slow development, and a one shot with enemies to lovers AND a kiss seemed rlly hard to write, but nevertheless. also omg the amount of research I did for this.

taglist: @theaudacitytowrite @gaitwae lmk if u want to be added!

//

2 months. That’s how long y/n had been holed up in the Avenger’s towers. Sure, she appreciated the amenities and the other various provisions, but she had to leave. She was sick and tired of “playing a part to help”. That’s what the doctor—Baron Strucker—told her before she was ruthlessly experimented on, and that’s what SHIELD told her when she was rescued. Of course, at one point in her life, she had thought of doing something for the world, but now? All she wanted now was some peace. She simply wanted to resign into the flow of life and its rigorous cycles of life and death, go wherever fate led her. Oh, what she would do for a little cabin in the woods—she would go berry picking every day with a little golden dog that she would love more than life. She would enjoy the solace, her mind thrumming with happiness as she took in the simplest worldly pleasures. But instead, she was stuck here, “training” so she could “save the world”. She wished she could simply tuck her abilities away, pretend they never existed.

‘You have the ability to manipulate binding energy,’ they had said to her. Apparently, she could alter the structural—sometimes molecular constitution of any object or substance in her vicinity. Her younger self would cherish her powers, but right now, y/n would do anything to live a normal life. Just when she thought her life couldn’t be worse, she was ordered to train with a said god to enhance her deranged abilities. Loki—the God of Lies and Mischief—also possessed a set of powers, rather on similar lines as hers. Except, he could manipulate his surroundings and create new things to suit his needs, while y/n’s abilities were all about destruction. She could tear anything—anything apart, regardless of how tight its atomic constituent was. It certainly scared her, the fact that she had still not managed to get her powers to work at her will, but almost everyone assured her that she would soon. Except Loki. He told her that she would never be able to wield her abilities to their full extent, that she would never be a hero. Surprisingly, she agreed. She was too unstable to control them, she had felt it. Every time she tried summoning her powers, nothing would happen. Not even when she stretched her arms out and everything. But oh, when she got mad, boom! Everything around her would literally explode! She had seen the look in people’s eyes when she caused something like that. Monster, they would say. No matter how unintentional it was, she still had those memories ingrained in her mind; after all, they visited her every night in her nightmares.

“Get away from me!” the woman yelled with her child limp in her arms, tears streaming down her face. Her lip wobbled as she tried to contain what was left of her sanity.

“I’m only trying to help- “ y/n stammered, her hands shaking. What had she done?

“He is dead, because of you. You are done trying to help. Get away from me, you monster!” the woman yelled, shoving at her—and that’s when all of y/n’s bodily functions stopped, her heart running cold. She was a monster.

She sighed loudly. Every other day, she would wake up breathing so heavily, FRIDAY would ask her if she needed a doctor. Her skin would be coated with sweat; it would drip down her chin when she sat up. Her heart would beat so hard against her ribs, almost as if it would tear off and run away screaming. But not for long, she would promise herself. No one would get hurt at her expense. She needed the perfect plan to escape the Avengers—she was smart enough to know that if she was caught, she wouldn’t be given the same liberty she had now. There would always be eyes on her, and she would never be able to leave. They’d probably put a camera in her room, even perhaps put a transmitter in her skin, and that was something she was wholly against.

“Knock-knock, time for training!” Steve’s cheery voice rang outside y/n’s door.

Mustering the best happy voice possible, she called back, “Be right there!” Sighing, she shifted out of her sheets and headed for the shower. She had a long day before she could commit to her planning.

Loki warmed up in the empty room. Or he tried to. He was mostly just flipping his dagger in his hand, his chest jittering in nervousness, but his face always the cold neutral mask. He was supposed to train y/n every day, and it was getting on his last nerve. Sure, the Midgardian was very much gifted, but he was much worried for her. Not to mention the things he seemed to be… feeling for her. He told himself it was only because she was a lot like him. She simply needed a mentor. So why couldn’t he be what she needed? He could see how hard she struggled to control the energy within her, he could see how she was in need of desperate help. Yet, he was harsher with her than he was with the other heroes, never missing an opportunity to wound her verbally. She needed to stay away from him, and since Rogers wouldn’t honor his wishes about not wanting to be y/n’s instructor, the only way for him to make sure he wouldn’t have to spend any longer with her was to have her despise him so much, that she asked Steve to stop her training with him. She was a new addition to the group, so most obviously the soldier would make sure that she got whatever she needed like the honorable, benevolent captain he was. But what surprised him was how y/n seemed to agree with every insult he shot at her. He would call her worthless, and she wouldn’t even blink an eye at him. He would tell her that she was insignificant, that she was simply dead weight to the Avengers, and she would simply gesture at him to continue with the training and hurry back to the sanctity of the room the moment they were done for the day. Most obviously, he could see that she was planning something, but what?

y/n channeled another wave of white energy through her fingers towards him, screaming. But all her effort couldn’t even shake the god from his stance. She inhaled again, charging at him. Combat, he had said to her. Today, she was working on implementing the energy around her in combat, and she was not doing well. She threw a weakly made fist at him, him easily dodging. She turned around, stretching her leg in the air, a kick aimed for the face. He gripped her calf as she laid one hand on his chest. Just when he thought it was over, she channeled a small burst of energy at him, causing him to stumble back, pulling her with him. She fell against him onto the floor, her face inches away from his. She stared into his green, green eyes—they were like little droplets of rainwater. Not entirely blue, but not exactly colorless either. Just pale, almost transparent, with the littlest specks of green and gray. It looked like the sky, just before it would begin to snow. Shivers ran up her spine, she could feel the chill of the crisp color. It reminded her of a gentle breeze before an obvious storm. Subconsciously, she leaned towards him, before Loki pushed her off of him, bringing her back to her senses. His heart thundered in his chest. She had almost kissed him, and he would have let her. He had to end this. Now.

“And what in Midgard was that?” Loki’s steely voice came a few seconds later. Y/n said nothing. She simply lay on the floor, staring at the ceiling. She wasn’t one to explain her internal torment, especially not to someone who seemed to hate her so much. She shut her eyes, regretting letting her guard down. He looked at her with no expression on his face, except a slight scorn adorning his lips—she thought it was because of how sweaty she looked with her clothes drenched and her lungs screaming for oxygen. Oh, what she would do if she had known otherwise.

“I asked you a question.” His voice came again, baritone as ever. Y/n ran that voice over in her head. That sweet, euphonious voice that coated his words like icing on a cake. But the angelic voice he had just never suited the tone in which he spoke with her. She wondered how he would sound when he spoke to a lover. She thought of sweet whispers of secret love, his cool, calm voice, and shuddered. Perhaps in another life, she would have done something for the attraction she felt towards him. Perhaps if she were a different person, someone stronger, smarter, someone without as many problems, she would honor the urge she felt in her mind every time her eyes landed on him. It angered her how HYDRA had stolen her life from her in just a short amount of time, her last moments of leading a normal, content life snatched away from her like taking candy from a baby.

Loki watched her as she struggled to channel her energy towards the target. She was distracted, and it was not because of their “moment” earlier. Every time she readied herself to harness the energy around her, a wisp of a look would pass her eyes and she would falter. He wondered what caused that.

“Get up, mortal. I do not have all day.”

y/n was done. She couldn’t do anything more for the day. The boy’s face engulfed her mind, the cries of his mother filling her ears. What was she thinking? She did not deserve love. Not after what she did. She was only trying to help.

“Now!” Loki ordered, his foot slightly kicking hers in an attempt to bring her back from wherever her mind had drifted. He saw how her eyes became glassy-- as if she was indulging in an old memory. Almost as if it pained her to witness the same repeatedly. He tried calming his feral heart. He wondered when his mind had given up on all reasoning, letting him feel the wrath of his little pumping organ.

Now, her anger was directed towards him. Who was he to tell her what to do? She didn’t have to follow anyone’s orders, much less his. She was the only one who trained day and night, and at what expense? Loki’s amusement? No thanks.

“No.” she deadpanned; her eyes still focused on the ceiling.

“I beg your pardon?” he sputtered at her incredulous response.

Meeting his eyes with her still glassy ones, she repeated. “I said no.”

Loki stared at her for a moment. The Midgardian had just defied his direct order. She surely was something else. He studied her eyes, how the e/c irises seemed almost devoid of any life. His heart yearned to comfort her, betraying his quiet mind with its stranger intentions.

Shaking his head, he said again, “I will have to report you, then.”

“Go ahead.” Anyone was smart enough to know that was the last thing Loki would do. He wasn’t one to approach the Captain, especially not for such insolent matters. What was y/n playing at?

“Do you really take me for a fool? When I ask you to get up, you do as I say. Or did you forget I am your instructor?” he said, his voice edging with a warning. Y/n was now getting on his last nerve.

She stared at him, her eyes never leaving his. She wasn’t going to do it. No one orders her around; she was now a free individual. Isn’t that what SHIELD told her when she was rescued? She could do as she liked, unlike how it was when she was being… experimented on.

“I’m not doing it. I told you I was done for the day. I am going to leave,” she said, getting up from her place on the floor. Loki watched her, still bewildered. He had thought a lot of things about her, but he never thought she would be so bold. Who was she? How would she have been, if she wasn’t made to endure the torture that she had? Would she be happy, smile that brilliant smile? Would her eyes radiate the joy that he had seen only in her older pictures? When she was wild and full of life, when she was free?

He whipped his hand around, green strands of seidr erupting from his fingertips, and y/n was back in front of him again, instead of at the door. He wouldn’t let this happen again. This was the end of his time with y/n. He had to get a grip over his foolish heart.

“Hey!” she yelled, her hands clenching. She could feel the anger surge deep in her. Could he not let her be? She wanted to be alone after the embarrassment she had caused herself. Oh, how she regretted it.

Loki couldn’t help the little smirk on his face. He watched as she took a deep breath and glared at him before turning to leave again. He snapped his fingers, and there she was again, in front of him, ugly anger simmering in the pit of her stomach.

“You are no match for me, and you never will be. So you might as well treat me with some respect,” he spat, his heart stuttering for a moment in response to his harshness. But he might as well do it. He couldn’t train with her, not if he was going to have confused “feelings” festering in his heart. He had to make sure she went to Steve asking for a change of training instructors, it was for the best.

Breathing again, y/n tried to keep the anger down. She knew what happened the last time she had felt such anger. Monster.

“Let me go,” she spat, her eyes sharp.

“Worthless. That’s what you are,” he teased, his heart still thumping hard against his ribcage. It seemed to tell him, don’t do it! don’t! But when had he ever listened to his heart? Especially when it was being so unreasonable?

“We already established that. Let me leave,” she said, her breathing shallow. “Please,” she added a second later. She had to regain control of the energy festering in her core. No, no, no, her conscious chanted.

“You can’t be an Avenger with just powers, y/l/n. You need skill.” He said, his voice laced with venom his heart didn’t intend for.

y/n studied his eyes, wondering where he was going with this. Surely, he couldn’t know of her countless mess-ups…

Finish it! His mind yelled at him.

“You couldn’t even save him,” he whispered, never leaving her eyes. Of course. Of course, he had read her file. Why wouldn’t he have? Her killing someone was no news in a tower full of heroes. After all, accidents were what made the best of them. He watched as her eyes widened and her lip quivered, before her irises narrowed into slits, and gritted her teeth. And that was when all hell broke loose.

“You have no idea what I’ve been through.” She whispered, her voice colder than ice. A shiver ran up his spine. A moment ago, she was so close to breaking apart, but now she looked like a statue set in stone, her teeth baring out, snarling at him.

“As a matter of fact, I do,” Crack, went his heart. He sighed internally as he braced himself.

“It’s pathetic. You are pathetic.” He managed to breathe out before he was thrown back into the walls, the steel around him suddenly shattering, exploding everywhere. He summoned his daggers in a flash, only to land his eyes on a now levitating y/n, her body suspended in mid-air as she glared at him with completely white eyes, glowing like the morning light. Her hands were now fists at her sides, sheer power radiating around them. Wisps of white strands of energy looped around her figure, making her look almost ethereal. Her hair floated around her as if they were disturbed by a slight breeze. Electric. That was what she was.

y/n didn’t know what happened. One moment she was in pieces, her heart about to shatter at his accusation, and the next moment she was suspended in air, feeling such power in her bones, as if she could do anything.

“I am not pathetic.” She said, her voice sweet as honey. She scrunched her eyebrows. That was not what she sounded like. It was almost as if the energy around her caused the sound to resonate, her voice reverberating against itself, causing multiple tones. Either way, it was all so beautiful, even Loki was mesmerized for a second.

y/n looked down at her hands, the white energy swimming between her fingertips, ready to strike. Monster, she remembered. This is what had happened before the boy had died. Before she had killed him. She simply reached out to him, and she had somehow sucked the energy out of him. She hadn’t told anyone how she felt at that moment. She felt power. True, raw power, almost as if the boy’s energy had transferred into her. It destroyed her how she could feel such ecstasy at the price of one’s life. It disgusted her. He’s right. You are worthless. A monster. You deserve to rot.

She fell to her knees, all that power quickly dissipating with a metallic thrum, leaving a smell of electricity in the air, like something had been singed. She held her hands to her heart, wishing she could rip it out. Could she, perchance? With tears streaming down her face, she met a fascinated Loki’s eyes. It was almost as if he was excited. Like HYDRA was, when they first witnessed their superweapon in action. She scrunched her eyebrows, her voice laced with venom, “I hate you.” Pushing herself up, she ran. She didn’t know where she wanted to go, she simply ran. Hands pumping beside her, her legs weeping under the stress of the running. She didn’t stop. She couldn’t. After all, she didn’t deserve it. She let the pain seep into her muscles, her tendons screaming at the lack of aeration. She sobbed again; the ball of pain still lodged in her throat. She turned back to the Avenger’s tower. She was leaving tonight.

----

She shoved some clothes in a duffel, her carefully curated plan of many months forgotten. It had been too long, too long of spending a comfortable time in the tower, getting everything she needed. She didn’t deserve any of it, not after what she had done.

Sniffing, she wiped at the tears on her cheeks haphazardly. She put on a plain black shirt with grey jeans and combat boots and walked out of her room. She would run far, far away where she could hurt no one and keep her abilities tucked away for good. She made her way to the kitchen, deciding to sneak through the back doors of the cafeteria. The cameras wouldn’t be operative in those sectors, she would be able to make it out of the compound rather easily. Pushing the door open, she made sure not to make any noise. Just because the cameras weren’t functioning, she couldn’t afford to be calm. She had to be faster in getting out. Hugging the wall, she shifted her way into the kitchen, her eyes scanning for any heroes nearby. She could hear Thor’s snores coming from a nearby room. She turned towards the center table, and her heart leaped as she instinctively ducked. Loki. Of all days, the insomniac had chosen this day to stay up and read late in the night. He hummed a little tune as he prepared his tea. Little did y/n know that one of the reasons he couldn’t sleep that night was because of her. He simply couldn’t get over how he had hurt her. His heart convulsed whenever he saw the image of her tear-streaked face, her eyes focused on the energy radiating off her hands like she had seen something terrible. A monster. He wished he had picked something else to drive her mad over. He turned around to fetch himself his favorite honey and lemon tea bag, his eyes catching some quick movement. A little more assessment revealed to him that it was none other than y/n. He stayed calm, minding his own business. Why was she here? Maybe she needed a midnight snack? He had sometimes heard her screaming in her room, possibly from nightmares, did she have another one now? But why was she hiding from him?

y/n shifted behind the wall again. She was certain he had seen her, the little shift in his demeanor—the sudden stiffness of his body being on alert gave his neutral face away. She stepped away from the wall. She would have to fight her way through. Loki had seen her at her peak, and not to mention how he too once wanted nothing to do with the Avengers, so perhaps he would be more thoughtful and simply let her go.

“Hello, y/n,” Loki said, without looking up from his cup. Perhaps this was a confrontation? y/n had never once lost her cool in front of him, not even when he degraded her with the vilest of insults. Maybe she wanted him to apologize? Stop thinking, he chided at himself. She hasn’t even said anything yet.

He finally glanced at her, only to freeze. She looked like she was up and ready to go, hair away from her face, comfortable clothes, and… a bag. Not any bag. A duffel bag. Her eyes were puffy, her nose red—like she had been crying. She never cried. This only meant one thing. She was running away.

“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice soft, his mind cautious of her movements. If she was planning on sneaking away, he was an obstacle she had come across at the last minute. A hurdle she would have to cross.

y/n stared at him for a moment. Would he let her go? “Leaving.” She said, her voice as soft as his. Maybe a display of some emotion would help her.

Loki waited for a beat. “Why?” he questioned.

y/n felt her anger simmer again. Why was she always being interviewed, all her actions always questioned? It was like she was back at HYDRA, always being told what to do, never being able to do what she wanted without begging for permission. Nothing was different from HYDRA and the Avengers headquarters, except for the fact that the Avengers provided some twisted sort of so-called freedom. She was going to be made to hurt people if her energy was continued to be harnessed. But she wouldn’t allow that. Not again.

“Because.” She wondered what to say. She could have threatened him, but that would only make him warier of her. But with being calm, if all goes down, she would still have an advantage over him, and might just be able to make a narrow escape.

“Because…” Loki said, motioning at her to continue. It irritated him how he could still have feelings festering for her when she could annoy him easily by simply wasting words.

Y/n sighed through her nose. Perhaps she would have to threaten him. “As much as I loved our training,” she scoffed, “I believe it's time for me to leave. I do not belong here.”

What was she saying? Of course, she belonged here, it was him who didn’t belong. She was so powerful, and no matter how much she tried to deny it, she had a kind heart. He had seen how she smiled at little moments subconsciously—he was there when she had petted a little stray puppy, assuming that no one was looking. But he watched. He watched as she smiled sadly, her eyes betraying her strong poise. She giggled lightly as the pup tried to lick her face, her hands reaching out to scratch its fur. He smiled, his heart wishing her life had a better story to live.

“I’m afraid I don’t take your meaning,” he breathed, his eyes never leaving hers. He noticed how they flickered down to the ground for a moment, before returning to connect with his, a new fire lighting them up.

You’re a monster! Get away! y/n could hear the woman screaming at her. She would fight Loki and leave, or she would die trying to get past him. Either was fine, as long as she would never, ever have to use her cursed abilities again.

“Because I want to. And you cannot stop me,” she whispered, her voice hinting at the tiniest of a threat. Please, she wanted to add.

“I’m afraid I cannot do so.” He whispered sternly, setting his cup down. He had caught the threat in her voice. He only wanted her to be away from him, but he seemed to have taken it too far. She was going to leave, and his heart wouldn’t let that happen. How would she fend for herself? She wasn’t even stable. What if another accident took place, and this time she was in the center of it? she could barely deal with the death of the little boy, how would she deal with herself if her abilities had gotten the best of her again? It would destroy her, entirely, and his stubborn heart wouldn’t let that happen to her, not when he knew he could have done something to prevent it.

y/n’s heart thumped loudly. Would she be able to fight her way past Loki? Her energy was stronger, but his seidr was quicker. Sneakier. “Suit yourself,” she whispered back, before taking a step towards him. Her eyes began to glow white, a brilliant light that could magic anyone, as her hands summoned power. Ringlets of white swam around her like wisps of smoke. One last time, she told herself. One last time, and she wouldn’t ever have to use her abilities again. Not that she was any good anyway. Loki breathed through his nose, trying to calm his speeding heart. He could never get over how beautiful her form was.

“Move,” she said, her voice echoing, ricocheting against itself. Beauty. Beauty that a monster like her didn’t deserve. It couldn’t hurt to try for a last compromise before forcing her way out.

Loki huffed. He didn’t realize y/n would put use of her gifts. It mildly surprised him, that she would summon her energy to get past him. Countless times where she could have used her abilities for little things like he did, she never did. That hesitation he usually saw in her eyes, that quiver in her lips, the slight shaking of her fingers—he could see none of them. It was as if that one barricade that usually disabled her from ensuring basic jurisdiction over her abilities now fuelled her desire to escape. He summoned his seidr, green fibers of satin-like seidr erupting from his fingertips. He wouldn’t hurt her. Never.

y/n clenched her hands into fists, feeling the energy fighting to leave her. She was simply a mediator; she couldn’t create energy. She simply took the energy from one place and deposited it in another. Shutting her eyes, she felt it swirl in her gut, hissing and crackling like electricity. One last time. Never again. Breathing out slowly, she kept her hands outstretched and opened her palms, letting the energy leave her through her fingertips. It felt like hours, this little action of hers, but little did she know this took a mere few nanoseconds.

One moment Loki had summoned his seidr, the green filaments tickling the insides of his fingertips; and the next, he was thrown across the kitchen, his vision blurring. How had she suddenly acquired the capability of harnessing such energy? He squeezed his eyes shut before opening them. Where were the rest of the Avengers? Surely, they would have heard the commotion by now? Wanda and Pietro were y/n’s only friends, they would definitely be able to calm her, so where were they? He held his hands to his chest, his mind still dazed from the impact. He laughed internally. How long had it been since he had taken a hit so hard? He scanned the room, noticing the shimmer of her power around it. She had created some sort of force field that kept all activity of her abilities inside it, like a containment—preventing an accidental explosion. Clever. Perhaps the field contained sound too, which was probably why the others weren’t alerted.

y/n wanted to scream. Just one little energy blast. That was all it took her to veritably destroy a god. She had brought a god down to his knees in just a few seconds, and power still surged within her bones. She truly was a monster. She shut her eyes, slowly letting the energy dissipate from her body. Sure, the force field would have prevented a mishap, but she wouldn’t have it. This was the last time she would use her “gift”, and she would control it entirely, not the other way round. She met Loki’s eye’s once more, his green pale eyes—and wished things would have been different for the umpteenth time. Little did she know, he wished for the same thing.

Loki’s chest felt heavy, like he carried a huge anchor on his back. What had he done? He couldn’t lose her—he had to fix his mess. He teleported himself in front of her, blocking the exit. He wasn’t strong enough to stop her, but he knew what to do this time.

y/n gasped. She walked right into Loki, he had teleported himself in front of her and she had reacted too slowly. His hands help her by her shoulders, warmth radiating off of his palms. She could feel it through the thick material of her t-shirt.

“y/n,” he breathed. “You are making a mistake.”

Ignoring her thrashing heart, she managed to whisper, sarcasm edging into her voice. “Really?”

He shook her lightly. He wished he could take it all back. It was all his fault. He had destroyed what little resolve she had in her. He could see it in her e/c eyes. The lifelessness, the withering of her very soul.

“I was wrong. You are more than worthy. You did not deserve what HYDRA and Strucker did to you,” he said, his eyes searching hers. He wished he could tell her everything he felt, speaking in a language could never truly express what one felt in their heart.

y/n scoffed. Oh, how she wanted to believe him. “You are only saying these things to stop me from leaving. But here’s the thing. I have made my decision,” she said, her voice sullen, giving her away. Monster, monster, monster, you do not deserve to live, her mind chanted.

“I am not a hero,” she concluded, the lump in her throat choking her. “I have killed people. I am a monster.” And at that moment, it was as if a huge weight had released her, but her heart felt like it was hanging by a thread. Her revelation had caused her a short-termed relief, but by confessing her darkest secret, she had acknowledged its truth, and somehow it made everything worse.

“y/n,” Loki said again. Was he too late? Was she gone forever? “I may be the God of Lies, but right now, this very moment, I need you to trust me.” Leaning in towards her, he continued, his voice soft, like how y/n had imagined once too many times. “You are not a monster. When you know what you’ve done, when you regret your actions, you prove that you aren’t a monster. You prove to the world that you are as human as one could possibly be, you prove to yourself that you are deserving of forgiveness. It may take more time, even years, but you will learn to forgive yourself, you will learn to accept yourself as who you are. I am well aware that my previous actions have done nothing to help you, and I must admit that was awfully foolish and hasty on my part—courtesy of the little secret feelings I have recently begun to harbor for you,” he paused, running his tongue across his lower lip. He had just confessed his little secret. y/n looked at him with teary eyes, and at that moment he could see all the pain she felt, he could feel everything she felt. “I see you; I see myself in you—and you must believe me when I tell you that though you may never move on, you will grow from this. After all, is that not what truly matters?”

y/n wished he was lying to her. Sadly, he wasn’t—and she knew it. She wished she could see herself in a different light, a kinder one, and a little speck of hope blossomed in the darkest parts of her heart. Maybe, just maybe, she could grow. One day perhaps, her mind wouldn’t call her a monster, and she would have forgiven herself. Maybe she could let herself be happy. Ultimately, is that not what anyone wanted? To just be truly happy? To be able to live their life to the fullest, without any regrets, without their guilt consuming them every second of every day? To live a wholesome life, and to die a happy death?

Loki sensed the shift in the atmosphere, how she had loosened up slightly, her heart registering his words. He felt his heart lift up in newfound hope. He ran his thumb over her forehead, pushing back the little strands of hair before settling on her jaw; just like he had imagined doing countless times. The air suddenly smelled of promises, and a glimmer of sweet happiness. It was almost infective.

“Do you really mean it?” y/n asked him, her voice filled with hope, her heart beating like it suddenly had a reason to do so. Like it had discovered life again. That life was worth living.

Loki smiled, a little quirk of his lips, a little crinkle in the corner of his eyes. He glanced at her lips before closing the little distance between them. y/n relished the new surge she felt in her veins, like a thousand flowers blooming in a field. A few moments ago, she hated the feeling of power in her fibers, the dry swell of it simply causing her to hate on her existence; but now? Now she felt a new kind of swell, a relief. A relief, that could only be felt when there was hope. A brief sanguineness that could be achieved only when one believed in themselves. Suddenly, she looked forward to the future.

“Undoubtedly, my dear. I apologize with all my heart for the distress I have caused you these few days. I assure you that nothing will disrupt this little utopia that we have managed to find, ever again," he promised, his heart singing. He could work this out for her, and for himself. She deserved as much, and he was capable of giving her everything she need, and he would do so gladly. And she was kissing him again, his lips against hers, soft as feathers, as light as an angel’s caress. And she knew then. She knew she would forgive herself. After all, you only live one life.

[vyloy]

Hajime x a male reader who was the ultimate violinist and a participant of the killing game but he forgot what happened so Hajime tries to explain or remind him of sorts? For the 100 followers event btw. Your works are so cool!

100 Followers Event

Hajime Hinata, 日向 創 x male reader

Fujoshis dni, you will be blocked

Tws: none

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"I have no idea what you're talking about, Hajime", you chuckled, thinking everything your boyfriend's saying are hoaxes, maybe he went mad, "Y/n, please listen, i need you to remember", he grabbed your shoulders to face him, "I am listening bit what you're saying is ridiculous, if all my friends died then why are they standing there right now", "That's what i'm also telling you, it was all a realistic simulation, we killed each other in crude ways, you were one of them", "jeez, stop scaring me, you might actually make me thonk i died or something", you laughed it off, removing Hajime's hands off your shoulders, "you did! At least in it, please, believe me", he begged, if it wasn't for you two being in public, he would have gotten on his knees by now, "Hajime, your joke had gone a bit far, it might be fun for you but the onger you tell me all this, the more i'm terrified", "if you think i'm making this up, why would you be terrified?", he asked you, "I get this feeling whenever you mention it, it's really not important", you shake it off before walking back to your group of friends.

Seeing you enjoy your time with your friends, warmed his heart but he cant remove that image of you that night when you had gotten brutally murdered infront of his room, he had only found your body when he suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, the image he saw will forever haunt him, he wants you to remember, to remember all those times you both went on dates in the simulation, he cherishes those memories as they were the only ones keeping him sane, you kept him sane, when you were gone, he felt empty, a piece of him broke.

When he had gotten out of the simulation, he wss ever so grateful everything was fake, he still felt emotional pain but as long as you were still alive, only, you now had no memories of what happened, that hurted him even more.

"How do i get him to remember...", Hajime ponders around, brainstorming ideas, he wishes to share those memories with you, stories you two might tell to your children, adopted or not.

"Hajime, go to sleep, it's already late", Akane said as she passed through the room Hajime was walking back and forth in, "ah did i wake you up? I apologize", "Nah, you just seem to be too worried, you should get some rest before thinking about this again", "do you have any ideas on what to do, Akane?", Hajime asks his friend for help, "hm, what about something he enjoys, something he only did in jabberwock island? Other than that, i dont know what to suggest you", she shrugged before walking back to her room, leaving Hajime with an idea.

♪♫♭♩~

The sound of the Violin playing could be heard, Hajime had gone to the building next to their sleeping quarters to play the song you had composed for him, a beautiful set of melodies, all just for him, it made him feel really special and it always will, he had practiced it in hopes to show you his skills, but you had been murdered before he could show you, now he would get to show you and in the process, hopefully get your memories back, no matter how slim the chance is, he won't back down.

"What's that beautiful noise?", you went to investigate the building to see Hajime playing the violin, "I didnt know you excelled at the violin, Hajime", Hajime looked at you, got up from his chair and walked towards you.

"Do you remember this song?", he asked, hoping you could remember, "I feel like i've played it before..Hey let me give it a try", you walked past Hajime to the violin and started playing the strings

♪♫' ♭♩ ♪♪♫♭♩~♭♫♩~

Hajime watched in amazement, you had remembered the song, does that mean...

As you finished the song, you burst into tears and throw yourself at Hajime, pulling him into a tight hug, "I remember now, everything we did together, i'm so sorry", you cried, finally remembering everything, " no worries, i'm glad you're back now, Y/N", he said lovingly.

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Finally finished, i'm so sleep depriveddd, i'll do reqs after a few weeks since exams...

Taglist: @secretivemessenger @ohdearalatus

[interlunium-opus]

Enhypen as your Best Friend: Jake edition

Check out other members’ versions too: Heeseung | Jay | Sunghoon | Sunoo | Jungwon | Ni-Ki

Is so kind, caring and selfless that he makes you feel like the spawn of evil or something.

“Jake, what the hell? You have all these cards, you could have won instead!” You shriek when you flip his cards over and discovered that he had enough +4 UNO card to flip the game over.

“Yeah, but you’d have to pick up like 20 extra cards,” he shrugs, picking up the cards to reorganize them.

“So?”

“Well, I don’t want to do that,” he mumbles before shooting you his signature megawatt smile, “Not to you at least. 10/10 would do it to Ni-Ki though.”

Always keep you at the forefront of his mind.

When he’s at the coffee shop: “Oh, I bet she hasn’t had her coffee yet,” and then he goes on to order you your usual.

When he’s at the bakery: “Oh, I bet she hasn’t had her lunch yet — gotta get her something,” and then he goes on to buy a selection of your favorite pastries.

When he’s shopping, “Oh, she really loves clothes like this — I’ll just get it for her.”

When he passes by a bookstore, “Oh, that’s the kind of book she likes,” then he quickly disappears into the bookstore to get it for you.

“What are you? Her mum?” Sunghoon would often complain as he is always the one being made to wait while Jake is busy getting you stuffs.

Quality time with him would consist of activities like baking nights; picnics; volunteer sessions and so on. Being the selfless lad he is though, he’d always take it upon himself to do the majority of the hard work (though he’ll slot in a chance to brag about himself in between especially if it concerns his strength or skills).

“Oh gosh, this is why restaurants and bakeries exists,” you complain as you rolled the dough for the umpteenth time.

“Let me,” he set down the cream he was mixing, offering to take over.

“Dude, no — you’re more exhausted than I am from your soccer practice, I have absolutely no right to compl-“

“Aww don’t worry about it. You’ve been studying all night too,” he assures, pulling a chair and beckoning you to sit down instead, “besides, I have the strength of like a hundred men so yknow things like these are peanuts for me,” he snickers.

Boi is flirty as heck though. Thank God, you have ice in your veins. Otherwise, you’d be catching feelings quicker than you can spell out his name.

“Do you want anything?” He asks as you guys stand in line at Starbucks.

You shook your head, “Nah, not a fan. I like Coffee Bean better.”

"Oh we can stop by later then," he suggests.

"It's fine Jake, we've already passed it by earlier."

Then suddenly after disappearing for some 15 minutes to allegedly take a call outside, Jake returned, oddly out of breath, with a Coffee Bean paper bag, filled with your usual coffee order.

“Dude! Coffee Bean is like what almost 8 minutes away by walk?! That's like a 16 minute return-trip or something...”

“Less if you run," he winks, “Come on, for you — anything."

Then as per his habits, he’d bite his lips as he grins.

Or that other time, during one of your baking nights:

“You know if you’re tired you can always cancel our baking night right?” You suggest as you unlock the door to your apartment.

“No way — it’s like our weekly ritual. Also it’s like therapeutic for me, a respite from all those rowdy boys at home; rowdy boys at practice and my hectic lifestyle,” he posits, placing the groceries, which he had insisted to carry, up onto your kitchen counter, “unless of course you’re tired? Then of course we can-“

“Never as tired as you’re supposed to be though — if you say so, then sure.”

“Aww,” he coos, “Seriously, if you’re tired, I’ll take over tonight.”

“No way, you’re always taking up my share of work, I feel like a freeloader.”

“Oh come on, freeloading is when it’s one-sided. We aren’t like that.”

“You must really like baking huh?”

“I mean yeah but actually, it’s not the baking per se that I love the most from our baking nights,” Jake murmurs as he help you unpack the groceries, “it’s being with you that I love the most. That’s the therapeutic part, you; making things together with you; making things for you; —“

You stopped unpacking and stare up at him, wondering what have you done so far to even deserve Jake. He stares back at you, beaming widely, “basically you.” ((Yeah he bit his lips after that))

As if there’s gravity, his hands are somewhat always on you whether it is an arm over your shoulders; his hand holding yours whenever you guys cross the road; his hand reaching yours whenever you just put a hand up to wave at him in the hallway; all the tackle hugs he does whenever he sees you; resting his head against your shoulders; and the list goes on (nothing you’re uncomfortable with though). No wonder the girls are always shooting glares at you — he’s always acting as if you guys are dating.

“Gosh, get a room!” Jay would always scream whenever he's around you two and Jake starts to get all clingy and handsy.

A good exemplary student but for you, just for you, he can make some sort of light concession. For instance, if you doze off in class, he’d cover your back.

“Oh crap, I dozed off didnt I?”

“A bit,” Jake whispers back, “Go back to sleep, I’ll wake you up once he starts moving around the hall,” he winks.

“Nah I shouldn’t, I’ve already missed out a whole page of notes,” you sigh when suddenly Jake pushes his book towards you, “Got you covered girl, don’t worry. Just get another 5 minutes of shut-eye alright? I know you pulled up an all-nighter last night.”

“I wish you’re as lenient to me as you to her,” Ni-Ki grumbles beside him.

Jake scoffs, “Nah not you bruh — you deserve being found out when you’re napping when all you do at night is playing games with Heeseung.”

Would excitedly wave at you, or send a flying kiss at you if he feels daring, during his soccer matches whenever he spots you in the crowd.

Playfully competitive in a very annoying way. “Hey, bet you can’t run faster than I can..." / “Hey, bet you can’t finish the homework within an hour..." / "Hey, bet you can’t squat more than I do...” — it’s ok though, you thought, ‘cus no human is perfect, he has to have a flaw especially when his selflessness is inhumanely off the charts.

Your study buddy! You guys are always either in the library, the class or at each other’s places — mostly to study (if you guys aren’t having your non-study-related quality time, that is). Of course, he’d get competitive eventually, “hey, bet you can’t solve question 12! I got it in just what 3 minutes?”

Boi is a coward but he would brave through anything for you (at least *try* to). That's how everyone knows you're his soft spot.

"Jake, you hate horror movies.”

“But you love the Conjuring series”

“Yeah, but I can just watch it alone. You don’t need to accompany me to the theatre for this.”

“Nah, why would I do that to you? Come on have some faith in me — horror movies are nothing.”

and then you found out from a trusted informant (Jungwon) that Jake couldnt sleep without the lights on for 1 week straight after that.

[queerlordsimon]

Ok, I'm a writer who wishes to write. But has no idea what to write. (I have one thing in progress but I'm out of internal fs to give to write it right now)

So, prompts. Characters. Whatnot.

Characters I'll write for.

Twisted wonderland

Pretty much everyone, not the teachers or jamil/grimm.(if you ask for Jamil I will unapologetically do it poorly, sorry) won't do ortho as well, purely because of age. I can not garentee the quality of work if you ask for sebek as I don't know him well, and ace and rook, purely because I don't think I can write them well. But I'd give it a go

My hero

I'm open to writing most characters here as well, except mineta, muscular, endeavor, and tiny children. I cannot garrentee the quality of most of the league, except toga. Dabi, and shiggy. And anyone From class 1-b, but I'll give it a go and try my best. (Also I have only seen to like, halfway through season 3, so I won't be great at those characters, but I'll try

Obey me!

Anyone but Luke, but I'm not well aquinted with thirteen, Raphael, and mephestophelis.

Im not sure or positive on any others that I write a ton for, but feel free to ask if I know it, If I do I'm more then likely willing to try.

I'll do most au ideas. Nsfw or sfw. I'll leave some prompts below for asking as well

kissing in the rain and getting soaked before running inside laughing

playing with their hair while their head in your lap

jolting awake after a nightmare and being comforted

theres only one bed and we sleep as far away as possible from each other but wake up cuddling

you confessed your feelings and were about to kiss but we get interrupted

"you are breathtaking"

"i cant help it, you're fun to mess with

"we both dont want to do this, i know. but you have to understand that we need this."

"why didnt you say h-how bat it was?"

"im not a lot of peoples favourite person."

"no ones ever done that to me before"

"could you play with my hair?"

13. "i cant remember the last time i did this with somesomeon

14. "that feels nice." 

15. "i havent been hugged in years"

16. you put your arm around me and i literally felt my knees buckle

17. "i just want to be held for a little while"

18." ive never been in a relationship before, so i dont really know how to do the whole… kissing thing."

19. "take another step, and i cant be help responsible for my actions."

20, " theres only one rule. you cant use your hands."

21. "look deep into my eyes, sweetheart."

22. "i want you to leave marks"

23. "i want to watch you fall apart."

24." i dreamed of you all night"

25. "the things that i want to do to you, baby"

26. i have you shoved against the wall but now i cant stop looking at your mouth.

27. i just told you i like you but now im shy and say, 'never mind, forget it; and why are you looking at me like that?

28. congratulations! one of your dreams has finially come true, let me give you a big hug and wow youre warm

29. "im going to marry you one day"

30. "i was wondering how long you two were going to make out like that before you realize you werent alone."

31. "were you just touching yourself?"

32. "can you please come and get me?"

33. "hey, just look at me, breathe"

34. " you need to eat something."

35. "what happened to you??"

36. "apparently all our friends have a bet going that we end up together"

37. "cant you see it? the spirit of the dragon is within them"

38."how long have you been covering this?"

39."im way to sober for this."

40. "damn it, why arent you obeying the laws of physics?"

41. "i dont know whats wrong, okay? im just….really tired."

42. "my mind is in a dark place, you dont want to be there."

43."i wasnt born to be soft and quiet. i was born to make the world shatter and shake at my fingertips."

44. "theres a reason im afraid of my own shadow."

45. "their back. i saw them last night, but they wouldnt talk to me and it looked like they had a black eye."

46. "shit, your freezing, lets get you warmed up, alright?"

47. "you cant keep it all inside you know. bottling it up wont do any good"

48. "only a fool would fall in love with someone as deadly as me"

49."sometimes memories are the worst form of tourture."

50. "they were made of ice and glass, but they would risk being broken"

you dont have to request a prompt, just ideas. 

just ask character, au/prompt, gender of reader. any other specifics youd like/need (such as a specific idea, sfw or nsfw. ext)

any underaged character will be aged up

[peanut-in-the-goal]

characters belong to @lumosinlove

Logan and Finn had been together for years. Still, neither of them were happy. Not as happy as they used to be. Some nights it felt like old times, when everything was new and fresh, that honeymoon period of their relationship back at Harvard.

The soft smiles and quiet laughter. The way their hands brushed together when they walked. They went on car rides, one of their favorite pastimes from when they wore the crimson colors that they had grown to love. Finn remembers what it was like those days. He and Logan were young and immature, in for it for the fun, only serious about the game.

They had a good rhythm about it. Any drama or arguments they left off the ice. The ice was their home, it always had been since they were young, at different rinks, in different cities. It was familiar, smooth, something that was reliable to not change too much.

The lines on the ice were recognizable anywhere, marking their territory. There was something about the adrenaline that raced through them when they stood on the ice, that feeling of carrying the puck at your stick and gliding along the ice.

It was magical. Something that you couldn’t forget no matter how long it’s been.

But Harvard was a long time ago, years ago. Some days it felt like they were treading on thin ice around each other, doing everything they could so the other wouldn’t just leave.

The love was still there, but it was fraying between them, like a blanket that was being ripped apart at the seams. It ripped slowly but they were never complete without the other half. No matter how hard they wanted it, this relationship wouldn’t save itself, the two of them were willing to put in the work, but even that couldn’t save them. They were losing each other.

Everything was tense and stressful, Finn couldn’t take it. He loved Logan, he knew he always would, but he couldn’t do this anymore. They couldn’t play this game anymore, acting like everything was fine when it so clearly wasn’t. He couldn’t bear to watch Logan slip away without trying to pull him back in.

But he had tried that already, hadn’t he? He wasn’t willing to go along with this anymore and work and work and work to fix things when Logan didn’t seem to care.

He wanted out. So he was going to call it off. He couldn’t put himself through this anymore, waking up and seeing Logan curled up on the other side of the bed when he used to be so close.

He was so tired of saying things were alright when they so clearly weren’t. So as much as it pained him to say it, it was over. It hurt to love someone who made no show of loving him back.

That plan didn’t last very long.

Finn had been trying to find the right time to tell Logan, the days seemed to just drag on. Soon days were becoming weeks. He was starting to second guess himself, so either do it now or do it never.

He chose the former.

Finn decided to just tell him, choke down his nerves and tell Logan that this wasn’t working out. He swallowed, clearing his throat to get Logan’s attention.

“Logan, um. I—” He stammered, before inwardly groaning at being cut off. That might’ve been a good thing.

The door swung open, coach walked in with this tall blonde following behind him. Finn inwardly made a mental note to befriend this dude. Sirius walked forward immediately, shaking his hand. The two exchanged words, but Finn wasn’t listening, too busy looking him over.

Coach’s hand was resting on his shoulder protectively as the kid got his first look at his teammates. His eyes brightened up when they landed on Finn and Logan. Finn noticed his hand go to his left wrist, tugging at his sleeve there a little, pulling it further down to cover his wrists. The outline of a bracelet was visible through the cuffed sleeves.

Finn tried to gather his words and think of a more private place to talk to Logan but had to shake the thoughts from his head when Dumo steered the blue-eyed kid towards them. When had Dumo taken the coach's spot in showing the new rookie around?

He throws on a smile, extending his hand before he can even reach them.

“Mon fils,” Dumo smiles, clapping the kid—who Finn has realized is really fucking tall— on the shoulder. “This is Leo,” he pronounces proudly.

Leo’s shy at first, he shares a timid little smile where his dimples make an appearance. Finn thinks that it’s the cutest thing he’s ever seen.

He catches the fond look that’s already gleaming in Logan’s eyes. Maybe, just maybe, things were knitting back together slowly.

Maybe Leo would help them in more ways than one.

—

Leo was around more in the weeks that passed. The weeks quickly turned into months, and the three were practically inseparable on and off the ice.

The rest of the team saw it too. Finn and Logan were obviously happier than they’ve been in a long time. Logan laughed more, his guarded eyes that they were used to seeing all the time were finally coming down. Finn smiled again, he hadn’t done that in such a long time. Sure, he smiled for the camera and the team, but something was always off about it, forced even.

Now it wasn’t. Now his smile was the way it was when he first joined. Free. He wasn’t worried about anything or anyone, it was just him, Logan, and the team.

But now it wasn’t just them. Now there was Leo. With his baby blue eyes that could light up anyone’s day just looking at him. The boy seemed so innocent from the moment they met him. He had looked around the locker room in awe like he couldn’t believe that he had actually made it here.

That one of the dreams he worked so hard to achieve was actually successful in the end.

Dumo had practically adopted Leo as he had with Cap. Like he would have with Logan had he lived with the Dumais’ and not Finn. Although Pascal has practically adopted everyone on the team as one of his own didn’t he?

-

There was still tension between Finn and Logan, especially when they lived alone in the same apartment. They had Leo over as much as they could, but he could only be there so long before going back to Dumo’s.

The peace couldn’t hold forever, something was bound to happen and one of them was bound to snap.

Leo just wished he wasn’t there to hear it.

On his way to their small apartment, he heard the yelling. It was loud, it was mean. It was hurtful.

Leo knew that Logan and Finn didn’t have the best relationship when he joined the team. That was easy to pick up immediately. He just never thought that he would be the reason for their misery.

When he heard the yelling he didn’t expect his voice to come out of their mouths, his name was spoken like it was acid on their tongues. He wasn’t even there, he didn’t do anything, so why was he the one who was being blamed.

The yelling didn’t silence when he turned the key in the lock. If anything Logan and Finn didn’t even spare him a glance, like he wasn’t even there. They probably didn’t even notice he was there to be honest.

It was like the fraying thread finally snapped.

Logan was red in the face, yellingand hurling insults that he’d regret a few hours from now. But at the moment he was too driven by rage and insecurity to protect, protect, protect. Anything hurtful thrown at him, he’d have to throw back something worse.

Finn’s face was blotchy, tears of frustration rolling down his cheeks. His hands waved around in front of him, trying to convey the words he was too choked up to say.

The room was full of nothing but harsh breathing for a moment, neither having anything to say to the other. Their eyes bored into each other across the room.

Leo let the door slam shut behind him.

Logan and Finn both startled, turning to stare at him standing in the entryway.

The fight seemed to drain out of both of them at once. Logan’s shoulders drooped and he turned to look away from both of them. Finn stubbornly rubbed the tears from his eyes with the palms of his hands.

“What the fuck?”

There was a beat of silence, no one said anything and Leo didn’t think he was going to receive a response. He was going to follow up on his question, asking what happened, why his name was getting thrown around and-

“I’m sorry…” Logan sounded small, like he was the one crying and not Finn.

Any questions Leo had were stored away for later.

“It was bound to happen.”

Suddenly Leo felt like he was intruding. They invited him over but he wasn't sure if he should be there, not when they were having a moment. Not when it looked like they may be finally healing.

“It’s not going to work out,” Finn continued. “This,” he gestures between the three of them, “isn’t going to work if me and you didnt work, Lo.”

Maybe not, Leo thought.

“I know.”

It was true, Leo knew. The two of them had had a rocky relationship since he joined the team.

But Leo thought he could make a difference, he thought he was enough to try and save their relationship.

He also loved them, he wanted this, he wanted to fight for them. He wanted them to stay.

But he also can’t be the only one who wants this to work, they all need to put in work for this relationship. He can’t be the only one pulling his weight.

Sometimes it’s better to save your breath. That’s what his father told him when he was younger and had just lost a friend dude to a silly argument. Some people are better to let go, they’ll hold you back and won’t make you happy. Always choose to be happy Leo, make the decision of fighting and giving up. Because giving up does not make you weak, some of the strongest people I know are the strongest because they gave up.

Leo really hoped he was right.

“I guess I should be going then.”

Finn and Logan nodded sadly, and Leo felt something in him break a little more. He turned and walked back out the door he came from.

Leo remembers crying on the way home. He hadn’t driven to their house, so the walk home felt like it took forever and no time at all.